The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 6 “Long Overdue”

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

The buddies return to get their evaluations as well as some big news for Fitzroy. The Firbolg checks on a friend, gets some troubling information, and returns a library book. Argo has a decision to make and some quiet thinking to do. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone, and he points to the stall, I found this baby Pegasus wandering outside the unknown forest, and I fear that she has been orphaned. Who attacked? Did you see? It was so dark, and it moved so fast. I am a transfer student from night school, perhaps you've heard of it. Oh, from Clyde Knight's night night school. I know that I have some credits. I am awaiting to be transferred over from night school. What's up with those, those, those schools? credits the what's up with those they're transferring

I promise you Fitzroy I will take that into account as you move forward through your time here this jackal we will discuss many things perhaps we will discuss

Mariah I want to continue this conversation but just not here, not now well you've returned to the school it's the same day you've just been dropped off by Groundsy back at the school after you're successful real-world mission in which he both served a subpoena to a Zorn and helped him get home.

And now it's time, you're not to get an evaluation. But first, your first stop is a room you've become all too familiar with, the Bursar's office. You come in and you find the smiling, elfin face of Osric the Bursar behind his shining mahogany counter. Rainier, Buckminster, and Leon have already finished their check-in, and now it's your fellow's turn. Hi, hi, guys, says Osric. Welcome back. I heard it went super well. We served a subpoena to a big fantasy monster. Yeah.

We call that a number 18. It's so common that it ranks 18 on the number of, on the list of whatever you're talking about. Seems like it based off the joke I just made. Okay. So anyway, how do we do monetarily speaking? Well, of the three of you, according to the information I got from Barnes and Nobles, the Furbog was the only one with any gold leftover, 75 gold left over. But not bad.

You kept it under budget, according to this. You'll get the final evaluation in a second. I'm just here, you know, to handle the ice. him check in. Fiscal responsibility is my name. Yeah, you did great. So we finally know what his name is. Thank you.

Hey. So if you guys just want to turn in the cloak and the spectacles and the pocket Gary, you can go and head out for your evaluation. We have to turn in everything we bought? Well, yeah, you bought it with the school's money. money. But it was, but I bought it. I haggled a great price for it. Oh yeah. And it's going to go into, you know, our armory here. And, hey, but before you, you know, get, I'm sorry, I thought somebody had already told you this, but you can check it out again when you head out on missions and stuff.

It's just going to, you know, it's the schools. The school bought it. Now, you can, you can hold on to the, and he checks the list again, the sword and the mall, so that you can. Staff, magic staff. Sure. But we exchanged. So you can practice fighting with those. But the cloak, the spectacles, and the pocket carry. Yeah, those need to go into the armory. We've still got pictures to develop off the glasses from a new receive party.

Oh, okay. And I have a photo session that I will be featuring the cloak for Boy Cloaks magazine. Yes. And that's that's to-mars. God. That sounds horrible. No, I subscribe to boy cloaks. How dare you?

So I at least need it till tomorrow for the boy cloaks. Okay, well, you can come down and check it out, and we'll, you know, let you check it out for a time, and then you'll check it back in anytime you need it. But I can't let you keep it. That's school policy. Here are my spectacles. Oh, thank you so much. And I have glue. Well, you can hang on to the glue.

We have glue. You will take the glue. Okay, cool. Loss prevention is a co-ordinate of any successful business. You are doing so well. Reducing shrink is all of our responsibility. It's like you're quoting my handbook. Thank you so much.

I will take that glue now that you mention it. And fits right. I will keep a small amount for myself. and he squirts them into his hand, if he puts in his pocket. Great. And I will need your pocket Gary as well. But I've named him in everything.

Like I said, you can take it back, but we have Gary's here. But not when I'm on the john. Holy shit. Can we move on to the next thing? Give him the fucking robot or whatever the fuck it is. Here, take the Gary, take the cloak. Take the, I hand him like just the oldest,

dirtiest jacket that I had. Here's my cloak of magic. Fitzroy. You think I wouldn't recognize a Katie Knoth? Come on. I turn into a bird

when I wear this one. So that's the magic cloak. Fine. Take the cloak. Dagnapp it. And you don't need to worry about the money because Rainier already turned in the thousand gold.

So... Then what are we doing anything for? What's the point of all any of this? Well, the... I mean, well, listen, before you freak out, the money earned during missions does go to the school, but here's the good news, and you'll never believe this. It earns 0.5% interest compounded monthly, and when they graduate, we'll pay that out to the heroes and villains, the interest. And then they can, you know, if they want to, tip out the sidekicks and hinges that help them.

So it's kind of, listen, you might get that payout. in the future. So that's something to look forward to, right? Fisk, did you understand any of that? Was that good? Are they talking about a decent amount of money? Who did you ask? I said Fisk, like a short, fun pet name for fiscal responsibility.

Oh, okay. spaghetti at the wall. You asked Fisk. Make an accounting check, fiscal responsibility. Who are you talking to? You said it was fiscal responsibility. Buy into the joke. Fisk.

Oh, okay. I got it now. Fisk. Accounting check. Okay. 16 plus zero. 16. That's not bad. You know that with a 0.5% compounded monthly over the next, if it was in there for a full five years, that would earn about 350 gold. this is a very good deal for us this kind of interest can really add up over time we are as they say hit the cream city is this not the

this is not the same that's it no you got it that was the saying You crushed it. Okay, I hand over all my stuff. Okay, and you head to Hieronymus's office. Now, normally, you would go to Higelmus's office, but you've heard it through the great vine that Hieronymus requested this meeting specifically.

And you enter his office to find him sitting behind his desk, and he says, oh, yes, come in, come in. Fitzroy, Argo, and of course the Fearbulg, You all did extremely well on this mission. Dare I say, I am proud of you. That means so much you may dare to say it. Okay, I just, yeah, I did. I did, sorry, I am proud of you.

So I have your evaluations here. Heroes, you did very well. So that would include you, Argo. You made everyone happy and you resolved the situation. So you earned yourself an A. Ah, ha. Villains, that's, let me see, that's you Fearbol and you Fitzroy. You did even better it because you accomplished your goal.

And you earned the school money. So that's A pluses all around. Hazzar. Give yourself a haze. Satisfied. So does that mean we've graduated with honors? No, it means that you aren't going to be kicked out of the school and you can move on to the next semester. Oh, but the fate worse than death, that would have been.

Okay. That seemed a little snarky there. Did it? Okay. I just had my charisma cloak taken away, so I apologize if I'm coming off as somewhat rude and unpolished. Well, that'll be it. You're dismissed to grow up by your day, but Fitzroy, if you don't mind, mind, would you stick around for a minute?

I'd love to. Boy, you gotta get that cloak back. He's going to get the tension. Pink slip. Argo and the fearboat, do you head out? Sure, yeah. I'm not gonna argue with authority. There you go. What would they do to celebrate the two of them?

Let's build some bonds. Let's go somewhere in bond. Perfect. We will sit in silence. Perfect. Okay. Fitzroy, I wanted to talk to you one-on-one, and I think that this might change your tune, as it were. One-on-one, you said? Yes.

Okay, hold on. Snippers. Oh, Snippers can stay. Are you sure? He's a real gossipy so-and-so. I mean, it's up to you, whatever you'd like to do. It's fine. I set him on my lap. Um, we've, as you asked, I checked your credits, uh, that transferred over. And? And I spoke, uh, with Sylvia Knight. And aside from the catfish incident, she said you were a model student.

And that with your performance on this mission, uh, it got me thinking. So I spoke with some of the senior staff and starting next semester, we've decided to accept you to the heroes and villains track. Do I have to pick which one I'm going to be now? Because I would choose hero if there's spots, if there are slots open. Sorry, sorry for the confusion. We were thinking the villain track. Why were you thinking that? Oh, with your flair for chaos and your magic. Oh, and you did so well on this mission extorting that mine owner and the worker.

It was brilliant. It was perfect for the villain track. Are we calling that extortion? You ask for money for a job that others did for free to help them. So perhaps maybe blackmail, something along those lines. We can work out the details later. But it's a sort of fluid arrangement, right? Like a villain can decide to switch to the hero track just at any whenever the spirit.

You may be switched by the staff, but it's either the villain track or you could stay in the hinge person and sidekick annex. I, may I be honest with you? Yes, please. I one day hope to continue my training at Clyde Knight's Night Night Night School. Yes, of course. After or of course I have graduated from this, this honored institution, I worry it will be difficult to do so if I am. a professional villain. Oh, oh, if that's what you're worried about, fear not.

There's plenty of villain knights. Okay, I should also explain that I am already sort of guaranteed. I am a knight in absentia of the realm of good castle. Of course. And so I do worry also that they will not want a graduate nasty man. Well, and so... I would also remind you that, one person's hero night might be another person's villain night.

You might defend Good Castle with such voracity and ruthlessness that others around would come to fear you. Oh, this is a toughie. If it helps. We've also taken in consideration how well you work with Argo and the Fearbulg and how close you must become. So we're willing to offer you the option of you continuing to work with. them as your personal sidekicks. That would be delicious. And we'd be moving you, of course, into the hero and villain dorms.

You'd have your own private room with the Furiburg and Argo in an adjoining chamber. A smaller adjoining chamber? I haven't measured the square footage. You said a much smaller adjoining chamber. You said that? I would have to check the floor plan. but sure. Oh boy. Uh,

as long, villains get to use like a, like a evil sort of nom, nom de plume, right? Like an evil sort of nickname if they, like smash, okay. If you wanted to you.

I may take you up on that. I'm going to need, we're kind of deep in the whole name-wise already, so it may take me a bit. I'm worried about anyone from my family finding out about my villainship, But as long as you all don't send, like, my report cards home or anything like that, do you? No.

This isn't middle hero school. And you would say that it is faster to graduate as a hero or villain than it is as a hinch person or sidekick? Um, it depends on the aptitude you show, I suppose. We could jump you forward if, uh, if we found that some classes were unnecessary. Let's, you know what? I'm comfortable with that arrangement. I'm not. I'm kind of uncomfortable with that arrangement, but it sounds like you're making me an offer. I can't really refuse. No, if you want to stay in the sidekick

No, please, you've twisted my arm. No, no, this is entirely your disarm. Ouch, ouch, the bones in my arm are bruising. Now, we would ask that you keep this to yourself for the time being. We don't want other people requesting this kind of move or anything. So we want to just keep it quiet until the semester starts, if that's okay with you. I don't have to, like, kill anybody, do I? Oh, no, of course not. Okay, I'm in. Excellent.

And we cross over to Argo and Bud. Now, where have you chosen your moment of silence, just out on the quad or heading back to the dorms? See, I feel like I would probably want to go out into the grounds. like get out by myself. I guess that's not the most exciting for a podcast, though. Well, I mean,

if there's going to be a companionable moment betwixt the two of you. Okay, I'll tell you what. Um, Argo. Argo. Right here.

Would you like, would you like to learn about threes? Ah, tree. I have actually, I don't have much knowledge of trees. And it seems like we would be doing

a lot of, you know, going through woods and, you know, brambles and such. Yeah, let's do it. Teach me about the trees. And I find a nice nearby tree sort of away from things. This is a tree. Uh, you see

the fruit. The throat? You see the fruit. Fruit? Ah, yes, yes. It's poison. Oh. Do not eat this.

So not citrus, not citrus at all. The bark. You can eat. You may eat the bark. Why? You may? Well, yeah, I can eat a lot of things, but why would I? You have a hunger.

For bark, you can eat the bark. I can't believe I'm missing this Tinder emotional moment. And you cure hoofbeats and you turn and find the handsome centaur animal handling teacher Hernandez coming up and he says, oh, thank goodness. I've been looking for you. Here is a hungry boy for bark. Oh, thank you. I've already eaten. If you're not...

This is my... This is my bark, okay? Let him bark. Show him, Marco. Show him you are not intimidated. Yeah, watch this. Watch this, boy, oh. Oh, yes, bite, boy, oh.

Oh, my God, that's horrible. The bite is worse than the bark. That's a great joke, Fearball. This is a Fearbug joke. Well, Zah. Oh, shit. That's horrible. Why did...

You thought, to be fair, or go, it's funnier when it does not take seven minutes to get to punchline. Usually, Mark, is more accommodating. Yes, and it's important in life as well as improvised comedy. Ah, good one, bud. You got me good. if you're done with your hijinks and shenanigans, would you mind coming with me,

our mutual friend has asked to speak with you? Sure. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So as the fear bowl departs and you head back to the dorm, Argo, and upon entering the dorm,

you find on your bed an envelope. It is on the front, embossed with a gold emblem. The design is simple. It is two overlapping semicircles contained within a larger circle. Argo, make a wisdom check. Okay. Eight minus one, seven.

It seems so familiar to you. You feel like you've seen this symbol before, but you can't quite place it. When you open the envelope, which do you open the envelope? Am I smart enough to open the envelope? Yes. Envelope is a simple puzzle. Okay. I solve your envelope puzzle.

Inside the envelope, you find a note that seems very familiar. And inside are three words that you recognize all too well. And those words are midnight, balcony, jackal. It's scheduling a meeting for you. Yeah, I have enough wisdom to figure that out. Excellent. We find the Fearbug entering the Bourne to meet with the Pegasus. The Pegasus is now fully grown, quite strong.

You can tell, well, let me ask you, Fearbulk, have you visited the Pegasus since your first meeting? Yeah, I think so. I think ducking my head in when I have free time makes sense. So you make sure that they're still, you know, growing well. You know that she's been training hard. She took you at your word, the idea of being big and strong. And the thing that has gotten her through her trauma is the idea of not letting it control her. And you know that she has been training to one day return to the forest to help protect her flock from whatever is attacking them.

And she turns to you and says, I'm ready. I think today is the day. You, today you will fly? Today I will return. It's time to head home. Uh, but do you have a home to return to? I don't know.

but I can't stay here not knowing I have to find out if any of my flock is left and I have to protect them if I can

I have to I can try to stop what happened to me from happening to other fools this is very noble

is very kind you will be fine Hernandez excuses himself and the Pegasus turns to you and says, I want to tell you my name. It's not something we normally do with people outside our flock, but I think you might need me,

and I want you to be able to get in touch with me. My name is brilliant. Breeze through the willow. Breeze through the willow is... Did you choose this? It was given to me by the leader of our flock. He's very nice. And she reaches down and picks up from a shelf that she has stored several little items on

a beautiful, perfect white feather. Picks it up, of course, with her teeth and hands it to you. And she says, you ever need me, just hold the feather and say my name, and I will hear you. Um, I, I hope, uh, I need it soon. Uh, you will be missed. Um, one more thing before I go. Um, her Hernandez has, uh, been bringing me books and material and, and I've been doing research, just trying to figure out what attacked my family. I haven't told him this.

I'm telling you, because I don't know what it means. But they were demons. Some were small and bug-like, and some, they were like ghosts, and they attacked our minds. I've never seen demons in the forest before then. It wasn't something anyone ever warned me about. This is very troubling. I know. I'm going to continue searching and see if I can find any answers.

Here, I must have a gift for you as well. And he roots around in his pockets. Yes. this is blue now even when you go far we are

stuck together huh that's a very lovely sentiment is it just loose glue it's just loose glue it's thought they say thought that counts

is largely dry is thought is sentiment a lovely sentiment it's not a lovely glow, but they're sentiment this kind. Little sticky,

little sticky thoughts. I'm going to miss you, friend Furbog. I will miss you as well. Would you accompany me outside? I think it's time to stretch my wings. So, as you mentioned,

she has been practicing. She has never fully taken off. She's been able to make large leaps. She has been practicing for this moment when she was ready to return. She begins at one end of the paddock. She starts slow, but her momentum builds. Her wings stretch, scarred and beautiful. And soon they beat harder and harder, faster and faster. And for the first time, breeze through the willow takes to the sky. Hi, everybody. It's me, your kind of benevolent DM and

best friend Travis Macroy. Oh, what a great episode so far. I hate to interrupt it, but there's a bunch of things I have to tell you. First, there's some new merch up in the Macroy merch shop if you go to Macroymerch.com. If you haven't seen it yet, we have a really cool Adventure Zone graduation hoodie as well as, oh, my favorite Adventure Zone graduation pins that list the different tracks, hero, villain, psychic, and Hinch. Oh, they're absolutely gorgeous. You've got to check them out. Macroymerch.com.

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So go to getquip.com slash adventure right now for your first refill pack free. That's get quip, quip, quip.com slash adventure. Quip, the Good Habits Company. Okay, that's enough talking from me. Now, here's some more talking from past Travis. Fitzroy, what did you do upon leaving Hieronymus's office? I think... I griffam and so conflicted in a way that I think Fitzroyd probably would be as well,

because I think that this he is here to get back into Clyde Knight's Night Night School so I think he sees this as an opportunity like a shortcut to that but also like villainy is so far from

his idea of knighthood that he's not a fan but I think the thing that really shook him is the idea that this his power comes from his chaos which is like something he's not super comfortable with so I

I think he's probably just taking a walk with Snippers and thinking about whether or not he just made a huge, huge mistake. Is he speaking out loud to Snippers? Yeah, I mean, what are they going to do? Talk telepathically. Oh, wait, they can do that. I think he is talking out loud, though, for dramatic effect. Okay. And begin. Snippers, you always know exactly what to say to cheer me up.

Thank you. Well, that's going a little bit far, don't you think, Snip? Oh, Snippers! I would never, I would never. You're crazy. Okay. Yeah, so anyway, like I was saying, I think I just made an enormous mistake. Wait, you're saying that it's a good thing, that I'm a villain.

You sense a great evil within me? Well, I suppose evil can mean a lot of things, yes. No, he's shaking his head. Oh, then I suppose, then I don't have a great... What did you say? Because I thought I... I don't have a great evil within it. That's a very obtuse way of speaking, Snip.

Yeah. Anyway, I guess we should go tell the boys, go start packing up our baby dorm and get ready to move up to the big leagues. Whoa, what? Yeah, I'll make sure you have a little crab house. What do crabs live in? I'll get you a crab house. house, I guess.

So are you headed to the dorms to try to find your friends? I would love to find my friends. I'd like to tell them. I think that this is being news follow us. You turn on find my friends on Snippers. Yeah. And you get two bleeps that tell you Argo is back in the dorm. No, you don't have a magic find my friends out.

That's too powerful. I'm not going to give you that. Okay. You head to the dorms. Yeah, I would just head back there. Now, the fear bug, what do you do upon leaving the barn? Is there somebody on campus? Campus, thank you for the word for campus, escape me, that would have some context for that, maybe?

Who would be the best person? Well, I'm glad you asked. There is a right near trap. God, I hate that. There's a research library on campus that is both managed by and staffed by the librarians slash a research teacher named Sabre. Perfect. Okay.

First off, just so I can clarify, breeze through the willows. Correct. Okay, perfect. Thank you. I suppose I'll head over there. Excellent. You know that Sabre is the research librarian

and the research professor, and he is also, what fun, a turtle. A what? A turtle. Is that a big bipedal turtle creature? You bet it is. It's good stuff.

Oh, I thought it was a big leany. Oh, like a tortellini. Oh, man, dad's battling a flu of you guys, but he's still bringing that heat. Tortolini, do you get it? That's the fever talking, folks. Don't judge him for that. Have we talked about the name Torto? I didn't make that.

No, I know you didn't. The sad thing is someone did. You know what I mean? Like somebody who was probably paid to do so was like, uh, turtle race. They're, um, turtles. Fuck. I'm willing to give that person the benefit of the doubt and say that that was maybe an on the spot naming. Like, do we have any like a turtle character?

Yeah. Maybe they had a weird accent. They were just trying to say turtle. Did you say turtle? I love it. Maybe they were trying to say tortoise and turtle and it came out. They did. They combined the two.

What's it called? You know, the thing with the shell. A tortal? A tistole. A tisdol. Hey, Roie, did you just call it a turtle? No, I'm pretty sure I said turtle. Anyway, fucking take that Gary Gygax. Anyway, moving on. Okay. You head to the research library, which is in the main building. There are, of course, stacks of stacks. And you find Sabor, the turtle, where he almost always is at the front desk.

Hello? Uh, yes, hello. How can I help you? Fuck you, mate. Yeah, go ahead and hit that 1.5 speed button on your podcast player. Oh, sorry, I was yawning. How can I help you? I am looking for information.

Of course. Why else would you be here? What, what are you looking for? A friend has spotted. Oh, I thought you were going to say, you were looking for a friend. Always. A friend has spotted demons in the forest.

Oh. This sort of which I have not seen. Oh, I see. Can you give me any more information about them? Wait, what was it? One of them is bug-like or gives that impression, and the other one is a, did kind of more mental, emotional damage than physical damage.

Yes. One of them was like the bug and the other did brain damage, the brain hurting. Oh. That is the word, um, psychic. I see. Yeah. Okay. That sounds like... And he closes his eyes for a minute.

Thanks. He says, yeah, I'm going to say the bug-like one sounds like a closet to me. And the other one... A closet? Quoset. Qu-u-a-s-I-T. Kind of like an... imp.

Now, here's what I will tell you to save everyone from having to Google it. They are fairly small. They're between one to two feet tall, and they're also fairly light, about eight pounds.

Green skin with tail covered in barbs. Some have wings, some don't. They are malicious. And it sounds like the other might be He closes his eyes again

Oh, a shadow demon Oh, that's no good What is shadow demon? Well, a shadow demon Is sort of like a rife Uh, they They are the essence of a demon that was destroyed but didn't quite reform correctly.

So they're just shadows of demons. It's rare to hear of separate demons, let alone shadow demons and others working together. This is troubling, huh? Indeed. I will continue to research and look into this further. Thank you. Did you want to check out any books, sir? I have too many to read.

Yes, the one, the comprehensive guide of berries, that is due back tomorrow. please don't forget. I return this already. I'll double-check my records, but I don't think so. Please do I very functional I've never forgotten.

Check again. Oh, I feel fate. Here it is. Yes, the comprehensive... Ah, I see the problem. This is Comprehensive Guide to Barry's Volume 1. You still have volume... too.

This is true and is a great shame. Well, I can just re-up the checkout. A great shame. Okay. I will return this book and I will

pay late fees. I do not owe. It's not due until tomorrow. You're fine. A great shame. Okay. What if others wish to learn of berries?

They could probably start with volume one. You wouldn't want to read volume two without reading volume one. You would be completely lost. This is true. You miss many of the best jokes. Oh, yes. The best jokes are set up seven, even ten minutes prior. This is true.

Okay, I need to get back to work now. Well, I guess we should have an omnipotent dungeon master to step in an insane. So, are you heading back to the Dorns now, Fearbug? Or what is your plan? I, I, uh... I give you permission to speak as Justin. I don't have much of a plan. I mean, I don't know.

Do I have class? Well, I mean, you did say you were going to return a book. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I guess I could do that. I don't necessarily want to derail your narration so I could return a library book, but I'm on it.

Hey, listen, we had a whole episode about you guys delivering a subpoena. If we need to do a couple of scenes about returning this library book, so be it. Yes, I roll to find the library book. Okay, give me an investigation check. Uh, that's 11 plus nothing, an 11. You find it.

It takes a little bit of searching, but you find it. And you return that book. And, oh, my goodness, Sabo is so excited to have the complete two-volume set of the comprehensive guide to Barry's back that he takes the rest of the day off. And you head back to your dorm room. And now all three of you are back in the dorm. So let's hang out. I've got big news. What is?

Before you do, can I just say that I love how the three of us have like come together. You know, a life on the sea can be a solitary ex. Now, that's a lie. It's not a solitary. In this case, to not be surrounded by so many other people, just a nice, tight-knit group of three, it's like we've become a, I don't know, dare I say it, a family. and I appreciate your friendship.

I appreciate you too. That was very sweet. Go ahead. Go ahead. What were you going to save it? Oh, it's not. You know what? It can wait.

I feel like we should. Can we have another topic of conversation between your thing and my thing? Because it'll seem crass if I immediately transition into mine. Oh, that sounds ominous. It's just, it's, uh, there's gonna be some changes around here

that's right the three buddies are gonna change this school I'd say how about two the two buddies and their brave leader Thunderman and that's the sort of villain nickname I've been working on for a bit like Thunderman Thunder God Thunder have her

am I still looking for the book no you're back now you're in the room too. This is an excellent name. Thank you. There is great power. Yes, that's what I'm... Thunderman. You say it and you have to yell like that.

Is it Thunderman? Thunderman, Thunderman. Harvey Thunderman. Raphael Thunderman. No, it's... Okay, so I got sort of escalated. I got picked up to the big leagues and they... Hieronymus wants me to be a villain, a proper villain.

and have you two be my sort of retainers. Isn't that exciting? We get to move to a new dorm. We get to live in the hero and villain dorm, and you all will get a spacious, I mean, spacious sort of unsweet to my master bedroom. And yeah, what do you think?

This is fine. Excellent. That's one. And what is, what do you mean a retainer? Like something that straightens your teeth? You know, let's say a sub-co villain, a sort of associate villain. But, okay, here's the thing. That would mean I'd have to switch to being a henchman, wouldn't it?

Isn't that what I would be, a henchman? And I'm wanting to be a sidekick. Just your kind of benevolent DM here. villains can have sidekicks as well, and heroes can have hench people. It's more about the specialization of the sidekick or hench, of whether they are part of a team or kind of the right hand. So you can be either a psychic or a hench and work with either a villain or a hero. Well, that being as it may, I mean, but okay, but I'm working on a resume here. I'm trying to, you know, I want to graduate with honors.

I already, I brought that up with the big cheese, and he put down a lot of really convincing jazz on me. So we're all good there. I'm trying to be a night ago. You think I would go with this if I don't think we would be able to graduate with a literal capital H honors? Well, I can see you liking the idea. I mean, yeah, that really works to your goals. but so you're going to be the the boss of us

I again subco villain a chief chief you could be oh chief executive associate villain I will be a thunderman

franchise and will be honored yes that's my that's my CFO right there I do I need a What's the other ones? Oh, no, I am franchise.

What? I got confused. You franchise the Thunderman license to me is a different arrangement. I will also be Thunderman, but answering to a chief owner of the license, to whom I will pay a fee for the Thunderman name and brand identity. And this is why I love having him on the Thunderman. team. How about it, Argo? I extend my hand.

Yeah, I like that idea, but you're not, but we're our own bosses, right? For Bog? I mean, is that how this franchise and works? I mean, he doesn't get the boss in respect. I'm assuming there are not terms of license drawn up is very early. In a certain respect, we will be our own bosses, but of course, we will have certain do these two delights as an holder the owner of

the brand has certain rights that they can execute, I'm sure, standards that must be upheld so that the grand thunderman name is not tarnished. It's so important. It's what is,

your name is all you've got at the end of the day. So yes, you'll be your own boss, Argo, just think of me as like your boss's supervisor. More of a friend. More of a friend role, really? Since I have become a Thunderman franchisee, I have found a relationship to be mutually beneficial.

He's like a business cousin. Well, I'm not crazy about it, but by God, if Furbol here thinks it's a good idea. idea. I don't, I mean, what are the options? I mean, that you guys leave and I, I mean, I stay. Doesn't that kind of break up the team? Yes, and then we can kiss those mattress dollars goodbye, uh? End of show. All right. Welcome, welcome to the Dunderbann family. Now we will divide territory. Oceans. I get oceans. I want oceans. Listen, fellas, this is...

Thunderman of the sea. We're having a very... We're having a fun time now, Thunderman. But I... This is really just for... The purposes of getting through this school alive and graduating and going on to do whatever we want to do with our lives next. I'm not saying that, you know, we're forming the almighty evil triumvirate that is going to conquer. the world. I'm just, uh, I'm not going to make either of you do anything that you're uncomfortable

with because I imagine that my standards in that regard are much, much higher than your own. You know, I think we need to go back to that lawyer. I think we need to go see that lawyer and get something written up, but like a pre-up or something because, you know, just, just because, you know, we have so much mutual respect for each other, but I just, you know, I just wonder about this. I'm willing to do it. I'm willing to go in there, but are you, you know, I'd like it on a piece of paper that says upon graduation, you will forfeit your portion of the franchise company to me and the furbo.

Well, you just said, it's just to get you through the school, right? Let's just, let's do a verbal agreement now and we'll strike up a formal document agreement later. Can we get the gargoyle to, to be the, yeah, it's me, Gary. I'll happily. Hey, Gary. I'll notarize anything you want. You'll be a witness? Oh, yeah, it's what I do best.

Okay. All right? Well, I'm, Gary, I don't, were you, are you always listening, Gary, be honest. Passively. Okay, so Gary knows what's up. I'm, let's do it. Make it official. Say something.

Hands in the middle, boys. And then I'll do the Thunder Man theme song. It's like, when you hear the, when you hear the, when you. You hear the lightning strike. Coming over the mountains. What's that noise? The, you better hide. Your children and your barn animals.

Here comes the storm. Here comes the storm. Thunder man roll over the mountains. Here he, we should get a bard. How much did you make on band camp last year? it all went to charity Justin and there's a knock on the door it's the IRS

it's the IRS fucking band camp police yes sir these can't have been your song oh no sorry you're actually getting served a subpoena because that's one of Billy Joel's songs and you stole Roll over the mountains you're the thunder man

The knock on the door seems familiar. It's still quiet, but louder than the squirrels. And you think that there is probably a small animal skeleton on the other side of that door. Get that for me. Will you all you are go? You're not the... Oh, I guess you are. Yep.

All right. You open the door? Chick-chick-chak! That is how a door sounds. You open the door to find the raccoon skeleton. another one of Rainier's faves, holding three envelopes addressed one to each of you. One for Argonautkin, one for Sir Fitzroy Mabelcourt, Knight in the Absinia of the Realm of Goodcastle, and one for Dr. Mushrooms.

I really think we need to just really nail down. And I crushed Thunderman in like the course of at a single evening. It's been months now. I feel like we should probably have a name for you at this point. This is not my decision. It's okay. Let's just read our mail. They are party invitations, letting you know that next week there will be a birthday party for Rainier held at the tavern at Weeks End.

Their birthday invitations, y'all. Yeah, I'm wise enough to read. And the raccoon points a bony finger? at the RSVP section and waits. Does anybody have a quill? Snippers goes over and gets one. Thank you, Snippers. I'm going to say yes, and Snippers is my plus one.

Yeah, I'm in. I love a good party. I feel it. And the raccoon takes the completed invites from you, gives you a little bit of a salute, holds its hand behind his back. Oh, should we tip? Yeah, we need to tip. I don't know if a skeleton can clear its throat, but this one does.

I give it a single jelly bean. Ah, it goes nuts, loves it, and skitters off down the hallway. I know what skeletons like. So, time passes as it so often does. And now we find ourselves, it is late at night here in the dorms once more. and we find that Fitzroy is in his meditative trance, and the Fearbolg once again is sleeping and dreaming. Could you tell us about your dream again, Fearbug?

It's the same dream every night. He's sitting around the fire with him and him and her and him. Their leader stands and he points into the woods. And that almost always is when he wakes up. But in this moment, when you turn and look at the woods, you see amongst the trees a shadowy face so close to perception. In fact, why don't you make a perception check for me? 12 plus 6. 18. You recognize in the flickering light of the campfire there amongst the shan.

shadows of the trees just for a second, the face of Higelmiss Wigginstaff, and then the dream fades to nothing. And Argo, you know it is nearing the time of your meeting, so it's time for you to sneak out of the dorm room. Would you make a stealth check for me? Yep. Let's see. 14 plus 8. Excellent. Excellent. You... 22. Yes. You make it out of the dorm room without waking Fitzroy or the Fearbog. Now, you head towards the meeting, the same place you have met Jackal many times over the course of this semester. This time, though, is a little different. When you reach the moonlit balcony, you find Jackal, rather than standing on the balcony, perched on the balustre. at the edge of the balcony.

I have a quick question. Uh-huh. How am I getting to this balcony? Am I like scaling the outside of the tower? Is security so lax? You just have access to everybody's quarters? Well, the tower is the school. Um, and with your amazing stealth check,

you were able to make it once more, uh, into the tower and make your way through, uh, to the, the classroom without it being, uh, without it being, uh, without being spotted. The building itself is rarely locked. It's the individual classrooms. The professors lock and keep the keys after them so that their stuff isn't messed with. But everyone needs to be able to access the tower.

And so the Jackal just leaves his classroom open for you. So this is not his nest. No, this is his class. In the balcony of his classer. Okay. Um, I think as he approaches, I think he's going to, um, what kind of check. Perce, not, um, what are you trying to? An insight check.

I want to get a read on him to his bird-like body light. That's a miserable fail. That's a three minus one. Okay. Hachy-machi. Yeah, that's a... Yeah, I've gone, I've gone from Feast of Famine. That is, uh, two.

Um, you can tell that he is physically present. But you don't need to wait long to find out what Jackal is thinking because he says, Argonautky, thank you for meeting me. Your voice, I gotta say, I meant to tell you this last time, your voice sounds so familiar. What do you know of the kinku? Argonaut? Um, you're like birds. Why don't you make a history check for me, Argo?

Okay. History. 17 plus two. Hell yeah. So, you know that the Kinku is an old, old race. The legend has it that they once had wings like the Erakokokra, but that those wings, were removed from them as punishment for betraying an old god or some sort of abyssal prince.

And so they have, they long ago lost the ability of flight. You know, it's not a real good idea for you to be perching on that balustrade there, my friend, because, well, we're kind of high up and, you know, you're not going to be able to just soar around, right? Why don't you come in on to the balcony with me instead of perch in there? The books, the vachans, rarely include this part. You're not really listening to me at all in anything I say. No, tell me. When the kinku were punished, they were left with their wings in their dreams.

Ah, when I dream Argonautki, but then I wake up and they're gone. That's unfortunate. That's sad. Come in, come on, just one little step down off the balustrade. And everything will be good. And Jackal turns and looks at you and steps down off the balustrade and says, And one more thing, Argonautkin. The kinku are mimics.

We have the ability to change our voices depending on who we are spending time with. We rarely have a voice of our own. Did you know that, Argonaut King? It sounds like I did. Well, I want... You have a lovely speaking voice now. Hey, thank you so much, Argonaut King. You're welcome.

So, it's time you knew, Argo. I knew your mother. Shabree... and I, we went to school together, studied together. We even sailed together for a time, but of course that was before she took over the Mariah. We were friends for a long time. Oh, boy. I know.

I know about your loss. I know about what happened. It broke my heart, Argo. Uh-huh. I don't ever remember... Mom mentioning anything about non-okinkus? Well, there was a very good reason for that Argonaut cane. I...

Am my father? No. Oh, boy. I hoped that this day wouldn't come, or at least not so soon. But it's just about time for you to make an important decision. All these missions, everything I've been sending. and ya on everything I've been asking you to help with. It's been for, there's not much I can tell you,

but it's for an organization that I belong to, that your mother belonged to. It's an old, old organization. And as you might imagine, very quiet, very private. And the only only... only way that someone can join the organization is if they are invited by an existing member and every existing member only gets to invite one person.

And the Kinku flips a coin in your direction. You catch the coin out of the air. On one side is that same symbol that you saw embossed on the envelope. two semicircles overlapping surrounded by a larger circle. On the other side are the words, blood and bone, rain and stone. And Jackal says, I invited my best friend, Mosh, to join,

and I've never regretted it. And now I think it's time for you to consider joining. So not the Shriners. Is this the name of the, of, Okay, who are these? What's the group? Well, that I can't tell you. Oh, not yet. But that makes recruitment a shit storm.

I don't know if this will help convince you or not, but as I mentioned, I already used my invitation for my friend. This isn't an invite from me, Arco. And if you look on the edge of the coin, You see inscribed around its outside, Shabree Keene. Your mother asked me to give that to you when the time was right. If I ever needed to, I hoped it wouldn't come to that. I hoped I'd be able to return it to her and she could give it to you herself,

but unfortunately that's not what happened. We do a lot of good, Argo. I can't tell you much more, but I can tell you this. this is a big decision and I don't want you to make it right now because joining this group means turning your life over to the organization you'll be a member for life and there will be certain rules and certain missions you'll have to answer to but I promise you it will be for the greater good

we do good things Argo all of this is for a purpose but like I said don't answer now I want you to think on it And I'll talk to you soon Let me ask one question What if I say no If you say no You can keep the coin and go on about your life

How much time I get to think about it I'll ask you When the time is right Can I talk to my boss about it And my co-worker No That is the one thing Unfortunately

the survival of our group depends on secrecy. I waited to talk to you till I thought I could trust you. I need you to keep this to yourself between us, okay, Argo? So the one thing you can tell me is that you're the good guys? No. Like I said, we do good. Saying that we're the good guys, everyone thinks they're the good guys, Argo. People who do bad often think they're good.

I don't think I'm good, Argo, but I know that what we accomplish is good for others. Isn't that kind of the definition of a hero? Well, it depends on your ways and means, I suppose. Okay, let me think about it. And then, uh... Wow, okay. I will study on this and I will...

Think about it. Have you got time to answer some questions about my ma? There will be time later. And Jackal turns back and stairs of the night sky. So I should leave. I just wanted to make sure it's just the quiet, this is the quiet thinking. I'm doing the night.

Okay. I'll just, I'll just let myself out. I'm going to think quietly. Please leave. I've got to be so bad. Thanks. Thanks for the talk. He's out. He's out. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture.

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