The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 25: Burden of Things

Episode Date: October 1, 2020

Fitzroy has been taken to the Crypt and has to rely on some new friends to make it through. Rainer and Argo rush to... save him? Does he need saving? No one is sure. The Firbolg goes home. Journeys are made.  Alliances are forged. Goodbyes are said. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary. Previously on the Adventure Zone graduation, the Demon Prince Gray declared war. He informed the Thundermen that they had six months to prepare. Thanks to some research by Sabor, they're armed with the most powerful weapon there is. Information. Fitzroy made plans with Rainier to speak with her dad

about the possibility of obtaining his help with the war effort. They met by night, with their intention being to sell. summon the litch king to the school, but things didn't work out that way. Also, the Fearbulk has been trying to adjust to life after being excommunicated from his clan with mixed success. Meanwhile, Argo is just doing his best. Argo and Fearbulk, you are awoken from your slumber by a pounding on the door. It's getting progressively louder and, let's say, frantic. Anybody want Foley?

No, no, thank you. No, I think we all know it a pounding. And let's assume that you were asking for the rest of our natural lives, and so the answer is just no. Unless it's preceded by Dave, I don't want any Foley, Dad. You can get me Dave Foley on here.

Our old friend, Dave Foley. One time I saw him at a cupcake store, he had a mustache, and he went through the door, got himself a cupcake, a nice little treat, something for the kid, in the hall to eat. And that's the end of the episode. Wow, a two-minute one.

Yeah, we really know. Well, you just got to know when you've hit the top. You know, when you've peaked, you've got to come off of that. So there's still a pounding on the door. But at this point, it is now progressed to the sound of, let's say, a battering ram. I'm opening the door to save you the brain juice to come up with a metaphor. I'm opening the door. No, no, no.

It wasn't a metaphor. It literally is a battering ram. You open the door and you see Rainier in her chair come flying through, and she's been slamming her chair backwards into the door to try to get your attention. So she comes hovering into the room backwards and kind of like skids to a halt in the air and says, oh, hey, you're up. Great. We really didn't have much choice with your chair antics there, friend.

Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that. Kind of, a big deal. Big deal. Might be a big deal. probably fine. It's probably nothing. Um, my dad has, for lack of a better word, kidnapped Fitzroy, but it's probably fine. I did, I, you know, now I'm saying it out loud, I didn't even know what I'm worried about. Um, my dad, he's a good dude, um, nice guy. He can, um, if he, if he has not been

around people for a while, he can get, you know, kind of. out of touch, but it's probably nothing. Uh, uh, uh, yeah. Um, who, whoa. Where is he now? Well, um, so we did the spell that I thought was going to summon my dad, but instead Fitzroy disappeared. So if I were to bet, he's at the crypt, uh, which is my dad's, you know, house.

Um, um. You transported him? Uh, yeah, yeah. This is impressive magic. Oh, oh, yeah. No, sure, yeah. It's very, he's very powerful, for sure. No, you?

I thought you did it. Oh, no, I didn't do it. Well, okay, well, let's go save him. How far is it from here? Oh, uh, about a day's ride by horse, unless you guys have something faster. Oh, ah, I know this one. The flying horses. Pegasai?

Pegasies. The Pegasies. It's a flock. It's a flock of Pegasai. Oh, that's a great name for a band, too. If you guys have Pegasai, that's like half a day. So, I don't know, get dressed. And let's head down to the big tree.

Okay, we do that. Fitzroy. You have come to your senses here in this. crypt-like chamber, which our listeners at home now know is called The Crypt. Yeah, so it's about as crypt-like as it gets, huh? Oh, yeah. No, I mean, it's, I would say it's

passed crypt-like into just crypt. It is crypt, yeah. And the pile of bones that you saw moving have now formed themselves into two skeletons in front of you. One skeleton is taller than the other. The taller one

is a little lankier. Has a bunch of teeth missing, has about three or four left, and the shorter skeleton is a little stouter and has a full set of gold teeth. But they're just standing before you and not really doing anything inherently threatening. And these two skeletons are going to be played by,

let me check my notes here, Clint McRoy and Justin McRoy. So if you guys want to take over the description of their physicality, go right ahead. Okay, imagine a bone. Now, do you have that locked in your mind? A single bone? Yes, I do. Yes, do you have a single bone. You see it in, and it's all alabaster glory. Now, imagine 206 of them in different shapes and orientations.

Whoa. Yes, and a scimitar? Sure. Seems like it, right? Yes. It feels right. Yeah, a scimitar. And a murkin. Well, now hold on. Huh. Yes.

That's cool. But Justin, let me ask you this. Where is the Merkin? Right in the sweet spot, baby. Okay. Right in the sweet spot, right in front of the pelvis, right above the coxas, right where. Right where one would expect a Merkin to be. Right, where you expect the Merkin to be.

How does he hold it on there? I don't know, Mickey Magic. You tell me. Excellent. No idea. So what is, oh man, I really don't want to call your skeleton Merkin. Can we call your skeleton anything else? His actual name is Gurkin.

Okay. What is Gurkin kind of doing while standing here in front of Fitzroy? He has an idling animation that's just kind of like a shamble in place. Kind of like he's like awkwardly shambling in place or just confidently shambling in place. He's fine with it. He doesn't, it's immutable, like, it's fine. He's moving or he's not moving. He doesn't really.

have much of a preference. Okay. Now, what about our second skeleton? Well, I have a question for it. Could Gurkin be wearing a jerkin? That would cover the Merkin. Gerkens wearing a jerkin above the murkin. Yes, correct. Okay. And he's often lurking.

So let me get out in front of it. Okay. And sometimes he's a shirken. Ah, come on, Girkken. That's impossible. That one didn't. Okay, now what about skeleton number two? imagine 206 bones. A lot of them have been broken many times.

You know, low calcium content. Such a problem. And shorter. He is the shorter of the two. Oh, with the gold teeth. It's the gold teeth. But the gold teeth are spectacular. and he's even got a couple of really long canines.

Oh, really? Yeah. Like maybe he was a vampire. He was a skeleton of a vampire? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Wow.

Hot on a hat, man. I love it. That's what I was playing for the last four seconds. And his name is Tibia. Nice. Okay. Now I'm going to, for ease, say that they have little name tags on Fitzroy so that you know this.

Now Fitzroy, what are your feelings about Gercin and Tibia? I mean, as far as I know, this is probably not out of the ordinary. I think I'm more freaked out by the fact that I've just been teleported than I am by the fact that I see skeletons. I see skeletons all the fucking time. Right. Like at the school, there's a team of skeletons that you have worked with many times. Like the idea of an animated skeleton isn't that weird to you.

Yeah, sure. But it should be noted. These skeletons are silent. Well, then I, I mean, I wave at them, I guess. You wave back. Okay. All right. We're getting somewhere.

I'm feeling this. I'm feeling this connection. So I guess I'm where Rainier's dad lives. Can I get like a bony thumbs up if I'm close? That is a bony thumbs up. Okay. Thank you. And I was brought here accidentally, and I would love to get back to school.

So am I, can I go ahead and go or, I guess why are you greeting me here? Am I in trouble or what's up? Well, you can't tell it because there's no skin or muscles or anything, but Tibia is just smiling to beat the band. We can go with a little bit of Coco rules where there is some movement to the skull. To the skull, yeah. Okay. Coco does roll. Coco does roar.

Okay, Tibia moves in for a big hug. Oh, yeah. Yeah, maybe a gentle hug because I don't want us to hurt. Oh, here it is. Oh, that's, whoa. Yeah, I'm inside you for sure, for sure. Oh, I don't care for that phraseology at all. I don't care for the physiology of it at all.

But here we are. You made this. Well, I'm going to head that way. you all want to come with or are you cool having a little bone party here or? Okay. Don't know what I expected there. Fitzroy, you and your two skeletal pals enter a long room. At the other end of the room, you see a door.

Spread out in front of the door are three panels set into the floor. Now, you Griffin, with all of your video game experience, would recognize them as the kind of thing that people have to stand on to open the door. Clearly. Clearly, don't insult me. However, between where you are standing and the switches is a deep pit that you can't see the bottom of. Hanging from the ceiling are three chains set into tracks that span the length of the pit. However, they are not all the same. One is shiny and new and has a harness hanging at the end of it.

It looks very secure. The second is a little worn looking and has stirrups at the bottom that one could easily stand in to get some support while holding on. The third chain has only a small loop at the bottom that you could maybe squeeze one foot into. And not only that, the chain itself looks greasy and difficult to hold on to. How wide is this pit? Like how long a jump would this be? You would be willing to bet just by eyeballing it 30 to 40 feet. Okay, so not really jumpable. No. Hey, so skeleton friends, do you know what's up with this here, what is almost certainly a trap? Do you know, like, which one is safe? Tibia looks at all three and just kind of shakes his head. He doesn't get it either. Gherkin points

at the left one. The new one? Yeah. Oh, you like that one, friend? That one looks good to you? Thumbs up. Are you basing that on anything like scientific or is that just sort of a, no pun intended, but like a gut? I guess not pun, but insult. intended gut reaction. Double thumbs up. Okay. Let me try something. I'll reach out with Mage Hand and grab onto that chain and like pull it towards me. And Mage Hand pulls on it and nothing happens.

Okay. So you there, friend, you are so confident about this. Do you want to take a fateful journey across the pit? Nods. Okay, I'll strap you in. This may be a bit precarious. Gosh, it'd be easier if you had skin. Wow, skin really holds it all together, huh?

So now Gercin is hanging in this harness, looking pretty comfortable. Okay. Like a sitting zipliner. Now send it on back if you make it to the other side, and if you don't make it to the other side, it's like you're already a skeleton, so... I nod knowingly. I push with all of my might to try and sling it over. Okay, it's a well-oiled track. It goes flying across.

He throws both arms in the air like, wee. Gertgen makes it to the end safely. You hear a as the chain hangs over top of the other side. Send it on back. He goes to push it and it doesn't move. Come on. Stronger than that. Send it on back like we agreed. A push again.

Does not move. Send it right on back. Come on now. Push again. Still not moving. Did me like a dirty dog. Okay. So we got two more.

Um, let's do, gosh, other skeleton friend, how's your sort of, uh, not muscle tone, but endurance, do you think you could just sort of hang off an old chain or do you think you'd kind of beef it off that? Um, he holds one bony hand up and does that side to side. Yeah, maybe, maybe not. I can't do that. I can't send a bone, bone man to his death. So hop in those stirrups. Let's go. Let's do this thing before I change my mind. And I push him to the other side.

He is able to hold on to the stirrups. Make a strength track with advantage. 16. 19. Oh, yeah. Your bunny hands grasp the chain. Your bunny feet stay in those stirrups. You are able to make it across safely. And kachunk, it locks into place on the other side.

I walk up to the last chain and I grab on. onto it and I say, oh, golly. Oh, gosh. Two skeleton friends, it's important that if I die here, if I fall into the pit, tell my friends that I will miss them. Well, they'll miss me more accurately. And the, boy, I'm so scared. Oh, this is so hurt. Nah, just kidding. I'm a wizard and I cast Thunderstep. And there is a crash of Thunder. right where I am that can be hurt up to 300 feet away, and I disappear and reappear right next to the skeletons on the other side. Nice.

And now you've made it. You're safely on the other side. I had y'all going. I was like, oh, no, I could do this wrong, but I have magic, so nothing if it goes wrong for me. Okay, you turned into a potted plant in the last episode. One thing went wrong for me once. Let's move on.

You stand on three plates? And the door swings open. We're back with Rainier and the Fearbulk and Argo, down at the big tree. I need to summon breeze through the willow. Okay, you hold out the feather that breeze through the well that gave you, and you speak her name. And there is a gust of wind, and but two moments later, you hear the pounding of wings on the air. and she lands before you along with storm at sea and snow on the mountain. Hello, how do you fare?

I'm quite well, Fearbulk. How are you? I have been better. We must ask a favor. Anything. We are going to crypt. This is half day for you, a day for us. will you permit us transportation

and she bows her head slightly uh rainier says what did she say she says yes oh that's awesome I mean it's not awesome that you know it's not awesome that Fitzroy was kidnapped and then we have to like go save him

but I get to write out of Pegasus yeah it's not as quite as much fun as you may have fewer than you would imagine prepare for a chafing. Will you guys help me up? Sure, of course. So she is able to stand on her feet, but she is shaky, so she does need to rely on you guys to help her.

And when she stands out of her chair, she poses a button and speaks the word, minimize, and the chair shrinks so that it is about one-tenth the size it was before, and she's able to put it into her bag. Cool. Very cool. Thank you. Yeah, it's a badass chair, right? Yes.

She's a cool chair. And she's my house, really big. Um, will you help me up? Of course. I, I give her a boost up there.

Fearbug, you are about to mount up when, you know what, make a constitution saving throw for me. Dang. Okay. Scrash. Sprang it.

Sprang it on me. Yep. Uh, no, no, I dropped the die. Ah, oh, beans. I dropped it again.

Oh. 16. Okay, you did it bad, huh? You can just say you did bad, Justin. No, 16. I had to roll. kept rolling off the table.

You had to roll it three times because it kept rolling off the table. Uh-huh. Okay. He's playing on his tea table. Hey, bud, hey bud, if I wanted to cheat, I don't have to roll the die repeatedly. I guess that's true.

There's other smoother heists that I can pull off. Plus one, by the way, 17. He could just roll the dice and then say 18, no matter what number comes on. Hey, eat my whole butt and my butt hole. So the fear bog you are able to remain on your feet, but just bear, as a striking pain pierces what feels like your entire brain, and you hear the voice of the Guardian from the unknown forest, say, Master Fearbolg. Can you hear me?

Yes. I'm sorry for the intrusion, but I have a message for you from, well, from you. And I believe this is the time you wanted me to deliver it. What did I say to me? Your clan is in great danger and they need you urgently. It cannot wait. And Rainier says, are you okay? I am needed at my home. What was once my home?

I'm sorry, but this must come first. Oh, well, I mean, it should be fine. I'm not, like I said, I'm not expecting any trouble at dads. I just need to go get Fitzroy. Argo, do you need to go with him? I don't know. What do you think, Fariburg? You want a little company for your road trip?

I mean, I don't know what I'm going to do in a demon. A plot? No. Oh. This is not the way of. the clan they would not understand. Cool, cool, cool. Okay. Okay. Yeah, because I wouldn't want to just like, you know,

go along and this hover waiting for you, right? Yes. Okay. Um, hey, I guess I'm still on board right here. I'll go with you. Okay, great. Um, well, Fearbug, we'll see you soon, I guess. Hmm. Fearbulk, you're sure. You're okay going by yourself, right?

I am. Fearbug, you mount up on snow on the mountain while Argo hops on top of storm at sea, and Argo and Rainier take off in one direction, and the fearbug leaves in the other. You find yourself in a room with a white marble pedestal in the middle. On the pedestal are many keys. Each key has a different end on it. teeth are the same, but at the end of each is a different three-dimensional figure. They are a book, a dove, an anchor, a knight's helmet, an oak leaf, a wheel, and a candle. The door opposite you is a dark, rich purple with gold inlay running in swirls throughout,

and written across the door in gold letters is the word choose. The hardware itself also appears to be made of gold, including the lock. The lock plate seems to have something written on it, but you can't make it out from where you are standing. Yeah, I mean, it seems like examining the lock plate should be first order of biz. Roll a perception check for me. Oh, no, so investigation. Oh, well, that's a, that is a minus one. So let's see how we do on that.

12, minus one, 11. It says, and justify in times. any letters. Okay. Bone friends. But I mean, your gut seemed pretty good there. Can you, what's your, what's your heart of hearts? Gosh, I got, you really don't have organs, but what are you feeling in your bones?

There's a lot of our metaphor, our, one of our metaphors are hung around organ. Yeah, it's weird. Kind of. Sort of meat-based. You got to go with your gut. Yeah. Heart on your sleeve. Wrap my head around it.

Well, you still have a skull. I don't know, anyway. Got any instincts? I point at the book. The book one, huh? You like the book one? And I point at the Knight's helmet. Uh-oh.

And I pointed him and give a thumbs up. Wait, you like his better? And I point back at him and give a thumbs up. Double thumbs up, nod. Okay, now I'm confused because you said you liked the book. I pointed the book and the helmet. And they give kind of a cocky nod. Yeah.

Okay, but both. It seems like there's only one keyhole. So you want me to try and jam both those in there at the same time? I lock my fingers together, like, combine, combine them. I try to press the two, the book and the night one together into one incredible key. Yeah, that does, nothing happens. It didn't work. Am I just not, am I doing it hard enough?

I flex, I pretend to flex my bone. Okay, so stronger. Travis, I try and push them together even stronger. Make a strength threat. Yeah, make a strength trick for me. That is 18. Yeah, they bend. Oh.

Nice, guys, look. Guys look. Oh, no. Oh, beans. Well, I know it's not. Luckily, they bend in such a way that you think you could still use, you know, one of them. Nope, they're solid. These two are, these two are obviously.

Obviously not the right answer. Give me that list again. Book, dove, anchor, night, oak leaf, wheel, candle. Yes. And what is you trying to figure out here? Yeah, what did the play say? The instruction said choose and justify. And justify.

Hmm. I pointed the candle. Oh. So. Slow and odd. Okay. Is there any way you can sort of pantomime why you are team candle now? A pantomime like burning my hand like, ooh, hot.

Oh, I love Girkin. Okay. And I point at the night's helmet again and then point back at Fitzroy. No, yeah, no, I get it. I am a knight, but I don't see why that is going to necessarily be the key here. Candle I'm interested in, I pick up the candle one. Can I do like an Arcana check to see if I'm getting any sort of magic vibes off any of these candles? You sure can.

12 plus 3.15. Yeah, so these things are. magic as hell. Right. And it is a sympathetic magic between the lock and the keys. You know, with your studies of magic and the feeling you're getting from the kind of magic that you've found here, it seems like in order for it to unlock the door, you need to be convinced that it will unlock the door. I pick up the candle then. And I take it over to the lock and I say, right. The knight seemed a little obvious, so did the book, because it's like, he's a student, he's a knight, what isn't he? What can't he do? The oak leaf, it's like, nah, that ain't, that ain't me. Anchor is more of an Argo thing. Dove, I could be like, oh, peace is great. And I'm a peaceful, but that is also still not my thing. Wheel I thought about for a second, but it also seems like sort of symbolically not as fitting as candle, which is, you know, it's got fire in there and it's like, you know, fire is, chaotic and it can, it is a necessary thing to shed light for the path ahead of you, but also it can

burn your fingers and it's, um, yeah, that's it. And I put the key in the lock. And you turn and it opens. Oh, cool. Yeah, process of elimination. GERCIN, two for two. Slow nod. Tibious sulks. Ah, you'll get them next time. I wear the helmet out. He's that's a I need a little key. It's a little key. I wear it on my thumb. But rather than face a new room or some kind of challenge, you see stairs leading up. Oh, it's just stairs.

I thought it was a monster. It might be a mimic. I climb the stairs. I ain't afraid to know a mimic. At the top of the stairs, you find a stone room. There are devices and tools everywhere. It is unclear what the purpose of this room is. is. You see movement

and you realize that there is someone standing with their back to you. They are wearing a rich black cloak with the hood up. Hi. Hello? Mr. Rainier's dad? Hello, Sir Fitzroy.

I've been waiting for you. I mean, I could have gotten here a lot sooner without all of the... These two, by the way, great dudes. I don't know if you do like a promotion, if you can upgrade them to sort of arch,

arch skeletons or whatever, but a huge, hearty recommendation from yours truly. These two are top flight skeletons. I'll keep that in mind. And he turns, and you see a skeletal face with intricately painted black lines

patterned across its surface, and he is holding a tray. And he smiles, and you're instantly confused. And he says, May I interest you? And he raises the tray in a scone. Fearbulk, you arrive at your clan,

and everything is fine. You weren't sure what you were expecting, maybe devastation, fires, demons, rampaging, but it looks exactly like you left it, even better than you saw in your vision of the future. The main hall still stands, the wooden structures, the homes at the center of town, everything still stands. But your landing draws attention. And he comes towards you. The fear bug you would have called friend, but now have not spoken to in a long time. And he says,

What are you doing here, teeth? I was told. There was calamity. We need no help from your kind. Is this the will of the clan? Or is it your will? It is the will of the clan. That's why you were banished. I was banished for a fundamental understanding of economic theory.

This was my only crime. This means nothing to me. Still, I suppose this saves us the trouble. Of what? Your sire is dying. This is most unfortunate. You may stay for the passing, and then you go. The skull-faced man registers the look on your face and says,

Oh, sorry, one second. And he sets down the scones and he says, I forgot I was wearing, you know, my work clothes. And he pulls back his hood. And the skeletal face changes into a shaved head man with dark skin, but areas of lighter pigment kind of in a pattern throughout his face. And he says, it is a pleasure to meet you. my name is Gordy.

Gordy the Litch King? I mean, you can just call me Gordy, if you want. Okay, Gordy, hello. You know who I am, I'm guessing. Well, that sounded like a real douchy thing to say, but... I mean, I did just bring you into my home and kind of put you through a bit of, like, a job interview, so yes, I do know who you are, Fitzroy.

You know, I suspected that that was like a job. job interview. I didn't think usually traps are more sort of like there's poisonous needles or spikes or big boulder or acid cube or just a big mouth that gets you. Yours, yours seemed, they seemed awfully, I don't know, up to interpretation. Yeah. I mean, you were in no danger. That was clear, right? Oh, God, yes. Okay. Yeah. No. Reinh, said that you were looking for an army and as much as I appreciate her glowing recommendation of you, I wanted to kind of get to know you first. And part of that was, you know, the rooms and how you interacted with my two friends here. And he just just towards Garkin and Tibia.

But also this, I want to just be able to have a little sit down with you. So, Skone. What kind? Well, I have cranberry year and I have, You're allergic to chocolate? You're allergic to chocolate? And cranberries, oh for two. Really? Yeah, listen, it's like a half-healthy.

Listen, I, you seem very nice and your daughter is rad and a great friend, but I do not necessarily appreciate being appraised. it's kind of a running theme for me lately and it seems like we're the only ones kind of trying to save the world right now and everybody else is just kind of figuring out if we're up to it or not so we're starting off on the wrong foot is what I'm saying Gordy.

I see. Okay, you know what? I have to ask, do you it kind of seems like you don't care about the army or the job interview. I'm confused. I thought this is what you were looking for. Yeah. Here's the thing, Gordy.

I need to sort of do a job interview with you if I'm going to really let you in on the truth of the matter. Okay? Do you think we could do that? Yes. Give me your hands. I'm going to do the thing where I put my hand on your pulse and I can do like a lie detector. thing. Sure. That's not really anything. Yes. I have a plus zero insight. Yeah, I'm I'm like a lich and like a necromancer. I know a lot about the body. You know that, right? Okay, fine. Yeah.

And I don't have a pulse. I don't know if that would have thrown it in. Yeah. It would have been a real issue. Yeah. So are you, I'm guessing, just sort of a professional villain or what's your whole thing? Oh, no. I'm not, I'm not in the villain. system. I'm not from here. Okay. Okay. What's your deal then? That's a big question. Would you sit, please, and we can talk? Sure. I sit. Well, let me, can I tell you a little story? Yep. That will tell you about me. Okay.

So as I said, I'm not from here. My family, we, we, traveled a lot. And my parents were travelers for work, mostly. And one day, on one of their travels, they found me. And I had been abandoned by my family because of my power. It scared them. Necromancy, like, just like necromancy from, okay, literally from cradle to the grave. Yes.

It was inherent. Okay. It was a thing that I was born with. Gotcha. And it scared them. And so in turn, it scared me. I was only five at the time. And so my parents, my adopted parents, took me in.

And they raised me, and they weren't afraid of me. And they taught me everything they knew about necromancy, which was a lot. And I. learned not only about magic and power, but love. And when I was old enough, I wanted to do the same. I wanted to pay that forward. So I came here to Nuwa, to this, to here. And I found Rainier.

And she needed the same thing. She needed someone to show her that power in itself is not good, or bad, that it's what you do with it. And you can help or hurt no matter what power you have. And also, I found a purpose here. I found countless, unquiet dead that everyone feared. And so no one would help them. And so I helped them. And this whole, the undying lord, the lich king thing, it's, it's, a lot of it's smokescreen so that people leave us alone. Pretty great name. Pretty great brand.

I do see I came up with, check this out, Thunder Man. That's pretty good too. That's good branding. That it says right there, right there what you do, you know? I do it. I like that. And, you know, so now I mostly just keep to myself and take care of my friends. All right, Gordy, you got the job.

You passed, you passed the, I'm going to roll an insight check, not because I think he's lying, but because I don't think he's telling me everything necessarily. Go for it. That's just a nine plus zero. Yeah, he seems pretty on the level. You can't tell if there's anything he's holding back. Yeah, Gordy. Okay, so I forget necessarily where we were in the process when I had Rainier reach out to you.

But there's a demon prince named Gray. You know him? I've heard about him, yes. Okay, cool. He is going to war with, well, it was a pair of the instructors at Wigginstaff School for Heroism and Villany. But now, like, I'm sort of mixed up in it, and so is all my friends, and Rainier is starting to get involved. And pretty, here in a few months, we're supposed to go to war. And it's going to be cataclysmic and very, very bad.

So instead, we've recently decided to just kind of kill him in his sleep. I see. Because we know where he lives. So like, I don't know that we need an army of skeletons or whatever. Although these two I would trust with my very life. These are, again, Primo Bone Boys. Yes, they're two of my best. Tibia blushes in a very impossible way.

He says he has no skin. Right. Yeah, I put two fingers in cheek dimples that aren't there. Oh, that's very cute. Dipples is in the bones, isn't it? God, I hope not. Dimples ain't the bones. Dimples ain't made in the bones.

Anyway, so, you know, but you are an extremely powerful necromancer, and so I'm sure there is something you can do to help me out, right? Well, I'm sure that there is, but before I kind of play the necromancy thing, can I be a dad for a second? Yep. How did you get roped into this? Oh boy, long, long story. Me and my two friends sort of figured out that the demon prince gray was like in disguise at Wiganstaffs.

He's been pretending to be Hieronymus. And yeah, we sort of unmasked him. And oh, by the way, we have the same source of chaotic power. So there's sort of a showdown for our, you know, divine power sources affection. There's a lot going on there. It just, I mean, excuse me, I know we've only just met. Yeah. But it seems really unfair to you.

You know, after a while, you kind of just stop thinking about things that way. It is what it is And if I didn't feel up to the task Then you know Maybe I would be sulking But I think we can do this It's just Gordia we need help

And every time I ask for it There is a series of hoops That we have to jump through And instead of just sort of like Excited support That is a thing that I have seen In this world that as an outsider, this world loves its little intricacies and bureaucracies and it's all bullshit.

There's so much expectation. I love my daughter so much and I hate that she has to grow up here, that there's so much restriction and expectation. Oh, boy. You know, I feel so bad for you kids that there's people who won't just let you go out on your own and have adventures that you'll have to be taught this is what you're supposed to do and this is what you're supposed to do. And it's all just made up bullshit. Yeah, I'm sort of figuring and that out the longer I spend in the higher education track, the more I find it sort of upsetting. But Gordy, that's neither here nor there. Forgive my impatience.

Will you please help me kill the demon, Prince Grey? And I said please in there. Absolutely. Cool. I hear that you said please. Thank you. And I will help you because you seem like a good guy. And...

But first I have to get the dragons diamond from the top of the... Just tell you what they qualify it. There's no no hoops. I have actually only one request. Yep. I'll even have some of my friends help you if you need it. I just make sure that you treat them with the same care and respect that you would live in fighters. They feel it too, and a lot of people don't always take that into account.

I've learned a lot about skeletons and they're just, their hearts. Sorry, we've recently discovered that pretty much all idioms refer to body meat. But they're kind, bone boys, and I will protect them with my life. You know, I'm here to help. I'm at your disposal, and I just, it seems like a lot of people have asked a lot of you. and I'm on behalf of them. I mean, I'm sorry.

It's all good. I think this was the last one that I'll be patient for. And so, like, you helped me kind of reach that threshold. So I appreciate it. It kind of seems, if I may, I'm as a king, I guess, in my own way, it kind of seems like you're the one in control here you're leading an army you're stopping you're one of the sides in a war i don't see why you are the one doing the asking right yeah yeah that's all i got for that yeah no it's one but anyway uh i'm feeling good though

After this, Gordy, this heart to heart, feeling, feeling strong. Feeling, can I be honest, Gordy? Pretty ready. So I guess, does it have to be by the light of the full moon when we make this assassination mission? No, you just let me know what you need. All right. Do you want, now I will offer this. Would you like Tibia and Gherkin to kind of accompany you home?

Gurkin, is there any way that you could shed the pubic wig? Oh, is he... Are you wearing that? Shameful non. Oh, crap. Is that what a Merkin is? Yeah. Dad.

Read a book. Dad. Oh, our poor innocent daddy. All right. Okay, he can keep it. Yeah, I would love them to come with me just as a sort of liaison. Okay. Great.

Well, dinner's almost ready. You can have a bite and then I'll send you home. Sounds good. What's cooking? Not more scones, I hope that I need a more balanced sort of meal than that. No, it's fish. Allergic. You are not.

We just established in the last episode that you eat bowl full of fish every day for your muscles. Just cod. I'm allergic to any other non-cod. Oh, perfect. He actually eats muscles for his muscles, so he does eat fish. Boo. Okay, yes, I'm fine. Yes, eat.

Let's eat. Fearbug, you make the way towards your father's home. You know where it is well. Even in the dark of the evening, it takes you no time to find it. And do you hesitate at the door or do you go right inside? No, I go right inside. You go right inside and you find him where you expected him to be, laying in his bed. Do not look ill to me.

Is that you? Yes. I heard you were ill, but you look as strong as I have ever seen. Fear bog, don't lie. This is just my opinion. Well, I have missed you. I have missed you as well. I have missed everything.

I am a stranger here. Not in my home. But enough. Enough. Where have you been? Where have you made a new plan? I have found a school. I am learning and no tried.

Oh, well, I was not expecting this. I am, well, I have a promising career in small business finance, but I would not expect you to approve of this. It is not what I wanted, but I am dying. So what do I care? This is as close to a blessing as I could hope for. I care more about have you found new clan? I have it is small. There are only three of us, but they are.

are my clan. There are other fearbog at school? I am the only one. They are not a fearbug. They are Genasi

and Helf and Gary. Oh. Do they follow the code? From time to time. They have their moments, but no, no, they don't follow the code.

Well then, they are lucky to have you, eh? I have tried to be a light to set a good example, but I have, been taught too. What have you been thought? I have learned that the code that we follow is what keeps us together, keeps us strong, keeps us us changing, but there are others who do not follow this code, who brave and strong and care. And it seems we could learn from them as well. I see.

Well, it also seems like they could learn from you. I have taught them many places to find berries. Oh, yeah. He's good. There are fine berries there. You mustn't worry about this. I have found many fine berries. I have learned more magics, and I have made friends.

This is like clan, but they live elsewhere. This makes me very happy to know that you are not alone. Oh, no. I am alone. I have been alone since I left here. We together.

It's better then. I want you to know of all the fearbook that I have known to be out in the world. You are the one

who I know will do good who will not let world change him into bad fearbook you know

what is right you know code and sometimes those are the same thing eh But take it from me. I have been alone without you for some time, too.

They are not always the same. You are good for your book. Sleep well, huh? In the morning, we will speak more on this. And your father closes his eyes for the last time. Burnt's walking out of things fucking out. O'rt May Nina, honored my nameina. Of forbid her vagran fee, national healing of Mrs.

Bear, a once more but her, Here that's the one I want. We'll buy the vervee. We are near sinners down there morning's walking out. Fitzroy, you and Gordy are just about to sit down to dinner when Argo and Rainier come rushing into the room. And Gordy says, oh, Rainier and guest, I wasn't expecting you. Oh, join us.

There's plenty. And Rainier says, okay, why did you kidnap Fitzroy? Fitzroy, are you okay? Oh, yeah, it was a misunderstanding in that he thought that I would have the patience for his adjudication. and I did not. Oh, was it a job interview thing? Yeah, but we're fine now. It's okay.

And we're good. We're good, right? And then we're going to do a war, I guess. Oh, yeah. Sounds great. It's all good. Are those scones? They are, please.

Thanks. Starvin. Right in a Pegaside. It takes it right out of you. I'm, Fitzroyd, the fear bug, something is happening with his clan? something what what is happening with his clan um he said they were in danger and he had to go why didn't you go with him i well i tried to go with him it wouldn't let me he i he said it was

something he had to do on his own you know i i asked twice twice i asked him you sure you don't want me to go did he say it in the way where it's like part of the code because like i don't want to stay i don't want to trample all over that but if if he's in danger i don't I think it was codish. Okay. I think it was very codish. I mean, he made it sound like I wouldn't even be able to go into the gathering or whatever we live in. So do you guys need to go?

I don't know. Hold on. I open up the notebook of far writing or whatever it's called and write is everything okay. just as like as big as I can in a way that he'll feel the vibration in his pocket or whatever. Oh, is that like a magical communication thing? Yes. Oh, that's not going to work. No magic except mine can get in or out of here.

Okay, well, can I, I'm going to go on a hike then to get some cell signal. Like, what do I, what should I do? I mean, I can send you back to the school if you want. I feel bad that these two, can you teleport the Pegasite too? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Could you send us to just outside of Furbul city? Not without a summoning circle there.

There's still the summoning circle from when I brought here, so I can just connect directly to there. All right. Should have looked in the book. Yeah. So we'll reach out, I guess, and let you know, Bone Boys. Oh, God, Argo. I can't wait for you to meet these two. They...

Look at this adorable gold tooth, Skeleton. Yeah. Yeah, he's a real... Oh, can I... May I... Oh, can he be my friend? Let's go.

I'll send them along, okay? Okay, thank you. Stand on the circle there. Okay. Oh, um, hold on. Huh. That's weird. Um, oh, no.

Huh. Okay, no. Yeah, here we go. DeVocho. and the green fire wraps around you, the same green fire that was there last time. And unlike last time, the transportation is not instantaneous. It seems like the fire is kind of flickering in spots. And at one point, you, Fitzroy, a kind of bigish area of the ball of fire surrounding you,

opens up and you see that momentarily your transport has been redirected to the God's carcasm, specifically the bottom of it. And the silhouette that you have seen in the portal, you are now about 10 feet away from this person and they are looking directly at you. And they are nine feet tall with opalescent skin, all white eyes, and they look at you and smile and wink, and then that portal closes, the spell completes, and you are back at the school. What a day I write in the book again. There's part of me that sees that and is like, oh, wow. And then there's part of me that's like, okay, fine, let me get there.

and you hear behind you and you turn to see Gray sitting on the steps of the school and he says I told you if you left without my permission I would kill 10 students a day

and yet you didn't listen you must think me a demon of empty threats well, I am a demon of my word. And he gestures to the big tree where you see 10 unconscious students tied around him. And he yells, sick him.

And you see a dozen hellhounds tear towards them. Fun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.