The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Live In Atlanta!

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

We're running behind on the next episode of Amnesty, so in it's stead, here's our most recent live show from Atlanta, GA! Follow Tres Horny Boys and their inscrutable companion on a journey across the planes as they learn the horrible history of one of their iconic armaments. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, this is Griffin real quick. This is going to be the live show that we were recorded in Atlanta earlier this month. We were not able to record a new episode. We had a pretty narrow window to do so because Travis was in London for the London podcast festival. And then between, you know, surgeries and sick babies and stuff, we just, we weren't able to get together and record. And I'm sorry that we have to go a month between new amnesty episodes, but we will be back two Thursdays from now with a new episode of amnesty. So until this, I hope you enjoy this live balance episode from Atlanta, Georgia. Hey, Paul, I'm meant to tell you I'm going to be doing, hey, Paul, I'm going to tell you I'm going to be doing a new bit where I throw my umbrella way up in the rafters like Prince. And I need somebody to catch you and make it disappear like Prince. Also, Paul, thank you for setting up my area, like the interesting person in the office. Yeah, Travis has a lot of flair right now.

Can I get like eight times more monitor than I'm currently getting right now? That's an exaggeration, of course. You do work in numbers so I can see how you can be confused. No, ruin me. Ruin me with your monitor. Pierce me with these sound waves. Hello, Atlanta, Georgia. Thank you.

Let's see. Oh, that is nice. Thank you, Paul. Hi, Atlanta. Thanks for coming to the Adventure Zone. I know we're out here a little bit outside the city, outside of drag. Everybody's at DragonCon, right?

That's a lot of dragons. Dang, I'm glad you off. But it's the one time of year they get together. Can we get the house lights turned on? And then, okay, okay. If you're, if you're cosplay, please stand up. Cospers, that's everyone. We're going to get to a point in...

Please, God, turn the houselights off. Yeah, it's so many people. Beautiful. We're going to get to a point in the adventure zone where somebody's going to be wearing like a nice button down and some khakis. And people are going to be like, and who the fuck are you? I don't get it. I'm sorry.

My friends and I have been over there for like 20 minutes trying to figure it out. Who are you? It's like, I'm just Greg? Oh, tough Greg? No, not tough Greg. I'm just a regular Greg or just Greg. Do we introduce ourselves on this one? I forget.

We can. My name is Justin. McRoy and I portray the role of Taco an elf. My name is Travis Magrory and I embody Magnus Burnsides. Tonight, the part of Merle High Church

will be played by me, Clint McElroy. I'm Griffin and I do everyone else. Okay, a quick confession, Travis said I embody Magnus Burnsides. I thought he said I am Bobby Magnus Burnsides.

It's like, whoa! We made this Big reveal. Bobby Burnside is your character? And Magnus is a nickname. Okay, fine. I also love how Travis has done both shows here in Atlanta with his full arms exposed. Well, I don't know if you know this, but it is quite hot here. It is a little hot. Speaking of hot things, are you all ready for the adventure?

Huh. We are now in the adventure. The three of you are in. The three of you are in a fitting room. Okay. You have absolutely no memory of how you got here. You have no memory of the three of you hanging out in a clothing retailer or finding a promising garment that you'd like to audition in a fitting room.

Wait, ever? We've never done this? Not that would put you in one now, but you are in one now. You're in a fitting room. It's lined with several booths covered in floor-to-ceiling privacy curtains. There are benches in between them, a place. for weary friends to wait and provide feedback during a fashion montage. This is where the three of you find yourselves

in a nondescript fitting room with no exits all alone. What do you do? Smash the mirror. Roll, uh, D20. 13, plus 10, 23. Uh, you smash a mirror and, uh, it,

behind it is what appears to be outer space. And it starts to suck you out into the vacuum of space to die, but then the mirror reforms very quickly, magically and mysteriously. And attracted by the noise, a figure slides open one of the curtains and steps out of the booth. It is an unimposing, inconceivable figure who says, Hello, fellas! But I've got a deal for you. It is indeed Garfield, the deal's warlock.

Quick, quick interlude. Today I went to outside DragonCon for 10 minutes, and I saw a Garfield out there that greeted me warmly. He was offering deals to people that passed by in the line. As this Garfield and I were conversing, another Garfield came up and accused him of stealing his territory. The two of them made peace and our lifelong friends now, I assume. Garfield says,

So, I know we haven't really talked since you summoned me threw a magic portal to throw grenades at an entity of cosmic annihilation, which is fine. We all get busy from time to time. But things haven't been so great for old Garfield. Don't pity him. He may be the

worst thing. He built my body out of blood. He's the worst. That turned out super good, if I remember. Don't try to spin a yarn like that was Garfield's plan on. I'm building a backup for Magnus, if he should need it.

You got touched by an angel. And he grows angel wings and flies off. He says, I've tried to reopen the fantasy Costco in a few promising locations. Got a nice corner lot out in Rockport and a big space for a superstar in the Felicity Wilds. Made a little boutique locale out in the Merchants Quarter, Neverwinter. And, yeah, so all those burned down. In a row row, you were so shocked by that. I watched you go,

I thought it was great. Thank you for going on this journey with us. Like, all of them pretty soon after I built some burned right down. Wooosh. Now I thought... Have you been smoking? I mean, the normal amount, but I'm always careful with my butts. Now, I thought I had a sneaky serial arsonist on my hand.

but I set up a whole bunch of scuttle buddies in my last store and no dice. Also thought I was cursed, so I got purified out of a local temple. That's right, your old pal Garfield's born again. But then my next store burned down, so that wasn't it. Fortunately, I was able to track down the source of my problem. See, my store isn't being burned down by some dinkist here in our world. It's being burned down by fire. He says, sorry, like the elemental plane of fire.

Someone or something over there has it out for old Garfield. I was hoping you might be able to help me suss out who's been wrecking my shops and then maybe, you know, help me wreck their shop. What do we get? Hmm. He strokes his whatever he's got inside of there. He strokes his shadow. He says, I can offer you some shares in the fantasy Costco. Hmm.

You know, at this point, we're pretty famous. I don't really need money anymore. And magical goods. And they've all burnt down, right? Magnus, Garfield, takes out a slip of paper and writes a number on it, showing you what one share in the fantasy Costco is worth and hands it to the three of you. Papa guru! I'd be willing to part with one percent of the fantasy Costco stocks.

I'm not sure exactly how the whole thing works. Three percent, one for each. Yeah, that's kind of what I said. Oh. How's it sounding? How's this deal smelling, boys? What have we said no? It'll be a short episode. Taco, you're our lead negotiator.

You had me of money. He says, thank goodness. And he turns and he walks over to one of the curtains in these changing booths. And he takes a deep breath and then throws it open. And suddenly all the curtains in the room are blown about. by a sharp howling wind that blows in through the booth. Garfield struggles to keep his footing until the wind subsides, at which point he gestures into the booth,

and beyond the curtain is the elemental plane of fire. Magnus hurries forward. Got us the sores during the break. Magnus makes a speedy exit. It's pretty warm in there. All of you are... Magnus rips the sleeve off his shirt. Sure.

As you all step through, through the curtain, Garfield draws it closed behind you and suddenly the curtain disappears. And now you're just standing on this large hill covered in pebbles of black volcanic rock. And before you is the entrance to a city, a massive sprawling city with towering buildings all with a uniform aesthetic. They're all made out of this shiny, polished brass. There are no walls that surround this town, just a few streams of lava pouring out of this great fire sea behind the city. And the city of brass extends up a slope, almost like an amphitheater ending at a huge outcropping of rock that hangs over this sea of molten lava below.

And on that cliff is a castle also made out of glistening brass. Also worth noting, there's no sky in the plain of fire. There's just a ceiling of black rock that hangs above you. As far as the eye can see, at certain points, little rivers of lava are pouring down from fissures in the ceiling, and one particularly large crack is positioned right above this brass castle, which is pouring down this thick column of lava down onto the structure itself. Did you intentionally design it

to look like another world in Minecraft? Is that what the Minecraft world looks like? Okay. No, I didn't. I'm so sorry. I'm just saving you the tweets. And Garfield points to this castle and he says, pretty badass, right?

Like, metal is all get out, I thought. I bet it's hot as fuck. Yeah, maybe a little bit. I've never actually been in there, know what's ever torched in my shops is inside that castle, so we're going to need to find a way in and confront the responsible party. I've never really been to the plane of fire, so I don't know if that party's going to be like a big lava monster or a bunch of dragons or a fire demon or something, but, you know, stay frosty.

Could you possibly help us out maybe with some fire retardant underwear or something? He says, let me see what I've got. and he reaches into the bag and he pulls out three frosty cold bottles of cheer wine, which he cracks open and he hands to each of you. And he says, this isn't going to like protect you from fire damage or anything, but it's going to be refreshing as heck.

Magnus slams it and starts running. Okay. We've only got two hours. You all make your way through the city of brass as you approach the castle at the edge of town. Wait, hold on. They're like denizens? There doesn't seem to be denizens.

They're at least not on the streets. Most of the buildings have had their windows and doors boarded up. A tumbleweed actually rolls down the street towards you and then bursts into flames. And as you reach the castle, you see a conflict brewing at its gates. You see two salamanders, these huge, hulking red humanoid lizard creatures that are native to the plane of fire. They're holding spears and they appear to be escorting what seems to be a, large living fireball away from the castle.

One of the guards tries to kick the fireball's butt as it saunteres away and then recoils because their foot kind of catches fire a little bit. And the two guards return to their posts and the fireball wanders in your direction and as he approaches your party he says,

you all heading to the castle? Don't bother. It sucks in there. And who might you be? My name is Cinder. Nobody's ever asked me my name before. What a great day this is turning out to be. Consider yourself seen, Cinder. What's your story? As he starts talking to you, he moans a little bit, and he appears to shrink slightly.

And he says, oh, well, I used to work in the castle. I powered King Skald's Forge, but he decided I wasn't carrying my weight, so I got, I got, shit canned and uh... So you got... In this economy you got fired? I feel like when dad does one of those like cowbell should start ringing and like fireworks should go off

like oh somebody just won a thousand dollars. He says, yeah that's a that's pretty good. I mean I'm probably gonna die out here on my own. And as he says that he shrinks a little bit more as if the fire is fading a little bit. I grab some of my scrap wood from the pocket workshop. Okay.

And feed it to him. Oh, he grows big and strong. Mmm. Now you don't have to do that boy. It's yummy. So anyway, yeah, King's Skulled kick me to the curb. And so now I'm, you know, just, I guess I got to find new employment. Maybe I'll power an oven or something like that.

But, yeah, what are you all doing here? You don't seem like your locals. I get. I think. We have to maybe kill King Skulled? I don't know. We didn't ask a lot of questions. And I wasn't listening.

Somebody in this plane has been torching some shops on the other side. And for a little bit at least, we have to be invested in that problem. Oh, yeah, that definitely sounds like something King Skald would do. I'd say you should seek audience with him, but that's going to be tricky since most folks who try to reach the throne room end up getting their flesh melted off. What's his M.O.? What's he after? Well, maybe if you cross my palm with a little bit more tender, I might be able to... We can stand here and watch you die.

I've heard the finale. I know how long I have. What about you? You drive a hard bargain. Well, see, the King Skald actually used to be the court blacksmith. He shrinks a little bit. Yeah, I was going to say, he looks exactly like my brother Griffin. King Skulled used to be the court blacksmith.

It was the brother of our former king, King Rathfang. But, uh... The brother made his... He made his brother blacksmith for him? Oh, he blacksmith for most of the town, most of the royal family. But one day, King Rathang disappeared, and the queen took flight not too long after. We never heard from them again. So now King Scald sits on the throne.

He's pretty shitty at his job, for real. He shits on the throne? In a manner of speaking. Uh-oh. I toss him. some wood chips. Thank you. Yumma, yuma.

Not that many. Yumma, yumma. Yeah, ma. So, yeah, he keeps us elementals locked up to power his forge and spends all the town's resources just cranking out metalwork day in, day out. So not a good king, if I do say so myself. Anyway. All right, well, we're going to go kill him, I guess.

That would be cool. I'm going to go find some trees or whatever. Okay, bye. Wait, does he have any cool weaknesses? King Skulled? Yep. I mean, this really seems like a transactional thing, right? Maybe a little...

I throw some more wood chips. Oh, yeah. More than that. Oh, yeah. No known weaknesses. I throw some water on him. Less than that. Oh.

I mean, I mean, hubris, but isn't that just all of us? Yeah, it's all of us. Who hasn't been there? See you later. Yeah. And he floats away towards town. And watching this whole exchange are these two salamander guards. It's fucked up.

And as they see you approach the gate, one of them a bit larger and more imposing than his companion speaks and says, no. No. Hi, friend. I assume that maybe a higher force has planned a whole encounter here, but I'm just going to say, search your memory for maybe a year or two back, a song entered your head with a bunch of stuff that, like, three people did.

You really want to fuck with us? No. And the smaller, the smaller card. I did not think about the fact that you can play that card pretty much whenever the fuck. A smaller guard says, oh, man, but we're really not supposed to let anyone in. You gotta love the dedication. I do respect it, though.

I do respect the dedication. Maybe we could cast like a glamour on you to make you look real beat up. That might be nice. What is this guard again? Is this salamander? Yeah, it's like a big red lizard folk. Okay. Why, yeah?

ask. You got some? No, just create a mental picture for myself. I want to take everybody on this journey with me who may not have been paying very close attention. The smaller guard says, you know what, this gig sucks anyway, and you all seem like you're pretty high-level dudes. So,

yeah, I guess you can pass. There's definitely going to be some obstacles in your way that you won't be able to sort of brag your way through. I wish there's something I could help you out with, because Seriously, King's skull just huffs nuts, man. Man, some things extend across all planes, huh? Well, see you later.

Okay, bye. You couldn't have made him roll a die, at least, to see if that worked. Did you just the side in your head? That's not Dungeons and Dragons. That's Dungeons and Griffin. One of them says, but wait a minute. There it is. Yeah we go.

Why don't you roll a persuasion check? Master of persuasion. It's a D20. That's an eight. Is that the 20-sided dice? Yeah. Plus a one. It's a nine.

Man, I don't know. Hold on, hold on. That would have been intimidation, right? Because it's like, do you want to fuck with us? All right. So it's actually a 14. Oh. Yeah, that does.

Okay. All the stuff I said before is canon. So can we kill them anyway? Dead. Yes. I attack them. No, you don't. No, you don't.

I don't. He doesn't. Damn. They're standing on a bridge over a mode of lava. I push them, but then I kind of catch them back. I'm like, ah, ha, ha. Tell your friends. Swear to me.

You know the difference between you and me? No. It's actually a long list. Hold on. I'm an elf and you're kind of a lizard person. I live in the... There's more that. Unites us than divides us.

There's a lot, actually, but we still both love the smell of baking bread, eh? Anyway. Let's hug. Let's hug for life. And I'm not working on hockey pets. And then you push them off. No. They just, they've already walked away.

They, uh, they left a while ago. So you're now... I just left business to do our Batman in breakfast. Yes. As Taco and Magnus, you Batman in breakfast. back and forth. Listen this one. Where's the following?

So, even with your cheer wine protection from the sort of ambient heat of this place, you feel this oppressive wave of heat coming from in front of you, because across the bridge through the gate that you are currently in front of is

the entrance to the castle, it is covered completely by a waterfall of lava. This column of lava that's falling from the rock ceiling of the plane is splashing against the roof and just falling down, just forming this solid wall, this nonstop cascade of lava

that pours down through this black obsidian grate at the far end of the bridge, cutting off access into the castle. There doesn't seem to be any way past it. I should have done this before, but I switched the defender's dial to fire. Yeah, I figured. Okay.

Click. So there's a grate? Yep. and the lava is pouring down into it, through it and sort of down into this moat of lava below the bridge. I don't know. There's nothing really to do. It's fire.

It's lava. It's so hot. It's crazy how hot it is. Touch it. Just, just, no. Okay. Wait. Let dad fuck up.

Yeah. Who does have a bell that they're ringing? I love it. I conjured into existence. Okay. Is, casts Mm-hmm. Control weather.

That's not what it says. That is not what it says. That is not what it says. Can you read the card again? I can read the card again. And it says, It's right there. Travis.

Okay. Why did you think that was going to fly? Because I've done it before. Lied? You bullshit? I have. I have bullshit before. All right.

Who has, Wizards of the Coast worked really hard on this game. Creating all sorts of spells and stunts and abilities. Agnes casts ice. A spell. I will cast Ice Storm, a fourth level evocation spell. All right. A hail of rock hard ice pounds

fucking says it. A hail of rock hard ice pounds to the ground. Why is this spell description of fucking Chuck Tingle story? A hail of rock a hail of rock hard ice pounds into the ground with all its birds

in a 20-foot radius 40-foot ice. 40 foot high cylinders on any point within range of the grate. Okay. Each creature, and then it's like, et cetera, et cetera, but it takes 2D8 bludgeoning damage and 46 cold damage.

It's more of an attack, but you get what I'm going for. Sure, sure. I don't necessarily know what you're going. I get, you're using ice on the grate and the lava, but what are you thinking this will do? Obviously, Griffin, that the ice would form and then it would harden into onyx. Or no, what's the, obsidian?

No, what am I looking? for you're talking for? Rocks. Okay. I was just trying of an archway that we can walk through. It doesn't create an archway. It does create a solid sort of panel

of obsidian now immediately in front of you. That's not how that would work. The lava is now kind of cascading off of. Okay. Then I smash through it. Okay. Roll and attack roll.

It's obsidian, which is pretty hard, yes? Yes, quite hard. It's a 14? 14? No. Take 16 points of damage. You're just punching. fucking obsidian. Merle. I actually have something.

Merle has the floor. He has a spell called shape stone. Oh, good. And can make a five foot hole. Good. In the panel. Yes. Right? Yes. What do I roll? Nothing. I think you just do it. Through the rock hard stuff.

You form a door in the obsidian panel and create a doorway for all of you to pass through into the castle. You have solved my lava puzzle. And what do we do now? All right.

You pass through the archway you created and then through these large iron double doors that give way as you press against them which opens up into a large empty entrance hall. I open the door for Taco and Merle. Aw.

I just wanted to establish that someone opened the door. All right. That I made. No. A different door the Griffin made with his words. A griffindore, if you will.

Hey. Do we go slithering through the griffon door? Yo, rock hard. This is an easy episode for me. You pass through some double doors into a large entrance hall. Is it a family double door? There are massive pillars

boasting decorative weapons and armor that are lining both sides of a dazzling red carpet that extends forward to a staircase, which, along with the walkway that it led up to, has collapsed in on itself. Thank you, Paul. Most of this room, actually, is in a state of disarray. There are unlit sconces everywhere. The only source of light is radiating from these trickles of lava, dripping down the walls from cracks in the ceiling. The only exit from this room is on the far wall to the left of this ruined staircase.

There's a large stone door with a frame etched in Eldrich ruins. which are the most magical runes that there are. In the center of this door built right into the rock is a small metal padlock with a keyhole on its face. This is a puzzle, so please pay attention. I'd punch it. Fuck, man, that was it. There were so many other things,

but the only thing you had to do is punch it, and your fist went in the keyhole. You turned it a little bit. I think that was sarcasm. All right, establish all the beats so far. I'm dialed in now. Okay. To the left of the door are a few eye-catching objects.

The first is a pile of metal ingots, arranged in a pyramid right to the side of the door. Placed neatly on top of the pile is a single piece of white chalk. Also, a few feet from the pile of ingots is a relief built into the wall. It depicts a large, burly salamander. It looks like you guys are taking a fucking SAT prep class over there. You have never asked us to do a puzzle. One... In a live venue.

One of this salamander's arms is jutting out of the relief, curled upwards, its fist clenched around a large hammer. This figure is standing above a large anvil that stands immediately below the relief right above the arm holding the hammer as if it could come down to strike it.

Also, this salamander's mouth is open in a wide O shape as if caught in the middle of jovial laughter. I take the chalk and draw a penis next to it. Okay, nothing happens. There is a metallic plaque in the shape of a banner that hangs over this relief, giving the subject depicted a name scald. What do you do?

Take the hammer. I take the hammer. The hammer is built into the relief. You cannot take it. I pull one of the ingots between the hammer and the anvil. Nothing happens. I leave it then. No wait, no, wait.

You have your dumb one. Now, Dad, what's your thing? I pull nitpicker out of my bag. Okay. Well, uh, couldn't even get past the first act, huh? Pulling me out a little bit early, don't you think, there, Merle? Well, obviously, we don't have any good ideas. Well, didn't this guy go to fucking thief school?

Why do you even need me anymore? Oh, yeah. Can I try the lock first? Sure. It's a 20. Oh. I put nitpicker back in the bag. Can we not maybe, can we just do the puzzle then?

With a Nat 20, the Eldridge runes light up as you stick your thieves tools into the padlock and attempt to electrocute you extremely badly, but with a Nat 20, you pull back real, real fast. And they do not. The door remains locked. It's a trap. There are so many things you can do to solve a puzzle with all the beautiful skills that Gary Gygax gave to you. My beautiful family. In its move? Can we move them?

You can pick them up, yeah. I'm going to roll an investigation check. Okay. 15? With a 15, you find a few traces of chalk, just a few little grains of chalk on the surface of the anvil, just kind of off to the edge.

Put the chalk on the anvil? You place the chalk on the anvil. Nothing happens. I'm going to roll, this may be the same bit of flavor. over text, but I'm going to roll a perception check that is going to be a 13. I'm basically looking for

things that look like they're used regularly to access this pathway. All of it. The ingots, the chalk, the anvil. So it's all part of it. It's all kind of part of the puzzle. The ingots and the chalk are part of it. Yes. Merle?

Wait, what are you rolling, pal? A perception check. Like everybody else. There's nothing else to perceive. You have perceived everything in the puzzle. Do insight. Do insight. An insight check then. To see if you Griffin are lying. Okay. Okay. Insight.

I rolled an eight plus 12. 20. What's not? No, there is no. He's very insightful. Look. It says it on his lying sheet right there. With a 12 insight.

No, it's 20. A 20 insight. You incite. know that Griffin is hiding. See some scrape marks on the corners, on the edges of the big circular open mouth, as if something has scraped against the... I put an ingot in the mouth. You place an ingot in the mouth

and hear a clunking noise as it slides down into the belly of this thing and its eyes light up red and some smoke pours out of its mouth as something inside of it, activates. And we all turn into Tom Hanks. Exactly what happened in big. That's what happens in big. Some dude goes up to a fortune teller and is like, boy, my life's not going so great. And then he turns into a

Tom Hanks. He puts an ingot in the mouth of Zolt whatever. That's it. That's all that happens that time. Is there clearly, okay, is there anything on the statue that looks like it like moves. Hinges. There's a hinge on the elbow that is the arm sticking out

holding the hammer. I take the chalk and write open on the anvil. Then I put another ingot in. Before you even have time to put another ingot in, you write open on the anvil and you see some molten

metal actually lift up from the surface of the anvil from inside of it and fill in the words that you have written, word you have written, and then the hammer comes striking down on it, and then you have just presented in front of you, O-P-E-N in metal, waiting for you on the anvil. Nothing else happens, though.

Okay, I am going to take out my mockingbird gum. Okay. And I'm going to chew it up. All right. Then I am going to chew all of it up. Okay. And then I'm going to put it into the keyhole. And then I'm going to transmute it.

Yeah, I can just transmute the substance. So I'm going to use my transmutation stone to transmute it into... I'm just watching. It's like the meme with like all the math moving around the woman's head. Okay. And then I'm going to transmute it into wood. Okay. Because I have the transmutation stone.

I'm going to transmit it into wood, and then I'm going to pull it back out. Okay. What's it look like? A key. No, I mean, I'm going to trace that exact key with the chalk. Okay. You trace that key with the chalk, and it's sitting there, but the thing is not active. I put another ink it in it.

Okay, yeah, metal rises up from the anvil and fills in the tracing of the key. The hammer comes down and strikes it, and now you've got yourselves a key going. And then I throw that key away. No, wait. Now you two do one also, because you can't ride on my coattails. I just fucking bury the key. All right. The whole rock hard.

Rock hard key. As you do that, you don't even need to turn it. The padlock falls away and a split opens in the middle of the door and it slides open. That was a good. As you go to leave through this room, you, you know. notice a few things among the debris in this sort of ruined entryway. They look like discarded weapons and pieces of armor lying amidst the rubble. And as you sort of turn to leave, it looks like they kind of move with a mind of their own. They scoot a little bit closer and closer to your party

slowly, and then they stop right at Magnus's feet. And they kind of like hang there for a second, and then they fall back down to the ground motionless. You all want to come with, or? Garfield says, that was pretty weird. I put them on? I mean, you can if you want, but they appear to just be kind of shitty pieces of armor. Not any better than the pieces of armor you've got now.

Yeah, but they moved. They're not moving anymore. And you made a point to mention it. Okay. Yeah, you can put them on if you want. Could one of you magical dudes, like, check those out? Okay. I'll do an arcana check

that is a six plus one. I know nothing about these. Merle? Roll a D20? Magnus said that in character. I do an arcana check. Okay.

Ten plus what? Nothing. You have somehow no arcana. I'm going to say both of you and Taco, I think you get a little bump just because it's kind of home turf. There's transmutation magic,

hella transmutation magic coming off these things. They have been transmutated. And yes, you know that much. I put them on. Okay. I take his old armor. No, I transfer it to the Baga Word Shop. I'm not leaving it behind. You're wearing now plate mail armor. It's not necessarily your aesthetic. Why did it hate? Ignore them. Okay. Why did it move? The door from the entrance hall. No, no, no, no, Griffin. We're brothers. opens up.

Where can? To the throne room. My flesh, my blood. You are standing in a large rectangular room. I thought I knew you. Yes. Look at the clock. Oh, no.

You have reached the throne room of the castle. It's a large rectangular room. About halfway in from your position, there are these two large, thick columns of lava falling in through cut holes in the ceiling, down into great covered holes in the floor. there is no far wall to this room. There is just simply a half dozen or so pillars

that, I don't know why I said or so, it's six. Six-ish, give her seven, five. There are exactly six. You're not going to sit there and count them like an asshole. There are six pillars. Who has the time? There are six pillars that run from the floor to the ceiling, beyond which you can just see open the Great Fire Sea,

which boils just below the precipice that this castle stands on. It's just a sheer drop-off if you went through these, pillars. The room is filled with suits of armor that are flanking the both sides. They are not. They are carrying various weapons. They're arranged in rows to your left and right. Just this army of armor that fills a majority of the room silently watching the royal proceedings. And at the end of this room is a dais and a stone throne, stone throne, upon which sits the only other person in this room, a big burly salamander who you recognize from the relief outside

is King Skulled. Is he laughing? Yeah, sure. That's how we were... First, we're looking at him, and then he laughed and we're like, oh, ho, ho! He says, okay, let me...

I'm gonna marry Princess Beach. Says it's been a long time since I've had visitors. Where are you from, little ones? What? I'm from TV. Do you get that here? Crow Magnum?

TV. Okay. Didn't need to get like this this fast. I'm from originally a planet with, I think, two moons. I don't know. That was a long time ago. And then Ravens Roost. So I guess I would say I'm from Ravens Roost.

Are you the guys from the song? Yeah. Okay, cool. That's going to cut a lot of exposition out. The beach. Do you want us to sign anything? That's okay. Is there anything I can do for you?

What are you doing in my realm? Have you been burning down Garfield's stores? Garfield kind of waves nervously as you say that. And Scald says, Yeah, that's me. So you're the merchant, huh? I've been deeply curious about you, I admit. According to my scouts,

you were in possession of something that belongs to me. They made a terrible mess of your business. Ventures, right? Says, I apologize because it appears this item has changed hands. King, King Skulled looks at Magnus and says the sword, please.

This is ironic considering where we are, but over my cold dead body. Scult, Scald says, I feel like you maybe don't understand the true power of this sort. See, for decades, I served as the loyal,

Smithy to this realm. My creations were unparalleled in quality, and yet my services were never truly appreciated by the royal family. Are you listening? Yeah. So, so I found the means to make them respect

my work. I would make them become my work. And then he gestures upwards, and there are swords and spears and axes hanging all around the room, each of which features a nameplate. There's Queen Ash Spine, Duke Incindius, and so on.

And he says, I do not know how the highlight of my collection was stolen from me, or how it ended up in your hands, fighter. And he motions to a plaque on the wall hanging... Fuck you. My name's Magnus. Emotions to a plaque on the wall hanging above the throne. It's a long plaque with two hooks turned upward, which held once a great wicked sword. And underneath, there's a nameplate that reads King Rathfang.

and and Skulled says, well, never mind all that, this is a cause for celebration. And he taps his hammer against the armrest of the throne, and the flaming, raging, poisoning sort of doom is pulled from your hands into his free hand. And he looks at the sword and says, our king has returned.

We're going to take an intermission, right now. We'll be right back with Act 2. Hey, this is Griffin McRoy, your best friend, your dungeon master, and your boss baby. I'm in charge now. Thanks for listening to The Adventure Zone, our live show from Atlanta. Again, we will be back in two weeks with a new episode of Amnesty, but until then, I'm going to tell you about some of our sponsors. Got a couple of jumbotrons here. This one is for future Alex and Caitlin. It's from Alex, who says, First of all, because I know you're listening, Hey, Caitlin, you are a wonderful friend,

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a new amnesty, sorry for the delay, and we'll talk to you then. Bye. How was the initiative roll for everybody? I got a 21. Jesus. 16. 20. The hangback kid. Oh, Jesus.

And wait. I rolled twice. This is true. You remember that. We'll stay with the 20. Okay. First in the order is Magnus with a 21. You, uh...

It's hot in here. What the fuck just has? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess there's columns of lava in this room in an open wall looking out into the Great Fire Sea. It would be kind of red in there. UC Scald tap his hammer on the throne one more time. He's already holding your sword, well, technically Taco's sword,

and his other hand in his hammer. Well, when you give a gift to a friend, Griffin. As he taps at a second time, though, a few of the suits of armor flanking you on either side of the room come to life and start marching toward you. Magnus, it's your turn with a 21. Let me finish this text. Really, dog?

No, I'm looking up what disarming strike does. D and D. I'll roll for the attack first. Okay. I'm going to call that interference on the bag. No, no. Okay. It's a 12, so I miss with that.

But then I attack five more times. So that's a 19. A 19 is a hit. Okay. And then I'm going to roll. Okay, who here knows how disarming strike works? Okay, hold on. This is not going to be good audio.

Let's open up the player's handbook. Didn't think I would have to open it during the show. But that's okay. Sometimes you've got to read a book on stage. This is what you all crave, right, Reddit? So cool of Reddit to be here tonight. You add your superiority dice to the attack's damage roll and the target must make a strength saving throw.

What are you attacking with, by the way? Chancellands. Chance lance. Okay. So that's a D-10 for damage. Eight? Okay. 22 is what I have to be.

Yeah. Great. No, I didn't do it. What are you, which, he's got two things. What are you trying to make him drop? My sword. Okay. The flaming, raging, poisoning sword of doom drops to the ground.

I catch it before it hits. the ground. Technically, it says it lands at its feet in the disarming strike. Then I get it like, ka, at the feet. Okay. You get your sword back. And I stab up into the ribs. That seems like two actions to me.

Okay. Next in the order is... Merle. First, I just like to point out that Merle does have control weather. Okay, but you didn't fucking have the card out. Thank you, Clint. What is your action? Um, I'm going to do something real clericy.

Cool. And cast, uh, guardian of faith. Excellent. Where, uh, where does Deloresa appear? I would say sort of the two zones in this fight right now are sort of where the armor is sort of approaching you from the sides of the room or, uh, where King's Skull is sort of close to the back of the room. Uh, towards the suits of armor. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. So I, I cast that in the amazing. angelic Delorese appears. Yes. Can you read me some of that flavor? Because I know they have to make saving throws. Yeah. Occupy the Vids.

Any creature hostile to you that moves to a space within 10 feet of the Guardian for the first time on a turn must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. Okay. These armor things act as a swarm. So I'm going to roll one deck save for

all of them. that is a 15, which I believe your spell save is a 20. I looked at all your numbers backstage so that we didn't waste any time. They do not save. So what happens? The creature takes 20 radiant damage. Wow. And?

What else do you want? No, that's it. Yeah, it was a failed save, correct? Okay. Yeah, they take 20 radiant damage. 20 radiant damage. Have you guys never played this game before? Oh, Jesus Christ.

There were six suits of armor approaching you, three from the left, three from sort of the right flank. And as they enter into Deloresa's attack zone, she takes down three of them, three remain marching towards you. Next in the order is the living armor. The three remaining moving living armor pieces, the ones who have not sort of clattered to the ground, approach Merle and seek vengeance. they attack you as a swarm that is a 21 versus AC. It's a disadvantage because I'm standing right there and I'm a defender. Okay. I'm a protection fighter.

19 versus AC. It does tie. 19. Tie goes to the attacker, unfortunately. Hey, sorry about that. They cut you up good with their axes and swords for Yauza. 22 points. of slashing damage.

He's fine. Oh. Yep. And with that, more suits of living armor come alive. Five more suits of living armor from the sides of the room start marching towards you. Next in the order is Taco. That's so many living suits of armor.

Yeah. There's so many in this room. How big are they? They're... Suit of armor size. Somewhere between four and a half and six and a half feet. Yeah, in that range. There are six, there's...

Somebody really like that joke and I did too. Thank you for coming with me on that. Waiting on that new Taco EP to drop. He dropped some tracks on SoundCloud. It was... It was fire. Did it slap? It was the slap.

It was just in line-for-line counting the TV show this lap. Yes. Still any more time? He likes to keep us in anticipation for his new albums, but then he does like a surprise drop, like you weren't even expecting him to take a turn? Well, they're not really attacking with fire, are they?

No. I mean, because that was kind of my thing that I was thinking about. Cool. That was, I was thinking about how it would be cool to do like a fire thing. And now it's less, I don't, this is everyone's favorite part of a deal.

in the podcast. The wizard looks at his thousand spells. It's not thousand spells. I was looking at one spell and it doesn't make any sense to invest in sure of flame myself if they're not to attack with flame. I had that one kind of ready, like excited, but it doesn't seem like it makes any sense here. Sure.

I am going to cast boring old, stupid, dumb ass. He doesn't have it picked yet. Just a dumb spell. Just a stupid ass. Do you want it to delay your turn? I'm going to delay my turn because I have a plane.

All right. Keep looking. Next in the order is Garfield, the deals warlock. Garfield, uh, Garfield, uh, kneels down and reaches into his gigantic bag of holding. And he roots around in there for a while. And he says, aha! And he pulls out a super soaker.

And he turns and faces scald and shoots him with what appears to be some sort of black ooze that sizzles as it hits Skulled, and some of Skulled's sort of thick leather armor falls away, reducing his AC permanently with the Black Ouse shot at Skald. Taco, are you... Yes, I'm ready. How close are all the bad folks to Skulled? Give me a quick layout.

Sure, I would say you're all within like 20 feet of each other in sort of the far... end of the room now. But we're all in like a 20 foot. Yep. What would a 20 foot radius from Scald encompass? You guys in the armor.

The armor that is currently approaching you to attack. Eight suits of armor, U3 and Skulled. Youth four, including Garfield. You know it's going to be worth it. Unless you need to delay again. No, I think we can handle it. I'm going to cast vitriolic sphere at Skulled.

I'm pointing into place within range and a glowing one football of emerald acid streaks there and explodes in a 20-foot radius. Each creature has to make a dexterity saving throw. Mine's dope, so I'm fine. A what saving throw? That's a dexterity saving throw. Scald got a four.

20. Whoa. 18 plus two, not an app. The eight suits of living armor got a 13. How are you doing, Dad? What's up? Seven. So, okay. Taco, did you roll it? What? Your dexterity saving throw.

Oh, I'm good. I added a 19. I'm fine. I guess I saved it against myself. So good news, good news, good news on the armor, they're dead. Bad news for you. But that feels like I know you would kind of think it's a fair price to What a great deal. Two out of three ain't bad. Two out of three ain't bad. How much damage are you doing? Three out of four.

If you think about it. Oh yeah, how's Garfield's doing? Garfield's great. Garfield's fun. And really, I got all the bad guys. So we didn't really lose anybody important. How much damage does the vitro? Oh, man.

It's not even that much. It's just 10d4 acid. At most, You have 49, at most. It's 40 damage. You'll have nine points left. At most. At 8. 22. 22, not bad at all.

Everybody agreed that was worth it. Hooray, we succeed again. The eight suits of armor, the joints sort of connecting them corrode, and they've also collapsed to the ground. You have taken out all of them. And Skald. Skald looks pretty bad also.

So scald is up now. Scald takes his hammer, which starts to glow, and he points it at Garfield the Deals Warlock. And a rainbow-colored beam shoots out of the tip of the hammer and hits Garfield the Deals Warlock, who is encased in this rainbow light as he floats up off the ground. And then there is a flash of light, and then Garfield is gone, and there's just a chakram

that collapses and falls to the ground as Garfield has been transformed into a weapon. Next in the order is Magnus Burnsides. I'll say, hey, he wasn't at the death reunion, so anything goes, that's right. It's not just them I can endanger. Magnus. I'm going to attack with the flaming, raging, poisoning sort of doom

that I still have. Okay. Boo. Ooh. That's an 18 plus 10. 28. That does hit. Okay. Two. Seven plus 24. That is 31 points of damage.

And then I attack again. Five plus 10, 15. He's hurt real bad. No, no, no. That was my attack. Oh, 15? 15 hits with the reduced AC. Okay. And so that's almost. only 26, so that's 57. I attack again.

It's a 28. Yeah. That's 34 points of damage. How's he looking? Skull steps back. He takes stock of the situation. He takes a deep breath.

He says, maybe you do understand the true power of this weapon. He says, I know enough to admit when I am outmatched by an adversary. And he takes a step back and he sort of is now resting against

one of the pillars at the edge of this room overlooking the Great Fire Sea below and he says, do you? And he falls backwards over the edge. Oh. You won. Wait, no, this is a second form Sutheroff kind of thing, right? Then you hear a rumbling from below.

fucking dark souls I knew it the ground beneath you quakes most of the living suits of armor in this room lose their footing and crash to the floor and then begin reforming themselves amidst the chaos and then a massive metal gauntlet

rises into view below the cliff's edge finding a handhold amongst the pillars at the edge of the room and then it pulls another Thanos it's not fucking Thanos yep it's a marble cross

crossover. This is a sponsored content. And then it pulls another gauntlet into view, and you see a gigantic metal plate helmet lift up behind the pillars. Its visor is open and inside, controlling this gigantic suit of armor from within is King Skald. And Skald says, I'd been hoping to forge a larger army before beginning my campaign, but I'm afraid you've forced my hand. And he stands up... Oh, hand, gauntlet. Okay. And with that, this massive suit of armor stands up to full height.

It's easily 10 stories tall. It towers over this castle. You actually see it tuck its fingers in between those pillars at the edge of the room and just rip the ceiling of the throne room and castle off and chuck it into the great fire sea below. And as it does so, all the smaller suits of armor in this throne room begin floating upward. They're now following Skulld's massive armor vessel, flocking behind it as this gigantic suit of armor stands astride the castle.

And these two metal gauntlets, they clap together, and Skulls voices amplified as he shouts, Rejoice my creations for today, our realm takes its rightful place at the center of the planar system. And then you see Skulld's arm with the hammer extend through the visor, and this rainbow-colored beam shoots forward and tears a rift in the fabric of reality itself, and through that tear, you see Neverwinter.

It is a busy day. Right in the middle of the merchant's quarter, there are crowds of people all assembled around a stage, and on that stage, you see flowers and balloons and a marching band performing, and banners hanging from poles reading, Neverwinter rises again. And while every face in the crowd looks in shock

at your direction through this open rift, you see a familiar face that is, at the moment, oblivious to this threat. Behind a podium on stage is Lucretia, who is donning her Bureau of Benevolence Regalia and reading a prepared speech from a scroll. She says, But with your months of tireless effort

and unceasing charity, the long, arduous rebuilding process has finally concluded. Neverwinter has not just recovered from the hunger's onslaught. It has been reforged, a safer, stronger, more pros. You have got to be fucking kidding. And with that, Skull's massive suit of armor

takes one enormous step forward towards the open rift to Neverwinter with a flock of smaller suits of armor flying behind him with weapons drawn. Who's next in the fucking order? It is Merle High Church. Merle. What do you do? Merle casts conjure celestial.

Okay. What's that to? You summon a celestial of challenge rating 4 or lower, which appears in an unoccupied space that you can see within range. Okay. How is this different from the Deloese spell? Well, for one thing, she disappeared after doing 60 damage. Okay.

And this is a celestial. So what's that mean, Mac? I don't know what a celestial is. Jesus. I was hoping one of you did. The DM has the celestial statistics, pal. So I guess it's your fault you don't know. Does it really fucking say that?

Why would you put me on blast like that player's handbook? Right there. You have those statistics, Grimmy. I'll Google it. The top result is actually like 90 Reddit threads. Like, people like, where are the fucking statistics? Thanks. Okay. Up to, okay. Okay. This is off the website. You get to choose one of the three. A Pegasus? A C-O-U-A-T-L? What is a... It's like a snake with wings. It's tight. Okay. Or a unicorn.

Bynicorn. Nope. Garel's a bina-corn. Nope. Geryl's a bina-corn. Geryl is... Gero's a bina-corn. Sorry, bud. you want to summon a unicorn and give him a friend. No. No, that's my IP. I will take you to court. Do the Pegasus. Do a beautiful Pegasus. Do the Pegasus. I'll do the Pegasus.

Okay. I think you... I will give you the name Gregasus. That's all I'll give you. Gregassus to Pegasus. You open the Extreme Team Bible and I think just page master style, a Gregasus comes flying out of the pages and lands beside you.

And... And he has the face of every Greg you've ever known. Can I jump on it? Yeah, what do you want Gregassus to do on Gregassus' turn? Start attacking the suits of armor. Okay, go ahead and roll a D20. 19. Plus two?

We're just Calvin balling it at this point, but next in the order was the flying suits of armor. Let's say that a detachment of these suits of armor we're flying down to intercept the three of you to keep you from preventing this invasion and Gregus runs in and just uses tackle on all of them knocking all effortlessly out of the sky. Next in the order is Taco.

Okay. I am going to cast. I'm going to cast Reduce. My one. like Pacific Rim style encounter and you're going to reduce it. How much? Just like one.

What does the spell say? One less. I mean, it takes it from M to G. So still five stories. Like, I guess mag to giant. Okay, yeah. Now it's six stories tall. Okay, perfect.

So it's doable. And scald inside of it, it also got kind of cuter. Sweet. Okay, I'm good. That's all I need. Hey, baby, that's step one. Garfield lays motionless on the floor. As a chakrum. As a chakram.

Next in the order is Skulled. Scald, first off, tries to pick up a very large tower made of brass, just tries to rip it out of the ground and can't, because his suit of armor is a little bit smaller than he expected it to be. So instead he picks up a brass outhouse, which he launches at the three of yours directions,

except are you writing, you're not writing, Greg, I says. You sent him. Yeah. Oh, okay. Then it just is going after you, Magnus and Taco, make a dexterity saving throw. 20. Nat.

11, not. good enough to dodge it. The outhouse comes flying towards Magnus first, and the door kind of like waves open as it comes, and you just kind of perfectly

past... Buster Keaton-style? Perfectly passed through a Buster Keaton style. And then the door shuts right as it reaches Taco, and it just flattens him. That is 21 points of damage from the outhouse.

Okay. We're big boys. We're good. And then, for its second attack, the massive, or less the giant armor, I guess, tries to throw a punch at Gregus and Merle. That is a Natt failure. That is a lot. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Yeah, it's six. And actually, Merle healed. He just avoided so... Next to the order is Magnus. Magnus laughs. Okay. Okay, now it's my turn. And then grappling hooks into the open visor.

Oof. All right. I'm going to make you do a... Acrobatics. Acrobatics, probably. Because this thing is pretty high up there and it just took a big step away from. Or an athletics check.

Yeah, sure, either one. Okay, so that's a 19. Okay. I'll make you deal with a 19. You can get up there, but it's not going to be like a clean entry into the visor. I'll save some damage.

Okay. Yeah, I think he gets an attack of, opportunity against you as you come inside. He swings over the control panel with his hammer and ooh, damn, that is a 27 versus AC.

Oh yeah, that hits. I'm going to say because he's one size smaller than he was before, that is 15 points of damage. Oh, okay, so I'm just down to 100. Yeah, can you angle your mic? You need to talk into the microphone.

I'm down to 100. Yes. What do you do now? Remember when I said Magnus laughs? Yes. He triggers his magnetic charge. Oh. A face-sized last ball with a blue button on top.

Once the button is pressed, the ball will begin to glow and produce a magnetic field that lasts two rounds of combat. The field repels any metal object within 10 feet from the ball. The entire flock of armor flying behind this thing, just... Woosh. Like confetti three. the air just kind of gets scattered around the town, just pieces sort of flying down into the city of brass. There are some salamander citizens now who kind of came out of their houses to look at

things. They're like dodging the debris back and forth. Nothing happens to the giant suit of armor. And Scald laughs and he says, he points to the helmet behind him and all around him and he says, DIN! Muriel, you're up. Um, Merle swoops down. Okay. On Gregassus the Pegasus. Yes. Grags the chakras. Chachrum. Chachrum.

You know what that is, right? Like from Zena? Yeah. Yeah. You do know what it is. It's the round thing. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's a round-bladed weapon. Okay. Zena threw it like everyone ever. Do you all not fucking, you all came here for Dragon God? Do you not fucking know who Zena warrior princess is? Like, I'm not like fishing for cheer. It just seemed like people were like, oh, yeah, see, you know. Like, kind of.

All right. And then Merle throws it. Good start, good start. He gets as close as he can on Gregus as the Pegasus and still have a turn left. Okay. And throws it scald. Yeah, but Magnus is in the way. Yeah, roll a D20.

You can't say Magnus is in the way. You just put me in the way. No, you're wicked in the way. Seven. Plus what? What do I? No. You know what?

I'm going to give you advantage because Greg Assis is here to cheer you on. He says, roll again, old man. Roll again, Mac. Three. All right, I did my best. With that throw, the... Wait, and yells, here, Magnus, catch this.

He catches it, all right, and goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Luckily, the heavy metal armor that Magnus picked up in the castle protects him from most of the blow. You only take seven points of damage as Garfield tries to cut into your body meat. Doesn't quite make it through. And Garfield then falls out of the open visor and plummets to the ground below. He's made a metal, so it's probably fine. No, it would stick in.

Okay, yeah, it's stuck into your shirt. shoulder. That's fun. Taco, you are now up. I am going to cast on myself, polymorph. I am going to transform

into the canonical Dungeons and Dragons Creature, a Tyrannosaurus Rex named Dupree. This is that Pacific Rim shit. Yeah. But like... I just want to say, canonically, Magnus just got so excited to see Dupre again. Yeah.

But like, if you think about, you said 60 stories, and I thought, no, you said six stories at first or 10 stories at first. I was like, okay, I don't know how big Tyrann's racist is, but it's not 10 stories big for sure. So I had to knock you down a pack. And then I could DePri. Let's make it fun. Why don't you roll a D20 and we'll see how big Dupri turns out.

That is a 17. DePree's about seven stories. Nice. And I want you to picture every little kid. from every good Godzilla movie? Like, Dupree! That's Magnus right now. I think all this time

Scald and his massive suit of armor has been taking one step closer and one step closer to the rift. But as he feels you transform, he turns to face you. What do you do? That's actually my entire action. I have nothing I can do.

I mean, I can look at him and go, but I'm a... Not a lot of sassy lines with T-Rex. The think meat, you see, is very small. That was, that was tacos action. This is Dupree's action. Dupree is going to bite the face of the thing. Not smart.

Don't know if that's smart or not. It's Dupree. Dupree acts on instinct. Dupree is all instinct, my man. Here's the other thing. Don't know how to do Malian attacks at all. 100%. Here, I roll this.

It's plus 10 to hit. Is that good or bad? 16 plus 10 to hit. Is that 26? Is that right? That is a 26, yes. Okay. You know, just Magnus is upends. That's okay.

Magnus is a beefy boy. All right. There's plenty of biting to go around. The hit is, so that's a hit that's 4D12 plus 7? I'm still fine, even at most. Do you have the D12 dice? I got one. You want me to roll it for you?

You don't have a machine over there that'll do it? Okay. 33. 33. Wow, that's wild. Yeah, you bite the visor, clean off this thing. Magnus, you're going to get some of the teeth. That's fine.

Let's say half that, so whatever half of 33 is. and I know, it was a joke. And Scald is going to take some bad hit stuff too. Okay. Now it's time for Dupree's attack against the armor. The huge metal armor. That one was against Skald.

This is a different target. It's with his tail. He's going to hit its legs as hard as he fucking can. Okay. That's a 19 plus 10, 29. Dupree! That's a 3D8 plus seven. Jesus, Dupree. It's, yeah, it's good.

I can actually do that one. Five, four, eight. So five, nine, seven, seven, plus seven. 24. Okay. Bludgeoning damage. I don't know if that matters. Sure, no, it matters.

I'm not used to doing damage. Yes. Okay, with that, the two legs go flying. The two legs, just come off below the knee, the foot part of the, what are the leg parts of armor called? Haunches. The haunches of the armor go flying off. What are greaves?

What are grieves? And I think in... Grieves? Yes, thank you. Yes, maybe. And so, anyway, the leg parts of the armor go flying away. The drumsticks. I think everything...

What happens next is kind of in slow motion. Magnus, you are six stories off the ground in this helmet. with King Skulled, a little bit closer to the exit of the helmet, but now you feel yourself in free fall inside of this helmet. What do you do to not die? Oh, here's the thing. We started this fight at 1158, and now it's 12.01 a.m. And I use the grappling hook again.

And time is different. No, I love it. That's good. Yeah, sure. You hear actually a clock tower ding in the distance, and you know. And I'm like, oh shit. And I use the grappling hook again to grapple back. And I grab the shot.

Oh, chakras in my shoulder. Right. Chachrum. Yeah. And you fly right on out of it. What are you attaching it to? Just some shit. To Taco.

Oh, too, Dupree? Well, he's Dupree. Yeah, I love it. It's fine. You can take it. All right. I can feel it. Yeah, it latches into Dupree's meat.

He doesn't even fucking care. Dupree catches it and it's like, come on in, my buddy. Yeah, reels him on in. you just sort of effortlessly just kind of zoom out of the visor as Scald falls down six stories with the helmet and the armor goes crashing to the ground and as he goes falling his concentration is interrupted and the rift closes and right as it does you see Lucretia like okay and the armor crashes to the ground and the pieces go flying everywhere and the helmet rolls to a stop,

and King's Skull just kind of oozes out of the visor, and he has been destroyed. Does that break his spell on everything? What's that? Does that break his spell on everything? And with that, the weapons and the armor that had been flung to the ground by the magnetic charge, they start to levitate,

and they are encased in that same sort of shimbing. rainbow light. Garfield is just sitting on your shoulder like, hey, that was weird. And all of these pieces of armor and all these weapons transform back into their original salamander forms. And this salamander who is wearing a circlet and wearing this golden white chain mail tunic approaches you, and she says, you've done a great service for us this day, off-worlders. My name is Queen Ash Spine. Uh-huh. I've been a, I've been a, I've, I've been a pole arm for some time now, thanks to my husband's dick brother.

I take it you have killed him. Yeah. Fantastic, fantastic. Whatever power he exerted over our people has faded. Although, and she looks at the flaming, raging, poisoning sort of doom on your back, and she says, Rathfang, my love, you can return to your original form now.

Oh, well. No, hold on. And the flaming, raging, poisoning sort of doom begins to shimmer in this multicolored light. No, Griffin, it doesn't. And it lifts out of your hand, and it floats in the air, and it's giving off this blinding light. And when it fades, you see,

laying at your feet the flaming, raging, poisoning sort of doom. And it was a sword. And Queen Ash, Queen Ash. The king was a sword. The whole time. And Queen Ashbein says, hmm, it seems he believes his work with your party is not quite at an end.

Oh, yes. That is... And then, okay, and then Dupree changes back into Taco, and he's like, are you sure? Because it seems like balance-wise, you've written yourself a great out for like balance, just from like a balance perspective? Capital B.

Capital B, no. lowercase, it seems like he's just shouting to the air. Like it seems like balance-wise. It might be... It might be better. Yeah, and your thing about... If he didn't have it.

Queen Ashbein says, yeah, I mean, it's kind of a bummer. That's my husband and he's a sword, but... Yeah, for sure that. But also just for... I promise you I'll never lose him. With that, a curtain is shut in front of all three of you and you're back in the dressing room. And Garfield says, well, all's well, it ends well.

And he floats to another booth several feet away and slides another curtain open. And through it, you see Neverwinter. You see Lucretia directing the city guard to aid a few civilians who were sort of injured in the panicked evacuation of the town square. You see a lot of Neverwintians, were Neverwinterians, sort of looking generally pretty confused. And Garfield comes up to you and he says, well, I suppose I owe you all big time now. Like I promise, I'll have my lawyer draw up paperwork to transfer some shares to my company

once I don't really know how that works again, but... None of us do. Yeah, I'm hoping my lawyers do. Anyway, I think you're going to find it a worthwhile investment. Something tells me my fortunes will be turning around very soon. And he shuts a curtain behind you, and all three of you are in Neverwinter. And then we see Garfield, still in the first.

fitting room and he reaches into his bag of holding and pulls out Scald's magic hammer. That is the end of our adventure. Thank you all so much for coming. This has been the Adventure Zone. Thank you all. Enjoy DragonCon. Goodbye. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hi, I'm Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we host One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Whether you are a parent or just No kids exist in the world. Join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent. I'm just going to end with this.

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