The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 9: Dry or Die!

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

The heroes hold down the fort against Herr Dryer and the Hot Boys. But they'd better hang on or get blown away! Jeremy the Badger Man performed by Jason Charles Miller: https://www.twitch.tv/questingtime Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/). Additional Music in this Episode: "Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have Liftoff" and "Razor Rock' by Wax Lyricist: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/wax-lyricist/; "Air" by Jesse Spillane: http://www.jessespillane.com/; "Neptune" by Joseph R. Lilore: https://josephlilore.com; "Task Man" by Gamesharkoff: https://gagmesharkoff.bandcamp.com/; "Steps on the Beach" by Audroid MK1: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/audroid-mk1/; and "Hellafunk" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

So, in spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers at top of the policy, and we'll do we sell around. The world is long, but our mojo is strong. I'm wrong. And I'm not. We're at the height of our power. So, Lyle, you've just run back into the amphibah fortress of Mopubbe, telling the computer to shut it down, struggling to get the computer to kind of recognize your authority for a moment, but eventually you did.

The doors have locked. You've got about 30 minutes and counting before the full force of hairdryer and the hobboys comes crashing down upon you. What does the security system alert sound like in the amphibah fortress? Who are we giving this to? Because I know Dad would be chomping at the bit to knock out this time. It's going to Justin. It is Justin's headquarters technically.

It's like a scratchy sandpaper sound because every... Everything in the place is so goofy. That kind of thing. Yeah. If you hear like, it's like, now it's a problem. This is a problem. Now it's a problem.

Given my wet nature also, it's not pleasant to me. I'm going to shout up the stairs because I definitely took off my gear when I got in the mud bath. What's that sound? That's not a good sound. It's the, yeah, man, it's the security system. It tells us intruders Are headed this way Oh, did you accidentally set it off or something?

No, we got some, uh, we got a little company We got to defend this place against Uh, so intruders Actual Injury Yeah, it's a hair dryer and the hot boys You all ever tangled with him before? Um, yeah Coming from downstairs, you all just hear the sounds of heavy foots

Heavy, goofy footsteps Yeah, muddy, muddy, goozy footsteps. Yeah, muddy, goofy, messy footsteps. I charge upstairs. I'm wearing a towel and my splash pack. Did you say hair dryer and the hot boys?

Yeah, man. You know them. No. No. That name's crazy, though. Yeah, it's real... They're incredibly dry. And yeah, they're not a big fan of me, man. We can't let

them get into the place. She infibble for us trust in a good job with this man freaking out is there a window I can look out at this amassed army or did those sort of seal in the security measures I would say in the fortress there's not but like

we'll say that there's little like security panels around like cameras yeah yeah yeah you can peek outside and see that is a lot of dudes that is a lot of dudes yeah I'd say we got maybe 30 minutes before they breach we gotta

get ready for an invasion film 30 minutes is just enough time, I think, for the amphibophores to get back here. If we call them up, right? I feel like we got it, man. You don't just feel like we got kind of like got it? I feel like we can, we could do this. We don't meet. I am the amphibble force, if you think about it, basically.

He has a point. No. I mean, without them here, man, I'm basically the amphibal force. They're here with you, man. I'm like an auxiliary member. And you know, we have a fourth ally. in this. The very building itself.

That's true. A man upstairs. Wait. That's an arc that I was not aware of, but is that where this newfound confidence is coming from? Yeah. Yes. It's cousin Doug, man. He's written the upper room.

I met the building. I met the building itself. Okay. I got convinced. Sorry, man. We have two conversations. We do Airbnb out the top. floor of this place. That is the man upstairs.

You wrote that down, right, Travis? I don't want to tell you your business, but that's a, that is a dank cloth. Was it cousin Doug upstairs? Cousin Doug. Cousin Doug. You got to be ready for this stuff, man. We drop you these little tasty seats. Can I tell you what's wild, Griffin? Without even talking to Justin about ahead of time, I had already written maybe there's a cousin Doug upstairs. Can we actually say, Travis texted me after, I think maybe a couple episodes ago. I made a joke about how my only weakness was the dry man and then Travis texted me like you should know I'm doing a dry man like

I already had I had already planned on doing hair dryer I didn't want people to think that hair dryer was inspired by me it was it was and it was the second time because Griffin also joked about artificial eating silver yeah that was that was what was happening yeah well you know it's like family harmony it's not just music what harmony not just music okay so here's here's here's I'm thinking, fellas, if we could sort of think through this. Yeah, sure. I think we have been the ground floor to them.

All right, this level where they're going to come in at, man, it's a lot drier than downstairs in the basin where the water settles to. I think we've got to trap this place out. Because I think all three of us are more comfortable taking these guys on

when we're half submerged. right? Well, you two, I guess. Yeah, do you know how to swim, Roger? I'm very gassy, so I have a lot of buoyancy. We've discussed this before. Floating is half the bad. I apologize for forgetting.

DiHO! Oh, sorry, wrong franchise. Wrong, you can't do that. I like it. I like it. Aren't you worried they'll make a big mess up here because you were told to keep the place pretty much spotless? Well, that's what I'm thinking.

my plan is to keep this level pristine and maybe roger kind of lowers them downstairs but i would love a minimal amount of cleanup on this floor that's what i'm kind of thinking guys if we could bring all this downstairs and leave this level of the facility untouched as you say that i look backwards at the just trail of mud i have left coming from the stairs yeah definitely defo for sure. So you want to set the traps on this level, correct? Right. This is the formal level. This is the formal level where there's like meetings with heads of state and stuff.

Go on here, right? Like if Susan Sarandon is making the rounds, this is the level she's not going downstairs now. So on downstairs we can get wet, get a little nasty. But up here, I want to leave it. This is historical, man. JFK the 4th. sat right there. But when Goos and Sarandon comes around, she loves

the bottom. She loves the wet level. Okay, let's just say we can get it a little messy up here, and we won't get mad at whoever gets it messy if they promise to clean up after. I'll get a little, man. This is thoughtless.

All right, all right. I'm ready. May I go first? I... Go first? What do you mean? Go first? A trap, like you said. Yeah, we can We have 30 minutes. We should all be doing something all the time.

We should all be taking, we shouldn't be taking turns. We should all talk simultaneously. As an outsider, I love the idea of each of you, individually setting a trap while the other two look on and cheer them one. Just giving like, oh, not quite, that's not quite level. Little to the left. Little to the left. Perfect.

Good. Okay. I'm going to start. Okay. Roger is going to really, he's going to go into the security room into Salamanders. security room, Salamander's office, and use CH4U and just completely, completely fill that room with methane gas. And then he's going to shut the door behind him but not lock it.

Mm-hmm. And then very clumsily on purpose, leave hoofmark. leading up to the door. Hmm. Okay. And so is your goal to create like a knockout gas situation or like an explosion situation? Oh, knockout gas. I don't want to blow up.

I don't want to blow up. I extinguish the little tea candle. I was like, I give what you do. I get what you get. Oh, right. Okay. So I walk, so, okay, so Axel Isle walks over to Roger. Hey, Ray.

I just wanted to check in. See how our plan is going See how our plan is going It's going It's going great I felt like we were on A pretty similar page, right? Yes

We are, yes What is your concern? Yeah, so we kind of talked about Leaving this place Of Christine Oh, yeah Yeah, so your thing was Just kind of coming here and fart bomb it, huh?

Yeah, well, no, it's not going to blow up You've laid ways to this It'll be clean. It'll be clean. But it'll just knock them out. The only litter will be their littered unconscious bodies littering the hallway. Oh, oh. I wouldn't blow up your...

You asked us not to. It's just farts. You did blow it up, man. Look around. I didn't blow it up. I'm just going to fill up full of static ass. This room used to be full of wildlife. Small insects.

The biodiversity, man You didn't even think up The biodiversity All right, dad With CH4U And I'm going to say Since you were so Comfortable with the alias

Mr. Messup That you put it on your character sheet I'm going to give you an extra D4 For that Or an extra D8 for that too Because you totally messed up this room So So

Roll 4 DAs to see how well you mess up this room With Burps and Farts He put it in its inventory What if he put it in his inventory? That's an alias that he owns. He carries that in his heart. Okay, two successes. Seven and a five, yeah.

Yep. So you fill this room pretty effectively with burps and farts. And I'm going to say maybe not, I don't know, the cubic fee. I don't know. It's not packed. It doesn't contain maybe like a pressurized amount, but a good amount. And you lay down the hoof prints in a very, convincing way.

Yeah. And for right now, I am spent. No more farts in all of your stomach. Yeah. What other ideas are we working with here, folks? Can I just say, Dad, by the way, and I love you very much, and this is one of the reasons I love you, is you got access to a security center, and you're like, I know exactly how you use this to repel intruders.

Fill it with farts. And I love that very much. Thank you very much. I mean, they're not going to go in there. Okay, so Axelile is going to hit. into the med bay. Okay. And I'm just going to get all the needles that I can find.

And then I'm going to put them right by the front door. Yeah. But I'll keep them all together. Not like a pile. They're going to be like very nicely set up there, like tastefully placed. So are we talking needle, like hypodermic needles, pointing face up? pointing face up so when they come so if they go in

I just remember they're all robots they're not robots they're people okay yeah so my plan is just to just have a bunch of needles okay have a bunch of needles and when they come in Trav they're gonna step

on these needles oh man that sucks dude yeah but here's the other thing that I put on the needle drugs oh oh well okay There's drugs all over the needles. Like, sleepy? I didn't even pay attention to what drugs it was.

Okay? Whoa. But all the needles have different drugs. It's all insulin. All over. Someone might step on one and have an antibiotic clear out sort of there. I feel better. I don't know anything about drugs.

So I just dumped out all the drugs that were in there onto the needles. So there's like, and hey, kids, sorry. I just wanted to take a second while we're setting up this really awesome trap. to say that really, you shouldn't be fooling with needles. This should be up to your parents. And you shouldn't even be digging around where the drugs are. This is a trained professional protecting a place that he really needs to keep neat. And I am an adult, such as it is.

Thanks so much. All right, back to the show. That's what we think. Now let's talk about that, because that's less authoritative. than the more you know. No, I like that. It's a low bar. It gives us a bit of wiggle room.

Just a suggestion. In our opinion. Travis, you're bringing it into some like Sondheimian modulation. Yeah. I think it's extending. It's definitely in a minor key. Yeah.

As this is related to your training, Justin, and you're kind of like placing traps and protecting your thing, roll for me 3D8s using your abs dice because you did advance. Okay, great. So you got one. One success.

One success. I will also remind you guys that you have time to shine dice. I don't know if you use those. It's like such a, I feel like time to shine while you're set in like a, in like a. I like saving that for the hot and heavy stuff. Yeah, it feels weird to try to flex while you're. Yeah, that's fine. Just reminding.

So with one success, I'm going to say that you set the needles up. But as you said, you have said, you have no idea what kind of. of drugs are on them, so that will definitely impact the effectiveness of this trap. It's a medicine surprise. A medicine surprise. The old medicine surprise. While Axolyle is setting up these needles, which I have to imagine takes a while, right? Are you sticking them to the floor with tar?

This is a box of upright needles. A box of upright needles, awesome. You know, needles classically, Griffin. are stored and shipped with the needles just poking straight up. Like knives in a dishwasher. Awesome. That's the way they're typically, yeah. Is that how you're putting your knives in a dishwasher, Justin?

Yeah, with the point. What? You got to watch one of CSI and stuff, man. People accidentally get hurt like that all the time. Come on, man. Hey, listen, I saw Garden State. I take proper precautions. Thank you.

Jeez, man, that's a deep cut. Yeah, there's no. Yeah, nobody but people on this call for that in Sydney, but she doesn't like the show. Now, it's really falling off. While you are setting up the needles, you see me and cousin Doug. Was he a cousin or an uncle? Well, he's my cousin, so. He's someone's uncle, maybe.

dragging in enormous animatronic animals that we have torn out of the walls of the Rainforest Cafe downstairs. I've got a really upsetting-looking, long-haired gorilla. We've got a tree with a face on it, elephant, just like hauling these up. Hey, hey, partner, hey, partner. What is, what do we have here? Wow, wow, wow, wow, that's so far from where I'm used to see me. Hey, I didn't, sorry, I didn't realize you already did a trap. What a prick!

This is my trap. This is it for setting up the trap, but if you could give me, you are a bulky boy, give me a 3D A roll to see how cleanly you were able to rip these out of the rainforest cafe. Hey, I got cousin Doug. Yeah, and maybe if you got Bat Mercer to help too, he's down there working. Bat Mercer is tied up. Bat Mercer did not, I have to imagine, would not allow this. No, he knows corporate's coming by in a week just to check and see all the franchise is doing.

Can I get an extra D8 for Uncle Doug's help? For Cousin Doug? Yeah, you can. Okay, two successes. With two successes, you were able. The mud is making it easier to kind of slide the mud trail. The mud trail. Provides some lubricant.

There's like some hydraulic fluid and oils, but you were able to get them in a way that they can be remounted without too much effort. But there is. But look what she's done to the mail? But check this. Look, but she did to talk to Doris Dingles. That's the giraffe. For sure, for sure. I put one of them around the corner and I'm like, do me a favor.

Just like walk through this doorway and then like look to your right. Okay, I do that. You see the tree with the face on the other side of it. Like jump scares you. Behind each corner leading to the downstairs, I'm going to put a different, like, upsetting. The animal ones are especially messed up. huh? For an abnimal to see? Although we might be the only abnals.

They're not abnals, right, Travis? Correct. They're also not robots. No, but I still think they'll be scared by some of these guys. Okay, yeah. I'm hoping some of them get so scared that every time they turn a corner, there's like a jump scare of a creepy-looking animal automaton, that some of them will just leave.

Okay, Griffin, since you are using and you effectively were able to remove these downstairs in a way that they are definitely. realistic and five-night scary. Give me a 48 roll for that. Okay. Oh, no. Oh, wow. 2-1-3-1.

That's four failures. In fact, it's a double once. So you are able to set them up. Give yourself a little practice point there. You are able to set them up and we'll see how effective they are. I've just made it terrible. Man, if this doesn't. Hey out. Lyle's gonna be so mad at me.

Lyle's like looking at it like, oh man, it's nothing, man. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, dude. I'm looking at it. I'm telling you, man. Well, now you're just, hold on, turn this next quarter. Turn this next quarter. Long-haired gorilla. Boo. See, Roger gets it. Roger is scared of these things. It's just a huge mess, man. Okay, Roger is going to go up to the screening room.

He is going to set up The, uh, set up the, the screen to be showing, um, um, um, um, um, Tommy Wysos the room. Oh, wow. Which, I mean, once you start looking at it, you can't look away. God knows. That's so good, dad. That's so good and so true.

And then Roger is going to hide in, behind that, that bush right there next to the screening room. Okay. And when they're all in the screen room. And you're going to watch the movie, too? No, he's not even going to cast his eyes upon the screen. While they're all in that room mesmerized, however many of them are in there, he's going to slam and lock the door behind it. Are you going to fill it with farts first?

No, no, no, I'm calling cards. I can't fart anymore. Okay, awesome. Awesome. Yeah. So I would say you are an infiltrator and spy. So this is in your wheelhouse. Plus, out of that, you are correct about the mesmer.

siren call of Tommy Wissas, the rim. So give me a 3D8 roll, and we're going to see how well set up this is. If it fails, well, we'll see what happened. Okay. So, seven and eight and a four. That's a double success, my friend. So, yeah, you get the movie going. She's dumb to fail.

And it's a loop, and it's in a loop with, like, skibbitty toilet between. Wait, why? I don't know. I just... Do you think that these intruders are going to say, the film is like a good 100 minutes easily. Oh, that's right. We'll be gone by then.

All right. So we'll save Skibbitty Toilet for a future trap. Listen, I know this is our kid-friendly season. Just saying Skibbitty Toiloh on here, it feels wrong. It feels wrong. No, let's do it, man. All of it. My kids love that stuff.

Anytime I can bring up the Rizzler, any of that. That's good. That's different because that's good. We like that. This is boring, going for my Rizler. Pantering to actual pandering, we need to be very careful here. We do. I agree.

I agree. Oh, boy. So, and you're hunkering down. If you understand Skibbidi is just 23 Skidoo, if you can just get that, then you understand youth culture exactly. It's just 23 skid. I don't want to understand. I don't need to be a part of it, Justin. It's for them now.

I've moved on. You have our woodworking. I have my ships in. Yeah. I care for my plants now. They can't take my memories? My fish are my children now. I don't need children.

I don't need them. I hope my kids don't hear that. Okay. So, and you are Roger going to hunker down in that room, like a coil. No, outside the room behind that plant. Got it, got it, got it. Okay, great. Are we nearing our time limit here, I'm guessing?

I want you guys to each be able to do, too. Yeah, I only did one. I only did needles. Do you have another one? I did farts and Tommy was so. Yeah, hey, Dad, listen, you're having a lot of fun out there, and I love it, champ. You're participating in chemical and psychological warfare. We're handling more of the physical, like some of the physical.

Well, I'm doing psychological stuff, too. All right, time for me to bring out the big guns. And I'm going to clean up the mud trail, but in the most slippery way, I can. Okay. Hey, it just kind of seems like you're exchanging my mud for your slime. No, I'm cleaning it. I'm cleaning up your mess. Like waxing the floor? The floor will be slippery from where I recently cleaned it. Yeah, that is my...

It'll be a fresh waxing? Yes, I will freshly clean and wax his mud trail. And the stairs, right? He traversed the stairs. Absolutely. I'm going to clean those and mop them. Oh, this is really going to get them, guys. Yeah, but it just kind of... Okay.

Did it really bother you that much? You didn't think that I would clean up after? I knew you wouldn't. Give a pat on the back. Okay. I tend to keep my promises. Powered by anxiety, you get an extra DA here, so roll three dayades for me to see how the cleaning and waxing goes. That's three successes.

That's three successes. Needed them the most. Including a cowabunga right there, the double fives. Cleaning up in mud. You're looking at me, you're looking at me, Navy Sealy. You look at X-Lyle and you're like, wow, he's mopping really well. And then you look and look and look and you realize there isn't a bomb. No, it's just him.

It's just happening. It's just getting cleaner. This is going to be a super good trap. I'm really excited. I feel like I need to be careful here. I don't want to I don't want to All right we got

Time for one more Okay I go to Open the door to Sergeant Salamander Security Center To just like see what kind of Pre-made traps we've got in here

And then I see the visible Stink Cloud inside I go On comms We probably should have done these In like a different order You know what It'll be fine

I take a huge deep breath and open the door real quick, go inside and close it so I can get the computers or whatever in here. Okay. So inside, first of all, first of all, you know, as a submariner type creature, I would say you have pretty powerful lung capacity. Yeah, for sure. You know, you're able to hold for a long time underneath there. So give me a 3D8 role to see how effectively you can avoid being affected by. the room full of farts? Seals can hold their breath for up to two hours.

I was trying to establish some amount of tension, but this is a totally chill situation, I feel like. Oh. Two hours? Two hours, dude. Oh, yeah, you're fine. Okay. Let me, I'm going to spend one time to shine dice on this.

Okay. Okay. This one to go better than the last one. So I'll roll 4D8 here. Two successes. Yeah, two successes. You're able to get in there just fine. You set your watch for a two-hour timer.

You're like, better to keep an eye on that. Basically, once you get in, you see sort of a, unlike the other rooms. This is like a narrow walkway, and you can see, like, all the servers and fans. It's a fairly loud room. There's a lot of technology and computers in here. So there's a lot, like, keeping it quiet or keeping it cool. But there's, like, you know, a center platform. with the chair and the console, and a lot of screens.

You can see a screen that's showing the outside where you can see hair dryer and waiting patiently as he looks at his clock and he's like counting down the seconds. Super chill of him, by the way. He's an okay, dude. Besides being like a super villain that wants to take over everything, you can see the hot boys out there, you know, playing some cards or whatever. Then you have like the screens that are kind of cycling through security cameras.

primarily on the main floor, which you guys are on right now, some on the lower floor, just kind of like wide-scoped cameras, nothing too crying. Okay. Can I set those to record? You absolutely can, yes. Because, like, if we're about to do some dope stuff in here, some footage of it might help our brand out, maybe a little bit. Yeah, you absolutely can't.

I mean, it's very clear this is not something, this is not a complicated, you know, it's not a trick. Once you get in there, there's a record button, stop, play, rewind that kind of stuff. But I don't see any sort of night trap style. There's not a button that says

turn stairs into big slide. I will say, without having your role, to see how effective this room is. There is, like, a direct contact link with the River City First enforcement

that you can, like, message them. No way. I don't want you to have to blow out your breath, but you could message the enforcement. But if you want to see how to control any security measures in the house, you're going to need to roll for that. Okay.

Time to hack. And I say with your bug eyes, you are very good at taking in a lot of information all at once. Yeah. To give me a 3D8 roll to see if you can see the commands you need. Two successes, thank God, 5-8. Okay, yeah, with two successes, you see like the full control of, like, lights. Okay. And so, like, you can control the lights levels in each room.

There's also, like, party mode sequencing stuff for when they're having parties here at the Amphibah Fortress. There's, like, a sound system here that you can have, which is both, once again, for parties, but also, you know, you want to hear them, but they can't hear you. Or, as you were doing, like, with the animatronics, things like that, anything you want to set up. and like you can also control like how the doors open and close. Um, if you want to buy a little more time, that kind of thing. What are you hoping to do? Well, I'll tell you, friend, I'm going to start putting together a little sequence, a little automation to activate all that stuff you just said at seemingly random intervals. No, not seemingly random.

I think I, maybe every 15 seconds. just like party mode goes on, then the lights go off, and then all the doors open and close. Because maybe it will disorient our foes, or maybe they'll think this place is pretty haunted. And maybe they don't want to live in this place. Maybe they don't want to take it over anymore. I love that.

And do you want to set this going on both the main level and the lower level, or just one? You know, well, if we have to fight them, if they get downstairs, which I have to imagine, Some will. It would get too complicated. I will just set it on this level. Can I communicate to the team?

I mean, it really spooky because every 15 seconds, all the stuff is going to go haywire. So if it starts to go crazy, just close your eyes and wait for it to blow over. Do I have to roll again to see? No, no. You're good. With two successes on that one, that's your thing. Okay.

I want to get out of this room now. Okay. So now... The door has locked me inside with the fart forever. I use key on door for a far. So Lyle and Navy, where are you guys going to set up? Downstairs. In the Lazy River.

That allows me to sort of roam through a large area of the second floor. Okay. With minimal movement or noise on my part. Okay. What about you? I'm going to post up in the... this little cranny here. You see what I'm talking about?

There's like a little cranny right before the stairs. Because I would love to hide, and then, like, if some folks start going down, we can hit them with a temporal pincer maneuver. Or I guess just a regular. Yes. Really, every pincer maneuver is a temporal pincer. It's all taking place in time, Travis. That's such a good point.

Yeah, thank you very much. But it's not a pinch of time. Yeah. Just a pinch of time. Okay. A secret to a great turkey. Lyle, roll 3D8 for me. Lyle?

Yeah. Okay. Roll what? 3D8? Okay. What for? Well, the stairs are very slippery. This is not a problem for me.

It's actually, if I could revise that statement, choose, it seems to be a tremendous problem for you. Despite my three failures. Whip, bum, bum, bum, bum. I'm not getting caught on my own dang. trap, Travis. You don't get hurt, Justin, but I want you to fall down. I'm your older brother. I'm not going to let you hurt me on my own trap.

You don't get hurt, but we do get the camera view of like, okay, I'll be downstairs. That's fine. It's on the cams. And you get three footage exists. You get three failure points, buddy. Welcome to the club. Only one failure. Just one failure point. One failure per failure. That's a good point.

I make a mental note to maybe crop that bit, cut that out of the promotion. video that I am hoping to turn out of this operation. Or maybe maybe more relatable. That's good, the every man. For sure, I love that. Outside the amphibah fortress, Hair dryer and his hot boy minions line up ready

to siege on the amphibah fortress. Hair dryer looks around and says, yes, my hot boys. We shall go in, we shall take the let me get more German. I shall get one German. Yes. We shall go and we shall take the amphibre fortress. We shall make it our own and reopen it as. French again.

French again. Oh, yes, you're right. French again, boss. Thank you. Yeah, I'm working on me. And I'm taking an acting class. Honestly, boss, I feel like you have a lot of really interesting characteristics about your whole, like, persona. And I feel like, if anything, this element of it detracts from the whole five.

So you think I should just, like, be myself? Yeah, you could lean into it. being yourself, yeah. Okay, wait, I can't remember. Are you Ted or German Ted? Are you just making me look bad? Oh, no, I'm my email. Okay, I got my eye on you.

Also, German Ted, he's nervous to say it to your face, but the accent stuff makes him a little over. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, I'm, can I tell you? I'm actually more bothered by the fact that he's uncomfortable telling me that. Yeah, no, there's some really deep foundational, like, issues of trust and morale

sort of sewn throughout this and he's not even making eye contact with you. That's how I'm talking about. Yeah. Hey, thank you guys so much for talking about. Do you want to invade this fortress together and I use my regular voice? No, I'm just going to leave and I'm going to convince a lot of these other guys to leave with me. No, I don't think so.

All right, my hot boys. We shall siege upon the amphibah fortress and make it our own and reopen it as the dry area. Oh, that's, that's, hey boss, but didn't that feel better? Didn't that feel better? Me and every other guy just talked it over here, and that name is not going to fly.

Yeah? So we are, we don't want to do like a citizen's arrest or whatever the, like, version of that is within an evil villainous organization, but that's no good, my man. Okay. Good evening. My name is Axel Lyle. I am a legally recognized member of the amphibaphores. And you need to vacate the supremacists, please. And a hairdresser the button.

No, we're gonna... Yes. Oh. I guess I hadn't thought about it that way. And he's like waving the hot voice. Like, go, go, go. And they slam through the front doors with a big battering ram shaped like a hair dryer. Pretty good.

And they are going to charge head first towards some needles in. the game. Okay, so one success with an eight. So they... Are the success is good for us or good for you? Yes, yes, yes. They're good for you. So they come charging in on like five of them do fall on the needles and three of them get some like Novacane kind of, you know, anesthesia type needles. And they're like, whoa, my legs are all jelly. Oh, no, I can't. From the room? where the room is playing you, hear Elisa scream,

what kind of drugs did you take? Very good. Oh, that's good. Juice. There we're the best of it is. Two of them get their flu shot. So they're feeling free. That's awesome. Yeah, they're...

That's nice. Hey, hey, kids, me again. Just a reminder that with October here, when we're recording this, it's probably freaking February or something. You should get your flu shot. By the time you're hearing this, that's a point.

Whenever you're hearing it, go get your flu shot if you haven't already. If your parents tell you that you can't have one, then you've got to really try harder and tell me your friend Axelis. They're A-OK. Also, if you were scared of the needles, then they make a special cold spray you could put on your arm and you won't even feel it. That's our idea.

Okay, so then they come charging for it. I believe next they're going to encounter one of the animatronics. A tree with a face on it? Uh-oh. That's two failures. They come around and they're like, whoa. Oh, ha, ha, that's charming. It reminds me of all my good times at Rainforest Cafe.

God, I hear this from the other room like, I knew this was a risk. There's two more chances. There's two more chances. Literally, Axelile, honestly, Bat Mercer told me, he said these things don't scare everyone. He said some people like it, and I thought no way. These goofy voices to tell you. It's like, man, just talk normal. Yeah.

Yeah, he has a man with a million voices, Batman. He's the Batman. I'm going to have to do some thinking about why it upsets. Well, I guess I'm an abnable. And so seeing these basically dead husks, these jokes of God, would scare me more than a human. I'm sorry, everybody. And that's when the dance.

party music, lines kick on, and some doors start slamming open and closed. We get one success on those. Our traps so far aren't great. The traps that we spent a long time on aren't doing a ton, it seems. Just you wait. Three of the hot boys freak out. One of them's like, oh man, I'm overstimulated. This is too much for me.

I'm headed out. Peace out. The other two are like, this is good. You go. Ghost. and they go running away. As they come around, they come around the security center.

They see those hoof prints. And they're like, oh, man, guys, I think one of them's here in the security room. And I'm going to light a cigarette just before I open it. No, no, no. Can we shout from the other room? No, just go in. They don't light a cigarette.

But they do enter the room. Let's rush in. We're going to run. rush in and surprise them. Let's get them. Oh my gosh. Um, they rush into the room and three of them just immediately pass out. That was another one success. Yeah. There's a, so far, you've taken out nine of them. Yeah, and only like 21 to go. And now they encounter their second animatronic. Nice. This is, Yes, baby. Yes, that's how we do it.

This is the long-haired gorilla. The long-haired gorilla is going to get you every time. Yeah, you got two successes on that one. The long-haired gorilla scares just the real stuff out of them. Just all the stuff out of them. Think of stuff. Wait, hold on. They're just stuff all over the floor.

Well, hold on, because if these guys are, hold on, if these guys are making water and mess on the floor, that's actually bad for our sort of overall. all a mission objective. No, no, no. You're assuming that there's some layers in there that absorbed all that in. They're very dry boys, remember? Yeah. I go from feeling very guilty to extremely vindicated in like

a heartbeat. I know that my fear is shared by others out there, and I feel a moment of kinship with these hot boys I just destroyed. Okay. The second of the security center sequences goes off. That's another two successes. Oh, that's a double cowbonga.

That's a mega cowbonga. It's double eights. Okay, with double eights, this time, like, one of the, like, the doors, like, kind of slam shut as they're, like, reaching through it and, like, bangs their hand really bad. And so, like, one of them's really upset. His hand hurts really bad. And the other ones, like, honestly, the song that comes on is, like, one of, like, their jams and the music and the lights kick on. And they start having an absolute dance party. and they just allow the rhythm to carry them on out into the night.

Yeah, that's so weird because the songs I put on the playlist were like supposed to be scary and creepy in nature, so it was like, I don't want to set the world. This guy's like crumping to it. Yeah, he loves it, man. They go to check the screening room to see who all's over there. And what do they hear, Justin?

Oh. Think about the chronology of the movie. How long have they been in there? It seems like a couple minutes. So we're early on? Yeah. I mean, we're after what kind of drugs did you take? Well, but it's been on a loop because it was playing before they got there.

Right. So now I'd say we're about 40 minutes in. About 40 minutes in. So this is about the time that they're... Hey, Chris R. I was just looking for you. She's convincing him to drink alcohol for the first time. Oh, okay. You have great legs, Lisa.

And then she says, you have nice pecks. And then that's when he puts his tie around her head. That's so cool. Yeah, that's love. And nothing's going to ever come between them. They get to the room and one of them goes, oh, man. Like the room the room? Yeah, they get to the room, room, room.

They get to the room, room, room. And one of those... There's always room for the room, room, room, room. If the room, room, room, room. And one of them says, says, oh, man, I love this part. Oh, guys, guys, watch. Oh, yeah, they're about to, oh.

And then the music kicks in. You are my destiny, dream come true. And three of them sit down on the couch to watch. And the other two are like, I don't know, man, is this one of those movies? Yeah, I can't. No, no, no, man. They would be so ashamed of me at Bible study. And so two of them leave.

So, three of them sit on the couch. Two have left the room to continue the search. Now's your time. Roger. I shut the door. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

With your hand? With my tail. With my prehousal power tail. That's good. Do you do any measures to try to keep the door closed? Yes. I. No, no, you know what?

I'm going to. rely on the mesmerizing power of Tommy Wyself. Okay. I love that. Shut the door. Oh, I'm going to drag the big heavy potted plant. Over there to block the door. Awesome. Yeah, you know, you were already planning to do that.

It works for me. We've got six hot boys left. They have reached the top of the stairs. Axelyle, you see them there. And they're like all standing definitely standing right of the beginning of like that slippery, slidey part. And they're like,

yeah, I think so far it's just been like kind of home-lawed traps and stuff, which, don't get me wrong, I think is it great. It's fun. I love it, keeping on my toes.

Should we go downstairs? And because of that hugely double success, I'm gonna roll 5D8s. Oh, yeah. Three successes. So four of them just go absolutely brief to it down the stairs.

And two of them are still slips sliding around but kind of holding each other's hands to keep from going all the way. What do you do, maybe? I pop out of my hiding place. I'm going to say something really cool. Oh, cool. I can't wait, man. Yeah, no, it's going to be so cool. I tilt my head to the side so I can hear better out of one of my ear holes.

More of an indent. Okay, okay. Okay, so I got it. I got it. So it's like, hey, hot boys, time for you to cool off. And I'll shoot him with my water gun. Pretty good. To blast them down the stairs.

They are already sleepy and sliding. Currently, what is your water blast? You get what? 5D8. Yeah, give me an extra D8. Oh, I'm sorry, no, no, no, four D8. It's five if I blast myself at them, but I'm not doing that. Give me an extra D8 since they're already, you know, uneven.

So you've got five feet. It's so wet here. Yeah. It's like crazy wet. It's hugely wet. Okay, 5D8. Here we go. Two successes.

Yeah, with two successes, you blast down the last of the hot boys. So all 30 of them are currently out of commission. I would say 15 of those permanently so. 15 of those are like distracted or downed or something along those lines. Or scared of ghosts. or scared of ghosts. And outside hair dryer says, well,

looks like I'm going to have to do it myself. Let's get dry. I got rid of it because of some notes that I listened to from my hot boys. Because I welcome hot boy feedback. Yeah, they weren't, if I'm being honest, really fighting with much gusto. I think you guys might have some pretty structural problems. Good guys, though.

Listen, I keep them around. That's my brain. trust. You know what I mean? I keep them around for their good idea. Anyways, let's Hey, hair dryer. Hey. Yeah. Listen, man. They interrupted your big finish. Make them finish

the episode. Yeah. Okay. You were clearly headed for a finishing line and they busted it. No, it's okay. They gave me time to come up with a better finishing line. I hope you're ready for this because it's going to blow. Do you have like an HR person in the Lord? That was supposed to see the fine. a line.

That was like my big... I thought there was a line about the line. I thought you were setting up your line too. I know. It's going to blow. I'm going to come in and attack you guys now. Okay. Let's fight about it.

Well, hello there, kids. It's me, Jeremy, the badger man. You remember old Jeremy the badger man? Half man? Half badger? No? Oh, that's okay, because I'm here to warn you about the dangers of bookshelves. I've got a lot of books, but let me tell you, if I don't secure my bookshelves to my walls,

they could come a tumbling down on me. So remember, kids, always attach your bookshelves to the wall. With a safety strap. Remember this little rhyme. Without a strap, your bookshelf safety is crab. Wink. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows.

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