The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 15

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

The Abyssal Auction: Part Two After an unfortunate journey, the Coriolis arrives at a fancy, clandestine deep sea auction house. Time to do what exactly one-third of this party is good at: Shmoozing the room.Additional music in this episode: "Creepy Bell Music 01" by Magmi Soundtrack https://bit.ly/3aXUcSt; and "Piano" and "Late Jazz Piano" by Szegvari https://freesound.org/people/szegvari/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone Ethersea, sign of good faith. These jobs, if they're still available, are yours for sure. Uncle Joshy, of course, who has an invitation to an exclusive auction where he hopes to purchase an undisclosed surface relic, and he needs representatives to attend the auction. I'll bankroll you. You get what I ask for, and then you come on home. It's a journal. It's a journal from an old Delmer.

Architect. I have zero need for it, but I know plenty of folks who would. It is 20 luck. I'm going to give you. Whatever else you have left, uh, you can keep. Nobody there can see anybody else's faces. If you don't succeed, the fair way, you could try and come about it another way. Roll that beautiful D100 footage. That out of a hundred, you got a one? It's a squid, about the size of your ship. And, It attaches one of its tentacles to the front of the ship and then blasts out an enormous, all-encompassing black cloud of ink. And then you feel the choreolas move. The fuck. A one? So what happens on a one? I'm sorry, it would be a good start.

I have taken a great deal of duress and criticism for rolling a one on my hundred. sighted die thing that I enrolled. I would like to point out that if it had been any other number, any number you roll is a one and a hundred chance. If it was a seven, it'd be a one and a hundred chance. It was a 99. It'd be a one and a hundred chance. So to criticize me for rolling something

that was exactly the same odds. You are misunderstanding. This is a misread of the situation, Dad. The criticism is not, is not, how you rolled the dice, I mean, you rolled the dice and it came up. The criticism is rather how often

a lady luck likes to take a shit on our dad. A big dumperuny. It's just a big old... So I shouldn't take it personally. Well, I mean, you should because you've done something to anger the fates,

clearly. I don't know what choice you made at some point. But the criticism isn't like, oh, you got a number. It's that you got the worst number. The worst one of them. I understand.

If we're using statistics also doubt, I'd like to say that there was a 99% chance that you would roll any other number. Correct. That would not prove catastrophic. I would say, though, in a sense, is it one better than two? I mean, can I pause at that? Do you mean interest level wise? Well, it's just like, that's almost the funniest thing that could happen.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And one is the funniest thing that could happen while still being bad. Okay, we're ready. Go ahead, Griffin. Shit on our heads. So you all are in the Coriolis, and it is covered in this pitch black cloud of ink that you saw this, you know, armored squid shoot out at you before it stuck one of its tindrills to you. There's the Taz drinking game.

I said Tindral. Oh, yeah. Take a sip. And started to pull your ship slowly downward. Yeah, it's just pitch black and silent outside. It's like this cloud is, you know, sucking up everything outside. Ambio, Zeus, you may want to come onto the bridge and, well, I would say and seize this, but, well, yes, come, come, please? Yeah, Amber heads over.

To where she can see. There was a giant octopus and it squirted ink onto us, and now everything is darkness outside. And we are being pulled into it. And I cannot stress this enough. I did not do anything. This just happens. I feel like someone must be responsible, though. Yes, somebody must be responsible, but it is not me.

Well, I wasn't even here. And then I was, you know, busy sucking around about my terrible roles. How could this happen for which I was responsible? No, Zooks. I actually like those, actually. I like a little bit of, you know what I call it? I don't say burnt, I have this thing. I call it caramel.

Oh, this is good. You know what I mean? This is a myard effect. Oh, boy. I want to tell you, both has you something occurred to me as I was piloting here. We are about to go to an auction, yes, that has, one would assume, several old artifacts.

We have twice now come up against, you know, villains, Gusry and then Orleans. that like to collect these old things. And I think there might be a pretty good chance that one of them might be here, and we won't know it because everybody is in some sort of disguise. Oh, I believe I see where you're headed.

All they'll be able to do to identify us is by our voice. So you're saying that you're going to speak with some kind of accent. To disguise your voice? Yes, actually. I think we should all do this, adult different characters. So also, if we do end up stealing anything, that it cannot be traced back to us.

That is a great idea. You know what? I was about to say that I find this offensive, but this is very good. No, I think this is something that we will, how you say, be incognito? My only worry is if you do this accent that people will assume that it is me

because I am the only person that I know that has this accent. It is very odd how similar our voices are. May we? Hmm. I do not know how I feel about this. I feel like a big part of my identity is being taken.

No, no, no, no. No, I would never take on someone else's identity. I'm a briner. You don't like it? Oh, I find it. It's a charming and convincing. Because of the way of your whole face and head. This is true, yes.

It is hard to transform one's physicality with their voice. And I wouldn't say once you start with this accent, it is hard to start. Oh, it's so hard. Sometimes you are playing with your children and you just slip into it. Duce the accent and your daughter is like, no, daddy. I didn't think I could respect you less than I already did, but here it knows. Everybody make a Constitution saving. I haven't really trolls too had been theatrical early released.

I feel like that would have really turned things around for us. Yeah. What check we roll in? Constitution save. Dang. Yeah. That's that box up in the left. Yeah, Jubilee got himself a four plus one, a five.

And the worst part is in D&D beyond, when it teeters on the end, it will half light up the other number and then it rolls back. Yeah, it's delicious. It's so good. Okay. I'm on day of 14. No. Right. You can speak normal, I think. I do not think I can anymore.

Okay, yeah, I guess you have to, you're on full Daniel Day Lewis shit right now. You all feel your ears pop. Oh. And it is like, you know, maybe it's happened a little bit. once or twice since you all have been on these undersea missions as you sort of pass through the different, you know, layers of ocean. But this is really brutal. Amber, you are, it hurts, but you're fine. Zooks, you take two points of, I don't know, inner ear damage. Oh, yeah. Sinus, sinus damage. Right. Devo, you take twice that. You take four points. But after that happens,

the ship slows, or rather the squid hauling your ship, slows down. And then you all hear a clicking noise next to the airlock. And your ship is completely still now. Is it like a knocking? No, like something locking into place on the other side of the airlock. Yeah, that's where you are. Through the viewport and all of the different viewports, like around the ship, Like, it's still complete black.

Like, not it's really dark down here, but magical darkness is surrounding our ships, so we can't see anything. Yeah, that's the situation. Zuchs, you should open the door. But, um, uh, oh, I would be glad to. Explain your logic. I'm the tank. I'm the tank.

This and also, uh, if, uh, if there is water on the other side, um, you, can breeze it. Oh, right. I forgot. Yeah, I need. And matter of fact, it's good for me. It's healthy. This is true, yes.

Okay. So, Zook strides proudly up to the, bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo. That was me. Zook just made those noises. There's no buttons or anything. He just walked up to like the big, is it turn handle? I was trying to talk to it. Yeah.

Oh, I see. Trying to mind melt with the. Oh, yeah. me put my hand on this great big wheel. Nothing. We talked about this, dude. The roundness. Oh, God, the roundness.

I don't know what I've done this season to breed the kind of timidity that you all possess. You open the door. There's water outside. There's water everywhere. I'll grant you that, sure. But there's not water outside of this door.

As you open it up, you see a fairly long hallway. It is, your characters wouldn't know this. It looks like a jet bridge, basically. with a staircase at the end of it. And it is just pure white illumination. Like the, it is a featureless hallway, except for the fact that everything appears to be made of like white light.

And yeah, there's a stairway at the end of it. All, let's go. Yeah. I feel like we ought to be, okay, Zook's just going to hold on to his weapon until he's told to put his weapon away. Oh, yeah, absolutely. All right, you all make your way. down this hallway and up the staircase.

At the top of it is a door that is open. And you all make your way through it into another one of these like plain white featureless rooms. This one you can tell is sort of a long triangular room. And at the far side of it, opposite where you all have entered, is another closed door. This one is pretty huge. And in the middle of the room is a, a, of the room. is a box, about a waist-high, you know, long rectangular box. And as you make your way into this room, actually, the door behind you closes and a speaker activates, and from it, you hear a voice that says,

Hello, honored guests. Thank you for participating in today's auction. You're welcome. Preserve your anonymity during this event is our paramount concern. Okay. Yes. Please answer the following questions to ensure our success in this pursuit. Sorry, I thought you were going to say enough.

Now he was waiting for us a question. We have detected three participants present in this chamber. Is that correct? Yes. You should be pretty sure of how many people are in the room right now. Yes. That's more like it. Addaboy.

Three vapor suits. collars come up from holes that appear on this box in front of you and are now just sitting on the surface. And this table stops being like this plain white featureless table and the surface of it kind of turns into like a color wheel like in Photoshop like choosing the color of the of the paint. This voice says, please select a color to represent your group while on the premises. Amber, do you have a preference? Um, speaking tactically, why don't we go with black? Oh, I worry that that would make us look too cool and be like a target, and people are like, oh.

Okay, yeah. What about aquamarine? It's a little on the nose, but I don't know. We could do puce. Aquamarine is good. I think that's apt. We choose aquamarine. Did your voice just change?

No. Okay. These collars have these sort of strings of small lights that run the distance around them, and they all now turn aquamarine. And then the voice comes back and says, This shall be the color for your group. Now each of you must select an avatar to represent yourself while on the premises. You may select simple shapes or complex designs, though requests for vulgar images may be denied.

I'd like a seahorsey. One of the vapor suits vibrates and then a hologram of a seahorse head is now kind of floating above it. Neat. I choose the scales of benevolence. Okay. Yeah. Another one shakes for just a moment. And then hovering above it, you see a hand holding a set of scales. Can I get a picture of my face? That is.

So counterintuitive. How about mine? Go with mine. Can I? Can I? Can you get a picture of your own face? Yeah. For, what is this?

Devo, at this point, by the way, is just, like, so, like, big-eyed staring at Amber, like, mm-mm. Why? Oh. Oh, I got it. We're just, like, sneaky. All right. All right. I think I got you now. Do me, but like with a mustache. No, no, I got it. A blinksharp. That'd be cool. Yeah, do that.

You hear the voice say, uh, blink shark, blink shark. Oh, gosh. Are you sure? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. And then the third collar vibrates and above it is the horrifying visage of a blink shark with its mouth, question mark, half open and its eyes sort of squinting with malice. And this voice says, please put on your collars. Deva does. Same, obviously. Zoop does.

I do that. As you all slip it on a big. Can you say slip it on in like a slower one little husky. As you all slip it on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A vapor suit forms around each of you, and you can see each other's heads are the shapes that you requested. But Amber, Deva, have you worn the vapor suit aboard the ship yet? I don't know that you have, have you?

No. No. Okay. Then, Amber, you're the only one that notices this. It's different. It feels different from the one aboard your ship. The pressure inside of the suit doesn't change. There's no airflow whatsoever.

And in fact, your feet, you know, usual vapor suits only work in the water because they sort of need that power. to form the tangible hologram. You can actually tell that your feet are standing on the floor and kind of passing through it a little bit. And so you intuit first, and I think the other two do eventually, that nothing physically is interacting with the suit. It's just a sort of like aesthetic, illusory projection. And the voice says,

These will be your identities during today's auction. Please resist sharing personal details about yourselves to the other participants. Have you attended one of our auctions in the past? No. Well, allow me to inform you of the rules that you must follow while aboard this station. First, our personnel for this auction can be identified by their white pyramid avatars. Please do not accost them or follow them into any staff-only spaces.

I almost went with a white pyramid. Almost, wow. Yes, is it too late to change our avatars? You could not be a white pyramid that would get very confusing. Second, you may not return to this hangar until the final settlements for today's auction have concluded. Third, any acts of violence or unauthorized magic usage witnessed by an attendant will lead to the offending participants immediate expulsion and permanent banning from all future events. Is there any magic usage that is authorized? Not by participants during the auction.

Fourth, failure to settle up after purchasing an item during today's auction will result in severe punishment for the offending party. Finally, you must surrender your weapons before you can be admitted to the auction. Yes, of course. The box now opens up on the top, like a chest, and the voice says, do you agree to these terms? Absolutely. Mm-hmm. Yes, but only if I can give this boomerang back. It's a sacred relic.

We don't want your boomerang, dude. You see, Amber is like pulling on our arms. Oh, no. They won't come off. Dang. Hey, I'm having trouble surrendering my weapons. Oh, no. Yeah, it takes Devo a long time, too,

because he just keeps pulling knives out of different locations. Oh, wait. Oh, sorry, I still have one. I don't know. I can't seem to not have a knife. And Zooks also has trouble because he says, I'm having trouble handing over my devastating wit. Ooh.

So cool. We are all three very good. We're all very cool. And then he puts his crossbow. He puts his crossbow in. Yeah. All right. Is anybody trying to smut?

Let's say this right now so you don't, two episodes in go. And then I pull out my secret katana. Like, is anybody actually trying to smuggle stuff in? No, I mean, I'm not. Yeah. The only thing I have is a boomer. I think it's pretty, I don't know. Listen, I don't know how big diva's butt crack is, but I don't think he's getting a boomerang.

Do you want this, hey, do you want this child's toy? What are you being honest about? I had kicked around the idea of trying to find a loophole on this by at some point producing a knife following the first rule of ethersea, which is everybody has a knife. Right, that rule will be suspended during today's adventure. So this is the exception that proves the roar. then no, then no, I'm not trying to sneak a knife. Okay. As you place all of your weaponry in the box, it closes.

And a voice says, This hanger will be kept absolutely secure until you are ready to depart after the final settlement. And then there's a loud sound of machinery, grinding machinery beyond the door at the end of the room. And finally, the door opens. And it presents you with a small chamber made of the same featureless white light. there's a panel on the back of this small chamber with a glowing red up arrow. Yes. And the voice says,

Remember the rules and good luck on today's options. And the voice is gone. They were nice. I mean, sort of. Well, I mean, they could have used a harsher tone. I mean, should we, do we push the arrow? Just a quick read. Do you think that people are listening all the time if they have this communication device set up?

Do you think that they can hear us? I think you should assume that, yeah. Yes, I think that we should continue on this very, very important sacred mission. I agree. Let's continue on our sacred mission. Oh, shit, Optimus Prime is here? Autobots. Sam, Whitwiki.

Sam Whitwicky, Sam, Whitwicky. Are you all going to use that voice? No. Okay. I'm going to use my Sam Whitwicky. Yeah. And I'll speak like bumblebee and only use Snips from songs. Oh, God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. Hope you guys like Steely Dan. Steely Dan would have been a great name for a transformer. Damn, you're right about that. Or a war for. Wait, go, stop. Steely Van.

Please call me Steely Dan. Steely Dan the robot man. I'm kind of a chill. They always want me to go fight the real dinosaurs, and I'm like, I'm good. I'm cool. Reeling. Look out in Star Scream.

That's fine. It's fine. It's just Steely Dan. He's an Autobot. Yeah, but he doesn't like start it. He's cool. Even the DeSatikons are kind of okay with him. You know what I?

He sells weed. Robot weed Sam went wicked Did you bring robot weed? It's a van with like a painting of wizards on the side Oh my god Steely Dan the weed fan It's very

I'm writing it down I'm writing it down Hey next live show that's who I'll be I want to see Do you think Transformers let me write a comic About Steely dad There's a mattress in the back I'm a conscientious objector

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on maximum fun.org. You know, the show you like, that hobo with the scarf who lives in a magic dumpster. Doctor Who? Yeah. You're aboard this elevator and the door closes

and you start to go up and just after a few moments of you all, you know, ascending, this all white light just clicks off. And now you are going upward in total darkness

for just a short, a short while. How long? A few seconds. Not on it off. That's not Devo's jam, I'm assuming. Yeah, Deva does not care for this. Right, of course. And then it's like you have passed through a cloud and come out the other side

because as you move upward, your elevator changes and now is completely made out of transparent glass. And through it, you can finally see outside. You can see sort of your location and get your bearings. You realize all of you are, without a doubt, the deepest you have ever been in the ether scene. The waters are... Do you have any sort of physical reaction to that? I mean, your ears popped a little while ago. This elevator is not taking you apparently high enough to unpop them, repop them, whatever.

Stop them? Stop them, maybe? Yeah, because once you pop... Yeah, sure. The water outside of this walk evader is completely still. That's like the first weird thing that you notice. In any of the places that you've been before, there are soft currents, you know, pushing plant life around, giving just everything a sense of movement. That's not happening here except for like a handful of schools of bioluminescent fish that are just, they're not even like swimming as much as they're just drifting through the water.

And their light is quite bright. As you look upward where the elevator's going, you can see. see the pristine metal base of a wide circular deep sea station that you are lifting up toward. When you look down, you can no longer see the base of the elevator shaft that you are traversing. And you realize that it and the entire hangar that you just entered through are also swallowed up in this gargantuan cloud of magical darkness that engulf the choreolas just moments ago. and then you all enter the base of this station and the elevator comes to a stop,

lights up again, and the door slides it. And when it does, you all witness the single fanciest room you've ever stepped into. Oh. It is a semicircular chamber that is decadent. Like there's wood everywhere, which is not a thing under the sea. A big wooden bar with golden accents,

walls of intricate wood paneling. There are these... What's it smell like? It smells like money. It smells like money in this place. It smells like Lux, I guess. You see these shining brass sconces that are sort of casting a pleasant, dreamy glow

that fills the room. You also see, because it's hard not to primarily focus on them, a lot of people dressed in these vapor suits with a bunch of different colors and designs. Right off the bat, do we see any kind of like avatars that might be symbols we would recognize? Like, oh, that seems like that might be blank. Let me think. Why don't you roll a perception or an investigation check real quick?

Just to see. That is a 17 plus 3, a 20. Good Lord. That's what it looks like. a grown-up roles, Dad. Sure. Not really. Not really.

You see, there's a trio of people seated at the bar, and they are dressed as golden wolves, and it is by a country mile the most ostentatious outfit, like, in the room. They are also all being really dushy about, like, smelling their glasses of red wine that they're swirling around. I love these guys. I love these guys. So it's not like an iconic emblem or anything. like that, but I think you, you, they stand out. Yes, they stand out, absolutely. Also seated at the bar is just one person in a deep blue suit with a star-shaped head who is just kind of scanning the room. They definitely look at the elevator as you all enter in. A few other sort of figures that stand out here. There is a yellow smiley face figure that is leaning like really precariously against one of those, those long windows overlooking the deep sea outside. You see, these two silvery stacks that are standing near a wall and their arms are kind of folded behind them in a militaristic pose.

And then, you know, most of the parties that you see here are individual people or maybe two or three, you know, folks here for the same, you know, prize or whatever you can tell just because they're the same color like you guys are. But the biggest group, there is a gaggle of red cubes, five of them. and they are all sort of seated in a circle just kind of like looking at each other. And then, of course, there are a bunch of custodians and servers and staff all dressed in these white pyramid suits. They are offering drinks and snacks and preparing for the auction. And finally, as you all step out of the elevator, there is a chime and you hear that voice again say, With the arrival of our final participants, we are now ready to begin our preparations. The auction will begin in one hour.

Please enjoy our complimentary food and beverage service while you wait to be ushered into the auction hall. You all have an hour to like investigate the room or the building, talk to whoever you want to, get whatever kind of intel or understanding of this place that can potentially assist you in winning the auction for the journal. I want to go to talk to the guys in the wolf masks. Amber? I mean, I'm going to go with the support. I think we should all stay together. I'm good.

I'm good. All right. I see y'all later. I walk over towards the wolf guys. Okay. Bye, guppy. I see very little. Okay, we could talk.

I see very little benefits of staying together. Well, we have different skill sets. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why we can, we shall do our own thing. But like, we're not going to learn. You know, we'll learn three times as much being separate. She has a good point. There it is.

Come on. Okay. Amber. Yeah. This is use. use caution, approach this very carefully, get more information from them than you give,

yes? You have whittled me down to 58 minutes and 30 seconds of complimentary drinks and snacks. So I am actually going to walk away before I gave you more fucking piss to you. Okay. I'll walk over to the wolf guys. Yeah, for sure.

You two figure out what you want to do. Amber, you walk over to the bar. It is a long, long, long, long bar. The blue star person is fairly far out of ear shot from you as you approach these golden wolves who appear to be a little tipsy. Hey, buds. What's going on? They all turn to look at you and then all three of them simultaneously recoil, like as they see a blink shark sort of in their faces. It's not real.

I know. I think they're fucking cold. You guys, you guys, in blink sharks? You seem like you would be like, you're kind of, the wolves made me think

you guys would be in like, blank sharks. How do you all even know about wolves? They all start laughing at you. Ah, yeah. And one of them who, his wolf mask seems like

fairly docile and wise, and the other two definitely look more sort of aggressive. And so this, this docile wolf person says, we are no stranger to the history of the world above, and we admire a lot of traits about the wolf. Number one, looks cool.

Number two, believe in each other strong. Believe in each other strong, you know? And it's a cool animal, not like a scary, weird one, like a bad shark guy and he takes another sip of wine. What are you sipping on? It looks good. I wouldn't, uh, I wouldn't guess that, uh, you are much of a, a wine drinker not too knowledgeable about the good red and white stuff.

Let me get, let me get a sip real quick. And she tries to take it to take a sip. Uh, make us light a hand check. Holy fucking shit. Yes. Doesn't feel so good, does it? I mean, at least I didn't fucking ruin my whole family in the podcast. Yeah, Justin failed grabbing a glass of wine.

You summoned an old god or something. Both of the sort of violent-faced wolves, like in the blink of an eye, they both have their hands grasping your forearm that you were reaching forward. Like, you didn't get close to the glass. and the other wolf, the calm wolf, looks at them and gestures down to where their hands are touching you and like it's glowing red a little bit and they quickly like take their hands off of you.

And the wise wolf said, there are rules against violent acts in this place. But if you try that again, there will be trouble. That's I hear. I feel it. I love my brew too, you know. You don't have to explain to me. about that. Hey, listen, I'm gonna be

straight to you. We're supposed to hide our identities. But my name's Crump Ruggett. I'm like a rich person like you basically and like I really would like to score big here but I feel like I'm just going to lose a bunch of money and get out bid, but like

you can't think tips for how I can not make a fucking fool myself here. You know what I mean? Like I'm kind of newer to being rich. But I am very, very, very, very, like, wealthy. But I've never been to like this before.

So if you could just kind of walk me through, how to, like, do a good job with it. Just out of curiosity. Yeah. What is the source of your tremendous wealth? Lotto, baby. Played the Lotto one, hit big. They say everybody, they say, you know,

there's a winner every minute. Well, my minute came up. You know what I mean? I had it big in the lotto. A lotto winning. Sure, yeah. Why don't you roll a persuasion check, Amber? Or wait, no, deception.

Fuck. Yeah, of course. You're lying. Now, they are drunk, Griffin. I'm not going to grant you that. I feel like... It's a seven. Seven.

Okay, they all look at each other, and the wolf looks back at you and says, well, how much you got on hand to play with? I brought 500 lugs. They all gasp. And without missing a beat, the wolf says. Well, that's quite an impressive pot. But if you don't know, how did he use it?

I don't. That's what I'm saying. Like, I'll, listen, I'll make you a deal. I won't bid against you and bid you up. If you just give me a little bit insight, like a little bit of, you know, give me something to work with as a newbie. And then if you ever need,

Something that my business does. We're getting into publicity. I guess I can tell you that now. We're getting my business. I'm using some of my winnings to go in business for myself. And it's like a public, like a publicity, but also sort of like marketing. You know what I mean? Like a business sort of thing.

Absolutely. I know all about that stuff. You seem like the type. Um, I do not mean to brag, but we are quite proficient at the art of auctioning. I know, I can spot them a mile away. You look like a professional rich guy. Why don't you tell me the item or items you're interested in and allow me to be your proxy and temporarily, of course, hand over your bank and we will secure the items and hand you. the remainder.

Perhaps we will take a small cut for our efforts. Damn, that's a really good deal. What was I going to bid on? What's the thing that everybody wants? Oh,

I forget the name of it even. That's how bad I would be in rich, but it's like, everybody wanted it. Damn it, crumb, come on. No, it's escaping me. I almost make,

I like to let rolls role, but this, I feel like this is another opportunity for another deception check right now. Okay. You're sort of trying to get a different thing. Yeah. Right. Fuck! Wowzers, Bowser's.

It's a three minus one, a two. Uh, they say, that was a test, of course. None of us know the items that will be up for auction today. Uh, so... I know what diva wants to do now. Uh... They say, oh, you cannot help you then without that information. No, I get it.

But I wish you the best of luck out there. Can I say something to you before I walk away right now? Yes. It's lonely out here, in a rich person, see? Oh, tell me about it. I just want to let you guys let something. You guys are my best friends. Amber feels a hand on her shoulder.

I'm under a wrist. I got to go. Excuse me, sirs. Is my assistant bothering you? My name's Crump Ruggett. Yes. And I'm no one's assistant. She's quite, it's just quite wealthy from what we understand.

No, she is, and I'm sorry, she's quite inebriated. No, I'm not. I brought 500. Hey, listen, I got 500 ducks that I brought with me say otherwise. Crump? Make some deals. Crump. Please excuse Crump's behavior.

The next round of drinks is on me. They're complimentary to everyone. I didn't... Excuse me. Excuse me. Thank you. You roll something for it showing his ass. I didn't mean here.

Oh, second party location after the big auction. Awesome. Yes, on my luxury yacht. Okay, so we all have... I've got a look. I walk around. of the bartender. Hey, give me one of what the big wolves drinking. I don't believe you're ready for what the big wolves are drinking.

Wait, hold on. Is that Dante the Flirtle? Is Dante the Flirtle here? It's not Dante. They say, we did not actually provide what those people are drinking. They brought actually their own bottle, which is unconventional, but we allowed it. Oh, they B-Y-O-B-B. That seems so classy. I do need something, though. Give me a bad version of what they got or the worst wine you have. I do not care.

Class broke me up. As you wish. They reached down and get out a wine glass and they set it on the table. Then they go back to a wine rack back behind the bar and they open it and hand you the cork to sniff. And you don't necessarily know what that means. And then they pour you a glass. But I bet it's funny to watch a blink shark do. Yeah, sure.

They hand you just a sniff of this dark red wine and gesture for you to sample it. Okay. She shoots it back. Sublime. Give me three, please. Three of the, I apologize. Drinks? Yes, of course.

Yes, thank you. Three, I will need more. For me and my front of my compatriots. They are fellow rich people. Right. Not like myself. This bartender, who is dressed again in this white pyramid outfit, turns to a door behind the bar and says, uh, yes, uh, can you prepare from the chiller, um, three glasses from the skunknuts vintage?

Fuck. Thank God it's, thank God. This is a complimentary. I didn't know I was drinking skunknuts. Uh, he. I could never afford that back home. This bartender hands you three glasses. All right, Amber walks away.

Hey, sorry, Devo, I tried. Wait, you're not giving that to the wolves that you were... No, no, for me. I tried to get information. It didn't work out. Now it's someone else's term. Okay, as you walk away, you actually notice that the wise wolf kind of sad. And has been, honestly, since you first said something.

about how lonely it is being at the top. Obviously, you can't pick up a lot of facial expressions or anything, but their body language seems to suggest that they are not super stoked. Deva, are you still around the wolf guys? Oh, yes. I've walked over the wolves now.

What's the source of your great wealth, then, to have a assistant with 500 lux? Amber did clarify that she said ducks. Yeah. Oh, right. Well, I'm not supposed to give any personal information, but I believe simply by observing you might glean that I have a powerful backer. Why don't you make a deception check? Something you are good at.

A 13 total? With a 13 total, they laugh at you and they say, oh, so you need a, you require a backer. That's too bad. You're building your house on shifting sands, don't you think? Well, I have taken certain vows in which my great wealth is shared with my backer. One of the angry wolves whisper something in the main wolf's ear, and then they look up and say, Yes, traditionally, you don't see too many people of the cloth with large sums. It seems to go against the teachings, but don't you think that's kind of strange?

Well, as I said, I am not supposed to share personal information. You made your head look like a religious symbol. Let's just say that I have some rich benefactors. Right, you said that. No, benefactors. Right, you said that twice now. Cool. No, like a capital B.

Like it's a position perhaps in a powerful. organization. Cool. Like it's a code that I'm using. I'm actually a capital B board of talking with you. Well, then let me try a different tact. If you know the symbol that I'm using, then you know how powerful my backer is. And just a friendly word of warning against bidding against my backer's intentions.

Make an intimidation check. Damn it. Oh, yes, baby. That's a natural oneie. God, the rolls this time. Yes. How the mighty have fallen. It's because we talked about fate shitting on dead.

Yeah, exactly. That's a crit failure. This, even with the costume, right, you can feel a chilling, steely gaze from this person. And they say, yes, we will definitely keep that in. mind. And then he just turns away from you and starts talking to his compatriots. Devo crosses back to Amber and Zooks. Okay.

Okay. So I think we have fucked up and they are definitely going to bid on whatever we bid on. So this is bad. I'm going to go talk to Starhead Blue Suit and see if, I don't know, I can make him not pissed at me at the very least. Zooks, what about you? I have my own cunning plan. Okay, yes, I asked what it was.

Oh, I'm going to go over and speak to one of the serving staff. Oh, I like this. Get the, you know, you be Mr. Outside, I'll be Mr. Inside. I'll be Mr. Inside. And, Bill? I have a suspicion. The way that the Silver Staff. over there the way that they stand.

I think that they might be chaperones. They seem military, huh? Mm, possible. But what could I do about that? You are sort of the military-ish, right? You fight, you do this thing. I was like a mercenary kind of. We didn't really fuck with those dudes too much.

I'm more of a anti-shark weapon. You know what I mean? I didn't really get into like the comings and go into the chaperones. They'll mess you up, man. They could put you in jail or worse. What? Yes. Okay.

Damn. Did you try this? Well, no, you drank. Hey, no, shh. Listen, it's skunknuts. This is very exciting. Even. You got to get you some.

She's done with one. So she's got three in one hand. So she's done with one and she just set it on the floor and walk three feet away from it She's working on her second Here here here here here now I'm being greedy here and she slides one to Deva Are you allowed to do this? What drink? With your religion and stuff?

I'm not in the religion anymore so Nice nice nice nice way find your own way man And every walks away Do you do you sip it diva? Yeah Fuck yeah It's the gross most putrid, most vile toilet juice that you've ever, ever imbibed.

It's the worst thing you've... Devo's never had wine before, so... Then you've ruined for wine now because you just assume... This is how wine is all the time. Yeah, it's, it is... It's old. It's like old and not a fun way. It's like there's chunks of cork, like floating in it.

Almost like it's a cork stew at this point. It's really bad. You like, you like it? You know what, you like it? It's good, right? Easy, uh, uh, is that the slogan goes, rip it up with skunk let's want. It's where grapes. Go to hell!

You know what? I decided to do. Love skunknucks. Okay. I gotta go, listen, I gotta be so bad. Listen, go pee, yes. Pound it. Okay.

She walks away. Okay. Now I have a very important question, Justin. When Amber says pound it, is she on? offering any kind of pound or is she just? No, no, no, she just walks away. Okay. Excellent.

Yeah, so we don't have to go directly to the scene, but Devo is going to talk to the Blue Suit fellow. Okay. Yeah, actually, let's do Zooks first. I would love to know more about your cunning plan. Okay, well, Zooks walks over to, there's like a bar and one of the serving staffs working as a bartender, and Zooks kind of leans back against the bar with his coral elbows, resting on the bar, and, you know, kind of leans back, very casual looking, and says,

oh, man, look at all those bougie, rich creeps swilling their skunk nuts. they've dropped more canopays than I've eaten that well all the parties I've worked at before man I hate them I love this guy I like this guy too It's very down to earth fellow I love this guy you can really have a beer

This is relatable yeah Let's say this is a different bar than the one that the wolves And the blue star are sitting at No no let dad have his chance to talk to the wolves Is that okay, father? Yeah, I hadn't realized they were standing in a bar I would have said the catering table. It's not too late to say the catering table.

It's the catering table. Okay, cool. Ah, excellent. The bar of food, they call it. Right. So you're talking to this person. He seems quite busy, like tending to the burners and the close. What are they called?

Closh. Colch? The thing, you put over the thing. the big cholesterols no no I know what you're talking about the big like a tureen but it's not tureen is it called a cloche it is it's called a close why didn't I just trust myself

like what's that say about me it's kind of like you roll the one great point wow on like self-ass shirt like I've watched so much fucking chopped of course it's called a close anyway they seem very busy but they kind of nervously laugh and you hear a voice say yes sir indeed

Would you like a tasty morsel? Maybe. You know, to be honest with you, I don't want to add to your work. It looks like you're really busy dealing with these A-holes. It's a job. It's a job, you know. You've got to do a job. That's what I always say.

I know, but do you think these people know anything about having a job? They've never worked a day in their life. I bet they inherited all of mummy and daddy's money and leaving it to poor slabs like you and me to, you know, keep the world going, you know, bring up the, bring up the food, bring out the drinks. Yeah, I could buy and sell you. Ah, God, I don't even know why I'm here. Um, to probably to do, take part in the auction. Like, we're way, way, way under, underwall. Underwater.

You didn't just get lost and stumble in here, you know, sir? No, no, I'm part of their, I'm part of their crew. I do, uh, I do hair. I'm, I do their hair. Um, you think I'm one of these richy riches? No, uh, just part of the, part of the posse, I guess. Uh, I'll give you the choice. Do you want to roll deception or persuade?

You're not really persuading. them right now. Yeah, you're just lying. Roll a deception check for me. I mean, he's trying to swear on that dad doesn't like rich people. I'm going to tell you, I'm also going to say this is a good line. This is a good tact for you to use, so I'm going to grant you advantage on this role. On

Deception. Performance, or? I mean, take your pick. You've got the same modifier for either of them. Okay, I'll do performance. Okay. So, I believe in you. Not a strong suit. It's leaning up against the side. It's a 10.

It's the first one. Minus one. Nine. Nine. Come on, baby. Give me a good roll for a change. There you go. 18.

18. 19 minus 1. 18. All right. They set one of the closures down kind of hard. A couple people look over because it's a quite a loud resonant sound. And they sigh. And they say, I tell you, sir, I've been working at these things for a few years.

absolutely right. Every one of these is all the same and always talking about how much money they'd have and how cool it is to be rich and they laugh at me a lot. One time I was doing a little fried lasagna bites and somebody walked up slapped it right to the floor. And I said I didn't eat that lasagna bite. You know what I call these people? What? Show business kids. Yeah, man. Show business kids.

Yes. Yes. Go on. Remember, you're playing this game with your sons. You taught to act. Go on. Show business kids making movies of themselves. You know, they don't give a fuck about anybody else.

Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Ironically, my background has taken me extensively into this whole world. Oh, sure. Seedy. Dude, listen. So what kind of shit do they buy? What do the golden hound dogs usually buy?

Oh. I mean, what could be so great that keeps bringing them back over and over? He looks around and leans in. He says, are you going to be cool about this? Can't tell anybody. Oh, you know, I am. They buy a lot of wine. But I've been watching them actually pretty close.

What they mostly buy is like the rare stuff, the almost. the almost extinct stuff. Buy a lot of surface stuff. That's like the last one of the surface stuff. That's sort of their jam. And again, not to divulge too much, but there's something like that here today. Are you kidding me?

No, not kidding at all. So you think they'll go for it? Absolutely, they will. What is it? Do you have any idea? He taps his fingers and then kind of gestures you, uh, toward a staff only door where there's nobody really around. Uh, and he whispers, it's a bottle of wine called the, uh, it's called the, uh, it's called

a Hartfield Bordeaux. And, uh, don't get your hopes up that you'll outbid them. They, they, they have a pretty big, pretty deep pocket. But, um, yeah, that's what they're going to be going for today. Have you seen it? I mean, uh, last time, I was in the vault, they hadn't received all of the lots. So, no, I haven't seen it. I bet it looks, you know, like a purple bottle like all wine does. You know what I'm going to do? What?

If you can tell me the lot number that it is, when it comes up for bids, I'm going to bid it to bid them up, even though I haven't got a luxe to my name. I'm going to bid and drive the price up for those D-bags. He kind of chuckles, and he says, all right, just make sure you don't accidentally buy it for a bunch of money that you don't have, because then you'll be punished terribly. Buy your sons. I'm cool. He says, yeah, it's actually the first lot up today.

So, you know. Lot number one. Yep, easy to remember. Good luck, man. really bone them, really fuck those guys up. I am. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, a bunch of real bastard asses.

And then at that point, Zooks looks down at the table and sees a tray of clams. And just, you know, oh, um, hey, hey,

thanks for, what's your, what's your name, by the way? My name is, uh, well, it's Jeremy,

but, no, it says private. Jeremy private. All right. I'm Deacon Blue, so if you looking for me later, just find me. Cool, man.

Oh, oh, God. Can you take those away? Yeah, sure. He dumps them in the trash. Thanks, Jeremy. Yeah. Oh, shit. Why did I do that? That's going to get me in trouble. Whatever, man, I'll just lie about it. Have fun, man. Fuck work.

Okay, thanks. Oh, man, Jeremy's great. Does it cool. Jeremy would hang out with Steely Dan. Yeah. Yeah, they absolutely be buds. Let's go around the horn one more time. Amber, what are you doing?

Just kind of hanging. I feel like she tried to do this negotiating thing. It didn't work out. So she's more just kind of getting a chill going. Getting a good chill going. Whereabouts? I think she's hanging out at the bar.

Okay. The bar where you miserably failed? Yeah. Failure bar. Okay. Let me do a perception check. Okay. What do I see in the room?

Give me better, a clearer picture. Absolutely. That's a great, a great prompt. Perception check. She's good at it. She's got a 19 plus 3. Holy shit. Do I see anything unusual with that role?

Yes, I'll give you a lot for that. That's a huge, that's a huge one. With the 20, especially with the night we're having, right? Yeah, especially that. In terms of like who all is there, you do not see any other person that's kind of out of the ordinary.

You confirm Devo. those suspicions that those two, the way they are standing, the silver stags, they definitely look like chaperones. You are 100% sure that's what that is. Yeah, the other people in the room you don't really make much out of, their crimson cube, people, the five of them, are sitting like kind of just silent, almost like they're staring at each other. That's pretty weird. what I will give you with the 22 is the exits that are visible through the the crew quarters or the the crew only doors you see a door leading to access tunnels like each door has a small window that when you look through them you can kind of see or into it what's what's going on on the other side one of them has crew access tunnels and there's a sign pointing downward to a ladder that says hangar bay over it so there's like a you know crew only access tunnel there there is a through one window you can see like a hallway leading to a security station and yeah you can't see much more else through that. And then finally through another door, it's actually the one

behind the bar. You can see this enormous vault door in that room. That one is like heavily populated by a lot of these white pyramid stewards just because, you know, it's also the kitchen and where things are getting done for the party. There's nobody in the security station hallway that you can see right now, and the same for the crew access tunnels. I'm going to walk towards the security station. Okay.

Yeah, I mean, you get close enough to the door that you can look around inside. You see the door at the end of the hallway leading into the security station. You can't make much out because you're very far away, but there's a window in that door, and you see some movement beyond there, but you also see lights flashing and different sort of like monitor readouts in there.

Yeah, I'll just keep walking towards the security station. I'm going to try to open the door and walk in. Into the hallway? Into the security station. Okay. I think getting into the door of the security station is easy enough, but like you are in this big room with dozens of people in it. So the real trick is going to be going through this exterior door.

So I'm going to need you to make a stealth check to pull that off. One of my great strengths. You've chosen well. Hey, a 12 plus 2. 14? Counted. Let me make a... Just a luck check.

A prayer also. You slip in and you are in the hallway and you wait a few seconds and don't hear any alarms or hear anybody else coming. So you made it in that door. I'll be damned. All right. I'll keep walking towards the security station. Okay. You walk right up and you actually can see through the window now.

And you can see there are two white pyramid figures in here. They're both seated at desks that are, neither of them is facing the door that you are standing in front of. And sure enough, you can see, you can actually see different maps on these readouts of different rooms. And one of the maps is a room that, a map that looks sort of identical to the, room you were just in, just this big semi-circular room. And on it, you can see different pinpricks of different colored light that are moving and tracking everybody in this station in real time. Okay.

So the vapor suit covers are above. Yes, exactly. And through all of these things, I think I'll give you that you can sort of like put together a mental map of the facility. And there are also, there's a rack that is. Again, behind those two desks, like neither person is facing it. But on the wall, nearest you about 10 feet away, there is a rack. And hanging from them are goggles with these lit up green lenses.

Yeah, that's it. That's what you see. I'll take those goggles. Okay. This would require you to go into the room. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. I love Amber's confidence.

What's your, are you trying to sneak? in there to get them or? I am trying to sneak in there to get them. Okay, then I'm going to need another stealth roll from you. Well, this time, it's another 12. Right? It's 11 plus 2. It's a 13.

There we go, 11 plus the 13. What I'll give you for that is you creep against the, you know, the rear wall of the room. And the white pyramid people seem to be like lost in thought looking at their different readouts. and you grab a pair of these green goggles. And through, like, just by holding them in your hand, those lenses light up a bit. And through the green lenses, you realize that, like, this room, which is kind of darkened

because it has all of these different, you know, holographic readouts, it lights up like a pinball machine. So much so that actually you can't really see the readouts anymore because they're just too bright. But also, while you grab one pair of these goggles, it knocks another one to the floor. and both of these white pyramid people stand up from their desks and turn around. I fall to the ground while I put the goggles in my pack.

Okay, why don't you make a slide of hand check? 10. Good. Got it. Really wish I would have given you guys some bardic inspiration. You know what? I'll remember that for next time. Yeah, absolutely.

What I could have should have. Okay. One of these white pyramid figures walks up toward you and says, freeze, what are you doing here? I got a piss so bad. I'm so sorry. Did I go the wrong way? Of course. You went the wrong way. You're in the security. I just stumbled in here. Nobody fucking said anything. Where's the pisser? I don't know. Oh, no.

One of them says, the first rule of this auction means you cannot go into staff-only spaces. I didn't know a staff-only. I'm fucking sauce. There's this big sign on the door that says it. I'm drunk. I'm going to pee my pants. This is definitely a performance jet. I mean, maybe she really does. It's actually not.

But, okay, I'll give you an advantage on the performance check then. She is drunk. Right. And she is about to pee her pants. That's a 14 minus 1, 13. Here it goes. 16, minus 1, 15. Amber.

They say, one of them looks at the other one and says, it's fine. It's like she's wasted. It's not like she's going to figure out, you know, our protocols. Just take you to the bathroom before she, you know, reeks up the place. And the first white pyramid that approached you says, okay, fine, Jesus, okay. And lifts you up. They know about Jesus here?

Yeah, they do. They love him in his great works. He takes you by the arm and lifts you up and says, what were you doing over by the light goggles? I was checking him out. They're fucking sweet. But then I was like, I forgot I had to piss first. You ever see something so cool that you forget you got piss? No. Me neither.

Shut up. And I walk out to the bathroom. The figure as you open the door, this white pyramid figure, says, you didn't take anything, did you? Yeah. My time. Goodbye. Make a deception check. They definitely clocked you by the goggles.

I accidentally got a four. Okay. This white pyramid figure starts walking towards you. says, uh, let me check your pockets, please. No, no, no, no, you don't have to do that. I try to steal these fucking cold goggles. I am sorry. Why don't you come with us, ma'am?

Yeah, cool. And, uh, this, this one figure nods and sits back down at his desk and the one that you've been talking to takes you by the arm and walks you out of the staff only hallway. I'm so embarrassed. Uh, this isn't like me. I have money to buy so many goggles if I want them. Well, ma'am. You know what?

I'll buy them from you. Fair enough. They're not for sale, ma'am. You should have thought about all this before you try to. Do you take a check? No, we, what? No. Do you take a perpinal check?

A perpinal check? Please don't make fun of me. I still need to pee. Yeah. Can I please pee before we go to wherever we're going? Fine, fine. Thank God. He dropped you off in front of a bathroom and opens the door.

Stupid son of a bitch. It lets you inside. and shuts the door and says, don't know funny business, I'll be waiting for you out here when you're finished. Who's the final one? Oh, Devo. So before I walk over there,

I want to see if I can like scope this person's body language at all. Do you look at insight? See how they're standing? I don't even think you need to do that. They are, they're chill. Like they are, they have like one elbow. They're facing the room.

They have an elbow back on the bar and they're just kind of like leaning back and just kind of like nodding their head looking around. Hey, I just wanted to say, Great suit. The, this holographic. Yeah, it was a great choice. Oh, thanks.

It's not like it was, you know, made by a tailor or anything. Yeah, but I mean, you picked it out, right? You asked for the star? It's a good option. Yeah. I said cobalt as the color, and I don't think they knew what that meant. But this is what I got. So, what's up?

Is this your first time? Yeah, I'm a little bit, no pun intended. I'm a little bit all at sea. Not really sure the procedure here. I mean, do we wave our hands? How do we even, you know what I mean? I don't know. Your body's a big glowing suit.

So mostly, yeah, you just lift up your big glowing colorful hand. And they'll know what that means. Obviously. What are you drinking? He gestures back. He says, it's a rosé sparkling. It's like, I know. These guys over here are drinking like a thousand luxe wine.

Well, they're, you know, Maybe they need to to feel important. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't usually like talking to folks at these things because we're competitors or whatever. Although I'm not bidding today.

Yeah. Oh, you're not? No, I'm selling. I just wanted to keep an eye on things. They let you come in if you, you know, give one a lot. Like I said, I'm new, so I don't know the procedure. Can you tell me what you're selling or is that weird? Um, it's, it's, uh, yeah, I'll tell you not right now, you don't have to worry about it because you're not going to win it.

Oh, why is that? There's going to be some high rollers. Let's just say that. And I might be sitting at the same bar as them. They're going to win this one. Oh, the wolves. Yeah. Yeah.

And then. Oh. I see. So let me see. Maybe you're, it's, oh, it's a slab of raw meat, right? No. That would be kind of gross. to have it in your ship?

Well, I'm sorry, I was trying to make a joke. I'm just a little nervous. Yeah. Are you here looking for something? I mean, you know, it's more of, I'm trying to find a gift. Oh, that's a weird place to come to for that. You should go to, like, a store that sells gifts. Well, I'm trying to impress.

I can't give her name, but. Oh, one of those, huh? Yeah, and she's a pretty big deal back in Founders' Wake. and I think we need something, you know, if I'm going to get her attention, it has to be pretty special. Cool, yeah. Well, best of luck for you. You wouldn't happen to be selling anything romantic, would you? Make a purse.

Wait, no, you're lying. Make a deception check. No, you're not. No, yes, you are. Sorry, we're so, like, there's a onion of life is very thick. I got thick onion. Are you fucking kidding me? Devo gets another crit failure.

Now, Travis, listen, it's better to get these now instead of like when a demon is throwing a hell ball. I'd rather get it when the demon's doing it than like in a story, a fun story time. This cobalt star says, you're lying. Yeah, you got me. Yeah. I'm on assignment. It's a on assignment, huh? Yeah.

Cool. Cool. A friend of arts asked me to come here and. and buy something for him. And I'm trying to get information about it because this is my first time I'm here. I don't want to fuck it up. They are going to eat you alive, dude. Yeah, I mean, that's probably true, you know, but I'm just going to try to do my best.

Okay. I'm not bidding. How much you're working with? This is one of those things, man, where I don't even know if the number I ought to say is a good number. All right. It's not a great number. There's a lot of numbers that are much bigger than that. Yeah.

And only 19 that are smaller. 21, for instance. 22. Yes, of course. You actually have 24 luck if you add in your pool that you had already. This guy says, I mean, you may be able to get it. It depends on what you're bitten on. It's not going to be my thing because that's certainly going to be a little bit higher than 24.

You know what? I'm just going to throw it out because you seem like a straight shooter and I want to reply the same way. Some kind of book or something? Oh, books can be tricky. Sometimes they have like a big spell in them or whatever People go crazy for that show. No, this isn't like that. Okay.

Well, if it's not like that, then I, you know, it's within the realm of possibilities. I've been to a few of these things and there's stuff that does sell for less than that. But are you telling me the truth now? Yeah, absolutely am. Okay. I want this to be a fun day to watch for me personally. And so I am going to say, the best thing you can do with the amount of money that you have now is drive up the price on

every other thing that is for sale today so that your opponents don't have the money okay you know to be careful with that yes i think i can maybe we can do a little uh do you know the phrase quid pro quo yeah well see those wolves down there they're pretty fucking mad at me and anything i bid on they're gonna try to outbend me on. So if they want what you're selling, I can drive up the price on that. But I need something from

you. He looks around and he says what is that? I need you to help spread the word that you heard there was some kind of bullshit book on the auction, worthless as far as you can tell. And what do I

get out of this? I'm going to drive up the price of whatever you're selling? Make a, hmm, a cool guy check. Yeah. Cool deal. I'll give you advantage of this. Make a persuasion check. Well, okay.

There's a five plus seven. And a two plus, are you fucking kidding me? He says, all right. Yes, I added 12. He says, I'll be straight with you, dude. I feel like I've given you a lot of information here and that my side of whatever trade we got going is upheld. At this point, also what you are suggesting is a kind of collusion that will very quickly get you banned from these things. Okay.

Yeah, then we definitely won't do it. Wink? I kind of need this. Nope, not a wink. I won't do that. But you got it, man. Wink. But you should drive up the prices wherever you can.

You got it. Wink. I can't see. I know. That's why I'm saying it because I have scales for a head. I'm winking right now. I'm saying wink so that you can. I really appreciate your help.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, it's my pleasure. Wink. Sorry, now I just have something in my high. You'll beat this thing. Do we have time to do one more thing with Zooks? When Jeremy turns to dump the clams, I'm going to make a slight of handshed. I love that sentence out of context, by the way.

Go on. When Jeremy turns to dump the clams, when a young man's fancy turns to romance. Turns to clams. Before I do that, let me ask you something. Okay. We are under surveillance from the audio in the in the collars, right? Are we under any kind of video surveillance? You would not know that. You have not been.

All right. Nobody has communicated that to you because I am. Then I'm going to take a chance. I'm going to take a chance. When Jeremy turns to dump the clams in the garbage, Zooks does a slide of hand check and tries to snatch the carving knife from the catering table and secreted inside his body. Cool.

I was going to make this check very high because I thought you were going to try and steal something from Jeremy. But if this is what you were doing, then that is a horse of a different color. It just seems like that's something Zooks from June. Yeah, for sure. It's absolutely in character for Zooks.

Just since you've been in here, you have not seen, you know, any sort of like fantasy camera or whatever. But there are, you know, lots of people in this room. So that is kind of what you're contesting with this slide of hand check. I'm going to tell you that this is going to be a fairly low. I'm going to set it at a DC-10. I can get under that.

Over. Over. You want to be over. Oh, yeah. Now I understand what the problem is going on these years. I know what I want to do, but I can get under that. Yeah, for sure. All right. So slide a hand check, right? Yep. Please. This is where. Please. Oh, my God.

Yes. 20. 23. Yes. Dad, you steal all the knives. They turn around. The whole table's gone. Yeah, you know what?

I'll give you this. You get that knife in your body easy. Nobody even looked at you. While your hand is like on the table, is there something else on here that you get greedy to get? With a Nat 20, I'll give that for free. Tongs. Okay.

A set of tongs. Nice set of tongs. Great. Add it to the care machine, baby. Everybody meets tongs. Absolutely. It's a nice set. Tongues. And then in...

Dast carving knives. Yes. And then from above you, Zooks and from above the bar, Devo, and in a speaker in the bathroom. Amber, you all hear another chime. And a voice says, please make your way to the auction hall. We are ready to begin. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.

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