The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 31

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

The Menagerie: Part OneAfter a period of enjoying their newfound infamy, the crew of the Coriolis take on a mission to recover rare animals which have gone missing.Additional music in this episode: ��Through the Wormhole” by Dilating Times https://www.tommasocroce.it/; and “Comatose” by Kai Engel http://www.kai-engel.com/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone Ethersea. Cambria, we don't have to do this. I've overstayed my welcome, haven't I? Begin at one end of the bubble and work towards the temple. Kodira says, uh, are you, are you clear of the, of the blast radius? Your city, I pray for its survival. The phytoplankton saves, the glass sphere. does not. And it shatters, and like the flash dance music video, a bunch of water falls down

onto Zooks. You see the last missile hit the temple of Cambria. Outside of the cradle, up in the ballast, hundreds of people have gathered. And attached to that airlock at the end of a long tunnel is the flagship of the Ark Fleet. When the airlock doors open, the people behind them, they see the citizens of the Founders Wake and see their new dramatic transformations. And it does not break their stride as the two communities, these distant relations rush into an embrace. race. A new day has dawned

under the scene. It's more like a new... King Triton smiles upon us. That's not part of it. Certainly not part of it. Well, Justin, actually,

I've been about some of my notes off Travis, so he does know that it is going to be sort of a little mermaid OC with my own

sort of characters. Oh man, we're going to get like OC characters in here? Got Ryan. Yeah. It's got Ryan and Seth,

but they're Murfolk. Hell yeah. Fuck, actually, hold on, let me write all this down. Rachel, cut all this out, because this is our next magnum opus. It's actually under the OC. Yeah, I mean, they did that. I mean, that was the name of several of their formal dances. That's fair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually a new month. It's been about a month since the events. The encounter with Cambria. and the city is back up and running for certain after the sallow. How's it smell around? Is there like a new smell now? We got better and newer phytoplankton?

Oh, it's like way fresher. It's way fresher. Yeah. Now you're not sort of smelling the smell of, I think it was five big phytoplankton. Now it's a bunch of little ones. And there's just a more sort of like, you know, there's a more of a variety to the smells that are coming through. I would say deeper notes. Yeah.

It's more effective. I think where it hits the most is in Joshy's knuckle. You definitely still get that like spicy food stall smell, but it's not like stagnant. People are more energized than you have seen them in years. And just kind of the vibe of the city has changed as folks have also become sort of accustomed to their new, you know, fish features. You three are in the gills, making your way towards. award the Blue Span brokerage for yet another gig. Griffin, I have a question.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have we experienced any kind of like notoriety as the people who like restored the phytoplankton and kind of saved everybody's butts? I mean, certainly among the people in the know in the city. The Hoy-Polloy. The Hoy-Polloy, right? Like the balusters know who you are. The people who are like connected enough with the political workings of the city. City definitely know what you did. And so, like, you have gotten recognition there. I don't know that

every other person in Founders Wake kind of recognizes what you did. I mean, y'all tell me, have you, have you been tooting your own horns around town? Have you been sort of talking yourselves up at your various haunts here in the city? I don't know that Devo has haunts. I definitely bragged about the blink shark I exploded. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Uncle Joshi was impressed with that, but when he found out you just sort of blowed it up with a big bomb, he was less impressed with it. The word dishonorable was thrown around mostly in jest, but there was a sense that he did find his somewhat dishonorable to blow. Little truth spoken in just. A little truth, right.

Yeah. I don't think Zooks has been bragging about it because ultimately I think Zooks realizes that he would. was the cause of the big problem. No, he wasn't. That's not how it works. Dad, you rolling a one is not Zucs's fault. Well, I think he felt bad

for me. So he felt, so you're saying, Dad, to give this straight, Zooks felt bad for you, Clint McElroy in real life. Well, we were the causes of it. I mean, the stuff came on. But you say he felt bad for you.

This is a weird, this is a weird like purple rose of Cairo except like... Zook, step through my computer screen. Right, it's like three layers deep. Griffin, can you say last action hero? Because that's a reference I would get way more. Yeah, last action hero. It's a lot like that. I tell you who have not achieved notoriety with.

As you all approach the brokerage, you see three familiar, albeit unpleasant faces, leave the building. It is the crew of the gut punch. your rival contractors. There's a stocky Delmer engineer who is flanked by sort of a squat Brynar warrior and a tall pantsuit wearing cleric. And as they walk out and see you all, the Brynar walks forward and says,

oh, look, it's the, it's the Glory Hollis crew. Yel back from picking up some new contagions to try to wipe out the whole city with, a bunch of dingalings. Oh, no. We were busy saving the city, and what were you doing, crew of the butt munch? Yeah.

High five. We're on some next-level hero shit. Oh, you were saving a bigger city that you know about that we don't know about. Was this it? More expansive civilization? Did you save your Canadian girlfriend city? High five.

The three of them actually look at each other, And kind of like, kind of giggle. And the Brian Ars says, yeah, something like that. It's, you all wouldn't, y'all aren't ready to this. Okay. Yeah, me too. Yeah, go ahead. Well, too bad.

I had the idea for the first. For the amazing insight check. By the way, y'all can heal up. Oh, yeah. I got a 90. I love one up too. Is that okay? Oh, it doesn't matter, Travis.

I'm going first. I got 16 plus three. Now you wasted that 20, Travis. Your next role was going to be a 20 and you wasted it. You did waste it. Yeah, I mean, the 19 would have done it, Trap. Oh, damn it. But mine's a not 20.

But you both are going to get the same level of information. She's telling the truth. When she talked about, when you all joked about saving an even bigger city, like, their smiles feel completely genuine. Well, come on. Don't keep us in suspense. What did you do? It's, uh, it's, uh,

Let's just say that we might have some new neighbors if everything goes well. Just doing a little diplomatic work, just a little bit of brave hero stuff, a little bit of salvation. That's wonderful. Cool. That's really great. Thank you. That's wonderful.

Hey, we appreciate your assistance. Oh, it's. Thank you for your meager contribution. Appreciate it. All right. Well, um... Wait, uh, before you go, I want just to put it to decide. It's the cleric, right, who had the cool sunglasses?

Yeah. Uh, just, uh, to the cleric, uh, just real quick, um, listen, all cool jibes and beefing assigned. Just influencer to influencer, you got to check out Norma's pile. They have such good stuff there, such good prices. This is fashion you're not going to find anywhere else. I'm telling you. Look, look at, look what I can do. Who is this, what is this vest?

And Devo's just kind of like switch the vest over to be just a cool picture, like an animated gif of like a cat lowering its sunglasses and winking. It's, you're taking, you're exploiting this great magic item I gave you. I'm not going to use it all the time that way, Griffin. I'm not going to make it do that. Just for the, like he's going to burn two uses of it to do this cool cat winking. She lowers her sunglasses and then pulls her sunglasses and then pulls. out like one of those cigarettes on like a long, long, long, long, long, long stick, Devil Wears

Prada style and looks down at you and she says, consignment? Oh, I don't remember saying this word. Why would you assume this? So maybe you have been to Normals pile, hmm? Oh, dang, you catch her off. She drops her cigarette stick and picks it up. Oh, shit.

Now where did you get the sunglasses? I must know. Kiosk at the mall. Of course. Zoot a law. The engineer tugs on the Brinar's armor and whisper something in her year. She says, all right, we got to go. We got just treaties and all kinds of stuff that we got to get prep.

But y'all keep it real. and you suck you stink you suck shit and we're the best, you're the worst and yours's the worst and we're the best and you're the worst, okay, half my farts. Okay, bye, butt munch. They all walk off nodding at you. And as they're walking off, Zooks, yells at the briner.

I achieved total consciousness last month and I'm not curious about you or how you think. That's true. Drag him. Wow. Mess with us, will they? She actually walks back to you when you say that. Zooks and she says, wait, are you, are you for real?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I am, I am me and I'm no longer trying to figure out who I am. And I only hope that you can achieve this level of total consciousness, which is nice. Okay. That's, why don't you hit me up sometime? She pulls out like a little piece of paper and starts writing on it.

She's like, I'm joking aside. We like to make fun of each other and stuff. I'm Bo. And I'll write down my last name here. Just hit me up sometime, okay? And that last name is pronounced Fuddies. Bo Fuddies? Yeah, Bo Fuddies.

Nuts. And she walks away. Damn it! You walk right into it. Thank God those again. Boy, I don't. I don't know what day. This is about testicles.

I shall explain it to you. Yes. Oh, okay. Most of these. Oh, right. Remember how I was telling about testicle jokes the other day? This is one of those testicle jokes. Boy, there is egg on my face holes.

Oh. After being slammed by a testicle joke, you should not talk about egg on your face holes. That's true, yeah. Okay, you all make your way into the brokerage, and Ravi Montrell welcomes you into his office. He looks, he has calmed down. After finding out that one of his contractors, nearly doomed the city. He was probably put on administrative leave. But he is, he is looking cocksure now as he walks in. You are definitely, like, you have moved up in his rolodex significantly.

You are like in the, like the platinum tab, the little platinum separator that he has in there. And he says, look at you, look at you, and look at you. Where's your, you should have keys to the city? Where is your city keys? What do you be? been opening up with your city keys. I'm getting mine personalized as it is going to look like a little cool face on the end, my face. Cool. I was, I don't, did they really give you keys to the city?

No. Okay. It's more of a fob. Well, I got you all these stickers. And they are big thumbs up stickers. Those are called, those are called Ravi Marks. And you get five of those. you get a prize.

But these are only for acts of great heroism, he said. Hey, if people started to ask about us yet, like, anybody requesting us specifically? No. But if I'm being touched in a mess. No, listen, it's, I mean, there's hubbub, there's buzz. But I think it's, you know, it's all about supply and demand, isn't it? Right.

So I'm still waiting for those jobs to come across my table. And when I do, I will. remark them for you guys because I think that you have what it takes to bring in the big baloney, which I don't know why I said that. I meant money. No one's ever said that. Yeah, it's pretty cool the way that my brain works. You're a real disruptor. Y'all feel like taking a job.

You have been kind of kicking it for a month, and that's fine with me because you did have a, you know, leaving off the spoils, you know, we almost beefed it. You got to live it up a little bit. Sure, sure. Now, Griffin, just to clarify, we didn't get any money. paid for the last job. For saving the whole city. That was sort of a fully.

Yeah. Okay. Well, probably there were a lot of free drinks. Yeah, sure. Oh, we spoke at a lot of luncheons.

Probably. Yeah. So. Thank you for having the Chamber of Commerce, ribbon cutting. Yeah, yeah, definitely. We opened some supermarkets.

So he's... I meant we got some gold for that, some lux. No. Probably not. He slides two folders across the table. towards you. And he says, you know, the heartbeat of the city is pounding. We're all getting back to

work. We're loving it. Ba-da-ba. Bapa. Things are a little bit slow in the contract work department, though. So just got these two jobs. One of them you've seen. One of them is like covered in cobwebs. And it says, investigation, the biomass swarm on it. As he picks it up out of his his desk, actually, the manila like folder like crumbles a little bit with age. As he sets it, down next to another folder called Investigation, the Menagerie Thief. These are the two jobs available to you guys. They are both two star in risk. The biomass swarm, again, the client is Ballister-Codira, and she is seeking a team of contractors to investigate a growing stationary swarm of sea life, several dozen nautical miles from the city.

Your primary objective is to discover what's causing the swarm, but a sizable bonus will be made available to any team that is able to dispel the swarm without requiring the show. chaperones intervention. The other job is the menagerie theft. The client is the curator who is seeking a team to investigate a recent theft from the menagerie, a facility in the conservatory task with preserving wildlife from the surface world. A handful of animals have been stolen away from Founders Wake lately, the most recent of which being two aurochs, a male and female, the last of their species. Good grab. I, um, Menagerie sounds fun to me. Yeah, this is fun because Devo has to weigh. because he's pissed off both of these people, but he pissed off Kodira much more recently. So the curator has had more time to maybe cool down a little bit. And I don't know.

I don't know. I don't like animals. Are we the only people that Devo has not pissed off? I don't know. I pissed you guys off sometimes. Yeah, he definitely pissed off Amber. Okay, yeah, I like the... I love aurochs. I'm a big aurox.

Oh, you do? What's your favorite thing about them? Their horns? There you go. Because the horns do not stick out like from the sides of their head. They almost thrust forward. Did you just Google Orox then? No, I did not.

I googled it before. Orocks are sort of oxen with big, they're like longhorn oxen. Okay. Basically. They are also extinct, sadly. I mean, they are in our world and mostly extinct in this world. It sounds like, yeah. Okay.

Oh, yeah. Okay, menagerie. Okay. Let's do it. He pulls out his little rubber stamp, stamps the menagerie folder, slides it over to you guys. He says, this might seem like a real snoozerino after, you know, the high-stakes adventure that you all went on last time. But, you know, you got to stay on the grind, as they say, and rescue you these sweet beasts. Okay, we are depicted.

We said yes. Yeah, you don't, it stops hell it. You guys are up to as I don't want you to be afraid of this one. You guys are definitely up for it. No, we're not. We're not worried about it. Also, Ravi, you seem like a fashionable young man. Have you checked out to Nirmus Pyle?

Nirmus Pile, now what's that? Well, it is a shop for only the finest. Now, wait a minute, because I am on a budget. Oh, my friends. Oh, the Nirmus Pyle is made for you. It's the finest clothes at the lowest prices. It's right next to the pipe. You go down, you find the steamy pipe.

It's right there. Oh, by the steamy pipe up in the knuckle? Yes, of course. You know. The big steamy alleyway pipe in Josh's knuckle? Yes. Everyone knows where that. Yeah.

Oh, man. Thanks for the hot tip. You tells them Devo sent you and you will pay sticker price. As all this happens, there's just an hourglass somewhere in a shadowy chamber and a glowing grain of sand falls through it as normal looks over it just smiling yes she says it's happening no none of that's real it might be uh okay uh he hands you all the folder he says okay you all know the deal or maybe you don't it's been a while since you had a real job uh but uh you need to go hit up the curator find out more details and uh get him to sign off when you're finished and then we'll do a money dance

oh of course yes standard cool and if you guys want to hang out like Oh, look is the time. Oh, the camera hero. I got some new records. Wait, records. Oh, wait, tell me more. Yeah, they're, they're, um, they can pop them down on the tone wheel. I got Dewey Lewis.

Sorry. No, you don't, it's certainly not. No, I love that. It's, yeah, it's D-E-W-Y. It describes his moisture. Yeah, he is. He's like a wet, he's like a wet Lewis. It's like certainly not.

It's pretty good stuff. Here, actually I'll put some on right now. Gotta run. No, I want to hit this. No, before the copyright strike hits. Get the fuck out of that office. Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun, and I have a special announcement.

I'm no longer embarrassed by my brother, my brother, and me. You know, for years, each new episode of this supposed advice show was a fresh insult, a depraved, jumble, of erection jokes, ghost humor, and frankly, this is for the best, very little actionable advice. But now as they enter their twilight years, I'm as surprised as anyone to admit that it's gotten kind of good. Justin, Travis, and Griffin's Witticisms are more refined, like a humor column in a fancy magazine, and they hardly ever say Bazinga anymore. So, after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other show,

why not join the McElroy brothers every week for my brother, my brother, and me. Are you ready to binge watch something old? The Greatest Generation is a podcast about Star Trek by a couple of hosts a little bit embarrassed to even have a Star Trek podcast. Hosted by me, Ben Harrison. And me, Adam Pranica, we get into the critical, the technical, the science fictional aspects of the show we love while roasting it and each other at the same time. completed an entire series about Star Trek the next generation,

and another one about Star Trek Deep Space Nine, and we've just begun Star Trek Voyager. So now is a great time to start watching a new Star Trek series with us. So subscribe to the greatest generation on Maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts, and become a friend of DeSoto today. Okay, you all make your way up to the conservatory. And as you approach the DOScent, who is sort of the big, big bodyguard, for the curator greets you outside of the lift and ushers you toward the menagerie.

Again, just to paint a picture, the conservatory sort of stands apart from the rest of the city and that like it just kind of looks like a big well-tended park. Like a lot of the financial resources of the city are funneled into keeping this layer, this district looking so crisp. and there's several buildings up here, including sort of many museums that the curator manages. The church, the parish, the benevolent parish is also up here. But the menagerie is, it's somehow even more kind of decadent than the rest of the buildings here.

It's almost like faux ancient looking. Like it's sort of a white marble tower. And as you enter, and the docent sort of leads you past the security check-in desk, the inside it like matches pretty much exactly. It is almost like a big cylindrical library. There's a lot of sprites, just like glowing cubes coming and going, checking on like different sort of cupboards or not covered, little alcoves all throughout. It almost looks like a big library with the spiral staircase running up the length of the whole thing. And in each of those alcoves, there are a pair of glass spheres about the size of a bowling ball. And inside of that bowling ball is another bowling ball.

Another bowling ball all the way down. inside of each of these bowling balls are like little almost like diaramas of different kind of like biomes from the surface world you see some that are sort of like you know sandy deserts and some that are swampy marshes and some that are prairies and just just of all sorts

and then inside each one you can see a tiny little animal just to scampering around that's adorable The docent walks you inside and he looks sort of kind of timid for his size as he walks you in and the curator greets you as you enter and the curator says, oh, my friends, welcome. It's good to see two of you. Yes, this is fair. Yes. You're taking on the job then?

This is great. I hear you're in high demand these days. Yeah, I guess our reputation proceeds us. Yes. Carreter, if I may, write off the bat. I know that the last time that we met, I behaved very poorly. Extorted is the word that I like to. When I tell the story to my friends, I use the word extorted.

Yes, I was new to the job and new to the world. I had been very sheltered at those in, and I behaved so poorly. And I want you to know I feel terrible about the ways that I behaved. and I hope that you are able to look past that and put your trust in this. Absolutely. Absolutely, bygones. I do mostly want to talk to the other two about the job details. If that is okay, I still, it's your voice makes me sad to hear it.

Because I think about the way that you extorted me when I was in a very vulnerable place. I hate to hear that. This is completely understandable. If you'd like, I actually have a errand I would like to run before we go. so I could step out. Yes, this is the best of both worlds. Excellent. And Devo leaves.

Oh, excellent. Okay. We're going to head towards the parish. Okay. We're going to finish up here first. The curator says, so, yes, it's like I said in the contract. We've had some thefts from our menagerie here. Each theft representing the extinction of one of our.

precious beasts and we need to put obviously a stop to this because it's once we return to the surface world once things you know chill out a little bit we want to have our animals back they're great animals don't you think yes this is this is the job um not many witnesses aside from of course my my friend here the docent who uh you'll have to You'll have to ask him what he saw, because when he told me, I said, you've been hitting the, you've been hitting the, the, the, uh, the hooch a little too hard, I said. And then, uh, and then I laughed, but he was still so scared. And it seemed like I made him kind of uncomfortable. And we haven't spoken since. All right. Well, we'll hit him up. Thank you.

Um, do you need anything for me or can I? Stick around. We may think it's some other questions. Okay. Okay. That's what they say, right? Yeah, sure. That's what they. detectives say. Don't leave town. Right. Yeah, that's good. Okay. You all are in, you know, L.A. Noir investigation mode at this point. Okay. What do you do? Dad, what do you think? Well, I think Zuchs would like some general information first. Okay. So how does this all work?

Docent. How, how, I mean, are they going to make the animals bigger? I mean, just the bowling ball weigh as much as a full-grown, you know, a couple of animals? What's the technology here? He walks over to one of the alcoves and picks up one of the bowling balls and then grabs like a, just one of the folks doing busy work running around here and hands them the bowling ball. And he says, You'll know about magic?

Some of it, yes, yes. This magic makes things very small, and you can put them in things and contain them. And you do it. And the assistant there holds onto the orb and it glows, and then just a horse comes out, like a fully-sized horse just like appears out of a beam of light and just pops out of the beam of light.

And it just pops out of it. of it, poker ball style. Of course it does. The docent like pets its main. He says, this one is my favorite. So which one did they steal? Well, I'll show you. And he hops up on the horse's back and just like starts to very slowly trot over.

And the assistant looks very nervous as this happens. He says, let's see, we have had the, before the Orox deal. disappeared we had four different thefts. Here you can see the long claw, the serval. We got the tufted rhino, the silver striders, and the polar bears. And the shrine of the silver monkey. I fucking knew someone was going to... He says, so this would be the fifth fifth,

but this is just the first one that we caught because you see. And he walks over to the tufted rhino exhibit, and it looks like there are like those bowling balls sitting in the places where they're supposed to be, but as he reaches for them, his hand passes right through them

and the illusory sphere has disappeared. So I went through and I touched the rest of the orbs and so the rest are okay. Let me, before we work too hard,

let me try to reframe this. Are people allowed to touch the spheres of the menagerie typically? Typically no one is allowed access into the menagerie. It is not It is not like the rest of our exhibits where you can come and have an interactive sort of soul-enriching experience with all the great art. So people can't touch him, right?

No, unless you have very special privileges, and he pets the neck of his horse. It says they can't take this from me. Now, okay, so you can't touch him, but there's a losery magic that makes it look like they're still there, right? Yes. All right, well, let me ask you this. Is there even a problem? I don't understand what you mean. Well, nobody can touch them.

Right. And it looks like they're there, right? Right. So I think we just pack it in for the day, right? If people are like, hey, I touch this in my hand passed through it, you should be like, you shouldn't have touched it. That was your mistake. So you're saying that, like, some of us will know. No, like, no more polar bears.

But everyone else will be like, can't wait until we get back to the surface and kick it with these great white bears. Exactly. Listen, we're going to be so thrilled to be back on the service. Who's going to miss polar bears? Right. So the meetings of the tufted rhino fan club

that happens in the city, I can show up and be like, don't worry, guys, everything's great. Yes, I suppose it's a victimless crime, except for, of course, the polar bears. and rhinos and silver striders and long clots are all rox. I'm just really glad that diva's not here for this. Yeah, you left.

I, Travis McRoy, am screaming, he was a witness. Okay. If you wanted to be in the investigation, I didn't know we were going to be interviewing you. We were just making conversation. All right, why don't you come clean, perp? We know you're the one that had something to do with it. Wow.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Zeus. I'm sorry about me. My partner. It's being bad cop. He, it's being a bad cop. I'm trying to play along. Shut up. Okay.

I'm sorry about my partner. He flies off the hand. He's got a real. It's a most cannon. You should. Yeah. I mean, he is. And I would tell you he's an itchy trigger finger.

It's actually very, that's not like a fun threat kind of deal. I'm warning you that like he has shot people with this crossbow that I was very little premeditation. So, um, I am sorry, and you haven't done anything to deserve this, so I am sorry about that, too. Can you just tell us what you saw? It's pretty spooky. Dang, hold on.

Let me buckle in for a chiller then. It were a ghost. I saw one of the bowling balls shaped. Wait, I should come up with a better name for them. I saw one of the containment orbs, and it was, it was, it was, it was, it was. was floating in the air and it was like a there was like a white specter that was holding it and I shouted and it vanished and then I got I got I would be honest I was so shit my pants terrified at that point that I did just run out of the building okay slow down do you believe in ghosts I'm

writing the fifth G because they believe enough good good good good ghosts yeah I wrote that down So are you telling me a ghost stole the sphere? I mean Did you see the sphere? He vanished. Did he take the sphere with him? No, he tried to steal a different animal. It was one of our beautiful lions.

He tried to get our lions, but in my bravery, I said, Hey, you ghost, stop it. And then I ran away, but it's okay because I saved the lions. You stood up to a ghost. Yeah, man. Griffin, I'd like to take, I'd like to do, I think it would be a, I don't know if it would be nature or history. I mean, this is a weird world. Yeah.

We're in, like, I'm trying to see if there's anything that immediately jumps out to me where I think like, like what it could have been. You know what I mean? Like, if there's any magical things that I know about in the world where this could be like similar to what he's describing. So I don't know if it's like Arcana or nature or history. You are trying to basically deduce our ghosts real. Not our ghosts real. More like could it have been X? Like what is not unlike a ghost that maybe it could have been?

Because just as a refresher, I mean, like, ghosts are real in this world, right? Because the spirits of the hominians. Was that it? No. Yeah, I would say you know that, right? Like, that is the only... The ainar, that's it, yeah. The Ina, right?

The spirits of the Iinar are, like, the only sort of experience. Because when they first came out, they were, like, moving shit around the camp that you all, you know, lived in on the shore side. So, like, there is a history of that. They weren't, like, visible, tangible things, like, he's describing. Like, he's described, like, a visible, white sort of. specter that he saw. This was more like poltergeist style like things moving around. So like I will give you that without without a role. If you want more than that, I don't know, you could just give me, if you're just trying to do some deduction here, you could give me in just a straight up intelligence check maybe? Yeah, intelligence. Oh my God, a natural 20-10.

Wow. I'll be dicking shit and bone breadcrums. Oh, Nellie. Amazing. You know exactly what this is. I just had a galaxy brain. Yeah, sure. Just like the light dims all around her.

And for a moment, she is smart. Every single experience you've had for the last two weeks just came into play. I was like, wait, I know this. You know exactly what this is then. You piece this, you literally connect like a dozen dots in your head all at once. You have seen this happen before. You have seen a white spectral shape that had. you had interacted with and then vanished in the blink of the eye. And it was when you were at the

auction house. And there were, you know, a lot of sort of hard light apparatuses there. But the one that sort of sticks out in particular is the auctioneer himself. Because after you sort of, after things went to shit in the, in the auction and people started to kind of abandoned ship, the auctioneer forced you all to, you know, settle up before you could leave. And was essentially like a free-floating hard light thing that a, like, sprite was projecting out. So it wasn't like a person wearing a suit. It was like a standalone sort of hologram.

That, you remember that. And as he describes what he saw, like, you put together, like, I have seen this before pretty recently. Okay. So you know what he is describing is some sort of sprite that can like make a body for itself with hard light because you saw the auctioneer essentially do that back in the auction house. And by Sprite you mean one of these like floating cubes like a drone. Like a drone, yeah. Okay.

Was that control? I mean, when I saw it before, was that being controlled by somebody or was it like? You assume it was being controlled by a real person remotely, right? Okay. Like a drone. Like a drone. Got it. Okay.

Hmm. There's a long shot, but I'm going to do an investigation check around the area where he saw the, the, I'm going to keep calling it a ghost, I guess, for simplicity's sake. Okay. We have good brain skills. I wish Devo was here. I didn't realize we were going to start the investigation. I thought we would just be getting the briefing. You could come back.

Why don't you just come back? Yeah. My errand is complete. We'll check in on that errand later, folks. Or maybe we won't. I got 15. It's a pretty important Aaron Griffin. Okay.

With a 15, there are dozens of these like floating cube sprites that are going all around the room. Occasionally you see one kind of like slot into like a little square indentation on the pedestals holding the like biome spheres. And you'll see like something change inside as they tend to the. the habitats for these compressed creatures. One of them, you notice, is not plugging into these in and things. One of them seems to be, for lack of a better word, pretending to work. And you clock it as it continues to kind of like fly around. It's high up.

It's like near where the third story is of this. of this towering library of animals. And it is just kind of floating around and it'll come close to one of the alcoves and then just like move into another one. That is what you notice. Hey, Devo, what do you make of that? Hmm.

Griffin. Yeah. What we know of these sprites, like common knowledge, are they like intelligent things? Do they have any kind of AI? Very, very limited. Like, crazy limited. They are basically specialized tools.

so that do like one thing. Would you say that they have an intelligence of three or lower? Yeah. Ah, shit, okay. So this seems to be the spite that you call it, now is trying to avoid detection, yes? So what if we all, and this is a long shot, looked away from it, let it escape, and then followed it? All right, well, yeah, let's try it. Man, I'm glad you came back.

I'm kidding. Yes, because it seems stupid. It does not have an intelligence of four or more. And so I think that in my, if I was do like, oh, look, oh, look at this horse. Everybody, look at this horse. Everybody sees this horse over here? What's this horse's name? The docent says, I mean, he doesn't have a name, but I'd like to call him Buddy.

This is a fine name. Buddy. Okay. Zooks cast Speak with Animals. Okay. To talk to the horse? To talk to the horse. Excellent.

And let's make sure everybody's really paying attention to this horse. Don't really pay attention to this horse. We don't want to miss this. Right. Okay. Okay. So, um, friend horse. Get this guy off my back.

Holy shit. Yeah, I was going to ask you, do you like having him up there? So big. You got, listen, man, you got to get me out of this fucking ball, dude. Every day he puts me back in this ball. Here's what I remember. kicking it all on the surface. Great, great, great, great, great.

Lots of people doing magic war. I don't know, guys. Seems like a bad idea to me. There's a big storm over there. Is anybody else worried about that? And then fucking Ash Ketchum comes. puts me in this little spherical prison. It's not fun.

Do you know how many carrots are in there? Hey, hey, you weird, fucked up plant man, or whatever you are. Do you know how many carrots they got in there? Do you know how many oats they are? Because as far as I can tell from my little prison, it's no oats. Oats are extinct.

Cool, but I'm not. I pray. What about a haul? I pray for death. Do you understand? My friend, I understand completely. We are not actually concerned about the horse. When you were inside that ball, could you see out?

Has that forgotten? No, no. No, that's good. No, he's investigating a horse. Could I see out? Of course, I see you big, giant weirdos just looking at me ambivalently as I scream at you. Oh, okay, so is what the docent on your back, that bastard on your back? Yeah, it sucks.

Is what he's saying true? Is that what really happened? Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's like a ghost, by which I mean, of course, like a hologram projected by one of the sprites. Like, anybody can figure that out. And it shows up, and it'll grab an orb, and then it'll just sort of like hide it and just float right out of here. Okay, so how's the sprite move? Griffin.

I mean, it's continuing to pretend to work, but like, it is, it's not like this sprite knows its cover is blown and that it needs to get, get out of here. If one of the, you get the impression that if one of these sprites just left the building in the middle of the day, apropos of nothing, like, it would, of course, raise suspicion. And so it is not, it is not, it has no cause to do that right now. And there's really no way we could get up to closer to it. Yeah, I mean, you could go up the stairs and try, but it's like. to catch it would be tricky, but not impossible.

One last question. I know your name's not really buddy. No. Can we, okay, wait, wait, wait, time out. Can we assume, can we just for the sake of, like, linear storytelling for me and Devo to, like, do something else why he's doing that? So can we just say that, like, what we'll do next is what we're doing while he's talking to the horse? Sure. Okay.

Because the horse is supposed to be a distraction, which I'm into. Yeah. I think it's great. Okay, go ahead, Dad. You're, okay, so I know, your name's probably not really buddy. What is your name, really? My name is Al-Qualanine. The last, the last of the Al-Qualanine.

Al-Qa-W-A-W-A-W. The last of the great equine empire, the cloud-stomper, the main runner. The, yeah, I'm not going to remember all that. I'll just call you Al. Okay. Can I just call you out? Yeah, typical. Can I, can I call you, Puh? Can I call you, uh, chig. Z, z. Okay, Z, it'd be Z. Yeah, call me, you can call me, call me late for dinner if you just get this guy off my fucking back.

Yep. Hey, docent, do me a favor. Um, oh, your language is so beautiful when you speak to him like that. Tell you see, what's he saying? You see, tell me all about the sort of, like, great, uh, sort of spiritual friendship that we share. No, no, no, no. No, he was saying that back when he was in the biome, one of the other horses, shit all over his back. And you might want to get off. How did that happen? You might want to.

Hey, Dad, this is me. Travis asking you. Oh. I'm mid. Jumped over him and shit. Wait, stop. We can't do our show anymore. So wait.

Are you saying that another horse left over this horse and shit? Because that would have to be premeditated. You can't accidentally do that. You wouldn't start running when you felt the shit coming on accident. That was my second choice, but I thought the first choice would have grossed everybody. He says, we keep the animals separated into their own, by-own containment units. So I do not know how it would do. But I am, if it is a yucky back, I do not care because buddy is my best friend.

Yeah Listen Only friend If you really If you think about that The only friend Get off Please get off the horse

He does not like it He does not like You sitting up Maybe if it were a child Maybe if you were sitting on a child Maybe if a child Was sitting on him He'd be okay

But you need to get off Please get off Al Right now Okay His name's not buddy He looks down at Buddy's face And said Is this true, buddy?

And buddy says, I can't, I really, I can't with this fucking dude anymore. I'm going to buck him in like five seconds. Oh, okay, get off. Oh, really? Yeah, I've been saving up some really good kick strength because I got nothing to kick in there either. Yeah, buck him off and I'll jump up. I want to see what it's alive. Don't fucking dare.

You look poignant as shit, my friend. I am kind of poignant. The docent slides off, and he looks kind of bummed out. He says, okay, well, pulled him back in. And the assistant sucks the horse back into the biome sphere, and you hear Al-Qualanine go, and he is shrunken little again, and they put him back on the pedestal.

I don't guess we could have him. Could we? Can you have the last one of two horses that exist in the world? You're going to take... Well, I'll take both. good care of him? You promised to feed him and walk him? I will feed him and walk him every day.

Got it, got it. Devo and Amber. What are you doing? So during this time, like, he's continued doing the thing. So Devo is going to whisper to Amber like, I will sneak up on him. You get your extra hands out. You get ready to catch? Yeah.

Catch the Sprite? Okay. You all probably make your way up the stairs. to like the level that this sprite is pretending to work on. As you all approach it, it's like trying to move away and give you all distance, as if this is like a protocol. It is following to not specifically get caught. So you all will need a tactic to achieve this.

Is the sprite distracted by all this horse nonsense going on the ground? I would find it very distracting myself. I would say, I would say yes. Whatever technique you all try to pool, I will give you. you know, a boost to it because of the distraction that you all have created here. But you have to have some sort of technique because this thing is not going to let you just walk up to it and fucking grab it. Because it is being a little bit more intentional than that. Hmm.

What color is the Sprite? Like, what does it look like? It's just plain glowing white sprite. It looks like the rest of them in this room. Okay. Devo's going to change his glamour weave. Okay. to be the same glowing white.

Okay. As another sprite. Okay. And he's going to move in 90 degree corners. He's going to move however the sprites are moving. You're going to make yourself cube shit? What are you doing? No, no, no.

But like however the sprites are moving, which I assume is like short sacado movements. I'm matching those, baby. I'm matching their pace. I'm matching their rhythm. We're doing a dance now. So is this a stealth? Stealth check or? I mean, I guess that's better than a blend.

Yeah, we're going to go with performance. Griffin. Okay. Yeah. If you're dancing, I like them. Okay. Yeah, go ahead and make a performance check. This is pretty out there shit, man.

And I have advantage, though, right? You said because the distraction. Mm-hmm. Yes. Well, at this point, it's like what is more distracting this horse conversation happening downstairs or this man pretending to be a cube. Whoa!

Yeah, that's a Nat 20. Okay. Are you kidding me? 26 total. Amber, it's the damnedest fucking thing, man. You're like, where's Devo? And where did that big cube come from?

He is man cube. Half man, half tube. He walks in two worlds, but is the master of both. He has, He has legs. Here is what that accomplishes, though, Devo. This sprite, you have definitely sort of broken its cover because it is no longer zipping

around and pretending to be one of the other sprites. It's like you are now the biggest, most distracting thing in this room. So before it was kind of distracted by this horse thing happening, now it just saw a man turn into a cube, and it's like something. I didn't turn into a cube. I want to make it clear. For all intends and purposes, it brings the cube. From its perception, I've turned into a cube.

I don't want some weird favor of Devo the Cube now. Well, yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Amber, what are you doing? Because now, here's what I will give you. It is so confused that it is, for a moment, like, it has broken its avoidance. I'm just going to snatch it out of the air. Okay.

With my net. You do have a net, don't you? Yes, I do. Okay, why don't you make... Fishing tools. Amber comes from fishing people and she says are fishing tools. Just make an unarmed strike role because I mean, you definitely have proficiency with fishing tools. I will say so.

The modifiers, the numbers will be the same. And make it with advantage because Travis turned into a cube. 14 or 11? Okay. on a 14, you Devo the Cube, see Amber sort of creep up behind this thing and throw a net over it. And Amber, you managed to like gather up the corners of the net as this sprite immediately jerks away and is trying to pull you up into it. No, fuck it. It pulls you up into the air. You are now holding onto this net and this. This sprite is now flying all around the room as you sort of hang on for dear life underneath of it.

And now everyone is looking up at this scene. This sprite, it doesn't seem to be like trying to go in any particular direction. It is like a bucking bronco trying to get you off of it right now. Zooks, what are you doing? The horse has been put back in the horse shelf. So you're not talking to the horse anymore. I think Zeus is going to join the party. Yeah.

Just going to walk over and prepare an action. Okay. Are you going to tell me what the action is or is it going to be like a special surprise, like a special. It'll be a special surprise. Okay, cool. Devo, what about you? The Cube. Devo the Cube.

So is Amber anywhere near Devo? Is it? Sometimes. Okay. I'm going to also try to. Amber is sort of flailing. behind this thing as it zips around sort of the open area of this of this huge tower okay now would you say that this counts griffin as fighting it is amber fighting it amber are you fighting it

i mean i'm being pulled through the air right yeah i mean as much as i can't i mean no i mean i don't know what i would be doing okay great um i am going to cast a charm person On the cube. So it is a creature, yes. I will... Oh, it does have to be a humanoid. Never mind. That doesn't work.

Not a cubinoid. I am going to talk to the cube? Okay. Sprite. I see that you are busy and I understand this, yes. I assume that you have figured out that you have been undone as it were and perhaps discovered as the projection. Now, we can offer you amnesty, yes,

some sort of forgiveness where we will not punish you. You are merely the tool, the vessel being used to accomplish this theft. If you would please stop swinging my friend around and, you know, be willing to help us in this investigation. Then no punishment will be taken. taken against you. And in fact, you could probably work here or in some other facility once all this is done, perhaps even with us, if you've ever had the desire to travel. But we will need your help and please stop swinging my friend around. This is going to be a persuasion check. Yeah. But because of sort of the nature of this thing, which is to say, you know, based on what you all have to do so far, it is being sort of controlled.

by a third party. I'm going to make you take disadvantage on this persuasion check. Okay. Well, that's a 20 total, 11 plus 9, and a 17 plus 9, a 26.

So 20 or 26? So it'll be a 20. Okay. With a 20, it is going to do what you say, but not before you make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, okay. 14 plus a 10.

Four and 18. Okay, you and Amber make a dexterity saving throw. Yeah, all right. That's 20. Yeah, okay. This is amazing. It stops in the air, leaving Amber dangling like 30 feet above the floor of this, of the menagerie. And then after it hears what you say, it dive bombs you, Devo, bringing Amber sort of like flailing behind.

And you managed to jump out of the way, though, right before it smashes into you. And Amber, as it, like, sails over the railing of the platform the Devo is standing on, you just managed to, like, slide on your knees and to, like, to land on your feet. And the cube turns inert. The light that was sort of surrounding it just shuts off. And now it is just this small, gray, ruined metal cube. and it tumbles out of the net and rolls along the ground and stops. And as you see it now, Amber and Devo, it doesn't just remind you, especially Amber, since you put this together before.

It's not like it reminds you of what you saw with the auctioneer, back at the auction house. This exact cube, this exact object is the exact same thing that the auctioneer left behind when it vanished. and it is dead now. It is no longer being controlled by the auctioneer. But now, with this item in tow, the perpetrator of this crime is completely evident. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported.