The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 22

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

Content warning: this episode contains themes involving highly contagious diseasesCambria's Call: Part OneA once-vanquished threat descends upon Founder's Wake, shaking the city's fragile foundation to its core. A lost hero is called back into action. A voice beckons from beneath the ocean's floor. The Coriolis crew gets sidelined.Additional music in this episode: “Palaver,” “Darkness Crept,” and “Chewing Devil Grass,” by ROZKOL https://rozkol.bandcamp.com/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, Ethersea. The ancient bathysphere washes up on shore, and inside they find a comatose Phineas call. Yes. And an unidentified body, they have obviously been struggling. Along the bottom of the bathysphere, they discover that it has a very mysterious kind of phytoplankton in the water. Phineas has decided that he's going to timeshare with the other souls. He renamed himself Ampersand 5. Disease spread through your committee.

The people call it the sallow. All of the people who recovered from the sallow begin to grow the fish-like features as it gets deep down into this crack in the hall of the ship. Something comes loose, a spore, and it drifts, closer to the heart of Founders' Wake. Devo and Amber. That's me.

I need both of you guys to make a Constitution saving throw. Welcome back, everybody. Happy New Year. Wait, you're not even going to talk about the Wizard Who threw a Seeds in the Trash? Come on. Why did you develop that storyline if you weren't going to return to the Wizard Who threw a Seas in the Trash? I'm so bought in. That's actually part of the ARG

that we're telling through Nokia. If you have the Nokia phone, download the special from the Funzo. Dream of a better tomorrow. From the Funzo store on the Nokia phone.

Yeah, go ahead and make a Constitution Saving throw for me, please. Yes, I rolled a two plus one, a three. For Christ's sake. You made me do it. Amber. That is gonna be a Constitution saving thing.

We got a 11 plus 2, 13. That's 10 better than me. I need both of you to roll a D8, please. Oh, man, Griffin. Zooks rolled a 19. Zook, you're fine, baby. Oh.

Zucs, you're, you're aces. I roll the three again. My dates are five. Uh, a five for Amber and... I only date tens. Three, a three for Devo? Yes. Okay, thanks guys.

What? Oh, man, I hate when he does this. Me too. All right. Here's what people don't know. He does this all the time. Not just during the show. When we see him at anything, he's like, roll the Z20.

And we're like, what is it? He's like, oh, no, I don't know. There's a few of my sneaky fixings. I need to see your latest MRI. Oh, I see. Then he hops up the chimney. Yeah, it's like. And he takes him a long time to get up it.

And he makes some terrible noises. Yeah, it's not whimsical. It's horrid. No, it's, there's a lot of squelching, which I don't fully understand. He has to piss himself to get the liquid out of his body to fit up it. It's terrible. Just for the last two inches. It's terrible.

My kids love it, though. Yeah, kids love it. It's not Arbor Day unless Griffin has pissed himself up the gym. Holy shit. It is so funny that you said that, Justin. Is it? Yeah, thank you. It was a joke, so.

It's honestly very strange because in the city of Founders' Wake, it is just, a few days away from Harbor Day. And Harbor Day is the day where the Ark Fleet comes to dock with Founders Wake. It's a very, very, you know, important day for both of your civilizations. And it's been some time since the last Harbor Day. It's hard to sort of stay in contact with the fleet way out in the ocean. So it's not like it comes on a set day or anything, but they got in contact. a month or so ago. And now both cities are just sort of like ramping up for this celebration.

And in anticipation for Harbor Day, the streets are empty. The city workers are busy cleaning all the districts and engineers are cycling the air and water filtration systems. And most folks are, you know, staying at home, not congregating in the communal areas. And appropriately enough, the three of you are now sitting in the sort of testament of the friendship between these two civilizations. You are sitting in the ballast, the ship that the Arkfleet gave to Founders' Wake to serve as sort of the, you know, foothold for their city. To be specific, you all are sitting immediately outside of the bridge of the ballast ship. and the bridge is a pretty important place for Founders Wake. It is where the ballast, the body, the government of the city meets.

You three have been brought here fairly forcefully, I would add, and you have not been told why. And this ship, the ballast in general is not like the rest of the parts of the city, because it is like southern archipelago construction. It was made away from the rest of the shoreline community, which had its own sort of like aesthetic. This is more like curvy metal and wood and less like clay and codied and stuff. And I don't know if any of you all have ever been here before. It would be like, you know, being called in front of Congress or something.

But you all are in this hallway. outside of the bridge and the doors to the bridge side open and out walks brother seldom. And he looks at the three of you sort of solemnly and gestures you into the bridge.

Are we in trouble? He locks eyes with you and nods very gently and then he mouths. Devo nods. And you all walk into the bridge. The bridge was like a bridge at one point of a like functional ship.

Only now the sort of command centers on this bridge have been turned into different chairs for the ballisters, the like highest seat of government to, you know, sit in. And you all are standing in an open area below all of them, like a tier below all of them sort of facing their judgment. and there are six chairs total. And looking around the room, like, you guys actually see a lot of familiar faces here. There's Codira, the Ballister of Defense, who, Amber, you recently spoke to. The Hand of Guidance is here, Devo,

the Ballister of Preservation. You all see the very hateable face of Aloysius Supreme, the recently seated balancer of commerce. You see Declan Cern, who is sort of reclusive and very nose to the grindstone sort of guy. He is the baluster of transit, sort of responsible for being sort of the dockmaster of the gills, making sure that things come and go from the city safely and nothing gets lost. Is that the oldest CERN? Is that the CERN dad? Oh, yeah. This is the CERN Patriarch.

This guy is, this guy's in his probably late 70s. but he looks he looks even older than that there's an empty seat for what's called the ballister of the voice which is sort of a sort of like the popular vote seat for this organization that is there just solely to represent the the people's interests the house of commons yeah sort of and it's it that the vox popular well we already have a don't we have a bad guy team that is kind of like that anyway That seat is empty. It was vacated when the last baluster of the voice left in disgrace. And finally, there is the seat for the baluster of logistics.

And as you all make your way in, a door on that higher tier opens up and in walks the high baluster Hermione, who walks to her seat and sits down, looks at the other balusters gathered around and puts on a pair of glasses and starts to go. going over papers on her desk. You see Devo, Brother Seldom, has taken a seat on the same sort of level as you all, and he is just staring at you. Make an arcana check for me. Me?

Yeah. Just to see if you can kind of pick up what's going on. Six plus five and eleven. He is looking at you and he is concentrating a spell as he's looking at you. You don't feel anything? Like you don't feel like you are under a

bell right now, but he is definitely doing something. And Hermine just, like, looks at these papers for what seems like an eternity. And then she looks up at the three of you. She points at you, Amber. And she says, all right, well, I know you. And I've never met a prinae. I didn't like. And who are you? She points at you, Devo. Oh, my name is Divo Lameen. Divo, okay. So you're Divo, your Zooks, Amber, got it. Oh, just to clarify, Griffin, currently my glamour weave is a very...

Oh, thank you. Yes, oh, God, every episode, we got to make sure we know what the glamour. Yeah, it's a very respectful. I'm going to say gray, light gray, very classy, respectable light gray. All right, she's got you dressed under the table. High Ballester Hermine is wearing like the dopest, like a Supreme Court Justice robe like everybody else in the room is wearing,

but she's got accessories for days and is like fucking working it. She looks at the three of you and says, and okay, so Zook's Amber, okay. Yeah, let's not waste time. What the fuck happened on your last mission? I know all the stuff like you guys are contractors. We can cut a lot of this out because frankly, the time we don't have, it's of the essence. And yeah, it's no reason to keep secrets.

We've already talked to your boss. We talk to the brokerage. A lot of people are in a lot of trouble. And we're just kind of figuring out where that all needs to land. So last mission. Let's start with Captain, Amber. Cap neighbor? I still am not used to it.

Hello, Your Highness. Nope. Title Blessings on you and yours and all of you, luminous folks gathered here on this industrious occasion. Codira, like, puts her head in her hands. Verily. Aloysius is eating it the fuck up. Verily, we,

I don't know on this one y'all it it got a little out of hand um we were trying to do something real simple and kind of chill keppa and it just got there uh there were other people that were doing different bad things worse things than us really but we are very sorry for any inconvenience that was caused we are but humble Mariners just trying to fucking get by you know okay

what verily what verily um yes yeah a few more verily do a bow amen amen amen say that suits but you say amen the hand of guidance nods like yes that's good yes that is cool um

and I'm gonna throw up no don't do that don't do that Please don't do that. There's like a grate. The floor has grating on it, and when you do that, it gets in it, and it's terrible. Just please tell me if I don't bow enough. All right. Yeah, we don't even really have time for pleasantries.

At any point, did any of you take something, did someone give you something to bring into the city? Did you, were you asked to smuggle, to maybe make a few luxes on the side, anything along those lines? anyone. You mean besides the mission which was to go and get something and bring it back

you mean besides this? Yeah, besides the yeah, besides that. No? No? I don't think so. Doesn't ring any bells. I had a real

whoop-tissy stick that was as sharp people but I had to use it as a key and what still seems a little convenient. Pilot

But, Devo, you driving, right? Yes. Does one drive a submarine or pilot it? We're still looking for the right verb. Did you go through anything weird? Was there any sort of weird patch where you looked around where you were going and saying, like, this seems weird? I mean, yes. If we go through, it's weird.

There was a period where a giant robo octopus grabbed us. and pulled us through this dark cloud of ink, and then we later had to fight, said robo octopus. This was admittedly weird. But did he put anything on your ship? I feel like there's an answer you are looking for. Can I be honest? This is exhausting.

I'm so scared and freaked out. Could you do as a fan? We'll tell you whatever. I'll tell you whatever. I don't care. Just don't behead me. I don't think they can do this. They can do whatever they want.

Read a book. I've read many books. Very different, but I don't know where to get different. Something that's going to give you the straight shit. She hands a photograph down to Brother Seldom, who walks it up to the three of you to investigate. and it is an image of the bottom of the Coriolis where there are some scrapes, some pretty serious, I would say, sort of surface level damage to the ship. What did you do to our ship?

Yeah, yeah, that's right. I'm the baluster of logistics for this city, and sometimes I have really long stretches of free time on my hands where I like to go down to the gills and steal ships. and like to drive them around and get big scrapes and scratches on them. Huddled up, sorry, Amphiol, Zooks, huddle up. I think this is sarcasm. Yeah. I don't think she has really done this.

Yeah, just making sure we on the same page. Okay. Aloysius Supreme clears the throat and says, actually, these three do like to make a habit of during their free time going down to the gills and stealing ships and damaging them on joy rides. Counterpoint, one time is not a habit. You would not cause this a habit, right?

If I, like, you know, just one time. The defense rests. Wait, are we on trial? What? I told you, motherfucker. Sustained. Beats it down. Everybody looks at him and shakes his head like, no, man.

On the way to the mission, there was some minor contact with something, you know, a rock or something, but it's not the first time, honestly. We have had, you know, I'm still learning. It's only our, what, third mission, so I'm okay pilot. Let's be honest. Our insurance premium is, oh, out of it, this world. I mean, it's pretty big. She looks down at Brother Seldom, and she says, what's the word?

We on the level? And Brother Seldom stops casting whatever spell he was casting and looks up and nods. And she says, okay. You slide dog. The three of you, I believe, because I'm a trusting sort, it's a flaw of mine, unintentionally brought something into the city that is not safe, and now we are having to deal with it in a manner that is, we got it all under control, but it's, you know, it's making our day a little bit more hectic

than we wanted it to be with Harvard Day coming up and everything. You know, we want the gears to be turning smooth. And we're just trying to get to the bottom of it. And it seems like you three are a bit clueless about it. And that's fine. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it, obviously. No, that's...

I'm so sorry. That's what I'm saying. I'm trying to establish fault. Seems like you guys didn't do it intentionally. That's fine. We have more important stuff to move on to now. Then we'll get... We have your black box.

We're going to get a team out and follow your route to see if they can find out what happened with the ship. Your ship is, of course, going to remain impounded. And your contracting license will be revoked indefinitely until the end of our investigation. No, no. Fair. No. Fair. No.

You got us clean. No, this is not fair. If I may, your majesty. Out your highness. Damn it. Your highness. Your balustariness. As you have said, this was an accident.

This was not intentional. you know, so why are we being punished? You're not being punished. Oh? But if there's an answer to what is going on on your ship, then we're going to find it. And that's the most important thing going on in the whole world right now. Well, can I say one other important thing?

Okay, go. Have you ever shot at Nirmus Pile? It is great. think you are a person with good taste. I appreciate your accessories. And I just wanted to know if you've, it's where young, beautiful people like me like to shop, you should check out Normals Pyle.

Make up persuasion check. Why is, I'm sorry, I'm missing a beat here. Why is this happening? Oh, because Devo is a brand ambassador for Normals Pops. Yeah. Oh, right. Holy fucking shit. I got a 25, a 16 plus 9.

she looks at you and when you start in on this she looks furious like i motherfucker i just told you the time is the most important resource in our hands right now but then she looks at your fit and she's like damn it it's a good fit it's a good fucking fit she she like you see her brow wrinkle and furrow and then you see her sigh and she says i'm going to reach out to you later privately and we're going to have a talk about this exact thing because the fit is tight and it looks really good. Thank you. Watch this.

And I changed my glamour weave to like gold with like silver lightning bolts right. Please tell us when you're going to be had a sark and get my affairs in order. Kodira stands and walks over and whispers something to high ballister Hermine and sits back down. And then she looks over at the hand of guidance who nods. And then she looks over at Aloysia Supreme who shakes his head no violently, but she kind of shrugs that off. She says, okay, the three of you have people on this council who vouch for you. And for that reason, I'm willing to let you inside on this. Because frankly, this thing's about to break in a big way, no matter what.

And so whether you find out now or you find out whenever the time runs out, doesn't necessarily matter. Hey, Griffin, real quick. Yeah. What is the hand of guidance doing after she vouches for her? I think Devo would, like, be fully, like, trying to, like, read her face. She looks worried, like, as worried as everyone else here. Obviously, you guys have never been here before. You don't know what the vibe of a usual ballast meeting is like, but this one's, like, this one is very, very tense.

She is not, like, paying you special mind or anything like that. Okay. She stands up and takes a breath, takes a beat, picks up the papers. I like how you just said, breath, Griffin. Thanks, breath. And she says, Alex, let's walk. And just like takes off, walks down the stairs from the tier she's on, just like right past you out of the bridge. Oh, Diva follows.

He loves a walk and talk. Okay. The rest of you going to? Yes. Okay. you all walk through the ballast it is it is empty uh here here in the rest of this you know gigantic ship that makes up this this level of the city um and you all make your way to the crystal ascension which is similarly like usually you got to wait a little bit for your spot on the

ascension like it's huge but uh it's it is a ghost town right now and you all step inside and start traveling downward and she looks at you amber And she says, do you remember the sallow? Oh, God, yeah. I haven't thought about that in forever. Yeah, that was rough. Carly got it, if I remember correctly. It was a rough patch.

She pulled through, but, yeah, it was tough for a while. She looks over at you, Devo, and Zooks, and looks back at Amber, and she says, tell your friends. You were probably little older than I was. I bet you can paint a clearer picture. This is going to sound weird. It was weird.

But it would make you kind of fishy, I guess. Would be, you know, like fish type thing. Like suspicious? Like, no. Oh, yeah. No, like kind of scaly and physically, you know, you'd look like a, start to look like a fish. Sort of like, you know.

Limpiditis. Are there still fish people about Griffin? Oh, for sure. Yeah. There's not a ton, but there are people who caught the sallow and survived on the surface who are still alive down here in the city. Yeah. There were some people, Josh was one of them, I think, though he might have just been trying to sell something. Some people thought that it was like a blessing that was preparing us for,

life underwater like they were Russian evolution you know what I mean? So this was the disease that gave people fish like features, yes? I mean, again, like yeah, kind of, I mean, it affected different people different ways. Some people

just got a little scaly. Some people, you know, died. A couple kind of had like the beginnings of gills, but it was more like cosmetic gills. You know, nobody was breathing water.

And what caused this? Yeah, I don't know. We were real focused on the end of the world. So we... Okay. Now we know. The door's open and she leads you all

into the cradle, which is sort of the heart of the, like, systems that power this city, the filtration systems, the, like, you know, food storage and preparation and management, like everything that makes sure that people have what they need to survive, all of the infrastructure, like important life-preserving infrastructure of the city, is here in the cradle.

And there's a, like, it's almost like a subway station. Like there are gates here leading into a lot. larger, like, you know, chamber with doors and hallways branching out in different directions. There are guards here, but as soon as they see Hermine, they, like, stand to the side and let you all pass. And Hermine says, yeah, Amber was spot on, pretty much everything. It was a disease that gave people fish like features. And some people thought it was a blessing to prepare us for life under the sea. It is back.

And we know a little bit more about it this time for reasons that are not so great. It's definitely an intentional thing. Someone made it to change us, and whether we like it or not. And your ship was the thing that brought it into our city. Found some traces of it on the underside. and thank goodness you all did not do this on purpose or else you would be in turbo jail. And she walks you all through like a super, super large door that requires like a key that she carries like inside her shirt to open. And she walks you all inside.

And she says, we managed to catch it. And by we, I mean the phytoplankton. you all are in a dark room right now like a warehouse. Like her words are now echoing throughout this warehouse, she says. And the phytoplankton managed to catch this big wave before it could hit the city again. And for that, we owe them a lot. But unfortunately, we are. not really going to have a chance to pay back that kindness anytime soon.

And a light flips on and then another and another in a line leading away from this like catwalk that you all are now standing on in this warehouse. And as they go, they illuminate this, this cavernous room with these huge, huge, like five-story tall glass tanks filled with water, empty tanks filled with water. As the lights illuminate, you can see them clearly. There's one and then another and then another, and then there's four of these empty tanks. And then finally, a fifth one illuminates in the back of the room. And inside of that one, you can see one of the phytoplankton. And it is bonkers looking.

It is a, you know, imagine like a multiple-celled organism that has been blown up with magic to be the size of a house. It has like, you know, all these these weird frills that are wiggling around. It has, like, you can see its Golgi bodies and shit inside of it. Not the Golgi bodies. I'm trying to remember my, my. You can see the mitochondria. The mitochondria. Oh, no.

You can see. Is there RNA in there, I think? Maybe there's no way of no. Nobody knows. You can see it's weird, like, cell structure stuff in there. But it is gigantic. And, oh, hey, Zooks, make one of your nature checks. That would be.

a 19 plus 322. Ooh, that's very good. It's in a lot of pain. Oh, bummer. It's doing poorly. And so these lights... Is it the cytoplasm, do you think? Or maybe like a ribosome?

It has a boobo on it. Is it nucleus? We're getting so much shit. Now, Travis, this is reading the internet. So we must stop. We can move on. No, all that was the top of my head. Tell me about it smooth endoplasmic reticulum, Travis.

It's sexy as fuck. Yeah. It is in pain, Zooks. You can tell that. And then a band of lights around the room, around the floor illuminate. And now you can see the floor of this room. And you can see four other of these phytoplankton, these enormous phytoplankton on the ground. and their bodies are twisted and wrong.

They have parts of their bodies that should not belong there, evolved parts of bodies. They have tails and tentacles and fins and all of these things in places where they don't belong sort of just twisting. into this indescribable mass. You're not sure where one of these things ends and another one begins, but you can see that they are laying on the ground lifeless. And there are teams of people wearing vapor suits covering their bodies,

trying to study them. So they're not emerged, they're not in water. No, they are on the ground. dead. And you look up at the ballister Hermene and she says, so yeah. Are we, it, so are they infecting people? Those four aren't doing much of anything right now. Besides making a smell that is pretty unpleasant. I think we can all agree. Are there others? Are there others of the magic phytoplankton that came from the bottom of the sea?

Hey, are you in trouble right now? Are things going well? Yeah, things are going great. I'm sorry. I give you all the respect in the world for your position, but now that it's clear, I'm not going to be headed. I'm going to need you to tease it with the attitude, okay? Yes, maybe flip the switch from snarky to sincere so that we can understand the situation and attempt to help. Okay, here's the situation.

We had a system that helped everybody in our city to breathe and provide everybody in our city with potable water for 25 years. And it was built on the backs of five enormous phytoplankton that the parish blew up to make them very, very big and very, very efficient. And in doing so, prevented them from being able to reproduce. So, nope, these are the only five in existence that are in our city. And now we're working with one who is trying to hold back the sallow single-handedly while also providing air and water into our city. And it is only a matter of time before it is unable to do so. Okay.

So just obvious answer. go get more of these phytoplankton from wherever they came from originally, and then have the church blows them up again. End of problem. She looks pretty sullen when you say that. And she says, if Finn was corporeal and could somehow remember, His trip to the bottom of the ocean, that would be easy. But have you all met Phineas?

Call? Yeah. I heard about him. Yes, I've heard about him as well. I think I have. He's not the most sort of cogent dude around. So he's not especially useful in remembering where he found these guys. They came up with his comatose body in a bathysphere from who knows where.

And I mean, he knew where, I suppose, at one point. And now he doesn't. So. Well, he cannot. What is his condition? His condition is that he's a spirit who lives in a little ball attached to a briner. To be clear, he knows he just cannot remember. This is different. That's a super metaphysical way of thinking about it and I like it. Or if I may, and you may not

know this, but my friend Sukes here simply cannot stop going into people's minds. Yeah, it's a little disconcerting, actually. For you too. It's really bad for me. It's really bad for me. Yes, he has done this with turtle and the clam and probably, oh, the bleached thing, he did that. Oh, God, yeah. That was troubling. So just let him go in to this finnius person's mind, find where he went, and then we will pop over there. We will grab it, and then make it big, problem solved. Huh?

Maybe we can shrink down and go inside his mind too. To help. Is it a, I don't think it's a shrinking thing. Is it? I've shrunk before. You shrunk before? Oh, yes. You did.

We all didn't remember as well. Yes, this is true. Yeah, would that work? Or does it only work with, like, do you do humans? Or Brian, I mean, it's a. Yeah, right. Good point. Griffin, I have forgotten which Brynar Phineas is in.

Amperstand 5? Was in Amper sand, right, okay. He is not, if you've met him, you would know that he is not necessarily totally congealed with Amper San 5. He is like a attache. He exists in this little, like, lantern, basically, that Amper San 5 carries with him that is attached to him. it may not be as easy as, as you all think. Listen, this is one of the first Brynard ever created, Amper San 5, okay? And Phineas is not really connected.

He's physically connected, but he never really soul bonded with Amper San 5. So it may be kind of tough to reach. I mean, I want to try. I certainly want to give it the old gung-ho, but it may not be as easy as you guys think. Where is ampersen five these days? High Ballister Hermann smirks, and then she looks down on the floor.

And down there, sure enough, you see a briner among all of the people in the vapor suits. And this brinar is not wearing a vapor suit at all. It is also not like any other briner you've seen before. They are tall and very slender, almost stickbug-like. And they are comprised of very warm colors, a lot of red and pink and orange. and they have attached to them a hose sort of coming out of their left shoulder and it travels down the length of their arm and is attached to what appears to be a lantern at the end.

And as they sort of like wave this lantern around all of these dead phytoplankton, it flashes and from it you can hear a voice that you can't quite make it. out what it's saying from here. We need to speak to Amper San 5. She whistles and Amperstand 5 looks up and nods and starts to head your way. Hi, I'm Annabel Gurridge. And I'm Laura House. And we're the host of Tiny Victories. My tiny victory is that I sewed that button back on the day after it broke. We talk about that little thing that you did that's a big deal to you, but no. Nobody else cares. Did you get that Guggenheim Genius Award? We don't want to hear from you.

We want little bitty tiny victories. My tiny victory is a tattoo that I added on to this past weekend. Let's talk about it. My victory is that I'm one-year cancer-free. But my tiny victory is that I took all of the cushions off the couch, pounded them out, put them back, and it looks so great. So if you're like us and you want to celebrate the tiny achievements of ordinary people, listen to Tiny Victories.

It's on every Monday. on maximum fun. Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety? Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? Do you have disturbing nightmares, only to realize it's two in the afternoon and you're up? If you've experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have FNO. News overload. Fortunately, there's treatment.

Hi, I'm Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters helps fight FNO. That's because Troubled Waters stimulates your joy zone. On Troubled Waters, two comedians will battle one another for pop culture supremacy. So join me, Dave Holmes, for two to two doses of Troubled Waters a month. The Cure for your B. News overload. Available on maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. You all have been brought to basically like a break room here in the cradle.

which is essentially like its own huge cafeteria. But again, like it is empty. There's like a couple tables with a couple people eating as fast as they possibly can so that they can get back to trying to save the city essentially. And this tall, easily like seven and a half foot tall, briner comes and bins down to sit next to you. And they nod at you. you, Zooks, and then look at the rest of the table, and then they just slam this lantern down

on top of the table. And the lantern flashes and says, Zooks and Thelai, you son of a gun. Great, it's great to see you again. Equally great to see you. I'm percent five. I'm a fan. Huge fan. The briner looks kind of uncomfortable when you say that.

And the lantern flashes and says, you can address me as Phineas if it makes things less confusing. We've come to sort of an arrangement. Phineas call? Am I speaking to, Finneas call? and he gets down real close to the lantern and he starts tapping on. Hello, Phineas? Hello? Amper San 5, the Brynar leans down to like meet you face to face and says, that won't be necessary.

Oh. We never really, he was not an eye in our spirit. We never really meshed in the way that, you know, we do. So you can just address him as Phineas. It's okay. Phineas, my friends and I have obviously, without meaning to, brought some kind of contraband into the city. And as I think you can see that all this is kind of our fault. We'd like to make up for our mistakes.

And we would like to go get some more of the. the phytoplankton to bring back up and help. Where would that be exactly, your phytoplankton farm? He, the lantern does nothing. The lantern is dormant for a second, and then it flashes, and you hear Phineas say, Hey, Amp, would you point me at Hermine, please? And then the lantern flashes again and says, are you, are you goofing with this shit? and she shakes her head no

and Amperstan puts the lander back down on the table and says, listen, listen, folks, I want to help out. Obviously, I do want to save the city, get another notch in the old hero belt.

But, I cannot remember because memory is typically stored in the brain, and I don't have one of those. All right, well, how are you talking then? Oh, wow,

that's a, That's going to really blow your freaking mind, man. I'm waiting. Magic stuff. Okay. Oh, okay. Speaking of magic stuff, so what's going to happen is that Zooks is going to go into whatever this personality,

magicy brain things that you do have is and find the memory of where you got this phytoplane. from and then we will go get it. And I says this with confidence, even though it is an absolutely bonkers thing to say. Make a persuasion check, Devo. Whenever you say, you know, whenever you pitch that, Amper Sam 5 does not look comfortable. Wow! That is an 18 plus 9, a 27.

27. The lantern flashes. And Phineas says, yeah, all right, cool. More magic stuff. Get in there, poke around. You might see some stuff that'll put some hair on your coral, which would be pretty weird. But, you know.

Not so weird to sing. No, not at all. Yeah, I think that's a killer idea. And Amper Sam 5 says, I guess if it's If it'll help Help the city Yeah

Okay Is it dangerous Zeus? It's not not dangerous It's a little weird Can I talk to my friends just for a second Can I have a conference real quick Thank you

Okay. Ambersand 5 turns the lantern around 180 degrees. I think we ought to have a safe word so that if I get sucked in and can't get back out, like with the clam, there's something you guys can. Like, what do you want me to do? So you take the bug of water on you or what? This would do nothing. It would refresh me. Oh, this is a good idea.

What if you soaked in the baths while you're doing it? Would this help? Oh, I don't know. That's a good idea. We put both of you in Zabas together. Yeah. Oh, that might. Spicy.

Yeah. Okay. Conductive, right? Good. See, you too. Now, hurry up, though. This place gives me the fucking creepos. I need to get out and get going, you know.

And before you're saying, us we did. It is weird, Amber, you are, you've got a bit of a headache going on. And, Devo, you've got a bit of a sore throat. Oh, no. Okay. Zook turns around and says, Bring hither two tubs of water. Who are you talking to?

I don't. I know you're not talking to me, Hermine says. Nope. Could somebody please get a big tub of water? Or could we get into one of the tubes? Would that be okay? I don't know why I'm talking like this? Amper sand 5.

to the side of the room where there are a bunch of showers and tubs for Brynar to recharge in. Because it's a cafeteria and that's sort of their, how they get full up to. All right, you wanna get in the shower with me? Thanks, come on. Yeah, okay. It's like a hot tub situation.

Let's say it's like a hot spring situation. Like there is a communal, this is not weird. There is communal sort of like, baby. No, it's only weird if you make it. Hey, big ups to whoever's very specific fetish is being served by this. Yeah. I love when human-shaped coral soaks together.

All right. You get in one of these hot springs with Amper Sand 5 whose like knees are sticking out of the water. They are so like ill-fitted for this particular tub. They're holding the lantern like above the water. And they said, Amper-Sand-5 says, I'm not actually sure if I can get this wet. they like start to submerge it and Phineas call yells ow oh oh oh no I'm just blank go ahead

and they submerge the lantern in the water okay so Zooks reaches up with one corally frondi hand and puts it up next to ampersands I should probably no no up up up to the Okay. It's on the lantern and says, my mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts. And then we were sued. For the 15th time in Taz's history. He starts like Dr. Strange going through some of the weird astral planes. Oh, we got sued twice by two different people in one sentence.

Awesome. Wow. He starts going through this weird scene like the inside of Phineas's mind, not brain. Yeah, as you touch the lantern, everybody else in the room sees you, like, having this fucking journey and, like, just cruising through the cosmos in your own sort of, like, on your own fucking shit, just surfing your own wave. and ampersand 5 looks at you and says, when is it, when does it actually start for us? Because it is doing nothing. You touching this lantern is accomplishing nothing

because it is a sort of metal construct that you're getting nothing out of. Maybe we should open the lantern? Phineas says, hey, there's no secrets here. If we got memories to show me, you can show Ampersan. Amperstan, you mind being a conduit? And Amperstan 5 shakes their head and holds out a hand. Okay.

Then Zooks reaches up that same fronday hand, kind of intertwines the quote-unquote fingers, and says, My hand to your hand. my palm to your palm Make a Make a nature check Oh wait, hold on

You've got Zizuques, I believe in you And I give him Bartig Inspiration Okay, good, just in the midnight hour Yeah This was a good role to do that on So I mark one in inspiration Okay I've literally been like staring at Bartag Inspiration

This whole time Not thinking to use it Yeah You need a like framed napkin that says Bartic Inspiration like Bartlett for president on your desk. Well, that's 18. Oh my goodness. Wow.

Should I do it again? No. I mean, no, why would you do it again? No, Bartic Inspiration, just reminder, you add a D8, 1D8 to a roll. So, which I don't need to do now. No. I think you want to juice this roll, but a 21 is very good. You could juice it.

It's... All right. I'm using it. I'm going to use it. Sure. Why not? Roll a D8. Five.

That makes it 26. Wow. Okay. Wow. With a 26. Wow. Okay. It's easy.

It's so easy. You've never done this with a brine arm before. Maybe that's why it's so easy is because the physiology is so similar, but it is like, it's like you are remembering something. Only the first thing that you are remembering is the Aynar Plateau. And you are a shepherd. And you are herding some sheep and your... Now, I assume you said herding and not hurting. She's not just like sitting there like,

and poking him in the eyeball or something, right? Right. And your husband is helping to sort of repair a fence in this corral. And then the scene changes. And you're a little girl who is hiding in the rain as one of her friends is stomping around. in puddles and looking for her. And then you are part of a convoy of wagons moving from the cliffs deeper into the fields of the plateau.

And you bounce around all of these different sort of disconnected memories. And then each of them sort of reach this sudden. end where now you are just in this plane of glimmering light and you feel all these memories, all of these sources of memories start to sort of blend together into one entity that feels restless and feels angry and is fighting this place that they are. residing and pushing against the boundaries of it. And you start to see shapes in the light that you recognize Zooks as the shepherding pool that you saw, you know, a few days ago where tessellation, you know, does their work. But there's another voice in the room that doesn't coalesce with the other ones that you feel kind of like,

disconcerted by and then you are in that voice and you feel pain you feel a lot of pain because you are dead you feel death and it is make a wisdom saving throw for me oh yeah six

I want you to take three points of psychic damage you just bit off way more than you can chew because you just felt death, which is not like great. Right, okay. And you kind of work your way backwards, and you hear voices, voices that you can understand. Only you are, like, deeply unconscious. This is like way, way, way back of your mind stuff,

and you hear panicked voices casting like a bunch of different spells all at once trying to revive you. And then you go back further, and you are on the floor in a pool of water, and there's an unconscious body, or maybe dead, a few feet away from you, and you realize you are on the floor of the bathosphere in like three inches of standing water,

and the door to the bathysphere opens, and you hear Hermine 25 years younger, gasping and running in and grabbing out, you and dragging you out of the bathosphere. And then you go back further and you remember a struggle inside of the bathysphere with this other person that you can't quite see. And then you remember something else. You remember a dark place, a quiet dark place.

And you remember pressure all around you, pushing down on you. You remember the feeling of it in your ears, almost unbearable, even though, this quiet, calm place is peaceful. Everything about it is almost pleasant except for that pressure. And there is a crack in the sandy floor at your feet. And there is heat coming up from that crack. And there are bubbles coming up from that crack. You remember it as a vent on the ocean floor.

You remember it as a sands. sacred place. You remember it as the origin of all life came from these vents and you can remember a voice coming from that crack from something just below the surface. And then when you come to Zooks, you come to in a room that is different from the one that you began. this connection in because there are alarms going off. And you see people running out of the room back toward their stations. And you see the baluster Hermene knelt down beside your two friends. And Devo looks up at you first and he looks in pain.

and he's clutching at his chest. And as he looks up at you, you notice that emerging from underneath his chin, there are two small webbed fins that connect his neck up to his jawline. And then Amber meets your gaze, and the panic in her eyes is almost cartoonishly exaggerated, because her eyes are different. They are slightly larger with huge black pupils surrounded by a ring of silvery blue. She's looking back at you with fish eyes. And when you look around this room and listen down the further reaches of the cradle,

you realize what is happening to them is happening everywhere. The city of Founders' Wake is transforming. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience. Audience supported.