The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Ethersea - Episode 6

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

Our heroes take their new ship to a VERY familiar aftermarket vendor, tacking on a few much-needed improvements. We spend a bit of time talking character classes, and finally come up with a name for t...he crew's new vessel! Join us for the start of a new adventure in the undersea metropolis of Founders’ Wake! For more info on this new setting, give a listen to our Prologue mini-series (or our special, abridged recap!) to hear how the Ethersea first took form. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Previously, on the Adventure Zone, Ethersea. Guthrie was making his way out to the gallery, not to recover the works of art located there, but rather to destroy them. Zooks almost died, and a child is on her own because you waited. You signed a non-disclosure agreement. You promise to offer me right at first refusal
Starting point is 00:00:27 on any recovered relics you, may discover out during your travails, I will give you 40 for everything. We got 42 looks in our pockets. I think things are going fine. Y'all, uh, y'all on the buy in Munda? We're here to buy a ship. I mean, I love this bubble tub skin. It's got. This is, I do like the bubble top skin. This is nice and a cushy bridge. The sphere underneath looks so cool.
Starting point is 00:00:56 30 and I will throw in a pass to a very exclusive aftermarket. My name is Felix. Welcome to the Phantom Sea Coast Code. We got a ship. Well, y'all got a ship. You should have taken care of that before the show, Griffin, if you got a ship. Oh, that's fine. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:02:16 I wasn't sure when I was saying it, so I'm really happy to do. See, there's a reason for people to listen to the show. Now there's jokes in it. See, I'm, I'm ruin it. Now, people will be like, I was promised I shouldn't listen to this one. Then Justice's drop this great pot of humor. So y'all's bathescape. Bath escape.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Bath escape's a fucked up word. It is. That word's got a Y in it and a pH in it, but not where you would think it is. Anyway, I have created a ship sheet here for you. And as you can see, this gently used. used vehicle is not quite the turbo yacht that the Dreams of Debra was. You all got affordable sensors. You got a weak engine.
Starting point is 00:02:58 You've got a sheer bladder on this one. Oh, just for damn sure. Yeah. So, you know, the stats aren't as choice. Your hull rating is much lower. That's your HP. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, though. Yeah, no, it's, I mean, it's still a, it is a sturdy vessel.
Starting point is 00:03:15 And it comes with some stuff. You've got a slug launcher, just a very, very. very basic weapon on board. And, of course, you have a tool here, which is the Bathisphere Bay, which contains a single pilotable bathysphere attached to the ship with an extremely long, extremely durable cable. And actually, if you look at the bottom, there's a bathysphere tab with a little blue line on it. If you tap into that, whenever somebody pilots the Bathysphere, here is a separate ship sheet. Oh, man. For the Bathysphere.
Starting point is 00:03:44 And if I may also say really crummy crew quarters. compared to what we're used to. Yeah, Spartan. Spartan crew quarters, bare bones, living quarters, food storage and washroom. That's a minus two to your readiness rating.
Starting point is 00:03:58 Oh boy. Yeah. You also, you know, you don't have supplies for the ship yet, and when that is true, you also have meager, meager rations,
Starting point is 00:04:07 which is another minus two to readiness. So, okay, so you guys, though, forget about the flaws in your ship because you're about to fix those all up. Because y'all got 12 luck to spend here at the Phantom Sea Coastco. And the catfish worm creature, Felix, has welcomed you in, summoned your vehicle. It sort of pops up through the floor, which is, you know, just water here in this grotto. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Thank God. I thought you meant like it just like phased through. It's horrified. I hope that your wife and children weren't around here. the squeal of self-congratulatory delight you made when you came up with Phantom C. Coast Coast Coast. It was literally, it came to me in a dream. It was like, in the morning, me and Rachel woke up,
Starting point is 00:04:59 I was like, hey, check this out. She was like, yeah, that's ball. That's ballin. And then she starts texting her parents. Right, exactly. And she's like, I've never loved him more than I do. You'll never believe this dope shit, my man. And then David and Linda started texting everybody they know.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Right. Pretty soon it's in the newsletter. Before we start negotiation, I thought about something, and I'd like to have a little conversation between the three. Okay. Okay. And about Zooks, it has occurred to me as that we have this luck to spend on the ship, but a big part of the reason we were given it was because of Beck's situation. and so I was thinking that instead of spending this money, I would try something, and if it works, we could save that money and give that to Beck,
Starting point is 00:05:57 and if it doesn't work, then we can spend the money and make sure Beck is provided for in a different way. But I wanted to check with you before I did this. Oh, that is so sweet. go ahead and give me my third and then you can do what you will with the remainder is this is fair it is your yeah Zeus I would like my third as well
Starting point is 00:06:23 yeah if we're going to be investing it in a in a business you know with with hopes of future returns I can get behind that sort of thing but I it's not a charitable organization Well, it's just that when we were negotiating with the curator, originally we were going to be given 25, and it was by telling him that he needed to provide for Beck's that I was able to negotiate a surprise. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:06:57 So I don't actually know Beck. So I think what I'll do is go ahead and take my third. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. I thought about it. You want to know something? And this is probably, I thought about it honestly for a second. Because I was wondering if I'm that sort of person.
Starting point is 00:07:21 But it turns out that I'm not. I see. May I inquire? Could I ask what you are going to do with the eight remaining? Well, I am going to give this to Brother Seldom to provide for back. but I am going to attempt to negotiate a line of credit with this catfish person. I'd rather, I mean, I'd rather have it free and clear if that's okay by you. Okay, very well.
Starting point is 00:08:01 You can have your third, and Zooks, you can have your third. So we're not going to spend it on boat? What? I mean, like, I was prepared to spend it on the ship because what else am I going to do with money, but adventure shit. But if we're all looking out for ourselves here, then I'll just spend it on boat shit that I want. That seems like that's what's happening. It's just, I'm saying that for me. Fine. Fine. You know, Travis, fine.
Starting point is 00:08:29 All right, cat, here's a deal. We're all spending it in on boat shit that we want and we're not working together. That is in an orthodox way of doing this, but that money still spends yama yama. What can I interest you in? Maybe perhaps a big cannon or several smaller canons? You get some price quotes? This thing here is called a sextant and that's kind of funny. Is there a sheet? Yes, all of those tabs at the bottom of this spreadsheet include things that you can buy at the Phantom C Coastco, except for the things that are grayed out, which you do not have access to.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Basically, this is a wholesale aftermarket retailer that, you know, gathers certain goods, certain upgrades from other vendors in the city of Founders Wake and outlines. suburbs and sells them here, but your ship needs to be licensed to, in order to equip certain things like magical weaponry or big, big bombs. Those are things that you do not have access to until you get sort of special permission from the city's different sort of groups to equip those. Okay, got it. Okay. So just for the listener at home, we have weapons that you can toss on.
Starting point is 00:10:05 You have a certain number of hard points on the ship that you can, you know, attach weapons to. You have tools, which are, you know, things that are not weapons but are useful aboard the ship. You have parts which sort of dictate the stats of the ship. You have facilities, which are mostly sort of narrative opportunities, right? Like a medica, which you can use for, you know, help with first aid or to make potions and stuff like that. And then there's consumables, which, you know, you can set money aside for right now. You can pick up some in anticipation of your next mission, but these are things that are, you know, you buy them. And then at the end of the mission, they are all used up.
Starting point is 00:10:47 I have a first suggestion. I say, since it's a detraction, the Spartan crew quarters is taking two points off our readiness. Right now, our total readiness is one. whereas maybe if we fix the Spartan crew quarters, our total readiness will go up and that will make us more effective in ship shit. Where are you seeing the Spartan crew cord? Because I see bridge and a cargo chamber.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Look over and readiness calculator. If you look at the bathtub sphere, if you look at the tab to the left, the bathysphere is the small deployable ship. Oh, right. Okay, yes. Yeah. Right now under readiness calculator, We've got Zook's expertise. You're welcome.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Five, Spartan crew quarters minus two. Where it seems to me if we correct the Spartan crew quarters, while it sounds selfish, that automatically goes to the bottom line, as we remember from previous adventures, and improves our total readiness, which improves us in... Well, that I got great news for you, that that I improved the... basic crew quarters is three you can absolutely afford that with your four okay why can i ask a question just to not not just metagame this decision is why zooks would be why this would be sort of the upgrade that zooks would concern himself with right now well i'm not saying suks is concerned
Starting point is 00:12:25 with there you go you're just bringing it up think about what zooks would get because i were i think it's funny that we decided to do it this way. And I'm getting a kick out of it. Yeah, I think, I get why Clint would want to do this, but I don't know that it is necessarily the decision that Jukes would make. All right. Yeah, here, uh, you think, think about it a little bit that. I'll go, I'll go ahead. Okay. Okay. All right, I know what I want. Yes, madam. I'm going to call it Amber's Pad. I want the basic crew quarters, except there's only going to be one bunk in there and it's mine. The basic crew quarters is enough to sustain a crew of four.
Starting point is 00:13:08 Perfect. Yeah, they're on the floor doing charity work and I'll be in Amber's place. Can I use, can you put, can you do etching? Uh, of like personalization of the crew quarter. Yeah, can you do personalizations? I suppose so. All right, right on the door, Amber's Place, no boys allowed. I can certainly do that.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Hell yeah. You said it could do four? Yes. Just a big ass bed then, like super nice. A turbo bed made of four smaller beds. Hell yeah. Excellent. This is good.
Starting point is 00:13:53 I'm going to be ready as fuck. He lowers his barbles down into the water, and they, they vibrate. And when that happens, a bunch of these little, like, shipworms pop up from the water below. And, like, some of them are holding, like, welding torches. Some of them are holding, like, big, big plates of metal. And just dozens of these things start working on the ship as you are still talking to him. So that is three Lux. You are down to one if you are not pulling those resources.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Uh, definitely not. Is there anything for one? Uh, I mean, there's... I feel like it's the point at Billy Bob's Wonderland where you were like, I guess I could go with some laughy taffy. I got 20 tickets to spin. I guess I could get a ring pop. I'll get a ring pop, fuck.
Starting point is 00:14:43 All right. I can use one of these little, uh, gushy guys that stick to the wall and they roll down the wall. That's cool. Uh, I am riding here in facilities. Affordable sensors. Uh, I'm writing... Amber's Place. Bare bones living quarters food storage and washroom
Starting point is 00:15:00 You already have affordable sensors That is the that is what you Your ship comes equipped Okay do we have brittle plating You actually have better than brittle plating Nice okay I'm good I'll just save my lux Well there's basic rations we don't have
Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah you may want to save it for when You know the next mission rolls around And you want to get rations Yeah I'm gonna keep a lux in my back pocket Okay cool I am removing the Spartan crew quarters Penalty from the readiness calculator So you're back up to three
Starting point is 00:15:26 What about you two? I hear that sweet jingle jangle of lugs in your pocket or cavity inside of your body. Nice. Okay. So current weaponry we have is just the slug launcher. Yes, correct. And weapons can only be used once per turn. So, like, you all can't just take turns firing this slug launcher if you are in ship
Starting point is 00:15:55 combat. Um, okay. Zooks is going to buy a broadside cannon. Uh, okay. That is a, uh, a sort of middle of the road piece of weaponry. It has the reload tag, so it can't be used two turns in a row. But it's a little bit stronger than the standard issue slug launcher. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:22 So he wants the broadside cannon. Okay. Uh. Uh. He wants to name it Marlene. Marlene the broadside canon. Marlene the broadside canon. And he's going to give his fourth lux to Devo.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Oh, okay. Yeah, that's only three lux. So. Yes, here. I figure, you know, our protection is primary, but you helping Beck is secondary. So here's a whole lux. I appreciate this
Starting point is 00:16:58 It is You know 120% of your money So this is a good charitable donation Wait 25 25 Is there like a thing with Devo That he's bad at math Because that's cool
Starting point is 00:17:13 That could be fun At money Okay All right Devo By the way When as soon as you say Broadside cannons The shipworms
Starting point is 00:17:26 like a fleet of them sort of peel off the work that they were doing on Amber's place and some of them begin like boring holes in the side of the ship that they are now installing these broadside cannons on. And you there, Devo, what will you be having today? Well, um... Listen, why don't you? just get something for yourself. She'll be fine. It's, you saw how she handled those knives. She'll be able to handle herself out here. It's, it, excuse me for just one second, Felix.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Amber, it's not about, what I don't want is for her to be in a position where she doesn't have, she has no choice, right, because she has no money and no power. I have been, There. I was a child who did not get to make my own decisions and suffered for it quite a bit. And it is because of our bad decisions that we trusted Guthrie. We went on the ship. We did everything wrong. And as a result, her home, her job, her friend, all of these were taken away from her because of us. I understand you feel bad. I do. I understand that, you know, you'd like to fix everything for her, but that's not the world we're in, hon.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Listen, I was a lot younger than her before I had to start figuring things out for myself. She'll be fine. But a little help, you know, now and then, that makes sense, but you can't be her world now. you know you can give her a leg up but you you can't be
Starting point is 00:19:33 you can't be your parent yes I understand this it is not and also they got a lot of guns no I do like this they're so cool and like can I tell you something
Starting point is 00:19:53 don't tell Zooks but I'll give you my extra if there's like a big gun that you really want you know what hey hey you know what listen I got one extra I'm not doing nothing with Give this to her
Starting point is 00:20:10 You know, I'll kick I'll kick you Fuck I'll kick in a little bit If it'll let you Get the big gun of your dreams This is hugely Uncomfortable for me
Starting point is 00:20:21 You stepped away Oh my God Have you been listening? Wait, whose voice am I doing? Don't look up Oh God, don't look up Oh God I wish I hadn't looked up I'm kind of everywhere
Starting point is 00:20:34 And he pulls his body back to the hole above you and then pops out of a different hole. Jesus Christ. Yeah, my body is confusing. Here's what I will say. I will, I then have, I will say, three lux to spend and then give three luxe to back. But I would also request an eight luxe line of credit.
Starting point is 00:21:06 God Almighty. Why? Sorry, this Justin. I want to buy more shit. What about 50 lux? Or a bajillion? I do not want to be this deeply in debt. But I do have this.
Starting point is 00:21:21 And he pulls out the gold plate that Brother Seldom gave him. Okay. That I can use his collateral. And along with this, if I die before I am able to pay you back, You can take this and Devo writes out a note to Zerun family, and they will pay my debt, no questions asked. Can I medigame for a second? Like, I like, and this is like, this is in-show.
Starting point is 00:21:53 In-show metagaming. I think that it's, this feels a bit, okay, so the ship thing is so mechanical. This feels a bit cheat-cody to me. in a way that's like will be less, it makes the other, it kind of makes the upgrade process of the ship like less satisfying and crunchy.
Starting point is 00:22:17 Right. To boost it this much early to me, is my concern. I got it. I got this. Okay, good. Felix smiles. Well, I also, just to answer that real quick, the justification for me is in character.
Starting point is 00:22:31 Devo, what Devo brings to the table is like negotiation. Right, exactly. I'm like, this is it. He's not good in a fight. Okay, yeah, I get that. I get that. The Felix smiles, and he says, you can keep your plate. I would be happy to offer a line of credit for five lux.
Starting point is 00:22:54 However, there will be interest applied to the loan. If you find this, no, I don't roll like that. I'm a catfish. What was the interest to be? Oh, a reasonable interest. I don't know. This is me, Griffin, saying, I don't know. He will give you.
Starting point is 00:23:17 The usual interest of normal. You know, a perfectly fine amount. Mechanically, it says, he'll give you a credit of five lux. But until you pay that back, that, that the, you know, the interest is going to compound one additional lux per like mission that you go on. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. This is fine and acceptable to me.
Starting point is 00:23:43 Okay. And he rattles his, uh, his, his, his, his, his, his, his barbells in the water again and like a single shipworm pops up right in front of you. And he's wearing a little, um, business suit and a little green visor. And he opens up, he opens up a book and like, jot something down in it. And then eyes you over and then holds it towards you, uh, offering you the pin. Devo signs
Starting point is 00:24:07 Okay And so Devo is going to take I would like the twin turbine Uh Yes It looks It looks like your ship is bladder controlled But
Starting point is 00:24:25 Perhaps the turbines can fill the bladder Faster This makes complete sense to me I love it Yes, I will also take- Boys, put the engines inside of the bladder. Yeah, I don't know, but it seems like it should work. As a kidney stone sufferer, I would like us to stop putting things in bladders.
Starting point is 00:24:50 That's fair, that's fair, God. I will also take... That is four lux, by the way, which brings... If you're giving three to Beck, that brings you down to four to spend with your line of credit. Let's see. So that brought up our speed, which I would be worried about. And you know what? I think I'm also, how much is the repair sprites?
Starting point is 00:25:18 Repair sprites are not available to you. That level of technology, you can see it's grayed out. Some of these sort of more arcane tools are unavailable at the moment. And I will also take the depth. charge. Oh, a fan of explosions, are you? Well, this is more for future planning. There is a gentleman that when I find him,
Starting point is 00:25:48 I am going to blow him the fuck up. Dramatic irony. I love it. I don't think that's what dramatic irony is. Okay, you buy the death charge. No, but see, but Griffin knows that, but Felix does. Felix is not.
Starting point is 00:26:03 Felix just says shit. that a lot to like try and impress people. Okay, as you say that, a very nervous looking shipworm like starts installing a bay below the ship to deploy explosives. And yeah, the depth charge was on the Dreams of Deborah, but just as a reminder, you can only use it twice per mission, but it does a good amount of damage. It is also positional. that means you have to be in position, but it does 4D10 plus six force damage. So it's... But it gives us a little more options.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Yeah. And it also attacks... It can also attack multiple targets, if that ever sort of comes into play because it hits a 60-foot sphere. Damn, a 60-foot sphere. Emory's ship would have gotten fucked up by one of the... Okay, whatever. Maybe it was a weak depth charge. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Okay, that's... That is all your money. It takes, you know, about... It takes about weirdly, like 15 minutes. And there's a nice little cushy, like, side room for you all to sit and wait for these upgrades to be installed. But when you come- A lot of magazines. Yeah. When you come back out, though, you can see, you know, there's not a ton of aesthetic differences to the ship.
Starting point is 00:27:21 You know, you can't see Amber's place from the outside. Maybe you can through, maybe there's like a new port hole or a couple port holes where you can see into this living quarters. You can't see into it. Oh, okay. She can't see out of it. Oh, it's like this. It's a two-way mirror situation. I like that, okay.
Starting point is 00:27:41 But there are, you know, you have this new bay on the bottom of the ship. You have these broadside cannons sticking out of the side. And not only that, the ship has been cleaned. It's been once over. So it is clean and shiny, which. So we can see that rad paint job. That rad magenta and green paint job. With the planes.
Starting point is 00:28:03 It's fuchsia and deep purple with green flames. Just to clarify. And the bridge, this, you know, the cylindrical bridge sort of raises out of the top of the ship as you all enter and it senses you. And Felix says, yeah, it's got a, that's like it's your key fob for the ship. That's like, instead of going, whoop, whoop, the actual bridge like pops up so you guys can climb yourself. Okay. And Felix says, okay. Have fun out there and remember, Devo.
Starting point is 00:28:37 Clock's ticking. The juice. The juice is flowing. Yes, the juice must flow. Yes, I know. Looking for the big. Yes, I know. The big, it's ripening, Devo.
Starting point is 00:28:49 Yes, I am aware. Okay. You are never going to pay this debt back. I don't know. I might. Okay. You don't know what Devo can steal. Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety?
Starting point is 00:29:23 Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? Do you have disturbing nightmares, only to realize it's two in the afternoon and you're up? If you've experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have FNO. News overload. Fortunately, there's treatment. Hi, I'm Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters helps fight FNO. That's because Troubled Waters stings.
Starting point is 00:29:50 stimulates your joy zone. On troubled waters, two comedians will battle one another for pop culture supremacy. So join me, Dave Holmes, for two to two doses of troubled waters a month. The cure for your news overload. Available on maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so you have spent all of your money saved for the three lucks that you will dispense out to Beck as her cut for the job. Why don't we do this? Why don't we talk about our characters? Because you all started out as level one adventures to sort of get the lay of the land. You've been on a mission now.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Now we're level 18. And now you're level 1,000. No, you are level 3 now. And so I want to talk about your characters a little bit more in detail because by level 3, now you have picked your subclass, which is going to sort of inform the mechanical flavor that your adventurer is going to bring to the table. So why don't we start with Zooks? Why don't you tell us what you got going on? As a reminder, Zooks is a ranger with sort of oceanic proficiency.
Starting point is 00:31:10 But now you've, I imagine, got some more stuff going on. Yeah, the subclass that Zooks has chosen is Swarmkeeper. That sounds cool. Yeah. And now I can't find it. So I can tell you all the cool stuff that Swarmkeeper does. Anyway, it controls like swarms of animals. And I guess in our case, we'll make it fish.
Starting point is 00:31:40 Interesting. Of some kind. Okay. And so in spells, he now has spells. Yes. Zooks now has spells. Now that is going to be hard for you to play a caster, but we can. talk about like how the spells work.
Starting point is 00:31:58 You guys can help me. Sure. Yeah. So his proficiencies are animal handling, nature, and survival. Right. Natural explorer, fighting style. He's chosen archery. Spell casting.
Starting point is 00:32:13 He has chosen. And I understand having this makes it so much easier. This is different, by the way, from, I just want to say, because I didn't even think about the fact that Zooks as a ranger would get some spells. This has got to be different. from what Devo does. Like this is maybe not salt magic as taught by benevolence. This is like, these are, maybe we can frame your spells as sort of evolutionary, you know,
Starting point is 00:32:40 biological things that you can do. It's electrical impulses and shit. Yeah, I mean, we can do, we can say whatever we want, but I, I, I, well, yeah, but you remember the stuff that is infused in the water. is what is what put life into the coral in the first place.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Yeah. It's biomages. It's bio mages. That's cool. So the swarm is like a big mechanic then for your cell class.
Starting point is 00:33:13 The swarm that he has and I'll decide I haven't decided I don't know what they are. It can attack with piercing damage. This is so
Starting point is 00:33:25 fucking cool. This is a new subclass. Yeah. Swarmkeeper is fairly new. And if you attack and succeed on a strength saving throw, it also will move the attacker 15 feet away. Nice. Or in the direction of your choice.
Starting point is 00:33:47 Well, it moves the target five feet away or move you five feet. Right. Right. So after you hit a creature with an You can have your swarm do a follow-up attack. You can have the swarm try and push them 15 feet and knock them prone. Oh, no, that's at 11th level. Or you can move yourself. Right.
Starting point is 00:34:08 Five feet. Five feet. So that's cool. That can get you out of like an attack of opportunity situation. And Ranger has some really cool spells. And now that I know I can only load up so many at this level. Well, he's gone mostly heavily into the animal. Right.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Stuff. He's got animal friendship, speak with animals. But he also has a thing called fairy fire. Sure. Oh, yeah. Mm, yeah. Which surrounds the target and then allows other hits advantage. And Hunter's Mark, I figured Hunter's Mark would come in real handy.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Sure. Because it puts a mark on the target and it helps you to track them. Yeah, Hunter's Mark, you will use Nye constantly. Yeah, I bet. You also get the cantrip mage hand, which for you, I think, but it is a swarm keeper spell. So for you, like, your mage hand is not some glowing invisible hand. Like, it's your swarm. You can make your swarm grab shit and bring it to you.
Starting point is 00:35:12 This is really cool, Dad. This is really sick. Thank you. So do you get, I guess this is what you get in lieu of a pet? I guess so. Well, there's stuff coming later on. Okay. Where the pet comes.
Starting point is 00:35:31 I want you to think about your swarm, right? Because you are a walking, you are a walking ecosystem. You are made of coral. And so there is an opportunity here for just like your swarm just lives with you and in you. Because fish, you know, that's not really going to help you in a battle where you're in a ship or something unless they are flying fish which this is magic this is a magic world so maybe that is i figure on on land or in the air you'll just maybe summon something air based yeah we want you why don't you think about that while we talk about the other i will the other uh the other
Starting point is 00:36:14 characters uh divo uh well divo went to college graven yes yes very exciting uh he was uh he he he minored in bowling, but he majored in the College of Whispers. Okay. Is one of the features College of Whisper's your fucking ability scores, or your skill scores go like through the roof? Yeah. So I now have a couple of things, including Jack of All Trades, which you can add half your proficiency bonus rounded down to an ability check you make
Starting point is 00:36:50 that doesn't already include your proficiency bonus, That's wild. Song of rest, which my soothing music or oration to revitalize my wounded allies during a short arrest. And then at the Bard College, it basically gives me a couple of like very special things. Oh, the one you're talking about, by the way, expertise. At third level, you choose two of your skill proficiency and your proficiency bonus is doubled for those ability checks. That's where persuasion and insight come in. But the special thing.
Starting point is 00:37:22 that I've gotten are psychic blades and words of terror. Yes. Psychic blades is very fascinating to me because it seems very anti-barred. But can you explain what it does? Yeah. So basically when you hit a creature with a weapon attack, your bardic inspiration infuses your attack to hit them with 2D6 psychic damage as well. So it expends one of your bardic inspirations, but adds 2D6 to.
Starting point is 00:37:52 of the hit. So you're hitting with a physical weapon and you're dealing psychic damage. And exchanging kind of like your support capacity in doing so for damage. Yeah, that's cool. And then I imagine words of terror is just what it sounds like. Yeah, basically as you're talking to someone, you weave magic into your words and you can make them paranoid. And they have to succeed on a saving throw against my spell safety. Or they're frightened of me or another. feature of my choice. And they're fighting for an hour until attacked or damaged or until it witnesses his allies being attacked. You're going to use that all the fucking time. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:31 Basically, I'm going to talk to people and I'm going to make them scared of me. Cool. That was a cool seminary that you went to, Devo. Well, there's a lot. You learned some cool and not troubling stuff there sort of conceptually. There's a lot of really. Freddie Kruger prep. Yeah, there's a lot of really fucked up stuff.
Starting point is 00:38:49 And as far as spells go, I get new spells. but with Devo, I kind of made a decision I told Griffin this, I don't want him to just suddenly like remember the spells or whatever. I think he has to like learn them. Yeah. And there will be, certainly there will be time to do that. But you get, you get, yeah, you're up to like second level spells. Like, you're a proper spellcaster.
Starting point is 00:39:13 And what's really fun with the psychic blades is the weapon I have chosen for Devo is a boomerang. Right, yeah. That'll be fucking fun. For sure. Bunk. Ow, my heart. Did you just boomering at my brain?
Starting point is 00:39:30 Oh, no. I remember the mean thing my coach said that one time. Your boomerang hit me in the knee. Your boomerang hit me in the knee, but I got a nosebleed. What the fuck's going on? How'd you do that? I'm crying. Amber, what do you got going on?
Starting point is 00:39:47 So I, there's a lot of different bardic, not bardic, monk monastic how's that? Monastic schools you can go with this is finally where I'm integrating
Starting point is 00:40:00 like key not that I've punched anyone I guess I punched that box you punched a yum nut no I pushed the yum nut I didn't punch it
Starting point is 00:40:12 oh you kicked it that's right but I decided to go with and I know everybody's been you know pins and needles waiting to find out what a monastic discipline I chose but I went with arms of the astral self
Starting point is 00:40:26 thank God that that seemed like the one that was the best fit for Amber and her history of you know psychic warfare I just basically um I the my art for for Amber is and my sort of like thought with her is that she discovered these powers when she was first with old Joshy and like they've sort of gone latent
Starting point is 00:40:55 in like the sort of long period of inactivity and so I'm thinking of this more as like a rediscovering if that makes sense. Sure. Yeah. So I mean basically she was out with Uncle Joshy he was trying to teach them in his you know obviously completely bullshit way of how to manifest their psychic powers to battle the blink sharks.
Starting point is 00:41:21 And she was like furrowing her brow and squeezing her muscles really hard just like he told her to. And all of a sudden, two fucking spirit arms just popped out of her stomach. Like, oh my God, I just sprouted two, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:35 astral arms. So basically, like, these cool other arms, uh, um, which she calls lefty and puncho, they can, they can,
Starting point is 00:41:45 they, now which one is, lefty. Exactly. So they will, they can do like their own, uh, attacks.
Starting point is 00:41:56 Um, you can also use your wisdom modifier in place of your strength or dextery modifier for the attack and damage rolls, um, while you've got your arms, uh, summoned. That's so wild.
Starting point is 00:42:08 And also your reach is much longer now. It's five feet. So you could punch something five feet away with your ghost hands. Do they always come out of the same place? It's interesting I hadn't thought about that I mean Probably usually out of the
Starting point is 00:42:25 The stomach seems like the best place If you're going to have Yeah tummy arms Spirit arms I was thinking like Doc Ock Like Yeah From the back
Starting point is 00:42:34 I think like growing out of her tummy That's funny Yeah I think that's great too What do the actual hands look like? That's interesting I was kind of imagining like Okay When I imagined it
Starting point is 00:42:47 I imagine the, you ever go to one of those like body works or something like that where they have like the bodies on display and you see the circulatory system? Oh, yeah. So I imagine like if you can imagine arms created like that, but they have like sort of a green bioluminescent hue like you would see in some sea creatures that have bioluminescence. So like basically a green circulatory system indicating these these arms and sort of like a green glowing space. spirit arms. I boy, fellas, I can't wait to see like what shit y'all. These subclasses are all very exciting to me and I am, I cannot wait to keep playing with these characters. You also get deflect missiles, which is my very favorite monk skill. That's not tied to your school, but you, uh, you, you just get, so it's not like the ghost arms grabbing arrows? I mean, it could be. Could be. Why not?
Starting point is 00:43:41 Yeah. And you can, if you roll good enough, you can also throw the, the projectile right back at who, uh, Who shot shot, which is good shit. All right. All right. Let's do this. Y'all have your ship and you, you know, hop in this, this newly cleaned and waxed vessel. There's like a whole, there's, there's a new room in here that has been slotted into these, these modular kind of blocks that you describe Trave. And it is, it is Amber's place.
Starting point is 00:44:13 And sure enough, it has a, it has a wooden door, which like, Like, Woods, not something you see a lot down here, but it had to be because they have etched it directly into the door, like the words Amber's Place. And no boys allowed. No boys allowed. And it has like a hand sticking up like a stop hand, but it's the circulatory hand of your, of your. So you all pilot your ship back to the docks. and you are guided there by a, like a pilot fish for the bluespan brokerage. Hey, Griffin, Griffin.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Yeah. How does she handle? You tell me, it's definitely a different propulsion system. Like, you have a ship that can go sideways now. Yeah. And it is definitely not as fast and tight as the dreams of Debra. But you think you can make it work. Yeah, I think just from talking about it,
Starting point is 00:45:15 the propulsion system, it seems like the kind of thing of like the controls are maybe a little too responsive at first. Yeah. Where like if you turn too far, instead of just turning, you'll start spinning in like a 360 degree just like axis in the middle of the ship because you could do that if the propulsion's everywhere. And so it probably is going to take a while to get the exact steering correct. But safe to say, we already love the little spabee. Yeah. Aesthetically speaking, things shooting off lots of bubbles.
Starting point is 00:45:50 So you all dock this unnamed ship in the spot that this sort of pilot fish guides you to and it is, it's a primo spot. It is pretty close
Starting point is 00:45:59 to the, the Ascension and therefore the Blue Span Brokerage headquarters, which... How's the school district? You know,
Starting point is 00:46:08 it gets a B on Zillow. So... That's fine. Yeah. Okay. You walk in and enter the office of
Starting point is 00:46:18 Ravi Montrell, who smiles and says, I heard the news. I heard the excellent news. I heard it's kind of a, kind of a beast, this ship, kind of a big one, and it has its bright and it's colorful, just as bright and colorful as you three and the opportunities that you're going to provide me as your broker. I'm over the moon. We leave to place. he pulls out a clipboard and just starts speed riding through different things.
Starting point is 00:46:52 And he says, okay, so your ship, let's see, deep sea exploration, got a bladders, it's got Amber's place, good, good, good, good, who's the captain? He says. Oh, Ambia. Amber. Amber is the captain. Did you all just decide that right in that moment? Makes sense, then that.
Starting point is 00:47:20 I guess so. I think fate decided it for us. You saw who was most capable. Sure, sure. Yes, this feels right. And she is also the only one who has any real life experience. I see. I've basically been in the same room for about 20 years, and Zooks only just woke up.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Also, I was thinking about it. And if one of them was the captain, and I'd feel bad sleeping in the only kick-ass room. This also makes sense, yes. Um, okay. Just, this is, just so we're clear, uh, this is still part of the job interview, kind of. So talking about your lack of experience is not the best tactic, Devo. I like you, though, because I think you've got potential and promise.
Starting point is 00:48:07 Would you like a fresh perspective? Would you like me to persuade you that I deserve the job and divas eyes start to glow blue? Nope. We're good. You all pass that. We just need this ship filed away. It needs a... What's the name of it?
Starting point is 00:48:22 Oh, this is a good... I'm just going to write the littlest baby in here. Oh, no, this is... That's the subtitle. Which takes on a different meaning when you're talking about the submarine, I realize, but... All right, can we table talk this so we don't have to do it in character? And we'll just pretend like we agreed on it before. Beforehand.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Uh-huh. Okay, I have one, but I'm also... to open to kind of a round table. Yeah, let's not be too precious about it. Let's just throw out some options. What did you come up with shows? The Siren's song. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:48:54 Okay. I like that. And we could just call it like the song, you know, for a new name for short, that kind of thing. Or the Siren. I came up with the Phineas call. Hmm. Now, hmm.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Um, and going back to our past, uh, the Goosey Wolf. Hmm. Okay. You know, from the school, they were the gushy wolves. Yes. Yes. Or the horseshoe dog, which I think is kind of cute. Right. And a serious one would be the Humboldt. The Humboldt. H-U-M-B-O-L-D-T? Yes. Humboldt is a swift-moving current. Okay. I like that. And it also sounds like Humble, which is nice. What about you, Jamie? Man. So I had two that I like. One is the Coriolis. Ooh. Which the Coriolis effect is what, like, basically kind of creates.
Starting point is 00:49:56 It's from the way the water shifts from the planet spinning. So like when something, it shifts water. Coriolis effect can be anything where, like, the rotation of something shifts its trajectory. But that's the basic idea of the Coriolis effect. is like the rotation of the earth or whatever, like hurricanes are because of the Coriolis effect because of the rotation of the earth. The other one I had was Tide Shifter.
Starting point is 00:50:25 Ooh, I like that one too. I also thought two more just based off of looking at the like shape of a bath escape and the things like attached to it. I thought of the barnacle or the lamprey. Okay. Boy, I like Coriolis. I like Coriolis a lot, too. Yeah, of the two, the Tide Shifter is good, but it's also sort of like generically D&D to me.
Starting point is 00:50:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I bet if I Google Tide Shifter D&D right now. Yeah, there's a subclass. I think it might be a fan-made subclass. Yeah, yeah, that tracks. That tracks. Could we name the Bathisphere, Phineas? Sure.
Starting point is 00:51:06 In honor of Phineas called? Oh, that's cute. I like that, actually. The father of. of my race in a way? Yeah, I mean, it's up to y'all. I say Coriolis. I like the coriolis if you guys are comfortable. Yeah, I like it too.
Starting point is 00:51:22 How do you spell it? C-O-R-I-O-L-I-S. And I'm just going to call, I want you to know, Dad. I'm going to call the Bathurst Fear of the Finn. Because calling it Phineas. Hey, let's go take Phineas for a drive. It makes us sound like we're taking our baby out for a stroll. Also, by the way, can I just stop real quick?
Starting point is 00:51:47 If you're a science person and you're about to message me about how I was not correct and describing the choreolas effect, please, please keep it inside your pocket protector, okay? I don't need it. Thank you. I got the basic. It's the basic thing of the thing, okay? I don't need it. Thank you. Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:08 Hey, do you want to tell Ravi Montrell who want to do that in character, at least? Yeah, let's do that. We're calling it the littlest baby. Sorry, we're wedded to it. It's the Coriolis. Corey, that is bad ass. No, the choreolus, is that how the rotation? Coriolis is a kid I went to school with.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Oh, okay. You remember Coriolis. You were one of the choriolis. one of the old wasososos. You remember. Cory Feldman. It was really sad. He died on a roller coaster in third grade. Oh, man. So it's in his honor. This is beautiful, Amber. We will remember him.
Starting point is 00:52:48 We will put his painting up in where we eat. What is this called? What is the? It's not important. Galley. The mess. Gully? The mess. Oh, mess. Yeah. After I watch Fucked Shov baked beans
Starting point is 00:53:06 And there's a Chorrel It will be the mess Hey there's a hole For that He Robbie Montrell smiles And he
Starting point is 00:53:15 He rips out A like small Like note card perforated He rips out a huge tube And he opens up his Rolidex And slowly
Starting point is 00:53:28 Like Making eye contact With you all The whole time Like he's performing some sort of sacred ceremony. He lowers this index card into his Rolodex, and it snaps into place. And he clasps his hands over his mouth. Like, it feels like something big just started, doesn't it?
Starting point is 00:53:47 That's what it feels like. Look how it, look at, he turns the Rolodex. Look at how it looks in here. It looks good. It looks real good. You are coming on very strong. I suppose so. and he claps the, uh, the Rolodex shut. And he reaches down into his desk. And, uh, he pulls out like a
Starting point is 00:54:09 drawer, like a whole drawer from the desk. And inside of it is just a bunch of file folders, like a ton of them. And they are color coded. There are, uh, there are different markings on like tabs that you don't quite understand. But he reaches down and pulls out a few of them that have like light blue tabs on them. And he sort of stacks them up on the table. And he says, I know y'all have had a long couple days, but if you're ready to get back to work, and he lays down these light blue folders, just a handful of them on the table in front of you. And he says, who's ready to get their feet wet? Maximumfun.org.
Starting point is 00:55:37 Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience, audience supported.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.