The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - Episode 26

Episode Date: April 19, 2019

The Pine Guard continue to chase down their target — but when said target can look or sound like anyone, how do they tell friend from foe? Duck goes on a field trip. Aubrey discovers a treasure trove. Ned makes a startling announcement. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone. You can't just like hop on the local news and say, oh, by the way, there's abominations out there, but please stay calm. Why can't we? He opens the safe. Yeah, you can do it with your eyes closed. You reach down and carefully remove shade tree. Should we look for Ned? I'm, of course, worried about Net.

Where is Ned? But should we look for Ned? I guess you and I are taking a road trip up to the Green Bank Telescope. I didn't have a vision about me. beefing and it's about you. I'll just go and see what I can find. I do this on one condition. Shoot. I will never, ever see or hear from you again. Ned, I can guarantee that. And he shuts the door. He walks away and vanishes into a rift in the fabric of reality. And on the floor of the closet lays a body. It's the body of Boyd-Mosh. All right, Duck, we're going to do your stuff first.

We're going to resolve your big story and where we left it off, the big cliffhanger. Last episode, it's like free solo up in here with that last episode because of the, it was a documentary about a man who he hangs off of many cliffs. Was the name of the movie? Maybe it's like cliffhanger, the movie called cliffhanger. Ah, farts, they did do one of those, huh? Yeah. It's right there. Maybe it's a cliff bar.

That's that's not anything. So cliffhanger is a lot in a reality where cliffhanger is not a narrative descriptor of an ending that demands resolution as quickly as possible in a reality where that term never originated. Cliffhanger is the wildest name for a film that has ever been. What an infalling name he's chosen for your. So that's just a lone vehicle. Well, he hangs on cliffs and cliffhanger. Wait, is his name Clifford Hanger? No.

Wait, maybe. Yeah, that's a great. Can I take that? We're going to see how that tests. It's a movie about a big scary shark and Richard Dreyfus. We're going to call it Ocean Eater. Ocean Biter, maybe. Okay.

Chomperfish? Chomper fish? Shoot. Okay. Duck, you are headed to the Green Bank Telescope, correct? Sands Leo. Okay. I forget, like,

how we have sort of spatially arranged this little section of Pocahontas County. But I think we said, like, the Green Bank telescope is just like a few miles, like maybe no more than like 10 miles away from Kepler. I think we established in the world building episode that like Kepler is kind of where the scientists who used to work there at the observatory, like actually lived and made their home. So I imagine it would have to be close enough to commute. So it's not a super long drive for you to get out.

out there. Are you taking, you have a skateboard. I guess you're taking the forest service. They have cars? Yeah, I'll probably take their car. Okay. Yeah, so it's a pretty short drive.

And I don't know how many times Duck has made this drive, but there's, there's this eerie thing that happens when you, like, approach it when really it kind of like comes into view, where the like small handful of AM radio stations that you can, get access to in the quiet zone here, just like instantly fall off. They just instantly disappear. And you you see the telescope. It is humbling in size. And there are these signs that kind of line the road approaching that are warning folks to disable all their electronic devices before

entering the perimeter. You also pass by like sort of the tourist friendly like part of the observatory, which is a much larger sort of building where you can learn about the telescope and all that jazz, but that is not actually within the perimeter of the gate, which as you approach, there's a security gate. You are a good, like, quarter mile from the telescope itself. That is how big, like, the boundary around it is. And a guard comes out of the little booth here, and she's holding a clipboard, and she gives you the little, like, window roll-down hand signal.

and she says, oh, hi there, welcome. What can I do for you? Oh, I like this person immediately. She's from Fargo. Hey, she's very likable. Hey, yeah, Duck Newton, I had some, we had some tracks. Believe it or not, we got a bear that's, we got a wounded bear. Oh, no.

It's rabid. It's gone rabid. And it's wounded and it's rabid. So that's a bad, I don't need to tell. You know, you know as well as I, you and me both know. That's a bad situation. Oh, it's not great. Yeah.

There's a bear and I just need to go in and look for the bear and it could be anywhere. And I got tons of the essence. Well, we got a nice big. It just sounds like you said tombs are of the essence. It may be. Both of them may be. She says, oh, well, don't you worry about that, none. We got a big old fence with a lot of barbed wire on top of it.

And any bear that could make it over that is a bear I'd like to meet. I'll tell you that much, don't you know? You don't understand. It's endangered. I have to account for its bearabouts. Whereabouts? Shit. I think this is manipulate a person.

It's definitely not your truth-telling power. You're convinced somebody of harm because... Yeah, it ain't that for sure. There may be an injured rabid bear somewhere, but you don't know it. I'll be damned. Yeah! That's a big old tensky. Oh, geez.

I got a 10. I can't believe that worked. I can't either. Plus charm. What's your good episode? Twelve. Yeah, shit. All right.

By the way, boy. go back and listen to the last episode. There were a lot of failures and I forgot to remind you all to Mark XP, which is an important thing in the game, which I have been sleeping on. Or maybe just like ask because the audience, I'm sure, is paying attention to that stuff. What level am I supposed to be? Tweet at me now at Justin McRoy. So, okay, yeah.

Explain Homestuck to me. Tweet at me now at Travis McElroy. Oh, geez. Spare, no detail. I actually am really in DeBoer at Gerva Macoroy. Okay, cool. Alan 10 Plus will do it for the reason you can. gave them. Okay.

Now tell me, is this bear big enough to... I like how the rules of Monster the Week and probably anything in this system, but like rules of the Monster of the Week make it so that like... I can't do shit. The only narrative justification is that this person's a dip shit. It's like it just... It puts a dip shit into the world. The forces your hand.

No, I think she cares very much about endangered animals. And she says, uh... Okay. Well, uh, are you... I'm really not supposed to let any... one through that's not on the clipboard. Can you make it quick? Can you just be in and out before my supervisors find out over there?

I will be just as quick as anybody else who could be terribly injured by a rabid bear. Yeah, I wish you could take the car in with you to give you some protection. Oh, I can't take the... Ah, shit. Well, is there electronics in your car? Are you peddling that thing with your feet? Mr. So yeah, you're, yeah, so yeah, you'll park it here and I'll watch it for you.

Yeah, all right, thanks. You got a gun or something, mister? I mean, it seems like I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but if you're going up against a big, big rabid, endangered bear, and it seems like you want to have some kind of ways of defending yourself, don't you know? I start walking in and I look back up my shoulder and say, I got the only weapon I need. Hiding like a chicken shit.

And then walk in. All right. Okay, you're inside the perimeter now. And there are sort of three main points of interest. Again, like it's a quarter mile stretch to the telescope itself. So this is a huge perimeter, but it is mostly just like open, open, empty field. Because the telescope needs like a pretty wide berth to do its job. So like just off to the right, actually, as you enter, there is a branch of the road that leads down a short way to what looks like a big pile of broken machinery or something.

You can't really tell what it is from a distance. And then following that road closer to the telescope, there's another branch that goes off to the left and you see this like secure looking building, like a pretty small secure looking building. that seems to be the only building that's actually within the perimeter. And then, of course, there's the telescope itself, which is just like awe-inspiring piece of technology. It's like the dish is five stories up from the ground. Its diameter is 100 meters with this massive reflector arm that stretches up, like another 70 feet.

It is just this huge, huge thing that is kind of at the very center of this whole compound. I think we're going to investigate the machinery, see what's going on with that. It takes a little bit to walk over there, and the road actually sort of terminates like a good distance away from where this thing is. And as you get there, you actually realize that it is cast in like bronze or something to be like kind of a statue or like a memorial in the shape of this big pile of broken machinery. and there is a stone like plaque on the ground

and it reads Green Bank Observatory 300 foot telescope collapsed November 15th, 1988. So does it seem from the, this is like a miniaturized version of that or does it seem like one to one? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. This is actual like Green Bank history. Like there were a few telescopes that were built here

before the big, big, big motherfucker that's there now. It's not its proper name. It's scientific. It's the big motherfothel. Telescopes have like the most bonkers names because some of them are the very big telescope. That's not a joke. Does anything seem weird?

No. This seems like a, this just seems like a memorial for a thing that happened on the grounds here. You do not. I will give you that without a like a roll or anything. Like it is just a little statue thing. Was there something besides the telescope? There was a building that is... The telescope...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Secure building. The telescope's just the telescope. There's no, like... Again, like, they have to give it a wide berth. So it's really just the telescope. It's held up by this, like, lattice work of metal that, again, goes up, like, five stories.

But there's not, like, a place to go into. It's just the telescope. The place to go into is this, like, a, like, sturdy-looking, like, long house. Yeah, I'm going to go check that out. Check out the secure building. All right. You walk down the road.

It takes a bit. It's a very long road. And if anyone listening to this is curious, look at pictures of the Green Bank telescope. It's bonkers. It's so cool. I got to see it once. Okay.

Duck, you feel like as you are walking closer to this thing, and you don't know if this is like something that is supposed to happen as you approach this thing, you're getting kind of a headache. And not like a, it's not like like a, a pressure headache. It's actually, it feels like the opposite of that. I, I don't know if you've ever felt something like this. It's more of like a deflation, a headache. And it's kind of subtle, but like weirdly though your head is hurting, like you're actually feeling kind of charged, like kind of, kind of good, kind of energized as you get closer and closer to this thing.

And you reach the, you branch off the road and you go towards the observatory building. Again, it's just like so, it's just a featureless, very featureless. Very. functional building. There is a single large, thick window looking out towards the telescope. Reinforced glass, you can kind of tell. And there is just a big heavy metal door at the end of the road with a keypad next to it, which maybe looks imposing until you realize there's a coffee can wedged in the door that's holding it open. And just off to the side of the door, there is a woman and she is like sitting in a cheap like vinyl folding chair. She's wearing a black Megadeth t-shirt under a lab coat.

And she's reading a Nat Geo, which she lowers as you approach. And she says, can I help you with something? Yeah. You spot any bears around here? I'm a forest ranger. A real one. Have you spotted any bears around here? Have I seen any bears around here?

Have I seen any bears? around here? Yeah, we had a bear, a rabbit bear, real meansome bitch, come up through here, and they say, down there, they said he ate through the gate and came charging up this way, and I should leave no stone unturned. I mean, we don't have that many stones out here. It was a metaphor. Yeah, hey, can you take off your hat for me? Oh, yeah, right on. Sorry, it wouldn't be respectful. And I remove my hat. and she says Holy shit

Is that you? Is that Doug Newton? Yeah, yeah, it's me. I'm sorry, I don't I thought you died, man. Oh, what? Why would you think I died? I don't know, just Scuttlebutt going around.

Man, I haven't seen you in years. Yeah, I've been out in the forest. How much does, like, Duck remember from high school? How much, I'm trying to, I don't know if you would, I don't know how to rectify it. He was high for a lot of it. Okay. She says, man, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, Sarah Drake.

We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we were lab partners for like, man, just a long time and, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, I, I, it's, I, it's, you know, I, it's, you know, I apparently stuck with the scientific arts a little bit more closely than you did, uh, but, uh, oh my God, it's so good to see you, duck, what do you, so you're looking for a bear? Yeah There was a bear And you know I was kind of using it

Can I be honest Yeah I was kind of using it As an excuse to come up here What I'm really interested in Is the telescope We just had a bear In the region

But since I just used it As an excuse to come up here Because I was kind of wanted To get a better look at all The science Well I mean Did you just say

There was a bear somewhere in the woods. Then that's everything you just said is the truth. She says, well, yeah, I mean, I'll do anything for an old lab partner. Don't, you do not touch anything though, okay? Because folks will notice folks are real particular about that shit. Yeah. Well, you're taking me to your later, right?

I could type in, like, take me to your later or something. No, that's explicitly what I'm talking about. Don't, please don't do that. Yeah, no, just, sorry, sorry. Aubrey. That's me. I'm back. You were going to go look for the, we had talked about you looking for the resort.

Yeah, so I'm still waiting, I don't know, to come back and check with Janelle, I guess, to see if she has done anything. So in the meantime, you know, I popped back through the gate and I'm there in resort alley or whatever. Okay. We should establish something because we're kind of breaking canon a little bit. Because I'm imagining, this is like, I think this is still during the day. And I think we've talked about the gate being activated by moonlight and opening up. And as much as Aubrey goes through there, like, does Aubrey, can Aubrey open the gate at what, like, does Aubrey's Sylvan magic allow her? Like, what's the...

Yes. Yeah, I think we should probably make that rule. Okay. Yeah, you know, Griffin, now that you mention it, I think that's exactly what it is. Yeah, good. Aubrey has cool gate opening powers. So they gave her a special fob. Yeah.

She can just like wave at it and it lets her in. Yeah. It has embedded moonlight. Shut up. So you were going to head and look for the place where Ned had his encounter with this. Yeah. So he talked about, you know, it felt when he described it, it felt very like abandoned hotel-e, abandoned resort-e. So Aubrey's kind of scouting out any buildings that seem like they would have a bunch of individual offices or rooms nearby that are, you know, that seems abandoned or emptied.

Or even if there's like a wing that's being renovated, anything like that. I mean, on Resort Road, there are a lot of abandoned, like, buildings, a lot of abandoned hotels. There's probably like a dozen that you can see. and there are all these just like alpine-inspired, you know, ski lodges and, you know, little, little houses and hotels and all kinds of stuff. I would say out of the dozen here, like the two of them that are closest to the road that are closest to the actual, like, the actual, like, mountain are still open. Aubrey closes her eyes to remember as Ned described the building he was into them, did he mention any kind of color scheme or peasant? paint that she would recognize. And now she listens closely for his voice in her memory.

Wood paneling. She remembers wood paneling. Very light colored wood paneling. There was light colored wood paneling, I want to say. Maybe a little bit of wainscoting, maybe, just a little. And some wainscoting. for highlighting, scouting, sorry. It's okay.

And it was very pretty, very warm. With that evocative description in mind, Griffin, and Aubrey opens her eyes and looks. Weirdly, they all have light wood paneling. It's crazy. No, I would say, okay, I'll give you that. I think that Ned would describe where it was, and I think it was fairly dark during his chase,

but he definitely, like, would be able to see wood paneling and stuff like that. I think that would narrow it down to just, like, a handful. There's, like, three. As you can kind of look in through the boards, you can see if, like, three of them have these wood panels. Thick shag carpeting. You know, with the description she's gotten from him, if she, you know, Aubrey seems like the kind of person, this is what I would do.

Okay. of like this one feels right. Oh, okay. You know, like you get there and it's just like, oh, yeah, this one's it. So if we've narrowed it down to three, I'm gonna like say that she's going on her gut. Well, let's do this.

Why don't you use magic? Because there's a thing in there for, right? Like observe. Oh, another place that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Like this is, you're talking about a feeling, But I think for, you know, the spell sling in Aubrey, like, this would be a little bit more than that. Well, but so it's a four, but I have plus three for weird.

So it was a seven. Wow, you've really, you've really mimaxed the fuck out of the scared. I didn't even know you could do that in watch your movie. Okay, yeah, with a seven, what is it? There is a glitch. It has a problematic side effect. It draws immediate unwellcome attention. Huh. How about it draws immediate unwelcome attention? And you figure it out. Like you feel with your

magical intuition which building it is. It has a sign, a like fairly rotted out wooden sign at this point. And it's called the Inglnook Hotel. And you just know like this is this was it. This was the building. and as you open your eyes, you see this building, you see this sign, and then you also see Eugene, who works over at the ski lodge, who I don't know if you've had any, he wasn't there during the soup. You weren't there during the soup adventure, so I don't know if you've met Eugene. But he says, oh, yeah, I'd stay out of the Inglnook if I was here. Sorry?

I'd stay out the Englenook Resort Fires. you. Okay. Why? Why do you say that? I don't remember if this is what he sounds like, but it's what I want him to. Maybe now he's, he's really enjoying peanut butter. I don't know. You know, there's, um, you know about the aliens. There's aliens and they took me up. I told you about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Uh, I've been told lately that I've been putting people off with how much I tell my alien story, but it's, if you get picked up by aliens. You know, it's really, it's more about like if you want to be interesting, you need to be interested.

And like you just keep talking about yourself and your alien experiences. And you haven't even asked me about my alien experiences. Oh, shoot, you're right. All right. So, yeah, I saw some like flashing lights in there. So I think maybe it's, you know, some teens go in there to take some selfies

or maybe it's the, maybe it's aliens with some sort of flash gun. So, yeah. Just, oh, also it's abandoned building. So I don't think you should be poking. I'm not, Eugene's no narc, but. You know. Well, yeah, it's kind of why I'm investigating. You know, I got some friends that work, you know, downtown in like the zoning board. And they're looking to kind of to do a big renovation here and sell it to an investor as an office building. But they sent me up here to kind of check out the wiring first. There's been some issues with the flashes. Okay. He nods and says, I've got to get back to the lodge. But it was a nice.

Nice to see or meet you, one of the two. Same. You know, maybe we know each other, maybe it's just the stories about you, have preceded you, but you really live up to the hype. Or I'll just dust in the wind, man. That's beautiful. I hope we hang out more later. We won't.

Okay. And he leaves. Hey, as a side note, did he have Braxton with him? Who? His dog. Oh, shh. Okay, man. Dad's been.

so on the lore shit this, no, he did not. I just told, before we started recording, I had written down in my margins like Ned Scarpe, and I was like, why? And dad was like, here's why. And he was like an amazing back. I was like, oh shit, dad's paying attention. Yes, he was walking the dog.

Aubrey, how are you getting in here? Like, it's every, every entrance is boarded, boarded pretty well up. You don't really see an obvious entrance. I'm going to, once more, use magic. Okay. There's a use magic element of, like, do something beyond normal strength?

Yeah, beyond human limitations. So, like, this would be, I would not give you that to, like, I punch the monster so hard it explodes, but I will give you. I'm going to try to kick open a door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Give me that roll. That's a nine plus three, a 12. 12.

You kick the front door, back door, side door. All of them. Sit with a 12. You kick the front door open. No, I'm doing back door. Aubrey's be a need before. Okay. You have?

Maybe. You don't know. Okay. You kicked the door open and head inside. Ned, we are, I mean, what do you want to do now? I want to leave this sort of sequence. I think it's like right after you just got the key from Boyd and left. And obviously, we saw some stuff that Ned did not see.

Right. So what are you doing? Well, I think he would make a beautiful. for wherever the, is it a post office box? Is it a locker key? Uh, it's, it is, it's a deposit box at the bank. There's a, a small bank, I imagine, down on Riverside somewhere in Kepler, um, probably close-ish to City Hall. Okay. Uh, the second bank of Kepler, but the first bank shut down a while ago. Yes. And this isn't even, this is like the fifth second bank. Yes. It's a chain. It's the fifth. It's the fifth. It's the fifth.

Second Methodist Bank of Kepler, West Virginia. Our Lady of Bank. Yes. Okay. Yeah, you walk in and there's just like a, you know, it's a fairly small, fairly humble bank. There's a single teller who sees you come in and he says, What can I do for you? Yes, my good man.

I'm just here to check on the contents of this safety deposit box. Yeah, all right. he uh he hands out his uh he holds out his hand and uh takes a look at the fob and notes the number on it and then you see him pull out this big like ledger and he flips through it and uh hands you a pin and turns the book around and uh to like sign it sign it out uh and weirdly enough like this page for box 454 uh has already been signed in by you uh from earlier today uh that The handwriting is different, but it says Ned Chicane on it from earlier today. Not a good sign.

Not a good sign. Sure. All right. Yes. Ned trustworthy chicane. There you go. The manager doesn't even acknowledge your goof and closes the book and walks with you into a secure room.

and he walks over to box 454 and he sticks his key inside of one lock that's on the box. And it's a pretty large box. It's on the ground level. And he gestures for you to do the same to the other box, which I imagine you do. Right. Turn it. To the left or the right. Or have already done that bit?

We've done that bit so many times. Yeah, he slides it out of the wall and he places it up on the table with like, surprisingly little effort, and he sets it down and walks over to the door and sort of gives you a little bit of privacy. All right. Well, I'm pretty sure what I'm going to find when I open this, but he opens the box. There's nothing in the box. It's completely... No!

Yep. Figured. So what does Ned want to do now? Ned's going to investigate a mystery. Okay. Ned's going to investigate a mystery because one of the questions you can ask is where did it go? Yeah. Perfect.

That is an eight plus your sharp. Sharp plus two. So that's a 10. Okay. You did it, Debbie. For investigative mystery on a 10 plus, you hold two. So you get to ask two of these questions. And, yeah.

Where did it go? Um, okay, I think that... But that's really about the monster, isn't it? Well, I'll give it to you. I think in this case, like, Ned's intuition would say that Boyd still has it, and as far as you know, Boyd is still back at the hotel. So, like, that is your inclination, and because you made a B-line for here, like, that is where you assume this thing, the treasure still is.

Where the hell is my son? Stop! You! You there! What is your name, Teller? Is it Penn? Oh, man, I was going to make the same joke, Daddy. I'm so proud of us. All right. What happened here? What do you mean? What are you talking about? Yeah. Why the hell isn't there anything in my box? Did you give someone your key or something? Somebody else... You know, I rolled a 10, and I had two sharp. So I'm pretty sure that you have to tell

me something. Well, I mean, I just got here. So, like, I don't know. I, I, do you want me to, like, talk? I could call, I called Danny, who's working this morning and see what he says. Would that be helpful? Can I be helpful to you like that? Well, let me tell you, somebody has taken the things from my box. I have a regionally successful. Did you give your key to someone? Well, hold on. Wait a minute. I have a regionally successful television show. And unless you, answer my questions and help me out right now, I will completely dishonor this, this, this, establishment on my regionally successful television program. Man, I'm just working like 15 hours a week here. It's fine. I don't, you don't have to threaten

me. I can call Denny up. He's a cool guy and I like talking to him. Fine, call Danny. It's going to, we have to leave the, I can't leave you alone in here because you might burgle all the other ones. This may be a clever ploy. Actually, you're supposed to leave me alone. Have you not worked in this bank very long, Penn? I'm giving you privacy. I'm giving you a good 10-fit parameter. Yeah, 10 feet. That's not privacy. Okay. That's being observed. That's skulking. It's a cordless phone, so I can go get it and come back in here. Go get and come back here. Just hurry up.

He does that. He goes and he dials the phone and you hear him talking and he says, Uh-huh. Hey, Danny. Yeah, that's great, man. Hey, so I'm here with the, with, what was your name? Ned Pissed Off Chican. And, um, Ned pissed off chican. And he, he, he's came in here, he got his box and it doesn't, yeah. Oh, man.

All right. All right. That's weird. I don't know why he, yeah, all right. Cool, man. Talk to you. Hey, Game of Thrones Sunday. See you then.

partner. Denny good? All right, man. T2.I.L. And he hangs up. Yeah, Mr. Denny said you came in today. He just, he kind of described you perfectly and said you came on in and. How did he describe me? I'm curious. What are you, what are you wearing right now? Oh, well, jeans. Are you wearing jeans? I'm wearing a long winter coat, like a long parka? You don't have to answer this in character. Oh. This is me, Griffin, asking what Ned is wearing. He's wearing a long coat, a very nice, very stylish parka that he got on eBay.

What color is it? It is, I don't know, I guess a kind of a rust, kind of, you know, because Ned doesn't really want to go for just the straight primary colors. Okay. This guy describes what you are wearing and your general look to the letter. So, like, I don't, is this a goofery trying to get a free, like a free service, like a free, like subscription to this box? Because I can, I can. Would that work?

Is that a possibility? Oh, maybe. No, no, no. Quit distracting me. No, I, maybe I balked the old noggin. and look, Penn, I apologize. I'm just going to, you know, retrace my steps and maybe figure out what I did with the stuff that I took out of my box. I appreciate your kindness.

I appreciate your very laid-back demeanor. But you know what? I'm going to just kind of go regroup and see if I can figure out where this day went wrong. All right, man, it's good to meet you. Yeah, yeah. Listen, when your friend Denny was on the phone describing me earlier, I'm curious, did he happen to mention if I was wearing a scarf? I misplaced my scarf. Maybe that scarf is the same place where I put the things from the safety deposit box.

Any chance he said anything about a scarf? Yeah, you had a scarf. phone when you came on this morning. Why, why is that, why on earth could that possibly have been important? Oh, shit. Hey everybody, this is Griffin Macquarie, Dungeon Master, your best friend, and your big birthday boy, I am 32 years young, and I'm here to tell you about some of our sponsors for today's episode of the Adventure Zone Amnesty episode 20. I want to thank everybody who's been tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. If you do so, you might end up as a character in the show, like Dr. Sarah,

Sarah Drake, just named for Sarah Churchill on Twitter. Thank you for tweeting about the show. And there's a bunch of characters, and we're probably getting close to wrapping up this whole amnesty campaign, actually, so I don't know how much room there's going to be for more stuff. I mean, there's always room for more stuff. But anyway, we appreciate your spreading the word about the show because that is how we have managed to get the audience that we have now.

And without your support, we would be nowhere. So thank you so much for that. Thanks also to the Maximum Fun Network for having us on. You can go to MaximumFund.org. Check out all the great shows there. Shows like Stop Podcasting yourself and Doctor Game Show and Switchblade sisters and so much more. I think that's it. So we're going to get back on our regular schedule now of every other week.

So the next time I talk to you, it's going to be on May the 2nd. So we will talk to you then. And farewell. We'll hop back to you now. Yeah. you head into this building, this observatory. And again, it's not like a huge building. There's like a little lobby as you walk in.

That really is just sort of an entryway into a few other rooms. You see like there's like a little kitchen in here in a bathroom. And towards the back of this like this little entryway is a door into what you can see is a security station. and it's got like six monitors over a, you know, a panel with a phone on it. And the monitors are overlooking different views around the perimeter here. And then the main room here is the observation lab, which Dr. Drake walks you, opens the door to and walks you inside. And as soon as she opens the door, you are just like blasted with freezing air conditioning. and she says,

sorry, we got a whole bunch of server banks in here in this place. Yeah. It would cook us alive without the AC run. And so, yeah, we'll heat up. Yeah,

so what are you curious about? I'm excited. I didn't know you were, you know, you weren't the best lab partner, so I'm surprised that you're, you're, you know,

converting this, this late in life. Yeah, I'm working on a screenplay. you don't need to lie anymore you're very you've always been extremely bad at it yeah all right

I need to know more or has Doug been working on a screenplay I'm I I need to know more about how the telescope works as Griffin frantically Googles how does telescope

not not specifically okay here's my question So I know you receive signals from space and stuff, right? Yeah, that's sort of the main idea. I know it's a layman's. Could the telescope ever emit any? Okay, I'll tell you, I'll tell you what's been on my mind.

I know this is so weird, but I had a dream that like a beam of light was coming from the telehealth. scope. Like, is that just wild? Could it, like, does it have the capability of doing something like that? Like, emitting something more than just like receiving? I mean, I know it's like silly, but it's on my mind. Um, and for some reason, I can't stop thinking about it. Anything it would, all, all right, first of all, we don't send anything, you know, through the, we don't deal in the visible light spectrum. So like the idea of a laser beam like a death star or something like that is... Yeah. That's kind of not really what it is designed for. We're mostly in the radio waves department. Right. It's the name radio telescope.

But yeah, I don't think... I mean, anything that it would send out would, A, be an invisible radio wave and also probably just a refraction of whatever we collect from deep space. So it's basically a big old camera duck. It's a camera and a microphone, I guess you could call it. We hear stuff out there sometimes too. But yeah, that's, I don't think this thing's going to be blasting. It's not some secret government laser project, if that's what you're asking about.

No, I know it's not. But of course, you wouldn't tell me if it was, right? Wink, wink. Have you noticed? anything weird in this area? By in this area, do you mean the...

Just like you're up here a lot and I've seen, I don't know, I've been noticing some weird stuff in town and I'm sure that like word has gotten out to y'all and I'm just sort of kind of poking around, not real forestry business, just, you know, keeping an ear to the ground trying to help

the sheriff out. Have you noticed anything strange around here? I got to be honest with you, Duck. I I'm here in the, you know, the lab on the ground, just sort of alone watchwoman sort of beaming stuff back to the satellite, the satellite lab. And so I don't get out a whole lot. It's mainly just me and the, you know, giant telescope looking up into the heavens and my NAC Geos.

So something weird's going on outside in town? Is that what you said? I haven't, I, I, I, I ain't heard nothing about it. There's plenty of weird stuff up in the, up in the cosmos, so I don't need to go looking for more of it. Yeah, it's weird. There was an attack, a murder, um, actually over at the, oh, geez. Yeah, I know, it's, it's intense. Um, so I don't know.

I was, I'm, I didn't think any usual forest animals were involved, but, you know, I'm, I'm just kind of asking around. I want everybody to stay safe, that kind of thing. Uh, well, I mean, I can let you know if I, hear something, but I don't know, I guess I don't know what the telescopes got to do with it. It's not, we can't really, it moves, we can move and point it around to different stuff, but I don't think we can point it at the ground and look for a murderer. Although maybe that, we could hack it in there, maybe, I don't know. It's designed to look for things like light years away, so it might be a little too close to

shoot down to Kepler, but, yeah, I'm sorry, it can't be more help, Duck. Yeah, no problem. Do you, I mean, do you still want to, do you still want the tour? I can show you. Ah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love to know more. She shows you, uh, this, this big screen over, uh, a, like, a whole desk full of keyboards

and dials and, uh, um, little paper readouts. And the screen is just showing a, like, a nebula, just like this cloud of, of, of stars and space gunk, and she says, yeah, so we're, you know, we're the biggest moving radio telescope in the world. And so us and sometimes an array of other telescopes, we capture images, the likes of which humanity's never seen before, and there's a lot to see up there. And yeah, my job here is I send it all over to the main satellite lab. You know, I keep a few of the stuff I catch out there to myself here and she just searched over to this like little display case over a few of these servers that she has labeled the Hall of Fame. And she says, but yeah, I mean we got a bathroom in a kitchen

if you're hungry. What's on the Hall of Fame? Just a few of like weirder things. Somebody found somebody found a Nebula looks like Mickey Mouse's head. So we saved that and the server took a picture of that. and what else? You know, weird sounds and stuff, like echoes of stuff that you, you know, that's so, so far away. It's an immeasurable length of distance away, but, you know, we got a big fucking ear here so we can catch a lot of it. Can I hear one? Be my guess. I got to actually start sending this file in.

It's several thousand Googabytes, which is a new size that we had to come up with because of how big our files are. So you can go check it out. I got to get this upload started. So head. Oh, cool. Thanks. Yeah. She walks back over to the computer and you check out the Hall of Fame.

And there is the Mickey Mouse Nebula. You see that. You see one that is a nebula in the shape of Dennis Farina's face. And that's pretty cool. Love that guy. Is it all people's face shapes? No, there's a few like little. little boxes, like these little metal boxes with a play button on them. And the first one that

you come to, you press play on. And it's labeled baseball. And you press it and you hear like a old, like probably 1940s like broadcast of a baseball game that somehow they just like caught in space. And it's, it sounds authentic. Obviously, it's pretty distorted because it's coming from a very long way away. And one of the exhibits that is like one of these sound exhibits is labeled Interstellar Blues. And it was discovered on August 2nd, 1990. Yeah, I'm going to listen to that. You hear a guitar plucking, and it sounds like it's really reverbed, and it sounds like

it's coming from really far away. and then as the song sort of picks up from the introduction, you recognize it. You recognize this song as the song that you heard whenever Minerva would show up to talk to you. And then outside, you hear a crash, and from the security room, an alarm begins to sound. Aubrey, you have made it into the Ingleuk Hotel. I assume there's no lights or anything. No, there's definitely no power in here. She does the thing she's done a couple times now,

kind of ignites her fingertips, you know? Oh, sure. You lumiere yourself, essentially. Exactly, yes. Okay, I'm going to give you basically like the same layout that I gave dad. I kind of have it all written down here, sort of the same exact features, which makes sense because it's, you know, the same building.

And you came in the back room, right? Yes. Okay, I think that you would come in through the conference room then, which is where the rifts were when Ned was here, which he, let's just assume he described everything that happened in detail to you, right? This is not Ned doing this scene, so we can't have him notice the differences, but I think you would just, okay, there are no rifts in this room. The rifts are gone. The only thing that seems weird in this room that Ned did not describe is on the conference room table. There is, a single, small featureless, kind of like baseball-sized silver orb that is just sitting on the center of the table. Otherwise, there is nothing else here. There's no kind of detect magic in this game, is there? I mean, you have your third eye. So that's kind of that.

There's also other rooms. This is not the only room in the hotel, but this is what you see in the conference room. Yeah, but there's just a silver ball there, and I want to grab it, but that's weird. Since I was a young boy, I played the super... All right, thank you, Dad. I'm going to say, it's read a bad situation is what clues in the third eye for Aubrey. So I'm going to do that. Roll plus sharp.

Nope. Mark experience. That's a three plus sharp, which is... Plus one, so four total. Hard move time. You approach this thing to figure out what it is, and you hear it beep, and then it's... flashes so it's like a phosphorus grenade you cannot see anything and then you feel like uh you you just got hit by a very small semi truck uh right in the gut uh and you take two harm as you

are sort of sent backwards into the wall as this ball collides with you uh in your in your flash uh state the harm decreases by one oh right yes you have your your your sick vest. Yes. Yes, it protects you. You hear the vest sort of twinkle, I guess. It shimmers as you take the blow. What do you do? You hear this steady sort of like humming noise coming from where the ball is, and I think your vision is starting to clear up a little bit now. What can I see now? You see the orb that is sort of flown away. It's sort of hovering now on the other end of the room and it seems to be doing sort of a parable.

Like it's it's it's it's arcing away from you to arc right back. I see. It's coming back at me. Yes. I run deeper into the hotel. Okay. You make it into the lobby and I think this thing is like hot on your heels. In the lobby you see sort of the same just like detritus that ned described.

Nothing else kind of unusual here. There is a desk leading into the office and the door. This big heavy wooden door. into the office is currently open, and then there are stairs leading up to the second floor. I will also give you in the office you see, what do you see? You see something weird in the office. You see a piece of paper that is, it looks like it's stuck to the wall on the inside of the office. That is all that you can see in here.

And then there's also the front door, which is all sealed up and the windows too. I see. And so there's things right behind me, right? Oh, yeah. I'm still, I run up the stairs. Okay. I think act under pressure. I think if you're making this minute,

if you're moving this much in the house, like this thing is very, oh, geez, Traff. That's a four. I have a plus zero for acts under pressure. Yeah, so Mark Experience again. Aubrey may not survive this one, but she sure is going to go out with a lot of, you know, notches on the old experience belt. This thing manages to just like lap you, like just like flies right past you as you're

heading up the stairs. And then like a fucking home alone paint can just smashes into you. And it flashes right before it does it again. And now like your vision is like very much gone. and you actually are sent sailing backwards into a coffee table, and you feel something sharp in your leg, and you take three harm. So that's two more harm. That hurts.

But here's the thing. That experience leveled me up. Okay. And so Aubrey, as she's sitting there, hurt and bleeding, looks at the thing and raises her hand and just says, stop and let's see yes lightning arcs out from her fingertips oh shit is this your level up yeah so i'm gonna take another move from the spell slinger book and add uh lightning or entropy to my effects that i can do with by spells cool i like that a lot uh add plus one harm messy to a base yeah uh okay um

I'm going to give you like a Final Fantasy type weakness advantage here where you send some palpeteen shit up at it and instantly like it just like falls to the ground and rolls. And then it starts to sparkle kind of like one of those like shitty ground fireworks. And then there is just sort of little black chunks of burned metal laying on the floor where it used to be. Holy shit You have a not insignificant splinter of wood in your leg that is feeling very bad Where are you at Harmwise

I've got four out of seven So pretty bad But not as bad as could be No you are unstable though Which is not great That's a mechanic in this game where if you don't fix it or seek treatment or something It's going to get worse

So even though I'm hurt pretty bad, I still feel like I haven't done my purpose in coming here. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you're a fucking badass hero, right? Like, it's not like, you know, Buffy gets punched and is like, ah, fuck, I got to go home. Bye. So the riffs are gone. Yeah. And I'm going to go deeper into the hotel, right?

The rooms are on the second floor, right? I assume... There's the rooms on the second floor, and then on the first floor, all there is is the office behind the... Well, then I'm going to check there before I go upstairs. I limp on over. Okay. You head on over to the office and you were incorrect when you sort of first looked in the window and thought there was a piece of paper stuck to the wall. There is no paper stuck to the wall. There are many pieces of paper that are suspended in the air. Just floating weightlessly, statically like pinned all around. this room held up by these like very, very small, like pinpricks of white light all over the room. And some of them are like stacked up neatly against the walls. Is this a conspiracy dungeon? Again, there's no like a red rope connecting them. It's just like a, it's just like magic floating

paper of different types all over everywhere. But it's a bunch of notes. Are they written? Is it clippings? What am I mean, yeah, there's newspaper. I think you, this is not a role. I think you're able to see with your finger flames. There are some newspaper articles about the recent disasters. There is a, there are flyers for the kryptonomica. There are a bunch of like articles and clippings and flyers about the Green Bank telescope with a map showing it and, you know, newspaper articles about it. There's one newspaper article about it's apparently it collapsed back in 1988. And then I think most concerningly there are photos of you and Duck and Ned that are all attached to what appear to be dossiers. And at the bottom of each of those, you notice are signatures from

Agent Stern. That is what is in this room. Okay. Well, I'm going to say she just starts grabbing stuff out of the air. Yeah, you're able to do that. It's not. a problem. And once she feels like she has a significant amount, I feel like there's a pretty good find to take on back to the lodge and seek some help. Okay. You're leaving? She made a find and she's hurt. So yes. Sure. There, as you are walking out toward the back door that you came in, you walk through the rift room again, and there is one. There is a rift that is open. And you see inside of it. I think it's open enough for you to see through and you see what appears to be the currently closed main room of the kryptonomica. She jumps through it. Okay. That's exactly what I would do.

Okay. If it's open, that's where it is. That's where the thing is. Okay. You jump through it and then I think you also smell that like sulfury smell as it just like vanishes behind you. And now you are standing in the kryptonomica. And sure enough, it's closed. You don't appear to see anybody here. I'm not sure where Billy is. I'm not sure where Billy goes when it's closed. But there is, there's nobody in here.

Then I head towards the back. But I've got snitch in my hand ready to go. Okay. We see Albury walking in the darkened room holding a knife like she's in the Warriors, you head towards the back and there is a door in the back of the room that every other time that you've been in the Cryptonomica, it has been securely sealed shut. And for whatever reason, right now it is open and you see a small faint light coming from inside. I mean, yeah, I'm not going to stop walking now. But I'm trying to be quiet, even though, like,

also limping. Yeah. You walk into this room and it's, it is, it's just, it's just full of stuff. The first thing that stands out is that light that you saw from outside. It's the screen of Thacker's laptop, the one that Mama asked Ned to get earlier today, and then he just vanished. But like that is not even the most like wild thing in this room. You see, you just see all these things. Ned's always talking about his like, his treasures and trophies, right? But like, this is the first time that you've actually seen them all, like, arranged and that he's not lying. There is an Oscar. There's some movie props that you actually like recognize. There's like actually a lot of valuable stuff in here. You, you also see some like art of different types. And like

the most standout sort of part of that collection is this like very ornate sculpture of a tree with a like a figure sitting under it. And tucked below like all these shelves, you see some boxes. One of which is like pulled out from the rest. And inside you see like several. dozen fake IDs, all featuring Ned's picture, but like a bunch of different names and locales. And then at the end of this room, there is a coat rack. And hanging on this coat rack, there's a tuxedo that you're pretty sure like a bond war in one of those movies. But that is not what catches your eye the most. The light actually from the monitor catches it and flashes red across your face.

And you haven't seen it in years, but it is right here slipped over the hook of this coat rack. You find the flame bright pendant. Ned, what are you doing? Well, I think he has to go back and look for Boyd, but again, I think he knows what he's going to find when he gets there. I mean, why would Ned think that? Well, because if the Ned before was wearing the scarf,

He remembers that he left the scarf. The last time he saw the scarf was with the shape-changing monster. Yes, fair. Okay, I just figured out how you've connected with the dots. Thank you. Okay, you head back to Boyd's room. Justin, what was the name of the hotel that you stayed at that one time? The Count Gleu.

Count Glew. Hotel. Hotel. Beautiful Count Glew Hotel. Hotel. Hotel. And, yeah, you show up. up to his room, and, I mean, it's a hotel room with the door shut, so it is locked.

Well, then guess what I have to do? I have to use my lock-picking skills. We established in the last episode that you are fucking good at this because you cracked mama safe in like no time at all. So like, I think this would, because of the class you are playing, I think this is just an automatically, yeah, you popped a lot. Sproing. You're not, you're not, you're not planning. So the argument is it a burglary? Is this a burglary? because if it's a burglary, you should use your burglar power, but like, otherwise... Okay, I'll just open the room and start searching.

You walk into the room and the... It's empty. It has not been turned over yet this room. You can tell because there's... The bed is unmaid and there's some stuff laying around. And the closet door is open. And as you walk closer to the closet door, you find... Oh, damn it.

The body of your former partner, Boyd Moche. Okay, now I've got to do some kind of investigate here because I got to know what killed. Okay. Roll a, uh, roll plus sharp. Five plus two is a seven. Okay. With a seven on an investigative mystery, you hold one. So you get to ask one of these questions.

What happened here? Uh, you said you're specifically trying to figure out how he died. Yeah. Uh, you see. you see handprints around his neck and you can just tell it the way that he is leaning and I don't want to get like grossly descriptive with his death but his neck was broken and that is what killed him and that is what you can tell happened here. I think you can also, there's a smell in the air and the smell is a bit sulfurous I think. Not sulfurous. It's almost like burned steak or

something like that, and that is a smell that you've smelled every time that... When you were in the Rift room in the hotel, like, you smelled it a lot. So... Yeah, like a golden corral. It smells like a... The Rift smell like a golden corral. So you definitely get that too. And then you get a knock at the door into Boyd's hotel room.

Um, who is it? Uh, Mr. Mosh, it's a... It's me and manager. You're supposed to check out an hour ago. You doing all right in there? Oh, I'm so sorry, old bean. I have taken a bit ill. I've got a bit of the vapors.

Excuse me, time out. Did he just say it's me, a manager? The manager. The. Yes. Yes. Is there any way possible I can have a little more time I'm really ill and you're...

I'm really need a little time. Why are you yelling at me? Open the door and we can talk about that. I mean, I'll have to charge you for another day. I am covered in vomit and I don't... You don't want to see me. Gotta go, please. All right.

Oh, gosh. Manipulate someone, I think, definitely. Okay. The reason you're giving them is that there is a YARTS situation. This is plus charm. Plus Yards. Six plus. Plus two, eight.

So in the fiction of this game, Dad's just charming enough to pull off vomiting all over the room. They'll do something for you right now. They'll do it, but only if you do something right now to show you that you mean it. It says, can you, like, I don't know, can you slip some money under the door or something? It's just, it's 35 bucks. They ain't, you know, going to break the bank. You want me to give you.

You have to pay for another day, man. Do you want me a manager to get upset at you? Um, I, I tell you what, um... Do we have the amount of money that we have physically set? Like, we never have to spend money on anything. In the context of this game, money is useless to you. Just spend it. Just $35.

Say you have to spend two hours working at the cryptonomica to earn it back. Yeah, we're not going to go to Fantasy Costco. Fucking give him $35. It's got that little barricade thing. that keeps the door from opening all the way, and Ned hands him two-twenties. Okay. All right, man.

And I expect extra chocolates on my pillow tomorrow. Why are you eating chocolate if you're barfing and stuff? It's not good. That's what I'm barfing is the chocolate. Where's your accent go, ma'am? I'm barfing up chocolate, you busted. There's a new ring time for me, thank you. All right, I'm leaving.

Eddie walks away. Good, good. Be gone, Nick. Now you're just alone in this room with the body of your former partner and you, how are you feeling? How are you feeling seeing Boyd in this way? Ned is not good with sorrow and grief and is, he's kind of down. I mean, he hated Moshe on one level, but he was a friend and he's, he's flying. Okay, all right, here's what it is.

he he's flashing back to when when boy gave him the key and put his arm around him and he had a flashback to how it used to be how they were comrades and arms and that's when ned realizes wait a minute that must have been the bomb bomb all along and the bomb bomb had his arm around him and was pretending to be all buddy buddy so i think ned goes from being kind of of sad about Boyd to being grossed out and and kind of pissed about the whole thing. Yeah, I think as you are sort of galaxy braining and figuring that out, you're just kind of zoned out and like, you know, looking at the body and there is a source of light that is still on in this room and it's the TV. It's on and it's muted. And it is turned on to local public access television channel and you see a, like a stinger, like a splash screen that says community insights, and then the screen disappears, and then you see yourself on the television. Oh, shit.

I look terrible. What the hell? Turn up the volume. I got to hear what's going on. You turn up the volume and you hear what's going on. Oh, are we live? Oh, good. Good afternoon, my fellow Keplerians.

My name is Edmund Chican. Some of you know me as Ned Frikan. Well, you can't say fucking on the air. You can't say that on the ear. You may know me as the host of Saturday Night Dead, our local public access channel's premier late-night horror review. You may know me as. the proprietor of the Cryptonomica, our town's premier monster museum and gift shop.

When you think of me, I imagine that you think of monsters. Well, today, I'm here to tell you the truth. This is not advertising for my work. It is not fiction. You know, in your bones, that something is wrong in Kepler. Disappearances, sounds in the night, wreak accidents occurring with impossible frequency. Some of you have seen unexplainable things.

We'll consider this the explanation. The monsters are real. They come through an archway into our world and wreak havoc on anyone and anything that gets in their way. There are a select few in Kepler who have hidden this truth from you, who are already fighting to protect our forest. our town, our planet. And then this version of you that you see on the television screen, you see him stop talking for a second,

and he starts coughing violently. And you actually see a producer come in to try and check on him, and Ned just waves him off. And you see this Ned look at his hand and then very quickly tuck it into his pocket. And then he continues. It is time for us all to join the fight. A half mile north of Amnesty Lodge stands the archway, leading to our assailant's world.

Tonight, when the moonlight falls upon the gate, it will open. I will be there, armed, and ready to defend my home. Will you? Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hi, it's Ali Kokesh, one of the cast members of Mission to Zinks, a new addition to the Max Fund Network. We're blown away by the welcome we've received from Max Fun listeners,

telling us you've discovered the show and are binging it hard, supporting us during the drive, and just being rad humans all around. Mission to Zix is an improvised, obsessively sound-designed sci-fi comedy epic, following a group of ambassadors as they explore the ass end of space. I play Dar, the 12-foot-tall, omnisexual security officer with furry scales, chest talons, and a series of flaps and shoots that are for,

you know what, you'll figure it out. We'd be delighted if you joined our crew aboard aging, sentient starship of our Gargerian Jade as we travel to Zix Quadrant, meeting all sorts of weird aliens played by brilliant guest comedians. That's Mission to Zix, Zy, X, Y, X, X. Hi, I'm Joe Firestone. And I'm Manolo Moreno. And we're the host of Doctor Game Show, which is a podcast where we play games submitted

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Pokemon? Yes. Nice.