The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 34: The Ins and Outs of Contract Management

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

Having more or less made it to the Archives, it's time for the Thundermen to get down to business. It's a simple job: do something to the filing cabinets/contracts and then get out! That said, what kind of heist would it be without a few hiccups?It's great when friends show up to the party, isn't it? Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, it's me, Gary. Previously on the Adventure Zone graduation, the Thundermen are deep in the bowels of the heroic oversight guild H.Q. See, it all started when they enrolled at Hieronymus Wigan Staff's school for heroism and villainy. Turns out, Hieronymus had been replaced by his arch-nemesis Gray the demon prince. Hieronymus had been turned into a dog by his brother Higlemus. Gray wanted war, and he was being backed by the embodiments of order and Chaos. Secretly, though, ordering Chaos' plan was for the Thundermen to win said war and

launched Nua into a new age of chaos and growth. The only problem was that that war would result in the deaths of countless innocent people. Now the Thundermen hoped to avoid the war by causing enough controlled chaos. Their first step is simple. Completely undermine the current system by destroying every piece of essential paperwork they can get their hands on. You're facing off against Milo and Bradford. We have the Fearbulk and we have Argo squaring off against the two security guards as you Fitzroy are being launched up towards the stalag tights. Yep, got it.

And upstairs on the first floor is linen, lost in his own world, doodling. He's doing that thing. like you draw a heart and you turn it into a puffy face. Witchcraft. Yep, it's absolutely wishcraft. He's making cootty catchers of there. On the first floor, we've got the setup for the Commodore's big promotion day. And the action resumes.

Ah, splat. Well, that ends Fitzroy. First things first, you Argo and you Fearbog role initiative. Should I do that too just to get up in it? Yeah, sure. Okay. I got a two. Plus two four.

Okay. I got a 20. I'm sad. Hey, down? Because people are doubting my rolls, I'm afraid. Yeah, it doesn't feel good, does it? I've been there, buddy. Don't you work?

Everyone listen to me. Okay? 16 plus two. Okay, so it's going to go over. Yo, can I see Justin's rolls? Did you see my role when I just rolled? No. Is that possible?

Sorry, this is not for the podcast, but I'm going to roll a dice. Did you see that pop up? Yeah. Sir Fitzroy Thunderman Maplecourt rolled custom 15. That's awesome. God, that's so fucking good. It changes everything, man.

We'll be able to clock each other's shit. G&D Beyond? How did you do that? I just, I just, if you're logged into D&D Beyond, Argo King, rolled an eight. Just rolled an eight. Wow.

Now I got to log into D&D Beyond. I've been waiting for them. This is so great. We should definitely use this and keep each other honest with it. This is huge. All right, everybody, you're hearing it live here on your number one. We can no longer cheat. There's no cheating allowed.

Not that I've never cheated. No, I've never cheated. Well, you can still cheat, Trow. Unless it's a certain of this story. I love cheating. But we can react to each other's shitty roles, which is the most fun part of Dungeons and Dragons. As long as somebody announces them. So, up first is Dad.

What do you do, Dad? So I'm still in the headlock, right? No, I mean, no, I still have been in the headlock, right? I mean, they don't buy it, right? They don't buy it. They've removed, hints to the initiative. All right. And they've drawn their weapons.

Okay, no, I don't have been headlock. As a free action, I've released my dad's headlock. Okay, dad, you're up. Okay. So tell me about who were we facing Milo and Bradford? Milo and Brownford. Maylo is married. He has 16 kids.

Do you like long walks on the beach? He fucking hates it. He loves short walks on the mountains. Does he like a knife? He likes making love at 9.30 p.m. sharp. I'm being in bed by 9.45. I'm going to pull out my belaine pin and hit Milo over the head with it. You will try.

Yes, I will try. And we will see. what number appears on the dice when you roll it. All right, let me do. Okay, so. Oh, this is going to be big. Here we go. Big moment for us.

What kind of roll is this? An attack roll. Attack roll. Because you're attacking him. All right, so that's a 20. All right, D20. Yeah. I rolled it.

Oh, that is a fucking one. That's a one now that we're watching. Our first public visible role is a crit fail. Okay, yeah, no, you totally blow it. And in fact, I'm going to say you blow it so bad he gets an attack of opportunity. You stumble with the belaying pin. I'd say I probably hit myself with the blade. Oh, my God.

The bling pin. Okay, but then you see Milo roll the one, two. No. What's going on? Everybody's just so concerned about me falling up to my death. Yes. Okay, so up next is Justin. Um, I am going to attack the one on the left.

That's Bradford. Bradford. Bradford was the pleasant one. Oh, well, then the one on the right, the nasty one. I guess. I mean, I guess we'll have to fight them both. You can attack the pleasant one too. And just remember, they're named after listeners.

So keep that in mind because you, uh, I viscerate them. Um, you know what? I'm going to try. What's that? I'm going to try. Yes. I am going to cast a third level hold person. Oh, boy.

Which lets me do two targets. You got to do a wisdom saving threat. That's a fail. Yep. A three and a six. Yeah, both failures. Both failures. Okay.

You're paralyzed for a minute. So let me go ahead and make saving throws for them to see if either one of them free them. You just got to try your saving throw. At the end of their turns. Okay, got it. Yes. Because they're up before Fitzroy. Nope.

And nope. Okay. An eight and a five. Those don't save. Okay. Griffin, you're up. Okay. I'm gonna, I mean, I was looking in my bag for a parachute.

I don't even know that, would that even work? If I'm falling, if I'm falling up. You're falling at general falling speed, right? I don't think you've had time to achieve terminal velocity if you're only falling like 40 feet. I think you can hit terminal velocity in 40 feet for sure. Anyway, this is nothing to anyone. My spells are not good, so I'm not really crazy about relying on those right now, but how, we haven't really talked about my rage, whether or not that is a thing that I have access to in my sort of, I mean, I got those powers from chaos too, huh? Well, you tell me, Griffin, because the thing is, is like, the rage may be activated magic, but that doesn't mean that doesn't mean.

that the reverse is true. Hmm. Well, we'll just do what we've been doing for spells. I'll roll for it. Because I think rage is the only thing that's going to keep me from really beefing it here. So I'm going to roll a D20. Hey, okay.

That there's a 15. Okay, I haven't raged out in a while. So I think that it probably feels pretty weird. And maybe it's not, maybe it's not the same exact brand of rage that I've been getting. before I got sort of cut off from chaos. But you hear me sort of scream in a new and exciting way

as I fall upwards to my death. And I want to try to just land neatly, like, between some spikes. Okay, yeah. So here's what we see, right? We see Fitzroy hurtling towards these spiked ceilings. He's looking straight up as the spikes are growing larger. We see them from his perspective, right? So it's like if this was a 3D move,

people in the crowd would definitely be like leaning backwards and raising their hands, right? And as we see this, we cut back to a close shot of Fitzroy's eyes and they start to crackle with lightning. And when it cuts back to him, he's screaming. And we see that he is raged out as like lightning is surrounding his hands. And he's holding on to two of the stalactites, like holding himself from crashing into a third. that is like right in front of his face. So basically he's gripping the stalactites in each hand and pushing himself away from the stalactite at his face.

What do you do now? Am I not rolling for that? You did. You just raged out. Yeah, give me a strength roll with advantage. Okay. That's a crit fail. And that's an eight plus four, 12.

Yeah. So you start to move forward. You are able to move your head. You catch the stalactite point in the shoulder. Okay. And you take... You take... It's not much.

Six damage. It's piercing damage. Are you strong against that when you're raging out? Oh, yeah, you're right. So that's only three. Yeah. So only three points of damage. But you are able to kind of spin around so that your feet are resting on a flat portion.

Yeah. You know what else I need to do is I need to roll a D8 to see what random effect I activate with my wild surge. Been a minute. Been a minute. We're remembering, though. That's a one. On a one, necrotic energy bursts from you. Each creature within 30 feet of you takes 1D10 necrotic damage and you gain temporary hit points equal to the sum of the necrotic damage dealt to the creatures.

Um, well, roll that D10 for me? Yeah, the boys on the ground, though, aren't within 30 feet of me. No, roll that D10 for me? that's a whoa it landed on the corner of the web page it didn't finish let me try again I didn't know that could happen that's a nine so where are you it's a nine that's a nine that's a nine need that every time yeah where you have landed um as this like energy crackles from you and it's different it's a different lightning than what you used to cast it's golden much like snippers is now um and out from where your feet are standing, there begins a slow spreading circle as the moss begins to gray and blacken as this wave spreads out. Oh, I guess moss is alive. Yeah. Okay.

What does that mean for me? Tim hit point was how many mosses did I hit for nine points of damage? Just the one moss. Just the one, one moss. It's one organism. That's what I'm going with. Cool. And please, nobody treated me.

It's magic moss, and frankly, I don't care. Well, technically, you did say it was Leichen, which is not exactly the same. It's all the same. It's the magic world of my creation. In this world, lichen and moss are the same thing. Also, hot dogs are rectumables. You don't know. And there's craft macaroni and cheese.

All right. So now you're standing there. You haven't like killed all the moss. Let me be clear. But there is like about a, let's say, 10 foot diameter circle around you. Cool. That is now blackened and dead.

Okay. Now we hop back over to where the battle betwixt, Justin and Dad and the, guards is happening. Roll a stealth check for me, fellas. I rolled a 16 plus 13. That's 29. Yeah, it's kind of hard for

you to fuck that up, huh? And I'm talking about Griffin and Justin too. Oh, all of us? That's going to be a three plus two. Fitzroy? 10 plus 2.

So when you land Fitzroy and that wave of necrotic energy stretches out and, you know, your hands are crackling. This successfully gets Lennon's attention. Ha, yeah, I'm fucking eye level with Lennon right now.

Basically, Lenin turns and like, your eyes have met at equal level. You're upside down, or he is, however you want to look at it. But you basically make eye contact and yeah, he... It's still me, chud, judd. There's a weird

gravity well in here. and I'm getting really nauseous. He looks down and he can see through the glass all the way down to Milo and Bradford also like stop. They fell asleep. And he takes off down the ramp. He had a decision point to make and he decided instead of going up and getting help, he's going to run down and help his buddies. Okay.

Good decision making as always. Uh-huh. and he is chugging down to the bottom of the ramp and Dad, it is Argo's turn. Argo's going to steal the weapons off Milo and Bradford. Isn't it hard not to say Milo and Otis? It's tripping me up really badly, and it's my own fault. Could that be Bradford's first name?

His name is... Brad Ford. Yeah. Yeah. His name is Otis. Bradford. Yeah. He's going to, I'm going to, and what weapons do they have?

Do an investigation check for me. You are going to as quick as you can try to find all the weapons on their bodies, I guess. All right. That is a four plus three. That's a seven. You are able to find their obvious weapons like batons, stun batons, magical stun batons on their hips. But you don't know if they had any other concealed weapons, anything else. You're out, Fearbug.

Okay, let's lay it out. What's the situation? So, Milo and Bradford are still held fast. Okay. That has just removed their obvious weapons. Spitzroy is standing upside down on the ceiling. He's dancing on the ceiling. And Lennon, the other security guard, is hoofing it down.

The ramps, they're at about the second level at this point. Oh, and Kai, the Ericocra, they are just like wandering around completely in a day's. Oh, yeah, I forgot about Kai. Yeah. Is Fitzroy is going to be in, like, danger right now? No. Fitzroy's landed safely. Okay.

Um, can I just, like, sit on my turn? Can I pass? Is that a thing? Like, yeah, you can delay an action. I mean, like, I just don't know right now, like, it seems like we're doing okay. Yeah, if you want to delay or if you want to, uh. Yeah, I'm going to delay. I want to delay. I want to be ready.

How about this? You're going to ready an action? I want to delay till, I want to delay the action until after their next turn. So in case they are, in case they wake up, I can get a, uh, an opportunity. A good bong going. A good bong. Okay. So you're going to ready an action.

that if they free themselves from the whole person, if they break your concentration, you are going to attack. Ha, I got it. Fuck these guys. I am going to... What are they wearing? Guard uniforms.

Okay, I'm going to glue their boots together. Oh, nice. Okay. Some real Judge Reinhold of shit. Finally, finally, get deep into prank. So roll to see how well the glue sticks God, if it's glued forever And these guys have to buy new boots

I'm going to feel pretty bad about it You know what? I almost did their faces And then I remember it could hold forever And it's like I don't actually need that Although I guess the skin cells Would fluff off eventually Sorry, I need to roll a

What is it, D6 for that? Yeah, I'm pulling it up right now I rolled a D-22 I didn't need to do that. That's a one. It falls apart immediately. Hey, good try, good glue, good friends, no harm to. Well, these are special magic boots.

Their company issued to avoid glue traps. It makes perfect sense, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. Ignore me. This is not idiot. Stupid.

Okay, up next, our Milo and Bradford. No. Okay. That is a 15 plus 2, a 17. Is that beat your... Yeah, beats me on 16. Okay, so Bradford is free of the hold person spell. And he is...

And he wakes up to see me on my hands and knees, putting bad glue on his feet. That was a very disconcerting. And he says, well, hey now. And he is going to just... Take a thing at you, like a punch. Oh. Let's see. There's a 14, 17 versus AC.

Oh, yeah, that's going to hit you, boy. And six points of damage. All right. Yeah, he clocks you in the kisser. Up next is Fitzroy. I don't know. I feel like if I'm already really. raging, I might just go melee mode and smash some stalactites.

But the ones that are not immediately over people's heads. They're out in the hallway. I mean, yeah, so you're avoiding Kai, basically. You're not going to kill Kai. Kai is over, like, walking into a wall repeatedly. Right. So they're over on the, like, edge of the room. Okay.

So, yeah, you can pretty safely clobber some stalactites, with your mall. Yeah, I pull out the big mall. I do just like a whirlwind smash into a big one. That is a 19. Versus the stalactites AC. Yeah, it was a rock. I imagine it's got decent AC.

Yes. So that hit, make a, rather than rolling damage, roll a strength check for me. Okay. That's a crit. Oh, shit.

Oh, crit. Oh, crit. So you clobber a group of the stalactites with your mall, and you hit at a pretty perfect angle, and a group of them, about four fall, and the biggest one lands point down on top of one of these cabinets down at the bottom. And the whole thing just, just, splits wide open. And when it does so, that compression spell, the like bag of holding-esque spell that was on it breaks. And there is just an absolute explosion of paperwork.

Like countless sheets of paper exploded into the room, cover the floor in like a foot deep, uh, mess. Uh, huh. Seeing that,

gives Fitzroy an idea. And can I still take a move action? Yes, you can. Can the move action be I kick off the boot that has the upside down rocket? Yeah. You take off your boot and you begin to fall. And we're going to-

I shrug. I'm still raging. It won't hurt that bad. And we move over to Argonaut. So Lennon is coming down the ramp and they are like there now. Okay. I reach in and throw a handful of my ball bearings that I use from my slings that I use from my slings shot at Lennon's feet. On a ramp, right?

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's an excellent point. Let me see. Oh, okay. You do that and Lennon just takes it in stride. And what you did not know is that Lennon in his first. free time is a professional rollerblader.

Oh, come on. Dad, listen, I rolled an 18. I don't know what to tell you. You've got to do the pre-pro before you do the highest. I don't know what to tell you, dad. The die told me that he was a professional. I rolled professional rollerblader. I don't, and he just slides with it.

Okay. Now, that was an action, but you could take a move for a bonus action. I don't know what that would be. I guess, um, jumps out of the way. Okay. And so up next is the fear bog. I'm going to punch the guy that punched me. Okay.

Take a singing at Bradford. This is the way. This is the fearball code. If somebody punches you, you punch them back. We don't talk about this part. Very often. 18. Yeah, that hits.

Plus. God, I do attack so rarely. Are you just punching him or are you, like, hitting him with a weapon? I'm doing an unarmed strike. Unarmed strike. I believe in my people's parlons. Ah, just like in Cobra Kai. Well, that is a 22.

That's a solid. A palpable hit, as the Bard would say. It just says, it's just a picture of three. I don't think I roll for damage. It just says three on here. Okay. You hit him for three? Yeah, that's the damage.

That's for unarmed strike, right? Yeah. Okay. I think it's your strength. or something like that. Something. Yeah, you pop him right in the nose. And now you're, both of you, your nose is hurt.

You know? Oh, no, he missed you, didn't he? No, no, no, he hit me. All right. So now both of, both of your noses hurt, it would be funny if your nose didn't hurt so bad. This is what Gary Guy Gygax dreamed. I think of just too brave for you. Just slapping me.

Punching each other in the snoot. I don't want to hurt anybody, but I do want to keep him busy. Just snoot-whacking. Okay, and Milo is going to see if he can unhold himself. Oh, yeah. So Milo now shakes off the hold person as well, and he pulls a knife from his boot and takes a swipe at you, Argonaut. Does a 17 beat your AC? Yes.

Okay. I'm 16. He slices you with that knife for eight points of damage. And up next is Bradford, who is going to attempt to grapple the fear bowl. So we're going to do a contested strength check. He rolled an 18, or he got 18. So strength check. That's a 20.

That's a roll. That is an 18. Plus two, twice. Oh, boy. Okay, yeah. So you're both very strong. This is a battle of Titans. Oh, Bradford.

Bradford and the Fearbug, everybody's been talking about it for years. They're like, when are Bradford and the Fear Bowl finally going to face off so we can see who the stronger one is? And you know what? It's the Fearbug. I punched your friend in the face. I will punch your face, too. It was actually my face We look a lot of like

I see, I get it This is a great shame That's okay Hey, I'm gonna arrest you This happens to me This happens to me And Tom Cruz as well Here's the thing, you can't lie

So that must happen Oh I use, I hold up my tangled web I used my one tangled web to do that lie And so, yeah, you are able to best him in a competition of strength. Up next is the falling Fitzroy. Well, I got no stalactites to catch myself on this time, which is unfortunate. So am I just going to eat shit or? You tell me, dude, you're the one who took off your shoe.

I'm just going to try and land perfectly, but in like a cool, like, rolling way. Okay, give me an acrobat. check. So that my body doesn't get hurt. I'm going to say, how are you at acrobatics? I rolled a 13, 11 plus 2, 13.

Okay, yeah, you are able to land in such a way that you don't, like, shatter any bones. But you're going to take some damage upon impact. Let's see, you take... I'm still working on Moss energy, so, like,

I don't give it, like, hit me, hit me, you know? Yeah, I mean, it's not much. It's eight points of damage. That doesn't even... Eight points of damage is nothing. I just fell 40 feet. Yeah.

And I took eight points of damage. Well, you were able to with the 13. I mean, you didn't land on your head. You didn't land on your coxics. I'll take it. You know what I mean? You landed prone on it. And remember, there's a foot of paper on the ground.

So there was some padding there. Okay. Now that my, wow, there was that much paper inside the thing. Yeah, remember it's compressed. Tann said earlier that if they had to find storage for it, it would be like billions of sheets of paper. Oh, Jesus. Okay. Now that my rage has done everything I need to do, I'm going to use a bonus action to turn that off so that I can cast a spell.

Or at least try to cast a spell. First, let me roll to see if I can try and cast a spell. And remember, you have plus one because you've done it before. four. Fuck. That's a three. Who, Boise. That doesn't work.

Well, fuck. This is a new era, isn't it? The era of accountability. It's not great. I'm not saying we've ever lied before. But boy, we're not, we can't do it now. Now, I will say, I will say what we have done in the past and the, the, the procedure is, when you were going to cast, you have the ability to psych yourself up, right?

To get yourself prepared, to do something. to get yourself in the right headspace to cast. We don't need BS for this. I have tides of chaos. Once per long rest, you can gain advantage on one attack roll, ability check or saving throw. Would you say that this is a,

what? This is an ability check for, yeah, for sure. Okay, please, this time maybe. Fuck, that's a four. It was better. Yeah, it's one better. That's true. Okay.

Then, can I take an action instead of magic then? Yes. I want to spend my action and then trying to usher Kai away from the file cabinets in the center of the room? Like out of the room or just like to the, like, if I can kick Kai out of the room,

that would be the safest for Kai. Yeah, it doesn't take, there's, I'm not going to even make you make any checks. Kai is, is absolutely bloody in your hands. That is, guide Kai over to the, uh, the doors. And in fact, I'm going to say that there is now just a quick scene As we see, like, the Fearbug and Bradford are punching each other.

Linen has just skated down on some ball bearings to reach the bottom. We have, you know, Milo swinging a knife at Argo, and everything pauses as this seemingly, like, sleepwalking parrot-a-cocra just kind of like wonders through on their way up the ramp. And then everything resumes again back in the fight. They need some juice. And linen is up. And linen is just going to take a running charge at you, Argonaut. So who on earth is linen? Lennon is the guard from upstairs.

The rollerblader. Okay. Finally got wise. Got it. So Argonaut make a dexterity saving throw. Well, I'll try. You're good at it. Come on.

dexterity that is a 12 plus 9 that's 21 yeah so landing comes charging at you ready to tackle you to the ground and at the last moment you throw yourself to the side and they go charging past and they trip as they go past and end up prone on the ground in a roll and you are still on your feet and you are up. Yeah, so just to clarify, now at this point, Milo and Lennon are focused on Argo and Bradford and the Fear Bowl have kind of squared off against each other. Don't I have something like dual wheel? Yes, right, you do. You use two weapons at once.

Okay, I'm going to use the two stun batons, one on. One linen on the ground and one on Milo standing in front of me. Okay. Roll against Lenin first. And you have advantage since they are on the ground. They are prone. Okay, that's a 15. Do I add anything to it?

What other weapons do you have? I'm trying to pull up all this. I've got a club. Yeah, what does it say with your club? The club, it's one D4 plus one. No, that's damage. What's it say on the attack roll? Plus five.

Okay, yeah. So add five to it just like it's a dirty 20. Okay, and roll again because you have a damage. That is a five plus five. That's not as good. Okay, yeah. So with that 20, you definitely make impact with that stun baton. And Lenin takes him damage, but he is able to maintain consciousness.

So. But it does hurt him. for, you said it was what, the D4 plus what for the damage? D4 plus one. Let's say that the stunt baton is a D6 plus one. I got one plus one. That's two. Should have stuck with the other one.

And now roll again against Milo. That is, oh, a Nat 20. Oh, boy. Yeah, nice. You get Milo squibre. in the solar plexus with the point of the

stun baton and he goes down so he is stunned actually I am too so up next is the fear bog so who which one was stunned Milo is stunned on the ground and you Fearbolger is squaring off against Bradford

I am then don't feel pretty strongly about that. It is a lot of people think it's easier in a way to not kill people. We've changed. I feel like we're even now with the punching. So I'm going to cast Charm Person.

Okay. And is that a wisdom saving role? Wisdom saving throw. That is a 10? I do it with advantage because we're fighting. Oh, no. That's a 10. 10 as well.

All right. He's charmed. He is weighing to you now. Not romantically, mind you, but more just like into the idea of you. Just a big fan, really. Who's not? And what are, what can you remind everybody of the effects of Trump person? I mean, I know, of course, but, uh, the charm creature regards you as a friendly acquaintance.

Oh, hey, Fearbug. Wait, can I, can I, can I help you with anything? There's been a terrible mix up. Oh? Yes, you hit me and I punched you. Oh, my goodness. And I don't like, this was not kind. And I first would like to say, I am very sorry of this.

Is there anything I can do to fix this? I'm so sorry. You fight linen. Okay. We're buds, all of us, and Lenin is turning on. our group of friends. He's turned on us four pals. Okay, I'll kill

him for you. No, this is not. This is too much. No, just a regular good, I know you have the haymakers, and you have a very good style of punching. I have

experienced the first hand, and I want you to show Lenin a bit of that special punchback. Okay. Well, Milo is incapacitated, stunned upon the ground. So Bradford is going to run over and tackle linen very successfully. And he is going to hold him down and twist tie, magical twist tie, his wrists together. Wow.

So Bradford stands up and says, hey, is there anything else I can do to help? Are we out of combat? Uh, that's everybody right? I mean, yeah, this one, I guess as long as Bradford's charmed, Lennon's bounds, and Milo is incapacitated, and Bradford's charmed. Go tell everyone that the danger has passed. Okay. What should I do with Lennon and Milo?

This is not my concern. Okay. Now, friends, we need to get the hell out of here. Yeah, you're not kidding. So Bradford whistles his way up the ramp, meets Kai halfway up the ramp to level two, and the two of them continue that walk on together, whistling together. So Milo is stunned on the ground. Lennon is bound, and we are out of initiative.

And so now we're at Fitzroyd back. into the archives. I'm going to try and cast a spell again. Okay. Can I, hmm. Are the archives not dealt with at this point? Like, have we not? I mean, we've taken up a chunk of, yeah.

I destroyed one with a falling slactite, and I've sort of damaged the exhaust system a bit, but that ain't going to be enough to move that. There are 20. Yeah, there's a lot. All right, all right. I, can I, can I, wheeze the juice, so to speak,

of this exhaust that is coming out of these, um, can I huff these cabinets, I guess, to like get a little bit of magical potency. You position yourself at the epicenter of that, um, circle of dead moss that you created. Um,

and you, you positioned yourself on the ground beneath it. Um, hoping to like, catch some, of this exhaust so you can roll to cast the spell with advantage. All right. I'll probably need it.

Nope. Got it. 18. Yeah. So do you want to go ahead and roll again just to see if you get that crit? I don't know what a crit. It would be pretty cool. Yeah, that probably would have been cool.

Okay. So these cabinets are in sort of a square pattern, right? Yeah. So they're in a... There's rows and columns of them. Yeah, it's 5, 4, 5, 4. Okay. I'm going to go to one kind of closer to the outskirts,

and I'm going to cast enlarge reduce on it, and I'm going to reduce its size. Specifically, I will reduce its size by half in all dimensions, and its weight will be reduced to 1 eighth of normal. Okay. Is there a check that it has to... No, I mean, it's a... It's not alive.

Yeah. So it does not, it does not check. Now, here is my question for you before I tell you what happens. Yeah. What is your desired outcome? To have a small one of these that I can pick up and do something else with. Oh, okay. I see. When you cast this spell, roll a D20 for me. Okay. And just let me know if the number is odd or even.

Fuck. It is odd. Okay, yeah. So you cast this spell and it begins shaking violently, right? You have compressed this compression spell upon itself. Cool. Then it's not going to like what happens next. And you have limited time.

Okay. Like it is, you don't know how much time, and I'm not going to tell you, but it is like shaking violently. Okay. Boys, get in here. we're leaving. Are these cabinets locked? I try to open a different one of the cabinets to see if it's locked or not. Yeah, it is, these are sealed.

Not by much, but like a key. Like one might seal an important filing cabinet at a business. Okay. Argo, can you, I go to a cabinet close to the center of the room. Argo, can you pop this quick? Because I'm pretty sure I just made a bomb. Roll a dexterity check for me, Argo. Oh, hmm. Dexterity check.

Here it comes. That is a three plus. Plus nine. So that's a 12. Wait, wait, wait. I would assume that my thieves tools would add to that. Yeah, you get advantage with your thief's tools. Okay, then I will try it again.

That's better. 16 plus nine. Oh, yeah. This is a simple lock. It takes you half a second to pop it open. Cool. Is everyone here? The three of you are together, yes. And no one else is in here?

Correct. Okay. So real quick, I had an idea and let me know what you all think about it. We can vote, I guess, if we want, but I don't think we have a lot of time. Do we have time to workshop it? No, probably not. Okay. So, you know, my dad worked in cargo and worked with sort of compression magic from time to time.

and whenever you had compression magic on your wagon, there was a very important rule that they warned you about, like first day, like rule number one, don't do this thing. And I think we should do it. But it's going to, it could, I don't know what's going to happen to us. But we won't be here anymore, I don't think.

Because we'll be dead? Probably not. Okay. But I don't, we may not, we'll be unalive. It's going to be weird. but I need consent before we do it. I say go for it. If you can explain what it is, you're going to do.

Running out of time, it's shaking even harder. Thumbs up then? Go. Oh, hell yeah, thumbs up. Okay. Put it in the hoop like jam, and I put the smaller file cabinet into the open drawer of the larger file cabinet.

Okay. The two of them, now one within the other one, you have created a bit of an auriboros of compression. And think of like a feedback loop, right? So as this compression magic is acting upon compression magic that is acting upon compression magic, there is an audible wine in the air.

I reach it in my bag and pull out the navigational yarn, and I whisper to it, we are leaving. It will speedily roll in the intended direction. Okay, great. Yeah. I'm curious what that is, right, at this exact moment. That's what I don't know, but I told it at the exit, so this navigational yarn's got to figure it out.

So I'm a fucking problem. It's a string's problem. Yeah, so, I mean, the navigational yarn leads you over to the doors, the ones that can magically seal it's not the wasn't there a see I kind of I kind of expected it would be the the escape route

well yes that is interesting so I want you to roll an investigation check as the Fearbul is looking at the escape the escape hatch to figure out why the string isn't leading that way oh my god well bud that's a one oh you have no idea oh no why isn't it

over, why is that? That hasn't advanced the narrative? I mean, I think we, I think we confidently walk towards the escape hatch. Well, luckily the string, luckily the string leads you that way. I don't know, you stub your tongue take two damage or something. It's really bad. You're so busy looking at the escape hatch that you trip and you balk your nose on the ground. It takes two damage. But you can follow the string the right way to go.

But not, that is not toward the escape. towards the escape hatch. Correct. Okay. I'm going to start following the string. I mean, I think that's our best option. So the three of you begin sprinting for that ceiling door. It opens as you approach.

And all three of you do that super cool dive that you might expect from an action movie as the doors seal behind you. And suddenly, we can't see through the plexiglass anymore. because it is covered. The whole room is full, top to bottom, compressed with tiny flex of paper. So you find yourself now safely. You've made it.

You destroyed those records. It's going to take them quite some time to come back from this. I got to imagine people saw that, right? Well, so still at this point, I mean, Lennon, Bradford, Milo, they were the only ones with eyes on here, and your party, your party popper disabled the cameras. Okay.

So at this point, I mean, you can probably assume that people upstairs heard a noise and are getting fairly suspicious. But like, there was nobody that had eyes on what was going on. Okay. Does anybody have a memory erase spell? Because if not, we're going to do, we are going to do some. time, I think. We're not cool with murdering these three guards, right? We shall vote.

No, no. Silly. Take a vote. I vote. abstain. I abstain. That's not. It's not.

I also abstain. No, leadership is important in the organization. You must make the call. Okay, we're obviously, we're not going to kill anybody. That's, uh, but does anybody have a memory for getting wiping? thing. I have Shaleli?

No? I can bong. This works in the stories. You get a bong and forget. Yeah, amnesia, right? I am not the wizard don't remember. Do you know the exact amount of

strength to put behind the bonk to ensure memory erasure but not consciousness erasure? His bong is not exact science. Okay. I could water bored them.

Would that help? God. What? No, wait. I'm going to come react to that as Justin. Christ. All three of you roll a perception check. Maybe the funniest torture joke yet on the adventure zone.

It's hard to pick, though, isn't it? Perception? Five plus eight, 13. I got a 19 total. Argo? I got a two. Okay, great. So you, Fitzroy, amidst this trying to figure out what to do, you hear footsteps coming down the ramp.

You turn in time to see the Commodore coming, and he says, oh, come on, boy, so we got to get you out of here. Go where? What are we doing? Well, people are going to be coming down here pretty soon to investigate. Come on. We got to go. I'm going to roll an insight check to see if, I guess it's hard to tell when he's bullshitting.

I got a flat 16. He's definitely acting a little twitchy. With a 16, it's hard to tell if that is because of what the whole situation is or if there's something going on. I think we can find our own way out, right, right, fellas? Yeah. And why did you even come down here? This wasn't part of the plan.

Well, you need, you, you need to get out of here. I can, I can distract them upstairs and, and get you out of here. Come on, boys, let's go. And he starts to walk up the stairs, or at the ramp, gesturing for you to follow him. I think these are our best option. Okay. All right, but we keep an eye on him because I don't know if I brought this up before, but he's not the most trustworthy fellow.

Yeah. I ready in action to do my own special bono. on Commodore if he turns on its heels and is like, you know, abracadabra. You know what I mean? I don't know if I'm legally allowed to do that. That seems like it breaks D&D a little bit to just always be ready to smash somebody.

Yeah, I think you can only ready an action. Well, you're feeling twitchy. Okay, yeah. Okay. I'm just, we don't have to codify it. No, no, no. Here's what I'm watching you. I will say.

I will let you ready the action, but you need to do a slight, of hand check to make sure he doesn't. To hold my big mall over my head. Well, to make sure he doesn't notice you like readying your grip or whatever, you know? 15. Slide a hand.

That's not bad considering I'm not good to slide a hand. Yeah. With that, you know, he has turned around before you ready your grip on it. So you make your way to the top of the ramp and he says, oh, smooth a silk. All right, boys. Now I'm going to need you to wait. here. And I need all three of you to roll a wisdom saving throw. 15.

8 plus minus 1. 7. Dad, don't forget, you can click the number itself next to whatever thing you are rolling. Straight. And it will automatically. Wisdom. Wisdom. I'm much better at that.

19 plus 4. Okay. So Argo and Fitzroy. 23. Yes. As he says this, Fitzroy, I want you to make an attack roll with disadvantage. Oh, is that my, this is my ready thing? Yeah.

Okay. Six plus nine, 15. And 12 plus 9, 21. So 15. Okay. 15 city over here. You, on the 15, it does. does not hit.

Fuck. So you raise it to strike and suddenly your muscles lock up and you are held in place. As are you, Argo. Now, Fearbul, you have stayed in control of your own body

and the Commodore turns around and says, you see, boys, you did a great job of causing this chaos. It's truly wonderful to see, but here's the problem, you see.

It's not the plan. It's not what we want, you see. And so we need to ensure that you're out of the way until we can do what we need to do to put the real plan in place. You understand? No, who's we?

Well, everybody's locked up except the fear book. Yeah. All we can't even talk. Does he know, let me ask you this, does he know that I'm, I mean, I haven't done anything. Does he know that I'm not locked up? your body I mean

your body didn't go into the same rigor that the other two did I mean you can try to fake it but that's not really the Fearbolts thing no I'll I'll continue to I'll stay still for a second

okay to I figure what's happening you see boys I'm under new management and you see his eyes go all white and you have seen this in real life now and in your dreams

these are the eyes of order and chaos my boss has sent me here to keep you safe oh lucky for you and to keep you out of the way and what better way to do that than to make sure you're safely locked in prison

so the three of you are going to stay here and I'm going to go get the guards I'll tell him I caught you and I'll be an even bigger hero than I was I, oh, please do tell Master of your book, maybe you should mind your bees'ness. And I smashed the jar of bees on his head. Okay, make an atapro with bees.

While me and fucking Argo are paralyzed right next to him, you smash a jar of bees, and we're probably thinking, cool. No, I'm thinking, I'm not going to be able to run away from it. No one can give me shit about this. How do I use D&D Beyond to attack with jar of bees? This is such a good question.

Are you trying to surprise him with the beat? It's going to surprise him, right? Trev? Trev, I don't think any action I take with this jar of beads vis-a-vis smashing it on his cabesa is not going to surprise him. Okay, do a... Surprise is inbuilt. Do a dexterity check. Dexterity check.

Yes. That's a natural twin. Oh, yes. Smash that motherfucker. Yes. Get him. Get him with the bees. You smash it on his head.

And say you catch him by surprise is an understatement. He begins to panic. And in his panic, he does not see the person step up behind him and clobber him now that he's distracted. And he goes down. a ton of bricks, and Hieronymus Wiganstaff steps into the light. What is... Oh, I'm still... Are we still paralyzed?

Or when he goes down, are we? Uh, okay. Make another wisdom saving throw with advantage now that he is knocked out, now that he is out cold. 16? You are free. I rolled 11 and a 12. You are still locked up. Uh, and Heronimois says, this is so weird to say, but Gray sent me?

Yeah, I bet that's a... You two make four. Strange bedfellows, huh? Yeah, and listen, we need to go now, like right now. Fearful, can you carry Argo? I'm so. I'm like a baby. Okay.

Baby style. No, no, no. I put him on my shoulders like a toddler. Okay. Is, uh... Oh, wait, like here, like he's sitting on your shoulders. Like, you guys are at Disney World? Exactly.

Okay, great. The Disney Man, we call it. Is he, is the Commodore unconscious? Yes, correct. Wait, Fearbulk. Can I borrow that mask? Of course. I tossing the mask.

And by borrow, I mean, it's going to stay here, but it's going to be worth it, I think. And I put it over the Commodore's head and make him look like me. and I and I before leaving glue the mask to his head Oh Oh god roll roll roll roll roll roll roll roll yes yes

Come on glue Come on glue come on glue come on that's a two Glue how long does the Tuesday? I mean it doesn't disintegrate instantly Don't you think he'd have advantage No you can't get advantage on glue That's one of the oldest D and V Big scary guy.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. I can boost it a little bit. Oh, you know what? It's up to your discretion, Jeff. Okay, yeah. For a two, it's going to stay on there for two hours. Perfect. Fine.

Let me juice that a little bit with, uh, I have a thing. What is it? Bend luck. Whenever another creature makes an attack roll, ability check or saving throw, you can use your reaction and spend two sorcery points to add one D4. Okay. I don't know that two hours is going to cut it. Go for it.

Oh, wait, that's a D8. Cut it in half. Two. Okay, so four hours. Four hours. Right. So, Hieronymus just says, we need to move quickly. Things are starting to get a little weird upstairs.

And as you guys make your way, you know, out of the way, I assume you've grabbed your trash can, your trusty trash can on the way. This time, well, gets twice grabbing it. I mean, he's based, at this point, the trash can is like the fourth member of your group, really. It's like another thunder man. It's your trash. I don't want to carry your trash. Bula. Its name is Bula.

As you make your way out. Can I scoop up the present, the remains of the present, just to, or did it like fully? Oh, yeah. It is confetti. Okay, okay, okay, cool. Unless you've recalled snippers, you can pick up snippers. Yeah, I mean, I can do that at will. Yeah, that's true.

So you guys, have made your way back into the atrium. And upon exiting the ramp, what you first see is Kai, still delirious, though, coming around and Bradford still charmed talking to Hollifer and Hollifer saying, okay, wait, hold on. What's happening? What's going on? And Hieronymus gives you the like, let's just go, let's just go towards the exit. And Bailey Kern and chef Mike see you sitting on the fearbook shoulders and Bailey says, Oh, where are you going?

Blow failed you even? And you, of course, don't answer because you're held. That's exactly what I did. Okay, well, I'll see you around? Could I have enough flexibility to go, go daddy, go faster, faster? No. Mostly because I don't like you calling the Fearbulk daddy, though I'm sure that there are some people who really like that. Some people who like, I throw my voice toward Argo, and I'm like, oh, yes, I have a doctor's appointment.

Oh my God, that's what Argo sounds like to you. That's exactly what it sounds like. Because I was always. I was always going for like kind of a quint thing. Yeah, we know. And as soon as Althea sees you, without asking any questions, she is catching up with you and walking with you. She knows that shit has gone down and she also does not want to be around when that happens.

Now, here is my question. Do you attempt to get Terran's attention? Considering what just happened with the Commodore, I don't know that, like, I worked with Gray is. necessarily is a great seal of approval. Okay. So outside. I mean, I don't want to decide for the group,

but I feel very, I feel no allegiance to Taryn. And even if I did, I don't have Didley squat. Yeah, you don't have a lot of choice there, too, or not. Oh.

Yeah, I want to hustle. We got Althea, and that's more important. So you make your way outside, and Aronis is explaining to you, okay, we need to get into the alley over here so that Gordy can call us back.

We, shit is going down at the school, guys, and we need to get back as soon as we can. What's happening at the school? I think it'll probably be easier to show you. And he writes in his book of Far Speech, and the green fire that has teleported you before surrounds you, and you find yourself back at the school grounds. And it is not at all how you left it. First, you are standing next to the Litch King Gordy amongst an army of skeletons. Okay. Second, the school is surrounded by a web of magical protection.

Just inside the web, you see animal skeletons of all kinds patrolling the perimeter, and you spot Rainier keeping a watchful eye from the school's entryway. You follow the protection spell to its source, and you are surprised to find the demon Prince Grey and Higlmiss Wigginstaff standing side by side on the balcony of Jackal the Kinkoo weaving their magic together. However, none of that is what is most notable. between you and the school stands an absolute

army of demons of all shapes and sizes easily 10,000 of them at least, and each and every one of them sports a pair of all white eyes. Also of note, they're not preparing to get into the school. They're

a position to keep you out. Their ranks extend so that they are not only blocking the school, but also the place where you know order is opening the portal. And even with Gordy's skeletal army, you are outmatched. If you try to push through this force, you will be slaughtered. I roll to push through the force.

I rolled a 10. Oh, you're super slaughtered. Yeah. Fitzroy, a hawk lands and perches at your wrist. It is Leon. He quirks it set at you in greeting. Oh, I haven't fed you in like forever. Are you doing worms and stuff?

Are you okay? I kind of forgot about you. Do you want to be back to being a person again? I mean, he nods, but you look up and see that a lone figure on horseback has been following him. And this lone figure sees Althea and says, yes, excuse me, are you Althea saw? She says, uh, yes. He says, ah, good. We got your call for assistance.

I believe you said that Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, night in a. since of the realm of Goodcastle needed help, and so we came. The rest of our forces should arrive any day now. Who are you? Oh, excuse me in my excitement. I've forgotten to introduce myself. My name is Sir Reginald Fisselwip, knight and advanced scout for the army of the realm of Goodcastle at your service.

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