The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 30: Take Your Firbolg to Work Day

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

Upon arriving at the Drip n' Sip, the Thundermen have to deal with a very chilly reception. Then, it's time to get high in the HOG. The boys waste no time before slipping a crab and angering a friend. Sometimes, the facts you find were not the facts you were looking for. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary. Long time, no see, huh? Previously on the Adventure Zone graduation. Well, it all started when three students began their time at Hieronymus Wigginstaff School for Heroism and Villain. Since then, it's been quite a ride for Fitzroy, Maplecourt, Argonaut, Keene, and the Fearbook. First, they were dragooned into helping Higgle Miss Wigginstaff cure his brother, Hieronymus, who had been turned into a dog. Then the demon Prince Gray found out about that was none too happy and forced the boys and the Wiganstaffs into a war against him. War prep was going fine until the embodiment of order told them that the war was actually just an excuse to create enough chaos to launch a new system. The problem is that war was going to result in a lot of people dying. So now they're working with Gray to destroy the heroic oversight guild in the hopes that that will start a new system

without all the death. Now they're on a fact-finding mission to figure out how to take it down from the inside, and they hope to convince their friend Heroic Oversight Guild Investigator Althea Song to help them. But first, they need to deal with a pissed-off centaur named Taron. There are four guards headed your way. They haven't drawn weapons, but their hands rest on the hilt of their swords. The half-ling barista has pressed himself against the shelves of mugs and glasses. It is unclear whether he is afraid for himself or for his glassware. Taryn, the centaur woman who Gray sent you to meet, stands between you and the front door. She has just called the guards in retribution for your actions against Calhane. There is a combination smile and snarl on her face.

The cafe, known as the drip and sip, is in a large place. There are five small tables and two chairs each. At the back of the room is a hallway leading to restrooms. Beyond that, the hall turns a corner, and you can't see where it leads. What do you do? Real quick, sidebar. Did Gray, is this a setup? Oh, no. Man, he seemed so cool in last episode.

It seems so cool. God, he's a demon prince. I mean, it's serious nature. No, Dad, you're absolutely right. Shame on me, I guess. Horse can't change its winnie. To wash. The scorpion and the frog, and the frog's like,

Oh, shit, dude. And the turtle gets there faster. Now I feel the hands. I'm sorry. You know, in that Scorpion and frog thing, no one's ever like, well, frog, what the fuck? And the frog's like, it's my nature to be too trusting. Yeah. Are the guards inside the building?

They're making their way over. So you can see it's a busy street. Here in Prosperity, prosperity is very populated. And so they're kind of having to make their way through a crowd to get to. to you, but you have probably like, you know, 15, 20 seconds, not long. Can I do the thing where I put something between the door handle and the wall to try and stick it just to buy us a little bit of time? Maybe it's a bit agro-crague, this, this suggestion, but unless it's saloon doors.

You can't really do that to saloon doors. I would never put saloon doors in my world, Griffin. Thank you. They are the least practical door. I would bet dollar should do. There are saloon doors and dust. Could we lock the door? Oh, shoot, that's a way better thing.

Yeah, I mean just thinking off the cuff there. Are there keys, are there keys anywhere in sight? Well, so the door, I mean, it has a lock built into the door. You know, you turn it from this side, you unlock it from the other side. Okay. The question is, are you trying to do this in such a way as to say like, hey, leave me alone, or try to do it without them noticing? this is entrapment um i mean i don't have a rogue guys yeah that's true i i say that uh i stealthfully

locked the door um so just to give us a minute or two to talk amongst ourselves and make come up some kind of plan how's that uh roll a slide of hand check oh that's what we've been doing Slide of hand. That is a 10 plus 12. That's 22. Yes, plus 12. You heard me. Wait, plus 12?

So you make your way over looking like you're trying to figure, like, what's the commotion? And you make such a big face and such a big deal out of looking out the window that everyone is distracted as your hand like whips up and you click that lock and you go back to the other guys like, I don't know what. What's going on? And the door, the door is now locked. Um, I want to try to intimidate Taryn, which might be shooting the cannon and doors a bit.

Well, why don't you, uh, tell me what you're doing first. Sure. And then we'll roll to see if it works. Um, I say, okay, Taryn, I can probably take a wild guess and land on the exact reason wire ticked at us. But if those guards walk in here, I'm going to tell them everything

about your allegiance to the Demon King Grey. And I bet you that they'll be more interested in hearing about that. Don't you think? Well, it's still a murder. I think that they can divide their attentions. Now, roll and see how that goes. I have a plus eight intimidation.

I rolled a 10. Pretend I didn't neg him. I don't want to give disadvantage. I have a 10 plus 8, 18. Man, that's a great idea, Jess. And from now on, any time one of you makes a snide joke that undercuts something the other one just said, I'm going to make you roll with disadvantage. We don't want to gamify ass hattery. The last thing we need.

Let's just keep it natural. Yeah. Yeah, just real chill. And Taryn says, I will happily go down if it means taking you down with me. But you can tell. Her resolve is not very. She is definitely wavering. Leaving her wide open to your for an attack.

We are working in parallel with Gray. Yeah, sure. And I'm not just a Cintor. I'm a Pegasist. Fuck you. But this is amazing. Where are you hiding your things? Do you know Breeze de Willis?

You guys are the enemy. I have been working with Gray to try to destroy you. You murdered my fiancé after, oh, that's right, showing up to my herd and threatening us, making fun of our spiritual beliefs, using Thunderwave against us, cutting off my fiancé's hand and threatening him with it, and trying to steal our apple.

Okay, two things. One, Thunderwave is a very low-level spell. That's not that impressive that we use Thunderwave on you. That's like using harsh sarcasm. That's the thing one. Thing two.

You are taking a gamble now. You are choosing one of two options. One, I, a fear bug. I'm telling you the truth that we are working with Gray. And he would be very, very upset if we were taken into captivity. That is one.

Two, I a fear bulge, am lying to you. And, well, you will have your vengeance, such as it is. but I ask you you have seen what we are capable of are you so sure that these four guards will be enough

to stop us man there was like three different tactics in there it was in vestiswasion yeah I'm going to I'm going to say make a persuasion check with advantage because one you are a fear-woken that does carry some weight.

And two, you make a solid argument all around. So go for it. Okay, we have, well, that one's a seven. Let's see if we could do any better. Okay, 18 plus 8, 26. That is better. That is good. And she looks from you to the door.

And all this time, the guards have been kind of trying to handle. and like pointing at it. Like, can the door, can somebody, the door? My apologies. Argo's looking back and forth. What? Mouthing. Is it locked?

Did I lock it? I'm sorry. I didn't mean. I didn't. I didn't. If somebody could, if somebody could get, okay. Let me, I'll get it just. I didn't lock it.

He announces very loudly. So Argo, do you unlock the door? Yeah. I look at it a little bit like I'm confused and then, oh, okay. Sorry, it's a button fly. It's so tough. And you unlock the door and the guard says, oh, yeah, there are these things. Oh, they lock themselves.

That was a really good sleight of hand, Dad. Yeah, I'm sorry. I apologize. Sorry about that. So, Taryn, dear, what seems to be the problem there with the, you said, murderers? You said these, the boys were murderers there? Is that what you said there?

I'm retroactively regretting flipping Taryn because we could have with these guys fucking asses. Yeah. You say that they are all rippling with muscle. Absolutely glistening. It sounds like they're lobster fishermen. Listen, don't let the accents fool you. The lobster fish can be very

lobster fishermen are huge dudes, Dad. What do you say? Lobster fishermen. Like, Dad, any lobster fisherman ever born could beat you in a fight. Yeah, what are you talking about? And you're like basically the strongest guy I know. Yeah, dad. Yeah, true. You got big old dad muscles. Yeah, look at these.

You need to see our new picks. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, what seems to be problem there? And Tan says, I'm, I, this is so embarrassing, Captain, but I was mistaken. I, I, I had seen faces like theirs, you know, wanted pose. poster, but it wasn't them. Oh, that's a pretty big mistake to make there a...

What do you boys know about this? Oh, geez, and crow, I don't know. You making fun of me, son? No, no, I'm with you. Look at these muscles. I'm a lobster man. You're no lobster man. I'm a lobster man, yeah.

I know lobster men, son, and you are no lobster man. No, it is, he is, Argoes of the sea. I, Mm-hmm. And also, I think, I'm pretty sure she yelled burderers, because we're all here on a, to scout out some cool looking pigeons we heard about.

Make a deception check for me, dear Fitzroy? I don't, well, my deception's really good, but that was a really bad. Six. Plus eight. Man, Israel. A, 14. Borders? Yeah, she just mumbled, I guess.

I didn't hear no birderer. I heard murderer, but I happen to be a bit of a bird or two, why don't you tell me? Tell me, I don't know what my accent is. Oh, now I'm Irish. Well, we're looking for the ring-tailed swallow. At this time of year? Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

Those are native to these parts. They only fly through during the winter. No, no, this is the ring-tailed W-R-I-E. N-G ringtail. They fly through really bad weather and really puts them through the ringer and I'll make a deception check. Good luck.

19 plus 6. Wow, that's good. Oh, I've got to go. Are we all just making fun? And by the way, I beat Michael Jordan at basketball in 1996. Roll? At the height of his powers.

Griffin, roll deception. That's an 18. This is Griffin. This is Griffin. That's an 18 plus 8, and that's how I beat Mike. Oh. Sorry, I must have Miss Hurt you.

Dunked on him and Scotty and all the boys. Now I've got to go tell my 18 sons about how I met the man who bested Sir Michael of Jordan. And I've got to find a new bird. If you'll excuse me and he leaves.

Man, that was some great dungeons and dragons. I feel I feel terrible though that we just added an imaginary bird to this man's polka decks that he will never kill this man gonna go he will go mad I was so sure well it just gives him something to do

maybe he was just lying you didn't see his face he doesn't understand at least it'll distract him from all the devastation that's coming soon so now you have a few more moments with Taryn here so you would let's let's roll an insight check everybody Yeah.

Wow, that's a, that's a, that is a two, grimy one. Just a filthy, filthy roll. Okay, both of you forgot where, like, where she was. You tried to look at her face and you ended up. It's like a cor. That's a mop. What are you doing? Okay, so mine was a 10 minus one.

That's a nine, but I have advantage with my monocle of misdirection. And that is an 18 minus one, 17. That is better. So Argo, you get the feeling that while you guys were able to kind of get her past that moment, her kind of help is right now tenuous at best. I walk over to her and I say, when was the last time you were in, hold on one second. Barkeep, can you just earmuffs or so? Do you have like a back, gosh, this is really going to sound like we're robbing the place,

but can you just be somewhere else right now? That does really sound like you're... Wait, hold on. He's... I'm gonna go against my impression of a halfling and do this. Well, that does kind of sound like, uh, like you're robbing the place. Oh. But I do need to do inventory and I've been looking for an excuse.

Oh, is that what you call it? Hey, are you gonna steal anything? No. Fear Bowl, are you guys going to steal anything? No. Okay. Ask me. No.

Don't ask him. I'm not gonna ask you. You already said you were a rogue when you, I saw you locked the door, but I'm cool, so I didn't say anything. Cool. The thing about the demon thing that I yelled earlier, you're cool about that too, right? Oh yeah, I'm a pretty cool guy. Listen, I'm not trying to get involved in nothing.

I'm just a small business owner trying to make it in these harsh times. We start too long on this person. We gotta give me a minute. You know, I remember back when I was growing up. So sorry. We are actually on an adventure. Oh, that's okay. I just used to be a great warrior in my time.

And I also do lots of cool magic. I'll go back and count my coffee beans or whatever. Thank you, Patrick Shortburton. It was so nice to have you here. Okay. I'll miss you. I feel like we've really formed a bond. Counting the beans.

Counting the beans. I want him out of the podcast. He is. He's just singing very loudly. We have 30 seconds before he becomes a fan favorite, and I need him gone. Where did all these tea bags go, whoa! And he's dead, he was crushed by tea bags. I'm so angry right now. I'm furious. Well, hold on. I go in the back room and I start lifting up the bags.

He is flat stanley. I'm going to use medicine check. Oh, he's back. Oh, you saved my life. now I owe you a life debt. I'll travel with you forever. Shut the door behind me. I lock it.

I love you. Thank you. Terran. What was the last time you heard from Gray? Because the situation's changed quite a bit. It's been a day or two. So do you know about the whole chaos order thing that is happening? I guess not, because that literally happened earlier today, huh?

I know that we're working. with chaos for war. Oh, no. Oh, geez. Let's do a walk and talk, maybe, and we'll fill you in on what's happening now. Sorry about your fiancé, by the way.

But really, if you want to get super technical about it, it was definitely Gray's fault. So you can take that up with him later, I guess. Well, we didn't Maybe we enabled. We didn't kill. We did not kill Calhane. Gray definitely did that.

Like, Wicked did that in front of us. So. And we're really sorry. If Gray sent you, why? That was going to be part of the walk and talk, but we... I'm not going anywhere with you until I know why. For all I know, you're, you know, here to kill me. No.

We would have done that already. We, we're here to... What? We're here to, oh, the earlier part. We are aligned with Gray right now because our interests is in the Heroic Oversight Guild and it's disruption. Huh. So you're uniquely positioned to really land yourself on Gray's employee of the month wall, if that is your interest. So Gray's sent you.

to find me so that I could help you disrupt the heroic oversight kills even if you don't believe us it sounds like fun right no I do believe you actually that sounds exactly like something Gray would do so are we cool or

okay I'll put it this way Well, actually, everybody make a persuasion check, all three of you. Oh, that is a 14 plus 8. 22. Don't let me down, boys. That is a 16 plus 2, 18. Golly, this isn't going to go good for hoops. I could just feel it. I'm going to be the one dragging everybody down. What did you get? Well, sir, it's a 19.

Okay, so you were just waiting for the prestige there? Okay. Okay. All right. Let's put it this way. Right now, I am going to help you until such a time when it turns out that you're all still pieces of shit. And then I'm going to kill you or get other people to kill something like that, right? So can we agree to those terms?

That's fair. Yeah, that's fair. Sounds good to me. Yeah. So what do you mean for? me right now in this moment. To engage with us in a walk-and-talk. To where?

Give him his walking-talk, please. To hog-s-off. I think we want to go to the hog place. To hog-city. The hog-trough. So you make your way across the street, and you can see the opulent, the shining facade of the heroic oversight guild with its art deco designs on the front, looming two-story, story tall, golden heroes and villains engaged in epic battles. You can see up and down the streets

banners hanging from light posts, the home of the heroic oversight guild, you know, 200 years of heroic oversight guild. You see, you know, images of some of the most famous heroes and villains in history strewn about hanging from posts. You make your way into the lobby. Well, wait, before we go in, I want to percept to see where I can see. see where like the sewer exit is that we can sneak into. Oh, okay. I want to know where the crack, the crack in the fence is. That's a, that's a 12 plus four, 16.

Where's that crack, baby? Where is it? I know it's there somewhere. I will say there is, the Royal Gervisite Guild takes up what we hear in the US of A would call a city block. and you can see as you're kind of, you know, making a way across the street, that there is definitely kind of a service alley down one side. You assume where, you know, all of the deliveries and whatnot are going, you know, the mail truck, something like this place. You know they've got a lot of paper stock going in and out and all that's got to get delivered and taken away somewhere.

Okay. You make your way into the opulent lobby high ceilings. And, you know, it's kind of one of those like two-story, three-story lobbies where around the outside there are offices. And you can see like, you know, kind of walkways on the second and third floor with even more office space. But here in the middle, it's an atrium. You know, there's big fantasy-looking trees reaching up towards a domed skylight as you make your way across. White Marvel, you're taken to the reception desk where Taryn guide you through the incredibly lengthy process of filling out forms and signing waivers and, well, I shouldn't assume. Do you sign

the waivers? Are you reading? We're not reading a single word of them. I sign them. I sign them Stink Butzman. Oh, good. Yeah. Now, is that your legal name or? I'll never tell. No, it's a Dougie good name I sign a different I sign a different name each time I'm cutting up You guys are fucking busting

Everybody else in the room is busting up My fucking funny names But it's super magic ink So every time you sign No matter what name you sign It reforms back Into Fitzroy Maplecourt

Yeah I sign Argo I rubber stamp them I've got one of those rubber stamps And I notarize myself. Okay. So now you're past the lobby and now it's just you and Taryn inside the heroic oversight guild. What's the walk and talk plan? What do you need? Oh, I thought we had already done the walk and talk because I didn't want to explain everything about ordering chaos in the war again.

You've walked and you've talked. You've made it inside. You've explained everything. She's, you know, she's kind of accepted it. None of it. All of it tracks, right? All of it seems like something that would happen. She's still, because of your previous behavior up till now, you've done nothing to really ingratiate yourself to her. Quite the opposite, I would say. Yeah, but she, she has gotten you this far, and at this point, she's like, okay, I feel like I've done what you needed. I kind of need to take some time to process this. If you need me, come find me. I work in the archives, just, I guess, what are the archives? I mean, I guess it's self-explanatory. You are You keep older things there.

This is, yeah, it's where we store, like, paperwork and stuff. And where exactly is that? I mean, is it, like, in a basement or something? It's here in the building. It's at the center of the building where I am going to go and probably have a stiff drink and maybe just put my head down on my desk for, like, an hour. So can we ask you for, like, a set of keys now, or do you think we should do that after the hour? Do it after the hour, please.

Okay. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, here's our card. Hang on to that. And if you think of anything else, give us a communication. She's gone. She's down the hallway. No, but keep going.

Maybe you'll get through to her. These cards are expensive. They're embossed. Embossed? Wait, hold on. Okay. And she takes one. And she goes, oh, good wait.

And she takes it. She heads off down the hallway. So what do you do now? Um... Is have we talked to I get have I know we want to talk to Althea have we we haven't seen her anything yet right? No not yet can we try to find her like Pres office right? Uh yeah do an investigation check for me. Oh me. No, I all three of you. Okay Five plus three. That's eight I got a 17 plus zero. Okay, 17. I got 17. What about you, Fitz?

Investigation? Yeah. Don't worry about me. Don't worry about what I got. So Fitzroy and Argo, they start actively looking for Althea, by which I mean, like, stopping people walking by and, like, looking at their faces. And they're not having any success. But you, Master of Fearbol, you kind of, like, very easily spot on the wall a directory with everyone's names and office number. on it. Oh, that's helpful.

I mean, it's an office building. Yeah. Is there a map with this directory? Uh, no, but you see... You are here. Althea Song, office 315. Um, hey, can we go talk to the receptionist again real quick? Sure. I'm just saying, let's, let's, let, we can't...

And what can I do for you? No, I'm not gonna... Uh, yes. Uh, yes. Hi, we just came through here and we signed all the things. Yes, Stinks Butman, was it? Oh, please. You didn't see that. That's my real name. But, or did I?

Anyway. It's pronounced Boutman. Yeah, it's Elvin. So, uh, we're lost. And I was wondering if you maybe had like a map of the premises that you give to visitors, um, so that we may locate. Where it is that we're looking for? We are looking for Althea Sond.

Office 315, third floor. Just head down the hallway. The offices are numbered. You can't miss it. I know, but we already tried and we got lost. I saw you. You walked into the lobby. You looked at the director and you came back over to me.

We tried. We tried it. A map would go down. The stairs are right over there. Where? Where? Which ones? Those stairs.

It's right there. Do we go up them or down them? Do you need an adult? I need a map of the premises. We don't have maps of the premises. This isn't a theme park. Doodle it, please. Okay.

She draws on a piece of paper an arrow and then writes stairs and then puts up to three and then puts lockdown hallway and it hands it to you. I was thinking something that would show like the ventilation system. What? A map. I have asthma and I got to make sure wherever I go. Okay, this is, this is useless. Is this, are the people in this building wearing any kind of identifying thing?

That is a great question, Griffin. Like badges or something? Okay. Yes. You see that everyone has, you know, on a lapel, on a jacket, on whatever, right, is little shields of different. colors, each one labeled H-O-G, and the different colors, you know, they range different hues of metal. And you can kind of put together because we've all seen anything with badges and stuff

before, that the different colors have to do with, like, the departments, they work for that kind of thing. Okay. Now, let's see. As you make your way, I assume, to Althea's office. roll a perception check for me, all three of you. Eight. Does a crit?

20 plus four. One from one from Chiboy. All right. With that crit, Fitzroy, you're keeping your eyes peeled. You're looking for anything that you could use, you know, to your advantage of maneuvering around these halls. Let's find some facts. The one that really jums out to you is you see people with bins, delivering paperwork, delivering mail, delivering packages to the various offices.

And not only that, but what you also see is that nobody seems to pay much mind to them. They're moving up and down the hallways with these oversized bins, and nobody really seems to give them the time of day. Can I try and do something kind of silly? Griffin, I would never stop you for doing something kind of silly. I want to see if I can slip a little crab in a bin Just to see where all this stuff goes The old bin crab

The old crab slip I can share his senses so I want to know about the gully works All right I mean tell me how it plays out The old trip I look at the Fearbook Hey quick trip me trip me trip me just trip me near trip me With your feet Fearball, what do you do?

Exactly what he asks. I don't even hesitate. Okay, um, make both of you make a dexterity check for me. Ooh. He's fake. We're faking. Yeah? I know.

14 plus 2, 16. Oh my God, another one. Um, so Fearball, uh, you trip him, but a little too hard. Um, and, uh, you, You really do go sprawling. Now you're able to catch yourself with the 16th, so you don't take any damage. But you are down. I was trying to fall onto one of the carts as we were near it.

You've fallen and you definitely drew the attention of the person pushing the cart. And he says, are you okay? And as Argo helps him to his feet, Argo uses sleight of hand and slips the crab into the bin. Oh, so there's a crab hand. This is like that fucking scene and now you see me. We're just throwing the crab between us in an unlikely sort of ballet. Yeah, give me a slight of hand check there, Argo. How about 15 plus 12?

Yeah, so you palm that crab and you slip that crab right in that bin and now Fitzroy, you've got yourself a little stowaway. Okay, that'll come in handy when I forget about it in five, four. And now I assume you've made your way to Athea's office. Yes. Yes. What do you do? Just kick it, cold lamp.

Does she have any bruise? You knock on the door, there's no response. Is it locked? You try the knob and it opens, but she is currently somewhere else, it seems. Well, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if. We've waited. You head inside and, you know, there's a couple chairs that you can rest at. What are you doing while you wait?

May I recommend before we get into the extremely tenuous conversations we're probably about to have with our friend Althea song? Maybe we just poke around this office, see if we can't obviously put everything back where you found it, but maybe we find like with the engine room, the boiler room has one spot that you can, you know, blow up the whole building. Not that exactly, obviously, because we don't want to blow up the whole building, but do you know what I'm saying? Like the weak point? Maybe we find incriminating photos of the chief? I don't know.

Well, we certainly can. I am not comfortable doing that behind Althea's back. Yeah. I tell you what, I think we have enough incriminating evidence. I think we ought to just lay it out for Althea. Not the whole thing about Gray and all the other stuff, but I think there's enough to bring down the Heroic Oversight Guild. And she has been known as the hardest,

working, most devoted hog person, but she's devoted to their principles, see? And they've screwed the point. pooch on all these different principles. Definitely, definitely. I'm just saying, we've gone through this. Yeah.

Just as a safety net, though. And I want to just look around the office real quick. Why not? Yeah, okay. Go for it. Sure. Can I roll an investigation check? Sure you can.

17 minus one, 16. I don't know what I'm looking for here. I guess I'm just looking for, I think the discussions we've been having are more sort of how do we dismantle the structure of the Heroku Oversight Guild and not the building of the Heroku Oversight Guild, if that makes any sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So any ledgers? You find something that you were not expecting to find.

It wouldn't have been the thing that you set out to look for. But what you find in Althea's top drawer is a folder. And the folder is well worn. It has clearly been thumbed through many times. And the thing that is most surprising to you about it is it seems to be a folder about Althea herself. And when you open the folder, the first page shows a portrait of a younger Althea. And it is labeled avenging angel. and it is clearly her file for when she was an active hero with the heroic Oversight Guild,

but across it has been stamped in bold, all caps letters, evil. And you hear the knob turn. Flip a coin mentally. I tuck it in my bag. The door swings open and Heroic Oversight Guild investigator Althea Song enters her office. She is surprised at your presence. She looks around the room and says, what are you doing here? Why are you in my... And then she sees you standing by her desk with the drawer open. Now, why don't you roll a sleight of hand check? That's 11 plus 2.13.

She sees you closing the desk drawer What are you doing in my desk, Fitzroy? I dropped my keys. Couldn't find them and I thought I might have dropped them in the open desk drawer. Keys to what? My fucking Lambo, baby. My Bugatti, Veyron.

it out front. Victoria, why are you going through my desk? I do it to everyone's desk. It's not just you, right guys?

She moves over and she opens the door you just closed and she says And the folder Yes, yeah, it fell into my bag while I was,

okay. That is mine. You had no right. We're starting on a bad foot. I can't think of a worse way for us

to begin. Okay. Um, Why did it say evil, though? I don't want to talk about it, okay? Let me cushion this by saying, if you knew what kind of jazz we've been up to over the last 48 hours, I do not think you would be so trepidious to tell us about your evil history.

It's not like that. I was a hero with the Royal Gover'sit Guild, and there was an incident. And it, I got placed in, uh, in a city. And the, the villain there was, I, you know what, I, why were you going through my desk? If you had finished that story, I think then it would be a very logical for us to tell you why we were going through that drawer. Excuse you are in my office going through my things. I don't owe you an explanation, Fitzroy.

Actually, you kind of do. You do kind of owe us an explanation. Excuse me? Yeah, you're really and truly... After everything I've done for you? Altia. We know that labels are... Not very valuable.

At least they are not to me. Evil, good, hero, and villain. As we've learned, even chaos and order are not necessarily as they seem. Please tell us the story so we can see beyond a label. I'll tell you the story of Master Fearfolk. They will pinch their ears close.

Let them listen. I graduated as a hero and I went to work in a city. It was a pretty good position. I got paid well. There was a lot of notoriety. But the villain that I was assigned to, he was sloppy, he was too flashy and showy and he was more about the performance and people got hurt, innocent people, people who shouldn't have gotten hurt bystanders in the crossfire for the

sake of a good show. And that's what I, at the time, and that's the, the whole reason for the heroic oversight guild is to make sure that things like that don't happen. And so I filed a complaint with the guilt. And they sent an investigator, but rather than do a thorough investigation, he just went to the governor of the district and asked him about it. And the fact the matter is that this villain was famous and put on a good show. and that meant tourism and that meant money. And so the governor lied and said that I was lying and that I just didn't want to do my job. He told the investigator that I hadn't shown up for a couple of battles,

that he had talked to me and that I had refused to do my duty. And, you know, I haven't been able to prove it, but I'm almost certain that there was money exchanged between the governor. and the investigator. And just like that, the heroic oversight guild ruled against me. And I was fired and I was blacklisted. They listed me as evil and I couldn't get work as a hero anymore. And so the obvious path would be to become a teacher. But I wanted to make sure that what happened to me wouldn't happen to anybody else. So I worked hard, and I worked my way up through the Heroic Oversight Guild and made my way to Investigator, only to find that it didn't matter, because no amount of good intention, no amount of thorough investigation could overcome all the

red tape. I was able to do some good, but it's just not how I thought it would be. What do you care the most about? Do you care about making the world better and safer? Or do you care about propriety? I guess, of course, I want to make the world better. You have never needed to prove anything to anyone, Altya song. person. That... I'm sorry, Master Fearable, but of course I have.

I've had to prove things to people. Everyone has to prove things to people. The people that are in this organization do not deserve you, Althea. They do not deserve to have you toiling endlessly so that your efforts to make the world better and safer can be thwarted by bureaucracy and number crunching and penny pinching. They have forgotten goodness. This organization of the claims to fight against mind control or possession, yet they sit by and let it happen. They allow their ranks to be infiltrated by vicious thugs.

that want nothing but their own gain and safety. They do not care about the rest of this world. They only care about the heroic Oversight Guild, and there has been very little oversight to speak of. Master Fibold, everything you say is, yes, obviously. Obviously, this system is hugely broken, and doesn't take care of anyone but itself. But when the system is all you got, you have two options.

You can either be crushed by it as it rolls over you, or you can be crushed by it by being stuck inside the machinery. There is another option, Althea song. And he stands to his full fearbulk height. Is that you become the fun doing the crushing? This took a turn. Let's just sit in it for like a second, though. Sit in it for a second and then tell me if this place has garries.

I should have asked that first. What exactly... You guys aren't here about the weapons, are you? We are here about a weapon of a different kind of your song. I mean, if you did swoop some, like, badass weapons for us, that we could not say now. I was not telling you never know when things will turn nice. Of weapons. Holy weapons.

Um, what did I miss? Okay, so. Play back your brooch. Wow. That sure is a lot. You're telling me. Sorry, that's just. was walking past as he tries to keep up.

Okay, so just, um, yes. You guys have this habit of just like suddenly telling me whole big things that are going on. It's a lot. Oh, boy. There is a name for it out of the song.

market disruption. We are disruptors. We are not content to follow in the conventional wisdom laid out by our predecessors. We are disrupting the market. So the three of you. Disruptors. Sure. The three, you three disruptors,

You One of you is a villain About halfway Through school I've actually been I've been doing pretty well There's a chance I might graduate next

Next spring And you've lost A lot of your magic Most of it I can make a tiny little golden crab Okay great And you two hench people Are going to

if I'm getting this right, sometime within the next like four months, completely undo a global system of power by, so far your plan is to point out

the flaws in it and ask people to kind of stop doing it. As you were listing our market advantages. You forgot one very important key player.

I will give you a hint. She is the avenging angel. I thought you were talking about Gray. Oh yes. Also, oh, fuck, this was in the thing. You know, do we skip that in the song?

When we set it to music, we weren't thinking about the comprehensiveness. Yes, also, Gray, he's a part of this. Oh, okay, you're working with the demon prince. With is a funny word alongside. This may be a better. Not against.

You're working within the same sphere. In parallel, yes. As Gray. Co-branding. Okay. And Gray sent you here. Well, don't. Let's not. No, no, no, I'm just saying that that's the proposition. I think that

Fearbug is laying out there as we would like to do this with you. You understand how to kick these guys in the nuts better than anybody. And we would like very much to have your help doing the kicking. We could try to take it down from the inside. But so far, our plan has gotten to take apart from inside. There is a two with a period after. Literally the first thing we did in that endeavor was get caught reading shit out of your desk. So I don't think the inside by ourselves thing is going to happen.

Okay. Before I even consider this, what about- You've already considered the bit. I can tell from your... Okay. Is Taryn in on it? Hmm. This is a... This is like... Not a sort of. Little bit. Well, we mentioned we're working with Gray, right? Right.

Yeah. So then, by the transitive property. Yes. Is Terran working with Gray? It's we're all one family now, aren't we? Under the, under the revolution, aren't we? So yes. Yeah.

I knew it. Yeah. Right. Right. She's always been, right? Yeah, yeah, okay, since the centaurs of the Scarlet Woods thing, and Calhate, I knew it. Something in the air, right? Mm-hmm.

It's just, I love that feeling, you know, where you're like right, where it's like you're right, you know? Yes, and like, ooh, it's a sanctimoniousness is the name of that feeling. It's a, ooh, it's a heck of a draft. Vindication, vindication is another word. Okay, I'm going to speak in hypotheticals for a second. Because maybe this might be something, because this might be something that someone who hypothetically has worked for the Her Oak Oversight Guild for a while, and maybe hypothetically hates their job, and maybe hypothetically daydreams a lot about destroying said job, that maybe hypothetically she might have an idea. I'm hypothetically half-mast right now. I cannot wait.

Well, first, gross. But second, the thing you have to understand, the reason, and this won't surprise you at all when you really think about it, but the reason the heroic oversight guild wields so much power is money, and the use of it as leverage, right? So if you think about the heroes and villains all over Nua, the flow of power in the form of money is simple, right? The cities pay it to the Royal Oversight Guild,

the Heroic Oversight Guild, pays it back out to the heroes and villains and hinge people, and sidekicks and all of that, right? And so the heroic oversight guild is like the heart, right? Pumping the blood. And at the center of that, the chamber, at the middle of that heart, is the archives. That's where all of the contracts are stored. That's where we keep track of what money needs to come in from where. and go out to who?

And if you can get in there and fuck shit up, it would be pretty goddamn disruptive. The language I'm not crazy about, but I like the thought. Here's the thing, though. The paperwork, the files, It's pretty well guarded It's not like we could just walk in And you know, throw a match and be done with it

It's gonna take some doing to get in there Hypothetically I mean hypothetically don't worry I've got it all figured out Oh what is how what are you going to do I thought that would be the end of the episode And then there would be like two weeks. Something.

Okay. Well, can we pretend, can we hide inside of some big, and this is just first thought, because we're blue-skying it here. But if I could tuck myself into like a big manila envelope and then you can just drop like you're doing a regular deposit. If we could flatten you in some way. What kind of guarding are we talking about? Are we talking about like a drag-d-dragon? or uh... Mostly security systems

Oh Cyber I've heard of this I mean magical Oh sure Just so I'm sure Because the explanation was pretty quick

If we don't do this A lot of people are gonna die Right That's our main reason for wanting to do it Is to keep a bunch of people from dying Yes All right let's figure this out

and she unrolls a big blueprint on her desk I knew it I knew you just kept one of those around The Thunderman will be back in Oceans 12 Maximum fun dot org

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