The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 37: Investment Opportunities

Episode Date: April 8, 2021

The Thundermen race to stop the machinations of the gods.  But first, they have to make it past an army of demons and settle some unfinished business. Luckily, they have help. A lot of help.A paradox is solved. A wrong is righted. A resignation is accepted. It is the beginning of the end. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

The members of the Unbroken Chain join you on the balcony, and for a moment, there is silence. As you stare at the Commodore with his two bare hands tearing apart a magical net like it was nothing. Then Rainier comes rush again. You all are never going to believe what's happening out there, but, oh, hi, guys, when did you get back? Gosh, either, like, 10 minutes ago or a week ago. Oh, it's good to see you. How was the bank thing or the high school? or whatever it was.

Well, it's shenanigans. Shenanigans were definitely executed. Oh, we did it. But we did not make, let's say, a clean getaway. Oh, how did you get back? Magic. Nice.

A mole. A big mole? Oh, yes, this big mall. Hi, big mole. Hey, you're not the soren. I'm the soren, buddy. So, what are we going to, you know, do? Okay.

Well, we got to get the demon prints here all the way down to the Godscarcasm. But there's, like, a lot of bad stuff between us and that goal. So that's just, like, brass tacks, vision board, like first little post-it note that we can slap up there. And then you hear another voice. Oh, yes. Field Commander Fitz. There you are. Reg.

I've been looking all over for you. Yeah, well, here I am. You got Fitz. Reg. What are you going to do with him? Yeah, Gordy told me you went through the tunnel, and I followed you here, and Rainier says, Gordy, my dad's here?

Oh, yes. Like, everyone's here, Rainier. Oh, cool. So, Field Commander, what are your orders? I mean, how much? many other of the Good Castle Oh sorry Yes that's what I came here to tell you

They're all here. The rest is here. We're ready. How many are your numbers? I would say close to 5,000. What? Yes. This is going to be easy. Like, am I the only one who thought We were pretty boned until this very

exciting development? Yes, no, it's the full force of the Good Castle Army has come from the four corners of Nua to support one in need. That is, that's what we do. So is that like 5,000 like squirrel

skeletons and stuff? Because, you know, it's a matter of perspective. I'm just, I mean, every time we turn around, we're running into some kind of wildlife skeletons, but this is, this is like real, not skeletons, right? I don't, I'm not entirely

sure how to answer that. No? We're not wildlife skeletons. We are knights of the floating realm of Goodcastle. I think I recognize some of the knights. There's Deus. I see X. Well, there's Machina right then. You know the Knights of Good Castle?

Just those three. I see. Excellent. I don't know why I sound like Triumph the insult comic down. There's a little bit. A little bit of flavor there of triumph. Well, let's rouse them. And, I mean, I don't think we need to smash our forces into their forces because that's unnecessary. We just need to clear a path.

I mean, they will need to get here. They're kind of in holding now. Where? You know, back at camp. And that's the thing. So you can see here from the perspective of the balcony that the, the, the demons are like right on top of you. Right.

And the field camp that you all had set out is like two or three football fields away. So when that barrier comes down, you're not going to have much time between that and the demons being like right on top of the school. Okay. All right. Well, we need them to start moving right now. Can you send a message or do you have Gmail? A geology mail? No, no.

That only works on the Earth plane. But I can skedaddle on back to them and tell them your orders are to move. Yeah, actually, I can, I can do that myself. And I pull out my Falconer's gauntlet and summon Leon. Oh, yeah, you do. That proud bird lands swiftly on top of that gauntlet and looks at you like, this is what I've been waiting for. Yeah, just to check, are you still okay being definitely a bird? Roll an insight check.

Okay. I'd have to be pretty insightful to read the body language of a bird. That's a 19. So with a 19, you get from the body language that basically he is saying, you know, you've asked me that a lot. yet I am still a bird. So I would say that after this one thing, I would like to stop being a bird, please. Okay, but do you mind just delivering a quick message and then you can, you know, deanamorph? Yes, but then I would like to be a human again, please.

You got it. You got it. That definitely won't get lost in the old narrative shuffle. So Leon the Hawk flies off with your message heading towards the forces of both the skeletal army of the litch. King and the army of the floating realm of Goodcastle. Is Gordy around now? Well, so you left Gordy back at the hut. At Brownsys.

Yes. Who's the most in the gathered party here? Who's the most magical little motherfucker? That would be Festo. Can I talk, can I holler at Festo for a second? Of course. Okay. Festo, a moment, please.

Okay, a moment's about what we got. So, yes. I wouldn't bother you if it weren't important. I doubt that that's true, but go on. I had a very strange experience. Oh, at the party? Yes, that will happen. The fairies can get a little wild.

I think of us after. This is getting confusing for reasons you will understand. I... I back up. Okay. Last season. or so. The guardian came to me.

Guardian of the unknown forest. Oh, yes, I know them well. We've partied together. This is the least surprising revelation. They came to me and told me that I needed to return to my village and that they were passing on a message from me. Okay. Well, recently, I don't know, it was a couple nights ago, two nights ago, three nights ago.

last night, it's hard to say. But, you know, that amount of time. Yeah. That was me talking to you. Oh, yeah, no. I never draw my character voice ever. I know. I know.

I know. Until I do occasionally. Yeah. But the message I sent back, I just gave myself the message, but the guardian was in the past. Yes. But I spoke to them now.

Oh, okay. I've seen this happen before. I sent a message through time into the past to myself. I think that maybe some of, you know, that party stuff, wink, wink, might still be in your system, master feeble, because time manipulation is quite impossible. But this did happen. It could have happened because everything. Reality is based off of cause and effect. Something happens so that the next thing could happen.

And what you are describing is that it only happened because it had. had happened before? And that is, that, that's, that would mean that reality is quite broken. Dad just did a stealth check for some reason. He's still, he's taking a nap, and he just doesn't want to get,

stealth nap. Um, Festo. No, actually, they get just popped up in my game log. Anyway. Festo, do you remember who it is you're speaking to? Oh, right. Oh, yes. No, it doesn't lie.

Well, fuck. I could be confused. is possible, seems very strange to me, I would accept almost in the explanation other than time being all stupid. Well, I'll think about it, but if what you said is true, it's very, very, very, very, very, very bad. Hmm. So I guess, you know, try not to let it happen again? I will keep my feet firmly planted in now. Okay.

And if you ever see any more weird time shit, let me know, okay? This is fair. Okay. So things are, this is going to be a little table talk here. Things are absolutely about to pop off. Okay. Is there any, and then we're like in-game world, right? Is there anything you all want to do or talk to or set up before we go?

I would like Argo would like to take a look at the Commodore. It seems like he pops up and starts tearing apart this netting and he's undergone some changes. I don't know if that would be an insight check or a perception check or what kind of check would it be? Just to kind of look at him. Give me an investigation check. Okay. That is an 18 minus 1.

Okay. So that's 17. Yeah, luckily right now you're kind of surrounded by people who know a thing or two about magic. And so by conferring with Festo and Gray and Higelmus. But especially you, Fitzroy, with your experience, the commoner is basically at this point radiating, almost like a blinding. level of it's almost chaos magic um it is like the same sort of if it was music right it's the same song but in a much different key right okay um and he is overflowing with it okay more than i was and don't say yes because that's yeah yeah oh man okay yep yep yep yep that's fine i got good magic now the magic of

self-confidence. And seeing that, I'm going to say it kind of spurs you all on that it's beginning to be a little bit more imperative that you get on the move than it was before. Okay. Is Reg still here? Yes. Can I talk to him real quick? Sure.

I know we have to hurry. Precious little time, but, you know, talking is a free action, Griffin. Why don't we have Reg walk and talk with us? That's good. Yeah, you're headed down the stairs towards the front, and you hear Higelmiss and Festo kind of speaking very quickly behind you and not quite finishing each other, you know, finishing their sentences as they're, like, making some kind of plan behind you.

And you head down the stairs, followed closely behind by Rainier, and you've got Reg there right next to you. Okay. While we're hurrying down the stairs, I try to discreetly like, hey, Reg? Reg? Yes. Yes, Fidsey.

I've got, that sounded so natural, by the way, coming out of your mouth. I have something to talk to you about, and it is sensitive. But I don't think we're going to have time to have like a whisper zone to speak about it in. Oh, no, ask away. Ask away. So this is going to have to do. And this conversation is going to be much shorter than I think either of us would like. Okay.

But I do have to, and I will confess to not knowing how this. works. Uh-huh. I have to tender my resignation as a knight of the realm of good castle. Why is that? It's, it's not you. And it's not the king or queen or regent or, I'll be straight with you, Reg. There's a lot of stuff I still am not that sure about, which is why honestly, this doesn't

feel like such a big deal for me. Like, I never got a pamphlet or, you know. Do you know what I mean? There were some lines of communication that got dropped there that is making this maybe less of an emotional experience. Yes. But why leave, it's almost unheard of for a knight to decide to stop being a knight of Goodcastle? Well, for one thing, like I did just say, I do kind of feel like I never got started, but I just feel like after everything we've gone through. and everything we've had to suffer, I am just not really cut out for knighthood.

And I don't mean that in any kind of self-deprecating way. I just... I am not who I thought I was. Do you understand, Reg? I do very much so, Fitzroy. So do you have to... No, I will accept your resignation. How about tomorrow morning?

But I do, I'm just saying if these 5,000 people are going to fight, and with me as their field commander, I would like to kind of know, let them know sort of where I'm at vis-a-vis being their leader. I see. How about I will take over as field commander, and we would be something of independent contractors working full. for Thunderman LLC. But we'll keep that all between you and I for now.

How about that? That's great. And I will tell you where you can send the invoice when we're finished. Excellent. Excellent. Perhaps we should get on with saving the world. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I'm glad we had this time.

Excellent. Everyone, you don't have to call me sir anymore. I'm just regular old Fitzroy. You already see more down to art Tell me about it Check this out Ass Wow

You are real today Yeah I was not expecting that frankly So you've reached Should Is that right Did I say that one right So close So close

You've reached the main entryway And you exit And you can see that the Commodore is almost through The Army of Goodcastle mobilized, but they are not going to get there quite in time. And Higlme says, don't worry, we have a plan. Festo and I will buy you some time. And you see the two of them close their eyes and begin making patterns and shapes. And then the air fills with a low hum. It's very reminiscent

of a dragonfly's wings, but lower and louder. And it sounds like it's coming from all around you. and then you realize why. Coming from every window and doorway on campus is a flood of gargoyles. The garries are taken to the sky. And for stone statues, they are surprisingly graceful. They're ready as the barrier between you

and the demons finally breaks down. Shit. The three of you, the Zorn, Althea, and Gray, begin to run. Everyone else is going to buy you as much time as they can. The Gary's dart in amongst the demons, drawing their focus, tripping them, and generally slowing them however they can.

You've got a bit of a lead, but it's not much. If we lose a single Gary, I will never forgive you. I understand, but they're both magical and stone. It's going to be okay. At very worst, you can super glue them back together with your magical glue. That's fair. Okay. Okay, how far do we need to go?

Yeah, paint us a picture. of sort of spatially where we're at to sort of set the stage. So you are at the main entrance of the school. The entrance, like, where you need to get to for the Zorn to be able to, like, dig to the cavern is basically, like, right on top of where the cavern is. So you have a pretty far way to go, like, two or three football fields to get there. I want to try and hide us. Okay, great.

As we move, um, what's the weather like? Uh, you know what? Roll a D20. Tell me where you get. Uh, I got a 16. Uh, it is partly cloudy. Okay. That does nothing for me.

Uh, yeah. Let me see. Yeah, you know, I don't actually have anything for this. Never mind. Okay, great. I can turn myself invisible, but that does very little for anybody. I'm going to cast pass without trace. Okay.

How much does that cover? Who does that cover? It's a veil of shadows and silence radiates from you, masking you and your companions from detection. For the duration, each creature you choose within 30 feet of you has a plus 10 bonus to dexterity, stealth checks, and can't be tracked except by magical means. A creature that receives this bonus leaves behind no tracks

or other traces of its passage. That's right there what it says on the 10. It does what it says in the 10. Pass with no traces. You see swooping down faster than the demons behind you is a set of arianesses, which you've faced before. These are like evil angels, you know, demonic-looking angels. You fought them before. But with this spell, all of you, so that will be, what, six total are going to make a stealth check?

Okay. And how much extra bonus do we get on that? Plus 10. Okay. Then that's a 15. I got a 23. I got a 29 plus 10. Jesus Christ.

God, if you get a 40. That's the highest, is that the highest Taz roll ever? I think so. And Taz history. That dad's so fucking gone. Yeah. So all three of you succeed and you make it past the Aaron. yes is, and you leave them searching the area because you have left no trace.

And then about 30, 40 yards in front of you, a veil drops, and three pit fiends appear. And the pit fiends, you will remember. They're bad boys. And they also have true sight. Oh, yeah. God, they really cut out a lot of potential for shenanigans with that. Yeah. So the three of them raised their maces and smiled clearly liking their odds.

And the lead fiend steps forward to engage. But before he gets more than two steps, there is a blood-curdling sound that stabs into the ears of all present. And a raging form, the size of a barn, moves like lightning out of the unknown forest. and the Guardian slams into the fiends sending them flying. And you get your first good look at the Guardian, and it's something you are not likely to forget. Its body is like that of a millipede, except with long, multi-jointed, fleshy legs.

Two arms, the size of tree trunks, bend at the elbows and extend far beyond what could be considered normal. But perhaps the most unexpected thing is the face. It's almost human, but the proportions are all right. wrong and then there are the eyes round and bulging and red as blood i look away i don't i look away don't like to look at it yeah it's very upsetting you hear the guardian's voice in your head master fearbook i'm so glad i found you i know what brought you to me all those months ago our i our reality is is it's it threatens to shatter there are cracks forming throughout the forest and the bonds

have caused and effect the very tapestry of existence threatens to unravel you have to stop this or we may never recover. And before you get a chance to respond, the pit fiends are back on their feet and swarming the guardian. And the fiends are outmatched, but they are enraged. And you need to hurry. And Gray says, as soon as I am in my dimensioned, everyone will be safe.

We have to move. I don't think I even slowed down. The look of this creature was so upsetting. That's fair, yes. I instinctively just ran faster. Maybe even run. Yeah, faster. Yeah.

Get away from it. You've reached the location of the Godscar Cavern, and in fact, you are right on top of it. And if there's any chance of the Zorn breaking through, it has to be here. And that is when you hear the roar of a jet engine behind you. A roar of a what now? A jet engine. I heard that. You turn to see a figure speeding towards you.

The air ripples around him, and he leaves a gouge in the ground behind him. And before you can even fully understand what is happening, the Commodore comes to a stop six feet behind you. Hello, boys. Good to see you. And he looks over at Gray. You too, Gray. Or don't you remember me? I signed on with you and then you chucked me as soon as I wasn't useful. No hard feelings. I've moved on to bigger and better things. Everyone make a dexterity saving film. 14 total. 18.

6. A blast of energy ripples from the common-diverse hand and tears basically between the two sets of groups. There's three of you on one side. And then there is the Zorn and Gray and Althea on the others. And instinctually, the Zorn begins to dig to safety and Gray follows him without hesitation. And Althea looks at you and says,

what should I do? Go with them or stay here. Get Gray to the dunk hole. To the gun, dunk gray in the hoop. Okay. Don't die. And Althea follows them. and you three roll initiative. Fuck yes. I got slots galore.

I'm going to fuck this old idiot up. I'm going to kill this. Guys, I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm going to kill this guy. Got a three. I got a 21. Let dad kill him, though. If we're going to kill him or let dad be killed by him, beautiful.

Oh, and then I kill him after he. Yeah. And then I kill you. Let dad, let him kill you make it extra sad. So that when I kill him, people are like, yeah. And then when Fearball kills me, people be like Jacques Hughes. Didn't see that coming.

Yeah. That is moving. Say what you about grad? It had some fucking twists. Yeah, dude. Shit. I like the way it just ended. With a total buddy girl.

It just ended. They all murdered each other and then it was over. Dad, what was your role? It is a 16. Excellent. So you are up first, Fitzroy. How did he get, is he riding on something? No, he was just kind of, I thought he said he had a jet.

He was magically propelling himself forward. That's cheating. Can you set the scene just a little bit? Okay, the three of you are standing with your backs to the school, facing the Commodore. The Commodore stands between you and the tunnel down into what was once the God's sarcasm and is now the Godscar cavern. in order to get into the God's sarcasm and assist in whatever Gray and the Zorn and Althea get up to,

you're going to have to get through the Commodore. But chances are with the speed that he reached you, getting past him is not going to be enough. Okay. I say, I got to be honest, I liked you a lot better when you had my face glued on your face. Yes, that was a very funny joke. I laughed all the way to the jail.

They caught me and assumed that was part of whatever you were doing. So it's very clever. Didn't leave me with any kind of frustration or grudge to take out on you three at all. Good. Well, stop me if you've heard this one before. And I clapped my hands together. And instead of just sort of letting out a blast of thunder, a lot more of a coordinated storm comes out. In fact, one might call it a sphere of storm.

Okay. that just sort of appears around the Commodore. It is a 20-foot radius sphere of whirling air that for the spells duration, every creature in the sphere when it appears or ends its turn there must succeed on a string saving throw or take 2D6 bludgeoning damage. Now, here's the thing. Yeah. This storm is a storm. There's wind and rain and all this nasty stuff.

But it seems to just kind of move around the three of us because I'm also going to use some metamend. magic to use careful casting so that we automatically succeed on our strength saving throws. So you're being a careful boy. I like that. So we've created a turbo storm here that only seems to hit him. And also, actually, how about go ahead and have him make a string saving throw? Okay. Oh, that is a Nat 20. Okay. That's fine. This is also a difficult terrain now, so it'll be harder to move around in. But here's the other thing. I see him not get knocked over and I say, oh, that's a shame. You're pretty fast, their Commodore. Let's see how, sorry, I'm like new to this, like being competent at magic thing. I'm just going to, and I snap my fingers and a bolt of lightning

comes out of the center of the sphere and crackles toward the Commodore. And I have advantage on the attack roll since he's in the sphere. Oh, so it's like an attack? Yeah, it's an attack. So that's, uh, three plus nine, 12. No. No, that doesn't hit. Uh, that's more like it.

14 plus 9.23. That does hit. Okay. And that's going to hit him for 46 lightning damage. Jesus. Uh, so let's roll that. Oh, 4D6. Okay, for a second, I thought you said 46.

I thought, I thought you said 46. Oh, no. That would be a lot. No, I got 14. 14 lightning damage. It hits him solidly. And you see him do a pretty snarky, like, shoulder brush off. Oh. And then I would like you Fitzroy to make a, let's say,

constitution saving throw. Okay. I'm good at those. Well, that is an 8 plus 7.15. A sphere of water forms around your head. Uh-oh. And you begin the process of drowning. Okay.

And then he is going to move forward across the difficult terrain. So he's going to move at half speed. So he closes some of the distance, but he's not quite on top of the three of you yet. I want to just, yeah, I just real quick, though, I do need to look at him right in his face in this bubble of water and then go, and give him a big thumbs up because I now have a storm soul, which is attuned to the sea. And so I do have resistance to lightning damage and can breathe underwater. So this is actually just kind of a refreshing, like a Sierra mist that he's given me. So, but that's okay. It's fun still. We're having fun with it. Roll a perception check for me.

Okay. It's a little stinker check. It's a little stinker check. That's a 15 plus 5.20. So you see with that 20, he's definitely frustrated that that did not work. Yeah. And, yeah, I'll also roll into that some insight as well. You know that the Commodore is something of a clout chaser.

Yeah. And he definitely rolled into this thinking he was going to. to tear through the three of you. And so moments like this are seeming to fluster him and make him angry in a way that perhaps maybe he isn't even aware of. And up next is Argo.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. He does also need to take three bonus lightning damage because every time I cast a spell that does lightning or thunder damage, creatures of your choice within 10 feet of you take three. Three points of damage? Just like zap, yeah. A little one. Not bad one, but they add up over time. Got it.

So the water around Fitzroy's head is not hurting him. Yeah, it's great. Unless he throws some piranhas in there, like, I'm totally cool with it. How did you know about that spell? I'm sorry that I denied you a chance to have shape water be useful. No, that was all right. Some, maybe in the next dark. Yeah.

So I'm going to use sneak attack on how close is he? Distract him. Well, I think you have. I mean, he's in a storm, a spherical storm. That's true. That's a good point, actually. It's got me distracting. I'm going to say at this point, I said, let me see what I wrote down originally, that he,

I said he stopped, like, six feet away from him. So at this point, after blasting that sphere, I would say he's now back to, like, four feet away from. I mean, he is basically, like, I'll say arms reach. You can attack him if you'd like. Okay, I'm going to actually, I'm going to dash towards him. Okay. I'm not going to use sneak attack. He knows I'm there.

You can still sneak attack him. Listen, I've denied you sneak attack for too long, Dad. You have a skill that lets you attack him if he's flanked. And at this point, there's three of you and one of him. So you could sneak attack him if you'd like. Okay, I'm going to, uh, I'm going to use sneak attack. I'm going to use my sling and, uh, and, uh, hit him with it. Okay.

Roll. What do I roll? Uh, you got your sling there plus 10? Just click that plus 10, baby. Okay. Sling plus 10. She, well, there we go. That's a 12.

That does not hit. So, uh, you fling the stone at him. Uh, he catches it. Okay. Um, I can take a bonus action, right? Indeed, you can. Yeah, I'm going to dash towards him. Okay.

And trust my initial instinct. You've done that. You've dashed towards him. You are now like right up in. his grill and up next is the fearborg uh the fearborg is going to i got some good spells now now i've already i've already used my jar of bees correct this is settled law at this point um and what's going on where is he right now what's he is vis-a-vis the water he is he the water is around Fitzroy's head.

Okay. And the Commodore is inside a storm circle, sphere. And Argo has just dashed towards the Commodore and is up in his grill. All right. I'm going to call down the lightning on old jerkface. Okay. Uh-huh. That's his name.

How did you know it's the real name? What a tapestry you've woven here. Thank you. So, yeah, I'm going to call lightning. The bold lightning's going to flash down, and he's got to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. He's probably pretty good at those.

Yeah, that is a 21 total? Dang. Dext it. No problem. Yeah. All right, so he's going to take half as much damage. Three, two, four. 5D. Okay. So the damage roll is 5D10 for a total of 30, 15 points of damage.

15 points. Not bad. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. It's not bad. Deffo, defo, defo. Fitzroy, you are up. Okay. I'm going to, um, I put my hand on Argo's shoulder and I say, do not waste this opportunity. And I cast haste on him. And his speed is doubled. He gains a plus two to his AC. He has advantage on dexterity saving throws. And he gains an additional action on each of his turns. Which can be used to attack, dash, disengage, hide, or use an object. Nice. I like that. And I say, in case you forgot which way the knives go, and I snap again and another bolt of lightning comes out of the storm sphere towards the Commodore. That is an 8 plus 9, 17?

I'll say this. That just misses. Okay. Well, that's a good thing I have advantage. 14 plus 9, 23. That hits. Okay. That's 46.

lightning damage. That is a, oh, not great, 10. 10 lightning damage plus three lightning damage for my little bonus, my heart of the storm.

And I shout, hey, Commodore, you know the difference between me and you? Are you going to say, I make this look good? Yeah. Okay.

But don't worry about it. God, that guy does suck. He even steps on your fucking punchlines. I can't believe. God, the Commodore sucks. We should kill him Okay We really should kill him

Man, is it just stabbing him three times On your next turn Got it He is getting pretty pissed now And you are taunting him And that's not quite helping And he goes, ah, so you can do storms Hey

Well, I am an old sultan I know something about storms at sea And he closes his eyes And I need each of you To make a Constitution's saving throw Oh, my strong suit. 11 plus 7, 18. Okay.

18. Fear bold. Tim. Um, so the two of you, so Fitzroy and Argonaut, you are able to cover your ears and close your eyes and protect yourself from this storm. But it strikes you, Fearbul, you get hit for, for. One moment. You get hit for 23 damage. Whoa.

Yikes. And you are deafened. Oh. And then I reach my handout and you see that there's a small gold pocket watch in it. And I press the button and then that's undone and I get to roll again. What? The pocket watch of second chances that you gave me. I figured it is a good opportunity to use it.

Yeah. Of the opportunities. That seemed like a good one. You watch, I'm going to fucking beef it again. I have no constitution, but let's see. Four, baby! Oh, boy. And it happens again and it's worse?

Like, I know what's going to happen. Now here's the question. Do you want me to roll damage again, or do you want to take the 23 you had before? Well, we don't know how many dice you rolled, so 23 might be quite low. Maybe 23 is good. Now, roll it again because I made it happen twice.

You get a second chance to do. he gets a second chance. Oh, it was, let, 16. All right. See, good item usage. Sure. Incremental and unexciting.

And then for his bonus, actually, he's going to evade you, Argonaut, and he's basically going to move out of your reach. And then, I believe, yeah, now it's your turn again, Argonaut. Actually, go ahead and make a strength. saving throw for him.

Oh, right, right, right. Because of the storm. I forgot to have you do it last time. Another not 20. Dang. Yeah. Some bulls. I've never had the Travis McElroy Dice luck weaponized against me.

I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's fine. So how far away is he? At this one, I think he's about like 10 feet separate from you. May I remind you that your speed is doubled? So. Right. Okay.

You're quite fast now. Okay. I'm kind of under my breath. I say, now a little friend. And the projectile that I hit him with in the sling was the humming bard. Okay, get a pecking. Oh, boy. That's what you're going with?

Okay. The humming bard flies. Just so our transcript writers can get it right. Get a peckin. Okay, great. Cool, cool, cool. And the humming bard starts hovering all around the Commodore's head, pecking at him, and just past him.

moving faster than he can even bother, just bothering the shit out of him and distracting him enough that Argo can approach him and using two weapon fighting stab him in the eyes.

Oh, Jesus. Okay. With Slapsidian and the serpent's tooth. Okay, so roll the Slapsidian attack first. And I'm going to say that you have advantage because of the hummingpard. Slapsidian is... That's a dagger, right?

Correct. I mean, it's a slap bracelet if you want to be. Yeah, I mean, if we want to get specific, it's a slap bracelet that conform into a dagger. Still one of the coolest things I've ever heard about. Sorry, what was that? 29. Oh, you know that just misses?

No, I'm kidding. Where's that hits? Go ahead and roll damage for that for me, please. 2D4. So that is five. Okay, five damage. Except, oh, plus six. Okay.

So that's 11. Yes, it is. Okay, what are my numbers? I don't know what the numbers would be on the serpent's tooth. The serpent's tooth, we'll say, I mean, it's another dagger, so we'll put it just like Slapsidian, identical numbers. That is an 18 plus 11, 29. Excellent.

Dang. So here's what happens. You swipe it in with Serban's Tooth and he smiles as he begins to initiate what he considers an easy perry. Then reality distorts for just a second. Extending to your left and right are an infinite number of Argos and an infinite number of Commodores, the incalculable web of every possibility of how this moment might play out. Your brain becomes a jumble as you attempt to take in the sight, and it's clearly overwhelming both of you.

Then reality begins to snap back as the Argos and the Commodore's are pulled back to only one instant. And when that instant clears, you have pierced his flesh. It doesn't appear to be much. It's a fairly small knife. And in retaliation, he moves to cast a spell. And nothing happens. Let's get him! Roll for damage.

Okay. I see. That says 10. He reaches down and where you had stabbed him with Slap City and no blood had flowed. And in fact, where you had hit him with lightning, where he had been damaged before, there hadn't been any blood drawn. But now his hand comes away from his newest wound covered in blood. And the water around Fitzroy's head falls away.

And he isn't as confident as he was before. And Fear, Bulg, you are up. Yeah, this will work. I'm staring down the Commodore and I swing my fist back to punch him. And let's say he closes his eyes just for a second. And the attack that comes is not the meaty fists of the fear bulk, but rather the slippery tentacle of a giant octopus. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

I thought that would be funny because he likes water so fucking much. Not for long. Yeah. So now I'm a giant octopus, Trev. Oh, sorry. I missed literally all of that because I got disconnected

and literally I clicked back into here. Now I'm a giant octopus, Traff. Yeah, I don't see what other supplementary information you need. Listen, it's a new, it's a hit new character. He's a giant octopus. His name's Kegel. And he's going to have a huge role to play in this narrative, I'm sure.

Okay. You know what, Justin? Uh, I wasn't here. So I have to take your word for this. It's wild shape, baby. I just say it and it happens. I'm a big octopus now. Okay. How big an octopus, Justin? Well, Trav, according to this fucking shit, giant. Okay.

Well, sorry, it says giant octopus is its name, but it says large bees. So you tell me, buddy. That's, I mean... Large giant, make up your mind, Gary. I mean, yeah, you're quite large. Okay. You're a large giant octopus. now.

Yeah. And that's your action, right? Yeah, I guess so. Okay. Do you think it's weird that the giant octopus has a plus five to stealth? Well, Justin, if I may, I assume that they assumed you would use it underwater. Yeah, fuck. Jokes on you.

Okay. You're up, Fitzroy. So he's not looking as suffused with chaos, but. powers? Yeah, that's about where you would put your money. Yeah. Okay. Then I try to time it out that I stop concentrating on the storm spell, the storm sphere as I charge headlong into it and get ready to bring my mall down right on top of his head and right as I do, I activate my rage. But it's a new special kind of rage. Uh, uh, uh, electricity and lightning just sort of streaks out from behind me as I rush forward and, uh, just as my, my blow hits, uh, a bolt of lightning actually

comes out of me, uh, arcing towards him. So I need him. to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. It's weird that in spite of all that, you're still just a rat in a cage. Hey, Griffin? Yeah. Griffin?

If you got another not 20. Not one. Yeah, there we go. That's more like it. That's more like it. Okay. So this is going to be just not much. Two D six, but I got a six and a five.

So that's 11 plus three, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 14. Make a strength. Check for me, just straight up and down strength check for me. 10 plus 9.19? Yeah.

You get him, I'm going to say, with a solid uppercut swing. Oh, I haven't even, oh, no, no, no, bud. Oh, that's just the lightning. I haven't even hit him. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then here's what happens. That lightning hits him, and the sheer force of it knocks him off his feet, and he is in the air while you are swinging your mall at him.

Good, good, good. Okay, so yeah, then I swing my mom. mall at him for the, oh, go! Razor's Edge. I got a 19 plus 10, 20 fucking nine. Uh, yeah. So, uh, as he's still in the air, your mall comes swinging, how, what, what, what form do you take as you are swinging said mall at him? Is it a baseball swing? Is it more of a like driving in a railroad spike swing? What are we talking here? I think I'm going to get into some straight up, devil may cry juggling action if he's already up in the air. Oh, so you're coming from underneath. From underneath, just kind of trying to knock him up back up in the

Yeah. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Roll damage for me. Yeah, that's 13 damage, bludgeoning damage as I smash him up into the air. And then for my second attack, I'm going to, this one's going to be a sort of downward volleyball spike. Okay, cool, cool, cool. 14 plus 10, 24.

Yeah, that hits. And that's going to come right down on him for another 13 points of damage. Yeah, okay. Oh, boy. One second. Okay. Okay, yeah. So he has failed his constitution saving throw. So you, let's see, one, two, three. And he has slammed to the ground and the wind has clearly been knocked out of him. And quite possibly several broken bones in result of this shattering electric strike you've received. So his action, his turn is foregone. And now laying before you. You, Argonaut, is the Commodore, a slightly broken figure.

He spits out a tooth in a little blood, and his eyes fill with vitriol. And he's saying something, and at first you can't understand what it is. And then you realize he is just saying, no, this isn't how it's supposed to go, they promised. Um, they might have lied to you. Just a tad. Because this is the way it has gone. I am the greatest naval hero the world has ever known. I have become unto a god, and I will not be stopped by a keen.

You know what? I'm not a hero. There's been a lot of debate about this, but I'm not a hero. hero. I don't even think I'm a villain. I'm just kind of a vindictive little shit. And so all this time, you know, I don't want to plot. I don't want to scheme. I don't want to overthrow governments or wreck economies. I just want to kill you. And I stab him with Florence, my rapier, right in the heart. Yeah, I'm not going to make you roll for that. You bury Florence into his heart. And, you know, sometimes in movies and TV shows and stories, you read about someone who seeks vengeance.

And then when they achieve it, they realize that they still feel hollow inside. But that's not what happens here. No, I tell. You stab him and you feel great. He dies Uncelebrated He dies here alone Miles and miles away from the sea

Just an absolute and complete abject failure And it feels pretty fucking good Oh Oh yeah And the Fearbug is still a giant octopus What he said We're very proud of him Does anyone know the giant octopus?

word for pointless. I believe it's... You held him still. You held him still so I could stab it. No actions. Just turned into a giant octopus and then you stabbed him. And so inspired were you

by my incredible octopus visit that you found the strength to defeat him. Inspiring. Well, you could just stay an octopus and you could eat him if you wanted to. Yeah, eat him. Hmm.

Let's... No, listen, we all really need to desecrate this dude. All right, I attempt to eat him as a giant octopus, but it doesn't go well because gross. Okay, you only get a foot. But I do, okay, so I transfer back, but I do loot the corpse. We never do this. Yeah. Oh, okay.

We always forget, loot the body. You find a gun, a powerful chain gun. Whoa. You find, you know, I can't think of what the fantasy equivalent is, but basically it's the keys to the Mariah. Great. Oh. Now I got a car. It's a ship.

Sorry, jet. Okay? I forgot. They should have keys for boats. I know, right? Really? Is it a deed to it or, you know, it's that kind of... It's a deed.

It's a deed to the Mariah. It's what, it's the, you know, the thing. It's the combination. It's the wheel. Yeah, it's the wheel. He takes it with you when you leave. Right. That's actually where the saying came from

because whenever people used to leave their boats without taking the wheel, So I'm going to go, Jesus, take the wheel. Take the wheel. And then that's how it became a thing. Hey, fellas. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you for making that possible for me. I feel great. Yeah, and that's murder for you, baby. That's murder. They won't teach you that in school, but there's a reason. There's a reason why people do it. Who to thunk it? And I couldn't have done it.

You guys ate it in a bit? And I appreciate you, Aiding and abetting me. I think you should have this. And I hand him the deed to the Mariah. Whoa. Um, thank you, Fearbog. Um, you know, I, I think about my mom every day. And, uh, I hadn't really realized, you know, to this moment how,

how badly I wanted to get the Commodore, you know, for her. And you guys helped that happen and you made it happen. And I love you guys. Thanks. I appreciate it. It was the least we could do. Yeah, you do the same for us, right? Probably.

I have one request, just a suggestion. Mm-hmm. Perhaps since I give this to you, you name the boat after me. You name, you name it, boat. Did you hear this? Did you hear this? Because you're a fear bog who we call fear bog. I would call the boat.

So you are received this. This is wonderful Fearbolg, you are our Kramer For real, though There is a mean man who killed my dad And so he's next No, I'm just kidding My dad's fine

No, he's fine I was joking, my dad's fine Your dad the truck driver guy? Yeah, he's doing... Right, first we should save the world Right, yes, let's... Save the world, Murdered each other's dad's murderers

and then we'll, I think at that point, we really will need to bug out into international waters. Again, I am still a big proponent of that fan. We have angered every hero and villain in existence. And I think there is just one safe place for us to be, and that's out on that great big, great big blue wonder. So Argo pulls Florence out of his chest. Did you, do you, so we already searched the body like thugs. Do you want to look at over, there's something that's kind of bothering me about him, which is that I also had this chaos power, but it did not, like, hit me in the same way.

And I, I, it's been bothering Fitzroy. And obviously, now I can't ask him, but I want to see if there's just anything I can figure out. Want me to slice him open some more? No, God. Roll an Arcana check. Are you good at that? better than a few other things. That's 12 plus 416.

Okay, yeah. With the 16, this is not chaos magic, what he was wielding. He was wielding entropy magic. And it's a similar vein, but chaos is kind of a... I mean, so in NUA, right, in NUA terms of magic, chaos is kind of a sustainable, like everything. thing is unexpected, right? Where entropy is the slow destruction of things heading towards ultimate obliteration of existence.

And this, his kind of leaning into it, right? This is what chaos always was trying to push you to do with their magic, which was give yourself over to it, open yourself up to it and just let go, right? Instead of like fighting it, just giving into. it to fully embody this, but this is a different flavor of magic than you had before. Okay, well, glad I stuck to my guns on that one. So the three of you make your way down the Zorn's tunnel, hoping to meet Gray and the Zorn and Althea along the way, but they seem to have made it to the cavern already.

And ahead is an opening through which you can see order with their back to you about 50 yards ahead facing this cavern-wide rift they are making. Wait, how did we come across them before we came across everybody else? Great question. I'm sorry to take your shit apart. I just literally don't know how that would work. No, no, no. I mean, you don't know.

Oh, okay. So this wasn't a whoopsie, Travis made. No, this was not a whoopsie I made. All right. Are we still being sneaky? I can be. No, no reason not to be. We still got the buff, right?

Yeah, let's get a little bit closer. Let's sneakie up there, see what's going on. Okay. I'm not going to waste your time rolling because as you cross the threshold, you trigger a magical trap, and stone grows up around your feet. We forgot to check the tracks.

Now that you are inside of the threshold, you see pinned against the wall is Althea and the Zorn. and gray with stone manacles over their hands and ankles and covering, you know, they have stone gags covering their mouths. And as you struggle, the stone grows up and pins your hands as well. And chaos steps forward from the side and says, I am sorry, boys, but we are so close now and we can't have you interfering. And any moment now, the alignment will be complete and we can get this war started in earnest, and I know that this is hard to understand from your mortal perspectives.

But you see, this destruction is the only way to keep your world safe, and it seems grim now, but pretty soon everything will be back on track. Well, you should have said that way earlier. Yeah, lead with that, pal. Sounds fine to me. Everything's going great then, huh? Wait, so, you're suddenly on. bored with this?

Yeah, I didn't know that you had like a capital P plan, but that sounds... It's just a question of respect. You respect us enough to tell us what's happening. And I'll be honest with you, we just engaged in what ended up being Mortal Kombat with the Commodore.

And we kicked his ass. We did that. We did that. And I have to be honest with you, Chaos. I want that flavor. That's the... I didn't know. When you kept telling me Let yourself over to the... You'd say that like,

let yourself over to the magic and take it. Because that's what you sound like to me. I didn't know that that's what it would do, and I feel like a real boo for not taking you up on that. So, like, juice me. Fitzroy, how dumb do you think I am? I am not lying to you. I am not lying to you.

Okay. As soon as the alignment's complete, you can have your chaos magic back. Awesome. I can't wait. I have to go to the bathroom, though. And I don't want to have all this new magic and new found purpose. Do I need to seal your mouth as well? Could you at least seal up my bathing suit area?

So nobody has to... Just stay here and let us finish this. And then we can get back to fixing things, okay? Excellent, my lord. My liege. all three of you uh fear bulk roll an insight check um okay that's a good one for me it's a five plus eight 13 um you don't know exactly why but uh a couple times now uh chaos has talked about fixing things and they seem sincere

about it to you but everything you've heard from folks today would seem to indicate otherwise but you're saying that Gray really does you're saying chaos really does think they're going to fix things. Correct. At least as far as you can tell.

Wait, wait, chaos. Yes, what now, Master Fearbug? This doesn't work. Excuse me? What you are about to do? I know your intent is pure, but I also know it doesn't work. How do you know that, Master Fiowal?

Because time is broken. I spoke to myself in the past. this should not be. Time is broken. And it braids. If this stands to reason, the time is broken. Then if time was fixed later by what you are doing, time would not be broken.

Yes. And chaos takes in what you've said and turns and says, order Is this true? No, of course not chaos. They are lying to stop us. Order, the Fearbug cannot lie.

What is happening? I don't have time for this. Yes, there is a very large chance that this reality will not survive the process. But if that's the case, it's not that big a loss. A different reality will start, or it won't, but at least I won't be stuck there any longer. Now, let me work. Order, this is not our plan. Yes, you are right, chaos. This is my plan, and you have always been too soft with the mortals. Don't make me stop you.

order. Come now, Chaos. You aren't even fully manifested on this plane yet, and you couldn't stand against me if you tried. Besides, you'd only be attacking yourself. And chaos moves in a blur, but it is still not fast enough. They get within 10 feet of order and a wave of force blast them backwards. They hit the ground, roll several times, and stop at your stone-en-en-cased feet. Now, before you think of trying anything else, an order waves their hands, and three large demonic dragons, one red, one green, one blue, followed by about a thousand hellhounds, walk through the portal and place themselves sentry between you and the rift. And chaos comes to and says, what happened? They kind of Soccerpunched you

Buddy Ordered it this To be fair Not a very orderly thing to do I'm not really sure What is happening You're immortal right For all intents and purposes

Great So you're going to have the rest of eternity To think about this exact moment when I tell you, letting us go is the only way to fix this. And you can either do that and see what happens or spend again the rest of eternity wondering what might have happened if cooler heads had prevailed. They hold your eye for a second, Fitzroy, and then look a way. And then they seem to come to a decision and they turn to the three of you. And they say, yes, if you three are ready, I believe I am ready to invest in the Thunderman LLC. And every fiber of your

being comes alive as the three of you feel chaos magic surge through you. Argo, you become acutely aware of the moisture in the air. Underground rivers deep below your feet, even the water of your own body sings to you. And this is no mere metaphor. The ocean flows in your veins and demands to be released. And with the unstoppable force of a flash flood, you shatter your stony ponds.

Fearbul, your skin feels as solid as bark and tiny berries begin to sprout from your hair. You are drawing power and healing wounds from the nutrients of the soil. you break your arms and legs free without pause. You are as uncontainable as nature itself. And Fitzroy, you have felt this power before, but never on this scale. A hundred sorcerers cannot generate power like this.

Even better, it feeds into your own newly discovered power perfectly. The lightning dances just beneath the skin of your arms waiting for the music to start. He began to laugh, and it sounds like the roll of thunder as the storm begins. your bonds simply turn to dust. One might as well try to contain an atom bone. And the three of you move forward, the power of a god coursing through your veins. And then all hell breaks loose.

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