The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Graduation Ep. 7 "Secrets, Secrets"

Episode Date: February 6, 2020

It's the end of the semester! The Thundermen meet with some teachers, trick a counselor and look for poison. When the sun goes down, it's party time. For some that means presents and dancing. For others, oaths and secrets. A dream turns into a nightmare and it seems a friend is missing. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone, Hieronymus Wigginstaff, I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for the support of my brother and sidekick, Higgelmiss Wigginstaff. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice that the Fearbol is picking up a green stone with silver veins and placing it in his pocket. Leon says, I'm worried that school might not be safe. But you've never had something that you've wanted your entire life, like, I want to party. Festo is a fairy, yes?

Correct. No, I want you to cast. And when you cast, floating in front of you is a glowing, magical, familiar. And Festo has just imparted to you find familiar. An organization that I belong to, that your mother belonged to. And now I think it's time for you to consider joining. It's the last day of your first semester at Hieronymus Wigginstaff's School for Heroism and villainy, and so there is no class today. Everyone's real-world assignments are completed,

and the wheat and the chaff have been successfully separated. Soon, the Thundermen will be moving into their fancy new dorm setup, but as the fantasy rooster crows to begin the fantasy day, we find them waking up once more in their familiar digs. Argo, your extra-dimensional feline friend, sits nuzzling your handlebar mustache. Fits, snippers, sleeps, hanging by a claw off the side of your pillow. It's precarious, but he seems content. So, how are the three of you doing as you rouse from your sweet, sweet slumber? Um, I'm wondering if we've been trying to concoct some sort of hairbrain scheme to

catch the interdimensional cat to bring it with us to the new room. Um, I know that Argo is very afraid of it still, and I think I take a great deal of delight that. So if we can continue that arrangement, even after we move on up, that would be very, that would be very good for me. Well, I think what I imagine, and listen, I'm just setting up the world, you're painting it, you know, but I imagine with the abilities of this cat, you probably think you have contained it many times and then open the box to find it's not there. It's like next level, Schrodinger's cat. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, I think I'm just sort of shopping around for some interdimensional

salmon some sort of frisky feast something along those lines yeah some kind of fancy crystal bowl that the cat can eat out of barring that some sort of magic spell

that can catch a space cat like this although keep in mind I still do only know like the three spells and thunderwave and getting it done does the cat's hairballs do they disappear as well I mean do they phase out

or did they stay? What's the poop situation? Travis? Well, both the poop and the hairballs, they are difficult to perceive as well. Sometimes they're there and sometimes they're not. You know, it's hard to clean up after them because you're like, oh, let me get a towel and you turn around and they're not there anymore.

And you're like, oh, okay, cool, it took care of itself. And you put the towel back. And then when you turn back, oh, it's back, you know, and that can go on for hours. I think I would also reach out to Leon for help with moving as the first sort of squirely duty. I think that's how I certainly framed it when I pitched it to him whether or not he responds in any way to that,

I guess it's up to you. So far, you have not received a response from Leon. Let's strike one. Did we lose any of our friends in the latest culling? No, at this point, just as luck would have it, it's all a bunch of faceless, nameless people that we never met. Weird.

Yeah. And it's definitely decreased. There was one guy, Steve, who Argo, you were actually very close with. You were beginning to consider him like a brother, but he got cut because he did such a bad job while on his real world assignment. An example to us all of what can happen. If you're not at the top of your game. That's right. Here at Wiggle Bottom.

Uh-huh. Hey, that's not the name of that. But maybe it's not too late to change it. So I assume at this point, have you guys packed up all your stuff, rolled up all your rock and roll posters, pulled all the blue sticky tack off the wall? From the moment I found out we were going to be moving into a nicer suite, I prioritize packing. So I've been ready and raring to go. And I never did have anything because I'm so extremely poor.

I didn't have anything to put on the walls. You didn't have anything to put on the walls? No, I didn't. I mean, I just, I thought about drawing on the walls the way you do, but I have no artistic ability either. Another place where I'm poverty stricken is in artistic talent. Oh, what a bummer. Is that the Fairbog's Air Supply poster or what's up? He's all out of love.

Okay. And Gary chimes in. Hey, everybody, it's me, Gary. just a couple reminders first. No classes for the next two weeks between semesters, so you're free to head home for a break or maybe earn some money over in Last Hope, or you could just hang out here with me.

Is none of those an option? Well, I mean, if you leave, I mean, I guess you could go do something else. Listen, as I've said before, this ain't prison. you can go, just be back, you know? Class starts again in two weeks. Next, we've got end of the semester student teacher meetings today.

Fearbug, you're with Bartholomew. Argo, Jackal says you two have already talked about meeting today. And Sir Fitzroy, you have the special treat of meeting with Higlmiss himself. And finally, be sure to get a present for Rainier's party tonight. That's not like an official reminder or anything. It's just a friendly piece of advice from Gary making sure you all don't look like buttholes. Thanks, Gary. Hey, you're welcome, Fitz.

Now, you all have some time for breakfast before your meetings, most important meal of the day. And, hey, have some melon for me. How would that work? It's more just in spirit. I don't eat. So, like, maybe you could have some melon and then tell me about it. I've never experienced melon before. I will tell you the story of melon.

Hey, thanks, fear, but I always enjoy our chats. You begin by removing the husk. Oh, slow down, big boy. This is the speed at which the husk is removed. Oh, yeah. then you will slice the melon in half. Oh, sorry, I'm getting a call. I'm going to have to go, but we'll pick this back off later.

I will write it down. That sounds great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boop, boop, boop. And he holds his hand up to his head. Oh, hello. Sorry, this is really important. I got to take this.

Yeah, this is Gary. I think. Gary lost interest in my tale. Well, not me. I want to hear about the melon. Do you eat the husk? This is a great tragedy. It is best used to help grow the plants. Compost is what you call it here.

In the forest, we call it the forest. In Soviet forest, forest. Forest is forest. You drop mellin on ground is now forest. That, oh, that's no, not, don't pick that up, is no melon. That is now a forest. No five second road. Forest.

It's the forest forever, it sounds like. Well, you make it sound like such a wonderful experience. I may have me some melon. Or later. Gross. That's great. Okay, that's great in the short term. Do you boys have any plans for the break or what are you thinking?

Heading back to the old swamp land there, fearful? I must never return. Oh, okay. I will sit and wait. For school to start again? This is all I have. Yes. I just, that literally put it chill down my spine.

Well, when do we go somewhere? When do we go, you know, to the... Are there beaches? No. It's spring break, come on. We gotta... In the forest, we call the beach the anti-forest. It's the least forest you could do.

But if you can't go back to the forest, why not try the anti-forest? The swamp. I can't go to many forests. I'm not superstitious. I just have no home in the forest to return to. Well, based on my knowledge of the local sort of geography, we have our choice of the demon-filled forest or a place literally called the godscar chasm.

So I don't necessarily think there's going to be a lot of chill hang zones in a place either scarred by the gods or it eases scar upon a god. Regardless, I don't think they're going to have, you know, my ties and the like. They really have a shitty visitors and convention bureau here. So, um, I... What are you going to do? I was just going to kick it here, I think. No need to bug the phone.

folks back home. Good Castle is, of course, out of my reach at this moment. What with my not knowing exactly, it's exact location upon TerraFerma, but yeah, just going to sort of, I guess, sit here with the fearbulg and wait. For two weeks? I mean, I got a... You guys good... Hey, it's me Gary again.

Sorry to eavesdrop. Oh, we are back. I have prepared many ways to describe the color of the melon's flesh. Oh, no, I'm just on hold on my phone call. I will begin with sunset. Okay. You guys could go get some, you know, two weeks worth of work done over and last hope. Makes some money.

Money enough to, say, reacquire a cloak. Blue bacon flour. I mean, I guess it depends on how much money you get. The rosy flesh. of a happy child. Okay, I'm going to go find a different Gary to talk to. Can I pick up the call on a separate Gary? Oh, I don't know about all that.

A pebble weathered by the creek. Orange pebble. The time has come for your, or are you guys done with this weird conversation? We haven't really settled on anything. Okay, keep going then. I mean, I, I, I, let's see where it goes. I think maybe doing some work might be a, a good idea. It would be nice to have something in the old coffers that, you know, the three of us could treat as a bankroll for the new Thunderman operation.

Something we wouldn't need to require the, the Bursar's help for. So, uh, I don't know. And it wouldn't hurt, it wouldn't hurt making, like, some business connections, you know. Stretching our villainous legs. I think that. A couple of chickens. chamber of commerce meetings? Sure, sure.

Canvass the neighborhoods? See who needs some naughty stuff done, I suppose? Yes. I will travel with you. Excellent. Now, as for Rainier, do you think she has a Gary already or... Because I think, I thought we could just sort of hawk ours over there. It's just a thought.

Oh. What, you know, like those nest things. Maybe she could have one in every room. Sure. I believe you mean birds nests. Because it's fantasy. Right, sure. Let's end this scene immediately.

That's good narrative. It's time for the student teacher meetings. First up is the Fearbol meeting with Bartholomew, the Erycocra snow owl accounting professor. Now, Bartholomew has been impressed, not necessarily. by the results, but by the hard work that you have committed over the semester. And though you may not be his best, you are his most improved. So you enter his office, you enter his classroom, and he turns to you and goes, quick, without thinking, assets equals liabilities plus equity. Yes.

Oh, master Fearbulk, it does my heart good. Oh, oh, now, okay, how about this? Equity is measured, what? For accounting purposes by subtracting liabilities from the value of an asset. Yes. Oh, oh, you're making me so proud. Oh, like you're my own son. Now, above all else, what is the wrong?

rule. Get paid or get lost? Well put. Oh, I'm so very proud of you. I look forward to you retaking accounting 101, but this time with the base level of knowledge needed to pass it. Well done. I feel not. do this thing. Well, maybe we can work out some kind of special studies.

I will not do this thing. Okay. Well, I thought I had you, but we'll figure it out. Will, I'll get you. I will take my C-minus. Okay. And varied. Like the badge of honor.

Well, I requested to be the one to meet with you today because I wanted to know how you are adjusting to life here at school. Is difficult. How so? I find purpose in my work. Good. Find purpose in study, but do not have purpose beyond. Oh, I see. When I think about this, there is a great pain.

Master Fearbok, if... Please, tell me if I'm prying, and if I am, you do not need to answer, but it's rare to meet a fearbug, let alone have one here at the school. They tend to stick with their clans in the forests. What could possibly have brought you here? I was exiled. from my clan. And when this happened, I walk away toward the sun.

I follow till it began to sit, and then I kept at my back as I followed my shadow. I followed this way. for 13 days and 14 nights. And the first thing I arrive at is this school. So I decide I would be of this clan, of this school. It is fighted. I see.

Well, is... Hmm. It seems to me, Master Fearbolt, that you are in a somewhat precarious position. So far, it seems you have worked out that your fate is to be here, to be part of this clan, as you say. But it seems like you haven't thought beyond that. It is better not to think of this. I see. The fear bog code in your tongue says the tribe's honor over yours.

So I honor the school through my work. and think not of my honor. Master Fearbook, that is wonderful. That is lovely, but I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but not everybody feels that way. Most people tend to work towards their own ambitions and goals, and you need to figure out at least partially what it is, you want? Or there may come a time when you realize everyone else has found their purpose with your

help and you are once again alone. And we move to the meeting with Fitzroy and Higglemus Wigginstaff, the head of the sidekick and henchperson annex, as well as the younger brother of Hieronymus Wigonstaff. Now Fitzroy, when you enter Higelmuss's office, which you have been in once before, Higelmus is busy setting up an afternoon tea. The table is laid out with all kinds of tiny sandwiches and well-baked cookies, and it is set up with three chairs, one for him, one for you, and one for his dog. Oh, fancy lad! Yes, come in, come in, please. Join us.

Join us. I have a name, you know. Yes, it's Sir Fitzroy Mabelgort, Knight, in absentia of the realm of Goodcastle! And or Thunderman, I'm really branching out. How's it going, Higgs? Well, it's going fine. My name is Higgumis Wigginsstaff. Higgs Wiggs. Yes, I figured since I've been escalated somewhat recently, we could speak a tad more formally, informally. Yes, well, I wanted you to talk about, but first, before we could. down to business. Please, tell me what you think about the tea. It's my own kind of mixture.

I'm unsure it's a dragon flower and elderberry. I've been working on it. Please tell me I've nailed the balance. Oh, I do enjoy a nice cuppa. I lift it up to my nose. I want to roll a check on this. Anytime anybody sort of encourages anybody to drink anything ever in fiction, I just assume that there's some sort of poison going on there. So I don't know which role that would be. I would say, I'm in perception check, I would say. Perception, okay. That is a 16 plus 2, 18.

When you smell the tea, all you can smell is elderberry and dragonflower. There's stinky herbs. That could mean nothing. Okay, I, yeah, sure. I'll take a nice long drag of that good hot brown stuff. Okay, what do you think? Is it too bitter? It's spicy.

I will say that. And not spicy in a sort of like traditionally good way. Yes. It's hot and it burns my mouth and my throat and weight. Yes, my tummy as well. Yes, that always seems to happen with the dragon flower. And I guess my question is why you would give me this. Well, I'm, I trust your palate as a refined knight.

And I'm trying to find the right balance. Do you want some sugar? Sure. I'm going to investigate the sugar. That's a 14 plus 2.16. And you're just like kind of staring at it, bringing into your eye. It's sugar. Okay.

I'm just, listen, can I talk, can we speak as colleagues? Yes, of course. It's just since I've been on the villain track now for like, I don't know, six days, I've been sort of more aware of villainy, I think, in my surroundings. And so I'm just always keeping my head on a swivel. Where's the poison? Where's the poison? Where's the poison?

And so far I haven't been poisoned, which may mean that I'm being paranoid, or it may mean that I'm just very good at avoiding poisons. Well, I mean, it's always the poison you don't see, right? You know, it's like when someone says it's always the last. place you look. It's like, well, yeah, if you saw the poison coming, right? It's always the poison you don't see coming. So, Higlemus, what can I do for you? Well, I, I just had a couple questions for you, honestly. Okay, first things first. You have had a kind of sour disposition since you got here, and it's led me to wonder, what is so wrong with being a sidekick?

Well, it's when you have your eyes on a certain goal that you have harbored for decades and decades, it is difficult to have that goal stripped from your grasp when it's just sort of inches away from your quivering fingertips. And then it's replaced by another goal, which is, and I've been trying to do this slightly more since becoming a villain. and I still find it a difficult task, but it is shittier. That felt weird coming out. Yes, you don't curse well. Yes. So, yes, it was just a sort of staggering disappointment.

I realize that's a harsh thing for you to hear, I assume. It's also that the school's not as good as the one that I was enrolled in. Again, I said that very bluntly. I see. Well, that all, uh, I guess makes sense, but then that leads me to my next question. You mentioned a goal. I assume that's to be a knight of some sort. Hmm. Yes, of some sort.

Why do you give two shits about being a knight? See, it sounded so cool when you did it. Yes, well, I've been around the box, son. I've learned to curse. You have the bitter tongue of a nasty speaker. And I wish I, I, I'll have to train under you for that specific ability. Why do I care about being in night? Hmm, that's a fair question that I would rather not answer to you or anyone if that's okay. Is that okay?

No, honestly, it's not okay. I, what is it? Okay, let's put it a different way. What would it mean to you? To be a knight. Hmm. Uh, it would, it means honor and integrity and chivalry. Okay, that's all bullshit.

You're just saying, like, the words. You get on a horse and people look at you and say, how noble and honorable. And that's what I'm all about, man. Gross. Gross. That's not the real answer. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. But don't give that bullshit Pat try to answer.

No one wants to be a knight so that people will look at them. That's nothing. That's a benefit. That's not the end goal. It is difficult to make a name for yourself in this world of showiness and, and grandeur and, uh, frankly, almost hysterical amounts of, uh, inequality. And since I was a child, there has always been something about the knighthood that has seemed fair.

if you do the work and you stay true to whatever cause you swear yourself to, you can become somebody, somebody important, somebody who may someday become even more important in a way that is not simply guaranteed in any other sort of way of life. And so, yes, that is why I sort of sort of, single-mindedly pursued this one thing, only to lose it when it was so close. Maybe not forever.

Maybe I'll work my way back there. Honestly, I've come to terms with that somewhat since I've been here, but you wanted the honest answer, that's it. And I realize it's self-defeating. It's not the most chivalrous or noble answer. Oh, I can I tell you something? I disagree. I think that there is nobility and honesty.

But I must tell you, I fundamentally disagree with what you have put forward there. Because what you are saying is that you work hard and through your merit, you are able to lift yourself up by your bootstraps, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I have been in this world for centuries, son. And I can't remember that ever being the truth. There's something to be said for hard work. And there are those who raise themselves up and find new opportunities. But there's always something more to it.

Yeah, I mean, sure, cool. I again, if I was sort of living under the pretense of that being absolutely true 100% of the time, then, well, I wouldn't have had an uncontrollable explosion of arcane energies that turned my former school director into a bottom feeding aquatic animal. So, yes, I am aware that what you said is also true. and Higgs, I'm just trying to make the best of what I got. Trying to make sort of, you know, bad school lemonade, if you will. You have brought me to my last question and kind of brought the whole conversation to the point, which is you have been working hard and your hard work set you on your path here

where you saw yourself as demoted, saw yourself as missing your opportunity, and then somehow ended up elevated to the villain track. And here's the thing, I don't know if you know this, but in this school's 250-year history, no one has ever been moved from the sidekick and henchperson track to the villain and hero track.

So what is it about you that my brother is so interested in? I mean, these guns? I mean, what are you? I'm a very good adventure. I'll be a pretty... Tell me what he said to you. He said something about my righteous guns.

These, my arms, I'm pointing at my arms. Honestly, from the moment he said that I was going to move up to a larger suite with its own personal bathroom, I sort of stopped. The rest was kind of static. The rest was just sort of a faint buzzing. He just said, I was very special. And the most special boy at the school were his exact words. Something on your mind, Higlemus. Fitzroy.

Be careful in your time here. There are more ulterior motives in this school than you could count, and no one can be trusted. You are, I keep hearing that. Least of all, my brother, be careful. young Fitzroy and congratulations there it is thank you I was waiting

it would have been it would have been terribly rude if you had thank you and Griffin by the way it was in the tiny sandwiches that's where the poison was ah damn it yeah that was

did I eat any but I didn't eat any no you didn't eat any but you also didn't find it so shit yeah and we go to

our final parent teacher meeting but twi I'm sorry. I'm sorry you don't mean that. Student teacher meeting. Surprise. Well, if you get detention three times,

maybe then we'll have a parent teacher meeting. And we find Argo coming to meet with Jackal in the tavern, actually. Argo, you walk in and you see Jackal is sitting at the bar. You can also see a small army of animal skeletons moving quickly about the place decorating in preparation for the evening's party. God.

Creepy. Uh, Hello, Jackal. I have, I have, I have, I have, I have a small challenge for you,

Argo. I just got here, just sat down for God's sake, can you even, offer me an appartee for, you know, say, hey, how's it going?

Hey, how's it going? I have a small challenge for you, Argo. Good, it's okay. Except for all these, the little animal skeletons are really creepy. Oh, they don't bother me so much. I like the animals.

Okay, what is the challenge? He points over at Tomas, the school counselor, sitting quietly sipping his coffee in a quarter booth while reading a book. I want you, Argo, to bring me his pocket watch. Now, there are only two rules to this challenge. First, you can't steal it. and second, you can't tell him it's for me. Okay.

That's okay. If you win, your drinks at the party tonight are on me. And if I lose? If you lose, then you know you lost. Oh, okay. All right, sure, yeah, I'll go over and talk to it. What's his name again? Thomas.

Tomaz. And what's he do again? He's the school counselor. School counselor. Okay. Hello, Mr. Thomas. May I join you? Oh, hello.

And he closes his eyes just for a second. Argonaut Kean. Yes. That is amazing. I can't remember anything. I have a terrible memory. How do you do that? Do you have some kind of secret to how you're

remember all these students' names. Of course, I mean, not as many as, you know, yesterday since so many of them got, you know, the old boot. How do you do it? Oh, well, it's honestly just a lot of practice. I work hard to remember. I look at images. I put names to faces.

And I make it my job to remember everyone. That is amazing. And does it work on, I mean, not just people, but I mean, places, things? Well, I suppose if I put my mind to it, mostly I've just focused on students. That's interesting. That's interesting. Any way that you can, you know, train me up on how to do this? Because I think having a good memory would really serve me well, you know, as in the Funderman Corporation.

Hell yeah, that's playing a long game. Yeah. Training montage incoming. Sure. Let's put in three years worth of work. No. There I guess. Well, there's really no trick to it. I just pay attention and put my mind to it.

and I try to work hard and keep the images in my mind. Okay, here's my idea. If you could show me, how did it, let's, you know, let me, you know, borrow something on your part, the watch that you're, beautiful watch, by the way. Don't look at it. Don't look at it. That would be cheating.

But I was thinking maybe you could, let me hold on to it. I'll walk away. Okay. I'll go, I don't know, I'll go sit over there with the wingless bird. And then, oh. Yes, I know, jackal. I know. I'm drawing a word picture.

Let me borrow your watch, walk over there. And then when I come back, you have to perfectly describe the watch to me. What do you think? Is that a good exercise? And then I can watch you do that and learn. Watch your memory. Watch your memory. How much memory?

Yes. What do you say? Can we give it a shot? Maybe he does some fun things with his eyes. Yeah. That's a possibility. I don't quite see the purpose. Oh, it'll be, it'll be, oh, listen, this is how we learn everything at sea.

You watch and you observe. You have to watch it. There's no book learning. Okay, quick fucking, a little bit of semantics check here. Grifting this poor person. that out of their watch is stealing it right? I mean, we're, we all feel pretty comfortable with that. We'll be bringing it back to him.

Oh, God, I'm talking a character voice. Finally. To me, Justin McRoy. Make a persuasion check. Yeah, that's how, hey, Dan, that's how Dungeons and Dragons works. You're trying to persuade him to give you his watch. And so, you need to check. and see if that persuasion works.

That's a 16 plus... Damn. Plus... Plus... Two? Yes. 18. Well, I suppose as long as the watch never leaves this room, it was given to me by my grandfather.

Oh, don't you worry a thing about it. I'm just going to take it right over there. I'll wait 45 seconds. Then it'll come back and we will play our game. What do you say? Yes, good, good. All right, could I have the watch, please? Yes, I suppose.

Thank you. Don't worry, nothing bad's going to happen. This is not one of those, you know, Vegas magic tricks where I pretend to smash the watch. That would be awful, terrible of me to do. Why would you even bring that up? It's such a weird thing to bring up at this point. You already got the wand.

Why would you now even play that idea in my head? I'm trying to make you feel better. You're trying to make me feel by bringing up the very idea of smashing my grandpappy's watch? Not on purpose. Accidents happen. Why would you accident? Give it back, please. I'll be right back.

No, that's five seconds into my 45. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. Hang on. Okay. Look. Check it out. Watch.

I got his watch. Tomaz's watch. How did you get it? Argonaut. I borrowed it. Didn't steal it. Didn't cheat him. I just borrowed it.

I'm doing it. experiment with him. What did you say to him? I told him that I wanted to learn how to memorize things by him showing me how he memorizes things. So it's observational. I'm trying to do some observational humor here with him. I figured that would come in handy for a for a sidekick or a henchman or whatever the hell it is I am now. I see. Are you going to return it to him? Well, yeah, I'm going to return it to him. You didn't tell me it was for keeps. You just said bring it to the table. So I brought it to the table. What if I told you not to return it to him?

Well, I think I would have to tell you to get stuffed because I gave the man my word and I'm going to stick to it. What if I told you I'd give you five gold not to return it to him? Five? No, no. I still wouldn't do it. I still, no. No. No. I still, no. My word is my bond. It is a joy to hear you say that, Argonon. Go return the watch to him. Here you go, Tom. Your watch, not broken, as you can see.

Okay. Did you want to, did you want a let? Did I miss the part? No, describe it to me before I hand it to you. It's a gold pocket watch. Yeah, and what's inscribed on the inside? To Tomas from grandpappy. Oh.

Oh, grandpappy. I thought it was grand poopie. So here, I thought it was like a joke one. Why would you say that? I'm just, I'm just, I'm a terrible thing to say. My grandpathy was a hero. He saved a cart full of children from falling off a bridge. Why would you say that about him?

And here's the watch. You must have memories of him. Again, we're about. to memories. And it's wonderful that you remembered that story, thereby proving that I'm learning memorization from the right person. May I please get back to my book and coffee, please? Sure. Here. Here's your watch. It's lovely. And I didn't even wind it or anything. Have a great day. Enjoy your book and your coffee. Who is that?

Coffee. Enjoy your coffee. Enjoy your coffee. It's me there. He's jumping in to possess Argo for a second. Enjoy your coffee. Get out of duck, you get some caffeine. Very good, Argonaut. That was a very good job. Now, to the matter at hand,

have you thought about what we discussed? Yeah, and I've made a decision. I think you're going to be a little surprised. Oh. Yeah, and he rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and reveals to you a tattoo. Brand new, fresh, I mean, his skin's still all red and blotchy, and it's like a compass. But at the four points of the compass instead of northeast, west, and south, it says, blood, bone, rain, and stone.

I'm in. I want in. If that's what my ma wanted, by God, that's what I'll do. So there you go. Look, that's commitment right there. That's like the guy I got the fucking tattoo of that cat the first time he heard hook by Blues Traveler. He just got the album tattooed on his back. This is my fucking gem.

Oh, I should have told you sooner, Argonaut. But now, to be. The blood bone thing, that's just a joke that we tell each other. It's code for poop. Oh, they are the Genazi symbols for blood bone rein and stone so. No, actually, Argo, that's very good. Very good to hear. Don't ever get anything right there on your wrist, because boy, boyo, that, I don't know if that's like close to the neural receptors.

It is. It's right there. There's a lot of tendons. Oh, boy. Well, Argo, then we're going to pause this meeting, and we shall continue it tonight after the party. Meet me at the forge. Okay.

Jeez, you're really tying up a lot of my free time with your meetings. But okay, I'll see at the forge. I'm going to have to go put a little antiseptic cream on this because it's starting to puff off. No, don't put antiseptic on it. You're going to want to use some vitamin D. Maybe something Vaseline-based, nothing water-based. Fantasy-lein?

No, Vaseline, we have that. Weird. Yes. Hi, it's me again, your best friend and kind and benevolent dungeon master, Travis McRoy. Just a couple announcements before we get back to the show. First, we still have some tickets for the Cincinnati shows. We're doing my brother, my brother, me, and the Adventure Zone, February 19th and 20th. That's NBMBM on the 19th and Taz on the 20th.

Sawbones is going to be opening for my brother and my brother at me on the 19th. So if you are anywhere near the Cincinnati area and you want to come, you can get those tickets over at Macroyd.Family and click on tours. Also, speaking of tours, we're going to be announcing some new dates soon. So keep an eye on the Macroy family Twitter. Also, if you head over to Macroy. dot family and click on merch you're going to see some new stuff in there including a bumper sticker to show your pride if your student is uh if your child excuse me is an honor student at clyde

knight's night night school get yourself that bumper sticker as well as a bunch of other fun tas stuff and just other mackroy stuff so check that out at mackroyd. family or mackroymerch.com okay oh one more thing that i promise i'll be done you can still pre-revee I'll reorder the Adventure Zone graphic novel by going to theadventurezonecom.com. It's pedals to the metal. Book number three, it is our best one yet. I love it, and I'm so very proud of it. If you haven't preordered yours now, go do it.

Theadventurezonecom. Okay, now for real, back to the show. It's party time. It's time for Rainier's birthday. The three of you, well, let me ask you this. Do you dress special? I always dress special. Travis, I think I actually have gone out to the burser and said, I need the cloak for a special mission.

Yeah, you did. I'll bring it right. I'll bring it right back. It's time for my photo shoot for boy cloaks. I got to get it. I'll bring it right back as soon as I have finished that job. As soon as you invoke the name boy cloaks, Osric is sold. Osric, he's been a boy cloak subscriber since he was three.

Of course. But where else are you going to find out about the new cloaks? Yeah, right? And all of the cloak-based advice columns that are in there. Right, yeah. There's the cloak joke page. You're not going to get that anywhere else. I huff it deep.

I've missed you, friend. I've missed you. I've missed you, dude. Son? What about you, Fearvog and Argonaut? A lot of people seem to really like the name Fiscal Responsibility for the, by the way. How do we feel about that? What I didn't realize is.

his fisk sounds a lot like fits. That is true. Even funnier. Too close. I, Argo made special party clothes for he and the furbulg out of bed curtains. Oh, that's lovely.

Yeah. It's like sound of music. Yeah. And, you know, so, you know, from all of his experience, you know, mending sales and stuff. So he, he made them each party tunics to wear out of the you know I'm actually kind of disappointed myself

because I went with sound of music but they also did the same thing in a knight's tail and I could have made it it and gone with the wind okay true okay a night's tail arguably would have been the least sort of cultural reference to make out of that but maybe the most applicable to the scenario anyways most of the most of of the school students and teachers alike are here in the corner of the tavern.

You see the skeleton crew is playing music. Germain is playing the lute. Victoria plays the accordion and rattles plays the drums. And here's the thing. They're really good at it. Does any of them play the ribs like a xylophone? No, that's offensive. That's their ribs.

Do you go into a band and play your tummy like a bongo? Yes. Oh. I do, actually. I was in the Polyphonic Spree for a bit. Well, who wasn't, Quiffin? They didn't know I was there. For a while, the only way to not be in the polyphonic spree was to opt out.

Opt out, yeah. Yeah, to send a card in to the government. They listed me as alternative, alternative percussion. Rainier comes and greets you at the door. She has on a beautiful white dress with pink and gold accents. Her chair's ground effects are on and pulse lightly with the music. Oh, I'm so glad you could make it. Oh, and Argo and Fearborg, you look stylish as hell.

Behold, this fantastic garment. Yes. Never have I worn it equal. It has been hewn by my friend. Argo not keen. It is the finest garment. I have ever worn. Feast upon it, I do not say this of ego.

This is a beautiful thing. See how it sways as I turn. Watch the fabric move. Yes, it's... Do you see now? Yes, it's very nice. Many do not appreciate beauty when it is before them. No, it's great.

You look great. I'm still turning. Okay. Now I'm done. Okay. You look wonderful. Yes, and oh my God, that cloak. Is that?

It's the one I told you about. Better, back and better than ever. I do need to, technically, I do need to take some photos for boy cloak, unless I want to be caught lying. But wait, we're villains now, aren't we rain here? So, uh, lion's part of the, uh, oh, you didn't hear the news? news? No, it hadn't made its way to me yet. Congratulations. Oh, shoot, I wasn't supposed to, I mean, shit, ass. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. That was really awkward. You need to get better at cursing. I'm as good as a hell bastard, that cussing. That's some really shitty cussing.

It sounds so cool when everyone else does it. But yes, please don't tell anyone else. I'm, uh, I've been accelerated. Well, I'm not going to lie. I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping you would become my sidekick eventually. But now maybe we can work together as partners. Yes, and maybe, ooh, we can influence each other's villainy styles, right? You can teach me more about magic, and maybe I can show you sort of the error of your ways vis-a-vis small woodland.

life. Oh, I see. Listen, can I tell you something? You're great. You're never going to take my animal skulls and you can pride them out of my cold dead hands. You know what I mean? Even then, good luck, because I am a necromancer, so even when I die, I'll probably still be kicking.

Man, that's so twisted. Thank you. It's really effed up, and I'm not ready to say that one yet. So, I hate to just kind of put the tiger on the table, my presents? I hold out a present that is wrapped in fine papers. Ooh.

Fine glimmering papers. Would you say the finest papers? No. But it's pretty good. Medium fine. It's book shaped and sized. I can't wait to see what it is, and she unwraps it, And what does she find?

What does she find? No. I got you. I've learned recently about this wonderful little invention called a notebook of far speech, and you can write little things in the back of it, and it'll show up in other connected tomes. And I've got one. I think Argos got one. I'm not sure how he ended up with one.

But, yeah, I figured, you know, now that we're co-villains, if we ever get, you know, loan. feeling like some pin-pal action, want to spread some villainous tactics back and forth. I figured this would be a good way to keep in touch. That's wonderful. Thank you. And she gives you a big hug. That's my pleasure. I didn't know if you were leaving for the break,

so I figured it would be good for us to have a line of contact. Oh, yes, I'm planning to go and visit home, but I'll be back. I shall await your return. Thank you. Argo hastily stuffs back into his tunic a

gift that was wrapped in exactly the same size as that gift Oh awkward Yeah really bad He stuffs in his tunic and then starts going through his pockets And has an idea And then reaches out

And gives to her To Rainier 10 beautiful gold rings Holy shit that came from the curtain rod but they are beautiful and there's one for each finger

and one for each thumb and just you know it's you know it's from the heart and with the curtain run. No. That is absolutely wonderful.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that, Argo. Yeah. You know. And Fearbalk, it's okay. I know that you're not really the material sort. So if you... I have never been to a party of this birthday.

I did not know of gifts. It is a great shame. Your presence is present enough. I'm just glad you're here. This wordplay has fallen on their fears. I will not grant it must be righted one moment. Okay. And he rifles to the tunic.

I have only one gift. It is very embarrassing. I do not. wish. It is not good. No, what is it? No, you will not like. I bet I'll love it.

It is an incredible melon story I wrote for Gary. May I read it? It is terrible. It is just a story of what a melon is like. Why would you wish this? You have had melon?

She begins to read, and she says, This is beautiful. I did the pictures. You drew these? I would have said that they were photos. No, I use charcoal to draw the flavor of a melon. This is incredible. Thank you so much, Fear Polk.

I will cherish this. I might have it bound. Well, don't fold your fold in the corner a bit. Oh, if you would. Sorry. me straight now. Yes. Thank you. I would ask for one other present, Master Fearbulk.

Oh, no. The tunic. No, no. I know this would come. No, Master of Fearbol. This beautiful garment. No, may I have this dance? Did not deserve.

Oh, this is you have asked for something I cannot give. Oh? This is a terrible. I will not. Jamie you with my dance. Oh, come on. And she pulls you onto the dance floor. Now, how do you all party?

Let me see how I do it dancing. Okay. I'm going to roll a dance die. Let's say a dexterity saving throw. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Life or death. Yeah.

I rolled a 12 plus one. You dance okay You dance Let's put it this way For how everyone was expecting you would do You're doing great You are out there I can live with that

I'll take that yes You move in time You have rhythm I will take it Now what about you Argo How are you partying? I think Argo is moving From group to group

doing magic tricks. What? Doing, yeah, hand magic. You know, sleight of hand, you know, kind of making coins disappear and pulling them out of people's ears. So, just to be clear, because it exists, fake magic, right? Well, yeah. Okay. Now, do...

Not doing... Go ahead. Do a sleight of hand check for me. You walked right into that one. 18 plus... Six. Damn. Damn. Damn. You are really good at it. You are just blowing everybody's mind. They've seen lightning called down from the skies. They have seen angels summoned in battle. They have seen the undead destroyed with a holy flame. But never before have they seen a peanut disappear as you are making the peanuts disappear. Never. before has a red fuzzy ball jumped from one cup to another like you are now. You are the life of the party.

Where did the coin go? It's behind my ear. Are you some kind of old god, they say. No, and I can't give away my secrets. I'm sorry, the magician never told his history. Sure, but you are the greatest wizard of our time. Yes, yes. Okay, okay.

Probably. But, you know, I'm not here for that. I'm just here to make you smile. It's here to make everybody have a good time. And, you know, basically to make some friends beyond just my two other friends. And Fitzroy, you see a ball of light consuming up to you. Yeah, that's what I was going to do. You know I'm looking for Festo.

Oh, hello, Fitzroy. Festo. It's a me, Festo. I know. I'm aware there's no other sorts of. of fairies of your luminousness at this institution. Thank you. I don't know how to put this other than to just say it out loud.

Festo, I want a party with you. Hell yeah, my dude. Hillia. Oh, that was very bad. So let's do this thing. Show me your ways. Well, I came over to see if I could have this dance. Oh, of course.

Oh, not with you, silly. with Snippers. Yeah, sure, yes. That's fine. We share a telekinetic link, so maybe it'll be like I am partying with you. Well, we can all party together, but I want to dance with Snippers.

Yeah, let me just... He's the cute one. Right, yes. Do not let your arms get in his pincer area. You don't know what I'm into. All right. Snippers. Snippers.

Snippers. He... Uh, uh... Um, be nice out there. Don't get stepped on. Uh, don't, uh, don't hurt them with your, with your mighty pincers. You don't know what he's into? Okay.

So, anyway, here, here's my crab. Have fun, Festo. Let's do this, Sippers. And they began to dance. It is a world when everyone clears out a circle. And it's like the dance from a house party. Everyone is blown away. It's incredible.

That's my crab. Hell yeah. Their dance is your dance. It's exactly what I'm saying. And you feel a top on your shoulder, Fitzroy. I, please, I need complete concentration on the crab. Um, sorry. Sorry to bother you.

Um, Fitzroy, uh, I'm sorry. Um, sorry. Um, sorry. Uh. And done. Okay, yes, can I help you? It's Buckminster. For the first time since you've met him,

you would describe him as looking disheveled. What's the scoop? Um, this, this may be something of a weird question, but have you seen Leon? I was looking for Leon yesterday. I had a squirely duty for him, and I must say he has been delinquent in his service to me. So that's going to be a no for me, Buckminster. Why haven't you seen him?

You're like his boss or whatever. Yes, it is quite strange. He hasn't come home in a couple of days, and that is not like him. And I had hoped that he might be with. His friends with you, with you fellows, I'm quite worried about him. Well, have you spoken to the administration here? I don't know why I'm the first.

No, I have, I asked, and they said, you know, the grounds are quite large. Maybe he was in Last Hope. There were some who said that maybe he might have just dropped out, but he wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't leave me. Um, yes, I checked the enrollment list, and it seems like Leon made the cut. Uh, should we...

I mean, we're at a party right now, Buckminster. Do you think we should... Are you this worried about it? Should we go look around right now? I've looked everywhere. Um, you know what? Maybe he's here. I'll look around.

Um, I'll continue asking around. If you see him or hear about him, please. Let me know right away. Sure. Buckminster, I feel like I should tell you. Leon was acting somewhat cagey when last we spoke, somewhat nervous, scared even, one might say. So I'm, yes, I rarely would use this word to describe myself,

but I am somewhat alarmed. Oh, my. Okay. Um, this isn't the place to discuss this then. Can we meet during the break and make a plan? Um, certainly I was just going to do some odd jobs in Last Hope, so, you know, catch me there. Okay. And he slips away. I don't see Leon at this party, right?

Correct. Okay. Uh, the party winds down. Um, and a, uh, a, It's time to head home, but Fitzroy and Fearbolg, as you begin to leave, you can't find Argo anywhere. Okay. Fearbug. Yes.

Pal? Yes. Have you noticed that Argo's just sort of been creeping out from time to time? It is very strange. He thinks that I don't see him, but I sleep with my eyes open, and so he appears in sort of of my dream scape, and he's not half lobster, so I know that he's part of, like, the actual tangible world, and he's just always seems to be creeping. I'm wondering if Argo has, uh, taken a lover? Or, no, yours is best. I don't want to pry, but I just find it somewhat curious. I

thought we were, you know, friends at this point. Maybe he must, um, bathroom. Sure. I'm not really sure how how Janasi sort of physiology works. He is watered Janasi. I would think that his sort of, his urinating game would be on point, but Still, he must do this. Yes. He is not peeing all the time. That we know of.

He must have special room. You all love the special room or you go to make the dirt and water. So fancy like a regal king of pooping and peeing. Well, they made a whole thing of it day one. Should we, this is the second time I've had this exact conversation at this party. Should we look for him? It seems rude to pry. If he wanted us to know where he was, he would tell us, yes?

this is a good point well Snippers You first of all Tor it the heck up out there And I didn't know you had it in you And Just thank you

For a wonderful evening And also can you Fitzroy Yes Could you ask Rainier To ask him With this

book Hmm Yes, that's a That's a good point I mean I have one as well Let's Let's hit him up See if it answers

And I scribble in the back of the The notebook of far speech What's up Where are you at Love Fitzroy This is cool How do you respond, Argo Travis, am I at my secret meeting

You are heading there now, yes Dear Fitzroy, how are you? And he wrote it how, and then the letter R and the letter you. I am fine. I'm running some errands, getting tattooed finished up down at the hedgehog pen. See you back at the room. Friends for life are go keen. Sounds cool.

have a cool summer love Fitzroy yeah I don't I don't feel the need to really press him on like obviously he's been sneaking out at night but I have no reason to believe that it is anything like below board cool so we find Argo finishing his response

as he stands outside the door to the blacksmith class the as it's called the forge now you have not been in the basement you have not been to the forge since your first day when Buckminster took you on a tour. As you make your way in, this time the forge is blazing bright and you see jackal there, but you also see a male Goliath who stands about eight feet tall and he is at the mouth of the forge. Oh, Argonotkin, you came and you joined us. Please come in, come in. I'd like you to meet my friend Mosh.

Ah, Mosh. Hi, Mosh. Listen, any way to turn down that heat a little heat and water, Janassi, we're just not real fond of each other. I mean, even if it's just, you know, lay off the bellows for a minute, it is hot in here. Hot, hot. Argonaut kin, if you will give me a moment, I will turn you. down the forge. But first, you and I need to talk. Now, Jackal is your sponsor to join, and that means that it is up to me, another member, to vet you a little bit. Okay. Did you see the tattoo? No, I know all that.

Here, here, look, look. See, look. Please. It's a bit of a spiel, if you don't mind. Just some things to tell you, some things you need to know. Gotcha. Okay, shutting up now so you can give me the spiel. You are about to join an organization that is as old as human memory.

It is called the Unbroken Chain. Now, the unbroken chain exists with one simple principle in mind. There must be those who take responsibility. Those who when they believe someone needs help or something needs doing or someone needs stopping, that they are the ones who step up. There must be someone who doesn't wait for someone else to be the one. That is what we do. Simply put, the unbroken chain does what needs to be done,

whatever that may be. Ours is not to keep order or enforce merely to move forward and to do what is called for. As such, you becoming a member will mean that there will be missions and tasks and the like. These things must be done in secret. Our work isn't for notoriety, isn't for fame, but even more so, without anonymity, we would not be able to operate with the light touch that we do. In fact, you will only be aware of the members of this branch of the Unbroken Chain, but we are many.

Now, you may wonder why the name, why the Unbroken Chain. It is because we select the next member, and the responsibility continues on. But more than that, we are all equal in the chain. There is no weak link. We all bear each other's burdens. We all take care of one another. We are all responsible not only for the world, but for each other. So, for one last time, does that sound like an organization?

you would want to join. May I ask a question? Of course. Will this interfere at all in my goal of completing my training and moving on here at this school? You will from time to time need to answer the call and handle a mission or two, but no, it will not interfere with your regular life. So this is entirely in secret?

I can't even share it with my roommates. No. All right. I... I'd have love for my mom and, in her honor, it's... I am... I'm happy to accept this burden and...

and be a link, the missing link in your chain. Please present your... coin. My coin. Yes, it's the coin that Jackal gave you with the inscription. The coin. Oh, boy.

Wait a minute. Hold on. Here is the kind. Excellent. Blood and bone, rain and stone. Thank you. And he takes the coin and he places it into a stone crucible and places it into the forge and begins to melt it.

And he says, repeat after me. Argonotkin. Blood and bone, rain and stone. Blood and bone, rain and stone. Your burdens now shall be mine own. Your burdens now shall be mine own. No longer shall I walk alone. No longer shall I walk alone.

I vow by blood to work unknown. I vow by blood. to work unknown. Rain and stone, blood and bone. Rain and stone, blood and bone. And he finishes what he has been working on and places it into a vat of water to cool. And he raises a chain with the emblem

that you have seen now a couple times, the overlapping rings encircled, that you now recognize as, chain links. And when you see this pendant, you finally realize why it seems so familiar to you. When you and your mother were alone, when you were a small child, she would reveal to you this pendant that she kept hidden from others. And in fact, when you were very small, just two or three, she would even let you hold

it and ask questions about it and catch the sunlight with it. That's where you've seen it before. And Mosh places the cool metal pendant over your neck. You are now the newest member of our branch of the unbroken chain. And so I can reveal our first and pretty big secret. Do you remember early on in the semester when Gary made such a big deal out of there not being any secret passages in the school? Yes, barely. Well, that's not entirely true.

And he slips on a heavy, ruined glove, and reaches up into the forge, and you hear a clunk, and the fire dies away, and you realize that it is actually a path, a tunnel to a metal door. Come with me, Argonautkin. And you, and Mosh and Jackal, move to the door, and he uses that. ruined glove to open it. And inside, you pass through the shimmering doorway, and you find a large table. And at this large table is seated, Dakota, the drinking teacher, Sabor, the tortal researcher, Ramos, the shieldwork professor, a female dwarven woman that you don't recognize, as well as a young-looking, silver-haired elven woman that you don't recognize. There are three chairs for you, Jackal, and Mosh, and they invite you to sit down.

Now, let's get right to business. For your first assignment, Argonaut Keane, tell us everything you know about Fitzroy Maplecourt. And across campus, Fitzroy and the Fairbaud have laid down to sleep. When the Fear Bowl closes his eyes and drifts off, the dream begins again, only this time you don't find yourself in a forest by a campfire surrounded by your clan. You find yourself in Higgelmiss Wigginstaff's office. You are standing in front of his desk. He holds in one hand the stone that you picked up from the magical ore cave.

He is wearing the camera. spectacles that you used to photograph to the rift in space that the Zorn moved through. This is very interesting. You say the rift just appeared? Yes. That is interesting. You have done well. This is exactly what I asked for.

And more. And there's a knock at the door. And he says, ah, that must be my next. appointment and smiles at you, Fearbul, yes, come in, and the door opens, and Leon enters. Uh, yes, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, want to see me? Ah, uh, yes, uh, Fearbol, uh, that's all, you may, uh, forget. And the vision begins to fade, but before it does, you hear Higelmis say. Now, I understand that you've made a wrong.

report to the heroic oversight guild, Leon. That is very disappointing. And then it all goes black, a bright flash of light, a whiff of smoke, and the dream fades. Maximumfunn.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned, audience supported.