The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - Episode 24

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

The Pine Guard are scattered to the wind as their shape-shifting target wreaks havoc around Kepler. Duck tells the truth. Aubrey wields her mightiest magic yet. Ned just tries to stay alive. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone. And now standing before you is this hideous, tall, hairy creature. It is what you maybe would have considered before you met the real deal. It's Bigfoot. This thing pushes Ned through the Rift and follows behind, and then the Rift disappears. Everybody in there sees Stewie get flung into the room, badly bloodied at this point, and Sheriff Owens runs and jumps in a squad car and takes off. in Hot Pursuit.

I'm going to grab onto the back of Sheriff's car. Also, you are standing in a virtual space. You feel this electric shock at your neck. You are in what appears to be the decrepit lobby of some sort of hotel. The being has just stepped through the riff. It perches itself on the edge of the table and then dives claws first in your direction. I got that fucking chunky roll out of the way. Yeah, get those threes out.

Travis, you want to get a... Dad's got his four out. Juice got his three out. Do you want to get a nasty one out? Get a clunker out, Traff. Get a clunker out. It feels good. Squeeze out of clunker on Roll 20.

Just cleanse the port. Oh, that's an eight. That's pretty good. Dang it. Hey, welcome to the Max Fun Drive episode. And then a nine? Oh, Travis is blowing his load. And we're here to tell you about the Max Fun Drive.

We're so... Speaking of a... Blowing loads. Yeah, we're talking about the Max Fun Drive. drive this week. We're so excited to be here with you joining in this wonderful communion we call podcasts.

We may sound like we're about to finish but we are just getting started talking about this great drive. Folks, maximum fun, if you don't know, is our podcast network. It'd be weird if you didn't know that because we talk about a lot. Maximum fun is our podcast network and once a year we come to you hat in hand and say,

hey, if you could spare a few bucks a month to help keep the network going, help keep our show's shows plural going. We would sure appreciate it. So what does that mean to you, the viewer, the listener? It means that you need to head over to maximum fund.org forward slash donate and choose what donation level you can get on board with, be at $5, 10, $25,

all the way up to $200 if you're a stone cold super fan, I guess. Everything else I could think I was pejorative. And I don't want to be a majority of because like if you want to do that, oh, yeah. If you're the CEO of Stone Cold Creamery, which is not what it's called. Oh, but only it was. If you're Stone Cold Steve Austin and you want to support us at 200 bucks a month, go nuts. If you do support us, you, well, first of all, first of all, you get the knowledge that you are helping us grow. Directly, by the way.

Directly. You'll put in the shows that you listen to when you register your donation. and those are the shows that get your cache. And it's because of that support that we've been able to turn this into our career. It's why we've been able to take these shows so seriously and devote so much time to them and grow in the ways that we've grown.

And not only that, you also get some pretty slick gifts as well. Let's talk about those maybe during the break in the middle. My favorite one, that everyone gets at every level, all kinds of bonus content, not just the new bonus content from this year, but all bonus content going back through the Max Fun Drives. And this year, the bonus episode for the Adventure Zone, you'll be able to hear us play Honey Heist, which is a one-page RPG in which I will DM and Griffin, Dad, and Justin play Bears trying to steal honey from Honeycon. Very excited to record that one. Very excited to get on that one. So we're going to talk more about the Max Fun Drive right now.

feel the spirit move view, it's maximum fun.org slash donate, and let's do the show. You're in a dungeon. You're in a big dungeon and there's a big goblin and he has a crown. You take the crown and win. Okay. So maximum fund, we need the money to keep this motherfucker afloat. Maximum fun pays Griffin by the word. Yes. I want to pick it up with Ned because that was sort of the thing we did not resolve at the, well, actually, there was a lot of cliff hangering happening at the end of the last episode. And some car hangaring. And some car hangering, yes. But let's start with Ned. Ned to remind you. And I'm talking to Dad now, not Ned. You are in some. Is Ned there? Can I, can we speak with Can we channel him?

Hello. God, what's worse than when James Lipton does that, though? Yeah. Do you ever see, ever see that one with the Simpsons where he's talking to a year at least with? And he's like, can we speak with Bart Simpson? God. That one with the Simpsons, they're all there. And I'm pretty sure he just goes one by one, like, now do Mo. And it just gets weird. I'm sorry. I said Yardley Smith, who is Lisa.

I'm at Nita Cartwright. I'm very sorry. Get out of here. Ned is in some sort of building. It's kind of dark, and you haven't really had time to get your surroundings. You get the impression that it is some sort of hotel or something along those lines, just based on the fact that you kind of woke up in this place. well, you woke up in some sort of weird VR zone and then got broken out of that and now are in this

sort of dilapidated hotel, you think. You stepped out into the main lobby and you heard this humming coming from down the hallway towards this conference room and you walked toward the humming and got some details on the abomination you all are hunting this time around. But then the Abomination saw you and is starting to come in your direction. Well, I think Ned's instincts would be to flee. Yes. To run away. Tracks, yes.

Are, is, is he anywhere near any of those? You said there were rifts all around the room. Is he near any of them? So you are, you definitely have this monster between you and these, and these rifts. There is, there's just, there is just no way that you would be, like, you're in hallway that he has moved into, there's no way that you get past him without getting mulled by this big, big, nasty sort of monstrous bigfoot creature. So you get the impression that like, if you want to get in that room, you're either going to have to overpower

this thing or, you know, lose it somehow in this building. Ned would, he's not going to initiate a confrontation. I mean, Ned hasn't become that break. I think he runs away. I think he runs up one of those staircases. Okay. Yeah, we can kind of zork this out if you want. I have sort of a layout of this place in my mind. The staircase is back in the lobby.

And the kind of exits from here are the main exit of the building, which is just completely boarded up. There is a back office behind the reception desk. And then there is the staircase leading upstairs. Are you just trying to run away from this thing so you can like break line of sight? and Yeah, I think that's just, it's just his flight instincts have kicked in

and he's just going to run as fast as his his little behind can carry him. Why don't you act under pressure? Wait, are you running on your butt? Yeah, he's doing it about. Are you using your butt to run? That's a good point. That would not be successful.

All right, let's see. Tell you. Yeah. And that would be a six. Plus cool. plus cool, which is one, that's a seven. Okay, on a seven, you get a mixed success. I give you a worse outcome, hard choice, or price to pay.

I think on this one it would be a price to pay. You are able to like slide to a halt and get up on the first landing of the stairs. But this thing is like bigger than you and faster than you, and it charges into you and tries to. and tries to grab onto you, and you do feel it get like a hand on you that you kind of peel off as you sprint up the stairs and it continues on and crashes into the wall, and you lose it as you run up the stairs.

But as you reach the second story, you reach down and you realize that you dropped the gun, the narflaster. You didn't do that to me. It's not gone forever, but it is down in the lobby somewhere. But you have gotten away from this thing and you are on the second floor. You are standing in just like,

like this one long single hallway, and there are five doors sort of branching off into other rooms. Through one, you see kind of a decrepit-looking bathroom. Through one, you see a, like a bedroom suite, and the floor in that room is just like almost entirely gone. It has just been smashed through. It's just a big hole for the most part. And through that hole, actually, you can kind of see that rear office that the door was leading into down in the lobby.

And the other two, like, bedrooms on the sides of this hallway, they're in sort of similar states of disrepair. And then at the end of this hallway, you can see, just from your perspective, you see this one really large bedroom suite. And there is some sort of light shining from beyond your field of view. And the monster, you cannot see you right now. It is at the base of the stairs. What do you do?

I don't know if Ned would leave without the gun. Uh, yeah, I mean. Okay, um, Ned, no, he had any of choice. I gotta play true to the character. He, he'd tear his ass down the hallway towards the big room with the light. Okay. Uh, you race forward into the largest bedroom up on this floor.

Are you shutting the door behind you? Is this like, are you? Yep. Okay. I'm shutting the door and diving under the bed. Okay, I like it. Uh, you, shut the door. And as you do so, you hear the Bigfoot monster reach the top of the stairs. You hear

like planks of wood sort of groaning under its weight. And you enter the room and you slide under the bed. You can kind of see really quickly that this room is actually very well illuminated. It's the brightest room that you've like been in in this dark building so far. And just like from looking around this master suite, you can tell like this is definitely a hotel. I think in the closet. Actually, you can see some like old like slippers and like bath robes. And I mean, just the layout of this building. Like you are now for sure like this is a hotel. So at the edge of this room, the big double bed that you slid under, you see a figure lying in this bed. It is a humanoid shape that has been sort of incapacitated in a similar manner as what you were in just minutes ago.

this like weird sort of virtual space. Only it seems like a bit more attention and care went into like their imprisonment. It's not just like their head that is encased in light. Like their entire body is just in this this cocoon of light. And on the abdomen of this like weird cocoon, you see some sort of like interface with moving lines and figures in some sort of language that you like have never seen before in your life. and as you sort of slide under the bed to hide, the monster is getting closer and closer, and it makes its way into the room that you're in

and starts looking around. I think the role plays here. I don't think you, unless you have something else you want to do, if you're just trying to wait this thing out. Yeah, I think hiding is a wonderful choice. This is the Ned choice to make. Is there a hide under pressure? Hide under bed.

The role that you did continues to play here. I'm not going to make you roll to hide again. There's dust bunnies. It's not nice. They're literal monster dust bunnies. Yes. You from your perspective, I mean, obviously you can see the big nasty, big feet of the big foot. You see this thing just sort of walking around the room.

And then it stops to sort of check up on this figure that is lying in the bed immediately above you. and then it walks over to the corner of this room and you see it urinate. You see it urinate and it's cool. It's so funny. Justin, you still got that soundboard hooked up because you got to be on the quick draw with stuff like that when Travis brings out the heat. I'll be ready next time.

Okay. You see it sort of fiddling with another piece of technology. Travis, here it comes. Yeah, thank you. it's basically with some sort of like another sort of piece of technology like that is unlike anything you've ever seen before. It looks like it looks like these like glass bubbles of all these different kind of shapes and sizes like over a hundred of them you'd estimate and they are all attached to what looks like

this like big bag or something. You are having a hard time telling what it is from from your perspective under the bed with the monster here in it, but he's doing something with it. Yeah, I think after a while he turns and he leaves the room and you can hear him walk down the hallway and look for you in some other spot. He's gone. What do you do? Okay, I'm going to investigate the figure in the bed. Okay, this would be... That's a mystery, isn't it? Investigate a mystery? I think tell me what the action is and then we'll figure out if it's actually a role. Because if you're just looking at this thing, then... Yeah, I'm just going to, I want to look at the

weird inscription or the weird words on its abdomen. Okay. The words on an actual item? It's like on this like, uh, imagine like your skin is just like covered in light. Like it is, it is in the shape of a humanoid person. Uh, and the, the readout is like in the light on the abdomen. It is a weird thing. I think investigate a mystery, right?

You do not know what this thing is. So anything you can get from this is going to be through inference. And I think that that's, that's worth rolling for. Okay, so investigating mystery, that's a nine plus sharp, which is two. That's an 11. Cool. So you can hold two questions. And I think this is appropriate because this is like wrapped into the mystery of what this thing is.

What happened here? What sort of creature is it? What can it do? What can hurt it? Where did it go? What is it going to do? What is being concealed here? Let's start with what is being concealed here.

Okay. Because there's obviously something inside this light shape. Okay. Sure. With what is being concealed here. I mean, the identity of this person or whoever it is is being concealed. You can see, like, on this, on this, like, a cocoon of light, there's something being projected on the other side of it, like, on the inside of it, that you can only kind of tell, it's almost

like the same scene you saw of, like, your memories flashing. You see what look like little, like, video files playing out or something like that on the other side of the screen so you can't like make out what it is but uh they are flashing somebody is in there and they are being sort of um they are having their sort of memories collected in the same way that that yours were just just moments ago that is that is what you can tell okay can i use my other question to investigate something else or does it have to be that okay then i'm going to walk over to the bag with all the balls on it okay the ball bag the ball bag and what and what are the questions What happened here? What sort of creature is it?

And what's the deal with the ball bag? What's the deal with the ball bag? This is the worst. What can hurt it? Where did it go? What is it going to do? What's being concealed here? What can it do? That's the question I'm asking. What can it do? So this machine, now that you're closer to it, you kind of get a better perspective on it. The bag almost looks like a, like a large textile sack, like a really, really big one, almost like more of a kind of like a body bag, but with the proportions of like a tent or something like that, it is, it is, it's a big bag. And fastened to it are these orbs.

I think with this role, since you're investigating it, you can count the orbs. and there's exactly 118 of them. And inside of them are just like different kind of free floating like particles. And these particles like floating around in these orbs, they have like different behaviors. Some sort of conglomerate around each other in these perfect orbits. Some meld together and split apart. Some bounce around like sort of quickly and erratically. And that is what the machine looks like.

as far as what can it do, there is another sort of readout similar to the one using like the similar arcane language that you saw on the person over on the bed. And you can't read that language. But there are sort of crude images also like accompanying that language. And right now the shape that is on it is in the shape of like a human body. That is what you can tell this thing. This thing does. You said the orbs were attached to it, right? Yeah, it's almost like they are feeding into the bag, as if they are some sort of energy source or something like that

that feeds into this big bag. Being a thief, Ned's really going to want to try to take one of those orbs. Okay. Yeah, I think you can, yeah, you can just do it. Tell me what the orb looks like that you pull off. What is this stuff, the like particle sort of stuff? bouncing around in it look like. And you can tell me literally anything right now.

It looks like a sea serpent. Okay. I mean, it's not sentient like that. It is just some sort of particles. But this orb, it just like pops out fairly easily from the bag. And as it does so, you actually see the readout kind of like turn red and start blinking. And it starts making actually kind of a quiet beeping noise. And you don't hear like the monster nearby immediately.

but you get the sense that this is not a great thing right now, and you could potentially be caught here if you hang around. But you have successfully retrieved one of these orbs. Then I think he's going to get the hell out of there. Okay. And run back. And I say run back to the Rift Room. I have this image of him running out and jumping on the banister of the stairs and sliding down the banister.

Okay. Because that would be quieter than running down the stairs. I get you. I'm going to make you roll again because this is sort of a different motion, I guess. We're kind of like playing Calvin ball a little bit. So is this act under pressure? This would be act under pressure you trying to scamper. Uh-oh.

That is not great. That is a critical failure. What is it? What's it called? That's just a failure. Just a loss. Just right. Get your point of experience.

Get your mark. Yeah. That's a dad rolled a four plus cool, which is not going to get in there. We got to start saying the number first. You step foot out of that big bedroom. into the hallway and, uh, walk down towards the stairs. And as you do, uh, just like the top stair goes,

er, grow, um, and just like instantly the big foot is there at the, uh, base of the stairs. You also see like a few feet behind him sitting in the middle of the lobby is, uh, is your gun. Uh, it is, it is past him. Again, you have more exits to other rooms behind you.

the monster is now standing between you and the bottom of the stairs. What do you do? Jump. Duck. What's going on? So you're doing some tricks. You're doing, we could play this, we could just do like an audio, audio book version of Tony Hawk Pro Skater. If you want to tell me, like, all the tricks that you do, and then we can assign point values to them.

I didn't envision there being, like, half pipes on the road in Kepler, but maybe we can, maybe we can. There's probably like, I probably get 50 points for avoiding Mountain Dew bottles that have been cast on the road. But there'd be just one paragraph that's just grind. Yes, Duck grinds. And it's so cool, he collects all the letters in skate. And he slaps a sticker up on...

He gets the video tapes. He slaps a sticker up on Bamargera's dad's butt. Considering Duck's age is, I think, just a couple years older than me, his main trick right now is like not dying sure don't die uh we need to clear something up because we actually didn't do it in the uh last like acquisition thing you have this helmet and it's your your skateboard helmet that gives you plus one armor i don't know if we've dealt any harm to duck but don't do not forget about that because something tells me you're gonna need it on this one

because you are you are skitching on the back of the man fucking uh scrivener changed the word skitching it auto corrected it to switching what a nark Scrivener is an arc. And I do want to make sure, like, I was thinking about it, like what would make sense for Duck to do. Because Duck's been very aware of his mortality ever since he lost his abilities. I think when he did this,

he literally forgot that he was not indestructible anymore. He literally, like, didn't remember. And I think that it was like about 90 seconds into this sketching where he remembered like, Oh, fuck. Like, God damn it. That's right. Shit.

Fuck. Okay. It is right around that moment while you are zooming around behind the sheriff's car. Are you trying to hide? Are you trying to like stay out of sight? Are you like... I mean, I'm holding onto the rear bumper, so I feel like my default would be, yeah, like, you're going to stop, right? I mean, if you see a human sketching you, you will stop for, for, but.

prolonged periods of time. He's in pursuit of He is, he is chasing me. I guess, but I don't want to have to roll to see if he notices me. I think he's just staying down. Okay, you are, you're staying down. And, uh, what's the plan here? Why, why did you decide to, uh, why did you decide to, uh, to do this? What was the, what was the logic? Before you forgot you were invincible. You're asking me why I sketched somebody? Now who's the fucking narc? Okay.

Yeah, I'm following, like the sheriff can move faster than I can. I'm following. on the Bigfoot. Okay. With the sheriff. Gotcha. So it's right around when you have this like realization of you're not, you're not invincible anymore that the sheriff whips his car around the like hairpin turn where the road splits off and starts heading up to top side.

And then the sheriff pops out of the car and starts ghost riding the whip? It starts ghost riding. Everybody's stunting. It's so hot right now. Before you, you like hit that turn, you can actually catch a glimpse of the Bigfoot who, like just made the turn before the sheriff's car and is still like charging on all fours up up the mountainside road. You also get the feeling that he caught a glimpse of you as well. And the chase continues. This is the sheriff tries to keep the patrol car steady, just like

gunning the engines. And then you pass under the like underpass beneath the finicular tram as the road continues on. And it's dark for like just a second. And then when you come out the other side, you feel the sheriff tap the brakes and slow down, like, hesitating for a moment, and you hear him like curse. And then you see the Bigfoot suddenly appear 10 feet behind you charging in your direction. What do you do? Yeah. Hold on a second. I'm trying to think.

Let me do a little, like, physics calculation. I'm going to scramble up on top of the car and smack it and tell him to drive. Uh, yeah. I want to say, hey, Hey, man, the fucking Bigfoot's behind you, dude, Dr. Jesus Christ. Hey, I've been sketched this whole time, brother. I'm really sorry, but you're going to fucking drive right now, dude.

Come on. I'm vulnerable as hell. Come on. Don't make me fight Bigfoot. I wasn't thinking through this shit. Go. Like I can fucking fight Bigfoot. Act under pressure for sure.

I think I was going to make you manipulate the sheriff, but I think the tensions are quite high right now. So act under pressure. You know what? I'm actually going to do, trust me. When you tell a normal person the truth in order to protect them from danger, roll a plus charm.

Oh, okay, I like that even better. Yep. That's eight plus two. That's a 10. I love it. Did your charm like increased when you became a normie, right? It didn't increase.

I just re- I just chose a... Charm is actually plus two for all all the different ratings you could pick for the mundane. I love that. It's always plus two charm.

That's so cool. Okay. Yeah. Then the sheriff, I think the sheriff taps on the brakes, like again, and you really have to work to keep your footing on the car,

and then he sees, like, the Bigfoot about to just, like, smash into you, and he guns it. And as he does so, the Bigfoot starts to lose ground on you, and then he just, stops and you see him back off through another one of those rifts. And then the sheriff yells,

what the fuck are you doing on my car duck, Newton? Yeah, I was trying. You're going to ask me why I skitched? Now who's the narque? He starts to yell something else that like the wind whipping past you is so like loud. You have a hard time making it out. And then he slams on the gas again.

And you can tell as you like sort of swing around, uh, that the Bigfoot has appeared back in front of your car. And, uh, the, uh, the sheriff is now chasing after it. Uh,

and you're like, you're zooming, you're, you're definitely up on top side now. You're zooming past like, uh, resort row, uh,

where all these like old dilapitated, uh, resorts that shut down a while ago when the town's like economy dried up are. Uh, you pass the, the ski lodge. Um, and then just,

just past the turnoff down towards Amnesty Lodge, the Bigfoot disappears past the tree line and the sheriff slams on the brakes. And you definitely are, you definitely get knocked off the car at that point. I think your helmet protects you. And you see the sheriff hastily park the car, jump out and draw his service revolver. And he says, Duck Newton, I don't know what you're doing here. I don't know what you... I don't know what you... I'm... I'm dragooning you, Duck Newton. We're not going to let this thing escape. This is the closest I've ever been to find out what's going on in Kepler, and you're going to help me.

You understand me? Oh, man. Can you just give me like a second? Jesus Christ. He grabs you by like the scruffier collar and starts picking you up. All right, all right. Calm down. Fuck.

I just fell off a car. Jesus. Let me get pull off his asthma in here real quick. He... All right. All right. Hold on. Nope, need another pull. Hold on.

Yeah, all right, so Bigfoot's real. Boy, I can't imagine how it must be to find out this way, but Bigfoot's real. He shakes his head and dips back into the car, and when he comes out, he is holding like this black canister, and he throws it to you, and he says, now listen, my service revolver is the only weapon I got on me right now, but that there's some industrial string. the pepper spray. So I don't know if this thing's got eyes or whatever, but we need to go now. We are losing it. And he takes off into the woods. Yeah, let's go. Fuck it, man. All right. Sure. Why not? If you got the guts, I guess I do too. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go fucking kill Bigfoot there. Let's go. Aubrey, you, where we left you off, you were racing over towards the sheriff's department where deputy dewey was just flung through the front windows of the building by

the bigfoot monster um there were just like moments ago a few people standing in the front lobby and now like fearing a continued assault from from this monster they just saw uh all but one of them have fled as you approach the building you see uh detective megan uh and she is hunched over the bloodied form of deputy Dewey, uh, she is applying pressure to his wounds. He's got just these, these great big sort of slashes across his torso. Uh, and she stands up and darts over behind, uh, the receptionist desk here in the, the sheriff's department, uh, building. And she starts dialing for an ambulance. And as she sees you come close, she yells, uh, hey, hey, hey, you, um, you want to be a hero? Put some, put some pressure on that guy's wounds or else he's going bleed out.

Do you want to be a hero? Um, then come over here. and help me. I'm calling an ambulance. Putz up. Are you kidding me? I'm going to read a bad situation. Okay. That's the move.

Like, tell me what Aubrey is doing. So basically, I'm checking on Deputy Dewee, trying to figure out if he even has time before an ambulance would get there, how bad he looks, if he's in danger, basically. Okay. There are questions to deal with that. You roll the nine plus sharp. What's your sharp? Plus sharp is plus one, so at 10. A 10, cool, you get to hold three.

What's my best way in? What's my best way out? Are there any dangers we haven't noticed? What's the biggest threat? What's most vulnerable to me? What's the best way to protect the victims? I don't know that you have three to spend here. I don't know that you're going to, I don't know that three of these are relevant to you.

Yeah, I'm going to go with what's the best way to protect the victim. Yeah, I think that's the obvious one here. An ambulance ain't going to make it. Dewey does not have 10 minutes to sort of. spare. Like, Dewey does not, do we does not have time for that. He is, he is on death's door at this very moment. So he, he's looking worse than Keith did when Aubrey healed him? Yes, this is, this is to use game terminology, many harm. Okay. He has passed, he has passed, he has passed the, uh, he has passed the dying checkmark on your health bar there. He is unstable, uh, and he is, he's looking bad.

Okay, I'm going to do some big magic. Ooh, okay. I try to do a big old heel on Dewey here. Okay, we've never done this before. Let's talk about big magic. The keeper may require, what do you want to do? You just want to heal him? Yeah, so I'm trying to do a big heel.

Like, instead of just healing, like, for one, healing for like two or three. I mean, let's not, actually, let's not gamify that, right? Yeah. Let's not say, I'm trying to keep with my. Yeah. I like that. So the keeper may require that you spend a lot of time researching the magic ritual. Nah.

That you experiment with the spell. There will be lots of failures before you get it right. We don't have time for that either. You could need rear or rare. This is not fun to listen to. Yeah, the three that I think will be in most sense is either it needs multiple people, so Megan and Aubrey. You need to use magic as part of the ritual, so I would have to use magic multiple times.

Okay. it will have a specific side effect or danger. Okay. I know what the side effect or danger is going to be, but I'm not going to tell you that. That's one of the requirements. I agree with you. I think you're going to have to use magic multiple times, and you're going to have to tell me what that looks like for the two people to help.

You don't need two people to help you do the ritual because Detective Megan does not know magic, but you will need her cooperation in some other form. So those are the terms of big magic. Got it. and you're gonna have to roll to like do it like usual, but let's move on with the scene. So what do you do? Okay, listen, Megan, right?

Yeah, an ambulance ain't gonna make it. So call an ambulance if you want to and watch our friend Dewey here bleed out while we wait. Now you come here, put pressure on this, and I'm gonna try something a little extreme, but I've studied Reiki and I'm gonna heal him by manipulating energy, but I need your help to put pressure here to give me time to use it.

So you help me with the energy, okay? This is gonna be a big manipulates. This is a wild, wild thing for you to trick somebody into doing. You don't know that. It's a seven plus one, it's an eight. They'll do it, but only if you do something for them right now to show that you mean it.

I'm gonna make my hands glow. Yeah, okay. Are you gonna make them glow like on him? Catch on fire. No, just catch on fire. Like, I have power. I don't think that this would work. Like, I'm trying to justify it, but I think you setting your hands on fire is not going to calm this person down.

I think that you setting your hands on fire is going to... Well, I was doing it to kind of show, like, I'm not lying about having power of some sort to heal him. Control over energy. This is more of, like, shocking into convincing. That's how my brain would work, I think, if someone had fire hands. Because basically, right now, we are in... a power struggle where she, Megan is going to feel like an authority figure

and I look like just some kid in a leather vest or a denim vest or whatever. And I need to make some kind of power move that's like, you should listen to me. Beautiful tapestry you've painted. I don't know. A moo-moo or bike shorts or, I don't know, something. Clothes, you know.

You know, big hair. It's fine. Here's what I will give you. She sees you set your hands on fire and like, that's enough weird stuff for her today, and she just faints. She just, like, collapses. And you get the impression that she could have interfered with whatever you wanted to do here, but now she is more or less neutralized. That is the amount of cooperation.

That's fine. Okay. Yeah. So if you, so yeah, now it's just you and a nearly dead Dewey. That's the sequel to Drop Dead Fred, Nearly Dead Dewey. Nearly Dead, Dewey. All right, magic. This is a big one.

You and me, we're going to save Dewey's life. So I need you to help me heal him. What's the physical move look like here? What are you doing? So I would say, like, with the wounds and everything, trying to close those up. So there's like a, almost like a stitching, but with magic to close up the wounds. and whatever the magical form of like, you know, a blood transfusion would be. Okay.

Like, got to get some blood back into this man. So maybe the blood that's like spilled out on the floor like pulling back in. Shit, that's gross. Yeah, I mean, you've never done anything like this before. This is so far outside of your comfort zone. So go ahead and use magic. And this is the role. Well, my God.

Not great, but it's a three. But I'm just going to go ahead and do luck. because I want to save Dewey's life. I mean, I still get to add in the side effect or danger. Absolutely, positively. So how much luck do you have? You have used to... Yeah, this will be my fourth of eight.

Dang, dude. I'm halfway out. But listen, I know that if it was me and I had the choice, I would use one point of whatever to save somebody's life. This is a pretty big one. Yeah. You put your hands on Dewey and you... It's definitely harder than it was when you...

This is probably the most exertion any spell that you've ever cast has done. I'm picturing like the orange in the eye like kind of sparkling a little bit, you know, like really... I don't know if that's actually connected to magic, but in my mind it is. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. I'm not sure, Trevor. How's real magic work again? Yeah, I know, absolutely. And maybe the red hair dye in Aubrey's hair gets a little brighter. How's the lighting? It's really good. Really good lighting,

suddenly everything becomes a little bit like a black light poster. Actually, it goes completely dark. Oh. You, uh, it is almost like a trap door just like opened on a stage beneath you and Deputy Dewee. And, uh, you are both just falling. Uh, and your falling starts to slow down. And then you're not moving anymore. You're just kind of like weightless in this void.

As we said, folks, it is the maximum fun drive. time of year we come to you and ask you to help us support the network. Do you like the Adventure Zone? Well, now is your chance to prove it. Hey, step up. Step up and prove it with the real currency and life money. That's right. You go to maximum fund.org for it slash donate and you can pledge how much you can spare to help keep our network and our shows going. It's a, you can donate as a little as $5 per month, and then that goes all those donation levels go all the way up to $200 a month. Now, Dad, you are always so gifted at this.

Why don't you tell the people, if they pledge, let's say, $5 a month, Travis already told them they're going to get hundreds of hours of exclusive bonus content. What happens if they donate $10 per month, Daddy? Well, they still get that bonus content. Oh, yeah. But also, there is a brand new batch of drive exclusive in Amel Pins that Megan Lynn Cott designed. New ones. New designs for every MaxFund show.

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Yeah, that's not true. For, well, yeah. Well, he's in free events. Free events. Oh. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, there we go. Now, for $20 a month.

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Never happen. it. So if this show's important to you, if the shows that we make are important to you and you want to show your support for them, go to maximum fund.org slash donate and help us hit that goal and support the things that you like. And we'll be back later to tell you more. You said there was a reception desk. Yes. All right. So he wouldn't be jumping all the way to the floor.

He'd be jumping to the reception desk, which would be a little bit of a, of a, of a, of a, of a, of a. smaller drop. Uh, okay. I mean, it's still going to be definitely an act under pressure. This is a big boy sort of gymnastic movement that I'm excited to see play out. And that would be an 11. Big 11. Yeah.

Plus cool? That's a 12. Uh, yes. Well done. Uh, okay, yeah, you jump sort of over the side of the stairs, uh, as this thing is like charging up towards you and you land on the reception desk. Uh, and, I think you got enough sort of distance from the monster that you can sort of make a move here without being necessarily threatened.

You got your gun sort of a few feet ahead of you down on the floor of the lobby. You've got the exit into the office immediately behind you and you have the hallway leading down to the conference room with the riffs in it. I picture him landed on the reception desk like Neo landing from flying, you know, with his coat all. all, you know, in the air. Yeah, their sunglasses just form on your face. And Lawrence Fishburn gives you a big smile. I say he makes a run for the, for the rift room, scooping up the, the gun as he peltz past it.

Okay. I think it's going to be a little bit rowdier in the rift room if you try and do both of those things, but I'm not going to make you roll again for it. Yeah, you do that. You are able to sort of make an arc through the lobby and swoop down and grab your gun The monster's running up the stairs, right? The monster has now like pivoted and is now coming back down at you. And in the time it takes you to like swoop and grab your gun, I think it makes it down the stairs.

But you still have an advantage over him. You're still in front of him and you are able to run into the conference room with it at your tail. And now like you, you're in the conference room, you can kind of see, you see like half a dozen rifts. right and you have said you net i think in particular have seen these all over for whatever reason like you have been more perceptive uh when you've when you've seen them you see um through one of them you see the front office of uh the morgue uh where you know you just you just were before you were pulled out uh and it is empty you can tell you can see sort of a handful of like oblivious sheriff's department employees just kind of poking around the morgue like cleaning up or searching for clues or

whatever. Through another rift, you see the hornets nest from like behind a patch of trees. And you can tell like this is the one that you saw when you were investigating down at the hornet's nest. There are a couple other ones that are kind of tightly closed that you can't really see where they're pointing. One of them, through one of them, you can tell you see like a tall barbed wire covered fence. What the fence is protecting, you can't really tell. And then there is a final one that opens up into the clearing behind Amnesty Lodge through which you can see the archway. There's also one more rift in this room that is like almost completely shut. And it is like glowing the brightest of all of these.

Again, like you kind of only have, you see this in like the flash of a second because this thing is so hot on your tail. Does Ned have access to all of them? Yeah, they are sort of all around the room. You would be able to make it into any of them. I mean, the ones that are, you've never, like, knowingly traveled, like, this thing pulled you through a rift, so you're not exactly sure how it. You're just kind of, I guess, hoping that it's like a door that you can run through. But, yes, it appears like you would be able to get to any of them. Okay, then I say Ned makes a run.

It jumps towards the one where he can see the barbed wire because he doesn't want to go to the Hornets Nest because the Hornets are there. He doesn't want to go to the morgue because the sheriff's office there. The other one is too bright. That's too scary. Why not go for the one that looks at the most innocuous? and he does this thing where he turns in midair and shoots the narf blaster back at the monster and goes flying backwards through the rift. Why don't you kick some ass and we'll see how this slow-mo John Wu dive plays out. Shit.

Three. It's a three. That's a three. Now, how lucky do you feel, Ned? Are you feeling lucky, punk? Yeah, I've got to use a luck here. Okay. Mark experience and burn a point of luck here.

You don't get experience if you do luck. Oh, you don't? Okay, never mind. I think so. Okay, yeah, Ned, describe one more time. I think this thing is like on the opposite end of the room. This rift is on the opposite end of this like conference table. So describe the scene as you. I say, okay, so Ned's flying as fast as he can.

I say the monster even gets close enough to grab the tail end of his scarf and pull it off of him. And that kind of. It has a lovely memento. Okay. And that kind of turns Ned. So as he turns, he's now facing the monster. He already had the narf blaster in his hand, so he didn't have to draw it. He shoots it. He shoots it with the narf blaster and goes flying backwards into the rift. What's the damage here on the narf blaster? Two harm. Yes. Too harm. Yeah, you see it like rip just some of its meat off. And as it, because you got this like badass beam. gun now, right? Right. That was the modification you did to it. It like just rips off part of its just like body and you see it just disintegrate into these particles that go flying behind it. And it seems to like howl, but it's not like, it's not actually quite as bad as when

Aubrey stabbed it with her flying knife. But you did some damage to it. It also, because you get to pick one extra effect here for kicks a mass. So gain the advantage, take one forward, inflict terrible harm, you suffer less harm or you force them where you want them. I say force them where I want them because I don't want them to come through the rift. Okay. Yeah. Then the beam of light pushes them backward and gives them a little bit of space. They get like a claw. They claw your like the back of your calf for one harm. But that's like all that they get before you turn and blast them with this laser beam that knocks them backwards. And then you are through the rift and they think about chasing you through it, but they seem like they stop and then just the rift

disappears. And now you're standing in front of this barbed wire fence, rather you're probably lying prone by this barbed wire fence. And as you correct yourself and look up, you realize you are inside the perimeter surrounding the Green Bank telescope. Duck, you and Sheriff Zeke are now walking through the woods and he's trying to track the Bigfoot. I imagine it stinks like fucking shit. I don't think it smells very good.

Oh, you're talking about Bigfoot, not the sheriff, right? Oh, sheriff's fine. I have to imagine Bigfoot stinks all the half. What do you think the sheriff smells like? Like a man. Like sandalwood and old leather? You actually get, like, it smells, when you were close to it in the morgue,

obviously like there was a chemical smell from like morgue chemicals. But it stank like sulfur. Like it smelled like rotten eggs. It smelled real, you are right. It smelled real, real bad. I think you're mostly tracking it through, you know, it's giant footprints in the snow all around you.

And like perplexingly, like they will go for a distance and then just stop and then reappear like a dozen yards away. And so trying to track it is kind of tough. And you get the sense that it could be anywhere. And so you and the sheriff are just sort of watching each other's, back as you go through the woods and he says so you fought this thing

back in the morgue what do I need to know? It's I don't understand it any better than you do man it is dangerous it is big

you saw that you saw it's big we shouldn't be fighting it. There's one. There's a good one for you. This is a mistake. If you want to bounce, like I am with you. Me and you taking this thing on together, not smart.

Not smart at all. I'm on the record for that. Are you trying to convince him to leave? Or is this just Duck being kind of scared? Duck has lived a life not worrying about physical danger, right? I mean, like, he's lived a life not worrying about that. So, like, I think having to process. that as like imagine that if you live for four decades being invulnerable and then suddenly you were

and like you didn't know what was like you were thinking about things as what is dangerous and what is not for the first time of your entire life like i think he is processing it but i think he still knows that it's dangerous and this is his job um and this is the best hope they have but i i don't think he's crazy about it let me say that okay um that makes a lot of sense um he he like hesitates for a second. You see him like lower his his revolver. And he says, I mean, oh God, you might, you're probably. And then you hear like a sound in the distance, this loud roaring.

And it is getting louder and closer like super fast. And Sheriff Owens turns to face it. And then you see Hollis pull up in on top of their motor. bike and they like they make a running stop they are like running off the bike and just like letting it slide and and fall over and they they run up towards you they've got this like long rebar club with the that's like got this handle of just like wrapped leather around the bottom of it and they are wielding it and they move closer to you and they say it's close right what the monster Come on, Doc.

Are you really going to keep pretending? Nah, honestly, I'm happy you're here. Three of us means we're, well, we're still probably going to die, but it's like better odds for sure. So you want to help us fight Bigfoot? Because Bigfoot's real. Let me catch up. Bigfoot's real. And I felt comfortable telling you about that because I feel like there's an 80% chance you, me and Dupree over here going to fucking Beeftown.

You know, we have. We don't have much of a choice here, folks, but let's keep it rolling. Anyway, Bigfoot's real. Now you're caught up. Let's go kill him. Both of them are just like staring at you with just like blank, shocked expressions. And then there is another sound. There is just like this heavy breathing.

It's like screeching, almost like taunting noise that is sort of just ping ponging all around you in the woods, almost like it's toying. with you trying to scare the three of you. And then suddenly, Duck, you notice a shadow above falling on the three of you and you see Bigfoot pouncing downward toward your party. What do you do? He's like flying through the air down at me? He has like jumped down off of a, the bowels of a tree and is coming down towards the three

of you. All right. I am going to, I mean, I don't even think about it really. I probably should, but I don't think about it. I just swing. I pull beacon out in one motion and take a swing at him. Yeah. I swing at him.

That is a 9 plus 2 is 11. So I pull beacon out with one move and just slice her across the middle. And I was like, oh, guys, one more thing. My belt's a sword. Anyway. Shit, now you're caught up. I get to... And I can talk.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Shit. My belt's a sword. I just stab big foot. I can talk. And those are the three things. Now you are indeed caught up.

Let's go. You get to pick one extra effect here. You gain the advantage. Take one forward. You inflict terrible harm. You suffer less harm. Or you force them where you want them. I am probably going to...

You know, I'm not going to take this thing on my own. I feel pretty confident about that. Right. I'm going to force him where I want him. We're going to try to knock him down to the ground and maybe give us time to escape. Okay. You don't know that the other two people here want to escape, but I'm pretty sure they don't. Okay.

The three of you were like kind of clustered together, like back to back to back, watching the perimeter. And the Bigfoot like dove down toward your group. And with like the power of your slash, which has to have taken you by surprise, right? You're not Superman anymore. But you just did a badass attack. cut this thing for too harm, right? Yeah.

I think that one of the things that's important to realize is like Beacon is also a sentient sword. So like the, I kind of feel like even though I'm mundane, it's probably better than just some asshole with a metal belt. Yeah.

Like he does have something of a mind of his own. And as the like, as the whip sword just like caught, caught Bigfoot like perfectly with the tip, it sort of disrupted his dive. And so like you are the, only one that catches the, the brunt of the harm

that he dishes out. He, I mean, he just like, smashes, tackles you with tremendous force and you take two harm, which your helmet cushions the blow of a little bit. And he rolls to the ground. And with that, like,

now Hollis, they just run up with this big rebar club and just take a golf swing and smashes this big foot across the face. And like without hesitating, Sheriff Owens spins on his heels and just empties his revolver in the in the direction of the big foot and catches them with a few of the bullets. And with that, the Bigfoot like falls dramatically and then tries to write itself and

just like limps off deeper into the woods. And Hollis and Sheriff Owens are like already giving chase. Good work. I thought, I did think we were going to die there. But we can go die deeper in the woods. That's fine. Let's go. Come on. As you make it real hard. You know what?

Get a few more miles out there. This is going to be true crime podcast material. You know, I'd love to be able to create that. That's a system of perpetual given right there. Come on. Let's go. You are pursuing them, pursuing the Bigfoot. And you're nearing a like a tree line. And when you see it, you realize,

where you are. You realize what you're close to. You realize where this thing is leading you all. And you break through the tree line alongside Hollis and Sheriff Owens. And you are standing in the clearing with the archway. And the Bigfoot is nowhere to be seen. It is quiet now. It has led you all here. And Hollis says, this is exactly where I lost sight of it last time. And Owens like nods in an acknowledgement and both of them sort of start sweeping the perimeter. And that's when you remember, like, they can't see the gate because they don't know it's there. But they are looking around trying to catch the trail of this monster again. What do you do? Is it going back to the, it escaping through the archway would be bad, good, neutral? Like, how would I, in my role,

how would I feel about that? It would be peculiar, I feel like. Like, you, it is, it is, you have not seen a monster go through the archway. You have never seen a monster, like, actually cross through the archway. So you don't know. It's also been, like, using these rifts, so you're not entirely sure, like, it could have been either of those things. One important thing is that it's still, it is not, like, the middle of the night. There's no, like, moonlight shining down, so the archway is not, like, active. So you can see that it's just sort of its dormant, it's dormant state. but the two of them are kind of wondering around this clearing, looking for any sign of this monster that they can.

They have not, like, collided with this thing. You remember, like, Duck didn't know it was there, but he, or Ned didn't know it was there, but he crashed his car into it. So they are, they are sweeping the field here, trying to find the Bigfoot. Either investing in a mystery or read a bad situation, would one of those hold useful here?

Like which one? Probably, it would be more. Probably read a bad situation. Okay. Let me do that. Ooh, that's a good roll. Of course. Yeah, it's an 11.

Plus sharp. Plus sharp, which is one, so it's a 12. Nice. Read a bad situation. I'm going to say, I can hold three of these. What's the best way to protect the victims? Um, hmm. I in this case would, would, uh, describe as the other two cats.

Uh, yeah, I mean, you might also be on, you realize you could potentially be on. Right. I mean, the best way to, like, actively save the three of you right now is, like, your instincts were right earlier. Like, you are no match for this thing. I think actually, here's what you get from that. When it, like, fell down earlier when you all lit it up, you can tell that it was faking. You can tell that, like, it wanted you to think that it was, it was weakened. And so the best way to protect the victims, which is the three of you, potentially, is to get them the fuck out of there. All right. You have two more. Okay, what's my best way out? I think it's, with that, I think you definitely know, like, you can get them to Amnesty Lodge from here. You have made that, you've walked that path so many times that, like, if you all really need to get the fuck out of there, you can get them to Amnesty Lodge really, like, really quickly and not, like, have to worry about this thing, slaughtering you in the woods. All right.

what is uh are there any dangers we haven't noticed with that one you can see uh the other two are like um poking around like the other side of the clearing uh and behind them behind like another like tree line uh you can see the bigfoot and uh its face is like not this monstrous mask of death anymore. Like it is more, uh, it is, it is, it is calm and pensive. Um, it's like, uh, it's like you just went backstage and you saw like the actors just hanging out and not being these, these, you know, putting on this, the, the, the pageantry of the play. Uh, and like, you can read the emotion on this bigfoot's face and it is frustrated and it is confused. And it is, it is looking at the, the, the, the two people that it led here.

And then it looks over and it sees you and it smiles. And then it steps backward and disappears. So, Aubrey, you're not in the sheriff's department anymore. You're somewhere very strange. You look around and you've got the form of Deputy Dewey in front of you. But both of you are just like inside of this massive hollow sphere. and all around you everywhere are visions that are so far away

you can barely make out what they are. It's like you are surrounded by like a skybox in a video game, like just this huge static image that surrounds you on all sides. And you see like root systems growing downward through lush green fields

and rivers of magma and waves on the ocean. And it looks like you're looking up at all this stuff from like below a big glass table and you see these like little pinpricks of light everywhere, just like concentrated heavily around certain parts of this like sphere you're inside and sparse and others and some of them are moving and some are flickering and reappearing somewhere else.

You are in the middle of just like this massive eco ball and Dewey's form is floating in front of you and he is motionless but his wounds are gone and then floating on the other side of Dewey a figure appears and it has a hand extended and pressed gently on Dewey's chest. And this figure is a woman. And you get this, like, feeling when you look at her, and it's the kind of feeling you get, like, when you swear you've met someone before, but like a thousand times stronger than that, like, this presence feels like it could be, it could be, like, family, like, it could be your sister if you, if you had one. And you feel this, like, warmth and familiarity with this, this figure, this person who, uh, so closely,

like resembles you in a way. And they actually look a little bit surprised to see you. And she, she does a little wave. What do you do? Magic? Are you magic? She like cocks her head to the side, uh, and smiles and does not take her hand off of Dewey. And she kind of like gestures down towards them. Are you, you're helping me do magic, right? To help Dewey? She looks up at you and, uh, smiles and nods. Awesome. Hey, thanks.

I sure do you appreciate it? She takes her other hand now and places it. She actually, no, what she does is she reaches out with her other hand and she grabs you by the wrist. It feels like you've just like grabbed a live wire, but not painful. You just feel this like rush of like euphoria and energy as she touches you. And she places your hand on Dewey and then she nods. Okay, let's, let's do this. Should we chant?

Like, heel, heel, or is what? She is so focused on Dewey right now that she does not, she actually closes her eyes. And now you can feel that energy again, almost like it is being sort of pushed through Dewey. Like you've formed like a conduit with this placing, laying on hands that the two of you are. doing. And Dewey starts to glow, just this beautiful light. And he's pregnant. He is pregnant. He's a wonderful

pregnant deputy. And then this figure looks up at you and she opens her eyes and she just has these bright, orange, glowing eyes. And then you wake up and you are locked in a cell. You can see from where you are, that Detective Megan has left the building. She apparently awoke at some point and dragged you in here and dipped. There's nobody in here as far as you can tell. Dewey, you can see, is laying on the floor and he is not breathing. Detective Megan has actually covered him up with a cloth, but you can see Dewey's form under there.

Dewey, wake up. Dewey, I command you. Rise. Dewey. Dewey come forth. Dewey. Rise, Dewey. My children of the night.

Dewey does not rise. Rise. Rise. Rise. But what you do see is from behind the desk in the reception hall in the lobby there, you see a ring of keys. and you see them just kind of like shake a little bit, and then they lift up and they slide across the desk, and then they come into the room that you're in with the cells,

and you can kind of see some sort of like, they are floating around on this fog, and it's taking shape this fog is as the keys get closer, and they go into the gate of the cell that you're in, and you hear the lock click, and the gate swings open, and this fog has fully taken form. It's Deputy Dewey, and he's a ghost. Oh, shit.

Oh, dang, Dewey. Hey, folks, sorry to interrupt the show again. We only have one break in here, but this is a very special time of year, and that is the time where we ask you for money. It's very special to us. It's very special because it means that we get to keep making a podcast for you and turn this into our job, because you all have always been so great to support us. When you donate, let's say you donate $10 a month.

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I also want to say real quick, if you're already a max fund donor, this is a great time to consider upgrading your donation, so that way you'll still get all those great gifts. Or this is a great time to tell your friends that they should become max fund donors. You know, if you already give and that's all you can do, totally fine. Take to social media and say, hey, MaxFund drive is going on now. Share that link, maximum fund.org forward slash donate. This is also, third reminder, a great time to update your credit card info. You know, credit cards expire or, you know, you change passwords or whatever, and it doesn't always update in the maximum fund system. So you can go and make sure you're still giving at that level and make sure that you still support the shows you love.

Daddy, do you want to talk about how you don't work anymore and how you're on employees? Yeah, this is all I got, folks. This is it for me. Please. This is the only way that I'm staying alive, and though I'm putting food in my belly and clothes on my back. God's sake. Our daddy was waking up at three. 3.30. In the morning. Every morning.

A.m. to go to work. And now he doesn't have to because you all are so generous. But, you know, the taxman, the billman, he's still gone on. That sort of Damocles is always dangling over my daddy. It's always dangling over our dad. And so please, our dad made a hugely risky choice. Please do go to maximumfund.org for it slash donate and keep our dad off the streets. Bye, everybody. Maximumfund.org.

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