The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 27: Long Way Down

Episode Date: October 15, 2020

The time has come for a climbing adventure! Better yet, a falling adventure. But first, we should check and make sure our allies are okay. Is it just me, or has Argo been acting weird lately? There's nowhere left to go, but down! Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary, previously on the Adventure Zone graduation. So, 50 years ago, this rip in the land named the Godscar chasm appeared out of nowhere. Ask anybody, though, and they'll tell you it's always been there. Round about the same time, a demon prince masquerading his Hieronymus Wigginstaff took over at the school. So, fast forward, 49 and a half or so years, and a whole... A whole mess of other stuff has gone down. A powerful being named Chaos gave Fitzroy some wild magical powers. Sabor, the librarian turtle, was mind-controlled and forced to attack his allies.

Argo has had his mind poisoned by a hell dimension. The real Hieronymus was turned into a dog and back again. When are they going to catch a break? Am I right? Fitzroy, Argo, and Fearbulk. the three of you stand on the precipice of the god's sarcasm. The depths are obscured by a swirling mist. The three of you make a perception check.

Just off to the races. Ooh, I got a B. What does the B mean? Oh, B is a natural 20. Nice. I guess it stands for Beyond, which is where this website has taken me. Four. Okay.

I am number one. Apparently. Okay. Fitzroy, you peer deeper and you, your vision begins to pierce the haze, but Argo, your vision goes fuzzy and you feel yourself start to sway. Make a dexterity saving throw. Uh, let's see. 19 plus...

Infinity. You're a rogue. 23. You're able to grab Fitz's shoulder for balance, but something is wrong. You look down and realize that your other hand is grasping the hilt of Florence, the blade thrust fully through Fitzroy's ribs. He turns. his face confused. There's a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. His body crumbles, and he falls back into the chasm, lost in the swirling darkness. Fearbug begins to speak,

but your blade is faster. In a blur, you draw it across his throat, and he is silenced. You consider what you have done, and then you wake up. Argo, your eyes slam open. In the space between breaths, you can't remember what was dream and what is real, and you're racked with guilt for a moment before the fog clears from your mind. Oh. Okay. Do I remember? Does he remember the dream?

Yeah, vaguely. I mean, it's already slipping away, but you can piece together what kind of happened in it. You know, it's the kind of thing where it seems so real at the time, but now it's kind of fading at the edges, and you're finding it harder and harder to remember why you feel the way that you do. Okay, so he looks down on the floor, which is where the Fearbul sleeps, right?

And he is gone. Okay. And then he... Does Fitzroy have his own bedroom? He does. Yeah. He runs over, looks through the door into Fitzroy's room. Actually, no.

He puts on his eavesdropping ring and puts his hand on the door to Fitzroy's room just to hear if there's, you know, Any sounds of like bleeding? Okay, would that be like, grogl, like, grogl, out of girl, gargol. He's listening to him.

Okay, snoring. He's listened for snoring. And he hears, make a perception check for me. I just, by the way, if I can drop a complaint in the fucking feedback box, Travis, I am going to take a rain check on that nat fucking 20 that I rolled, the dream Nat 20 I rolled,

and I'm going to use it later for something that is in a fucking dream. You can save that. Okay, 12 plus 3, 15. You don't hear anything. The room is pretty silent. You can't even pick up on breathing. Okay. I open the door just to crack.

What are you doing? I'm naked. No, I'm just saying. No, the room is empty. And the light shining in the windows is a strong clue that perhaps you have slept longer than normal. With that perception check, you also see on the counter is a note. I read the note. It's written in Fitzroy's hand, which is now pretty familiar to you, and reads Argo.

I tried to wake you, but I guess you need to be. sleep. Fearbul and I are out. Be back soon. Prep whatever you need for a climbing adventure. Roll a wisdom saving throw for me. That is a 14 minus one. 13. You hear a voice in your head and the voice says they think you slow them down. They would rather hang out without you. They don't appreciate you. That's just dad's inner monologue. All right, let me try mine. It's one of those weird ghosts that only speaks the truth. Aw, we'll be nice to dad, please.

That was about his character. Oh, actually. I love my dad. I don't know why Griffin said all those. No, I do too. Mine was a joke. I would never say anything like that. I didn't even say it.

In fact, my son ran in here and said that bullshit. Oh, Henry. You're always saying to meet to peeps. Wow. That kid. Being a bad son is genetic, it seems. Fearball. make your way down to the library. You haven't seen Sabor the Torto since he was mind-controlled

by Gray, so you thought maybe it was time to check in on him and you find him in his office. Hello, Sabor. Oh, uh, sorry. Forgive me. I was, it's not your fault. I was just somewhere else for a moment. Uh, master of Fearbog, always nice to see you. I wanted to see if you had discovered any way to help in our efforts against Gray. I have been trying to research, but if I am being honest, I have been somewhat distracted. I am having a hard time sleeping, Master Fearbog. I am sorry to hear this. I have had nightmares about gray and being controlled and hell, frankly.

And I'm worried that. he may be stronger than we understand. I am creating a new podcast law, and this is actually I'm inventing this as we speak, if everyone signs on. To keep people from reaching for that 1.5 button, Travis and I, when we are, only when these two characters are speaking,

to each other. We will create a bubble effect magical in nature, multiple use, no recharge time. Yeah. Where they speak more quickly.

How does that sound? We totally understand. It's totally great. But in order for that to work, you need one of us in the background. Like, hey, what do you guys doing? Are you guys talking?

Are you guys talking? Are you guys talking really fast? Just underlay that over the entire thing. Do you know if these dreams are magical in nature or? do they seem to be dreams. They

have had a very detrimental effect on my psyche and I find myself becoming more and more irritable unable to perform

my duties whether they are dreams or spells or scarring. I do not know, but the result is the same. Are they prophecy? Maybe this is a strange question, but one must be sure. I pray that they are not. Do you wish to tell me up the dreams?

I have seen this school decay before my eyes and become a blasted hellscape full of torment and pain. What can be done? I, in the past, I would have said that information is the greatest weapon and the more we know, the more powerful we are. But now I worry that I know too much. And I worry that nothing can be done to save us. But whether that is how I truly feel or whether that is this poison that is seemed into my mind, I do not know. If not information, what about a true weapon?

Hmm. Do you know how we could secure one of the sacred weapons? I have been giving this much thought. Hell yes. The worry, the... Oh, no. Problem is we do not know what agents Gray might have at the heroic oversight guilt. He has 50 years of influence as the head administrator

here at the school. I think the only way to retrieve these weapons is by subterfuge. This is not my strong suit. luckily I have friends who I do not know how to say in a kind way they are thieves this is your word that I have not corrected

Fitzroy you have been called to check in with Festo yeah I was just about to ask it's been some time since you had a sit down it has been I walk in just fucking shooting sparks out of my fingers like, look, what I learned to do? I said, levitate.

Have you seen me levitate? I can turn invisible. Wow. Haste. Cromatic cord. Blow! You find Festo getting out of a tiny bath. And you assume they are nude, but it is heard to tell because their body is glowing brightly

so that one could not see any details. Also, I'm not even looking because I'm just thunderstap, pow, invisibility again. Bail. Did you see? That is some good magic. You would do great at a rave. I'll be honest, Festo. Ever since that dance, I have been curious about your whole lifestyle.

I think it is something I could actually wicked get into. Would you like to party with the fairies? Am I going to, I need like a sort of survival guarantee that I'll make it through the evening. I'll be sure to bring along some magic orange slices. Okay. So, yeah, Festo. Got a big, let's call it, field trip coming up. Oh?

Yeah. And I'm sort of a bit nervous about it because it's going to sort of bring me face to face with some powerful stuff. And I was just kind of. But your magic is coming along nicely. I just found Fester's voice again. You just found it back. I'm so glad. I know it wasn't right before.

I didn't want to say anything. I wasn't hitting it. But your magic is so powerful now. Yeah. You made sparks, and you turned invisible. And I did haste and thunderstab and all kinds of cool stuff. No, it's for, I'm for sure. I'm like super good at it now.

But we're talking about sort of, you know how when we first spoke, you gave me my first lesson and you gave me my magic crab. Oh, magic crab. Yes. I can still do that one. Oh, hello, Snippers. That voice will never leave me. Yeah, Snippers be, don't. Don't be like that.

It's okay. I'm flattered. So anyway, you told me that I needed to love my magic, which at the time I thought you meant very literally that I need to love this little phantasmal crab. And don't get me wrong, I do, to the moon and back. But this little guy's my familiar. He's not the source of my magical powers. As far as I know, that would be a pretty wild late season twist.

What I am going to- Damn it, Griffin, you figured it out. All magic flows from Snippers. Not just yours. All magic. He is a wellspring, air flowing. What I'm going to encounter on this field trip is going to be the source of my magic. And as far as I can tell, it is a sort of malevolent, into otherworldly, extra-dimensional entity.

And I don't know that they have my best interest at heart. Oh. I see. Hmm. Let me examine Snippers. I don't see how that is applicable here. They come over and they take a long, hard look, snippers, and they say, Have you recently come in contact with powerful negromantic energy? Oh, yes. Oh, goodness, yes.

I mean, I have technically, every time I've received a telegram from Rainier, but, yeah, I met Rainier's dad who has just like... Super necromancy. Yeah, he's super nice, actually. Makes a killer scone. Oh, I know. We've partied. Who haven't you partied with Fest?

Festo, have you partied with chaos? Because that could probably, like, just sort of cut this whole thing down pretty, to a pretty digestible little nug. Oh. I have not partied with chaos, but I have heard snippets of rumors. Did you want, can you tell, do you want to tell me those rumors, Festo? As you might expect, they are a powerful and unpredictable being. Thanks, Festo.

They're literally called chaos. But they have not been seen for centuries. I mean, I'm pretty sure me and my squad have all had sort of dream hang sessions with them. Chaos has spoken with you? Oh, yeah, like a lot. We're practically pin pals at this point. It's Roy? Yes, Festo.

When you met Rainier's dad, was it at the crypt? It was. Were you able to use your magic? I was, well, kind of, yeah. Interesting. The crypt is notoriously impervious to magic. I mean, I did a little thunder step in here and there.

But what I mean is, if your source of magic is external, you should not have been able to access it. Ah. Okay, so you're saying that chaos is not the wellspring air flowing? What are you telling me, Festo? I do not know. This, it's all new information to Festo. Okay. Well, I'm still going to do this field trip, and I'm going to, I guess, confront them, but it's nice to know that, you know, if they, if they cut me off, I'll still sort of have a little bit of juice left in the tank for the big old war.

You don't happen to know anything about the sort of topographical layout of the godscarcasm, do you? The gods carcasm is unexplored. We'll... But do be careful. let Festo make a suggestion. Yeah. Don't piss them off. Yeah, Festo.

That's, yeah. I mean, you say that, but you have a habit of piercing people off. It's not that habit isn't. Now, I also have a habit of, like, people delighting people. So, okay. Well, you want to cast, like, a magic spell on me, so that makes me if I fall, I don't die? Um, hmm.

It's be good. It's going to be like a climbing adventure festival. So that's what I've been telling the boys. So do you want like, like a feather foam? Yeah, that would be, that would be great. I mean, I don't know that one. Oh, here. And they flit over to a set of drawers.

And they open it up and they pull out a golden eagle's feather. And they say, that will be tin gold. Are you kidding me? I am. Festo. Oh, Festo make joke. Festo who's dog. I don't know why you just spoke, you just spoke like Borat there for a second there, Festo.

Oh, Borat is great wizard. Okay. Terrifying. Do not cross his wife. Wizard's sleeve. What does that mean? I'm not there. I hurl myself at the window of the room.

Festo can't hear me. It's not canonical. I really do hurl myself out the window and tap myself with the room. the golden feather on the way down. That's not how it works. It's dead. In the shout. It does work, but unfortunately, it only had one charge.

Oh. Can you toss... Fisto! Yes. Fisto. Yes. Can you toss another one down? No, you have to come up and get it.

All right. I don't... I'm going to take the stairs. Okay. He'd stay there for like 10 minutes. You better hurry. I have an appointment. Oh my God.

Okay. You make it back up to Festo's office. God, let me fucking roll. Let me play Dungeons and Dragons. Okay, yeah. Roll for stairs? I mean, it's an athletics check. I got a 14 plus 7, 21.

You up there. People have fallen on stairs before. I guess it's dangerous. You sprint up the stairs two at a time. You said you'd be there in 10 minutes, but you may get in eight. I'm still very tired. Feather, please. Oh, I don't know if I have any more.

Let me look. Pesto. Yes, here is one. Thank you. No, this is strong enough. Jump out the window again. Jump out the window again. Argo, how'd you get here?

That wasn't Argo's voice. That was your dad. Clint? The powerful wizard? Festo's dad, Clint. Okay, anyway, bye. There's enough charge in there for all three of you. Oh, my God.

If Clint McRae is in this universe, we have now finally can The Multiverse, the McElroy Multiverse. Which we need a name for if Dad has created it, by the way. I'm going to call it, can I say something? What about the clinteress? Fuck off. Oh, my God.

Honestly, I die forever. Honestly, Travis. No longer my brother. Okay. Are you kidding? Are you fucking kidding me? That's the one that did it? Okay.

How about Emilverse? The emelverse. I love it. The emosphere. I like that. The emosphere. I'm sorry, guys, I'm looking at the pole

and clinteress is take it off like a rock. Yeah, clinteress? No, I can't be here. So the name of the multiverse is the clinteress? Yep. Is this correct?

No, there is no multiverse. There is no multiverse. This scene is over. I have left. Clint McMachruralase. The time has come. The three of you have rejoined and you are making your way

towards the God's guard chasm. Now, it's a bit of a walk, so you have some time to chat. Okay. I had planned to take a bathroom break during Dad's vignette, but he didn't get one, so now I'm just kind of stuck here. You can go use the bathroom if you want to, Justin. You told me to chat. No, I meant like in character.

Oh, okay. I had planned to use the bathroom. Yes, go ahead. No, I was just a joke. And it wasn't a joke per se, but when I said it, it kind of receded into my body, the need. Well, and because this is, as everyone knows, important to me, the three characters, Argo Fitzway and Fearbulk, do all go potty before they leave for the trap. Any character I ever play on this show is going to use the bathroom before they leave the house. I have attention to detail, folks.

It's an unbreakable habit, a ritual for myself. All right, everybody, let's check. Everyone got their good climbing shorts. Yeah, I mean, I brought, I mean, yeah, I brought some, what exactly are we doing? And why didn't you guys wake me up when you left this morning? Because you seemed to be doing a bit of what I will call dream stabbing, and I didn't want to sort of put my physical body in the way of that. So I thought it was sort of a sleeping dog's lie situation.

Dream stabbing? Yeah, you know, you have a dream. You do some stabbing, but somebody gets in the way in the real world. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, all right. I'll buy that. I buy that.

Yeah. Fearbogue shorts check. I have fashioned my first ever pair of shorts. Oh, my God. Welcome to the freaking party, pal. Can I say something? I get it. Well, you look for spectacular.

You look great in them. Let's go down the checklist. Gorp. Fearbog, that sounds like your... Whoa, you brought the gorp? Well, I brought the jerky. God, it's not all... It's just you can't supplant all foods with Fearboog.

Did you get the gorp? Argo, mega wisdom saving throw. Deceiving until the difference between jerky and gorp? 17 minus one. That's a 16. Fitzroy makes the comment about your suggestion, your offering of jerky is not good enough. And it rouse you for a second, but you decide to let this one go. You absolute dipshit.

Is that what it sounded like in his brain? Yeah, that's what he heard. And then Pitons, Titans. God, I never know how this is pronounced. And you hear a voice on the wind say, petons peatons that's just another suggestion

don't at me now I will remind you as you're making all this small talking conversation that though it has been a couple of days since your return from the crypt and the battle to save the students you have as yet been unable to pry from the

fearbog information about why he needed to head home for his clan I do not think I would push on that. Okay. Like I think I know, I don't know, that I argue me being a different thing, but I feel like I know the fear bowl well enough now to know that that's like privacy is an actual genuine sort of cultural concern for him. So, Fearbug, what's the deal? What was going on in your hometown? down. Oh, thank you for asking.

I'm glad that least one of you care so much. I would rather not speak on this. Oh, okay. Well, I have a question. I want to bring something up.

Are we just not going to class anymore? I mean, is that just gone by the wayside? It's all virtual. At this point, you've been doing a lot of independent study classes. Right.

But most of the... Immersion. Using Gary. Most of the faculty at this point are aware that you're building towards a big demon war. So no one's really taking role for you three anymore. You get a lot of leeway as far as truancy goes. It's sort of a capstone project.

Very much of winning the demon war. Yeah. So we're being treated like collegiate athletes. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Okay. You got a job at the,

the local cart dealership, but you rarely actually go into work. Do we know where we're, let's, I guess maybe this is a history role or nature role or something, but like, we know that the God's carcasm is a something of a work of fiction, or at least what we know of the God's carcasm is like a sort of mass hypnosis thing, right? Right. Yes. That it only showed up 50 years ago while everybody else thinks it's been. there forever. But like, what do we know about it aside from the fact that it has the

spookiest name for a geographical feature I've ever heard? I mean, you know location, you know that it is a source of chaotic magic, you know that what you saw there during your transportation back to the school, that there is a portal at the bottom of it, and that you saw chaos there or who you believe to be chaos. else. So when Feston told me, and I feel like this is common knowledge that nobody has explored the god's carcasm, is it it's not a case of people don't know where it is? Is it more a case of if you go there, you die or just people don't go there? I think it's along the lines of the mass hypnotism that makes it seem much more ancient than it is of people kind of their

thoughts slide off of it. Okay. I think about it. Like, you three are the first to show this much interest in it. And because of your experience with chaos magic and gray and all of that, you are able to kind of fixate on it in a way that everybody else doesn't seem to be able to. I mean, even since you have been telling people that it is only about 50 years old, people have been very interested in that, but still, like, no expeditions have been mounted. Yeah.

Gotcha. And I also know that when I write graduation, the musical, I am definitely going to have a song that rhymes God's sarcasm with God's sarcasm. It just isn't, it's a natural. And I'm going to use that. TM, TM, TM. Whoa. Oh, God, how long, guys, I got to get out and stretch my legs after that very long trip.

Dad had to take for that sub-gag. Oh, boy. Got to get out Get out. That's what I did it. I saved you the effort. Not since Dad took us two hours out of our way while driving to the beach to visit Maurice's barbecue.

Have we had such a long detour for so little a return? Dad. The Piggy Palace. Dad, go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw for Justin. Wait a minute. No, I'm just. No, I was saying you, Dad, Justin's making fun of you. I would never.

That was in character. I'm glad that you noticed that. About 20 yards from the chasm, you see someone sitting on a stump facing the gorge. It appears to be Hieronymus, specifically the weary-looking version of hero who looked happier as a dog. Um, I, oh, I'm going to go ahead and use my true sight glasses charged for the day just to make sure that really, really is the real hero. Uh, yeah. No, no illusion here, no disguise. It's the real hero, as far as you can tell.

A waste of the glasses, but boy, if that would have paid off, I feel like it would. What a thing. What a thing. What a thing. I don't think it's a waste to confirm something. Yeah, I guess not. Oh, um, hello. Uh, sorry.

Um, I didn't see you there. Didn't want to scare you. I guess I just made a bird noise. Um, I, what, what are you three doing here? That is a good question. Following up on a lead. Um, what, what are you, so what are you doing here? Oh, well, um, it's embarrassing, honestly, but I have been trying to work up the strength to explore,

The God's carcasm. Um, and I can't seem to manage it. Are your legs too weak? Not really that kind of strength, Master Fearbook. Your arms? Well, there's a lot of, you know, arm you, you know, that half that upper body strength. Sure, it's a climbing, yeah.

It's a full body workout and gets a... It's not a physical thing, guys. I... I'm just... I'm just tired. I have been meaning to talk to the three of you. I'm actually glad you're here. I wanted to apologize. For what?

I mean, listen, I'm not going to mince words. You guys are cleaning up my mess. This fight with gray, this battle, all of this. I started this, you know, centuries ago. And you guys got roped into it. and here I am unable to do much to help. And I feel terrible. You were a dog for a long time.

You think you would be used to people cleaning up your messes. It was an excellent point, Master Fierke. I have attempted to brighten your spirits with humor. And he is smiling. That did get a smile out of him. I will not do a slow dance. That's not necessary. Okay.

It's celebratory. He does this whenever he makes a slam dunk of a joke. So we just got to let it play out. Oh, he's done. Silence, please. I'm almost done. Okay. Please continue.

I'm sorry that I can't do more. And I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I mean, okay, you are too weak to explore the God's carcasm. That is understandable. Most folks are, not us completely just ripped boys. But I understand that for some people it can be quite a physical challenge.

You, however, do possess a lot of might in the realm of bureaucracy. So maybe you let us do the, you know, chasm exploring, the spalunk. It's not spulunking, bouldering. I don't know what it's called when you go into a chasm, but... Repelling. It's repelling. I guess.

And maybe you could get started on the Heroic Oversight Guild and securing sort of demon-slaying weaponry from them. You know, let's diversify our sort of... hero portfolio a bit. I see. Well, I... Um... I guess I probably shouldn't just put in a request, huh?

No, Hieronymus. No, you probably shouldn't just put in a request. You should assume everyone there is a secret demon and then behave accordingly. So what's your plan? I'll follow your lead on it. Okay, table talk. Can we table talk? Yeah.

Table talk. Okay. I was thinking about this after I talked to Sabor. I'm trying to formulate, let's just talk real quick strategy. We can't leave, correct? What, the chasm? No, the, I mean, we're still technically on school grounds, right? So just to jump back in with that, Gray just needs to know that you're leaving and come back. He's, think of him as like a mother hen as far as that goes. It's not. that you can't leave, he just doesn't want you sneaking off. Well, I feel like, okay, we'll see if you guys agree with this. I feel like if we tell Gray we're going to the Heroku Oversight Guild, that won't fly well. That won't do well. So we come back and we beat this shit out of some more dogs. Like, whatever. I barely broke a sweat last time.

Yeah, but what if some students get in the process? We can't take that risk. Maybe they should have been strong enough. Okay. Are you doing a character right now? I'm talking to you as a local human being, Justin McRoy, father of two. Yeah, no, I agree. Like, I don't, I don't, the heroic oversight guild is a bureaucratic machine.

We don't know how to operate those. We are a, we are very much a blunt instrument who sometimes can get snippy with lawyers and get like paperwork done that way. But I do believe that having somebody else spearhead the, the hog initiative, as I have now named. it would be a great idea. I think it's got to be, I think it's got to be, I think it's got to be, I think it's got to be Hieronymus and Althea. Yes. Working in tandem. Yes.

Right? I feel like the two of them might have a shot. I feel like Hieronymus by himself will be a disaster. Yes. You won't know who anybody is. It won't, it won't go well. I feel like, Hieronymus and Horonimus might have some juice and Althea knows the bureaucracy best. Right. I feel like that's the play. If there's wet work that needs done at the pre-mes, then we can swing that. I mean, now I really, I don't think it's a good idea.

I feel like it's going to break bad for, like, we can't tell Gray what we're doing, and I don't want to risk more lives. Sure. Dad, what do you think? Yeah, I think he's got, if nothing else, there has to be a way that they can communicate with the outside world. and surely he still got the reputation he still got like you said he still got the juice to sway some some folks yeah i feel like we tell we tell heronimus to to entreat althea to go with him

and maybe between the two of them they might they might stand a chance and we're back in the scene how does he respond to the i mean we already asked him right like how does he respond to our quest. You know, boys, I tell you, come to me 200 years ago and tell me that this is the kind of fight that I'm going to be getting into, and I would have rolled my eyes so hard at you, they would have fallen out of my head. But you know what? Right now, it sounds exactly like what I am up to.

I won't fail you, I promise. Well, technically, you could, because you're technically still a teacher. Oh, I see what you're saying. No, I won't fail you there. I mean, listen, if you guys win a demon war, it's at least an A-minus. What would it take to get the A-plus? I mean, you could bring me a fruit basket. Wow.

Corruption on every level. I repel up my mask to reveal that I have been John Kenyotes this entire size. Oh, man. You got me again. He heads off, full of purpose, excited to have some way to contribute. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you have pitons? Pitons?

Sorry, what did you say? Climbing. Oh, pitones. Pitones. Like Joey Patone. Yeah. Piotons. Poutines.

I believe they're pronounced Piteens. I know, I don't. I do have this climbing potion. Does that help? Nah It's not sharp enough To break into the rock So

Wait a minute What's a climbing potion Oh it's It makes you climb as fast as you can walk Oh So like down I mean sure We're up

I mean both ways Really side to side really How many servings per package Is this climbing potion Um I mean There's It usually lasts

one vial for one hour so three of you probably 20 minutes each I mean I don't need no potion I got my my knuckles are are eight you want to just hold on to it I mean I'm clearly not I'll take it I love I love potions I am into

potions okay yeah he hands you a stoppered glass vial that is far lighter than it looks almost weightless it contains a clear liquid it's just one It's like a Michael's secret stuff thing. He wouldn't do that. He would.

You're going to get to the bottom and then he's going to yell down from the top. The climbing was inside you all along. You can be such a schmo sometimes. If I may, with feather fall, you guys could just like jump in. Yeah, that's a good point. Why climb? You can fall. Yeah.

Speaking of, it may come in handy later. I guess a climbing push would want to help us get out of chasm. Hey, there you go. we're not just going to get to the bottom of the chasm and be like well fellas time to start a new life here we live in chasm now yeah fitzroy argo and fearbulk the three of you stand on the precipice of the godscar chasm the depths are obscured by a swirling mist make a perception check nat 20 plus 4 24 you peer deeper attempting to pierce the haze argo make a wisdom saving throw one are you fucking me? Minus one. So it's... Let me help.

Go for it. It's zero. It's zero. Fitzroy, this time your perception pays off, and you see something out of the corner of your eye. Make a dexterity saving throw for me. Is this for... Is this real life?

Is this real life? I got a three plus two of five. Is this just fantasy? Um, you see Argo. draw his blade and that you see a look in his eye. Fearable, make a perception check. 16 plus 8.

You see the look in his eye as well. I'm going to thorn whip around his wrist. I'm going to say that he is not attempting to resist and you are not trying to hurt. No. So I'm going to say that that is successful. you are able to grab his hand in time and stop him. But everyone is pretty unsettled by what just happens. We've been dancing around this for a little bit, Argo,

but you have not been yourself for a little bit, and if something is bothering you on a level that you are drawing a blade on me in a threatening manner, we should probably hash this out like bros. I wasn't drawing a blade on you. I was... I don't... I'm not... I think...

Well, aren't we getting ready to go into a dangerous situation? I think I was just like freeing up... Freeing up my blade from a scabbard so that whatever we faced down there we'll be ready to go. I think. Hell, I don't know. I don't think I was...

Oh, gee, it's been a really shitty day today, and I'm, I don't know what's going on. So I, Argo, will you subject yourself to me doing a sort of brain dive into your, into your thoughts, into your, your, your head meat? And I did it once to, Fearbug, Fearbug, did it do any sort of permanent damage in there that you're aware of? I think not. Okay, so I'm going to have to insist, Argo. I promise I'll be gentle. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How do you mean you have to insist?

No, I mean, you want to... If you want to do it, you've got to get my permission to do it. That's a very personal intrusion. Have you never watched Fantasy Star Trek with the Vulcan mind-meld? Okay. May I... Yeah, go ahead. Thank you.

Okay. I want to know what's going on. Make a wisdom saving throw. 12 minus one. That's an 11. You agree, but then as he nears you, you start to put up a fight. I mean. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

How exactly is this going to work? Because, you know, am I going to have some pain? Is it going to make me sick? What's the deal? I've only done it to people. Did it hurt, Fearbug, when I did it to you? What was the, explain it? it was not fatal

so there you go I mean we're about to jump into something called the godscarcasm so like it seems like you should be up for a bit of light telepathy no I I don't want to do it okay I are going at keen I am sorry

I cast Holdperson Does he have to make a check? Yeah, um Oh, please be dexterity. I doubt that. No, wisdom. Good. Oh, well.

That's probably a fail. It's a six minus one. It's a big fail ruski. Five. What does hold person do? Yeah, how does that manifest itself? Yeah, you're parallel. What did you just do?

I have held him. Okay, this is... Until we understand this. This is a violation of my favor. He was to stab you. Yeah, I thought so. I cannot take that risk. Yeah, I thought so too.

Okay, listen, this is escalating wildly. Let me just pop right in there and... Do a little poke around, and I promise it'll be quick, okay? Just blink twice if that's okay. Can't blink twice. Okay, I touch his temples. Okay, so I can read their like immediate thoughts for free, but if I want to go any deeper than that,

they have to make a wisdom saving throw. Okay, so he's immediate thoughts. They're somewhat weak, but it is definitely Argos thought saying, help me. Okay. Yeah, let me get deep in there then. Make a wisdom saving throw.

Another crit one minus one. It's another zero. Well, that's a good thing this time for you. You encounter a barrier, but you push, and the barrier is of little resistance to you. And if you imagine, like, standing in a field that is beautiful, right? That is the conscious part of Argo's mind. You take one step forward and pass through a barrier, and now you are in a blasted hellscape that is very familiar to you.

And as you step forward, Gray turns to greet you. Ah, hello Fitzroy. I just hit it. I just hit him with the Thunderwave. I mean, he knows what's up at this point, and I've hit him before, so it shouldn't come as that big a surprise. But I don't even know if he's real or if this is a figment, but either way. So he puts up a hand anticipating to block it. What does he roll?

Constitution saving throw. Yeah, he puts up a hand anticipating to block it, and it knocks him flying about a good 10 feet. I don't know that I have to roll. I mean, yeah, 10 feet is how much it knocks people back. I don't have to have to roll damage on a imagination. In this, it is the fact that you have power here is he was not expected. Okay, I yell, stop fucking cheating. He stands, once again, a similar look of shock to the one that you saw on his face.

when you speared him with magic back on the night when he sicked the hellhounds on the students. And he rips another portal. But this time, the whole thing kind of shatters, as he does. And you are bumped out of the mind as it all kind of the image falls apart around you. And you're back in your own thoughts. Now, Argo, for your part, this has helped you kind of regain some of your awareness. You still feel the same kind of like dark flame, you know, that kernel of hell there back deep in your mind. But it is much receded.

You feel a lot more self-control and willpower than you have for days. I would like to point out that I think that this is also the realization has to be new to argue. Oh, yes, very much, though. I don't think he, I mean, he just felt weird and knew he was, you know, in a bad sort. But I think this is, right? This is confirmation that there's been, somebody's been tampering with his, with his brain. Absolutely. Okay.

Will you unparalyze me now? Oh, that's not me. That's him. I'm sure there must be a way of... Just break your concentration. Yeah, just think about baseball. What is baseball, and it's broken. Try to conceptualize the sport of baseball.

How would you invent it? Yeah. Okay, Argo, bad news. You had a guy in there. You did have gray. Pulling the old strings. Zapped him. It wasn't just getting a bad lime or two.

You know, I felt so weird for the last couple of days. I still feel a little weird. Okay. But thank you both. Thank you for helping me out. I think there's still, I still have kind of a funny feeling, but I don't feel like being such a jackass, like I think I have been for a little bit.

I'll leave that to you, Fitz. Uh, I mean, we've lived with you for some time. Now, Argo, I think me and the Fear Bowl both knew that something was awry. Um, I'm going to ask you, and I won't force it, but do you want us to hold on to your sort of stabbing instruments? I have, I have so. many. That's, yes. I mean, I've got, you know, um, no, I think I'm, I think I'm good. I think now that I know that, did you completely chase him off? I mean, is he gone for good? I just did a psychics like Highlander

battle and I'm sorry for cussing in your brain, but I did, I don't know how any of this works, but, but, but, Argo, we're about to go into the, the gaping mall of, well, not hell, but something quite bad. And me and the Fear Bowl can't be checking our backs the whole time while we're cliff diving. So are you going to be able to lock it down? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yes.

Now that I know it's there, I can fight it. Does that make any sense? Kind of. Well, I mean. too much. Okay. And maybe now that I know it's there, maybe I'll have a better chance of perceiving it, and maybe I won't have such shitty perception and wisdom rules.

Well, we'll see. That's not how it works. So the plan is we're just going to wave a magic feather and then jump over the edge of a chasm? Yeah, I already used it once, and it went, It was fine. Okay. You did put a lot of faith in that first one, huh? I'm just kind of thinking about it, huh?

Okay. I still wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Is this going to work for all three of us? Let's find out. You float gently through the God-Star Castle. An occasional gust of wind blows past and sets you gently spinning. Your descent is quiet, almost tranquil. At least at first.

Once you pass through the swirling mist, things change. I mean that, literally. The color scheme of the chasm changes very gradually from tans and reds to ashes and slates. The air was cool in the shadow of the canyon walls, but now it feels bitter. You have seen this and felt this before. The whole area has the same noxious atmosphere as Gray's Hellworld. Argo, you begin to sweat and you feel your skin crawl. Below, you can now see a portal torn in the air.

It is incredibly large. Larger than you possibly could have guessed. More than that, it seems to be continuously expanding. Standing before it is a large humanoid figure with opalescent skin. They're back to you. You land without a sound. At first, they don't seem to be aware of you, but then they turn, a smile on their face and their all-white eyes twinkling.

Fitzroy, Fearbulb, Argo. This is such a pleasure. Oh, how I've looked forward to meeting you. Sorry, it's Sir Fitzroy. Of course. Sir Fitzroy. Sorry. Argonaut. I like... He likes it when you say the full name.

Argonaut. Sorry. I'm a little nervous meeting you for the first time. Who are you? Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, let me introduce myself. I've been called mini names. Some of them unkind. I think the one that I most identify with is order. Maximumfunn.org.

Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience-supported. Where were you when my dad killed me and my brother? Do you remember the moment that he kicked us into the chasm? As he spasmed with joy, He watched the death of his boys Where were you when my dad killed his sons