The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 17

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

The Abyssal Auction: Part FourFollowing a tense exchange of money and merchandise, all heck has broken loose. Can the auction's bidders survive an assault from within -- and without?Additional music in this episode: "Day I", "Day II", and "Night III" by Swelling https://swelling.bandcamp.com Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, Ethersea. Great, now I grab his weapon and jamming into his neck. His collar snaps off from the back. You now look like one of those, like, plain white pyramid-headed, like stewards. This is the Journal of Heretic Knob. He is, of course, one of the engineers and architects of the Acropolis of the Delmer Wilds. 24, Lux. going twice sold to the aquamarine scales all five of the cube people stand up at the same time one of them in a flash raises his hand and from it an incredibly searing bright light emits from their hand and everybody in the room just shrieks amber you hear that shrieking as you are like approaching the

door back into the vault room slash kitchen, and you turn around to see the open vault, the two white pyramids laying on the floor, and the two silver stags, each holding their own batons in hand, who now look at you and start walking toward you. Roll that beautiful initiative footage. For me, please. Do it now. I got a 12 plus 2, 14, a respectable 14. Loving it, loving it. I got a respectable 11. 11 is not respectable. I mean, it's okay.

Really, choice 17. No. That's not going to leave me much time to decide to punch. Right. Okay. Ready when you are. Deva, you're out of 14? Yes.

And Zook's in 11. Okay, great. Why don't we start things off with the rowdy situation that just sort of started to boil over in the vault room. Amber, you walked into this room just moments ago, still in your security disguise, only to see the two silver stags holding the same kind of stunned batons by the open vault door, which they were perusing when you walked in. You also saw the two other actual security guards knocked out on the floor, and they have turned to face you, and you are up first in the order.

So we have the two, who's on the floor and who's facing me? Security guards are on the floor, two white pyramid-headed sort of vapor suit folks. And facing you are the two silver stags who walked out of the room after losing the auction for the ingot of Kodite. Is it clear to me that they have done this, that they're the ones who attack the, like, are they threatening? Are they making a movement? If not, it is the most unfortunate circumstance. substantial coincidence that these two have ever been involved in. It's like they've been framed.

It's a locked room mystery. Or they did it. It's one of those two. Okay. I'll, and where, give me the positioning real quick. You are by the entrance to the room. It's just like a smallish square chamber. And they are standing by the vault door opposite you, basically.

And where are the bodies? Basically at their feet. But am I closer to them or like? You are closer to the body. The bodies are between you and them. Are they aware of my presence? Yes. Okay, perfect.

The bodies are not. The stature. That would be something else. What's the charge on my baton? It is, let me think. I think you still have a charge, right? You waited for it to recharge before you left the bathroom and you have not used it on anybody else yet. Okay, good.

I am, I'll make a jump at the one on the left with the baton. All right, make an attack roll, just using your unarmed attack stats. We'll see the damage on this. 12. 12 plus. No, no plus. No pluses here. Let's see.

There's already a plus four on there. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, you jump up in the air and try to bring this thing down right on the. the stag on the left's head, but he, like, with cat-like reflexes, just swipes his baton through the air and knocks yours out of the way. And you land sort of on the floor, kind of on top of one of the bodies that are down there. Okay. Well, do you have any other business?

I mean, that's what I did. I can't know, right? I mean, you don't have extra attack yet, right? No. No, I don't have any other. Do you still have key? Or do you still have, what were you calling it? I guess I do.

Well, yeah, vibe. Yeah. To have vibe points? Yeah, that makes sense, actually. I, you know what? I'm going to, I'm going to go with it. I'm going to summon my arms of the astral self with a point of vibe as a bonus action. I didn't realize this until reading the description of it.

They have to make a dexterity saving throw or take force damage, just when you pop in these Bad boys out. Let's do it. Yeah. So we'll say the one on the left rolls a on the right is going to, I can't see. Two 13s, which is your save. So they both have saved against it. Well, they narrowly dodged my phantom arms.

And then that's it. Okay. Yes, that was your bonus action. So you can't do the flurry of blows. or any of that. Correct. Cool. Then we pop on back over to the auction room.

And we are going to start things off with one of the Red Cube beings. So basically there were five of them when things, you know, popped off as they did. Looking around the room, I guess Zooks, because Devo, you can't really see anything since you were blinded by their attack. I was blinded by the light. Yes, wrapped up like a deuce. And so Zooks, you can see that a couple of them have. peeled off and are basically like in a frenzy attacking the golden wolves who are sitting in the front of the room. And the two sort of like angry looking wolf guardians you take it are like engaging

them in battle while the wise and dushy wolf is kind of cowering behind the stage at this point. That just leaves three of these red cubed beings that have turned to face you. One of them, the smallest and sort of scrawniest, you would guess, is going to run up on Devo. And Devo, you cannot see this, obviously. They are going to have advantage on this attack against you. Yeah. Oh, deaf, def, deaf. They reach back one of their red, you know, soft-looking hands from the hard light,

but you don't know what is inside of there. And they roll. Yeah, that's going to hit. That's a 17 plus 2.19. Yes. Oh, definitely. Yeah. No, I'm wearing a shirt.

Yes. And some pants. So they lift up their hand and just like swipe it at your chest. And out of nowhere you just feel this like claws scratching at your chest. And that is going to hit you for. Owry. That's eight points of damage. Max damage on this attack.

Yeah, that's a bad one. And, you know, you still can't see what just hit you. So it was probably pretty scary stuff. But the good news is you are up. You are still blinded. This effect will end at the end of the monster's turn that blinded you, which is coming up on this round. Some rules in case you don't know, because we don't fuck around with conditions a lot, but I would like to start doing it more. You have disadvantage, basically, on any attacks you try to make.

And you fail any ability check that requires sight. Sure. sure, sure, sure, sure. Oh, then let's use all our resources. Great. Zooks? Mm-hmm. Where is the starhead?

Cobalt suit? Yeah, I'm right behind you, dude. Okay. He's right behind you, dude. And where is the smiley-faced person? He's kind of slumped over. It's like he just fell down. I think he's playing dead

Okay I am going To Let's see Oh I hit those buttons Um Griffin Yes

Are the chairs nailed down Are the chairs nailed down? No Zooks where is The red guy who hit me Who hit me and where is he Um he's about Like 12 inches in front of your face

Okay I'm going to swing a chair at him Okay This is an improvised weapon attack Why don't you just roll your boomerang attack I think it would be similar I'm gonna miss Let's see, you have disadvantage That's a 3 plus 3 of 6

I mean yeah you've already You've already missed If you want to roll again to see if you extremely miss With your disadvantage No I think I think I'm okay Well I guess I have to don't I Yeah you do I mean what are the odds that you'd roll a 1

No I mean that would have been a 14 plus 3 That would have been a 17 That would have been nice That would have hit for sure That would have been so good. Are you kidding me? But I am going to, as a bonus action, you say, okay, Zooks, I trust you because I currently cannot see. But you've got Zis, I believe in you, and give Zook some bardic inspiration.

Excellent. Zooks, you are bardically inspired. Good. That means that you can add a 1D6 to any ability check, attack, roll, or saving throw. To any one ability check. To any one ability checks. Yeah, you get to use this once. That brings us to the tallest of these red cube creatures and Zooks.

You recognize him as the one that cast that blinding spell on Devo in the first place. This creature is going to hold out a hand toward you, Zooks. And you are also sort of between this creature and the golden wolf, so he's going to blast at them too. a radiant blast. You need to make a Constitution saving throw. You can do it. 13. That just saves.

One of the Golden Wolves is like mid-combat with these two cubes that are attacking them. He gets hit and like it's pushed down by this blinding light and he takes some radiant damage. And then we move on to you, Zooks. Okay. Zooks pulls the carving knife. out from under his shell. Hell yeah. And throws it at the,

at the tallest one that just tried to blind him. Okay. And also, well, I don't know which needs to go first. He's going to cast hail of thorns. Okay. A hail of thorns. Next time you hit a creature with arranged weapons. weapon attack before the spell ends, this spell creates a reign of thorns that sprouts from your

ranged weapon or ammunition in addition to the normal effect of the attack, the target of the attack, and each creature within five feet of it must make a dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 1D10 piercing damage on a failed save or half as much damage on a successful one. Okay, we will say that the Red Cube creature that just attacked Devo is in this field. field. Five feet. Yeah, we could say that that's probably all that there, all that is within five feet of this thing. I will go ahead and make your attack roll first, right? Because you've got a hit on order for this to. Well, you cast the thing and then the next time you make a range attack. So it's not in the same turn? No, it is because I'm looking right now. You're using your bonus

action first to cast hail of thorns. And now you make, if you make, if you make, if you make, your attack, the next time you hit somebody with an attack, it'll pop this spell off. So it might happen here unless you miss, and then maybe it'll happen next turn. Okay, so I'm just going to go with the attack for dagger. Yes, I added a dagger there. I don't know if there's different stats for if you're throwing it or not. It says simple, finesse, light, thrown, or range. Okay.

So that is a 23. Fuck, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so go ahead and roll damage on the dagger first. That would be five. Okay. And then I will roll some dexies.

Yeah. Well, I got to do the dexterity saving throw. Okay. So we'll say the radiant cube goes first. That's a fail. And the small one that was just attacking Devo. succeeds. So you get to roll this 1D10

against the tall, radiant one. All right, so there's my 10. Oh, I don't want to roll that 100. Bad things happen when that happens. Yeah, you'd think it'd be better for you, but if you just get a 1,

that's sort of a moot point. Okay, D10, that is six. Okay. Okay. This tall one is looking a little bit worse for wear now. And then we move on to... We move on to the last of these cube creatures. This one is going to come up behind you,

Zooks, after seeing what you've just done, and sort of grabs you by the shoulders and try to bite down on you. That is... That guy is aimed for a shock, because Zunx is mainly... Oh, yeah. Does a nine? beat your AC.

Not even close. My AC's a 15. You feel this weird feeling mouth like chomp down on your shoulder and you hear something like break. And then they pull off sort of instinctively. Back into the vault.

Amber, the stag that you have been sort of trying to knock out, he looks down at you and says, we have no qualm with you. let us go. We all up to.

The one on the right says, We will not ask again. Move aside and let us go. We have no problem with you. Listen, you start beating shit, I start beating shit. I don't know. You know, I don't know how it shakes out.

I won some and lost some. I'm not some like 100% average, but you don't know me, but I got pretty good stats as far as that goes. And you don't want to risk it. So let's just talk for a second. I'm a mercenary. I got no dog in this race.

I don't care. I'm just curious what you're up to to see if it, you know, has anything to do with my business. And if not, we'll go our ways. No big deal. Otherwise, you know, I got as many arms as you all do. Is this, are you trying to sort of intimidate them into leaving you alone? Yeah. Okay.

Roll an intimidation check. These historically have gone so well for you. You're just saying that because of, my minus one. That's a natural 20. Whoa. There it is. Hey, thanks, Griffin, for that bad juju. Yes, shit.

The two stags look at each other and they holster their batons, sort of into their holographic suit. And the one on the right nudges towards the vault and the one on the left reaches inside and grabs the codite.

And they say, we're here on a mission to recover something that should not have been for sale in the first place. And the other one says, That is all that we are obliged to tell you at this moment. Please step aside. Yeah, sure. No problem.

Okay. You step aside? Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. The two of them walk toward the door and they sort of, you step aside to let them past. And one of them... I do want to pick up those batons, though.

I'll take those things. They put them, they holstered them. No, the ones off the bodies. Did they take the guards batons? Yes. Oh. Okay, that's fine. I make do with my one.

They just have one baton. I was going to do a two-handed twirley thing. They started to walk past you. One of them opens the door a bit. And then the one who was on the left before, you see from within his, you know, silvery holographic suit, his head, like the center of his head, glows red for just a second. And you hear like a humming noise.

And then the one who is holding the door looks back and nods. And the one on the left says, we'll be taking this journal as well. Fuck. And they walk over to the pedestal that was just wheeled in here ahead of you. And one of them picks up the journal. All right. I have to jump him. Okay.

I have to jump it with my baton out, and they're not suspecting that shit. Yeah, we'll say that you sort of tricked them into giving up their order, right? Their turns was, we're going to grab this in and get the hell out of here, which is great, because the top of the order is you. Well, she says, fuck, and then attacks the one that has the book. Okay, yeah. It was that same one on the left that you attacked. Of course it is. Yeah.

Okay, so you're attacking with your baton. Go ahead and make your attack roll. That's 20. Wow. Dirty, nasty, ribbled 20. A nasty 20. Why don't you roll your arm strike, an arm strike, but use a 1D6 for damage instead. So 1D6 plus 2.

Plus 2. 4 plus 2, 6. Okay. And then I'll go ahead and just like pop them one in the nose with my arms, the astral itself. Is this your... My bonus action with a key point Which is my last key point But I would like to dislodge the book

It would be nice to get the thing that we came to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you can attack twice With Flurry of Blows, is that what you're trying to do? You don't have to spend a key point to do a bonus attack, but Flurry of blows gives you two

two additional unarmed attacks as a bonus action. Okay, so I can make one bonus attack for free. Or you can spend your last key point to attack twice. All right, I'm going to hold on to that then. I wasn't clear on the...

Sure, sure, sure. On that. So would we call that another unarmed strike or would it be the same thing I just did? I think it would be an unarmed strike using monk logic. Okay. Does that a new attack roll or is it... Yeah, it's a new attack roll. Nope.

Four plus four eight. You notice how the confusion about is that a new attack role only comes when the previous attack roll was good? No one's ever rolled like a four. I want to hit again. Is that a new role or... I simply assume this will be a fresh, untarnished attack roll. I like to roll.

I automatically miss, right? Oh, I get to roll again. How nice. Now, this one that you did just attack rolled a nine on the Constitution saving throw against the stun charge inside of your baton, which is not sufficient. So the one on the left drops down to the ground, his body sort of convulsing inside of his suit. And, of course, he drops the book next to him as he falls. Now, wait a minute.

You can pick that up as a reaction. Time out. Time out. Time out. Yeah. I feel like I probably knew that his dumb ass got stunned before I did a bonus attack. Oh, okay. You want to make your bonus attack on the other one?

How the fuck did I miss? He shocked him. He blacks out. I'm like, I got one more for you. Apparently, I'm going to punch this fucking unconscious man. And then I miss? You've got to give me this information. You're right, you're right. I honestly forgot about the stunned feature of the stunning

baton. I mean, you didn't see me mentioning it either, but as long as we're here. Okay, I will, this is a very... Even if you want to stick by the roll and I missed a bonus attack on other guy, that's fine. But I need the narrative to be clear. No, I'll let you roll again. I think that that was a slip up on my part, and I want to make things fair for you. No, wait, I rolled a D6. Hold on. You know what I might have rolled a D6 last time. Hold on, D6. New attack roll. Here we go. 19 plus 4.

Jesus Christ, yep, that is a hit. Okay. And we will do unarmed damage on that. Ludgeoning. Oh, wow, four plus two, six. Maximum damage. Okay, the one that goes down with the stun baton, like moans in a very unpleasant way as they drop to the ground. The other one, the one that was on the right before, kind of like turns and faces you like with, you know, shock and gets to make that face for just a second.

before you pop them one right in the grill, and they take six damage. And you can pick up an item as a free action. Yeah, sure. If you want to, can you pick up an item as a free action? Yeah, I look at that. I feel like, can I say, though, I feel like in this context,

I don't know if this is strictly by the rules, but I feel like in this context, that would be an attack of opportunity that would get on me, right? Like, there's no way I'm going to pick up an unanswered book. Yeah, rules be damned. Like, that's fair.

I don't think that's something you can do on this one. To pick up a book, if nothing else. I mean, that's a real point-extre move, you know? That guy's going to get an attack of opportunity, no doubt. He's stunned on the ground. I guess the other guy, yeah. The other guy is what I'm saying. We are back in the auction room.

Devo, you can see now. Your eyes have cleared. You know, it's blurry and it feels bad, but you can see, which is great, because now you can see this small, sort of scrawny-looking red cube being take another swipe at you. Sure, sure, sure. And they are going to roll. Oh, that ain't going to do it.

An eight versus ASE? Okay. They swipe at you, but now that you can see, you know, the tricks on them, you just take a small side step and they whiff. And we are back to you, Devo. Cool, cool, cool, cool. I am going to... So right now,

So I'm clear of the scene, right? There's two red guys fighting one wolf that's still up and one wolf that got knocked down. Yes. And the other wolf is hiding. Yes, exactly. A smiley face guy slumped down. Yes. The Starman is still with us.

And Zuchs and I are close to each other. We're facing against two red guys, one taller, one. shorter. And then there's the tall, tall, radiant one. Yeah, there's three cubes in total. All five of them are here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of them have left.

You know what? I'm pretty mad at that guy who stabbed me. Sure. I'm going to look at him and go and kind of, now that I know where he is, as my eyes focus even a little bit, turn to him and hit myself with some of that there

spray. Because who's going to confiscate some breath spray? Sure, sure. No, it's my magic. Also, you get the impression that maybe that's not their peak concern right now. Fair, fair, fair. And begin to and hit him with dissonant whispers at second level. Whoa.

Which is he's going to have to make a wisdom saving throw. Not this thing, strong suit. Let's see. That is a nine minus one and eight. No, that ain't going to do it. You have whispered. He is going to take 46 damage. Jesus Christ, okay.

That's 12, 16, 18 points of damage. Yeah. This thing turns to look at you and starts to just kind of shake as you say these words. And then it stops shaking suddenly and just collapses unnaturally to the floor. Like it implodes down to the floor and is dead. And I turn to the tall radiant one. Yeah. and I say,

I have melted his brain with my voice for poking me. What do you think I will do to you for blinding me? You get no recognition whatsoever from this thing. But you have attracted its attention. And so it is going to turn toward you. And what's he going to do? You know what he does? Can I cover in my eyes as a free action?

I don't know if this is perhaps I've outsmarted you, Griffin. and I cover my eyes. Okay, you cover your eyes and you do not see as this tall red cube creature jumps toward you and tries to bite you as well. That is a... Would Zeus get an opportunity? That dice just fell down right to the ground

and just stopped. What did you ask? Is he moving past Zooks to do so? Yes, he is. Zooks, make an opportunity attack, please. Opportunity attack. Yeah. Yeah, so basically you need Maylux.

weapon you have? Well, hold on. You don't have that dagger right now. No, but I have tongs. Yeah. All right. I have metal tongs. Now, I will tell you, this will be basically an unarmed strike because I'm not going to give you extra tongs damage.

But if he rolls a Nat 20. If you roll in that 20, I'll let you kill this thing with tongs. Okay. He pulls his heart out with the tongs. Yeah. So do I hit there next to unarmed strike? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That plus three. C. Okay. Please get an at 20. That would be. 14. You can use, wait, before we find out the roll, you can use your Bartik Inspiration if you want to add to that 14 to guarantee a hit. That is a wise choice because this thing says he is 13 and you have hit it.

So that's two, that's two tongs damage. Two tongs damage. Describe to me what Tongs damage is and looks. like. Okay, he holds them in his hand and like the two arms of the tongs come out from between his

coral fingers. Right. And he just kind of jabs at the guys how about he jabs at the guy's hand that he keeps casting spells with? Okay, that's fun. Yeah, you hit him in the hand and he looks kind of down at it with the kind of

reverence that two damage deserves. And then he just kind of looks at you like, did you just fucking stab me with tongs? And then he continues his dive toward Devo. We can agree that two damage plus tongs equals like a strong pinch, right? Like where you're like, ow, man. Yeah, I mean, that's a fucking bad pinch.

I'll be fine, but ow! Okay, the attack roll, that is a 19 on this attack. I mean, yeah, that hits. I'm still sure. Wow. Seven. Seven points of damage.

Okay. This thing chomps on you. How are you doing over there, David? I got two. I got two. I'm doing fine. Yeah, you only need one, right? Yeah, right?

I got a little under 10% of my health. Sure, sure. You can actually see the... Just saying that actually made me feel a little bit better. Good. Admittedly, it's only two. 10% of my health. That's not bad.

There is a transparent like completely clear liquid now coming out of this tall cube thing that keeps blinding him. We move on to Zooks. Okay. Well, I'm going to, I'm going to separate the tongs and use two weapon fighting because I have that as a bonus action, right? You could do that. I will also say because this thing like came right past you, you can see actually through this, Tall one's suit, the carving knife sticking out of his back if you wanted to try and grab that and use that instead.

Because I don't know, I mean, you could do this thing. I would make you roll for it to see if you could improvise two weapons. But I think like two weapons attacks. No, no, no. I have a better idea knowing that. Okay. I am going to use the swarm as mage hand. Okay.

and hit the dagger to push it farther into. Ooh, I like that. Why don't you, here's what I'll do. Why don't you make an unarmed strike attack roll, but then use the damage of the knife, right? So if you can hit the knife with your unarmed strike, it will do the damage of the... And that's where the luck runs out.

That's 12. Well, you're still inspired, my son. I do have Bartik inspiration, so I'll try it again. You roll a D6. Oh, a D6? Yes. That is a three. That is sufficient.

You have hit your knife, and now you can do the damage of the knife. I'm so glad I found that's fired my dad. Good job. Good job. That is a five. Wow, yeah, this thing's looking, I mean, it is now sort of barely standing. Actually, when you hit the knife that's in this thing's back, a spree. spurt of that liquid shoots out of its chest and some of it lands on your your shirt debo um no man

i have to let me interact here okay i have oh that was good though Travis sorry I didn't mean to cover that up oh this is my good shirt is it like a puffy pirate shirt kind of hell yes it is um Zooks has a special action called gathered storm which says once on each of your turns, you can cause the swarm to assist you. And one of those ways is to add 1D6 piercing damage from the swarm. Whoa, shit.

Yeah, okay. Go ahead and roll 1D6. So you can, hold on, I've never looked at this skill before. Once on each of your turns, you can cause the storm to assist you immediately after you hit a creature with attack, you can do 1D6 extra piercing damage. Yeah. The target must succeed on a string saving throw or be moved by the swarm. or you are moved by the swarm five feet in a direction.

That's fucking cool. I choose the D6 piercing damage. Hell yeah, you do. And that would be a two. Yeah, this thing is barely standing at this point. And what's your swarm look like now? Like what creatures came out to do this? This was the intertidal parasitoid wasp.

It's a it's a Wasp that actually Lives on the sea Lands on certain things And then swims out over the sea To do its damage Cool, I think we've discussed that your mage hand Is a swarm itself like it's your swarm

Creatures so that this is just like They're doing a little extra Of these little ugly wasps Cool Just lending a hand for For Daddy Hey Dad can I say That's fucking coolest shit

That's a really cool thing Well I'm not done What? Why not? Wow. I have a bonus action that I can cast Hunter's Mark. Oh, okay. Maybe in the future do that.

Zeus is pissed. At the beginning. But yes, go ahead and put that good mark on them. I don't remember what Hunter's Mark does. Let me look. Hunter's Mark. Choose a creature you can see within range. Mystically mark it as your quarry.

Until the spell ends, you deal an extra 1D6 damage to the target whenever you hit it with a weapon attack. Okay. So why don't we retcon it to say that you did this at the beginning? before you you punch the dagger. What does this swarm look like? What is this sort of organic sea creature look like? You know, there's little things that look like seahorses, but they're like sea dragons?

Yeah, I love those. Yeah, because they're real pretty. Okay. Okay, you have a cluster of these sea dragons, you know, flying around this thing, probably close to where the wound is that you first threw the knife into. So go ahead and roll 1D6 more damage

for landing the hit earlier. That's a four. Then Devo, you see these seahorses appear around the tall blinding cube, and it starts to glow right in front of you. And then you see, you know, this knife stick out of the front of it and this fluid come out too. And then you hear as these wasps also sting into the back of it. Just like, bam, bam, bam, right back and forth. And then this thing falls to the ground. And you see Zooks standing behind.

with his, with his mage hand still extended. And that was still. He, Zooks? Mm-hmm. That fucking rule, dude. Oh. Why, thank you.

I've been reading up. Also, another thought that just occurred to me, Zooks? Mm-hmm. Actually, fuck this. We just need Zabuk, and Zubk's in the other room. I don't know any of these people.

Let them figure out their own thing. We go get Zubk. We haul ass. as they say, get in the Coriolis and gets the fuck out of here. Ordinarily, I would say yes, but don't you think we ought to go check on Amber? I mean, yes, Amber went, where's the... Oh, wait, where is Amber? Well, listen, I trust Amber to take care of herself.

She did for many, many years before us. We go get the book, then we find Ambier. Or, you know, we get the book and then come back. But fighting all of these things and not getting to book is kind of missing the point. As you all are talking, the last of those three zombies that was engaged in combat, Zooks, you see this red-cubed creature jump towards Devo to try and take a bite out of him. And a crossbow bolt catches him in the chest in mid-air. And it slides through some chairs and falls down.

And you both turn to see that Cobalt Star has a. hand crossbow. And he says, I mean, as long as we're like breaking the rules, I figured this was okay. Yes. Thank you. I don't think we've broken any rules, have we? Ah, that's it. He taps his nose.

Uh-huh. Yeah, none of us have, definitely. And that hand crossbow folds up and slides into his suit. And he says, yeah, we should, I know I'm not on your guys team, but we should get going. Look, it's a rough world out there, especially lately. I get it. So let's take care of our minds as best we can. I'm John Moe, host of Depression Mode with John Moe. Every week I talk with comedians, actors, writers, musicians, doctors, therapists, and everyday folks about the obstacles that our world and our brains throw in front of us.

Depression, anxiety, traumatic stress, all those mental health challenges that are way more common and more treatable than you might think. The first time I went to therapy, I was so ashamed and I was like, I can't believe I got to go in it there like I thought I could be a man and Humphrey Bocard was never in therapy and then my dad said yeah but he smoked a carton of cigarettes a day give your mind a break give yourself

a break and join me for Depress Mode with John Moe Are we out of initiative driven? Yes, you all are okay I'm just gonna go ahead real quick before I forget and just do some heel Okay fine Yes go ahead and cast that

You gotta be low on spell slots at this point Well no actually because we're in a place I couldn't use magic so far. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. I'm going to cast it at second level because... Okay. That is the end of your second level spell slots, though.

Yes, but that's a good one because that's 16 points. So, feeling good again. While you are making your way out, you hear a rumble coming from the vault. And actually, we're going to pick it back up in there. This other stag that is still standing, Amber, you see that red light appear now on his head. and he just reaches back a fist, no baton or anything to take a swing at you. That is, ooh, it was almost a 20, but it's a two.

What is that really? Did the zero fall? No, the zero jumped two in front of the two. Yeah, you're very lucky. Then he whiffs over your head, and he brings a knee up to try to catch you in the face. And that's a, that one will do it. That's a 15 plus 3, 18.

That is going to deal. Oh, wow. Four points of bludging damage as this knee catches you in the chin. Oof. And it is your turn. Well, I think I'm going to punch that fellow right in his face. I don't like that much. Okay.

Go ahead and roll an armed attack roll. It's going to get you a 16. Yes, that definitely hits. For five points of damage. Okay. And then when she catches him in the jaw, she's going to follow up while she's punched him in the face,

one of her spectral arms, he's going to punch him in the gut for a bonus attack. Okay, let's see it. 10, I won't do it, probably. That will not, but they do take five damage. Hey. Hey.

All right, just scooting through the order here. Okay, Devo, you're first out of the room, out of the auction room, and you actually hear Amber. You hear an exchange of blows, and you hear the now familiar sound of Amber kicking ass. and stuff.

And it's coming from... Hell yeah, dude. So what's between me and the vault? Am I running back through the room? Yes. Where the bar was? Yes. I would say to make it there on this turn.

You've got, what, 30 feet of movement? Okay, let's make it fun. In order to get there in this turn and still have an action, you would need to jump at the bar. I have a better idea. Okay. I run to the bar. Okay.

And I grab the wine bottle. that the wolves were drinking, and I'm going to throw it at the stag. Okay, why don't you, this is an improvised throwing attack? I mean, okay, are you proficient with your boomerang? You're not.

So let's say it is a D3, or plus three to this attack. Okay, so just roll the same as the boomerang? Yeah, more or less. I don't think this would do, this improvised weapon would do more damage. 13 plus 3, 16. That is a hit.

Okay, great. I'm also then going to use psychic blades. Oh, yes. How does that work? It uses up your inspiration? Yes. Uses? Okay.

I know that it's Amber because I could see the glowing things. I think that's a dead giveaway. The glowing hands are out. I'm like, this isn't one of those. But which one is it? In a moment, I'm like, oh, okay. You're also wearing different. Yes, okay, fine, yes.

You don't know what I mean? Okay. Yeah, okay. I just want to make it not meta that I figured out that that amory might help. Yeah. So that's going to be a D4 plus one and two D6es. Yeah. So let's roll the damage first. D4.

That's a four plus one max damage. And then two D6es. So five, 11, 15 total. Damn, that was a good ass attack. Oh, man. Okay. All of a sudden, Amber, you see a splash of this deep crimson. just sort of up here at the back of this guy's head.

And you think, did I just make his brain explode? But then you smell that good scent of skunknuts wine, that putrid smell. And you realize like, oh, somebody just skunknuts this guy. You were saved by skunknuts again. Saved by skunknots. What's again? Saved by skunknots. Zooks, you are also next out.

You see Devo do this thing. You see through the door a white pyramid security guard. this stag that is just like barely standing. Who has the crossbow, the crossbow, handheld crossbow? Cobalt dude. Cobalt. Zook turns to Cobalt and says, I am so terribly sorry. Could I borrow your weapon just, just for a minute or two?

You see it pop out into his hand and unfold into a hand crossbow. And he says, do you know how to use one of these things? Oh, yeah. Very, very powerful. I love this so much. Yeah. He hands it over. And now you have a hand crossbow.

I'll give you that in your inventory right now so you can use it. He says, I will need that back. It's a heirloom. Oh, yeah. Oh, no problem. Do you want me to write something? Do you need like a receipt or, you know, anything like that? No, you seem trustworthy.

Okay, you have a crossbow now. Whoa, those stats are much better than anything you guys have been using this episode. So, uh, Zook drops to one knee to take careful aim and, uh, shoots the one remaining stag. Uh, okay. Roll your attack roll here. That would be a dirty 20. Jeez. Yeah, that's a hit.

All that damage. 13 plus seven. Plus seven? Okay. 13 plus seven, yeah. Um, that would be, don't give it back. Well, I just, you know. use the same stats as my crossbow had.

Yeah, I mean, I think they're identical. Yeah, that's eight. Okay. Yeah, then this stag, you see this wine splash over its head, Amber, and he turns around to, like, see what it was, and you hear, f-thunk. And then he just falls over backwards and lands on top of the other stag with a crossbow bolt sticking out of his chest. Murder! Yay! And with that, we are out of initiative. You all see as you finish these attacks,

you actually hear behind you first, you hear, You guys just left me in there. And the guys bid on my guys, and they hurt my guys, and they're dead now, and they were my employees. We came to protect your wine. We knew this is what you would want.

You've made the right decision. All is for you. given. They would appreciate the sacrifice that they have made. Thank you. Okay, what are y'all doing? You're out of initiative now. I'm going to. Cobalt Star starts just looking around the room for a way out, essentially, at this point. And there are like, there are definitely by this point alarms going off. You looking around the lobby, you don't see any white pyramids out here. In fact, in fact, outside of the porthole, actually outside of these, this wall of windows overlooking the abyss, you all see a big, big gray shuttle taking off. And through that gray shuttle, you see people who are taking off those white pyramid suits and sort of at the front of them, giving them like a rallying speech. You see who you figure must be Jeremy,

because he is leading them in a sort of lay miserabre style like labor chant, like a union chant that they're all getting hyped up for as they leave the installation they were formerly employed at. So, uh, Wolfman, may I? Um, you should pay a Starman, uh, without him. We would be dead. And then we saved your wine, which was his wine, Zad, now you are the owner of, so give him the money.

Roll a persuasion check, I guess. I'm picking up the journal. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it's a 12 total, seven plus five. Okay. We've clarified this. He says, right now I don't even know where that wine is, so I'm not going to pay for anything that I do not have in my hand and verified the authenticity of. But thank you, random nobody, for telling me what to do with my money.

And he storms off to the bar and it actually starts looking like perusing the selection, so to speak. Amber, you're in the room. You've picked up the journal, you said. You got anything else to do in here? Hey, good news, y'all. Check it out. And I hook them up with some stumbotons of their very own.

Okay. I am 150% certain. Can I go ahead and record it for you, Griffin? Sure, sure, sure. Let me do it. And as you leave in your ship, you notice that the blue light from the stumbatants phase away,

and they've become useless away from the power of the facility. And it turns out the facility is power. in them and you don't have super sweet InstaSyne and Batole That's awesome, I can fuck anybody else. Yeah, so Rachel, Rachel, just edit that in wherever you feel like it's right. If you can do some sort of,

put some sort of effect on there to make it sound like my voice, and then we'll just, like, plop it in right at the end of this. Yeah, and you can put this on like, isn't that like the stories that connect all of us? Yeah.

Make it sound smart and, there's power and a stun-but-con. No, listen, isn't it like the stories? and friendship connects all of us like a good stumbaton sometimes you don't realize how precious it was until you leave the facility and realize that that's what was powering

and it's incredible stunning power. The bonds of friendship are like the power from the facility. Ambient power, these people figure out. Okay, anything else in the vault? I'm taking anything in there. I'm taking the fucking code right. Give us a list and we'll say the names

of the things after you say this. No, can I suggest, you know what, let's talk about it. Okay. Yeah, sure. You all run into the vault, so you all are all together. Y'all, we can't do this. Like, we can't rob this place. We can hope that they give us some sort of like reward, but like, these are serious people.

I'm not fucking around with it. No way. Um, Ambire. Yeah. They are left. And we are in. disguise? To what extent is it like

is this place abandoned? You don't see any like there's probably a couple people here right? Like you never saw the auctioneer like ran into a back room when shit popped off so they're probably there. You know there's at least one dude knocked out in a bathroom stall. I don't think that but like somebody's running this place okay like if we leave with stuff we didn't pay for they're never going to let let us live it down. I'm not. I don't think that. I'm

I don't give a shit about a lot of stuff, but I don't need to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. Wasn't this an illegal operation to begin with? I mean, the whole auction was black market auction, right? I mean, definitely shady. I don't know. I don't know if the legality was ever discussed, but it has that feel about it, didn't it? It definitely had kind of a feel to it, yes. No, it felt shady as fuck, but that is like...

You're describing people you don't want to fuck with. Okay, but you understand that, right? Okay. If it was the fucking cops, I'd rob them all my lungs, something we're talking about. Well, how do we pay for the journal? Oh, we're thinking this. We won this. Well, and then the red cubes won the lantern.

Didn't they win the lantern so bright? Hey, you know what? I will say this, though. I want to search them for fucking money. The guy in luck's on them? The red cubes. Yeah. Okay, why don't you go check?

Okay, dook, dook, dook, okay, I'm over there. What do you want? You want an investigation check? Yeah, I want an investigation check. 16. You reach into the hologram, right? Like, you can't really see what's underneath there. But you reach in and you can feel instantly something is wrong, right?

Ew. Something is wrong inside of there. You feel something like jagged at first that is a little pill. Is this a little pill? That was one of the worst ones of the things we've said on the show. Okay, well. I didn't think that would come from Justin. I mean, between Dad and I and Justin,

I never would have guessed that the worst one would come from Justin. He said one of the worst ones. All right, you hear what you hear, and I hear what I hear. Rewind it. Press reverse 15 on your podcast. As you, let's say that you're actually searching the one that kind of collapsed in on itself. It feels almost like a, a skeleton. There's no flesh there. And as you sort of root around in there, you feel the collar,

which is, you know, not fastened to this thing's neck quite as well as your, you know, human-y, fleshy neck. And actually, as you jostle it, even a little bit, you see the, uh, the choker fall off. And when it does, the hologram disappears and you can see what is underneath. In fact, you all see it. It is coral. It is a coral body in the same way that Zooks has a coral body. Only it is stark white. No color anywhere.

There are no, there are certain features that Zooks and a lot of other, you know, Brynar have that this thing does not have. Like there is no, there are no holes where the eyes should be, right? All of those human-like... There's no hole for that? There's no hole for that. But that goes against God, nature, and everything. And it doesn't have any money on it. I'm sorry.

Oh, that's the worst part, really. Sure. And from out in the lobby, you hear Cobalt Star, who yells, we need to leave right now. And as you all look out this wall of windows that Cobalt Star is pointing out of, you see a ship emerge from this pool of magical darkness where the dock is for this station. And from out of that darkness, you all see a ship made out of this white coral, larger than the coriolis, much larger,

with the same kind of jagged edges that these coral beings themselves have. And it raises up right in front of those glass windows and you all see a hole open up in the side of this ship and from it an enormous jagged spike shoots out and pierces the windows you're looking through. Comedy and Culture. Artist-owned, audience-supported. You're in the theater. The lights go down. You're about to get swept up by the characters and all their little details and interpersonal dramas. You look at them and think, that person is so obviously in love with their best friend. Wait, am I in love with my best friend? That character's mom is so overbearing. Why doesn't she stand up to her? Oh, good God, do I need to stand up to my own mother? We never know when we'll see ourselves in a movie. But that search for recognition is exactly what we're going to.

going to talk about on the podcast, Feeling Seen, with me, Jordan Cruciola. Each episode, we'll bring in a guest to talk about the films that they see themselves in and also the ways that movies have fallen short. So join me every Thursday for the Feeling Seen podcast here on Maximum Fun, or wherever you find your podcasts.