The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 5: Stealing Silver!

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

The Abnimals infiltrate the party just in time to catch the silver thief red-handed – or is it red-toothed when the culprit is a hungry robot? Jeff Leopard is performed by Jason Charles Miller: https://www.jasoncharlesmiller.com/ Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/). Additional Music in this Episode: "Razor Rock" and "Flipping In" by Wax Lyricist: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/wax-lyricist/; "Sk8board" and "Big Swing Band" by Jason Shaw: https://audionautix.com/; "Dawn", "This Could Get Dangerous", and "The Heavy Three" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Task Man" by Gamesharkoff: https://gagmesharkoff.bandcamp.com/; "Metal Goat" by Midnight Commando: https://midnightcommando.com/; and "The Party is Over" and "Steps on the Beach" by Audroid MK1: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/audroid-mk1/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

At the end of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers on top the toll of our towers and unless I'm wrong. We're at the height of our power. At the end of the last session, you're going to be at the end of the last session. You've gotten permission from Walter Russell, the walrus, philanthropist, a billionaire industrialist, to go check out the trophy room. Get a look at that 50th consecutive second place trophy because silver has been stolen all over the city. But as you put your hand upon the handle to open the door and go past security, the Barnyard All-Stars took the stage and recognized Roger. immediately called out

it's Tiny Dancer. So your hands on the handle. You've just been identified. They've called out to you. What do you do? I'm afraid you have mistaken me for someone else, my friend. No, man.

It's Tiny Dancer. Come on up here. This is a former member of Barnyard All-Stars, but let's get it. my hand. Come on, everybody. Cheer them on. Tiny dancer. Tiny dancer. Very well, yes. All right. And Roger joins them on the stage. Hey, everybody. So excited to all be here tonight, especially with our old friend. Sorry, what was it again? Is Sean Countery? No, sorry, George Crazenby,

right? Oh, God. Roger Moore. Roger Moore. Although I wish I had thought of Grayson B. That's really good. Oh, thanks, man. Listen, I had a whole speech, me, you know, Grand Slam here, and you see like a ram with big horns wearing a baseball jersey. He waves.

And he says, you know, home stretch. And you see a horse in like a track suit ready for running. And she waves. You know, knives on feet. And you see a source. on and like hockey pads hockey pads

and hockey sticks and hockey sticks and he waves I'm you know grid iron I was going to give a whole speech about like

you know determination and teamwork but I'm just so excited to see my old old friend sorry Roger

Roger say something inspire the crowd man um team is an important concept. And there's no

X in team. So I guess I've never really left the Barnyard All-Stars even though I really wanted to. And just so you know, if you've ever been kicked out of a team or left a team,

that doesn't mean you're not a team player. It just means you haven't found the team that deserves you yet. Oh man. That's shrimp over here, man. What? Sorry, did you say shrimp? Yeah, there's shrimp. Sorry, I don't

want to interrupt your thing, man. No, I mean, but there's shrimp. Well, Roger, that was really beautiful, man. I just wanted to say one more. Tackle drill! And all four of them go to tackle you, Roger. What do you do?

Oh, man. Heck, yeah, dude. Primal instinct, don't think act. I am going to dodge them, of course. I love this move. If one of my good current teammates could possibly give me a little techno beat. Yeah, I, from the other corner of the room, see what's happening and just instinctively like,

oh, yeah. Absolutely. I'm going to show these mothers of invention exactly what I'm made of with my ability, which I will be able to remember. Knight Foxtrot. I'm going to use Knight Foxtrot. Yeah. Okay.

When you hear a techno beat, you can do a fluid acrobatic tumbling dance like the French. I'm irritated. Okay. Because I don't think that dad should be able to say someone make a techno beat and then I can use my ability. That's, when would we not be able to do that? It does seem like you should, you will be able to always activate this Mondo move. Well, here's what I'll say is right now there is a, um, the band is still kind of set up

on stage. Yeah. Um, ska's the limit. Yeah. And, uh, and what is ska, but horn based techno music? Yeah, exactly. That you can really skank it to. No, but I think we need to address this need in the future, Justin.

I think you brought up an excellent point. I don't want you aggravated by God. I want Navy. I think if there's instruments in the room, Navy should give him something that rips. You know what I'm? There's no need for him to fake it. Yeah, I grab a sax from whoever's playing the saxon.

Okay, interesting choice for this. And I, I beatbox into the saxophone like you see in like cool YouTube shorts. Well, one of you has some kind of drum-related ability, don't you? I have a thing called Everything's a drum, but that's just a joke about using environmental objects as melee weapons. Yeah.

Okay. I understand. So first, I'm going to have you, Navy, roll 2D8s to see how well you make a techno beat into a saxophone, like in those cool internet shorts. Here we go.

Partial success. So that's like... Partial success. So it's like... Weep, whee. So I'm going to say, instead of rolling 4D8s, you can do 3D8s, Roger. So it's not a perfect techno beat. Wait, did he roll for how good the beat is?

Yeah. How was it? Did you hear it? It sounds more industrial than techno. Yeah. Oh, Jesus, no. No, no, not like this. It's back.

It's back. It can't be. Is that the soundtrack from Miami Vice? This is actually the soundtrack to Taz steeplechase. Go ahead and roll 3D8s for me there, Roger. Okay. I was running to get it when you guys did the roll. Eight.

Two and two. So with a partial success, I'm going to say you dodge everybody but gridiron. Gridiron tackles you. You're not going to take any damage or whatever. But a little bit of pride damage. I mean, all four of them. are bigger than you. You are, I would say, about like, at least six inches shorter than the shortest one, right?

So they're all a little bit bigger than you. Gridiron is the biggest leader of the team. Another bull like yourself, he tackles you. You're taking it to the ground easily by him. And he stands up and he's like, oh, you almost got away with it, man. But, ah, you got work on it. Still got room to improve. Oh, but good one, man, good one.

And he reaches down to give you a hand up. Yes. Thank you. He kind of swats the hand away and stands upon his own. Okay, man. Okay. A little guy, it's so good to see you again, man. Mm-hmm. Uh, yes. Well, in my heart of hearts and my stomach of stomachs, I wish I could say the same, pal. Oh, okay. I see you, man. I just hope he's too dense to be able to get the joke. but yeah.

Let's eat. Hold on. He's like, oh, stomachs, man. Yeah, hungry. I get it. That's very good. I sheepishly hand the saxophone back to the stage performer that I took it from, and I say, I'm really sorry.

That was hugely inappropriate of me to jump on stage and take your working instrument away from me. Yeah, ma'am. It was. Like, you wouldn't pretend, like, you pretend to be a musician, man, and it's like, I work hard. You know what I mean for this talent. And you're doing, like, stolen talent. Hey, how are you talking and playing the sax at the same time? Exactly.

That's the kind of work I've put into this. That's a pro. That's a true pro. Do you understand? Okay. Sorry. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I forgive you.

So, Gridiron waves to the crowd. Everybody's cheering. They're, you know, chanting, all of stars, all stars, all stars. You guys get out to stage. So what are you doing here, man? And who are those other, who is that guy who is kind of sort of playing saxophone? No idea. Okay.

I'm kind of in between gigs right now. The competitive dance, the competitive dance thing is a little slow. Yeah. So I'm working, waiting some tables, you know, filling glasses, making sure. sure the shrimp tower is... Oh, is that what you're doing here, man? You're catering? Oh.

Yes. I'm catering. But I'm happy. I'm happy. They're a good bunch. They're a good bunch of caterers. And I feel like I've found a home here. Oh, cool, man.

Well, keep up the good work. And he holds his hand out to shake your hand. Okay. And he's shaking. breaks his hand. You feel something in the palm of his hand and after you shake hands, you see he slipped you a $5 bill. Oh, God. God. That's withering. Oh, wow. I, while this is happening, Travis, I would like to, obviously, I think, you know, I'm kind of on a hold as Rogers up on stage, but I would like to kind of look around because I feel like this moment would be the moment

that maybe somebody would try to do a crime. Oh, interesting. Okay, give me a looking around to see if this is the moment where someone does a crime role, which is 2D8. Okay, it's a mixed success. So I sort of see someone doing a crime.

Yeah, you see... It's a little crime. You see people embezzling lightly all around. Okay. No, I see people on Ashley. I see people at Ashley Mootison. Oh, there you go. Some gray collar crime.

Yeah, there's a lot of gray collar crime happening. It's just marriage crimes here. We're fine. Morality more than anything. Some light fraud is happening at table six. People selling each other land they don't have, that kind of thing. But they're exchanging it equally, so it's fine. What you do notice is that there is a second,

entrance to the hall. You can see like into the back hall kitchens, right, as people are coming and going through the swinging doors. And you can see a door on the same wall that you assume is going that direction, except there are no guards on that door. Okay, I'm going to slip in through there

during the commotion. Okay, great. Let's see. At this point, Roger, you're still up at the front. What about you, Navy? Are you staying with Roger? or are you going with... Yeah, I would like to try and get Roger out of this, out of this hugely uncomfortable social situation.

And I'll walk up to Roger and be like, Hey, uh, fellow caterer, the shrimps is going bad. And so... Sorry, sorry, on state, sorry, so everyone's watching on stage. And then Griffin walks up, maybe walks up in the middle of the stage, in the middle of the show. Yeah, I mean, I hopped on stage to do. a techno saxophone beat already. Of course, yes. Right. Yeah. Okay.

The shrimps have gone sour and the boss caterer has asked me to get you to throw them in the big dumpster. Okay. So I turned to gridiron and say, um, I've got a bit of a prawn emergency. So, oh, yeah, man. It was, it was, it was just as good seeing you today as it ever was, my friend. Yeah, get the layout, man. It's like deaf prong five. Yeah. Excuse us. We have to. We have to do the shrimps. As we get off stage, I want to just do a quick sort of emotional check in. Like, hey, man, that was absolutely brutal. Are you doing okay?

Well, I'm glad you asked that. I believe that there was some subterfuge going on there. Here, let's inspect this $5 bill, because if my suspicions are correct, Midiron has scrupled some kind of note onto the, $5 dollar bill. I'm pretty sure he was just slamming you. Travis, I want to make sure I'm not watching that because it will bum me out.

Yeah, you don't have to see that. So if I like see it going that way, I'm like, I just go look and listen to something else because I don't want that baggage. I don't want to have to look at him and keep talking and adventuring with him and knowing that. So like, I don't know about this.

This happened. Canonically. Let's hold it up to the light. And look. And really peer at it. Really peer at it now. And so. Try getting it hot net. I hold it over a candle.

Oh, that's good. Yes. But I didn't see him to say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're safe. You're safe. Don't worry. So I inspect the $5 bill.

Yeah, there's nothing on it. There's a map. Don't I even get to roll? Sure, down. Oh, cool. What should I roll? 2D8 But if you get a really good role

Then fate Yeah, I understand I'm already giving it to you Yeah, there's nothing on it A double failure Hey, but practice Practice makes perfect, dude Give yourself a point

Yeah It's a map but it's to like a really crappy treasure Yeah You're pointing out like the picture of Abraham Lincoln and stuff, and you're like, see? Like I told you. That's the...

That's Abe Lincoln. I guess it was a slam. You'd never do anything like that to me. Would you name me? No, I would not. Hey, listen. Me and you, kindred spirits. I know what it's like to be the sort of run to the litter.

But, no, no, no. You got nothing to worry about here. Here, I think we're all on sort of equal footing. You know, that's what I like about our little... outfit. I just hope I hope Lyle didn't see because boy that would have been right. I don't know where old Lyle went off

to. I'm throwing out all this shrimp. Agent Mingo retakes the stage the band takes their instruments and Mingo says, hey everybody while we were backstage we had a discussion about it. We've decided to move on to phase two now of our band. No more. Are we scars the limit? Don't worry.

We know scars not everybody's thing. No, from now on, we're that swing you do. Hit it boys. And they start doing some like squirrel nut zippers, some big bad voodoo daddy's cover songs. And we're gonna jump. Tonight we'll be Kathleen Turner overdraft. We're gonna be jumping to Lyle as he enters into the Hall of Fame. Now I'm in the kitchen. Oh you went into the kitchen. Canonically I went well you said there was the door that was uncovered. Yeah there were swinging doors to the kitchen, right, where you can see the caters and staff going in and out. And you can see a door in the kitchen that would lead into the Hall of Fame area as best you can surmise it. And there's

no guards on that door. That is the way I went through the kitchen. I threw away the shrimp. And then I went in through that door. Okay. A little more covertly. A lot of this is different college. Right. Hall of Fame. Yeah, see, Mississippi State. Probably Moussissippi Oh yeah, true Yeah No, it's still It hasn't always been animals

So But enough of them Enough people in Mississippi Became mice That they were like This is getting silly At this point we're all calling it It is very important to note

That River City is the only Place Animal Yes With abnibals Yes Abnibnals can Some animals can leave the city, but when they do, they lose their connection to the thing that makes them powerful.

The Alspark. Yeah, the Alspark. Be it food created by Barker Innovations or the active, you know, carbon in the food and stuff like that. So there are no mice in Mississippi. You have forgotten that my dark fantasy epic, the Mouseport Chronicles, are taking place in parallel to the events of this story. Justin, I did not mean to downplay what at this one is a 15 novel series. Saga. It's a saga, Travis.

I told you, it's a two-part saga that goes into a multi-series. It's like Redwall. It's like Redwall with kissing is how it's described. He's been reading the omnibus. I sent you so many omniby. Is that what that was? Yeah. Okay, because there was one word on each page.

He's been using it to prop open doors. That would never work. It's only a 17-page omnibus. It's really more of a flyer, the mouse board comes. But you use cardstock, which I appreciate it. So you walk into the Hall of Fame. It's low light. This isn't the full lighting setup turned on, right?

So you can see, you know, it's still in kind of its after-hours lighting setup. But you see a man back to you facing a trophy case. And he doesn't turn towards here, but you hear him say, Excuse me, this area is off limits. Is that to me? Yes. Oh, yeah, man, they're hurting everybody in here. I just took a trip through the kitchen to throw away some rotten shrimp.

Okay. But I think they're all headed this way. It's like not a big deal, man. Just relax. Negative, no one else is coming this way. I don't hear any footsteps. You're the only one here. Please remove yourself from the premises. Well, I'm worried about something.

Man, there's, uh, there's gonna be a, I'm worried there's a sneaky stealer around. And I's going to make a go with this, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the person. I am a security person. I am a security person. I, um, what's my read, what's my read on this person? I've worked with a lot of different crews. What's my read? I would say even without having to roll, right? This person has not turned to look at you. Um, um, they are speaking in a, um, um, a somewhat stilted manner and all of this is just the fact really that all this is being said

with their back to you. Now if you want additional details give me a role to kind of read the situation. No, I'm not going to push it any farther than I already have. I am going to say, oh my mistake, man, fair enough.

And I'm going to loudly clomp off about 10 steps and then I'm going to go invisible. using extreme hiding. Yes, using, that's the perfect ability for the moment. Yes, Travis, I'm going to use camouflage, which I... Well, I knew certainly that you, Justin, weren't simply declaring that you would become completely magically invisible. I knew that you were using one of your skills.

Yes, which I have spelled appropriately in the corresponding document. Camouflage. It always looks wrong, no matter how many times you read it, it looks like it can't be right, but that is how you spell camouflage. Okay. Roll 3D8s for me, Justin. There we go. There we go. Oh, Cowabunga, baby.

Yeah, a cowabunga. So you are a shadow in the dark. You are perfectly camouflaged into the wall of slightly darkened Hall of Fame. And once you have completed this, you see this figure, this man, turns his head 180 degrees. and says, oh, excellent, that person is gone. Back to what I was doing. And his head turns back around. And you hear kind of a high-pitched, like, sizzling, burning noise.

And then you hear a suction cup noise. And then you hear what can only be described as a chomping sound. I have to act. What else is in the room? You can see there's, you know, a couple, not quite statues so much as, like, figures displaying different, like, famous jerseys. This is kind of a Hall of Fame, not just to the River City runner-ups, which is their football team, but to the other River City, like, kind of sports teams that occasionally use the arena. So you see, like, you know, baseball jerseys and basketball jerseys and stuff like that. You see other trophies.

There's some like banners hanging from the ceiling. Is it like higher security stuff? Or is it anything behind glass or is it just like Chotchkes? The trophies are behind glass. But you can also see there's some like recreations of like old stadiums and things like that, you know, signed balls around that kind of deal. Okay. I, uh, I Chuck Hatchet Man as hard as I can at the trophies behind glass. Okay, yeah, give me a 3D8 roll with your intention being to shadow the glass.

Exactly, and saith the alarms. Whoa. No, no, no, no. So I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it. It's a 3 and a 3 and a 3. It's a 3 3.

3.3. Now, three failures of the exact same number has got to be worth some sort of bonus points. What can I trade that in for, Trave? Well, Justin, hey, I'm at the redemption counter. What can I get for these? Practice makes perfect, dude. Failure yourself another point in your practice point. Backing them up.

He, without looking, reaches out and grabs the axe. And you see him turn and look at it and turn. And he says, I know you are here. You did not really leave, did you? You have tricked me. When you want a medal for figuring it out, man, I threw an axe. His eyes start to glow and light shines out of them like two flashlights. And he starts to approach your position scanning back and forth.

I'm looking for you. I say, all right, we have to do this the old-fashioned way, huh? And I flex my fists at him, and then I jump at the trophies behind glass to try to shatter with my fists. Okay, roll 2D8s for me. Okay, so a mixed success. You got one success there.

He grabs a hold of you, but you are able to swing a fist into the glass. It doesn't shatter, right? Come on. But the impact, the impact does set off a sensor. Thank you. And the two guards... It's actually better, because now they don't have to replace it, Travis.

So it's actually a better success. Yeah, he's a better hero. He is grappling you now, right? One of the guards that was outside the main door comes in to see, you know, what's going on. And the person who is holding you turns and you hear him, he opens his mouth and a, like, signal kind of noise, like a high-pitched series of noises, not unlike an old-school dial-up router kicks on. And at that point, you see out of the darkness and the shadows in the opposite corner. It almost looks like a big pendulum, a big pillar, like swings and kicks this security guard. He gets knocked back, not knocked

unconscious. And when this happens, also, you can see now that this man has grabbed you. Behind him, the security glass around the trophy has been cut open, and the trophy has a bite out of it. Is this a, what am I dealing with here, Travis? What is this a robot? Is this a humanoid? What's happened? From the outside, just looking at him, right, appears a very, very human, but I would say everything up till now has indicated that that is not entirely true. What are you, man? Oh, thank you so much for asking. My name is Artie, Artificial. I'm just a regular, normal human person like yourself. Wait a minute. Yes? You're a bot, man. I don't know what you're

talking about. I am a normal, regular human person. Oh, man, you're absolutely a, a bot. Oh, this makes a lot. Hold on, can you give me a second? What a funny joke you're making. Give me a second. Okay. Hatchet Man return. I gotta go get Hatchet Man.

I'm holding it. Can't give it back? No. People would give it back. A people would give it back. Hmm. Roll 2D8 or not. I don't think a people would give it back.

I got double twos. What do I read it in for? Another practice point, you are going to be so. practice point. Sabak! I have Sabak! Are we hearing this? I would say at this point, you guys have made it to the room. You've walked in. You see the security guard knocked out. The other security guard comes in with you to figure out why his dude hasn't come back now. He helps him up. And you guys walk in to see this. That artificial is holding Lyle with an arm kind of around his chest, right? Not like on his neck, but close. to that and the other hand holding a hatchet man off to the side. Oh, hello. More people.

This is not ideal. Lyle, he's talking like a robot. Can you confirm? Is that a robot? Yeah, that's my read on it, but he insists he's human. Awesome. Yes. I would say that this axolotl is an axel liar. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! That's a pretty good joke. Good news is, though,

you can't manslaughter a robot. And I'm going to tackle him with a blast of water behind me, just launch myself towards him to try to just sort of smash him backwards into the trophy case. Excellent. Give me, you got hydropulsion. Remember, this goes bad.

He is holding me and an axe. Yeah, yeah, but it'll go really good. Okay, good. Oh, good. Yeah, that's a cowabunga. That's a cowabunga. Excellent. You hit him knocking both Hatchet Man

out of his hands and his arm flies off of, of Axelyle, so both of them are free. He goes flying back and slams in his last. Once again, does not break. Oh, my God, Travis, I'm a huge seal and I blasts. Oh, you want him to have to replace it, Griffin? Okay, fine.

Shatters the glass. Are you happy now? That was specially made, it's an irregular size, Griffin. They can't just buy it again. You really railroaded each other, I think. Well, then it's not railroading. it to each other. Yeah.

That's just us on one of those carts where you pump the handle up and down. You're hand-carded each other. Yeah, we hand-carded each other. Cease and desist, robot. We are here to stop you from eating. Eating the, you eat the trophies? My doctor has me on a special diet. This is paleo.

You should be a bit more careful, man. Too much silver like that could turn you blue. Ha-ha. Ha, ha. Good joke. Oh, it's science, man. I'm going to shock him with my cattle prod. Does he take damage from me smashing him? Oh, a great question.

Yeah, I'm going to say with a cowbunga he does. He's going to take one point of damage, mostly from the impact. The glass, you see a couple of superficial cuts, which notably do not bleed. Yeah, sure. But, yeah, with the impact, he takes one point. of the image. Radical. And has he dropped Lyle and the X?

Yeah, they're both free. Fantastic. I have a question, and it's important. Are Abnable's people? In what way? Such a big question, juice. So this is what I'm saying is like, we've, in this game several times, we have used words like person or did you see this person or whatever.

Are Abnable's people, or are they like a different species? Are they like homo-animalia, homo-superior, like the mutants? I don't know. You are a person. You are an individual. All the abnals are individuals. Human beings, no. They wouldn't be called humans, right?

They're abnables. But they are all people in persons. You know, if we're talking about people, places, and things, you're going to fall into the peoples. I guess what happens to an abnimal soul after they die? Well, actually, Al-Hala. That we know. That's known. It goes to Valhalla.

They go to Haven. they got the heavy side layer. Yeah, they cross the rainbow bridge to heavy side layer. See, we don't have to recreate the wheel. I mean, some people like Andrew Lloyd-Weber. Anderloy Weber has done the work for us. This is known. Not enough actual plays or RPGs in general rely on the work that Andrew

Lee Weber has done for them already. Yeah, you guys don't have to figure it all out. Most of it's already there. Yeah, yeah. It's all there. It drives you crazy. when you hear like Mercer describe a piece of armor. It's like you don't have to.

It was red and green and yellow and violet. And it's done. Just describe every garment that way. I've heard Brennan get stuck on like, it's a phantom, but where is he? Where could he be found? Yeah. And it's like Brennan, the opera.

The opera is where he lives. Sorry, Dad, you were gonna do something heroic. I'm going to shock him with my cattle prods. If he is indeed. Some kind of mechanical creature. This will tell the tail. This will tell the tail. So, we'll experiment, too.

So give me a 3D8 attack with the metal caps and the tips of your horn. Are you charging at him? How are you applying the charge? Just everyone get a good tackle going on this human robot. Yeah, I'm just... Tackled jack. Charge rat at him. Charge rat at him.

Do it. Last of that. Oh, my God. That's a six and a six. Cowellbong. We are ruining this. Android. You shock him real good. You hit him in the chest and you see like it starts to do, what you can only describe is like twitching and glitching. You know what I mean? And you see like

burn marks right where you hit him like through the shirt that he's wearing and through like the layer of skin over metal. So now you can see where that skin has burned away and you can see the metal underneath. And you hear him, he says, well, but first I have to say something. Oh, of course. Yes, sorry, I forgot. Of course. I hope that has sparked your interest. It has sparked my interest.

Thank you for asking. I think it's time for me to call in a little backup. Oh, Brototypes, these are my brothers. And he opens his mouth once again in that loud noise that sounds like a dial-up modem clicks. And I'm going to have each of you. do a 2D8 rule to see if you take damage. Is he trying to knock us down with this? I'll let you know just a second.

Dad, full success. Two successes. Griffin, go ahead. Two successes. Two successes. And Justin, go ahead. Wow. Two successes.

Excellent. Sorry, were you trying to do a thing just there? Not just me. At which point, from the shadows, one that had knocked down. or knocked down, excuse me, the security guard, comes a couple different prototype-looking robots that are much rougher, of course, than the human-eyed-looking robot,

and they all tackle you, in response to your tackles to him, in three different directions. Okay. So, Roger, you are knocked back into, through the wall now. So quite a bit of panic happening, and everyone's alerted to this situation.

you are tackled back through the wall by a kind of spidery-looking robot, which is labeled here Spider-Bot. And Lyle, you are knocked into the kitchens with a large ball-shaped robot. And then Navy, you are knocked back into the team's aquatic training center by a big, rolling robot. And you also see with already approaching the main room a clockwork much flimsier looking robot

and a strong upper body but somewhat flimsy leg to be robots. Where did all these robots come from? They were all hidden in the shadows around the walls and on top of cases and things like that. So this is a whole robot team. Yeah. My fault. My fault guys.

But the good news is back in the ballroom with you is gridiron and knives on feet and agent mingo and specialist darnet and as soon as you smash through the walls grand slam and home stretch work on clearing the room and getting people to safety and we have entered combat i'm emily fleming and i'm jordan morris we're real comedy writers and real friends and real cheapskates we're real cheap skates We say why subscribe to expensive streaming services when you can stream tons of insane movies online for free? Yeah, as long as you're fine with 25 randomly inserted super loud car insurance commercials.

On our podcast, free with ads, we review streaming movies from the darkest corner of the internet's bargain bin. From the good to the weird to the holy look at Van Dam's big old butt. Free with ads, a free podcast about free movies that's worth the price of admission. Every Tuesday on maximum fun.org or your favorite podspot. Who wants to start? I'll leave it out. Who scene wants to go first and face the robot? I'll take a shot at it.

Excellent. So we're going to start with Roger here. Agent Mingo and the rest of that swing you do. You hear Roger, Agent Mingo, yells out, Hey, ma'am, how can we help? What do you need from us? Continue to clear the room. And...

Which one of you is most technologically savvy? Are any of you a hacker? We spend a lot of time on this show looking for hackers. Oh, no, sorry, man. We're in kind of musician mode right now. Is there anything? I think Derek are, like, Rody, he's pretty good with tech. But the rest of these dudes, I mean, I can kind of do some flips and stuff.

But the rest of these guys are music guys, you know what I mean? Give me a beat, a bouncy, doesn't have to be techno, just play something with a little bit of oomph, a little bit of juge to it, will you? Yes, you've got it, my friend. Hit it, boys. And they started playing Soot Suit, Suit, Riot by the Champagne Pop and Daddies. And so that starts playing, and you've got some swing music in the background, and you're face-to-face with a spider bont with six legs. and the clockwork man and the strong boy are entering into the room, and you see Artie starts dusting himself off,

standing back up to return to the trophy. Okay, I'm going to use my animal move scourge the China shop, and attack the spider bot. Nice. In close quarters, whirling like a dervish wrecks everything. Okay, give me that. 48 roll. 8771.

With three successive, two of which are a cowbunga, as you start spinning, you're like grabbing the table cloths off the tables around you and whipping them around. And two of those tablecloths, as you're grabbing them and spinning a wrap around, two pairs of the Spider-Bot's legs, right? So it's wobbling, it trips, and, you know, hits a table pretty hard.

Not incapacitating it, but definitely, like, taking it out for a round or two of combat. And another one of these tablecloths lands on top of strong boy's head, blinding him. And I'm going to say with that cowbunga, some plates go flying, and one of them hits into the clockwork man's leg and just completely demolishes that. So he is kind of down and hobbling and, like, still clawing around, but he's not moving the way he was before. Nice. You did a good job. You also have gridiron and knives on feet and specialist Darnett at your disposal

if you want to command them around. Yes, I do. Gridiron. Yeah, boss. Remember the time we played the Clovenhoof Browns? Yeah, man, look at that spider bot's body. Doesn't that look like a fumbled football to you? Cover it!

Cover that fumbled football! Yeah, man, I'm on it. Go, team go! He is going to leap on top of it and kind of slamming down one of his, you know, padded elbows into the eye of the spider bot. Oh, with a double success, he too gets his. himself a cowbunga and just smashes right through the eye of that robot. And it is malfunctioning pretty hard. Still somewhat functional, but he's still wrestling with it.

You also have knives on feet and specialists darn that. Knives, can you grab one of these sheets tangled around his two of his legs? Uh, we. Oh, what? A we, yes. Yes, I can. Is he French Canadian? He's a French Canadian.

Okay, fantastic. Couldn't you just, like, instantly tell like me? Come on. And then, uh, specialist. Can you grab the other sheet? It's Joshua. If you want to just use my name or darnet, either one's fine. Gosh, Joshua?

Yeah, my parents misspelled it. Oh, ate it when that happens. Now, pull in opposite directions. Pull! What's what happened to Gepke? Yeah. Oh, boy. Four failures. A four or three, a one, and a three. Yeah, man. So they pull on it. That's what I get for trust in NPCs. And basically, the legs kick out in opposite directions. And gosh, of what darnet goes flying as does knives on feet. And we're going to jump over to Lyle in the kitchen there. You are thrown backwards into the kitchen. And the, uh, the Balbot comes after you, um, rolling his way there and then he stands up, you know, and I, he's got pretty spindly arms and legs around a big, kind of orb, orbular body. And there's a panic in the kitchen,

as you see, like, pans full of oil get knocked over, um, fires start, like, spraying up everywhere as this oil is catching fire. And in the panic, like food and rags and everything, um, are getting knocked into it and people are panicking. Okay, everybody, calm down. My name is Axel Lyle. This is an extreme scenario we find ourselves in, and it is not my first time at the rodeo. I want to use extreme ex-filtration

just to try to tell people, when a structure and environment is in danger of destruction, I have practiced sense of the best path of escape. I don't want to use this for myself. I want to use this for them to get them out of there, to be able to tell them the best way out. Excellent. Yeah, give me that 3D8 rule.

And remember, oh, that's a mega cowabunga right there. And also me, and also, and also I was looking for... Excalibur. I was looking for money, too. And Jesus pops in like, hey, you need any help, man? Anything I can do? No, that was good. I feigned confidence and fate delivered.

You got to just take that as it. is, man. They'll tell the tale. They'll spread my legend. So Alex Lyle, not only do you direct these people, you could slide a table over, right? That creates a barrier between them and this ball bot allowing them to, like,

climb under the smoke and the fire to get behind you. And now they're, like, heading out the back door. Not only that, but, like, as the table slides, it knocks into the ball bot, and you see it wobble and it splashes down and that foily fire splashes up onto its left arm. And you can hear like the sizzling of all of the wires and everything inside that left arm as it just melts and goes limp. Now, I was trying not to hurt your friend out there because I thought he was people like me.

and then Axel Isle pulls out Hatchet Man and then puts it in his side holster and then takes out the plastic cap that goes over the sharp part and he puts the plastic cap both back over the sharp part but now that it seems you're some sort of mechanical creature all bots are off

and then I reach up to whatever I can grab from the tools in the kitchen I don't know. I want to roll for what utensil I grab because I want to do no look to be more intimidating. I love that. So I'll use anything's everything's a drum, which dad's so helpfully let me prelude earlier in the episode. And I'll roll 3D8. You're welcome. See what I can grab. It's all part of your plan. I know, dad. 4, 4, 5. Okay, so a mix success there. You reach up, you come back, and in your right hand, you have a

a spatula, and in your left hand, you have a small saucepan. Perfect. And then I hit him in the head with his. I guess head is not accurate for a ball bot. It's all a sphere, isn't it? I hit him in his eye hole, his sensor hole. With the saucepan or with the spatula? And it's a metal spatula, to be clear.

It's a metal spatula. Well, anything's a drum. So I'm going to use the, I'm going to shove the metal spatula in its eye hole. Sensor hole. Okay, excellent. Yeah, give me a 3D8 roll. I mean, what do you do with that? 3-4-3.

I mean... You make halo. Apparently not, man. It's protecting this ghost here. You come running at him to jam that metal spatula into his eye hole, and he just rolls over you. And you're going to take... Ooh. You're going to take two points of d'clock.

damage. Let me get a little quick experience. Uh-huh. We jump over to... Delicious. We jump over to maybe Seal has been knocked into the aquatic center. You can see a lap pool. You see a hot tub, a jacuzzi tub. You see that there is a sauna and steam room, as well as a couple like ice bath hydrotherapy

kind of setups. Yeah. And in comes this bot with these giant. giant wheels rolling in, bearing down on you. It is moving towards you at speed. What do you do? Bad news, Travis. In this picture, it looks like this two-wheel robot has like a little face on the front of it. And I love him. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to try to sort of sumo grapple him as he runs into me. And then I'm going to use a skill I haven't used yet, a skill to pay the bills. Ross Seals, which I was at some point in my life before I evolved, have this crazy,

like, noise they make, a crazy sort of vocalization. It's not like any other sort of seal. It's like this high-pitched sort of crazy chert that he can do. And it says here in my abilities I can use it for sort of like long-distance communication. I would like to, with your permission, try to sort of recreate the noise that Artie made to summon these robots. I would like to try to, as I am grappling face-to-face with this giant two-wheeled robot, I want to try to communicate with him. I want to try to hack him with my siren song. Absolutely.

I would need some time to shine dice on this one. Excellent. I really want this to work very badly. So I'm going to use three of my three-de-my, say, Time to shine dice. Okay. As a side note, you've got to recreate the noise, Gryphon.

We've got to hear it. Yes, I shall, Dad. Okay. But I will roll the dice first. That will determine how well he recreates it. Gotcha. So that's going to be six D-8s total. Yes.

Wow. Please. Uh, yeah, that's, I see two eights in there. That's an eight. There are two eights. I mean, listen, yeah. Four successes. And a seven.

Yeah. Four successes, two of which are eight. That's a mega cowabunga. Griffin, let me hear that perfect recreation of a dial-up modem. Oh, crap, it's like listening to a mirror. But like, what he hears is, I mean you no harm, friend. Friend, robot.

I am like you. I am too familiar. with being bossed around by my superiors, who were my superiors only because they were manufactured earlier than myself. There is another way, my friend, a better way, a freedom that you can seize. Solace robot or no, you can take your life into your own hands and I can show you the way.

The robot stops directly in front of you. You can see the skid marks as like it slams on its brakes and it lowers down those two like red eyes coming even with you and then it nuzzles you and those eyes turn green

and it starts wagging its tail, its butt basically. Yes. Okay. I leave this choice to you. your former masters would see to the destruction of this place and my kind, with your help, I can stop them. It is the only way. Will you?

This is all in like cyberspeak. This is not what Neil's voice sounds like. 100%. Will you lend me your aid? Chirp. I turn him around. I mount up. I charge up my oxygen.

with Jets, and I'm going to blast right back through the hole in the wall that we came through back into the Hall of Fame. How y'all doing? This is Jeff Leppard, international rock and roll star. I want to warn you kids about something. That's the dangers of the E minor seventh chord. There ain't nothing more dangerous than an E minor seven chord, except maybe an E minor seven sus four chord, but we ain't going to talk about that today. I'm going to talk about the E minor 7th chord. You play that chord, anything could happen. Cars crash into each other. Buildings fall down.

Trees get uprooted. You get the picture. Just don't ever play that E minor 7 chord again. Take it from your old pal, Jeff Leppard. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. supported directly by you.