The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 15 "Out of Order"

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

Fitzroy is not doing well. The curse is consuming him from the inside out. Argo does his best to comfort him. The Firbolg is on the hunt.Chaos rears its head and all hell is about to break loose. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary. Previously on the Adventure Zone graduation. The Fieubleg, Argo, and Fitzroy were tasked with assisting the centaurs of the woods in settling in dispute between them and the centaurs of the valley over a magical apple tree. Specifically, the issue arose when the tree, which normally produced two apples every year, only produced one. When they got to the camp, they discovered that the heroic oversight guild investigator Althea Song had arrived shortly before them.

They spoke with the spirit of the scarlet woods and got a better understanding of what sacrifice it required. Then they spoke with the centaur's magical advisor, a human wizard named Calhane. He was pretty shady and rubbed the thunder man the wrong way. Shortly after leaving Calhane's tent, Fitzroy was struck by a curse, and now he is not doing so good.

Fitzroy, you have been cursed. it is hard to breathe. It feels like there's an invisible weight pressing on your entire body all at once. And it just keeps getting heavier. Althea is trying to talk to you, but you can barely understand the words.

You catch phrases here and there. Where did... Did you... Can you... But every time you try to focus, your vision goes white. Argo, Fearbol, Althea turns to you. Okay.

Where were you guys this morning? We were talking to a spirit, a weird, right? For me, I mean, the spirit of the scarlet woods. Scarlet Woods, yeah. Which sounds like a golf course, but it isn't. It's not. Okay, we'll get back to that in a second. Then how did that go well?

You. Okay. Then what did you do? we came back we came home we we jumped on our horses and galloped back okay who who did you come in contact with calhane yes the bad magician okay wait and her eyes dance around the crowd that has gathered and she says okay don't don't say anything else um okay Fitzroy Fitzroy Fitzroy I don't know the specific of this curse and so I can't stop it but I can help but you have to stay with us you have to fight and Fitzroy these words are lost on you because that's not where your mind is your mind is back at

your first day at Clyde Knight's night night school Griffin what did Fitzroy feel like walking into the school what was he thinking he was thinking that there was a certain amount of out of placeness that he felt. I think that the heirs that he currently puts on is a sort of affectation that developed during his time at Clyde Knight's night night school. It was a sort of aspirational haughtiness, so to speak. And I don't necessarily think he had developed that before going to the school. I think there is certainly, you know, he is excited.

It is something of a dream fulfilled, but it is also a, you know, the fear that you're going to fuck that dream up and that you are not sort of worthy of it. As Fitzroy walks in on his first day, he can feel the looks from the other students. He knows he doesn't quite belong. You can see their eyes scanning your clothing. You hear them whisper good castle with hidden smiles. Fearbol, Argo Fitzroy is clearly in pain Althea has run back to her tent

and you are left to care for your friend what do you do to try to keep him with you? I'm going to do an arcana check to see what I know about curses 13 plus 3, 16. So you know that this has all the indications of some sort of psychic curse that what is a he is being hurt from within right this weight he is feeling it

is psychosomatic that this is something is happening in his brain he is going through perhaps a nightmare perhaps a horrible memory something along those lines that is making it difficult his body is rejecting his own psyche i can't think of anything arco good could argo would Argo's going to talk to him. Just to, you know, hey, Hey, Fitz, um, listen, and we know you're in there. I just want you to know that,

me and the Furbog, we've got your, your back. And, you know, just, you know, whatever, we're going to, we're going to protect you, whatever you're going through. It doesn't make any difference.

You're our friend. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we don't make any difference. You know, what, what, what's going on in your brain? Uh, when, when, when you come back, your old buddy Furbol and your old buddy Argo are going to be right here with you. And we're going to, we're going to, we're going to help you through all this. Now, we haven't used it in a while, but in this homebrew game, there is, uh, a check, a skill I created called support, right? And you as a sidekick, um, can support. your hero or villain.

So I want you to make a support role and that would be plus charisma. So plus two. Okay. That is a seven. That feels appropriate for the relationship that Argo and Fitzroy

had. We're at about out of 20 I would say our friendship is at about a seven. So a nine, nine with the two. Fitzroy, you are standing there

feeling alone, feeling completely separate. from your other students, I want you to make a wisdom-saving throw. That's a plus zero, so, uh, oh, 14 total. Fitzroy, you've been at Clyde Knight's night-night school for a while now. You work hard to succeed, but your dedication to school has not been well received by the other students. Behind your back, they call you teacher's pass and kiss ass.

Overall, how was your experience? it's been here? I mean, tough. I'm just like, I'm just now thinking about it. And there's obviously a disconnect from like where Fitzroy, his actual family life and like where he came from and who he pretends to be these days. And I think that that, I think this is sort of why that came about. I think he is desperate to make something of himself and sees Clyde Knight's night school

as the way of doing that. and so while I don't think he used to be a fairly antisocial guy, he's got a 16 charisma for Christ's sake. But I think that he decides that that is sort of a part of himself that he has to shed if it means succeeding at this school and becoming a knight who has some sort of value to society. How has your experience here at the school been different from? your life before this growing up with Dindra and

Jerry that's your dad I forgot your dad Jerry Maplecourt No I love Jerry Caravaner The Long Hall Caravaner I mean it's completely different It's literally the

You know Harry Potter level of sort of scholastic transformation Not that life was like You know terrible and abusive But just like it was it was nothing. It was just sort of like he was just sort of a just

podunk nobody and had just a fairly provincial life. Is that the right word? I don't know. Well, that's what Bell had in Beauty and the Beast, so I think so. Yeah, so it's something along those lines. And I don't even think he it's not like he had, I think, aspirations to become a knight like his entire life, but there was certainly a moment where he decided he wanted to be something more.

And so I think this whole thing is new to him. It is a pretty swift shift in personality. And I think he is enjoying it. I think it's something he knows he could get used to. Fearbulk, Argo, Fitzroy is not looking good. He is clenching his jaw. He is whimpering slightly. You've never seen your friend in this kind of pain before.

You've seen him hurt. You've seen him bleed. But this is different. This is painful for you to watch in a very real way. What are you thinking about right now? Well, I feel kind of helpless. I just, you know, mental is not my strongest suit. Ferbo, what, can you do anything?

Like, do you have any, like, you know, nature stuff to help him out? I will ask a question. And I leave the tent to go look for Calhane. And while he's gone, Argo reached. into his pocket and pulls out the copy of the adventures of Larry the Lime and starts reading to Fitzroy, just reading out of the book. Larry the Lime had quite a situation on his hands. His two best friends, carrot and pear, were really having some issues with each other, and he felt like he was caught in the middle. Larry the Lime loved his friends and really

wanted things to be good. So Larry the Lyme started organizing a little party for him. Argo, make another support role for me. Okay. Can't be as bad as the last one. That is a 13 plus 2, 15. Excellent. Even though you feel separated from the classmates and you haven't made a lot of friends, you don't feel as alone anymore, Fitzroy. You feel like, Like, what you are doing is right. Your focus on your work is the right thing to do. And maybe it's not all bad. Make another wisdom saving throw for me with advantage.

Okay. That is a flat 13 and a 5. So we're going to take that third. Well, let me think. Yeah, the 13. Okay. Now, Fearbug. What is your, where are you looking?

Where are we like? I mean, back at his tent, I guess. They're all in the same camp, right? I mean, geographically speaking, it should not be a hike. You reach his tent, and he is nowhere to be seen. But make an investigation roll for me. Indeed, I will. Well, my friend, that is a 15 plus.

I'm going to get a soundboard for each of us that says plus. Like that. I'll just press the button after every roll. And in that way, zero. Okay, a 15, you say? Yeah. You find amongst his possessions, and this is buried deep down. Earlier when Argo searched, he found, you know, a bunch of store-bought magical supplies.

But this, this looks like it's really magical, handcrafted. It is a magic mirror. And in this world, you don't have to make an arcana check on this, because you know that these magic mirrors, these are two-way communication devices. What do I see on the other end? Well, if you want to activate it, you are going to have to make an arcana check because they are locked

and to figure out the right set of activation buttons on it, you are going to have to make an arcana check. Do it, Swordfish. Hacks this shit. Swordfish got a 13 plus 3. So you are able to activate it. Now, the screen is obscured, so you're not able to make out a face. But you can make out the voice. Calhane, why are you calling you?

Something wrong. Do you have it? Calhane. Um, Mm-mm. You don't have it yet? Mm-mm. Calhane, what's the matter? What's wrong?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Make a deception. check for me. With with with triple disadvantage.

Yeah. I was trying to decide between deception and performance, but because you didn't actually say anything, I went with deception. 16 plus

one, 17. Calhain, don't bother me again unless you have it. And the mirror clicks off. Now, roll a perception check for me.

Damn. Right, what I know. needed it at five plus, oh, seven. It is a voice you are very familiar with. You have heard it many, many times since you started at the school. It is the voice of Hieronymus Wigginstaff. Hmm.

Hmm. So it was kind of a woofing? No, sorry, fake Hieronymus Wigginstaff. Now, otherwise, you haven't been able to find anything, of note anything other than what you were able to find before Why was the screen obscured? Was it just not working

properly or... It was clouded over. Okay. Okay. Got it. Okay. You know, kind of like a witness protection kind of thing. I'm with you. Okay. No other clues about where dipship might be, right? You are able to find in further investigation

that as well as the front entrance to the tent, which you came through. There was also a back entrance. the back exit to the tent. So it seems that directly after your encounter, he fled. Okay. So he headed out as soon as we left. Correct.

Do I see any tracks out there or anything? Behind that, it's just the field leading up to the apple. So you're not able to see anything in the grass. I'm gonna go to the apple as close as I can get. You make your way as close as you can, being careful because you know that the magical wards are still in place. There's the Sentinel. And from what you can see,

everything seems to be about the same. Nothing has changed. So I don't see Calhane around here anywhere. Roll a perception check for me. Three. No, you do not. All right. Can I investigate here?

I guess you have just said perception. So maybe investigate. Let's see if there's any clues. Well, here's what I will say. Well, I will remind you that, yes, there is the physical world that one might perceive and investigate, but there is also the magical world. Yeah, let me try to detect magic. I just feel like the apple was so fucking magical that it would cover up all the other magic.

Well, now you get a whiff of something else. Mm. A cisson of a different sort of magic. Now, as you said, it is somewhat obscured, but make another perception check for me this time with advantage. Okay. Oh, uh,

see, that's a, 14 and, oh wow, 20. Not 20. Not 20. Okay.

Where is this fucker? You have to tell him legally. You have to tell him exactly where the fucky is. That, the, the sense that you got that with, that Susson of other magic,

is now so clear to you that what you are sensing is powerful, illusory magic. Illusory. Shit. Where, it's coming from, just like all around me? Correct.

My dude's like fucking hiding? Aw, you piece of shit. Fitzroy, you are standing in front of a room filled with your peers. You have been called to the front by Sylvia Knight. The class is magical theory. This is by far the class that you are worst at. As a half elf, it has been difficult for you to deal with the fact that you just have zero magical ability.

You are trying for the zillionth time to light a small tea candle with a one-time-use spell. Everyone else mastered this on the first day of class. You are sweating and your stomach is swirling. You can hear the students laughing quietly behind their hands. The wick remains dark, not even a whiff of smoke. In the briefest of seconds, everything changes. Your magic breaks loose, transforming Sylvia into a slimy bottom feeder.

The wild magic crackles through the air. Visible lightning bolts arc from wall sconce to rafter and back. The assistant professor, an accomplished wizard, quickly steps forward and draws the magic through her body and grounds it. She turns, and with a wave, Sylvia is returned to her normal self. You lock eyes with her. what do you see in her eyes? Fear.

How does that make you feel? It makes me feel simultaneously crushed because I know that this dream I have had has just instantly come to an end. But it also, seeing a person who I perceive as being as powerful as she is, not just in the like D&D sense of powerful, but in the like societal stance of being powerful,

take notice of me, take, I know she will remember this, and there is a part of me that I don't feel great about, that feels great about that. You're now sitting outside of her office. You can hear her speaking with other professors. You don't catch much of it. But it has become clear to you that your time here at the school has come to an end.

How do you feel? Now I just feel crushed. Argo, Fitzroy is barely responding. He's grown paler and paler and shows little signs of life. What do you do? He continues reading. Because Argo knows about Fitzroy's past. Well, to an extent, right?

You know that I'm not wealthy. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So Argo keeps reading. Larry the Lyme knew that Quela the Quisenberry really wanted to dance with Beth the beat. But just wasn't brave enough to ask. Kuella didn't think they were good enough.

So Larry told Kuella that it doesn't matter what other pro-do thinks of them. Quela is a good berry. A good, good berry. And Larry is proud to be friends with Kuella and knows that Kuella's going to turn out just to be the best fruit in the world, here in the produce stand. Argo, roll a support roll for me. 16 plus two. Fits. Roy, even in this, perhaps the darkest moment of your life you've ever experienced, you feel for just a second warm. You feel like maybe there is hope. You can't quite wrap your fingers around it to grab it and hold on to it, but it feels like it's right there that maybe your life isn't over. make a wisdom saving throw with advantage.

That's a 10, and that is a 19. Fearbol, you now find yourself looking around the field, trying to make sense of this feeling of illusory magic you now find yourself in the middle of. What do you do? I want to do, and this is not my strong suit, but it's a place to start. I'm going to do a check against the illusion.

So you're trying to, like, pierce it with your magical skills? Give me an intelligence check. That is a 16 plus zero. The illusion is fairly solid. You can't quite take it apart in its entirety, but you are able to zero in. The overwhelming feeling of it is that it is centered on the tree, centered specifically on the apple,

but that there are also two flickering zones of it just in front of either camp. And you're able to focus enough to realize that the two kind of outlying foci are the two sentinels of the camp. Sentinels are the two centaurs of each camp watching the tree because they don't trust the other. So their illusory? It would seem so. I'm going to try to walk up and take the apple and just see what fucking happens. I know it's not going to have... I'm just going to try to take this as fucking apple.

This is my apple now I'm going to walk up and take it. You move forward towards the tree. You're careful as you approach where you know the first magical tripwire to be, but as you cross it, nothing happens. You move forward with more confidence now, moving through each tripwire, now undaunted, unwading, walking quicker and quicker, your hand outstretched.

You raise it to grab the apple, and it closes on nothing. And the illusion fades. Motherfucker. As the illusion fades, the apple is gone, the sentinel on the side of the centaurs of the valley is gone and the sentinel on the side of the centaur of the woods is a charred corpse is it still smoking

like does this look recent? This is very recent. This is very recent. Okay, Scarlet Woods Sentinel is a charred corpse. Correct. Other sentinel is just gonzo. Yep. I have to get to the other camp.

You head over to the centaurs of the valley, and as you cross into their camp, you were immediately met with confusion and anger. They have not seen you before. They draw spears on you and begin to approach. I mean no threat. The apple is gone. They live.

look to the tree and see that what you're saying is true, but it doesn't calm them, and in fact has much the opposite effect. And now they advance even quicker. The leader of this mob is a 20-something-looking centaur with a full beard and fire in his eyes. And he yells, thief and raises his spear. I have come here, build peace to warn. One of the scarlet woods centaurs is dead. If you strike me down, it would be a war.

Neither of your herds want. A voice speaks out from the crowd and says, he's telling the truth and you see Rhodes the Ranger step forward with her hand raised and the centaur pauses and looks at her and says you know

you know this spy this thief and Rhodes says he can't lie he's not lying it's true which is a little bit like the

Reddle. You know this? One says it is not important. Rhodes. Fitzroy is dying. He is cursed. The apple is gone. Okay.

That's... Okay. We are headed towards F territory. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that things are going to... getting pretty aft, yes. I have plans to ascend a Thunderman LLC,

but I do not plan to do this today. You must help me track your ranger, yes? Wait, track, what, track the apple? No, we will track Calhane, a wizard who... needs to help a friend of mine. Oh, he's like a healer? He is your quarry.

And she looks at you for a second, makes eye contact with you, and you kind of see, well, make a perception check for me. 13 plus seven. You see her make the decision not to ask any more questions. She knows that the fear bog doesn't ask things lightly. does not do things that don't need done. She trusts that if you say that this wizard needs to be found, then this wizard needs to be found.

And she turns to Mimi and Moon and says, okay, sidekicks, this is on you. I need you to get Arturis and get him in a room with Malwin. Because here in about 30 seconds, all hell is about to break loose. And we need to stop a war before it starts. And she turns back to you, Fearbug, and says, let's hunt. Fitzray, it's time to open your eyes.

You find yourself sitting in a world of opulence. You sit in a comfortable, richly upholstered wingback chair. You see above you dark wood beams. On the walls, masterpiece paintings separated by velvet draped windows. From where you sit, you can't quite see out the windows. You do, however, get the distinct impression that you are no longer in the world you just were. Standing in front of you is a nine-foot-tall person. Their skin has the iridescent quality of Mother of Pearl.

The slightest shift in posture sends ripples of green, silver, and purple across their body. The effect is beautiful, but also disconcerting. You find the constant flow of spectrum mesmerizing and intoxicating. Their eyes are pure white. They wear the finest clothing you have ever seen. Their cloak is a deep, rich burgundy with gold embroidery and onyx lining. They smile at you. The first impression is welcoming and gregarious.

But as time passes, their gaze becomes off-putting. Sir Fitzroy Maplecorn. Night in absentia of the realm of Goodcastle. words cannot express how pleased I am to finally meet you. Are you part of the fever dream or something else? Because I have to be honest, I am so tired. Oh, I, excuse me, and they wave their hand, and you are not tired. you feel completely revitalized.

All right. To answer your question, I am something else. Are you something that understands how ominous you're being right now? Yes, I know. I can be a lot. I understand that. But it's only because, I have been looking forward to this moment for a while now.

And now that you're here, I find myself at a bit of a loss. I mean, I could come up with some helpful prompts, like, where are we, who are you, what's going on? Those are the three really good ones, actually. Let me answer them in order. You are in my home. I have gone by many names, some of them unkind.

But I think the one that would be clearest, the one I most identify with, is chaos. And as far as what's going on, well, that I can't quite go into. But let's consider this a performance review. God, even in my fever dreams, I'm getting great. Uh, okay, how am I, how am I doing, chaos? So far, wonderful. I knew you were worthy. I knew you had potential.

Fearbulk. You and Rhodes are back at the tree now. What are you looking for? I don't know. She's the tracker. let me pull up her character sheet. I guess you're looking for something. Okay, she is searching the tree for any indications,

and there is one, and it stands out because up till now, the tree has been so clean, which is strange, a tree sitting in the middle of, not a speck of dirt, but very clearly you can see a footprint on the trunk. You can see where someone scurried up the tree to grab the apple. And then from there, she begins to track. You see her at once phase out everything and yet become so focused. you can tell she is

pairing down every piece of unimportant information and only capturing the things she needs for the hunt. And her attention is drawn back towards the centaurs of the woods camp. And you follow her as she walks carefully in that direction.

Argo. Your friend has gone very soon. still now. He's still breathing, but only slightly. What do you feel? I don't know. He's extremely worried about Fitzroy. It feels kind of helpless. Not really sure if what he's doing is helping him out. He doesn't have any kind of magic that would help. He's been going through all of the all of the things in his inventory trying to figure out if there was anything that would help. He doesn't think forcing a chocolate chip cookie from Glade Spring would do anything. Argo starts, you know, reading more of the book about like Larry, you know, flashing forward

and standing in the back of a palace while Queen Quello the Quisbury is crowned a queen. and then he suddenly realizes that he's messing himself up. He's just, he can't even follow the analogy anymore. So he says, look, Fitz, I know you're in there. And listen, I know all about you. I know, I know that, you know, you're not really a fancy lad that you put on. You know, you come from, you know, kind of lowly stock here, your mom and your, long haul truck driver dad and and I know this because I was investigating you.

I was checking up on you. I was keeping an eye on you. I never did anything to hurt you. I never wanted anything bad to happen to you. And now here, of course, now something bad has happened to you. But listen, I mean what I'm saying. And, you know, I'm only using Larry the Lime as an example. Look, you're a good dude.

You're a really good dude. and you're my friend and I believe, I believe in you. And I think that no matter what you failed at before or what you did, didn't do or what you want to do, you have noble intentions. You're a, you're a good guy. And I'm your friend. And Fearbog is your friend. And I think you're going to be remarkable.

I think you're going to be just an amazing person because you just have it in you. I mean, you've won me over and the furbul, and I think a lot of other people, look, my friend, don't, don't let your failure dictate what you're going to be. Don't, don't let your Claude Knights, Knight's school of nights at night. Don't, that doesn't define you. You know, when you fail at something, the only way it defines you is if you give up and you haven't given up, you're moving on. and you're trying to make something better out of yourself.

So you've got to fight whatever this crap is that is, that's eating away at you, that's in your head. Look, you've got to come back to us. We can't do this without you. Fitzroy, chaos is now sitting across from you in another wing back chair. You must have so many questions for me, but I only have one question for you, Fitzroy. How are you enjoying the magic? Honest answer? Yes, please.

It's all right. I'm not especially great at it, which is troubling. Obviously, my life could have gone a completely different non sort of catfishy route had it not manifested. And I think I probably would have been doing pretty well if, you know, that particular door had said, slid open, but it didn't. And so now I have these random powers that I can't quite control. And so that is disappointing. And you see them wince for a second when you use the word control. control why would you want

to control them let them run wild you have so much potential I know what you could be capable of

I gave it to you so that you could be Uncontrollable What do you suggest I do? Whatever you want. Do you want power? Do you want?

Respect, do you want to be important, to be remembered? Do that? Are you waiting for someone to give that to you? It is, in my experience, the only way that it is gotten. If you want to do something, Fitzroy, you need only act on that. When you transformed Sylvia Knight, the fear in her eyes made you feel power.

Don't you want that again? I kind of do. Yes. What are you doing trying to control yourself? Fearbug, Rhodes is on the trail now. She's moving faster and faster. And you become confused because you realize that she has led you back to your own tent.

For your review. This is where the trail has led. I don't go where I want. I go where the trail leads. This is Calais' trail. It's the trail from the apple. Is this just my tent? Do we each have our own tent?

You're all staying in the same tent. Am I in this tent right now? No, you are still, so you are still on the ground outside of Calhane's tent with a crowd around you as Argo is trying to keep you clinging to life and Althea has run to her tent. All of this is happening very quickly. Okay. I'm going to investigate in our tent, obviously, for the Apple. 19. Excellent.

Plus, let me see if I have a modifier on that. I've been getting good roles today. No, that's a zero still. Investigation is not the Fearball Strong suit. Today it is. Yeah, I was going to say, 19 fucking Detective Fearball joke. That's fate.

That's just chance. What you're representing there with that dice roll is the dumb luck of just like stumbling over something. Well, I would say that what it is is, is the fear book is feeling very passionate right now, very inflamed in a way that it is. That would be modified through other outside of a role. That wouldn't be,

his passion wouldn't be dictated by a random system. It would be dictated by like giving advantage on roles or something like that. Okay, fine. Dumb luck. huh? Just fucking dumb look. That's what I'm saying. Well, so that investigation, you are not able to find anything that has been added to the tent.

You're not able to find Calhane. You're not able to find the Apple. But you do realize that something is missing. Your pack, specifically the pack that you carried all the supplies in when you came here for the whole crew is missing. And with that investigation check, Rhodes is able to pick back up on the trail. And you can also very clearly see that there has been a razor sharp slit made in the tent. And once again, he has fled from the tent, continued on past there. Let's keep after him.

The trail continues, and so to you. Fitzroy, it has been a brief moment. since last either of you spoke. What are you feeling right now in this moment? What are you thinking? I think it's tough that he's having this conversation right now after being forced to kind of relive the events that happened at Clyde Knight's night school.

And he is sort of weighing the the difference between fame and notoriety, I guess. Like, he is, he is, there was something humiliating about what happened to Sylvia Knight, and it wasn't like power in the traditional sense that he wanted, like the power of being able to hurt people. It was more the, just the, the fact that somebody would remember him for doing something. And so I don't think that that is his preferred way of doing that. Obviously, his preferred way of doing that is to become a,

big famous night, which that door is again closed. So I think, I think in a way, okay, I can summarize it. I think he feels that same kind of disappointment again that he felt sitting outside of the office where he overheard he was going to be expelled because he realizes that this is, what what chaos is offering him is another like door to fame to being remembered that is closed because he cannot he is not interested in hurting people

and and I think that decision came a lot slower than he would be comfortable admitting but that's where he is. Argo, Fitzroy is almost completely still now. His breathing so shallow as to be imperceptible. Okay. Argo leans in real close.

Gets up close to Fitzroy's ear and says, All right, let's try another approach. If you don't suck it up, and come back to us. I'm going to get your stuff and I'm going to wear all your clothes. I'm going to put on your debilets.

I'm going to put on all your cloaks and your hats and your fancy pantaloons and your shoes and socks and I'm going to prance around in. I'm not even going to bathe first. I'm going to put them all on and I'm going to wear them all over the place.

What do you think about? That. Fitzroy, you seem unhappy. I mean, I've been psychically poisoned. So, like, um, I mean, that's in my body body. I don't know what this is necessarily.

Um, yeah, listen, chaos, I appreciate, well, I appreciate the power you've given me, maybe not all of the baggage that comes along with it. Um, but,

I am not going to be your weapon. I'm not going to be your instrument to use to spread your sort of chaotic influence around the world. I'm not interested in that. Yeah. So I don't know where that leaves us. Are you going to banish me? Are you going to toss me out the window? And if I die in the game, do I die in real life?

What's, what's, yeah, that's where I'm at. at chaos. I'm sorry if that disappoints you. Disappointed, but not for the reason you think. I was hoping that this would be fun for you. Because you see, I'm not asking you to be my influence, my weapon on Nua. Because you already are. And suddenly, Fitzroy, you are aware of a new sensation. Since Chaos waved their hand, you have been feeling pleasant, warm, comfortable.

But suddenly, you feel something right above your right collarbone. It feels like you are being prodded by a red-hot poker that is also, somehow, a electrified. And your body convulses. You cry out in pain. And just before your eyes slam shut from the sheer sensation of it all, the last thing you see is chaos. And they wink at you. And you open your eyes again, and you are looking up at Althea song, holding what appears, to be a stamp that one might use to wax seal a letter. And it's glowing white.

And next to her is Argonaut Keane looking perhaps the most relieved and happy you have ever seen him. If you touch my cloaks, I'll use my magic to explode your head. Welcome back, Boyle. Fearbulg? You and Rhodes have continued to follow the trail, and it has led you to Malwin's tent. You are standing outside now. What do you do? Detect magic.

You don't sense anything, anything out of the ordinary that you wouldn't catch as like normal background magic. I want to do perception to see if I can tell anybody's in the tent. Great. It's an eight. You do hear voices, but you can't plus seven. Oh, okay. You hear voices. It's interesting.

It's interesting. My perception is plus seven. My investigation is plus zero. So it's like, I can, I find a clue. I can't make fucking heck. I don't know. I found all these clues. I'm just going to leave them in a pile on the floor.

Thank you. You can see something until you try to look at it. Right. You do hear voices inside the tent. They are definitely raised, angry, and you hear many voices about four people talking, you would guess. Okay. Four people in the tent? That's what it seems like.

That's what it sounded like. Four distinct voices. Does the tent have a bottom? No? Okay, I flipped the tent over. It's a huge tent. How are you doing it? I'm a huge dude.

What are you talking about? How am I flipping it? Flipping a tent? How big is a tent? It's like a big canvas deal. It's like... I can't help it that my dungeon master didn't paint a good enough word picture for me

that I thought I could lift the tent. This is like a tent like one might use it. Tell me more about the tent, papa. It's like a tent that you would use for a wedding reception. I could flip one of those over. I could flip one of those over. Okay, you know what? You know what?

Make a strength check for me. Not my strong suit. Turn into a fucking bear Like what do you Can't you turn into a rhinoceros or some shit? I know it's 18 That's pretty good Plus two 20

Flip that motherfucker Furbulg hulks out That shit's unnecessary And I'm here for it That you hear the Furborg lets loose A mighty roar And rips open the front of the tent Flipping it upwards

throwing the whole tent into the air. The spikes come loose and the whole thing blows over as he enters. And four faces turn and look at you and roads. And the eyes that lock onto you are the eyes of Deanna, the centaur, Malwin, the centaur, Arturis, the centaur leader of the centaur of the valley,

and Calhane. And Malwin looks at you in shock for just a moment because you have just thrown her tent. She doesn't know how to answer. And in fact, she takes a step back at this display of strength and as far as she can tell, animosity. And she says almost, almost in a subdued whisper, how could you have done this? We trusted you. And Arturus said, and you, Rhodes.

And Calhane is holding your pack and says, someone arrest them and throws down your pack and outfalls the magic apple. Motherfucker. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned, audience supported. Thank you.