The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - Episode 7

Episode Date: April 20, 2018

The Pine Guard heads to the scene of last night's attack to gather valuable intel about the latest abomination -- but end up finding much, much more than they bargained for. Aubrey sees the unseen. Duck helps with the laundry. Ned takes a dive. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone. This is the only place I could think to come to, because you all know about monsters and stuff, and so, well, I got a new one for you. Something grabbed me, pull me under. Y'all, I swear to God, the water, the pool started to lift up. A good place to start is maybe heading to the scene of the attack last night

and seeing what you can find out there. Obviously, be careful, you don't want to fight it until we know how to kill it. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't get in the law. water. I'm looking for Ned Chican, proprietor of the Cryptonomica. I was told by his associate Kirby, I could find him here.

Hmm. What, uh, what do you need? Jolly old Ned for? Mr. Chican, my name is Agent Stern, FBI. At your earliest convenience, sir, I would just love to see your Bigfoot video. We fucked up. Well, I fucked up.

I... Listen, Griffin, when one of us fucks up, we all fuck up. I do a lot, depending... I don't know, but... depending on how bad the fuck up was. I did a goofy bad job. And maybe we should start by sort of acknowledging that. The game's actually called Monster of the Geek.

What? Yeah, I've been saying the name wrong this whole time. I don't think that's it, Griffin. No, okay, so there was a thing we should have done after the first arc that we didn't do. And really, it's not my fault for fucking up because we, like, didn't know that we were coming back to this at that point. And so anybody could have made this mistake. And so really, I'm not in the wrong at all. think about it. But you all... If you all should have more experience than you should have,

than you do have now. And before we get back into the action and the big climactic stuff that's happening, maybe we could resolve that first. We should also maybe talk about the fact that Travis and I were recording in the same room, because he's in Austin, I fucking hate it. I don't care for this at all. Because he sort of embodies, he does a thing with his back where he kind of arches it as he records, and he makes like a fantasy face. That's the only way I could describe it. I'm a fantasy kitty. He does like that. He says I'm a fantasy kitty a lot. Okay. So at the end of each session, the keeper will ask the following questions. Did we conclude the current mystery? Did we save someone from certain death or worse? Did we learn something new and important about the world? Did we learn

something new and important about one of the hunters? We're supposed to do this after every time we play? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Yeah, we're supposed to do this after every time we play. So the answers won't always be yes, but I think it would be for the purposes of our podcast a bit redundant if we did that after every time we played, so I think it makes more sense for us to just do it after every arc. So, did we conclude the current mystery? Yes. Yes. Did we save someone from certain death?

Yes. Yes. A bunch of people. Pete's not dead. Folks ask about Pete. We just didn't get back to Pete. Pete within the bushes? Yeah, Duck definitely saved Pete with his action, so that's a yes.

Did we learn something new and important about the world? Yes. Oh, yeah. And did we learn something new and important about one of the hunters? Yes. Yeah. If you get one or two, yes answers, each hunter marks one experience. If you get three or four, each hunter marks two.

So everybody mark two experience. Does that bring anybody up to five? No. I think it brings me close. Yeah, wait. It does. It does bring me to five. Awesome.

So when you hit five experience, you get an improvement. And you get a list here that you can pick from. And once you have leveled up five times, you can start picking up advanced improvements, which will let you sort of take your character in even more directions. I think, so just a general housekeeping announcement, I think we're going to start doing more of a lunar interlude style between episode, between arcs to handle this stuff, because this is a really weird energy to start out this episode.

Indeed. Dad, did you level up or are you at four now? What if I'm right at five experience? Yeah, that means you've done it. You've leveled up. When you mark the fifth experience box in your playbook, you level up. You can I level up and not trave? You fucked up more than him

He rolls super good Oh yeah Well then yeah I get five yeah Then both of you get Can we get rid of the mythos That I roll super good I just only do things that

My character is good at Yeah yeah yeah We're doing roll 20 now So that's gonna get rid of the mythos One way or the other Improvement so Choose from this list Get plus one to a rating

Max plus three So if you want to increase One of your stats you can do that You can take another move From your playbook Whenever you made your character you had to pick specific moves to choose from. You can take a move from another playbook,

and that makes, that one's kind of a discussion between you and me, trying to find something that makes sense so that you don't like make an O.P. Like, I can do magic and, you know, transform into a, you know, a big monster, which is one of the, one of the archetypes. You can gain an ally or gain a team.

This is like a mechanical thing where you get an ally or a team. who will then sort of be in your service and you pick a different type for them. Are they a subordinate that will follow your instructions? Are they a friend? Are they a bodyguard? Are they a confidant? And you just have them. You can gain a haven, which is actually something that the archetype, the expert, has.

And that gives you sort of different abilities when you are back in your headquarters. And then you can upgrade your haven, if you already have one. You have different things. Okay, so for Crooked, recover a big. stash of money. So that would be one for Ned. Oh, Spell slinger, you can take another combat magic pick. So maybe you will want to do that when you level up. So those are the things you can do. What are you guys feeling like, Ned and Duck? I really thought about to gain an ally, but I think I've already got that in Kirby. I think it might be a little redundant. So what we could do is just make that

official. Because like before, Kirby was just an NPC in this world. And if you wanted to convince him to do something, you had to convince him to do something. If you choose gain an ally, gain a team, and you pick what kind of ally you want him to be, then that's mechanical at that point. You don't have to, like, roll to convince him to do stuff. He will do stuff for you. So I don't think it's redundant. I think it is, it codifies what is, what is already there. That's what I'd like to do. I would like to have somebody on this podcast do what I tell him to do. So yeah, let's go with him. So you get to pick, subordinate, lieutenant, friend, bodyguard confidant or backup.

And those sort of add some flavor to like what Kirby's actually going to do for you. Also keep in mind that like Kirby at this point doesn't know about the pine guard, doesn't know about the things you do. And so if you... And we have been sworn to secrecy. Yeah. So if you do this, then that's fine. But you have to find some way to like rectify that, whether that's like letting Kirby in.

That is one thing you could do or, you know, whatever. No, I think subordinate. Okay. Yeah. I'm just going to really lean into the me telling him what to do. Okay. And so like mechanically, now if you need Kirby to do something, instead of having to convince him to do it, he's just

your guy. I got my claws in Kirby. Okay. That's very good. Duck, what about you? Yeah, I'm picking up an additional point in tough. I know that's not very dramatic, but I feel like it is representative of the sort of off time that we've had, that makes sense to me.

Okay. So that'll bring you up to plus three tough, right? So that just means you will. No, sir. Plus two tough. Oh, okay. And, you know, Justin, if you want to make it more dramatic, people can picture, like, a Rocky-style montage where he's, like, lifting ice blocks and, like, punching stone or whatever. I've never seen Rocky, but I assume he punches stone a lot.

I know the idea of like— He punches meat, sides of beef. Well, maybe he punches both, Dad. You can punch more than one thing. I know the idea of, like, the training montage is maybe a little bit wrote for the purposes of our podcast. But what I really like about it in the term—in context of duck is this idea of, like, duck's abilities were maybe not his own. for a bit. He just had these supernatural reflexes and could take a hit and stuff. And the training in his last episode was him actually trying to take some of the responsibility of that on

himself. And I think that this is a smart choice for like making that mechanical. Okay, that is how improvements work. We're going to start doing these in Lunar Interlude style episodes. But for now, let's get back into the action. So at the end of the previous episode, Agent Stern from the FBI came into Amnesty Lodge and introduced himself asking to see the Bigfoot video. Daniel Stern and his partner, Agent Pesci. So that is where we find you. That's where us finds us. The last line there.

My name is Agent Stern, FBI. At your earliest convenience, Mr. Chacon, I would just love to see the Bigfoot video. All you have to do is go to the Cryptonomicon with me and you can watch the video there. Is it Cryptonomicon or Cryptonomica? I don't know. What a great start. Let's look at what our merch says. Yeah.

We got merch? He says, oh, no, I know. I stopped by. Your associate, Kirby, suggested that there might be more of the video than what you're actually showing on the floor in your establishment. Also, I'd like to sort of talk to you about the details of how you acquired such a remarkable video. Ah, well, of course you would.

It's pretty breathtaking. isn't it? One second, Ned. Could you show us like any kind of ID or anything to back up this whole I'm an agent thing? I have my driver's license. No, Ed, Ned, what was it? Not you. Oh, sorry.

Agent Stern looks kind of sheepish for a second, and he's like, oh, God, of course. I'm sorry, what am I thinking? And he reaches into his jacket. Slow? What are you? Slow? Aubrey has had minor like juvie run-ins with law enforcement in the past. She is distrusting. He reaches into his breast pocket and he pulls out a badge in like one of those little nice leather badge holders, whatever they call them, and opens it up to reveal a authentic looking ID badge that lists his name.

Should I roll the check for psychic paper? It's, I guess if you want to. Well, what would a role be where I could, like, determine... It's not psychic paper. I don't want you to... No, but if it seems legit or not. Maybe you read a bad situation. Yeah.

I'm just going to roll and we'll see how it goes. Oh, super good. I rolled it 10. Okay, it's not a psychic paper. I don't know if it seems legit. Yeah, it looks very legit. It, I mean, I don't know if you've ever seen an FBI badge before, but it definitely, you know for sure that this guy is on the level.

His badge says he works for the FBI. There's the cool FBI. seal there. Aubrey has watched a lot of X-Files, so most of her FBI knowledge is from that. The badge actually says the words underneath his sort of FBI designation, it says unexplained phenomena. And he says, it's all right there. It's actually expiring soon. My birthday's coming up, so I need to get this reauthorized. But yeah, I am a federal agent. I'm actually, so I work for a team called a small task force called Up, unexplained phenomena.

Myself, I have been researching, well, for some time now, several disappearances that have been attributed to, and this is going to sound silly, and I understand you wanting to check my credentials, because it probably sounds kind of goofy, but they are attributed to the Sasquatch. And when he says that, Barclay, who is sort of standing in this scene with his, he's collecting the cups of tea that you all were drinking on a tray. He like tips the tray over and they all smash down to the ground. He quickly cleans it up and leaves the room. And he says, the video that you put up online, Ned, it looks remarkably similar to other video sightings that I've been researching for some time associated with these disappearances. And so I know it's kind of a long shot, but I just want to hear more about it. We don't have to talk today. I, I, I,

I know you seem to be in the middle of a conversation here, so maybe we could circle back tomorrow, back at your shop, or sometime later this week, whatever works for you. Well, of course, Friend Stern. He smiles. I do like how over time Ned's character voice is kind of evolving into, like, Robin Hood a little bit? Yes, Prince. Yoikes and away, friend Stern.

He smiles when you agree to that and puts his badge away. And he takes a look around Amnesty Lodge, the lobby that you all are standing in again. and he says, say, I actually just arrived in Kepler. It's a beautiful town. The pines are gorgeous this time of year. I'm new to the area. They're evergreen.

They're gorgeous pretty much all year. I see. Well, I'm new in town and I don't actually have a place to stay yet. This establishment seems very nice. I was wondering if there's a room available. No, you don't want to stay here. Bedbugs. You have...

I don't. I don't. Listen, if I could afford a better place than this, I would. This is a real flea bag. You don't. This is going to be a role, because this is a nice place that doesn't have bed bugs. I think this is going to be... Manipulate someone. When you have given them a reason, tell them what you want them to do, and roll plus charm.

The reason is bedbugs and what you want them to do is not stay here. I got a 5 plus 1 to 6. Mark Experience. Hey, you leveled up. Yay, I leveled up. Um, maybe decide which improvement you want on your, on your own time and, and let me know, what it is. Um, yeah, I mean, you can do it while we're playing here.

So on a miss, I get to make a hard move. And the hard move, I say, is, uh, oh, well, a few bedbugs don't scare me. Uh, I, uh, I actually, I've, I've come prepared. I, I have my own sort of travel kit. I packed a lot of, you know, tick and bug spray from, I knew I was coming to a more rural area and I'm always sort of prepared. So, um, if, If there is a room available, I would love to have it.

I think Barclay's back and doesn't really know what to say, and he says, yeah, okay, we'll get you checked in and get you a nice room, I guess. And he smiles and says, I'm going to continue sort of my search around the general area, sort of familiarize myself with the town, but I will be back this evening and we can set up the room. Thank you so much. Ned, tomorrow, just let me know what time works for you. Yeah, right, got it. Real quick, I have picked third eye. Ooh, what second? Because third eye, when you read a bad situation, you can open your third eye for a moment to take in extra information.

Take plus one hold on any result of seven or more. Plus, you can see invisible things. Oh. On a miss, you may still get one hold, but you're exposed to supernatural danger. filtered reality is tough on the mind. I love that. That's very cool. So I feel like it fits in like of her learning about magic and getting in touch with her own like kind of magic powers.

Yeah, I like that. That's a cool development. Okay, go ahead and mark that down. And everybody should be at zero experience at this point. Okay. And so Agent Stern turns on his heels and walks out the door and Barclay puts his head in his hands and says, oh shit. Oh, shit. This is going to make things real hard, y'all.

Well, certainly people have come looking for you before, I have to assume, right? I mean, it's not just me. This place is full of werewolves and vampires and ghouls and stuff. It's going to be tough to keep that under wraps with the feds literally under our noses. It sounds like he's pretty squatch focused, though, wouldn't you say? He says, yeah, I guess as long as I keep this on, and he motions to his bracelet and says, I guess I can keep it on until he takes off. It gets a little stinky inside the...

Listen, Barclay, here's what you do. We'll take care of this. If he starts asking questions about, you know, sightings or anything like that, just have everyone at the lodge laugh it off, right? Really play up the, like, this is a tourist trap thing, and we staged it. This is Kepler's whole thing. You know, make jokes about the Loch Ness monster,

that kind of thing really like make it seem as absurd as possible. Don't let anyone answer seriously. Okay. Yeah, that's good advice. I'll make sure to get the word out and make sure that everybody keeps their allusions up. Side note. Lockedess Monster? Is that anything?

Do you guys know anything about that? I mean, I've never seen them. It doesn't mean that they're not here. And again, just one more time, Ned, thank you for posting that very cool video on the internet. I sure do appreciate all the cool stuff that's happened because of that of me fighting the Bobcat. It was really, like a really, really, really cool thing to have happened. I remember that. That was the time I saved your damn life, right?

When I pulled up and knocked a monster off of you and let you have a ride back to the lodge, hmm, remember that part of it, Barclay? Okay, square, all right, we got to get moving. I don't know when this water monster showed up, and I don't know how long they're going to stick around. So times of the essence, but, you know, now we're on double super spy level of discretion. So head to the pool. To the pool.

Yeah, to the pool, just. Oh, I thought that would be like where the scene ended. No, not quite yet. To the pool. Okay. And you go to the pool. Maybe there's some kind of transition here. Doodoole-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le.

Yeah, do you take Ned's car? with like a spinning pine guard patch Maybe it's the hubcap of the continental Oh yeah Well it's a spinning pine guard patch And then it fades into the wheel Oh that's fucking great Travis This is why we should always record this area

I know this energy is electrifying So the three of you arrive at Kepler High And I think it's I forget if we established this In the first episode of this arc But I think it's like Saturday So the whole front parking lot is as empty as you would expect it to be. Except for a couple cars for some kids that were in detention.

And maybe they learned a little bit about each other, you know? And themselves. One kid's kind of like a punk, and one kid's kind of a nerd, and one kid's kind of a jock. One of the cars has a bumper sticker on the back that said, I duct taped a kid's butt cheeks together. That's still the most buck wild thing, right? And I think it's super glue. Actually, I think it's a super glue?

I don't know. Anyway. He adhered a kid's butt cheeks together. Yes, through some means, magical or otherwise. So this school, Kepler High, it's a pretty humble building. Its student body is around like 800. Duck, did you go here? Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, so you have a little bit of familiarity with the building. Is it weird seeing the school in the same way that it's always weird to go back to a school that you went to and you're a big grown-up? Yeah, I don't think Duck has really had much reason to come back here. You know, it's not like this, like, this is patrolling this as part of his route. That really wouldn't make much sense. I don't think he's been back for a good long time. What kind of social group did you fall into? What were you, were you an Estevez?

Were you a Hirsch? Were you a Ringwald? Were you a sheedy? What kind of, what kind of high school kid was duck? Were you a greaser? A wastoid? Were you a T-bird? Maybe you were a T-bird.

A real Bueller? No, he was a... He was a bad boy. Like a Bueller bad boy or like a Hirsch bad boy? No, like a... He was kind of a burnout. All right. That feels right to me.

You know, I think we keep saying Judd Hirsch. I think it's Judd Nelson, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Judd Hirsch would be a wild... I love that. It'd be a wild casting choice. Okay, so you were kind of a way story, and then you discover the beauty of the beauty of the...

the pines and did live though no he just wanted to he hidden the pines I mean I think it it feeds into like he wasn't somebody with an abiding love of the world he wasn't somebody with a call to duty um like he wasn't somebody who thought he was headed for big things I think he would just like smoke cigarettes in the woods smoke smoke cigarettes and fucking not in the woods like he wouldn't have gone to the woods he just kind of like wanted to play tony hawk and hang out Cool. I dig it. Now he just vapes 24-7. Now he just vapes constantly.

Which of our characters vape? He's got a magic. He's got a magic vape that can talk to him also. It's a separate for Beacon. So as the three of you work your way behind the building to this sort of stand-alone pool building behind the school, Duck, you're sort of reminiscing about all the good times here. But the three of you are a bit shaken as you turn the corner and you see the standalone

pool facility. which has its own parking lot attached to an access road that winds around the campus. And in that lot are two vehicles. There's a fairly beaten up old Jeep and then a silver mid-sized bus parked immediately adjacent to it.

And there's some belongings that are sort of scattered inside the bus you can see through the windows. And from within the double doors leading into the pool building, you can hear a woman shouting. What do you do? Aubrey takes off running for the building.

Can I do that as I read a bad situation? Yeah, I think that would be good. Oh, wait. Roll 20, baby. Plus one is 11. So, duck, hold three, and you get to ask something from the list of questions here. If you act on the answers, you get plus one ongoing while the information is relevant. I'm trying to decide now if it makes more sense for you to do this, like, the doors burst open and you can see inside, because then you will be able to tell, like, a lot more about

this situation. I think there'll be a lot more logical, right? Like, yeah, okay. The door opens and then let me describe what happens next, and then we will resolve the questions that you do here. And so the three of you burst into the pool, and it is not empty, as Calvin mentioned, it probably would be. As you enter, you see a woman outside of the pool. She's wearing like a pair of shorts over a swimsuit and she's got a whistle around her neck. And she is sort of yelling orders toward the pool where a dozen or so older folks are treading water with these small floats that they are holding on to. And the door to the pool slams shut behind you. And the sound booms through the chamber, and it brings these proceedings to an immediate halt.

And in unison, the whole assembly, instructor and class alike, they turn to face you. Because while swim practice might not be scheduled for today, water aerobics for the Majestic Pine Senior Living Center is. Hey, everybody, this is Griffin McIra, your dungeon master, your best friend, and your big, your big old boy. Thanks for listening to Episode 7 of the Adventure Zone Amnesty. Had to think about it there for a second. and I hope you enjoyed it

and thank you all so much for all of your support during the Max Fund Drive. You all came out and absolutely crushed it and we are so, so, so grateful that you all chose to show your support for our show. It means a whole heck of a lot.

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Talk to you then. Bye. This instructor turns to face you all. And I think all of the folks exercising in the pool also kind of rotate to face you all. And the instructor says, pool's closed, folks. We just got started here. We got it booked for a couple hours. Do you need something?

And this might be a good time, duck, for you to read the situation now that you are inside. So you have three hold, if you want to ask these questions. Okay. How about this? What's the biggest threat? So what you, I think the biggest threat is an assumption. that you are making and you know that this is the pool where Calvin was attacked last night and you have no reason to believe that whatever was in here got away. And based on what she just told

you, they just got into the pool and so nothing has popped off yet. But the biggest threat is the fact that there are a dozen people sort of helplessly swimming in this water that came alive last night and tried to kill a young man. Okay. What is the best way to protect the victims? The best way to protect everybody in this room is to get them out of the pool and ideally out of the building so that they don't, you know, see a big water monster assuming it rears its head. There's a lot of things about this situation that could break very bad for them, and there's a lot of ways that it could also sort of break very bad for the secrecy of the Pine Guards mission. Okay. Are there any dangers we haven't noticed? Hmm.

Duck, you are, I think you're a bit startled as you come in and you see that there are, oh, shit, there's people in here. But you catch out of the corner of your eye in the center of the pool right above the drain where nobody's really swimming and exercising. They're all kind of up against the wall where the instructor is standing. You see a single large bubble come up from the drain and hit the surface of the pool and pop. And it goes blu-blah-blah. It goes, blah, I'm a spooky bubble. That is what you notice. So if you act on the answers, you get plus one ongoing while the information is relevant.

I have an idea. Okay. Ned's going to go over and speak to the instructor. Okay. I mean, you're all sort of standing right, right? Like you are all sort of engaged in conversation with her. How do you do? My name is Ned Chican.

You may know me from my local establishment, the Cryptonomica. And your name is? My name is Hannah. Hannah? Named after Hannah Searsen on Twitter, thank you. My mother's name was Hannah Searsen. That is such a coincidence. Perhaps you didn't know this, but I work with the local television station,

and I was watching my compatriots on Good Morning Kepler, and they had a public service announcement about your class here. And since I'm so closely tied with the Chamber of Commerce, I was thinking, this is wonderful therapy, the exercise, the swimming, the muscle toning, and all that. But have you heard about the hot springs out in back of Amnesty Lodge? I would have to think that that would be much more healthy, much more therapeutic and good for your fine swimmers here than just swimming around in a chlorinated pool. She looks at you and she says,

you know, I do remember hearing about the hot springs. I didn't think that it would be quite large enough for the sort of water aerobics that I do. Well, no, but think about it. It's like those little pools that they show in the TV infomercials where you swim against the water. It has an infinity jet in it.

It's a hot spring, right? It's the hot springs. And the water. is flowing and, you know, that would, I would have to think that would be much better for your constituents here rather than flopping around in the water, having that water pushing against them and the warmth and the natural minerals. It's very soothing. I don't know if you've been there, but for someone like me in his mid to late 30s, it's

very relaxing. She laughs. She laughs and laughs and laughs. She laughs. She has a good, good belly laugh. But having close relations with the lodge, I'm sure they would love to have you try out that facility. As a matter of fact, we just came from there and it's empty. It's unoccupied, even as we speak.

Yeah, that sounds very promising. I'll tell you what. After this session, I will head straight there and see what I can find out. Aubrey would like to cast a spell. Okay. She would like to make a chill breeze to blow over. as Ned is talking about how warm. Is this like a subtle thing?

Like, oh, a hot spring sounds like it's not like you were trying to like knock these people away. You're just subtly trying to influence the conversation with a cold wind. Okay. That was a 12. Okay. Jesus. Get that pole right when you need it. Yeah.

What does that mean? I can inflict harm. Yeah, I think that maybe this is use magic and not a attack. Yeah, that's what I'm looking at it. And I think it's just kind of. inflict harm, but I'm trying to inflict very impermanent. It is cold harm. So this, I can I just...

I just want to drill down for a sec. This is the moment in the episode and in this arc where Travis is making a combat role against some elderly wet senior citizens. I just need to clarify that's exactly what's happening currently. I roll that 12. I have crap. Yeah, no, you're going to fucking demolish them. No question.

Trave, you're absolutely going to wreck these old people shit. No, I think it's not a combat role. It's like, it's use magic. And when you use magic, instead of just like attacking them, you get to choose an effect. And one of them is do one thing that is beyond human limitations, which is kind of a bucket thing. I think with a 12, because you're not trying to hurt them, you don't hurt them, right? A 12 is an unconditional success. You do what you were trying to do.

So I think, yeah, I think that a couple of the windows were open over the bleachers. and I think from outside, a kind of chilly breeze comes in. Is this weird, by the way, because I wanted to sort of make more of a moment out of this of Aubrey doing something that's not just explicitly like fire, fire, fire. This is not a fire thing. This is a training. Unless...

Unless... It is kind of a heat thing. I mean, yeah, because the other option is to draw the heat out of the water. Right. It was one of the... Those are the two things I was going back and forth of, like, chill breeze versus make the water. colder. Doing used magic instead of combat, maybe she just kind of like pulls heat out of the water.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. The water starts to get very, not very cold, but pleasantly cold. This is a thing that I know from Teresa working at a pool that like people who are in the pool a lot on swim laps can like tell the difference when you drop it like a degree or two. Yeah, for sure. Okay. I think as you're describing this hot spring, Ned, one of the swimmers says, yeah, that actually sounds real nice about now. This pool is, uh, it's, it's getting kind of, uh, chilly and I'd like to heat up my bones. And I don't see why we can't do our, you know, lifts and stuff in, in a, in a, warmer climb if they, if they got room for us. Uh, and the, the rest of the people in the pool agree. And I think Hannah is kind of like, like, pushing back against this, but she's like,

okay, fine. Uh, everybody get, get your stuff. And, um, I guess we'll head up to, up to, Amnesee Lodge. It's up cliffside, right? Sure. Doc, what would be the best way for them to get there? Duck, you see those bubbles. Now it's not just one. There's a lot of bubbles starting to appear in the middle of the pool. You know, what, why don't I call in a transport? We got a lot of vans that we usually use the whole shrubbery and brush that we've collected, and I'll have them send a van down here.

Well, we have a van. It's not. Well, that should have come up earlier, don't you think, that you had a van on hand? Here I am falling over myself offering you all vans. What a goose. All right. Well, why don't you... I thought your name was Duck. Yeah, it's a nickname.

Listen, if you all got a van handy, why don't you hop in and get on truck and don't forget, don't worry about your clothes. We'll drive them up separate. Why can't we take our clothes? You need to, you need, uh, you, here, I'll get them. Duck runs to pick up their clothes. You all start loading in the vans and I'll bring your clothes out to you. It's just another one of the many services we offer from the Forestry Service. Is clothes?

Oh, okay. I'm going. I'm going, I'm going. Go, go, go, go. I think because of, I know this seems a bit silly, but all of you have rolled very well here. I think they all sort of start climbing out of the pool, and in a single file line, they hurry out the door as Duck is picking up their clothes off the bleachers and just throwing them out the open doors. And soon all of them... Now, he takes them to the van.

The van's right there. Okay. He throws him in the van. As he's doing this transport, everybody's outside. You and Ned see the bubbles getting faster and faster, and then they stop. And, Duck, you finish taking all of their stuff out to the car and you hear the engines kick on. and drive off and the doors close behind you, and now you are all together,

and the water is motionless just for a moment. And then a ripple extends from the center of the pool, and as it reaches the perimeter, the water around the edges of the pool starts to recede as if called back by a tidal pole, and the water collects at the center, forming a small mound. And then the water splashes upward from the center of the pool and the mound explodes.

A primitive hand reaches upward several feet, grasping at nothing before collapsing back into the pool. Three identical cylindrical pillars of water lift from the surface and then recede just as quickly. Two waves form at either end of the pool and splash together, hanging there for just a moment before dropping. The water takes several shapes quickly before settling on one, A tendril reaches upward from the center of the pool, writhing about, throwing water all around the room before standing perfectly straight up 10 feet into the air. Well, dunk. Um, read a bad situation, please. Okay.

I think this is probably a more reasonable time for you to do that. Uh, I draw, I'll go ahead and draw a beacon, by the way. Yeah, roll a nine plus one, ten. Okay. Uh, go ahead and ask your questions. This is the thing, because a lot of these are. very straightforward. Like, what's the biggest threat? Probably that big water tendril. Yeah. I'm going to say what's most vulnerable to me.

I think with that I can tell you, do not get in that water. You know that what is vulnerable to you is like your breath. No, I mean, I think it means like what's vulnerable to me to attack. Oh, to attack. Yeah, that's tough. That's tough for me to describe to you. I think that you logically know that like the water in the tindril is the thinnest you can't like shoot something into the pool right let me let me start within my my magic eye okay which is actually third eye that guy is the posters yeah you blur your eyes you get it real close to the water and sort of the shape starts to take um how does that look like to you describe what what the third eye well i would

um i envision it so there's a thing in the dresden file so they talk about wizard's site And I always imagine it kind of like if you switched over to the negative, you know, like in a photo, except in the negative, I could see the things. I like that. So like inverse color sort of thing. Okay. Yeah, that's neat. You see, I think even with your third eye, you see faintly not in the tindril, but actually in the water, under the tindril, several feet deep in the water. you see that yellow light that Calvin described yesterday.

And you are the only one that can see it. Nanduck, you just see the pool and you just see the tentral. But with your magic site, you see this shape in the water. And then if you are asking what is most vulnerable to you, it's whatever that thing is. Okay. So next question, what's the best way out? Either the door or the windows over the bleachers. Okay, let's...

You have one more. I think, if you want to do it. Start backing towards the doors. What's the best way to protect the victims, which I guess are us? The three of you. I mean, the best way to protect the victims is to not get in the water and get as far away from this thing as is possible. But, I mean, you also know that, like, you're going to have to fight this thing eventually. And so whatever you could learn.

Okay. So, Aubrey, after sort of reading it, that tindril, which was sort of poking straight up before, it kind of bins and crooks towards the middle and sort of almost like it looks in your direction, like it is eyeing the three of you, still in the middle of the pool, still like a little bit of a ways away from you. But it seems to have noticed you. Ned, what are you up to? Ned climbs the high dive, starts up the ladder, climbs up the high dive. Okay.

I'm going to hit it with a phone. ostensibly to get away from whatever's going on. But I think he's going up there to get a higher perspective that may be looking down on it visually, that it'll tell him more about the situation than being on eye level with it. Okay, I don't think it's like a super high dive because that to me seems like weird pacing, like, oh no, let me climb this ladder for 30 seconds. But I think it definitely puts you at eye level and you are on this high dive. And it sounds like investigative mystery, right?

Which is less, I know it seems like that's all you guys are doing right now, but that's kind of... You know nothing. Right. This is sort of a research gathering mission. An investigative mystery is more about, like, what the monster is and not what immediate danger you all are in. So I roll a nine plus two for sure. These fucking rolls. You guys are killing it.

Hopefully, when you actually fight this thing, you guys will fuck up a bunch. That's my tree. What sort of creature is it? Here's what I... This is one of those situations where, like... Like the answer is so obvious that I won't charge you one of the hold, too, because I think you can't see what Aubrey sees, what sort of creature it is, is shape-shifting water. And it's taking a different shape than the one that Calvin described yesterday, so you assume that it's got a few tricks up its sleeve. But what sort of creature it is is a big shape-shifting water monster.

But I won't charge you a hold for that because that's sort of obvious. All right. Then what can it do? Okay. I think the way that we resolve this is the tendril notices you. climb up the high dive and get on eye level with you, and the tindril starts to move in your direction, like not just the tip of the tindral, but like the shape itself, the base of it moves across the surface of the water. So it seems to be able to move around to do whatever it was.

I've got it. You guys, old people in a pool, energy in the pool. This is a cocoon situation. We've got a cocoon situation. We have got a full-blown cocoon. You have one more question, Ned. Well, if it's zooming at me, I'm going to want to know what can hurt it. You get the impression getting an eye full of this tindril right now. You still don't know what this monster is, right? But you know that if you can sever this tindril, if you can sever this water, this aquatic tentacle, it will go away. That doesn't necessarily mean you've killed the beast or whatever, but you get the idea that, you know, the water is thinner here on the tindril than it is at the base of the pool.

If you sever it, it will resolve this situation. And with your questions asked, this thing is now moving towards you. Now the tip of it is moving towards you at speed, looking like it actually kind of goes around the side of you, almost like it wants to grab you. That is a soft move of me setting up future danger. What do you do? So it's moving at me at speed. I want to take Justin's suggestion from earlier and do a foon. Oh, no, the food, the dread of foon.

I want a foon into the pool. I'm not going to have time to get down the ladder, probably. So many childhood summer days have been wrecked by the power of the foon. My worry has now pivoted. I am no longer concerned for my dad's imaginary character. I'm now concerned for this poor tendril getting ready to get it shop wrecked. Can you explain what a foon is? A fool.

Power of the food. A foon is a dive invented by my cousin Tom Neal that it's imagine a jackknife, but you do the jackknife and you don't unfold so that it's, you get all the worst elements of a belly flop, but even more because it impacts all of your body. So it is short for Tyson, correct? It is both punishment for other people in the pool, but mostly a way that one might, I don't know,

give penance for something terrible they've done. The least pleasing way of entering a body of water. It is, and it might disrupt the surface tension a bit. Okay, I like this. So go ahead and act under pressure, it sounds like. You roll plus cool because you are in a pressured situation. I like the instinct that like, oh, shit, I can't get back down that ladder fast enough. This thing's going to get me.

May as well charge right into it as you do a cool dive. You are kidding me. 12 plus one cool 13 that's not just a foon that's a foon that's a food so this kills the creature yeah they die okay here's what happens you realize you're not going to make it down that ladder

and you turn into a foon off the edge of the diving board a full spring the diving board makes that satisfying like blah la la la la noise and abri and duck from the from the ground level you see ned's imposing form, launch off the end of the diving board. And as you are going down,

the path of your foon actually cuts through the tindrel, and the force, the pure, like, inertia of your maneuver here, it cuts through the tindril and severs it from the pool itself. And as it does, the water that was forming this tindrel loses its shape and sort of just falls harmlessly down onto the floor. and Aubrey and Duck, you probably get splashed a little bit by this as the water falls and hits the water. Ned, you kill the tindril, but you are now inside the water. You splash down into the pool.

And as you do, and you are now submerged a few feet under the water, your face is illuminated by this yellow light as you are now just right up against it. Now that you are like right up against it, you can see it. and that is what has happened. And then I think you also like, you were prepared for this. Full exposure, there's got to be some damage done. I'm telling you, a good foon hurts. I think it hurts, but you rolled at 12.

So I, like, I am powerless to sort of do a bad thing to you here. You did something. The most rad foon anyone's ever done. The bad thing that has happened. As Aubrey and Doc Sienna, it's like, the perfect food. I've always heard tale of it, but I never thought to see him with my own eyes. So something bad did happen. This is exactly how he would want to die.

What? Something bad did happen, though. I think because you were so smooth in this maneuver, you got a nice deep breath as you were ahead and down, so you are not sort of being actively damaged or whatever, but you feel that same tug that Calvin felt, actually far more powerful. Ned and Aubrey from above the pool, you see Ned being kind of yanked around the deep end of the pool. Like, by his feet, you see him just sort of zooming around the water. As Ned, you are being pulled all around the water.

You had a nice deep breath so you are not being damaged by this, but this thing's got a hold on you now. And you are its play thing now inside the pool. Duck, what do you do? So I I'll tell you what Duck does Duck has his sword out and he just stands there

he doesn't have any idea what to do he knows that he his friend is in danger he knows that there's a monster in the thing and he's got nothing for Duck this is like it's 100% the situation that he

kind of feared would happen. He doesn't know how to do this. He doesn't know what to do. And I don't think he does anything. That's very good. Okay, Aubrey, you see duck pull out his sword and then just kind of freeze up. Duck? Yeah. Grab the skimmer. The skimmer? Pool skimmer.

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Skimmer, skimmer. So he runs over to grab the skimmer and is going to try to, I guess, catch him. Okay. Going one step further than what Aubrey did earlier, she's going to try to lower the pool temperature even more. Okay.

So that the water gets sluggish and slower Hmm To kind of help Duck I will say totally You have no idea if that works, right? You have no idea if that's like what this thing Okay

We don't know anything Here goes nothing Oh no Oh shit Oh no You roll a five Is that plus weird So that's a seven

It's not a total miss Yeah that is a seven So I'm so glad this happened Because use magic has one of the coolest effects on a mixed success. On a 7-9, it works imperfectly. Choose your effect and a glitch. The keeper will decide what effect the glitch has.

So you get to choose whatever effect you were trying to do, which I think was do one thing which is beyond human limitations, which was soaking up the heat of the pool. And then you choose a glitch. The effect is weakened. The effect is of a short duration. You take one harm, ignore armor. The magic draws immediate unwelcome attention,

or it has a problematic side effect. I'm going to say for this because I think it'll be the most interesting. Yes, yes, yes. The magic draws the median on Wonkaum attention? Yeah. So here's what happens. The water gets cold. And Ned, you feel it now, and now it's uncomfortably cold.

It's not like freezing, but it's like, you know, probably around 50 degrees or so, which is very, very cold for water. You don't want to be in water that cold for that long. But as it cools down, Ned, you usually. do feel this thing stop pulling you. And you, you are now sort of under the water. And I think that now you see the skimmer in the water that Duck has put down there for you. You're probably pretty disoriented at this point because you've just been dragged around the water for a while. And so I think it's probably pretty easy for you to grab onto that if you want to. However, the unwanted attention,

the water you see it start to pull away from the deep end of the pool where Ned was just at and now it forms a huge wave on the more shallow end of the pool that was closer to where Aubrey is and now it is a it comes down on you and splashes over you and as it does it just kind of actually stays there the water is now no longer contained in the pool it's not pulling you into the pool it has come to you and it is all around you, and you are submerged, and I think it caught you by surprise, so you are out of breath. Ned, what do you do? I think let's resolve first. Did you get pulled up through this with this skimmer?

Are you back out of the water? Are you still in the water? Yeah, Duck, I grabbed the skimmer, and Duck pulled me up, and I took a breath, and now I'm back at it. I'm going to help out. Oh, good. Ned goes running towards Aubrey and takes his thudomatic walking stick and just sweeps it right through the stream of water to try and break the contact between the global water and the water in the pool. And that's a seven. And he has no tough.

So he's kicking some water ass, sort of. Okay. On a seven, you and whatever you're fighting inflict harm on each other. You charge towards it and you bring up your cane in like an upward sweeping strike and you splash some of the sort of narrow connection of water between this frozen wave and the pool. And as you do, a tendril peels off the wave and just smashes you from above. It clubs right into you and hits you for one harm. but I think you are sort of unfazed in that and you continue sort of your strike against this

connective tissue and you finally, with one more sweep, you do sever it. And as that happens, Aubrey, the water falls away from you and you fall to the ground and take a nice deep breath, which probably sounds very good in the audio. Duck, you are up and both of your compatriots at this moment are sort of free. And what was, what did you say the effect of the walking stick was? It's separate. It basically killed the wave. Cool.

So the shapes that this water is making are minions, which is another mechanic in this game. It's not the, it's not the boss itself, but it is things that are serving the boss. And that's kind of how I am making, making sense of how this monster operates. You see the water start to move around. I think there's a few of the exercise floats that a few of the, the, the, the, the, the, exercises were using earlier and you see them start to rotate clockwise, sort of around the center of the pool. But no shapes have formed right now.

What do you do? Listen, y'all, I think we need to get out of here post-haste. I know we haven't learned much from this, but I'd say that we've learned that it's a living pool and it can send as much water out as it wants and not get tired. and not get hurt. And I think if we play that game long enough, we're going to end up underground. So I'm kind of feeling like we should maybe get the hell out of here.

I think as you say that, the water, the water starts to pick up. It's sort of spiral. And now a full-blown whirlpool is forming in the center of the pool. Yeah, you know what? Sound, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep, yep. So what do you all do? Run away!

Yeah, we run. We're gone. Okay, you all run towards the door. And right as you reach it, you hear a sickening kind of gurgling noise as that whirlpool closes up. And as it does, the pool stands completely still. And Aubrey, I think with your third eye magic still sort of traces of it still functioning, you can tell that this light that was in the water is now just gone. Huh. Well, I've got good news and potentially bad news.

Well, why don't you hit me with the good news first? Okay. Good news is I think we're safe from the time being because whatever was in that pool seems to be gone. All right, mission accomplished. Well... Good work, pine. guard, huh?

Then we've got the bad news. Which is? The bad news is, um, I think maybe it went into, you know, all the water? Like in town? I think it's not just confined to the pool. Well, fuck. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.

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