The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - Episode 23

Episode Date: February 22, 2019

The Pine Guard face off against their shapeshifting quarry in precariously tight quarters, while their long-guarded secret inches closer toward the light. Aubrey joins the feds, Duck puts his board to work. Ned goes digital. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone. If there's anything you know, anything that sounds beyond belief, I am all ears, Ned Chican. Sheriff, I'm not sure what I can tell you because I'm kind of clueless. It's like this blonde lady, just about Tim size, I would say. I saw her again, but this time, like, she was way different. Gregor Mortis looks up at you. You all walk into the more groom. there are bite marks, more akin to like a small shark, got in there.

Doesn't this seem almost calculated to be scary? It seems like overkill. There's got to be a reason why this attack happened. As you pull the sheet back, you can now see the face of Gregor, the technician you were talking to outside. As you notice that, the door into the morgue starts to swing open. and the door was opening and a lot of spooky business was a fart

That's the sound of the door Welcome to our Halloween episode Yeah what if we just did all sound effects for this one So it goes like this Oh Hmm I'm taking your headphones I don't want to get out of there

Wait Stop Griffin Not a sound effect No Justin that was the sound of a radio playing And someone on the radio was saying Get out of there I'm a bunch of bones. All right.

You know that it's good because you do the previously on. And that's like ramps the tension back up. Yeah. And then it's like, hold on, let's deflate that real quick. Well, this is like where DJ's giving them a taste before the drop. And here comes the drop. A monster comes through. Oh, no.

Wait. A bad monster? Yes, you all are more or less trapped in this room as the one and only entrance into the morgue proper here slowly swings open from the front office and a figure passes through that door. And there is something kind of familiar about the figure that comes through the door. It is a humanoid shape. It is a humanoid shape, albeit with four arms and this shape is just made out of this tangible, brilliant light. Its head, or what you're assuming, its head is, based on, you know, where heads traditionally live,

sort of cranes around to take you all in and ascertain the situation. And you're having some trouble actually like seeing what this light person is doing because the other thing about them that actually makes them different from the other beings like this that you've seen before is this one has this just kind of swirling cloud of, of particles going all around them. I say particles. They are visible to the naked eye. They are just these small sort of orbs of...

Like a nebula? Kind of, you could describe it like that. There are different orbs of different shapes and sizes behaving in sort of different ways. Some are like sort of jelling together and then shooting new, you know, particles off. And some are just neatly orbiting around each other. And some are just kind of ping ponging around this cloud. Some of it is lava lamp-esque, but then some of it is lava lamp-esque. but then some of it is also just like Maraca beans,

and you don't usually see them, but what they would be doing. It is chaotic, and it is this cloud that is just surrounding them and kind of mimicking its movements as this light figure moves, just sort of cascading all around them, almost like armor or something like that.

And this figure walks into the room and then reaches its arm backward with, like, shocking force, with shocking speed, and slams the door of the morgue shut. And with that, I'm going to ask, I'm going to ask you who wants to go first. Ned. All right, Ned.

Ned grabs a scalpel off one of the nearby examining trays. Okay. Fair. And holds it to the throat of the corpse of Gregor Mortis and says to the creature, stand down or I'll kill your twin brother. Nice. Okay. That's one way to.

Nice. Nice. I'm saying, hey, I'm saying nice in the world of the Adventure Zone as Duck Newton. I'm saying nice. It's hard to get the accent across, which is one word. But all he's saying is nice, nice. I get, okay, so this seems like a, this seems like a move. This seems like a manipulate.

Manipulate someone. Yeah, manipulate. I'm trying to remember monsters. Fuck off. Dad roll the 12. 12. Okay. 12 and I also add 1 so that's a hard 13.

13. Okay. The rules state that monsters and minions cannot normally be manipulated. But I think normally is the word I'm going to use as flexible, a launch pad for this great improv that you're doing here. Well, then allow me to point out that, according to those same rules, for manipulate. someone on a 12 plus, you absolutely convinced them. So, okay, here's how I'm going to sort of get the cross. That surprised you.

That really surprised you, didn't it? That I knew the rule. I thought, I think, I looked at the rules. I'm very proud of you. I think, I think the way that this thing responds to it, and maybe this will, like, give you information because, uh, here, one thing that you learn, it's not this thing's twin and this is not a gambit that is like means anything to this being at all. But when you mention it being its twin, you see the cloud take shape.

And it, like these particles wrap themselves around the light arm, the light arms of this being. It sort of folds two of them back into like a torso that is starting to form, like a fleshy torso. And then two other arms spring out. And now it just, you know, looks like a guy. And then the particles continue. and then it goes up and it forms a skull and a system of musculature and skin and hair and clothes. And now the thing standing before you is Gregor again. And he holds up his hand and you see some of like his skin move like off of his forearm,

not like it's peeling off, but just like it's kind of like sliding down. like it's redistributing itself and this like stick out of made of just dude particles he is now holding and then with a flash they turn into metal and now he's the one holding the scalpel. You are still holding your scalpel but he has mimicked it and created a mimic scalpel that he is armed. So that's a lot of that's a lot of intel. That's how what you get for that role. He manipulated him successfully into think you absolutely convinced him that you think it was his twin brother. Yes.

He was completely convinced of your beliefs. He believes that you believe. He believed that 100%. Yeah. Take that. He is impressed by your level of commitment to the bit. Sure. And I think with that, this new Gregor has begun to walk towards you, Ned, because you

are the one who was sort of initiated the confrontation with him. Gregor, thank God you're here. I have terrible news. Your twin brother has been killed. Just a tie. Hey, you may want to set the scalp down, pal. This is some tough news you're dealing with. Aubrey is going to try something new here.

Okay. And it's an aspect of used magic that is to bar a place or portal to a specific person or type of creature. Okay. So as it's walking towards Ned, Aubrey says, I would like it to stop, please. And calls to magic to kind of stop it from getting to Ned. Hmm, okay. And rolls a nine plus three, 12. Okay, with that, that counts as a success.

It pops off without issues. You choose your effect. I'm going to, we're going to have to decide what the effect is together because you can't just be like, he's imprisoned in an impervious crystal. Like you, you know, I don't think that that is something that Aubrey has proven that she can do, but also like it's sort of God mode, which I don't. I would say the effect I will use, because I've used it before, is like force or wind. Okay.

So more of like I would say that as it moves forward, kind of the equal and opposite reaction kind of thing kicks in. And the wind is pushing it away from Ned. Okay. I think also it pushes Ned backwards as well, not in any sort of harmful way, but just sort of towards the back corner of the room. Sort of putting these things in, you know, two opposite sides of the ring. Yes. I'm sorry, I'm getting some sort of pop-up constantly asking me to look for an MP3 file and I don't know what it is.

Okay. Griffin, would you like to look for, space jam soundtrack? Yeah, I don't know. Duck, what do you do it? It sounded like you were kind of just going to do what Ned did. Unless that was one of your classic jokes. No, when you help someone out, is that something you do on your turn or how does that work? Is it something you do in the moment and then forego your turn in doing so?

Usually help out is a reactionary thing, but it can also be a setup for sure. Like it's, it's, yeah. What do you, if you tell me what you're thinking about doing. I don't actually have anything to help. My plan was to try to help if anyone had a good thing that needed some help. But like, that situation is not transpired as of yet. Sure. But I don't have a lot that I can do in this situation.

I'd probably be like hiding or yeah that's totally an option kind of stay in to the periphery yeah I mean another thing you can do you are face to face with the monster and obviously that's a dangerous place to be but it's also an informative place to be and that's the name of the game like you guys have to know shit about this monster to be able to eventually kill it so like you could you could do something like that or if you just want to hide that's that's absolutely up to you I'll I'll uh is there uh uh uh is there uh uh uh uh uh I'm I'm gonna hide under the,

while the attention is drawn to my compatriots, I wanna hide under the table and, like, the operating table. Okay, and tie its shoelaces together. Boing. Love it. It's. The prank man strikes again. No, I'm gonna do that and like, just kind of observe,

like what, I have, you know, some zoological training, I have stuff like that, like, I just, like, what can I, pick up about it, I guess is what I, is it what I want to find out. Is that read a bad situation? So, yeah. Is that or, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's a bad situation, right? I mean, technically. I mean, here's what I'll, here's what I'll give you. You're trying to do two things, right? The hide is a move and the figure shit out about it is a move. So I feel like this is, if anything, it's an act under pressure. And then if you pull it off, not only will you have hidden, I'll give you one one question to sort of go, which sort of meld the two together.

And that also gives me more to do if you fail because act under pressure, mixed success has some great shit in it. And that would be... Cool? One. So seven. All right.

That gets you up to a mixed success. You are going to get under this table, right? I have to give you a worse outcome, hard choice, or price to pay. The hard choice is there's two tables, right? There's two tables. There were two operating tables there. You can either jump into the one that is closer to the corner that he was just knocked into

and have a less sort of stealthy place, like a not great, perfect hiding place, or you can jump into the one that is further from where he is, but you won't be able to sort of get as much hard info on him. So that's your hard choice. You get the two tables. It's about as good a world binary as we can get. I'm going to get close. Okay.

I'm okay with that. All right. Ask your question then. What does it sound like when doves cry? read a bad situation, is it what we're going with? I think it could be either, right? You tell me, are you trying to figure out how to get out of this morgue without dying, or are you trying to figure out, like, what this thing is weekend?

I'm not going to leave. How about this? What kind of creature is it, I guess, is what I would go with? Okay, I think that you are close enough to see, like, the exact, like, the incredible detail of this figure, right? Like, you can see, you can see the shoelaces on, on this thing. You can tie them together. there. You can tie them together if you really want to. You can tell, you can like see the weight of a wallet in its back pocket, right? This thing just formed itself out of this cloud, which is gone now. The

cloud has become the suit that this thing is inside. And when you have that thought, like, I think it clicks for you that like this light creature that I think you all have seen at various points whenever you defeat the abominations, is, you know, has turned this cloud of particles into a suit that they can, you know, you know, they can turn it into Gregor. What else can they turn it into? Like a Gregor suit? Are we, am I, is it, so you said wallet, is it basically mimicking, does Greger look like

somebody who just came into work? Like, are they looking like Gregor would have loved while working at the morgue, basically? Yes. Okay. So working off a something it has seen. Right. Okay. Aubrey, I think, or Ned, actually, I think Ned is, Ned is up.

You're sort of on the opposite corner of this thing. Duck has just jumped and hidden under a table. Is it taking your turn? That's not really how this works. I respond to what you guys do. I mean, if you guys go a long time without sort of, you know, getting out of the room or fighting this thing or whatever, like, yeah, he's going to start taking swings. But really my role as keeper is to respond to the decisions that you all make and give you hard choices.

For instance, Duck is now like, Duck's not very well hidden from this thing and he's very close to it. And this thing is standing in front of the only door out of here, which is shut behind it. But it hasn't done anything aggressive yet, right? It was approaching you with a scalpel, which it's still holding. Well, I'm holding a scalpel too. We can have ourselves a good old-fashioned scalpel fight. Okay, I'll tell you what. No, not again.

Here's what Ned does. He extends his arm and drops the scalpel. Okay. What are you trying to do with that? Well, I want to see how closely it's mimicking everything we do. I mean, it's responding to the body language, the threatening body language of Ned. I mean, it's, well, he dropped the same. Hey, listen, he dropped the scalpel, Griffin.

What happened next? Yeah. What happened next to the story? Ned drops the scalpel. He doesn't have to tell you what he's trying to do. You just have to tell us what you're going to do. Yeah, what happened. Yeah, so let's make it interesting.

This thing, I was trying to think if I should... Well, I was trying to think if we should make it into a roll. But, okay, fine. The being reaches out its arm and let's go of its scalpel, which falls to the floor. And as it does, you can see actually duck from your position. As it hits the floor, it just sort of effortlessly turns into these silvery spheres that sort of float around for a minute before getting just sucked up

and reconstituted into the fake Gregor form. And as he does that, I think he starts approaching just with his hands outstretch and now he is coming for you, Ned, and he's coming to hurt you. Hey, could you not hurt Ned? Maybe?

Like, maybe we could talk and it seems like maybe you want something? Okay, it's arms transform, as they reach out towards you. And it is a kind of, it's a disgusting transformation. Got it. Because all of this just sort of organic matter making this thing up just shifts around in ways that human body shouldn't be able to shift.

Their upper arm grows twice in length and their hands bloom outward and reform into these long, beastial clawed hands. And he nearly doubles in height. And now standing before you is this hideous, tall, hairy creature that is just like covered in, covered in sores and just has this ghoulish, dripping animal smile. And its feet are enormous. And I think like your brain tries to quickly like say, okay, what is this thing? Ned, what is this thing? It is what you maybe would have considered before you met the real deal.

It's a, it's a big foot. It's a Sasquatch, a woodland ape? And, uh, yes. And, uh, it, it grabs you, Ned and chucks you. It throws you, uh, against, uh, just backwards into one of the, uh, operating tables. And you and the, uh, not the one that duck is hiding under, but you and, uh, the body go sort of tumbling over and you take one harm. Okay. Uh, Aubrey throws snitch at it.

Okay. Is that act under or kicks a? ass. That's definitely kicks a ass. Okay. It's going to end up

being a seven. Oh, you have a minus one tough? Yes, I do. Okay, I mean, that's still a mixed

success. So where are you, where are you trying to, like, hit it? What are you trying to... Well, I figure it just,

I'm going for, like, back between the shoulder blades, you know? Okay, yeah, it had its back turn to you as it picked up your

friend and chucked them. Okay, what was the damage on that? That's a good question, Griffin. So in gear options for spell slinger, there is a one harm knife.

Yeah. And I figure I don't have any pluses to the damage. It's the magic flying part that is the bonus, right? Oh, it's a magic weapon. Yeah, snitch. Okay, okay, here's what happens. I think one arm is, this is great. You throw your magic knife, and this bigfoot creature screams.

And not in like a, not in like a beastial way. It's not like you just stabbed into a bear. The scream is much smaller than that. It's much actually a higher pitch than that. And honestly, it sounds almost vocodery. Like it sounds not Hatsune Miku, but, you know, sort of along those lines, it is not the sound that you expected to come out of this thing.

And you don't get like blood out of this, out of this creature. You just see the particles where the knife was, just sort of burst outwards. and it gives the big foot now time to reach back and pull the knife out of its back and drop it to the ground. And I snitch back because it's a magic flying knife. It zips back to your hand.

Thank you, Snitch. You are great. It, in exchange, Aubrey, turns around with one of its massive clawed arms and just grabs you by the face and just slams you backwards into the wall of racks. And you take too harm as you are. vest so I only take one harm. Yeah, the vest is

thick enough. Yeah, that's the back wall of racks is coated in roast beef grease and curly fry sauce. Gross. Is that this prior that's probably a regional thing, huh? Okay. Google R-A-X roast beef sandwich restaurant.

Only one exists. Really good chocolate shake with bits in it. Hey, chocolate shake. And I had like the chocolate actual like chunks. in it so it would stop up the straw. Yeah, it's really gross. Duck. Now, just to clarify, because one of the tags on snitch is volatile,

Aubrey is very complimentary and thankful to snitch so that it doesn't get upset. That's what I've determined volatile means in regards to the magic flying knife. Oh, no, I think what it means is that it's flying backwards. It does a weird curveball arc back in your direction, and when you catch it, like, you're I want it to be every time Aubrey catches this thing, she's scared shitless because it's a knife flying at her in a fun new pattern. It's a new way of returning to it every time. Duck, what's up? You're going to just keep chilling? Here's what I'm doing to do. I'm going to, it's right by me, eh? It's right by you, yeah, and its attention is definitely at your back.

It just slammed Aubrey up against the wall and threw Duck into a, or through Ned into a wall. I'm gonna pull out beacon. Okay. And I'm gonna extend beacon and whip it around its legs. I'm perfectly angled to do that. Now, Justin, I have a question. Based on something we learned last episode, every time Duck draws beacon,

is he at risk of his pants falling down? No, Duck also always has suspenders. Oh, okay. Think about this, Travis. Think about what you're saying. That's canon. Forrest suspenders. He's worn him since he was a teenager.

I almost think this would be an act under pressure, right? I don't think this. There's something like this and kicks him ass, but you're clearly not trying to attack this thing. And from your position, like, I don't know that it would attack you either. So I think this is just an act under pressure role to try and bind this thing's feet so that you all can have some time to do whatever. So roll act under pressure.

Let's do it. Fuck. Plus cool. Plus cool, which is one. That's a six, which is a failure. Which is not good. Okay. I'm gonna burn a luck.

Are you? I am. I'm gonna burn a point of luck because I really need this to work because I want to get the fuck out of here. Okay. Then yes, it ought to go ahead and mark that luck point off. And you succeed in binding this thing's feet. and instantly, at this point, I think Duck and Aubrey, it's made of light.

Oh, fuck. Instantly, Duck and Aubrey, you all are back on your feet. You all have recovered because you don't want to be lying on the ground while this thing's on the loose and you see Duck pull this gambit. It's not, I mean, it's not made of light in the sense that you're thinking about Duck, but you can tell that like it tries to take a step forward and stumbles and falls into the remaining upright operating table. I think I guess just the one that you are under. Sorry, I guess that was a little bit trippy. All right. And you see its sort of flesh start to shift around the blade,

trying to figure out a way to get out of this thing. And yeah, I think, I think, Ned, you're out. I'm very clearly, I mean, I've yelled to them, like, let's get the hell out of here. Like, I, I, I think, I think we go. I don't think we know enough to fight this thing. I feel like we picked up some info. Like, I'm, I'm good to go.

Okay. Ned runs for the door. It is locked by the same, uh, keypad, uh, swipe pad lock that, uh, you saw outside that, uh, I guess you, you have now realized fake Gregor used to let you into. the big foot that is sort of still trying to get out of this this blade binding you actually can see that just coming out of its flesh toward the back of its body is is that key the key card that he used to let you inside almost like this thing had it in its possession and then when it reformed it just kind of got caught up caught up in the bod so you see the key card out of here and it is coming from inside the sort of the back of the creature. Grab it. Okay.

Ned, being an accomplished thief, reaches towards this scary, horrible monster's big, hairy ass, and grabs the key card and swipes it. Out of its ass. I know. I know. I know. It's in its ass, Ned.

Get it. Um, okay. Reaching that ass, Ned. Just so it. just to we're clear, this thing is bent over an operating table. So we could not sort of put together a better sort of proctological exam table. Reach into its ass, head, hurry. Get in there, bud.

All right. Get in that ass. Cough monster, cough. And get that ass now. Grab that key card, ass key card and holds it gingerly with a thumb and a finger with a horrible expression on his face. Okay. Roll to act under pressure. The greatest roll to get in that ass.

Roll it get in the ass. Roll it get a slice of that monster butt. Come on. Come on. Seven plus one, which is cool, and that's eight. It's very cool. Very cool. That's a mixed ass success.

Climbing into a monster's ass to get the card to get back into the place we're escaping from. I think it's super cool. This is going to be an R episode, isn't it? This is one's rated R. I'm going to give you a hard choice, Ned. You just make a hard choice? Pretty hard choice. I don't think, no, I think that that was undeniable.

You can get the card out, Ned, and get it to your accomplices. But the monster is going to, the monster is going to get a chance to do something to you before, after, after I guess that happens. That's the hard choice. There will be payback for this. Okay. Ned, after he grabs the key card, looks at Aubrey and just is full of guilt over what he knows he did in the past. So Ned will take that. He'll take that choice to let the Aubrey and Duck get away and take whatever happens to him, happens to him.

And also, just to paint the other side of it, like Ned looks with whatever that facial expression is full of guilt. And Aubrey's just like, okay? Nan, are you? Oh, thanks for the key card. Yeah, you throw the key card across the room to Aubrey. And just as you do so, this thing just sort of melds around Beacon. It's feet where its feet were. They just turn instantly into this cloud of particles and you see the light form sort of effortlessly step out of the binding.

And then the particles move back forward and their feet. reform. And it happens so quickly that this thing just reflexively kicks backwards, which sort of moves the operating table that Duck is under. It sends it sliding towards the exit to the room. And it also propels it forward into you, Ned, as it turns on its heels and just charges right into you. Aubrey and Duck, what you see as this thing pushes into Ned, it almost looks like they were fighting in front of a like a backdrop for a play, like a paper backdrop that had been painted in the shape of this, this morgue, because they just puncture through your vision. They just puncture through whatever you can see and a tear forms in just reality in front of you.

And through it, behind it, whatever's beyond it. It seems like a very dark sort of space, but you only get like a flash of a second to look at it. Because as soon as that happens, this thing pushes Ned through the Rift and follows behind and then the Rift disappears. Well, shit. Hey, everybody. This is Griff from McRoy, your Dungeon Master, your best friend and your ice challenge doer. Splash. Ah, now you do it. Thanks for listening to The Adventure Zone Amnesty. It's episode 23.

and we sure do appreciate you tuning into our spooky Appalachian program. And hey, here's some sponsors. Thank you to everybody who has been tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. Sure to appreciate you spreading the word as we keep trucking right along in Amnesty. Oh, thank you to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. Go to MaximumFund.org. Check out all the great shows there. Shows like Switchblade Sisters and Beef and Dairy Network and Jordan Jesse Go.

so many others at maximum fund.org. Again, our website is macroyd. Family. We've always got new merch and news and stuff going up on there. So, again, we will have a new episode up for you in two weeks. That is going to be on. March 7th. So we'll talk to you then. Bye.

Aubrey and Duck, you have just watched your third get pushed through a rift in space time by a shape-shifting monster. You are in the morgue by yourselves now, but you'll have the key you needed to get out of it. My sword's on the ground? Yes. All right, pick that up. Good?

That's great. But that was a trick I was going to do on you if you had left it there. I was looking forward to making you not have a sword anymore. Nice try, game master. Or should I say, fart lord. I got him. I, uh, huh, huh. Huh.

Well, well, um, that didn't go. I mean, that didn't go exactly as I expected, eh? Yeah, yeah. Aubrey's like, you know, feeling the wall like they do in movies. You know, somebody gets pulled through a wall, like, uh... Yeah, it wasn't even in the wall. It was just like the center of the room. It wasn't like he smashed through the wall Kool-Aid man style.

He smashed through, like, light Kool-Aid man style. You know how Kool-Aid man does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if Kool-Aid man. man, we're being of pure light. Like, you know, like crystal light.

You know. That's good, Dad. That's good joke. That's good joke. That's good. That's good. That's good. Good jokery. He did some good joke. Um, so what do you, uh, what do you think we should do now? I mean, we got to get Ned back eventually. Uh-huh.

Eventually. There's no question. Hey, you're not here. Oh, right. Sorry. There's no question about that. There aren't many questions about the fact that we have to eventually secure Ned. What the fuck was that thing?

Well, mimic? Mimic. Maybe. Yeah. It seemed like it could copy people. Hey, right now, quick. Listen, I've seen a lot of TV and movies. Tell me something that only...

like you know, but like that you would tell me and that I would know, or like a secret code word maybe, something like, so we can't get mimicked, you know what I mean? People never think about that shit. People never think about getting mimicked? No, but just like in a movie where there's mimics, you know, people never think about like we need a secret mimic catchphrase or code word or something to defend against the possibility of mimic. Well, um, what's going to be like our secret mimic? You told me last week you were telling me about that time that you shit your pants when you were in high school that you never told anyone about? Fuckin, I listen, Audrey, I told everybody that story. Honestly, I have shit my pants pretty regularly. And honestly, if you look at me and describe how I carry myself as a person, that would be a good educated guess. I think anybody could crack that.

You tell me about the time when you shit yourself at the DMV? That's true. That is a little... You all hear a beep from the door. You hear a beep. You all hear, as you're having this conversation, you hear a beep from the door lock on the other side of the wall and hear a shifting of the lock in the door. Aubrey jumps to one side of the door with her back against the wall. Yeah, it swings open and in inters Sheriff Owens with his service revolver drawn and out. I've never shipped my pants anywhere, Sheriff. He turns his gun towards you and like freaks out and notices you to Aubrey.

He says, both of you don't move. Don't go anywhere. What the fuck are you doing in here? What the fuck are you doing in here? You also see like through the door back out into the head office. You see Deputy Dewey. He's watching the front door of like the entire, the entire building. Just sort of getting that down on lock.

And Sheriff Owens is interviewing the two of you at gunpoint. Hey, Sheriff, put that away. I'm an officer as well. We're brothers behind the badge. Badge bros. That doesn't, that doesn't, look, what did you fucking do in here? The morgue is, by the way, a mess. I mentioned that you are the chief operator of the sheriff's department that this morgue is responsible for and you walk in and there's bodies sort of on the floor and just a big messy fight obviously happened in here.

Listen, sheriff, it's time I came clean with you and told you the truth. I'm a federal agent. Oh, man. I'm here investigating, well, I can't tell you, my partner agent, Stern. and I have been working together up at Amnesty Lodge. That's where we've been hold up doing some research. There's been some strange disappearances around town over the last couple of years. People have come through from out of state.

And because they cross state lines, it makes it a federal case. So we've been working together to try to clear that up. And we heard there were some mysterious deaths down at the Hornets Nest. So I came down here with the help of local forest ranger, Doc Newton. Oh, thank God. to help me investigate into this situation. Yep. Did you say, oh, thank Christ, because you were worried you were going to have to come up with your own coverage story?

I'm local for a stranger, Duck Newton, and I'm, that's it. He knows nothing. He's just been helping me. This is the first, he's hearing about this as well. The literal first I'm hearing of this, I've never heard any of this before at all. This is the first I've heard of it, Sheriff. Damn. Yeah, manipulate someone, I think, here, Rob.

Oh. It's an eight. Okay. Yeah, I mean, it's just going to be an eight. Yeah, there's not going to be any salvaging that. They're going to do it, but they need you to do something to show them right now that you mean it. Let me call my partner. Let me get to that phone there on the desk, and I'll let you talk to Agent Staring.

He says, all right, hold, just hold on. And he pulls out his flashlight that he's now kind of holding under his revolver and he shines it around the room. And he sees the body of Gregor on the floor that is like obviously not a body that was in here before. He has just realized that Gregor has been killed. Yes. And he says, you all are going to wait behind the desk in that office there. Dewey? And Dewey turns around.

and he says, Dewey, you keep an eye on them. Either of them makes a sideways move. Well, don't shoot at them unless you think they're going to get you, in which case you're going to need to do it. But then just yell my name if the sideways move happens. And he says, you got it! And he sort of turns his, he's still like standing in the doorway to this building, but he's got his back to the street.

And he is now looking at the two of you all behind the desk as Sheriff Owens moves into the back of the morgue to get some, to get some context for what happened back there. So Griffin, are we going to have to kill Dewey? You're going to have to kill Dewey. No, I think he just wants you all to, I think the calling agent Stern thing is what he is sort of moving you toward. You're going to have to actually do something if you want to get out of consequences for this. But in the meantime, he has, you know, not, he's not pointing his gun at you anymore.

So that's kind of a success. Dewey? Yeah. Listen, that thing that was here, it could come back in any second. And we don't know what caused all this mess, but it wasn't us. And whatever it was, it's the same thing that wrecked shop over at the Hornets place. And we have got to get out of here now, all of us, because we don't know when it could come back or what's going to happen next. Whoever those were that caused all this.

What Doug is saying is absolutely correct. We came down here, known us at the desk. We heard a noise in the morgue. We went to look and the door slammed behind us. Now, you too listen to me. I know you all think, just dumb old Deputy Dewey, you can tell you can get him to do anything. You know, Dewey'll eat it.

You can tell me to do anything, and now I'm just a fool. But I went to school just like anybody else to deputy school to get in this position. And I'm way sharper. Y'all give me credit for. I'll always there when these shit happens. What's your sharp?

This is three. Damn. All right. Shit. It's more than enough to know that y'all are full of shit right now. So y'all are going to stand there right now. If you keep backing up, I'm going to read you your rights because I got them memorized too. As he's talking, you see a Rift open up 20 feet behind him in the parking lot.

And you see just sort of the shadows of the big foot form of this monster, start walking just like emotionless. just sort of Terminator walking towards Dewey from behind. He does not see it. Dewey, give me your gun. Now. What the fuck are you talking about? We got one chance, bud. Give me your gun.

Is this your, is this one of your, this is normal moves? When you tell a normal person is a truth in order to protect them from danger, roll plus charm. Dang. All right. And I already told him the truth. We needed to leave because the thing could come back.

Yeah, sure. Oh my God. Hachimachi, that's a three. Sorry, three plus two. That's a big, that's a five. Twelve. And I can't help him enough, right? I can only help him more.

Nobody could help me enough. Yep. He has his gun out towards the two of you, and he says, now listen here. Step number one in the deputy playbook is to not give your, and then he is grabbed by this figure. and pulled backwards. And you hear him kind of like,

you hear this pained squeak come out of Dewey as this thing grabs him around the neck and carries him out of your line of sight. And I think definitely the sheriff heard that. Sheriff Owen's heard that. And he starts to...

And he starts to run outside and you hear him scream and he is also out of sight too. You two are now alone in this morgue. Aubrey Foll. us. Aubrey rushes in. Duck. I'll give chase

with Aubrey. You all see something that I think it's got to be like terrifying not in the usual way, not in like mortal fear way, but in a the cork has just come out of the bottle

and that's going to be tough because you see Sheriff Owens trembling but holding his service revolver with like trying to maintain some semblance of bravery as he points his gun at this big foot who grabs Dewey around the torso and just spins him and flings him through the large glass windows leading into the sheriff's department and everybody inside there there's a couple other there's a couple other officers there's a

receptionist uh everybody in there sees sees dewey get flung into the room badly bloodied at this point and they also see the big foot standing in their parking lot. And immediately, Sheriff Owen just opens fire and wings the big foot a couple times. And then it just gets down on all four. And, you know, like a jungle cat just rushes, rushes away, rushes, gets on the main street and starts running east out of town. and immediately, just like without even, I think he's now stuck his courage to the sticking point, and Sheriff Owens runs and jumps in a squad car

and kicks the siren on and takes off in hot pursuit. So he's got that covered. I, uh, Aubrey goes to check on Dewey. I'm going to grab onto the back of Sheriff's car. Oh, fuck. On my skateboard. I'm sketching. Oh, yes.

I'm skitts. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to give you advantage on this roll. Roll. I'm just sketch. Which you've never done before. Human sketching. No, I know. But it's for sure an act under pressure. But because you're using an object that is like perfectly made for this and because God has smiled down on our session and allowed this moment to happen. Roll, roll 3D6 and we'll take the higher two. Yep. Yeah. Four and a six is 10. That'll get you there. Yeah. Yeah. Plus one. 11. You do this, you do this thing perfectly. How long has it been since you skitched? Three weeks.

That's a complicated man. There's lots of times when we're not hunting monsters, and sometimes they'll just get a good fucking sketch going. Now, I know what it is, but for other people who may not know what skitching is. It's skateboard hitching, dude. Haven't you seen back to the future? Yeah, skitching.

I actually think that maybe he has practiced. This is going to sound stupid, but I feel like he might practice this move with Leo. Like maybe part of his training, like trying to get his balance back and stuff like that is... I love it. I love it. I love it. It's so fucking good.

Okay. And Aubrey, you're just running into Help Dewey. Is that what you were doing? Yeah. So she's used healing before on Keith. So I think first she's just checking to make sure you know that he's alive. Okay. So we'll do that scene in a second.

I want to jump cut to Ned real quick. Ned, you are having trouble telling if you are conscious or not. You can't really tell if you are dreaming or not. You're trending towards the ladder because you can't, like for one thing, you can't feel your body right now. And also, you are standing in a clearly like virtual space. You are in just this huge empty void with this like, this grid of like circuitry. covering the floor, and every few seconds, uh, there is this circle of light that just kind of pings off of where you're standing and it spreads. And at certain points where like it intersects the grid, your circles of light that are coming out, you see your memories. You see really,

you see familiar things. You see this like, you see a vision of your third grade teacher, dismissing the class to recess. Um, you see, Mrs. DeAngelo? Oh, this is DeAngelo's class. You see the layout of like your parents bedroom and the house you grew up in it's various things of like you know almost all of them are inconsequential um and then you start seeing like these little random bits of data that are like actually way way more sensitive and i think one of those like the one that sort of takes your your take takes your breath away a little bit is the the night of the robbery um and as you see it and are kind of confronted with it it does what all the other memories have been doing, it kind of flashes and then turns into these just streaks of light

that shoot upward and out to somewhere that you cannot see. And so you're standing where they're watching, unable to move as these memories get more and more personal. You see the basement of Amnesty Lodge. You see its inhabitants, both in their like disguised and true forms. And you feel your pulse quickening, which is like the only thing you can feel right now. And then something appears that looks like different from how these memories are represented, you see a panel like this blue square, this illuminated panel that pops up immediately in front of you. And there's a flashing white vertical bar on it. And you realize that it's a text cursor. And then slowly it types out a word. It types out pizza, then duck, and then run. And as that, as that

happens, you feel this electric shock at your neck. And as soon as it happens, that virtual space is just gone. It was being projected onto just this like, this dome of light that as you regain your senses, you realize was coming out of this, this thing that you had wrapped around your neck that has been short-circuited or something that has sort of released you from that, that, whatever that virtual state is. And now you are just sort of standing in a room that is completely pitch black and you, uh, you don't really know where you are. What do you do? Summon up a light cycle. Well, you're not in the V space anymore.

Oh, okay. I thought we were in Fultron mode there. Okay. Would Ned have a cell phone? I mean, you'd have to give me some reason for a person to own a cell phone without being able to use cell service. Maybe it's just an iPod touch. I'll give you an iPod. I think an iPod makes sense.

Or a Zoom? A Zoom. It's a Zoom. Does the Zune have a flashlight on it? No, but it has an illuminated screen. No, but it's got an illuminated screen. Yeah, sure. Okay.

What is the background? What's your Zoom background looking like? It's, um, it's a, an aquarium thing. It's like, uh, you know, little seahorses. And, is it stock? Is it stock? Did it come with? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Love it. Love it. Okay. Yeah, you can tell you're just like in some sort of, uh, like small supply closet. Uh, there's some, some cleaning supplies. It's, there's cobwebs, like, all over. And you can also tell, like, like,

looking at the ceiling that you're under a set of stairs. It's like a Harry Potter bedroom closet, and that is where you are. And there is a door out of here that is closed. I would say Ned would probably open the door. Okay, yeah, it opens just fine. It was not locked. And doesn't step through, opens the door. You're slicing the pie.

And just kind of peers around the corner. That's a pie slice, folks. Slice and pie. Let's start out by reading a bad situation Okay Because that's what you're doing right You're looking out the door Trying to get some info

Okay that's a four Plus You can't see shit Rolls today Plus two Which is a six Which is still a failure Yousa Yousy Yousy Yos

Okay Mark an excuse me Your own death You see Yeah You Okay failed all I get to make a hard move

Here's what you get For free right You can see I mark a experience point first, right? Do Mark experience. Well done. I'll tell you what you see, right?

You're not going to get anything more sort of insightful than that, but I'll tell you what you see. So you are in, the door of this closet opens up into what appears to be the decrepit sort of lobby of some sort of hotel or something. It is very, very dark all over here. The windows and the door, the exit from this building have all been like completely boarded up. and so any light that you are getting is just sort of coming through the gaps in the panels. But you can see a few details immediately in front of you is a reception desk, and you can see a back door leading to some sort of office there. And then in the lobby, you know, there's a handful of like toppled over cobweb covered pieces of furniture. There is like a long dormant fireplace

there. There are stairs immediately above you. The stairs that were, the stairs that or on top of the closet that you were just in leading to a second floor. And then to your left, there is a hallway at the end of which you can see is a conference room. And that is what you see. And the hard move is there is a flash of light in the conference room, and then you hear a humming. And you remember it's the same humming that you actually heard back in the morgue when the creature entered the room. It's almost like a junction box, like on a summer day, how you can kind of just like hear the electrical wires. You can, you can hear this thing and you know that there is something in the

conference room. So what does Ned do? You have this, this hum that you know is the monster, and it is in the conference room down the hallway. And there's a few other areas you could go, you know, check out or hide in or try to find exit in what world's your oyster in this building that you can't quite tell what it is. I think Ned's natural stealth would give him the confidence to try to observe this conference room. I mean, Ned's not assured that anything on the second floor is going to be any safer. And usually exits are on the first floor. I think Ned would sneak towards the conference room and maybe peek around the corner

or try to find some way to sneak into the conference room and try to find some way to sneak into the conference room and try to observe and find out more about this creature and where the hell he is. Okay. Roll to investigate a mystery. Roll plus sharp. I'm telling you now, you are putting yourself in danger to do this.

I know. But if this is what Ned wants to do, this is what Ned wants to do. That's a 9 plus 2 sharp. It's an 11. Okay, so you get to ask two questions. All right. What happened here?

What happened here is the being has just stepped through the rift, or some being has stepped through the rift, and now it is back in sort of that light, forearmed form with the cloud of particles following behind it. It has stepped through one of several rifts that are in this room. And when I say rifts, I don't mean like big open tunnels, of, you know, big open portals. Like most of them are just sort of these crumpled up fissures in space time.

Through a couple of them, you can see certain scenes. I think you can definitely see one into the morgue, which is where you just came out of. And, yeah, you see a few things. Also, it's worth pointing out, like, you have no idea how much time has passed since you are in that virtual space. I don't want people thinking this this action is necessarily happening at the same time. You see several rifts leading to different places.

And that is your first question. What's your second? What can hurt it? Okay. You see this thing. It doesn't see you. And it is walking and it floats, I think, up on top of the table just like effortlessly. It's not like stunting.

It's just like, you know, the verse. vertical axis has like no bearing on this thing. And it is moving around and just kind of like peeking through these riffs and trying to like get some get some intel on what's going on. And then it reaches backwards and touches its back. And you see it jump with a start almost like it has touched something very, very tender. And you remember that is where Aubrey stabbed it with her magical knife. And with that, after it yelps, it kind of like,

shakes its head and as it does it sees a small small aquarium scene with very small digital seahorses swimming around in it and also sees your big bearded face and it perches itself on the edge of the table

and then dives claws first in your direction Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned listener supported. Unless you binge watch TV at least 80 hours a week inside pop is definitely not for you. Sean, that's a little extreme and also not quite true. Okay, Amita, how about

Inside Pop is the podcast for people who love and appreciate the best pop culture has to offer? Oh, much better. In every episode, we interview the people who create the culture you crave. Past interviews include the showrunner of Aver Dover-Renay's Queen Sugar and Mudbound Director, D. Rees. You'll also get the very best pop culture recommendations in our big sell segment. Plus, the opinions of two TV producers who are pop culture obsessives and actually do binge 80 hours of TV a week. Eyeballs so tired. Listen to Inside Pop every other Wednesday on the Maximum Fun Podcast Network. There's nothing quite like sailing in the calm international waters on my ship, the SS Biopic.

Avest. It's actually pronounced biopic. No, you dingus. It's biopic. Who the hell says that? It's biopic. It's the words through biography and pictures. All right, that is enough. Hi, I'm Dave Holmes. I'm the host of the newly rebooted podcast, formerly known as International Waters, designed to resolve petty but persistent arguments like this.

How? By pitting two teams of opinionated comedians against each other with trivia and improv games, of course. Winner takes home the right to be right. What podcast be this? It's called Troubled Waters, where we disagree to disagree.