The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 14 "Spirit Day"

Episode Date: May 14, 2020

The Thundermen work with the Centaurs to find a solution to the apple issue. They encounter a spirit and make a bad first impression. Also, they eat some road snacks.A question gets resolved. The Firbolg makes a sacrifice. Nobody trusts the wizard. It's a pretty solid day of adventuring! That is, right up until the end... Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary. What's been happening on the Adventure Zone graduation? Well, the Thundermen was sent on a real-world assignment to go help two centaur herds solve a dispute over a magical apple. But actually, Higelmiss Wigginstaff, the sidekick and hinge person Annex Dean, sent them to collect that apple so that they could use it to turn his brother back into an elf from a dog. It makes sense if you've listened to the past episodes. So anyways, the Thundermen are trying to figure out how to get that apple without getting anybody mad at them.

And also, the Fearbug is worried that Althea Song, the investigator from the heroic oversight guild, knows all about this stuff because she might have listened in through a bug she gave him to record his conversations. So, let's find out what happens, shall we? Travis take me away Fly this fur ball as high as you can into your imagination Who's eating bones? No, I'm warming up my dye. I'm getting them all hot. You know, Griffin's right.

It sounds like you're about to do some scrying. We didn't need them last time. I don't think there's much reason to think we'll need them this time. Roll for initiative. Everyone's trying to kill you. Is that what you want? No story, no character work, just swinging an axe at you? I just want to cross the blades and spells with the band of brave adventures at my side.

I just want to go, I want to fight a fucking dragon traff, I want to get some bibs, I want to get some gold, and buy a house. Well, here's the thing, you're going to fight some babes, you're going to get some dragons, and you're going to buy some golds. All right, let's do it. Okay. So when last we left the Thunderman LLC, we had just arrived at the camp of the centaars of the scarlet woods, and you had walked in, and you found Althea there. We're going to pick right back up where we left off. So Malwin the Strong, the leader of the centaars of the Scarlet Woods, turns to you and says, Yes, so if there is anything the Thundermen need, you, of course, you've already met Deanna.

She can help you with anything. Oh, and there's also Calhane. Calhane can help you. So if anything you need, Deanna can also take you over to the camp of the Centaars of the Valley, if you need, and they can help you over there. So what can the centaurs of the scarlet woods do for you to help with your investigation? I have a question.

Okay. It is important with any small business to understand the needs of the client. What do you consider a success in... this situation. Well, thank you so much for asking. I'm also, this is Travis. I have no idea if this is what Malwin sounded like last time, but it is now. Welcome to running a dungeons and dragons game. Make it up and just sound confident. No one has to know. You're just one guy with just one brain. Don't wait of the world on your shoulders.

Da-da-da-da-da-don-da-un. Okay. Thank you so much for asking. I'm going to say, us having the apple to burn in a sacrificial fire and the spirit of the scarlet woods being pleased. I mean, I guess the one is for the... As long as the spirit of the scarlet woods is happy when all is said and done, that's good. That's a good result. How will you know?

Well, that's a bit trickier because up till now, we've just been doing the same thing year after year, and it has continued to be good. So that was kind of, we don't have any, like, control group kind of tests against that to see if anything else would be good. But so what we know works is burn Apple in special, like sacred fire, Spirit of Scarlet Woods equal happy.

Let me ask you a question. Do you think the spirit of the Scarlet Woods would enjoy a 50% rebate mail-in coupon for a year-long subscription to Boy Cloaks Magazine? Because I have one of those right now, and we could just be done with it. Do you know what I mean? Well, I'm pretty sure if the Spirit wanted to read Boy Cloaks Magazine, you probably wouldn't need to buy it's a spirit right it could probably just go look at it wherever what you just said is actually a lot wilder than what i said i suggested it was your holy

spirit i guess i'm not thinking about this on the fly i've never thought about it before well that's us we're innovators um yeah i think we'd like to explore sort of non-apple based solutions and then we'll go talk to the uh the cintars of the valley and see if we can discover a sort of non an apple-based solution. Because wisdom of Solomon, baby, what if no one gets the apple? But the whole thing is based around the apple we've been doing this for as long as I can remember. It's a great tradition, and I love it and I respect it.

But you've got to diversify your portfolio, you know, try offering up an ear of corn or maybe a potato. The risk is too great for any kind of... at this point, the trial and error. If we were to displease the spirit of the scarlet woods, we would all suffer. We could potentially, if the weather was bad enough and the hunts were bad enough, it could be devastating to our herd.

If I may, I believe we have a communication problem. What my friend is saying is what you want is hard. So if we convince you easier thing is just as good This is good for us Yes No, I got that I think she did actually understand that

Master Fuelborg I wouldn't have said that part out loud It kind of casts us in a bad light Yes In hindsight I can see this your request for proposal is a stringent one but we will try to honor your RFP with limited deviation have there been years where

the apple was like undersized or you know not quite as you know fulsome a little gainy of course I mean we didn't eat it But there were years where the spirit of the Scarlet Woods was not as pleased with the sacrifice. So, you know, the apple must have been in some way lacking, must have been as displeasing to the spirit because we have then had bad weather that year. Okay. Yeah, that's what I was wondering. Yes.

The hunts were, you know, a little more difficult than normal. So there must have been something wrong with the apple. years, but that is rare. That is rare. In my time as leader, I could count, you know, on two hands how many times we've had bad years. I think let's explore our options, just to see what's available to us. The three of us will go and have a discussion with the spirit of the woods, the scarlet woods, not just any woods. Yes.

And just sort of see where they're at explained to them are sort of Apple crisis. And maybe they'll be completely understanding about it. They'll be like, yeah, we'll take a pass on it this year. We still have some Apple left over from last year that you burned all up. And then, you know, maybe you'll still get the Apple. Maybe you won't. But it's nice to know, won't it, just sort of where they're at. If you could meet with the spirit and get some kind of direction or guidance from them,

that would be amazing. Cool. So is there like a magic tree we have to knock on to make them come out? Or do we need to ritually like murder someone in the woods? Because I'm not cool with that. We already did that. We already murdered somewhere. So we've got to... That's true. We did that. So if that's the ticket, we just got to go back to that one murdering spot. Well, the spirit of the scarlet wood resides in the scarlet woods about a three-hour ride from

here. Horseback ride or? Oh, I guess yes for you. Oh, right. Yes, I suppose it's all horseback. I mean, that's not how we think about it, but yes, I suppose. No, it would be totally wild if that is how you thought about it. Did you bring horses with you?

Did we bring horses with? How the fuck do we get around? Well, you rode horses to the last town, and then you parked your horses and left them for fear of offending the centaurs. That's right, yes. Yeah, so I guess we could go find our, did we, I hope we hitched them. I don't really know a lot about horses. I think we just kind of left.

Yeah, I think we just kind of left them, though, like in the street. No, you returned up to the rental, there was rental, they have depos all over the place. Oh, I see. Yeah, all right. Then. Like those bicycles, you just take out of the rack and run your car. Yeah. Yeah, exactly like that, dad.

Not like car rental places, which is what I was probably. I do often think about that, though, because in the old west, people seem to just be grabbing horses from places and leaving them all over the place. And they didn't even really tie them. They just threw the reins over a bar and a horse somehow knew to stay there. There must be lots of times where the sheriff of town is like,

what are we gonna do with all these extra horses? That sounds like it'll be a really funny sight gag in a million and one ways to die in the West. Right. The sequel to... Maybe we can do a thing he gets his rental horse from the Alamo, since that also shares its name

with a car rental company. So there's something, like, what I just said wasn't funny, but once Seth gets his hands on it, he's gonna punch it up in a way he's gonna make us all bust it. Because he'll get it from, like, the actual Alamo, and maybe it'll be in the basement, and that will be like a nice, like, tie, you know,

you get it. Sure. Okay, well, draw us up a map. Will hitch our ponies and ride, like a cowboy on my steel horse. Do you need to borrow some of our horses? Do you have horses? Yes, we have a lot of goods and, you know,

materials to bring with us to set up camp. We can't carry all of that. We have horses and wagons. Are you going to charge us? No. Oh, okay. You're working for us. He has to ask it.

It's business. It's business. Um, cool. That's a plan. Althea rises from the table and says, well, it seems like you boys have got this all under control. I'm staying in a tent just to the right of Malwins here. If you need me, you know where I'll be. But I am just an impartial observer here, so I'd rather not directly help with the mission. But if you need to talk or, I don't know, if there's anything I can do for you, just. Come find me, let me know.

Althea, may I speak with you privately? Yes, of course. Do you want to step over with me to my tent? Thank you. Well, before you go, do you think that's a good idea for bulk? I mean, you know, you can't lie to, you know. This is an excellent.

point, but I will have no use for subterfuge. Okay. Be careful. Go with whatever gods you go with. Well, yeah, Dad, that makes a good point. Let's take a break from the story and just talk about the fear books theological beliefs. Let's talk about the Fearbulks journey with Jesus Christ. Yeah, where are we at?

How's this walk? I mean, I don't want to, it's very private. Between him and all. The Fearbolg and Althea make their way over to Althea's tent. Walk in, it's, you know, pretty sparse. There's a bed and a small table. It doesn't look like she brought much with her. Can I tell you something?

Fun fact, though. What? The Fearbog's worship a deed named Grand Peak Smasher. Hell yeah. Who used to play for the New England Patriot. And she, you know, holds a flap and ushers you in. And she says, yes. What, is everything okay?

You know that I cannot tell the untruth. Yes, of course. So I will ask this directly. Did you hear our conversation with Higlmus? No. I want to roll Insight. Okay. We got a 17 plus 4, 21.

Everything about her body language, her eye contact, just the tone of her voice makes you think that she is completely sincere. So she's either telling the truth or an extremely, extremely good liar. I mean, to beat a 21, she'd have to be an extremely good liar. Is the bug still functioning? Oh, yes, of course. It channels to this crystal. I brought it in case you needed it, but I have not listened to it.

That would be an invasion, a supreme invasion of privacy. I wouldn't do that. I would very much like this crystal. Of course, and she hands it over to you. Okay. And she says, but, and I will say this, I will choose my words,

carefully, remembering that you cannot tell a lie. Is there something you want to tell me? No. Okay. Just know, I'm here. We discussed this. If Higelmiss is in any way infringing on your will, on your ability to make your own decisions, I am here for you. I, I want you to, I want you to think of me as a friend. Hmm. This is something that must be earned. Yes? Yes.

That is correct. This crystal you have given, this is a good start. Well, I'm glad. I want you to be able to trust me. Do you have any advice on our mission, it seems very challenging.

Indeed, it does seem a difficult path to navigate. I don't want to get too directly involved, but I would say it's important to form a whole picture, to understand not just what the leaders want, but what the leaders want, but what individuals want. What do they really want? Not what do they do. What do they expect to happen? What are the things that, you know, but what do they want? What is the outcome and work backwards from there? Hmm. This seems like sound advice. I hope when I have risen to your station, I can provide such sound guidance for the next generation of entrepreneurs. Yours.

Thank you, I think. This is great compliment. Excellent. Well, then I'm absolutely clever. Mentorship is sacred and our duty to lower a hand to rise up the next generation of entrepreneur. Well, thank you, Master Fearbogg. I, too, receive such guidance from you today, and this sacred bond shall not be for forgotten.

Okay. Well, um, is there anything else I can do to help? Is there anything else you need? I... Do you have another magic apple? No, I don't. Then there is nothing. Thank you.

I will take my leave. It is strange, though, isn't it? The magic apple, yes. Yeah. It's a magical apple. Have you? I have never seen it's like in all my days in the forest. You examined the tree, yes?

Yes, it seemed perfectly normal. Almost too normal. Yes, there's no dirt that it doesn't, it hasn't grown in as long as anyone can remember. Why would it change now? I have been wondering this. I have wondered another thing, the seeds from the other apples. I know some for burnt, but others know. And I have wondered what has become of these seeds.

Hmm, I don't know. It's a good question, though, Master Fearball. Who is saying, don't know. Travis or Althea. Althea does not know. I know everything. Sure. And if not, you'll make it up.

I would never. I actually have written down in my notes here. This is where the Fearwalk asked about the seeds. Whoa. Yeah. I have, have you had dealings with centaurs? Oh, yes. In my travels, I've worked with centaurs before.

I barely understand my roommates. What can you tell me of the Sinter nature? Now, are you asking specifically about these two herds? Um, yes. Hmm, yes. Well, I didn't want to get too involved. You've made this clear. I will give you one piece of information.

and, you know, I'll just save you some time asking around because I'm sure it would come out eventually. There was a time when Mauin, the leader of the centaurs of the Scarlet Woods, and Arturis, the leader of the centaurs of the valley, were engaged to be married. Hmm. But... They did not go well?

No. They reached a point. in the marital negotiations where it had to be decided whose herd would be joining whose ah yes and neither one was willing to seed leadership of the herds to the other

and you have checked around for a second magic apple right you're pretty clear that you do not have it Oh, yes, yes. I don't have much in the tent. Like, if it was under the bed or... It's just that your sons are very complicated. Oh?

Your way of dealing with this, the intrapersonal, is really more of a territory of human resources. I see. Um, well, then perhaps you can discuss it with your CEO. and your CCO, and see if you can figure it out together. Maybe your friends can help you understand. And perhaps we both agree there is still a chance I will find second apple. I, yes, I mean, I guess there's always...

We must keep hope alive. Sure. And you don't. You've made this clear. You don't have it. I do not. Do you, have you seen anyone else how the magic apple? No, but if you're interested in magic and talking about the magic of the apple, you might speak with Calhane?

Calhane has the second apple the case is solved. No, Calhane is Malman's magic. I have solved the mystery. No, Calhane is... I'm very proud of you. You're a good, good furbulg. Arrest Calhane. No, Calhane. For the theft of the second apple.

No, Calhane is just... Thank you for your service to this case. Calhane is just... I will take my leave in the morning. No, it's... Okay. Please fill out this comment card. No, Calhane is just Malwin's magical advisor.

Argo, release Calhane. Got it. Release him. Oh, I... All right. I'm sorry. I apologize. It was a prank.

I was... Pulling up right. Oh, it's all good. It's fun. I like doing a role play with you. That was fun. Now, what voice is back? Give him one of the discount cards for his inconvenience?

Lord of mighty. That was Calhane. 10% off. That's not how Calhane sounds. It's me. It's me, Calhine. It's me, Calhine. I like to go for a man.

All right. I'm ready to take my leave of this situation. Okay. So you meet back up with, with Argo and Fitzroy. So why do the three of you make a plan of attack, as it were, of how you would like to investigate this case? I would like to just real quick,

and we don't even have to do a whole scene about it, but like if we are going to be exploring alternative solutions for this from the woods side, I would like Rhodes and Mimi and Moon to at least be, you know, trying to do the same for the Centaurs of the Valley side. I don't know what that looks like. I don't know if that looks like sort of like figuring out sort of other ways to

define the future that they could sell them on, but just like, you know, trying to do kind of the same thing that we're doing. Otherwise, like, there's no point for us to do what we're doing. Cool. All right. I want to add something to the conversation just because I feel like it's my responsibility as the CCO and also as the. rogue, the thief, the, you know, shady guy in the group,

we keep talking about finding a second apple, and don't we really need three apples? I mean, think about it. If we were to ultimately keep everybody happy, it'd be given apple to one centaur tribe, give an apple to the other centaur tribe and still take one apple back to Higginsworth. Higlemas.

Let me assuage your fears and confuse. Fusion, Argo-Keene, CCO, beloved CCO of the Thunderman LLC, you're going to steal that apple. Am I here for this conversation? I don't think this is especially, yeah, I don't think this is something you have to lie about. It's okay if not because I really have to use the bathroom. Oh, okay, then yes, the fear mark has seen his way out of this. Yes, okay. This, this conversation, we'd say this tag took place while you were talking to Althea.

one way or another, by hook or by crook, probably by crook, you're going to acquire that apple in a way that hopefully no one will see or notice, as is your custom. The question is what happens after that? Because if that happens and we have not sort of satisfied the client on both sides of things, there will be outright war between these two herds. And that doesn't sit, like, we're bad guys, but that's capital B and A and D bad. So in ideal situation, you climb up that tree, which how is your tree scaling ability? Climbing is, I have a plus 10 and... Wow, that's a, wow, as we all know, we do sort of numerically... I don't see a tree climbing. I see acrobatics. Would that be tree climbing? I don't know. You could...

you could like throw a boomerang or whatever the hell. But listen, we need you to steal that apple and then everybody else to be like, where'd the apple go? Who cares? We have all these other awesome sort of things going on. The apple is old news. So there's not going to be three apples. There's going to be one and then zero by way of your actions. I'm hoping.

All right. All right. I just, you know, I just wanted to make sure the option was out there about stealing. It's all, I mean, it's always out there. Yeah, okay. I felt like I wouldn't have been doing my rogue job, you know, if I didn't at least bring it up. So, so, uh, Furby, are you back? So the fear bulk has returned from his meeting with Althea.

The weird euphemism, I forgot to the bathroom, but okay. How was your meeting with Althea? and has rejoined the other funderman. So what's next, fellas? Road trip. Yeah, I think, I think somebody needs to go talk to the Scarlet Woods God. I think can I, I don't want to, I don't think we should split up. That may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel like we should do whatever happens next together,

because we've had a lot of us splitting up lately. Let's go fucking talk to God. Yeah. Yeah, I'm done for that. I, yeah, let me say that in character too. I will believe we should talk with this spirit of the scarlet woods if it would harley with us. Does anyone know how to talk to a sort of intangible forest spirit? and I'm looking at you, Master Fearbog,

I hate to cast dispersions, but it seems like if one of us had done it, it would be you. Well, if one wishes to speak with Grand Peak Smasher, he must only awake him from his deep

glacial slumber in sacrifice. I am realizing I am not allowed to tell you this. but no, I believe if the spirit of the scarlet woods is real, it is watching us from a distance. Yes, yes, fantastic, fantastic. Well, let's mount up.

Yeah, and I think we all ought to go because we've already seen that there's, you know, these roads around here have got their fair share of, of baddies on him, so I think if we keep the party together for protection, too. You guys might need my keen battle skills. Yes, and this big bag of combos isn't going to eat itself. It's pepperoni pretzel. You know DeWay to my heart. For combos?

Who are you? We're on the road. Sorry, who are you? Oh, sorry. I locked that tent flap. I was just, uh, George, another centaur walking by. You like combos? Well, because centaurs are the ultimate combo.

I think that we, wow. Bufa doofa. Physical reaction on that one. Um, I think that we should go to wherever the, there's got to be a different place where the sacrifice happens, right? Yeah. I mean, they told that they suggested that there is a place we can go that is three hours from here on horseback. So let's do it.

Let's do it. Okay, great. At first light. Right? You want to sleep? Yeah, you probably want to sleep. And you had mentioned wanting to talk to Rhodes and company. Yeah, I didn't know if you wanted to do an actual scene about that or not, or if you just wanted to get moving.

Well, I mean, then we'll just say, like, you know, you communicate to roads that, like, hey, talk to them about do some recon on like what their end goal is with the divination and what we can yeah i i don't want to intimate that we want to take the apple specifically but like i just want them i just want their herd kind of on the same page as yeah i think you can phrase it as like what what what much like you asked mal win like what outcome will make you feel satisfied yeah uh and not just like get the apple but like what's the end result that you are looking for. Sure.

So you get a good night's sleep. Is there any other prep you want to do? Anything? Any questions you want to ask anybody? Any food you want to gather? Any, I don't know. Whatever. I mean, I figure we will come back here after we talk to the spirit of the woods.

Unless, of course, we are destroyed by dryads or whatever the fuck the spirit of the woods has going on. Cool. So you borrow some sturdy mounts from the centaurs. Sorry, walk me through the ethics of this real quick. Oh, they're just horses. So we were offended because we thought they'd be offended by our horses, but if it's horses that are friends of theirs, it's fine. Well, it kind of sounds like you made some assumptions about centaurs, didn't you? I'm getting faint.

Okay. Eat a combo. Eat a combo. That'll get your blood sugar back up. Are you okay now? Yes, I want to go. I want to go. Do you want to stop somewhere and get a soda for the road?

What I would love is to do the next thing in the adventure that we are all embroiled in. Okay. You ride hard the horses, the flanks glistening with sweat beneath you as their hooves pound on the slightly damp morning dew covered woods. And you arrive after about three hours. That's horrible. That's so bad. Horrific. That sounds like a very small metal horse tripping on some steel horse.

A steel horse tripping on some ice or something. You arrive at the location that was drawn for you on the map by Malwin. And what you find is a stone circle inlaid in the ground and the clearing of the woods, the scarlet woods. and there is a ceremonial fire pit built in the middle that raises up, and then you can see a big stone bowl that is charred with generations of sacrificial flames there in the center of it. It's a fairly large bowl, I would say, about six feet wide. so you could stand on the side and reach and touch the center. But it is, you imagine, when fully lit in, you know, the dead of night, a beautiful, beautiful pyre. But now, or here in the clearing with sunlight streaming down, just looks like a big stone bowl, almost like a bird bath.

I would like to, this is going to sound weird, but. I would like to investigate to see if I can, like, if there's any remnants of previous burnings or like anything like that, if that would be possible. Sure, go for it. Let's see, that is 14. 14. 14. Plus zero.

So 140. So at common core. Yep. You investigate. What you find is you have a pretty thick layer of char on the bowl. And then around the base, you know, there's been rain and dew and all that stuff. But you can see that after generations and generations, the dirt around it is slightly darker from ash and, you know, that kind of stuff, years of use. But it's, you know, you. It's been a while since, you know, a year since the last sacrifice. Right. And so, like, there's no discernible remnants. Can I also do Detect Magic real quick? You sure can.

I didn't know what you're waiting for. Okay. Well, I think it's because one of you, your skin turns a color and glows, and one of you just is like, hmm, what's up? And I can never remember which one. I glow. Okay. You do, I mean, you detect nature magic. I mean, there is definitely, this is a magical area.

Now, it is unclear to you whether this is a magical area because of some presence or if it is a magical area because it is imbued with the magic of the sacrifice of this apple, which is clearly magical, and the belief surrounding it. But there is definitely a charge of magic in this clearing. Okay. This is stupid, but I just yell out like, hello. Hello? Hello? Spirit. All three of you make a perception check for me. Oh, that's good. 21.

Nice. 15. I actually added, rolled a net. Hey, sick. What do I add to that? Well, in that 20, you just see straight through the woods to the other side. You can see your back as you look around the earth. So I'm going to say all of you are able to perceive that when you begin calling out in this area,

there is an increased breeze, not dramatic, right, but suddenly you hear the wind moving slightly through the trees. the leaves rattling against each other and you Argo here, if you didn't know better, you'd think you heard blow in the breeze. Okay, I'm assuming you fellas

did you hear something? Did you hear somebody say yes? You didn't, did you? Hello, of whom do I have the pleasure of addressing? I'm so sorry. Could you please speak up just a little bit? The wind whips through the trees now and says,

I believe you know who I am. That's so much better. Thank you. What have you brought me? Give them the combos. Do you like road snacks in sort of tube-shaped? How do you feel about sort of processed meat pasts? stuffed within a crispy, uh, salted sort of cracker situation. Can I interest you in that?

It's not really an apple. In fact, it's kind of the opposite food of an apple. And I feel like a real boob right now. There's no answer. That's a no on the combo. Wait, are we supposed to, do you want us to just dump the combos in the fire pit and set them ablaze? Is that how you eat? I guess we just got to dump the combo.

Combo's Incentable blaze. I think it's how they eat. Or is this more of a blood situation? Let's start with combos. I know that's leaning into the stereotype a little bit of the whole sacrificial bowl and everything. But, yeah, start with the combos. Go with the combos. Right.

I would rather lose the combos than lose our blood. So let's start with these. All three of you make a Constitution saving throw. That's not good. Fair. It's fair. It's fair. Uh, 11.

17 plus 1, 18. This is not going to be good. 8 plus 1. That's a 9. Okay. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Uh, both of you take nine points of psychic damage. Ooh, shit.

Both, uh, and the two of you are knocked prone. Me? No, you saved. You saved. Yeah, nice. Okay. Okay. Which I actually find very fitting

because the one who wasn't talking mad, dumb shit about combos was untouched. Comboes are fucking good. You said nine? Nine points. I apologize for my compatriots and I celebrate your discipline of them. The wind begins to specifically circle you. Fearbog and you hear the whisper in your ear that says

What have you brought me? Question. What do you want other than the apple? If there is no apple, what would you accept in exchange? This is a big answer. to a big question from a big fear bowl.

What will you trade me for the answer? I have berries. I know you're not in the combos. I demand sacrifice. Hmm. Do you have a preference? Something you are not easily willing to give. Hmm.

Oh. You see there is only one apple this time. Did you know this? Then that makes it even more special. I understand. No, this is not right. I cannot understand the heads of the gods. But I think maybe I see.

What you can trade me? Go on. Is your permission to know the truth? About what? You. Hmm. Then I will tell you the truth about me. What do you wish to know of me?

So I have your permission? I wish to know that I am giving up. That is another big... question. I think that's what they call compound interest. No, I just wanted to impress you. That was...

Are we privy... Are we privy to this? You're hearing it, but barely, and you are both still prone on the grounds. I will give you the truth of myself. I will not give you the truth of others.

Excellent. And, you feel pressure behind your eyes for a moment and your vision goes white for just a second. And then suddenly images flash through your head. Images of being yelled at by a larger fear bulb. Images of you being found in your home with things you are not supposed to have. images of them turning their backs on you, images of you wandering alone in the woods. And when it's all done, you find that you are on your knees, much like your two compatriots were.

Yes. Now I understand. And now you will understand. And you also, in this moment, it becomes clear to you that what this spirit wants is the things that are it's tough to give away things that are desired by others things that are unique things that are important because without that it's not a sacrifice it's not about the item it's not about the giving it's about the giving up i really really really like these and our ride back is going to be miserable without. Make a Constitution saving throw. Oh, man, that was a joke. That's a 14 plus 5.

Okay. This time, it hurts a little bit, but not enough to do damage. Yeah, fuck the spirit. Kick its ass. Do you understand now? Uh, quick... Please keep my truth for yourself. If it is shared with others, it is less special.

Of course. So just quick sidebar, because it did take us three hours to get out here. And we are looking at a three hour ride back, potentially without combos, depending on how this next part plays out. Does anybody have something they think that we could give them right now? Because we could go home and think about it. But boy, howdy, we're talking about another six hours on horseback. And I don't know about YouTube, but my googer is trashed. So, any ideas?

Did you, Ferbilt, did you find out anything in your conversation? What it once is sacrifice? but if we sacrifice then we will have the blessing of the spirit this I don't think will help the centaurs it must be a sacrifice from them I am thinking I am thinking Even better then. So can we go, are we allowed to just leave or are they gonna, is the spirit going to sort of hurt us with wind again? It wants nothing more from us, I, I think. Cool, cool.

Well, this was cool. Unless you want to offer a different variety of combo. or perhaps another blast of painful magic. Let's talk out of character for a second. Are we, which I feel like we should do more so we can like actually speak. Yeah. I don't know that we're going to get anything more. I mean, I get it.

It needs a sacrifice. I don't know. And I don't think that, Trave, I don't know. And as much as you feel comfortable telling us, like, does it need to be a sacrifice? from the, I feel like if we go back to the centaurs and we're like, good news, we made a sacrifice, we gave up our, you know, right arms or whatever, everything is going to be cool. I don't think that they're going to be particularly jazzed about that. Yeah, I think that your instinct is correct, that this needs to be them doing it to feel like they have the blessing. Right. I will also say, because I'm a kind and benevolent, DM, you have to think in terms of like there is, there has been every year only two of these apples in the entire world. And so to equal the sacrifice of that, that would take for like a blessing of a whole year

would be much more significant than probably anything you're carrying on you right now. Yeah. Right. That was my impulse. Okay. Well, according to my inventory sheet, I have a bed roll and I have a 50 foot. coil of hemp and rope. Oh, okay, wait, hold on.

I didn't know you had a 50 foot coil of hip and rib. Those are hard to find, because you can find the 40 and the 60, easy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, if I'm being, kind of be, can I be honest? Yeah. It was a 60 foot to take a hip and rope,

but I cut off 10 feet of it to make some belts. Oh. Nice. Yeah. I've never thought about doing that before. I've always just been frustrated that the 60 foot was too long. I never thought about cutting it. No, yeah.

So before I enrolled at the university, there was like a really brief season there where webbed belts were hot again. And so I tried to make a couple for myself, but by the time I finally cracked it, they were sort of out of fashion again. So are you heading back? Yes, please. Okay. Once more, your steeds pound across the planes. And that was cool. And everything's, you know, it was a good ride altogether.

you rode through some glens, rode through some streams. This time you really kind of took it easy on, you know, your taints. You didn't have to ride so hard. And you just had a nice ride together as friends. So it was more like, you know, that sounds like a horse with like six legs.

More of a canter, you would say then. Yeah. So you arrive back at camp and now it is the afternoon. you have a little bit more time in this D&D session. So now armed with that information and the information you've already gathered, what other questions do you have? Who would you like to talk to you now?

What would you like to investigate? Maybe Calhane. Yeah, that seems like a good next step. Okay. You head to Calhane's tent. It is a deep, rich, purple fabric with lots of gold designs on it. You can spot it as a magic user's tent a mile away. You knock on the flap, which is awkward, but you can't think of what else to do. And the tent flaps

open as if on their own. And you hear a voice say, yeah, come in. Should we go in? Yeah, we go in. Okay, you enter and you find pretty much exactly what you'd picture as like a wizard's tent. You know, There's some bottles bubbling and a cauldron stirring itself, all that kind of thing. You know, maybe some kind of weird dragon slash bird sitting on a perch. Some fucking pewter figurines. Yeah, dude, it's sick. There's some staffs with crystals on top of them. Yes, dude.

Yeah, dude, it absolutely rules. You see, a human man sitting at a table working and he looks. So that goes, oh, hey, you guys must be from the school. Hi. How's his cloak game? It's pretty good. It's a pretty rich looking fabric, very thick velvet. Now, it doesn't quite fit him.

It looks like maybe it was off the rack. Oh, oh, I just threw up. I think Argo would like to try to get some information out of Calhane about the apples. I don't know whether to do an investigation check or persuasion. You can ask him. Okay. Just use the power of your human voice. Hey, listen, you.

Calhane, good to see you. Um, listen, and you are, nos and around. I am, um, I, uh, I, uh, I, I'm, uh, I, I'm, uh, I'm a, , uh, I'm, pleasure to meet you. And he's excited. Nice. Good to meet you, too. I, uh, I, I'm not shaking hands, but, I mean, I, I, Oh, are you ill? No, no, no, I'm just, I'm a, I'm just, um, a germophobe. Um, listen, um, okay, do you, you've, you've, I'm sure you've investigated this whole Apple thing. Have you come up with any reason why there's only one this year? instead of two? Oh, well, I mean, that's the question, isn't it? From what I can tell, it just,

I can't find any cause for it, magically speaking. The only thing I can think is maybe there's some kind of cycle or I honestly don't know if I knew, I tell you. Has that ever happened before? Well, not as far as the Cintars know. I've only been working with Malin for like the last couple of months. But it seems new to them. Can I roll an insight check? Sure. I don't really, something weird about this dude.

I got a 16 plus zero. It's pretty good. He seems uncomfortable discussing the fact that he does not know why. there's no Apple. Okay. And what is Calhane's position here? Just like magical advisor? Yeah, magical advisor.

He's a wizard. Okay. Calhain is in one magic user to another. And by the way, these pewter figurines are off the chains, my man. Thank you. And you have got to hook me up with their supplier. I know, I feel like you know a little bit more than you're letting on about this magic. Apple. And listen, I know magic stuff, but you know, you've been here longer than I have. You've got to

have some sort of theories cranked up, right? Some sort of hypothesis. And that word's toughy, huh? Well, I mean, the truth is, I... Can I be, can I level with you guys? Yep. I'm at a complete loss. I don't even know where to start. With like, there's a magic apple thing. The tree is really weird. It's not really my area. I mean, I've been, please don't tell Mao in this,

but like, I've been trying to, like, figure it out, but I do not know. Well, then we're going to go. Well, what do you guys know? Maybe we can, like, compare notes? No. You're sorry. man the vibe's all wrong.

I don't know what else to say. Listen, Calhane, I don't know what else to say. And you force my hand because I've just learned that we're not going to get anything out of this conversation. And we try to keep it sort of exciting around here. But yeah, I got to tell you, Callahan, the vibes just all wrong, bud. Oh, well, I mean, I appreciate your honesty. Yeah.

And thank you for telling me what you need. I respect that and your feelings are valid. Yeah, cool. While you're engaging in conversation, could Argo take a quick sneak peek, just really check out the surroundings or we already had that with the inside check? Yeah, so, well, the inside check is for a person.

If you want to do an investigation. Investigation is what you would be doing. Now, the question is, hold on, hold on. Okay. The question is, are you trying to do it stealthily? or do you care if he sees you looking around? No, I want to do it stealthily. I was about to ask another question

so maybe you could do that with advantage. Yeah, so first, roll a stealth check with advantage. 13 plus 10. That's 23. And that's so good. Now roll again with advantage. It's hard for you get caught at shit, huh? That is a 12 plus 10, 22.

Still good. Okay. So go ahead and ask your question for your... Well, yeah, go ahead and ask your question. And then, Dad, I'm going to have you do the investigation check afterwards. Okay. I wish to know something. Oh, yes.

And you are? I am a fearful. Oh, pleasure to meet you. And he sticks out of his hand. Yes. I shake his hand, I guess. Make a Constitution saving. Right.

The tree. Yes. Does it ever change? Huh. Do the leaves turn green and grow and change with the normal air and flow of the suns? Well, that I can answer. And he reaches behind him and he pulls out a book. And it's labeled, you know, the magic tree.

And as he flips through it, he says, this is the centaur's log. And every year, they draw the tree on one side and then list the events on the other. And it's not very interesting. It's very like bullet point, winter tree lowered thing, got Apple, that kind of stuff. But the drawings are interesting. And as he flips through, you can see that it is exactly the same. even though it's drawn by a different person or with different material or whatever

you can see that the shape of the leaf canopy of the tree is exactly the same every year that does not that informative though because it would be the same because it's at the same point in the year yes but it hasn't grown like the shape of it the tree has not grown

in hundreds of years it has not changed I think we've pretty well established that this is a weird fucking tree. I think it's something different. I think it's something more than that, though. It feel, I don't, and I may be completely on the wrong path, but it feels like it's like maybe illusory or like man-made. Like, either one of those two is the only thing's like, even if it was a magical creation, right? Like, things that have a magical life still, I would think would adhere. to what we understand is like plant biology right like you would still even if it was a magical

tree it would still grow and change and right die unless it was like like I said illusory or actually made actually not a tree and because this tree looks too symmetrical looks too right yeah exactly um you know what say I floated that some version of that to uh so I don't to repeat myself, floated some version of that to Calhain. Yes, I was thinking the same thing. It seems like these trees' only purpose is as an apple delivery mechanism. I can't imagine why other than for what the centaurs care about. But it just kind of seems like it's there just to make apples every year.

I mean, in the tree's defense, that's what sort of all apple trees are there for. An apple tree is there sort of mostly to make apples. They're not, you know, usually cranking out chili or something, you know. No, but you misunderstand. The tree has its own life, its own rotation. that must be respected. We take of the fruit, but we return to the tree.

It provides shade, but also new leaves that become the dirt. The tree is part of the cycle, the circle of nature that encompasses all. You wanted to say the other thing, didn't you? The circle of existence, the circle of... No, but I... This tree is...

It feels like this tree is outside the circle. And that makes me afraid. Dad, roll your investigation check. That is a 10 plus 3. That's 13. It's not hard for you to kind of spot as you stealthily checking out his equipment. It is also store bought. There's a lot of like insignias on it, like almost like, you know, the barcode stickers on things.

You know, you can see where he bought the vials of stuff. and the robes and the staffs and all that kind of thing. It looks like they were all purchased. And you also find a diploma from Wigg and Staff School for heroism and villainy. Oh, don't you went to Wig? Oh, wait, I guess I didn't see it. Hmm. Oh, by the way, I see that you're fellow alum.

Oh, yes, I graduated about 10 years ago. Oh, what was your, I mean, hero, villain, sidekick? Um, I, uh, yeah, I was a hero. Oh, that's awesome. That, that's, what, what do you specialize in? Magic. Oh, don't you know, Festo? Yes, of course.

They're great. So fun. So fun. So, uh, so fun. So, uh, party. So you know then that we're here from the school and we're trying to get a good grade. Yes, of course. Okay.

Just so you haven't done much to help us with that. We thought we got a little. Sorry, I didn't catch your name. I am Sir Fitzroy, Maplecourt, Night and Absentia of the realm of Good Castle. Oh, pleasure to meet you. Yeah. See, the fact that the hand thing keeps coming out. The fact that the hand thing, you know what, I'll bones it.

Okay. That's good manners. I bones it gently. Oh, the least amount of contact that you possibly give with a bonesing. So, anything for a fellow, you know, wiggy. Is that what we say? No, I was just trying something, and it didn't, it didn't land. Okay.

I don't really have anything else for this dude. I think he's lying. I think he knows a lot more than he let on. I'm going to talk out of character. Why not intimidate him if we think he knows something else? Let's push him a little bit. Oh, shit, that's a good point. Yeah, I'm really good at intimidation.

Well, listen. I'm going to turn on my intimidating voice now. Okay. Listen, Calhane. I've told you about the vibe and how bad it is. Yeah. And let's just say that something stinks. And so the three of us, mm-mm, mm-mm, you don't want to.

So either you start talking or we're going to hurt you. Is this anything? I am terrified. Yes, thank you. I'm standing in the background twirling my daggers just, you know, idly. Okay, then make an engagement. Intimidation check with advantage because you have Argo backing your play with... Okay, I have a plus six intimidation.

And I rolled a 17 and a 3. I will take the 17, not the 3. So that's a 23. Okay. Listen, guys, I really need this job, okay? I was a sidekick at the school, and I couldn't get a job once I graduated. and so I started doing the wizard thing just as like a performance thing

and then I got a job. I'm good at, I can do magic. I just, I don't really know much about it. Press to digitate for me. Press the digit, show me press and digititate. Make a, make an odd odor. He does it. Okay, see, that's the test.

That may not have been magic. That's how we... Bees a wario-froid. I understand, I can do some magic. I just, I never really learned about like the theory or learned about like how it works and so like

I'm doing my best listen I'm doing my best I'm not trying to half ass this or anything but like I don't know so were you here when the when the two leaders of the two herds were engaged no that was long before my time

I've only been with them for like a couple months I guess then Kalli do you have anything we can use. Anything. Oh, gosh. I toss the dagger up, catch it by the handle, start cleaning my nails with it, and, like, give him this look.

I mean, you know what? You know what, Dan, make a dexterity check. Talk shit. You really want to go against me on dexterity? Okay, that's fine. I'm not against you, Dad. I'm the GM. We're in this together.

Okay. That's a Nat 20. You do it and it's fucking rules. Plus seven. It's so cool. And he says, um, okay.

I'll tell you this. I, I don't think this is just based on my own, I don't think the fact that the apple only sprouted, that the tree only sprouted one apple

is a natural occurrence. Yeah. I think, I think someone's behind it. who i don't know he who smelted delted who would who would gain from this come on

who would wish to sow discord between the hearts listen i don't i don't like pointing blame but arturus has been itching for a fight ever since somehow when left him. At least that's what Malwin says. And so maybe he's trying to start a war.

If it is a war he wants, then we shall work to prevent that most undesirable outcome with a limited amount of violence. If there's anything I can do to help, I I don't want anyone to get hurt. I feel partially responsible because I wish I knew more about this.

I wish I could help more. And we wish you did too. This is uniting us. Can we hang on to the... Oh, crap. Oh, crap. What? Oh?

I just had a... I just had a... I... Okay. Hey, listen, good talking to you. We got to go. listen love the place Thank you

Love the Jim Crackery And the And the Chotchkes Thank you But we got We gotta go

Okay fellas We gotta leave now Okay Yeah let's go I guess Thanks Yeah come on Come on

Yeah good scene All right We're going Bye Goodbye What was the reason For your Isty exit

Argo I I just What you just sat there inspired me. What if what if we have to get Malwin and Arturo's back together as like a couple

you just said it united us? Maybe that's what we're supposed to be doing. Maybe we've got to get Malwin and Arturo's back together so that there are one one group and then take it from there. Does that make any sense? Yeah, but we just talked to like some boring bad wizard for like five minutes. And I think at some point I did threaten to hurt him.

And so like I don't know why you think that we would be up for sort of marriage counseling. Well, I mean, we are multifaceted. That's one of the key elements of the Thunderman Corporation is how flexible we are and how diverse we are in not only our activities, but our interests. This was a good attempt, but please leave communications to the communications department of Thunderman LLC. I am a communication. I'm the CCO. This is a fair point. This will go on my quarterly review.

It is a great shame. All right. I guess let's go talk to Arturos then. Where are you guys out right now? we're just outside Calhain's tent I think so as you're waiting outside you see Althea coming and Althea says

oh I was just looking for you guys I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me and just you know as as friends yeah what's I mean what are we talking I like what are we gonna I hadn't thought that far

I just figured we'd You know, eat some food? I know, but like I'm doing paleo, so. And Fitzroy, your chest starts to feel tight. It starts to feel like there is a weight pressing against it. This is a side effect of the paleo. It's without complex carbohydrates. Oh, my God.

Anyone else feeling this? It starts to get difficult to breathe. and it feels like someone is pushing on your eyeballs and your vision starts to go blurry and then white. And Althea says, oh, God, are you, are you okay? What's happening to you? I think it's a heart attack. It's bad. Althea puts her hand on your chest and says, lay down, lay down, lay down.

and she closes her eyes for a moment and her hand glows. And she says, oh, oh, no. Uh, you've been cursed.