The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 26: Little Gray Cells

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

Fitzroy, Argo and Rainer rush to save the captive students from a pack of hellhounds. Is help on the way? Things look grim, luckily some accessories brighten up everyone's day. Then, the Thundermen meet a new advisor. Five questions need answered. A mind is poisoned. A painful transformation. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary, previously on the Adventure Zone graduation. So, there's a demon prince named Gray. He runs a layer of hell that can poison your mind. Just ask Argo how he felt when he was there. Gray has been masquerading in our dimension as school administrator slash hero, Hieronymus Wigginstaff, for the last 50 years. He then declared war on three dudes named Fitzroy, Argo, and Master. fear bulg. In said declaration, he warned them not to sneak off or there would be consequences.

Fast forward to the last episode when Fitz, Argo, and Raynear got back from the crypt and discovered said consequences in motion. There's a dozen hellhounds tearing towards ten unconscious students and there without their fearbulb friend. So Fitzroy Argo and Raynear have just returned to the school. the three of you stand at the foot of the stairs leading to the main entry. At the top of the stairs is Demon Lord Gray, and he has just sent a dozen hellhounds tearing towards 10 unconscious students. The hellhound started about 50 yards away, and you are about 20 yards away,

and you're pretty sure if you ran at full speed, you could get there before they do. What do you do? I look at Argo in a way that... You know, we've been friends for a while now. think that we operate on this level where you can just tell by me looking at you, like, hey, you're way faster than me. You really think they have that kind of, hmm, okay.

I mean, do you not, like, do you not? Yeah, I, a little. Yeah, I think there's some, like, 62% of what you're getting at. All the students are dead now. That's how, that's, and that's it, Dad, you've got to be on your toes. You've got to be, you've got to think on your feet. Because you hesitate. That's true.

That's true. Hell hands are really fast. So you've acknowledged that he's faster than you. Yeah. And? I mean, I'll start sprinting towards the tree. All three of you begin moving towards the tree. Rainier follows the top speed.

Her chair will carry her, which is about the same as your running speed. Can I, while I'm running, pull out the notebook of Far Speech, and just write back to school now? You sure can. Okay, I do that. Um, the three of you, uh, reach with like 30 seconds to go before the, uh, hellhounds reach the students. So I'm going to give you like one round unfettered to prepare because there's 12 of them, three of you. And these students are completely defenseless.

So you're going to need to set up some kind of something. Otherwise, nine of them at least are going to get past you. Do, do, do we know the student? Do we know any of the students? From where you are, I mean, it's pretty dark and you don't recognize any of them. You probably are seeing around school, but no names that you know. If you want to roll a perception check, you can be sure. Let me do a perception check.

Okay. I have plus three. I have plus three on it. Ooh, la, la. And it's a seven, so I perceive nothing. I got a 16 plus four. I got 20. There is one you recognize with that roll.

unconscious you see moon I know he was recovering from a pretty gnarly injury how does he look right now it's been some time he's doing good I mean he's got some pretty cool scars that everyone agrees look pretty cool and he wears them hell well you know

sure they're unconscious right correct are they attached to the tree and shackled to the tree or anything they are they're kind of tied in around you know like one might see in a p. Pan movie where all the lost boys are tied to the mast. With just a rope? Yeah.

I mean, cut the rope. I don't have a, my weapon is a sort of a crushing instrument, but you got, you got knives for days, right? Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I, that's what I was thinking. Cut them with the, cut them with the daggers. Okay, make a strength check for me. Not great. That's a 12 plus one. so 13.

You're able to make it through, but it's taking you some time. So this is going to be your entire turn before the hellhounds get here. What do you do, Fitz? That's a good question. I mean, I want to pull, I want to pull attention away

from the tree. I mean, these are beasts, right? I mean, they're demons, but they're like, they're not, uh, they're beastial in nature. Okay. Okay. Uh, I, uh, I drop to a knee and put my hands on the ground and try and cast the spell I've never done before. So who knows, uh, called erupting earth.

Ooh. Uh, a fountain of churned earth and stone erupts in a 20 foot cube centered on that point that I choose. So I'm going to just try and put it between. us and the dogs. And you can attack like that? I don't know if this makes, I don't know if any of the dogs are in range of this attack,

but basically it also makes the area difficult to rain. Let's say like the lead four are in range. All right. Well, have them make a dexterity saving throw. They fail. Okay. All right. So they are going to take 3D12 bludgeoning damage.

So let's do that up. up real quick. Five. Another five. And an 11. So that is 21 points. Very good. Of bludgeoning damage.

And now the ground between the dogs and the tree is difficult to rain, which means it takes twice movement to go through. Okay. So they're slowed, which is a good call. And then Rainier kind of make sure that your flank is protected on the left. Opposite where you came from. She casts her eyes going green and you see a flash of that same green fire that her father casts with. And a spray of acid shoots from her left hand covering the ground to your left flank so that they can't sneak up on you over there.

So they're all coming straight at you. They're slowed down. So let's roll for initiative. Ooh. Dirty 20. Nat 20. Wow. All right.

I go first Great Okay You have now freed the students So you are ready to go Okay are they How would I Okay

No I'm going to create water Okay I'm going to create water I can make it rain I can make it rain Yes you can I'm proud of you dad So I make it rain

And this is is a third level. So it's 20 gallons of water. That's not very much for rain. And I'm making it rain in a column around the tree they're tied to. So the rain is falling on the students in an effort to wake them up. Ah, I see, I see, I see. Very good.

Sure. Yeah, you know what? I like that. And so that works. They sputter. Some of them are quicker to return to their feet than others. They're, you know, pretty groggy, but they are like somewhat aware. We're going to say they're all still prone, but they are now, you know, waking up.

So good move. Fitzra, you are up. I want to. So the students are awake? They, yeah, they're rousing. Okay, and they're still around the tree? Yes. They are no longer tied, though.

So they are, you feel like maybe next turn they'll be able to, like, flee. Okay. Okay, how about this? We got a big fight ahead of us. I'm going to put a hand on Argo's shoulder and say, are you ready for this? And cast haste. Until the spell ends, the target's speed is doubled.

It gains plus two bonus to AC. It has advantage on dexterity saving throws, and it gains an additional action. On each of its turns, that action can be used to take a single attack, dash, disengage, hide, or use an object. Nice. Do you get all that down? I will when he repeats it. Plus two to AC, double your speed, advantage on dexterity saving throws, and you get an additional action on each of your turns and it lasts up to a minute so that'll be a while now Griffin go ahead and roll against that

your chaos magic table for me okay roll to see if it activates or roll to see role because it activated and you want it activated oh fuck okay yeah I mean I you did the disrupting earth and you caught me unawares and I didn't think about it but uh 66 so uh okay uh up to three creatures is you choose within 30 feet of you take 40, 10 lightning damage. Oh, boy. Yeah, all right. Rarely are those, last time I just turned into a fucking plant. That's actually pretty good.

Yeah, I'm gonna choose the dogs that I already got with the ground, right? Okay, yeah, so you got... Well, three of them anyway. Uh, 10? Oh, my goodness. Uh, two, eight, and nine, 20 fucking nine points of lightning damage. Yeah, so the three you hit, they are charred and go down. They are deceased.

That wasn't even an action, Gray. Did you see that? So that's going to, you're now down to, I'm going to say, eight and a half hellhounds. Okay. Okay, so the hellhounds are now. It's my favorite CBS sitcom. Yeah. How many were there to start with?

A dozen, 12. So now we've got nine hellhounds coming in, but because of the uneven ground, because of the acid, they are funneled a little bit more. So the only four of them are able to get through on this round. One of them is going to attack you, Fitzroy? Yeah, I had that coming. Um, that is 14, uh, plus that hits, it. Uh, 14 plus five. Okay.

Yeah. So you're going to take, uh, seven, uh, piercing damage and seven fire damage. Mm. Um, and then one of them snaps at the student closest to them. Uh, but that fails. Just barely. And then the third one, that fails. That fails.

And that fails. Okay, great. You're very lucky. It was three bad roles. So up next is Rainier. And Rainier is going to animate one of those dead hellhounds. So it's still smoking from where you hit it. And it rises back.

to its feet with a green flame glow in its burned out eye holes and comes charging in at another one, let's say the one that is already at half, and tackles it to the side and they go off rolling together. So now you have eight hellhounds to deal with. This is the only scenario in which that is palatable and acceptable. And so we're back at the top. top with Argo. They're freed. They're awake. If I say yelling at them is not going to be my action, right?

No. Speaking is always free. Okay. So I'm going to tell them, climb the tree, climb the stupid tree, up the tree, everybody up the tree. And then I'm going to attack the poor pitiful looking, I'm going to pick the smaller hellbound left. Okay.

You pick the runt? Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm a rogue. Yeah, I know. And I'm going to attack with Florence. Okay. Okay. So.

And I want you to no doubt. You are flanked by your friends. You can sneak attack if you want. I was saving that. Well, don't save it anymore, you precious beautiful butterfly. Oh, okay. Well, I've been dying to use sneak attack. Yeah.

Okay. So I'm going to use. Florence on the runt hellhound. So that's a 13 plus 6 with Florence. That's 19. That hits. And Florence does 1D8 plus 7. Pretty good.

So that's an 8. And 7, that's 15. That does some damage. It's still not down. Sneak attack! Sneak attack! See how I did that? I do.

Here's how I picture it, right? Florence and, but what's that in your left hand? It's your bracelet dagger turned dagger, and you bury that in its... Slapsidian! Slapsidian is buried into its neck while not looking. And now you have its full attention, which is also going to be good for those students as they climb the tree. So I have to do an extra D6 damage, right? Correct.

That's a four. Nice. Okay. Up next is Fitzroy. Did you take your second bonus action that I gave you? Oh, right? Or did you already forget? Oh, can I stab somebody else?

Yes, you can. All right, then I'm going to use my regular old rapier on the same hellhound. On the same hound. Go for it. I'm going to use the other rapier. Okay. To also stab this poor innocent hellhound. Okay.

All right. So that's an 11. plus eight. Nice. That's 19. That hits for sure. And it's 1D8 plus 4. That is a 7.

So that's 11. Oh, this one's looking roughs of daisy right there. Okay, very good. Now, Fitzroy, you're out. How many are left? There are eight left. And the one that Argo So double triple stabbed is looking rough.

And isn't another one? Yeah, another one's fighting with the reanimated dog, right? Correct. But that one now is plenty distracted over there. Yeah, I don't think he's counting them. The students, what's the status on them? Are they climbing the tree? I know Argo told them to.

Yeah, they're climbing the tree real well. At this point, about half of them are up. Moon is helping people get up the tree. but you would say of the 10 5 of them are already up in the first kind of level of branches Cool because they're not going to want to be on the ground for this

I who Fitzroy who is apparently the fucking avatar stomps on the ground and conjures a tidal wave with his final third level spell slot Oh boy A wave of water comes crashing down on area within range. The area can be up to 30 feet long, up to 10 feet wide, and up to 10 feet tall.

I'll probably just do all those. And if gray is in that area, too, that's pretty cool. And everyone in that area is going to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. Well, okay, let me do the saving throw first. So I'm going to say of the eight in that area, of the bad people, of them saved and the other five did not. Okay. And now I think Argo should probably go ahead and save two, right? Yeah, that's only fair. But you have advantage on dexterity saving throws.

Well, that's not real great. That's an eight. Okay. But you have advantage. Plus eight. That would have been 16. 16 ties. That's a 13 plus eight.

There you go. Plus, I would also think, since he breathes water and he's underwater, he would also have an even more advantage. And good news, Gervin, the students save as well. Well, I wasn't aiming, I mean, I was aiming it away from the students, right? And a 30-foot line away from, I just figured. Tell me what happens? I conjure a big-ass wall of water.

All of the creatures who did not save take 19 points of bludgeoning damage. And yeah, baby, it's a third-level spell. And they are knocked prone, which means they have to spin their move, standing up, the ones who saved only take eight bludgeoning damage and they are not knocked pro. Okay, great. Go ahead and roll that. Oh, shit.

That includes Argo. Sorry. Yeah, eight damage for Argo. Wait, I just, I avoided it. Yeah, but you take damage on a save for this spell. This juicy spell. Well, all right. All right.

So I need to roll 1D00. I've figured out how to do that. Ooh, that's a high-nishol. number. That's an 85. Is that good or bad? Is that higher? It's better? I don't know. I don't know. I know if you roll a 100 or it like lets you, you like roll on it every turn for the next like 10 minutes or something wild like that. Eighty-five, you cast mirror image. I don't know what that means, but let's see. Three illusory duplicates of yourself appear in your space.

Until the spell ends, the duplicates move with you and mimic your actions, shifting position, so it's impossible to track which image is real. You can use your action to dismiss the illusory duplicates. Each time a creature targets you with an attack during the spell's duration, roll a D20 to determine whether the attack targets one of your duplicates. Okay. Cool. Well, next is the Hellhounds. The first one, because the five of them are prone,

so they're going to spend that turn getting up. So we have three left. One is going to take a bite at illusory Fitzroy. Come at us, bro. Yes, bro. Come at us. What have you got, bro? Let's see what you've got, bro. So you're trying to attack me. Okay, if you have three duplicates, you must roll a six or higher to change the attacks target to a duplicate. Oh, you roll. Okay. Yeah, I roll. So I rolled a 10. So I'm going to divert him to a duplicate. And then the AC equals 10 plus my dexterity modifier, which is plus 2. So 12. And if you just, if you hit, if you hit a duplicate, it is destroyed. Oh, okay. Now I guess so you didn't roll a 12, right? Well, I rolled an 11 plus 5. Okay. Then I...

One of the fake Fitzroy's explodes. So the Hellhound takes a bite out of the illusory Fitzroy, and it just pffed into air. The Hellan is... Fitzroy 3! No! Was that your favorite, least favorite, or middle? They're all my favorite. Don't make me choose.

That's beautiful. So, two Hellhounds close on Argo. And they are both about to lunge at him when a shadow briefly crosses the moon. Your attention is drawn upwards, but all you see is a silhouette. A silhouette there grows larger and larger as a giant eagle swoops down and slams into one of the hellhounds targeting Argo. And the fearbulk has entered the fight. Hi, Justin. It's a really fun fight.

And Justin has entered the show. Everybody, catch me up. What are we fighting? Zombies, skeletons, I am ready for anything. Dogs. It was 12 dogs. Now it's like seven. Like puppies.

But they're bad. And we're going to say it's your turn, Fearwald. Interrupting the Hellhounds turn. So who do we have on the battlefield laid out for me? Pretend, if you will, that I... Pretend that I have zoned out. and muted you and played video games in an adjoining room. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Hey, thanks. I'm going to say, no, just for a moment, I got to be a listener of the Adventure Zone rather than a participant. What a rare- How was that experience? Without Justin on the show, it really went downhill. You are currently in bird form,

in giant eagle form. I will let you transition out of that for free, since I made that choice and you didn't. Hell no. Giant Eagle? Yep. You've got one. I shall play the role.

I'm going to be. You got one Hellhound targeting Argo, one targeting Fits, one you just knocked prone, and five other ones that were prone and are back on their feet and will soon be attacking the tableau in front of you, which is there are students climbing into the tree to safety. most of them now reached at least the first level, and you have Rainier, Fitzroy, and Argo fighting off these hellhounds. There's three of us now. There's three of us now. Don't get freaked out.

Hi! Giant Eagles are unfreek-outable. I'm going to use my incredible beak to begin on whichever Hellhound looks the weakest. Um, that's going to be the one you just battered. Perfect. Which is now bloodied. Okay, so I will roll a, sorry, sorry, sorry, uh, 14 plus 5, 19.

That hits. Okay, and that is 1D6 plus three piercing. Oh, six, nice, nine points. Okay, yeah. That hellhound goes down. So now there are seven left. All right. Whoever's next.

Next to me gets the talents. That's going to be the one targeting Argo. Bad news for you, idiot. I got multi-attack. And a 17. That hits. Plus 522. Then it definitely hits.

And that's going to be 2D6 plus 3. six two, eight, 11. Okay, solid hit. That one is bloodied now too. And up next is the Hellhound targeting Argo, who now is going to turn and try

to attack the giant eagle that is swiping out. And that is a 16 plus five. His armor class would be different from... Yeah, I'm going to say because you're flying,

I'm going to say disadvantage as well. Okay, it's 13. Well, that's an 18 plus 5, so it's going to hit you either way. Most assuredly. So you're going to take 14 points of damage total. Okay. It's going to cost you some feathers. Yeah.

It's cost me half my life. Giant Eagles are beautiful and majestic and very susceptible to hellhound attack, it would seem. Up next is Rainier. Rainier points her hands towards the hellhound that the furrowed that the Furborg has been swiping at with its talons. Her eyes glow green once more, and this time a beam of black energy shoots out from her hands and lashes towards the creature. And that hits.

And you see it immediately look a lot more sickly as it takes 12 points of poison damage and it rots away before you. So that one's down now too. Making short work of these pups. So you got six left. You've got half of them down. And up next is Argonaut Keen. What happened to all the water in the tidal wave spell? I mean, it's probably splashed down to the ground.

Made a big muddy mess of the earthquake that I did earlier. Do I still have bonus action? Yes. Yeah. I'm going to cast shape water on the water. underneath the hellhounds. Okay. I'm going to freeze that water.

Nice. And that's what I'm going to do. Okay. Just to hamper their speed and slow them down a little bit. Okay. I'm going to do a deck saving throw for them. Oh, my God. That's a one.

That's a one, folks. So yeah, that ground gets all slippery. Now it's some frozen mud. And the five that had just it up, oh, they slip and go prone again. Oh, boy. Dad, that could just be your standard action. You know, I was just thinking that. Because you have a, and now you can do the bonus, the bonus Jonas.

Who's the most wounded of the hellhounds? Am I near it? They're all pretty equal at this point. You know, you know what? I'm going to do the one that hurt my bird buddy. Okay. I'm going to I'm going to stab it

Yes With Lawrence again Okay So that's a 26 Oh that hits for sure It does I 1D8 plus 7 A 1D8

Oh 1d8 That's so good Six plus 7 is 13 That one goes down There are five left standing around you. And I disengage. And you disengage.

Yeah, you do, son. Yeah, hey, listen, as a guy that did that for half the episode, let me tell you, it is sweet. Okay. I'm going to sit back and have me a pop. Make a wisdom saving throw for me. Can I do a Dex saving throw maybe? No. 17, minus 1, 16.

So, with a 16, you feel a pressure behind your eyes. and your attention is drawn to where Gray is standing, and you realize that he has been focused on you for the entirety of this battle. And he has one eyebrow hurt, and he's kind of half smiling and nodding. And you take five points of psychic damage. You smile?

Oh, that's so sad. And up next is Fitzroy. Do I see this happen? I guess it would be pretty tough to see this happen. I mean, roll a perception check for me. That's a 15 plus 419? Yeah, you register that for some reason Argo has now looked at gray and is kind of like distracted for a moment.

Yeah. Okay, I'm going to point two fingers toward gray. This is something I've been wanting to do this whole fight. Just to really kind of test the fight waters with Gray, and I'm going to cast Mind Spike. Whoa. Yeah, it's a cool sounding spell. I reach into the mind of one creature within range. The target must make a wisdom saving throw, taking 3D8 psychic damage on a failed save or half as much damage on a successful one.

There's some more stuff it does on a failed save. That is a failed save. Okay. So he is going to take 12 psychic damage. Okay. And for the next hour, I'm going to know exactly where he is at all times. Oh. Just for the next hour.

I like that. Yeah. So the spell hits him. Tell me what it looks like. I don't think it looks like anything. I think he reacts to it like something. Like something, like I just threw a fucking volleyball at his face. But it was an invisible volleyball.

But I threw it, I imagine it just kind of like, because maybe it's just because it's called Mind Spike. I was imagining sort of just a lawn dart. So just a lot of outdoor sport activities in this reference. I think he is surprised to have felt damage, period, let alone like psychic damage. That's not the kind of thing, a demon prince like, great. Ray is used to experiencing. So he is both furious, but also, you know what, roll one more perception check for me. Watch this one be a stinker.

Yep, this one, a stinker two plus four, six. There's some other, there's some other emotion that you can't quite place before he makes a swipe with his hand. It's not horny. Hungry? It makes a swipe with his hand ripping open reality and stepping through and he's gone. but you still know he has retreated to his sanctuary in his, uh, in his hell dimension. Okay. And I know, I mean, I already knew where this was.

It's not like I'm getting sort of extra, uh, extra deeds. I mean, I don't know. It's, I think I've given you what the spell can do. Is there any sort of, we haven't seen the inside of this building. No, but I will give you that. I mean, it's a pretty large. It's a pretty large structure. And so you feel like you kind of know where he retreated to

and that you might be able to, you might be able to access that information again if you needed it. Okay, cool. And up next are the hellhounds, but with gray disappearing and them rising from prone and losing over half their number and they're all damaged. They all turn to retreat.

Now, they have some distance to go before they make it into any kind of clearing. If you guys want to take any last shots at them, please do. I mean, that feels in bad sport. You know, they're still sweet puppers with their cute, adorable toe beans. I don't want to hurt with puppers.

I stab the one, just in front of me. Okay. Okay. Okay. Roll an attack, I guess. That's a 10 plus, let's see, who am I stamina with? With my other rapier.

That's an apee. How many hands slash rapiers do you have? Because you keep saying other rapier, and it makes it seem like you've used four different rapiers. I have two rapiers. Oh, okay. Cool. Don't you remember they crossed on my back like Deadpool?

I forgot. Cool. God, he's fucking funny. Yeah, Deadpool's so funny, you guys. Did you know he was Green Lantern, too? Did you, yeah? Oh, you mean Ryan Reynolds, not Deadpool. I was very confused for a moment.

Deadpool knows he's in a movie? I love that. Yeah. But does Dad know he's in a podcast? Oh, right. So go ahead and roll damage for me, Dad. Okay. Let's see.

Yeah. We're going to think about that. Yeah, man. Yeah, right? I like how he says, fuck. Yeah. He calls somebody like a bag of dick. Oh my gosh, I've lost my eight.

There it is. Five plus four. Yeah, so that one goes down, sliding across the frozen mud as the four others skidder off into the forest. Wounded and whimpering. The battle has finished the students. dazedly make their way back inside. And when you turn, standing in the entryway of the school itself of the main building is a broad-shouldered war forge. It is six and a half feet of dented but well-polished metal and living wood. And it gestures to where the fight is concluded and says, not entirely

disappointing. Meet me at Jackal's balcony tomorrow at the Midday Bill, if you would like to win your war. And it turns and walks back inside. Oh, God, can you... Yeah, he needs to... Do you need to... Do you need to go back, or... Do you want to stay bird for a while? Cahree!

Hey, where did you go? That's bird for don't watch. Oh. Because you will not enjoy the visuals of what is about to happen. Oh, he's going to eat those dogs, isn't he? Good Lord. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

I wish I hadn't looked. What is that? Where are the feathers going? Oh, that's horrible. I am sorry if you had observed this. It feels worse than it looks. Impossible. It must have felt like hell then.

It's not listed in the in the spell description, how incredibly painful. Can't feel good. Wild shape. No, it's horrific. To get those thin, to get those thin bones, you know what I mean? To get the thin bones, like your bones hollow out. Can you imagine? Oh, man.

We're glad to have had your assistance, Master Fearbul. How fair is the homestead? Are you not to speak on this? Oh, okay. Well, good work out there. Yes. And Rainier says, I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys at breakfast.

Yeah. And she floats off. I think we, I mean. I must retire too. And the fear bog starts flapping his arms. Oh, this is a great shame. I have been eagle too long. You've all returned to your dormitory and had laid down for slumber or half meditation,

be it whatever your weird way of sleeping is. And Argo, almost as soon as you close your eyes, you are back in the hell dimension. And Gray stands before you smiling. And he says, oh, Argo, I am so very, very, very. happy. I know the effect of my hell when I see it. And suddenly, he is standing right in front of you, pressing his thumbs to your temples, and he says, this is going to be a lot of fun. And your vision takes on a slight green tent, but quickly grows greener until you can see nothing else. Your brain is on fire now, and you can stand it no longer. You wake up screaming, but try as you might,

you can't remember what you were dreaming about. But Fitzroy, you wake at the sound of Argo screaming. And for a second, your mental image, your map of where Gray is, reads as him standing at Argonaut's bed. But when you look, there's nothing there, and that's when the hour ends and you lose track of Gray. Fuck. Okay.

At breakfast, things feel different. Word has gotten around about the Hellhounds attack. Even the completely oblivious folks have started to notice that things are going wrong. It registers that the hall is less full than normal. You guess that some folks decided to stay safely locked in the dorms this morning. However, there does seem to be an extra attendee this morning. Heroic Oversight Guild investigator Althea Song has entered the room and you see her scanning looking for you.

And when she sees you, she quickly but discreetly makes her way over. I'm sorry I haven't been back sooner, guys. I had everything ready to go to make the full inspection of the school, but at the last minute, it was canceled by my boss's boss. Some bullshit about wasted resources. I had to wait for an excuse to get back here, and I can only stay for a day or two. How are you holding up?

How are things here? Alive, most of us. That's good. Yeah. There was a big fight last night. Gray attempted to kill 10 students, but ended up getting zero because it's a real dunce. Thank you for that. You're welcome?

I was going to say thank God, but now I can't remember if God exists in the Spanish of the universe or not. Or any deities. Yeah, we're not doing great, Althea. I mean, it would be better if we weren't in a war with a demon, king, prince. Yeah, you got any good news for us? All I could say is whatever I can do to help, I'm at your disposal. Do you need, is there anything I can do? You are an administrator for a guild of heroes.

There's like wicked a lot of things you can do. I mean, the problem is, as is shown by whatever red tape I'm running up against, I think Gray might have some powerful friends over at the guild. Well, we wouldn't want you to cheese them off now, would we? Well, it's not about that. It's... I don't want to make things worse for you. With all due respect, things could not be much worse. Okay, I will try to find people that I trust and see what support I can drum up around the guilds. Yeah, it's just, what is the point of having a guild of heroes

if they're not going to stand against the literal apocalypse? What's the point, Althea? I mean, the guild is there to make sure that registered heroes and villains follow the rules that are established by the heroic oversight guild. It's not, it's been a long time since the guild was there to complete heroic deeds. I think you should cut her some slack. I think she understands the political situation much better than, than we do. And if she says that they can't help, they can't help. Well, it's not that we can't help.

I mean, no, I'm on your side. I understand completely. Okay, Althea, sorry, yes. Argo is right. It is not your fault. It's just the Gray and his folks don't have this kind of bureaucratic roadblock ahead of them. And so that's why they're able to do things like tie up 10 students to a tree and try and kill them with dogs. There's no good guy version.

Maybe we should try this. Oh. You think? Perhaps we tie up ten demons to a tree and put good dogs to sick them. Yeah, I mean, it's worth a shot. Do you have ten good dogs? I'm sure we could scrounge up ten good dogs. Would you mind spearheading this effort or?

I will be one dog. You must find nine. Well, why don't you, as a dog, entice other dogs into your dog army? Mm. The Rough Riders. It writes itself. War bud. It can be good.

We can, war bud. Is this anything? Anyway, Althea, yes. Get some good heroes together. Talk to, uh, talk to, uh, the Bloodhawk Barb. Yeah. Uh, you know, see who she knows. Get the network going.

You know? Spearhead's your own little heroic guild of actual heroes who do hero shit. Oh. Um, yeah. Yeah, you got it. Um, I'm on it. And she heads off. Um, you finish your meals and you head out of the hall and Crabtree, the artificer stops you in the hallway and says,

you boys got a minute. Finish up those glasses. You have me working on Fitzroy. And, uh, I got a few more surprises for you that I think you're going to like. More like accessories, like a brooch? Well, something like that. So you follow her down to her artificery. And she first says, okay, so these are the,

I call them tru-sight lenses. Now, these stylish spectacles, are you wearing these? You can grant yourself tru-side. Now, it's only going to last for like a minute. We don't want to go longer than that, or the ruins will burn out. so after you use them, it's going to take some time for them to recharge.

They charge back up after one long rest. Yeah, I got you. And I got one pair for each of the three of you, so you can match. Oh, great. I don't know if this is going to be everyone's style, but yeah. You know what? I don't really want them to match. Is that our thing, guys?

We didn't talk about this. Hmm. You know, I really like a goggle-looking thing. You know, but I'll go along with whatever. Okay, I thought you guys would be a little more excited than this, but okay. I am extremely excited. Thank you. But that's not all, because I've been thinking about some things.

And she pulls out like a velvet lined tray with three rings in it. And she said, I made one for each of you. This first one here is called the Ring of Truth. Now, this ring, I imbued it with sympathetic psychic magic. So this one's for you, Fitzroy. Argo, make a wisdom-saving role for me. That would be a seven. Minus one.

It's a six. You are overwhelmed by irrational jealousy. I mean, it doesn't help it. It looks fucking good. And I, like, flex, looks nice. I could really... Fine. Okay.

Great. Yeah. Go ahead now. Give me my shitty ring. Well, oh, wow. Okay, well, yeah, hold on, Argo, I'm getting to you. So Fitzroy, while holding hands with someone with this ring on, you ask them a question, and if they believe their answer to be true, the ring will vibrate. Now, it is important to note because of the nature of sympathetic magic. You can only use this ring with the informed consent of the second party. So you're not going to be able to trick anybody into, like, you know, lie detector test. You got to tell them I'm using this ring and they have to agree. Yeah, I can,

yeah, I'll for sure do that. I'm definitely going to use this and not forget about it. Now, for you, Argo, I didn't forget you. I call this the eavesdrop ring. Now, you place your ranked hand against a wall, door, or window, and voila. You'll hear just as if you are standing in the next room for 30 seconds. Now, results may vary depending on the thickness of the wall. But, and, you know, the materials used or if there's any kind of like magical warning in place. And that also is one charge per long arrest. Same with the Ring of Truth. Okay.

Now, for the fear bog, I'm particularly proud of this one. Are going to make a wisdom saving roll for me. It's four minus one. That's a three. Once again, even before you hear what it is, the fact that the. Fearbug is getting something and you're not, makes your blood boil. Does it not make much sense to give all the rings to one person? I mean, to kind of combine all the...

Fine. I mean, I kind of created them for each... Yeah, well, I'll use my x-ray ring, my x-ray specs ring. It's for a listen to it? Okay. Anyways, sorry. Fearbul, you get the tangled web. Now, the ring on your finger is a triggering device for this.

And she holds up her hands, and it appears to you that she is holding nothing. And she says, this is a spider silk veil, almost impossible to detect, especially if they're not looking for it. And it hangs just like this. And she, like, hangs it over your ears. Once again, still seems like nothing. But when you activate the ring for five minutes, when you speak, illusory magic in the veil will translate it to lies. So you don't have to lie.

You can speak the truth all you want. And the veil will do the work for you. Now, I have to warn you, the lies are fairly simple. It's not sophisticated enough to, you know, establish elaborate lies. So there's no guarantee that the listener will believe that you're telling the truth. I thank you for this And that is also one charge per long rest You squeeze your fist to activate it

And while it is activated As long as you are squeezing your fist It will act as a lie filter And what's the name of that? The Tangled Web All right Hey either of you gentlemen Wish to trade rings with me

I mean this is pretty cool This ring will like let you listen through walls and be like a spy. Either one of you? If it's that important to you, Argo, you seem very up in arms around it. I'll trade rings with you. Well, no, it's just that I think, you know, I just, I think I would, forget it. No, let's do it.

Come on, let's do it. Let's trade. No, no, fine. No, it's fine. You hear the midday bell sounding, and it's time to head for your meeting with Asmond Dalyas. You find it standing on the balcony of Jackal's office. it turns to face you as you walk out.

You are late. I don't think so. I said to meet at the midday bell, and the midday bell rang two minutes ago. This is not our fault. My name is Asamondalius. I am a war-forged. I am a war hero.

And I have fought, won, and killed more than I cared to count. and I am very good at counting. Congratulations, this is an important skill. I say this not to impress you, but as a matter of fact, so that you are... Too late, I am already extremely impressed with your counting. I do not have much time before I have to return to not talking to you. Please listen.

Jackal and Mosh caught me up to speed about what you are facing and the war you are to fight. If you want to have any hope of winning, I and to advise you, do you accept this? Can I just, can I just do a thing real quick? Can I just do a thing real quick? Real quick. What is the thing you are going to do? I'm going to make sure that you're telling the truth using this ring. Is this a test? I mean, yes. I have to make sure that you are not actually an agent working against us because we already got caught up in one of them traps. So it'll take two seconds. And I grab its hand and I say, are you in league with the Demon Prince Grey?

No. And roll an insight check for me. 14 plus zero. That does it. The ring makes it really easy. Okay. You feel a buzz on your finger and you know that Oz is telling the truth. Okay.

All right. It's on the level. Let's do it. It is up to you to decide the best course of action. But there are five questions that you need to answer if you are going to win. Question one. How are you going to mask your true plan? That's a tricky one. We're going to actually prepare a war effort and we could use your help with that.

But that's not actually the plan. So the war is the facade. Do you understand? Excellent. Question two. How will you distract Gray during your assault? I mean, here's the plan as far as we've got it. We're going to wait until he's asleep in his bed,

but we're not going to be asleep and we're going to like just get him. This brings us to question three. How can you ensure that Gray is in his palace when you strike? We'll wait till night. Easy. Next. How do you know Grace sleeps? That's a free question.

That's not even included in my five. Yeah, that's a good point. I don't even sleep, really, so there's precedent. Okay, we'll circle back on that one. Question four. How will you get the weapons needed from the heroic oversight guild? Oh, shit, we should have asked Althea for help with that. Yes.

In retrospect. I'll send an owl or something. Yeah, we have friends there. And this brings us to the fifth and most important question. Why six months? I mean, we didn't set that time table. That is the question. Why did Gray set the timetable of six months?

But why? I assume it's because he thought that's how much time we would need. Hmm. But wait. What if this is how much time he needs? Indeed, Master. for your book. Hizumumfund.org.

Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.