The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 21

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

Zoox, Devo and Amber take care of some personal business before the start of their next mission. Zoox learns about his birthday. Amber catches up with an old friend. Devo secures an unexpected modeling contract.Additional music in this episode: "PULL" by Nctrnm https://soundcloud.com/nctrnm; "Morning Motion" by Golden Hits https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Golden_Hits; "Time to Move and Motivate" by Jonah Dempcy https://freemusicarchive.org/music/The_Insider; and "Montmartre" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, Ethersea. Because I do not want to be left alone on the ship. Yeah, it got a little rowdy. Yeah, it sounds like it got a little rowdy. So anyway, here's your book. Yeah, thanks. Hopefully my contact will still buy it. Good to see you, Tesolation.

So you were attacked by bleached, coral people? Bleached coral body is not something that can be inhabited or revived by any means that I am aware of. I've been having some memory issues. I need to talk to Zooks alone. At the parking spot for the Coriolis, something impacted the ship and just left a little rough spot on it. Something comes loose. something very small, a spore, then it gets caught in a current of a pipe coming out of the sort of core pillar that the rest of the city is built around. And this small green spore spins around the pipe a few times before suddenly being sucked upward into the pipe, into the heart of the city.

and out of sight. Did we see the bad thing happen at the sport? You did not. We didn't see that. But here's the weird thing. Griffin told us about it. Yeah, I know. So, like, we couldn't see it because it's all in Griffin's brain,

but, like, we know about it. I just sort of... What do I do with that? You know, I know. I know. Can I tell Devo? I have tried explaining what dramatic irony is to the three of you guys, and it's like, it's like, talk.

to like a beach ball. Do you know what I mean? Like Wilson. Your eyes glass. Even Wilson, I think, could absorb a little bit of it, but it's just right. It cascades off you, like you're sort of hydrophobic. Now, Griffin, you've explained you numerous times that I also can't actually talk to Devo in real life, which I understand now. Right, right, right.

So I've written him a letter that explains the spore thing. Could you give it to him? Yeah, you send it to me. and I will, I'll shoot it Devo's away. Send it to the North Pole. No, I actually have a, I have an enchanted mirror. Oh, cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

I want to, uh, Oh, look is this. I've just received a letter from, Travis. Oh, no, it's happening. There's a spore? Oh, no, I must tell Mvier and Zuchs. Yeah, I just banked on you all forgetting, but that had happened between recordings.

That's a good bad. I want to follow up on the convos that we set up at the end of the last episode and do a bit of, you know, upkeep work. Do some ship shopping. Do some you all have leveled up. And I want to talk about sort of what you all can do with your new powers and stuff. But why don't we start out in the office of the Brynard-Tesolation? Zooks, you have been brought here after your short conversation with Tesolation about these bleached brinar, and you have brought them a skull of one of these once bleached, now sort of colorful brinard beings. Do they have magazines and like posters on the wall with a cat on a robe?

It says hang in their baby and stuff like that. It has that except it's instead of a cat, it is the end. entire I-N-R people. Oh, wow. Tesolation is sort of, yeah, it's very abstract. No magazines. This isn't the waiting room. This is like, this is mostly you get the sense because of sort of the stuff that is in this room.

It's less of like a working office and more of a like chill-out tent for Brynar. Okay. This is where Tesolation comes after a long day of, you know. To just kick it. You can say it, just to kick it. It's a kick-it room for after a long day. long day of reaching into another sort of plane of existence and providing new corporeal forms to the entities that come out of it. There's like a, there's a big, almost looks like a sensory

deprivation chamber that is like being filtered with ethersea water that, that, you know, desolation probably just kind of tops off in. Oh, that's, that's where a testlation goes to hotbox. To hotbox? Yeah. There are some like nice sort of, uh, soft yellow light like lamps all around the room. They got a pinball machine? There is a pinball machine? It's not pinball in the way that we know it.

Hmm. It's five-dimensional. It's pearls and it's very fantastical. And then there are like a few chairs in this room. No desk to speak of whatsoever. There's no sort of like power dynamics at play with the feng shui in here.

And so they, the tessalation takes this skull and sets it down on like a sort of small, almost coffee table and sits down on one of these chairs and gestures for you to take a seat as well. Okay. They say, do you need hydration or anything like that? You look a bit hairyed if that's not too rude. No, I'm just anxious. I'm excited about whatever is to come.

and I'm just going to soak in the ambience of this chamber and kind of clear my mind. Well, I do want to actually talk at length about a lot of sort of troubling stuff. So that's probably not going to happen too much. Okay. Well, I'll just enjoy it while I can. Okay. They walk over to like a small chest that they open up. And you see them pull out like a few small vials of liquid.

And as they like start talking to you, they pull out some droppers of these different liquids and apply them to the, to this skull and just kind of look at it while having this conversation with you. And they say, okay, I understand what it is that you've seen. I mean, I don't understand, but I heard it. but I understand that you are also having some issues. And so I would like to put those at ease if I can. So I am an open book.

I am at your service, Zook. So what do you want to know? All right. The biggest thing is this. I have very little memory of things beyond. say a couple of weeks. And that confuses me. But this is my biggest concern.

From all that I have learned about Brynard, they're able to coagulate all of these different souls within them and call upon the memories and the knowledge of the, previous selves. And I don't have that. It doesn't feel like to me. I don't have, not only do I have very few memories, I don't have any memories of any other beings. I don't have, I don't have any feel of any kind of connection to our souls or anything. I just, I, until I met my two associates, I felt like I didn't have anybody at all. I don't even remember anybody at all.

I feel very disconnected. They sat down all of their vials and droppers, and they stand up and walk over to you and hold out one of their hands, like, toward your, like, your cheek. and they say, may I? Oh, yes, certainly. And they place their hand flat on sort of your jaw line. And why don't you roll a, why don't you roll an insight check for me? Roll a touchy check.

Roll a touch check. Is the touch good? That good, you're being touched. Okay. insights with my new dye. 18 plus 11. Wow. Oh, my God.

You got to, you guys got to get this purple and gold dye. And look, it disappears. It's so beautiful. We can't see it. And not only can we not see it. The people listen to the podcast can't see it. Stop talking about it.

I was using my description. I had to re-listened our last episode and dad's like, oh, the edges on these babies that you can see. It's a gorgeous. You got to see them. It's theater of the movie. mind. No, it's you describing colors.

It's not. Dad, I like to hear you describe colors. It just reminds me of how little time you spent describing colors to me when I was a child. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be cool for me if I was on fucking mescaline. Like, please stop.

All right. Okay. You feel... I remember. I'd say, what colors the stop sign, Daddy? And he'd say, Red, shut up. I'm playing the ponies. Yeah.

That was our dad. Always playing with his ponies. You know, June I wrote that song about that. You feel a connection with Teslation. I said Juvena, I meant genuine. It's okay. Nobody wanted to be that person.

You feel a connection with, with Tesolation. And I don't know that you've felt this firsthand before because it is very clearly that sort of sympathetic link that you have formed with so many different sea creatures that you probably shouldn't have. Only you are on the receiving end of it. And it's a bit invasive.

It doesn't feel particularly settling. You don't feel calmed by this like, you know, otherwise sort of intimate gesture. You feel like you are exposed. And Teslation is kind of nodding quickly and arrhythmically as they are forming this link. However, because of the strength of your own sort of telepathic powers, you also get sort of a feeling from Tessalation. And it is sort of opposed to the calm demeanor that they are just constantly oozing. Tesolation seems a little on edge. Tesolation seems a little bit, a little panicked, like a little bit uncomfortable as they are trying to diagnose you.

and they pulled their hand away and they say, okay, this is not, this is not unprecedented, Zooks. This whole process is still in its infancy. It is not an exact science, this fusion that we must perform. Something is inside of you that is alive. otherwise you would not be able to speak to me and walk and talk and all of the great things as Sprin are able to do. You have a soul, if you want to call it that, inside of you. But you just can't remember. There are lots of living people, I mean, in the traditional sense, that can't

remember things from their childhood either. And while I understand it is causing, for concern, it is not cause to doubt your sapience. So I wish I had a better answer for you. I will say it is difficult for me to recall things from my lives as INR people. It may be because I have amalgamated six of those lives, and that's quite a bit. So no two brinear are exactly alike just because of the process that we undergo. Does that calm you at all? Well, I would feel more calm if you were more calm. You seem a little wigged out, a little anxious. At least that's what I felt. Are you keeping something from me? Is there something you know that you don't want to tell me?

They take a step back, now sort of visibly shaken, and they go and sit down at the chair that they were at. And sort of, they're a little hunched over, right? Elbows on their knees. They're now looking back at that skull sort of absent-mindedly. And they say, that process that you saw outside just a minute ago, that was about. is by the book as the fusion process gets. We harvest a body when it is ready and has expressed a willingness to be inhabited, and we bring it here into the shepherding pool,

and we are able to receive souls that have amalgamated from the other side, or whatever you want to call it. and it enters the body and then, hooray, it's a boy, or whatever. But it's not always like that. Sometimes it's not like an immediate sort of, you know, opening of the doggie door and the soul comes on inside. Sometimes it just kind of disappears, and then the body springs to life, and then it's good to go. Sometimes there are a few souls that try to go in all at once, and only one enters. And sometimes, and then they pick up the skull, and they say,

sometimes it doesn't work at all. Whenever that happens, the body dies. after a while that body becomes bleached like the beings that you encountered earlier. But, Zuchs, once that happens, that body can't move around. It can't pilot a ship made out of dead coral. It can't speak or attend auctions. So I do not know what it was that you have. encountered earlier, aside from the fact that it looked like us and moved like us.

Your fusion was irregular as well. I thought it was another failure. I did not think you were going to make it, Zooks, because it was not clean. But then to my surprise and my delight you you came to and you were cracking chokes immediately. And then my concern was assuaged. I think that's how you pronounce that word. I'm not like 100% sure. Is that Griffin? No, that was tessellation.

Wow. Yeah. It was cool. Griffin definitely knows how to pronounce that word. I definitely know because I'm smart as hell. We're very self-congratulatory this episode. Sure. So a tessalation kind of like takes a beat and says,

I understand that those two revelations coming back to back like that is extra concerning. And I apologize that that information was relayed to you in that way. But Zooks, I have seen this process succeed. and I've seen this process fail, and I have seen you, and I know without a doubt that you are alive. And unfortunately, that's all I know. Are you okay? Well, I'm happy that you like my jokes. Do you've given me a lot to think about?

I, I can't, I can't process anymore. My, my, I mean, you can probably tell my mouth hole is just hanging open. And my eye holes are wide. I'm just, I'm, I'm overwhelmed. Can we just, maybe you think, your feeling whole is maybe overwhelmed too. Can we maybe just stop saying hole at the end and just accept that we know what it is eyes are. No, I know. Emotion hole is getting all stretched out.

Just say blood hole. We know exactly what you mean. I'm just saying his emotion hole is getting all stretched out from all the new stuff getting shoved into. Oh, my God. I just, I need, I appreciate what you're telling me. I still worried that there's things you're not telling me. But even if you had more, I can't handle it right now. I'm, I need my friends.

I need to talk to Amber and Devo. because I'm feeling odd. They say, I completely understand that. And then they stand up and walk over to a shelf with their own tone wheel on it. And they jot something down on a slip of paper and hand it to you. And they say, if you ever need to talk to me about it, this is my personal tone wheel frequency. You can reach out any time, and I will make myself available to you. Thanks for thriving and keeping it tight.

I say, I wish I could do more for you now. I understand that this is all unsettling, but, Zeus, we are mostly dead spirits combined into singular spirits walking around inside of sort of human beings. shaped sea life, so there's very little that isn't unsettling about this. So just try to keep that context in mind, okay? Okay. And are you going to try to figure out why the skull came? Oh, hell yes. Oh, my goodness, yes.

Okay. No, it's creepy as hell. Yeah, that's, that one bumped right up my agenda. So don't worry about that. I'll get to the bottom of it. Can I tell it goodbye before I leave? Huh. Yeah.

Yeah, I suppose so. Okay. And he picks up the skull and he tries to use his connection thing to see if there's anything there. What did we decide that was? Animal handling? Yes. Yeah. Okay.

So he makes an animal handling check. It's an 11. Okay. With an 11, you get something. And it is actually that same image, much fainter now, of just a big circle with all of the, you know, sort of Brian R's silhouette standing in front of it. Only now it's like, before it was like vaguely animated, now it is a still image, like a movie that has been paused. Or like a frozen gif. Yeah, frozen.

Yeah. I'll say Jif, and that way the internet will only be about a hackiness. And I'll say, Gife. Okay, and he just, he just concentrates in pictures in his mind an emoji of two thumbs up. Just to tell these people, everything is okay. All right. There is no response, but I'm sure someone appreciates it. Okay, and he puts a piece of paper in his pocket hole and leaves.

Okay. Hey, there, beautiful people. I'm Trevelle Anderson. And I'm Jared Hill. We are the hosts of Fantai, the show where we have complex and complicated conversations about the gray areas in our lives, the things that we really, really love sometimes, but also have some problematic feelings about. Yes, we get into it all.

You want to know our thoughts about Nikki Minaj and all her foolishness? We got you. You want to know our thoughts about gentrification, perhaps some positive, question mark? Uh-oh. Aspects of gentrification. We get into that, too. every single Thursday you can check us out at maximum fun.org. Listen, you know you want it, honey, so come on and get it.

Period. Let's dip over to Amber. Amber, at the end of the last episode, you were headed to the Cloaca to kind of have a nice chill out for yourself. And you get there, and it's brunch, actually. They do brunch once a week here. It's Sunday brunch down in the cloaca. Is it nice? It's wildly nice.

It's like for some reason, everything has like a pastel sort of like color palette. Almost like they paint the entire bar and grill just for Sunday brunch. Honest to God, it's like you walked into like a pottery barn. There's like wreaths of daisies and stuff like draped all. all around the room and... It's not... They make an effort, you know? Right, everybody's...

Nice. You see... Oh, shit. Choncy? Shit, I can't believe I forgot Choncy's name. Is it Choncy? Chutney?

Not Chutney. Chomp Ribbley? I think it's Chomp Rivley. I can't believe I didn't write that. I wish you didn't have to do jokes on podcasts and you just come up with names. It's Choncy. Okay, Choncy.

It's like wearing like a very formal, sort of like a white smot smock with a like a light pink polo shirt underneath of it. And he's just waiting tables with a smile. It's like a complete transformation. And you can also see Uncle Joshi behind the bar just like grinning ear to ear just counting his money because this is when things really pop off at the cloaca. So you're sitting at a table with, you know, maybe a mimosa or two. I don't know. I don't want to put drinks in Amber's mouth. I don't know what her vi. Oh, I got three Danishes because you throw those out at the end of the day, so I get them for free.

Okay, you got your free Danishes. Three Danishes. Your three free Danishes. Thank you. And, you know, sitting there recuperating. And from the back of the room, you hear like a gasp. And you turn and look at the entrance and you see two chaperones have walked into the cloaca. and they look around the room.

One of them walks up to Uncle Joshi and whispers something. The other one is like gazing at all of the patrons here, a couple of which just like stand up and drop some money on the table and bug out. And then the two chaperones walk back to the door and sort of flank it. And into the room walks a woman who is wearing, what you could best describe as like formal plate armor. Just like sort of white, like long white pads, all sort of interconnected. And they're not wearing the sort of mask with the almost red eye thing on it like everyone else is.

She has long, curly, dark hair and just a very, very sort of prim and proper. vibe that she is giving off. And she makes a beeline for your table and sits down on the opposite side of it. And you recognize this person in two ways. You know that this is Ballister Codira, who is the leader of the chaperones and the sort of like de facto minister of defense for the entire city. She is sort of a direct mouthpiece of Coda, the vestige that is the biggest baby, the giant ship that is, you know, in charge of defending this whole town from outside threats. But before she was sort of connected to Coda in that way, you knew her as Oksana, who was your

really good buddy on the beach. Oh, wow. Cool. who, you know, was a gatherer and needed your help when she lost that one Kaiser blade, which she knew she could rely on you for that. And that failed. And you did fail. But once the ship was finished and it sort of refused being piloted by the, you know, naval forces there,

she had the strongest connection with the ship and sort of became a leader aboard the biggest baby. and she is almost unrecognizable now, partially because, like, you don't see her a lot. And, you know, she has, she has aged a lot under the sort of position and responsibilities that she has. But she sits down opposite you. And she reaches over for one of your Danishes. Get your hands off my Danish, Bubba. What do you want? Why would you come here on Danish day?

You know how important this is to me. Are you, are you really not going to share one of your danishes with me? Oh, take half an apricot. Not even a cheese? Damn! I'm eating the cheese. You can have half an apricot and like it. She, uh, kind of grins devilishly and she says, you know, I could have my, my lieutenant's over there come over, make you, give me that cheese.

I mean, that seems like an abusive power. A tremendous, tremendous abuse of power. If you want the cheese that bad, take it. I mean, you've made it real clear. There's nothing I can do to stop you. She says, it's, it's fine. And she takes the apricot, Danish, and takes a bite. It's honestly been like a really bad week.

What do you want, Bubba? She takes a bite and sets the Danish down on her plate. And, like, takes, like, an asshole-ish amount of time to chew it. Like, she's actually doing the, you know, 20-20 chews before she swallows. And she says, is there is there anything you need to tell me

Amber? Oh, you're welcome Yes. For the Danish. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for the Danish. Anything else?

And if you need a minute to think, I can give you a minute. No. I thought about it. You saw. I considered it. She looks up at one of the lieutenants by the door, and he walks over and hands her two folders. And she sets them down on the table side by side and opens them.

And they are sort of dossiers on two chaperones. And there is a red stamp at the top of each of the dossiers that reads Deceased. and she says What happened, Amber? And you know that I know when you're lying And I know that you know that you are Pretty shit lying anyway So why don't you just save us both some time

And just give it to me straight All right These dips sheds attack me So I oft them I was within my legal right I'm going to need a little bit more than that. Okay, I'll describe it in depth. You see, the first one, I got this shocking staff, RIP, by the way.

Pound it? You don't get that right for it. I had a shock, shocking staff. Anyway, I think I shocked this one in the head and killed him and he pissed his pants. Is that the right one? Honestly, I fuck up people so bad so often. It's hard for me to keep track. Uh, okay.

And the other one? No, I got nothing. You know, normally I rely on the glucose from my Danishes to help fuel my brain, and I feel like I don't got enough vitamin D for this kind of memory work. I definitely killed one of them, though. I remember that pretty good, because they ate the one Danish. She takes her half-eaten Danish and, like, sets it back down on the plate and scoge. the plate back towards you.

Is that a quarter of Danish then? I'm trying to do the mouth, because I gave her half. If she ate half, did she leave my half, or did she eat half of her assigned half? So, yes, there's one quarter of an apricot Danish here. Okay, I'll pick up the Danish. Was it Jeff? All right. Jeff, is that anything?

She scoops up the two folders. Hey, idiot, you guys know a Jeff? No. Dead Jeff? Dead Jeff. Dead Jeff is a friend of Bubba's, apparently. No, I know. alive, Jeff.

Well, you should give him a call. Because it, you know, nothing goes me 20 bucks. Nothing can stay. Okay, I'll try and call it. Hold on. Hey, Jeff. He good?

Jeff, are you good? Oh, I'm okay. Well, Bubba, it's not that, Jeff. All right. Give my love to your wife. Hey, are you asking me when I think you're asking me? I'm you want you're want to hire me to investigate these crimes well I got a stiff rate I hope you can afford me but I'm the best in the biz nothing escapes my all

seeing eye when I've had enough thing I I this this this was all a sort of formality I should announce now we why have I been acting so casual then a bitch shit right let me get a necktie I know you laid these two fellas low and that they were then crushed under the weight of the entire ethersy as the building you were in sort of collapsed in on itself. Okay. I also know that they were somewhere. They shouldn't be doing something.

They shouldn't be doing. So any of that that you could enlighten me to would make my workday a little bit shorter in a way that I would truly appreciate. Yeah. So they were trying to get a hold of something. There's a lot of valuable shit down there. They were trying to get a hold of, what was it?

I want to roll a memory check. I can tell you. This was yesterday. So I can tell you. Yes. Thank you. It wasn't yesterday. We were reported at Montfriar.

But yes, go on. It was an ingot of codite. Inget. Of codeite. That's what I could remember. I almost said Kubiak, but that's the guy from Parker Lewis Cantlos. You know, you're thinking of Kojak.

Cojack. Kelly Savalus Vingray. Also, baby. Not me. I'll also remind you that Devo took that codite with him. She has no way of knowing that. Okay. Yeah, they were there trying to get some kind of fucked up book.

Oh, are you lying right now? This is Griffin asking. Yeah. Why don't you roll a deception check? I rolled a real die. I don't know why I did that. I'm gonna, because it fell the floor and I'm not gonna count it unless it's better than this and it was, but okay, uh, 12 plus. Um, she doesn't buy it, but she is, you have confused her, I would say, uh, you have done the opposite of what she, she asked.

No, it's like really valuable. You should, if anybody's selling it, you should pay him top dollar. A book. What kind of, what kind of, what kind of? Yeah, it's some kind of fancy book. Uncle Joshy wanted me to get it. I think I got it and he, for him. That was the job. And they wanted it. And they were like, we'll kill you. But I had paid for it because I am, as you know, nothing. It's not a law-abiding citizen.

And I paid for it. And they were like, just like a couple. Like they were acting like, and I hate to use this kind of language during the formality. But sheesh, they're acting like a couple of miscreants, I'll tell you. And they were like, give me the book. And I was like, I can't do that. I'm trying. I paid my money for it.

And they were like, give it to us or you're dead. And I feared for my life, so I ended them. But it was like, they attacked me first, as I think I detailed. And now they're crushed under the seat. Now, let me suggest this, by the moment. I know you and you know me, right? And I can tell by looking at you that you're not 100% bought into this little narrative. But I would suggest that whatever those two really were up to,

it might be left. It might be better left at the bottom of the sea. She sighs. She says, you got this book? Is it in your possession? No, I was a legally employed mercenary, which now I say it doesn't sound great, but I was legally employed by a client of mine,

who I believe I already said was Uncle Josh. Uncle Joshy looks at you with fucking murder eyes. Hey, Joshy. Vob check! No, but he's got the book that they may or may not have wanted

and you've got a mystery. Ooh, very exciting. And I've got Barry left. And you know Barry's my faith. All right. All right. All right. I'll talk to Joshy, I guess, and square this up. Do you want to coffee or something before you go?

Well, unfortunately, it seems that I have miles to go before I go to sleep on this particular mystery. No, I can't. She puts the, she stows those folders away and sort of clasps her hands over the table. She says, I'll be honest. I know what kind of stuff you can do. I am surprised. You did face off against two of my boys and live to tell the text.

Well, since you and I have been buds, you should know. I'm a lot handier than I used to be. That is one of the worst ones yet. Are you close enough to be able to see me winked? Yeah, no, I just, I heard the wink, actually. You do it so loud. You're a mercenary now? That sounds so crass when you say it.

Tell me a better word for it. Gun for hire. Freelancer. That's better, okay. I just want you to know, your talents have a place aboard the baby. Why did they name it that? You know what, honestly, I know there's a lot of attention between this right now, but I do I'm digging with you. It just takes it apart.

I'm still so bit out of shame about them calling it the biggest baby. Here's my question. Why won't they rename it? They should. Right? They do that. We'd have to put it to a vote. We'd have to bring it to the council and the ballast and all that jazz.

Listen. We could call it the real biggest baby. The super, super biggest baby. They look up at the, she looks up with the two lieutenants who walk up to that person and like picks them up under the armpits and carries them outside. Not again. They can be severely excused. Hey, it's me, Jeff. You haven't hung up yet.

Tell my family what happened. Dad, that's a completely different guy than the guy that was talking to alive, Jeff. You gotta keep... They just sound similar. You bigot? She says, if it doesn't work out,

and I know a lot of freelancers for whom it has not worked out, I want you to know that we could use you as a chaperone. I just want you to think about it, okay? I know you've turned this offer down more times than I can count, but some, the sea's getting we're getting weirder

and we could use more people who are capable of getting weird alongside it, you know? Yeah, that's fair. All right, well, you know what, Bob, I'll, kid inside I'll think about it. So, hey, also, I'm sorry about your guys. Well, it's weird. And this is probably not the best thing to say after you've just tried to convince somebody to take a job with you.

But we leave the morning up to the big guy, by which I mean the baby, I guess. Um, so am I... The ship mourns them? Yeah. Yeah. Is, you... I've explained this to you so many times. It's a bit exasperating that you...

Get a short, give me a short version. See if it rings a bell. I mean, we're connected. We're connected to it. We fly around in the bones of a dead god, so, um... Oh, right, right, right. God, that's still so weird. You know what?

I can't take a job of in a weird dead boat, God. That is so weird. Anyway, see you later. Make sure you wave at me with your many hands that live in your normal belly hands. And she stands up. And like without saying a word, just like reaches down and tears the Barry Danish in half and walks off with half of it. Hey, you know it's a good conversation when it starts with an accusation of double homicide turns into a job offer. Devo, you are, I bet you walk by the ballastor Codira and her attendance as you walk through Joshy's knuckle looking for the deal of a century on some new duds, right? That was your intent? Correct. Okay. And a sword, a big ass sword. A big ass sword for my man zooks.

Okay. There's no such thing as a streetwise check anymore. And I don't really know the best sort of replacement for that. Geography check? Yeah, that's also not a skill. We could call it survival, but like, you know, survive on the streets. Let's do a street survival check. A three plus three, a six.

Okay. Before we get into this, I should mention that we ended that last mission with 30 luxe total. So with your permission, I'll just assume that it's an even 10, 10, 10 split. Is that fair to assume? Yes. Sure. Well, I entrusted my 10 to Devo. Okay. Yeah. Why would you do that, Dan? I just rolled a three. Because you're going to, you're going to, by your sword, right? Yeah. You, uh, you talk to people. You like, walking around, it is like, there's no Google maps for Joshy's Knuckle, right?

There is no, like, mall, uh, map with all, like, the, uh, different sort of vendors listed on it. Uh, because most of these places that, that people are selling stuff from are, like, stalls and booths and just, you know, piles of merch, uh, with a back. they keep their money in. It is not necessarily regimented by any kind of like community organization. So you just talk to people and ask like, where's a good place to get some clothes? And I'm going to say in order to find, there's one place that's like a hushed secret. And there's somebody who's running a very, very unsuccessful looking seaweed takoyaki shot. And they offered to, they offered to give you the scoop, the skinny for one luxe for a bribe. Yeah, a divo, still, not good with money.

Is I guess this, okay. Okay. Just, I'm getting very tired of walking around, so yes. Okay. You pay that one lux, and they point you around a few corners and down an alley. And at the back of this alley, way, way tucked off near the sort of, like, far side of the knuckle, like, all the way away from the crystal ascension, is an alley with what looked like a bunch of those, like, tall toolboxes all over, like six or seven of them. A few just,

like, big looking like closets with metal shutters, sort of locking them down. And in the very center of it all is a nice wide pipe. And there's just some steam coming up from the pipe as you approach and you don't you don't see any people around back here at all. Hello. I need a jacket? You hear a voice from the pipe say, But do you have money? Do you have jacket?

Do you have money? I don't like the way you're asking. I'm just going to say, uh, Devo's just a reminder, Griffin. Yeah. Passive perception of 13 and passive inside of 18. Okay. Is Devo skeaved out? Oh, fuck yeah.

I mean, when you step off the elevator into Joshy's knuckle and you were a cloistered, you know, man of the cloth for 25 years, like, you were skeved out from the moment you arrived here. But yeah, having a voice whisper through a pipe to you, Travis, you can just assume that you skeved out. Let's say that I do. And you hear a whooshing sound coming from this pipe and all that steam kind of like. comes firing out very quickly. And it's sort of like blankets the floor of this alley in a fog. And from that pipe, there is a long sort of bulbous gray creature that comes out. You can't quite make out the exact shape of because of all this fog.

But slowly it sort of falls to the ground and evaporates. And you can see a catfish. with a long body that is still sort of like sticking out of the pipe. But this isn't Felix. It is not Felix. It looks definitely very similar to Felix. A bit smaller. Its features are a little bit more gentle.

And this catfish lowers down to look at you, eyes you up and down and says, ah, bonjour, monsieur. Ah. Welcome to my emporium, hmm? Hmm. A man of class, I appreciate this. Thank you.

Yes. Our voices sounds the same, yes. Yes, a little bit. I should say, I do not want to assume. What are your, are you... I am... He, him, she or something? I am a catfish.

You may use she-her pronouns, if you wish. Our voices sound so similar, Yes, you feel it is ready to shop. You may call me normal. No. Okay. Certainly not. Certainly not normal, Griffin.

What brings you to my emporium? Am I here? Sorry, can you hear me? I'm banging on the window. Not normal. I am looking, I need some new clothes. Mine have been very damaged in... Normal!

It's normal, Justin. take a breath, take a breath, take a beat and ride with me. I'm going for a while. Also, I need the bigger sword. We carry none of those here. This is a fashion, a fashion boutique. She says, let me eye you over a bit more. Hold on.

And she, like, comes way out from the pipe, still, like, having this long worm body. Almost like she's, like, trying to get a 360, like, view of you. and she's like looking you up and down. But then she like tugs back into the pipe as if she's being pulled down like really fast. And deep, deep, deep through the pipe,

you hear Felix's voice say, Not so far, please. And she says, she looks down in the pipe and she says, ah, sorry, sorry. And he says, why are you talking like that? She says, oh, sorry about that. Ah, yes, I believe I have some things you may be interested. Wait, hold on.

Is this Felix? Is that Devo? Yes, it is Devo. How do you know, Normal? Normal says, you might call me his better half. Oh, are you two attached to one another? Ah, it feels like it so, doesn't it? Anyway.

Okay, yes, I'm not really interested. I need a jacket. something that is very stylish, of course, but also sturdier, so that it is not falling apart every time I am attacked. I see, yes. And what do I get out of this arrangement?

I'll pay you money. Ah, yes. So the normal. Yes, yes, okay. Normal for normal. She like just smashes her head against the wall and there's just a loud vibration and all of those like toolboxes and dressers and all those things fly open and you can see her mini wares. And if you look on the ship spreadsheet, there is a new tab called gear. A new tab.

Hell yeah. There's a new tab of shopping possibilities for you. And the stuff she's got is like obviously not the kind of thing that you would find at the super ritzie retailers, maybe up in the conservatory. They look maybe not entirely above board, but what she does have looks like quality stuff. In fact, you see some stuff here that you've like never really seen before. To step out of sort of narrative for a second, it's a mix. There's some armor here. there are a few sort of like specialty wondrous items, nothing completely game breaking,

and all sort of part of the official list of D&D wondrous items. And they are available to you for a cost of, you know, whatever lux that they cost. So this is another sort of way for you to spend that money. Very good. Very, very good. Okay. Just out of curiosity, can I do this? studded leather armor and the glamour weave at the same time?

Yeah. There is no like magic armor armor, like chest armor or something that would like replace the stuff that you wear to determine your AC. The things that are sort of magic items on here are accessories for the most part. So, so yeah, you can, you can, if that is how you wish to spend your, your lux, then go wild. This jacket is beautiful. I'm talking about the studded leather. Yeah, sure.

He's not a horrid stutter leather. It's a leather jacket. Yeah, it's a studded leather jacket. It's got... It's a long jacket. Okay. Yeah, you can describe the look of it. Yeah, I'm going to say, it's got a bit of a classical vampire-y feel to it.

Maybe cuffs. Okay. You know? I'm guessing the Devo doesn't have clothes like that if most of his are sort of, like, church issued. Yeah, I mean, most of his stuff was just kind of simpler black, you know, I'm not going to say purely functional because

the church clearly has some ostentation to it. Right, sure. But more of just like, it wasn't made for adventure and fighting and shit. Right. You've been defrocked and now be jacketed. Indeed. And it's like a deep, dark blue

and the studs are silver. Sort of a like naval, not pico, but like traditional old school naval jacket. Yeah. When I say long, it's like down to like mid thigh long. So not quite a duster. No, yeah, not quite a duster, but just...

This has gone on too long. And the buttons, describe the button, no. They're silver. Very silver in a wide lapel. Okay. with one of her whiskers, she picks up this coat, this jacket off the rack. She's got like a cardboard box in front of her, and she like swipes the jacket over the cardboard box,

and you hear her say, beep. Oh, okay. And this clothes, the shirt, the vest, the pants, I've never seen anything like this. This is amazing. Is it magic? Everything here is, he's, he's, is magic.

It's magic. What? No, I don't know what this is. Everything here is magic, darling. Who's that? Who's that? Sorry, Isabel O'Resalini, welcome to the podcast. What an honor.

This is actually normal speaking. Oh, wow. Okay, okay. A woman of a thousand voices. It's so magical. It's a magical. Close. You look like you're going to hurt yourself.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's so tough to keep it up. It's hard. I'm just trying to make you feel comfortable here in my store. I will take these clothes as well. And I see here the tone wheel. Is it just one, though, doesn't do me much good.

Is there possible two or one? It's got games on it? I do not need games. It seems like that would distract me. It would distract me from my time with friends. This one doesn't have a snake on it. It has eel. Oh, I see.

Okay. It's just as good as snake. How about two for one on the tone wheel and the jacket and the clothes? How about you take all of it for free? Yes, this is a great deal. This was sarcasm. You want a two-for-one deal on the tone wheels? Well, I am buying quite a bit, huh?

Just one tone wheel does not do too much for me. Maybe three would be, I don't know. Sorry, I haven't eaten. This is my tummy rumbling? She... It's Jeff, I'm still on. So just for our listeners at home, you are talking about acquiring the studded leather armor,

which is slightly better than the armor you have now by a factor of one AC. You're looking at the glamour weave, which is clothes covered in illusory magic that with a bonus action, you can make a pattern appear on it, and then once a day get an extra D4 added to a performance or persuasion check. And then you're also looking at the refurbished personal tone wheel, which are the sort of personal communication devices that you can,

they're cell phones, they're stones of far speech, they're whatever. And you're looking at trying to get two of those. It just, yes. She says, you know, you know, Divo can't just not haggle. Yeah. She says, yeah, why don't you roll a persuasion check? There's going to be a very high one. Oh, my God. It's a two plus nine and eleven. Yeah, she says, uh, yeah, no, we're not going to.

Oh, sorry. We don't really do deals like that here. You, um, I say how much I think costs. Then you say, okay, here is that exact number of these fun little cubes. And then you give me the cubes and I go. go back down the pipe and I eat them. Nah, I'm just kidding. I'd save them.

Oh, okay. Zena, I would hold off on the tone wheel for now and I would just do. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I bet, uh, I bet we could make a deal. Um, I'll tell you what,

your ability to haggle is, I would say, limited. Yeah? You did a bad job there. You didn't, you, um, you put forth a shitty deal and you didn't even sell it good, and you look like a big, dumb animal. Okay. But you're a beautiful big, dumb animal. I see, yes.

Those cheekbones. Thank you, yes. I could cut a steak with them. I don't know why you would, but... I could hold your face down to a steak, cut in a nice small strips for my brood. I guess I just assumes that you would be bringing the steak to my face, but you would be bringing my face to the steak.

Okay. Where is this going? Just out of curiosity? She waves a whisker over the glam weave and a logo appears like on the front of the shirt.

And it reads Nermel's Pile. And she says You ever done any modeling work? Any brand ambassador work? No With those With those fucking cheekbones

You're telling me those Those cheekbones are a new frontier Is what you're doing? Yes, I was more or less Loved in a church for 23 years And I didn't get out a lot She picks up like a baseball cap And is like already imprinting Nirmals pile on it

She's like not even paying attention to you like Oh yeah, that's great That's great So you want me to wear the glamour weave with a logo on it, yes? I want you to do a little more than that. And she sets the cap down on your head. And she says, no, no, you're not a baseball cap guy.

She takes it. She says, I just want you to get out there and sort of sport the brand and do a little bit of, you know, talking up the brand, doing a little bit of sharing it with your friends. Maybe you get on the tone wheel and just put out an open broadcast like, oh, man. You guys can't see me right now, but I look so cool, and I got it all that. Normals Pile, back in the dark alley, and Joshy's knuckle. Keep walking till you smell the pipe smell. I could do this, yeah.

How big is, Griffin, how big is the logo? It's fucking huge. With the new jacket you have on over it, you can really only see like, irms, ill. But it's, it is huge in like groovy 70s font. And how long do I need to keep the logo on there? Well, you all have my contract, guys, work up some stuff. And one of the shipworms from Felix's shop kind of like wriggles his way into the pipe

between normal and the edge of the pipe. It's a very tight squeeze. And he, like, has a pencil and pad. And, like, starts writing something, but then drops the pencil back down in the pipe. And you hear him go, fuck! And he dives back down into the pipe. It occurs to me that having a giant logo on there kind of defeats the purpose of being able to change the pattern.

Oh, no, you can change the pattern around it. And listen, if it's like a life-of-death thing, you can turn the shirt on inside out. And there's a logo on the inside, too, but it's much smaller. I make a deal. I'll throw in, I'll give you a throw-fo. I'll throw in three phones. Because you seem like someone with two friends. I do have two friends

Okay So then Wait So how much do I owe you then Ah money What's money between business partners But it will cost It will cost money

No That's two for the armor Three for the glamour weave And three more for the tone wheels Now hold on If I am going to have a logo Embellazen on it We will do two for the glamour weave

And two for the armor And three for the phones Yeah, whatever This is the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship That'll be seven locks, please Done Now listen You're my guy now

You can't go out there And you know, get up to no good And then people are like yes Some bandit got out to it Killed like a hundred people And for some reason this dude Love Nermal's pile You know what I mean?

And Nirmal I did not promise this This was not part of this idea I would try to be on the You know Good behavior and beyond the level, but there's no guarantee. Fine. Fine.

Speaking of, what is fun to do here in Joshy's knuckle? If you wanted to blow off steam, you would have a rough week. What kind of stuff? Yeah, there's this one big bay window with a little crack in it toward the back, like just outside the alley, actually, and some algae crows on it, and you can just like rub your face up against the algae. Oh, this does sound nice. And you get the caloric sort of content from it and that good algae taste.

I would have to check this out. Yeah, you rub your whiskers all over it. You just feel like a real bad girl. I'm clean shaven. If I had known, I would have let it grow. Yeah. Are you going to buy anything else? No, this is all.

I was just enjoying the company. Okay. She smashes her face against the wall again on all the doors and dressers clothes. and dressers clothes and she says, uh, protect those fucking cheekbones, okay?

And she dives back down into the pipe. Okay. Bye. Uh, okay. Let's talk levels. Let's talk characters and the levels that they are now. Let's talk about depth and levels,

layers like an onion. Yeah. Um, I, let's talk about six, baby. Absolutely. Whoa.

No. No. No. No. No. No. I'm trying to, not go so turbo fast with the leveling like we did in balance where you guys were like level you know god by the end of it level terrific right so you're gonna be at level five for a little while so let's talk about what kind of new stuff you all have got going on devo you want to start main thing i got is new spells i have uh third level spells now okay um i also have traded out a spell i was not using from second level uh to learn suggestion which

is fun. Seems good. Big thing for bards, you moved up dice, right? What? For your bardic inspiration. Yes, yes, yes. So I'm, hold on.

I also took glyph of warding, which is basically a really fun, like I can set a trap, basically. Okay. And sending, which lets me send messages to anyone, as long as they're, I think anyone on any plane or some shit. It's telepathically, right?

Yes. And they can respond to me. Cool. Man, I just bought a tone wheel. Ugh. Anyways. But, yeah, so I also got ability score increase. So I increased surprisingly my strength, with my justification being that, you know,

Divo's gotten more exercise now, and I wanted to be a little bit better in combat. So I got a little bit better at that. My hit dice went up. And, yeah, so my Bart against Ration is now 1D8. So when you lose somebody A, they get to add D8 to whatever check that they want to. Correct. I also now have a thing where when I take a short rest, it returns my Bartik inspiration instead of just on a long rest. Oh, okay, cool.

Yeah, font of inspiration. That is cool. You still only have, this is surprising, you still only have three uses of Bartic inspiration. which was which is stayed steady i think yeah but it's one d-8 now so that's right so you are a better sort of supporter and trickster in general okay what what school are you is it the school of secrets it was whispers yes okay cool um zooks what do you got going on um uh zooks boosted no dexterity boosted dexterity uh which uh resulted in a boosted in acrobatic

and put another point in animal handling. Okay. It seemed like that was going to be important. Hit points went up. Did divo's hit points go up? Yeah, yeah. Your hit points always go up whenever you level. Okay.

Well, he's got, he's up to 49 now. Okay. And I did the same thing, shuffled around some spells. I figured since we had other ways to track, I dumped one spell. Anyway, I picked up animal mess. messenger, which you can use an animal. Why did I buy tone wheels? Just wait a minute.

By means of this spell, you can use an animal to deliver a message. You choose a tiny beast. I'm sure mine will be some kind of fishy thing. Fuck! Delivers a message to anybody, even people without tone wheels, it says. Why didn't you tell me this before? I tried to last time we recorded, but we... You didn't try shit.

Okay. Always my money. I bought you a tone wheel. With the tone wheel, so you guys can talk to each other, sort of without limits now. But with these spells, it sounds like you can, you know. Communicate with anybody. Right, exactly. Also, hail of thorns went up from 1D10 to 2D10.

Well, that's just if you cast it as a second level spell. Right, right. The other one, swarm keeper magic. I got a new swarm keeper magic, which is Webb. Yeah. creates a mass of thick, sticky webbing that's like 20. Sticky foam. Glue foam.

Blue foam. Sorry, Dad. If you listen to our great Blop Blart podcast, I will now. Yeah. Finally, we got him. So mine will be like seaweed, I guess. Sure.

The other one I got that I can't wait to use is. summon beast. That sounds fun. You call forth a beastial spirit. It manifests in an unoccupied space that you can see within range. This corporeal form uses the bestial spirit stat block. When you cast the spell, choose an environment, probably water. It resembles an animal of your choice that is native to that.

But anyway, it allies to us and takes rounds in combat. Be weird if it aligned against. Yeah, that's weird. I hate you, Dad. I mean, there's awesome cool barracuse. Oh, fuck. Thank you, God, for life. Now, I'm going to bite your nuts.

I'm thinking of a manatee, but I'm not sure. Nature's greatest warrior. The manatee. Well, then the next time we ask, you know, have a milk question. The manatea war. That's fine. That's good. You have not mentioned the biggest thing, that.

I don't know if you've noticed it yet, but also you have an extra attack now. You can attack twice whenever you take the attack action. Oh, right, yeah. I was getting to that. I don't know if you've ever attacked, though. You mostly just shoot fish out of your face or whatever. Well, that's an attack, isn't it?

In a manner of speaking, for sure. Yeah, to be fair, if someone shot fish out of their face at me, I would take it as an attack. I'm trying to see if I have any more bonus actions. Two weapon fighting, but I don't know how that's going to come into it. We need to find your store. Two fish. Yeah. Two fishy fish.

Okay. We'll run the numbers on that one. I'm not sure. So I'm kind of excited about those. Those are kind of fun. Especially if I'm going to be stuck with them for five more rounds. Amber, what do you got going on? Well, I have an ability called Telegraph.

It lets you pound on the ground to send messages to anybody. God damn it. And then send messages back to. I picked him a feat called Crusher. that first it increases my constitution by one. And then once per turn, when I hit a creature with bludgeoning damage, I can move it five feet to an unoccupied space, provided the target is no more than one size larger than me.

And also when I score a critical hit that deals bludging damage, attack rolls against that creature are made with advantage until the start of my next turn. That's cool. So you took that in lieu of a stat increase. Yeah, that was just nothing that was really. That's fun. That's a fun power that you're going to be able to use a lot. That was kind of what I thought would be fun thing to make me more a little bit more practical. Okay.

I also got slow fall, so don't even worry about falling anymore. You can just fucking fall as much as you want? I can use a reaction when I fall to reduce any falling damage. You take by an amount equal to five times my monk level. So 25. I mean, I'm not a math guy, but that sounds right. Okay. And then I got the extra attack as a wolf.

Well. Looks like you got some more key points or vibe points. Probably, yep. And then I'm not looking at that sheet right now, but. And then I got a stunning strike, which lets me interfere with the flow of vibe in an opponent's body. I can burn a vibe point to attempt a stunning strike. If they fail, Constitution save, then they'll be stunned to the next time. Nice.

Wow, that's a huge one. Yeah, that's cool. I can suggest things to people. I can do that too. Oh, man. Is Step of the Wind new and Patient Defense? Damn, dude, you got a lot of new shit. I don't know. You may have already had that stuff, but I didn't notice.

I don't know that I've... I mean, it's probably been in there, but I also don't recall seeing it, unless it's, like, automatically added in the... Because I was just looking in the builder. Are you laughing at automatically done? Automatically! What a great work! I heard.

Thanks, Dad. That may be part of my... I think it may be built in. You may have already had it just if you used it. Yeah, I can do some... Yeah, I can do some different stuff. I don't fight... We need more opportunities to fight people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the air. Yeah, instead of like giant squids or whatever. Okay, cool. Do you all want to do some ship shopping real quick? I should say that? I should also say, because I just remembered. The reason, another reason I took strength

is because it adds to athletics as a result of divo learning to swim. Okay. Yeah, do you guys want to ship shop or you want to save that until after you figure out what your next mission is going to be? Or it's up to you? I mean, I'd like to ship show. Well, why don't, but doesn't it make more sense

to fare the next mission? Because we don't know we need to be prepared for it. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Hey, speaking to that, just take a talk. You know there's a mission on there We're actually, No, Amber, you could be

working for the chaperones. There's a contract on there from Ballister Cordera. Ooh, that'd be fun. Called the biomass war. And also, this is another one. I haven't updated that list yet. Because I didn't think we would get to this part

in this episode. Are you going to add to it? Or replace. Or maybe. Maybe. Robbie promised they would still be there. All right. Now, Griffin, say something then for the end of the episode

where it's like... Just kind of foreboding. Yeah. Pretend that you don't have like big live shows to prepare for and you don't have all these other things going on. And this hasn't been very mechanical. Yeah, yeah.

Make them really piss their pants. Like make it like, turn it on. You know what I mean? That classic gene magic. Hit us, baby. Yeah, we're ready, baby. Here he is. Okay, here we go.

Down in Magic Town Stad, shut up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Down in Magic Town, the wizard takes them seeds. He rolls them around in his palm. Say, well practiced. Yeah, well practiced. The well practiced wizard takes seeds.

He holds them up to it. What's the air feel like, Griffith? The air is stagnant and lurid. Does he blow on him? Does he blow on them? He takes the seeds up to his mouth and whistles to them. Does he have a familiar? Is there a familiar?

One of the seeds wiggles and then stops. And from the wizard's heart, a dream of a better tomorrow. It is whispered and fills. Phil's Magic Town Now Griffin and it was something cryptic Like it's begun or Yeah The shadows

The shadows have convalessed And the They're dead The wizard's smell better? Shut Shut Shut The wizard takes his seeds

And puts them in the garbage cave Pismum fun.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported.