The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 33: Open up a Can of Firbolg

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

It's the day of the show y'all. The planning is done, and now it's time to move. The Thundermen are (more or less) ready to infiltrate the Heroic Oversight Guild and wreak havoc on their records. Thankfully, they have their very special trash can. Time to answer the eternal question: should we start this party right, or start this party quickly? Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me, Gary, previously on the Adventure Zone graduation. The Thundermen are ready to heist, baby. And you know what that means? They're going to be sneaking through the hog, looking for the records, and destroying them. You know what? I'm not actually exactly sure what the plan is. But if they don't do this right, it won't cause enough chaos to avoid a war that could cause countless people to die. So the stakes are pretty high, folks.

Luckily, they're not in this alone. They're going to get help from Althea. They're going to get help from Taryn. Maybe even some help from Prince Gray. Who knows? All right. Let's get heist in. It's the day of the heist.

We enter the atrium on the first floor level. It is early, very early. It's almost time for Fitzroy, aka Chud Chudhubbbsman's, to begin his work training. But for now, we take a moment to move through the sparsely occupied lobby. We see Bailey Kern

at the reception desk. Over her shoulder, we see that she is brainstorming potential names for a salon. Kern's cuts? Bailey's Bob's and Weaves? Moving on, we see Chef Mike Diogen pulling a tray of scones from an extra-dimensional oven. Sitting at a table nearby is an exhausted-looking blonde-haired elf sitting with Althea. We catch a snippet of their conversation. Yeah, Illaris and Kila aren't so bad, but I swear, trying to manage Mayprey is like climbing a mountain of butter. A Caseworker's job is never done, Althea. Althea offers a half-hearted, uh-huh, clearly distracted. Her eyes keep nervously darting around.

The centaur-teran waits by one of the magical pools of water. She's not usually in this early, but doesn't want to miss a thing. We see the guard holliver settling into her chair at the entrance of the lower levels. She treats herself to a scone and a cup of coffee while traffic is still light. Returning to the entrance, we see the bad boy of mail delivery, Chud-Chud-Bobsman. Now, Fitzroy, before you start delivering the mail, I want to tell you about a piece of mail you received this morning. I want to tell you that it's Bopsman and a hard pee in there. Is it Bopsman?

Bopsman. Well, okay, there you go. Do you have some story puzzles that you need to rewrite now? You woke up this morning to find a letter on your pillow, and it read simply, sent an old friend to help. He may be there already. ready to help if you need him. Your BFF, Prince Gray. Okay.

What do I know what that means? Do I see a friend in my bedroom? No. Okay. What do you think it means? Um. Okay. Roll an insight check.

Okay. Twelve. You imagine, especially if they're talking over with Argo, that it's probably in reference to the Commodore, since the Commodore was working from, for Prince Gray. Right. Okay, super helpful, Prince Gray. Fucking great job, Prince Gray.

You done it again. You enter the atrium and you do a quick skin at the room and you hear a voice say, chud, chud, bobsman. And coming up to you is a parrot-like Erika standing about four feet tall. And you're willing to guess that this is probably Kai, the person that Nander told you was going to train you. And you must be Kai.

I am. I'm Kai. My pronouns are they them. Oh, thank you for that. My name's Chud Chud-Bopsmann. He, him, and I do a deep bow. A deep, deep, deep bow. Kai does it a deep bow as well. I bow a second time. I'm so honored to train under you. Power Miff. Power Miff. Oh, okay. Very, very formal. Really excited to get started What kind of missives and messages are we going to be relaying today? Well, this early, it's pretty light. I was pretty much going to take you on a quick tour and show you around.

I would love it. Lay of the Land, part of the Art of Combat and War. But this is just delivery. Sorry, I was in the big war. And sometimes I talk about it. Apricove, nothing. Did you do deliveries in the big war? Bullet deliveries.

Yeah. Just kidding. You say that like it means like gunfire, but you could also be delivering bullets to people who need them. Oh, that's fair. And also, I don't think that bullets exist in this world, but that's fine. Hey, show me around, Kai. Siked for it.

You're going to need your training badge. Oh. And Kai hands you a badge. And unlike the previous ones that had, you know, silver and gold and that kind of thing, this one is just plain white. But it does have an emerald on it. So they didn't want to spring for the precious metals in case I just took off with this thing. But they did go ahead and put a nice juicy emerald. Well, they want to make it clear.

It's like when you put, like, student driver on a car, they want to make it clear that you're still learning. You know, if anybody comes in to like look for help or ask. somebody, they want to make it clear that you don't know what you're doing. So this is very clearly a trainee badge. But because Kai's job is delivering all over the hog and they are going to be showing you around everywhere, you need to have full access as well. Okay. Let's get to work, Kai.

Okay. Well, do you want to start upstairs or downstairs? Definitely downstairs. Okay. So Kai leads you over. and introduces you to Hollifer. And Hollifer, there is a moment where Hollifer kind of scans you, but like there's no recognition there.

Okay. Right. Well, I'm wearing a mustache, so how could Hollifer? I would say that the recognition comes from like, she saw you around yesterday. Oh, okay, okay. Right, but she has no reason to like, she's not like, hey, didn't you pretend to be me?

Right. That doesn't happen. That would be a wild thing to us. him. Hey, this is apropos of nothing, but have you ever pretended to be me? And so Kai takes you on down into the lower levels. As we go, feel free to ask any questions. So there's two different male squads, from what I understand, right? One for the sensitive stuff down in the underground, right? Well, only a certain group of, there's actually two squads. There's pickup and delivery. Right.

One's out there getting the things or picking them up, as we say in the biz, and the other is out there giving the things to people or delivering them, as we like to say. Now, some people are... I write this slang down. Some people are highly trusted, whether based on experience or merit, and they're trusted in some of the more sensitive areas. Oh, I've got to join that elite squad. Oh, you already are.

Nander just won't stop raving about you, says you've got a resume as long as his arm. And so you're immediately getting posted there based on merit. That's excellent. That's a weird way of developing a trusting relationship with your employees, but it's very convenient for me because I want to be where the action is. Nander said you were his best friend. That is also true. Maybe Griffin, you don't remember how well that interview went. I guess not.

It has been a month or so. It went to be listening to it today. It went super. You made Nander cry with how beautifully you talked about the mail. Okay. Fantastic. Well, that worked out very well for me then. Do we have like a push cart?

Do we have any props that were? Oh, yeah. You've got a wire mesh push cart. And your job. So we're in charge of pickup. Okay. Where we go? Can I scope out?

We're like walking down the ramp, right? Correct. Do I see, can I do like a, because I don't know if we got the like count of mechanical observers and shit like that. So here's what we're looking at. You're on a ramp, right, that kind of corkscrews down to the bottom. Right. And after every turn, there is a mechanical eye about halfway down the ramp and posted at the bottom of every ramp.

looking up is a guard station. Okay. Now that guard does not stay, does not stay stationary the entire time. They do, you can see like the one on the lower, like middle level kind of moving around because a reminder, the center of the chamber where the stalactites and the filing cabinets are, you can see through because it is thick glass between there. And so there are three guards, one point,

posted at the bottom of each level. So one at records one, which is processing. One at records two, which is payroll. One at records three, which is archives. And you have to pass by them to enter each section, as well as a mechanical eye that is both filming and scanning badges about halfway down each ramp. Okay.

And there's like little guard stations at each floor, I'm guessing? Yeah, they have like a podium and a stool. Nothing too fancy. It's not like an enclosure or anything. But, you know, it gives them a place to keep their cup of Joe. All right. I want to stop at one of those stations. Okay.

With Kai. I'm going to say probably on, are we just on the first floor of records? So you, yeah, you have come down to Records 1, processing. Okay. So you reach the first guard podium. You know, the guard is kind of eyeing you a little bit, but it's clearly very comfortable with Kai. And you walk up and Kai approaches and says, oh, good morning, Linen. Oh, hey there, Lennon. I'm new here. It's a pleasure to meet you. The name's Chud, Chud. Whoa! And I would knock the cart over spilling. the contents of it all over the floor. Would it be performance? You can roll performance if you're trying to convince Lenin that you really tripped.

Or you can do side of hand if you want to make it seem like the cart fell over and you were trying to grab it. No, I'm going to do performance because we're coming down a ramp. I just wanted to be like, sorry, I didn't know how to fight the inertia. Let's see here. That is a 15 plus 4, 19. Okay, yeah. The cart tips over, pulling you over with it. Which one came first is unclear. No, no, no, no. My first day and a big whoopsie like that. That's going to look bad on the old permanent record, eh? Yeah, that doesn't look too good.

Let me, sorry, let me pick up here. And while I'm cleaning up, one of the packages that I had in there was A little something special. Well, a little something special that I kind of decorated to look like a regular ordinary box. And I want to try and tuck that into this guard station sort of furtively, if I can. Okay, now this is definitely a slight of hand check. But with advantage, because you've created this great distraction. Okay, that's great because I did roll a critical fucking failure. Oh, that's bad.

That's real bad. Really, very, very bad. That is much better. That's a 17 plus two, another night. Yeah, so you're able to sneak that in. It's not a well-organized. You can see behind it there's like some shelves where there's some security logs and, you know, maybe some doodles that he's done. He's maybe not the most focused.

And you're able to slip that package in under some of those papers where it won't be noticed. Okay. Also, hiding on the back of that box now is golden snippers. Golden Snippers. Do I give a little wink? Do I give a little wink to? And that's, that's it. That's all for that, Roos.

Sorry, everybody. I feel like a real dumb, dumbo. Hey, it's okay. It's fine. You can see now, too, this close to the guard, that they have some little tiny scratches all over their face. Like maybe they were attacked by some kind of tiny rodent. Yeah.

I was in here for that. No, you were not. I just recognized that that's probably, that probably is ouchy. So anyway, nice to meet you. Let's, uh, we got a lot of chud, chud, bopsman. Chud, chud, bopsman. Did you serve? Serve?

In the big war? Which one? Don't want, you'd know. Anyway, we got to go. There's a lot. This is a big building. We got a lot to see. Okay.

So your tour carries on, but now some time has passed. It's a little less early. moving more towards a regular work time. Would one say later? Less early? Not in this world. In Nua there's no such word as later. Everyone just says less early.

Quick to the Wiki transcripts. Nobody says later. It's just less early here. It's just one of the fun idiosyncrasies of this world I've created. And Fearbug and Argo, you are entering the atrium. have any kind of special thing planned or are you just like going to post up in the lobby again? Let's table talk for a second. What's our goal? It's been a little bit since we've done this. What's our goal today? This is the heist, right? This is the heist. We're doing the damn thing.

We're getting down through the three levels of records into the archives and then destroying the records there. Okay. So are we operating, I was wondering about this. Are we kind of operating as if we have a plan but we're not revealing it to the listener in advance. Well, thank you for bringing it up, Dad. So here's my idea that I had is because there will be things that will surprise you, and frankly, me and the listeners, much like we did with you swapping the badge out with Bailey Kern, if there comes a moment where you can justify like we planned for something like this, I will have you roll to see if you planned for something like that.

But mostly, if there's a plan, you should probably say it out loud. Okay, Griffin, what is your plan? I just planted sort of a chaff bomb there, my little whatever it was called. Your party boomers. Yeah, birthday boomer. I have it set up essentially now on a kind of psychic link crab remote. Okay. You're a classic crab detonator.

Classic crab detonator, and when it pops off, it will disturb sort of all communication and magical electronics. Okay, I think a key, I don't know about getting into the archive, but I really think the magical exhaust system, I think that's the key to destroying whatever it is that we're wanting to destroy. it just seems like it's it's a you know if we fuck that up that will destroy that that will destroy those those I mean we have we will have any pocket universes any number of ways to destroy these things that's the that's the part of the plan that I don't think we need to plan for because I would like to know what we are working towards though I mean like I would like to know where we are I would say just brass tacks getting down to the bottom of level of the archives without getting

caught, getting into the room, destroying the shit, and then I think there's like an emergency exit sort of lift that we should try and try and do. And, you know, if we can do this whole thing and not get caught, cool, but I also think that there's a reality in which we may just have to. Where is, where is Chef Mike currently? So, Chef Mike is at his cafe cart in the atrium. It's kind of centrally placed there in the cafe area. Right, then you were asking about things in advance. would like to say that I am wearing my janitor's uniform. It's literally just a janitor's uniform. Of course it is, yes.

But it will, you know, that I think combined with the fact that I've got the, the pass. You've got the full access badge that you lifted off of the limit. Yes. Will help me to get places. But I also have a humongous trash can on wheels that I am pushing along with me. Now, where did you get that? archive. We had time, did we not? Yeah, I just want to hear, I'm not safe to. Listen, I'm not challenging the fact that you have it. I want you to paint a word picture for me of Argo going to some sort of hardware store. Janitorial supply store. I would think that in all of the messes we've made, all the destruction we've reeked, and the fact that the three of us are not too tidy and neat when we've had a horrible, we've left our dorm rooms in completely.

disarray like the Rolling Stones, you know, left hotel rooms. I think that we've probably become very familiar with the janitorial staff at the school. And it would be absolutely no problem, especially since we are on a mission from God that they, I could convince them to let me borrow one of their gigantic trash cans. Because, as you know, it's time for us to start willowing away and clearing out some of the crap we got, so I need a gigantic, I would almost say, nearly fair-bulg-sized trash can. So just to be clear, Dad, this is a trash can that now Argo takes with him when he goes on trips. It's our special trash can.

No, Dad made a good point. It's our special Thunder Boys trash can. Oh, it's definitely that you took a stencil and spray paint at the side, right? Oh, yeah, Thunderman. Well, cover it up now for this mission. Yeah. Right, right. Okay, yeah, good point.

Well, I had to paint over it again then. Okay. And it said literally just a janitor's... Janitor Incorporated. Okay. I love, by the way, that I went through a fucking exhaustive job interview for my, my, you know, employment ruse. And Dad just has a cool garbage can. Well, Dad's better at D&D than you are.

I don't know what to tell you. I put in too much effort. So, now, Dad, am I to believe... from your wording that perhaps the fearball gets inside there now? I am not making any story or character decisions for any of my fellow players. I'm in the trash game. It's a Schrodinger's a trip. He's in the track.

Okay. As you walk in, Bailey sees you and goes, oh, hey, Argo. No, wait, sorry, excuse me. Oh, hey, Blofeld Johnson. Hi. You got a job? Your janitor now? Well, I told you, I was so impressed with this place.

And I heard great benefits. And, you know, basically I enjoyed the friendship that we have formed. And, yeah, I want to work here. I want to be part of the whole hog experience. The whole hog. I want to go whole hog on hog. Well, that's great. And how convenient that you're here.

My trash can actually needs emptied. And she hands you like a small under-desk trash can, you know, what you would put, a standard desk trash can size. And she says, it was starting to stink because there was some old yogurt in there. Oh, I understand. I'll have to catch you next time around because this is just reasonable. Oh, come on. As a friend, I mean, I cut your hair for you.

Couldn't you just please go ahead and dump it for me so I don't have to smell this stinky old yogurt anymore? It is fine. Yes. Don't be yogurt right on me. Is that the magic trash can? I can hear it talking. Well, what's this trick? I'm going to sing a song and my trash can is going to recite the numbers.

Oh, hello, hello everybody. This is beneath me. I am one. One, two, three, three. This isn't nearly as impressive as you might think, because we have, like, real magic and stuff in this world. So, like, something talking when you're also talking, that happens a lot.

There's like magic puppets here. Okay, so, yeah, mark it down. Bailey does not appreciate ventriloquism. Magic puppets sound pointless. Yeah, right? This is what I'm saying. It's a dead art. Stupid.

Who would watch that? Okay, well, I'll, here. Let me have your trash can. Oh. God, what kind of yogurt was that? What was that like? Oh, it was, well, originally it was Stinkberry, which I really should have been a clue to me right away

that it wasn't going to be any good. But chef Mike said, like, it was delicious, and then I took a little bite, and then it got old and got even worse. Give me the garbage. Give me the garbage. Okay, here you go. Thank you so much.

Okay, see ya. Okay. So as you make your way into the atrium proper, you can see that there are decorators on all, levels getting ready for the event today. And as you enter, the decorators on the third floor unfurl banners from the balconies. And they commemorate some of the Commodore's finest victories. There are others setting up a buffet, complete with a magical ice sculpture. The sculptures is of a miniature commodore at the helm of a miniature ship cresting a wave. And the sculpture is

enchanted so that the ship rises and falls as the frozen figure laughs defiantly and occasionally waves at guests. You can also see that a stage has been set up with cheers and podium right on the other side of the reception desk but facing the inside of the atrium. God, I

hate that guy. I am. Are you okay in there for a bowl? Blime, point. I tried to slime me. But fine. But you like yogurt, right?

This is no. longer yogurt. You like cheese, right? Okay, I'm sorry. I couldn't see any way around that. Can you just move it over the side so it doesn't get in your hair? You have the world's most powerful haircut and you couldn't figure out another solution to that problem.

Listen, I understand your pain right now, but listen, there's no need to take it out on me. Actually, there is. Yeah, it is complete. It's a one-on-one. It is on me. I've already blown up the entire records department because of how long this this, this, this gag took. So let's, let's go. You ready to roll?

Let's roll. Now, uh, Fitzroy, you and Kai have, uh, could you actually just call me, Judd? Like, I'll get fucking confused. Chud, Chud, Chud. Okay, Chud chud-chud. C-CB, you have made your way, uh, through the records department. You can see, uh, it is a. kind of standard officey room with cubicles.

The cubicles are all half walls so that anyone could see each other around. You imagine it's not nearly as fun and, like, heroic and, you know, opulent a place to work as it seems like the upstairs is. You know, the lighting is all the, all the torches glow at a pretty, like, unpleasant white light. Right. You know what I mean? Well, there's no natural sunlight down here to speak of. And, and, you know, Kai is pointing out. some of the standard like pickup areas.

You can see that there are baskets at the end of each kind of row of cubicles. So you're not going person to person to pick these up. You would just pick them up from like one area at a time. And so you've made your way through the processing area and you're heading down the second ramp. Once again, we see another mechanical eye right in the middle and another guard right there at the bottom of the ramp at the entrance into payroll. The same thing repeats. Kai introduces themselves, introduces you. You meet Milo, the guard.

Milo kind of eyes you up and down, not in a judgmental or suspicious way, but more just kind of like, okay, if I want to be seeing more of this person, I want to, like, know what they look like. Okay. Cool. I don't know.

I feel like in order for me to, oh, let me just ask. So, uh, Payroll. Seems cool. Cutting checks. Loving it. A lot of camaraderie here, and I can feel that. Are we going to go down and check out archives? Oh, yeah. That's an extra. That's where the big dogs play. That's what I always say.

You do? Yeah, I'm always saying stuff like that. How often does that come up? More often than you think, my friend. Right. So you make your way all the way down to the archives. So this, instead of being a hallway with doors on the exterior, as you have seen in the previous two, this is an entrance into the archive room itself. And like one might picture in like a server room or even strangely more specifically if you go to like a rainforesty area in like a zoo or, you know, conservatory or something.

The doors seal when they close to keep it kind of invixtrously. mentally controlled on the inside. They don't want any of that magical exhaust seeping into the building. They also want to make it more difficult for people to access if there is any kind of shutdown or anything like that. So you pass by the guard there at the bottom. This is introduced to you as Bradford. Bradford.

Bradford seems cheerier than the first two. You get the impression that maybe less people come down here than maybe make it past the first two. and so Bradford's just kind of glad to see somebody. I appreciate that you've named all these guards, Travis, but that's just, I'm going to have to end up choking them out. Oh, I know. That's why I named them. Oh, I said.

Okay. Yeah, I wanted to be, and Griffin, I want to make something else clear. I've named them after listeners. Oh, okay. So I want you to feel that in your bones when eventually you have to end them. Okay. No, I won't kill them, but, you know, I'll do a little solid snake on their neck. I might make you kill them, Griffin.

just to see where that puts you at. And if that makes you change, I don't know, the way you live your life or the decisions you make. Do I, so I'm on the, so I'm right there with the door. Right. And it is super duper sealed. Is there an obvious, like, handle that you pull and the door opens?

Well, it's, I mean, it's on a scanner. So it opens as you approach and closes behind you. It is just in case of a lockdown emergency. It then does not automatically open. That is what Kai explains to you. I got you. Ah, yeah, it's the kind of thing. We have drills, standard drills.

In case you get caught down here, that's why we have the emergency exit. Got it. Fully understand. Those filing cabinets look pretty zany. Yep. Magic as hell. You want to talk more about that? Oh, I don't know how they work.

All right. I didn't make, I just pick up the mail. I want to roll an insight check to see if Kai is. harboring a dark secret. Okay. Six. They are, but not about this. Shit.

Okay. They've definitely, oh, they've, they, let's just say, Griven, they lived a life before they worked here. You know what I mean? Yeah. Okay. I want to just really quickly check in with, uh, agent Snippers, uh, as sort of my, my, my eye on the records, uh, you know, entrance, just to, uh, uh, uh, you know, entrance. Just to check and see if my compatriots have started to head down yet.

Okay, we move back up. We're back up with Argonaut and the Fear Bowl. Tell me, boys, what are you fellows up to? I'm uncomfortable with the amount of which is now in dad's hands because he's got the hand-dramed. Yeah, but I assume are you headed for the ramp, dad? Yes. Take the garbage can.

Take it from my hand. That's what I was figure. I would come down the ramp, so whatever, we're quote unquote planning can happen. And I'm kind of whistling. Hollifer sees you approach the top of the ramp. And unlike Fitzroy, she clocks you immediately. Because last time she saw you, you were being held by the scruff of the neck by Levi, a fellow guard.

And now your dress is a janitor. Oh, yeah. You should have, did this janitor thing, did you just see the janitor, suit in your inventory and you planned around that instead of the fact that you would be recognized instantly by the people in the building? Actually, I have a contingency plane. Okay. Oh, nice.

Hey there. Argo, right? Aye, that's it. Can I help you? Just point me to the ramp. Point me to the trash. Oh, it's authorized personnel only. Yeah.

Yeah. if you notice, I have this pass, but I also, I'm a janitor. So just to be clear, since yesterday, you got full access, became, and she looks at your badge, a full-fledged member of a hog, and got a job as a janitor here. Yes, public service. Are you like somebody's nephew? I mean, I went down the wrong corridor and got rouseded by that guard. And deservedly so, it was a bonehead mistake on my part, but there was nothing.

I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wasn't, you know, doing anything malicious. Well, yeah. But I got work release for it. I got public service. 200 hours, by the way, 200 hours of public service. So I'm in public sanitation. So the two things kind of worked out.

So kind of a hurry. As you can probably smell, I got some pretty stinky stuff down here. I need to finish my rounds. So I appreciate you. Roll a deception check for me. A what check? Deception check. You are lying.

Not according to this. It's 19. That's pretty good. I'm going to say 19 with disadvantage though, because this is, I think we can all be on. an outlandish story. Is there anything worse than disadvantage? Is there disdispadvantage where you roll four times? I mean, because basically, you've just,

just did lay out, dad, your own story that you've just laid out for Oliver. Because you were caught in a restricted area yesterday, yesterday, you in the last 24 hours have been given 200 hours of community service. And part of that community service is to go into that restricted area with the full,

with full, full. Point of order, point of order, point of order. I'm wearing literally just a janitor's uniform. Uh-huh. Which has in its explanation a plus two advantage, I mean a plus two on stealth rolls, an advantage on deception checks. Thereby. Sarah from Vancouver.

Okay. I would say that advantage counteracts disadvantage, disadvantage 19 plus 6, 25, Thank you. God damn it. This is, okay, anybody out there listening, don't get a twisted. I love my daddy very much. But being a DM to my dad,

when he's laying out this weird bullshit and the dice make it so that my character has to go, sounds great. Bluble, blu, blu, blu, blu, blu, plit. Okay. All right. This is pure tas right here. This is pure uncut taz.

That's what the people came. All right. Make sense to me. It's a great janitor's outfit, strong seams, fresh colors. Get on out of here. But I'm keeping my eye on you, sir. Blofeld Johnson. Thank you. And you make it past, oh God, you may get past Hollifert with your, with your janitor's uniform. Literally, just a tender uniform. From your point of view, or rather I should say your Crabbs point of view, you see Janitor Argo making his way down the ramp. All of everything's gone according to plan so far. Down the ramp.

And he has hit, or he is just about to hit the mechanical eye. Okay. I mean, yeah, he's fine. Rowan Arkana check for me? Yeah. That is 12 plus 3, 15. You know that mechanical eyes, they scan for any kind of like person. They scan for, you know, organisms, I should say.

And there's no, like, just like you could scan an organism through clothing. One could probably scan an organism through, say, a trash garbage. Yeah, but I can't. I can't pop this, I can't really pop this melon right now, though. Because that's gonna, that's gonna, that's gonna, that's gonna accelerate things dramatically. Now, what I will say is this is one of those moments where because you know this thing, right? And because this is the scenario we're in, you can now take a moment if you want to figure out. Think of a bullshit way.

Right. Okay. Are we, I will ask this. Do we go, are we in? Are we inside? You are. You are now down the ramp. You're on the first ramp that is descending from the ground level to processing.

So what are the security measures do we have to deal with to get down to process? The most pressing one right now is the mechanical eye that is going to scan for living organisms. And you, because Fitzroy knows this, and you got to split. in this together, you know that that is going to be able to scan and see the fearbulk through the trash can. So it got you past Hollifer, but

getting past the mechanical eye is your next challenge. With just one pass, it's not going to write it, basically. Are we out of eye shot of the guard we just passed? I mean, like I said, you could be if you have something you want to do because

Fitzroy succeeded on his role, you have a chance to figure something out. No, I'm just trying to get a setting for all of us to know, you know, where we are. So the other, the guard we just blew past, the one that believed all the bullshit is out of eyesight. Correct. And there's nobody else that can see us. Yeah, the ramp turns a corner before you got under this one.

So there is a moment where, like, you are out of eye line of anyone for a brief area. I want to make it clear. There is an area where the fibrill could get out of the trash can, but be past Hollifer. Let's do that, because he got me inside, right? I mean, let me hop out and you keep moving and I'll get myself down. There's another option, which is that the eye would detect another organism inside the garbage can. And it would certainly, you know, throw up a red flag if that organism were, say, a huge fear bulb, but if it were, say, a much smaller thing, like, I don't know, a very lucky mouse

who have found himself in Garbage City. I was thinking about that as well, but then I decided to not do that. Okay. Okay. So this device will be able to detect there's a life form, but it won't be able to detect what kind of life form with a 15. Fitzroyd doesn't know that for sure. Let's say.

The 15 was from yesterday. No, my Arcana roll. I just did it. Yeah, this is the information that Fitzroy can give you. Let me hop out. Okay. So as you turn the corner, breaking eye contact, eye line with Hollifer, there is a bend in the ramp before heading down into processing. The fear ball covered in old yogurt and some flexive trash.

Not covered. There's some in your hair. There's a little bit in your hair. Hops out of the trash again and kind of gets down into a corner. where you cannot be seen by either the guard upstairs or the guard at the bottom of the ramp. So you continue on down the ramp, Argo, pushing your now much lighter trash can.

You have your badge. So even the mechanical eye swirls to you, you can see the light come on and then go green as you pass underneath it. Traub, do you have your cell phone with you? I do. Okay. Are you guys doing secretcies?

I like it. Kind of seems like we might. So then you make it down to the bottom of the ramp there. You're talking to Lennon. And Lennon also recognizes you. Oh, fuck. You threw a rat at his face. Well, a mouse jumped on his face.

How it got there, no one was quite sure. By throwing. I didn't throw. It jumped out of his pocket. Okay. What? Hey, what are you doing here? Yeah, I know.

It's good to see you too, my friend. Those are peeling up nicely. Did you put anything like macurachrome or, you know, Jensen Violet on them to help heal them up so you wouldn't get infections? I did, thank you very much. But also, what are you doing down here? I came to check on your scratches. I came to me, let me see. That one's good.

That one is good. You're not supposed to. Excuse me. This is for authorized personnel only. Yeah. I'm authorized personnel. What the fuck? How do you think I got past the eye just then?

How do you think I got past the other guards? I'm authorized personnel. I'm literally just a janitor and I'm here to do my daily duties. It's a simple janitor. I. Wait, where did you get that badge? Why does everyone stand in the way of his janitorial duties? Much like any janitor, he has places to go and things to clean and got arrested yesterday at his place of business.

Like all janitors. I admit I was excited about the possibility of being a janitor here. So wait, you already had the job and came down here before you got your badge? Oh, yeah. Why didn't you say that? Why didn't you bring that up yesterday? I want to impress people on my own terms. I don't want them to think that I'm some kind of...

Deception check. Of course, a deception check. And that would be a 13. And then go roll again because you got advantage, Sarah from Vancouver. Okay. Plus six would be 19. And that's 15 plus 6, which would be 21. I this is a very funny okay next time there shouldn't be a next time but I guess lead with that and while you're cleaning up

any kind of gestures for you to lean in could you keep an eye out from my badge uh I must have picked up the wrong one or something and I can't find my badge anywhere I that's bad yeah and well listen Hey, mum's the word because I owe you. I owe you because, you know, obviously I had distracted you or you would have seen that mouse coming a mile away because... You are good at what you do. That's why you're here at the top of your profession, the apex. Yeah, I'll keep an eye out for it. And when I find it by God, I will bring it right back to you and put it in your hot little hands.

You make your way past them and you start to read it. of a sigh of relief and then Lenin says, hey, wait a second. And you turn back and he says, I just wanted to say, great haircut. Hi, thanks. I've gotten a long way on that haircut. You make your way down past the other two guards. They don't recognize you. So they don't have any problem with this.

And you've made your way down and you find down there, it's Fitzroy, talking with Kai. You don't even fucking recognize. He's so deep in Chud-Chud. Complete is my chud-chud transformation. Which is my favorite PS1 era rhythm game. And roll a perception check for me, both of you. Perception, you said? Critical failure, the second of the episode.

You go to rub your eye and you push it on your eye too hard, and it hurts. I'm getting tiny heist flashbacks in a major way, by the way, of when we spent six episodes playing this ornate heist and that I rolled for dog shit when it really came down to it. Hmm. Echoes. Good time.

Good time. So was I rolled on perception check too? Yes. I fucking hope so. 11 plus 3. 14. Okay. Yeah.

You see a kind of almost like a cloud of like mist or something behind Kai. And you, I don't know. It's like a like a steam cloud rising up from something,

but it's staying pretty put. Is it attached to, is it following Kai or is it just happen to be behind him? It's just appeared behind Kai. And Kai says, oh, a new janitor, they're hiring people left and right. I'm really enjoying, by the way,

doing this kind of parrot person voice. Yeah, it's fun. I've enjoyed the hell out of it. Next season, man be a parrot. All parents all the time. Spread your wings. Thank you. What's your name, janitor? Well, I would like to point out, okay.

Blofeld Johnson. Oh. Blofeld Johnson. You know, I had a friend named Blofeld Johnson once. Yeah. I'm chud-shud, bopsman. I'm also, it's also my first day. I think it's really sad that I wasted such a cool name as Blofeld Johnson by daring to put it in the same arc.

Oh, dad, don't worry. It's not that cool. Hey, put them there. I hold out both hands. Oh, yeah. My new friend Blowfeld Johnson, me, my other new friend, Chud Chud Bopsman.

Nothing personal. I can't shake hands been working with garbage. Oh, I don't mind. The things that's hands of she... Okay, put her there, pal. Well, as long as you're here, I might as well show you around too.

Come on in. And Kai heads in to the archives and the cloud of steam follows them. And I assume you two do as well. Um, yes. Have I noticed this cloud of steam? I guess not if I really fucked up that bad. Okay.

Hey, before we get into the break, I just want to say we had a couple of new NPC names in this episode. And I missed one from last episode. First, Levi, the guard from last episode, is named after At the Trudger. Kai is named after at Trump fetishist. Lennon is named after at Lennon Hawk. Lennon underscore Hawk.

Milo is named after Milo Radosh. And Bradford is named after at Keb Dramaturg. So thank you all for tweeting. I'll probably need some more NPC names before this heist is done. So don't forget to tweet with the hashtag Zonecast. and you could be in the running. Thanks so much. I mean, first order of business,

I look at, I look at Blofeld, and I, as secretly as I can whisper, where's the fear bowl? I just mouth it. I mouth where's the fear bowl? And, uh, Blofeld Johnson responds in equally a Soto Voce voice.

I have no. And all this while, Kai is pointing out things. There's a trash can. You got your pickup here. There's not a lot of pickup. There's only like three people to work in the archives. Do you think we need to go back out and get him?

Do you think if we just leave, they'll let us try it again? Okay, so that's about it. Let's head back upstairs. The reception should be starting soon, right? Are we in the room right now? You are in the room. With the shit. With the shit.

So there's nobody in, are there other people in here? You know, this is, I mean, I'm not going to make you roll up a Perseptu Jack. No. It's already a skeleton crew that works, not literal. Guy, it's a fantasy game, but that works the archives. And because of the big fancy party upstairs, they just took a break. There's usually only one person working down here at any given point anyways. Yeah.

So because you're doing this on this day with the big reception happening upstairs, there is no one in here right now. Except for Kai. and there is still the guard on the outside. Okay. Well, I'm going to have to skip the reception, work to do. I am the one responsible for getting the trash and getting the garbage and everything else. Don't be silly.

It's your first day. Of course you're going to come to the reception. Free food. It's my first day, so of course I'm not going to the reception because I have people to impress. This is just the first day of my work release. Work release. Let's just leave him. here. I think while they're, while

they are talking to Kai, where are they in relation to the Mechyes that we know are in this room? Looks like this room is lousy with Mechyes. Well, no, the mechies in this room, there are two opposite the

ramp entrance on either corner opposite the ramp entrance. So if you're like standing at the door that you just entered through, There's one on the far left corner and one of the far right corner. Both of them pointed so that they cover the room. All right.

So if it seems like we are about to be forced to go back up to the surface. That is what's happening, yes. Yeah, then I'm going to knock over the card again. Travis, I don't want to tell them what's happening if they're not perceiving it. They're not perceiving it. So I'm going to text you, Travis. I'm going to text you again. I just filled a card again.

Oh, gee, oh, come on! As you spill the cart, it creates a momentary distraction. And what Kai does not see, but I'm going to say, and neither do you, Fitzroy, because of the cart knockover. But what we see from Arco's POV is that cloud of gas coalesces into a fairy dragon, which is a fairly small dragon, but you see it attack the mechanical eyes. Oh. And Fearbug, go ahead and roll that attack for me.

That's something else, Juse. Mm-hmm. We got a... 18. Yeah, so that hits... Yeah, well, that hits both games. So we see the Fearbug in fairy dragon form take a chomp out of the base of that.

mechanical eye. And as a result, it falls loose. He doesn't bite the eye itself instead, wisely, because the fearwalk is wise, bites the base of it. So it swings down and now the eye is pointed at the wall. And we see that fairy dragon zip over and do the same to the other side. And so as Kai has helped you write your part, that fairy dragon is now zipped back out of sight and out of Kai's eye line. I'm going to go up behind Kai while they're continuing to chat and use euphoria breath. Okay.

Explain euphoria breath to me while I make the... I exhale a puff of euphoria gas at one creature within five feet. The target must succeed on a DC-11 wisdom saving throw or for one minute it can't take reactions and must roll a D-6 at the star of its turn to determine its behavior. It can either take no act, on a one through four, the target takes no action or bonus action and uses all of its movements to move in random direction, five through six. The target doesn't move.

And the only thing it can do on its turn is make a DC-11 wisdom saving throw ending the effect on itself on a success. You catch Kai right in the face as they stand up from straightening the cart. And they are clearly, and then they just start kind of meandering around. the room bumping into the wall. Not forcefully. You don't have to worry about them being injured, but they are very clearly just wondering aimlessly around the room. Hey.

So can I go back to using my regular voice now? Because the other one actually hurts me to do it that deep. Oh, no. I love Chud Chud's voice. I know. You can probably change back also. If you, no, you know what? If you want to stay Fairy Dragon, you chase your bliss.

All right. So, I mean, we're here and wrecking things is kind of what we do best. So let's start. Everybody, I guess, pick a locker and start hitting it. I'm going to say, too, you also know, because you are no dummies, that as soon as that attack on the cameras was made, you know, you got a finite amount of time. But if someone notices that there is something amiss with the system. Yeah. You're not sure how much time.

But. Yeah. Just to ready in action, then, I'm going to wait. I'm going to pay very, very close attention to who is coming towards those ceiling doors. Not the ones on the ceiling, but the ones that do seal. Do all three of you do a stealth check for me? Uh-oh. Yeah, because this is a glass and closed room.

People can fucking see. Yeah. Correct. Why would they want to investigate a wild little dragon attacking cameras? Yeah. Seems fine. And a high as hell parrot, man. I got a 12 plus 2, 14.

I got a 17 plus 13, which is 30 plus 2 because of my literally just to give me some of his. I want some of his. 32. I got a 9 plus 2 because I'm a little dragon. But let us give us some of his and we'll be fine. You can spread it around. You're allowed to spread it around. Hey, guys, I don't think I'm allowed to spread it around.

Here's the thing. Me and Justin didn't get enough stealth points to succeed. And dad has way more than he needs. Well, let's add them together then, huh? You got what, 25, 32, so what's that? 57, right? Yeah. Divide by three.

Divide by three. What's that equal? That's 19 each. No, it's just not enough. It needed to be 20 each. That's the thing. Okay. Oh, you lucky bastards. Okay.

Lennon, who is on the first floor, doesn't see anything. He is doodling away. Loss. Linen is going to lose his fucking job. He should. Keep in a doodle plus the angle of the selectites on the ceiling. Make it so he does not see anything. And the chance of him is seeing anything in like the next 10 minutes

is nil. But, but Milo on the second floor was on a kind of lower end of his rounds. And he saw this and he immediately makes a break for the door to the archives as does Bradford at the bottom.

So Fitzray, you see them moving, right? As soon as they kind of turn and clock it, you see Milo on the second floor clock at first. He starts heading down when he's about Halfway down Bradford catches him. So he's going to move, right? Oh, okay. Then they are close.

Well, yeah, Bradford's like right outside the door. Okay. I turn to the others and say, we've reached the uh-oh contingent. And I close my eyes and there's a popping noise from upstairs as Snippers uses his precious little claw to slide open the package that I have placed earlier. That's never singing the Mission Impossible.

Right, yeah, we got it. Okay, great. My hope being that if it sort of shuts down, you know, arcane electronics things, it will keep this sealed door from opening in the intended manner. Roll an investigation check. Well, this is back when you were walking around with Kai. This is going to be bad.

I have minus one investigation. Okay, 16 minus 1, 15. Okay, as you are entering this door, flashback, right? You know that this door is magical in nature and not mechanical. It is warded in such a way that would keep out fire, cursive, whatever if it's activated, right? This is like a solid, you know, protective warding door. So while your bomb is going to deactivate communication between guards, it's going to deactivate the scanners.

It's going to deactivate probably like any kind of alarm system they have to make people aware of it upstairs. The door is still active. Okay. Well, that didn't go as intended. So hide? After the explosion, I slip the re-anchoring stone. into Fitzroy's shoe to send him hurtling up towards the stalactites. It is only at the moment that I see him lift in the air that I consider we should have had a plan for him landing.

I will die. I will now perish. It should also be noted. Anybody who's wondering like, well, surely Lennon noticed that the thing he exploded is there. No, Lennon got a one. Lennon got a critical fail. Lennon is so deep in his doodle. He has basically hypnotized himself with the swirls he is drawn.

He doesn't notice anything. Okay. So Fitzroy is hurtling up towards the stalactites. Cool, cool. What do you do, Argonaut? Argo dashes through the door on a one horse open slet. No, dashes out at the door to confront Mutton Jeff. What are the names again?

Milo and Bradford. Milo and Bradford. Yep. He runs out there and confronts Milo and Bradford. Hey. He plants himself front of the door and says, gentlemen, I know what you think looking at me.

You think, this is literally just a janitor. Well, you are incorrect, my friends. I am so much more than a janitor. and I throw open the trash can and I pull out my weapons. I pull out all my weapons and look at them in a forceful way and I say, upstairs this institution is getting ready to honor one of the most despicable, hateful, evil people that has ever walked the earth or sail of the seas. They're paying tribute to him like he's a great hero.

He's the man that had my mother killed, and I am on a mission to end him. You cannot stand in my way. For one thing, you are dumber in a rock, and you were scared by a mouse. How do you think you're going to take on? It's not the mouse guy. It's not the mouse guy?

No, the mouse guy is upstairs thinking the bomb I just set off. Underneath him was just like a big toot or something. Boy, that was a good speech, though, one of us. Say it was. They attack you. Yeah, of course they do. Okay, fine. You pulled out weapons.

You faced the Kraken. You pulled out weapons and you were like... Unleashed the Kraken. You pulled out weapons and then you were like, but it's okay. I'm going to use these to assassinate somebody. Luckily, they both whiff on you hard, but you are now in... Just you, by the way, in a two-on-one battle with Milo and Bradford. They didn't clock me, right?

No. Okay. I mean, listen. Yeah, they did. They saw a dragon. They saw a tiny dragon because your role was bad, as was Griffons. Okay. But they didn't see me.

Okay. Got it. I mean, I had the chance before him back into the Fear Bowl. Did they see me as a dragon or they see me as the Fear Bowl? They see that something is going on down there, but like it's chaos to them right now. They're heading down to investigate. Right. And they're going to fight that.

They are fighting dad. They are currently fighting dad. They are currently fighting our father. the Clint McGoarie the janitor. Yeah, yeah, let's go. Okay, let's do it. I run out and I I put dad in a headlock

except I look like Hollifert. Oh, God, that's good. Um, roll. You put the bag. And I give him with thumbs up. Okay. I give him to thumbs up and start dragging him away.

You do not have to roll for this because in that moment, they are so very confused that they absolutely lower their weapons and kind of like look at each other. And this gives you a moment of confusion for you both to act against them should you choose. But I will warn you, this moment of confusion will not last very long. No, I'm dragging away. Where to? out.

Out. I'm throwing him out. He's under arrest. Hollifer, what are you doing down here? You can't... I'm sorry, Oliver. Ow, easy. I rip his badge off.

What is happening? I put the badge on myself. So why don't you fucking bust it? Should we go in there and check it out? I give them a thumbs down. Okay, make a performance check. It looks like your face. Hey, you've got disadvantaged, my dude.

Oh, man, okay. All right. Okay, so that's a 10 and a two. So, Milo's... Can't I help? Can I help? It's performance. You can lean into it.

Yeah. You can help if you can convince me how you are helping. Um, so what are you trying to do, Jus? Okay, great, you can't help. All right. Um, at which point, Milo says, wait a minute. Is that one of those man of mini masks masks? Bulls it off your head reveals the fear bog.

So to set the scene, here's what we have. We have a fearbug and we have Argonaut cornered by two guards. And we have Fitzroy. hurtling towards a spiked ceiling, and we'll pick it back up next week. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Clifhanger!

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