The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 32: By a Hair(cut)

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

Has this ever happened to you? You're in the middle of planning a heist when who should show up, but your mortal enemy? Then, one of your friends has confidence issues in the bathroom? And your other buddy is hiding in your pocket as a mouse? Sure, we've all be there! Pockets gets ripped. Hairs get cut. Water gets made. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me Gary, previously on the Adventure Zone graduation. The Thundermen are scheming the day away, planning for the big heist. See, in order to prevent an all-out war that will drag an entire hell dimension into ours, they've got to cause a little destruction at the Heroic Oversight Guild. If they fail, countless innocent folk will die. Their first step? Getting a haircut, of course. But before he could be shorn, Argonaut's mortal enemy, the Commodore, arrived. The last time Ago saw him, it was revealed that the Commodore was working for the demon prince gray.

Oh, the Fearbook also buried an ice knife in his shoulder. I'm sure he doesn't hold a grudge, though, right? The Commodore turns to you, Argonaut, and smiles and says, Ah, Argonaut, long time, no see, lad. How are you? And reaches out his hand for a handshake. I'm excellent, sir. That's not true. No, I'm not excellent.

Oh? I'm full of regret, to be honest with you. Well, that's a pity to hear. What's wrong, lad? I regret on the way we parted company. Oh, don't worry about that. No, no, no, let me get this off my chest. I feel like I accused you.

Don't worry about it, son. And you've done so much for me. And how did I just spit in your face? Okay. Argonaut. Don't worry about it. Well, we're great. This boy, oh, I trust him.

Oh, I love him. And he's talking to the administrator who's been walking with him. Oh, one of the best, best guys I know, Argonaut Keen. Roll a perception check for me. Deception. Check. That would be a nine. But thanks to my brand new skill of whatever it is, decent ability, I kick that up to a 10.

Oh, there it is. Because you said it would never happen. I never said that. It was up to a 10 plus three perception. So it's 13. Dad, do you think that I said that you would never really? row below a 10 that I didn't think. Why would I say that?

There's a 50% chance. I think it was implied that I would not roll a nine. I think that was. I don't think that happened. That doesn't sound like our brand of humor. We are, we prize nothing if not, statistic of probability. Yeah.

So the, the Commodore, you can't quite get a bead on it, but he's looking at you in a pretty intense way. There's something that you're just not picking up on here. I'm glad you feel that way, sir, because it's, knowing you has changed my life. Oh, good to hear it. Oh, and at this point, Billy Kern returns and says,

oh, hey, how's it going, Mr. Johnson? Are you ready for that hair? that we talked about? Um, yes, uh, indeed. Uh, I, I am and I appreciate you seeing me so quickly. A com-a, um, Admiral? Is it Admiral Commodore? Is it, uh, it will be the Admiral?

The Admiral, but not until tomorrow. Keep that under your hat. I, shh, whoa, look, zip, zip, throw away the key. Oh, um, excellent. All right. Uh, Bailey, I'm, I'm ready to be shorn. And you, Miss Kern, you take good care of him. This is one of the best people I know in this world.

I trust him with my life. Those are proud words to me, Blofeld Johnson, and I give him the same look back that he gave me a few minutes ago. Okay. Okay. I didn't think I'd be rooting for the Commodore, but get him out of their trough. he doesn't deserve this get him out of there yeah he heads off with the administrator

so you and bailey uh you know you you don't go far you go and sit uh she spreads out a little towel and you sit down at one of the uh you know little cafe tables there it's late in the afternoon at this point so mostly it's cleared out maybe i wouldn't make your role an insight check for this one you maybe get the impression she has no idea who you are and she's not going to go to a private place with you she's going to stay here in a public place where everyone could see what's going on. Sure, I understand that. And she also needs that accountability to do a great haircut. But she also just saw Argo talking to an extremely powerful person. Oh, yes. So she's got it. It's almost like it would give you

advantage on any kind of roles you want to do me. I would think it would. Yeah. Yeah, I would think so too. So what kind of style are you going for? Do you want just like a cleanup or? Anything in particular? You know, Mollett is really popular. I know, I like, you know, Mullet's kind of what I got now. I was hoping for something. I want bangs.

Of course. I really want bangs. And then maybe feathered at the side. The sides. Oh, okay. Like a shag. I want a shag haircut is what I want. This is my first haircut on somebody else.

But sure, I'll do all these complicated things that you're talking about. Well, okay. just go with a shag. And whatever feels like a shag haircut to you, I would love it. And I want you to know I'm right now going to roll a D20. And I'm not going to tell you. Oh my God.

Fuck him up. It is a Nat 20. Whoa. No way, man. I'm sorry. I was so hoping it would be bad, but it's amazing. What's that mean, DM? It's an incredible, incredible.

You know what? You know what? You know what? It's going to give you advantage on like your next three charisma-based roles. Nice. This haircut looks so good. Damn it. I thought I was the face.

Now I got to give him my mustache. Well, he's the hair. Now. I guess. I used to. You guys want to know something? I used to get jealous when other actual play podcasts would succeed. Often in fashions that seem more pronounced than ours.

You know, your critical roles of the world. But now, like, I feel like I get it at this point. You know what I mean? Like, you know, it's like we talk a lot about haircuts and bags of scones and stuff. Probably more than most people want to hear about, I think, maybe. Like, I get, I'm just saying I get it, you know? I get it. I haven't listened to other actual play podcasts.

Is that not what happens in every? It's mostly scone-based. It's a scone-based medium. Haircuts and scones and job interviews? Is that not the norm? I mean, just make an ogre come in. Critical roll is always like, and then an ogre comes in. Then an ogre comes in and, oh, a fireball.

So is that roll as in a piece of bread? Or is, because? Oh, no, that. So roll is like a dice thing. Oh, okay. Matt Mercer makes me the connection with scones there. Oh, I see. Yeah, I see.

No, it's just that Matt Mercer is a really mean DM who, when his players want to do something wild. I'll say, I will say this. I see their fans upset a lot in a sad way. There's a lot of sadness there, I feel like, in that community. Yeah, well, they're invested in the characters in a way that I don't think people care about you, give shits. Thank you for not loving us. Yeah, yeah.

No, your characters are not even two-dimensional, one-dimensional haircut boys. So, anyways, the haircut goes great. But during it, there's also some conversation. So how do you know the comic? I can safely say that he has shaped my life. I mean, he's like, if it weren't for him, I would not be the person I am today.

Well, that's so lovely to hear. He is such a good guy, you know, always coming in, smile on his face. He gives wonderful little presents on everybody's birthday. He's such a thoughtful. Hello. I mean, obviously,

I didn't know he was so closely connected to the guild. Is he? Oh, yeah, he's one of the greatest heroes in history. He's the greatest naval hero, Nua has. And how long has he been hanging around here in, like, the building? You said you've been seeing a lot of him. Oh, he comes and goes, you know, he comes in on a regular basis for special occasions or, you know,

anytime we want to make some big proclamation, they're always making these big proclamations here. And so, yeah, we see a lot of them, you know, he's been coming in pretty often. And he's got a big day to Monday. Tomorrow, I mean, I'm not supposed to say anything, but that's why, that's why I'm getting, I did not think that D was going to be followed. Yeah, me neither. There was a moment where I was like, what? I had a moment. Where are we going?

That's why I'm getting the haircut. I want to, I want to look good for the big day. Oh, okay. Wow. Things are getting a little crossed wires here. Are you trying to seduce the Commodore? Don't suggest things that we're not going to follow Theron, please. We've, we've fallen into that hole in the house.

Argo's already got a bad rep. You know, the whole three's company dating two women at once thing. Well, yeah, just seeming... Well, at this point, it seems like he asked out Barb and he may or may not have asked out fits away his mom. No one's quite sure because we're not willing to go back and listen to that episode to remember what he said in the letter. So that's where we're at. It's kind of a Schrodinger's date. Yeah, please don't listen to the very special spring break episode because I don't ruin everything for you.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Okay. So is there something else you want to accomplish in this haircut or did you just want to look silent and profiling? Here's the thing. What is the popular cut here among, you know, the employees? It's too late now. We're already doing a shag.

We're halfway through the cut. Well, I'm assuming that due to my tremendous role, you know, that it's a popular. It wasn't your role. It was Bailey Kern's role. Yeah. Well, due to your amazing role, I assume that, you know, shag is a popular hair. haircut here. Oh yeah. Like I said, it looks great. Everyone loves it. Even if it's not popular, it soon will be. Excellent. That's what I want to be. I guess my question is, how has Dad's

haircut, which has now occupied two episodes, furthered our high stuff? Well, see, Griffin, at some point, I think Dad had the intention of trying to steal a badge during the haircut, but I think he's lost track of that one. Oh, has he? Yeah. A haircut like that, though, will make you re-examine everything. Maybe I don't need to help. You know what I mean? Maybe I could be a champion of my own story. So, Dad, just before

I go and check in on the fear bog, you're good? Actually, you know, I could use a blow dry. Okay. Okay. I just got

to find somebody with some magic, I guess. Oh, that Yeah, okay. A fantasy blow dry? Yeah. Somebody who can make like a hot wind spill. Yeah, I can't do that. I can't do that.

I can make water to wash my own hair. You can? We all can make water. We really shouldn't be washing our own hair with it, though. Well, listen, I... Oh, you know what? What? You don't really have a mirror or a shiny,

surface for me to look at the haircut, do you? Oh, I didn't think of it. What, your badge? How shiny is that? Oh, it's pretty shiny. Could I use it as a mirror to kind of look and see? Um, make a charisma check. With advantage.

Yes. I mean, it would be one of the... Yeah, I'm going to say deception. Okay, that is 12 plus... You said deception? Correct, yeah. That would be 12 plus 6, which is 18, but I have advantage. Because of your cool hair, yes.

And that's another 12? Wow. 18. I'm just saying 18 is enough for her to say yes, but in a very tentative, I'm, you know, I'm not comfortable with this kind of way. Okay. So she kind of goes, oh, yeah.

Oh, I mean, I guess. And hands you her badge, but like kind of in a like, see with your eyes, not with your hands kind of way, you know? Thank you. Bailey, you're the best. Somebody. Oh. Wow.

What? Whoa. No. Mac, don't. Mac, it's me. Oh, look at that. Don't do it. Mac, me.

You're raise. No, please don't kill her. It's me. mom. My precious. It's not nonny speaking in my head. It's not really nonny, dad. It's gray.

Gray is speaking to me in Nonny's voice. No, I just, I, no, it's just regular nonny and I think you'll her back. Get the hints. No, that looks great. That looks great. Here, let me pin it back on your, on your uniform. And when I do, I use sleight of hand to palm the card. be pinning on then

I'm going There's a little clip There's a little clip No but I'm going to say this dad I will allow this And I think it's a good move But you need to replace it with something Where you're only gonna have like

Five minutes before she knows this Quick look to your inventory dad There's got to be something that you forgot you have You got money money coming all You have magic land and birds Do you have card like playing cards? I know no I got a pendant

That's it don't have any... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no! Wait, hold... That's so smart. Okay. Equipment. Wait a minute.

Equipment. Right. Maybe something, me too. Usually when dad's is excited, he's about to really chunk up an airball, so I'm pretty excited. Unidentified item. In my equipment. Fucking...

Uh-huh. Oh, dad, did you maybe start to fill something out in the D&D be all? character she in it. No, no, hear them out. Justify yourself. I would say that they're probably playing cards because playing cards would be pretty standard in all the bars and stuff we've been hanging out in. That's not going to work, is it? Okay, in thieves tools, wouldn't you think that in a bunch of thieves tools there would be something in there like a card-like thing that you would use to to Jimmy a lock to, you know. Oh, ooh, ooh.

I think I might. What about it? A pack of hot mint gum. I mean, you canonically have that. If it's like an orbit, if it's like orbit, because those are rectangle. If it's an orbit situation. Here's what I will say. You got a good look at it earlier and you've had a break between these two encounters.

I think that if this is your plan, I am willing to accept that you took some time to like make a replica of it out of stuff like the gum wrap. and things you have, right? Like, that makes sense to me. I can justify that without. You sweeted one. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yes, yes, yes.

Although I did like the play of doing a pendant, like your fucking Christopher walking and catch me if you can. Did you drop this outside? This must have slipped. All right, so I used the foil and it made it real silvery. That was a good walking. And made it, and so I clip it back on there and do I need to do a slide of hand check? Uh, yeah.

Oh, wicked yes. Yes, you do. Well, you would think as good as this bad thing is. There's an 18 plus 13. Damn. So that's 31. I forgot. Yeah, you do it super good.

I have a plus 13 in sleight of hand. You do it. And not only do it, you do it in such a way that she doesn't notice. You do it in such a way that, you know, she kind of maybe, like, giggles a little bit that, like, It's this very kind of gallant, you know, overly dramatic kind of moment that's almost like, oh, you silly. You are such a silly guy kind of way. She suspects nothing. Well done.

Well done. Anytime. Tell your friends. I think it's going to be a real popular look. I will. And maybe this will be a side gig for you, cutting air. Oh, I can only dream. Speaking of dreaming, at this point, the Fearwalk has woken up from here.

drug-induced scorn. No more dreams of giant pigeons attacking him for the remaining scone crones in his face bag. I am cool. Are you cool? Hollifer is kind of still standing over you. Do you need any orange slices?

I would love an orange slice. Okay. Maybe take a break. from the scones for a while. I suppose, yes. Although now I want a scone more than ever. Oh, man, that's how they get you. But sometimes you need to take a break.

They'll dry your ride out. You doing okay? Do you need me to get somebody for you? I can call somebody down here. It would be best if you left and I never saw you again. Oh, well, this is kind of my post. So I can't do that I should be the one to go there

Yeah, I think that's probably the best call here But you know, thank you for the scone Of course Take care of yourself, I guess Watch out for those giant pigeons, huh? That was a hallucination No, I know There are no pigeons

No, I know, I was making a... There are pigeons Just not giant ones Yes I mean, who knows, it's a magical world There are giant, yeah, There may be giant pigeons So what's the fearwalk up to?

What's the fearbook doing now? Well, see. I should have a plan. Yeah. It's not that I don't have a plan. It's just like at this point, I think I'm just going to cruise around. Okay. Are you looking for anything in particular?

Are you just kind of scoping the scene? Yeah, I want to keep watching the atrium for, like, I'm going to, okay, So Hollifer stays there permanently or is Hollifer someone who cruises around? That's kind of what I want to figure out right now. Okay, great. Yeah. Roll me an investigation check. Remind me who is Hollifer?

Hallifur is the guard who is posted up at the top of the ramp leading down to the archives and records department. 19 plus zero. Nice. Wow. she does take breaks. And when that happens, somebody comes to relieve her. It's not the same guard every time. It's just somebody who's free to give her a lunch break or, you know, a bathroom break or just to, like, stretch her legs.

And what badge does Hollifer have? Hollifer has silver, which shows she is a member of Hogg, and an emerald, which is full access. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, Hollifer seems that, you know, I briefly consider trying to get that away. from her, but for the life of me, I don't have a good reason to think that I'd be able to get that done. If I'm being honest.

It would be a tough one. Yeah, it would be a tough one. And I don't know if I'm really like my skill set. Fits that very well. With the 19, you also know, like you see some kind of pattern. It's not like a strict, you know, like left, right, left, right, left right kind of thing. but you see that there are guards who kind of patrol the upper floors and like occasionally will stop, look down, kind of scan the area and continue on that they seem to have kind of their, you know, their beats, if you will. But there are definitely moments where there are less people in the atrium than otherwise.

You know, during the 12 to 2 block is when people are taking lunch breaks, you know what I mean? And so there's people covering each other's shifts to go to lunch, but it thins out kind of the areas at that point. You have lighter in the morning. You noticed earlier that people kind of coming in the seven to nine area, there's less security than there is from like nine to noon. And then now it's getting later. We should do the heist then. Now it's getting later in the evening. you can also see that as people are going home,

there's less security than there was during the busy times of the office. Another great option. So yes, you have three good periods of time here where there is less security in the main atrium. It is 7 to 9, 12 to 2, and kind of after that 5 o'clock mark. When is this big party? Thank you so much for asking.

That is going to be in that 12 to 2 window Then a little lunch crime Lunch bunch Lunch bunch crime Yeah I call it the lunch crunch We need to Let's talk out of character

We gotta get down to the records Like we know what the fuck's up here We do not know anything about what's waiting for us Down in the records floors And maybe I can try and swing that As chud chud Everyone's favorite character I'm not on Twitter but I assume everyone's favorite character

From the season so far Yeah that seems like a good I've observed a good timing window We got that. We have some different options vis-a-vis getting in. Yeah, I feel like that's what we need. The card that Argo just purloin, though, is not Emerald, right? It doesn't get us access into the actual.

The badge that Bailey has is a copper badge, and it is a sapphire, full access to Maine, escorted access to records. Now, I will remind you that Althea can also get access. to the records with an escort. So if you're just trying to recon, she might be a good ally there. I could get her to cut my hair and steal her. Oh, boy. Okay, all right, I don't worry.

You only have so much hair. Yeah, true. That's a great point. So we know, we know, like, how the inner workings of this place do. And we know sort of the surface level security protocols that are just sort of visible to the to the naked eye. And we know the best window to do it and have a key card that can get us, you know, part way there.

But we're going to have to, I think, risk it for the biscuit a little bit and get eyes down in the records floors. Because we don't know. I feel kind of we could make a plan to get down there, but I don't think we know what is going to happen after that. Yeah. Okay. Well, we have a couple options. I have a janitor's outfit if you wanted to wear that and go down and scope it out. And I also have this Keene badge.

That was a pun, an intended pun from Argo Keene. No, I think we got it. Are you saying that you're going to reconnoiter and go down and kind of scope out what the situation is? Well, I don't know. Can I, can I, as Chudhud the new employee here, can I, can I, you know, ask for an orientation? Well, so the orientation, you're scheduled to work with Kai the following morning at 6 a.m. So if you want to wait until then, you can. And they'll give you some kind of badge, I would assume.

Oh, yeah. Now, listen, because I am not only a kind of benevolent DM, but a meddler, I will point out at this point, you do have the bag with Hollifer registered in it. Oh, yeah. So if you wanted to wait for a period of time where she would say on a bathroom break, you might be able to have someone escorted down by pretend her. The idea was to not do anything too risky until tomorrow, but I think we got to do a little bit of risky stuff right now in order to actually pull this off.

I have an idea that might help lead to that. Okay. Where is Hollifer? The atrium. Okay. I'm going to stand near Hollifer. I picked up the cup of the empty cup of latte. And I'm just going to stand near enough for her to hear.

And I'm going to make water with my create water spell and just keep pouring it back and forth. Just keep pouring water. The sound of water. Okay. pouring. All right. Cut. Yes. Now this is magic. And she hears that. And you know what happens when you hear water running.

So you're going to use your magic to make someone feel like they need to urine. Yes! And on the nosy! And for some reason we're all super here for it. Okay, great. Um, yeah, you know what? I don't think you need to roll for that. I think that that

is a fairly... Wait, let's talk about something else, though. what role is each person taking in this escapade? Oh, yeah, that's a good point. I do not feel well equipped to pretend to be somebody else. Um, yeah, I think, uh, I think me and, me and dad, can't you, I feel like you have, you gotta have some sort of stealth capabilities. You gotta have stealth fighter mode.

Can't you turn into fucking animals? It's not the stealthiness. It's the, what are we disguised? The stealth is the play. We're not disguising ourselves for stealth. Okay. Like, if the first person who's like, so what's your name? And I have to be like, well, my name is the fearbulk, and my people don't have names. How extensive.

I know my face is confusing. It's because I stolen it from a gall. So it only is the face, right? It doesn't disguise the whole body. Yeah, it's not going to generate a badge. Is it? No. Well, I think it's got to be one of the other ones that it's got to be.

I'll be, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be, Hallifur, and then, uh, and then dad, I guess you can just have the badge and just be a, a hog employee. No, okay, but we need to be clear about something. Hollifer has a badge that would get us into records. We don't have that badge. We don't have a way into records currently. We have a badge that can get us, like, right, Trave? Am I, am I understanding that correctly?

You, okay, so there's a lot going on here that I need to account for. So you have a badge that would not raise any eyebrows if someone saw you escorted through records by somebody else with an emerald. That said, it depends on how much you're hoping to do. You know what I mean? Like once you cross that doorway, it's not like you are immediately going to have to answer a thousand questions, right? So if you are planning to do a full scoping out of everything that's going on, just getting your head in the door isn't going to cover it. But if you're like just trying to get a quick lay of the land of what you're looking at,

it seems like you only need to create a moment's distraction enough to kind of get in and look around. So the badge is your badge. And then people ask, I'll be like, yeah, I've left mine in the bathroom. I'll go get it now. But I'm Hollifer. I have the face of Hollifor. So what are they going to do about it? This is a good plan.

And listen, there's some risk for it, but it's a heist. Yeah. It's a heist. This is what we do. I want, Fearbug, will you turn into a little mouse right around my pocket? I don't want to just leave you alone. It would be my honor. Now it sounds like Justin feels that way, which I love.

Well, yeah, but Griffin asked in Griffin's voice. Oh, okay. I thought we were. Master Fearbug, will you turn into a cute, the cute, me? It's Sir Fitzroy Mapleport. Wow, this is so cool. I thought you were pretend. We heard it was somebody's birthday today.

This is one of those singing fantasy games. Oh man, I'm so excited. One of my favorite fantasy characters that isn't on critical role. To wish me a belated happy birthday. Let's activate Project P-time. Yeah, there's better than that. I'm standing near Hollifer and I do my magic. Okay.

Oh, no, no, dad, you can't fully if people are going to be. part of the bit that he did. Oh, no. Yeah. Okay. Maybe I need to make more. No, dad, no, it's good. It's effective.

Is there a check? I could make you roll here. No, like I said, I think, you know, this is just, it happens. This is a fact of life. We're going to bring my experience as a loss prevention worker at a bus by to say. I'd stand at a stand or sometimes eight hours at a time. And it does not take very much to convince you that you want to leave that stand and go to the bathroom. So this work.

works. You see her kind of flagged down a guard, but you know, at this point, I don't know that she can wait. So like as soon as she sees him walking, like gets close enough you know, within sight of where he is heading to, she like kind of gives him a signal and she heads to the restroom. And I look at at the other two and I give

them both kind of a Ralphie grin, nod my head. Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a place I can go and change? There are lots of individual unisex bathrooms that you could use. She's in one, but there's lots of other ones. I go very quickly into one and throw on. I guess we have, there's no way we could have done, do this plan unless we all had met up.

Yeah, you've coordinated. I picture, like, as soon as she hits the doorway in on that one, out comes this other Hollifer from the other doorway. Okay. Can I also do it in conjunction with a disguised self spell of my own to like, because we didn't clarify if the mask actually changed my clothes and stuff. It doesn't. It just gives advantage on any deception checks related to.

Okay. Then I'm going to disguise self also to like really get the H2T experience. That's head to toe. No, I didn't watch America's next top model. Okay. So I just roll a straight up D20, right? Yep. And I need to get a... I want you to tell me, Fitzroy, before you cast,

what are you doing to, like, psych yourself up and get yourself ready to magic? I'm doing it in the mirror. I have access to the mirror. Like, you can do this, but I'm already wearing Hollifers' face. So it's like a weird, like somebody else is talking to me and trying to psych me up to cast this spell. And you tell me what this means.

I rolled a seven. Hmm. Okay. Well, since you're psyching yourself up and you're taking this moment to build yourself up, you have advantage on the role. Okay. Okay. I appreciate that. We'll see what we get this time. We're spinning. We're spinning. That's a fucking nine, man. That's a nine. That's right below it. Okay. It feels like bad. It feels like bad, it feels bad. But it also feels like it would be unfair for me to just keep trying, right? There goes that spell slot. So you tried to cast there and you weren't able to do disguise stuff. So now you're relying purely on the mask. But the good news is your mask still grants you advantage on disguise-related deception.

So I think- But my clothes is different. Your clothes is different. Listen, for sure. You're going to have to roll real good to convince. Yeah, great. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

So I assume now you're heading over to where the other guard has taken the post. Uh, and he is instantly kind of like, uh, what, what is, huh? What? What? What's, but now you're, yeah. But I, what? You were only gone for like 10 seconds. I was wrong.

I didn't need to go. Okay. Okay. That ever happened to you? It's crazy. Okay. Okay. Anyway, I've got to go down, uh, and check out something on records.

I'm actually taking, uh, a new employee on a quick orientation tour. So I've just, Griffin has just realized this won't hold much water when the real Hollifer comes out. Oh, water? You need some more water? No, I would say, uh, just to set a timer,

you've got like three, maybe five minutes. Yeah. Roll a deception check for me. You know, about the whole thing. Yeah, sure. I want to change my tack a little bit. 18 plus 826. Yeah, okay.

Um, no, you're, you're free to go. I'll, I'll take it from here. I'll watch the spot. Oh, uh, oh, okay. Uh, I mean, maybe next time. Why don't you take a break? You seem, you seem, uh, overworked. Uh, it's not a bad idea, but next time, don't, don't flag me down if you don't need to go party. No, sure. I'll, I'll take it up with my irritable bowel syndrome. Thank you. That's very, that's very kind that you brought that up. Too much irritation. It's IBS. Yeah. Get out of here. Okay. Uh, and he, uh, and he, uh, and he, and he, and he is, heads off. Okay.

I waved to Argo and the Severevolk who are probably hiding in a very three stooges-esque way. Yeah, so they're heading over. Are you going in with them? Are you going to stay on guard?

I mean, I'm not going to stay here. Okay. I guess I should stay here. It doesn't make sense to stay there. No, I got to stay here. Okay, so a few things we've done wrong instantly.

Instantly. Instantly? The first is, if we leave here, if I leave here, I leave this spot, and the real holliver comes back to an empty spot, all she has to do is talk to the guard and ask why you left. And then that, like, that's it. So I have to stay here. We have made a bed that sucks, but now we have to lie in it. And I, I do have to stay here. So if we are going to do the, you know, the sneaky mouscapades thing, oh, jeez. But you need an escort. Okay. I guess we just need to be very, very quick. Yeah. No, don't you stay.

Me stay? Yeah, it'll be okay. Okay. I'm going with Argonaut. Perfect. You head down the ramp while Hollifer Fitzroy. You are kind of keeping guard there. It's not too far down the ramp.

I mean, you're going to head to a lower level here. And luckily for you, what you are looking at is the center of this chamber is a three-story opening, much like the atrium was open air upstairs. The archives are opening are downstairs with the ramp curling around the outside of it. And on each level, the offices are on the outside edge of the ramp, with the inside edge, remaining open. open because that is where you see the stalactites from the ceiling and the archives on the basement, the third lowest floor. Now, that said, there is thick panes of glass separating the ramp into the archive chamber. So you're not able to just like jump down into it or anything.

There is like some security glass separating it. but because it is glass, go ahead and roll an investigation check for me. Both of you can since you're both in there. Three. Let's see. 11 plus 3, 14. So from your vantage point in the pocket,

you're not able to see much. But you are not, you're not able to kind of suss out everything, but you do see that they're further down the ramp at a couple different locations. There are some of those mechanical eye scanners, much like Fitzroy saw in the atrium. And you have done enough kind of roguish study at this point that you know that those can not only scan visually, but scan things like badges, anything like that.

So they seem like that is a hurdle you would have to overcome. You also do see other guards kind of moving around. So if you were to go any further down, you probably would find yourself in a position of having to explain. your presence. And so at this point, I would also, because your investigation check was not super great, you have drawn a little bit of attention coming in. It seems like maybe somebody was on the tail end of their kind of rotation, moving up and down their section of the ramp.

And they do see you. And you see, do an insight check for me, their Argonaut. Insight check, a seven, but I have advantage. on insight checks, thanks to my monocle of misdirection. Indeed. And that is a 16. That's much better. I just want to say, Dad, how proud I am of you for always remembering the monocle of

this direction. He's really good at it. He's always been good at it. You can see that he instantly kind of clocks like, there aren't a lot of people who have access to this section of the building. And so he has like seen your face, Argo. And don't get me wrong. There's part of it where clearly he is enjoying your new haircut.

But he also is like making his way towards you with kind of his mouth like a little open. Like he's getting ready to do a, uh, excuse me. Deal with him. That's from your pocket. Deal with him. Uh, excuse me, sir. Can I help you? Uh, yes, you certainly can.

Um, tell me, I, this architecture in this place has a, amazing. I notice your badge. You are not supposed to be down here without any kind of accompaniment. How did you find yourself down here? How did you get past the guard? Oh, that's quite easy to explain. We attended to be a different.

We had someone replace him at the back of my head. We had someone replace him at the back of my head. Excuse me? Okay. No, you can't hear it. I'm a mouse. That's just for the listeners enjoyment. Oh, okay. Well, that's a funny story.

I, have you heard of secret shoppers? Uh, no. Oh, nothing, really? Well, the mouse is currently to see if he has any mouth-sized guns. Secret shoppers are people who are hired to check up on businesses. And it's, it's kind of a very,

a big thing. And then they go in kind of, I guess, like undercover, like undercover fantasy boss and find out about things from the inside and then post the results later on. And so I was asked to come in and see if you were doing a good job or not. And I can tell you are. You're here to make sure that I am doing a good job as a security guard? Absolutely, which you can prove.

by kicking me out. Well, that's definitely going to happen. The question is, what else? The mouse leaps out of his pocket and onto the guy's face. Ha! Oh, jeez! Holy cow, there's mice in here! Oh, for the love of fuck, Dad.

Deal with this fool. Okay. Um, I hit him over the head with a... We are going to have to kidnap this man now. We are going to have, there is a, tomorrow we're robbing this place. No, as far as he knows, okay, listen, we have a, I've bought him a moment.

This is correct. I've bought him a moment as a mouse where he could be like, I don't know, I really lost to beat there, a mouse, and then I don't know what happened after that for a few seconds. You don't have to necessarily attack him, but there is definitely a window that has been created here by this mouse attack.

This gentleman is distracted. As anyone would be, if a mouse flung themselves out of another person's pocket at their face. Oh, Mickey! Mickey, come. Oh, I am so sorry, and I get in real close to him. Yeah, and as I'm making a pretend to grab, and the mouse is just running all over his face. He's whispering in my ear.

He's going crazy. As I do that, I switch his badge with Hollifers' badge. No, not Hollifers. With Bailey's badge. Make yourself a slight of hand shut, please. Please don't make this the time where you do bad as well listen you got a van he is distracted It's a 12 plus 13 That's a I mean that's pretty good roll again

Okay That's a nat 20 well there you go Yeah yeah yeah switch you trade pants with you With that sleight of hand He notices and he's like that was so impressive yeah I'm gonna let it go You know what I respect the art You you you slide of hands And so very good that you trade badges without him noticing.

And you're able to kind of capture, quote unquote, the mouse. And he is still so befuddled and so like, get that thing out of here. Just get it away from me. Come here, Mickey. Mickey, come. I sclamber back into his pocket. Get it out of my sight. Oh, sorry.

I apologize sincerely. I'm out of here. Let me go. I've seen what I need to see. And I am so sorry about Mickey. Thanks for your cooperation or lack thereof. Just go. Gone.

But that went well. Hey, that worked very well. That went exactly how you thought it would. Except now time is out. And everything kind of slows for a second as you see the bathroom door opening. As I see the bathroom door opening, I kind of just like walk down the ramp out of eyesight. of the people in the atrium and then I take the mask off

and I cross my fingers as hard as I can and now I'm going to try and cast minor illusion to look like the fill-in guard. Okay. There's a very real chance where the spell fails and I'm going to have to think of another... Fuck!

You did good? It's a two. That's a two. So that plans... It might be a success. That plans... Yeah. Is that one with...

that plan's not going to work. So I guess I just... Well, at this point, I will say, Argo and Fearbug, you are with him. When you see this fail, you both have a support skill as sidekicks to a hero, to a villain in this case. You see it fail. If you can think of something real quick that will help and make it work, you can grant advantage to him with a good enough support role. And I want to make it clear. This plan I was doing was already a shit plan.

It was the first in a series of bad, bad ideas that were maybe going to get us out of this situation. So what is it you're trying to accomplish? I want to look like the fill-in guard so that when Hollifer comes back, she doesn't suspect anything. But I can't, my magic. Wait, where's the filling guard? You send him away. The left. If we can pull this off, then there's no, nothing.

There's no problem. But I don't, I can't do the spell. He's having a hard time casting magic. He doesn't have the confidence that he can do it. I am going to look into Fitz's eyes. And I'm going to convince him that he can do this, that he should have more confidence in himself, that the reason that he failed on his role

was he didn't have enough confidence. Do it. And what am I rolling? It's charisma-based. All right. That's a 19. Sorry, I mean, a 19 plus two, charisma. That's 21.

You look him in the eye and you tell him you can do this. You can do this, Fitzroy. Fitzroy? I'm wicked camp. No, look at me. Look at my eyes. My sea green eyes. See how they roll like waves on the water.

Yeah, the bathroom door is opening like wicked right now. And Fitzroy, you find yourself taken in not by his eyes, but by his beautiful Shaq haircut. I want you to roll again. I'm gonna do a a MacGyver kind of head shake of my shag. Yeah, yeah. Slow motion.

I'm transformed back into fearball, by the way. Yeah, that's another. Oh, God, did you do it in my pocket? Yeah, I broke your pocket. Oh, yeah. That's another 19, baby. So this time it works. Yeah, so this time that you feel it.

And, you know, because the magic has worked for you, it's going to be a little bit easier next time to cast. So next time you make a magic roll, it's plus one. Okay, I appreciate that. I appreciate that. And so you now, like, here's what we say, right? Let me break it down. The bathroom door's opening. You go down the ramp. You cast. Nothing happens. And you see Fitzroy's shoulders kind of slump. As the bathroom door continues to creak open, and we cut back, and at this point, we see Argo come and grab him as the Fear Bowl transforms and rips his pocket off.

That's distracting for a moment But not before Argo grabs Fitzroy by the shoulder and says You can do this, you can do this And it doesn't seem like it's going to work But then he tosses his hair And those beautiful blue-green lots shake out And then we see the bathroom door open

All the way open As Hollifer walks out and turns towards the opening And there stands the filling guard I'm holding the two of them by the scruff of the net Or wait, where are they now? They are, I like this. You're holding them both by the scruffs of the neck. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. What? And you, and I better never see you. I better never see you too. I better never see the two of you around these, these, wait, I don't want you actually to be, uh. What, what's going on here? Oh, and you. I can explain.

Oh, God. Levi, what's going on here? Oh, it's, um, it was just, um, it was just, um, They got lost and they, you know, this system of badges, I think. She knows me. Yeah, Fearbug. No. It is my fault, you see.

I will explain. Yeah, please do. I ate the wrong scone. Again? And saw a giant pigeon. This is my friend. who has tried to help me. I told you you had to be...

Levi, you can let him go. I know you told me this. Okay, Fearbug, please, please sober up. Please go have some coffee or something. You, and she points to you, Argonaut, and says, will you get him some coffee or something, please? Actually, I was thinking of trying one of those scones. Sounds kind of cool.

No, no. No one else. I think these two boys would agree that it's time that they just leave this building. Mosy on. Can you listen? Sir, you seem very nice? They seem cool, yeah. You seem very nice.

It would help to me if you would show us the way out. Yeah, go on, take them out, leave him. I'm good here. Just go on. And I think he's in no condition to drive either. But yeah, and Hollifer, this is kind of embarrassing. So in the future, when you see me, don't mention that this happened. Okay.

Because I'm going to feign ignorance. Just get him out of here. All right. Let's go. Let's go. I care. We see, haul them outside. We see you leading him by the scruff of the neck out the front door.

And then you continue on. And we see these three figures walk about another 15 feet when the one in the middle shifts and becomes Fitzroy Maplecourt. And now the walking has become a bit of a jog. And then the three of you are sprinting away back to Althea's house into the sunset, preparing for your big day tomorrow. Oh, shit. That's right. We actually still have to do the thing. Maximumfun.org.

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