The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 16 "Give Me A Hand"

Episode Date: June 11, 2020

The Thundermen's time with the centaurs has come to a close. While Fitzroy recovers from his recent cursing, a new and present danger threatens the team.While Fitzroy buys some time, Argo takes a swing and the Firbolg changes. Maybe it could be said that everyone changes, but only time will tell.We’re donating the ad revenue from TAZ this week to the Nina Pop & Tony McDade Mental Health Funds, organized by The Okra Project, and would encourage you to consider donating as well if you can. https://www.theokraproject.com/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary. Previously on the Adventure Zone graduation, the Thundermen was sent to help settle a dispute between two centaur herds. See, this tree that usually grows two apples, only grew one. So they were trying to find a solution that would make both herds happy, but also they've been tasked by Higgled Miss Wigginstaff to steal the apple and bring it to him so he could cure his brother, Hieronymus Wigginstaff, who had been turned into a dog. And then everything went off the rails. They spoke to a magical spirit of the woods. Fitzroy got cursed. The Fearbug led a manhunt, and they got framed by an evil wizard. They are working with the heroic Oversight Guild investigator Althea Song, and another student named Roads the Ranger, but other than that, our three heroes slash villains have pissed off more or less everyone.

Fitzroy, you are examining. The brand you now have on your right collarbone. It is overlay geometric shapes. You recognize what it is because you have seen it many times and especially present in Higelmiss's office. It is some sort of ward. And it's like a, when you say brand, you mean like she has literally like cattle brand? Correct. Branded me?

Okay. Yes. And Althea is explaining it. to you, though admittedly, you are a little bit distracted by the fact that you are now branded. It's an emergency ward. It's a temporary stop for a wide spectrum of curses, but it doesn't undo them. It's kind of an in-emergency break glass kind of situation to give you time in case you're too far from help if you get hit by something. and you were pretty far gone by the time I was able to administer the ward.

And so we have about six hours to figure this out. And you're going to feel a little weak for the next six hours. And then after that, you're going to need to rest. You're going to have a hard time doing anything for, about a day, but that's assuming that we're able to break the curse before that six hours is up, because otherwise, well, you'll be dead. Listen, I appreciate you saving my life, Althea and Argo, but was there no sort of ink-based, sort of like maybe even like a Hina tattoo solution.

When beach season rolls around, do you understand what a mark on my persona this is going to be? I mean, yes, but you... I have worked so hard to sculpt this bod, and you have besmirched my incredible torso. I guess it's... Thank you. Yes.

Thank you. I almost died. That was weird and bad. And where's Calhane? Because I'm going to kill him so, I'm going to kill him so bad. Well, right after you collapsed, somewhere between there and me reading to you, Ferbel said out, he went to go find Calhane. I don't know what he was going to do to him. He may have been going to kick his ass. He may have and I don't know, but... I hope he saved me a cheek. You know the furbul. He probably would just beat him within an inch of his life

and let you have that last inch. Now, you also mentioned Argo that you went and spoke to the spirit of the scarlet woods this morning. Were you, like, reading signs, or was there... Spoke how? Well, we were there to find out what's going on and this scarlet uh,

wood's spirit came and talked to us and told us that it, it would tell us some stuff if we did some stuff. Wait. You know. Yeah. And it spoke spoke to you? Like, yeah, had a real raspy, uh, almost like a Willem de Fo kind of sound. Uh, was, yeah, it spoke to us.

I mean, it was pleasant enough. Spirits do not speak to mortals. Do you mean, like, you use, like, scrying bones, or you used some kind of, like, I'm a good listener. And so I listened real hard. And at first I was the only one that could hear them. But then they spoke loud enough, and you heard them, fits, right? Yeah, we talk to a ghost.

I really urgently want to beat the shit out of Calhane. Yeah, so... I'm just trying to get a full picture here. You're saying we've been bamboozled because spirits don't talk and... No, it's not that. It's just that they're old. That's old magic. That's wild magic.

They don't care about mortals. Well Guess we're special I'm gonna roll a perception check just to see if like you know Fearbulk's pretty big Yeah Like I'm tired of Wait around

That's an 11 plus 3 14 Well you don't need much more than that Because you hear Coming down the way from Malwin's tent Towards you Very angry voices. You see Arturis, who at this point you have only heard about, as well as Deanna and Malin

pushing the fearbug and roads tied up at spearpoint towards you, at which point other centaurs move forward to grab you, Fitzroy, and you Argo, and you see stepping up behind them Calhane and roll another perception check for me all three of you. That is 10 plus 313. Six. Okay, I know I'm going to have to start. A 7.13. Woo-hoo.

Whoa, damn. I know I'm going to have to start having photo documentation of this, but I rolled another an at 20. Wow. Wow. Oh, holy shit. So perceptive. It doesn't, it doesn't.

take much to notice that Calhane is carrying himself differently. Gone is the meek, unsure, visage, whatever performance he was putting on for you in his tent. He is carrying himself with a bit of swagger now, a bit of confidence. And Argo, you also notice that now he is with, on his right hand a black leather glove. And with a Nat 20, you were able to see that it is black-on-black embroidery with runes sewn into the glove. We are being held at Spear Point now by Centaurs. Correct. Okay.

I put my hands up and grip my teeth and look at Argo and I say, uh, CCO? Maybe it's time to communicate. Hi, everybody. I'm glad you could come. I called this meeting to kind of clear the air. I know that there's some difference of opinion, but I think, as in all things, good communication is going to solve him. So here's what I'm thinking.

What the hell are you doing to the Furbog? Why is he all tied up? why are you uh why are you uh why are you coming at us with all this aggression and uh and and and then we i in fair return will express to you uh that uh we have uncovered some serious shit that you're going to want to know about malwin looks at you with venom in her eyes and says we have heard enough of your lies argo you conspired with the other students to steal

the apple for yourself. We found in your pack the magic apple that has been stolen from the tree. One of ours was killed. One of theirs is missing. And then shows up the Fearbulg and this Ranger bursting

into our tent with what intention we do not know but with violence in their eyes. No more of your silver tongue. It does It does look like they flipped the tent over. Is that true?

I flipped the tent. Yes. That is so good. Oh, I wish I could have seen that. In hindsight, it was hasty. I think it was tasty. Yeah, so anyway, Calhane there, he cursed me. and I think everybody literally standing around me who's been watching for the past five minutes can attest to that.

Not to make it sort of your word against mine, but yeah, Calhane has almost certainly been the architect of this entire situation. Calhane came to tell us of your sick, dire deeds while you distracted the crowd so that the fearbulk and roads could kill our souls. Sentinel and steal the apple and spirit it back to your tent. How did we kill him exactly? How did we kill whoever it is we killed? Some sort of magical nature spell that crackled his skin and burned him from the inside out. You are monsters. Verbal, did you do that?

No. How for the wards? passed by. You must have some kind of magic that allowed you to pass. You think that we, students, were able to pass by your magical wards. You must be working with someone else, and suddenly you see her turn with suspicion towards Arturus.

Why would you look at me, Malwin? I would never. They have stolen the apple from me as well. Yes, but perhaps they were bringing the apple to you. Are you conspiring as well, Arturus? And you see them take a step back from each other, and they begin to eye each other warily. Does everyone seem kind of distracted by the lover's quarrel that is now happening?

even a little bit. Roll a perception check for me. Oh, good. 16, plus 3, 19. Yeah, definitely. This is the quarrels between Malin and Arturis are famous amongst these centaurs. They know how quickly it can escalate, how heated it can become. And so as soon as the tension starts to boil, everyone becomes on edge.

Everyone's waiting for it to boil over. and they are momentarily distracted. Can I actually, I actually had a similar thought. I mean, I was going to sort of try to who slyly nudged the two of you to let you know, like, we're going to have a very limited window of opportunity to do some shit. You know what it is? I start very quietly humming the Thunderman LLC theme song. And how does that go?

We can take this action at the same time. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I can do a thing to get us a window, but it will be a very, very limited window, and if we don't sort of pull it off, then it's going to be extremely bad for us. You, Fitzroy, cue them that something is about to happen, that there is going to be some kind of action you are taking

that should cue them to take an action as well. So Fitzroy, let's say your action is first. Yeah, they don't have to wait very long because I kind of grimace. Like last time this happened, it didn't go so great, but it's our only sort of option. And I clap my hands together and cast thunderwave. Oh. A wave of thunderous force sweeps out of me. Each creature within a 15-foot cube originating from you must make a constitution saving throw.

Apologies. Okay. So since he had queued us with, ahead of time, would we have advantage? Uh, yes. I am going to say that you, you guys, uh, not Rhodes because Rhodes maybe didn't catch the queue. But, uh, Argo and the Fearburg for sure have advantage on this saving throw. Okay. Good thing.

Advantage. Okay. Uh, 14 plus one, 15. Uh, 15. My first one was a four. This is a 17. Saves. Yeah, my DC is a 14. So, eh, yeah. Calhane is the only one who's saved. So what happens?

Well, okay, everyone does take 2D8 thunder damage, and on a successful save, they take half as much. So that's, you know, everyone around me takes five thunder damage, whoopsies, and my two compatriots take three. but more importantly everyone except for Calhane, Argo and the Fearbolg are pushed 10 feet away which hopefully is just enough distance to

make some sort of move here cleared a space for yourself Argo or Fearbolg who goes next and we're going to say that these next two things are going to happen simultaneously anyway so it really doesn't matter if it goes to right where's the apple last it is in the pack that Calhane is

holding. I mean, was it dislodged that, did that dislodging? He was not pushed. He saved. He saved. You have a way of, does Ferbulk have a way to get out of his bonds? Hmm. Oh, yeah.

Sure. I had a fucking way of getting out of my bonds. Okay. Then I think Argo is going to run over to, um, run over to, Calhane, take Slapsidian off his wrist, turn it into a dagger, and cut through the, the, cut through whatever, the straps of the bag are and, and grab the bag. What Fitzroy has given you is like a surprise round, right? Yeah.

And so you can take one action. So you can either move to Calhane or. or you can attack from a distance, but you were not within melee range of Calhain at this time. And by the time you would run over there, especially since he wasn't pushed, you would be in combat at that point. So if there's something you can do

from where you are to attack him, if you want to throw Slapsidian or throw something or attack at a distance. Well, I have a sling. I have a sling. Great. use the sling to to plunk him in the noggin with a ball bearing. Okay, give me, give me an attack with the sling.

Okay, the sling is plus seven, that's a 16, that's 23. Oh, that definitely hits. Roll damage for me. That is a three. Okay. Plus, wait a minute, one D4 plus four. So it does seven. It wasn't really even to hurt him.

Because of the surprise nature of it, I am going to say that it definitely is one of those things where like it's a distraction for sure. He did not see this coming and who would. And so immediately, you know, he kind of does like hand to forehead and definitely is distracted for a moment. Does he drop the bag? No. Fearbolt

I am going to use wild shape to transform into a bloodhawk a what? What's a bloodhawk? Hold on one second

I will send Sounds metal as fuck Yeah dude So the Fearbug transforms into a bloodhawk Do you need to roll anything for that Or you just do it No

I just do it Sick And because you are changing changing size to a small beast, the bonds that you were in slip off your little birdie feet. And now you are a blood hawk. Cool. Yeah. I mean, that's my action.

I'm a hawk. It's a pretty good action. I mean, as far as actions go, it's a cool action. Yeah, it's pretty good. And I'm going to say, like, in the changing of it, you have also, I'll just go ahead and say this, take into the sky. You're not like a hawk just standing there on the ground within reach of anybody. like. Yeah, that would be not cool. Yeah, you have fully taken advantage of this distraction and you are now up and in the air. Everyone has now recovered. You still have this like,

you know, 20 foot wide circle around you. Now it's just you and Calhain. But I will say that now, uh, uh, everyone is pretty pissed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah, yeah, for sure, Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. And Calhane is still, I will say, because it was a successful attack that, I'm going to say Calhane is dazed for this next round. You know, you got plonked on the noggin, right? Dead square between the eyes.

Nobody likes that. So, let's roll initiative. All right. I was really hoping that wouldn't be the thing you were going to say. We're going to hear Travis rolling 300. D20s in the background as all of these Centaurs prepared to trample our poor bodies. I rolled a 14 plus

a 6. That would be 20. Yeah, you know, I caught, yes, thank you. I did catch... Dirty. A dirty, dirty, dirty. I got a 15. And Fearbug? 19 plus 2, 21. All right. There's a lot of people involved in this. Yeah. I have made the centaurs

one kind of group so that I don't have to roll like 20 things. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine different parties. Okay. Up first is the Fearborg. Now, to paint a picture for you. Yes, please.

At this point, at the top of the scenario, we have, um, Mauin, Arturis, and Calhane, Malwin and Arturis are pushed back from Calhane. So the closest one to you is Calhane, who is still at this point 10 feet away from you, and then Malwin and Arturis are 10 feet farther than that. Okay. Right with them is Rhodes.

The Fearbulk has taken to the sky, and then there is Argo and, uh, Argo and, uh, Fitzroy, Althea got pushed back from them, and then the rest of the centaars are kind of surrounding you in a larger circle. So directly in front of you, you are still facing Argo and Fitzroy, Mauin, Arturus, and Calhane. So up first is the Fearbulk, or should I say, the Bloodhawk? I my goal is as the bloodhawk I'm trying to find worms eat fun worms get catch cool up drafts that's my whole thing no I'm gonna um I want to try to wrench the bag away from Calhane okay that is my goal um yes that is my I want to latch onto it with my talons and just start pulling.

Make a strength check. We'll do a contested strength check here. No, I am a bird. Yes. I'm looking here, your attributes, and your strength is six. Yes. I'm actually going to, I just realized that. Right before, as I was about to start, I want to poke him in his eyes.

Okay. Actually, with my beak. That is what I'll do. He didn't roll very good. Are you sure? I want to loosen him up a little bit. Okay. Yes.

I want to loosen him up a little bit. Well, here's what I'll say. You don't need to because he is still dazed from the hit from Argo. So I will say he is at disadvantage now. So he is already loosened up. Okay, perfect. Oh, damn. 17 minus 2, 15.

Oh yeah, you beat him. Nice. You pull that bag right out of his hands. Okay. He is pissed. Sure. And now, let me say this. You are now burdened by this bag.

So you are flying slower. You are able to get out of his reach, but you are not like swiftly darting around the way you were before as a bloodhawk. Yes, correct. Okay, good. I flew away as far as I could, which obviously like is limited. I can fly 60 feet, so probably 30 feet, I guess.

Yes. Okay. And up next is Argonaut kin. Can I retro say? No, I'm going to retro say, and then you'll tell me I can't. Okay. Sounds like a deal. I have a thing called cunning action, which at the end of a turn, I can use dash, disengage, or hide.

So can I say that at the end of my last turn where I hit him with the sling, that I dashed towards him? Because it was a surprise round, you only get to take one action and so that you do not have a reaction to use on that round. So no. It is not about not being able to retroactively do it.

It is that you wouldn't have been able to do it then even if you tried. And how far away am I from him? Away from Calhane. So you were still with Fitzroy. So you are, about 10 feet away from him. Okay.

I want to cut his hand off. Jesus. The gloved hand with the ruined glove. Spicy. These are getting spicy here. Okay. So is that just a basic attack? Correct.

I would say trying to cut someone's hand off would count as an attack. Okay. I'm attacking him with Slapsidian. which adds one to my attack. Now, this is kind of benevolent DM time. If you're trying to chop someone's handoff, why aren't you using your big sword? Well, for one thing, it's a rapier and it doesn't have a cutting edge.

Uh, I mean, this is not a, okay, this is not a rapier in the sense of like, a, like, dualist fencer nowadays. This is a classical rapier where it's like, you know, an inch wide blade. Then I'm going to use Florence. Yeah. Which I assume Florence has a cutting edge.

It does, yes. It is not just for poking. It's also for slicing. That's what it says. And I have the cutting edge on DVD. Yeah, that's just as long as we're bragging. Topic. And don't push me because I'm close to the edge.

Not anything. Okay. So that is a 13, 13 plus 3. That's 16. So 16 plus 7, 23. And you know what? I'm also going to have you make a strength check for me to see if you can actually sever the hand. You definitely hit.

Well, it kind of depends on how sharp the blade is, right? Maybe that was more of a speed. No, because if a baby swung a super sharp sword at someone, they wouldn't cut off someone's hand, would they? All right, strength check. Again, 13, plus 1. 14. You make a solid swipe. I'm going to say that it is hanging loose now.

Oh, God. You do not completely separate. But when you make this connection, Fitzroy, you feel better. Not completely 100% back up, but better. Okay. And next up in the order is rose. Let me set the scene a little bit. Oh, please. Yes, of course.

Make it gross. Leaps forward, swings Florence in like an arc at his face, but then does like a figure eight with it, waxed through the wrist, cutting it most of the way, and then uses disengage to pull the blade out, and dance back nimbly. So blood sprays in the air.

And Calhane, I would say, is pretty pissed. He's pretty angry. He definitely was not ready for that, but whoever is. Should I have done damage? You did do damage. Yeah, roll damage for me.

That is a four, and on Florence, plus four, eight. Up next is Rhodes. Roads is still bound, and she was also pushed back, so she is prone. So she uses her move to stand up, and she does that cool thing that people do in movies

where they, like, jump over, you know, the ropes so that her hands are back in front of her. It's really cool. She doesn't even have to roll for it. That's how cool it is. And she positions herself, Between the Centaur guards and Fitzroy. Cool.

It's nice ever. And then up next is Malwin. Yeah, Malwin is going to draw her bow and aim for the bloodhawk carrying the bag. Fucking best of luck, dude. You can't get me, I'm a hawk. But she rolls like shit. Told you. Yeah, and she whiffs it.

It's an incredible power of the hawk. Now up next is Calhane. And as I said, he is pretty pissed. Uh, so, um, Argo, make a Dex save for me. That is an 18 plus 7. That's 25. You lucky SOB. No, I'm just very. Dexterious.

And then, well, you know what? Everybody, all three of you actually make a deck saving throw as I'm looking at this spell. Is what is about to come out of him visible? I mean, well, yes, he is definitely making some magical maneuvers. You know he's about to cast a spell. Yep. Okay. 13 plus 2.

15. I got 11 plus 2, 13, but I have advantage on deck saving throws against things I can see. Oh, and that's 18 plus 2. Dirty 20. Okay. So all three of you save, and now I need to roll a bunch of dice. You could just fudge it. Okay, hold on.

Okay. Okay. You take half damage, so you each take 17 points. of fire damage as a fireball ignites the area in which you were standing? I am looking very bad. I was not at max health when all this started. Oh, and up next is Griffin. Please call me Fitzroy while we're playing.

Yes, of course. Up next is Fitzroy Maplecourt, knight in absentia of the realm of Goodcastle. Were we like knocked back or anything by the fireball? Uh, no. But now the, uh, the tent that you were standing behind the, um, Calhain's tent is a flame. Cool. So like, is there like a badass Sephiroth sort of effect as I walk towards him sort of slowly? Oh, absolutely. Totally. Okay, great. Um, yeah, I just kind of walk up to him and grab onto his loose wrist. Yep. And I say, look at my eyes, Calhane.

And as a bonus action, I rage. And I want to show him the sort of the power that I'm drawing from, because I think he will recognize the face of it. Okay. So yes, my wild surge, I rolled a six. Arcane energy taps into the minds of those around you. Each creature within 30 feet of you must succeed on a wisdom saving throw, or you see a glimpse of the creature's thoughts, learning how it plans to attack you.

As a result, the creature has disadvantage. It's a lot of stuff to save you from rolling. I'm really, I guess, only interested in Calhane. So roll a wisdom saving throw. That is a fail. So you see in this briefest moment that his plans were to, at first, everything is laid out before you. He was tasked with stealing the first apple to start a war. And then he was tasked with stealing the second apple.

He was not told why the second apple also needed to be stolen. But then he took the initiative and cursed you, Fitzroy, with the plan to frame the Thunderman. And Argo spotted it right away that the glove he was wearing is really, rooned for a curse. And it is the hand that you bonzed two episodes ago. Yeah. And this, his hand is the conduit, the glove is the catalyst.

And to break the curse, the hand and glove need to be destroyed. Yeah, sure. That was my bonus action. For my action, I look at him and just really try. try and show him all the sort of chaos I can muster in this moment. And really just to sort of freak his being, I say, you have failed me, Calhane. And I try to rip his arm off.

Okay. Make a contested strength check, but he has disadvantaged because of the damage that's already been done to him. And the excellent news is when I'm raging, I get advantage on strength checks. Okay. Uh, nine plus six, 15. Well, he rolled a Nat 20, but also a three. Yeah, I rolled, but it's funny.

Life is like that sometimes, because I also rolled a critical failure, uh, but I also rolled a 15. Uh, you make this eye contact with him. You say what you said that he has failed to you. And a look of pure terror crosses his face. as you rip his hand loose from his body. You fucking idiot. I fucking pranked. You just got pranked by the best of him, you dummy.

You dumb asshole. Curse me? In my house? This is my podcast. You're coming to my house and curse me? No, no, no. Having your hand ripped off of you is not fun. Yeah, isn't.

And I take an extra action, which isn't even allowed in the game, and I fucking eat his hand right in front of him. You eat it? Wait, hold on. Hum brew. Humbrough. No, I don't. I don't. I don't need a sand.

I am going to say. Do I feel better now that I have sort of gotten that part of his body off him? You do feel better. Once again, not 100%. You saw in your flash of vision, thanks to your wild turch, it needs to be destroyed. Oh, okay. Can I just, again, like a second bonus action to just kind of tap him with it and be like, Stop hitting yourself.

Maybe not, but, but. Next turn. Next turn. Yes. Roll an intimidation check. That's got to be one of the more intimidating things. With advantage. 16 plus 6, 22.

5 plus 6. 11. So 22. Everyone stops for a moment. They see this raging barbaric. standing over someone that they would have considered a powerful wizard. You have just ripped his hand loose from his body and terrified him as fire burns behind you. You are silhouetted by the flames raging through the tent.

And as you look across the eyes of these centaurs, you see the same fear of power that you saw long ago in the eyes of Sylvia Knight. And everyone falls back a step and lowers their weapons afraid of you. Yeah. That's right. This could be a hoof, too. I could get a hoof also to match. You wave the hand in their faces as you see this, and they all recoil.

You are splattered with blood as Calhane sits at your feet, weeping, holding the stump of his arm. And everyone takes another step back. I lean down to Calhane and I say, typically this is the part of the mystery where the bad guy sort of confesses everything that they've done. And so if you could be, if you could project because I believe I've scared everybody quite a fair distance away from us. And I pick them up by the scruff of the neck. Roll one more intimidation check with advantage. Two is bad. Nine plus six, 15.

Anything we can do to help? I don't know. Is there? I think Thunderman LLC sort of striking a group tableau. could be also a very powerful sort of topping to this severed hand cake that I'm baking up for. Okay, yeah. Do you want to do that as well, uh, Fearball? I'm a hawk, baby.

The, the problems of the terrestrial world have... Tobias, you've spent too long. They've grown increasingly less interesting to me. Can I hold up my... falconry glove that I'm wearing and just sort of hold it into you. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, and I'll land on that.

We do have one sort of pressing issue, and it's the bag that I'm assuming is on fire. The Bloodhawk swoops in and drops the flaming bag at your feet and lands upon your glove. And then what do you, do you, Argo?

Create water. I can create water right there all around the bag, Smother the flames. You create water as you pose defiantly. The steam rises. Smoke pours around Fitzroy as he looms in the face of Calhane. And Calhane says, almost in a whisper.

You're going to have to be louder than that. It was me. I stole the apple. Please don't. And? And. And I framed them. And I,

stole the first Apple 2 and? And? And I cursed I cursed Fitzroy. Anything else? Please don't hurt me anymore. Please. I don't know.

I wasn't really buying the motivation. You know, I didn't seem like he bought it. He really bought into it. No, I think the motivation is pretty much bulletproof. So, yep, there you have it, y'all. Tried to tell you. So, I guess, mission accomplished.

Sorry about the thunder. But, you know, play stupid games, get stupid prizes, you know? I want to make a beeline to Althea if the centa is, if the centaurs will allow it. As you move, the centaars move away from you. Okay. We may have some splaining to do. Althea,

so this is the thing that cursed me, what do we do we do with it? Should I just throw it in a tent fire? Because there's a few of those. Yeah. That, it just needs to be destroyed.

You want me to take the hand out of it first? Because it seems like it's bothering you. No, the hand needs to be destroyed as well. Oh, fortunate then. I walk over to the tent that's on fire, and I just kind of chuck the hand and glove into it. So the hand, the glove burned.

There is a flash of green fire for a moment, and then Akrid smoke rises from where you tossed it. And you feel as if a weight has been lifted. A weight that perhaps you were not even aware of during this fight has been lifted from you and now you just feel tired.

Oh yeah. I think the adrenaline rush has probably worn off at this point. That concludes our business with the center. Well, no, I guess we still need to find out about the apple, huh? Calhink did mention

that he had stolen a second apple. Right. But ultimately, not everybody's going to end up getting the apples that they want. It does seem like you need to find a solution to that, yes. A two would be better

than one, though, for sure. Statistically speaking. Yeah. Especially since we're going to steal one of them. Maybe. Perhaps. So, now as you're kind of benevolent to Yemen, it's been a while, may I remind you of a couple different

pieces of this that have come to light. Things that you have already discovered that now I... Yes, please. Will remind you. The centaurs of the woods burn the apple in a ritual sacrifice to the spirit of the scarlet woods. You spoke with the spirit of the scarlet woods.

They told you that they demand a sacrifice that is something that the person is unwilling to give. And the more rare or the more unwilling, the better the sacrifice is to them. The centaurs of the valley split open the apple to read the seeds and divine the future. the centaurs, Malwin and Arturis are the leaders of the two groups.

At one point, they were engaged to be married, but neither one was willing to give up control of the herd to be subservient to the other. Okay. I think I know how to kind of like get us to the next scene, if that's cool. I don't want to take the lead too much. No, please, take the lead. At this point, after like 18 intimidation checks, you are in the lead. Uh, okay. Griffin take the wheel.

Uh, now that I'm not holding, uh, a hand, by the way, is Calhane like trying to escape at all or is that something to worry about? Okay, cool. Uh, I address the crowd and I say, okay, so I can see that I have brought some serious distress, uh, myself and my, uh, my cohorts to this little gathering. And for that, I apologize. We are here on a mission to, um, to bring the two herds together.

And all we've been trying to do since we got here is get your two respective leaders in a room with each other to just talk it out. And I am wondering, in light of everything that has happened, if maybe we can prioritize that meeting for like right now, on preferably an tent that has not caught fire. We think that's doable? And Mauin nods and says, yes, I think that we can discuss, yes.

Cool. And Althea says, wait, hold on. Fitzroy before you go. And Althea lays hands on you and her hands begin to glow lightly. And you feel restored. Your wounds begin to close up. Your bruises feel less battered. And you get back to D8.

Hit point. Do you roll that or do I roll that? I will do it. Oh, man. Myself. Yeah, go ahead and roll it. You get back forward. Can we get in on this action?

Yeah, you know what? Everyone, let's make this. a mass healing word and everybody gets back 10 points of damage Wow, very benevolent hate things and so then the

what, the Rhodes, Calhane Argo, Fitzroy, Fearbug, Althea, Malin and Arturis all move to the tent for a slightly more private, less blood-soaked discussion.

At this point, Althea has kindly, compassionately, ceased the blood flow from Calhane so that he is not going to bleed out. He has been bound. He has been shackled. And he is present in the tent with you as well. Yeah, I mean, I still would like to talk to him about his employer.

but this takes precedent. Can we skip the us telling, like I think we would want to tell them what we saw in this, what we heard from the spirit in the woods, right? Yeah, I think, I think, don't you think we can skip right to the whole, the point of the matter,

which was somebody's got to sacrifice something. Yeah, I would like to just skip the us trying to explain what we saw in the spirit of the woods and just say that we told them there's no reason for us to, there's no reason for us to hide anything anymore, except for maybe that we really would like to take one of them there. apples. So you relay this information to them, the conversation you had with the spirit of the

Scarlet Woods. They are also absolutely, especially Malin, just blown away by the fact that the spirit directly communicated with you. The spirit doesn't even communicate with the centaurs. The centa, the spirit has never, as far as they know, spoken to mortals. And they once again reference, like, the fact that one of you was able to call to the spirit and actually get its attention is nothing short of a miracle. Then I'd like to do a persuasion check. That is a 19. And I add two to that. So that's a 21. That is very persuasive. So what are you attempting to persuade it? So here's what I'm thinking. I think that the sacrifice that, that the spirit needs is for one of you to sacrifice leadership.

Let's face it, I mean, you could still do both of the activities with an apple. You could cut in and half, read the seeds, and then burn the two halves. It at least seems to me, but one of you needs to make the sacrifice of being in charge, and that should be the sacrifice that'll appease the tree. And Arturis turns and says, I'm not willing to sacrifice. I mean, turns back to now and it says, I love you. I still do. And I would partner with you still.

But it remains the same. I am not willing to give up leadership. The centaurs of the valley are stronger with me. than they've ever been. I am not willing to put my herd at risk just because I love you. I can't do that. And Malwin says, I feel the same arturis. I cannot risk the anger of the spirit.

I cannot put my herd. at risk, even if it means not being with you. I ask Calhane, so where's the second apple, the other one? It's hidden in the camp of the Centaurs of the Valley. I was going to discover it and cause war. Okay. Can someone fetch that? Deanna gets the location from him, and she heads out. to find it hidden. It is buried behind Arturus's tent, and Deano returns with it. So now both

apples are present. So there's your two apples. We could just hand those over, and then that would, you know, that would satisfy your respective rituals, and that would be all fine and dandy. But it does kind of seem like this division between the two of your herds is not especially healthy. So, and I pick up one of the apples and I take a bite out of it. They both react in shock. I spit the bite out on the ground and drop just, like, disrespectfully as possible, drop that apple. And I say, okay, now there is one apple. So you can either go to war and kill each other over it, or you can.

finally, like adults, talk your whole thing over and find a way to govern your herd, maybe together, in a way that is best for everyone. By the way, it wasn't even that good. It was pretty mealy, if I'm being honest, and a bit bitter. So, like, I know you've been wondering what the apple tastes like. I'm here to tell you not. Awesome. You hear Rhodes kind of chuckle a little bit behind you.

She thought that was very funny. Oh, thank you, Rhodes. Malwin looks at Arturis and says, I don't know that I can change who I am. And Artura says, I don't know that I would want you to. And they begin talks. they begin negotiations of if there is a way for them both to remain in as leaders of their respective herds but still work together to become more of a symbiotic herd where one relies

on the other instead of this constant bickering, this pushing back and forth, push me, pull you sort of relationship. And it is not a brief conversation. Time passes. The conversation goes long into the night past that six-hour mark. And you, Fitzroy, are down for the count. You sleep harder than you've ever slept in your life, a dreamless sleep. But not completely.

occasionally you see within the pitch blackness of nothing, a pair of all the white eyes, winking. When you awake the following afternoon, you've been asleep for about 12 hours. You feel rested, but your body is still weak, your mind still hazy. And Althea has been keeping watch over you to make sure that you were safe.

And so of your friends. Argo has been standing by your bedside, Fairbog guarding the door. I changed back into a fairbog. Sorry, I kept me. Does it hurt when your bones sort of... No. Feels kind of good, like stretching.

I look up at Argo and say, we've got to stop meeting like this. And spend a lot of time hanging out at your bedside. I know. I'm a frail. I'm a frail creepy. Argo, I heard what you said to me in some far off distant part of my consciousness while I was suffering from the curse. And we obviously have a lot to talk about.

But I just have. I just have one thing to say to you right now, Argo. Tell me you picked up the pieces of the apple that I took a bite out of. Of course I did. Oh, yes. I have very high sleight of hand skills. And when they were all in deep discussion, I picked them up. Yeah, I got them in my pocket.

Cool. I even put the piece back on the other piece. Oh, that's great. If you could hand me that whole sort of situation, and I take the apple and I cast mending on it, which repairs a single break or tear in an object that I touch, such as a broken chain link, two halves of a broken key or apple. It says here key or apple. That's funny. As long as the tear is no larger than one foot in any dimension, you mend it, leaving no trace of the former damage. You have yourself a fixed, whole perfect apple.

As you slip the apple into your bag. Can I say, well, this ought to keep the teacher. Oh, God. My body hurts so bad. Every bone hurts so bad. As you exit the tent, you are met by Arturis and Malwin standing together. Malin says, it's still early, but there has been a lot of progress. And Arcturus says,

the future of the centaurs of the valley has become a lot more certain with the assistance of the centaurs of the woods. And we don't need any seeds to tell us that. And you see that Malwin is holding the single apple. And Mauin says, we are going to aid the centaurs with our resources and with our stores, and we will be assisting them in the hunt and allowing them use of the hunting grounds in the woods so that they can be prepared for whatever the future brings.

Forgive my question, but what of the love you shared? Is there any hope of this? They smile at each other. And Malin says, yes, I think so. Extra credit. Now, before you leave, would you like to speak with Calhain one last time. Yes.

Calhane is brought before you in chains now. You aren't quite sure what the centaurs have plans as far as containing him, but you know it will not be pleasant. And they have said that you can meet with him one last time because, of course, you have questions. It's all three of us, yes. Correct. Did you, at any point, relay what you saw in the mirror, Fearbul? We had a long night. I probably, yeah.

I mean, I know it seems cheap to say like, yeah, yeah, definitely. But, like, I mean, what else is they going to talk about? Yeah. Yeah, I think he probably mentioned that to everyone. I don't really know who should take the lead here. Here, I'll talk to him, unless you want to, Dad. Do you want to? No, I was just going to say that before we enter the tent that Argo puts on a little performance.

So as they approach the tent, Argo says, listen, I got a little something that might help, you know, chum the water a little bit. Hold on. This would be a performance check. That is a another 13. Wow. Plus two. So that's a 15. Oh, listen.

We got it off here. Let's just kill him. Just kill him. Just go in there, kill him. I mean, he hasn't coming to him. He deserved no mercy. I'll do it. I mean, I've got, I'm bristling with blades and I'm a rogue.

I could, I mean, and if you feel bad about it, he doesn't even have to know, because I have a thing called sneak attack that I never do right. But maybe it'll work this time. So let's just, what do you say? Let's just go in and kill him, okay? We did not discuss killing him. I'm certain it would not be permitted by the centaurs. Well, I'm, you know, why was this not disgust and yet you act as though it is

settled. Well, you know, listen, if you got... I do not know. Okay, well, then I guess it's a bad idea. I'm sorry that I put something before the company. I should have put it in a memo first. You are acting very strangely. Why was this not disgust until when we were out of earshot?

And then he winked. Furbel can't put none. I'm trying to scare him a little. He's doing a lie. He's doing a lie. I'm lying so you don't have to, see? Oh, this is sub-derfee, which. And he'll be a little bit more malleable,

and then if you want to talk to him, maybe he will, you know, because he's a little scared, you know, maybe he'll be more honest with you. Oh, excellent. I'm sorry, Ferbul, I should have brought it up earlier. My bad. Let's just go in and, you know, see where the moment takes me. I throw open the flap of the tent.

Do you flip the tent over? No, I thought about it. but I don't want to be a hack and repeat myself. So I throw open the flap of the tent and I stride over to Calhane. And I pull out the mirror and I activate it. And I say, tell them. Tell them what? Tell them what?

Tell them that you have filed. Calhane. Calhane, do you have it? What has happened? And I had it, and then I, I, I, I, I cursed Fitzroy as a distract, you what? I, I cursed Fitzroy as a distraction. And then I was discovered and, um, they, they broke the curse curse and they got, back both apples.

Um, they, they know everything. I see. Are they listening now? And Calhane looks at you, Fearbulk. We are. I see. Well, I am disappointed. And this is going

this is going to move the timeline up a bit. And Calhane begins to shake violently. Black ooze pours out of his tear ducts and his nostrils and the corners of his mouth. He tries to scream, but he seems like he is drowning. and then his body falls over and is still. And the voice in the mirror says, I suppose I'll see the three of you back at school soon.

And the mirror clicks off. I fear we may have detention. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned, audience supported.