The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Amnesty — Episode 28

Episode Date: May 31, 2019

The shadow of war looms over Kepler, West Virginia. A troubled Pine Guard must race to thwart a hundred insidious plans, all of which appear to be reaching toward a single, horrific conclusion. Duck opens the way. Aubrey takes a deadly risk. Ned writes his confession. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone. Minerva was talking to us through like a little barely there, even little wormhole that was sort of inside our brains. Mm-hmm. And this book, you just happened to find in the woods. This word means sacrifice or transaction. One of those is way worse than the other one. You see a figure lying in this bed? Like their entire body is just in this cocoon of light.

You know, one last thing, Ed, before you run, you might try to clean up. a little bit of the mess you've made. Why would you stir up a fight that's going to destroy so many lives? That doesn't make any sense. Not to you, obviously. It doesn't make sense to the spider when you step on it, but some spiders need to be stepped on. He pulls a trigger on the narf blaster.

This figure just effortlessly throws Leo 10 feet through the air. We see Dr. Sarah Drake, and then we hear a voice speaking to her. Hello, Earth Scientist. I need to borrow your... corporeal hands for a minute. Duck, you are facing down this being made out of this pure white light. And it's the same type of being that you have seen every time you have defeated an abomination only instead of sort of disintegrating into a peaceful mist, this one is

remaining in this humanoid, forearmed form. and it is charging at you through the smoke of Leo's sideways truck that more and more smoke seems to be pouring out of by the second. Near that, you see Leo's form just sort of laying on the ground. He's still breathing, you can see, but he was just sort of tossed that way by this light being just seconds ago before it sort of set its eyes on you. also in the distance you see Dr. Sarah Drake, who you had just gotten out of sort of the perimeter of the Green Bank telescope. Now you see her just like full-blown sprinting back in, back toward the satellite lab.

And she seems to be moving with purpose as you are facing off against this forearm monster in the shadow of the Green Bank telescope. What do you do? Um, okay, is the monster between me, like, what is the monster between me and? It's between you and Leo for sure. The truck, I would say, is like, kind of to the left of you guys, and the telescope is, I mean, it's enormous, but it's generally to the right of you. Okay. Um, all right, listen. This is all right. I'm addressed to the monster. It's okay. You just got to let go. I've been through this. a lot of monsters already

and you're holding on the earth and life and everything. Just follow the light. Man, just go ahead and like, release. Let go, man. You're trying to talk it. It's okay. It's all right. I've seen this happen, man. I know it feels weird, but you got to be brave and just know that there's something better waiting for you, probably.

I have set an unfortunate precedent that you can try to manipulate this particular abomination, this particular monster, unless you have some sort of normie move that you're trying to bust out here. No, I'm, I just kind of thought I'd be funny. I mean, do you want to try and manipulate somebody? No, that almost certainly. No, I am. I mean, that's what I said.

That's what Ducks reaction would be. That is in the, I'm playing a role. Okay. And he probably has seen this. You said specifically twice now that that's what happens to Monster. So like, I'm just trying to tell it it's okay. It's time to let go. Yeah, it's not going to, it's not doing that.

It is, it does not continue. It's doing kind of that Terminator liquid policeman walk where it's like kind of slow at first and now he is like, you know, track and field sprinting at you. Just for future reference though, Griffin, how good a role would someone have to do to convince a monster to spontaneously, die. Is that a 12? Is it a 13?

You'd have to roll a 7 on one of the dice. Okay. Well, you make a great case, duck. Anyway, I'm going to be steady. Beez. See you in Valhalla, Duck. I have no, yeah, I'm running for, I gotta go to Leo. I got to get to Leo.

Okay, I mean, you are going to have to get around this being. Are you trying to do that with like an acrobatic move or some sort of, are you jukeing him? What's the, what's the play here? Yeah, I'll try to like run around him. Okay. Some of my like Tony Hawk. Agility.

Agility. Yeah, okay. Act under pressure for me. It's 2D6 plus cool. And Duck Newton's cool as hell. Five plus it doesn't matter. It could. Oh, yeah.

It does. It does. That extremely matters because that. That gets it out of a fail state and into a mixed success. On a mixed success, I give you a worse outcome, hard choice, or price to pay. You can get past this thing, but he is going to, it, I should say, is going to grab you. And when it grabs you, you are going to drop your sword. You're going to drop beacon.

That's it. He tries to like grab you by the waist to try to stop you. and he will take beacon from you, not to wield, but just to disarm you. But you will be able to make it through to Leo. I mean, that's what's happening, right? It's not like a choice, right? I guess that's a good point.

Then, yeah, this is a worse outcome, I guess. Yeah, right, okay, thank you. I don't have a vision of like, oh, man, he's going to take my sword. Well, if I do this, there's only one thing that's going to happen. It's like a fucking FMV game on one side. It's your game. Were you dragons layer over there?

I'm out of time reversal. cubes. Okay, you try to do some fancy footwork around this charging, a four-armed light person, and I think you're just not really running the math that they're just raw grabbing power with all of their arms. And you do manage to just, like, escape their clutches from three of the arms, but one of them grabs you by the belt, which unfortunately is also your weapon. And it just, it rips off. Your pants are, your pants are. holding because I you know they're now for now they are holding but your belt uh you turn back and you see that beacon is in this thing's hands and it just throws it down uh with with anger and

start sort of marching towards uh now you and leo uh but you have made it pass this thing what do you do how did he get my fucking bell off let's not think about the physics of it okay right all your belt loops came flying on they just snapped but you know if anyone's looking for an answer A slow motion of a monster like pulling the belt out of the belt would be a pretty great. So I'm at Lee, I'm to Leo. Yes. I'm gonna try to help him towards the relative safety of the telescope. Okay.

Go ahead and- I don't know a better option than that. I will give you that. I think you can get him to the telescope. There's like a thick sort of- I can't get him anywhere else, right? Right, right. my odds going to the telescope, but I like them better than running in a field and hoping this monster

quits. Yeah, I can't catch up to you. You're right next to the telescope. So I would say, like, you can get him into like the lattice work that makes up the base that is holding up this, this enormous telescope. And in fact, I don't even think you need to roll for that. You are right next to this thing. So you are able to kind of like just roll him under there before the monster sort of crashes back into you. But now you are kind of in the same situation. Again, Leo is, I will, say fairly safe for right now because you definitely have this thing's attention only right now you do not have your sword what do you do i don't have my jetpack either right boy that we're go down smooth right now try calling to it your jetpack did come back to y'all at the end of the last

arc right it came in and it was a a luck point sort of came in and made the jet pack come crashing into one of the goat men to stop them, right? So, like, y'all definitely have the jet pack. If you can make a case for why Duck would have it and not, like, Ned or somebody else, and why Duck would bring it to this thing, I will give you the jet pack. Did Leo bring it?

Huh. Would that have made sense? The roll, just a straight up and down 2D6. Okay. We've never done, like, a fate role before. Well, we did when we played fate. Yeah, that's true. We did a lot of fate roles then.

Nine. So that's traditionally what is called a mixed success. You see the jetpack and it is in the back of the delivery truck. You see the door of the delivery truck has like slid open and a lot of the like, there's a lot of groceries and stuff inside, but you also see the faint moonlight glint off of the surface of the jetpack. Since it is a mixed success, I will also say the cab of the truck has now, burst into flames, which there's some gasoline on the ground,

so those fires are starting to spread. But yeah, your jetpack's in there, and you don't know what else could be in there. But since he brought the jetpack, it could be other stuff. I'm going to make a run for it. It's the only chance I got. Act under pressure again.

And I'll let this one, you know, ride if you can make it. Holy shit. Plus cool. That's a five. You got to say what the rolls are, Griffin. Five. Say what the number. Thank you, Daddy.

That's a five plus two. That is a next success. Worse outcome, hard choice, or price to pay. This thing is right on top of you as you are about to do this. It's going to get you. It's going to, like, it is going to hurt you, but you are going to be able to make it to the truck. Okay. I can take a hit.

This thing just, like, grabs onto you as you try to make it past him. It, like, grabs onto your arm and yanks you backwards and manages to, like, full force punch you with one of its two arms on the other side. and you just slam into the ground and you take, you take two harm. But then you're able to sort of like scramble up, and as it reaches down for you again, it misses, and you make it to the truck and slide the door open. And inside of there, you see the jetpack, and you also see the broadsword that you have seen, you know, you've seen Leo using from time to time, especially when the two of you were like, kind of training to keep your skills as sharp as they could possibly be right now.

Okay. I got, I have, the backpack has three tags. It's quick, it's fragile, and it's volatile, is what the Flymaster has. Those are the three tags. I want to, I want to point it at the fluorescent goro, the flora, the flora, the floro. Thank you. And I'm going to just blast the throttle and try to blow it to hell. Not wearing it, right?

You're just like using it like a missile. Not wearing it. I can't be clear enough about this. I've never putting that on my human, fragile body ever, ever again. We all saw what happened to Ned. Right. Okay. What kind of fucking roll would jetpack rocket launcher beam?

It kicks some ass, baby. That's all. It's straight up a mess. All right. Yeah. Let's roll plus tough. Is duck tough? What's with these fives, dog?

You know what? Fuck this. I need this to work. I'm spending a luck point because fuck this guy. Okay. You, on a 10 plus, you deal harm to this thing. It deals harm to you. I'm going to say that you are definitely outside of this thing's range of being able to do harm to you.

So it's not going to like, it's not going to get you because you hit it with a fucking jetpack rocket. An exploding jetpack rocket. No, this thing, I mean, if this thing exploded, the Ned would be extremely exquisitely dead right now. So it doesn't, it's not going to explode, but it is definitely going to fuck this thing up and comically, like, take it on a magic carpet ride. You get to choose an extra effect. You gain the advantage. Take plus one forward. You inflict terrible harm.

You suffer less harm. You force them where you want them. I'm going to say like the blunt force of this essentially rocket that slams right into this thing's gut. It's going to do three harm to it. And you get to choose an extra effect. I'm going to, I want it to just take off into the sky. Okay. That's forcing them where you want them?

Yes, high, up. Okay. You set off this jetpack and it flies forward and catch. is this being made out of light right in the gut, and it sails backwards for a while, and you think it's about to, like, crash into the lattice work underneath the Green Bank telescope, but then, like, almost like a cartoon, the trajectory just arcs upward, and you see it fly higher and higher, and then it starts to arc again, and now it kind of just, like, loses the hold it it had on this being with just pure inertia.

and this forearm being slips and falls quite some distance. You assume he's probably going to take some more harm from it, but it falls directly into the enormous dish of the Green Bank telescope. But it is well out of the way. As you see that, you also notice through the very, very slim window looking into the satellite lab, you see Dr. Sarah Drake, and she is, illuminated by some sort of screen and she is messing with some sort of machinery and she's talking to like nobody she's having a conversation with nobody and as you look up the satellite

is starting to move it is starting to change change position and as this thing is adjusting duck you've had this sort of like ongoing headache as you've been close to this thing now that it is changing where it is pointing that headache is getting like more and more power and you also start to hear something as it is starting to get into position. You are hearing that acoustic blues tune again. And then you see through that window the person talking to Dr. Sarah Drake is the silhouette of Minerva. Aubrey, you're in the back of the truck that Jake Coolice is driving and Moira is in the back with you, the ghost friend from Amnesty Lodge.

And they are kind of like catching up with you on the situation. Pretty much everybody's gone from Amnesty Lodge. They are either sort of up at the archway or, you know, trying to take cover somewhere. And they have seen like a ton of people from Kepler passing by Amnesty Lodge and moving into the forest heading towards the archway as Ned instructed them to do on Tee. TV. And Moira says, well, Aubrey, my dear, it seems like, well, it's, I feel like things are finally catching up to us, Aubrey. You know, we're not done yet. Um, yeah, uh, Jake, hit the gas, please. Uh, Jake is flooring it and he whips around the turn, uh, that,

that leads, uh, off of the Riverside Road and kind of up towards top side. Uh, and he is trying to get up there. There is traffic. Like, and that's weird because there's never traffic here in Kepler, uh, and, uh, Jake yells, yeah, Moira, stop being so doom and gloom. We got, we can, we're the freaking monster squad. We can, is that what, we're the monster squad. We can stop this. No. That's a whole other thing. I'm sure you're sure that's an IP that we don't own. Um, you know, maybe, maybe we can, maybe we can, maybe we can, maybe we can handle this. Maybe, um, maybe, listen, you know I've resisted it, but maybe we can spin it. Maybe we can, you know, acknowledge the truth and, I don't know, save the day or whatever. We've done weirder

things. Sure. Um, I need you to make a straight up and down tough role. Okay. Uh, seven, plus, oh, no, whoa, I forgot, Aubrey's not tough. Miner. Mine. minus one of six. I need you to take one harm and ignoring your armor. Oh, boy. Because I'm bleeding. You are bleeding. You have this jagged piece of wood that is still sticking out of your leg and you've

tried to dress it. But like unless you get some sort of, unless you get this thing out and unless you like get, get, you know, some help from somebody, it's going to be, it's going to, it's going to keep getting worse. And Jake is still. driving upward. And he says, so where are we going? Should we head to the archway and try and head everyone off? What's up? Uh, Aubrey looks at her leg and says, yeah, the archway. Head to the archway. Okay, he heads to the archway. I would like to try to use magic.

Okay, as you are like in still in the back of the car. Yes. Okay. So one of the aspects of use magic you can do is to heal one harm from an injury. And I'm gonna try to do that. And Aubrey closes her eyes and puts her hand on her leg and grabs the piece of wood and thinks, Hey, Magic, it's me, Aubrey. I would really like to not bleed to death, please. And she pulls on the wood.

Oh goodness, I think this has got hurt real bad. eight plus three 11 yeah things are going well you're down to like one luck point I think so like every role for opera is starting to get two luck points okay okay sorry sorry sorry okay yeah that is a that's a full success um you pull it out and like it fucking hurts there's no way it doesn't it you don't have sort of um I see it being like a shot like where suddenly the camera pulls way back and you see like a bunch of birds fly out the woods around her as she yells and you're like well that was a loud, yeah. Yeah, it's not, it's not magic anesthetic.

You pull it out. And you put your hand on it, and there is a sort of faint orange light that you see sort of spreading across your leg that you can sort of see in the tear in your pants. And then when you pull your hand back, the wound is definitely still there, but it seems to be fairly closed up. So remove one harm and mark yourself as stable. Sick. You pull up to the archway and you're not like there's no roads leading there, but you see Jake drive up to Amnesty Lodge and not being the most confident driver, he pauses for a second and then sort of surveys the situation and then just keeps on floor in it back into the woods and is sort of doing his best to avoid the root systems that are poking up out of the ground. but you all do eventually make it to the clearing where the archway is. And when you get there, it is indeed a crowded scene.

You see what looks like at first blush, kind of like just an army. And that might just be like a projection of your worries at this moment, because actually what you see is just a few dozen citizens of Kepler, who are all sort of gathered in loose circles, around the archway. And you can tell just from the way that they are standing and where they're looking, they can all see it. They all know it is here, thanks to Ned's announcement.

Do they seem like full-blown, like Frankenstein mob kind of like pitchforks and torches and shit? There's weapons, right? There are, some of them are holding, like, it's mostly household items, like some baseball bats and shovels. I'm going to say that all the hornets are armed just because that's how they do and that's what they've set up. I'd say, I think one person, I think, let me think, uh, you, jeanne,

brought a literal pitchfork, like a literal pitchfork, which seems a little bit on the nose. I think even he gets embarrassed about it and goes and, like, sets it down somewhere in the woods. He's on it. Yeah. And, I mean, there's some guns, too.

Like, Agent Stern and Sheriff Owens are definitely armed. They seem to be having a conversation about something. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Agent Stern. A couple of the other folks here have, you know, some, a couple rifles, a couple shotguns. You see one rifle, and it is in the hands.

of Pigeon. Pigeon is here with her rifle and you also see that she's wearing a hornet jacket too. What? Which must have been a, you know, a fairly recent conversion. I thought Pigeon was on our side. I mean, a few, you know, seven months ago maybe. And I think Muffy and Winthrop are here and just sort of scoffing it, everything and everyone. Whose side are they on? God's.

Is anyone, I, it turns out they're agents of God. Yeah. So in all serious, no, is anyone on the side of the lot? Like, I assume Mama and Barclay are there, right? That is the other sort of armed person that you see through the crowd, not looking at the archway, sitting in like a folding lawn chair, is Mama. And she just has a sort of a shotgun, just her shotgun resting in her lap. And her head is tilted backward. And she's kind of got her eyes closed. and Barclay is standing behind her with a hand on the chair, and his face is just sort of locked in a grimace. And they are facing outward toward the crowd. That is what you see as you pull up. And I think Moira and Jake definitely just sort of like run forward

and start talking to Barclay. I see. What do you do? Do I see Hollis anywhere? Yeah, Hollis is definitely over with the Hornets. And they are just like not taking their eyes off of the archway. Okay, yeah, I think Aubrey's going to go to Hollis first. Okay.

As soon as you get there, Hollis says, I don't get what you didn't tell us about this before this. Oh, really? You don't see how this might, oh, yeah, because everything's going super calmly now. Oh, why would we not want to tell this armed mob of people about this thing? Yeah, because you all took it so fucking well. Aubrey, if this is where the monsters that are killing us are coming from, then yeah, I think we have a right to know. Okay, Hollis, let me ask you something. Yeah.

Okay. On the other side of this portal, I'm going to lay it out for you, all right? Are you ready? 100% honesty. And the other side of this portal is another world. Just like the same scope and size of ours with a population of people and just like us. people just like us, right? And think about this.

In, let's say, West Virginia alone, not even the whole world, the whole earth, West Virginia alone, right? How many people do you think there is a per capita ratio that's murderers to just regular people, right? So what if somebody said there are murderers in West Virginia, so we're going to march into West Virginia and kill everyone there because they might be murderers? Right? So what if the only thing you knew about West Virginia is that some murderers came from here?

And you said, so let's just go in and wipe everyone out. If they were coming in and murdering my friends and family, then you would come in and wipe out the whole state and murder innocent people just in case they might be murderers. What does that make you, Hollis? Yeah, I think you're trying to reason with Hollis, and I think it's sound enough to roll manipulate someone. The reason you're doing. Oh, no. No. Nope.

It's a three. That's a three plus one. That's a failure. I think Hollis just sort of like rolls their eyes and turns. I just want to say I, Travis McRae, stand by that argument. Sure, sure, sure. I'm compelled. Thank you.

Yeah, Hollis just makes it very clear that this conversation is over and turns their back to you. What about you, Keith? Huh? Oh, with this, with this hard, uh, failure, Keith looks super pissed off at you for hiding this from him. And Keith says, so the vampire thing that attacked us, you know the truth about that too, Aubrey? Okay, fuck off, Keith. And Aubrey goes to look for Agent Stern. Fucking classic Keith. Okay. You find Agent Stern and Sheriff Owen sort of talking, patrolling the crowd looking kind of fairly nervous. They seem fairly

comfortable together. You get the idea that, like, they have the essentially Twitter. Twin Peaks dynamic between Agent Cooper and, oh shit. Justin, who was the sheriff? Sheriff on Twin Peaks. Yeah. Oh, man, you asked me too quick. Oh, no. No, no.

No, no, no, no. No, no. Hold on. Wait, Harry S. Truman. Yeah, done. Yeah, they sort of have that dynamic. And you sort of walk in on their conversation and you hear Agent Stern say, do you need any help defusing this situation, Sheriff?

And you hear Owen say, well, as I see. this thing's either going to end with nothing happening and folks running Ned out of town on a rail or something happening, in which case an alien world is attacking ours. And I wouldn't mind having folks watching out if that happens. And then they notice you come up and Agent Stern says, Aubrey, it's good to see you. Are you doing okay? You know what? No? I'm just going to go ahead and say no to that one because I would argue, Sheriff, if I may, no disrespect. There is a third option that you're not considering, which is that we are the alien world who's about to attack them. What if we're the aliens?

Oh, my shit. You're right. Damn. What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us. Here's what I'm going to say. With that one sentence, you see Sheriff Owen just kind of like almost have the exact same reaction as Hollis.

Sheriff Owen's like rolls his eyes and sighs and turns his eyes just for a second away from you back toward the crowd. Agent Stern, I don't think you know a lot about Agent Stern despite the fact that you all have, you know, spent months together now in Amnesty Lodge. But you get the idea that Agent Stern thinks about stuff like this all the time. You get the idea that Agent Stern runs these possibilities, like the math of them just all the time. And so you see him actually take a beat to what you say just with that one sentence. Also, he sort of recognizes you acknowledging the truth of this matter. And I think he also knew that you were kind of plugged into this whole thing. And so, like, the fact that you are acknowledging it is also a big deal.

So I will say, like, roll manipulate someone. And it is with this. one sentence you may Oh, gosh. Fuck me. That is a snake. That's a snake, guys. That's a two.

Yeah, no. Agent Stern looks at you and for a second he looks sympathetic. And then he says, Aubrey, I am this close to finding out what's happening here in Kepler. And it is my job. It is my sworn duty to keep our country safe. and if this is where I need to be to stop that, then I'm afraid I just can't agree with you.

Sorry, give me a second. And he goes and sees that like the hornets are starting to get a little bit rowdy. And so he walks over to try and calm them down. Okay. Time to get to Mama and Barclay, I guess. Okay. Yep. Mama is like almost dozing and Barclay kind of like rouses her as you come close.

And Mama says, well, Aubrey, you, you're a fishery. I guess relieved of duty. Thanks for all the hard work, but it seems like we are just about to wrap things up here. So no. Well, you know, think of this like a business, Mama. We're about to go public. You know what I mean? We owned it privately before.

And now I think we just need to sell some shares. We need to get everybody bought in. Even if it's one by one, we just need people to understand. If we can make them understand, then our organization, Just gonna grow. Okay? Mama says, Aubrey, if we had months to do that, if we had months to put together a sort of a peace peace a communion of souls a blessed union of souls across our two planets Get together form up a treaty maybe it would work we got about

20 minutes for this gate opens up and war begins so I think it may Aubrey Yeah You can get over there Even when the moon's not out right Yeah You could go in and warn him You could go in and tell them

What's about to happen Shit but then we have I mean it could be You don't have to rile them up And get them all you know Armed and ready to fight But they Aubrey they need to know

It is only Fair It is only moral that they know What could possibly have happen to them right now. Okay, listen, Mama, Barclay, whatever you do, don't let them through the gate. And Aubrey takes off sprinting through the gate. It lights up for a second and you run through it and everybody in this crowd watches you run through one end of this stone archway and not come out the other end. As she goes through, she flips everyone off. And I mean, there was, there's no...

canon. That's not a joke. She does it. Cool. There's no distraction. There's no like, uh, there's, there's no way everyone didn't see this. And with that, I think everybody, follow me, assholes. It, it immediately shuts off behind you. That's not the danger. But immediately everybody sort of realizes, oh shit. Ned may have been right. Ned, you are in the cryptonomica. And, uh, the sun has gone down the faint light that was sort of coming in through the shutters. has faded entirely leaving you alone in your place of business. And I will say it is kind of a mess in here because you just full-blown ghostbustered

this big shape-shifting monster that sort of acer it out as you were sort of blasting him backward through a rift that he managed to escape through. And that commotion's now over. And now it's just you alone in the dark in the cryptonial. Tomica. What are you doing? How long after the creature's escape is this? Seconds after, I'm going to say. Like, okay, we see papers actually, like,

floating through the air and, like, slowly sort of sliding down to the ground. It is that soon after. Okay. I think Ned sits there for a few seconds, and it's really thinking because he's, he was planning on leaving. He was planning on doing exactly what, Aubrey said, get out of town, leave everybody alone and, you know, never be seen again.

And I really think he was doing that. I think he was packing up what few things he had left. And I think he's really torn now, but he doesn't know what else to do. So he heads back to the general area where he's going to start picking up and happens to pass by some monitors that Kirby used with. the camera drones because if you remember four or five episodes ago, or maybe it was just two or three, he asked Kirby to use those camera drones to kind of follow the Hornets. Oh yeah, you are fully plugged in with your surveillance stuff, for sure. And I think he walks past those and looks down and the drone is hovering over the

scene at the arch. Okay. And he has just seen all of that happen and realizes that a big part of this is his fault. And I think it motivates him to screw his ideas of trying to flee. And he heads out to the Croptonomica van and is going to drive to the arch, you're going to drive to the clearing. Okay. You follow the same route that the, that, that mama's truck just drove. And, uh, again, like you get stuck in traffic on your way up that, that hairpin turn. Uh, but you make your way up the mountain and to Amnesty Lodge. And, uh, again, like, you see

Amnesty Lodge is like completely empty. The, the, it is the first time, I think, you have ever seen this place completely darkened with like no life. inside of it whatsoever. And I don't know like how sentimental you feel about it, but I think for anybody who spent time there, like, it is a sad sight because that is sort of not what Amnesty Lodge is all about. But you manage to make it past it and drive your truck up to the crowd. As you approach, you see a mama's truck parked and so you pull up the van sort of immediately behind it. And you see the same crowd that I discussed earlier. You see the hornets getting all riled up. It is darker now than it just was in the last scene. And you see Agent Stern trying to calm them down and you see

sort of all the familiar faces around here. Only this time when you push into the crowd, a lot of the people here who have just seen Aubrey disappear through the gate, they stop talking now because you're here now. Because you are here and you are the one who said, come here. armed and join me in the glorious fight against these people. You're here now and they all turn towards you and they are all just silent. Except for Mama, who definitely looks over at you and she just starts kind of like laughing a little bit as you appear. What do you do? I think Ned would climb up on top of the, the Croponomica van. Okay. And say, good, good job.

Friends, you have mobilized. You have armed yourselves and you are ready for the terrible conflict that is about to come. I am so proud of you. I am so pleased that all of you have risen to this challenge. Here's the thing. As you're giving your speech, you see Barclay start sort of like marching towards. the van not sure what you're doing. Here's the thing.

I have gotten some new intel. As you know, my Cryptonomica van is loaded up with equipment. Loaded up. Nobody knows that. How would we know that? I'm telling you, you trusted me to come here, didn't you? Who was that? Was that Larry?

Anyway. No. It was you, Larry. Anyway, I have gotten intel on my equipment that the, the, the, Creatures are trying to pull the classic flanking maneuver and are planning on attacking out at the giant satellite dish. We must go immediately there, take all of our forces, and prepare ourselves to fight off these fiends, these evil creatures. Will you follow me one more time, into battle, on again, once more. dear friends into the breach,

onward to the giant satellite dish. And I already know you want me to roll 2D6. This would be a manipulate someone, yes. I am also going to say, like, we are playing a game where you all get to decide what happens with the role of dice. These people just saw a woman run through this magic gate and disappear. So, like, keep that in mind as you are trying to pull them off to go somewhere else.

That is the information that you are sort of fighting against. Okay. Ah, let's see. And what will this, what will I add to this? This is plus charm, which you are good at. Plus charm. All right. I think I have plus two plus charm. All right. Here we go. It's a seven plus two, a nine. I think a few folks are convinced. I think some people are convinced. Here's the biggest, I think most important thing that happens. I think Hollis looks up at you and then they sort of turn over to Keith and they have a very brief conversation. and then Hollis snaps and the Hornets sort of like pedal up next to them and Hollis gives

some orders and you see about half of the hornets peel off into past the through the woods in the opposite direction heading up toward Green Bank which is quite you know it's kind of a drive away but and a few other people leave to I think Muffy and Winthrop take off to Eugene actually, when you mentioned the Green Bank Telescope, Eugene looks horrified. Eugene looks absolutely out of his mind terrified and he just takes off. So I think you thin out the crowd definitely,

but not enough to, you don't get everybody to take off. And with that, I think Sheriff Owens is definitely walking in this direction, but Barclay has made it to the truck and he says, Ned, am I going to have to like fight you? Because I don't want to, but holy shit. shit, man. Do you not see what I just did? I see what you... I just got... I got rid of like a third of the people that were waiting here to wipe out everybody. You, but you made this bed.

I didn't make this. That was not me on television. It was whatever this bomb bomb is that can assume forms. Why in God's name? I know I got a big mouth, but I would never do that. Why would I mobilize an army? Think about it, will you? you need to come talk to Mama Ned. If we're going to try and figure this thing out together, you need to explain exactly what's happening with Mama. I know that you all are capable, but she has been at this a long time.

We've never been this close to annihilation before. We're going to need to work together on this. Fine. Great. Let's go talk to her. The two of you walk up to Mama, and she's still kind of laughing at your speech, and she says, that was convincing as Hill, Ned Chicanne.

Well, apparently not enough. I mean, you got some folks to peel off. You can feel good about that. The war won't have as many sort of immediate casualties. That wasn't you on TV, was it? No, it was not me. Thank you.

Thank you for knowing. Did you steal my statue, Ned? Yes, I stole your statue. I stole the statue. I stole the necklace. I'm a stealing guy. Okay? So we're kind of like breaking ease.

Even on the like, carmic scale, you think? Yeah, I don't know. No, I still think I'm on the negative side of the carmic scale. But let's, we're wasting time. We've got to do something. Why does nobody act quickly in this game? Yes, I stole all the shit. I'm a bad dude.

Let's get on with it and punish me later, okay? What is going on, Ned? There is some kind of creature that can assume forms. This creature has been trying to make this war happen. I think. Apparently, I'm just a thief and not much of a thinking guy. Boy, I'm really running into trouble there. But this creature is trying to instigate a war between the two sides.

I don't know why. They're just kind of shitty. And they are, they've set out to do this by imitating people, attacking and pinning both sides against each other. They have made you guys look like or the people on the other side in Sylvain as some kind of monsters. You need to figure out who would benefit from that. Motive. It's all about motive. Ned, knowing what we know now, I am worried that we don't have time to figure that out. And she gestures out to the crowd.

And at first you think like she is talking about this army that is surrounding you. But you actually notice something that was. not here a second ago, up against a tree, sort of actually hovering a little bit off the ground, you see that like white, light sarcophagus that you saw when you were abducted and taken into the hotel. You see this floating white sarcophagus that is there. And the crowd, I think, parts, and you hear gasps as people turn and look at this thing, this just, monolith, uh, staring at, uh, all of you here in the middle of the clearing. Hey everybody.

This is Griffin. Mac Roy, your Dungeon Master, your best friend and your snack handler. And don't even think about those ritz crackers. Don't even touch those ritz crackers because I've got chips a hoi over here. You're welcome. Thanks for listening to the Adventure Zone episode 28, I believe, of Amnesty. I know it's getting hectic. So let's get you back into the rest of the episode as quick as possible.

I'm going to talk about our sponsors first off. Thank you to everybody who tweets about it. the show using the Zonecast hashtag. If you do that, you might end up as a character in the show. Characters like Dr. Sarah Drake, who's named for Sarah Churchill on Twitter. Thank you so much for tweeting. I'll be honest with y'all. Amnesty's pretty close to wrapping up, so I don't know how many more characters are going to be, but I sure do appreciate you spreading the word about the show. It just, it means the world to us. Some more quick announcements. Thanks to Maximumfund.org for having us on the network. It's a great network, and we are very proud to be a part of it. They got all kinds of

great shows like, can I pet your dog and stop podcasting yourself and just a shit ton more. All at maximum fun.org. We have other stuff at Macroyd. Family. And that's it. We're going to be back in two weeks with another new episode of Amnesty. And I don't have time to calculate when that is, because I'm a busy man. But I think it's going to be like the 12th or 13th or something of June. Yeah. Okay, definitely the 13th. So we'll see you then. Bye. Duck, you see Minerva in the satellite lab. And she looks up from the computer and smiles. And then you hear, actually from behind you, you hear,

Hello, Duck Newton. It seems like you've kept up with your training. With your strong muscular legs. Tone and definition, it's so important, Duck Newton. Where the fuck have you been? I have been, well, for a while, buried under a pile of rubble. A considerable pile, Duck Newton. But I am big and strong, as you can tell from my projected silhouette.

So I managed to get myself out of that situation. Duck, it is a complicated story, and I do not have enough time to tell it. God, it's so fucking good to see you. It's good to see you, too, Duck Newton. Now, I need you to start climbing immediately. Did you see Ingame? What? Did you see Ingame?

I didn't know how much free time. I don't know. You've been away for a while, so I didn't know. I don't know what you're talking about, Duck Newton. But every question you ask me about pop culture, I'm assuming, is a second you are spending not climbing. Okay, but did she see in game, Griffin? Okay, she's, I'm climbing. No, I still want to know that in game.

Yeah, I Travis will ask out of character. She did, yeah. On her planet, which I believe we titled Mirolovinniacs Orbital Body 5. They get all the Marvel movies like three months early. It's sort of, yeah. They do a soft launch there. What she think? It was a little convoluted for her taste.

Okay. Oh, no. Duck, why don't you act under pressure? Damn. Six. Okay. With a... Reels.

Yeah. You start climbing. Rolls are big. I'm about to level up again. Oh, yeah. Mark Experience for all of... There have been... Jesus, there have been one, two, three.

three, four, five, six failures just in this one episode. You start climbing up the lattice work underneath the satellite, underneath the Green Bank telescope. And it is high up. I started climbing before I thought about it. I'm trying to get to the thing. Yeah. I mean, you don't know.

Minerva just told you to climb. Oh, I fully, by the way, fully got the broadsword 100% as well. I hope that's obvious, but it did get. And I assume you picked up Beacon, right? because he was just laying on the ground after you blasted Duder away. Was he laying on the ground? Yeah, he was laying on the ground. Okay, I grabbed a weekend.

Okay. You climbed about 10 feet up, and then, like, your weak human arms gave out, and you just fall to the ground, and you take one harm. And Minerva says, um, maybe I was wrong, Doug Newton, about your tone and definition. Are you going to be able to do this? Well, um, yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah, yeah, hold on. Yeah.

I'm gonna, fuck, I don't know, Minerva, shit. Look at me. I'm like a fucking, I, post-a-worker, a gym teacher. I'm, I mean, I'm just a regular dude. Duck Newton. I have known you obviously off and on for some years now. And even when we were apart, even before you were my ward, you were never a normal dude

and she extends a holographic hand down in your direction and I grab it and it just passes right through it it's a symbolic gesture Duck Newton you can do this all right I pull out beacon

and it's time for a battle nope time to climb idiot and I whip beacon up ahead above me and start climbing again. Roll, act under pressure. This time with advantage, because I think he's speaking.

Yeah, I think actually, yeah, we don't, I don't think we've done this before, but I think narratively it makes sense. You are climbing with a tool that is assisting you. I think go ahead and roll with advantage, which in Apocalypse World traditionally means roll 3D6 and you take the highest two dice. Okay. Jesus Christ. That is...

Plus one. Five, six, six is what Justin just rolled. That is extremely good. Yeah, using this method, you whip the chains that make up the sort of midsection of beacon upward, and he extends, you know, however many feet long beacon is and whips around... It's actually chains. It's like flexible metal. That's fine. Yeah.

Then it sort of spools... I don't want the fan artist there. Sure. I was imagining sort of like Ivy's sword from Soul Calibur, if you remember that. It's more like if you Google an Arumi, which is like an ancient sort of Indian weapon. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I remember when you were sort of talking about that as the concept.

Okay, yeah, then you see like the metal of, that makes up the tip of beak and just coil around the lattice work. And it sort of flexes and swings you upward. And it is a weird, clumsy Spider-Man climb. but you like fairly effortlessly whip yourself up and into the dish. And while you are up there, you see this being made out of light with the four hands. And it is grabbing onto the base of the antenna at the center of the telescope. And now you see Minerva again. And she is, you know, projected right next to you.

And she says, Duck Newton, what is about to happen is going to be pretty. wild. I'm not going to lie to you, but it's not going to happen if that thing gets what it wants and destroys the Green Bank telescope. I need you to stop it, please. All right, Minerva. All right. I'll just stop it. Use your sword, Duck Newton to stab and hurt it. We talked about it. All right. Man, I have missed your tutelage.

It's like score strategy number one. I take a beacon in one hand and the broad sword in the other. Hey, hey, stupid. It's me, Duck Newton. Local beefcake. And I'm going to kill you with these. Believe it or not, as unlikely as it may seem. And I sort of idly spin them with my hands.

I know I sound about as convincing as, well, I probably sound to you. But, you know, I'm all out of options. I threw my cool jet back at you. My friend hit you with the truck. So here's my cool new thing, okay? I'm going to stab you until you die with my two swords. And I kick its ass. Yeah, we see you just running on the dish of this telescope

towards the antenna at the center while it is still moving into position. So you're kind of sliding towards this thing with swords drawn and roll to kick some ass. Oh, yeah. There we go. It's a 10. That is a 10.

You are sliding towards this thing with swords drawn, and as you get closer and closer to this antenna, and as the dish itself is moving, that headache that you've had, since you've been kind of close to this thing, has gotten worse. It is getting more and more painful, but it does not break your stride

as you charge into this thing with two swords, and you deal... Well, what is Beacon's harm? Two harm, innocuous messy. Okay. You deal for harm, because you are holding... two swords. That's the only way I can think that this would play out mathematically.

What do you do? What do you do? Like, what does this, like, attack look like when you finally collide with it? Um, it's messy. I just, like, I feel like I swing the broadsword with all my strength that just kind of chunks into it and just pisses me off more. And I swing with the other, with beacon and, like, uh, coil beacon out and then recoil, and then recoil and cut, like, a chunk off. It's messy. I'm just hacking at it. I, there's no, uh, uh, of finesse or grace. I'm just trying to kill it with these two swords. All right, with a 10 plus,

you get to choose an extra effect. You take the advantage, you inflict terrible harm, you suffer less harm, or you force them where you want them? I got a cool place that I think I'd love it to check out, and that's off the telescope and on the ground. I got it. You are at the center of the telescope, and it is a 100 foot wide, perhaps 100 meter wide.

I do not remember. So that would be one fucking hell of a 300, So as much as I would love to make that happen It is not gonna happen You're right Okay so what give me my options again Do more harm Suffer Less harm take a plus one advantage

On your next role or force them where you want them I think just terrible harm I'm just like I'm just brutalizing it You you chop into this thing with both swords And how much harm did I take Well that's the thing As you're sort of slashing away at it It is it finally sort of like gets

Sword stuck in two of its arm arms and manages to grab you by the throat with one of its arms and it just squeezes and chucks you backwards and you land on your feet. And it deals to harm, but you actually feel like maybe it didn't. You feel a bit more hale and hearty than you expected to. And the telescope stops moving and both you and this creature, I think, lose your footing for a second. And now it is leaning up against the base of the antenna and it is kind of shuddering. It looks like it is just like glitching out. And then your headache, Duck, it gets so painful and you seem an Irvin now and she is right in front of you between you and the monster. And she says,

Duck Newton, this is going to hurt a whole bunch. Are you ready? Yeah. You hear that song now and it is like you are in a room where you're seeing it in concert. It is so loud. And then that pain in your head, it passes the point of human comprehension. And then suddenly you feel a sensation that no other living human has ever experienced. Your sight vanishes just instantly as this flash of pain just splits your mind into

And you feel this feeling like growing and buzzing now and moving. This pain is moving. It's stretching outward out from your forehead. And then just like that, it is gone. And your vision returns. And you see hovering just in front of you a small hole that is floating in the sky. And this forearmed being looks at it like curiously. It's had like cocks to the side.

and then it sort of takes a step backward into the antenna with clear alarm. And then it is thrown back as you are by this beam of piercing green light that bursts downwards through the clouds above into the antenna of the telescope. And this hole that just came out of you, it is crackling with this green energy and it's expanding. And through that hole, Duck, you see something. You see a vision of these ruins, of these like toppled pillars and collapsed walls and these like obliterated pieces of large inscrutable machinery, all of which are completely dormant except for one. And in front of that device, you see a shadow approaching faster and faster. And then she leaps and she's here.

She's holding this massive two-handed sword with both hands, and she's careening through the air before sliding to a perfect halt on these two large wooden sandals. And then she looks back over her shoulder at you, her real, tangible shoulder. And she says, thanks for the lift, Duck Newton. I had it. Aubrey. Yes. You pass...

I'm on pins and needles, Griffin. Yeah, you pass through this, you know, the tunnel of white light that you always enter through as you as you pass through the gates. And you step foot into Sylvain. And immediately you can tell that something is just like something is wrong. There is like there is a storm brewing outside, which is strange. You have only seen like a clear dark sky every time that you have come here. and you notice that like the storm isn't necessarily all up in the sky. It seems like the storm is just everywhere outside of the walls of the city.

It is frightening to say the least. And then you also see another frightening thing immediately in front of you. As you step through the gate, spears are immediately just like at your throat. And they are held by these two guards who I think when they see who you are, Vincent sort of taps one of them on the shoulder and they pull their spears back and now you sort of have time to survey what's going on here. There are, you get the idea like maybe every living Sylvan

at this point is standing around the gate. And among them you see Vincent and you see Woodbridge, who's another one of like the ministers who take care of the place. and then you see Janelle. And Janelle is wearing this, what looks like a ceremonial robe, and she's not alone. There's like, there's a half dozen other robed sylvan's all standing in a half circle around the gate. And they are all like checking their belongings.

They seem to be like preparing for something. And then you see a lot of guards. You see a lot of guards arranged in formation around the gate. and leading back into town. And as Vincent has his guards pull their weapons away, he says, Aubrey, Aubrey, what are you doing here? This, what are you doing here, Aubrey? What are you doing here?

Is this a, is this a retaliatory? And as he says that, Woodbridge, like, comes up and just, like, hits him from behind. And Vincent looks back and looks like he's about to hit him right back. But he calms himself. and says, Aubrey, this is, this is not a good time.

And, uh, Yeah, no fucking duh, Bintz. Uh, and just then, like, as you yell that out,

Janelle realizes you're there, and she is sort of aghast. And she walks up to you and says, Aubrey, are you, are you okay, Aubrey? Wow.

You know, that's a really big question considering, Janelle. So, um, let me run. down real quick. All right? You ready? Deep breath. There's a whole bunch of people on the other side of our gate because something that's a shapeshifter that seems to be made out of light told everyone

while it was in the form of Ned that there was a gate here and there were monsters here. Also, I just got my necklace back from Ned and it turns out that Ned might have been a part of my mom dying when I was young. And also, you're doing this whole army thing on this side too. So it's really, there's a lot happening. Uh, like as you are giving that several groups, start like, there's a lot of movement that sort of goes in waves. As you mentioned, the army on the other side, that actually catches everyone by surprise. That actually shocks just about everybody here. And immediately, Vincent turns back toward the officers here and you see him pull aside like a few, you assume, like high-ranking people to start formulating, you guess, a new plan.

Woodbridge also sort of like springs into action and starts talking to Janelle. Like they are listening to your conversation, but they are also sort of reacting to it in a panic. And Janelle is protesting something with Woodbridge, and then she turns and sort of nods her head and walks over to her and says, walks over to you. And Janelle says, is it too late to stop them, Aubrey? No, not at all. It's not, listen, it's not a real army. It's all the people from the town on the other side of here, and they're scared.

Like people have died, we've had the abominations come across, and if anything, they're more scared than angry, but that's maybe worse, but it's not too late. We can fix this. We just need, I don't know, ideas. Wait, hold on, what's going on over here? If you didn't know about them, why are you all guarding the gate? There is a rumbling of thunder out in the distance, and it sends, a shiver of Janelle's spine, and she looks at you, and she smiles. And she says, do you believe in fate? Sure. Here's what I think, Aubrey. I think you were sent to me for a reason.

and I don't know what that reason is, but I believe in it. And I haven't believed in something like that since I watched the heart of my planet shatter. And I think you have done your part to always think about us, to always try and save us. and now, Aubrey, now it is my turn. And she vanishes. And one by one, those robed sylvanes that were with her, they all vanish as well. And then you are pushed aside by some unseen force.

and just for a second, the gate flashes and then goes dormant again. And with that, Woodbridge says, Vincent, as Minister of Preservation, I'm claiming absolute authority over this mission. For the continued survival of your people, you will detain Miss Little until Janelle has returned, having completed her quest. And Vincent nods and the squirrel. The squirrel guard definitely, like, gets spears cross-acquests. the gate as you get there. And Vincent says, Aubrey, please, just stay with us. Just for a little while, Aubrey, I'm begging you. Aubrey runs towards the crystal. Hmm, okay. I mean, it's some ways

away. Yes. Okay, I think to break sort of through the guards here, I think you're going to have to roll to, I don't, I think it's act under pressure no matter what, right? This is a, this is what that role is made for, I think. Let's see. nine plus zero plus zero uh it's a mixed uh it's a mixed success um you you break through everybody uh and you make it part way down the stairs and then uh a hand grabs you at the bottom of the stairs and it's just vincent it's just vincent now it's just the two of you at the base of the stairs everybody else is kind of like still nervously watching the gate you get the idea that they want to like keep an eye on you but the gate is much more important to them right now

And Vincent says, Aubrey, what are you doing? We, we, I just, I need you to stay here for a moment. What's happening here, Vincent? Why, why is the sky like this? Why is everyone scared? Quick, quick, quick or quick? Don't think, just answer. It's the, it.

Aubrey, this is the end of the world. Okay. This is, this is the apocalypse that we have known is coming and it is arriving several weeks early. Because the planet's dying, right? Right. I might be able to help. How? And she takes off her sunglasses and looks a,

eye. The crystal and I get along well, and I don't know. I could give you time. Manipulate someone. And I think you have a pretty good case here. It's a six. No, it's plus one, so it's a seven. They'll do it, but only if you do something for them right now to show that you mean it.

And I think he says, you can really do that, Aubrey. You can really buy us some time? I don't know how much, but. I don't know. Maybe. We're going to have to run probably. And then from the top of the stairs, you hear Woodbridge scream, Vincent, what are you doing? Sees her!

And he throws his spear down and grabs you by the hand. And now the two of you are running down the street, pursued in the distance by several of Vincent's own guards. And you are able to reach the garden with this now just almost completely faded gray crystal in the center of it. the light that you have seen, the faint light that you've seen that people sort of draw their sustaining energies from is more or less completely gone now. What do you do? She looks at Vincent and she says, try to pull me back before I die.

And she holds on to flame bright and touches the crystal. All right. All right. I think this would be big magic. right? I think what you are attempting to the first time you did it, it was like a fun experiment to see what would happen. Now you are trying to like save an entire planet or at least buy them some time. I think that's got to be big magic. I agree, Griffin. So I think you're going to have to roll to use magic. You're going to need people to help and I think Vincent has done that, right? And it will have a specific side effect or danger. Those are the three things. So your place in this is to roll use magic. And we, we will see what happens. It's a seven plus three, that's a ten. That is a complete success.

You are holding on to the big crystal with one hand, and you're holding onto the flame bright pendant with the other. And for a moment, the crystal in the center of Sylvain, it regains its color just with a flush. And as it does so, you notice it is the exact same hue as the flame bright pendant. And both of them now seem to be illuminated by this just beautiful spiraling light from within. And you would be able to appreciate this if you did not feel like you were dying. And you feel like all of the magic that you have gained some mastery over over the last year.

You feel it just sort of draining out of you. and you feel yourself getting weaker and weaker, and then you feel a furry hand on your shoulder who pulls you backward. And Vincent says, Aubrey, are you, are you okay? Aubrey, you did it. And you look around and, like, it's still like dark out. It is still, like, ominous and creepy,

but, like, this storm is not at the gates anymore. It is, it is, it looks like just any other sort of rainstorm. It is not sort of the apocalyptic wall of death that it just was a few moments ago. And you actually see everybody who was like charging in after you. They have stopped and are looking with awe like at your surroundings. And some of them look scared. Some of them are just like cheering. And Vincent says, Aubrey, what?

What are you? Oh, I'm bisexual. Do all of bisexual? have this power? Yes. I don't... How are you able to do that? You know what, Vince?

Fuck if I know. With that, I think Vince takes your hand and helps you up. And he says, what's going on with your eyes? And he... You see, actually, in the glint of his armor, that they are both orange now. And as badass as that looks, you also feel like doing that took something out of you. And so for the time being, you have a minus one ongoing for whenever you use magic.

Okay. Vincent, I have to. Janelle multiple times has said about the crystal fracturing and is there any reason I can think of that I would be connected to magic. And the only thing I thought is my mom gave me this necklace. I finally got it back. Is it a piece? He looks at it and holds it in his hand and he says, Aubrey, I was here before the shattering. That is a piece of Sylvain.

Where did you say you got this? My mom gave it to me? He eyes it for a second and then hands it back to you. And he says, Aubrey, when our world was first attacked, when the shattering happened, your earth. Raiders came and took pieces of Sylvain as Mementos. And I guess it's possible that throughout the decades, throughout generations, one shard made its way to you. Could we fix the crystal if we got the pieces back? It was hundreds of pieces, Aubrey. It's not, it's, I don't think that's, as

much as I appreciate your, your caring thought, that's, I don't think that's going to work. But fortunately, I don't think we're going to have to worry about that too much longer. Why? He looks around and notices that Woodbridge is still a distance away. He says, because Janelle found a way to save our planet. That's what she's doing over there. How? I shouldn't be telling you this, Aubrey.

It's a little bit above my head, but if anything, I think you could serve us better on the other side. Go help Janelle if you can. Okay. Okay. And Aubrey runs back. You are passing through the crowd and Woodbridge like tries to stop you and a couple of the guards sort of like swarm in with him. And Vincent is like chasing up to to like tell them to fucking chill out. But they see your eyes. And with that they just kind of like look freaked out and step backward and allow you to pass. through them up the stairs and back through the gate. Ned, you are standing in the crowd and this white light sarcophagus has just appeared.

This is not happening concurrently with the scene that just happened, so Aubrey is not appearing through the gate right now. You see the sarcophagus, and the crowd has grown silent. And Mama, I think with that, stands up from the lawn chair and starts to walk toward it as to a couple other folks. I think Hollis and Agent Stern and the sheriff all sort of walk closer to investigate. What do you do? Do the same thing.

Walk towards it to investigate. Okay. Yeah. I assume since I'm the only one that has that move. Yeah, that's fair. This would be... So wait, all the NVCs are like they're trying to look at it, but they're like, what do we even do with their eyes?

I can't figure this out. Our ears are... What do we do? So you tell me, is this investigative mystery or is this read a bad situation? Now, Ned has seen this sarcophagus before, right? Has, yeah, and it has definitely rolled on it before. So, like, I think Ned kind of knows what this thing's about. So that's why I think read a bad situation.

I would argue this is more of a bad situation than it is an unknown thing because you actually specifically do know what this thing is. I do? Well, not what it is, but you know what you're going to know just from looking at it. You know it's connected to the abomination in some way, like... Exactly. And that it has some sort of like readout of it and you, here's one thing I will give you just for free. When you saw it back in the hotel, it had these like memories flashing on the cover of it, kind of like how your memory.

Those are not there anymore. Those are not happening on the cover of this thing. You don't really know what that means, but the memory flashing is over, but you still see sort of a digital readout on the cover of this thing. I think read a bad situation then. Okay. Roll plus sharp. That's a seven plus. plus two, that's a nine.

Okay, on a nine, you get to hold one. So you get to ask one of these questions. What's my best way in? What's my best way out? Are there dangers we haven't noticed? What's the biggest threat? What's vulnerable to me? And what's the best way to protect the victims?

I think best way to protect the victims. I think, like, the term victims is broad here, right? I will give you that. Like, everybody's in danger around this thing. And, I mean, I will also give you, there is a mob and, armed mob, whatever is inside this thing is probably in danger, right? Like, there's an army here, a small platoon. So that is something I will also give you. It seems to me that protecting the victims is the best way to find out how to diffuse the situation. Yeah, this is getting people

away from this sarcophagus. I think Ned points the narf blaster at the white sarcophagus. and says, if you don't mind, would you leave, just go somewhere that is not here so that I don't have to shoot you with this gun that I keep shooting people with, even though I'm pretty much a pacifist, but not lately. With that, like, all the civvies back away from the sarcophagus, because you're pointing this, I'm going to say, huge crissives. crazy colorful gun at it. And Agent Stern, like, turns towards you with alarm, and Sheriff Owens does the same with one hand

on his service revolver at his hip. And he says, now, Ned, I don't know what that crazy contraption is, but you need to just take it easy, all right? We don't know what this thing. Well, I don't think it knows either. so how about not, you know, ruining my move here, okay, big guy? Are you threatening this sarcophagus? It doesn't, I'll say this, it doesn't respond to your speaking, right?

If the sarcophagus itself or the thing inside of it is like conscious and cognizant of your warning, you don't know because it just remains there sort of floating in midair. It does not respond as much as everybody else responds to you wielding this big, wild gun. Listen, everybody, just do me a favor. Back off because when I shoot this thing, and I look at the white sarcophagus, and I will shoot you. I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen, but you all need to back off just in case there's some kind of unpleasantness that occurs when I shoot it, and I will shoot it. Go ahead and roll, manipulate someone. All right.

That's a seven plus what? Charm. One. That's an eight. Okay. On an eight, they'll do it, but only if you do something right now to show them that you mean it. The sarcophagus is like, again, no response. I think, I think on an eight, everybody just like everybody backs away.

Nobody quite knows what to do in this situation. Agent Stern also now has his hand at his hip. And Sheriff Owen's... Oh, no. You don't want to see his hand where his hit be at. Almost certainly not. And Sheriff Owen says, Ned, I'm going to have to ask you to lower that thing, all right?

I don't want anybody getting hurt. And I don't know what kind of wild gun that is. So I need you to... What do you think this giant threatening white sarcophagus? You think it's a good guy? This is one of the bad guys. This was in the place where I got Zapp... over to. This is in league with the

shape shifter thing. This is in league with the thing that's been opening rifts all over town and have been attacking people and killing people. This is not some goodwill ambassador. Put your fucking gun away. He looks kind of shocked at what you're saying. Because you used

a dirty word. Yeah, the power of your cursing makes you not have to roll on this. He kind of like takes a step back. Because everyone knows that cursing is cool. You also just said so much banana cakes stuff. about a shapeshifter and all this thing. But I will say like your yelling sent a shock of alarm through the crowd who now kind of knows to be scared of this thing.

And I think it's quiet for a second. And then there's a flash of light that comes from the sarcophagus. And very, very slowly it just kind of disintegrates into these little puffs of light that float upward and disappear. And there is a figure inside of it. And this is all happening in like super slow motion. You see like guns being raised. You see people sort of just freaking the hell out as the sarcophagus disintegrates. And then kneeling on the ground, you see a woman.

And she is wearing a parka. And she's got this tangled, blonde hair and a brown pair of sands. lacks and she is hunched over. Her face is looking down at the ground. Her eyes are closed. And the crowd, I think, also kind of takes a step backwards. Some of them take a step backward from her as she appears, except for those who are drawing their weapons and she looks up at you, Ned, and it's Danny. Only she is different now. You've only sort of slightly seen her in this form once, back when the residents of Amnesty Lodge lost access to the springs that sustained them and sort of gave them their lucidity on earth, only it's much, much worse

now. She is completely feral. Her eyes are shining this like blood, orange, red, and her teeth are gnashed and razor sharp, and she leaps to her feet, and you see Barclay starting to move in direction, you see Mama looking terrified and Danny is just sprinting toward a crowd that is just half afraid and half ready for battle. What do you do? Try to... I think Ned tries to tackle her. I don't want to shoot her. Yeah. Act under pressure. That's a seven plus two, which is cool. I mean, two. Which is cool. Which is cool. That's three, seven. in a row, dad. Four sevens if you include my last seven.

I should get something for that, shouldn't I? I am going to give you a hard choice, Ned, and I think you know what that hard choice is going to be. A shot rings out from the crowd behind you as you rush in to tackle. And the hard choice that I am giving you is who it is going to hit. I think, I don't think Ned wants to be the cause of anybody else to get hurt. So it hits Ned. And then we see you, Ned, just for a second.

And you are standing in the kryptonomica and it is still basked in the warm sunset light earlier this evening. And you're in the middle of clearing out the cryptonomica. You're getting ready to leave, and as you're loading up the last box, before you are attacked by the shapeshifter, you take a beat and go to your desk, and you get out a couple of pieces of kryptonamica stationary, and you begin writing a letter. Dear Duck, there's a line in Animal House where Otter says, You fucked up. You trusted us.

Well, I guess you fucked up. You trusted me. I am doing what I do best, getting into a bad situation and then running like a scalded dog when it gets worse. I just couldn't go without telling you how much your friendship has meant to me over the years. Even though you are loathe to admit it, you are a true hero. And watching you has shown me the value of protecting others, no matter what you. What sacrifice? I just didn't learn the lesson well enough, I guess, to make those sacrifices myself. Wow, this is really turned into a little pity party, hasn't it?

Boo-hoo, poor Ned! Anywho, I'm leaving the kryptonomica to Kirby. I mean, that's how I got it, right? But, you know, check in on he and the gozzling goat occasionally, would you? to quote one of my favorite movie stars, Porky Pig, abidi, abdee, abdee, abdee, abdee, abdee, abdee, that's all, folks. With great admiration, Ned Vammuz Chicanne. And then we see Ned fold that letter gently and smile

and place it on the desk with Duck's name written on the outside of it, and then he picks up the other piece of paper. Dear Aubrey. I'm taking your advice and heading out for parts unknown. But I need you to know how sorry I am for the impact I have had in your life. I am a thief. I have always been a thief, but I have never been a robber. There is a huge difference.

I never, ever wanted anyone to come to any kind of harm in any of my capers. the fire that took the life of your mother was an accident, a horrible accident that was not supposed to happen. But it did. And I am to blame. I am not asking you to forgive me. I don't want you to forgive me. I want you to always keep in mind that no matter how small a wrong action may seem wrong is always wrong. and it can easily cause events to quickly spiral out of control.

No, I don't want you to forgive me, Aubrey. I want you to hate me. I want you to focus all your hatred on me. And that will free up all the love in that big, remarkable heart of yours for the rest of the world. Hold tight to that pendant. trying to have ducks back and become a better person than I with love

Edmund, Kelly, Chiquet. And then we see Ned fold that letter up and write Aubrey's name on it and leaves his hand on it for a moment before he takes it off and walks back into his inner sanctum. You slam into Danny. And it hurts. That, that hurts. And the two of you kind of spiral and crash to the ground.

And Danny's on top of you and she leans backward and starts to dive her jagged teeth down into your neck. And just at the last second, Barclay runs in and grabs her and holds her under the arms. and from the ground where you're laying, you see him pulling her. She is restrained and fighting, but he is pulling her back toward Amnesty Lodge. And Mama looks at him and then looks down at you. And then you realize that everybody is looking down at you. And then you feel your back start to get wet. And then you don't feel anything on your back anymore.

and then you start to feel cold. And from your position on the ground, your vision is starting to fade a bit, but you look up and you see the only rifle that is still pointed outward with some smoke coming out of it belongs to Pigeon, who looks terrified. She collapses. And you hear Mama talking and,

She's saying something and she's frantically gesturing to Sheriff Owens who nods and takes off running for help. And then Mama asks you something and you can't quite make it out. And then she shouts your name and she shouts something else, but you just can't hear it anymore. You just hear the wind. And you just see the stars above you. They are beautiful. and then they're gone. You see Minerva in the flesh now,

and she is wearing these rad battle robes, and she is armed with this viander, like, big-ass sword with her big bald head that is like glistening moonlight off of it, and she smiles when you say that you had it handled, and she looks at this forearmed being, and she says, Duck Newton, it looks like you're going. already handled it. Because sure enough, this thing is starting to now finally fade away.

You see it start to like try and flex to pull itself back together, but it is not working. And very slowly, these puffs of white light are starting to drift away from it. And it still starts walking toward you. What do you do? God damn. I'm going to chop its legs off. Okay. As you step forward to deliver a coup de grace on it, you see it stop and then like very, very quickly turn around backward and stretch an arm out with a hand extended. And as it does that, you see something appear. You see a rift. And it is different from the rift that like this other thing has conjured when it's needed to slip from one place to the other. The border of it, first of all, is like way thick and it's shimmering this like brilliant golden light.

And as soon as this rift appears, you can see like, you can see faint traces, not faint traces. You see brilliant, brilliant light pouring out of this rift. You see actually like several beams of intersecting white light, but from your position right now you can't really see much more. And this thing begins sort of very quickly and with purpose sort of hobbling towards the rift. What do you do now? Do I see anything?

What do I see through the rift? I think you have to investigate a mystery to see anything more. But I think that's also going to buy this thing sometime. Minerva, where's it going? She looks agog as this rift appears, and she actually rushes forward towards it and does not answer you. I'm going to whip Beacon around its arm. Okay.

Which one? One of the good ones, Gerson. What the fuck does it matter? I'm trying to hold on. Okay. Keeping it from... If it's going anywhere, it's taking me with it. Okay.

What does you roll? This is an act under pressure. Eight. Okay. On an eight, you get a worse outcome, hard choice, or a price to pay. You are not going to be able to pull this thing backwards and you are not going to be able to follow it, but you are going to be able to kind of just like hold it and approach a little bit closer to the rift and get a better look in there. That's sort of the mixed success here.

Okay. What do you do? I mean, what do I see? Yeah, you're close enough now. And I think you only have like a moment here because you tried to delay this thing and you did. It did not make it through. You see, well, what you're able to see, it is, it is difficult to surmise, not because it is so like abstract and complicated, although it's super is, it is so bright inside of this rift that it actually hurts to look at it. But what you see is

a facility, like this enormous scientific facility from what you can tell. And it is, it's largely comprised of like this one massive, tall, cylindrical chamber. And your vision through this rift, it's at ground level.

And at the center of the chamber, you see this shallow dome, of light that is super wide. It's several dozen feet in circumference. And from it, actually, even from the distance that you are at from it, you hear the same kind of like digitized buzzing language that this forearmed being appears to speak when you have heard it and it has shouted out in pain. And this dome is flanked by these rows of massive computers and they're just roaring. You feel a tremendous amount of heat coming out of this chamber. But the displays on these computers have grown like dark green and dusty with disuse. And the other thing that you see is

around the back wall of this chamber are these large cylindrical pods. And most of them are completely empty, but a few of them have have figures floating in them. And from your position, you can kind of only see silhouettes, but while you can't surmise what they are, their silhouettes look unnatural. And in one of the pods, you actually see this mist coming out of these nests. needles that are emerging from everywhere, and this mist is like stitching itself together to create one of these silhouettes. And then you look up from the ground floor and your eyes can just barely take in what you see without just searing pain. You see beams of light, countless beams criss-crossing the walls of this chamber as it extends upward beyond what you can see. And each beam

appears to be like projecting out of a large metal ring and then just crossing the length of the chamber before landing in a ring like directly across from it. And there's just hundreds of these beams, you assume, although they are far too like painfully brilliant for you to count. And you look over and you see Minerva who is seeing the same things too. And then this forearm beam manages to shake off the sword and start to run forward. And then that dome at the center of the room, you see it like bubble upward and then this shockwave bursts out of it and you see it blow the dust upward from the machinery surrounding it and the entire chamber, uh, shakes as this dome just screams and then the shockwave passes through the rift and collides with the forearmed

figure and just cuts it in half. And its two halves just float upward and disintegrate instantly like vapor and the rift instantly disappears. So yeah, I had it handled. you see red lights flashing in the distance and you hear sirens and you see through the canopy of trees in the forest surrounding the telescope you see an ambulance and a couple of squad cars rolling up on the telescope and you can actually see over the rim now you see dr drake and she's tending to leo who is alive. And Minerva, her mouth is open, and she sheaves her sword. And she sits down and kind of puts her elbows on her knees sitting inside of the telescope.

And she has this huge smile on her face. And you see her starting to tear up. And she says, have you seen that world before, Duck Newton, that world of light? No. No, nothing like that. She looks up at you and extends a hand asking for you to help her up. I do. She rises to her position well above you and she says, I am not quite sure what that was, my friend, but I assume that they know who we are.

and hopefully now, Duck Newton, now they know what we're capable of. Aubrey, you make it through the gate and you smell gunpowder, and I think like instantly you are scared of what that means, and then you notice that everybody has their guns more or less stowed away, and then you see laying on the ground Ned, and Mama is with him and Sheriff Owens is with him and the crowd here has thinned out from what it was

just before you left. But Ned is on the ground and he's not moving. What? A lot to take in here. Janelle? Mama? Janelle is nowhere to be seen. But Mama looks up at you and she wipes away a tear.

and she says, how did it go on your side, Aubrey? Uh, I, I, I charged up the crystal and, um, what?

Is Ned okay? No, he's not. Does he mean, I can try to heal him. And, uh, Aubrey,

uh, tries to use magic to heal Ned. Uh, well, it will be, An 11 minus 1, 10? You place your hands on Ned and you see a glowing light fade over him. And nothing happens.

Ned. What, Mama, what happened? Is this the shape-shifter, right? She looks up at you and she stands up from where she. She's out and sort of comes around to where you are and she just wraps her arms around you and gives you a hug. No. No. It's not this is, we won, right?

Like we stopped because I, this can't, Ned can't be dead, mama, because I, I, mama, I, I, I told him to leave. I was. And then you feel this like slight, cool breeze. coming across the pines where this crowd has gathered, this crowd that has just fallen absolutely silent. And all you hear is this wind, and it increases quickly, and then dramatically,

and then the crowd turns to face where it's coming from, and that is when the supersonic boom hits. And everybody assembled here is thrown to the ground, and a tree at the perimeter of the clearing is torn from the ground and topples over, very nearly missing the crowd. And then there's a sound that follows the boom, this sickening, deep, cracking noise

that shakes the ground as it passes over you. And with that, like the rest of the town's residents here, they just, they fucking take off. They start sprinting toward the main road in fear. And you see Sheriff Owen's look at Mama, and she nods, and Sheriff Owen takes off to make sure that everybody is accounted for and then Aubrey the moon disappears and the clearing goes dark and you see blue smoke pouring upward

from the source of this sound and through it you make out the shape that has just blotted out the moon it is a jagged diamond-shaped rock that is floating weightlessly in the air it's huge just this 40-foot-tall monolithic rock. And through this thick blue smoke, you see actually something like sliding off of it, and it looks like snow. And that's when you realize what you're seeing floating in the air is the peak of Mount Kepler, which has been ripped from its base and is now hovering above the mountain. And this vision, it looks familiar because it looks like the image that was in the book

that you delivered to Janelle. what do you do Aubrey is going to read a bad situation but specifically trying to open up Ye oldy third eye Okay

Yeah so read a bad situation So it's a nine plus one It's a 10 Okay I will say What's your question here? Oh I don't even know about that Oh what's my best way in? What's my best way out?

Are there dangers we haven't noticed What's the biggest threat? What's most vulnerable to me? What's the best problem? best way to protect the victims. I'm going to say the dangers we haven't noticed using the third eye. Yeah, for sure. Well, the third eye has a question which is like what magic has been cast here. So I'm going to say putting those two points together. The two things that you know is that they cloaked themselves with the same sort of shimmer that used to be on the archway, right, where you

couldn't see them if you didn't know that they were there. And you figure that they managed to pass through the snow. So, like, that's what you get with your third eye. The thing that you also get is you see a set of footprints that are leading away from, like, where everybody else sort of just took off from in the snow. And you see these footprints heading toward the base of Mount Kepler. All right. Well, just running on pure adrenaline and instinct, follow.

Go. Okay. You sprint through the woods. While I will say, still. crying, but just adrenaline at this point and blood, you know, blood pounding and ears kind of deal, you know? Then we see Aubrey just sprinting through the woods with this blue light from the sky, from this smoke, illuminating her face, passing through the trees with tears just streaking

behind her. And shockingly quickly, you are at the base of Mount Kepler and you follow these footprints upward and you manage to just like scale, you know, half of a slope just with the wind at your back pushed forward by adrenaline and anger and sadness. And then you see them. You see Janelle. And she's flanked by those half dozen sylvan's. And all of them have their arms just outstretched toward the heavens. They are all supporting Janelle, who you see is holding the book

that you delivered to her in one hand, just reciting furiously the passages within. What do you do? Janelle, what in the name of fuck are you doing? A couple of people sort of get distracted when you yell and turn away from their spellcasting. And in that moment, you see the smoke start to sputter just a little bit, and then they realize what they're doing and put their arms back up.

And Janelle, with the book still in her hand, says, I can save Sylvain, Aubrey. I can save Sylvain. I can siphon just a portion, a fragment of life from your world and transfer it to our own. I can do it, Aubrey, and your world, it'll suffer minimal damage. Would you not make this sacrifice, Aubrey, knowing what it could accomplish for my people? Would you not do it? This is the answer I've been looking for for years, and you are the one who brought it to me. Now, to take something from someone else isn't a sacrifice.

Fine, Aubrey. Call it theft then, but if it's what keeps my world alive without killing yours, this is a harmless crime. That's from the book, right? This is from the book? Yes. The book that Danny got from the shapeshifter? I, from what? There was a shapeshifter who could take different people's forms, took Danny.

form, took Ned's form, took the form of a morgue employee at one point, I think. That was a couple episodes ago. And that's where Danny got the book from and you're using... What are you saying... Hobri? Why? Why in Sylvain's name? Would you not tell me this sooner? I was covering for a friend. Hobri. How could you... And then another crack rings through the air. But this one's actually different from the first. This isn't the sound of like an enormous thing, it is the sound of thunder very close by and then you look up and in that blue smoke that is coming out of the mountain you see this light surging inside of it like like thunder deep inside a cloud and that smoke is starting to change it is a deep dark purple color now and you hear these

sylvens that are with Janelle like gasp and she looks up at it and looks back down at the book and she says, this isn't supposed to happen, Aubrey. This isn't... Yeah, no, I'm getting that, Janelle. And then the smoke turns a dark crimson and then that light that is ping ponging around inside of it, it's going off just furiously now. And then suddenly the light disappears. And then this thick curtain of red smoke splits into, and...

and you hear the whistling of a sharp wind above you as the peak of Mount Kepler enters a free fall. What do you do? Jesus, please us. I think the reaction is to grab Jean-El and pull her away. We're running. And I think to facilitate, we're going to use some magic to do one thing beyond human limitations. We'll see. You're trying to just like pull yourselves out of here?

Yeah, so it would have been a seven plus three, a ten, but I have a minus one, so it's a nine. Mixed success. Well, so that means that glitches happen, right? Yeah, you use magic, so. I'm going to go with, take one harm, ignore armor. Okay. Here's what I'm going to say happens then. You do this, you try to pull them forward, and as that,

happens, you feel this searing pain in your leg as the wound that you manage to magically sort of close up, you feel it reopened. And instantly, you feel yourself getting faint as you just like pull everybody away from the path of this boulder. And you yourself are still definitely in it. And Janelle looks down at you and grabs you by the shoulders and. starts to pull. And then for a moment, time stands still in Kepler. The deep red light of this arcane storm rolling above the town is cast on the faces of her residence. Keith and Hollis and the Hornets all on their bikes, all just trying to like shepherd the crowd to safety on the topside road. And Agent Stern and Sheriff Owens who are racing towards the source of the commotion. And Barclay,

who's holding a half-conscious Danny in the warm waters behind Amnesty Lodge, and on Mama, who isn't looking up at the light, but on the face of her fallen friend, and on Duck and Minerva seeing the storm in the distance, and on you, Aubrey, and on Janelle, and then time catches up, and the peak of Mount Kepler wants the scenic treasure of a small, town in West Virginia's Greenbrier River Valley

returns to its original position with violent momentum. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported. Hey, James. Hey, Nake. What we doing, girl? We are inviting the awesome listeners of Maximum Fun to join us at Minority Corner. Ooh, fun. But you know how we go on Tangent City. We're the joint mayors. We're not going to do that, okay? Soup's focus.

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