The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 38

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

Tensions are high after a spirited argument at the Cloaca. A shadowy figure on the periphery of the Coriolis' view steps into the light, and reveals something that kinda resembles the truth. Also: Sho...pping!Additional music in this episode: “Amber” by Drake Stafford https://soundcloud.com/drake_stafford; ”Siste Viator” and "Murmuration of Birds" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/; “Sonata E Minor” by Vivaldi, performed by Rafel https://freemusicarchive.org/music/rafael/single/vivaldi-sonata-eminor-mp3-1/; "Time to Move and Motivate" by Jonah Dempcy https://freemusicarchive.org/music/The_Insider; and "Lurking in the Shadows" by Scott Holmes Music www.scottholmesmusic.com. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Previously, on the Adventure Zone Ethersea, there's just guidance slumped over her desk, but you have never seen a tone wheel on her desk before. It is a note in guidance's handwriting, and it reads, hominine is gone. It was all for nothing. I'm so sorry, benevolence. I'm so sorry, Devo. Who did this?
Starting point is 00:00:26 It would seem that she did it, Devo. This is the bullshit part. No, no, no, no, no. She wrote this note. Something hits you like a sack of bricks. She never called a diva. Exactly. First is to talk to Baza seldom about their work with the Wisp
Starting point is 00:00:43 and see where they had gotten with this to see if this is tied into it. A lot of people in, like, Joshi's knuckle, are not psyched about the parish. Aloisius Supreme is dead. No way. There's an open spot. for a balister who knows their way around finance and trade. And if you ever call me kid again, I will control your mind
Starting point is 00:01:10 and make you slap yourself in the face so hard that you piss your pants. Do you understand me? Divo walks out of the room. I'm sorry. Yeah, I do not want him in here anymore. That was a really good one. What's up? Not me.
Starting point is 00:01:30 Go ahead and call the doctor. Amber and Zooks, as you leave Uncle Joshy's cloaca. I don't actually like having it be possessive like that. Because it is. It's not a hole in Uncle Joshy's body. He's got, I would say, sort of the standard human holes. Well, we'll just assume that when you're saying Uncle Joshy's cloaca, we mean the building. And that if you want to say the cloaca, the Joshy had us is in its body, now that the salo has happened, you can see.
Starting point is 00:02:52 Say Uncle Joshi's sallow bracket body or cloaca bracket. Uncle Josh's Fing tangible. Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah. Well, anyway, you all come out of his place of business to find Devo stewing outside after having been. He's crying. Removed from, oh, boy, okay.
Starting point is 00:03:11 But it's definitely an angry crying. Yeah. What other kind is there? Frustri. Well, I mean, they're sad crying, Griffin. Yeah, it just makes me angry. Oh, okay. And, oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:03:29 It's okay. There are lots of other coquicus to explore. Explore. Ew. Hmm. No? Amber, are you, are you pissed at Devo? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Why would I be pissed at Devo? Why on earth? Why on earth when he wandered into my house? home away from home for the past 20 years and started shit in the bed in front of everybody. Why on earth would I be pissed off? Just because I was hugely embarrassed and almost
Starting point is 00:04:02 had to put him on the ground at Josh's behest. No, no, no. Why would I be pissed off? There's no reason for that. Oh, good. Bullet dodged. And so, Devo, no need to cry. Hey, kid. Hey, kid.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Devo? Yes, I'm here. I'm not talking to you. get it the fuck under control, all right? How about I'm your friends and we work together and you didn't stand up for me in there? And in fact, neither one of you have asked if I'm fucking okay. Why do I care if you're okay or not? You're a grown. I know you were raised as a baby in a baby prison.
Starting point is 00:04:43 You're a grown adult. Yeah. You got thrown out of a bar for good for acting like an ass, tough niggis. That's not what the fuck. I'm talking about. Okay. All right. Everybody just take your breath.
Starting point is 00:04:57 No, you know what? You want to pamper him? You want to powder his bottom? You go right ahead. No. No, no. Why are you mad at me? What are I to do?
Starting point is 00:05:04 Amber, Amber walks away. Wait, Amber. What is going on? What is happening with us? Well, let's see. My mother figure of 17 years was murdered. and so I'm feeling a lot of emotions
Starting point is 00:05:26 and Amber is acting like a callous piece of shit so I think one of us might be in the right and one of us might be wrong that's just my... Ah, damn it, okay, Amber chops him in the throat. You can make an attack roll? I am, that is what I'm doing. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:05:47 Let's see here. Wait, no, sorry, I wrote the wrong thing. That says unarmed strike to hit. 12. Is that right? My AC is 13, baby. Okay. Wow.
Starting point is 00:05:59 That's hugely embarrassing. That was a warning. You do not know how close. I feel like I came within one of really doing some damage, all right? That's because it was a warning. You can run your mouth to other people. Joshy has too much respect for me to bring you down, but I don't, you and I. You and I, what?
Starting point is 00:06:21 You're a good kid. I am an adult if I remember your words correctly. There you go. Look, see, you're learning all right. So how about you treat me like an adult? Act like one. Out here, out here, you don't get handed things. You don't get people bringing you things and telling you that you're the future, all right?
Starting point is 00:06:44 You left that behind. That was your decision. out here you get respect by deserving it. Joshy's done more for this community than you could possibly imagine. Yeah, I know. He's got his rough edges. But down here, that's how you get treated like an adult. That's how you get respect is you earn it.
Starting point is 00:07:11 From what I can tell, from what I've seen, you have a bunch of friends who treat you like a piece of shit and you've been treated like a piece of shit a lot in your life. And I'm very sorry about this. But at least at the parish, people would occasionally say, how's it going? How's your day? Are you doing okay? Oh, you look like shit.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Are you okay? Some sort of interest beyond just what someone can do for them professionally or on a job or something along. They would have some kind of personal interactions. and here I am in real, having real issues. And if I try to bring them up, you either walk away or try to punch me in the throat. Maybe if your response to this was not the exact same response as any time someone looks at you cross. Yes. Maybe if it wasn't the same fucking outburst every single time things didn't go your way.
Starting point is 00:08:12 Well, maybe if you're comfortable talking about emotions, huh? Maybe if you could talk about emotions without it making you uncomfortable or bored or whatever, then maybe it would be something you could help me deal with instead of expecting me to take care of everything on my own. This is what kills me about you. This is what kills me about you. You care so much. Care so much about her. You're so sad.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Yet, whoever did it is out there running around right now and you'd rather cry in a hall and make it out. ask yourself at the cloaca, then get out there and do something about it. That's being an adult. Your assumption is that I can control my emotions. I am magic, not perfect. Yeah, you can try. Okay, okay, okay, stop. Both of you stop.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Listen, this is something we can hash out at some other time. I'm sorry. I want to make perception checks, please. As you are carrying on in the middle of the, in the middle of the street. in Joshy's knuckle. So carry on, my wayward sons. I got a dirty 20, Greglin. So you did.
Starting point is 00:09:24 15 minus 1. That's a performance check you did roll, Justin. I got an eight? Okay. A talking cat? That time I got a natural 20. Okay, yeah. Devo and Amber, especially you, Amber.
Starting point is 00:09:45 You noticed the shit. out of it. In fact, maybe you were so, you were distracted by what you see that you don't actually hear Zook's intervention as he steps in to try to squash the beef between the two of you. I probably should have had to roll with this advantage. Why's that? Because I'm, because I was like mid-conversation with somebody else, right? Like, my perception wouldn't be like at its best. Well, but you have, I mean, you do have to stay hypervigilant for sharks and attacks from your
Starting point is 00:10:16 We are right outside. We're right outside. Right outside. And you just got him, you know? Like he's waiting for the chance to get. Anyway, between the two of you, where you are sort of squared off in the middle of the street here, you see a message appear in faint glowing script on the street between you. And this message reads,
Starting point is 00:10:45 stop making a scene meet me at Nirmals Pile at Lights Out The Beholder So it was literally a street sign It was and it's there for a moment And Zooks will say that You know Devo and Amber stop fighting and look down at the street for a bit And it catches your attention what they are looking at
Starting point is 00:11:09 And you see it too before it vanishes I think that Zutes would take that as meaning they were hanging their heads in shame. So he thinks, mission accomplished. Mission accomplished. I did it. Griffin,
Starting point is 00:11:26 I want to see if I know anything about like messages like this, if I've seen this before. Yeah, I mean, you don't have to roll for that, right? Like, this is a magic, this is a very basic,
Starting point is 00:11:36 uh, illusory script spell. Like this is, uh, this is that something that like they teach in the church or is it something like, you know what I mean? Like, Maybe, but it's also, I think, a thing that, like, you can buy a projector.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Like, you don't have to be a wizard to do this. Like, there's devices that can achieve this, right? Yeah. And so you see this message that kind of, you know, you all take a beat and then it's gone. Can you tell us what the message was again? I'm not trying to be difficult. Sure, sure. Stop making a scene.
Starting point is 00:12:10 Meet me at Normals Pilot Lights Out, the beholder. off of my dirty 20 and umbers 23 i well i won't speak for amber i'm looking around because the stop making a scene makes me think somebody is watching yeah i'm really perceptive right now is there any do i spot any sort of like um shrouded figure yeah right uh i will say that uh there's some people on the street who are just watching you having a fight All of the patrons inside of the cloaca are looking in at you. I think you see Uncle Joshi is there kind of like rubbing his head and Chauncey is there. And he looks very, very emotionally fragile right now, seeing you all fight. There's, you know, I think there's a lot of people around here and it would be impossible to kind of tell who is the one who put this down. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:12 I think Devo looks at Amber and says, We are not done discussing this, but I suddenly am aware of how public this is, and I think we need to move on for now. Yeah, all right. Come on. Let's get out of here, Sukes. Great point or whatever.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Let's go. Let's later. It is, yeah, it is not even close to lights out. So, you know, you have some time to kill. What is it that you all are doing next? What time is it right now? lights out a half tail light
Starting point is 00:13:44 lights out I haven't worked out how time works in a place where you can't see the sun so I imagine lights out I think refers to
Starting point is 00:13:53 the weird starfish with faces that are sort of on the shelf wall across from the city that is the main sort of form of illumination
Starting point is 00:14:03 and maybe probably but they would have definitely had to develop some kind of like light cycle for yeah sure they probably did but for this message just said lights out.
Starting point is 00:14:14 That's all it said. Okay. Okay. Also, can we ride light cycles around? Sure. Yeah. That's in the next, that's in the DLC. All right, y'all.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Let's stay emotionless for six hours. Okay. Oh, we're going to, oh, we're going to hit, we're going to hit, uh, select. In real time. Oh, okay. Or we could go talk to Brother Seldom to see if he does anything about the WIS and. Yeah, fine. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:39 I thought mine was a little. a little more verite you know what I mean? You really brings you in the moment. We'll release yours for Boko.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Release to us the six hours of silence you guys actually recorded. Do you guys know what I would do for six hours
Starting point is 00:14:55 of silence? I would risk it all for six hours of silence. That is an impossible dream. Divo's already walking. Diva's already walking. But Amber's walking first and she's walking faster
Starting point is 00:15:09 than him. Divo's walking cooler How do you count her, Amber? You just gonna take that? Let me roll athletics. 22. I mean, she's absolutely walking faster. But, and strong.
Starting point is 00:15:24 It's like a stronger walk. No, don't put words on my mouth. She's just faster. Oh, okay. She doesn't see his walk because she's in front of him. Okay, well then... I rolled a 21 performance, so I'm fucking killing this cool walk. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:36 Zooks, how are you walking? Oh, Riz. dejectedly, but bringing up the rear. Roll a sadness check to see how dejected your walk is? Satsy. Sadness. I don't have sadness, check. Oh, you don't have sadness? You've got to roll sadness
Starting point is 00:15:51 my dude. How about pissed off? Everybody's pissed off. I think No, Zook's isn't pissed off. I mean, I'm not pissed off. My character is? Yeah, we were acting, that was acting. Your dad reflex is triggered, though, and you're like, this drama has gone on too long. I'll turn this podcast around. Let's get back to rolling about swords
Starting point is 00:16:10 Hey, fine. Go. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's a truth. No, you made your choice. There was a dramatic scene happening, and your character said, enough drama.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Enough acting. We had to get back to the mystery. How about enough circular rhetoric where it was just being, you're not right. You're not, now. Okay, now I'm mad at you for real. I'm not mad at trials.
Starting point is 00:16:33 I am mad at Clint. Oh, man. This is definitely good. going to fuel the Macaroys secretly fight all the time when they're not recording conspiracy theories. It's not secret. It's probably now, baby, let it all out. Hear that dirty laundry.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Okay. Next scene. Because of how fast you were walking, the door to the schoolhouse in the ballast opens up, and it's just amber standing on the doorstep, just kind of panting while Devo's just like, you know, a hundred feet behind. doing a really cool strut still kind of angry about it and Zook's pulling up the rear
Starting point is 00:17:13 and when the door... Walking like Charlie Brown. Yeah, exactly. Do you do, whom. The door opens and there's nobody there, but then you look down and you do see Skittles is looking up at you and he looks
Starting point is 00:17:30 confused at first when he just sees you, Amber, but then when he sees the other two, he kind of nods and then opens the door wider. and says, and gestures you in. Mm. Oh, you go in. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:44 You walk into the schoolhouse, and it is late enough that school is not in session. It's quiet. You see Beck actually first, and she... Playing the washboard. Playing the washboard and... With two and turd tables and a microphone. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Okay. No, she's actually packing. She is throwing... some of her stuff into a big bag. She doesn't seem to be in like a hurry. She's not like evacuating or, you know, her pace doesn't seem to be one of panic, but she is sort of getting her stuff together.
Starting point is 00:18:23 And she looks over and sees the three of you. And she's like, oh, hey, hey, oh my God, it's you all. It's great to see you. What are you all doing here? We're looking for seldom, but are you going somewhere? Yeah, I'm getting back out there. I actually have been saving up for a while, and I bought a ship.
Starting point is 00:18:45 Kids of what? Yeah, it's nothing. I mean, it's sort of a single person and one octopus cruiser. So nothing huge, but, you know, we have to get out there and do some jobs. Thought about applying for the brokerage, but I might just kind of do my own thing for a while. Remind me, how old are you? Old enough. Hey, there's a funk.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Like, since you all walked in here, there's been a sort of, of tangible funk, sort of in, like a miasma in the air. Is everything okay? Amber is the one who always wants to talk about the emotions. So Amber, what do you think? Is everything okay? That's like exactly what I, that what just happened there? That's like exactly what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:19:26 Yeah. So we're seldom. He yells from an adjacent room. I'm here. One moment. And he walks in. seize the three of you? We need to talk, Sally, but
Starting point is 00:19:42 Beck, be careful out there. I'm not going to tell you what to do. It's your life, but be careful. And if you need us, you have our numbers, right? Or do you? Here it is. This is our numbers. This is a lot.
Starting point is 00:19:56 This is like 35 numbers. We have three phones. Okay. That does not divide evenly three ways, but okay. Well, just use the first ones. It doesn't matter. She says, all right, I'll keep an eye out, and she gives Brother Seldom a,
Starting point is 00:20:08 a big hug and so does Skittles, and she heads out the door with her stuff. And he sighs and he says, um, how, how are you, how are you doing, Devo? Thank you so much for asking. I am not good. Yes. Um, me, me, me either. It's, uh, do you want to drink? Yes.
Starting point is 00:20:35 He, uh, he grabs some, some glasses, uh, Actually, they're sort of like stoneware, mugs. Are you sure? He sets, no, let me think about it. No, you're right, Justin, their glasses. Like, okay. Maybe they're carved wooden goblets, the cup of a carpenter? That's ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Okay. They are glassware. He sets them down and pour some wine. He looks at you, Zooks, and he says, would you like to imbibe? I don't know if that's something you care for. Just falls at a different home. Yeah, I'm not.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Do I? that's what happens to most of us. I'm not sure if I've ever had, have I had? I mean, I had some of that skunk stuff, right? Oh my God, this is what my day's about now. You gotta try a little bit. You don't. Yeah, I'll take a, I'll have a snoot full.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Okay. Look at you, I know some of the lingo going in. He hands everybody a glass and he raises his glass and he says, um, to guidance. Uh, not the easiest to purpose. person to have in your life, but she will be missed. And he drinks his glass. Here, here.
Starting point is 00:21:51 So what can I do for you? Well, Sally, from what we can tell, you are the last person to have seen her alive? At least this is what Adelaide says. Adelaide says that there were no other visitors after you left. Yes, that is. is from what I understand, what the truth of the matter. We were working fairly late on decrypting the artifact that you recovered from that golden ship. And we had not yet cracked it, but she was tireless in her pursuit of the knowledge contained within.
Starting point is 00:22:32 And I retired to my quarters. And that was the last I saw of her either. When you left, did it feel like you two were making progress? It's hard to say, this technology, Devo. I'm not sure how well-versed you are in sort of the old ways, but those devices are not the easiest things to crack into, as it were. So it felt like it, but I would be surprised if she managed to get all the way through the defenses of the wisp
Starting point is 00:23:11 before before she was found dead in the morning. This is very, very important. Maybe the most important question, so I really need to just think. When you left, was there a tone wheel on her desk?
Starting point is 00:23:29 Why would there be a tone wheel on her desk? She had a receptionist, did she not? She didn't, yes. This is why this is important. don't just answer offhand. Remember, pictures of the room. Was there a tone wheel on her desk?
Starting point is 00:23:46 I do not. I don't know, maybe. That, I wasn't, my attention was elsewhere. It's possible. I genuinely cannot tell you. So, Seldom, can I tell you the, the thing that is bothering me right now, right? So it seems to us, it seems,
Starting point is 00:24:12 To me, that what happened was somebody controlled guidance via the tone wheel to make her drink the poison. And there are not a lot of people that are strong enough to make the hand of guidance to do this. I understand why this may be difficult for you. It is never easy when someone who has left such a large footprint in your life leaves it. But I think you might be chasing shadows. Wait, wait. Sully, you think she would do this? I think that she lived an incredibly difficult life.
Starting point is 00:25:11 And I think her separation from benevolence himself was a pain that she carried with her quietly. And I don't think there was anything more than that unless you know of someone who would harbor a grudge against her. Let's see. Anybody who didn't like the church, anybody who didn't like the way as she ran the Paris, been a factor Orleans a piece of shit he could have done this there could have been
Starting point is 00:25:47 a spy from you know from homine who infiltrated the city when we had the last you know
Starting point is 00:25:57 the fleet came in you haven't asked me if I did it and I seem like fairly I mean I didn't do it but not do anything like this I mean maybe
Starting point is 00:26:08 okay I Did you do it? No, I did not do it. Okay. That would have been actually. That would have been very cool. He says, I am, I understand my position as a potential suspect.
Starting point is 00:26:25 I've not been permitted entry into her quarters by the chaperones for that very reason. I understand the need you have to find answers to this, but I don't. want you to make this process harder on yourself than it needs to be. Seldom, I can tell you the most convincing argument for why she did not do this. I do not know if this has occurred to anybody else, but unless stated otherwise, which, from what I can tell, she did not, her death would leave me the senior hand of the parish in Founders' wake
Starting point is 00:27:15 He puts a hand on your shoulder and he says Maybe She did know that, Devo And maybe that brought her some small comfort I I You look very tired
Starting point is 00:27:32 Have you Have you slept since you've got back to Founders' Wake? Seldom. I know that I can be impulsive, and I know that I can be hard-headed and difficult. This is not me grasping at straws. This is not being unwilling to accept the truth.
Starting point is 00:27:59 There was a tone wheel on her desk when we went into her office after she had died. She did not have a tone wheel on her desk. She wrote the name Devo. She would have called me devotion in something as serious as a note like to this. She did not do this. And what of the Whisp? Did she finish decrypting?
Starting point is 00:28:23 It was without power, seldom. So if it was working when you left, either she spilled a really big glass of water on it, or somebody fucked with it. He looks at you, uh, Zutes and Amber and he says, and what do you think? Oh, I don't think my opinion's worth much here. It is to me.
Starting point is 00:29:02 I've seen it happen to a few folks. A lot of times you don't see it coming. Can't always tell from me outside. I laugh about it. It just felt wrong. There was something not. There was something not right. It's just my gut, but the tone wheel.
Starting point is 00:29:27 weird, the note's weird, it's weird. I mean, I tell you, there ain't no harm in looking, because if we look and we're wrong, then there ain't no way to catch. Do we have the note? Yeah, I think, yeah, you were handed the note by by Codera, so you definitely have it on you. I have a question from what we've been discussing some of these other, these other theories
Starting point is 00:30:04 would it be possible to control somebody through the Wisp if it was powered? I mean the Wisp is just a means of storing information and retrieving it.
Starting point is 00:30:18 Perhaps there would it could be some sort of trap that one could decode some sort of message from the Wisp but that defies
Starting point is 00:30:31 defies my admittedly limited understanding of oration. What about through the shell phone? Is that possible to control somebody's mind through a shell phone? I have not heard of that happening before, but again, it's not my area of expertise. You have an answer Devo's question. Was the power on the wisp when you left? It was, yes. I was, I was aiding in the decryption of the device when I landed. Seldom? Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:06 What if it was not controlled through the shell phone, but just triggered? I don't understand. That if it was something... It's a bad sign if he doesn't understand, because Griffin makes him say things. Yeah. That it was already planted in her mind, and it was just triggered through the phone. I... This is exactly what I was worried about.
Starting point is 00:31:35 This is, I believe you are getting into conjecture about the nature of magic, which there are seldom few answers waiting for you. Yes, I understand. I try to actually to avoid that word for that very reason, but. Makes sense. If you must continue on, I do believe that. Orlean would be a better first primary source about the nature of oration. But I don't want you to go too far with him, because I know the nature of your relationship. Okay. I will attempt not to kill him.
Starting point is 00:32:27 I would appreciate that as a personal favor. You all are, you know, finishing up here talking to Brothers Seldom and from outside, you see the lights dim a little bit and then come back on, which is, you know, like you're at the theater and they're about to come back from intermission, which is the sign for lights out where they sort of lower the fake illumination for the people to sleep in the city. It's sleepy time for little boys. It is sleepy time for... Oh, it looks like it's sleepy time for little boys, says brother seldom. Oh, already, time flies, huh? We need to go, Sally. Okay, okay, be safe.
Starting point is 00:33:17 And let me know what you find out. If there's anything you remember, if there's anything you know... You will be the first one I contact. You have my word. and Devo gives him a squeeze on the shoulder and leaves Boy, that's pretty emotional
Starting point is 00:33:37 for... Yeah, I know. Well, wait, I just lost the hand of Gite like... Yeah. I'm going through the shit. Yeah. I think you guys have forgotten that
Starting point is 00:33:47 even though Devo is kind of an asshole, he still has emotions. Maybe he has too many emotions. Oh, I mean, that's often connected, isn't it? We're outside. Yeah, you're outside. So anyways, the lights.
Starting point is 00:33:58 Where are we out with those? Ah, ah, damn it. I forgot. What, what did you forget? Oh, well, that place is real important to you, so I was planning to make an ass of myself and just start yelling at people ringing me.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Shit. All right, next time, right? Next time. Bound out. Oh, I see. Okay. This was a dig. It's a fact that I was.
Starting point is 00:34:18 What? No, no, no, no. It has nothing to do with you. It's camaraderie. Commerodery. No, Zook's buried it. Remember when he said, Something.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Wait, sorry. Uncle Joshi is coming? What? And when she looks, Devo starts heading for a normals pile. Damn it. She doesn't act like someone with plus three perception. I got to say. Well, you forget, I have a plus nine persuasion.
Starting point is 00:34:51 My natural persuasion. Yeah, my natural persuasion. And you're a plus six with gullibility. Right. Yeah. All right. That would be a good character match. It's like they can see everything and every time they see anything, they're like,
Starting point is 00:35:06 oh, hell yeah. I got to get everything. It's that sign says free ice cream. Hell yeah. I saw it from 30 yards away. That looks extremely free. Hi, my name is Graham Clark. And I'm one half of the podcast.
Starting point is 00:36:00 Stop podcasting yourself. A show that we've recorded for many, many years. And at the moment, instead of being in person, we're recording remotely and you wouldn't even notice. You don't even notice the lag. That's right, Graham. And the great thing about this,
Starting point is 00:36:21 go ahead. No, you go ahead. Okay, and... Okay, go ahead. And you can listen to us every week on maximum fun.org. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Did your neighbor back into your car bring that case to judge Judy. Think the mailman might be the real father? Give that one to Judge Mathis. But does your mom want you to flush her ashes down the toilet at Disney World when she passes away? Now that's my jurisdiction. Welcome to the court of Judge John Hodgman, where the people are real. The disputes are real, and the stakes are often unusual. If I got arrested for dumping your ashes in the jungle cruise, it would be an honor. I don't want to be part of somebody getting a super yacht. I don't know at what point you want to go into this, but we've had a wormbin before. Available free right now at maximum fun.org.
Starting point is 00:37:19 Judge John Hodgman, the court of last resort when your wife won't stop pretending to be a cat and knocking the clean laundry over. You all walk down the smoky, darkened corridors of the... You guys are right to love the selection here. They have everything. Of the back alleys of Joshy's knuckle, following Devo, who literally. leads you towards the storefront known as Nirmals Pile. Only when you roll up on Nirmals Pile, she's not there. And her shelves that she's sort of constructed in this alley are empty, similarly.
Starting point is 00:38:16 It is well past closing time. You do. So how far after Lights Out is that? Six Tides. Oh, yeah, use the Tides. Tides is a good idea. Yeah, but you're deep in the ocean, so how can you, do you, Oh, there's still tides.
Starting point is 00:38:35 You'd still sense the tide. It's the overtow and the underthow. Yeah, I guess so. I'm gonna, there's clocks and it's, and by fucking complete coincidence, it uses the same times as us. Oh, what are the odds? Wow. So it's, so it's.
Starting point is 00:38:50 So this is Earth in the future. So it's 1 a.m. in this future Earth. Um, no, that's not, can't stop it. Um, you do see someone seated. on the rim of this big pipe that normally is usually sticking out of. It is a big person. They are sort of tall and wide and wearing a dark blue cloak that is covering their hair and their mouth disguising their appearance. This figure looks up at you and you see a red glow on their face.
Starting point is 00:39:31 they light a pipe and they hold it out and they say, You came as I expected. And you sent for us as I expected. Ha, ha, ha. What a quinky dink. Indeed, I knew it was yours the entire time. Then who am I? Oh, fuck, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:39:58 I was trying to be... Fuck. Uh-huh. I did sign my message. So, bad job sort of paying attention, but I am... The Beholder! The Beholder! Well done. Ten points for the...
Starting point is 00:40:13 For Zooks. Well, I was trying to give a real name. I could have said the Beholder, too, if I wanted to, but I was trying to... I thought you meant like a real name, like Rompostit skin or something. How did you know? Just kidding. I... I...
Starting point is 00:40:31 but a witness to the happenings of this city and fly on the wall and in the ointment of those who would have total control, but not of me, because I'm the beholder. I am so sorry. May I, I know that I by nature am fairly rude and I interrupt a lot. But right now, if I may, I am someone who often is trying to impress and persuade and things.
Starting point is 00:41:10 You are laying it on a little bit sick. And it felt like it. Yes. It was the confusing thing when you say fly on the wall and fly in the ointment. You can't really be both of those. Okay. Anyway, I'm but a humble little house fly. And it's amazing what you can glean from people when they pay you.
Starting point is 00:41:31 No mind. Think of me as an info broker. Joshy may think of himself as an info broker, but he's merely my pawn. Did you say crypto broker? Yeah. Info broker. I got this duber coin here. No, that's one. We can't joke about that because the one thing in ETHERC is that crypto is illegal. Oh, right. It's a nightmare feature. Even to talk about, even to mention, we'll have you, it'll be arrested for 20,
Starting point is 00:42:01 It's a nightmare future where the fiat spiracy caught up with us and all crypto is illegal, except in the hands of a few brave miners, always one step ahead. No, they use theirs to fly to the moon, and they never came back. Their pockets full of crypto. Rule number six, all crypto is illegal, except for miners. Yes. It's illegal, but it exists, right? There's a brave group. They're always one step ahead.
Starting point is 00:42:31 I just outlined it. No, here's the thing. This is a compelling side story. Crypto is illegal because crypto mining is what destroyed the world in the first. No, it was crypt mining. It was going into clips and finding magic. Right. And that just releases so much, so much stuff in the atmosphere.
Starting point is 00:42:48 Okay. This. I still accept cryptocurrency. Normal? No, it's the cryptic keyword. Oh. That's really good, too. So would you like slash or card?
Starting point is 00:43:07 That was cash or card. He said slash because it's like a, that's how you would murder someone. Yes, exactly. Okay. He says, we don't accept hollers. Oh, that's dollars. Dollars, yeah. Okay, I'm done.
Starting point is 00:43:22 How many of those? No, you said you were done last time and then you did one more. So why don't you tell me? No, but I was your, I'm really seriously done. this time. So, the beholder takes another
Starting point is 00:43:34 long drag. All I can think is we also accept piss cover, but I'm just pissing it. I would have gone with fear-od currency. Fear-od.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Okay. Like currency. Now mute your mics. You all are in. I'm putting you in timeout. You're in Cryptkeeper joke timeout. The beholder says, the Flavats.
Starting point is 00:43:53 I know. It's really a story. I always do. The beholder says, I am, I rarely. want to offer my services for free, but the hand's death is one too many destabilizing events facing this city, and there is more danger than you even know about, but I know about it,
Starting point is 00:44:18 because I'm just a little fly, so I'm willing to make an exception. I do want to say first that I do watch you all and I see everything. I watch you all and I see everything. And can you all like get it the fuck together? I'm sorry for cussing. I think we've been fairly effective. We have yet to fail a mission.
Starting point is 00:44:44 We've guessed, I think I've guessed this true name. Oh, Reddit. Oh, boy. He says, it's just, you know, Devo, you're, you all, always rolling and you come in so strong and like, but Amber, you're always like, stop it, kid, but sometimes he knows what he's talking about and sometimes she knows what she's talking about. And the whole time you got, you got Zooks rolling with you and he's like some miracle of nature and you two are just going on yelling about whatever. And it's like, come on. You know what I,
Starting point is 00:45:20 you know what I mean? This isn't, this isn't a way to, that's, what's kind of team building is that? You think I'm a miracle. Thank you. Well, our dramatic conflict has been resolved. Sorry for the stress, everybody. So are you done with your fan fiction? Would you like to share? Yeah, any theories?
Starting point is 00:45:42 Information. Yeah, all right. He rummages around in his cloak and takes him a while rummaging around in this cloak. And at one point, he, like, he drops his pipe. and it falls down the big pipe into the pipe into the pipe he's like oh no oh god oh god sorry god I hope that doesn't hit the catfish people um oh here it is uh and he throws down a a big stack of papers held together with clips and it lands at your feet and the contents of of the paper at least the one on top appears to be, like, scribbled text and, like, sort of hastily etched images,
Starting point is 00:46:33 almost like somebody traced or maybe like hastily copied over what you see there. And he says, So that is a copy of a book that you all actually recovered during one of your earliest jobs with the brokerage. That's the journal of Heretic Knob. You secured it at the abyssal auction and you returned it to Joshi for payment. And then he turned it around and sold it to his client for a tidy profit. And that client was none other than benefactor or lien. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Yeah, no. Okay. So he killed the hunt of guidance? Man, I don't know Well, so wait Wait, you're an information broker Why do we need this book? But
Starting point is 00:47:33 Okay, so what does the book tell us? Well, man, hold on. He hops down from the pipe And he comes over and he picks it up Picks up the journal and puts it in your hands. He's like, I didn't think you'd just leave it laying on the ground. Okay, sorry, I take it. As he hands it to you,
Starting point is 00:47:54 You see that this journal, and I think maybe Joshy set this up for you when he hired you to recover it in the first place. It's a bunch of blueprints for a bunch of, like, pretty out there looking devices. Roll a history check. Everybody? Yeah, sure. I got an 18 total. I got a 4. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:26 I know, I know he's right. Nine here. Okay, Debo, you've read to books. Yeah, you've, you've, you've, you've read about Heretic Knob. He was a, uh, a, a sort of well, uh, respected member of the, the Delmer society, which it's been a while since we sort of- was Heretic a title or his name? Uh, it became his name more or less. Uh, the, the Delmer Society was like very anti-magic, anti, anti, um, you know, benevolent.
Starting point is 00:48:55 And so, like, they, you know, thought of themselves as more technologically inclined. And Heretic Knob was a, you know, well-known inventor. He created the, he created tone wheels, like a lot of the sort of magical tech that you all used on a daily basis in Founders' Wake were his creations. but he was branded a heretic and sort of shunned from Delmer Society because his like designs became way too like magical and and that sort of went against the Delmer believes. And this journal is sort of a catalog of some of the blueprints that branded him as such. Wait, is the is the blueprints for a wisp in this book? No, no, that's, um, that's. That's a different thing.
Starting point is 00:49:54 That's like hominine stuff. Okay. So then what? Why? Okay. Beholder. I feel like... Please call me the beholder.
Starting point is 00:50:04 The beholder. I feel like you have led the proverbial horse to water. And I want to drink so badly. Oh, boy, do I want to drink? But I'm going to need your help here. I don't know what it is I'm supposed to drink. Huh. So let me see if I get this straight, right?
Starting point is 00:50:26 Yeah. Orlean wanted this book. Yeah. So we got it to the auction. We gave it to Jussie, Jocci give it to him. Yeah. But not before I got a copy of it using my own crafty wiles. Okay, great.
Starting point is 00:50:45 So I assume so, because you have one here. What does this have to do with Zedess and, the wisp and everything was the hand of guidance. Because, like, it's a book full of magic stuff and big magic designs, and Benefactor Orlean wanted it, and then one of his old buddies just happens to get, just happens to die. And I think it was murder. So maybe she found out that, like, he was doing something bad with the books, with something from the book and he was like
Starting point is 00:51:24 well I'll never let you find out about it and then he poisoned her drink he went in he snout he hid under her desk and waited for her to go to the potty and then when she was in the potty
Starting point is 00:51:40 he put a poison in her drink how do you know this I see I am a buzz that's me okay yes he's a little fly I think he is guessing So I really, really appreciate it. Can I have the book? Can I have this?
Starting point is 00:51:58 I mean, yeah. I'd be honest, I expected sort of more of a reaction from you all. Because you're telling us not to trust Benefactor Orlean? Yeah, because he's doing something bad with the book. I wasn't crazy about that guy to begin with, honestly. Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, there is one more thing. He reaches into his cloak, and he pulls out a silver spike that is etched in ruins.
Starting point is 00:52:30 And he says, The fuck is that? He says, it's a tracer spike. I planted one on Benefactor Orleans ship. Lead with this. Well, I thought that the book was like a bigger thing. Like, he's, you know, because it's doing weird shit with the book. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:48 I have established motive and opportunity for you. you all. I already thought it was him. You did? Yes. It was more of a working theory, though, to be fair. I mean, but I look at it and I say, who has the power to kill the hand of guidance with, you know,
Starting point is 00:53:06 it's magic. Oh, it's benefact Doraline. Who's a piece of shit and would do it? Benefactorilyne. Who would like to have more control was then to perish? Thanks for all the info. Right into my ointment. All right, I like this guy. Wait, no, hold on.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Did you say into your ointment? Is this like you're catching the flies now with the ointment? Yeah. That's not the saying. This metaphor is really screwed. Are you? Hey, we live in a world of magic. And recently there was the sallow and it turned people, give them fish stuff.
Starting point is 00:53:46 Are you a fly? Hmm. No, I'm just a guy. I'm just a dude. A guy fly? Someone you'd never even expect. A fly guy. I do have to say you're pretty fly for a fly guy.
Starting point is 00:54:01 There you go. Should we guess your name? I'm going to say you're Gusry. I've been looking for him for a while now. Oh, that's stinker. I know who that is definitely. But do you know, say it out loud now? Gussary?
Starting point is 00:54:12 Yeah, who is that? You say it so I know that you know it. Okay, so you don't know. I'll take the Tracer Spike, please. so I can find Dorlina and probably kill him if I'm being honest. Not with the Spock, though. There'd be pretty hard to fight in court.
Starting point is 00:54:30 Okay, you are going to kill him, though? No. No. We won't kill him. Well, hold on, because I don't want someone's death on my conscience if it turns out he didn't do it. I won't. Kid inside, I wouldn't let him kill him.
Starting point is 00:54:45 We'll bring him to justice. Okay. Well, just be careful and All right, thank you. What was your name again? Oh, Chauncey. I mean, the holder? All right, Chants.
Starting point is 00:55:02 Take it's lazy, man. Hey, listen. Hey, wait, stop. Now you can't go. Stop. You're going to kill me, Chantz? I'm going to kill all three of you now. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:13 Bye. Hey, listen, your secrets. You're not. You cannot tell Joshy. He will be so people. Listen. Chaunty, listen. He will be so pio.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Hey, take the, hey, hey. He will be so pioed if he finds out. Somebody with as many secrets as you, I can't afford to betray. All right. Your secret's safe with me. All right. Hey. As long as you stay on the right side of, of, I was going to say good, but I think I meant us.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Yeah. Can I, before you, before I spilled the beef, Um, did, how was it? That's pretty good. Yeah. It took me a good three minutes before I knew precisely you were. Yeah. Uh, next time I would say, uh, say less.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Ah, yeah. But hey, you're, it's a work in progress, right? You'll get them next time. This is actually, I'm not, this is part of it. I'm not, Chauncey, it's an illusion. You took your hood, though, we can see. Hook line and sinker. All right.
Starting point is 00:56:17 Well, we got to go, right? Keep those eyes. Keep those people as, whoever you are. Whoever you are. Winka, winker. He says, uh, thanks for falling right into my trap. And then he runs and he climbs up on the pipe and looks down at it.
Starting point is 00:56:32 Like he's going to jump into it. And then he just kind of stands there and waits for you all to leave. Okay. See, we got to turn. We got to turn. Here I go. He's going to hide behind. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Uh, give a turn. Oh. Where did you go? Oh, shit. He fell right in the damn pipe. That was cool as hell, Chansy. Thanks. No, don't.
Starting point is 00:56:56 Be Chansy. That guy was not a fly. Okay. What are you all doing now? We can pick up with you all sort of, uh, do you have money? We should have money. I mean, we have to spare luck, right? Did we ever get paid for the last mission?
Starting point is 00:57:15 15 lucks for bringing the perpetrators for justice, uh, six additional lucks for the Arrox safe return. So 21 bucks total. And we brought back other animals too. Still, there's 20. 20s quite a, quite a bit. So I will add that to your total now. And if you want to do some shopping before you hit the road again.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Wait, wait, hold on. So we got the spike, though, right? Yeah, you have the spike. You have the journal. I'll come with. Yeah, let's go shop. Is this, are we doing ship stuff? Yeah, we can do sort of a one-stop shop if there's things.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Let me see. I haven't updated the gear list. But I guess it is still there. So yes, if you look at the gear, tab that's there we can say that this is a a one-stop shop if you need stuff from normals pile while you are in the phantom sea coast code that that they can do they can make that work for you so if you look at weapons tools parts and facilities you can see all the different ship upgrades there's consumables two and gear it's been a while since we've gone shopping so if you have any
Starting point is 00:58:14 questions i'm going to take six cloaks of billowing okay don't you already have one I'm taking six of them for different occasions, different, you know, for different temperatures. You just bundle them all up and cuddle, cuddle into them at nighttime. Guys, can we pay off my debt? If you want to split your 21 three ways, then everybody's got seven. No, I don't want to do that. I'll keep sitting on my debt so I can pay it off. It's going to keep increasing.
Starting point is 00:58:45 In fact, it should be six now and not five. The juice. I know how the juice runs, Griffith. The juice. But as long as I owe Felix money, Felix is invested in keeping me alive. Do you think Felix is going to fucking kill you? No, but I mean, I don't know, maybe he's a little more invested in my well-being. Sure, okay.
Starting point is 00:59:05 I think we should get, if we're going after a criminal, we should get the brig. Right? You really plan on arresting him and not killing him? Well, I mean, we're assuming it's Arlene, but it would be nice to have the facilities. Listen, I think the best way to do this because you all are sighinged a little bit right now is to split it 7, 7 and 7, and 7, and you all do whatever you want to do with that money. Okay. As the pilot, I think I'm going for propulsion. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:36 So I'm going to get the experimental fence. Experimental fence, I see. Okay, so these have a plus six speed modifier, but a much higher repair check, which is an 8, which is essentially just a flat D20. And you have to roll above that. Okay. So that is five Lux for the experimental fins. I will update this. And then I will put my two back into the pile.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Okay. So that is now 18 Lux total. Okay. As the kind of scout, Ranger, I'm going to purchase the astral sexton. Okay. A navigational tool that taps into extra planer energy data navigation, which basically provides a permanent plus two bonus to readiness rating.
Starting point is 01:00:34 I think as the person who has rolled the most disastrous readiness checks, this as a sort of meacula makes a lot of sense to me. Yeah. So that's what... That's what Zook's spinning his five on. Okay. That leaves you all with 13. Juice.
Starting point is 01:00:55 Yeah, I was looking at the tools section, and this one that you added under cockpit relay, sounds really good. I'm going to grab that, I think. Okay, that is two problems with that. It is grayed out, which means that you all don't actually have access to it. Now, it does...
Starting point is 01:01:10 I do see actually, hold on, there's... Okay, so I did hear some typing, this time for sure and it does turn out that it looks like Justin has added something to the tools worksheet which is I learned how to use Excel that's not very well just look at it's not gray okay you put it in here it's not gray oh part of it's great okay so kick ass flame decals and the description is fucking look sick as hell when any intelligent being encounters them they must pause for at least 15 seconds to audibly say hell yes oh man and that at Griffin thank you for I think that's going to be really useful.
Starting point is 01:01:46 If you want to add kick-ass flame decals that can't, oh, it costs negative one engine power. So you actually that is kick-ass. It gets the engine pumped. Even the engine's into it. I like that. The engine is like, I can do better. Hey, you guys see this shit? I'm going to work harder.
Starting point is 01:02:09 Okay, you know what? I'm going to do. I'm going to take this and I'm going to work with it. Okay. kick-ass flame decals They fucking look sick as hell This costs zero engine power Because it's decals
Starting point is 01:02:19 Okay That's not negative one But I have improved it By reducing the amount of engine power required I've increased the cost to five Because what these kick-ass flame decals do Is they do cause the enemy pilot To pause for a moment
Starting point is 01:02:35 To audibly say hell yes Which grants Devo or the pilot of your ship Advantage on the first position role of combat Yeah And how much can I spend? I mean, you have 13 left in the kitty. Well, you have set. Okay, because I do you think we need a better engine?
Starting point is 01:02:51 I thought you said we split it. Well. Yeah, you have seven. Okay, perfect. I got to get the decals. Yeah, those are new. I've never seen them before. Those are boss.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Yeah, thank you. Felix looks at them like, where did these come from? Yeah, those are new. Thank you so much. Okay. I did, I special ordered him via ISDN. No. He says, it's the interest shop loan.
Starting point is 01:03:24 Oh, and listen, uh, juice, if you wouldn't mind. How do you, how did you, uh, I mean, how would one learn how to change in Xcel? How would one? Your wife has to run for office and then you have to spend fucking. The, the last few months of your, of your, of your, like, healthful years. Right. staring at it as you add like expenses to it. Yeah, that sounds boring.
Starting point is 01:03:48 Just as well, we don't need rims. Yeah. It would be fun. You notice a shipworm from his sort of menagerie poking out of the water, digging in your pocket, and he pulls out real quick and nods at him. And Felix says, well, that leaves eight lux, which let me look at the books. Uh, yeah, that's enough to pay off your debt. So that's one way you could spend that money
Starting point is 01:04:16 Is to pay off your debt of six lux And then wouldn't it feel good to not have that weighing on your soul and your heart Yes Yes How about this? How about this? We do we move up to the basic engine and pay off the debt Hmm? Okay, hold on a minute.
Starting point is 01:04:44 So doing the math, we each bought something worth five, correct? Yes. That's 15. 21 minus 15 is 6. We had 23. You had 23. You had two luxes. Ah, all right.
Starting point is 01:04:58 So we could pay off the 6 and get a basic engine, which is 2, for their remaining 8. Or we could get a combat engine and pay off most of the debt. Well, I'm just throwing out all turn it out there. But at this point, I mean, we don't have any other things that require engine power. All right. Okay. So let's do this. Yes, if you all will allow, we pay off the debt.
Starting point is 01:05:24 And then we have two left over. Huh? Okay. All right. Cool. I say we do that. That sounds fine with me. I mean, that sounds fine with me.
Starting point is 01:05:36 Amber? Yeah, sure. Well, I care. We paid off our student loans You hear a sigh of relief from behind you And you see a very nervous looking shipworm Holding a sock filled with Lux That he was about to
Starting point is 01:05:51 Club Dibor over the head with And he is looking kind of weepy As he like lowers back down into the water And Felix collects Or rather I guess another shipworm collects The Six Lux debt Clearing the slate And a choir of angels sings
Starting point is 01:06:09 in celebration. Now would you like to do another loan and we could get some more cool stuff? I mean, I made us a hefty fortune on interest just because of your sort of malfeasance, so I'm not opposed to it. No, we don't do this. No, I'm going to be solvent. Okay. I'm in the black, as they say.
Starting point is 01:06:35 One thing, just as your DM, you may want to spend this two luck on some food. Oh, right. You have your rations still on. Oh, right. Yes, let's get some generous russians. And I would like to say that I am very proud of the decision we made to pay off the debt. Because, you know, when you live underwater, it's good to achieve... Liquidity.
Starting point is 01:07:08 Oh, you were so close to me. I was so, damn, close. That is really a heartbreaker. Liquity. Liquidity? Liquidity. Liquidity. You were right here.
Starting point is 01:07:17 You got right to the first. I feel like. Can I have it? Can I have that? The black circle was like closing in on your face, like, giving you that's all folks. And you fucked it up and then it opened back up. I want to give you like another pass at it. Okay, thanks.
Starting point is 01:07:31 Yeah. And I actually just, I've decided that this is going to be like the end of the episode. So you need to do it. But it's like, I want a dad to send it out with like no pressure. And don't make it. We often do a bit where the bit is that it's not a bit. And it's like, I really need you to nail it. And I'm not, I'm going to remove that sort of safety net.
Starting point is 01:07:49 It's very appropriate because we are underwater. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. It's very appropriate since we're underwater that we achieve liquid. Damn it! It! Laquit. Dad, don't make it a bit. I want you to just do it.
Starting point is 01:08:05 And then I'll be the end of the episode. I'm not making it a bit. I'm having trouble saying liquidity. Liquidity. Liquidity, liquidity, liquidity, liquidity, liquidity. Okay, I'm ready. All right. And go.
Starting point is 01:08:16 You it, nail it. Get it. And I think it's very awesome. We are underwater and we have achieved liquidity. It wasn't really. Oh, shit. Get it. Maximum fun.org.
Starting point is 01:09:18 Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported.

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