The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea — Episode 2

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

The Gallery Job: Part Two Three prospective contractors for the Bluespan Brokerage embark on their first, questionable voyage in the waters surrounding Founder’s Wake. A lucrative, outrageously spicy opportunity presents itself along the way. Join us for the start of a new adventure in the undersea metropolis of Founders’ Wake! For more info on this new setting, give a listen to our Prologue mini-series (or our special, abridged recap!) to hear how the Ethersea first took form. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone Ethersea. Vival le ma'am? It's, uh, it's Zooks. But that is me, yes, Amber Grie. You all have 48 hours to acquire a ship. We heard you got something that needs doing. All right, my name's Guthrie. Uh, I'm an archaeologist.

I was part of a crew that, uh, mutiny on my last job, and I haven't had a chance to hire a new team, but there's this, this opportunity. There's an, uh, an old gallery that's from an old, homine citadel and it just fell through the hallowcline. We get there. I, you know, recover what I can from the gallery and I get back. We may have a pirate thing or two, but I can't sail this big, big, awesome ship by myself. So, let's roll out.

Amber, I think we both agree that I don't think this is his boat, but it is our boat. And we do need this money. We are doing this job, right? Why did Mona send you if you all can't pilot a ship? Like, what do you even fucking do it? As he's saying that, you see a hatch open up in the ceiling of the bridge behind him. And from it, a cube made out of what appears to be just bright, white, hard light drops down. And then it flashes red a few times.

And then it starts spinning violently. And then it launches with tremendous force in your direction. Oh, you all got cube problems. Y'all got a attack cube problem. Oh, wait, I know this one. Groven, rolled to gleam. Roll to gleam cube. That's cute.

Actually, why not the three of you, roll initiative? Because you're being attacked by a sentient glowing cube. Oh, yeah, baby. That's an 18 plus one. 19. 19 total. Wait, when do you mean total? Well, I rolled an 18 plus one.

Oh, initiative. Gotcha. Okay. What do I mean? A nine. Wait, hold on, Dad. Did you mean what does the word total mean? I ain't good at my sums.

Oh, boy. No, I got a nine. And Amber. And just logging in to my sheet. All right. Have we leveled up yet? I've activated the interface, as you say. And here comes a roll.

I've gotten an eight plus two. 10. 10. Fantastic. Okay. To answer your question, Dad, no, you haven't leveled up. It's been one episode.

Chill out. Okay, so we are going to start with divo Le Mans. You are all standing sort of in the doorway to the bridge. Guthrie has his back to this cube. That is, it's like two feet tall, two feet wide, but it is, is rotating, I mean, at a terrible speed and sort of soaring toward you, but you get the first action here, Devo. Is it like talking?

Does it seem sentient? Do you, why don't you roll an Arcana check for me? Excellent. I'm good at that. This is just seeing what you know, so this won't be your action. It's an 18 plus 422. Dang. Okay, so you, Devo, we kind of covered in the last episode, you.

you guys don't have extensive shipboard experience. But you know enough about sort of magic stuff, and especially about hard light stuff, which is kind of the purview of the parish, to know that this is a sprite. And sprites are crystal clear refreshing. Hotts every day fucking forgetting. Sprites are sort of artificial, very, very, very limited artificial, intelligent constructs

that often are used for very simple tasks specifically aboard ships. So the way that this sort of dropped down from the ceiling when you all entered the bridge and sort of flashed red

and now it's attacking you, you assume it is a security sprite. But you also know enough about Hardlight to know that it is hard and if this thing crashes into you it will be like somebody just threw a metal box. into your torso.

It's going to hurt. Okay, then I, Deva is going to do a spritz of the old prestige spray. What do you do? And close his eyes and his lips begin to barely move. And you do not hear those around him, but the sprite does. He's going to hear as a cast dissonant whispers. Okay. Or attempts to.

Let's see. Tell us all about dissonant whispers. So you are going to need to make a wisdom saving throw. Okay. Not this thing's strong suit. That was my hope. Uh, yeah, that is a nine. Okay, yeah, you're going to fail.

So you're going to take 3D6 damage. Okay. Jesus. And you were going to move as far as its speed allows away from me. Okay. Uh, roll that damage. Oh, boy. Okay, so 4, 5, 6.

That's 15 points of damage. Oh, my God. What an incredible damage role. Thank you. I am also going to use my Bartik inspiration on Amber that is going to grant her an extra 1D6. You can use that to add it to one ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. This can be added after seeing the role, but before knowing the outcome. Cool.

Um, that is, appreciate that. Great news. Uh, but before Amber can go. Oh, wait. And then for my move, I'm going to duck behind Zooks. Okay. Uh, yeah. Because I am, uh, just a waif of a lad.

Sure, just a sweet, sweet little tissue paper doll. Yes. Okay. Next step actually is the security sprite. Your, your attack did psychic damage, which I don't know how to resolve that for a thing that doesn't have a brain. So it's like it's programming got kind of weird. So it definitely takes kind of a strange arc from where it was flying at the three of you.

And it is going to sail over Guthrie's shoulder. And because of this weird arc, it is coming towards Zooks. And it's simply just like while rotating, it tries to crash into you right into your chest, Zooks. And does a 14 hit your AC? No. Oh, wow. Okay. Then it sails into your chest and you are able to kind of just like grab it and push it away and not take the brunt of this damage.

But as it sails away, it makes a second attack flying towards Amber. Now it's just kind of ping ponging around the room. Amber, same thing. It's just going to try to come crashing down on your head. Okay. Does a, that's better. 18 hit your AC. It does indeed.

Okay. While swirling around, crashes into your head for three points of legeoning damage. And it goes soaring away from you after that. And next, you are up, Amber. I'm going to punch it. Okay. So monks stuff. Monks have... Punching and kicking. Punching and kicking. But I believe you have some stuff available to you like from level one. because monks are able to attack a bonus time, if I'm not mistaken. I'm going to punch it twice.

All right. See what you got. Wait. Punch and a kick. Oh, shit. All right. The classic cube combo. You love it.

All right, here we go. Here comes an attack. The first attack. Now, do I get my bonus whether or not, just if I make it, the attack? It doesn't need to hit for me to get my bonus, right? Uh, right. Right. First attack is a eight.

Probably not, right? No, that does not hit the, the spread. Wait, I get to add a D6 to that, right? Oh, yeah. If you'd like, yeah. It's a waste, isn't it? It's a waste. How tough does this thing look for a cube?

Of cubes I've seen. It is statistically quite improbable that you could make that work. I would save your inspiration. Would you say like a one out of six chance? Maybe like a one out of six chance that it would hit. Not to get too. Yeah, I want to save it for this next role that is a bonus unarmed strike, and that is so much better.

It's a 13. Now, I will add that D6. Yeah, go ahead and add that D6. The 13 does not quite hit. Plus six. Oh, yeah, a 19. That's a 19. That's a big one.

Yeah, was this the punch of the kick that connects? Okay, the punch misses, right? Right. And she's like, damn it. And then it turns and is like, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I imagine it like the The sprite from Tron

You know what I mean? Yes No So then it's like Trying to be all cool And then I kick it Right in its face The side

The face side Yeah Yeah Well the thing about a cube It got six faces The cube has six faces The sequel has Tamir has two faces Yep

That's a five of damage Ooh that's nice Okay This thing is now starting to slow its rotation and it is sort of flying around the room even more erratically. Guthrie is up next. Guthrie is going to take a step back and he's going to say, you all take care of this and he shuts the door to the bridge.

Huh. And that is his incredibly brave. This is aboard the ship? Sorry, it's been a cool. Yeah, you are aboard the ship. You were just outside the bridge. Guthrie sort of walked in there before. The one that he kind of claimed was his ship.

Yeah, oh, it's definitely his ship. So that just leaves Zooks. Zooks is going to shoot it. He's crossbow. All right, Zooks. The first of what I assume will be many crossbow shots. Unless he breaks his crossbow. He gets a critical failure and it breaks.

Why? No, I think if he gets a critical failure, he just, he shoots, and the arrow bounces off the wall and shoots him in his own coral butt. Yeah. Ooh. Which is an incredibly important body part. for uh... Okay, so

let's see. Uh, I first have to roll to see if I hit it, correct? Correct. And that would be a six plus five. That's an 11. That is unfortunately not good enough to hit.

Uh, the Bardock inspiration is something, is that something that, I guess if you had to do it before battle, you could kind of juice everybody up, but you can't do it. I can only do it one, one at a time.

Right. Uh, yeah. So unfortunately, your bolt goes flying out of the crossbow, and this cube is still spinning fast enough to just kind of like glance it off its side. Dorn! Falls to the floor. Bringing us back up to the top of the order, Divo. So Divo looks at the cube in its six faces and says, you are very stupid cube and nobody likes you very much, and you should be embarrassed because of who you are. and cast vicious mockery.

Yeah, I'll say. And I'm sorry. Wisdom saving throw. This is just a cantrip, correct? Correct. Well, say, I think for cantrip, so we can say, like, they don't require much energy. So it's just, like, the salt in your body. Yeah, you don't have to, like, juice it.

Let's see. That's a 12. That does not. My wisdom is a 13, or that's my spell. save 13. So you're going to take one D4 of damage, which is one. But you, yeah, you have disadvantage on your next attack roll. Okay.

Which is not going to happen because this thing only had one hit point left. I embarrassed it to death. Yeah, this thing said, oh, geez, I am dead. I did. my best. And then the light disappears, and now it's just like a sad little gray box with some smoke pouring out of it.

And it falls to the ground, and it explodes, but not in like even a big, cool, dangerous way. It explodes in a really stupid way. And you all won your first battle. You hear got through from behind the door in the bridge, say, Is it done?

Did you finish? Thanks for all the help, friend. He opens the door to the bridge and peeks out. He says, yeah, I mean, if I could have done stuff like this myself, I wouldn't have needed a crew. But it looks like you all got it handled. So, uh, should we assume that this is not your ship? What are you talking about? Well, why would a security system attack us and you if this is your ship?

He said, I told you, my last crew, they mutinied during our last mission and I don't know, they have it out for me. They must have set a trap. I'm going to roll Insight. Okay. Well, that's a 16 plus 4.20. That was a lie. He has just told, he has just told a major Fibiruski to you. Devo does a little sprits and is going to cast Charm person.

So you are going to make a wisdom saving throw I think for these kinds of saving throws I'll make them public Okay That is a 12 plus 3 15 Ah, he passes He has not been charmed Did you just try to charm person me?

Yes, because you are lying to us And I do not trust you And so here is the deal Now that you know I was trying to charm you um zooks my very large coral frontier can shoot you with his no wait there's a pot too uh with his crossbow and and we can get off the ship and think of something else or you could tell us the truth he said fine i'll tell you the truth but but come in here please and he walks into the bridge and starts uh flipping some some switches, turning, turning stuff on, getting a little pre-launch procedure going.

And he said, fine, this, this isn't my ship. It's my stepdad's ship. And he doesn't know that I'm using it. But I wasn't lying about the job. There really is a gallery out there that that has fallen through the Hallocline. And it's got some works by the great masters in it. If we can find it and get that stuff back here, I'll make sure that Mona gets you, your commission, and I'll give you some of the, some of the yearnings, too, okay? I'm sorry I lied. It's just my stepdad's kind of a hard ass, and I didn't want him to get pissed off at me. You should have just said this.

Yeah. Sorry. I, uh, I'm not a people person. Ambell, what are you thinking? I can understand why he would lie. Oh, yes. I don't know. I don't want to kill anybody today.

Oh. I understand, Duke's, but there's not a whole lot of people running around anymore, and I don't much want to spill blood if we could avoid it. Does this make sense?

Not even knee capping? I mean, okay. I don't really have blood or kneecaps for what it's worth, and boy, you're a, you're a really angry one, aren't you, pal? Well, no.

No, not in the least bit. I mean, although I would have caused to, I mean, so far you've lied to us and abandoned us to almost be killed by a cube. But, hey, I'm a very forgiving creature. I would say with Zizuks, it is a matter of, you know, when all you have is a hammer, he has a crossbow. And so everything is a target. Yes?

Well, that might come in handy, depending on how this job goes. So he flips over a couple more switches and you hear the engine of this, this huge, essentially turbo yacht sort of come to life. And he says, all right, so we were interrupted earlier. Does anyone even know sort of the base? Does anybody have their learner's permit for ship operation? Anybody want to take a swing at the wheel here?

I will drive if no. Amber, you want to? No, please. By all means. I would try. It seems like fun. I've never driven before. but as there's a first time for everything

and I am happy to give it a shot, huh? He sighs and he says, okay, yeah, sit down. You two check out the ship, familiarize yourself with the facilities, the different decks, because if we have to get into some undersea fisticuffs or shipsticuffs, then y'all are going to need to know where the guns are.

So ships to cuff sounds like somebody fighting a boat. Yeah, fighting a boat. And I'm into that. It might get to that point at some point. Okay, Guthrie sits you down at the wheel. I don't know if it's a wheel. We haven't really talked about what the control apparatus for a ship like this is.

Well, it wouldn't be a wheel, right? Because we're not only dealing with forward and backward left and right, right? Yeah. Because we're in water, we're going up and down. It's probably more akin to a flight like control stick. situation. Okay, but you would need All right. But then there's a lever too. There's a lever for upsees and downsies. And that's... I think it's a, what if it's a sphere?

Ooh, a sphere is good. Like a sphere that's sort of floating. Oh, like golden tea. Like a golden tea game. Like a golden tea golf machine. No, it's like, it's like, imagine that, but if you could reach underneath it too, so it's like in three dimensions, like you can move the sphere up and down and rotate the sphere. That's good. And also like, move it up and down. It's just sort of like suspended magnetically in a circle and you reach your hand in the circle and you could turn it or move it up or down. Like a golden tea, like a futuristic

golden tea with magic. Yeah, in the future, future golf is the only sport and golden platinum tea is the only future arcade game. By fair. And one of the stars of law and order. That's, that's something. Okay. Devo, why don't you just make an intelligence check for me? How intelligent is Devo? Oh, not bad. That is an 11 total.

11 total. Okay, you understand enough to, you feel like you get it. You feel like you kind of understand what's going on here. And the rest of you are checking out the ship. And Guthrie says, let's get a move on and we can sort of talk things through as we go. Uh, and he leans over you, uh, Devo and presses down on the sphere. And for the first time, you all sink down below spot J117, down below the gills and into the seemingly infinite expanse of the ethersea. Since the dawn of time, screenwriters have

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Pretty sweet, huh? Who are you talking to? You guys, you don't ever quite get used to about being out in. At least I don't. I've never been in it, so I cannot speak to this. But so far, it is beautiful. and also my anus is very tight. You should sit down.

If you're not used to this, it's going to get a little uncomfortable for you. In what way? This is foreboding? What could this possibly mean? I feel like if you have never been out, if he has never been outside of the stationary bases, this would be beyond disorienting.

I mean like, you know what I mean? Like motion, this kind of motion would not be, if he's literally never been in a ship before and he's lived his entire life in the base, like I feel like this would be very disorienting. Yeah, for sure. It's the first time experiencing. Yeah. Yeah, sure. You know what? Everybody make a constitution.

Not Amber. She doesn't have to. That's why I came up with it. I'd say Amber, Amber, you have advantage. Advantage. Fair. Zooks, you don't have to roll at all. I feel like Zooks was born in the ocean.

And also doesn't have an inner ear to have equal limitations. Good point. Good point. Okay. All right. So Amber. What check? Constitution safe.

Well, Devo's 15. Yeah. I would say. Yeah, I got a 14 plus one. 15. Oh, no. Oh, that's a critical failure, but you do have advantage, Amber. An eight.

It's been too long. It's been too long since I've done this. I'm not feeling great. Amber talks mad shit, but Devo seems to be okay as he takes over the sphere and starts to pilot the ship. And Amber, you start to feel a little, well, nauseous. Do we haven't hear those patches on board?

Could they... Skopalabine? Yeah. You might. You all haven't really, the two other members of the crew, you all haven't exactly checked things out. So...

I was going to say, yeah, once this sort of nausea passes, I want to take a lap around the ship, kind of get my bearings. Okay, Ken, let me ask you this. Do we have any, do they have any way to communicate? with each other.

Yeah, we have shell phones. Well, when you're on the ship, just assume you can speak to anybody else on the ship at any time. The communication. There's a comm system. Yeah. And then there's also, most ships are also equipped with a tone wheel that's like long distance able to communicate with a broadcast station in Founders Wake or with other, you know, ships that sort of accept the hail. But if you guys are on the same ship, you can talk to each other. Don't.

Okay. The reason I'm asking is, is there, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, a way that Devo can see. I mean, is there like a viewport? Is there a screen of some kind? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're at the wheel, you can see in front of you. Every ship has a sensor.

We will cover sort of ship mechanics as we go. I don't want to just dump a bunch of explanations, but all ships are equipped with a sensor, which is responsible for basically like targeting and sighting and, you know, just being able to view outside of the ship. And there's no, like, automatic pilots. or anything like that. It's got to be, the helm has to be manned at all time. I mean, that technology probably exists, but it is not on this, on this ship.

Okay. Okay. So, as you all walk around, like, this ship is as sort of nice as you would expect it to be. The crew quarters here are very posh. And the kitchen is stocked with copious rations. Like, and the good stuff, too. There's definitely a sliding scale there. And this is on this is on the higher end. There's the other sort of usual stuff. There's an engine room. There's a cargo hold, which is fairly empty.

There's mostly gear for sort of repair and upkeep for the ship here, not any other sort of cargo. But yeah, it is a well-stock ship. The gunnery deck has like a lot of stuff on it. It is well-outfitted for defense. You find a recall pod. which is basically like an automated escape pod that will automatically pilot itself back to Founders Wake after it is launched out.

There's a salvage claw for whatever you might need a salvage claw for out in the ocean. It is a fancy little vessel. Definitely nicer than the stuff you were looking up back at Mona's Hall. Where did Devo? Devo's piloting. Zooks, where do you think you're hanging out?

I think Zooks is going down to the belly of the ship, the bottom of the ship. Okay. To see if there's a moon pool. Zook has to refresh him. He has to, you know, emerge, has to get into, submerge himself in the actual waters of the ocean. And if there's a moon pool, he'd be able to do that without, you know, like being swept away. He could dip his toes in. Yeah, there is.

There is. In fact, one of the things that this ship is equipped with, if you take a look at the sheet that I shared with all of you, is permeable barriers. So all of the sort of entrances and exits to this ship have this sort of energy barrier that allows, you know, creatures and objects to pass through, but it keeps ethersea water out. But you can sort of dip down into it to refresh. Yeah, I mean, I figure, yeah, I think he could probably hold on to the edge or maybe there's a bar or something, you know, to kind of dunk himself in and, I would say that he probably has some form of propulsion in the water, but it certainly is not going to be able to keep up. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no. This Dreams of Debra is sailing like a beautiful bird or fish. A beautiful fish. A dolphin?

So I think that's what he does. Okay. And would this craft, did you say that there were like maybe submersibles, small one, two man? No, there's no sort of individual craft here. there's no vapor suits to speak of. What you're in is basically like the hatch underneath the salvage claw down in the cargo bay.

As you like come up from one of these sort of like splashes, Guthrie is there waiting for you. And he says, how you doing? How are you doing there, bud? I feel much, much better. Much more refreshed. Yeah. Much more kind of laid back. I get a little antsy when I've been out of the water for too long.

Yeah, I mean, you don't want to bleach. My still armor has to kind of, you know, refill and, you know, pump water around in me. So, yeah, I needed that. Thank you so much. And I'm sorry I was a little brusk earlier. Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. I can tell you're kind of new. and I know how tough it can be when you're new.

So not for nothing, but you may want to rethink your strategy of sticking a crossbow in everyone's faces that you meet, especially when you're in the city because the chaperones do not look too highly on that kind of behavior. Oh, okay. Good to know. Good to know. I appreciate your constructive criticism. That's helping me. That's going to help me, you know, interact with other beings. I really do appreciate it.

I'll try to do better. It's, I mean, it is what it is. It's tough. Impulse control, especially right after you amalgamate. It takes some, it's a steep learning curve. Yeah. And, you know, and to be honest, you did kind of, you know, mess with us a little bit. And you were kind of dishonest and, you know, kind of hung us out to dry with the whole running away thing.

I understand what you said, you know, but if you, you know, could do all this, you'd have a crew. But, you know, I think that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. So, but I'm good. I'm good. He smiles and he says, or, you know, whatever the Briner equivalent is. And he says, yeah, it's a balance working with a crew and also watching out for. for number one, but... I enter at this point.

Can I enter the scene? What's amalgamate? Oh, um... I heard you all talking. What's amalgamate? Sure, so, you know, the Aynar, their spirits have to combine and to, to, you know, pilot one of these beautiful babies, and he sort of holds up his arm in front of him and says, I mean the ship?

No, our bod, our body. bodies, our coral frames. Yeah. That's a pretty trippy way of thinking about it, pilot in your body. Yeah. I really thought about it before. I guess we all are, aren't we? Oh, careful.

Okay, so there's like... God, I'm freaking out. Yeah, there's a sort of existential dread that comes along with this process that sort of mortals are not necessarily ready to surf that particular wave. Yeah, what to... Oh, my God. I've set up a whole thing. Amber's right.

it is kind of freaky No, no Don't trip out on it Well no, I mean If I moved on it's fine It's just different It's just different Of, oh

I'm gonna have to redunk Can I redunk real quick Devo comes over the radio I am going to do a flip So everybody hold on I gotta go Hell yeah I have to stop

Come on shit birds He's doing flips Guthrie goes to run out of the room As he does He shuts the moon pool And he says We have an ether shower in the crew quarters, by the way.

You don't have to go outside the ship to get... Okay, I have to... And he takes off as the ship's yaw starts to adjust. Here we are going to have our first random encounter. Anytime you all take a ship out of the city away on a mission, you will encounter something along the way. And maybe it's good. Maybe it's bad.

Like ice cream. Maybe it's ice cream. Maybe. Is it really random? It is random. I have, inspired by the wild magic table that we used so many times from last season, I have prepared an enormous list of events that may transpire that you all are going to roll on a table to see what you get. You're going to roll it. I don't know what else you would roll on. You're going to roll it. Well, it's a spreadsheet table. Your ship has a stat. Well, it has many stats. So one of its stat is called readiness. This is a measurement of, as you might expect, how ready you are, how well equipped you are, how informed you are about the mission that you are on.

Some, you know, modifiers are positive and some are permanent. Like Zooks, in your character sheet you've chosen sort of, I forget the exact parlance, but you are an expert at. Mariner. Mariner, at oceanic sort of environments. And the way that I have sort of included that here is just Zooks permanently adds plus five to readiness. That is a permanent thing for Zooks because he kind of knows his way around. This ship, Dreams of Deborah, has an improved crew quarters. So it gets a bonus there.

The rations give you a bonus. Other stuff you might have. I've also marked off minus five for inexperienced crew because the three of you have never gone on a mission before. So all of those different modifiers will total, you know, what the total readiness bonus is. is what you add to your D-100 role. Very low rolls will be catastrophic. Very high rolls could sort of permanently change your fortunes in this world. I'm going to say, Juice, why don't you make the first role?

To do this, you click that die and click the two d-100 roll. And we'll see what happens. As the oldest brother and the best father, only the four of us. I'm sure we've all recognized. Okay. Excuse me? Well, okay. You raised podcasters, bud.

Calm down. Yeah, man. You had three chances and all you achieved was podcast. Not a lawyer or doctor or anything. Yeah, not a single actual contribution. I've never reminded you of this conversation in 2041. One of us could have been an architect, something that contributed in some way. We're the architect.

We're the architect. of incredible fantasy. I am on, I am on Tinder hooks awaiting this D-100 role. I have been anticipating this for a long. Oh, sorry, no, no, no, Travis. He's right, he's right, he's right.

People come here for numbers. And this is going to be a big one, potentially. It's a big, I mean, let's hope. Let's hope it's out of our hundred. Here we go. Let's see. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. You are fucking kidding. That doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem right. I was a six. It's a six. Plus nine.

Now plus eight is your readiness stat. No, nine is, our readiness is nine. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah. And so that is a total of 15. That feels low, Griffin. It feels low. Out of 100, it feels low.

If I got at 15 on a test, I think I would probably not feel good about myself. It's not the end of the world, 15. As a good father, I would still be proud. of you, Justin. Thanks, Dad. Presumably double zero would be the end of the world, right? Yeah, exactly. Griffin, you literally used the phrase catastrophic.

Catastrophic. 15's not catastrophic. 15, we'll see what 15 does. We'll see what 15 is. Oh, it's ice cream. These are meant to present you with opportunities and foibles. Yes, opportunities. Pain is, pain is weakness, leaving the body, but in a big way.

All of it. All of it. All of it. All of it at once. You, uh, okay, you all have been in the ship sailing for a couple hours now. You are about halfway to this, this destination. Guthrie's got... Before, wait, before you say what the result is, I would like to do some kind of like

investigation or perception or something to see if I can like get a better handle on controls in some way. Because right now I feel like, like, I'm looking for buttons. I'm looking for switches. I'm looking for labels. Yeah. Well, I don't think you need to roll for that. I think that's something that is going to, you're not going to be able to master that in a couple hours, right?

Yeah. I think that is just going to have to be a trial by fire thing. Okay. You all have been sailing for a while. Guthrie knows exactly where to go. He's got beacons and maps. And it has been a bit. And you all are in a sort of cloudy part of the ether sea.

You're sort of flying over this. this wide, hilly plain. And there's a lot of flora just sort of waving around in the currents underneath you. And Guthrie's up at the helm with you, Devo, and sort of helping you as you maneuver

around these hills. And as you are doing that, Guthrie yells, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. And he grabs the sphere and pulls it back and the ship. That was an incredible Griffin-McCarroy impression. And he brings you all up to the viewport, and he points outside. He says, y'all see that?

Y'all see that out there? You know what that is? No. He's pointing at this sort of enormous artichoke-looking plant that is right at the peak of one of these hills. He points at it, and he says, that's a yum nut. This is a what? Impossible. Impossible.

You said what was this word? It can't be that. That's a yum nut. Big one, too. I'm writing it down. You're not going to remember it? You're not going to remember Yumnut? No, I'm not going to let him fucking backpedal later and be like, it's actually pronounced yemenate.

It's like, no, actually, you said fucking Yum nut. Have some strength of your convictions. Yum nut is what you put in your world. He. Could Zooks do a... Our world, Yum nut. Could Zooks do a history check? It wouldn't be history.

It would be... Do a nature check. Do a nature check. You're pretty good at these. You have proficiency here. That is, no, apparently I'm not. That's an eight. This is an easy one.

You don't know enough to know its value, although Guthrie seems excited by it. You know that a yum nut is a source of a spice that is highly coveted in Founders' wake. Spices in general are because. salt is kind of like actual edible salt is tough to come by. So they need other ways of sort of flavoring their foods. And if you can get a yum nut and, you know, grate it down, one of this size can last you for a long time. And the spice will roll. So you don't, you don't necessarily know the best way to harvest it. You don't know exactly how much you'll be able to get for it. But you all do see a sizable yum nut. And he says, I mean, I know we got to hurry, but if we grab

that. It's not that often that you see a yum nut of that size. No, we got, y'all, we got to get that yum nut. We could, we could sell it's an old Joshy for a pretty, pretty piece. Okay. Then we grab it with the claw and then we go. Yes? We need to be pretty careful with it if we, if we use the claw. The meat of the yum nut is pretty fragile. Well, how big is it? How big is it? Oh, good. Jinks.

It's like six feet tall. It's big. Could we just position the moon pool over it and lower? Yeah, sure, you can. For all of these scenarios, I don't have a solution. The salvage claw is for sure a claw that drops down into the ocean and is meant to pick up, you know, scrap metal and stuff like that. So you would need a, you know, a pretty good role to not damage the merchandise, but that would be the probably most straightforward way of doing it. This is what we do.

We just kind of float over and then we lower down and is inside the ship. You grab it. Oh, you're talking about landing on top of this hill and like putting interesting. Yeah, I mean, you do have these permeable barriers, so that is an option. And it is attached to something. Correct? Yeah, it's attached to the top of this hill. Listen, I love the idea, but this is the first time not only that you've piloted at a water vehicle, but actually been in the water. Yes.

You feel pretty confident you could pull this off. I have been driving now for several hours. There's no shame letting somebody else try. I mean, do you want to try? Absolutely not. I don't need that kind of pressure in my life. Okay, well, I am. I'm just saying. This is the way I see it.

I'm not worried because if I damage this, as you say, yum nut, then we are no worse off than we were before we found the yum nut. You know what? Can I say something, guppy? It's pretty fucking zin. I'm into it. Yes, I am not worried about this. We get to ship.

Then we get to explore. We do not need the yum nut. We do not need whatever monies the yum nut would bring us. We just need the ship. And we get that, which is the art. All right. You're starting to lose me with the accent a little bit of a while. Go get that nut.

Yeah, let's get the nut. All right. And I think Zooks could dive down. It doesn't sound like you will necessarily need to, depending on how this piloting goes. He's talking about- No, I understand. I understand. But I mean, couldn't use, like, maybe a spotter.

That's not a bad idea. Yeah, sure. And then it's going to have to be detached. So. Yeah. Okay. You want to start working on this. that. Yeah. Okay. Let me, uh, do we have any kind of, uh, tools or weapons? I don't think he

necessarily has any kind of bladed. Yeah, some sort of poking stick. A poking stick. A something. A sword, a big old knife. I think a knife is a reasonable, like, ships come equipped with the tools that you need to maintain them just inherently. Um, so, you know, there's probably a, a, uh, You know, a shirt. We have a repair kit. So there's a saw in there or something. So let's make this the first rule of ether C, everybody got a knife.

Everybody has at least one. Everybody has a knife. Right. Okay. Okay. At any point, you could be like, oh, I have a knife because we're assuming that we're all chilling on places that have basically unlimited knives. So what I want, the first rule of ethercy is everybody has a knife.

Everybody has one knife. Everybody has a knife. Everybody has a knife. I will offer you this, Zooks. The repair kit in the cargo bay, you know will have a, like, hacksaw, like a handsaw that will be. Is that rule too? Presidly not hacksaw Jim Duggan. That would be extremely helpful.

It will be more helpful in harvesting this thing in a smooth and deficient manner, but it will cost you. that repair kit, which essentially just makes it, like, you know, automatic to repair one broken system. Can I just say, thank you for bringing this up, because I hate every time I use a saw, and when I finish the job, the saw falls apart. Well, it's going to be covered in yum nut sap, which is extremely corrosive. You don't have to take that off if you don't want to. I think I'll just use a knife.

Okay. I think Zooks will just use a big old knife. Just your standard issue. Even if the knife, knife gets stuck on it. He just dunks that right in the ocean, leaves it there, gets another knife. another knife. Everybody has a lot. It's everywhere.

And, okay, so Amber, where are you going to be during this operation? Um, I feel like probably, um, hmm, maybe spotting on the inside, like as another set of eye, because I'm not sure he would necessarily be able to monitor, you know, it's not like there's like cameras or whatever. Right. In this, this move is not sanctioned activity. So I feel like having a spotter on the inside. I like it.

Yeah. This is a fun way of doing this. Okay, then Guthrie's going to stay at the helm with you, Devo. You are in control, but he is sort of trying to help any way that he can. So you lower the ship down fairly close. You're about 20, 30 feet up, and that's the closest I'll let you get without rolling for it. Zooks, are you tethering yourself in any way? You just sort of free to it.

down there. No, okay. Then you hop through the permeable barrier. Zooks does a big old foon. Yeah. What's it like for you underwater Zooks? Because, you know, things are obviously different for the brinear. You don't need a vapor suit or anything like that.

Is it more comfortable for you in the, in the ether C than it is being in. Yeah, I think, I think it's a lot more comfortable for Zooks. Okay. Because I think he's, he actually moves better. Right. and moves faster. I think he would actually have more speed in the water. And he certainly is, you know, in choice.

That way his suit also is not, you know, just using the... It's sort of like when you're in a car and you've got the air conditioner on and you have to flip the switch so it's air recirculating inside instead of the... So that's... I think he loves it in there. So I think BigFoon, splash, down he goes. And you slowly sort of... float down to the top of this hill as you land some like of the moss that had sort of

collected next to this yum nut splashes up and what are you doing what are you trying to do here i think can i sorry can i ask her from because this is our first time like in an undersea venture here right what kind of light are we are there lights on the ship is there any light coming through the water is there that's a good question so there are there are lights on the ship, the water itself is bright. Like, the water itself has a sort of luminousness to it. And it's different concentrations in different places. This sort of wide arboreal plane that you're over, it's like daylight. Like, you can see fairly well here. Any of those starfish around? No. Those seem to be weirdly congregated only around Founders Wake. Okay. So Zooks. I think

Now, I'm assuming if I'm overstepping, please, please check. I assume they don't have person to person communication. Right? We haven't, we haven't really. No, you don't have that right now. So I would. They can see, they can see you, though, through the moon pool. Right.

Okay. All right. I think Zooks is going to swim down to the base of the Yum Nut. Okay. That's the first time I've said it. And it feels good, right? Do, do, I'm worried about how normal it's becoming. Right.

That's my only concern. A perception check to kind of look and see, you know, about how it's connected to the, to the hill? This would, this would be an investigation check. Okay. Investigation check. Double digits would be nice for a change. That would be good to see. 17.

Oh, okay. It is. That's the sound of Griffin being surprised that dad didn't fail. Oh, okay. Oh, what do you know? It is, with an investigation check like that, you see that there are basically just roots that are jutting. You dust away some of this moss that had grown on this hill. And as you clear the moss, you see it's like a kind of a rocky hill that the roots of this thing have grown into sort of small holes in this, on this.

on this hill. And it seems like it would be easier to cut through those smaller roots than it would through like the trunk of the Yum Nut. So you figure that that's probably the easiest way to dislodge this whole thing. So Zooks heads up to the moon pool, sticks his head out of the water and speaks to Amber, says, I think it's possible. I think I can start getting it loose. There's a lot of baby roots. baby roots

baby roots there's not little candy bars or whatever and and then you know we're off the races I just wanted to tell you what I was doing to make sure it was okay with you

all right go for it great see ya swims back down and I think when he touches the yum nut

he gets this you know with his telepathy It's just like a real weird, you know, he has the, that's how he communicates is with a very, very rudimentary kind of contact telepathy. Okay. I mean, that's the only way I can think. Yeah, I mean, we haven't really talked about how bright on our talk. I like it.

And so I think when he gets down amongst those baby roots and he gets the knife out to start prying, he puts his hand. on the base of the Yum Nut and just gets this really awful feeling. Like, it's sickening. Like, it's not pleasant. Roll a, um,

roll a wisdom check. 17. Good rolls, dad. Thanks. Okay. We'll sit on that. That's 17. You, you are making short work

of these, these baby roots, and you do. do feel this sympathetic wave of emotion that is very strong. And it is one of almost of shock and surprise. Devo, you are at the helm and got through you saying, okay, I cannot stress this enough. Like you're petting the smallest, sickest kitten with some sort of like, bone illness that is you're afraid.

I understand you are using, you are making me nervous and nervous will not help. I need to be relaxed. Just let me do this. Why are you making a big deal out of this young nut? They just, they taste so good. Okay.

I'll give you space to work. He takes a step back. Thank you. So how do I... Prime or eight? The can. They, They can.

There's a hole for that. There's a... Wait a minute. Rule number two of ETH or C. There's a hole for that. There's a hole for that. Okay, what do I need to roll and do? So, when you are piloting the ship,

there is a single stat that you will use, and that is the speed stat, which is determined by the, you know, propulsion engine of your ship. that is a sort of static modifier here. So you can see for Dreams of Debra, the speed is a plus six. So you just roll a D20 and we'll add six.

And you'll use that stat for a few things, but for right now it's basically seeing if you can, you know, accomplish this maneuver of lowering the ship down. Before I roll. Yes. With the guidance coming from Amber and the Moonpool and Zook's on the ground,

do I have advantage? How does that benefit me? I will, you don't have a, I'll give you a plus two. I'll give you a proficiency bonus on the roll. Okay. So it's a plus eight total, whatever you roll. All right, that is a 16. Okay.

Plus six plus two, so it's 24. Okay, you bring this thing down so easy. There's not necessarily landing gear, but like pegs can pop out of the bottom of the to offer sort of different, different platforms for it to sit on to keep it, you know, flat, keep it horizontal. It's like one of those toys you can push your hand in tune. Yes, it's exactly like one of those pin face toys.

And so you bring the ship down and Zook's like, I think it's so smooth, in fact, that you don't even notice as the moon pool kind of falls around you. And now the top of this hill that has the Yumnut on it is, inside of the ship. And Amber, you see as water is now kind of rolling off of Zooks and the Yumnut.

Zooks, give me a slide of hand roll as you sort of continue cutting through this thing. I knew the good times would stop. That's a five. Okay. You are trying to sever the roots and you're...

Well, I think he's been trying to like pry them up. Yeah, sure. That's fair. Yeah. You are, you are prying through the roots and you're about halfway through and Amber, you can sort of see the yum nut start to wobble a little bit. And your knife zooks, it slips as you are trying to pry through a particularly tricky route and it goes into a crack in the rock below and the ground shakes when you do that. And And from the helm, Devo, you see a lot of the arbor in the ground start to shift and you see just a cloud, a swarm of moss and grimy debris starts to float upwards. And from the ground, Devo, you see a long, long figure lift itself up. And then it curves backwards.

And as it does, all of the growth just sort of sloughs off of it. And as this figure turns towards you, you realize that it is the face of an enormous, monstrous turtle. And unfortunately, this yum nut was growing right on its back. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience-supported. Hey, I'm Jordan Morris, creator of the Max Fun, scripted sci-fi comedy podcast, Bubble. We just released a special episode of Bubble to celebrate the launch of our new graphic novel.

At SF Sketchfest in 2019, we recorded a live show with Allison Becker, Eliza Skitter, Mike Mitchell, Christella Alonzo, and special guests, Gene Gray, Jonathan Colton, Jesse Thorne, Nick Weiger, and a bunch of other cool folks. We suspect he'll show signs of mutation when in a state of excitement. Now, Annie matched with him on Tinder, so she's going to act as the honeypot. I do enjoy being called a honeypot. Hey, you know what's better than honey? Gravy.

Oh, yeah, can I be the gravy sack? Out now on maximum fun.org and wherever you get podcasts. And pick up the graphic novel at your local bookstore today.