The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 20

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

The crew of the Coriolis returns from another pseudo-successful mission to gather up their earnings. Unknown collateral damage surfaces, and initiates a series of most unfortunate events.Additional music in this episode: "The Whisper" by Pipe Choir III www.pipechoir.com; and "PULL" by Nctrnm https://soundcloud.com/nctrnm. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone Ethersea. Devo, you know that Amber just fell in the water. Devo hesitates. And then jumps into the water after Amber. As soon as he touches her, like finger brushes her and his lungs are burning, he screams underwater and casts cure wounds. The bleached ship is following you. We are not going to fight them.

We are going to get away. This is... Oh, yeah. I'm all fine with that. And the propulsion system is damaged. Your ship's speed has been reduced to zero. He opens the bag and pulls out the skull. Hello?

It doesn't answer with words, but you can see the faint outline of a circle. You look down at the skull, which is bleached, but spreading out from your hands where you are holding it, it is regaining its color. And when it has finally reached its point of being completely chromatic, the coral ship outside pulls in real close to your ship, and then it peels off and sails away.

So the bleached coral ship has just faded from sight, bringing a sort of sudden end to the dog. fight between your two vessels. And now things are quiet for the remainder of your trip back home, of which there is not much. How are you all doing aboard the choriolis? I almost said the cloaca. And it's a shame that those two words are so sort of close in my brain because I'm going to be saying each of them quite a bit, I think. Well, just hang in there.

I'm sure I can wreck the cloaca too. Oh, man. Hey, that was a really rough phrase. Yeah. A really rough stuff. And I don't even think it was like intentional being like. Sort of older gentleman, naughty. I didn't even realize it was naughty.

I know, I know. Well, yeah, I mean, I don't even think you need context to know that I will wreck the cloaca is... Could be interpreted. Okay. Yeah. I think that there has been... Devo has been unusually quiet and thoughtful sitting at the helm. That is unusual.

Yeah. Zooks, Amber, before we dock, could you all meet me on the bridge to talk? Yeah, sure. 10-4. That's cool with Sally Trucker, Doc? Yeah. Sea Trucker. I didn't know you knew Sea Trucker.

It's one of his learned languages. Yeah, let me see. Sorry, Travis McElroy. Are you here? We're having this beautiful character. You gotta jazz it, baby. The audience loves it when we jump in with our jibes and our jazz. That's true.

I just would like it to be character-based jazz and jibes. That's fair. I think that's a, yes, Travis, take it again. You're right, Taz characters welcome. Yes, oh, is this one of your languages? I spell, I speak troll and trucker. Oh, one of those. I wanted to talk to you.

I can't think of a better way to phrase this. other than to say, is this how it's supposed to go? Is this it? We go on the mission and it goes sideways and somebody almost dies. Twice now out of three missions with Guthrie shooting zoogs and since this, Ambio almost drowning. It's just, is this? Is this what it is. You mean that we're not very good at this?

And yet we are lucky enough that we have survived and successfully completed our missions? You say lucky both times. I saved you. And multiple times now in these adventures, I have been alone. You two have charged at the thing and dived in the water and I've been left alone. And I... This can't be the right way to handle these things, right? I would like to think that I have saved you.

I communicated with giant clam and that solved that. I made contact with a giant clam. I did it? the dried coral ship and it left. So how about you thank me instead of questioning me? I think we've been saving each other pretty much on a mutually balanced basis. I asked you to fix the engine and to stop just connecting with every single thing that you found. And what did you do?

You stopped on your mission to fix the engine to psychically connect with something. Which saved us and was very successful. I need to ask something. Your title is pilot, isn't it? You don't actually command us, do you? I am not trying to commend you. Sounds like it. Sounds like it to me!

We talked back at the beginning about the possibility of bringing in us a help. I want to bring this up again, that if we are finding it so difficult to barely survive these missions, maybe this is an indication that at the very least, maybe we see if Skittles the Octopus is free to come help us. Who is Skittles? He was the octopus that was on the brigandship in the first when we went to the art gallery thing and he, you know, he's kind of squiggly and wiggly and the october. Holy shit. What? Squiggles was the smiley face.

What? Squiggles. Squiggles. Skiggles was the smiley face. This is broken. Squiddly diddley. Skittles? Skittles was the smiley face avatar at the auction.

He was all wibbly wobbly, right? And, like, didn't talk and wanted the journal? Is this your, is this like your head cannon? No. Okay. Besides the point, we need, I think we need help. because I do not want to be left alone on the ship. I do not want to be the only one.

You're not alone anymore, buddy? Oh, God. I'm telling you, man. I'm a big strong warrior, buddy. Yeah, we're going to start training him. I don't want to be octopuses on this ship, neither, because octopuses go ahead and eat. I don't have this guy's voice at all today, do I?

You had it for a second there. You're in the pocket. You've got to get a little more sliard. from the back of the throat. Yeah, that's right. I don't want to do any more of this. There he is. I'm the only secret should you as need.

I'm like the mascot and also octopuses eat my kind. I mean, we wouldn't make sure that we would ask us not to eat you. Now, wait, if the octopus would eat him, that is tempting, actually. I, I, now, that's a possibility. Is this a good time to say I would love to get a race? I'd love to get some out of shit going on on this ship. Yeah. I just think that we need to re-sync the ways that we handle these missions.

There has to be a better way. And I'm sorry that I snapped at you. I'm not used to working with people and having people that I rely on to do things. And this is a new experience for me. I have not been on a ship like you, MBA, and this can't be it, right? Well, I mean The way I grew up You know, you don't expect much better than this

You get from one to the next one And eventually your luck breaks bad And that's it I mean What do you want to do? You want a 401K? You know, like this is it I

I just thought it would be fun Yeah, well nothing's fun When you start at it You know You got a kind of go through the boring parts. You know, like, you always see the scene where they're, like, teaching you to mop. And then it turns out that, like, mopping is sort of, like, sword fighting or something, you know?

This would be fine. Yeah. No, if it was just boring, this will be fine. But it is scary and dangerous and... And you two keep getting hurt, and I don't like this. I am invested in you in a ways that I have not been before with anybody. And I don't like when you get hurt. And I want to be able to keep you safe and to protect you.

But you don't always listen to me. You know, another side of that might be, I'm not against the idea of Squibbler. because you know Skibbert it might be nice to have somebody that we can leave in charge of the ship so that you aren't left on the ship and can participate in

I mean along with dumb ass over there I don't even have an ass so now who's the dumb right? Wait, you don't? We have the whole conversation about you pooping. Okay. Well, I fixed an answer.

by the way, thanks, yeah, no problem, guys. Let's talk about that 401k though,

damn. Well, how about if we conclude this mission and we have another discussion

about it? Can you give us some time to think on it? Yes. I just, yes.

Because I wanted to be fun for you. Is that okay with you and there? Uh, yeah,

I guess. Yeah, sure. I mean, I don't, I don't need another split. Honestly, so I'm fine.

But, I mean, we've made this far, right? If one of us had beefed it, I'd be more open to this. But I guess at that point, we're just talking about headcount replacement. Yeah. Just be more careful than in the meantime until... Be more careful. We. Yes, you.

Yes, you. We will be more careful. Thank you. We. And you'll be careful, too. I have been killed I have not almost died yet Yes you did

You almost drowned Amber saved your ass Yes but I did not have to make any dusts Huh? No You did not Wee way Oh you need to go to the bathroom An invisible tow truck appears and starts dragging your shit back home

I will not stand for Weewee humor in this show I will stand only for American Weewee humor on this show Okay, you all finish your trek. It's a short jaunt. Back to Founders Wake. You rise up through the gills into the moon bay here at your assigned parking spot on the docks.

And a fleet of small little cleaner sprites up here from the base of the Blue Span Brokerage headquarters and start, you know, scrubbing up the ship. as you all hop out. Where are we headed? World's Re Oyster. Nobody's there to sort of intercept you at the docks. Do we have to go to see Ravi to get like our money? Well, you would have to turn in the mission first.

Yeah, too. Yeah, Ravi doesn't do the payouts for the missions. Typically, it is the clientele who do so. All right, let's turn it in then. Yeah, let's turn in our fucking crush bone belts. All right. You all take a short Crystal Ascension ride up to Joshy's knuckle and walk through the savory alleys until you arrive at the cloaca.

Wait, Amber? Yeah. There's a very good chance that this man is going to jump out at you, yes? There's always a good chance that the man is going to jump out of me, yes. Okay. Just do you want us to do anything? Should we be ready? Well, no.

If you all help, he calls it a cheatsky? Oh. Yeah. It's no good. I have to be ready for it on my own. If somebody else is like, look out. Or like, watch out. Or like, he's behind you.

Okay. Or like, that pile of laundry is moving. Like any of that. That's a cheat ski. And I'll actually get docked points for that. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

So if I see something, I do not say something. Yeah. See something? Be quiet. Got it. As you all walk into the cloaca, you see. Perception check. Okay.

Yeah. Go ahead. Don't even. fucking, no. No, yeah, it's fun. That's D&D. Whoa, Trabb, did you get a new beautiful dice or dad did? I got a new beautiful dice, too.

Oh, okay. 17 plus 3, that's a 20. You walk in Amber, your eyes squinted like a hawk's eyes at lunchtime. And you see Uncle Joshy standing behind the... You sink with the tower and you can see a new section of the map unfold before you. Yes. you see Uncle Joshi standing behind the bar and his hands are kind of lowered behind the bar

like he's like washing a glass or something with a 20 perception check as you take one step closer there's like light reflecting off of him and you can tell right away this is a very poor standee of Uncle Joshi it is just a cardboard cutout of a gentleman

sort of washing a glass behind him bar and then a few moments pass and then i take out a knife and throw it at its throat at the standy's throat yeah the standy's throat okay as uh as it is sailing through the air there is a flush uh coming from the restroom and uncle joshi like walks out of the restroom just as the knife pierces the cardboard cut out's throat and he like ducks back into the bathroom real quick and pulls out like a toilet paper roll and you'll have a vibe check and it just like doesn't even

it lands on the floor and just kind of rolls at your feet no sorry I said I thought I was trying to assassinate you oh my gosh I didn't think you'd be back so quickly I'm embarrassed I was trying to assassinate you oh my gosh I had to make water and then that one narrow window that's when you came back but that's got to be part of the instincts right

like you knew if you come in here a moment earlier you would have seen that standee you'll have been like oh shit Uncle Josh you got frozen by magic. Just give me five points. I got you. Stone gold. All right, five points.

You were on the shitter. Jesus. It was, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do, Amber? That's not up to me. Just some, you're slipping. It's sad, honestly. Can I say something to you?

It's sad in your old age. I know. Decap it. Okay. I'll crap it. Did you guys get the book or did you? What happened? Yes, we did get the book.

Yes. I do want to know. May I ask? Yeah. Why do you want it? What is in the book? Well, an insight check. There's a 10 plus 8, 18.

He is visibly upset when you ask him that. And he looks over at Amber and it's like, is this guy for real? I'm sorry. He, you shouldn't pride, Devo. Oh, this is his business. Well, it is. This is not how contracts work, bud. Ah, well, see, this is our business because we went through a lot of work.

No, but we're getting... I don't want to interrupt you, but we're getting paid. Don't overstep here, okay? This is my home. You can't do that here. Okay. So anyway, here's your book. Yeah, thanks.

It takes it. Still kind of mad-dogging you, Devo. He says, I appreciate the work that you put into this, but you executed a contract for me, right? I owe you nothing more than the payment that I owe you. How much, by the way, did you end up spinning on this thing? I honestly can't remember, Griffin. It's like 23, right? Oh.

No, you whittled it down to 18, I think, or 15? 15. Yeah, it was 15. We paid 15. Yeah, you paid 15 for it, and then you got six more from, I think, looting? Yeah. That sounds right. Yeah, you all have 15.

And then I think we already had, what, four with us? No, you spent all 24 luck on the thing and whittled it down to 15. Right. So that's nine there and you have 15. Okay, you give him the correct number answer. Yeah. And he says, all right, what a deal. Well, is...

I do, I wanted to apologize. I am young and my... It was just curiosity. and it got the best of me and I apologize I did not mean to pry. It was just slipped out the top of my mind.

Please forgive me. I did not mean to do you any kind of insult here in your place. You talk for a long time for just like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Man, I'm so sorry. That was actually a wicked bad accent. Let me try again. I'm sorry. Nope, that was not it either.

Anyway, don't worry about it. You're young. You knew with this. I'm not insulted, but in the future, I wouldn't try to pull that with anybody or else you're not going to be in the contract business for too long. I get your curiosity, though. It's just a book. I'm going to sell it. Sell it for a higher price than what I paid for it. That's a business, which, what I still owe you, and he pulls out nine lux from his pocket and hands it to Amber. He says, y'all are sitting on a nice little pot right now, ain't you? That is a pretty penny. You know, you should, if you are looking to sell the book, you should contact the brother seldom. He collects. Oh, yeah, I heard his octopus was out at the, trying to buy.

All right, don't be a smart ass. He says, I also heard y'all maybe made quite a mess out there. And he, um, he leans down and he picks up this like black, like flat ring that he pops into his, uh, mouth and it's an Oreo. Yeah, he eats an Oreo and then he puts this little ring into his tone wheel and presses a button. And there's like a very nonchalant report about how the abyssal action was destroyed. Yeah, it got a little rowdy. Yeah, it sounds like it got a little rowdy.

Yeah. But, hey, remember when we had the kid mine his business? Yeah. I think it's a good rule for everybody. Yeah, I would say. so. He pops it out. He says, don't worry, this is some

some dark wave stuff. You know, it's not hit the public eye yet. So, uh, you're secret safe with me. I do imagine. Can I check that? Can I check that out? Yeah, sure. He throws you the disc. He's like, I had to, I heard it. Now I swallow it. Wait, it doesn't, it's not something you swallow. It's not something you swallow. Give me a second. Yeah.

You got confused because I ate an Oreo. Oh, no. Hold on. Give me one. I almost got it. I give up Here, take it back Zooks tries to go find a glass of milk Maybe that will soften it up

Sea cow milk Yeah, I was gonna say what milk What milk is down here If Star Wars got some milk We can get milk down here in the ocean Yeah, yeah, yeah sure Somebody, you know what, normally what I do In these situations, I search, I have a bullying

For SpongeBob Blank In this case it would be SpongeBob Milk And just see how it's, you know, It's like, yeah, it's just like regular milk it looks like down there. Well, that's not the best. We try to aim for a little bit more sort of like hard sci-fi. Do you make milk?

Can I say what he does there? It's snail milk. Okay. Yeah, all right. So. You just pick it up and ring it or are there we dealing with teats? Ooh. They have, I officially never showed like sherry getting milk before.

Yeah, that's weird. No matter how many times I write them and ask. You're right. Excuse me. I have an idea for your next feature film. Uh-huh. An hour and a half long scene. Very intimate, but tastefully shot.

Lars von Trier is back in Gary Mill. A sponge bob joint. Okay. I drink your snail milk. All right. He takes the book and he actually opens it and like flips through it a little bit. Not even trying to like cloak it. And releases the demon.

Yeah, a big demon comes out. And it, he's actually pretty nice the demon is. Cool. No, he looks through it, and he just kind of goes, huh, there's a bunch of, this got the big secrets in it. Oh, boy. Can I see?

Can Gipo C? If you want to try to cop a look, you can roll a stealth check for me. Yeah, what's wrong? It's not like you've already offended this dude today. Okay, I don't want to cop a look. Okay. So he's holding it in such a way that I could not see it unless I cop to look. No, you could, you could, uh, yeah, right.

He is, I mean, he's reading it like a book that you are on the opposite end of. Hmm, okay. He is looking at it and he says, yeah, I can feel the power, the wisdom flowing through me. Everyone step back. I'm about to, I'm about to become a big, I'm about to become a big monster. Oh, boy. Is he being a smart aleck again? If it is in a strange writing, I can take a look.

I know many strange writings. It might help you sell the book. If you knew you wouldn't want to be taken and be underpaid for a very valuable book because you did not know what language it was written in. He says, yeah, knock yourself out. And he turns it to face you so you can look at it. And it is like, I will tell you without any kind of roles, there is no way you would have learned about this language in school.

You've seen many languages because of your children. training. This is not a language as much as it is like some customized shorthand. Okay. So this is not like the language that the like books of benevolence are written in. No, no, no, no, no. This is, remember, these are the like, you know, journals of this, this engineer, like this, this legendary engineer. They are like, oh, right. His wild scrawlings. That'd be a great name for a character. Yeah. Wild scrawling. Wild scrawlings. Wild scrawlings. Um, yeah. So he just takes back and.

closes it and says, well, uh, hopefully the, my contact will still, uh, still buy it. Oh, well, I'll worry about that later. Y'all job well done. Have a great rest of your day. I, I need to get better at saying goodbye to people. Good business. You look great. Good friends and good bruce, huh?

Good friends, great oldies. Great times. Come, come on. I've used all those slogans. Come on. Stacks and stacks. Wax and Wax. Come on down to Hitchellies.

Let's go. All right, bye. Come on. Okay. You all have gotten your loot. By my calculations, you all have 30 lux now? That's so much. That's so much luck.

Is that true? Yeah, I think so. You didn't really get paid. You didn't really get paid in the last mission. But, yeah, I think it makes sense. When we go shopping at Felix's, Is it only ship stuff we're buying? This is a good question, because I would like some better armor other than my beautiful blousey shirt.

I mean, as far as you know, Felix has only shown you ship inventory. But are there other places to do business, is what I'm wondering. Yes, a dry goods store, perhaps. Or an armory. Yeah, almost certainly. There is stuff like that. Shabradashery. Let's find the directory.

Okay. You all want to go shopping right now? No, no, no, no. I just, I did. I was wondering. Okay. Is there a Wetzel's pretzels or a foot locker here, Griffin? No.

There is not either of those things because it's not the real world. It's a fantasy setting that we've worked very hard to. Is there Lady Esmerelda's magical coats and cloaks? Sea pretzels. Is there a sea pretzels? Yeah. No. Oh, it's wet souls, but the WET is like caps.

Oh. Well, Manolo, we have a show to promote. It's called Doctor Game Show. It's a family-friendly podcast where listeners submit games and we play them with callers from around the world. Oh, sounds good. New episodes happen every other Wednesday on maximum fun.org. It's a fast and loose oasis of absurd innocence and naivete. Are you writing a poem?

No, and just saying things from my memory. And it's a nice break from reality. Is that, are we allowed to say that? I don't know. It sounds bad. It comes with a 100% happiness guarantee. It does not. Come for the games and stay for the chaos. Okay, you all have gotten paid.

You have a few things that you could go off and do if you would like to. It's up to you. World's your oyster. Literally. Oyster. I'm sorry, Zook's had a flashback there. Sure. It's very close.

Yeah, not exactly, but definitely close. There are some people out there who don't even know the difference between oysters and clams and maybe they're 38, they're 38-year-old adults and use it interchangeably. Right. Zooks, what do you want to do? Yeah, we haven't done a Zook's adventure in Founders' Wake yet. Well, Zooks hadn't been able to stop thinking about the skull in his bag. And I think he would like to go talk to the deep thinkers. Yes, over at the...

See if they can give him any kind of... Yeah, yeah, at the base of it, right? Right. Yeah. So, yeah, I think he'd really like to kind of check it out and find out what he can about the skull. And he's got a lot of questions about himself, but I think the driving force right now

is to find out what the deal is with the skull. Okay. Amber and Deva, are you guys down to go as well? Yeah, I won't fall along. I don't think I spent much time down in this area. And plus, I heard they have a great gift shop. I feel like it makes me uncomfortable. What does?

The deep thinker is. Yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It just kind of wigs me out a little bit. Yeah. Something about them just kind of like, excuse me out. It definitely doesn't seem like Amber's whole thing. thing. I think this is the kind of thing that Devo has heard a lot about because it's like,

you know, another like, not quite philosophical, but like, learning. They're a brain trust. Yeah, sure. I understand the similarities. But as opposed as their ideologies might be. I kind of picture them as the judges on Krypton. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But also like, I think that there was always, like, when they were spoken about by the parish, It was like they are the science and the parish is like the, you know, the belief, the faith. And so it was always like them, but you know, the, you know, those, the science people. Right. So I think Devo is very fascinated.

Okay. Not many people get into the coral spire. The only way to access it, they don't have like a dock for ships to come and go to. There is like a shuttle station within the gills that you have to have like, certain clearances to access. But being a brinear, you have sort of automatic clearance to come and go to the Coral Spire as you wish. I guess with up to plus two guests.

Yeah, it's my plus two. How lucky. Right. So you all board the Coral Spire shuttle, which is like pretty Spartan, actually. It is almost like a military transport vehicle, like the chairs aren't pretty. particularly comfortable. Maybe that's just not how they've prioritized their budget. They probably spent more of it on like holograms and shit. But it only takes like two minutes because the coral spire grows... Oh, tell me it goes around and around like a big coil all the way down. No, man. No,

it would be. As cool as that would be, it would be not particularly practical, which is not their style. Right. Okay. So yeah, you basically like drop out of the bottom of the gills and travel like several hundred feet and then you enter into the coral spire shuttle bay and the doors open and as Spartan as

the vehicle was the inside of this place is like imagine that an Apple store was on Atlantis and then sank to the bottom of the ocean. That's more or less what we are what we're looking at here like they have tried to go for this hyper clean, hyper modern aesthetic. But also

fish. But yeah, out of every window there is coral pretty much covering the views outside and there's some, you know, the windows are a little bit gunky because of just sort of natural coral residues. But this whole place is pretty like open concept, much like a sort of modern office building here where like all of the labs and the people operating in those labs are pretty much visible as soon as you walk into the building. Like there are very few, at least in this like second. of the spire. There are no secrets being kept from the money. What are the benefits like, Griffin?

Of working in the coral spire? Yeah. Yeah, I guess furthering humanity's struggle to survive. Yeah. What about like time off? Paid time off? You get maternity and paternity leave?

Oh, for sure. Yeah, as much as you want. Yeah. Really? Their motto is, have as many babies as you want. It's on us. And as you walk in, there's no like receptionist or anything, just some lab tech walking down the hall sees you and walks up and says, oh, hello, are you here for not maintenance? What's the word?

I'm sorry, I don't work really in the Brynard division. Upkeep, health healing? Information. I barely remember this place. And I don't even know if I've ever really been on this side. I mean, it's like I have very few memories of what's going on. Who do I need to speak to about analyzing an artifact? Oh, let me think.

We have the analysis of artifacts department. What's the nature of the artifact? Food, mineral? vegetable those are the three things right food animal vegetable and he pulls the skull out of his bag and shows it to him was it not a vegetable is it i'm pretty sure it's coral oh coral all right sure i can check uh she walks over to a little pad uh that is hanging on a nearby like pillar and she flips through it and says it actually looks like tessalation has uh an opening in their schedule right now Is that okay?

I don't know who you were hoping to say. Okay. No, that's fine. That's great. She leans down to this like big messy folder and roots around through it and pulls out almost like a kids place mat level map of the facilities leading down towards something called the shepherding pools. And how do I get there? The map.

You follow it. Like a map. Oh. Yeah. Oh, so the map is like a map. Well, it's a lot like a map. Yeah, you take it and look at it, and it shows you where you start. And imagine that the line is also in the world that you can see.

And then you follow that imaginary line using the map for reference until you arrive at your destination. Now, why do you know? Yeah, sure. Go ahead. No, please. But the pictures on this piece of paper are much smaller than what we see. Right. So you have to.

Right. Yeah. And we hear that a lot. Um, imagine that you are a small aunt or even, I'm not. You're not, no, no, no, but this is like an imagination, like play pretend. Um, so you imagine. Imagine you're small. How about imagine your small?

Okay, hold on one second. Yeah, that's fun. I liked that. I imagined myself, uh, with a big cookie. And it was the regular size and I had a lot of fun eating it. So thank you for that. Um, no, you, yeah, you just follow the, you know, follow the map. And if it's, if you come to a door, you look down the map and the map and the map,

will be like, nope, not this door, gang. Keep on trying. The map talks. Right. And you should probably... Wonderful. No, I'm so sorry. Well, it talks in that there's words on it,

and that's like talking inside of, in your mind. Now, there is no map showing you how to get back to the... Yes, there's no map showing you how to get back to the lobby. So you're going to want to get an adult to walk you back here. Does the map also show where the bathrooms are? There are no bathrooms in this facility. Oh, this is... I'm just kidding.

There's, of course, bathrooms in this facility. Oh. One. Where are they? Like right now? One. It's a long drive. There is one bathroom.

And it is the Wild West in there. Okay. It's kill or be killed. And your name is? My name is Eko. Eko. You just made this up. No, it's Eco.

So don't steal anything. And she walks off. Excuse me, wait, real quick for you. Sorry, I'm already walked. What? Is it? Yes? Are any of these the sort of doors that, like, lock behind you?

If this isn't the sort of place that you love, like, you could just walk right out of any of them, right? You can walk behind you? Some of them do, yeah. So choose wisely. I just, I have one question. I really did. I did not think that this would take this much time, gang. Is it true that you all worship the, the, oh, what is the, the, what is the, the, um,

microscope? Yes. We love those things around here. I knew this, yes. Okay. I named my first born child microscope. The next one I called microscope

two. You mean like also? Can we please go? Come on, fellas. Let's go. Follow the map. I would love that. I would love that. And she walks off to a nearby

lab station. She stands and stares off into the distance doing nothing, waiting until the next time when we encounter her in a different scene. Zooks, I want you to make an intelligence check for me. Ooh. Not a saving throw, just a check.

Although the scores are the same, so it doesn't matter. Intelligence check. Really? Yes. Okay. It's not like he's asking you Clint McRoy to do one. It's your character exists. Look at my new dice.

A knack fucking 20. I love these new dice. Unbelievable. I can't see them down. What do they look like? They're like purple and pink with gold and red. We pick the same ones. How come Griffin can't see Dad's Dice, but I can't?

It's weird. Yeah. I'm hacked it. I hacked the website. You get there so fast. You get there so fast, in fact, that you got there a little bit earlier than... That's what I wasted my Nat 20 on was getting somewhere fast. Wait, did he need to reference the map?

Yeah. He referenced the map, but he did a good job. with it or else you guys would have gotten desperately lost. But you got to the shepherding pools pretty quickly. So quickly, in fact, that like nobody is there to greet you. All you can see is a big bay window as you enter into this area. Oh, that window is bay. Window is bay.

And it is overlooking a room, a circular room with a sort of a latticework ring walking around the outside is like a walkway. And the water underneath that ring is just like another moon pool, like the entry into the docks, into the gills rather. Only the water that this walkway is built around is almost sort of golden in color. And all three of you see, I don't know if anyone but Zuchs would recognize tessellation. And they are standing almost like inches from falling into this water and they are they are motionless in this state they almost look like a coral statue and from the water a coral body rises up and it is it is just as motionless as as tessalation is right now uh and water sort of drips off them slowly almost like almost syrupy. Like it is sort of drizzling off of them. And they sort of hang like that in the air totally still.

And then the golden glow of this water gets brighter and brighter. And then a dark blue light with an aurora around it lifts up and encircles the brinear body. And the ring just kind of gets shorter and shorter and narrower and narrower until it enters the body, and then it spasms a couple of times and then is alive. And this new briner falls down into the water for several seconds, you know, flailing almost like a child. And then about 10 seconds later, it shoots up out of the water with the foot bubbles, which I'm going to say, to sort of maintain the gloriousness of this beautiful moment of coral birth. You all just witnessed. and they climb up onto the walkway with Teselation's help,

who is like fully cognizant now, and both of them walk through a big metal door out of this room. Zooks? What the fuck was that? Zooks makes a history check. Yeah, sure. We can gamify this for Zooks in particular. Okay.

I'll give you advantage, too. Like a personal history check would be, I think, a little bit easier. Well, that's an 18. Yeah, don't worry about it. This is how Brinard are more or less like made. Once a coral body has grown to a point where like it can be inhabited and kind of stabilized. And there's a bunch of different sort of like measurements that you still don't really understand. You certainly didn't understand when you first sprung to life is that, you know, the body has a certain level of resonance, almost like it is ready to accept its inhabitant.

And then the spirit of conjoint Einar are pushed into it. And that is how they are made. And this is where that happens. And tessellation is the one who does it. Okay. I'm going to tell them that, but I'm going to put a little spin on it. Okay. I think that's knowledge that he has, but he has a lot of trouble remembering if this is what was his case.

Sure. Is that making sense? Yeah, no, I mean, it's a... Yeah, it's like a newborn baby, right? Like, you're not like... Yeah, you wouldn't remember the maternity war. Right, exactly. It is very much interesting.

You're not supposed to? Oh, man. Uh-oh. And a few minutes later, uh, Tesolation very casually walks into the room, a little bit wet from, you know, the service that was just sort of provided here. And they stride forward. They are tall.

They are, they are one of the tallest sort of living creatures in Founders Wake. Like, how tall are you, Zucos? 9 foot 8. Devo's 9 foot 8, you did cover that. Yeah. How tall are you, Zooks? I don't know that we've mentioned sort of your build. Zooks is 6 foot 9.

Okay, big then. Nice. Hey, that's really good. Nice. We get it when we love it. Tesolation's even bigger than you. Like, maybe 7 and a half feet tall. Diva's 6 foot 10.

Okay. Amber, you want to put it? You want to get a hand on the ball? Three foot two. All right. I'm some blue. None of that, very little of that was canonical. I feel like we have to say.

No, Steve is just six foot. No, you're five, you're five, five. Nobody says six foot. All right. There's no rulers down here. Nobody, they, everybody forgot to bring a tape measure, so nobody knows. As they approach, their, you know, sort of coral coloring, brightens up a little bit when they see you, uh, Zooks.

And Tessalation says, Zooks and Thelai. It's been a long time. How are you? I am fine. It is good to see you, Tessalation. Why are you talking like that? I've been having some memory issues, and I'm trying. I mean, I'm sure I have met you before, but I'm only, I mean, I know from pictures and stuff, but I don't remember seeing you before.

They laugh and they say, that is perfectly normal. We can have a checkup if you would like. I don't know that I have time for it right now, but you can make an appointment. I will do that, but I do have something kind of pressing. I would like your help with, and he opens the bag and holds out the skull. They take a big step back and they say, Oh, oh my. Why do you have a brinear head?

I pulled it off of a Zobody. Off of a what? Zabody? A body. It was not just a head. They start backing up toward like a tone wheel on a nearby desk. Like, oh, okay, so you did you, okay. So you killed.

No, no, wait, wait, wait. It was already. It was already dead. Don't worry. And then you, okay, yeah, you found a dead body and you ripped its head off. One second, please. Well, we killed it. Oh, even better.

Just wait one second for me, please. And they, like, are trying to reach for this tone wheel behind their back. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you have time? I have to tell you the story. We did not know it was a brinear. We were attacked by these figures and we defended ourselves. And apparently we're really good.

at defending ourselves, and, you know, one of them was behind like this holographic disguise, and they kind of died. Oh, and it was bleached, if this makes any difference? The skull was bleached. It was bleached. And then we got chased by a coral ship, and when I touched the skull near the coral ship, it turned into bright, vivid colors. It was bleached.

It was a bleached skull. And if I understood what ain't that meant, I wouldn't have come to see you. At the end, you all sort of lower their guard a bit. And Tesolation stands up and says, So you were attacked by bleached coral people in a bleached coral ship? Yeah, back me up a little bit here, folks. Yes, this is exactly what happens. They did not talk.

They bit several people. I don't know if this is a brand-nob thing. Hit me right here, right here. On the shoulder. And then, yes, they attacked us with a big core ship that rammed a thing. Tessalation starts examining your shoulder while you're talking. It was pretty messed up, if I am being honest. Okay.

Okay, and this is its head? And this is its head, which was bleached, but now it is colorful again. We were on our ship. We were being chased by a large, bleached coral ship. Right. I think I, yes. And I got a mental summons from the thing in my bag, and it was the skull. And when I pulled it out, it went from being bleached to being, as someone once said, fully chromatic.

Okay. And then the big ship ran away. But I made contact with somebody. They showed me this mental image of a big circle with a bunch of Brynar standing, at least I assume they were Brynar standing in front of it. They sit down on this desk that has the tomeal on it and put their, you know, long hand to their head area. and Tessalation looks up and says, okay, I obviously have a lot more questions for you. But first, are you Amber Gre?

Yeah. You were on the beach. Do you remember me? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. How you doing? I mean, pretty much the same as I was 25 years ago. Wow.

That's nice. That kind of stability. Yes. This is weird to say to a human, but you have aged wonderfully. Yeah, I mean, I'm still here, right? That's about all you can ask for. A lot of people theorize, have you heard this? A lot of people think that, like, we've aged, like, the age is less noticeable because we aren't being apart about a son anymore.

Oh. Like, I think that that's part of it, you know, our basis for comparison that we had growing up, whereas people that have been, you know, like, rugged, you know, like the generation. Sure. And I feel like, I think that sometimes I get, well, we're not. we look a lot younger, even though, ironically, we've seen a lot worse shit. Yes. Can you do me now?

Can you talk about how good I have aged? I don't know you, but you seem great for a 50 years old? No, I'm 23. I don't know stuff about that. I will say that the sun would kill me pretty quickly. So I suppose we're both lucky. Anyway, back to these bleached monsters that attack. to you, a bleached coral body is not something that can be inhabited or revived by any means

that I am aware of, and I don't want to brag, but I'm aware of pretty much everything in this particular department. Can I keep this? And they gesture toward the skull. Yes, yes. Did you want it as some sort of grizzly trophy for the killer? No, no, no, no. I just, listen, a lot of weird poop has been happening to me.

A language. Oh, I'm sorry. A lot of weird shit has been happening to me. Thank you. And I just, I have so many questions about myself and, and this kind of has taken the forefront. I just, I just want to know what the deal is. And it has to have some, what has to do with me, to be honest with you. I don't know what.

I keep making, I keep making mental contact. I made mental contact with something on the big ship, and there was this clam, and, and, and, and it, I got Devo mad at me. Admit it. Yes. Yes. I, I, need no sense of this. You know, I kind of saved the day, but still, can you help me? They turn around to that tone wheel and maneuver a couple of the rings and they say, Costco,

cancel my 10 o'clock for me. Thanks. And they look back at you and then they look at Amber and Devo and say, it was lovely to meet the two of you. Um, but I need, uh, a little bit of time to, to talk to Zooks alone. Um, is that, is that okay, Zooks? Oh. Well, yeah. I don't want to force anybody to. You're in trouble. Oh. Am I in trouble? No, you're not in. I mean, I was about to, I was about to call the chaperones on you earlier, but now that I don't think you're a murderer anymore, you're, you're, you're, you're not in trouble. I misinterpreted in the situation.

That's okay. Amber Deva, would you be all right without me? We have the talking map. I mean, we're adults. You're fine. Okay. I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to go to the cloaca.

I'll check you guys later. Okay. I am going to go shopping for new clothes. Would you buy me a big ass? A big ass? You got it. I'll buy you a nice big ass. I can.

modify your ass. That's a joke. That would be hugely unethical and a waste of resources. No, I would look for a sword. I was talking, I was talking to Zooks. I was talking to Zooks. But Zooks asked me for a sword.

Buy me a sword. And I'll stay here and talk to tessellation. Okay. You all head off in your separate directions. Amber, back up to the cloaca. where you are not attacked. I think it's a once a day thing or else it would get sort of tired quickly.

Yeah. And Devo, you head to Joshy's knuckle maybe to get some good discount clothing items or are you going all out, putting on the writs? Um, no, I think he's, I think. He's still in consignment territory, sure. You want armor, don't you? Well, we can cross that bridge.

He's going to wear a cool leather jacket. That will serve as leather armor because he wouldn't wear armor. And Zooks, you, you followed Tesolation back into their private chambers to discuss recent events. So you'll go about the rest of your day, you know, doing the various chores and checkups that you have set up for yourselves. back down in the gills at the parking spot for the Coriolis, these cleaning sprites continue to scour the ship with these small brushes. They're almost like those scrubbing bubbles, if you will. I love those.

Just sort of following the path of the ship, sort of getting into the nooks and crannies of the jets all around the propulsion bladder. They go around and, you know, give a few passes to the windows surrounding the bridge, and they, you know, pick off the little pieces of detritus that a ship picks up during a journey like the one that you just went on. I imagine there's also a bit of ink that is taking some deep, some deep grouting. And so these sprites are passing over the hull of the ship in a row. and as they reach the underside of the ship, they move in a row straight down the length of the Coriolis, cleaning off its belly.

And one of them, toward the sort of center of the ship, passes over a small, shallow gash, almost like something impacted the ship and just left a little rough spot on it. And as it gets deep down into this crack in the hall of the ship,

something comes loose. Something very small, a moat of light, a speck, a spore that passes away sort of quickly and violently away from the

scrubbers, as they pass over the damage to the ship. And then just kind of lazily drifts downward in the water, being sort of pushed here and there by currents of other ships passing, not being noticed by any sprites or pilots or anyone. And it drifts closer and closer to the heart of Founders' Wake. And then it gets caught in a current of a... A pipe coming out of the sort of core pillar that the rest of the city is built around.

And this small green spore spins around the pipe a few times before suddenly being sucked upward into the pipe, into the heart of the city, and out of sight. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported.