The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - Episode 36

Episode Date: September 23, 2019

The curtain rises, and the machine is exposed. The Pine Guard stands in judgment of judgment itself. Two doors — two choices — illuminate the darkness. The final episode of The Adventure Zone: Amnesty. Thank you for listening. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Okay, hi, this is Griffin, and you are listening to the final episode of the Adventure Zone Amnesty. Once again, we find ourselves at the end of a campaign. And like last time, I wanted to do sort of all the, you know, show stuff before we got into the episode so that we won't have to have any breaks. And, you know, you can just listen to the whole thing front to back without any interruptions. And so that's why I'm talking to you right now, as weird as this is. I got a couple sponsors here. I'm going to do them real quick and then, you know, tell you how much I appreciate the support you've given us over the years. I'll get to that, but we got to make that money first.

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just, you know, smaller for smaller mouths. Quip is perfect for getting back into a good toothbrushing routine. Quip starts at just 25 bucks. And if you go to getquip.com slash adventure right now. You can get your first refill pack for free. That's your first refill pack free at G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash adventure. All right. So, yeah, this is it. We are going to be moving on to a new campaign that I don't, by the time this episode goes out, I don't know if we've announced what it is or not. So I'm not going to say what it is here on the off chance that I would ruin everything by doing so. But we're super excited about this next season and we really hope you are too. Before we we get to it, we are going to take just a little bit of time off. The show will not be taking

time off, though, because we will be putting up some live shows that we have done recently that have not been set in the Taz Balance Universe. They have been absolutely delightful to play, and I'm so, so happy with the way these went. We'll be putting up Taz Hootnanny, which is a country-Western Space Opera. We're going to be putting up Taz Just Us, which is Travis's take on superheroes trying to pretend to be normal. It's all super, super good, and we're going to be putting that up for a little bit in the interim while we finish getting ready for the next season. So that will be announcing what that is soon.

And hopefully we'll probably find time to do with the Adventure Zone Zone to talk about this season as well. And gosh, this has been a wild experience for all of us. Coming off of balance, we were all extremely like nervous about what we were going to do next and we didn't want to drop the ball. And so we, you know, wandered around for a little while, trying out different things before we landed on Amnesty. And it has, you know, it's been a rough process trying to adjust to this new thing. And, you know, we've had our failures and our successes.

But I am really happy with how this story ended up. And I am so grateful for all of the support that you all have shown us as we've worked through this, this, you know, second season. It means the world to us, seeing like cosplayers from Amnesty always, like, brings so much joy to my heart. And I am sad to see it go. I am, genuinely, but I am really excited for what comes next. And yeah, I think that's it.

So I'm going to let you get to the episode now. And I hope you like it. And I don't know when this one's going to be finished and when it's going to go up. So, you know, the next one will be up in a couple Thursdays probably. Do you know how this works at this point? I'm too tired to load up Google calendars and try and predict when this finale is going to be finally available for people to listen to. So we will talk to you soon. And here is the finale for the Adventure Zone Amnesty.

Previously on the Adventure Zone, you all see these humanoid figures of white light climbs. out of the trunk of the tree, and very quickly after that, they all disintegrate into these just little beads of white light that float up and off into the distance. My world, like yours, was tethered to an alien planet besieged by abominations from the other side. I pushed us into a conflict with that alien world. I have a thought. Maybe it's trying to start a war between us and aliens. Yeah. Are you writing it?

Yep. Up there. You can see, like, on this cocoon of light, there's something being projected on the other side of it, like on the inside of it. It's almost like the same scene you saw of, like your memories flashing. You're not from really either one, right? You're not from Earth and you're not from Sylvain, right? You're from someplace else along the way?

Like, between the two? That archway, it's not a rift, duck. It is a tunnel. And Aubrey opens her eyes and says, Abricadabra, and shoots the bulls. It's you know, wild, but I'm told her, I'm telling you, there's stuff. Backer, I'm gonna come close.

Peace. I'm looking. Excuse me, Lady Fantastic. I've never seen a magic show before. I've never seen the greatest thing I've ever seen. How am I'm gonna make a name for myself as the lady fighting. I don't know why this is the thing. I don't want to do it anymore.

I can't control it. And I just end up hurting people that I love. You lied every time you looked at me and didn't say it. You lied then. Set. I am. So. It had been called Dunington to do what they cannot.

Yeah, I'm a class tomorrow. I'm supposed to be by our partners. He seemed a bit distracted, don't? Hey, Sarah, I'm kind of freaking out a little bit. Please don't count me, but I can't cut this fucking frog, man. I'll welcome you to the West Virginia Forest Service. Wayne Newton? Is that, that can't be really.

Or do pull up in your forest service truck to a campsite, a half mile from town, well enough way from the highway that may get into here an absolute nightmare, but in the distance you see the reason you've seen, even called out this evening. Staying at this campsite has built a fire that is way too big for dry season. And you open the door to the truck and the smell of pine and smoke overtakes your senses. And illuminated by this comically large flame, you see a young woman sitting on a log, just kind of absent-mindedly staring at the blaze.

She's holding an outrageously large rabbit in her lap, just kind of idly petting it. Right, so you don't mind telling me what... Oh, God! Scared the shit out of me! Yeah, well, you'd probably scare the shit out of a lot of flora and fauna, my friend. What? Hey, maybe this looks like a Jerry Lee Lewis concert, but it ain't. You gotta be a little bit more careful with fire.

How old are you? He's like an entertainment icon, Jerry Lee Lewis. No, I know who Jerry Lee Lewis is, but like that's your pull? I just keep married to set the piano. I don't justify myself to you. You're the arsonist. here. I'm the one, you know, getting the collar. I'm

not an arsonist. Well, so where did the fire come from? No, I started a fire, but I'm out in the woods camping, and when you camp, you start a fire. Okay, so you're the arsonist. I am not an arsonist. I'm a camper. We're talking about questions of scale. As you are

speaking to this young woman, you notice a shape that just suddenly appears floating between the two of you, and as it comes into focus, you recognize what it is with shock. It is Beacon, the talking sword. And this isn't how it happened. When this happened, Beacon wasn't there. And, Duck, you become aware of the fact that you are replaying your memories. You are awake in this memory. What do you do?

I guess I look, is there anything, do I see anything else out of whack? I mean, I, I start looking around kind of frantically. I realize it. Just Beacon. And as you're like looking around, like the rest of the world is still going on around you as if you aren't really there. Hey, what are you doing here? Oh, Griffin, you can't voice the NPC that I voice. Yeah.

I've just realized. Beacon just smiles and floats closer toward you. Yeah, so I sort of carefully and I guess kind of cautiously not knowing what exactly is happening, grab the hill. As you grab it, you feel like the blade is like stuck in the air, almost like it's stabbed into something sturdy, and then this memory suddenly vanishes. You are encased in a sarcophagus made of this radiant warm light, and as your memory here disappears, you see just for a second some sort of like UI on the side of this thing, cataloging the event that you just conjured up. But just for a moment, because as Began stabs into this thing, you see just like some bright red indecifrable text that appears, and then the whole thing just kind of shuts down. And like a needle through a bubble, this sarcophagus, this small container of light just sort of peels away from the blade, and it drops you onto a cold metal floor. The last thing that you remember was you were hiding behind a pillar with Minerva as this burst of flame erupted from Aubrey's outstretched arm.

And you're no longer in front of the archway. In fact, you're pretty confident you're not in Sylvain anymore. The room that you're in, it appears to be some sort of like laboratory, you think, just based on the kind of unrecognizable but clearly like intricate equipment that is laying around the room. And there are several like computer terminals arranged around like a few workstations, but they don't have a keyboard. There's just some kind of like orb in front of each. and regardless, like, they don't have power.

Nothing else in this room has power. And this room, it is, it appears ancient and abandoned. Like, it smells like the inside of a cave. There's moss and signs of decay all around. There's a fine layer of dust that is covering like every surface in this room, except for the five other coffin-looking apparatuses that are hovering all around you. what do you do Hey Beacon, you

You there? You still with me? Yes Wayne All right man That's the only one I'm dipping you in chocolate You fucking got me

Yes, of course Wayne Hey I don't want to I don't want to pankey my friend But I think you and I Find ourselves Abort an alien craft fucking nailed it, dude. What did I tell you? I told everybody. Aliens, baby, the whole time.

Aliens. All right, but you got any ideas of how I get them out? Because I'm assuming this is our crew, but I don't, I mean, I don't know enough about this kind of alien technology. Genetically speaking, I may now be predisposed to interacting with the various machinations of an alien craft. is weird just deceived me and me with a little bit of the Griffin panic setting in yeah yeah yes who I don't know this Griffin I mean why don't you investigate a mystery right like this is yeah that's a grand idea

yeah you forget you know it's an easy mistake to make I'll only be doing this a few years so that's a nine plus sharp He is going to give us a plus two to Sharp. Wow, okay, that gets you up to 11. Nice. You solve the mystery. I've solved the mystery of the alien craft.

On a 10 plus, on investigative mystery, you hold two, and you get to ask one of these questions. What happened here? What sort of creature is it? What can it do? What can hurt it? Where did it go? What was it going to do? What is being concealed here?

Yeah, I think I'm going to go with... what's being concealed here to start out with and I am the intent of that because it's always a little weird when you're not actually like I think I'm saying like in terms of

way to sort of move things forward what is concealed from me but not necessarily a secret but concealed in the sense that like I don't know it yeah I will give you this like as your bubble popped you see just for a second because like obviously you fall to the floor and so you're not paying like

super close to the floor and so you're not paying like super close to you. attention to what's going on around you. But you see all of the other pods in this room kind of like flash in response. And for a moment, they become like fairly translucent before like regaining their form. And you see your, uh, your colleagues in, uh, these, these various pods, uh, by which I mean, uh, Thacker and Aubrey, Mama, Vincent and Minerva. Uh, that is, that is what is being, uh, I mean, that is what it is, there's lots of stuff being concealed here. But this is sort of, I think, what you get for this check.

For my other, then I will ask what happened here? I think you may be more than anybody else just because you're a little bit hardier and the blast didn't necessarily affect you quite as powerfully. You weren't like knocked instantly unconscious. You remember being pulled in through the archway with the other five folks that I mentioned. And you were falling down this big tower. room, this big cylindrical room. And you remember seeing like a site you have seen before, which is these beams crisscrossing this, this tower going upward. Only this time, like,

you seem to have come out of one and you fell and fell and fell until something started to slow your inertia. And then that is where you lost consciousness. So whatever this world is in between your world and Sylvain, like you are in it now. So did our plan to blow up the gate, I'm assuming, did not work? It did. I mean, from what you can tell, the fate that you foresaw of the sky being torn apart did not happen when you did when you did what you did. But you definitely fucked up the gate. Like the gate, for all you know, is just like is gone, but before it went down, you all were pulled in. Okay.

I will cautiously see if I can I want to look at the pods and see if there's anywhere I might be able to like wedge beacon in or or maybe like cut into it somehow. It is like a perfectly smooth surface but like when he cut you out of your bubble he also was not stabbed into a wedge. It seemed like he, I will also give you this

like I don't think you need to roll for this. When you stabbed into the the, the, the, the, the, the, shell that you were inside, Beacon seemed to, like, light up. Beacon seemed to really enjoy stabbing in through this hard light material, and it was enough to, you know,

break the thing apart. So, yeah. Hey, Beacon, you think you can, you think you can make that work from the outside without severing anything too important in there? Yes. I absolutely. Yes, nothing major, of course.

It'll be seamless, duck. Hey, I really appreciate you. I'm sorry. Wayne, I forgot. That will be the last time. Allow me. And then he does it perfectly. And everybody's really impressed by it.

And everybody's impressed by my cool talking sword. Everyone agrees it's a great day. Yeah, it is so effortless for him to do. this for him to like pop these these bubbles that are uh scanning through these memories you can see actually as on the like exterior of the pod you see flashes of scenes as you see like their memories being sort of uh absorbed by this thing uh sort of being viewed and uploaded by this thing uh and it's so effortless like as soon as the tip of beacon uh crosses the threshold of these these coffins, they just pop, and Aubrey falls out of the first one.

Oh, welcome to the outer reaches of space. What the fuck, duck? Yeah, man, I blew us into space. Well, you blew us into space, technically, right? Hey, we blew us into space. We blew. High five. Okay.

And they high five. Do we need a roll for that? No, you're good. I'm going to keep cutting people out, so you start that noodle a turn, but. I think we're pretty well fucked. Cool. I'm just glad we're not dead. Frankly, I thought that what we were seeing was like,

you know when your life flashes before your eyes? I was like, this is the explosion, and we're about to die. Well, it's been a good run. Those are kind of my thoughts overall. Still hungry, still haven't eaten. Aubrey, we're either alive or, and I shudder to even say it aloud. We find ourselves in space hell, man. Oh, no.

Well, maybe it's space purgatory. It could be space purgatory. It's a fun point. But as long as we both agree, it's not space heaven. I already said that I'm getting people out. I mean, look at it. It's clearly not space heaven. Yeah.

Aubrey, what are you doing as he finishes? I would say, like, while he's working on that, I would say Aubrey's probably looking for some kind of, like, panel or, you know, computer screen, something that, you could do, like, an information kind of gathering, some recon. What are you hoping to like find out? Just like, yeah, what are you hoping to find out in particular? I mean, where we are, what they were monitoring.

Yeah, you are doing that. We'll resolve that in a second as the next bubble that you pop, Doc Thacker, falls out of. Whoa! All right. What is this fresh hell? It might be hell. It might be purgatory. Haven't decided.

I'm leaning towards alien craft, but I'm biased. Oh, shit, I should have, you know what? I owe Eugene $25 because he said that whole alien abduction thing, and I said he was full of shit. That whole dog, and they took him and... No, no, no, I've heard about that, too. Everybody knows that one was a confirmed sighting. I think even the scientists have said that that one's confirmed. That was confirmed contact.

I should have not bet him at all. All right, how do we get out of this one? Let me get the only person that might have a single fucking clue. Tucker, what are you doing as he continues popping these people out? I think he whips a notebook out of his backpack and just starts jotting down as many notes as he possibly can. That's awesome.

Okay. Duck, you are continuing to pop folks out of their bubbles. Aubrey, why don't you roll to investigate a mystery? I sure will, Griffin. Thank you so much for the opportunity. I'm just, oh, that's a five. Okay, it's a five plus a one, which would be a six. How about, in fact, or do you want to be helping out with it? I think that the two of you are sort of trying to accomplish the same goal. So I think that's an easy case for help out being applicable here. Okay. I can't think of another sort of gameplay mechanic that would be you taking notes about everything. Ah, that's a six.

Plus short. Plus cool, unfortunately. Oh, no. A minus one. So that's five. Failures all around. Here's what I will say. I believe that means Thacker has failed enough to level up.

So maybe there's a level up mechanic that happens. That is exactly. Do I get an experience for that? Yes, you do. Yeah, I mean, both of you get experience for failing. You also still have your luck points, but. Well, I wouldn't say that I do, Griffin. No, yeah.

you're fresh out of luck well then i have another move to make okay are we trying to just gather information is that what we're doing uh yeah i'm still going to take a hard move but if you have something else you want to do then i think i think he'd do his psychic event thing his being sensitive open his brain to the psychic environment and try to get some kind of information some kind of some kind of data okay I'm going to take a hard move, but first, Duck, the next coffin that you pop is Minerva's. And she thunks to the ground. And she says, So tell me, Wayne Newton, have I finally found myself in that great battleground in the sky?

You know, you can just, yeah, I guess I, eh. Yeah, no, you're alive. I'm Barry in the lead. I should say that before we equivocal about nomenclature. Ray. No, yeah, you're alive. You're aboard an alien craft hurtling through the galaxy passing. I'm assuming through our solar system and into the inky blackness beyond with only horizon is adventure. That is one theory, Wayne Newton. I suspect we stand on the world inside of the archway, the world of light that we've encountered several times before, Wayne. but I like your theory as well. Well, if it's mine, there's a lot less for us to do, huh?

I feel like if it's mine, we can just kind of chill, which would be kind of nice. But I'm assuming that, yeah, yours makes a lot more sense now that I think about it. I admit, Wayne Newton, I'm kind of excited. Oh, yeah? I suspect our destiny will soon be fulfilled. And right after she says that, you all hear a click. And suddenly this ancient chamber that you all are standing in comes to life. And these overhead light panels, a few of them, like most of them have been sort of irreparably damaged over time.

They flick on and sort of cast light into this unused dormant laboratory. And Aubrey, you actually see, because you were walking that direction, a couple of the computer monitors do click on and begin, like, buzzing a low hum. and there are, you hear some fans like in a ventilation system that are activating and they are just grinding in protest after not having been used for God knows how long. And you hear a voice, a computer generated voice that says, please wait. We have decided to ask you to please remain where you are. Your aggressive actions have resulted in significant damage to cause stability. Our current situation is unprecedented. We ask you to patiently wait in this area

until a decision can be made regarding your aforementioned aggressive actions. You also see you as the light clicks on now. There's a metal door out of this room. It appears to be the only exit. And right now it has this bright red light over it when the power comes back on in here. Hmm. Okay.

You know what? Aubrey's going to smash it. Okay. Wait, was that the hard move? Yes, the hard move was, yes, this thing sort of knowing where you are. Hey, Duck, Minerva, Vincent, Decker. Yeah, let's just say you've popped everybody out at this point. Yeah.

I would like to posit that perhaps we should not wait here for them to determine a course of action based on our aggressive, you know, stuff. We should probably, you know, get out, right? He... Vincent charges the door and rams it with his head and falls to the ground and stands up. He says, well, that wasn't it. That wasn't it. That works for a lot of stuff. When a door gets jammed back in the castle, typically, I can do that.

Uh, what about this? And Aubrey lays her hands upon it. Okay. I'm going to use combat magic, uh, lightning. Interesting. Okay. Uh, what, what's that? that look like? What's that do?

Basically, she's trying to, you know, fry it. She's trying to hack it with magic lightning. You get it. In this metal room, we're all trapped in. There's a risk, yes, of course. But there's a risk when we do anything, Dad. Like, we can't be afraid. Dad, I'm not your father. I'm Thacker. Wow, that's double sixes. I rolled the double six and let's see plus three that's a 15 yeah uh the door opens

and brings your breakfast I mean I was trying to figure out like what this would be but like no matter what you needed to do here a 15 like the electricity is so completely localized to the door like it actually starts to heat up a little bit you see it glowing uh glowing red as it heats up and it just goes flying you blast the doors outward

and they land in a larger room outside that you have now opened up a passageway to. Thacker, do you still want to do your psychic event? Yeah, I think he does. I think even if it just gives him a little hint of what they're going to be charging into. Okay. Okay. So he is going to cast psychic event, the sensitive version, where he opens his brain to psychic environment.

It's... Oh, my God. A three. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Plus weird. Which is weird. You rolled so bad.

It's, yeah, it's a five. Oh, no. Wow. That's not going to be. One to six makes contact with something dangerous. Huh. Yeah. Very good, Griffin.

Enjoy. You fucking scumbag. I know how bad you want to hurt our daddy. You fucking nasty boy Go for it Go ahead and break our dad I love you son G nasty they call him

I love you bud I love you too dad They finally said it Finally Hey in the podcast folks That's all we've been trying to do Thanks for listening Our other podcast will still be going

But this one was just trying to achieve that You You attempted to do this thing that you have done so successfully when you were trying to sort of interact with the quell, only now you are sort of not looking for a specific entity to talk to. You're just kind of opening up your mind. You make contact with something, and it is not like what it was like with the quell. It is not, you know right away, like, whatever you're talking to is not an organic being.

and that like that fucks you up uh take uh take to harm ignore armor uh you it almost feels like you just like stuck a fork in a in a power socket like you are uh making contact with something that you know you are not supposed to be uh able to talk to it is a a digital mind when you try to like press into it to figure out what this mind is you realize that you are not speaking to one voice. You are connected to thousands of voices that make up this one sort of digital hive mind, and that alone is enough to kind of like knock you to the ground. You don't really get anything from them, but you do realize that they have noticed you and noticed what Aubrey just did to the door.

Oh, farts. That's gonna leave a mark. In the room that Aubrey just opened the door to, you all hear the sound of machinery beginning to activate. You pick up on one other thing as sort of like your senses come back to you. And it's close by. The thing that you were just talking to is further away. This thing is like very close by. It's another mind. This one is a single sort of digital mind and you really can't get a beat on this one.

This mind is so like corrupted and scattered and you don't. get any sort of sense of malice from it like you did the other one. And it is, it is, it's nearby. And it's, it is just not as cohesive as the, the last one that you spoke to. And that's what you get as your, your senses come back to you. Any kind of, any kind of feel of where that singular voice is? No, I, I, you, this thing was so overpowering you that, like, I don't think you got necessarily, it's close, but like, it's, it is not like you could draw a map. Okay. Well, I, He definitely marked another experience then. Okay.

Okay. I can't wait to level up. Yeah. I'm spending on a lot of failure if he's going to get to a level up for the end of the show. Oh, I've leveled up. I'm just waiting to spring it on everybody. I'm waiting to do something successfully. Factor, your senses return to you.

What do you all do? Anybody else want to look around the room or do anything else? Hey, listen, we got a couple of issues. I just tried to, you know, brain scan, you know, do the old mind meld. And there's some badass shit out there. I didn't get any kind of read, but it's like this great big beehive mind. So I think we need to proceed with caution. Yeah, what's that, you all hear that machinery or?

or whatever it is, some sort of grinding or some noise that just started up. Yeah, I think I did that. Oh, cool, man. Did I do that? Oh, yeah, that was big, wouldn't you? Fucking. Yeah.

If I may, once again, perhaps we should, you know, flee? Yeah, let's truck. Yeah. You all passed through the door that Aubrey blasted it open. And when you blasted it open, Aubrey, like, there was a sort of like blast of air that you felt, like, and your ears started

to ache. Everybody did in this room as the pressure in this facility seems to like self-regulate. When you pass through the door and you step foot into this other room, you realize that this one has also been sort of ravaged by decay and disuse. It's another chamber filled with unrecognizable futuristic technology. And all of it, like that. the room you were just in is covered in dust and grime as if nobody had stepped foot in here for years and years. You're on the second floor of this room. On the ground floor, you see a much more sort of informal arrangement of desks and furniture at the center of the room flanked on all sides by these pedestals. And those pedestals have these little hollow cubes on top of them. And

each of these pedestals is wired to these large glass. tanks, almost like a big fish tank, which are all connected to these, like, containers of different materials hanging from the ceiling. And these tanks are just, like, pumping some sort of material into one of these tanks. You see it beginning to fill up with some kind of material coming from these tanks in the ceiling. Also, at the edge of this room on the ground level, is some sort of transport pod, almost like a monorail that goes into a tunnel in the wall that is, locked off right now, and it's docked on this platform with one of those sort of spherical control panels on it. This room has power going to it already, and it seems like this glass

tank has been activated and is doing something. And Mama says, all right, yep, yep, yep, full-on alien counter. Eugene's going to absolutely shit. This is huge. Yeah, no, I don't actually think it's that anymore. Minerva says we're in the world of light, uh, heartbreakingly. Um, so here's, all right, so we got, I mean, I feel like we need to get in this little car and get the hell out of here, y'all. I don't know. I, I, I don't like what that machine's doing. I don't, I actually don't have any clue. Let me see if I can figure it out. One sec. Uh, and I'm going to roll an investigative mystery again. Uh, that's an 11 plus 2. 13. That's a very very, Very good role.

Thank you. Okay. Same questions available to you, Wayne Newton. I am going to say... Do you prefer Wayne or Duck at this point? I mean, if it's you... Duck. Griffin.

Yeah. Only Minerva gets to call it. Here's the only person I'm not going to give shit to is Minerva. Because I told her to call me Wayne, and I feel like that would be confusing to her. I can't take it back. Can't I ring that bell? Okay, duck. I do think, though, it's better if the others don't hear her say that.

because we haven't talked about it yet, and it seems weird for everybody to just accept. You know what I mean? Like, they don't know. That's true, but... We have other things on our minds. Yeah, that's true, but Minerva is definitely not the type to understand that you want that,

and she has definitely already... I just think everybody else should stick with duck, or I'll get confusing. Okay. What can it do? It is supposed to refer to the creature, but since there's not a creature, we're currently talking about here,

I'm doing it with the machine. What can it do? The answer for this is on the first floor as you're kind of like poking around there in the workstations in the center of the room. The computers here are active. They are working as the power has been restored to this room. And the like terminal that is connected to this glass tank that is starting to fill up with these materials, you see some kind of text on it that you cannot necessarily read right now. But you see a humanoid shape. on the monitor.

And you see this shape that is like kind of filling up almost like a progress bar. And as you see that, you realize, Ned probably told you about the stuff that happened in that, like, hotel he was warped into. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't. It was such a, like, vital clue. Like, this sounds like what he described. Like, this sounds like the person printer that the shape-shifting thing used. Like, and I think you put all those pieces together and see this monitor and you realize that this, this room, this chamber, this computer in these, these cases, these tanks are designed to essentially print out organic beings.

Gross. Print out, you know, whatever. I think the other screens have have other shapes on them that are not humanoid. You see most of them actually have fairly like monstrous designs on the monitor. They are not active. All the other tanks seem to be like completely broken down, except for this one. So, yeah, that is what it can do. Is it printing currently?

It is printing currently. You cannot like make out what it is through the tank. The thing is being filled up. But like you know it's, it's going to be humanoid, whatever it is. My other question I get to ask is, what was it going to do? That is a big question. I'm talking specifically about this printing here Like can it can I get an idea of who it's printing? Is that what you're asking?

Exactly right if it's somebody I recognize or what? You know who it is as the like progress bar fills up more this design It is Becoming more sort of vivid and specific On this monitor You see a woman And she's a human woman and she is wearing a Christmas sweater and not just any like Christmas sweater,

Doc, it is the Christmas sweater that everybody in your family received as gifts several years ago. You realize it's your sister, Jane. She is dressed as she was in one of the memories that you remember you just had sort of scanned during your containment. She is, she is being printed here out of this machine and the progress is like halfway through. Well, that fucking tears it. This in aliens, I am going to rip this place to fuck apart, though. Oh, okay. Yeah, you see that little fucking Lego it's putting together there as my sister?

And that's fucked up. So now me and my man Beacon. Yeah. Yes, yes. Me and my band Beacon are about to tear this place to fuck apart. And then we'll get in that little car and we'll go see what else I can tear apart. How's that sound, everybody? Quick vote.

Aye. All right, I pull Beacon. Yes, yes. Yes, Doc Newton, please. And I just start tearing this place to fuck apart, as promised. Okay, what are you attacking specifically? I'm starting with the tank. That's fucked up.

Okay. Why don't you Kick some ass is only for like a fight Roll to kick your half sister's ass Yeah, you know what? We'll do kick some ass to determine Like whether or not you can shatter This big glass tank

You don't know what kind of material it's made out of So Roll to kick some ass Uh oh Three Unimpressive Yeah, not great Not great

I'm out of luck by the way In case you're listening Oh shit really? Not out of luck. Well, okay, if you put the last one in, if you fill them all up, you're doomed. You're doomed, okay. No, you don't have to burn that on this if you don't want to. It's not worth it.

I don't see why, I don't even think it's fair that I have to make a kick some ass roll and hang an inanimate object with a very good sword. It's just to determine, like, what this material is. Because if it was just like glass, you would have shattered it. But with this roll, Beacon just kind of like effortlessly bounces off of it and doesn't even leave a scratch. Whatever this thing is made out of, like, it's a little too, uh, it's a little too thick, uh, for, for your blade to smash. Um, here, duck, may I try? Uh, yeah, man, go for it. And Aubrey is going to use some magic. Okay. Uh, to inflict harm against the glass. Okay.

And this is basically just like, you know, big ball of energy. She's trying to shatter it. And that is four. Oh, yes, baby. Line them up. Well, well, a four plus weird. So that's a seven for me plus one because of a move I took because I inflict harm a lot. So that's an eight. So an eight. Okay.

You see the glass start to shatter and crack. And now it is, you have like broken through the like bulletproof seal of this thing, if you will. And now it looks ready to go. But as you do so, duck now like through the smog of. of these, like, crystalline materials being pumped in, uh, you see your, your sister almost fully formed.

Um, Thacker's turn. Okay. Okay. Thacker is going to do the whole level up thing because he's got the experience. Okay. And one of the things that he can do is, uh, adopt a move from another playbook.

Interesting. Okay. He's going to take unholy strength. Holy shit. From the monstrous playbook. Okay. which means on kick some ass he rolls plus weird instead of plus tough okay you need to paint me a pick this is obviously some dope metagaming but you need to explain to me like what this means for thacker

because he just got fucking super psychic strength uh he uh he takes the machete out of its its holder and kind of twirls it around a little bit and just the only change is the expression on his face. It just, it's almost like he's reverting a little bit back to his whole beastial nature. Just like, you know, maybe the brows look a little bigger, but he just got this horrible expression on his face. And he rushes forward, swinging the machete down in this glistening arc. Now, watch me roll the two. Ten. Ten. Plus two weird. That's a 12. That's a that's. A dirty 12. 12.

A dirty 12. Tell me what this looks like. The glass container is going to shatter. What's it look like? Tell me more about your glistening arc. My glistening arc, I'm just bringing it down right, right where the cracks are, where he's already got the cracks. It just, he just whammies it. And I think even says whammy.

Yeah. Whammy! Okay. And he hits it. You smash your machete in and it finally passes through the glass. And it starts to, like, collapse in on itself, like a wall of dominoes that just... I think he stops before the blade would hit sis. Oh, yeah.

I mean, the tank is big enough that you would not have done that. And remember, Doug's not trying to protect his fake sister. Yeah, sure. No, I... That was not my intent. As the glass, like, falls in on itself, you hear, like, an alarm come from the terminal that is connected to this thing and all of the, like, hoses that were pumping this thing with these different materials.

which you, I think now you get like a whiff of and they smell kind of terrible. And there's lots of them. You see now at the top of this tank there were like over a hundred of these hoses like pumping stuff into here. And you see the shape of your sister duck. It gets sort of consumed by this cloud again. And you just sort of see the silhouette of her fall apart. Shall we continue our tour? Our tour of destruction.

Yes. let us head for the, you know, the monorail. You start to walk in that direction and from the like cloud of, of materials that have been like freed from this tank, you all see a light shining inside. One of those four armed beings made of light steps out. All four hands just kind of like up towards you as if to say like, yo, chill, chill, chill, what do you do? The hands up, chill, chill, chill,

makes me think, like, we would say, like, yes? I mean, hey, if you're with them, you better start fucking talking. I feel like we ought to give him a high 20. What's that mean? He's got four hands, is what Dad is saying. Oh, God, yeah. That's the good, oh, that's that Primo-uncut Dad shit right there.

It points, like, at where its mouth would be. It is, again, like this featureless white shirt. humanoid light being, and like shakes its head no, and then it points over at a computer and starts to sort of like slowly creep over in that direction. Okay, you can't talk, so you're going to use the computer. Cool. I gotcha. It walks over to one of those spherical, like terminals.

Oh, it should be said, Aubrey just fucking loves charades. Oh, okay, good. She is so excited for this. Like, it is, she prides herself on her charades abilities. Can I point out that we've already been told that these forearm bastards are the ones that cause the whole war between the quell and us and they were behind all that stuff and we're just going to let him walk over there to that machine and doodoo doodoole doodoole and do whatever he wants. Zach, they are not all bad. Let us not forget our friend. You know a good one?

Yes. You know a good one? Yes. He was... Name one good one. Billy. He was the go who love pizza. You see one of the monitors behind this being. It has its back turned. It, it seems to flicker, as you said Billy's name.

The monitor does? Yes. You see this, this forearmed being finally, like, get access into one of these computers, and you hear a computerized voice say, Do not be alarmed. I apologize for the rash selection of this form. It was decided it might put you all at ease. I can tell from your expression this was not correct. Uh, yeah, no fucking kidding. What's your problem?

Uh, it types, it doesn't type. There's not like a keyboard. It just seems to be like maneuvering around this, this spherical input. Uh, and it says, The facility in which you stand has been an operation for Ions longer than you have been alive. And this is the first incident of its type we've ever experienced. We are trying to decide our next course of action. We ask you to stay in the room where we placed you until a decision has been made.

Just to clarify, is there a course of action you might take that would involve us being dead, or injured or incapacitated, you know, that might result in a bad kind of situation for us? The voice says after maneuvering around this sphere a little bit more. At this very moment, the deliberative operational mind is deciding whether or not to grant your world's clemency and cease pairing operations between them. If you seek to save your worlds and yourselves, you would do well to act peacefully during the remainder of your stay here.

I mean, direct and fair. Thank you so much for that. Hey, you mentioned pairing operation. You know, we're lower life forms, obviously. Can you dig into that a little bit? It sort of cocks its head, and you see it, like, look down at the computer and move its hands around it.

From the computer, you hear a different voice, and the voice says, Query, should the invading life forms be informed of reconciliation's mission statement? And then you hear it say, 11.03% affirm. And this being looks up at you, and you just hear a voice say, No. Huh. Well, thank you so much for your sort of take on this. Um, Minerva,

do you have any, any thoughts? You never, you never hit any idea what they're talking about, this pairing shit? Um, he's never,

here's having any idea what they're talking about, what is happening here. you about the war between her world and the one that she, uh, she destroyed leading to sort of the, uh, simultaneous eradication of both civilizations. And you see her, uh, you see her hand where her hip be at. Hey, maybe pump the brakes a little bit, right? Let's just talk it. I'm pissed off as you are. Well, no, fuck. You are more pissed off than I am clearly. I'm moderately pissed. I'm at about a six. You like, like, you're at 14. But like, let's, can we just talk about it first? This being sees Minerva's hand, uh, reaching for her blade.

And this voice says, I assure you, any attempts at resistance through physical violence will pizza be futile. Pizza, what? Excuse me? What? Say it one more time. Say it again. Repeat.

It doesn't seem to respond. And it's also like completely stopped moving. Uh, and it's static now. It's like a mannequin. And you watch it slowly just sort of slide downward and like phase through the floor and is gone. And as it does so, you see this monitor that had flickered earlier behind it. It comes into view. And you see it moving.

You see like, you see activity on this, on this monitor as it seems to be just like scrolling through, through files and going through. all of these different sort of operations. Billy? It stops finally and you see, it stops scrolling and you see, you see, you see some sort of file be open. And obviously, like, the text has been completely unreadable, but very slowly, the different characters begin to change shape until it is in a language that you can read. What does it say, Griffin?

What you see is a text file that has mostly been translated. You can read most of it, and it is labeled decision log. And sure enough, it appears to be a running list of the queries that the life form you were just speaking to, or at least what that being represented has been contemplating. And it appears to be in some sort of chronological order. you don't seem to understand the system by which it is measuring time, but it has a query from some time ago, and it reads, Query, should the history of reconciliation be preserved in plain text? 98.02% affirm.

And sure enough, following that query, you see a timeline of events that, though you can't really make out exactly how far along the dates are in relation to each other, The screen seems to be scrolling between like relevant times and dates. And it presents the following as the first. Locus Prime enters the age of unity. 25 revolutions of peace and prosperity follow. Population increases dramatically. Artistic achievement increases dramatically. Scientific and isospatial advancement increases dramatically.

Teleoptical research laboratory founded. Extradalactic exploration begins. First contact with extraterrestrial civilization. Communication failures and continued aggression force retreat of exploratory unit. First invasion from extraterrestrial civilization. Extraterrestrial civilization retreats. Locus prime population dramatically reduced. Devastation to infrastructure nearly absolute.

Second invasion from extraterrestrial civilization. Defensive protocols effective. Extraterrestrial invaders defeated. Casualties limited. And then there's this long, long gap. And it appears to be detailing the recovery of this planet, of Locus Prime, following this invasion. And you skim through it and then the screen seems to scroll itself to another entry farther down the line. New extraterrestrial civilization makes contact with teleoptical research laboratory.

Invaded by second extraterrestrial civilization, defense is ineffective. ineffective. And this pattern just doesn't stop. This planet, Locus Prime, it continues this cycle of achieving prosperity and reaching for the stars only for the stars to come crashing back down on them. Their accomplishments, they seem remarkable, but they were just constantly met with nothing but destruction from other worlds who took notice of their progress. until eventually. Teleoptical research laboratory decommissioned. Facility repurposed for a new defense project.

Reconciliation founded. Mission statement. To pacify the charted universe by eliminating aggressive elements before they achieve sufficient astro-navigational or iso-spatial advances to pose a threat to off-world civilizations. Hypothesis. By pitting two aggressive extraterrestrial civilizations against one another, elements will destroy them.

following appropriate encouragement from reconciliation. Dilemma. Parties raise ethical concerns questioning the counterintuitive nature of the use of violence to promote desired extraterrestrial violence in an effort to reduce intergalactic violence. Solution. Belligerence limit established. When consensus vote from Reconciliation Crew finds the project's inherent aggression has exceeded acceptable levels, reconciliation project will be terminated. First aggress a respondent match determined.

And isospatial link successful. First provocateur dispatched. Interplanetary conflict achieved. Participant worlds eliminated. And these pairings, they always follow the same pattern. Using this wildly advanced technology, they scan the stars for planets and civilizations that they deem too aggressive and could one day potentially pose a threat to, you know, other worlds in existence, then finds a match for those worlds and then tethers the worlds together and provokes a war between them that will lead to their inevitable destruction.

And the Locus Prime appears to be on the brink of collapse. They celebrate how little blood they have to get on their hands using this reconciliation project. And then at the end of this document, the end of this timeline detailing the origins of this facility, there are a handful of final entries. Continued invasions render Locus Prime uninhabitable. Population windles near extinction point. Surviving populace abandons corporeal forms. 1,183 survivors transfer consciousness footprint to reconciliation.

Uploaded consciousness forms to liberative operational mind. Extinction point of all corporeal life on Locus Prime. Reconciliation control. continues under direction of deliberative operational mind. And as you all finish reading this text document, you see the screen flicker and shut off. Can I just say something? Yeah. I mean, it is aliens.

Okay. Yes. You were right. You, yes. I mean, I thought I was having a kind of crisis of conscience there, but it is aliens, right? Yes. Yep. Well, dead aliens, you know.

Yeah. No, it's true. It's a fair point. Thank you. It's computers. You know what? You know, Captain Kirk would just ask it some question and it would just screw it up. Do you think we could get away with that?

So I would say that no matter what, they sound like real pieces of shit. Am I right? Yeah, real fucking scumbags. So they're going to be like, well, please be peaceful and we're figuring out what to do or whatever. But like, they kind of seem like pieces of shit. And even if they let us, you know, chill out or whatever, they're just going to do this. like again to like other places and they've done it at least to Minerva's which Minerva fuck them am I right yes fuck them Aubrey Little yes and as you say that you hear a

bell chime behind you and the transport pod is illuminated in green light as it starts to hover off of the rail that it is standing over and the door on its side slides open Well, I believe that's our cue to go fuck it all up. When the door of the transport pod slides open, there's no atmospheric decompression this time. The room it opens up to doesn't resemble the rest of this ruined facility that you've explored so far. It is ancient and it is devoid of signs of life, but that musk of disuse doesn't fill the air. This part of the facility of reconciliation is still in operation. It's the only part you assume just because it's a chamber you've also seen before.

You stand at the base of a towering cylindrical chamber all along the outer rim of this room. Transport lines to other parts of the facility, flank your own. On the opposite end of this circular room, you make out a row of those same like organic printing devices you just saw in the last room. And then at the center of the room are three concentric rings of desks and terminals, all arranged to face the very center of the room, all connected with these thick pipes to various pieces of machinery. The organic printers, the middle ring is connected to this massive holographic map, just this big cosmic map swirling overhead. And the innermost rings wires run up and outward high onto the outer walls, and following them upward,

you see what they're leading to. Hundreds of circular gates, all tethered by the same tunnels, like the one that you just destroyed. In the distance, actually, you can see smoke and sparks pouring from one pair of these rings. All the others, however, are currently in operation. And vaguely through them, you can see occasional shadows flying from one world to another, undoubtedly ready for war. And at the center of this room is a dome of white light that is just peeking out of the ground. And it is the central terminus for everything else in this room, for the whole facility. And realizing that you have arrived, it flashes. And above it,

a text appears in this holographic map. And it reads, Query, should pairing 14198, Earth, Sylvain, be granted clemency? And then beneath it. 13.11% affirm. Okay. You know what?

I actually find that a little, you know, it puts me a little at ease because I thought we were going to have to make a big speech about, oh, even though you granted clemency to us, what about the other planets, and we still have to do it, right? But now, we don't have to bother with all that.

So that's kind of nice. Hey, is there anybody that wants to chat? I mean, I know you're all in computers or whatever, but does anybody talk, uh, earthling? Uh, as you say that, you hear a bell behind you, and the transport pod you just stepped out of is illuminated in red light, and it lowers down to the rail. And in a chorus of bells, you see the other transport pods in the room do the same, uh, locking you in. At the far side of the room, the organic printers all activate. And you see different materials. being pumped through tubes emerging from the wall. And then almost as an answer to your question,

an arm made out of that same hard light jabs out of the dome at the center of the room. It is followed by several dozen others as a horde of these forearmed beings of light begin climbing out of this core and start scrambling over the rings of terminals toward your party. and with a flash, this brilliant white dome at the center of the room is encased in a shell of swirling red light and these hard light operators of reconciliation approach. What do you do? I guess that's a no, huh?

Yeah, that kind of reads like maybe talking is done. Hey, y'all, this reads super aggressive. I don't know, we're at a cultural impasse, maybe. Hey, we're not lifting a hand against y'all. We're not starting anything here. I just wanted to talk. Y'all are the original pacifists, right? These four-arm beings pause.

And text appears again in the holographic cloud map that reads, Query, are the extraterrestrial invaders engaging in deception? 89.84% affirm. Now listen, you all don't know, Doc like I do. Believe me, he cannot engage in deception to save me. his life. He's also an employee of the federal government. It skyrockets up to 98.64%. All right. Well, I gave it the old college, huh? Thacker investigates a mystery. This would almost certainly be read a bad situation, if anything. Okay, read a bad situation then. Okay. You don't really have time to

investigate anything right now, but you can sort of take stock of... Okay, read a bad situation. That's a Nine plus two, because he has two sharp. Cool beans. Are there any dangers we haven't noticed? Toward the back of the room, those printers have activated. And one of them in particular, you see a shape beginning to take form very quickly. You see a massive leathery paw sort of push up against the glass, almost like it's, you know, mid-printing, trying to smash its way out toward you.

Well, I've got a second question, but it's just a follow-up to that. What's the biggest threat? I assume it's the big leathery paw thing? The biggest threat in this room is that dome in the center. That dome thacker in the center of the room, it's not just some sort of like power source or, you know, processor. It's the thing that you made contact with earlier. That dome in the middle of the room is,

the deliberative operational mind, which contains the consciousness of the survivors. It is the thing that is controlling reconciliation. And that makes it not just the most dangerous thing in the room. It makes it potentially the most dangerous thing in existence. What's most vulnerable to me? These four-armed beings that are coming at you, they don't look like much. They don't look super tough. Duck, you especially recognize, like, they are not nearly as imposing as that one shapeshifter who, like, finally came out of its form, uh, looked like these, these look more, uh, like you could deal with them, but probably not in huge quantities. Uh, and right now you have like four or five of them, like, clearing the, the circle of, uh, workstations and coming

towards you. Uh, and also just like the computers in the room, whether, it be, you know, the hardware itself or perhaps the software, like, they are computers. So computers, you can hurt fairly reasonably. But just in general, like, this is a, an operation that has been going for, you know, eons and eons, God knows how long. And you are probably the first tangible, organic beings to step foot in here in a long time. You get the impression that, like, They are maybe not exactly set up for this. That is what is vulnerable. Okay.

All right. I tried that approach. So let me try a different one. Hi, I'm Wayne Newton. Everybody calls me duck. I've chosen one, and I never really understood what that meant. And I guess I still don't. But I look around here, and I reckon I'm just about the toughest son of,

a bitch on this ship. So, here's what I think I'm chosen to do. I'm going to kill you and you and you and you and you and I hope you got more. Because I'm just getting started in my sword. Well, you'll see. He's just a mean some of a bitch too.

So, listen, we tried to talk it out. And I think we just go ahead and go. How about that weird computer? How's that sound? And then I kill one of them. The beacon.

Okay. I cut one of their heads off. It starts to spell out a query overhead in the map and you attack one of these beings of life. I got a query for you. Where's my fucking head? Oh, no. That kick-ass human chopped it off. Fuck you.

Come on. Roll the kicks of ass. Uh, seven. Plus tough. Plus two for tough. So a nine. A nineer. Uh, if I, may I help?

Absolutely. I imagine everybody's going to help kick ass. Yeah, I'll help out, even though I have zero cool. So, boom. Oh, nope. That's a five. That's a five. Aubrey yelled, get him or don't. Okay. Okay, so you got to make success, Duck. You do indeed behead one of these things. How much damage do you deal with Beacon?

I believe two. You feel like you have actually afflicted like, you hit this thing a lot harder. You feel the same way that you did when you pierced those sarcophagus things made of light. Beacon just like thrums with energy as you cut down the first of these attackers that make their way toward you. It's body, it's headless body, like mid disintegration, like rams into you as it was sort of sprinting at speed. and knocks you to the ground, but your armor is as such that you, your natural human chitin

is as such that you, you don't even register it. Minerva draws her blade and she's like, yes, yes! And she starts running towards those rings of terminals to join in the melee between these other alien forearmed beings.

You see Vincent and Mama, who are like, unarmed, looking a little bit nervous. Mama runs over and, like, finds a thin piece of steel pipe that she, like, peels off of the wall where it was kind of, like, rotting away. And she looks kind of nervous to be using it. And Vincent was like, I can tackle them with my helmet. This could be bad.

I would like to use magic for mama. Okay. Um, there's a used magic thing I haven't, I don't think I've ever used. And it is enchant a weapon. Oh, you have used that. You use that to kill your very first, uh, abomination. Oh, right. Yes, so I'm going to enchant mama's weapon. Uh, okay, roll plus weird. Well, it's a four. Good Lord. Plus three. Uh, so it is a seven. It becomes a mixed success. Uh, choose an, I get to choose a, uh, a glitch. Uh, actually, you, you, you picked the and I tell you what it is.

The magic draws immediate unwelcome attention. Okay. You see the metal pipe that Mama pick up start to glow like this light blue color. And it's not like it is like electrified right now because obviously that would hurt Mama quite badly. And she says, oh yeah, now we're talking. And you see her sprint after Minerva and start engaging these forearm beings that were coming after you. this is also the hard move that you had earlier for failing your help out role, Aubrey. That one tank where you saw something trying to break out, it finally shatters.

And you see what you may have called an abomination just a while ago, smash out of the tank and land with a deafening thud. You see a 10-foot-tall gorilla. Not exactly a gorilla. It's got four large arms that it's using to steady itself as it walks like an ape. And its face just features these two enormous mouths lined with sharp teeth. And also his fur seems to be consumed in a living flame that is going wild as he roars. But this beast lands out of the cloud of these crystalline materials that we're composing it.

And it starts to charge towards you, Aubrey. Cool. Vincent sees this thing charging at you and turns and says, well, time to go to work. And he points at himself and he says, remember, minister of defense. And he lowers his head and charges at this ape that is coming after you. This leaves the three of you now at the back of the room here. Duck has sprung in front of you, Aubrey, and but but you and thacker are next to each other just outside of this pod and everybody has thrown themselves into the melee Thacker what do you do I want to kick some ass he hadn't kicked ass in this whole okay so I think he's going to unleash his machete and let's let's start off easy

I think he'll help Vincent with the gorilla okay so he attacks the gorilla You charge in after Vincent, you see Vincent like just crash into this thing's chest with his horned helmet. And it kind of like pushes him backwards. You see some like old pieces of panel beneath him that have kind of rotted away, get pushed back from the force of it. And the ape kind of slows down as you charge into attack. Roll two, kicks him ass plus weird using your super psychic strength. Oh my God. That's a double six, folks.

12 plus weird. That's a 14. Okay. On a 10 plus, you can gain the advantage. Take plus one forward to give plus one forward to another hunter. Inflect terrible harm. You suffer less harm or you force them where you want them. Terrible harm. Okay. What does your machete do? I think I'm using the machete and all of his years of hacking down vines and brush and really try to cut the girl his head off. Okay, you don't necessarily cut this thing's head off, but as like Vincent kind of slows the, the beast down, you are able to jump up as it's kind of doubled over, over Vincent, and get a good, clean chop into this thing's neck, and you really drive it down.

And it's not like spraying blood or anything like that. You do see some, like, crystalline, like, gas start to come out of it a little bit, and its form is starting to start to, start to, decompose, but it is still definitely alive. But as you are sort of clung onto it, it roars in pain, and as it does, you are caught in the flames of its fur just for a second before it falls down. You take two harm. Okay. How are you doing? I got four harm.

Are you unstable? I would like to, is this the opportunity to roll to protect someone? Yeah, I think if you want to prevent harm to another character, yes, I think for sure this is this is the moment to do it. It is a reactionary thing. Sick. Then I'm going to roll to protect someone. Okay. And yes, I am unstable. Okay. It was an eight.

Mixed success. Okay. And I have leveled up and taken the move shield spell. When you protect someone, gain two armor against any harm that's transferred to you. Okay. But I'm going to use my shield spell. So I would say that, like, how this would look is Aubrey going, so if you do something, and like, you know, a barrier kind of forms around Thacker for a second, right? That then it softens the blow.

Okay. And because you were going to take some of it, but you gain this shield. Thacker, as you are, like, landing, you see the same flames that are on this ape kind of swirl around Aubrey and she just like absorbs them harmlessly. So do not take too harm. Cool. Thanks, Aubrey. Hey, you're welcome.

Duck, what are you doing? Who we got now? Who's in the fracas? You and Minerva and Mama have cleared out most of the like these forearm beings that have been like clambering over these rings of computers towards you. but you see like more as ever are just always coming out. You see to your left, you see Vincent and Thacker fighting this big flaming ape. At the back of the room, you see all the rest of the printers, like still going.

There are four other printers still going. And inside, you hear, you know, you hear various roars and whales and you, like W-A-I-L-L-S, and you see that same sort of crystalline, gas material like filling up the chamber. I'm going to rush the printers. Okay. With Beacon. Okay.

What's your, I mean, you can't really, they're these big, big machines. So I don't think you could get all of them if you're just looking to smash them up. Yeah, I'm going to, I'm just going to start hacking away at the, the gully works. You know what I'm saying? You're not looking to like shatter. the glass necessarily, you are looking to, like, disable the machines. Exactly, right. Hey, y'all, I got a plan.

I'm going to, uh, but I can't say it because it's super smart computer. So it's got to, I'm just going to do it. Uh, mom. Okay, thanks for sharing, Doc. Yeah, Mama Minerva nod. Uh, as Minerva stabs through another one of these, these bright white beings. And she says, do what you got to do, Wayne Newton. You know, a problem that we always struggle with at the forestry service.

Paper jams. You know what I mean? You know where you get a paper jam? Like a poetry jam? Mama blasts one of these white light beings with her electrified rod. And she says, Duck, honey, we don't really need to know what you're doing. You just go do it. And she gets clobbered by another one of them, which Minerva jumps in to save her.

And Minerva's like, yes, duck. It's not a great monologue time. Yeah, fuck, okay. And I'll slide, I'm going to jam Beacon into, like, this is really hard because I'm trying to visualize it. I visualize it two different things, but like not the tank, but the things connected to the tank. Sure, there are sort of pipes connecting the outermost ring of computers to the tanks. And there are also like those pipes out of the walls that are like supplying them with all these materials. Yeah, I'm just going to start severing pipes.

Those seem like an easy target. Okay. Why don't you, if you want to, like, sever those pipes that are, like, supplying them with materials, you're going to have to get up there. And I think that there's, like, enough shit here that is posing a threat to everyone that I need you to act under pressure just to get up there. Because you're not going to have to fight these pipes, you know? So I'm kind of stuck in the middle of the fracas, right? Yes.

Okay. I'm going to use the one move I still remember from being a mundane, and that's panic button. When you need to escape, then name the route you'll try and roll plus sharp. On a 10 plus, you're out of danger, no problem. I could read the rest, but that's the only one. Yeah, okay. Because I'm going to get a quick 10 plus real quick. The route I'm going to try is I'm going to try to hit beacon around some of the cords up there and swing up there and then sever the cables.

Okay. that sounds like a good plan to me. 8 plus 2. That's a 10. That's exactly the number that you needed. That's incredible. You've done it. A trio of these forearm beings like dive towards you, trying to just dog pile on top of you.

And you hold beacon up and whip it around the pipes supplying the material to these printers and just very closely, very narrowly. escape from the situation as you land on top of the tanks. Describe what this looks like. How many of the pipes can, like, are reach from where I'm at? There are, like, there are like hundreds of these pipes coming out of the walls. They are, I mean, they are close enough together that you could just arc down and catch a bunch of them. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do, just kind of fling myself off and jam. is it kind of a Douglas Fairbanks, like jam beacon into the wall and just slide down the wall and see how many fucking cables I can take out with me on the way.

Okay, why don't you... I mean, you kind of already did your thing. I don't think you need to act under pressure again. I think you just do this. Yeah, it's a son. You all, the rest of you see just like this diagonal line of sparks shooting out of the wall as Duck carves his way down the side of the facility, severing all of these tubes and pipes. applying the materials to the organic printers. And as he does, the flow of that crystalline gas just suddenly comes to a stop.

And you all see inside of these tanks these just horrific visions, just these nightmarish abominations inside. You see just like this spherical, beastial entity covered in just jagged spikes. One of them has just a big floating, hideous face. one of them has this bird with just this massive beak glistening with with corrosive slime. But as you see these sparks shoot out of the wall and you see duck several of these cables, they all very, very slowly just start to collapse in on themselves until they are just this fine mist of crystalline material that seeps out of the bottom of the tank and is gone. I meant, hey, I meant like, I meant like a printer, like a jam you get in a printer.

Oh. That's the thing I was trying to hint. It doesn't matter now. I would like to do some big magic, Griffin. Okay, what's your plan? I've had an idea that I can completely justify. Oh, boy. That's the title of Travis's memoir.

Yes. So, I hate to just spell it all out, but I think if I just try to do it without giving you my justification, you won't let me do it. it. One of the things you can do with magic when you use magic is to summon a monster into the world. Okay. I would like to summon Billy. Okay. And my justifications are, I have within me the goddess of creation. And all around this room is the material used floating through the air now that he severed those pipes.

that one could use to print an organic being. Okay. So Aubrey would like to collaborate with Sylvain to do big magic using the material's presence. I feel you. I feel you. I'm right there with you. I am going to choose what you need to do here. Obviously, you need five people to help.

They're already helping. You need to use magic. You need to use magic, obviously. Yes. I also assumed you need some rare and weird ingredients and supplies with whatever shade is in here. I'm also going to say it's going to have a specific side effect or danger. Okay. Okay.

Why don't you roll to use magic? Big time roll for big time. For big time players. Oh, my God, Travis. I have two luck points left. I'm using one. You got a three. Yes, I got a three.

But now I've got a 12 because I really want to do this. God in heaven. Yep. Absolute ding-dongs. So here's what I imagine it looks like. Aubrey has the idea, right? And close her eyes and says, Sylvain, can we do this?

Like, can we create two? But, you know, for like good. And before she can finish the sentence, Aubrey's eyes open. But they're not Aubrey's eyes. They're just glowing with that orange glow. And her hands start to move around. And as her hands move around,

the particulate that crystal and stuff begins to swirl around them. And the voice of Sylvan speaks and says, Billy. And there's a flash of light. Yeah, when that flash of light happens, everybody else in the room sees that that particulate matter that was just sort of like moving like a dense fog across the floor. It starts swirling around this room,

and then it starts swirling around Aubrey with her. hand outstretched. And then Aubrey just kind of like disappears in this, this column of swirling crystalline gas. And then that column explodes outwards. And standing in front of Aubrey with her hand on his shoulder is Hollywood celebrity Ryan Gosley, who looks backwards at you and says, Pizza! Hell yeah, pizza. This is probably a little late to ask. If Billy has any kick-ass fun. Well, no, but here's the thing.

He is just a goat that looks like Ryan. He looks up at you. Oh, Dick! Dick! Yeah, man. No, man, this is so cool. For sure, I'm loving this. But, like, God loves a ninja or something.

He's our inside guy. He knows how the computers work, Doc. My nephew knows how the computer works. He points over at the corn says, Doc. Uh, Pete. Uh, Pete. Uh, pizza.

Yes. Not pizza for sure. Not pizza, of course. Yes, duck that pizza, son. Billy rushes towards the rings of computers, and he begins, he, like, signs on to one of the terminals in the outermost ring. What's his password? It's, I mean, duck pizza, pizza, pizza duck duck.

And he moves his hands all around the terminal, and he looks up at you. as a couple of those beings of light start to approach. I think he also, the dome flashes and the ape that you, Thacker and Vincent were fighting, pushes you off and starts to clamber over in Billy's direction. Thacker, what do you do? Thacker runs over to the dome. I'm going to have Thacker do and act under pressure. I want to try and use his psychic powers.

to send a message to the dome. All these psychic things that have happened to me have been one way. Just to him. I want him to try to communicate with the dome. They've already communicated once before. I mean, a couple of times before. And I want to have him run over

and act under pressure to try to send a psychic message to the dome. I would argue this is use magic, not act under pressure. Because use magic has like a... Communicate with something. with another thing, right? So this is, this is not explicitly one of your moves. So this is, you know, we don't have to call it magic, but you are rolling plus weird to achieve one of these

effects that we know you can do. So I think, I, I think that's the, that's the actual game mechanic for it. Okay. 11 plus weird, that's a 13. Good Lord. Um, okay. You close your eyes and you are just like instantly hit with that same shockwave that you you felt earlier when you accidentally tapped into this thing only right now it's like at your feet and you can see it like in this psychic space it's not just this one tangible dome that is covered by this red force field of light it is it's many small lights all sort of huddled around each other like like fireflies forming this one larger ball and you you feel it, start to like try and push you away. In fact, like your physical body feels this

force field start to repulse you. But in this psychic space, you are able to withstand the pressure and deliver a message. Uh, hey there, sport. Uh, we got us an invincible super warrior with a bloodthirsty sword and his Obi-Won, Kenobi, and she'd got a sword. We got a magic user with a goddess in her. We got a goat soldier. We got an artist with a pipe. And we got an Academy Award nominated actor. And so if I may suggest, you and your bunch of Commodore 64s are just not set up for this. So why don't you stand the fuck down?

These lights that are swirling around each other inside of this, the deliberative operational mind, you speaking to them directly like this seems to send them into a panic. And you are now just repulsed backwards by this force field. Everybody else in the room sees the red shell just shine and this wave of force pushes you backwards, back all the way to like the far wall of the room. And you land there with a thud. But before you were sort of sent away, you saw them. panicking. And everybody else in the room, when this happened simultaneously, you watched every

forearmed being of light and this massive ape just kind of pause and glitch out for a second, almost like whoever was controlling them dropped the controller for a minute. And the ape, in stumbling like that just goes flying over the terminal that Billy is working at, delaying the attack. And they all sort of start to recover and begin their movement again. And Billy looks up at the ape charging and looks at all of you fighting these beings, looks up at duck on top of these dormant printers. And then he looks down at his hands and grins at you duck and presses the inter button

or the spherical equivalent of it. And as he does that, these rings of monitors all flash blue and then they go dark, except for the one he's working on. And from that computer, you all hear music start to play, like old lo-fi, like MIDI music. And Duck, this music sounds familiar. And then all of the stars and galaxies in this overhead holographic map, they start gravitating inward. They are colliding and combining in a central point over the core. And you all see a query start to spell out in the display, but that holographic text is also sucked inward before it finishes typing out. And this holographic material is just being sucked into this new massive shape hovering in the center of the room.

and that shape, it starts to look humanoid, and it starts to gain just greater detail and more color. It's a man with long hair, long white hair, and he's holding this long, thin sword, and he plunges downward, down toward the center of the chamber, and his blade touches the shimmering red shell as he plunges downward, and all of it, the red shell,

this holographic man, they are all pulled into this singularity that then explodes and fires all of these holographic galaxies around the room with violent virtual force. And when the scene settles, this map projection now fills the room. A cluster of stars passes by and through your party. And at the center of the room, duck from your position on top of the printers, you see the dome is left unprotected. It's pulsating with alarm almost to the rhythm of this music. And in response, these forearm beings start to pull themselves up and out of the ground to try and defend the dome. Duck, what do you do? Hey, I got some bad news. Not for you all down there. You're cool. The dome, Cybertron, or what the fuck? Bad news. The only one of you all I gave a shit about is now out here.

So here comes duck I'm trying it I don't know if that's anything And I leap off the The pipe at Beacon First Just trying to bury the sword To bury beacon in the dome This is it

This is what I'm here for Roll to kick some ass Nine Plus Two Thank God It's 11 Everyone else in

room you see Duck soar through the air illuminated by these panicked flashes of light coming from the dome. And Facker, as you come to your feet, you see the dome, again, just like it did to you, start to repulse out this wave of white light to knock him away. And you actually see the other the other white light beings being knocked over by this force. But you see Duck pass through it effortlessly as Beacon just carves a path. Minerva looks up now and her face is illuminated by this pulsating light. All eyes are on you duck as Beacon pierces into the dome. And your inertia continues and you just slide off the edge of the dome

over landing on the innermost ring of these computer terminals, leaving Beacon behind, planted in the middle of the dome. And lit from below, you see. see Beacon smile. All of the projections in this room, all of these other forearm beings, everything else, the ape, they all just fall to the ground. And then Beacon just starts laughing. And above the dome, above Beacon, holographic text appears. And it's glitching and flashing. It's barely like legible. And it reads, Query, has reconciliation surpassed the belligerence limit? 20.6.

And... Beacon laughs. And the number changes. 41.09% affirm. And next to you, Duck, Minerva just starts cackling. Oh, Wayne Newton. I get it now. What?

Haven't you shared my curiosity, Wayne Newton? Of why our order was entrusted with wielding and protecting such an angry, angry blade? Oh my God. She nods and points at Beacon, who is now just shrieking with laughter. His glistening metal teeth bared to the world. Minerva smiles and says, there goes our destiny. Sorry, dip shits, no, he's your problem. With a grimace, he jabs downward, piercing all the way into the dome.

and above the counter registers a new tally. One hundred percent of four. Before all of it, the counter, the core, the illuminated screams encircling you, and the intergalactic tunnels overhead all disappear in a blip. The chamber is completely silent now, save for the distant sounds of wind from the wasteland outside. And a light illuminates Billy as his computer monitor, turns on and he holds up a finger as if to say, hold on a second. And the rest of the monitors

click on giving this room a soft illumination now that every other light has been extinguished. And he looks up at you, duck from where you landed next to Minerva. He looks all around. And then he moves his hands around the sphere in front of the computer. And a voice breaks the silence of this room as it says, Sorry, can y'all understand this? What's up, test, test, test? Oh my God, Billy? Yeah, what's up? This is Billy.

Damn. Hey, Billy. Hey, y'all, way to go. Hey, yeah, for sure. Hey, Billy, can I ask you a question real quick before? Did I... Did I just delete your dad? I was worried about it, man.

While I was doing it, I thought, well, Billy's out, chill as hell. And then as Beacon was doing that shit, I was like, oh, fuck. Am I deleting Billy's dad? So I just got to ask if I deleted your dad. He moves his hands around the sphere and the computerized voice says, You probably deleted a lot of people's dads. Mine wasn't in there, though. It's cool.

All right. Okay, then. And I'd like to say, I loved you on the Mickey Mouse Club. Uh, that you were, you were one of the best performers they had. Thank you, strange old man. He types in something else, he says. Sorry, my limited vocabulary isn't going to be suitable for this emotional moment. Y'all did good, though.

Hey, so did you, my dude. I am happy. Ah, good, good. I'm happy you're here. Hey, is your body going to be okay? I'll figure something out. Thanks, though. What was up with that sword? Crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. I was about to say I'm missing, but that is not technically accurate. But I am happy he was here, and I am unsure about how I'm going to keep my pants up the rest of the way home.

Oh, fuck. I didn't even think about that. Billy, how are we going to get home, man? Dunno. We should figure it out, though. I have no idea what you're breathing right now. Oops, a lot of like you dust, I think, honestly. Yeah, you don't want that inside you. He moves his hands around the sphere and you hear a loud whirring noise above you. And these two thin mechanical arms emerge from the wall and you see them fetch two of those gateways off the walls from the tower above and they lower them down to your level. And Billy types in a few commands and then he looks confused. and the computerized voice say,

Did y'all blow up the archway? Yeah. That's cool. He tilts his head for a second and kind of thinks, and then takes a few seconds to type in a few commands, and you can see that he's working through something, and then he smiles. And then the two rings light up,

and through them you see images of home. Through one, you see the city of Sylvain, and you are looking down on. it from high atop a hill outside of town. Over the horizon, the sun has begun to rise on this recently revived land. And through the other, you see a dirty bedroom. And there's glass on the floor. There's signs that a struggle has recently taken place here in Billy's old bedroom. And then Billy types, hold up. And he runs through the gateway. And then he comes back through and he's got the PlayStation in his hand

and he types in gonna take this okay yeah no big man where here gotta stay here got a few dozen

interstellar wars to clean up yeah that tracks yeah that tracks no hey wait bill you don't get to get off that easy man like why did you go along for that for so long like you seem like an all right guy

like you had to know that pit and planets against each other it's fucked up man He types in. Yeah. Sorry. When we were all part of one mind, it was easy to go along with the plan.

For some reason, the signal from reconciliation went quiet when I got to Kepler. Let me think for myself. That was cool. I guess. I mean, listen, you got to... I'm glad you're on the right side of shit now, man. But you know you got a lot to make up for out there, right?

He nods solemnly. And above you, you see one of the pairings of gateways start to light up. And a platform comes down to the ground in front of one of the printers. And he looks over at it and then looks back at you. And he types in, That's the plan. And then he says, Anyways, there's the way home.

All close the door behind yaw. Wait, hold on. Do you mean that once we go through, we won't be able to, like go between Earth and Sylvain anymore? He says, I mean, y'all blew up the archways, so yeah, probably. Well, that sucks. Maybe I can figure something out.

It's complicated. I'll hit you up. He starts to walk toward the platform leading up to the ceiling, and then he turns around and types in a few more words, and the voice says, I am sorry for what has happened. For what it is worth, I descended to your pairing. And then he looks down for a second and then types in.

Reconciliation agreed that your planet's bad outweighed they're good. And then it says, Prove him wrong. And then he types... Stay cool. And turns and gets on the platform that starts to raise up into the ceiling. And now it's just the six of you in this massive empty chamber. the sound of the wind sweeping against the walls of this facility echo around you as you stand,

illuminated by the choice in front of you. These two portals, two doorways to two different homes. Thacker, where do you end up? And what do you do after you get back? I think we can leap forward in time, you know, however much we want. I think Thacker He chose Sylvain I mean he is an archivist

He's a researcher He's a historian He wants to know more And there's plenty of people who You know are on earth Studying Earth And he's in kind of a unique position To be the guy here on Sylvain

So I think that he takes advantage of that I think he he's like Kane he wanders Sylvain and just is chronicling all this stuff and you know I think that's been the whole motivation of his life I don't I don't think he'd go back to earth just to whitewater raft anymore I think he he's committed to it and I I can see him you know going to try to learn more about the quill and the connection with Sylvain and, you know, the, the portals and the traveling, and maybe one of the things he's trying to do is discover another way, you know, to reconnect Sylvain and Earth. I love that.

I love that. It's not what I expected. I love it. Let's say this. It's a few weeks. I think things have settled down. And the city of Sylvain is bustling. A lot of the people who had been like overtaken by that that quell thrall, especially outside of the city, have recovered.

And those survivors have like taken refuge in the city because it's kind of like the only part of the planet. It's certainly the only like city that, you know, survived everything that had happened over the years where the planet was kind of falling apart. And so the city is not only like vibrant and alive because the, you know, the, you know, the engine of the planet is, you know, churning again. It's alive with, you know, folks. And it is an exciting time to be there. And right now, like, the city's priority is just to take the planet back, to try and replenish it to the state that it once was

and basically just start this civilization over fresh. And as somebody who's like archiving things, like I imagine that that is an exciting time for you. Where are you like, where do you stay? Where do you live? Like what is your lodging situation like in on this planet? I think he reconstruct his bivouac from before. Okay. Just outside the library.

Okay. Because there's so much still in the library, so many. books and so many scrolls and and artifacts and stuff he can research. I think he builds himself maybe, maybe two bivouacs in case, you know, somebody wants to drop by. Okay.

So he's got a guest bivouac. I like that a lot. This library that we've talked about a couple times before wasn't actually in the city of Zylvane. It was in this sort of abandoned city. So I actually really like the idea of you at this, at this place, as all of these like frontier people.

are leaving the city to try to establish civilization elsewhere to try and put the planet back together. I like the idea of your impulse being to do that at this library with this bivouac. So you definitely get guests. You definitely get travelers who are on their way maybe to their home city that has been, that has fallen apart. You help them along the way. You show them a map. You help them get home. You help them get back to where they're going the whole time,

more and more about this planet. And I'm going to name it New Keplerville. That's good. That's very good. Are you the mayor of New Keplerville? No, no, I don't want that much authority. I'll just be the power behind the throne. So let's say that you are just kind of in the middle of, you know, a workday,

whatever that looks like for you, just awaiting visitors that you can help along their way while exploring this abandoned library and learning what you can. And you've just gotten back home after finding a few tomes that you've begun to translate on your desk and your bivouac. While you're doing that, you kind of like, you know, you get a little bit absent-minded. And whenever you get in that state, you feel those psychic powers start to tingle a little bit. And as is the case, as has happened a few times now, you hear. a voice in the distance trying to hail you. Hey.

Um, yeah, open channel D, please. Maddie? The voice starts to become more clear as it breaks through the psychic static and it says, yeah, that's still, that still ain't going to catch on there, Thacker, bud. Uh, what are you, uh, how you doing, pal? What's going on over on the other side? Oh, it's going great. Um, we, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

Little Keplerville, New Keplerville is... You got to decide on a name and just stick with it, but... New Kepler City is just... It's growing. We just got a pool, and... Actually, it's just a pond. But, yeah... Why'd you call it a pool?

That's a different thing. I know, because you can also... It's also a pool hall. You can shoot pool or you can go for a swim. and that's pretty nice. And it's good. A lot of new folks. I got like five, six, seven, eight grad assistants from Sylvain, you who are helping

research. It's good. It's good. And yet, you know, if I want to get away from everybody, which is often, I just can just slip out and head out into the wilderness and I'm home. She laughs and she says Even on a far-flung extraterrestrial world full of danger and mystery

You are still very much Arlo Thacker Well guilty as charged Mama You can call me Madeline just not Maddie I don't like Madeline That's too formal All right I miss you bud

Let's talk again soon All right oh by the way I've had some interesting breakthroughs on reestablishing maybe some, uh, some lines to, to travel back and forth. Nothing for sure. I don't want to go out on a limb, but some promising stuff. For one thing, I got to come and get new gorp materials. I got to get my, my stuff for gorp.

So I'll let you know how that goes. She says, all right, I'll tell Minerva. And regarding your gorp, I'm glad to hear. And then you hear the door. into your bivouac slam closed and it catches your attention and you hear Mama's voice falling away and she says, yeah, I'll make sure to, oh, you're going away. Okay, I'll talk to you soon. Okay. Her voice is gone and you look up and you see a young woman who has walked into your office here. She has short, dark hair and she is wearing some hiking gear. She's got this huge back.

backpack slung over her back, uh, and she kind of drops it to the ground as she enters. And she says, hi, you're open, right? Oh, uh, yeah, for, for what? Open for what? I was told that you were helping out travelers who, who found their way here. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, we're all, uh, we're all set up where you headed. I don't really know, she says. that's the best way to be that is the best way to be just a wandering i i don't know how much you can help me i understand you used to just do wilderness expeditions back where you were from yeah absolutely yeah capex is what we were called by the way i didn't catch your name yet she continues she says I don't really have a home to go back to.

I'm just kind of looking to get away from everything for a little bit. Do you think there's any way you could help me do that? Slick, if there's something I can do to help you get away for everybody, trust me, that is right in my wheelhouse. I'd be glad to help you out. She smiles and she says, I'd like to go somewhere. quiet. I've made some recent unimaginably awful mistakes that require some deep contemplation. I think taking some time to walk and to think would do me good. Listen, that is what's so great about where we are right now. There's all kinds of open space. There's all kinds of quiet space, places to think, to

get inside your own head. Yeah, we can do that. But listen, I know this kind of defeats the purpose, but if you want to talk about it, I can put down this book right now and you can fill me in. Maybe I can give you some advice. She smiles and she says, I was hoping you might come with me, Thacker.

it would be nice to travel with a friend someone who might understand oh yeah yeah a friend to share it with that'd be pretty nice

she smiles and picks up her bag and she says where to out there out there my friend Aubrey? Yes. Where do you end up?

That's such a good question, Griffin. I've been sitting here contemplating. And I think when it comes down to it, I don't think Aubrey is going to make that decision. I think she's going to talk it over with Danny. They're going to decide together. You have that thought as you are standing in the middle of this, this lifeless chamber of wanting to talk to Danny about this.

And as you have that thought, you feel the strangest sensation that your consciousness is existing in two different places at once. And one of these like consciousnesses is seeing through this bright orange lens. And you realize you're in the center of that crystal, that new crystal that sprouted in the center of the city. And you see Danny. And she's holding Dr. Harris Bonkers, who appears to be a little bit larger than he was last time you saw him.

And she looks really, really worried as she looks up at the pavilion where the archway once stood and now is just kind of a smoking crater. Hi, honey. Oh, my God. How's your day? She turns around and she says, Why are you in the critz? What's going?

Are you okay? Listen, I'm absolutely fine. We totally won. Everything's great. Do you remember Billy? The goat guy? Yeah, the one who looked like Ryan Gosling. Yeah?

He helped us beat the light, you know, bad guys. I have no idea what you're on a whole other level right now. Listen, I know. It's not important. Here's the thing. we've severed the connection betwixt our two worlds and I can still get to you or you could get to me we can either go stay on Earth or stay on Sylvain

I'm down for whatever you haven't been home in years so like I'm totally cool if you want to live in Sylvain with me I'm also totally cool if you want to stay in Earth with me whatever what are you kind of feeling about the whole thing

she sets down Dr. Harris Bonkers who is standing on two feet two well bipedal paws gonna take me a while to get used to that he says you kiss your mother with that mouth

he says just got Aubrey that's a you realize that's kind of a lot to put on me Right? What do you? Yes, I do. But I don't want to make that decision for you. I would miss everyone back at Amnesty Lodge, but I haven't been home for so long, Aubrey, and I'll be honest, that's not why I want to stay here. Earth was incredible and it was a great place to be and I owe everyone there so much for keeping us exiles safe and showing us the ropes but Earth is going to be fine. My home planet Aubrey has been destroyed and if I don't stay to help out then I don't think I'm going to be able to live with my home planet Aubrey has been destroyed and if I don't stay to help out then I don't think I'm going to be able to live with my

would you would you be able to live with me she grins and now we see her grinning in the middle of a lush field you and and danny uh alongside janelle and alexandra are just traveling the countryside just just putting this planet back together uh oh also just so no one in a home worries uh Aubrey did stock up on a lot of overtone shampoo to keep that hair red. Do not worry about it, folks. Aubrey is covered. Yeah, Danny is, like, equipped for this. Danny is well suited for this.

She's, like, traveling light and living off the land. And you have a big backpack that is, like, 80% shampoo, which you are... It fades so quickly, like, in the sun and when it rains, you got to stay on top of it. You are supporting Danny, like, in this endeavor to do what you can to, like, help put the planet back together. But you also, as the, you know, someone who has a connection to the planet itself, like, that, that Sylvain part of you feels beholden to use your, you know, considerable powers to, to bring life back to the world. And sure enough, like your power, your ability to affect this world just continues to grow over time as you begin to settle in here. And so you're walking through this like this lush plane. And from above, like, we can see that it's actually like this fairly barren field that as you sort of walk through it just comes back to life as you move.

And let me just tell you, like, that's something that I, Travis McRoy and Aubrey, share. It feels super cool to be able to do that. Like, she is loving the shit out of it. She's, from time to time, just does, like, a full-blown, like, you know, Maria from sound of music, like, run with her arms behind her as just, like, flowers bloom everywhere. It's, like, it's really cool. Yeah, I think this is probably a fun expedition. I think the four of you are, you know, it is an. important quest that you're going on, but I also think like, yeah, sure, you're having a lot of fun

along the way. And in the distance, you actually, you see, you see Janelle and Alexandra, and they are, they're investigating like this, this house that seems to be in shambles in the distance. And as you're sort of flinging flowers everywhere, Danny kind of turns around backwards and starts walking backwards while talking to you, and she says, so I had a thought today. We're probably going to have to name the city of Sylvain something else, probably, right? Why? I mean, I guess. I mean, like, when it was the only habitable place on the planet, it kind of made sense to name it after the planet.

Now it's just going to be confusing. We wouldn't want to live in a city that was just called like Earth on Earth. Yeah. Yeah, it's not super creative. I get it. So I don't know how that happened. Like, do we form a committee or do you get to do it? I don't know that you should give me that power, Danny.

Oh, I probably would just name it something dirty, like Butt City or something because I thought it was funny. Named her rabbit, Dr. Harris Bonkers. Yes, yes, what the disembodied voice of Duck said. Let's see. You know, what do you think about the city of Chicanne? She grins. She says, yeah, that's not bad. Feel pretty good about that one.

And you can see her get a little bit choked up about it. And then she kind of shakes it off and she says, hey, I'm kind of hungry. Could you do the thing? Yep. Like an apple tree pops up on Aubrey's right and an orange tree pops up on her left. And you know what? Behind that, a pudding cut tree because she has a god inside of her and she can do that shit. Yeah, it's got this dark brown rind.

And as she bites into it, it's just full of, pudding. Yes. Hey, did you just... Dang. Did you just make a new fruit? It's called pudding fruit! And Dr. Harris Bonkers

jumps six feet up into the air and grabs one of the fruits off the trees and starts peeling it. And he looks up at you and he says, No, I can't make a carrot tree. That's weird. Carrots growing the ground. I could make a carrot tree. Danny, should I make a carrot tree?

She's so busy just going crazy on. on this snack packed fruit, it's wild. Okay, fine. And makes it like a little tiny, like three foot tall carrot tree. He just starts eating, though. Yes, go to town, big guy. All yours. Janelle walks over from the distance where her and Alexander were investigating that house and she says, Aubrey, you know Thacker is going to want to catalog all this stuff, right? There's no need to make things harder on him.

Well, yes, but also pudding tree. Janelle, pudding tree. Okay. Yes, right? I won't do it like all the time, right? I'm not gonna like make, you know, like, I don't know, a smartphone tree or something. Like, I, it's fine. Listen, I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to do this kind of thing, right?

So let's have a little fun with it, right? I think eventually, Sylvain's gonna be like, hey, cool it with the pudding trees. And that's fine. I get it. She kind of discreetly walks over to the pudding tree while sort of talking to you. She says, I know, Aubrey. It's just, this is a strange mission we've been tasked with. Oh, don't, that one's butterscotch. Don't get that one. Oh, my God. Yeah, sorry. She wipes her mouth and spits it out, and she says,

I know there's no way we're going to put this world back together the exact way it was. And I think that's something that we all have to just accept. But you are figuratively and literally planting a seed that is going to grow for eons. ways that we will never be able to predict. And who's to say that some important event doesn't start right here with a new pudding fruit? By the way, I'm calling this Wonka Forest. That's funny, right? Isn't that great? It's funny.

The whimsy is wonderful. I love the whimsy. You know me. I'm down to clown, Aubrey. I'm just saying, for all of my considerable wisdom, I don't know how we know when we're making the right decisions. I, right now, I have maybe the most burden of choice any person has ever had, right? I have the power of create. I can make any kind of tree.

And if I start thinking about what the right one to do is, I'm not going to do anything because I don't know what the right one is. So I just have to do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. and I think my hope is is that I act if I act from a place of love and a place of fun and a place of, you know,

making someone smile that the next thing I do will be the right thing. Danny walks over to you as Janelle smiles and Danny gives you a kiss on the cheek and she says, you're so fucking cool. Right?

I know, right? Alexandra walks over from the house that her and Janelle were investigating. She says, Hey, everyone, I need some help over here. And as you all walk over, you see a small dried out bush next to this house. And it rattles as you approach. And you see two small mouse folk come climbing out of the brush. And they're young.

They are, they're walking. on two legs. They are, you know, anthropomorphic and they are huddled together, Aubrey. They are, they are scared at the side of you, and they are dirty and exhausted, and they start to back away as you come closer. Oh, you don't have to be scared. I'm, I'm very nice. Um, I know my whole look, it's a lot. Um, oh, here you go. And the bush, uh, becomes a cheese bush. They look around at all the cheese and they are they fall backwards away from the bush they are scared by the sudden cheese no it's nice cheese one of them timidly stands up and starts sniffing the the cheese bush and puts a small paw up into it and retrieves a small chunk of cheese which it devours hungrily

before it just dives head first like scrooge mcduck into the vault and the other mouseful turns and walks over to your feet as you kneel down and He says, is it, is it over? And Aubrey smiles, looks at Danny, looks at Chanel, and looks back at the little mouse person, and says, no friend. It's just begun. Duck. Duck, where do you end up? Duck, uh, duck went to, uh, uh, uh, Brazil.

to help in the reforestation of the Amazon after the fires. I think he got home and sat on it. Well, he got home, sat on his couch and kind of turned on the TV and thought, well, there's a forest. I could help. It's a force that needs a hand and headed over there. He thought he'd do okay because he took a lot of Spanish in high school. rude awakening when he got there. No big deal.

He's trying to pick up Portuguese. And yeah, that's what he's up to. He's just volunteering his time to do the Reforestation Project. Okay. Is this a temporary move or have, you know... I kind of feel like he got back to Earth and didn't...

I mean, that's the thing about being... I mean, yes, if it's like temporary or permanent, like he was the chosen one and he did the thing. Right. And I don't think he has a plan beyond that. I mean, you know, he was kind of hiding for a long time and then he did it. And he didn't think too far beyond that. I kind of think he feels like the universe didn't either. So he's just trying to make it on his own, I guess.

Okay. I love this. Okay, so you are in a Forest Ranger station, sort of well outside the perimeter of the Amazon where you are currently based. I think they have a lot of, I think they have a lot of volunteers in general, including just a lot of folks came over from the U.S. Forest Service. And that definitely includes Ranger Juno Devine, who came over with you. And she swings by, the station as you are sort of recovering from a long shift, I imagine this is incredibly exhausting work. I imagine that this, you know, trying to repopulate an entire enormous ancient forest or at least, you know, volunteering in some small part to help do so.

It will really take it out of you. So Juno comes into the station and she is fairly well decorated at this point. When you got home, You caught some stories from other folks working for the Forest Service of her acts of valor on the day that the quell invaded and all sort of endorsed her for a promotion out of the local branch at the Monongahila forest all the way up to like a statewide supervisory position. So even though you've come over here to Brazil, she's still giving you kind of a hard time about her outranking you. and she says Oh, Duck, looks like you left your Walkie off the charging cradle again.

Ooh, gonna have to write you up for that one. That's fine. Write me up, put it in the file. I don't care how thick my file gets. I'm the bad boy of forestry. Oh, looks like you got some... What is this? Peanut Butter? You got a little bit of open containers of food.

You know the rules, Duck. Put on single-sided. I want that thing. I want to be able to throw the people as a weapon. He says, I know I'm a bit out of my jurisdiction, but this is a lot of infractions. That's a good fucking point. We're in Brazil. Chill out.

Another voice comes from outside as the door swings open, and you hear Minerva say, The peanut butter is mine, supervisor, Juno Devine. I will take the dishonor of these demerits on my own records, Juno Divine. Please do not punish Ranger Wayne Newton for my carelessness. Honey, calm down. She doesn't mean it. Juno, tell her you don't mean it. Did you call her honey?

I did. How did that come about? Well, let me try to, you know what? I'm not going to force it on you. I'm going to try to sell you on it because it makes sense to me from Duck's perspective, but you are, you know, the creator of Minerva and her actions. So let me try to justify and see if I can get you on board. Here's our rationale.

There was obviously a. tremendous amount of of respect between the two. And I've, between the two, between Minerva and Duck. And I think that that is the grounding for a

relationship. She is the person like they have spent so much time together. I think it's a very intimate connection that they had. Her sort of being so completely connected to him, I think, was a very intimate connection that that makes sense would

would carry over. And also, I think that there's something special to the fact that she chose duck. I think that that she has, as he has sort of like evolved over the course of this story, I think he has kind of gotten closer to who she knew that he could be and who she kind of saw him as. And I think that that's a really wonderful analogy for a good relationship because it's about the other person, you know, seeing the kind of person that you could be if they, if they believed in you. And I think that, that is a grounding for a healthy relationship, I think.

So it made sense to me. Okay. It's sold. I don't know why you had to convince it. I'm sold. I'm into it. Yeah, I think it makes sense like the, the, like, the, you all have sort of now abandoned the mentor, Minty relationship, I think, especially now that, like, you know, you're not fighting this intergalactic foe anymore. So, like, that relationship maybe doesn't need to exist. If I had to imagine it would be that, not that we're going to, like, record this moment, but if I had to guess what the moment is, I would say the moment was, they realized the fight was

over, kind of figured they should go their separate ways and weren't really able to. And why? You know, like, what did that mean? And I think that's probably what sort of got. not them wondering about it if I had a guess. Yeah. Juno grins, she says, oh, it was a, that was a goof Ranger Minerva. And Minerva walks in wearing the same uniform you've got on.

Obviously, a couple sizes larger. She walks in and she says, I, okay, still taking me a bit to pick up on when jokes are happening. This is a good one, though. Yeah. And besides, we technically made the sandwiches together. I mean, I don't, this is the nice thing about being a unit is we share all the blame for all open peanut butter. That's a whole reason you go out with somebody, somebody share the blame with.

They both smile and, uh, Juno says, all right, I'm, I'm going to get out of y'all's hair. Minerva, thanks, duck, donka-shane. Yeah, that's a Wayne Newton joke. You can expect a lot of those. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Fucking love it.

And I'd like to point out that if I had made that joke, there would have been much ridicule. Yeah. Well, I didn't, I didn't make it. A fictional character did. Minerva walks over to you, Duck, and she puts her hand on your shoulders, sees you kind of worn out. She starts to rub your shoulders just extremely way too hard, just extremely very fierce. She says, how was your shift, Duck Newton? Oh God

Ow You know it was good Boy that feels good Man I am so relaxed now You better stop I won't fall asleep She laughs and takes her hands off

She says aha This is another joke I was hurting you Wasn't I Duck Newton Yeah it was less than too harm though We're okay Um No it was

You know it was good I'm starting to pick up on a little bit of the language. But there's not a lot of talking, honestly. You know, you plant the trees. There's a lot to plant. But it's good work, you know. I like it out there.

It's quiet. It reminds me at home. And no one bothers me. It's pretty chill. She says, that has been my experience, too, Duck Newton. Say, you've not responded to the group cellular text chain with myself, Leo, and Dr. Sarah Drake, they want to have a Skype

conversation and talk about battle strategies. And you haven't responded, Doc Newton. Do you have a prior engagement? No. I mean, it's just watching all of loss with you on DVD. Still don't get it. Yeah, it doesn't get better, but I was hoping I'd pick up on something, or you're real smart. I thought you'd see something I didn't. But yeah, it's still not making much sense. It's just that. And then I got to plant the trees.

And no, it's just those two things. I don't know, Minerva. I just, why? You know? Like, what? Battle plans for what? She sits down. She says,

that is a good question, Duck Newton. I suspect that our friends back home merely want to stay in touch, but I suppose it also can't be bad for us to be at the ready. What is troubling you, Duck? You know, I just don't feel like I can live waiting anymore. I can't live waiting for the big next thing that's going to come. I can't live in fear of it coming. and I can't live hoping that things will suddenly get more exciting or different or worse or better tomorrow.

That's been my whole life, has been waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it dropped. And we're here. And that's okay, you know. I got you. I got a lot of work to do. for me right now, that's enough. She takes your hand in hers and she says,

I wish to grant you happiness, Duck Newton. I do. I read recently in one of your illustrated children's books for adults, there was this charming red-suited man who could swing from buildings anyway. There was a thing in there. about how great strength demands great diligence. Great power, great responsibility. Pretty sure it was great strength and great diligence.

Okay, either one. I get your point. You don't have to push any harder. Great power, great responsibility. I read the books and saw the, honestly, many origin stories in which that exact phrase appeared. It's been pretty much drilled into me, cultural. at this point. And it makes sense, right? And great power, great responsibility. But you know what people forget is that the Green Goblin doesn't swing up to your door every day and blow your whole

life away. And in one moment, you have to figure out what to do. You know, the responsibility is every day. It's every moment. And it's every time I pick up. one of those saplings up and I put it in the ground and I pat the ground around it and I pour water on it and I think about our children's children's children's children will breathe the air that this thing makes and Minerva that's power. That's my responsibility. I don't have to fight anymore. I did it. And now I'm going to grow. takes your hand in hers with a surprising amount of tenderness

and she says Duck Newton If you don't wish to speak to our friends back home You can just say so You don't have to do a whole whole monologue Minerva As a joke

You did it I did a real joke Oh She starts applauding herself Oh this feels so good I get it now I don't know how you lived in my head for all those years. Listen to all those jerky boys tapes with me.

Didn't pick anything up before now. It's just, it seemed so crude. I thought it all had to be so crude, but that wasn't just a good, well-constructed joke, Duck Newton. It's just saying something different than you mean. People expect it. Exactly, yeah. You think it's more challenging than that, but you'd be surprised how far you can get just. It's like combat in that way, isn't it, Duck Newton?

You know what? It can feel that way sometimes. It's like goof's combat. I feel a new power surging through me, Duck Newton. The power of goofs. The goof power. Yeah. Step back.

Jay Limbaugh. The seasons pass, blanketing Kepler in even measures of wild flowers, pine needles, and snow. The town and its people have changed for better and worse following the events of that fateful year. The FBI compound stationed on cliffside has been decommissioned, restoring the Monongahela National Forest to its natural beauty. A skeleton crew, headed by one agent Stern, maintains a watch on the now-dormant archway in the woods. He knows its wasted effort.

That archway will never activate again. Most importantly, the facility's encroaching border has disappeared. Amnesty Lodge is back open for business. We see the hot springs behind the building, with an off-duty agent stern and bar clay resting in the steaming waters, dozing on rolled-up towels. We see the former underground headquarters of the Pined Guard, now mostly used for storage for Mama's side business, and we see Mama in her workshop. She's untying an apron and sweeping up sawdust into orderly piles. She opens a window to ventilate her workspace and looks up into the sky.

Several miles away, Dr. Sarah Drake sets down a magazine. She looks at her watch and flips a switch. The Green Bank telescope begins to hum. We see Amnesty Lodge under a cloudless late afternoon sky. For a brief moment, a beam of green light fires. into the heavens behind the pines. Barclay steps out of the front door, drying his hair with a hand towel.

He hops into Mama's truck, which is hauling a large cylindrical shape beneath a blue tarp that whips in the wind as Barclay descends cliffside. He passes Sheriff Owens and Detective Megan parked in a squad car outside the grand reopening of the Mount Kepler ski trails.

Through the crowd, Barclay sees a now vindicated Eugene leading the festivities. He breaks as a couple crosses the street toward the ceremony. It's Muffy and Winthrop in matching ski bunny outfits. They wave, and then they watch him, knowingly, as he continues down the road. He curves around the bend down the cliff, merging onto the main drag, passing the construction site for the Hornets Nest Action Park, the much-anticipated extreme sports facility built on the ruins of H-2-W-that-was-fun.

The Hornets enjoy a jovial break in the parking lot. Keith and Hollis notice Barclay's approach and wave with a smile. They nudged Jake Coolice, who jumps with a start and looks at his watch and rushes into the passenger seat. And they pass through Riverside, past the sheriff's station, past a closed-down Leo's grocery store, past the recently rebuilt City Hall, slowing to a stop as they rolled down a dirt road into the parking lot of the Cryptonomica. The scene here is chaotic, but Kirby manages it with a veteran's ease. Several fans of Saturday Night Dead are filling coolers and laying out food for a party. Calvin Owens and his friends are gathered around the grill.

This event is coming together and just in time. As the beam launches from the tip of the Green Bank telescope, Duck and Minerva, still fresh off a plane, scramble into the Secret Sancton. There's the sound of a blade ripping through reality, and then the sound of joyous reunion. The door opens and old friends step out from the rift-lit closet. Moira and Dewey phase through the wall laughing with glee. Vincent steps through, sweeping up Minerva and Duck in an overpowering hug.

Alexandra and Danny helped Janelle, who's sporting a cast on her left leg, through the rift and into the room. Janelle waves off questions about her injury and provides snacks for the party, a full case of fresh pudding fruit. Indrid cold exits the closet and makes a beeline for Leo Turkician. He asks how he's settling into the new job. Leo pulls the keys to the Winnebago from his pocket and dons a pair of red-tinted glasses. Duck breaks free from Vincent's embrace just in time to see Thacker and Aubrey step through the doorway. All of them pause. A wide smile crosses Aubrey's face.

She takes a step toward her old friend, only to be cut off by Dr. Harris Bonkers, who nearly knocks duck over as he leaps toward the box of illegally imported pudding snacks. The trio's laughter fills the room. Light pours in through the windows. Outside, a handful of partygoers activate a projector. On the broad side of Kepler, West Virginia's premier museum of the macabre, the final unaired episode of Saturday Night Dead makes its debut. Welcome, my weirdlings. It's me, Ned Sousousudio Chican. Coming to you from the world's preeminent museum of the macabre, the cryptonomica in Kepler, West Virginia. Yes, it is our final episode of the Cesar.

And oh, it's a good one. One of my favorites. 1987's Monster Squad, directed by Fred Decker, starring Andre Gower, Stephen Mock, Duncan Rieger, and Tom Noonan as Frankenstein's Monster. Here's the story. A group of young people do battle with horrifying supernatural creatures. I know, totally unbelievable, right?

But the best part of this movie, the young squad members become friends with Frankenstein's creature, proving not all monsters are bad. As always, I am honored to be your friend, mentor, general inspiration. I, Ned, middle name, chicane. Now, let's have an adventure. And as the movie begins, Jake Coolice helps Barclay unload the truck, standing this cylindrical object up as Barclay dramatically rips off the tarp to the sounds of a

It's Mama's latest work. A statue, nearly to scale, of a great, bearded man. A walking stick in his hand. A Polaroid camera strapped around his neck. Looking down, smiling warmly. And back up above, we see through a window at Amnesty Lodge. Mama enters her office wiping the final remnants of sawdust from her clothes. clothing. She fetches a jacket off the back of her chair and throws it on, now ready to join

the others at the party. She steps onto the porch. She pauses and takes a deep breath. A breeze rustles her thriving garden. The noise from the distant celebration echoes through the wind. She smiles and sets off down the dirt road toward town, the shadow of Amnesty Lodge following in pursued as the sun sets behind the inn, extinguishing the final traces of daylight in Kepler, West Virginia.