The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 35

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

The Menagerie: Part Five Team Coriolis deals with the aftermath of a rash and explosive decision. Zoox sifts through the wreckage. Amber gives ‘em the runaround. Devo confronts the man behind the curtain. Additional music in this episode: "Aisles" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/;  "Blato" by Shay Brahem and Fachhochschule Dortmundand https://freemusicarchive.org/music/shay-braheem; and "Ambient V-X" and "Chewing Devil Grass" by ROZKOL https://rozkol.bandcamp.com/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, Ethersea, you are on a facility of, I would say, eccentric oligarchs, and you have sort of caught the ire of some of them. You are being hunted. But you also see, inside of this pit, it's an o'rock. Shh, it's okay. I'm going to ride you now, and I need a wind. And you see directly in front of you a muscle-bound shirtless man wearing a bull mask. I want to drive away in the dreams of Debra. And just before he gets to the dock, he activates the self-destruct and dives out of the moon. He lifts up his mask and you see a young man.

Ah, auctioneer. Tolover will do. If you would be so kind as to show me to where my friend is kept and then let her out and then let us go and then I won't kill you. Well, before all that happens, have you spoken to... And then the sight of the ship explodes. Zooks, you have, um, on this adventure, uh, done some pretty gnarly stuff from time to time, I would say. vis-a-vis, you know, combat and wanton violence. But as you float in the waters of the Ether Sea, that I would say you were just sort of knocked back through with tremendous concussive force.

As you sort of write yourself and take a look at the headquarters for Crescendo here, you realize that you've set a new bar for yourself because there is. It seems like the ship is still being built, but you know that the opposite is true. You have just sort of disintegrated a good, maybe quarter of the vessel. The upper harbor that you auto-docked the Dreams of Deborah in before setting it to explode is just gone. Nice. And...

Hey, Dad, I've never been prouder to play Don't. and dragons with you that is not sarcastic that is one of the most Travis well I'm to say one of the most Magnus things you can we see how it resolves I mean that's fine maybe see how it results yeah well before we just start handing out uh uh was the word laudette yeah is that accolades yeah I would just love to see how it all results yeah because there's a there's a there's a I'm gonna say macalades there's a lot of dad I won't allow that actually okay there's a there's a there's a lot of flotsam and Jetsam floating around.

A lot, straight up, a lot of bodies. You get the impression that if anyone was, if anyone was standing in that upper, anyone standing in that upper harbor is, there is. Aloysius Supreme. Alawishish is now, aloysious minimus. Supremely dead. It is a mass devastation. The lower harbor is just a junkyard.

And, I mean, a floating junkyard because it is like completely underwater. And as you're sort of surveying your great work, in some of that wreckage in the lower harbor, you see some hull panels that are a shade of purple that is very familiar. Oh, no. Wait. And you realize that those hull panels do belong to the Coriolis. And it is such a disaster down there. You cannot see the ship itself. but you know that it has sustained some damage

and the explosion you set off right above it. On purpose. I just don't want that to get lost to show. Yes. Okay. Time out. Time out. I have to defend myself.

Yeah. Do you? A little bit. According to the rules of ship combat that you designed yourself, Griffin. Let the record. record show. According to the tools list.

Yeah. Self-destruct, when I set off the self-destruct, I had another turn before it went off. Because at the start of your next turn, you get a chance to cancel the action with a DC-15 repair check.

Now, no, but down- You also said. Yeah, you left the ship, though. Yeah, well, you left the ship. I jumped into the moon, pool. Uh-huh. So I was still within the range. It was a bluff to a bluff to a bluff.

But you didn't say you were going to blow up the ship. So it's not, it's a silent bluff where you do the violence, but you don't say you're going to do it. That's just an attack. That's assault. I think it's always better when you know the backstory behind somebody's thoughts. Thank you, Dad. Yes.

Let's not. I love you so much. I've literally known you my whole life. When you said, I start the self-destruct, you were not thinking, and I'm going to stop it. And I'm going to go for a little swim first, but then, damn it, once I'm refreshed. From the moon pool, I will reach to the console of the gift.

People will not know the whole story till my memoir. Sure. Okay. Hey, when are you going to write those, by the way, because you need to get honest. Yeah, you get my get a little hurry, a little hustling and bustle. Countdown clock is a good question. I will say that just based on sort of every person you met on this station and the kind of dirty dealings they were getting up to, maybe no huge loss for humanity in general.

But the station itself is starting to tilt a little bit. And that's never a good sign for deep sea installations. Those things, as far as I understand it, and I'm no engineer, but I believe they're pretty meticulously designed. to withstand high pressure. Yeah. Very rarely is a deep sea like thing design and they're like, you know, a quarter of it can blow off and it'll be fine. Okay.

That is what you see, Zooks. You are, you know, you have swum back close enough to the facility to kind of like survey the damage. What is your sort of immediate inclination? Oh, I think Zooks knows he's in terms. trouble is in a little bit of trouble. I think his first concern is, to be fair, I don't think he really thought it was going to be that big up an explosion. Well, you've never self-destructed a ship before.

Yeah, but still, I mean... He self-destructed other things. I didn't think it would like a nuclear warhead or anything. Yeah. So I think his first concern is for... for Amber and Devo. Okay. I think he's thinking, oh, I've fucked it up now.

This is bad. This is really bad. And his first inclination is to swim away as fast as possible. Oh, okay. It never happened. So you're worried about Devo and Amber, but in a really passive way. He goes after Amber and Devo. So he says, I better check on Amber and Devo.

I assume the ship, the base is not a, only tilting but flooding? I mean, the part that you can see is the part that is exploded and exposed to open ocean. And so like, but you feel like just based on the fact that it is tilting, not like dramatically, maybe at like a like 10 degree angle that it is, it is flooding, yes. I think he jumps on the shelf phone and tries to call them. Okay. There is, there is no answer.

Not even a hilarious voicemail? Uh, no, there's no hilarious voicemail from two people. What would that sound like? Hey, it's Devo and Amber, and it would be like, we've done it together. Hit us back. So you guys would have to do three of those for each pairing. Okay. Uh, yeah, there's no response.

And one that's all three. We wanted to cover any occasion. Sure, sure. And then holiday versions, obviously. Um, okay. Man. Um, I think he starts search. There's no way to track them.

It's a big facility. Yeah. Does he have the sense to know, just looking at the base, where they were when they, you know, can he get to the fancy room? Well, the room that deal. Here's the thing, though, Zeus so far, like, left the waiting room and went into the dreams of Deborah and left the station and the dreams of Deborah and then blew up the station. So, like, you don't know where the other two are, right? You would not even know where to go. All you can see is what is in front of you,

which is a big hole in the ship and some pieces of the Coriolis, like, in there somewhere. Okay. He swims into the base. Okay. First off. Right. I think he starts searching. He starts looking for Amber and Devo.

Okay. Give me an investigation check. that's a 13 Okay With a 13 You float around And find like some doors right Like you find the door into the

The like little Waiting room that you all were in With the fireplace and the bearskin rug And all that jazz And it is like fused shut At this point Like the explosion has Has rendered that passageway

Completely inoperable And as you look around like bulkheads have dropped down to seal different compartments, some of which have, you know, done that job very well, some of which, like, you see bubbles like shooting out of and you know, like, uh-oh, that's, that's, water is getting into places that it probably should not be getting into. Um, but I mean, there's, there is nothing in here that tells you where, where your friends are on this station. Okay, there's obviously, he's not going to be able to find Amber and Devo

He does a quick swim around Obviously there's no sign of them They won't answer their phones So I think he swims for the choreolas To check on it Okay To see how badly damaged it is You are like following the trail

Of purple hull panels And it is like You know, you're underwater And so you can push some stuff out of the way But like there's a lot A lot of junk down here Why don't you give me just like an athletics check to see like how this, you're rooting around goes? Hmm.

Not real strong. It's five. Okay. You are pushing stuff around and you see like the, you see the choreolos. And it is upside down. And the cargo bay has like fully flooded. You can see that. you can see some of the cargo of the ship just like floating around in the water,

like your rations for the return trip, like those are destroyed and gone. Let me see. Oh, you didn't really have anything else in the cargo bay, so no great loss there. Yay, for minimalism. Yay. There are some sparks coming out where there probably should not be sparked coming out. While you are like looking at that, a piece of like an engine from another ship that just got destroyed. sort of pins you against another piece of hull, and you take eight points of crushing damage.

But you are able to free yourself from that after some toil and are able to get to the ship, to the Coriolis. Okay, you see it completely full of water? You enter into the cargo hold and see that the bulkhead did seal here. And it's like an airlock bulkhead. So no, you can tell it's just like this one room that had the opening in it. Stop being a moon pool when the thing turned upside down, right? So it just flooded the room. But no, the rest of the ship looks fine.

You can see some lights on inside. Can I get through to the control room, to the bridge? Yes. Maybe it doesn't occur to you until you go through the airlock into like the main. the passageway of the ship connecting all of the different chambers. But everything's upside down. And so, like, you can clamber toward the engine room, but it's, like, you're avoiding light fixtures as you go.

The place is a mess, right? Like, you go through the crew quarters, and the kitchen has turned upside down. And, like, all the supplies and stuff have been all jambled about. Our marble collection is everywhere. The house of cards we were building. Griffin, did you say they've been jambled about? Yeah, that's, uh, I'm not certain.

Wow, someone, jambled? You haven't read much Mark Twain. Huh. They've been jumbled and jambled and jumbled. That's from. The pieces they were everywhere. Jambled is obsolete slang for drunk. Hey, I like that.

That's cool. Yeah. Okay. Uh, you see it from a pile of like, Nutra bars. or whatever, you see urchin pop up? And he's like, hey, man, what, um, what,

what happened? It's not important. It's just some horrible catastrophe has happened. And we, we've got to find Amber and Devo, so I thought maybe we had some kind of equipment on the bridge that could, you know, well, one thing, we got to turn the ship over.

Where's the button that does that? Oh, the tops of turvils. lever. Yeah. Where's the topsy-turvy lever? There's not a topsy-turvy lever, man.

You were being sarcastic, weren't you? It's got something to do. I think it's either the pitch or the y'all. You got to twist that baby.

But hey, do you guys have, like, insurance? Because I'm not sure if I should be rolling with y'all as deep as we're rolling if it keeps on getting all dangerous like this. Yeah.

Oh, it is dangerous, but I think It's probably going to be more dangerous. Like, you should make me feel like I'm going to be safe. Are you going to, are you able to drown? That's a great question. I think so. Also a wild question to ask somebody else. Yeah, that sounds scary.

Anyway, uh, oh, please, come on. And he goes into the engine room with you, or not the engine room, the cockpit. Yeah, helps you turn the ship around. It's got power. Everything's working. There's some bad noises. And probably some alerts going off of haul damage, but you, you managed to get the ship upright. Great.

Let's jump over to Amber. Yeah. You are unconscious. This explosion knocked you around something fierce. You were on top of an o'rock and facing down this bull-masked axe-wielding hunter. And then you were... Who fell? on his quick check

Did he fall on his... His own axe and died. Yeah. Where the red firm grows. Is that what happens in that? Yeah, it's a gross book. Damn. Bad podcast spoiling good books.

I love it. You come to and you are slumped over the back of this Orock who seems to have like put you up on its back and is carrying you what at first you think is like up a hill but then you realize it's just forward in this jungle because the back of the ship is now above above you because of the way that this

is flooding as you actually look behind you you can see that like the backmost part of this jungle where you first kind of came to and encountered that polar bear it is underwater is completely flooded this jungle like compartment is is starting to fill up with water. You are, yeah, you come to on this Orox back. The axe-wielding hunter is nowhere in sight. And it is with effort sort of pulling you uphill. What do you do?

So the Orox pulling me up a hill? I mean, you're on its back, yes. And is it, is it seem to be responding to my limbs? Yeah, sure. Okay. I didn't expect that to be an affirmative answer. Yeah, I mean neither. Do I see, do I see pig man?

No, you don't see pig man. There's a bull, but. Bullman. Bullman. Bullman. Bull from the hit show bowl. Um, no sign of him, huh? Do you want there to be sign up?

Roll a perception check. I would just like to know where it. Don't make me sound weird. Like, I would just like, well, I got five fingers. Okay. Yeah, well, that's not going to mean you good. Um, how close am I to the ready room? Uh,

So looking up, the ready room is to the side. So, like, the OROC has kind of gone off course a little bit and seems to be making its way toward, like, the side of the ship, as opposed to the aft. Okay. Let me see if I can redirect him towards the red room, because I know there's, like, equipment there, so I'm still trying to get over there. Okay. Whatever is going on.

Yeah, for sure. Make an animal handling check. that's a natural 20 oh my god hell yeah plus three you're in control you like you know hoist yourself up on your tucas and grab this

this cattle by the horns and are able to kind of like get it to go where you want but it is it is fighting you pretty intently and even after you sort of tame it and are able to kind of control its direction it is whining in protest

It really doesn't want to go to this place Roll an insight check 11 It's not that it is afraid to go where you are going It's that it really wanted to go where it was going Well, I mean that's animals for you They don't always want what humans want But I am the human

That's true, that's fair I would rather it listen Okay. Does it look like you? The O-Roc? Yeah. Yeah. It's got my face.

Is there like a Griffin vibe about it where I feel like, this seems meaningful? I should listen to this orro. Is it one of those things where it's like, you know, you see pictures of like, look at these owners and their dogs. They look just alike. And they're like, yeah, I kind of see it. Put glasses on that bulldog. It's that guy. Yeah.

Yeah. First of all, it's just my face. but with longhorns on it. Oh boy. Nightmare fuel. No, it's cute. It's actually really cute. Yeah, no, it's, you know, you are in control.

It seems, uh, pretty, it seems sad is what I will give you. It is making moaning, moaning protest noises, but it is willing to go where you want to do. Oh, whatever. You know what? Okay. I'm going to change my policy. I'll change my strategy because it occurs to me that, like, of the possible assets that I have in the ready room, the.

the actual asset I have is this OROC. So I'm gonna lean into that and just head in the direction it wants to. Come on, let's get it. Wherever you're going, let's go. It, uh, I smile up at you. Lord. Gruff in the O'Rock.

And then. It's horrible. And then it takes off in a gallop toward, uh, a, uh, sort of thicket. It's muddy here. You get the sense that maybe there was some water here before, but it has drained out as the ship hit a weird angle. And it uses its big-

For whatever reason. For whatever strange reason, you're not sure what happened. You probably could guess Zooks did something. And it, like, is pushing its way through this thicket with its long horns. And after a couple of sort of clumsy minutes like that, it takes you into a clearing where you see a bunch of animals. You see the other Orock that is missing, and you see the polar bear that confronted you when you first arrived here.

You see these two very tall, long-necked, silvery-looking birds, and you see a very surly-looking, like spotted wildcat. and as soon as this orroch comes into this clearing, the other orac like runs at it and they, they nuzzle while the other animals kind of step back when they see you coming into their little safe zone here. And they all look pretty freaked out. The polar bear rears back up on its hind legs

trying to look threatening. What do you do? How do they look? I mean, like, how healthy? Not, I mean, not, right? Like, the, it's a sliding scale. The other Oroch looks fine, right? Like, the two Orox look okay.

And that makes sense because they are the most recent ones to be taken here. The serval, the spotted cat, looks like it has been through hell. This, the serval looks pregnant, too. You're not like a, you know, an expert. of servile biology, but like it has been here for a long time. The ostrich is too. Like one of them has

one of them's wings is like just drooping down. Like not held in place right. Like they have also been through the shit. Okay. I want to search this facility place for some

sort of usable equipment. There has to be something here. Oh, okay. Yeah, roll a Yeah, just roll a perception check for me. 17. Okay. There is a very, very decomposed. And you know what?

I mean, these things are in survival mode. So, like, largely eaten body. And you know what they call those skeletons? Yep. And lying next to it, there's some leather armor that it was wearing, like body armor. And you see like some scraps of red cloth that like other people working at this facility were wearing.

And there's a one of those, oh, you know, it is, you see a stun baton, but it's long since lost its charge. So it's just like a... That's actually cool. I was going to ask about it because it seemed like the kind of place where you'd find it's...

Yeah, it's fucked up. Like it's here, but it's not charged up. All right, I'm going to take the armor in those stun betticon. I mean, when they see you brandishing those sort of gear of this, you know, whether it was a hunter or some sort of, you know, groundskeeper or whatever, like, that does not make the animals less scared of you. All right, now I raise the thumb baton over in the air and then I snap it over my knee. Ooh. And the animals cheer and lift you on their shoulders. Probably not.

That'd be weird. They're animals. The polar bear drops down. Hold on. This is a magical fantasy game, Justin. All right. You're rolling around with a man made out of coral, and you're like, these animals can't cheer. I don't want to, every meal that I have of me in this game, I don't want to have to stop me like, did this dude ever write a book?

Yeah. Like, I don't. Yeah, this isn't Pokemon, you know. I don't need that. Pokemon don't write books. No, but they definitely befriend children. You two could probably write a book. Anyway, maybe Mr. Mime, too.

All the animals, this very symbolic gesture, like, columns the polar bear definitely. The ostriches, like, go back to, like, just doing whatever they were doing, you know, pecking at each other's knits or whatever. The serval still looks pretty fucking, like, pregnant. Suss about you. And the Orox come up to you and the, that you. bow you are now the queen of the orocks you hear a voice from outside

it's Clyde's voice or whatever you ended up calling him and who's Clyde? The one who was hunting the polar bear the hunter of the polar bear Oh yeah yeah yeah What did you call him? Was your character? I called him Clyde and then you said no

and I think his name was like Jimmy Clyde I don't know this was like we recorded that episode like Jimbo Clyde Jimbo Clyde Jimbo Clyde. Okay. Yep. Jimbo Clyde's voice.

Not to be confused with Frank Burblundon. Yeah. Frank Bourblon Jimbo Clyde says, Ms. Grie, a word, please? Yeah, what's it? Can you come out, please? Time is of the essence. Oh, sure, yeah, no problem.

And I come out astride in Orock. You see Jimbo Clyde standing next to the bullheaded hunter with the axe. And Clyde has his big harpoon gun at the ready. And when you come out riding the orach, the axe-wielder sort of starts like panting.

He is furious to see this site. And he says, Jimbo Clyde says, I'm sure you've noticed our current habitat seems to be in a state of quite deadly disrepair. and we probably should be evacuating.

We would love to finish our hunt before that happens, and I don't want you to get in the way of that. So will you help us out, and then we can all, I have a ship, we can all get out of here safe and sound? Why, you want to finish hunting the animals in here? Are the rest of them in there? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yes.

Not exactly the most sporting end. to our pursuit, but, uh... Yeah, it seems weird, right? To just, I mean, what's the point? What's the point? Yeah, what's the point? I mean, they're in captivity. That's not a hunt.

I thought you're a hunter. Big tough guy. The hunt is, you know, the journey. The extinction is the destination, and it's most important that we get there. So, yes, it is, I will... I am quite disappointed that it has come to this. I prefer to have a little bit of...

danger in it, but... I get it. Listen, I won't make any trouble. I'm a pretty good, like, monk or whatever, but I won't make any trouble. But can I ask one favor? Yes. Can I kill this one?

Because, like, I would love to get... There's two of them. And I would... I know I didn't pay to get the hunt or whatever you did, but I would love to kill one. Is that cool? The bull, uh, hunter, like,

screams inside of his mask. And... That's it. Okay. He's a maybe. Where are you at? Clyde says, that is not my quarry.

So I won't be heartbroken. But I do not think that my associate here will allow that. There's two big shit. Let me kill one. The bulls takes a step forward and Clyde puts a hand out

to stop him and says, now listen. I understand the appeal to be one of the ushers of these beautiful animals off of this world. I certainly understand that. But unfortunately, you are not a member of Christendale, and so it is. I'm afraid out of the question. It's a cultural thing. I've run a ground of it.

I've made a cultural faux pas. Is that right? That is quite right. Now, will you please dismount the animal? and leave us to our work? Yeah, but don't you think we should make it fair? How do you mean? Well, I mean, they're just in there.

Why, y'all go in there with your bare hands, tough guys? Come on. I... Go in there and fight them. You're an usher. It's not... It's not about the fairness of the hunt, Miss Gre. I explain this.

We need to kill these animals, and that is that. There's another, like, sort of, like, popping sound. in the distance and the whole installation groans. And Jimmy Clyde says, Ms. Grie, you will need to move or we will have to move you. I got a great hump playing for you. It's the most dangerous game.

And then I pull out two halves of the stun baton and chucking it both their faces. Me! And then I run away with the Orock. Max Fun Drive is just around the corner. 2022. Starting April 25th, it's the best time of the year to support your favorite shows

by becoming a Max Fun member or upgrading your member. We've got some great episodes and amazing thank you gifts in store. And who knows, maybe a few surprises. Don't forget bonus content. So make sure to tune in starting Monday, April 25th, to get all the juicy details on what each show has in store. Actually, wait, what are the details anyway? And why are they juicy?

That's kind of a strange adjective to describe the details. Look, it's a rough world out there, especially. lately, I get it. So let's take care of our minds as best we can. I'm John Moe, host of Depression Mode with John Moe. Every week I talk with comedians, actors, writers, musicians, doctors, therapists, and everyday folks about the obstacles that our world and our brains throw in front of us. Depression, anxiety, traumatic stress, all those mental health challenges that are way more common and more treatable than you might think. The first time I went to therapy, I was so ashamed And I was like, I can't believe I got to go in a therapy.

Like, I thought I could be a man. And Humphi Boccarat was never in therapy. And then my dad said, yeah, but he smoked a carton of cigarettes a day. Give your mind a break. Give yourself a break. And join me for Depresh Mode with John Moe. Devo, you come to and you are still in the gallery room overlooking the jungle. The glass overlooking the jungle has completely been blown out

And there are shards of it sort of all over the room you're in now. In fact, the room you're in now is a fucking disaster. There's like broken glassware and chairs and all of the like hanging, you know, plaques with the animal heads on them have all sort of fallen down. The room is a mess and you two are pretty, you are lying in the mess. Tolliver, however, it seems to be completely unbothered. by what has just happened. He is... So if I needed any clear indication

that he's yet again, another projection or whatnot, that's probably a pretty clear one, right? Um, I mean, roll a... Roll an investigation check. Uh, 12 plus 3 of 15. 15. Uh, something else is going on.

Uh, he seems to be shimmering in a way, like light through water. Uh, this is not some hard light projection, but like something is wrong because the way he is standing should not be like it's not physically normal. Is he moving? He is standing still looking out at the destruction of the ship. But I mean like is there any movement to him?

Like is he breathing? Yes, you can see that. Okay. And he sees you come to and he says, oh, you're alive. Okay. I wasn't sure how bad that was, but it seemed bad and lots of people died, but you're not one of them. That's fortunate. How do you not... What? How, why are you fine? I am. I'm a strange one, Devo. Okay. Is this... Okay. There was just a big explosion. We've gone through... This is what?

are second times that I've been somewhere where you were in charge and things went to shit. And your response to my question is like, oh, I'm going to be very quiet right now. Come on. I mean, I'm not the one who exploded. This or the other facility. How do I know? I'm standing here talking to you. Okay.

That's circumstantial. Yes, I suppose so. He says, it's no great loss, though. This or the auction house, I suppose. They both have served their purpose. Okay. Yes, I get that you're very cool and mysterious or whatever the fuck. I still, can I tell you, here's the weird thing.

You are physically somehow unchanged by big explosion, but my purpose for being here, I'm not now suddenly in like, oh, no, rescue. I need to get animals and my crew out of here. So like nothing has changed for me either. Ooh, look, we're both so cool. He walks over to you and holds out a hand to help you up.

I don't take it. Fuck this, dude. Okay. He... Chip on your shoulder. He is a poaching asshole. I don't like this guy. Alleged.

Alleged. Alleged. And it would not be a bad way to find out if he's real or a projection. Well, I don't want to touch him either. Gross. Oh, okay. He shrugs his shoulders and he walks over and he says, you can have the animals.

I mean, if you can get them out of here safely, which seems like it's going to be quite a challenge on its own. But they're animals, Devo, and they're... I'm not that complicated or mysterious, Debo. I am a fan of what is to come, the world to come. This one is over, right? This world, I think we're all sort of like kicking around and keeping ourselves busy, but

the ecology of this planet has been completely obliterated, and I disagree that, you know, one or two animals are going to make that big of a difference in it, but you can have them and take them back home, and one day they will get old and die, and there will be no other animals to replace them, and food supplies will get challenged,

and I don't understand, why you're so eager to fight for preservation when it's a drop in a bucket that has so many holes in it. Show me your hands. He shows you his hands. Okay. Now imagine you lose, let's say, your left hand in an accident to one of these animals that don't mean anything, right? Now you're left with five fingers, right? That left hand, it's not going to grow back.

Oh. So I say, I'm going to chop off another one of your fingers from your right hand. Just a drop in the bucket. You've already lost five fingers. What's another one? Except that, the more you lose, the more important it becomes to protect what you still have, you pessimistic asshole. I am. Because there are children that are in Founders' Wake that have never seen a fucking polar bear. and we have the chance to save things so that maybe right now you don't care anymore, but maybe they will, huh? Maybe it's not about you, you selfish piece of shit.

But you know what? Because you are selfish, I'm going to offer you a deal, right? You may not care about what goes on, but you do seem to have a lot of enterprises going, am I right? Yes, I'm afraid you misunderstand the purpose of those enterprises. I don't go on.

So here's the deals that I will offer you. You help get these animals that you don't care about and my crews that you don't care about are the stations that you don't care about. And the next time we have the opportunity to destroy one of your enterprises, we'll let that one slide. Well, that seems like a big thing to purchase promise. We don't know how bad the next thing will be.

I have a plan for some pretty naughty stuff coming up. Um, roll a, you know what, roll a persuasion check. Uh, a 14, not my best. Nine plus five. Uh, he cocks his head and looks at you and kind of nods his head. And, uh, he looks up and a sprite floats up off the floor, one that you seem destroyed. Uh, it starts glowing again. And he says, um,

go help reunite these lost sheep, eh? And the drone flies off out into the jungle. That was needlessly dramatic, and I do apologize for that. He looks down at you and says, look, Devo, there's a better world waiting for us. Oh, my Lord. No, listen to me. Actually listen.

I am not, now I'm not being dramatic. It is the truth. The vestiges came to this world from their own after their own became uninhabitable. The same will be true for the survivors of this world, but only once there is not enough here to sustain them. I am not trying to bring this world to extinction out of some sort of nihilism. The opposite is true. I am but a midwife for the world that is to come. So you can look at me like I'm some sort of monster, and I am.

understand that. But the truth is, Devo, that there can be a place for anyone in the world that we are going to someday migrate to. And you can come with and have a place in that world. Anyone can come with and have a place in that world. But this one's dead. This one's beyond saving. And you know that in your heart of hearts. So you think you are very special because you feel this way. You think that you have a big picture. kind of mentality and you see things in a clear way that no one else sees. But I'm going to tell you a secret, sir. I grew up surrounded by people like you, people who lives their life and make their decisions because of some promise of a better thing coming, right, and that everything they do now

is all worse it because of what's to come, right? But the problem is when you are looking at the big picture, the things that you often miss, right, is the little things, right? And so you become so focused on the big picture and working towards the next thing that you lose focus on how you are affecting the world you are in now. You think the world will be better, huh? The next one. Do you know how it got to be like that? Because of assholes like you who focused on better. And the next thing, and growing and taking more and being more and having more. And instead, maybe if you focused a little bit more on what was going on now, we wouldn't be in the fucking predicament here under the ocean,

surrounded by polluted water that we are. Did you ever think about this? Make a wisdom saving throw. All right. That was a great monologue, though. Thank you. That really was. 13 plus 2 or 15.

He, in like a flash, he like deforms almost into like a puddle that in like a very small wave just pushes towards you. And as this puddle sort of splashes against your feet and your legs as you're sort of posted up on the floor, you start to have a vision and it is of a sunset over an ocean. And you've never like been to the surface of the planet, right? Because you were born after the, after the flood and everything. So you don't know like exactly if this is an accurate depiction of the world before. things went to shit, but it's, it is beautiful and it is natural. There's no like civilizations or cities that you can see. It is just untouched, glorious nature. And this, it's not enough to sort of

sway you one way or another. But as you see this vision, you feel Tolliver's conviction. that it is real and it is waiting and there is no malice behind that conviction. It is it is earnest completely. And as the vision fades, you come to and you are alone in this room and Tulliver is gone. Fucking asshole. What do you do now? Well, you know, here's the thing. I think anybody else that moment would have been like impactful.

But I would argue that Devo spent his whole life dealing with people who don't think they're doing the wrong thing. Right. And feel massive amounts of conviction. It's like, yeah, okay. That's a fair point. Yeah. Yeah, like, cool, dude. So the Sprite went, right?

and so Devo is going to try to find his shell phone. Yeah, I mean, you've got it in your pocket. It has one missed call. Yeah, I'm going to call Zooks back. Okay. Let's hop over to Zooks. Zooks. You are in the cockpit of the Coriolis, right?

With Urchin. Right. You had just gotten the ship righted, and it had started to clear out the water. Urchin is helping sort of go through the different sort of protocols required to do that. And your cell phone rings. Hello, you got Zooks.

What did you do? Wait a minute. Why do you jump to the conclusion? Because I know where I am. I know where Amber is. Okay. And I don't think anyone else on this station would blow it up. Okay.

Okay. So like, Aloysius was firing on me. He was shooting at him. I was in his shit. Uh-huh. I kind of stole Dreams of Deborah. Sure. And he started coming after me and he was shooting at me.

So he wanted to destroy the ship. Ah, so you shot back. No. I set the self-destruct on Dreams of Deborah. Uh-huh. So then you got under the choreolous and you got away. I kind of had a little misunderstanding about how long the timer was. I thought there was like an opportunity to, you know, an opportunity to, you know,

turn it off. And so I realized I was wrong, so I swam as far as I could. It blew up. Yes. And I didn't know it would damage the base and kill a bunch of dudes. Hey, Zooks. Yeah. I'm not mad, but you didn't know when you-

Sounded mad. When you blew. Well, I'm frustrated. When you blew it up, you didn't know that it would damage the base. Would you be happier with me if I did? You know what? You're right. The point is mute.

Okay. The point is moot. I've located Amber and the animals, and I hope they're still cool. I think the explosion was on the other side. So I would say tentatively cool for now. I'm on the chorioles. Okay. Good start.

Good start. And it in its... It will... I wouldn't say run, but it'll limp. Okay. Is there room on Zicoriola's to put some animals? Like gerbils? You know the animals we're here to get.

Polar bear. Okay. If I can get the, oh, I've got to get the cargo hold pumped out because it's full of water. Awesome. But if I can do that, then yeah, yeah. Okay. So I need you to work on that ASAP and then get the ship over to the opposite side from where the docks were. And then we need to figure out a way to get these animals and us onto the ship.

Yes? Okay. And right now I need to find Anvair and the animals. But the good news is I imagine everyone is pretty distracted. So it should be relatively simple to get them off the ship. I can help. I can help with that. Oh?

I can help you find him. And he cats locate animals or plants. Oh, yeah. Describe her name a specific kind of beast. So he describes an auroch with Griffin's face. And Devo pisses his pants and fear. Yeah, everyone. And you can learn the direction and distance to the closest creature or plant of that kind within five miles.

Okay. And then I can just tell Devo. where that is. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Oh, there's some fuzzy triangulation that happens there because you guys are on opposite into the ship. But sure, yes.

This is your jam. So I'm not, this is the, how often is Zook's going to have a chance to actually use this spell and this understand Viron? So absolutely. I think, uh, Zooks, you are able to tell Devo where to go. Okay. Okay. Um, so you get done the repair.

I'll get on the regrouping. I would say time is of the essence, right? So it doesn't have to be perfect, but... For whatever reason, time is of the essence. Yes. For completely unavoidable circumstance, time is ticking. There's no one's direct fall. We couldn't have done it any difference.

Yes, our hands are tied by... This happened. Stuff happens. This happened. That's in the past. Yes. We cannot change the past. Let's not dwell.

The purposeful, well-considered in no way accidentally exploiting. Everything is going exactly to plan. Just like we discussed on our way here, this is exactly how we knew it's a job. This is when you did the flashback to the Ocean's 11, like, planning sequence. Like, okay, you go over here and you blow up the ship, and it'll seem like it's for no reason. No, don't move the Coriolis first. That's what they'll be expecting you to do. All right.

How far down is it, Griffin, from, like, the window to the jungle floor? It is, I mean, there's trees that you could maybe jump to if you were feeling gutsy. Otherwise, you would have to sort of scale down the wall, which, you know, it would also be doable if you were smart about it. I mean, are there some like tapestries or? Sure, yeah. This is a fancy place.

Yeah. Okay, I'm going to, like, do my best to, like, use some stuff. Because, like I said, time is of the essence, right? Yeah. So if I take a little bit of fall damage, I'm just trying to, like, mitigate. Yeah, sure. That. I got you.

Okay. Yeah. So you're just going to try and climb down a tapestry out of the window down into the jungle floor? Uh, well, I still need... Um, let me think. Because I'm going to need a way. to get out. Oh, wait, no.

The sprite went to do something. Yeah. So I'm going to wait for the sprite. Um. And I'm going to yell out the window. Amber. If you can hear me, I realize now this is a wild assumption to make.

But if you can hear me, we're working on a plan. Just sit tight, stay safe. Oh, we're going to come around and pick you up. See if you can find any of the animals. Get the animal. Can you hear? Amber?

Amber can't hear you, I don't think. No, I assume it. Okay, cool. But, I mean, it would be weird not to you. Tell me how you were getting down to the jungle floor so we can move on. I'm just going to look for, like, I don't know, tabasuries or whatever, anything that I can, like, you know, tie off to something and lower myself down as quick. possible. Yeah, you can definitely do that.

Make a, make a athletics check with advantage because you found a nice long tapestry to use. Well, that's a four plus two, a six. Oh, and a 901, so when a six is your best. Fuck me. Okay. Well, we'll... Fuck you.

Fuck me, sir. And Zooks, you said you're going down to the cargo bay to pump out the water. Okay. Pump out the jam. Then we'll jump to Amber. Amber, you are in control of this Orox still, and you have charged away from that thicket in the two hunters that were there. Is that right? Okay. What's the endgame here? What are you doing? You've gotten clear of them. You hear the sound of footsteps in pursuit,

heavy footsteps, I would say, in pursuit. And you cannot see the people chasing you, but you know that they are. What do you do? Actually, I didn't really have a plan. I'm going to do, I'm going to do like a wide arc around to try to get back, like take a wide arc through the forest to get back to the animal facility. Okay. I'm not going to make you roll for that. You're in control of this thing. You already rolled for that and it is faster than a person just like running on their So you're able to sort of do a lap. When you do get back to the thicket, you do not see either of them.

You hear roaring coming from inside of the, inside of the little clearing that the animals were in, though. How are they being restrained? Who? The animals. They're not? They're not? Why did you think they were being restrained? No, they're not in a storage facility.

They're just all, like, grouped together. Yeah, they are in, like, a bunch of branches and shit. This is, like, a secret hideout that they found themselves. in the jungle to hide from hunters, right? So this is not some like holding cell. This is like their own little hideaway that they have had going for a while. Okay.

And I hear roaring from where? From inside of that little thicket hideaway that they had by the time you loop back around to it. All right. I'll head in there to what's going on. Okay. As you enter, you see the serval is standing in front of the two silver striders,

as they kind of cower in the corner. You see the polar bear is standing in front of the Orock, who is also kind of cowering. And the polar bear is, the polar bear has a harpoon through its shoulder and is breathing heavily. And as you come in, Clyde is readying another heart.

Plague came in here, but he's not looking at me, right? No. Sicking. We've never done mounted combat before. I won't be mounted for long. Fair. I would also say we have done an animal friend that attacks with you when... That's a fair point, yeah.

So this feels like this isn't mounted combat. As a pet combat that you're writing on, fair. Roll a D20, Amber. Like I said, you are in control of this thing. So when you give it the order to attack, you are in charge of that. Because at this point, the Orock is the weapon. 11. Do you want to use the stats from Beastiel Spirit?

No, it's a good idea. Plus four. Okay, so that's a 15. total. Yeah, that's a hit. Roll 1D8. Five. Okay. The Orock charges forward and gores Clyde right in the back. He kind of rolls off the horn, but there is a spray of blood as he is wounded quite deeply by this thing's horn.

And his second harpoon shot goes wide. And you charge in now in with all of the animals. And so he reels from this wound and is trying to sort of write himself and get back up on his feet. What happened to the harpoon that went wide, the one that was? It embedded in like a pretty thick, like, you know, trunk of this, like, and imagine sort of a mangrove situation. And so it's... I want to try to grab that out of the tree. Yeah, easy.

That's no problem at all. You can, well, make a strength check. I feel like when one goes from, yeah, go ahead, go for it to roll. Yeah. It's like sometimes we're improvising. It's like a three plus two. Okay, yeah, you get it out, but it takes a little bit. Just a couple seconds longer than you probably would have wanted

because by the time you do get this harpoon out and you are armed. Clyde has gotten back up on his feet and is readying another shot. Also, you hear splashing and the bullheaded hunter has charged into the arena here, as it were. And Clyde says, well, this is very disappointing, Miss Greene, because now we have to kill everything in this room. And I know you think of yourself as a very clever hero, but the numbers are just not in your favor. right now, Miss Grie. And then moments later, you hear the sound of branches snapping above you. And then Devo comes crashing in through the ceiling, thudding to the floor with a terrible thunk. Zooks, you head down into the cargo hold, going back through the airlock.

And it is still flooded, but you know sort of this. this ship by now and you know the, you know, the pumping mechanisms in here and how to do this, right? Make a perception check. Wow, that's weird. 16. It jammed up against the side of the screen. That'll happen sometimes with virtue dice. You are getting started working on the pump, and it's like taking a few tries.

to get it going. And, you know, between pulls of the rip cord of this pumping apparatus, you sense that you are not alone in this cargo hold. With a 16, you turn around, and it is still pretty dark in here. The lights are not on. But you can see something glowing about 20 feet in front of you. and it approaches and you see something that you have only seen from a distance up to this point, but another member of your crew is quite familiar with.

Floating in front of you and swimming at you, its many rows of teeth bared is another blink shark. What do you do? He ends the episode so he can have a week to think about it. Um, he cast speak with animals. Oh. Yep, yep, yep. Okay.

Um, you might be able to persuade a beast to perform a small favor for you at the GM's discretion. That is level dependent, though, the ability to cast that spell, I believe, right? Or is it, I guess it's speak with animals, not like a domination. Yeah. Okay. Um, you've cast this spell before, right? What usually, what usually happens when you cast this spell? usually can send like an image into the beast's brain that they can comprehend.

Okay. Something different happens this time. Okay. Your mind is flooded with a language that defies the rules of language as you know them. even, even, you know, compared to dolphin language or barracuda language, other sea life that you have spoken to using this spell, it has been easy and it has made sense. This is, there is no other word for it. The way this thing is speaking to you is otherworldly. And it's thoughts fill your mind.

and it looks up at you with what you can know because of this connection that you have formed with it is excitement. And it swims towards you and very gently closes its jaws around you and blinks and you both disappear. Maximumfunn.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience-supported.