The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 42

Episode Date: June 30, 2022

Benefactor's Folly: Part FourA draconic coral construct poses the greatest challenge the crew of the Coriolis has ever faced. A long dormant god confronts those who refuse to bend the knee. Friends become foes.Addition music in this episode: “Now You Are Here” and “Dybbuk’s White Eyes” by Sergey Cheremisinov https://soundcloud.com/sergey-cheremisinov-1. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, Ethersea. I thought I was clear. I don't want to go with you. I don't want you to come. I'm trying to protect you. I know, but I'm a big girl, too. I just wanted to tell you good luck. Zooks, please.

You are incredibly susceptible to mind control. For one thing, there's apparently some living coral beings in here who have not been sort of integrated into the tower. This spire, as you read it, It says, Orlean creates broadcast machine. Are you here to open the passage to the new world? So you let me take care of this situation? She gestures to just like everything in the room.

Holler if you get in a bit above your head. Hands of Guidance is dead. She was an ambitious woman and, um... Okay. She will be missed by some, I assume. And he looks down at the three of you and says, I'm not doing this. The banisters of that staircase stretch out to the side

and form sort of smaller spires that branch out behind it. And one particularly large piece of coral floats to the front of the pile and standing behind the three of you, between you and the staircase is a massive coral dragon. Let's roll for initiative. Okay, so for real, roll initiative. For real?

For real, do it. I don't know if you did it when we recorded last a couple of weeks ago, but... Well, baby, I got me a 19 plus two. That's a 21, baby. That's a big number. Usually, if you say roll for initiative,

I just think, like... He doesn't mean now. He doesn't mean it. That's Griffin's... cliffhanger of like, but then whose child is it or whatever? Yeah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I rolled in an 11 time.

Yes. Yeah, that's a big 11 for me as well. Whoa. It's in case of Thai. Yeah. That's the best dexterity. Whoever has the best dexterity. It looks like Amber and then Zooks.

So top of the order is Devo. Again, just to paint the scene, you are in a massive chamber that you climbed up the spiral staircase to. there was a staircase leading up to a platform 30 feet up where benefactor Orlean has built his little tone wheel apparatus connected to his ship but that staircase has collapsed he has retreated inside his ship and from the staircase there emerged a giant coral dragon who is definitely already sort of in fightin mode against you all this is not a let's talk it out with the with the Coral Dragon situation.

I think, Griffin, I think that was clear from context. I don't think that it was like, oh, he summoned a big Coral Dragon. The Coral Dragon's like, listen, guys, I don't want to be here either. What can we do? I didn't pick up on the clues because Zooks was getting ready to say,

Mama. Well, that's what Zooks does. Yeah. Yeah. Zook's his baby birding it left and right around here. Yeah. But Devo is going to cast Bain. Okay. Um, and, uh, that, that their dragon is going to need to make a charisma saving throw.

Okay. And I can't imagine a dragon's charisma is that. A coral dragon? Uh, my friend, it's a plus five. Get the fuck out. Really? Oh, I'm sorry, no, it's charisma saving throw is plus 11. No.

I swan to John. On a coral, like, bone dragon? Yeah. Uh, does a 15 save? It just barely does. Oh. Well, what does Bain do? Well, so it would make you have to roll a D4 and subtract the number rolled from attack rolls or saving throws.

Oh, interesting. Oh, that would have been helpful. That would have been very helpful. I can't believe. Let it be known. I think in the history of this show, this is the first dragon you all have fought. And this one is a bad boy. So would you describe this as a dungeon?

I would describe this as a dungeon, yes. We're getting right. What's happening? It's really happening. We can finally be done with this fucking game. Does it do anything on a failed or on a successful date? It does not. No.

Okay. So what I will say, Amber, do better than I just did and give Bartigian inspiration. Okay. And then I am going to like hide? That hiding is an action, but I mean, you can definitely step away from this thing. I'm gonna like scoot back. Can you lay out the landscape? Am I writing thing like now there's like a big gap between where we are and the platform that has...

It's 30 feet straight up. Yeah, it is a huge gap. Oh, it's up. Yeah. Okay. Next in the order is the dragon. It is going to... I'm going to hide behind zoogues.

Okay. As it finishes forming, it is going to... It's going to try and bite Zooks. So let's roll that first. Oh, 15 versus AC Zooks? AC's 14. Oh, okay. It is going to hit you for 11 points of piercing damage.

And then it is going to swing its claws at you twice, Amber. that's going to be an 18 and a 17 versus two hits that's going to be eight and nine so 17 points of slashing damage how much all we got 17 17 17 uh and then I want everybody to make a wisdom saving throw Okay. You feel a little mean now, Griffin. Yeah, yeah. 13. 21.

Okay. Nat 2021. Wow. Okay. Wait, man, now this is twice in a row we've tied. That's, I mean, this is a good one for you to tie on. You all feel, not just Zooks, like all of you feel your, just life energy being sapped into this coral dragon.

Zooks and Amber, you are able to shake it off. Devo, you feel like you just got off like a 48-hour bender. As you succumb to its sapping presence, your speed is halved and you have disadvantage on attack rolls until the end of the dragon's next turn. Okay. And on a successful save, you are immune to this sappy. presence for 24 hours. So Amber and Zooks, you hold on strong. Let's try. Okay. Next in the order is Amber

Gre. Okay. Well, I am, we're, uh, can you pay the picture a little bit for me? Like, what, you say dragon? Like, what am I looking at here? This thing is, let's try to get so technical. I'm not trying to get you just paint a picture, but like, when you, when your thing is punching, you have to know where the punches should go. Exactly. Uh, imagine a sort of skeletal dragon. It is of the huge class, which means it is huge. I would say tail to snout maybe like 20 feet long. And is it on two legs, is it on four legs. I've seen bigger.

It is on four legs with sort of skeletal coral wings that are just about as wide as it is long. Now how would that work, Greg? I always have to ask this also, what is the water orientation? currently. It's empty. There's no water in this chamber. Okay. How high the ceiling?

The ceiling, I would say, is about 50 feet up. It's a huge chamber that you are in. Pointless wings. Well, I mean, it's not... I think the artist was having a bit of fun there. I mean... Yeah, I mean, this thing is art. It was created by Orlean bending to his will. This is not like an animal that usually exists. It's made out of like bleached coral people. So it's a, it is a monstrosity. Okay.

How high off the ground would the, like, where the wings meet the dragon be? Maybe eight feet. Great. Okay. I can make that. I'm going to try to leap to where the wings meet the, the body. Make a, make an acrobatics check for me. 21.

Yep. you are definitely able to get up there. You avoid a, it bites trying to chomp on you, but you just sort of hop right through its jaws as it tries to clamp them down on you. Perfect. I'm going to summon my arms and the visage of the astral self. Okay.

What save is that? As part of the, what? For me. Yeah, it's just a, you don't, oh, I guess there is a save associated with the arms of the astral self. Decks saving throw. That is not this thing strong suit. That's only an eight.

Okay, that doesn't. So you're going to take two D6 force damage. Okay. It's going to be seven on that. And then I'm going to pop out of the visit of the astral self. And I am going to attack it where the body meets the wings. I figured that's as close as I'm going to get to like a weak point. And I'm hoping I can hammer away at that and try to separate the wings of the body.

Okay. Visage of the astral self is like its own, like, ability, right? Okay, so super quick. It's, it's, seeing in the darkness, advantage on whiz and charisma checks. Okay. And I can basically amplify my voice, so everybody in 600 feet or, like,

smallify my voice, so only one creature can hear me 60 feet away. Okay, cool. All right, so why don't you go ahead? Not that big of a deal, but, hey, It's free. Sure. So here.

Go ahead and attack with your arms of the astral self. 1D8 plus 2. Yeah, but you have to roll to hit first. So it's plus 6. My sheets has a plus 5. Well, your arms of the astral self wisdom attack. Oh, my God. That's a crit.

Well, it's a natural 20. Hooray. So that's 2D8. 2D8 plus 2. It's 2D8 plus 3, actually, if you use your wisdom. Plus 3. Okay, so that's 10. 10? Just on the first attack, right?

That's the first one. Jesus, please us. Okay. Let's go ahead and do my second attack, right? Yep, that's just part of your attack, actually. You get two of them. Okay. That's not going to get it. No, that's a four plus five.

Wait, no. Oh, yeah, you did roll the right. No, it should be plus six, but still a 10 is not going to hit this thing. Okay. That's it. Okay. How's it looking? How's that connection looking?

It's definitely weekend. I would say one of its wings is now just kind of hanging at the side of its body. Not that it was providing much, you know, flying support in the first place, but it is, it is, yeah, it definitely, you did some damage there. Okay, Zooks, you are next up in the order. How close is Zooks to this dragon? I mean, you're very close. It just, it just, it just, you guys have been friends for a long time. Yeah, yeah, right?

She was some rough moments. Never right. Rough moments, but it made you actually close her when it was all said and done. The spot that Amber just attacked with the wing attaches the body. How close am I to that? I mean, within 10 feet. Okay. Okay, I'd want to do this right.

I want to get this correct. So, to do a bonus action, do I have to do it first? or second, does it matter? It depends on if the bonus, if you're doing like, one of your bonus actions is in result of a hit on an attack. Okay, this is not. Are you thinking about gathered swarm? Okay.

No, this is not. Okay. Then yeah, you can do a bonus action whenever. Okay. I am going to use my new power, Riving Tide, which allows Zooks to hover. What?

10 feet. Wow. I can fly. Your foot farts. Your foot farts. I can fly with my foot farts. You can hover. You can hover.

Yeah, but I can go 10 feet. So, Zook flies up to that same spot on the dragon. Okay. And, um, attacks it with, uh, his, uh,

dagger. Not your crossbow? You can do it ever, man. No. No, no, I let you out. Okay, yeah. I'll shoot it with the crossbow. Okay. I believe you're at a point now where you also get two attacks per action. So why don't you roll your first attack, please? 19.

That hits. Okay. And that does six damage. Okay. You can also do your gathered swarm. That is just a free action after you get a hit. But don't I get another hit if I used the crossbow again? Yeah, I mean, you can add the gathered swarm to either one of the two.

And I'm going to hit again with the crossbow? We'll see. This time not so good. It's an 11. No, your second shot goes wide. But if you want to still do the gathered swarm after the first attempt, you were. Yeah. Yeah.

more than a muck. Okay. You can do extra damage. You can... I'm going to do... Yeah, extra damage, or move it. That doesn't make much sense. Or you can move.

Um... No, I'm going to do the extra damage. Okay. Roll 1D6 extra piercing damage. That is a 4. Okay, so another 10 damage. Very good round, boys. Thanks, Dad.

Well, some of us. Some of us had a good round Okay, with that, that wing I'm hovering. Is anybody going to react to Zook's hovering? No, I guess you're not. Hey, Zook, good job. Yes, good job.

Ones the hovering. Holy shit. Well, I gotta say, Dad, you made such a big fucking production out of it. You didn't actually leave a lot of oxygen left in the room for other people to be in practice. If you had just quietly said like, well, Zook is going to hover.

We would have been like, what? Incredible. Pulled a bit of a trap. I was, yeah, thank you. I wasn't going to say it. I thought it would be too mean to say it. I was very cudo-hungry. I'm sorry.

Yeah, Dad, it was a real meme. It's not mean, Travis. You get it from somewhere, maybe. That's true. You pull a clint, maybe, is the way. Oh, yeah. Hey, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, here's a thing,

no matter which one of the brothers is your least favorite. Blame it on dad. Yeah. All the good stuff's from our mom. The wing that you all have been focusing on just straight up falls off. And it just kind of sort of melds back down into the floor. And with that, we are back at the top of the order with Devo.

So, Griffin. Yes. Let me tell you what I want to do. And you tell me how to do it or if it's even possible. Okay. Knowing that this dragon is a creation of Orleans will. Yeah. I want to challenge that will.

Okay. Do you have a spell in mind? So I have suggestion, which lets me dictate a course of action, and they have to make a wisdom of saving fear against it. So that's one possibility, or I could do a contested role against, I guess, Orlean or the dragon or something. I honestly try it. I think you would have to do both things.

I think in order to sort of overcome Orlean's control on this thing, you would have to contest him. And then in order for your thing to actually find a purchase in the dragon's mind would be a second thing. I think that contesting it makes more sense

and then we can like sort of rectify that with a sort of psychic damage to this construction. But you're not going to be able to completely close off Orleans control on it. With the contest. Right. Got it, got it, got it. Okay. So let's do, I guess, a charisma contest. Oh, okay. Orlean has a plus five. He does? He is a, he's a, he's a, he's a, I hate that guy, though. Okay, I got a 21. That is a 13. Okay. I'm going to say that, uh, okay, I'm going to say that, uh, Any sort of psychic...

Wait, can I describe it for a second? Yeah, sure, sure. So Devo summons up every, like, image of, like, Orlean being dismissive, and Orlean very much, like, not seeing in Devo whatever it was that the hand of guidance saw, and, like, whenever guidance wasn't around, just, like, not giving him the time of day, treating him like shit. And, like, guidance wasn't great either, but at the very least, like, she was invested in Devo. Yeah.

And he's just, like, fuck. you, I'm ready to be like, I'm better than you at this. Yeah, you feel, you feel this maneuver that you are taking kind of take Orlean's breath away, even though he is not anywhere near you or visible to you at all. And as you feel that, you all see the dragon kind of stumble a little bit. I think to put this in sort of numbers, why don't you roll just an auto hit on this dissonant whispers at third level and deal that psychic damage to it? Okay, dissonant whispers, third level. Okay.

I know, go ahead and you do it at fourth level. I didn't realize you had fourth level spells. Ooh, okay. At fourth level, that's 24 points of damage. Ooh, boy. Yeah, it doesn't like collapse or fall apart or anything like that, but it is moving a bit slower. You all are really doing a lot more damage to this thing than I thought you would conceivably do in a round and a half. Fortunately, it is its turn, and I want all of you.

Well, first of all, let me describe what happens next. You see what appears to be electricity course through the base of this thing, through its feet and up its legs, and down the length of its tail and torso, and then finally it all sort of collects. in its skull, and you see this just like crackling electricity behind its vacant eye holes, and then it opens its mouth and releases a bright yellow cloud of electricity across the floor of the room. I want everybody to make a dexterity saving throw. 15. Good Lord, Zooks.

25. Did you crit? No, 19. Okay. Amber? Ooh. I got you, Gryph. That's a two.

That's a two plus five. I'm here to give you your drama, you crave. Yeah. You have a bardic inspiration. It, I will say this, it would not, it would not do anything. Oh, okay. So my 15 is not going to do it. No, your 15 is not going to do it.

But I picked out from that mathematically. Zook, I mean, Zooks, you see this from above, right? Because you're hovering in the air as your friends are swallowed up. in this bright yellow crackling cloud. And when it passes, they are both struggling to stay on their feet as they are both hit for 24 points of lightning damage. Oof. Hey, ow, baby. 24, you say.

Yes. But that seems to have taken all of this thing sort of energy as it is trying to catch its breath. so to speak. Ah, and that's when we wake up from this horrible dream. Yeah, right. And we're back in our beds. Next in the order is Amber Green.

Do you have eyes? No, it has eye holes, but this thing doesn't have, you know, the usual organs. Organs in the higher. I'm going to try to attack its, one of its feet, try to knock it off balance. Okay. Just using your big glowing fists? Yeah, Gryph, I thought I'd go with that. Go that route.

Okay. Roll your first attack roll. All right. 16. 16 does not hit. All right. Here comes a follow-up. Here comes the boom.

There's 20. That is another, your second crit. Jesus. Somewhere, Kevin James nods. Yeah. Yes, Justin. That was the boom. There went to the boom.

You're the boom now, dog. Okay. So that is, go ahead and roll. Oh, my God. DAA my damage of my D8 is two ones. Fantastic. What a wonderful 20 it was. Two plus three is a five.

Oh, good, dude. Slow down. I'm writing this down. You also have, and we miss this. You all got to pay attention to what your characters can do. You have the crusher feet. So when you score a critical hit that deals bludgeoning damage to a creature, attack rolls against that creature are made with advantage until the start of your next turn.

Oh, okay. Or you can move it five feet to an unoccupier. occupied space, provided that the target is no more than one size larger than you. I don't know. It is. It is. Okay. Well, attack rolls have advantage against this thing until it's next turn.

So that 16, you can roll again. What? You have the crusher, right? Isn't that what you said? Well, he hit with his... Not damage, the attack. Yeah, and also he hit with his second attack. So technically, he did not have this advantage until...

Yeah. And now I will do... Right. So I'm going to go ahead. and hit them with my big arms now. Are you doing a flurry of flows? Your SpongeBob pink arms. Yes.

Okay, go ahead and spend a key point and make two more strikes. Am I the only one who pictures those big arms like when SpongeBob blows up big arms to look musily on the beach? I think you might be, yeah. Well, I mean, not in the world. I just mean on this call.

Is it canon that they're pink? So 12 misses, but you have an advantage on this first attack. Oh, yeah, right. 14 plus 519 that that does hit all right so that's a d8 plus 3 ah more like it that's an 8 plus 311 okay yeah the first attack hits okay now one more 18 18 does hit perfect i won't roll the second one then oh go ahead and roll the second one you might you might crit i guess you've done it twice already uh 22 uh yeah that's good and the damage on that one is of five plus three.

Okay. Pretty good. Yeah. Was that 19 points of damage? So a lot of foot pounding. Yeah. You knock this thing's fucking foot off. Nice.

And it falls... It's just a flesh wound. It falls in the direction that it no longer has this leg. And as it falls and collides with the ground, you're done, right? Yeah, that's all the attacks I got Okay, it's gonna take a legendary action Whoa! Wait, what?

What the fuck does that mean? You just made that up. What's a legendary action? Legendary actions can... Oh, Griffin's been watching how I met your mother. Legendary, baby. This action's gonna be legend. Wait for it.

Have you met, Jeb? So, this... Derry. Wait, I'm waiting for it. I said it. Okay. The legendary action is something that basically bosses can take at the end of another creature's turn.

And as it falls, you see part of it start to sort of coalesce into the ground. Only when that happens, more coral starts to climb up from the ground around your body, Amber. I need you to make a strength saving throw. Boy, these rolls are so... You are picking a very good episode

to have that hot hand. I'm saving them for, We were saving them for dragons. Yeah, I'll say. You should have more dragons. It tries to restrain you with ghostly binding, but you fucking flex and your sleeves fall off. And so does this coral that was trying to surround you.

And coral goes flying all over the room, and this thing tries to climb back up to its original standing height. And it is in this state that you find it, Zeus, still hovering in the air. What do you do? So it's not on the, is it still on ground? I mean, is still prone? No, it is. You are confused, I think, by Grimmons hanging part of the civil. You are hovering in the air.

The dragon is not. No, the dragon's not hovering in the air. It is, it is standing back up, though, on three legs. Is it already back up? Yeah. You do have advantage on any attacks you want to do on it, though. Okay. Zooks leaps onto its neck. as close to the head as possible. And I want to try and use the whole coral shaping ability like he used to make the spires. Okay. To fuck up his neck.

To fuck up his neck. To try to sever its head. Whoa. That is an interesting. Can I just saying that people don't normally use those interchangeable? Like somebody wouldn't be like, yes, the guillotine was used on the French nobility. Just really fuck up their neck up pretty bad. But it did.

It did. I mean, hey, listen. I want people to start using it interchangeably now. What do you think happened here, detective? Well, clearly someone came in and just really fucked up their neck. Ah, that's disgusting. I will allow it. I want you to make an animal handling check.

And I'm going to say this is going to be a, with a DC-16, you will fuck up with his. neck. If you get a DC 20, I will allow the head to be severed. Those are the stakes. Okay. Do I have Bartik inspiration? No, do you consider this an attack? No, this is not. This is specifically not an attack. Oh. 23. Wow. Okay. Here is what happens. You land on its neck and it bucks up, rodeo style, trying to launch you off of it. But you maintain a tight grasp on the sort of coral vertebra that make up this thing. And it starts to change color. It starts to become sort of prismatic in the way that you are able to change this coral. Which I would assume is also leaching out of zoos. Oh, yeah, for sure. I'm not going to make you take damage because I didn't

set those stakes and also you rolled incredibly well. But as that happens, the coral starts to kind of swell up and mutate a bit, and then its skull becomes a little bit too heavy for its mutated vertebra to hold up anymore. And you all hear a cracking sound and the head falls down to the ground with a sickening crunch. Okay, I'm just going... Hey, Dad, you really fucked up that thing's neck. You sure did in a major way.

Ficked up real good, yeah. And it's day. Well, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Go ahead and roll... I'm just gonna... I'm gonna cut this thing's health in half. Well, yeah.

It's heads off. Yeah, okay. That is a lot. I'm not going to tell you the exact amount of damage, but it's a lot. Will you tell me later? Yeah, I'll tell you later. Okay.

And its head is now on the ground. I will say this. The head appears to still be moving. Its jaws are opening and closing. No sound is coming out of it. Oh, fuck. I figure we got like, yeah, skeleton logic. Yeah.

But its body is also still standing. I'll be it with a sort of like rainbow spire at the end of its neck now. And with that, we are back up to the top of the order with Devo. Griffin, with everything this dragon's been through, the fact that currently Zooks is connected to it, if I were to try to do suggestion, would you say it would have disadvantage?

No. Well, I also flexed Will on it pretty hard. You did, but this is, I don't, there's, I'm not, you all are doing very well in this fight, and I am not going to, allow it and easy out like that. Okay. You no longer have disadvantage

on attacks against this thing because it has gotten back around to its turn. In fact, you have advantage on attack rolls because of the crushing. Yeah, but the attacks are not good? Sure, yeah. Unless I want to throw a boom ring at a dragon, which is the most bonkers thing.

Like if a knight rolled up to a city where a dragon was tacking, it's like, don't worry everybody. I'm going to throw this stick at it. Everybody like, it's cool, man, just wait till the real night gets here. I am going to use suggestion, though. Okay.

So it will have to make a, well, okay, hold on. Yeah, I mean, it says in the description, attack slash save, but it's not an attack, right? Spell. No, it's a wisdom save. Okay, great. So it needs to make a wisdom save.

Okay. And I am going to pour my will into it. Right? Think about Zyukes's, you know, kind of quarrel interactions. And I'm going to suggest, perhaps, command, that it turn into stairs to reach the higher platform. Become stairs, dragon. Yes, become stairs. Return to your natural stair state. Yeah. The way you once were before all of this began. Return to it. A dragon, a dragon cannot break. It can simply become stairs. Yeah, I believe Mitch Hedberg said that.

Okay, so you have a save DC of 14. Its wisdom save stat is plus seven. So I'll roll a D20. It don't got a brain. I'm going to roll a D20 in front of everyone, and if it is a seven or above, it saves. That is a nine. Damn it.

Barely saves against your suggestion that it becomes stairs. Although I will say, if that had worked, defeating a boss by turning it into stairs would have been some next-level shit. Thank you. I try really hard. I wanted it to be something good on the show, but you took that away for me. Well, the dice. The dice took away from me.

I'm just saying like it would have been a thing that people talked about. Like, oh, yeah, critical role, what? They turned a boss into stairs on Adventure Sun. But I said Griffin took that away from me. It's fine. It's fine. I'll just toil and obscurity for another year. Well, yeah.

It's fine. It'll make the next time. No, I don't think I will because it's fine. It's possible. It'll make the next time you try to turn a boss into stairs and succeed even sweeter. I can't think of it. the case where that would happen, but... Now I'm going to try it every time.

This is the clip that we'll play in like six years when you turn a boss into stairs in one of our campaigns. I'm like, he said it, he called it. What's going to suck is I'll turn a boss into a ramp and we'll be like, oh, it's close enough, close enough. I was almost there. No, I want to accept it. Okay. Right now, Matthew Mercer is at a dinner party. He's at a Denny's?

All the guests just heard, yeah, at the Denny's, and all the guests just heard him, like, silently exclaimed to himself, oh, thank fuck. Thank Christ. Because that's like one more year where he gets to be. My little birds tell me. Okay, do you have a bonus action you'd like to do? Do I? Oh, you know what I will do? What's that?

It's a bonus action? Can't change how my glamour weave looks. I'm going to become stairs. No, I'm going to change my glamour weave to look like M.C. Escher's staircases. Okay. Just as a little taunt, just as a little like. attack you failed to do.

I will make you stares. Okay. I will not rest until you become scared. This thing hates that you try to turn it into stairs, Debo. And it is going to attack you with its claws. The first attack is a 20 versus AC. I mean, yeah. Definitely hit.

Okay. That is going to be an eight damage, eight damage. Eight damage. Yep. Uh-huh. Okay. And its second claw attack is a 22. Yeah, that hits too, Griffin.

Thank you. And that is going to be... Thank you for including me in your game. Uh, that is going to be... 14 points of damage. Oh, no! I'm down. Okay.

I'm at negative 1 points. Devo falls unconscious. Got hit by the thing. I don't know if anyone can heal me. Yeah, that's a really great point. The head is going to do something now. So not only Dick Griffin, not. We just made two monsters.

This, this, this. Stop me from becoming, turn him to stairs and they made me go sleepy. It sort of opens its jaw very quickly and the head goes up into the air and then it crashes to the ground at your feet. I want you to make a dexterity saving throw for me, please. That's a 16 plus 521. Oh, boy. Okay. It crashes through the ground at your feet, and the ground gives way. And you fall through the hole, and with a 21, you fall into that chamber that was sort of below you all,

that the spiral staircase climbed up toward. But you managed to catch your... yourself on a step of the spiral staircase as the skull continues to fall down and crashes basically all the way through the tower. Make a mistake on his part. Make a perception check for me, Amber. Who's Amber? Four plus three.

There's, God, I hate film perception checks. There's nothing that makes me answer. Because you know, there are. I'd rather, I'd rather have a, you have Bartac's race. You could maybe bump that up. You can if you'd like. Okay, let me use my bar. What is that?

D8. Whoa. Yeah, maybe. From beyond the grave. Eight. Ah, ha, ha, ha. All right. Fifteen.

With a 15, you hear the sound of battle coming from the room below you, the foyer where Kodira stayed behind to watch y'all's backs. That is. The skull is neutralized, though. The skull is completely gone at this point. Next in the order is Amber. Cader, hold on, I'm coming. And I'll rush down to, rush to where Caderia is. Okay.

You're just going down the stairs that you came up. Okay. I don't think anybody else. I'm dead. This thing's on the ropes. I'm on death seams. I don't think anybody else could, make this run in six seconds.

But Amber, you are able to just leap down the enormous spiral staircase and you hop over the rail into the foyer where you were when you first climbed up into the tower. And you see that battle is maybe not a good word for the sound that you heard. It is a massacre. You see that Kodira has obliterated every single one of the coral beings that remained in this room. They are all smashed to bits decomposing back down into the floor. And when you land in the foyer, you see Kodira turn to face. you and when she does that red eye Coda's eye is on her forehead and it is flaming bright red

and she stands up as she sees you and kind of dusts herself off and she does not open her mouth but you hear a voice say don't we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended You hear a voice say, Well, don't freeze up now to scream. Your destiny is waiting. Al Lapland here with breaking news on a revolutionary form of entertainment. Professional wrestling.

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Listen to the Tides and Fights Podcast every week. Find it on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts. And your old-timey radio. Hey there, I'm Ellen Weatherford. And I'm Christian Weatherford. And we've got big feelings about animals that we just got to share. On just the zoo of us, your new favorite animal review podcast, we're here to critically evaluate how each animal excels and how it doesn't, rating them out of 10 on their effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics. Guest experts give you their takes informed by actual real-life experiences studying and working with very cool animals like sharks, cheetahs, and sea turtles.

It's a field trip to the zoo for your ears. So if you or your kids have ever wondered if a pigeon can count, why sloths move so slow? or how a spider sees the world. Find out with us every Wednesday on just the zoo of us in its natural habitat on Maximumfund.org. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Kodira is standing a good distance away from you in this foyer surrounded by just smashed coral bodies. You can also see that she has destroyed a couple of the sort of ring-like gateways

that are scattered all across the room. And she is clearly not herself. Like her stature has changed as she has been apparently so consumed by the will of the old God that she serves. And she looks at you and says, or rather the voice coming from her says, I can tell from Kodira's quickened heartbreak that she is afraid of what you might do next. So I am curious, Miss Greene. What are you going to do next? What do you want?

What do you want with me? I want to stop the spread of a disease that destroyed this world and my world. and the many worlds that it was visited upon before that. I want to ensure that magic never makes its way into another reality again. And in order to do that, I will destroy any being that seeks to further that goal. Tell me, yeah. So the coral? Yes.

the quarrel. What about the rest of the brown are? They are an abomination. I thought you'd say that. They, I tolerate their existence as long as they do not

seek to ruin another world as this world has been ruined. So walk me through it. Like, I'm open to it. I don't have a lot of ground. I'm like, what are you? What's your, what's your plan? Tell me your plan.

Because I don't want to oppose you because I hear you're going to annihilate anybody to the Zapp. But, like, so what's your plan? My plan, so to speak, is to remain ever vigilant against the force of magic, the unnatural force of magic. And anyone who wields it as magic simply wants to infect as many places and people as it possibly can. It is an endlessly hungry force that I have stood as the sole vanguard against for my entire existence. So you're Cota, right? Yes. Where are you? Are you here?

I don't occupy a single physical space anymore, which is, in a way agonizing, but it allows me to, accomplish my goals fairly efficiently. Right now, I am inside of Kodira, but I am also inside of the ship that...

Say it, make him say it. Justin, yeah, make him say which ship. What ship? The ship that you and your kind built from my bones. The James of Debra? You're trying to get me to say the name that you chose for my ship, for my, for my sarcophagus, and I refuse to acknowledge it.

You guessed it. It's not as fun. So, okay, I understand long term what your plane is, what's your short term. Like, why are you here right now? What are you doing? I'm going to bring this tower low and destroy all of the coral beings that seek to punch a hole. through this world into the next. I failed in this regard

in my own world and yours has suffered because of it. Will you allow another world, the next world to suffer in turn? Or will you join me to erase magic from this world before it can

penetrate another? Let me see if I grok this because there's a lot for us earthlings. Sorry, for us. What would she say? I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, there's a lot of... Ethereans. Let me see if I gawked this, because it's a lot for us. Mortals. You and the other vestiges were in a world of magic. Magic fucked up your whole scene. Now you're all here, and you didn't want to do magic. Benevolence did the magic thing, and now you're worried it's fucking up here.

And the Brian and I are trying to get... to the next world, because this one's getting all fucked up, and you're like, actually, no, magic's going to die here, no matter of everything else here dies as well. Is that, is that about it? I would say that your description does not paint me in the best light, but. Yeah, right. I know. It's all in perspective. That is. Also, I was, I was thinking about it, guys. What do you think about for the white girl beings? Drynar? Oh, that's very good. Yeah, that's great. That's fantastic. He says, you have the long and short of it, yes.

Kodira and the other chaperones joined me of their own volition. You possess a power that even I must admit is breathtaking. The arms? Yes. The big arms? When he says yes, Kodira smiles. And he says, you would be an unimaginable. power for me if you would submit to my will.

But again, the fear your friend is currently experiencing makes me believe that that is not likely to come to pass. But I will ask nonetheless, will you, Ambergrie, join me in my goals? Is it like a possession type thing? That's what it looks like is happening right now to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, is it like a possession time deal? Or is it just like a, yes, sir, I'm on it kind of thing. At times, I am capable of taking control of one of my servants. Yes, but if, if that is not something, oh, man, ah, we could come to an arrangement. You had to use that word, didn't you? God, you had to use that word. that word?

Servants. No, I can't. You know, I'm kind of if you on magic. I got a magic buddy or two, but I even with the big arms, I'm kind of ambivalent about it, as well as ambidextrous. So,

but you said servant. I can't. I can't do servant. I can't. I'm sorry. No. Gosh. You seem like One of the top two coolest messages out there, but I can't help you with this one. I'm sorry. But I can't let you destroy the world either.

I'm sorry. Oh, it would have been easier. No apologies necessary. I should be clear. You will submit. It's just whether or not it. What? Sorry, go ahead. No, I want to know about everything I'm going to do. It's fascinating.

You don't need to know. You just need to be there, he says. And Kodira starts to float up in the air. And you see that she is sort of outlined in bright red light. And the light seems to be concentrated like behind her. She is silhouetted in this red light. And you see that light start to take form. And it extends in six sort of branches from her back that crane forward in front of her and then branch off into smaller branches.

And then you realize that the form this red light is taking is the shape of six giant glowing red arms. Zooks We're back up to you Amber has just scampered back down the stairs to check down on Katira Scamper

Devo is unconscious Yeah Devo is unconscious on the ground And the Headless Coral Dragon is still sort of thrashing thrashing about What do you do? Um

Okay We need Diefers Thank you. So, um, Zook casts Healing Spirit. Is this an actual spell that Zooks? If I click spells, am I going to be disappointed? Or am I going to be...

Go ahead. Click spells. I'm clicking spells. Wow. Okay. All right. Healing spirit, second level conjuration. I stand corrected.

Thank you. Uh, you. Letter of Apollinger. would have been good too. But okay, so, wait a minute. Healing spirit calls forth a nature spirit to soothe the wounded. The intangible spirit appears in a space that is a five-foot cube. You can see within range. The spirit looks like a transparent beast or fay of your choice.

Okay. It restores 1D6 hit points to the creature. No action required. Yeah, you conjure this thing as a bonus action, and then it just heals creatures that move into its space or start its turn in the space. Okay. Are you just plopping this down right on Devo then? Yeah, and it's a shape of a great big manteree, great big manoray that kind of wraps its big wings around Devo.

Okay. And heels. So I roll 1D6? No, Devo will roll 1D6 at the start of his turn. Okay. So we will do that. at the start of his turn. That is just your bonus action.

You still have a regular action you can do. I'm going to cancel the hover and drop on to the... You are no longer hovering. You were riding on its neck. So you are astride the dragon. Okay, then I'm going to slide down its neck. Oh, yabba-dabby, yes. And that is something else, trap.

And take a... I just got that. And I'm not that I'm familiar with Dragon Anatomy. I guess it's not like a bronosaurus where they have a brain in their head and a one of their ass. Wait, Matt, you don't have a brain.

That's a match of dragon. Yeah, bronnosources, right? Don't they have a brain in their ass? Wow. It's more of a cluster of nerves. You learn something new on this podcast literally every day. It takes a long time for the thought

to make it from the brain of a bronisorosis. to its extremities. And so there's a little cluster of nerves there that like kind of amplifies it through. Okay. So like an ass relay. Okay. Okay.

Forget I even brought that up. It's not like a second brain. It doesn't have like thoughts of its own that controls its ass. It is actually, you know, my turn. So I'm going to go sliding. My head brain is happy. My ass brain is very depressed. Zooks is sliding down the spine of this dragon,

Legolas style. And just, just is shooting the crossbow attacking that the place where the aspirin is. Okay. Go ahead and roll your first attack roll. You no longer have advantage, but you do get to take two attacks. Okay. Boom.

That is a 14. That is not a hit. And that is a 10. Sadly no. But I look cool. doing this, right? It looks cool. You look cool as you are grinding down this thing's spine and shooting straight down

and it's just going through the rib cage and clinging into the floor. And you missed twice. Are you going to get off of it? No, I think I'm going to stop on it. Okay. It is going to take a legendary action and it is going to whip its tail up at you as you are grinding down it. How many of these legendary actions does it get?

It can take one per turn, or rather one at the end of each character's turn. It has three per round. I'm just going to say, Gary Gygax, if you're listening, it's not really legendary if you can do it like all the time. That is a... That is a 28 versus AC. I'm sorry, that...

Yeah, right. Okay. That's going to be 12 points of bludgeoning damage as the tail just sort of whips back and smashes into you. And now you are prone on this thing's back. And we move on to Devo. Devo, you may heal for 1D6. Sick, bro. Yes, no death saves required for you.

A five. Okay. Five, you are conscious, you are prone, though. Well, how is this thing looking? Griffin? It looks pretty bad. I see pretty bad, you say. Yes.

And I'm still like in this thing's. How many healing times does this thing get, Dad, as this mantra, this spiritual mantelry clings to my back or whatever? It gets, wait a minute here. I actually have that. Hold up. It's... One plus dispel casting ability modifier. So he gets five turns.

And its name is Charles, by the way. Okay, great. I am going to stand. Okay. That is your move action? Yes. And I'm going to, with my... They're glowing eyes.

Look at this stupid skeleton dragon thing. Looking all dumb with no head and one foot and one leg or whatever. One wing. And I'm going to start commenting on all those things in my weird whisper language. And I'm saying, like, look at you. Your head fell through the tower. And cast dissonant whispers. So it needs to make a wisdom save.

At third level? Actually, at, yeah, at third level. Yes, correct. Okay. It has a plus seven wisdom. Correct. I know, I know, I know. No, that's a four plus seven and 11.

It fails. I told it to become stairs again. God damn it. Yeah, if you had done it this time, this thing would be stairs for sure. This thing would be an escalator if you had done it this time. I hit it for 18 points of psychic damage right in its aspirate. Okay.

When that happens, you feel a, like a shriek of pain from Benefactor Orleans. And the Hollow Dragon. Oh, that feels good. It rears backward, I'm sure it does. That heals like two points of psychic damage. It's not going to increase my health at all.

It just feels fucking good. It rears backwards and collapses into a pile of coral, kind of on top of Zooks. And there's a big sort of plume of dust that goes up into the air of this white. coral stuff that that just sort of flus upwards from where this thing crashes to the ground. And you start to, after you feel that sort of shriek of pain, you feel panic from Benefactor Orlean. And then you feel a wave of his influence try to grab hold of you in one last sort of desperate maneuver. I want you and

Zooks. I need to counter charm. To make charisma saving throws. Is that something... What is the wording on countertarm? As an action, you can perform until the end of your next turn. You have already taken an action this turn. Oh, am I still in combat?

We are still in combat. So I need you and Zooks to both make charisma saving throws. I already do also naturally have advantage against being charged. Okay. So you can roll with advantage. But I got a Nat 20, Nat 20, baby. Okay.

That's a crit. You feel this wave of influence, try to grab hold of you, and you lean on the certainty that you now feel that the student has become the teacher, that you are capable of doing things that been a fact, Orlean could only dream of. And with that sense of sort of satisfaction, you maybe don't notice as the debris pile that the dragon collapsed into starts to shift. And moments later, I think you do realize it,

because Zooks climbs out of the pile. And he is just kind of wavering there. barely keeping his foot in. But then he snaps to an almost sort of militaristic pose and looks down at you and aims his crossbow right in your direction. ismumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned.

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