The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Live in Nashville!

Episode Date: December 14, 2017

Our heroes are joined by a familiar face as they take on a dangerous heist in another reality. ALSO: Some news about the next few experimental arcs! Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey everybody, this is Griffin McRoy, your best friend, your all that other stuff real quick. I wanted to talk about something before we get into the episode, which is our live show that we performed in Nashville. If you were at our The Adventure Zone Zone Zone at PodCon last weekend, then you already know about this. But if you don't, there's a bit of a programming change that you should know about. And that is that starting in January, for the rest of the time that we are doing these sort of experimental mini-archs like Taz's commitment, which we wrapped up, a couple weeks ago, we are going to go weekly. We are going to have weekly episodes starting in January for the experimental episodes. Once we get to season two, we're going to probably go back to biweekly so that we can continue

to put the amount of sort of polish and effort that we need to put to make the show as good as we want it to be. But in the meantime, we're going to go weekly. And the reason we're doing that is because we really love to doing commitment. We're really happy with it. But if each of us takes some time to work on one of those mini arcs and we go by, bi-weekly, it's just going to take forever before we get to season two. And we are all sort of ready and raring to go to start building out this big, big story like we did with balance. There's also some

issues with, like, you know, introducing this new world and new characters and then giving you just enough time to forget about all of that before we get to the next episode. And you don't really have that sort of like built-in knowledge about the universe, which makes going bi-weekly, like going two weeks without a new episode kind of more manageable. So yeah, and these episodes, like, they're probably going to be a little bit rougher than, you know, the balance episodes were just because we are going to be turning them around twice as quickly. And yeah, our hope is that we can keep this schedule up and make some more good mini-arcs and then get to season two a little bit faster. So that's the announcement. Now, because we're doing that, we do need some time to prep to go weekly

and get all of our mini-archs ready, which we are kind of taking December to do. So today is the Nashville episode. And then in two weeks, we're going to put up our episode that we recorded in Tacoma earlier this month. And we're going to put that up probably, I think, the week of Christmas. So, yeah, there'll be a new episode up then, and it'll be that. And then start in January, new episodes, weekly, through the experimental arcs. And yeah, we're all very, very excited to really dig down deep and start cranking these things out. So we hope you enjoy them, and we'll bear with us as we keep doing these experiments. And yeah, that's it.

Enjoy the episode. Before presenting you with our tale of high adventure, I have a deadly important question for you, Nashville. Are you trace-holy for this one? It's the Adventure Zone. And now it's time to switch to my prescription glasses. Always the most exciting, hard. core movement of the next.

Rockstar. Hey, everybody. Before we get going, is there any way we can get full house lights and so we can see all the cosplay? Because we've only been following it through Twitter. Lights up. If you are doing cosplay, stand up. It's everybody. It's everyone. Holy shit.

So good. You all are off the chain. Keep going. So good. So good. There's one person dressed like Naruto, and like I get it. But could you not? It's kind of

our thing. Please dress like Naruto. Don't Naruto shame them. Also, is Naruto a character or is Oh, no. No one's quite sure. I also don't know. It's a state of mind. You can turn the lights down now.

I'm having a panic attack. And there they go. there they go, there they go, and they don't exist, it's just the four of us. Who's laughing? I don't know. How do we... Could you turn them off on stage, too?

Just make it a super chill night? Yeah. In the beginning. Y'all want to just get going, get into it. It's been about two months since we've played Dungeons and Dragons, so this should be interesting. What's my password on this? Holy shit.

No, no. Don't laugh for that. He knows his password. Listen, this is America. You can laugh at any shit you want to laugh at it. Also, also no. Still no. Did you solve the password puzzle over there?

Are we good? I'm good. Let's get going. You all ready? I don't have the one with 20. Are you fucking kidding me? You have two giant ones. Okay, the big ones.

Yeah, these nuts right here. These are 12s. Travis, do you have a joke you want to do about being unprepared? No, I am prepared and a good, good D&D boy. There are some, though. Legit, and this should add some fun tension. There are some I don't have,

and I don't know exactly on my head. I got X-3s. Okay. Travis got a bunch. All right, let's do it. Okay. D4, for example. Yeah, it's a... Oh, shit. I don't have that. Holy shit.

I got a four. I got a four. I just found a D4. That's mine. Wait, that's mine D4. Okay, this is Travis. is D4, but we're kind of sharing it. This is going to be the whole episode. Joint custody D4. Before we walked out, Griffin said, no jokes about not knowing how

to play the game. We have a lot of story to get to you. So I want to clarify, none of this has been jokes. Good. Not a joke in the... Should we introduce ourselves? Sure, yeah. I mean, yeah, sure. Who has not listened to the Adventure Zone before? All right. I heard one lonely single... What the hell are you doing here?

No, don't No, don't Naruto's shame them. Justin. Who are you playing? today. My name is Justin McElroy, and I play the Elvin Wizard Taco. I am Travis McRoy, and I play the human fighter, Magnus Burnsides. And I am

Clint McElroy, and I play Dwarven Cleric, Merle High Church. And I have never gotten that right in a live show today. I thought for sure you were going to fuck it up. I'm Griffin McRoy. I play everybody else. That's Paul. Dice. Paul came out here with two dice bags.

Yeah, yeah. And the great job pump. My hero and yours, Paul. Let's do the adventure. Be careful, because in there is an actual ring of mine for my baby's birth. Please don't lose that. It's not a joke. You know what? I'll just make up a number then.

Like, what are you doing? You can't just put that kind of pressure on me. The three of you! Are we ready? I see a lot of fiddling and farting around. I'm just going to start talking. The three of you are sitting in stylish, high backed chairs in front of a blackjack table. Sitting...

Ooh. Sitting across from you as a dealer, a half-Oager gentleman dressed to the nines with a bright red vest and a name tag on it that says, Crush. This scene is in the middle of an enormous casino pit, and all around you, other folks are playing table games, craps, poker, roulette, while others sit at seemingly endless rows of slot machines dumping buckets of gold coins into them all night. Backer rat?

Is there back? There's definitely not backerat. Is there Burt Bacara? There is, yes. Fantasy Burt Baccarat. The three of you are also dressed to the nines. What are you wearing for this stylish casino atmosphere? Sleeveless tuxedo. Tuxedo sleeves.

We only have the money for the one. I had to choose between formal, business casual, and taco, and I went ahead and went with taco. Yeah, sure. Also, but I did get the cloak of the Manor Ray. Because I figured show that off, by the way. Somebody just sent you the cloak of the manoray and it's so fucking tight.

It's super good. All right. No, dad, show up your swim trunks. Dad's are just wearing swim trunks with this costume. Swim trunks that he forgot and made someone go back to the hotel to give for him.

And we're all like, oh, these pants that we're hearing about, these are going to be out of sight. It's so fresh. Beach, Dwar. Yeah. It tracks. No, no, no, we get it. It tracks.

But I wasn't expecting swim trunks. When they brought them in, I thought you would say, oh, this is embarrassing, but you're going to have to go back. They're actually bored trunks. Am I right? Yeah. B-O-R-E-T, because we're talking about it too much. Yeah, instead of doing the podcast.

So the three of you have been sitting at this blackjack table for a while. How has your game been going? Any of you particularly? Magnus Betts wildly and poorly. Okay. He doubles down on like 13. Not a good call. Crush sitting opposite you, the dealer, says,

You boys having a good time. Old Blue Eyes makes sure that everyone has a good time in his place. Are you? Are you old Blue Eyes? Points to his name tag. I'm Crush. You can forgive us for assuming that you were trying to get some sort of a name Nickin Going.

Old Blue Eyes runs the joint. You're coming here and you don't know who Old Blue Eyes is. Sinatra. Who? Okay. Cool. You created that trap and you did walk into it, so that was kind of a duo. While you've been playing, you've also been on edge because you're waiting for something to happen.

In our lives. The table you're at is 20 feet from a guarded door into the casino back room where two half-Ogur pit bosses are watching the room and your table in particular. And you hear them also exchange words about old blue eyes. One of them says they heard he's actually in the building tonight, which is apparently... At what age do you think he becomes old blue eyes? Because that's got to be hurtful, right? Where it's like, I'm blue eyes. Old blue eyes.

And it's old blue eyes. And the three of you have been just exchanging these sort of furtive glances all evening waiting for a signal for the next part of your plan to begin. And it's during one of those glances that you're interrupted, Taco, as you feel a hand on your shoulder as someone moves to your side. And you hear a voice say, is this seat taken? No, ma'am, who is a stranger to me, by all means.

And they're wearing a sharp, flashy black ensemble in wide-brimmed hat is your twin sister, Luke. I also want to say, bold choice with the stranger thing, you do look. Exactly a lot. You are twins. You're twins. You see Luke, who nods at all three of you with a devious smile. And then we see all four of you as the camera pans out. showing the scope of this enormous gaming hall,

and then it zooms out even further to show us the exterior of this opulent casino, and a steady crowd is pouring in as floodlights shine into the sky over a bright neon sign showcasing the name of this establishment. The Grand Grimaldus Casino. Played by Al Pacino.

No, no. We're in a flashback to several nights ago. The three of you are sitting at a round table where crudely drawn blueprints of the casino are rolled out, And as you're surveying the designs, four belts equipped with some sort of mechanical device thunked down on the table and Loop joins you.

Can you turn down the pump-up music a little bit? It's a little assertive. Loop says, I've brought you here today because I've got some unfinished business back in our home world that needs taken care of. When I was younger before I discovered how rad explosion magic can be, I used to dabble in.

transmutation magic, and during that period, I created something powerful, an artifact that could self-replicate, giving its owner an endless hoard of cash over time, a magically imbued $15 bill. It was taken from me by Greg Fucking Grimaldis. Just before our exit from that world, I aim to get it back. Now, he's used that seed money to become an infinitely wealthy warlord in our home world. And the base of his operation is this,

the Grand Grimaldus Casino. I need the three of you to help me infiltrate that casino and retrieve and destroy the $15 bill. So, anyone up for a proper casino heist? Yes! I'm going to have to look to my moral guide, Moral High Church.

if we commit a crime in a different plane does it count maybe it depends stop stop stop no stop are you saying this to him as Clinton McElroy my father

are you saying this to him as Merrill High Church popular fantasy cleric these people paid a lot of fucking money and they didn't come here to hear you be you when you're you not you please forgive me paying public

I say Grimaldus is a prick. Loop goes on and says, since we took down the hunger, the barrier between realities has become impermeable. But with these belts, we'll be able to enter that reality for as long as they remain charged, which should give us a narrow 80-minute window

to get in and get the artifact. About live showling. It is imperative that we don't get caught or we'll lose precious time in the process. Now, the first challenge is going to be. Oh shit. A stealth mission. You've come to the right people.

Most heists are... Oh, wait. This is post-Rogue training. Yeah, you're good. Now, the first challenge is going to be breaking into the back rooms of the casino from the gaming pit. The three of you will sit here

at this blackjack table closest to the door to these back rooms. I'll do a couple laps around the pit to ensure there's no surprises waiting for us there, then join you for our assault. Now, that door is likely to be heavily guarded, before we'll be able to make our way into the employee-only area, we'll probably have to create a distraction.

Done. Following that, the four of us will slip inside unnoticed. Any questions? Cool. And I guess we've flashed forward back to the present. Loop winks, and it's time for the heist to begin. But like she said, before you can move into the back rooms, you need to create a distraction.

What do you do, heroes? I stand up or Magnus stands up and points at Crush goes, he's bottom dealing. Ooh, good. Ooh, that is good. Roll a deception check.

That ain't good. Yeah. Seven plus one and eight. No. Just kidding. One of the two pit bosses comes over from the door that you're supposed to get through

and walks over and says, Crush, what seems to be the problem here? And Crush says, well, slam. This guy's causing a big stink. I don't know why I'm doing my best. I'm going to try a second tactic here. I charge this dog is bound down.

He'll. He's suddenly got super fake drunk. I'm totally drunk. I guess make another deception check. That's 18 plus 1.19. I throw up on myself to make it a little more convincing. Yeah, I think with the 19

you fake drunk so good, you just barf. What's the game plan here, Travis McElroy? Well, my hope is that my two friends will try to drag me away because I'm clearly drunk and I can create a rocket. All right, we're in a flashback again

and you are relaying that to those two. I'm going to fake drunk. Loop says, I don't think this is going to work. No, I'll create a big hubbub by being like fake drunk and then you guys kind of leave me off. Yeah, but if we help you off, there's nobody left to take advantage. I'll flip the table so that they have to like clean it up and there's going to be chips everywhere and money everywhere.

I do want to say, I'm so glad you decided to throw yourself a UCB Herald show when I can set things on fire with my mind. This is certainly the path of least resistance. This fucking second city skit. I think we are flashed forward back to the, back to the heist. And Taco's seeing sort of the clumsy attempt that Magnus has... Climsy, I got a 19! You did all right.

Taco, what do you do to create a distraction? I literally have a spell called Programmed Illusion that I set just for this. Okay. When this failed, it is... 19. Sorry? 19? That was to puke on yourself.

Yeah, I puked real good. You get it. You're super good. You didn't, didn't he, guys? Didn't he puke like a big boy? I puke so good. Like, it did like spirals. What is your programmed illusion?

It's their boss. Old blue eyes? Old blue eyes. And he says, I'm very convinced by this pukeing. And that's what he says. Does he just appear? I just had new felt put on these tables. He comes out of the crowd and he's like,

because they were watching the puking. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, that works. And he, like, comes out of the car, he's like, I'm very convinced by this puking. All right, this, uh, this illusory dude with, uh, bright blue eyes and jet black hair, uh, walks through the crowd and says, yeah, let's, uh, let's, wait, what does he sound like? I don't know, because I wasn't expecting him this early. Yeah. Says, uh, oh, man, we can't have a guy like this in the, in the crowd with yards all over and what, uh, let's, let's take care of this, huh? actually you should talk for your illusory dude you made probably not me yeah but I don't know what he sounds like

I think I like that I think then you don't know what he sounds like okay that's going to be confusing for you folks out there but let's give it a shot character voice what he talk no no no no no no when he goes astray it's not your job to reinforce that your job is to be there when he falls and help pick him back up and sometimes that's accomplished through silence No, I wasn't doing a character voice

I was talking about Justin McRoy and I think that I mean it's like Hey I'm really convinced by this guy's spookin over here Roll a deception check

Yeah yeah yeah Roll a deception check with one of the big ones That's a natural 20 Yeah it's flat Did it light up? Everyone in the building Does it light up?

Yeah, it's flashing. It's flashing as you can have lost. All right. I think Crush says, Boss, you sound sick, but it's definitely you. I think with a 20, you actually... I think with a 20, you just changed what Greg Grimaldes' actual voice sounds like. Okay, good. That's about right. Okay, they have bought into it, and now you have this illusory, Greg Grimaldus that everybody's kind of paying deference to.

What's the next step in this wild plan you've concocted? Where are we trying to get to? This door that these two half-hulgers were guarding, one of them peeled off to investigate the loud. Hey, listen, I don't pay you guys to not get mops. When people throw up, go get the mops. All right, Crush, Slam, and the third half-hulger. And listen, bump.

Get the real nice mops that we keep farther away. The real choice mob. Just special occasion mops. The real nice choice mops. The holiday mops. The company. mops, you know? Loops says...

Whales puke. Loops says, I can't wait to see these excellent mops. Oh, that's right. And listen, I got to get him to a place where he can lay down. So that if he pukes, he chokes. You're a...

They're gone. You're a stranger here. All right, this isn't your house. I'm a trained professional. Okay. All right, I think the half ogres are pulled away, and the four of you are here with this illusory do. We go through the door. Okay, the four of you walk through this back door.

What happens with your, I think your illusory, Greg, Germaldus, I'm going to, it just evaporates because otherwise this heist is going to be very, very easy. Yeah, he died. It was a short-term kind of thing. All right, the four of you make it through the door into the back rooms and the door shuts behind you. And I think as you do, you hear this like sparking sound and you turn around to see Loop and she has has her finger out, and it's almost like she's trying to light a, uh, one of those things. A settling torch? Uh, yeah, torch. But with her finger, and she, like, fuses the lock shut, so nobody else can follow you in.

Magnus ripped his, uh, vomiting tuxedo off. Now he's just shirtless. And there's lots of beautiful scars. Sure. And a Loch Ness monster tattoo, very similar to the one I have. Uh, we're back in the flashback to a few nights ago, and, Loup directs your attention to the blueprints, which show the backrooms behind the gaming pit,

your second destination for the heist. And she says, once we make it past the pit, we'll need to work our way past the security station in the back hallways and toward the vault in the center of the casino. Now, hopefully at this point, we won't have the whole place on top of us, which should make it easy to slip past the security station's,

a large glass window looking into that hallway, and towards the vault entrance around the corner. So long as we stay out of their sight lines, we should be in the clear. and we are back in the present, and sure enough, the four of you are standing in a long hallway, extending 40 feet in front of you before it reaches a corner that veers off to the right.

And on the left side of this hallway, there's an entrance into the casino's main security office, and just past that door is a 15-foot-long, floor-to-ceiling glass divider leading into that office. And inside, you can hear several deep voices trying to communicate with security forces at various points in the casino. You hear several heated discussions with the crew in the pit

who are dealing with the mess you left behind. By the way, I put that in the notes and knowing that there would be some sort of literal mess. In order to proceed down this hallway, you need to get past that window without being detected. What do you do?

I cast insect plague. Fuck. Fuck. That's so... No, that's the opposite. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

You do not. I cast punch dead. Order of operations. Dad's pulling a fargo and I want to see how it goes. You cast an insect plague. Insect plague. Where?

Over the window. What the fuck? Hey, it's another one of those insect plague. God damn it. It's so normal at this one. I'm going to check it. They're not going to come in. They'll stay in the control.

They'll come outside. Why? It's insects. It's a plague. Who would want to walk into that? willingly. Ooh, insects. Let's stay in here till they go away. Once again, I do want to point out, I was like, oh, I'll create a distraction. And dad's like, I'll create a thing. When we have an illusion wizard. No, we got to spread the fun around. Yeah. What do I roll? I actually,

while this was happening, like, turned invisible, we marked down my spell sheet, and walked to the other end of the hall. And I'm just kind of like enjoying it. Loops. Loops already over there. I'm also going to roll a cell check because I have let me check plus 11. We're seeing if there's any rare Pokemon here. So, I mean, it's a 15. It's a 4, but I have plus 11. Magnus makes himself small and just rolls

along the length of the window and leaving Merle and you bugs start to channeling bugs at the window. Like a fucking, like mummy. Bugs are all covering the window. Did they come up his mouth? I'm sure they did. Right?

So do I roll? This is sneaky. As Brendan Fraser looks. on for the glass on. No, terrified. So I roll a 20. Right? It got stuck in the dice tower. Your big dice got stuck in the tower. Also, thanks to whoever made these, didn't look the name up,

we'll know it after intermission. Sorry about that. It got stuck in the tower, though. That's fantastic. Okay, so how about if enough... Wait, what is it? What's the dice? Seven. Okay. And I add that to my modifier. And what's that off the top of your head? Eight.

My modifier is eight. So it's 15. People who know more about D&D. Does that sound like a thing? Eight? Yeah. Does that sound tasty to you? Five feels like rider to me.

And the insects only cover the bottom third of the window. And since I'm short, I just walk right on past. Wait, hold on. Yeah. You don't get to dictate how it goes. I cast it. All right, I'm going to roll a Constitution saving throw for all the guards in this room real quick.

I'm trying to make this happen. That's a four plus fuck off. I had no number prepared for this. I'm going to say that's insufficient. What I think happens is bugs are covering this window and while they cover the window, you sprint past, but you hear voices inside go, what the fuck?

And start to come outside. and as they do, they are swarmed by bugs and say, oh no, and shut the door and start talking into their radios to the other guards throughout the casino, and pretty soon you hear pounding at the door that Loop just fused shut. We out, we out the door, we're down, elevator, whatever's there. It worked. It worked. There's a certain level of awareness now,

but I guess we'll cross that bridge. when we get to it right now. As you reach the end of the hallway and turn the corner, Magnus, you bump into someone. A small man in his early 20s with bushy red hair dressed in the security uniform you've seen several other members of the casino staff wearing to this point.

And he looks aghast as you run into him. I begin to punch him. But I don't complete him? He leans back and before you punch him, he says, come on. That's why I said, I begin to punch him because I know you're up to him. He says, hey, wait a minute, you're not supposed to be back here. This isn't anybody.

You know, I don't think old blue eyes wants y'all to be back here, right? Wait a minute. Are the three of you in the middle of a heist? That is so cool. Awesome. Yeah, good. My name's Terry. I work here.

What's y'all's names? Magnus Burnsaw. I'm rolling some bones on you, Terry. Are you the one that made all the bugs come out? I heard about the bugs. No, no, no, no, no. George Clovey. Listen, guys, I think Terry's cool.

Terry? My name is Angus McDonald's. You can write that down in your notes. And if the police show up later. Later, tell him it was me, the thievery kid. He says, well, my name's Terry, Angus, and Magnus? Silent Pee at the beginning, or no? Just regular.

Like teradactyl. Petteri? Petteri? Like the character from Peewee's play. I see. No, just... Fantasy peewee's. Just Big T. Terry.

All right, Big T. Terry. You seem cool. Are you cool? I'm super cool. I work here, but it sucks. It's a shit. job. Old Blue Ice doesn't pay us very well. My benefits are just straight Garbo. If you all are doing a heist, let me get up in this heist. I can help get you into the vault and maybe we can split.

Could you pretend to have a different voice if you're going to stay with us for an extended period of time? Why did I help get you all into the vault and then we can split the loop five ways. Maybe drop it in an octave too. I can help? No, that's worse. Can I do, can I do, and I don't know, D&D doesn't have good, like, things for this, but can I do, like, an intelligence check to get a vibe on Terry? It's insight. It has a literal one for this.

Don't shit on D&D. It has a literal. It's a one. That's a one. I don't get shit off that. Terry's, Terry's, Terry, well, a one. Terry is. Terry's Terry.

It's just Terry. And even that is, like, somewhat ungrutable cloud, man. He says, I can get you into the, into the, into the, the. the vault. We'll just split the loot five ways. What do you say? I rolled a 19 insight on Terry. Yeah, Terry wants to get you up in that vault. You know what? We can definitely split the loot five ways. You know what, Merle? We don't have to say it like that. Well, we, I did. Ignore him, he's melting. I did. Thank you. But yes. Yes, Terry, you're in. You're our... Welcome to the squad. Fifth. Tacos five.

Terry leads the four of you around the corner at the end of the hallway and you see a large round door leading into the vault at the end of that hallway and flanking that large door are two panels, one with a loud speaker and another one with a card slot. And on the right side of this hallway is a row of like 20 lockers or so, each one emblazoned with the names of members of various security personnel. You see crush and slam and cram. And the mining fit.

Oh shit, we did do this in the mining one. This is different 20 lockers. Upon further inspection, the two panels flanking the door seem to be some sort of lock on the door of the vault access corridor, or just the vault. The panel on the left has a button next to the speaker, which you assume to be some sort of voice lock.

And the other is a slot for some sort of key card. And sure enough, because you're working with Terry, he walks over to the key card slot, takes a key card out of his vest or whatever, and slides it through, and it turns green. Griffin? Yes.

Did you invent Terry because we weren't moving fast enough through this mission? Oh, my name is real Terry. I was definitely blamed this. I assumed you would just kill Terry instantly, which in my defense,

you almost did. I almost did? Terry walks, after getting the green light on the card slot, he walks over to the speaker panel, and he says, could you all give me a little space, please,

few feet. This part's kind of embarrassing. Are we sure we trust but Terry? I roll, I got 19. I trust Terry. I'm with Terry. Hashtag I'm with Terry. I didn't pick my password and it's embarrassing. I don't want you to hear it. Can you please give me some space and some no can do Terry. No it's fine. Okay. Yeah, we won't listen.

He walks over to the, he walks over to the keypad and he kind of cups this mouth around it. Wait, hold on. I want to cast a spell that puts an eye over there so I can hear him. Okay. Then I would put an ear over there to hear it. I want, yeah, put a... He sees you start to channel a spell, and he says, my password is turkey boy, okay?

There we go. Arcane eye was... He says, Greg saw me eating a turkey sandwich on my first day, and he just wouldn't shut up about it. It doesn't even make any sense. It's not even a good slam. God, I hate Greg Grimaldus. Loop is cracking up.

She's like crying, laughing. She's like, turkey boy. Oh, man. Greg Grimaldus is a total dick, but that's good stuff right there. Good stuff, turkey? I guess. Don't! Please!

You only have to deal with it for this hour and 20 minutes. We have to live with it. I'm so glad you all got your tickets for free and a sweepstakes. These are my people. Terry unlocks the voice speaker into belt chimes, and the vault door starts sliding open, and he says, No, I've never actually been in the vault,

because I'm not allowed in the vault. All casino employees are fitted with a security chip that prevents them from entering certain areas. Again, this job fucking sucks. But you should be able to find what you're looking for in there. Don't worry, I'll stand guard here and keep everyone else out. Thanks, Terry. This is for you. And I punch him.

Oh, my God. I need to knock him out so he doesn't get in trouble. I don't want people to know that he was an accomplice. So you're going to physically assault him? Yeah. But it was only 13. He dodges out of the way of your blow. So maybe just a black eye, he doesn't go unconscious.

You try to punch him, and you definitely do try to punch him. I try to punch him again. No, hold on. He says, I see what you're doing, and he punches himself in the face. Perfect. But I did get him on the third time, so he's got two black eyes. Okay, great. This is good.

I love all of this. I could kill him. No. You probably couldn't. Loose lips sink ships. All right. We are already robbing the place. The four of you start to walk into the vault, and he says,

Oh my God, I almost forgot. Everything in Greg's vault is cursed, so that if anyone tries to leave the premises with it, it'll explode in a pretty terrible fashion. How terrible? Oh, crap. Pretty bad. He starts rudiment.

around in his bag and he pulls out this small device. It almost looks like one of those metal detector wands that security personnel at like airports and big events might use and he hands it to you Merle. God damn it. Why did you pick Merle? It's the best. And he says

if you touch this anything you want to take out of here, it'll dispel the curse. It is Merle, he grabs your face. It is super important that you remember to do this, okay? I can't take 20% of some sort of exploded treasure, okay? Whoa, did we say 20?

That is a fifth. But did we say that? As you start to negotiate the details, the vault door swings shut behind you as you hear Terry shout, good luck, don't forget about that wand. I love you. A little fast, but all right. And now we are flashed back to a few nights ago,

and she loop points at the blueprints again, just past the security hallway, and toward the large vaults, chamber on the map and she says... I just want to jump in. Picture Barry bringing in like a tray of hot chocolate. Like, you guys need anything? You guys good at?

What are you guys doing in here? Don't worry about it, Barry! We're good, babe. Once we make it through the security corridor, we should have access to the vault right here. Not sure why Greg made it so easily accessible. Maybe dude just likes having quick access to all this ill-gotten gains,

but we'll breach the room, locate the $15 bill, and with any luck, teleport home before we get caught. Now, listen, this is a matter of honor. We are just there for the $15 bill. Nothing else. She says, I'm... I kind of like...

Tucker kind of like puts his fists up, like, except. She shakes her head. She says, I'm serious. We're not going to steal anything else while we're in there. And then we flash back forward to the present. And Loub says, I'm going to steal absolutely everything in here. That's my sister! The four of you are standing in the casino's vault,

a 15-foot wide and long room, lit brightly overhead by fluorescence. In the middle of this chamber, a tall cauldron sits on the floor, nearly overflowing with thousands of shiny gold coins. The walls to the east and west are lined with armaments hanging from decorative plaques, and in the back of the room is a statue

of Greg Grimaldus carved out of stone. The statue is intricately crafted, showing Greg wearing a lavish tuxedo, and his facial features are clear. clearly defined, and its two big, wide eyes are looking down at the rest of the vault. So the statue's going to come to life, right? We can all agree. The statue's going to be. And I'd also like to point out, Griffin, that when I did something similar in the recent arc, I had a picture that I gave everybody of the map.

My words are my pictures. His facial features are clearly defined safer his two hollow eyes, which looked down at the rest of the room with amusement, sitting at the statue of Greg's feet as a small chest. what do you do? Tell me more about the armaments? Yeah, they just look, they look mostly decorative, but it's axes and swords.

Some of them are made of silver. Some of them are made of gold. I'll do, you know what? I'll do an arcana check. All right. To see if I sense any magical higgily, piggly. That's a natural 20. That's the scoop on magic.

With a 20. Besides, by the way, from Think Geek, and apparently their weight is. Yeah. Okay, fake. Everything is magical. Schools of magic are probably what I would define. Okay, okay, okay.

I think I'd be getting some, like, transmutation education. Trap magic. Trapp magic, yeah. I love that fucking sound, dude. Yeah, yeah. When I get down to Obiza, all I want is fucking trap magic, baby. Fucking blaze it, dude. Can't get loud enough.

Sure. All right. Start touching things. Wait a minute. No, wait. Hold on. He said trap magic. I assume.

Did you say it? Guys, it's trap magic. I want you to picture like a poo and a lot of like, whoo? Yeah, yeah. So is this the curse he mentioned?

You have no way of knowing what any of that is. But, maybe. You can just, you. I have, I like, I'm like a magic guy.

This is true. Are you? All evidence to the contrary. I am going to, at the chest, yes. I want to do an investigation on the chest.

Do you know what's amazing? What? What's amazing? How slow we're moving right now, how the momentum of the show is. It's 18 plus eight. The chest is trapped.

Not magically, but with a wire on the inside. It's a more... Hey, this chess is trap. Can you use your rogue? Yeah. Perversions. I have thief tools, Provisioncy times two.

Yeah, so you'll just roll a D20, and you'll add your proficiency bonus twice to it. 13 plus 8, 21. Yeah, that's good. You get in there, and you sort of slip your tools around the wire, and you sort of unspool it really expertly.

I'm doing it. Yeah, okay. And the chest pops open and no trap is sprung. What the, what, you're doing the, you're doing the goofy movie Ultimate Cast. Never too far apart. For the first time ever we're seeing it,

eye to eye. God, I love that movie. For the first time. Within the chest, please stop. Within the chest, you see a red cushion housing a circle of gymstone. arranged in that pattern are a pair of the following. Emeralds.

Emeralds. Opaz is nothing. Opaz. Guys, this one's... This one's really rare. I've never even heard of this one. We've got to steal it first. Emeralds, opals, topazes, sapphires, diamonds, and rubies.

Sapphires. Dubies. Oh, my God. There's beautiful dubies in here. Do you see how the clocks has three minutes on it? I actually don't have visibility on the clock. Okay. What is it now? Holy shit, emerald's opals, topaz, it, sapphires, diamonds and rubies.

Okay, there's a puzzle here. We have to get them. What's the order? Is the order of those important? Is it alphabet? Okay, let's talk about the... There is an order. Diamonds.

Okay, yes. Go. Dr. Pepper. Diamonds, Rubes. Popas. All right, wait. What about the chemical composition of diamonds? Diamonds, Rubies, Topaz.

Donut. What if it's a... Ruby Tuesday. Ruby Tuesday. I think you missed this part, too. There's two of each of them. Okay. Diamond, diamond, topaz, opas, topaz, opas, topaz, diamond, diamond, diamond, diamond.

So it's diamond topas, emerald ruby. Diamond topas, horseshoes, clovers, and balloons. Just give me the stones one more time, Griff. Emeralds. Give me the stones. Wait, emeralds. E. Oh, it's not the letters.

Wait a minute, it's colors. Opels, topaz, sapphires, sapphires, purple, diamonds and rubies. Striped. Diamonds don't really fit into like a... Plad. Diamonds don't fit into like a rainbow kind of thing. A prismatic situation. It's the most hardness scale.

It's the most hardness scale. Just an alarm sounds because you've been in here for so long without solving the trap. I grab all the stones and put them in my bag. Okay. I disarmed the trap. It doesn't matter. This is a time alarm because the three of you are dipshits.

Quick, Murrell, use the wand on my bag, quick. Quick, I used the wand in his bag, and immediately... Moving on. The alarm does shut off, but you assume that to actually be Terry's doing. Nice. But the... Sick, Terry! The magical trap has been sprung, and gold has begun pouring out of the cauldron in the center of the room,

clattering to the ground below, almost as if it's multiplying rapidly, threatening to flood the room that you're standing in. It's up to your ankles. What do you do? Also, the chest, I'll give you this because we've got to move on. The chest has an arrow pointing upwards to the statue of Greg Grimaldus.

Is Greg have these gems somewhere on him? He does not. Greg Grimaldus, a statue carved of stone. The statue is intricately crafted, showing Greg wearing a lavish tuxedo, and his facial features are clearly defined, save for his two hollow eyes,

which look down at the rest of the mold. Oh, okay. Shatfires! Put the sapphires in there. The fire's in his eyes. Yeah. That's mine. That's mine. Yeah, I got it first.

Yeah, Clint solved it. Saffir's in his eyes. The gold reaches up to your knees as you place the sapphires into the statue's eyes, and it raises up out of the floor, displacing a pile of gold as it lifts up. And underneath it, you see what looks like an elevator car attached to the bottom of a statue. The doors... Yeah, elevators. Fuck yeah.

The doors are the car... I use the pocket workshop to get a bunch of gold in there. Okay, you scoop some gold into the pocket workshop. Like a lot. I put it over the cauldron as it just... The doors of the car open up, allowing a few hundred gold coins to spill inside, allowing you access to the car.

How much gold do you think is in the bucket workshop? 3,000 gold pieces. That's a lot of gold! That's nice. Loub says, I'm guessing this is some sort of decoy vault, Grimaldus, you slippery shit. Well, we're already in it.

You know, I say we keep pushing on. And she walks over to the elevator car. Yeah, let's do it. Are you kidding me? We've only got negative 46 seconds. Uh-oh. The four of you step into the elevator car and the glass door back into the vault closes in front of you. And just as you see the gold, just as you see the door back into the hallway, you hear people starting to pound at it. The elevator moves. Also, inside the gold that's on the floor, you see a golden shark fin pop up and start to swim towards you. That was just a cool part of this trap that I thought was going to get sprung earlier, but I didn't get to use it.

But right as the shark is about to reach you, this cool gold shark. He was going to, like, pull you in under the gold, and it was going to be a fun thing. But it didn't happen. So far in Magroy Canaan, Glass Shark Gold Shark. Yeah, we're doing all the sharks. This elevator car doesn't move down. The floor simply disappears beneath your feet, and you're all falling with a shower of golden coins close behind. Don't.

I know I said, so it's golden. What? And it's a shower. What's nothing my dad should know about. What you fear to be a deadly trap quickly reveals itself to be something more innocuous. You're on a long golden slide, spiraling downwards through rings of silvery light.

It's actually pretty fun. And your trip ends... Is there like sonic music playing? Yes. And you're sliding through the last ring of light. And now the four of you are falling into this enormous room five times the size of the decoy vault you were just in. And after falling 20 feet or so off the end of the slide,

you're landing is cushioned by a huge pile of paper, but not just any paper. Beneath you, and piled up against the walls of this room, and these tall slopes are mountains of $15 bills. These piles lead downward to the center of the room where the bills have been swept away into a circular clearing, and in the center of that clearing is a large 10-foot-tall slot machine. It looks much older than the others you saw in the gaming pit.

It's made of ornate wood and heavy iron plating. And loop, when you crash down into the money, She says, we're close, but I don't think any of these are the original. We have to find the first $15 bill if we want to shut down this whole operation. And she slides, she sleds down the cash pile towards the slot machine. Ooh, paper cuts. I'm just going to go turbo speed now. As the four of you approach the giant ancient slot machine,

Loop turns towards the rest of you. And she says, anyone else want to handle this? I'm not feeling particularly lucky today. Yeah, I don't know who the... I'll do it. All right. I don't think... All right, Merle?

Yeah, Merle does it. Merle, you walk up and pull the lever of the slot machine, and the three wheels inside starts spinning, showing colorful flashes of cherries, sevens, gold coins, and $15 bills, and it starts chiming out this high-pitched sound, like this tinkling noise. And then the wheels come to a sudden stop

and three symbols align on the display. Skulls. And a window slides open above the slots, and a light flickers on inside that window, and you see a very, face with jet black hair and sideburns and a wide grin punctuated with one gold

tooth and two bright blue eyes and seeing this face inside the slot machine loop gasps and you hear the voice of Greg Grimaldus boomed throughout the vault what did he fucking sound he sounds he's like a heavy view of yeah you didn't think it was going to be that easy

did you yeah and the slot machine starts lifting up slowly from the ground as too thick wooden legs sprout from its base and two long arms and a mechanical head sprout from its top and while this slot machine transforms into this imposing figure

Greg speaks and says you didn't think I knew you'd be back someday Loop you didn't think I'd know the second you crossed the threshold of this casino you and your brother you've always been too proud and you know what they say about pride like what it comes before

and loop in the dictionary and loop and Loops smirks and her hands catch fire and she says You know what? I take it back And she turns towards Greg and she says I am feeling lucky

We're gonna take an intermission now So we can all go use the bathroom And we'll be back There are posters out in the lobby And also bathrooms everywhere Not everywhere We'll be right back Hey what's up I'm back

So I want to tell you about some of our sponsors this week so I can let you get back to the rest of our thrilling adventure hour. That's a different show. But anyway, thank you so much for tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. We sure do appreciate you helping to spread the word. In December, we're just going to be putting up live shows while we prep for the onslaught of weekly experiment episodes starting in January. So here in two weeks, which is going to be the 28th, we are going to put up our Tacoma Live Show, which, spoiler alert, is kind of a candle night spectacular.

I was very, very happy with how it turned out. So, yeah, but, you know, still share the show. It sure means a lot to us. We don't pay to advertise the show at all. And so word of mouth is the only way that we grow. And we sure do appreciate you for helping us grow like you have. Got a few jumbotrons here. This one is for Barks, Samwise, Mardimus, and the J5 crew.

And it's from The Wagman, who says, stop spiking the beer. You bubble butt boys may, oh man, there's a lot of stuff. going on here. You bubble butt boys, it may or may not be the anniversary of the day you came out of your mom. Lots of love. What the, what was it? What did it mean? Please stop sending a secret deep web activation codes over this podcast. Congratulations. I think it's maybe a birthday. Like all these people were born at the same time on the same day. That's a unique way to compose a D&D group, but I am absolutely here for it. I got another message for Alex Kelly and it's, on Micah who says, happy anniversary to the most amazing girlfriend on the planet.

You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You're my moon and stars, my willow girl, and I love you more and more each day. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Thank you for letting me be a part of both of the loves, just sort of in the middle of it, siphoning it off for energy. I started, I've been having a cold past couple days, it literally cleared up because of the heat of your love radiation. And that got a little bit weird. So I'm going to back off of that. I want to thank Maximum Fun for having us. You can go to Maximumfund.org. Check out all the great podcasts there. Shows like Stop Podcasting yourself and Judge John Hodgman and the

Beef of Dairy Network and one bad mother and so many great shows all at maximum fun.org. Or check out the other stuff that we do at macelroy shows.com. I have no idea why I said my last name like that. Mac Elroy. So, yeah, I think that's it. Here's a quick promo, and then we're going to get to the rest of the episode, and then in two weeks we'll have our Tacoma show, and then after that, weekly taz for a little while, but weekly taz. Bye.

Hey, Helen Hong. Yes, Jay Keith Van Stratton. What's the difference between the layover and a stopover? I have no idea. What's the difference between Optimal and Optimum? I have no idea. What's the difference between an actual conversation and a promo for our new show in Maximum Fun,

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And be in the audience for our tapings of GoFact Yourself in downtown L.A. It's free. Go to gofactyourpod.com for more info. We're having a very realistic conversation. Yes, we are. What's Roll Initiative? There we go.

That's a nine for hoops. That is 17. That's not actually that helpful, because that just means you have to take the initiative first. You didn't actually do... I rolled a 20. Give me a little freaking credit. Merle goes first.

Merle, you are standing in front of this 10-foot-tall slot machine, sort of mech with Greg Grimaldus inside of it. What do you do? I cast Guardian of Faye. Oldie but a goodie. What's that one do? That creates a giant Delorese. Sure.

And Giant Delorese, any creature, that a hostile is hostile to you that moves to a spasel in 10 feet of us for the first time on a turn must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. Gotcha. So she just stands there.

She just stands there. Yeah, just stands there. And she's got this look on her face. Okay. It's an audio podcast. Greg Grimaldes is up next and I guess he's going to roll a dexterity saving throw that is an 11 which is not going to beat your spellcasting

modifier so roll that beautiful bean footage The creature takes 20 radiant damage Oh, okay. On a failed save. That's what that was. So good. The slot machine robot reaches up one of its arms and pulls the lever and the slots start spinning

and it lands on three $15 bills. And when that happens, this big pile that's just all around the room pressed up against the walls of this room, you see a shape start to take form inside of this cash. And this big face with two hands emerges, this 20-foot-tall face of money with these two big money hands,

takes shape. And the money monster another classic it's just George Clooney Fest up in here will act next and is going to slam one of those big fists down on Taco

Come on Taco that is a 19 versus AC That's gonna do it As a protection fighter Disadvantage re-roll that shit That is a 15 versus AC That's still gonna do it

Okay I'm dressed in rags Remind me to get you a better hat Okay That is 21 points of money damage as it slams a big money fist down on you. That is money. Next in the order is Magnus. So, first, tell me more about these wooden legs.

Are they tree-like? They were formerly trees. Yeah. Okay, that is a 24. Shit. I roll the 14 I get plus 10. I only do one thing. And then that is

9 plus 5, 14 points of damage and a cleave a leg in half. Yeah, I think one of the legs is just gone. Okay. And then with my second act here. I can bet. I can guess. I'm going to attack the money monster

with my flaming raging, flaming, raging poisoning sort of two. Oh, shit. The agent. Okay, one, one small note. My flaming regime.

Yeah. I'm going to attack. I'm going to attack. The money monster with tacos from the taco library. It's got the stamp on. It says, please return to if you die again. Stolen from.

It did not go through the dice tower. It does not count. Okay, great. Because that was a 29. Yes. So that's 1D8. It's 2 plus 24.

So 26 points of damage and I assume because it's money and it's fire. It's actually 52 points of damage. A very good sword, Connor. A very good sword. Colin. Not Colin. Colin. Colin is here tonight. Colin are you here?

Colin are you here? Thank you, Colin. You crushed it with this very good sword. Colin. If you see a kid dressed like Angus going That's not going to narrow it down Colin, where are you calling? Colin? We're pointing up. Can we get some house slides for a second?

House lights? Houselights? Houselights? Houselights? On blast right now? Win it? There he is. No, don't drop your...

There he is. Hey, everybody, look. Don't hold him up over the balcony. Jesus. The end. Jesus. You went on Michael Jackson on in there, dangling.

him over the end. Put blanket down. Okay. All right. All right. All right. 52 points of damage. Thank you, Colin.

Thank you. These are your 52 points of damage that... That you gave to me and I loaned him. And you see this big flaming streak go up the money monster's chest and it roars as it takes this huge hit. And then the fire starts to spread throughout the money surrounding the room. Uh-oh. That's tacos fire.

Next in the order is Taco. Taco, you have a one-legged, slightly damaged slot machine in front of you and a money monster who is on fire and sort of flailing around and also the room's catching on fire. Pretty good heist. Where am I? Where am I in relation to the money monster? The slot machine monster is like between you and them.

You're about 30 feet away from them, I'd say. Well, I'll run around him. Okay. and over to the money monster. I'm going to do an attack of opportunity on you. It's fine. It's just some damage. That's a 17 versus AC?

How much damage would you like to give me? 17 points of damage. That's a very good amount of damage. Thank you. Don't worry. Canonically, I can't die. Actually, we're after the events of the recorded adventure zone so forth. But he was at Magnus's bedside.

Oh, shit. Okay. Spoilers, shut up. Okay. Jesus. And you do have a rather accomplished healer in your party. Of course, but of course. Who, loop?

Well, okay. Now I'm nervous. All right, but I'm going to get over there, and I'm going to cast a wall of ice to create a hemispheric dome with a radius of 10 feet made of ice around near myself for the money monster in the fire to try to put that situation out. Are you trying to capture yourself in this ice sphere? No, Griffin. That would be ill-advised, I think.

I think what I'm going to do as a sentient being who wants to preserve it to life. And wants to preserve canon, frankly. Yeah, sure. We'll cast that in a 10-foot sphere centered on the money monster. Okay. Do you just do it? Excuse me? I'm going to make a dexterity saving throw.

and on a failed save, you will take some amount of damage. Okay. I'm very sorry. I did roll a 19 plus 4, a 23. Okay, that's higher than my modifier. Sure. So... We'll edit this point out.

Roll again. No, wait. It'll take some damage. Yeah, you're going to take 5D6 damage. Oh, fuck. 6. 10, 11, 14. 17.

Okay. Some. Yeah, that's very good. The Money Monster looks very bad. You create this wall of ice, but it leaps over it and takes some damage from like the jagged icicle shards on top of it that scrape into it. And it lands in front of you separated now from the big money pile. So it is sort of separated from its life force, I guess.

But the fire is still starting to spread around the money in the room, creating some smoke that is now pouring up to the ceiling. Okay. Next up is Loop, who says... Does everyone like Loop? More than us? Yeah. She says...

Security! She says, well, if it's already on fire, and she casts flame blade, you evoke a fiery blade in your free hand. The blade is similar in size and shape to a scimitar and lasts for the direction. I want you to make your mind who's going, eh, hey, you,

you, you're like that. She stabs the flame blade into the money monster and pulls it up and hits it for 18, which is 36 points of fire damage.

And the money monster is cut in half, and half of it just burns away into smoke, and now it's just half, it's kind of... Now it's 7.50. It's a much smaller... It's a much smaller...

It's a much smaller... money monster. Now it's made of euros. Euro's actually doing better than the dollar. Really is? I don't know. Next in the order is Merrill High Church. This has been our finance show. What is money?

Mass healing word. Okay. I'm going to... Wait a minute. Has anybody taken damage? Only tacos then hurt. Well then I think it's appropriate that I would waste this spell on just that. Maybe I shouldn't. No, go for it. Do what you want.

I'll cast mass healing word. Okay. As I call out words of restoration. Go, team, go. Very good. Up to six creatures of your choice that you can see within range, regain hit points equal to 1D4.

The Money Monster looks at you pleadingly, like, aw. I can't talk, but it's like, oh. No. No. I guess I do I have to specify? Just the good part of the team, the, the, your friends.

Yeah, just the good part of my team. That's the tiniest dice. Oh, two plus my spell modifier, which is eight. Thank you, ten. Everybody's healed for ten points of damage. All right, Magnus Fields, exactly the same. I appreciate that. And I don't guess a thank you would kill you, would it?

Thanks. Thanks for the fucking lootings. Ten whole points you shouldn't have. My migraine disappeared. Next up is Greg Grimaldus, and the wheels spin. And he gets all sevens across the dial. Hooray! And Magnus, the slot machine bought points a fist at you,

and a rocket punch comes flying. I point a fist back and punch back. That is a 26 versus AC You can't fucking punch during my punch It was a nat one. Okay 26 VAC It's a fucking hit

With its 7th attack It punches you for 77 points of damage I am going to use Hold on I'm going to use Perry Okay Hey it's Perry what did you need Oh shit

I heard you getting this shit kicked out of you. What's up? This room's super fucking on fire. I can't get out of here. Hey, listen. I'm going to reduce it by eight. Okay. Oh.

It was a different number when I was in college. Gross. Yeah. I am. Next. By the way. By the way. Colin, I apologize for saying fuck earlier.

Yeah, a lot of bad stuff. Again, you just did say it again. That was wrong. Wrong. I'm not a role model. Stop, obviously. Next in the order is Magnus, you just got rocket punched

for so much damage. Uh-huh. 69 points of damage. We did it. We did the joke already. We did it. I'm going to attack, like, I don't know. This is it price is right. Don't need your help.

I'm going to attack it with weapons. Go! Bip on it. You know what? What? Chicken butt. I'm gonna ral of the other leg. Okay. It's a six plus ten.

16. We appreciate. I am so glad that many of you were over-served at dinner. We could all just kind of pump the interactions this way. That would be great. Thank you. 16, yeah, 16 hits this one leg. It does?

This one leg. Yeah, sure. Fuck it. Okay, cool. It's a leg. It's just a leg. Seven plus five, 12. All right.

And I cleave it in Twain. Yep, that leg's gone, too. Now the robot's just sort of sitting on the ground. Relaxing. And I'm going to attack Money Monster with the flaming region. Okay. The two. What has happened to you?

I've become observed. That's a miss? Oh, I mean, the truth will out in Nashville. That's a miss. And then I'm going to use my... Yeah, sure, I thought there was... There we go. That's a 14 plus 10.

It's 24. Yes. On the Money Monster? Yes. It had one hit point left. It just... It was one single dollar bill, just kind of like, I'm just a bill.

Yes. Oh, fuck! The Money Monster is vanquished, but the fire on the outside. walls of the room is like, it's taken up like half the room. And with my extra attack, my action search, I get an extra attack? Yes. Okay.

Don't help him. I'm going to throw my chance, Lance, to wedge one of the wheels in place. There's no wheels. Oh, okay, okay, there are wheels. 15 plus 10, 25. Yeah, sure. Roll damage on that. That's an eight plus, plus five, 13.

Yeah, 13 points of damage. Okay. Uh, cool. The, uh, I think a, like, a spring just, like, pops out of this old slot machine monster. Kind of like if it was an old-timey cartoon. My colon! Yeah. Uh, all right.

Uh, I didn't think you would make it back to me. I thought you would all have this sorted out. I think I'll, uh, uh, fireball. I didn't have that pulled out. Right. Don't help, but. Thank you. That was what I was.

I was going to do. I mean, it's a big wood thing. It's almost dead. I'll just go ahead and throw a fireball out of it. Dexterity's saving through. No. No. No. No. It's 86. 19. 19 points of damage. 19 points of damage. Can I paint a picture with my words? Yeah, please do. As you start to channel this fireball, you feel loop up against your back and you feel her actually conjuring a fireball at the same time as the two of you fucking Jesse and James from Pokemon style. throw two fireballs at the slot machine monster that spiral around each other and slam into it at the same time. It's like one's blue and one's red.

Yeah, yeah, hitting it for 38 points of damage. Nice. It is still up, but it looks really bad off. And also, it's a little bit on fire, so you hear Greg Gremald's inside going like, oh, oh, beans. Also, this room is now completely on fire. The walls of this room are just surrounded by flame.

It's actually, all three of you make a conversation. Constitution Saving throw as you are choking down smoke. My strong suit. Is that dangerous? 17. Hey, everybody, this is a PSA. Fire smoke, super-duper dangerous and... 19 for me.

22. You're okay? 19. Okay, everybody's fine. Back up to the top of the order. This is delicious. You do vape tricks with the smoke. Yes.

Yes, cotton. Cotton indeed. Next in the order is Merle High Church Go with this Fuck Go with this I Ask Greg

Which one is the real $15 bill And I cast Zone of Truth So it doesn't burn up Y'all No joke This is the most proud I've ever been of my dog

Very good Not because he used it well, but because he found a justifiable way to use it at all. Thank you very much. I love you, Daddy. I rolled a seven, and Greg Romald says, yeah, I got it in here. It's in here with me, and this lock it around my neck. Well, Greg, if you want us to save you, you got to give it to us.

Okay, I like that. He says... I mean, I'm sorry, Craig, if you want us to save you, huh? Thank you. You got to give it to us. And remember, Griffin, you are in a zone of truth. He says, no, I think I'm just going to punch you right now. And then he punches you right now.

He's telling the truth. I thought we burned his arms off. He burned his legs. He cut his legs off. How's he going to reach me? He's got big arms. I dodge. Yeah.

I weave. I step back. That is only a nine versus AC. No, I'm sorry. That doesn't hurt me at all. Okay, he tries to punch you and fails very badly. He says, I feel embarrassed in front of all. of you. I don't like how

on fire my casino is right now. I liked the ending of Lost. I don't... I attack Greg. Okay. It is your turn. With the flaming, raging poisoning poison next order? Okay. You're going to kill him. Okay. That is

18 plus 10. Yes. That is 36. That was a joke. Because it was bad math. Let's see. But no one laughs, so it's not a joke. Colin, bad math is not a joke.

There's nothing funny about bad math, Colin. That is the nine plus 24, 33 points of damage. It explodes. The slot machine robot, you stab it into it and ten more springs shoot out of it and you see Greg's face illuminated from underneath like,

and it explodes. Which sends Greg tumbling down hard to the floor, his cape still sort of on fire. You know what's interesting? It just occurred to me. I've used the flaming raging poisoning store do many times. Ever dealt with poison damage. Yeah. Huh. It's not funny, really, so much as it's just bad gameplay. Yeah, sure. Greg tumbles down hard to the floor several feet away from your party as this room is just in a big blaze. And as he falls, a large locket slips off his neck and skids to him.

a halt at your feet. And surveying this scene around him, Greg says, okay, fine, the $15 bill is in that locket. Just please, don't kill me. I'll be good from now on, I promise. Holy shit. Greg has a fake family.

A chime rings from your belts, indicating that your time in this world is nearly through. What do you do? Please. Loop. Two, what? Loop.

Loops start. to catch fire with her hands and she says, no, we burned out his casino. As long as we take away his money power. We don't got to murder. I caught off his ear. Holy shit. Okay, that one's actually good.

Don't forget to do the thing. Oh, I use the wand of deceration. And I remove the curse from something. You pick up the locket and Loop says, mission accomplished and just in time because all of you are starting to... I toss him his ear back. I don't want it. It's gross. All of you are starting to sort of get

spirited away back to your home and Merle you take this wand and tap it to the locket and the wand glows green for just a moment and when that light fades you can see just as you're about to be pulled away there's no place like home there's no place like home. Okay we're going to go ahead and let Griffin

go ahead. You can see that your hands are empty and Loop seeing this says Son of a and then all of you are teleported away and then we see the front of the Grand Grimaldus Casino fire alarms are blaring and fancily dressed folks are running out the doors trying to get to safety and the casino's security personnel are evacuating too

and we see one of those security crew members a young man with bushy red hair make a beeline for the crowd of visitors disappearing into the mass and then he reappears on the other side only he's not wearing a security uniform anymore. You see Terry walking confidently away from the casino in a sharp black tuxedo. And in front of him, a green light begins to materialize, and he smiles and

reaches into the light. And he retrieves the prize you just teleported right into his hands. A wrinkled $15 bill. And he delicately folds it and puts it into his breast pocket and turning away from the flaming casino, he looks directly into the camera. And he winks. That is the end of our adventure. Thank you all so much for coming. Goodbye. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.

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