The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 18: Field Trip

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

The Thundermen have escaped the demons and have flown to safety on the backs of their equine friends. Time for a rest and a briefing from a new ally. Seems that a rescue is in order. Stealth mode engaged!The Unknown Forest is no longer safe. The fellas have been lied to. War is on the horizon. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary. Previously on the Adventure Zone graduation, the Thundermen went on a real-world assignment and worked with some centaurs to prevent a war over some magical apples. Turns out, an evil wizard named Calhane, who was working for a demon prince, had stolen the apples. This presented an additional problem for the Thundermen because they were hoping to steal one of the apples themselves. You see, Higlmiss Wiggenstaff told them that he needed it to save his brother, who had been transformed into a dog after the demon prince cursed him,

disguised himself as Hieronymus, and took over the school. Working together, the Thundermen were able to stop the wizard, recover both apples, and head home. But just when it seemed like the fellas had it all figured out, a squad of demons attacked the tavern they were hanging out at. Luckily, they had help from some friends, and they were able to catch a ride with some Pegasuses.

In the sky, everything is surreal. Your bruised bodies begin to relax, and you are aware of an even deeper soreness. Your bones and blood seem to ache, and all you want is to sleep, but you can't unless you went to risk, slipping from the backs of your equine saviors. Breeze, via the Fearbulk, has made introductions. The Fearbulk rides the Shire Horse, named Snow on the Mountain. Argo is astride the Peruvian Passo, named, fittingly, Storm at Sea. Fitzroy is riding breeze through the willow.

After taking to the air, they headed in the direction of the school. You weren't sure what you expected to see as you approached the complex. Destruction, flaming wreckage, an epic battle of good versus evil, but it looks exactly like it would on any other night, like it did when you left. The Pegasai winged their way past the school and towards the unknown forest. Before long, they begin their descent into a small clearing. It is an oasis of light in a sea. Sea of darkness, with the moon's light illuminating the area.

The others should be right behind us, says Breeze through the Willows, only this time it is in all of your heads and not just the fear bulbs. What the f—what the hell? Oh, sorry, I should have warned you. Here in the clearing, it's possible for anything to communicate with anyone and vice versa. So I could talk to, like, that rock over there? I mean, I guess I should say anything sentient. Oh, listen to you.

You give somebody a brain and a voice, and all of a sudden they think they're better than all the rocks. Ooh. No, I'm just josh and. Are our friends dead, do you think? Or I do feel a little bit guilty for just kind of dipping out of that situation. Definitely seemed like they all had boners for murdering specifically the three of us. And I don't want to to do my own horn,

but maybe specifically myself. But we did just kind of say like, hey, good luck with the apparently infinite number of demons. There were others sent to get your friends. They should be along right behind us. Are you okay? Is everyone okay? Yeah, all things considered.

I'm fine. Probably could use some healing? Oh, yes, of course. Um, if you check in that basket there, there's some healing items there, uh, some potions and whatnot. Fearball gets so good to see you again. And Breeze of the Willows, nuzzles you gently. You have grown so swiftly. I, I've needed to get strong here.

Primo ride, got to say, breeze. Smooth sailing the whole way through. I thought saddleless, it was going to hurt in my bathing. suit zone, but it wasn't. It felt, it was nothing. It was like nothing. It was perfectly smooth up there. And I just want to say thank you for me.

Well, I am so glad to hear Fitzroy that your bathing suit area is perfectly smooth. No, it's your back was smooth on my bathing suit area. Oh, okay. I understand now. So, yeah, are we like, is this like a demon-free zone or, because they seem to have a beat on us? Yes. the Guardian keeps the clearing free of threats. You'll be safe here.

That's great, because we do need some time to come up with a game plan. Not sure how well-versed in all this demon business you three fine equine friends are, but it's a little bit worse, a little bit worse of an infestation that I think we originally thought. Yes, we are unfortunately very aware of the demon situation. Who sent you to get us? How did you know to come save us?

The Guardian. The Guardian sent us on Higgleness's behest. I mean, I thought the Guardian was just a sort of like metaphorical, metaphorist-al, that's nothing. I'm sorry about that. Thing, but you're saying that the Guardian was just like, just dispatched you? I called you up on the horse phone? Yes. The Guardian is a...

an ancient and powerful being that keeps or has cat the unknown forest safe for creatures for nature to be protected from the world of man until the demons came. Men are the worst.

Indeed, they are. You hear in your head. And it is very deep, very sonorous, and uh, Fearbug roll

a perception check for me. Yes. I, for some reason, had not thought to prepare any dice for today's Dungeons and Dragons. Why would we need them? It's just Dungeons of Dragons. A Dungeons Adventure.

Today's adventure. I thought it was just kind of a chill horse sash. Yeah. I had at first planned about 45 minutes of just horse talk, but I shortened that. Yeah, you saved it all from

my brother, my brother of me. Yeah. 12 plus 719. You actually have heard this voice in your head before. On the first night of school, when you did the initiation ritual and carved on the tree, this is the voice from the being you heard in the woods. Ooh. Okay.

Oh, so we just heard the voice of the guardian. Correct. Oh, okay. Now look as hard as you can You cannot see the Guardian anywhere And Breeze sees you looking around When you hear the voice and says The Guardian will keep itself hidden

It does not allow itself to be seen Because Its appearance is unsettling I mean we take all kinds here We're not here to judge And you hear the Sauna's voice once more in your head say millennia ago

I was hunted because of my appearance that is why I came here to the unknown forest to keep myself and others safe from those who hunt I do not show myself now

but it looks like a giant gummy bear everybody's like yum yum yum yum yum give me some that make that huge sentient McRib. Okay, well, let's not press the issue. I don't want to be a real stick in the mud. There's a really beautiful and serene situation that you have going on here, three flying horses, mystical, protective spirit, loving all of that. But there are very pressing matters at hand, vis-à-vis a demon prince occupying the school where all of our friends are currently sleeping,

I assume. And so I think it would be pertinent for us to figure out how to explode him or at least get back to Higlemus and find out what sort of plans. He's got like we, I kind of want to get a move on. It is worse than you know. Higlmiss and his brother, Hieronymus, have been taken captive by the demon prince. He called to me and asked for assistance. and told me to retrieve you. So Higgelmiss and the dog brother, right? Correct. Okay, okay. Just want to keep the player straight. Why taking captive?

Why not just kill them? And how were they taking captive? He had wards all over his office. I do not know. Our connection was cut short before I could collect further details. Okay. You see a shape backlit by the moon. as another steed lands in the clearing.

This one, a dappled gray horse with Althea astride. When they land, she dismounts and breeze asks, Thaw of the Spring, where is Night of No Clouds? Thaw of Spring answers that Night of No Clouds took the wear bear moon directly to a healer, and Althea explains, he was in bad shape. He'll live, he'll be fine, but it was getting pretty dire. Okay. It's good to see that the three of you are safe.

Yeah, big ups for the heel. Really put a spring back in my step. Althea, we can sit around here and talk about how bad things are, and that there's demons everywhere, but that's not going to make there be less demons. So what do you think we need? What should we do? I wish I had a quick answer for you. It's starting to get, and I'm not telling you anything you don't know, complicated.

I am at your disposal. I can assist you in whatever you need here, or I can head back and see if I can muster any support amongst the bureaucrats at the heroic Oversight Guild. We're past that, I think. We're probably well past the aid that bureaucrats could send us. They have infinite demons. I don't know. You could bind them

with red tape. Could I make an investigation check? Because you can do anything. The only limit is your imagination. Okay. Then I want a flying Wonkavator. No. I want to make some kind of check to know

more about this guardian. Okay. Is this the first time we've encountered the Guardian? Because I don't see The Guardian written down on any of my copious nodes. This is the first time that you have officially been introduced to the Guardian, but the Fearborg spoke briefly with the Guardian on the first night of school, though it was not aware at the time that that was what was going on. Okay, then let me do this.

Fearbug, do you vouch for this Guardian? I mean, are they cool? Are they cool, man? Are you asking if they have truthfulness in their heart? I think that's what I said. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, are they, should we trust them? I mean, are they good folks?

Kind of sounded like you were asking if the Immortal Guardian of the Woods had drugs on them that you can have a party. Are you asking, do they party? And how hard? Somewhere of Festo twitches. Just like, what? Huh? Someone's a party?

I do not know. Okay. I have trusted too much this year, I think. I think I will only trust my eyes. All right. then Argo's going to make an investigation check into the Guardian. Are you trying to see them? Yeah.

How about an insight check? Insight check. Yeah. It doesn't make a difference. It's a one. It's a critical thing. Cool, cool, cool. You get a migraine from thinking too hard and take too hard.

No, no, that happens a lot. Can we talk to anybody? Yes. Can I ask Storm at sea? Sure. Because I want to hear a new character. voice. Okay, great. So far, I've just been doing kind of slightly deeper, but sure. Yeah. Stormy, tell me about, uh, okay.

Okay. Okay. So are they all right? Are you asking me if the guardian is all right? Yeah, I am. Because like, like Furbulk said, every time we trust somebody, we turn around and they're, they're stabbing us the back, so I want to know if they're all right. I'm going to stop you right there, fella. You're new here, so I'm going to let that slide. But without the Guardian, we don't be dead. Do you understand that? The creatures of this forest owe their lives to the Guardian.

It's been fighting off demons left and right. It's been keeping this forest safe for beyond what you mortals could count. This is our home, and the Guardian has. made it safe for us all these years. So if you're asking me if I think you should trust the guardian, I think you should feel bad for even doubting it. Well, I don't, but I mean, we didn't know. How was I supposed to know any of that? I mean, I'm writing on your back, so I'm not going to accuse you of having a bad attitude. But hey, look, we just wanted to know, just asking the question. Because I am new around here. We came and saved your life.

because of the guardian. And the first thing you do is show... And Breeze kind of steps over and just kind of gently leans against Storm, and you see Storm kind of huff and walk away. And Breeze says, you'll have to forgive him. It's been difficult here. It's been tough for us. The herd was once far larger.

what happened. Can I get, can I waiter a guess? Was it demon related? The demons came to this sanctuary. The unknown forest is not unknown by chance. The, the Guardian's magic makes it difficult to navigate and somehow the demons are not affected by this. They came to this peaceful place and they.

wreaked havoc upon it. The danger has been growing for some time, but it has increased exponentially in the last year. Okay, so Guardian or Flying Horse friends, do you know where Higelmiss has been taken? When last I heard from him, he was being held captive in his office. Oh, so he's in the school.

Correct. Okay. Well, let's go say, let's just go smash in there, save him, right? It's got a ward. We just hop in through the window. What's wrong? Wait, wait, why don't we sneak in? Why don't we use my tremendous roguing skills? Loving that. Okay. How about if we use my acceptable roguing skills and my plus 10 to stealth? and maybe try to scope out the situation and see what we can find out before we go crashing and bashing and smashing since we don't seem to be real good at

crashing and smashing and bashing hack it and whacking and slashing Which one of you beautiful equine associates would you say the sneakiest? Because we just hop on your backs. I know which one it is not the big right white one

The one that The one that talked earlier Like such a goofball Okay You just will hop on your backs And you can fly us there And we'll you know And the guardian says

I do not know If that plan is wise The Pegasus are Powerful and beautiful And very conspicuous But I may be able to help I have

spent countless eras perfecting the skill of hiding. And you have my blessing. And you feel fuzzy. Not in your skin, but in your being, in your very presence. And you have gained advantage on your stealth checks. Okay. Okay. It's a good start.

And you, who's holding the notebook of Far Speech? Who was holding? I don't even, I feel like I've changed hands a few times. I don't think I've ever had it, if that helps you let's go out. Then let's say Fitzroy. Okay. You feel a buzzing from the notebook in your back. I open it up and try to remember who I gave the other one to.

On the back page, there is a note, and the note reads, Are you guys okay? I was working in the infirmary when they brought in moon. He told me what happened. Rainier. Thank you for signing your name at the end. I'll be straight with you. I forgot who I gave the other book to.

And oh, shit, ran out of room. Hold up. I wait for it to fade. It fades. Okay, anyway, if this really is Rainier, tell me something, only Rainier would know, not trying to give up our loke to demo. I ran out of room again.

But I think she understands. It comes back. You're overly obsessed with crapes and afraid of my raccoon skeleton. I write back, nice try. Everyone knows those two things. Literally everyone. Nice try, Demon King. I'll see you in hell.

She writes back two words, hot mint. That works for me. Okay. Yeah, so we're in the woods with some flying horses and the immortal spirit of the woods. and we're gonna be there soon, and if you could cause some sort of big distraction, that would be amazing. A big distraction?

Yes. I can do that, exclamation point, without heart dotting the bottom of the exclamation point. I write very quickly, nothing spooky with a lot of bones that we might have to account. Too late. Droid, did you tell right in the air? Nothing spooky.

I tried, but I think we may... Without underline. I did. Nothing spooky. Good. Um, okay. All right. Let's, uh, let's get moving. As you approach the school, you are coming from the north, passing the sidekick and

Hinchperson dorms as well as Groundsy the groundskeeper's hut. Even though it is quite late, you see light bleeding. from beneath the door to the hut. I want to do perception real quick. 17 plus 7. As you move closer to the school, you become aware of patrols of devil dogs prowling the grounds.

Now, the good news is they are patrolling in single groups. So there's one at a time, so you won't need to worry about getting past like six of them at once. But you will need to either sneak past them or engage them in

combat. I don't want to do that. They're a bunch of dogs. Well, they're... Wait, are they... Is devil dogs like a cute name, or are they... No, they're fiends. They're devils. They're devils. They're dogs, but devils. I mean, they're still sweet puppers with beautiful toe beans, and I'd ask you to respect that. Let me read this. The devil dog is a terrifying creature with a brow containing three sets of eyes and a long snoutful of jagged alligator-like teeth. Red leathery skin stretches across the skull and the disproportionate body, and a skeletal red tail slings. behind it as it hunts the layers of hell.

Yeah, that sounds bad. And also a delicious chocolate-y treat with cream filling from hostess. I would murder a deviled out right now, actually. We all would, yeah. Oh, I would love it. I would suggest we try to sneak past it. Let me lead the way.

I mean, anything we can do to goose the numbers a little bit would be great. Master Fearable, do you have any sort of like distract dogs? This is, I don't think there's a spell called distract dogs. They are not, if I could clarify for myself, they're not animals, right?

Trave, like, these are demons. They're demons, yes. Some of my, like, cool animal abilities would be helpful here. And don't forget, you have Rainier at your disposal to help distract.

What am I going to do whistle and just fucking with a sniper rifle from the roof? You have the book to communicate through. You have a two-way communication system with her that you used but five seconds ago. had a plan. I didn't know if that involved, you know, being able to help us with this.

Okay. Let's just sneak. Right? So make a group stealth truck for me. May I? I mean, all three. I mean, everybody rolls? Yes.

Okay. 14 plus 10, 24. Yeah. And I have, don't we have advantage? on that? 15 plus 2, 17. Oh, that's a Nat 20. Holy shit.

Great. Not even going to roll the advantage. This is the first time I've rolled physical dice in months. All of you succeeded, and so you sneak right on by the first one. You are now...

Let's paint a word picture. We're crouched down in that music, that dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I don't like it. No. I'm very tense. It's a little silly.

I like my D&D like I like my men. Serious and full of dogs. Huh. Like in a, like a Meet Dave situation? Serious and full of satanic dogs. You are now across the courtyard from the main school. You're hiding behind the large tree that the fearwalk has fallen asleep against numerous times. Oh, I thought you're about to say right now.

Like, shit. Damn. Damn, that's a bad look. He is laid back. There are a dog patrolling from the west as well as from the east. They won't be like crossing right in front of the door or anything, so it's not impossible to get by. But you will probably need to sneak one at a time in order to make it successfully. That is a 10 plus 10, dirty 20. So yes, Argo has made it across safely.

Fearbug, after you? Sure. 16 plus 2. 18. The fearwalk has made it across safely. We have advantage, yes. Correct. Yeah, it's a 9 plus 2, 11, probably not sufficient.

No. 13 plus 2, 15. As you go, you see one of the devil dogs start to turn your way sniffing when a skeletal fox darts in front of it, and the devil dog begins chasing the fox, panting after it, and barking wildly. and you make it across safely. Cool. I write in the book.

Thanks again. Wish it could have been a little bit more meat on them, bones. But thank you. Well, puppies love bones. Sure. Fantastic. You have now made it to the entrance,

to the annex, the Hinchperson and psychic annex at the top of which is Higelmiss's office. There is a Gary there, and I don't know if you want to interact to the Gary. or sneak by. I'm going to leave that up to you. While we have a moment, I should have done this earlier, and I'm going to go ahead and just say,

I'm sorry to everybody. But I'm going to cast pass without trace. That's a good one. That's a good one to have. Yeah, I should have defo cast that before. But I will cast it now, and that is almost better in a way, because I'm casting it. Do you want to tell the audience what that spell does? Yes, Griffin. This is going to, the veil of silence and shadow radiates from me. And everybody within 30 few of me that I choose has a plus 10 bonus to dexterity checks

and can't be tracked except by magical means. And we leave behind no footsteps. That's good too if you're like going through like a national park or something. Sure. Yeah, it's true, Travis. Leave only footprints? Fuck no. No, not even that.

What am I some sort of footprint polluter? No way, man. Leave nothing. Leave literally nothing. Just corpses. Wait. Whoa. Holy shit.

Yeah, how was your time of the Grand Canyon? It was okay. It was weird. Chocca block. Had to kill all those people. I was trying to take a cool panoramic photo and the corpses kept getting in the ding-dang way. Is there a way in the D&D sheets do like a temporary bonus? to something?

Or do you just have to add it? You just kind of have to add it. Just kind of have to add it. Yeah, just kind of have to add it. So are you going to sneak by the Gary or interact with the Gary? I mean, if we don't sneak, the Gary is going to interact with us either way. It feels like he's a loud fucking statue and he's like, sometimes he does, he's not the most discreet or tactful individual.

So I wonder if I can just kind of like approach very carefully with like a finger up to my mouth. Like, fully saying with my body language, Gary, be for once in your fucking life, be cool. Hey. We don't have to do this, Gary. We do not require your services. Oh, okay.

I was just going to say hello to my best friend, Fierborg. And it is the Gary wearing sunglasses and a little hat that you befriended earlier. There's a cool Garebog, there's a cool, Gary. Hello, cool Gary.

Looking very cool today. Hey, thanks. You help me keep the sun out of my eyes, buddy. I really appreciate it. Hey, no problem. Listen, I need you to be your coolest yet. Hey. Do not tell the other Gary's that we are here.

Well, I wouldn't normally do that, but for me, My buddy the fear bog, you got it, pal. And he gives you a big stony thumbs up. I will forever live in your dead for not asking me why. Friends trust each other. This is very wise, Coagery. You are, I have a mind bigger than your diminutive stone form. Okay.

So he's holding, though, because he's cool. He's definitely holding. I've got a bunch of stone drugs. Sure. Are we outside of... He loves to get stone. Yeah, that would have been better. Are we outside of Hinghamus' office?

So you now have snuck your way in. You just have a couple sets of stairs and a hallway betwixt you and the office door. I'm going to play this, like, as cautious as possible. and send my crab drone up there to get a lay of the land and see through its eyes. Snippers makes its way up the stairs. And it's kind of funny because, you know, it's stairs. I give him a toss up this. I'm not going to make him walk up the fucking stairs.

Well, it was going to be cute. Okay. And when he gets to the hallway, it is empty. Is it Snippers? Is it really empty? Snipers. What do your crab eyes see? And remember what we talked about, critical thinking skills?

Do you remember Snippers? And with his, like, really looking, roll a perception check for Snivers for me, I guess? Oh, boy. It's 11 plus 3, 14. I'm giving him my perception. Yeah, I think that that makes sense. Yeah, it's not a hard spot there.

On the floor and the walls and stuff, there are little sigils kind of done in what looks like black ink. Okay. In various tiny spots all along the corridor. I'm going to roll an arcana check

to see if I recognize them. Oh, that's very good. 19 plus two. I guess it's an intellect check and that ain't a dynamic speed, but yeah, 21. They are magical trip wires. You can see that they are paired off across the

hallway, vertical, horizontal, and diagonal, that they are kind of, you know, they're laser sensors, but magical. Can I, do I recognize, like, what they will trip? Their signal sigils, uh, not damage. They're more of a, like an alarm. Um, okay, cool. It's gonna be that long to remember the word alarm. Ugh. Signal, their signal, signal, uh, alarms. Crime. The crime. The crime's, Stoppers, crime tellers. You know, clang clang bells. Wong, Wong, Wong, you know.

You know, claxons. Fuck, how do you remember claxons? Claxons, clax off. Would it be possible to get snippered? I think there is precedent for this maneuver. Can I maneuver snippers around those tripwires and get him into the actual office, like under the door? It would be pretty easy for him to maneuver around them. I mean, they're set up for full-sized people.

A full grown. Okay, yeah. But I will also tell you with his perception check that it is very clear that someone has done a nailed up a board across the bottom of the door. Are you telling me that somebody has installed a fucking Snippers prevention device specific specifically for this one like thing? This one incident. Someone did and it is Travis. Well, let me ask you a question, Griffin. Yeah.

Have you done this before and sent Snippers under specifically Higgled Miss Wigginsstaff, very paranoid person's door. He did not fucking know. He did not clock this crab. You don't know that. I'm going to make snit. Fuck it. I'm still going to put, I'm going to put Snippers there and I'm going to make Snippers push as hard as he fucking can to try and pry this board off because he's a strong little sum of it.

All right. Here's the shirt. It's big picture of snippers and just in a circle around him are the words, you will not clock this crab. Big Johnson. All right. Fine. I fucking dispel it.

TM. TM. I say, my weak crab. has located tripwires. I will point them out to you when we make it to the thing, but I'm very cross, and don't ask me why. It's complicated.

I think Argo would try to disarm them. They're magical sigils. Then they do not have gears or gizmos or wires. So unless can you smudge the ink, maybe? If you can make it past the wire and on the other side of it, you can reach the sigil without activating the trip wire.

So if Argo wants to do a dexterity check to see if he is able to, you know, Zeta Jones's way through those babies to disarmine. Considering he has an additional plus 10 on top of what I imagine is already a pretty stellar dexterity modifier. It is. It's okay. Yeah, I would, that, I'm thinking more along the lines of the guy in Oceans 12. Oh, yeah, the Sasha Barron Co. and dance. No, that's not him.

Who is that guy? It's not? No, but that guy, yeah. I mean, with the French guy, the Fox. The French guy, yeah. Yeah. We all know who you're talking about that.

Yeah, okay, so I think he's going to do that. And if I was going to do that, I need, yeah. Vincent Castle. Vincent Casals? Yeah, Casal. That's something. I need some kind of cool jazzy music for some, I need one of you guys to give me some cool jazzy.

music. No. Okay. I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah, I got it. Okay. Here he is the stentliest guy in the world. Okay. Yeah, there we're okay. Okay. The sexual powerhouse. That's 15 plus four dexterity. That makes it a 19. I think he's dude, you won't see him coming, but you'll see his incredible body.

I hope that his big, big, dingle-dangle doesn't fall out of his pants and trip all of the fires. This secret dad is my dad with an incredible body, sexual bad. You won't see him coming, but you'll hear him coming. Sexual dad. He's half genie. And three-fourth super lover. That's an hour, one-and-a-quarter pleasure journey. You're able to...

With my sexual dad! It got too loud for stealth at some point. Yeah, you still made it past. Okay. Oh, thank God. So you are able to clear the trip wires and make way for the others to follow. Okay, do I smudge out the run? Do you?

I assumed you did. Yeah. Let me smudge out that room. Yeah, smudge it. Yeah. It's smudged. Okay, so now you've all reached the door. I mean, knocking's not great.

Can we let? Yeah, I'll just fucking listen. I forgot. I put my ear up to the door. Roll a perception check for me. 11 plus 3, 14. You don't really hear anything discernible. Is there a keyhole?

Yes. I'm going to look through the keyhole. That's 17 plus 2. It's another 19. Okay. You look through the keyhole. It is dark, but you are able to make out some figures at the back of the room. But towards where the last time you were there, you know Higgleness's desk to be.

How many figures? It seems like three. Are they moving? No. There's three figures in there towards the back of the room, back where the desk, where Higelmish usually sits, and they're not moving. Loving that. Is the door locked?

Are you testing it? Careful. Be very careful about what you say next. I think I need to do some kind of check to detect if there's a trap. Hey, there's my guy. That's my thief boy. I will tell you this. There is a crab-proof plank at the bottom of the door, which is a sort of trap.

Roll an investigation check for me. 17 plus three, dirty-20. Man, I'm killing it today. Through examining the latch, the door, the keyhole, all these things, you can see that here is no trap. the door is unlocked. We have hesitated long enough, and I open the door. When you enter, the torches flare on dramatically. You see Higlemus sitting facing his desk with his back to you.

His shoulders are slumped. And sitting at his desk and looking directly at you is phoronimus. But looking quite different than the last time you saw him. His skin has turned the color and pattern of slate that has been splashed with liquid. His ears are pointed, his teeth are sharp, and his eyes are shining, and he appears to have sprouted a pair of horns from his forehead. He is smiling at you and seemingly, absent-mindedly, petting Hero the dog. Finally, he says, I've been waiting all night. I sent so many escorts for you, but no, you had to do it your way.

I throw a firebolt at him. I'm not fucking with this dude. He almost killed me today. So I'm going to attack him with a magical bolt of fire. Just to see how he likes it. That is a 16 plus 6.22. If that doesn't hit, let's leave. Let's leave the room immediately.

It does connect in his shoulder. And how much does that hit him for? It hits him for 14 points of fire damage. It hits him and he looks down. as his lapel on his jacket begins to burn. Hey, your shit's on fire. Well, now, that's not very nice. That's not what I was expecting from gentlemen such as you, Fitzroy-Nap-Bor.

I'm going to stab this dude. He's just talking. We can hit him. Now, listen, I understand your vehement towards me, and we could engage in a combat right here and right now. That probably wouldn't fare too well for all of the sleeping students here, with my demons housed in the hallways waiting to kill them if you challenge me. But sure, we could do that. Is that what you want?

No. No, it's not what I want either. I'm gonna roll insight to see if he's fucking bluffing about these demons. Go for it. 14 plus nothing, 14. It's pretty clear to you that he is not bluffing. He is maintaining eye contact with you. There's no tells whatsoever.

And he says, but I will do you the kindness of getting straight to the point. I have been waiting a long time. for a fight that has not been happening. I have been waiting for Hieronymus to recover, for Higelmiss to fix him, so that we can once again begin our struggle of good and evil, everything that makes life fun for me. But no, I have been stuck here waiting. but no more. Tonight begins the end.

And he smiles very broadly with his sharp and shiny teeth. Demon Prince, first of all, is there a better, a demon prince feels like, I understand it's your title and I don't want to be disrespectful. Wait, I do.

It's a stupid name. So like, do you have a name name? Demon Prince is a title. You can call me gray. Gray. Sounds a lot like Greg. And I'm going to slip that up a few times and I hope you're okay with that.

I am. Okay. Why were you pretending to be Hieronymus for this long if you're just Jonesing for a fight? Well, the honest answer is 50 years ago when I tried to kill Hieronymus for the umpteenth time, I knew it probably wasn't successful. I had no proof, mind you. but Hieronymus had evaded death so many times. It was becoming annoying,

and so I infiltrated the school to confirm his death. And then I couldn't confirm his death because Higgleness, the coward, hid away here in his warded office. So I had to wait. I had to know. And as time passed, I began to see the opportunity.

here. You see, I crave conflict. And I saw an opportunity here to influence some of the future most powerful people on Nua.

And there was an opportunity here, and I took it. But I tell you, it has not been fun. It has been grueling and achingly slow. More so than I normally feel with the seeds of conflict I sow. Even the tree that I planted for the centaurs has been sitting there for millennia, but I didn't have to do anything about it.

It just waited until I needed it. I mean, maybe you should consider a career change. I think you've done a pretty bang-up job of managing this place. It's not easy being a school administrator. I think that maybe you should think about it. you know, attending a, you know, professional sort of course and get your, like, actual licenses. Don't you think? Isn't that better? Fitzroy, I ran several levels of the abyss. Of course, I am good at managing people and running this kind of institution.

But I guess I just miss the blood and viscera of it all. Sure, sure, sure. So did you ever confirm what did happen to Hieronymus? Well, I became aware of the transformed state here when Higlemus began collecting ingredients for a potion. Yeah. So you want us to, we're kind of on the same side then. You want, you want the hero restored, right?

Yes. And we want him restored. And so I'm not sure. I mean, conflict resolution is something that the Thunderman Corporation is pretty good at. So it seems like we've got the situation in hand, right? We want the same thing. Well, Argo, we were heading towards the same goal until this coward. and you see him clench his fist and Higgleness Titans, changed the plan. You see, he didn't need the apple to transform Hieronymus or himself. I know that there's a rest of that sentence, but can I just say that it makes me very upset? Because we went through it a great deal to get this apple.

He needed my apple from my tree to hide. hide from me. He was going to take the potion and his brother and run and rob me of my war. I'm not sure if we could step out of character for a second. He's saying that Hieronymus didn't need the apple for a dog transformation potion. He needed a potion to what? To basically ward them, hide them from. the demon prince. Basically what the demon prince has said there is that he created the tree and the

apple. And so it's part of his magic. I mean, if this is what you want to dive deeper on, that's the implication there. And so Higlemus's plan was to use part of the demon prince's magic to hide them from the demon prince. So let me get this straight. He didn't actually need the apple to make a potion to save his brother. No. I just want to say called it, called it, hashtag called it, Holy crap, called it, called it, called it. I called it, wicked called it. You called it. He has, he had all the ingredients.

The apple was so he could hide. And I won't have that. Calhane was supposed to use the tree to start a war between the centaurs for me. And then when I found out what Higglemus was doing, He was supposed to get the other apple to stop the Wigginstaffs from escaping. And when he failed to do so, I had to step in to stop you from getting the apple to Higlemus so that they could escape and rob me of my war.

Gray? Yes. Why is it so important for you to have war? Why is it important for you to have air? Why is it important for you to eat? Well, he's rhetorical. Yes. I understand.

I think I speak for the whole sort of Thunderman Corporation when I say we have very little interest in aiding and abetting these two to just kind of scamper off and leave us to your horrible whims. And I reach into my bag and pull out one of the apples since we have two. I toss it to him. I say, there you go. No potion, no running away. We'll regroup. What do you want to say? Saturday, we'll do a war.

I'll make sure that these two are ready and raring to go. Yes, war, my favorite. Three students, one coward, and one dog, doesn't quite make an army, does it? I have been a little one. Tiny ones. You got the crab. I've tain you, Gary.

You know the crab? We got some flying horses. I have had 50 years to prepare for this war. And so I, to make things fair, will give you six months. That's not as, you should give us 50 years if you want to make it fair. Yeah. It's equitable. I could just kill you now.

Oh, six months. Yeah, good. Good. Six months. That's a long, I'd have a year. Just to sort of establish a baseline. When I threw a fireball at you earlier, did it hurt at all? Like, did it feel bad?

It hurt my feelings. I said your clothes on fire. I know it did some damage. Like, don't be an asshole. He weighs his hands, and the clothes are repaired. Perhaps we shall wage a war of feelings. This is another option. Your ass low.

junkie in your jeans. We both know that that isn't true. Oh, they look fantastic. Yes. Oh, one more stipulation, and I'm sorry this one isn't coming from me. But Fitzroy, our mutual benefactor wants to make sure I keep an eye on you. so I'm going to need you, at least, to stay here at the school unless sent on other missions. No running and hiding for you either.

Oh, man. No, I mean, I'll do what I want. I'm a grown-up. Well, let's say this. If you were to run and hide, if you were to leave the school without my permission, I'll kill 10 students a day until you return. Do I get to pick the students or are you going to pick them? I'll make it random.

I don't like that. Okay. Yeah, no, I'll stay put. So you and me have the same sort of magic daddy, is what you're saying? Yeah, in a way. They're quite cross with me, so I'll have to have a word with them. Okay. That's good.

That's good to know. any other sort of like helpful information that we could leverage to defeat you. Because I got to tell you, that was a juicy one. Well, um... Do you have like a crystal embedded in your chest that if we hit it just right, it'll shatter and you'll die, or... Classic. Oh, let me be clear.

I'm going to win the war. I'm going to win the war. Like, of course you're going to think you're going to win the war, but like, we're going to make it tough. Otherwise, it won't be satisfying, right? So... This is a good. the point.

Yeah, and we almost beat your pit fiend. We had that pit fiend on the ropes. He stands to his full height, 12 feet tall. Oh, shit. Jesus. And says, don't mistake my courteous nature for weakness, Fitzroy. I will not be disrespected. And if you talk to me like that again, I will kill your friends.

he can be a bit more respectfully I apologize I'm not the I'm not the communications I'm the chairman of the community yes I'm the communications I'll leave future communications so I am sorry

I thought we were having fun I thought it was like a witty rapport between arched nemesis situation A war of feelings That's what we were talking enough You have plans And preparations to make And I suggest

you waste no time. And he hands you a vial and says, transform the coward, transform the dog, and I'll see you around campus. And he walks out of the office. Wait, you're just going to hang out around. I thought you were going to like go to your leg.

You're going to like watch us get ready to fight you? He's gone. Okay. Is Higgumiss awake? You can check on him. He has had his back to you this whole time. Yeah, I mean, I want to check on him. He is awake.

He is looking fairly grim. He seems to have taken some damage, perhaps a beating or two prior to your entrance. Hey, I know you're not feeling well right now, and I think, you know, maybe we can get you to the infirmary and CTR wounds. But I do just want to say, called it and you're Major League Fibbin. And we caught you. And are you, but that's not important. Are you feeling okay? Vile.

Vial. Should we hand him the vial? Yes. Okay. Sure. Sure, I hear. He takes the vial and painfully lowers himself from the chair and moves over to Hero. And he pours half the vial down Hero's throat and half the vial down his own throat.

There is a bright flash of light. And then before you are two brothers. One brother who you have seen just about every day since you've been here, and he looks much like Theronomus has looked this entire time, except there is something emptier about him, something hollower in his eyes. And you see Higgelmus, who you also have, come to know pretty well over your time at the school, except younger. Back to what you imagine,

his appropriate age is supposed to be, and he has a brightness in his eyes that you have not seen before as he looks on his brother and begins to weep. He holds his brother tight, and at first, Hieronymus doesn't react. He just stares blankly ahead. Then his vision seems to to clear for a moment, and he hugs his brother back, before falling limp in Higlemus's arms, unconscious. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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