The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 21: Loose Lips, Sunk Ships

Episode Date: August 6, 2020

Thunderman, LLC continue their war efforts. After a tense run-in with the Commodore, Argo spills the beans. Then, he spills the beans about spilling the beans. The Unbroken Chain higher ups are not pleased. The boys also make contact with Rainer in hopes of winning her dad, The Undying Lord, to their cause. To top it all off, it seems the boys have some explaining to do. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary. Previously on the Adventure Zone graduation, after a series of adventures, the Thunderman, Argo Fitzroy and the Fearburg, returned to the school to discover that the demon prince gray had been masquerading as Hieronymus Wigginstaff for 50 years. During that time, he had been preparing for a big old war. He told the fellas, along with the Wigginstaff brothers,

that they have six months to prepare for said war. So, Thunderman LLC, started rallying troops by talking to their friends and working to acquire powerful magical items. Early in his time at the school, Argo was initiated into a secret society called the Unbroken Chain. They tasked him with spying on Fitzroy, which Argo revealed to his friend while Fitzpatled the curse. Now Argo is hoping to get the Unbroken Chain's help in the upcoming war. He's also dealing with the fact that the man he blames for his mother's death is visiting the school. What I'm saying is Argo has a lot going on.

So you go looking for your unbroken chain connection, Argo, because you're looking to incorporate them into your war efforts. As you enter Jackal's classroom, you see the Commodore coming from outside the balcony, where I believe it is safe to assume he was talking with the jackal. He sees you and immediately kind of sizes you up. you up and down and he walks directly towards you with his hand outstretched and says, Ah, so this is the young spray that I've been hearing so much about.

Uh, I, it's, yes, it's, it's, it's me, not, not crazy about the terminology, but, uh, uh, hello, uh, Commodore? Yes, it is I, the great nautical hero, the Commodore. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And don't mind the little bit of ribbing, young spray. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard so much... Huh.

You look so familiar. Tell me, young man, what is your name? Um, well, my name is... Argonaut Kean. Sir. Your Shabree's son. That's, that's right. I am...

That's my mom. My... My mom, whom, I'm sure you remember? I do. I do. Of course. It's a true shame what happened to your mother, such a loss. Ah.

Well, I appreciate you saying that, sir. Um, it's, uh, there's not a day that goes by without me thinking about her and, and, and, and of course, you know, whenever I, I, I, uh, I, uh, it'll think of you, sir. Ah, well, that's an honor. It was such a pleasure working beside her and, uh, it's a shame more couldn't have been done to save her. Ah, couldn't have seen that ambush coming. No, no, that was, uh, that was, uh, that was, uh, that was, uh, uh, that was, uh, uh, that's a, uh, that's a, That was a sad, sad time. I, um, I, I, I always appreciated that, that, that you did the best you could, that you did everything you, you possibly could to keep the situation from, uh, from happening.

I'm still, you know, it's still tough for me to, to talk about after all these years. I, well, you seem, you seem to be doing well for yourself. Uh, very happy here, sir. It's, uh, it's a wonderful place. Uh, and. And to be honest, you're the whole reason I'm here. Oh, well, that's flattering. Are you studying to be a hero or perhaps a villain?

No, no, sir. To be honest, you're the whole reason I'm here. I have dedicated my life to working with you. I went into the henchman program here, specifically hoping that I would get the opportunity to, well, to serve by your side, sir. Very, very close by your side, or maybe even a little behind you, a little bit.

Well, I've never had a spray as a henchman before, but I can definitely see the advantages. I'll keep that in mind. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go prepare for one of my incredible lectures. Yes, sir. I love the non-ironic tone of your self-promotion, sir. It's always one of the things I have admired about you. Ah, thank you so much. Sorry, I didn't get to talk to your friends much, but there'll be time. I'll be around for a while. Pleasure meeting you, young man.

Yes, sir. Pleasure seeing you, too. And the common ore makes his way out of the classroom. I fucking smash him with my mall. Got him! arc over. Spray. Oh, you spray. That's such a bastard. What a boho.

All right. I've changed my mind again. I'm back to wanting to kill him. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, fellas. Yeah, I don't really, I didn't really smash him over the head. I feel like Travis got quiet there

because I think he thought I really did smash him over there. No, I just thought you guys would like, one of your best friends just encountered his mortal enemy. Do we know, okay, do we know? about the whole thing with Commodore? You do, yes. When he was introduced last episode, you guys asked Argo about it,

and he told you what was up. He seems like a dick. He is. He's a giant dick. You see, my mom, Shabri Keen, was a privateer for him, worked for him.

You know, a privateer, you know, is basically a pirate that's working for the crown. Yeah. And in this case, she was working for him. And he betrayed her. He turned his back. She was set up. And he's the one that set her up. And that's how she died.

So it's his freaking fault. And the fact that he's such a giant ass hat. That's just extra on him. I mean, but it seems like we're going to do a smash on him at some point. And I do think we have our, like, I don't want our murder eyes to be bigger than our stomachs. So. And we have a lot of murdering to do, don't we? It seems that way.

So maybe we should put that on the sidelines for, I mean, it's your, it's your revenge quest. No, I agree. I agree. You know, backburner, let's backburner that one. But I'm telling you, it's not a coincidence that he's here. There's got to be, he's got to have some kind of connection. Well, apparently, we do have a demon on the inside somewhere. So, you know, could be your mother's betrayer.

That seems like a good candidate for a secret demon. But again, let's, eyes on the prize. Absolutely. I'm willing I'm willing to keep an eye on him but but no need to snuff him quite yet go ahead Fitzroy and the fearborg make a let's say history check for me I guess oh I'm going I'll fail that it's not like a seven and then I got a minus one so that's a six yeah you really did what am hitzery four world and we got a four All told

Yeah, so I think that I don't want your charity I'm not gonna give you my charity You guys saw our go Plus 7, 21 Oh shit Oh, okay Are you sure?

Yeah, it seems weird, right? It does. Are you looking at Taco's character sheet? No, sir, I'm looking at the His wisdom is 18 But history is an intelligence I'm sorry, that was not a perception check No. Plus zero, 14.

Okay. Let it lie. So both of you saw Argo bristle every time the Commodore used the word spray, but neither of you know why. Hmm. I mean, I assume it's some sort of genocry racial slur. Ask him about it. Oh. Hey, you seem to be upset every time he called you that one word. It's a

It's kind of a backhanded joke You see when Janasi You know, have kids The joke is that the mothler must have gotten pregnant From the spray of the sea Which is a really It's nasty to visualize

But it's even nastier in intent It's not even really a joke As much as to do some sort of like weird folklore Did it? Okay, was he true? Trinick piss me off. Did you get that read? Yeah, I think he definitely, listen, you, your subtle, I want to hurt you like game is pretty strong.

I think his might even be a little bit stronger. I was picking up a little bit of what he was laying down on the down low. So, yeah, I think he was definitely trying to get under your skin. I hate that bastard. Yeah, we'll get him. You make your way, Argo, you use. have met with the jackal many times on the balcony you know that there is no gary there that it is a pretty safe place for conversations so that is always the best place to check whenever

you want to have a conversation with jackal and as you uh poke your head through the door to the balcony sure enough there he is surveying the sky as he often does uh seemingly waiting for your approach do we we need to establish this right because we've been doing all this prep stuff the past couple episodes together, we're not there, right? This would be a wild, this would be a wild sort of breach of the chain circle of trust, right? If you're just like, hey, here's the guys,

including the one that you told me to investigate. Part of the intention of this scene, at least the way I'm kind of envisioning it, when I suggested all along that we, you know, try to bring in the unbroken chain, the plan, at least in my brain, was to try to get the Unbroken Chain to accept Fitzroy and the Fearbolg as members. And thereby telling them...

So you have brought us here without telling us why you're talking to the Jackal. We do not know the words the Unbroken Chain. Okay, look, I'm going to go in and talk to Jackal. he is another member of this secret society that that I got involved in when we like almost after we first came to the school. And yet, you remember Fitzroy when I was telling you that I was looking into your past and trying to find out about your magic and stuff? Yep, I do recall that. Surprise we haven't circled back, but it seems like maybe we are about to. There's been a lot going on.

That's true. That's true. A lot happening. But, but listen, at no point was I ever going to do anything that hurt you or, or damaged you? It was just like a... Hurt my feelings? Hurt your feelings, yeah. Well, let's face it, your feelings are pretty big out there.

So, you know, it would be pretty easy to hurt them. And I would never... What, beautiful phrasing, Dan? That was a lot of... Your feelings are big out there. I like that. Wow, they're big and they're tender. But here's the thing.

The whole purpose for this organization, I'm going to go ahead and tell you, it's called the unbroken chain. Ah, I just broke it. Pretty cool name. Their whole thing, their whole mission that they got going on right now is to investigate the magic that's coming out of the God's sarcasm.

And since your magic was coming from that, that was their reason for wanting me to, you know, look into what was going on with you. So if their mission is to investigate the gods' car chasm, it just would make sense to me to get them involved in our efforts here. Sure, sure. Does that make any sense to you? Yeah, no, definitely, as long as they don't try to cut me open,

to find the mad, like if they think I have magic bones that they want to dissect and study. We've talked about this. I hadn't really thought that part through, but I'm pretty sure that. They won't. I will not permit this dissection. No. Yeah. Thank you.

I won't either. Unless there is very good reason. Well, sure. Yeah. I will hear them out. But I would not wish to see you dissected. Excellent. That's a true mark of fringe.

ship. But if it must happen, we will discuss at length. Sure. Okay, so I guess are you going to go ask for permission for us to be looped in? Because I don't see how it would be a real act of Sutterfuge in in order to get them to help us out without letting them know that we know about them. Well, here's the thing. think that we have already shown how much we suck at subterfuge. True. And that's with really hitting the B in it, subterfuge. That's how bad it is. You can't even be silent on the B.

See, I can't even, we're not good at subterfuge. You're better than Fierbog and I are. But, man, I think we're to the point where we just, let's stop playing all these little games and mysteries and let's just see what happens. I have a worry. Okay. This is a secret group. Right.

I do not do well with the secrets. Oh. I mean, it sounds like it's just secret from me. So I think all pretences of secrecy might be dropped as soon as we reveal. Argo, is this a public secret group?

No, but I don't think there's any dishonesty in keeping a secret. Is there? We need to just have this conversation. This is getting extremely complicated. I will do

my best. Okay, I'll go in and talk to Jackal real quick and get a read of the room and you fellas do something. Sounds good. As soon as he goes inside, like, I'm, I'm, we have a certain bond of trust now with Argo, but I also did just learn how to use an invisibility spell when I just leveled up. and I think I'm I think I'm gonna want to sit in on this conversation in the background. Tell me about this. Tell me about this invisibility spell. What does it cover? Any creature you touch becomes invisible until the spell ends. It lasts for up to an hour. Anything the target is wearing or carrying is invisible as long as it's on the target's person.

The spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell. And I look at the Fearbolk with this sort of glowy effect in my hand, and I say, hey, I'm going to sneak in there and be invisible and listen to what they're talking about. Do you want to come with? Because I can juice you up, too. It's not really lying, right? You just have to not say anything. I can remain silent. Okay.

I use my new meta-magic, which is a sorcerer thing that I've been waiting to get for a while. and use some of my sorcery points to use twinned spell where I can double the amount of targets that my spell hits. Oh, cool. So my invisibility spell is on me and on the Fearbulk.

Why don't you go ahead and roll on that wild magic table for me? Really? For this? Yeah. Yeah. I feel pretty, like I got it pretty well hemmed up. Okay. Let's see. Justin, could you build a wild

magic table. That was a good joke. I like that joke, Dan. That's really good. Also, it depends on how many bevels and miters it's got. Three bevels and two miters. Now we're in business.

Okay, so I rolled a 49. Uh-huh. On a 49, you can't speak for the next minute whenever you try, pink bubbles float out of your mouth. That's great. I love it. I like that one. Okay, great.

Argo, you approach jackal, he's back. is still to you. Sorry, the very next one is for the next minute, you must shout when you speak. So it's good that you're lucky. Your approach, Jackal, his back is to you, and he says, Hi, hello, Argonaut,

I've been waiting for you, boy. You have? Okay. Well, ever since I heard you're back to the school and you haven't checked in with me. I know, listen, as I was just saying to somebody else, it has been nuts. It has been so nuts

over the last few days, you know, here, there, everywhere. Listen, I've got something really important I need to talk to you about. I. Okay. I think we need to... First of all, let me tell you a little bit

about what I found out about Fitzroy. for one thing I learned that he's he's a he's a solid dude he's he's a good egg he can be a jackass on most occasions but other than that you know I trust him he's he's my friend and and I think that there's a definite connection like like you you theorized between his magic and the magic that's coming out of the God's garcasm. Have you been able to determine a source of the magic? Yeah, I think so. I believe we got us demon prints on campus here.

Look, listen, this is going to sound like a lot. Okay, now, let me stop you there real quick, because what I want to clarify is, his source of magic is chaos, capital C, chaos, right? Right. And the demon prince is also connected to chaos. So are you obfuscating the source of Fitzroy's magic, or are you lying to Jackal?

No, I don't think, I think it's obfuscation. I don't think he's lying. I mean, in a way, I mean, I think it's splitting hairs a little bit, but I'm about to hit him with a whole thing about a demon prince. I don't know if I wanted to bring in chaos as well, make it even more outrageous. Absolutely. Just wanted to clarify. They wanted to see if I needed to make you make a check.

Okay. Well, I'm willing to try a check. No, because nothing you said wasn't true. You said yes. Okay. And there's a demon prince on campus. Both of those things are true. There is no lying there whatsoever.

just checking go on okay so look we have discovered something incredible and really hard to believe but if you think about it it's going to make sense the god's carcasm popped up what like 50 years ago like out of nowhere and all of a sudden this wild magic started seeping in also we have discovered that 50 years ago, a demon prince named Gray put a curse on, on Hieronymus and Higlemus. And the person that's, that's, you know of as Hieronymus is the demon prince. Higelmus used a spell on his real brother, turn him into a really adorable dog. You should see.

You're saying adorable Doug? Dog. He's a dog. You like that. He's an adorable dog. He's a dog. And so this demon prince has been running the school for all these years. And we're going to try to

stop him and you know the whole unbroken chain you know what you know when somebody needs help when something needs to be done when somebody needs stopping all three of those are broken chain directives you know everybody needs the help and stopping this monster is is a prime imperative and and to be honest with you we've already got a couple of members of the unbrose broken chain, one that realizes it, but, you know, like three people are already working on our side to make this happen. Mosh and Crabtree and Sabor, it's, it, there's no way we can pull this off without help. It's just, there's us three goobers, and I need the unbroken chain to help. I cannot

I'm going to ask you one question and I I don't want you to lie to me do you understand I want you to be honest well I'll try how much

do Fitzroy and the fearbug know about us they know that they know that you exist they know the unbroken they don't know they don't know who is in it

but they know that there is an unbroken chain. I thought the Fear Bowl was the one that couldn't lie. What? Nothing. I made a joke because he just said something very honest that I did not expect. That's fair. Well, to be fair, I mean, the Jackal did say,

I don't want you to lie to me. Apparently that worked. I didn't know that that worked. And to be fair, Argonaut just said a few minutes ago, he's tired of all the lives and deception. We're all fair. I think if there's the one thing we can agree on, this is all fair. Jackal says, yeah, I've heard a little bit about this, a little of this from Sabor.

We had actually called an emergency meeting tonight, and it looks like this. Oh, and I wasn't invited? I was going to come look for you, boy. Remember, hey, this is Travis reminding you. It's been two weeks since we recorded, but it's only been 10 minutes since you talked to Sabor. So, it looks like there's going to be another item on the docket tonight. Looks like we're going to need to have a tribunal. A tribunal.

Wow. And what is that exactly? It's going to be a trial. Argonaut. Oh. Yeah. We'll teach that demon prince to mess around with us, right? Argonaut, you're missing the point a bit.

The trial is going to be for you and the fear bog and Fitzroy. Now, when you say four, do you mean for us to draw? You're going to be on trial. We're going to be on trial. Okay. Okay. And what's the crime? Argonaut, do I really need to spell that out for you?

You're in a secret organization in which you swore not to tell people outside of the organization about us. And what did you do? Hmm. Well, I didn't name any names. You told them about the unbroken chain. You did pretty much the number one thing you're not supposed to do about a secret society. Yeah, well, okay. Okay, fine, fine. Let's have a triumphal. Let's do that. And tribunal.

Fine. It's a tribunal. That's, if that's the only way that I can make my case and convince you what's going on and to get your help, then fine. That's not what the tribunal is going to be about, Argonaut. You, and I'm only telling you this as a favor to your mother. You and the Fearborg and Fitzroy are going to have to prove that they're worthy, or else all of this, the memories of the unbroken chain are going to be removed from you, and you're going to be out. All right, what time? We'll come collect you when it's time. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. them to work out the specific details

of the timing and location in the meeting in the recorded podcast that people listen to with their human lives. When are you free? Let's check our do you have your planner on you? We can I got a... I got a six o'clock. Six isn't good for me. That's dinner.

If I miss it, I get hungry. How long does it take eat dinner? How long is dinner? It depends on what the meal is. I mean, if we're talking something fast like pizza or burger, but is it sit down? You got pizza in this world? Oh, Yeah, there's fantasy pizza. Fantasy pizza, yes.

With fantasy pepperone. How about seven? Seven, okay. Seven doesn't work for me. Oh, wait, wait, wait. We could do, why don't we? Let's combine them. Let's do six, and I'll bring pizza.

Oh, that's very tenting, boy. No. To the tribunal. I've heard about this. To the tribunal. I'll bring pizza. Tell you what. We'll come get you when it's time.

So that way, no one, because otherwise we have to talk about splitting the cost of the pizza. it gets dicey. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. For now, see you then. I need some time to think,

Argo, if you would please excuse me. Yeah, fine. Yeah. Can we, uh, bubbles pop out of your mouth. No,

this is me, Griffin talking. Can we, uh, can we hang back and just see what he does? See what the jackal does after Argo leaves? Sure. Yeah.

I mean, it's about last an hour. I'm not going to follow him for an hour, but seems like... You see him breathe deep, and under his breath, he begins singing a song. And it's nothing you recognize and it's in a language that you can't understand. But as he does, he takes a step up onto the edge of the balcony wall. But there's nothing tense about what he's doing. He just stretches his arms out to the...

the sun raises his face to it, lets the breeze blow against his clothing, just for a moment as he sings quietly, takes a few deep breaths, and then steps back off the edge and walks in and leaves his classroom to head down the stairs. Okay. I don't want to follow him the whole time. That seems like it would get very tedious. So... I just realized that me and the fear bowl probably can't see each.

other or talk. Well, I mean, is that... I'm going to give you the ability to end spells when you wish. It's usually the... It is concentration, so I stop concentrating. And it's been more than a minute, so I think you're cool to... Unless you just want to do that from now on.

It's a silly thing, but... No, that's fine. We're a silly podcast. I do not like this. No, I mean, it seems quite... It seems quite bad. It seems like if we have his memory erased, I guess our memory erased as well, it will not aid us in our fight against the demon. I think it's a question of establishing priorities for this secret society. Yes.

Yes, I just don't like this. So you get a little while to kill before it's time for the tribunal. assume, what would you like to do in the interim? My magic glasses wouldn't be done yet, would they? No, same day. And similarly, Sabor probably doesn't have anything. Correct. Taking a nap, then, baby.

Naps seems cool. Yeah, I mean. Narrative nap. You take a nice nap. It's good. Nice long rest. That's the one problem with ignoring all the rules about spells and rest and stuff. Yeah.

Is it doesn't give you enough opportunities. like I should be able to just be like, I have to sleep or I can't do no magic. Listen, you can take a nice long rest if you want. That's good. You know, I don't know who else. Oh, you know what? The Amber of Good Chain is like secret enough

that they probably wouldn't have any books in the library about them, right? Yeah, especially since Sabor is a member. He's probably been pretty diligent about keeping those off the shelves. Let me go try. real quick. Let me get Charmed my boy real quick. You walk in, Sabo is sitting in his office. Can I... Hell, I've just started researching.

Can I help you, Master Fearpulg? I need to know everything about the unbroken chain. The what? The unbroken chain is a group. They are testing me tonight to see if I... get in. Never heard of it. Well, I don't believe you. Well, I don't know what to tell you. I've never heard of the unbroken chain.

Sabor. Yes. You know how important our work is. Yes, of course. If you do not help give me an idea of what I. I need to prepare. It could all be undone. Well, I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't even get to roll at persuasion.

Okay, listen. Make a very difficult persuasion check. You're not supposed to say. Don't hint. Don't hint. Don't hit. Hey, hey, try, hey, Travis, Travis, try, yeah. Never tell me the odds.

I did. I rolled Nate. I rolled Nate. I rolled Nate. So I didn't. I don't think I. plus one. Oh, well, let me tell you everything. A nine, you say. I'm convinced.

All right, well, it's worth a shot. Okay, I'll see you tonight at the tribunal. Wow, what a dick. Is Althea song here at the school? Or is she, like, licking her wounds somewhere from the demon battle from last night? The last plan you had with Althea, the last time you spoke with her. Oh, she was going to go. to the heroic oversight guild.

Correct. She is going to list the infraction. She has spotted and get a team of investigators to come and try to catch up. Slow him down at least. Okay, sure. You had mentioned to me at one point wanting to talk to Rainier. Is that still on the time? Yeah.

Yeah, I don't, I just didn't want to interrupt this like sequence because I don't think it would come in handy forward tonight. But yeah, I'll go talk to Rainier. There is something I need to sort of set up with her that maybe we should get. get the wheels moving on. Okay. And the others are welcome to join me. It doesn't. We all are, are buds with her. You make plans using the notebooks of Far Speech to meet her out by, you know, the big tree.

You know, every school has the big tree that everybody meets by. You know the one. You guys meet there. You see her in her floating chair playing fetch with some of her skeletons. it's both cute and off-putting. And she's waiting for you. Yep, as always. And she's waiting for you.

They're by the big tree. Can you please put them away or like make them wear like a little cape or something? Just the amount of exposed bones. That is such a good idea. How have I never thought of capes? I don't know. I can tell you a thing or two about cloaks if you want. And now I am realizing Rainier we are establishing an incredibly lucrative

side business for just pet cloaks, I think we could do a lot. And Snippers, come here. Snippers. Snippers tonight. Clear our schedule, except for the big thing we kind of have to do. Daddy's making crab cloaks. Anyway, am I here in this? Am I here? Did that come along? That's up to you, Justin. It's up to you. I just didn't want to barge in. Okay, I'm here. Wonder Man LLC is not looking to expand our business at this time. We wish to focus on our core competencies. Shoot. Okay.

So, Rainier, gonna ask you a question. Wait, hold on. Are you taller? By a good eight inches, yes. I did, I cast a spell, and it went kind of silly. And I did grow... Whoa. Yeah, so I have, my magical powers are pretty buck wild inside me, and that's sort of germane to the topic of conversation that we are engaged in currently.

I do need to know, and by the way, I just found out that this works. I want you to tell me the truth. Are you in league with the demon prince gray? You know, why do people always ask necromancers if they're in league with demon princes? I, this is not a necromancer thing. This is a, just gotta, just gotta cross my eyes and tease. Um, did you say Greg? Gray.

Oh. Demon Prince Greg. I, no, I've never, no, not, let me check. No. Okay, I'm not even gonna roll insight on that because it would almost certainly be a, uh, an embarrassing failure. I trust you and I, I, also, trust you to be discreet about what we're telling you.

Of course. And I fill her in. I'm not going to do the whole. Yeah. The whole kitten caboodle. Maybe not about the unbroken chain because I don't, you know, I don't know how wide this memory wipe goes. And I don't necessarily want her to go through that. I think you can safely assume that anyone else you tell is probably going to get caught up in a tribunal.

Yeah. So let's not, yeah, make her party to that. But everything else, gray, fake Hieronymus, everything, everything, everything. Holy shit. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, also, we all had temptation dreams from chaos, the source of all this wild power. You had proposed marriage to me, which is... And she blushes.

Yeah, it's something. It's something. Wasn't expecting that energy. Huh. Yeah. Caught me out of left field, too. And I'll be honest with you Yeah, for sure

And I'll be honest with you I did not mean to bring it up in this conversation But there I go Running my big mouth Oh Huh So yeah I guess we'll unpack that When in peace time

But We need Some muscle If we're going to take on gray And when I say I'm not described literal muscle because I know that you specialize in bone, but I was hoping that you might circle the wagons, maybe call up your powerful litch father, and we could maybe have a little

little TED house head. You want to meet my dad? I want to meet your dad. Yeah. And she blushes again. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, I mostly want to ask him to use his incredible necrotic powers to help us destroy a demon. But, yeah, I do, I do need to be.

Not her hand in marriage, right. No, no, that would be wildly irresponsible at this point, I feel like. So, do you think we could make that happen? Well, I mean, yeah, I can probably get, see if dad has any free time. You know, the undying lord is pretty busy. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. But I can, I can probably see if he's free. See if, I mean, you know, this isn't really his kind of thing,

but I mean, he does have the Army of the Undead, so. That's what you just said was amazing. I'm sweating now actively from what you just said. What, the Army of the Undead? Oh, that sounds so good to me. Yeah, sign me up. I mean, I don't want to look at Bone Monster. or whatever, but if those bone monsters are destroying the demon prince Greg, see, now you got me saying it.

Well, yeah. I mean, you said it first. I'm pretty sure. Okay. Anyway, yeah, just wanted to put a bug in your ear that, one, I'd love to speak with your father. And two, everything you know about this school is a lie. And we are all in constant extreme mortal danger. Okay. Well, I mean, huh. It's a lot to process. We're about to go get tried in a court of law for reasons. I can't, again, I shouldn't have said that one, but you, take her sleazy. Okay. I'll send you a message, I guess, with, like, an update on the whole talking to my dad thing.

Cool. I may not remember this conversation depending on how things go tonight. What? Again, I can't say it. Okay. It's like, yeah. This has been one of our worst conversations yet, I would say. Yes, but always a pleasure, Fitzroy.

Yeah, of course. I delight. So you go on about your business the rest of the day. You have a nice dinner. What do you guys have for dinner? We've talked about breakfast a lot on this show, but what's a regular Thunderman dinner like? Sashimi.

Oh. No, that's probably not true. Have you ever heard of Slim Gullion? No, but please tell me about it. I'm not sure what it is. I just really love the word. Okay, cry. Great, great, great, cry.

Nacho cheese, berries. All right. Is that nacho cheese with berries or berries it tastes like? There are berries that have been blasted by nacho cheese flavor. Oh, nice. It does sound pretty good. I would like all three of you to make a constitution. saving throw for me, please.

Oh, that's a crit. That's a crit save. 20 plus 5. 20 fucking 5. I have a critical 2. Critical failure. That's a 1. I have an 8 plus 1,

which is a 9. So Argonaut and Fearbug, you are out. Oh, you're kidding me. You are sleepy boys. And you have fainted well away. Now, Fitzroy,

perhaps it is your half-elven constitution. Perhaps it is the wild magic searching within you. But you are weakened. You are... On a 25. I'm stronger. The poison is stronger. The poison is stronger.

You feel like you are not in control of your limbs, but you are awake and aware as six hooded figures into your room and begin dragging the three of you with arms over their shoulders towards the school.

And as soon as they pick you up, you see a shimmer across them, much like the invisibility spell, you used this afternoon. And the nine of you make your way across campus. And they lead you downstairs. Now, during this time,

you are with it enough to speak a little if you are interested in saying anything. No way. I want to play, to the best of my ability, play dead. Like, I want to, like, I want to know where we're going and how to get there, because that seems like cool information, but I am not going to, like, give away that I'm not unconscious. They bring you into the school, the main building, and down into the lower floors. And they bring you into the forge. They lay you gently on the ground.

As you see one of them draw back their hoods, and it is Mosh, the blacksmith. And he dons the special gloves with the engraved runes that allow him to reach into the flaming forge, pull the handle that shuts off the fire and opens the way into the Unbroken Chains' secret headquarters. When the flames of the forge die down, the hooded figures lift your body once more. Fitzroy, at the end of the passage, you see a shimmering doorway with a large stone chamber

beyond. As you pass through the shimmer, the air changes. It is cooler and cleaner than the air of the forge. The hooded figures place you carefully into three chairs, and then they take their place behind you. You are facing a dais on the far side of the room. On it are three more chairs. The most elaborate and impressive is in the center. One robed figure lowers their hood, revealing the school medic, an elven woman with silver hair named Marie. She steps forward in a minister's apportion, which wakes the three of you. She then moves to sit in the chair on the right.

Another person steps forward. They lower their hood, revealing the Goliath blacksmith, Mosh. He addresses the room saying, The responsibility of judging this tribunal falls to the senior member. present. Normally, that would be myself, but as chance would have it, a member senior to me is currently visiting the school. He then seats himself in the left-hand chair. All right, now let's see if we can get this trial underway. What do you say? And the Commodore comes around in the podium to sit in the regal chair and says, let's begin the tribunal of all.

Argonaut Kane, Fitzroy Mayblet Court, and the Fearbug. And a giant smile crosses his face. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience, audience supported.