The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: MaxFunCon East Live

Episode Date: December 1, 2016

Griffin and Rachel had a baby! But that's not the only bundle of joy being delivered this week! We have a very special episode recorded live at MaxFunCon East! Our adventurers have been through a lot together, but they don't always work so well together. Well, the BoB higher ups have noticed and they've decided to do something about it! So join the fellas (and a very special guest!) as they grow closer as coworkers and friends! Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hello everyone. Well, Griffin had a baby. So I'm Mr. Low Voice this time. Low Voice. Are you ready for adventure? We have one for you. Like you ordered. We recorded it at Max FunConn East in September.

We hope you like it, very much. The regular low voice guy will be back next time. Oh, and be sure to join us in the middle, by us, I mean me and Justin, for an exciting announcement. Anyway, are you ready to enter? The Adventure! We have so many gifts. You guys are so far away from me. away from me. I didn't realize.

It's so close to each other. Hi, everybody. You can do that. Welcome to the podcast. You're in the podcast. Who here has listened to the Adventure Zone before? Okay. Thank God. Who here has played Dungeons

of Dragons before? Who here played Dungeons of Dragons today? That's amazing. So we're going to, is the projector, okay, I can unplug this then. And we're going to play a quick little one-shot little story game today. Do you guys want to introduce yourselves? Or our characters. I think of you as sort of a symbiotic unit at this point.

I am Travis McRoy and I play Magnus Burnside, The Fighter, and Folk Hero. Thank you. A.K.A. The Hammer. In some circles, yes. I'm Clint McElroy and I play Merle High Church and I'm a

All right and Justin I'm a cleric My name is Stephen Amel You may know me better As TV's the Arrow You've certainly already guessed that From my pecks and sculpt of my body

But this whole time I've been playing the Elvin Wizard Taco And we've left a seat open for Elijah For for nerdy Elijah. Nerdy role playing. Let's hop right into it. You guys ready?

Hell yes. All right. So the three of you, Merle, Magnus, and Taco, have joined the Bureau of Balance for a weekend-long mandatory corporate team-building retreat. At a woodland complex

called Camp Good Friend, tucked away in an idyllic few acres of the troll-bark forest. The event was organized by the director of the Bureau of Balance, who began to notice a slight resentment between the different teams of the Bureau of Balance. A little bit of jealousy in between the ranks.

And in order to squash that, she has sort of brought the whole organization on to, wow, you guys are really genuinely far away, to Camp Good Friend. And it's day three of your retreat. First two were filled with the types of activities you'd expect. Seminars on effective corporate communication, panels led by HR representatives on workplace etiquette,

some bonfires with musical accompaniment led by Johann the Bard. And Camp Goodfriend has been fine. The three of you have your own private bunk away from some of the bigger cabins, but you're still kind of roughing it. Tell us more about the bunk, Griffin. Well, why don't you tell me

about what you've been doing at Camp Goodfriend, what sorts of activities you've been participating? Lanyards? We did a lot of lanyards. Okay. Those are hot. Okay. I did a lot of fantasy shooting

with arrows. Would that even work? It was very hard. Yeah. It did not go well. It went poorly. Taco? I slept in a lot and blew off as many activities as I possibly could.

Okay. A nugget of truth there. But it's the final day of your stay-at-camp good friend, during which everybody is supposed to participate in something called the Trial of Teamwork, which the events organizers and counselors have promised to be a completely transformative experience, which will change your lives, and allow you to relate to your fellow human or, or dwarf or whatever in ways that you've never imagined.

And you're summoned to the enclave of cooperation, a large clearing in the forest with a stone circle of benches. And just past that is a hilltop dungeon with an archway entrance, with a big heavy gate over it. Now, does this seem like legit, or does this seem like paper mache they built it? It's funny that you ask that, totally paper mache.

Like, this is very much a set. There is a large bulletin board next to the entrance. to the dungeon with some long scrolls attached to it. And gathered around this circle, you see different Bureau Balance employees. Some you've met before, some you probably haven't put in the effort to meet. And they're all congregating in groups of four. And they seem like really touchy-feely, for lack of a better term. Like they've just had this wonderful experience.

You see a quartet just sitting, oh, God. Oh, that had a lid on it. Thank God. You see a quartet on the ground in a circle with their arms wrapped around each other. You see a dwarven woman sitting on a bench with three other bureau employees, just kind of comforting her as she has this emotional moment. You see other characters from the show like Avi, Johann, Leon, and the director, and they're very excitedly recapping the events of the trial, and they're laughing and hugging, like, a lot. So all around you are these groups that are having these enthusiastic conversations and these emotional interactions. And as you approach the entrance to the trial, you see the head counselor for Camp Goodfriend, whose name is Art.

good friend. And you've probably interacted with him a few times throughout the weekend. He's a very over-enthusiastic elven guy who wears sunscreen, which is probably the first time you've seen that. He probably invented sunscreen in this fantasy world. And he motions you towards the sign-up board. And he says, Hello, boys.

How were your sessions today? Do you learn any new life skills or make any new friends? No. The food was good. It was really good. Except who stops Wait, fucking stop. Try it again.

The food was good. Thank you. Fucking killing me. Who stopped serving pancakes at 9 a.m. I miss the whole thing. And to get Cheetos, fantasy Cheetos.

From the store. From the what do you call that? Trading Post. Okay, well, there's one spot left on the sign-up sheet for the trial of teamwork. You better get in there while you still can. I'm played by Bobcat Goldplayed a little bit.

Yeah, we do that. What did you say? You got to sign up for the trial of teamwork. Pay attention. I just said it four seconds ago. Is it like, is it a verbal sign-up or do we need to, like, actually, like, write? There's a fucking bulletin board, right?

Okay, yeah. Like, yeah, do I? Wait, I have to check my inventory. Do I have a pen? A pin will be provided to you. Our greatest challenge yet. Should we roll something? Yeah, do we need to roll an issue?

We're allowed to go until 9.30 p.m. with this show, right? I rolled a two. Okay. I rolled a 12 in cursive. Okay, we do that. Okay, Dad, with that 12 in cursive, you write Morpil on the board. Good enough. Nobody's nervous.

He says the other two boys, you don't seem too enthusiastic about the trial of teamwork. Don't you want to earn the teamwork medal? And he holds up a medallion. Now I do. There's a golden medallion, a golden round medallion, and on it, emblazoned on it, are two big, burly arms reaching in for a powerful handshake.

Arms? Yeah. Well, no, these are decorative arms. Magnus can't sign up fast enough. Okay, Magnus signs up. He shoves art out of the way to get to it. Even though he's not in the way. Taco, come on, don't be afraid.

I'm just here to help you become a better us. That's one of my taglines. I cast Mage Hand and make that can sign for me. Okay. That's technically perjury, I think. The three of you have signed up for the last spot for the trial of teamwork. And you notice there's a fourth spot in this. in this sign-up sheet.

And Art says, oh, that's right. Teams for the trial of teamwork have to have four people. And actually, there's somebody who specifically requested to join your outfit in this attempt. Hey, Brad! Brad?

Brad! Hey, Brad. Hello, Brad. Hey, Brad. Hey, guys. How are you doing? Everyone, this is Brad Brad Bradson, who is being played by Stuart Wellington from the Flop House

podcast. Hey guys. It was our first time having a guest on the show, so we're all very scared right now. Tell us about Brad Bradson a little bit, Stuart. Okay, let me

see. Brad works for human resources, for the Bureau of Balance. Brad is from a tribe of hill people. His father was Brad the bloodthirsty. His grandfather

was Brad the Bonebreaker. So he's sort of gone away from his... Yeah, well, kind of. He's searching for his own truth. Okay, that's so important. So his enemies know him as Brad the Motivator. And that's what I'm here to do today, guys. And I'm curious if you all have met Brad before,

if you've had any interactions with human resources. I keep getting notes from someone named Brad, but it's a mystery to me. There was one office Christmas party, but I think we both want to forget it right now. Okay. Taco? No.

Brad, have you heard of these three before? Oh, I've heard plenty about these three. Okay. Brad Bradsden, you walk over and sign up on the sign-up sheet, and finally you have a full team. And Art good friend leads you towards the cobblestone archway into the hilltop dungeon. And as you walk over there, the gate opens up,

and you see a few familiar faces. You see Carrie and Killian and Noel and Angus, emerge from the archway. And Angus is riding on Noel's robot shoulders. And they're all just having a great time. Their faces are streaked with tears of joy.

And they're just like excitedly retelling what happened in the dungeon below. And Carrie says, oh my God, Taco, you gotta get in there. It's life-changing stuff. Hey, Bill! And walks past the group. Say,

careful guys, don't fall off her shoulders. Wait, are you HR, are you a safety inspector? It's a little bit of both. Angus says, hello, sirs. I'm excited for what you're going to,

I'm excited for what you're going to learn about in there. Hi-five. Vis-a-vis treating your coworkers nicer. Hi-five. Well, I was about to do a thing, but now maybe not. If we kill anybody, is it canon?

Jesus. Well, I'm just, saying, Ango is still a child. So the gate... You ordered here first. Clay Macroy, we'll kill a child. Whatever. The gate opens again and art motions

you inside and says, good luck and great teamwork. I'm melting. We could literally be walking into a dragon's maw and it'd be better than spending another fucking second with art. We do that. We walk

into the dragon's maw. Okay. I think art's pretty great, actually, guys. It's a $2 cover. Before you're allowed to go in, there's a deposit box where you have to drop off all of your magic items. Not your weapons, you still get to keep those, but you don't get to keep any of the magic. I'm printing out a whole list.

I know, he's got a whole sheet of stuff in his bag. To be fair. Anything in Magnus's hands is collector's item. Wait, did I put any in my butt? Hey, can I put... Are there any of those that could have fit my butt? You just check and let me know later. Is there anything he can hoop?

He didn't come out of his butt. It's okay to open it. I sneak it in in my butt. Yeah, I've been keeping a lot of items. Not all in my butt. Enough to make him walk funny. So you move through the archway and into a small round chamber. Pocket spa?

Do you want to shove a tent in your ass? Hey, don't yuck his yoke his yoke. Let's abandon this plan. Yeah, I don't want to yuck any yums. So you want to put a pop tin in your butt. All right, let's move on, let's move on. You move on through the archway and into a small round chamber. The only thing of note in here is a small design carved onto the stone floor that reads,

inter-colleges exit best friends. God, almighty. And ahead of you is a long, narrow stone staircase leading down a tunnel down into the hill and underground. And as you move down it, there's a surprisingly warm breeze blowing up the stairs. Magnet starts running towards the breeze. It's literally a breeze. He's running. It's wind.

Are you like an excitable man or a monarch butterfly? Like literally. And as you finish your descent down these long, narrow stairs, you emerge into a large room lit by several huge sconces built into the wall. And it is kind of a shitty room. It's about the size of a cellar. And it's kind of decorated in like paper mache dungeon attire. Like it looks like a theater set designed to look like a,

or like a spooky haunted house. Like a lot of, a lot of hard, what's that hard foam that you spray? And it makes it look like. Hard foam. Yeah, you got it. So yeah, you're in basically a fake dungeon. Magnus walks around for a while just poking his finger through stuff. Yeah, you can.

Like you walk to the paper mache wall and it just goes, boink, straight through it. And as you enter this large chamber. People worked on that room. Magnus. This is going to be great. As you enter the chamber, the portcullis drops behind you

preventing your exit from the trial of teamwork. I'm going to do a string check to pick it back up. Okay. Is that six? No. Plus? Eight.

So 14. Jesus plus eight. Yeah, you could get out if you want. Okay. I do that a couple times. Just, eh? Okay. And let's get into the first trial.

So you're standing in front of the first trial, and about six inches off the ground is a series of five, six and a half foot long planks of wood, the ends of which are resting on small circular metal pegs built into the ground. They make a zigzag pattern over a span of 30 feet, and you notice that below this series of planks, or essentially this low ropes course, is red carpet. And above you, you hear a loudspeaker being activated,

and you hear arts voice through the loudspeaker. And he says, I should... For your first trial. What? Unintelligence. Huh? Oh, you really can't hear that? Yeah, go.

Well, imagine a loudspeaker effect. Can you do that in post? Do you have a knob over there that's like loudspeaker... As his voice comes through these loud speakers. I got a thumbs up. I don't see any knobs twiddling over there. So over the loudspeaker, you hear. For your first trial, your whole team has to cross the planks to the other side.

But be careful because the floor is lava. Magnus pokes the red carpet. Bill, don't touch the lava unless you want to earn teamwork penalties. It's not lava. It's a carpet. Okay. And the loudspeaker clicks off. Magnus goes running across the planks or whatever.

Okay, make an acrobatics. roll. Eight, two. A ten is actually, okay, you're just running all the way across? Yeah. Okay, Magnus has crossed the bridge by himself. How big are, like, the gaps in between?

Like, how big of a... There's not that big gap. It's just... So it's just, like, a bridge? Well, the boards are pretty narrow, so you've got to be careful or else to step in the lava. Is there room to walk around the sides?

I mean, the planks are wide enough to, like, you could hang out there for a second if you went. But is there, like, empty floor space on the sides? It's lava, baby. Lava all over. Is it really lava? Yeah, yeah, is it really lava? No, it's a red carpet on the floor.

Well, Merle walks across the red car. No, it doesn't. Jumps across. You're going to jump 30 horizontal feet. I am going to jump. Yes. All right, make an athletics roll. Okay.

To jump. Hey, Dad. to jump 30 horizontal feet. You can do it. Do you know they just set a new world record in the Olympics for the long jump for like fucking eight? And the Olympics are for humans.

But go ahead and do it. Because you said it, go ahead and roll your 30. Okay, screw you, I will. What are I looking at? Just roll a D20. You always just roll a D20. Yeah, but I got to know what my, Implyer.

Plus zero. Plus zero? Perfect, baby. Yeah, let them bones roll. Crick, crick, crick. It's an eight. It's an, I can read. You jump, you jump.

On the sideways, it's infinity, which is the role he would need to get to actually make the jump. Nailed it. To jump 30 horizontal feet, Clinton. You jump five and a half feet, and you land right on the carpet, like one sixth of the way

past this trial. No, I was jumping over where the plank is. So I landed on the plank. Bullshit, you did. Make the best acrobatics role of your life, and I'll see if you land on the plank. Here it goes. Do it.

Here goes. Now we're playing D&D, baby. Roll. It's a 17. Just for a 17, and I add a zero. Okay. Okay, yeah, that's enough. You land on your belly on the plank like this,

like inches from the red carpet, but you didn't. So like right out of America. But you cleared like one board. Okay. I start clapping. Okay. So that's a great first try, Merle.

Well done. Thank you. Thank you very much, Bart. This is like really easy. You just walk across them. What's the fun in that? Okay. Well, you have like a whole show to do.

Somebody else do something. I start tearing up pieces of paper in the shape of the logs, and I put them on the floor and start trying to arrange them in a puzzle. Fuck yeah. Whatever you roll to get across it, you have advantage on. Oh, advantage.

I'm going to say insight and that is... Wait, no, okay. No, I mean, you just have whatever you use to cross the bridge. You can't use Insight to cross the... I don't know. I see you, bridge. I'm saying you have advantage on whatever you do to get across the bridge.

He has two. Yeah, he's got advantage. That's what it means. We've been playing Dungeons of Dragons for two years. Then I will hold onto my clipboard and run across those boards. Are you fucking jumping over Merle? Yeah, no, I mean, I'll tap them on the shoulder and say, great job. Okay.

And I'll raise up at the worst possible moment. Whack! While this is all going on, I cast fucking levitating on myself. Okay. And I float across the lava like a grown man. Okay. It is effortless. Or it is effortless.

I guess is the case of me. It is effortless. I got a 17 for my athlete. athletics roll. Okay, yeah. And what is the interaction between Merle and you on the bridge? I say you did a wonderful job, Merle. Keep going. And with that encouragement, I cleared the rest of the plan. No, you can make it another acrobatics role to finish crossing the rest of it. It'll be... He should get advantage on it because that was very motivational. Yeah.

The check will be lower than 10. I'll say that. Between the... Thank God. But I have advantage, though. No, Doug. What did you roll? Can I enhance his ability with enhanceability? Yeah, sure. I enhance his ability. What does it mean? I think he has weight.

He has, wait a second, following effects, some kind of thing that I don't know. It doesn't say it in great, Brad. All right. You're acrobatte, wait and roll your, do you have an instrument? What is your instrument, Brad, the Bard? It's oratory. Clearly. Brad did a lot of speech in debate.

So this whole time when you're like, hey, keep it up. That's literally you casting magic spells. Exactly. That's fucking amazing. Okay, so roll it again, and you have a plus two on your roll. Do you want different dice? I love you very much. Do you need different eyeballs?

I don't have my glasses. 14. Can you please pass my dad his glasses? Thank you. Thank you. Here we go. It's a family show. I already know it's a 14 plus.

Hey, look, it's the spectacles of you should have had those in the first place. Legendary spectacles. Fourteen. All right, yeah, you make it across the bridge. All of you have cleared the first trial of teamwork. Thank you. Without manifesting a single shred of teamwork. Well, that's not true.

Except for Brent. Over the loudspeaker. Almost right on the first try. It's Brad. You'll get it next time. Onward. Magnus runs ahead. Over the loudspeaker, you hear, well, that was a decent job,

but two of you did cross without using any teamwork at all, so I'm afraid you incurred one teamwork penalty. Yay! No! I could use a pen if anybody has one. It's not important, but I just need a pin. Well, you'll need that pin for... Yeah, that's great.

Can I borrow that? Thank you. I'll return it. No, he won't. I need to keep track of your teamwork penalties. TPs. One. Okay. He says, do you guys know what that trial was supposed to teach you? No.

No. You don't want to wager a guess about what the trial was supposed to mean. The floor of lava. Not criticizing your parents. That's not a bad lesson. I was about to say using character voices, but he kind of cut my legs out from underneath me on that one. Not using character voices.

No, it's supposed to mean we all walk the same path in life and it's easier with help with your friends. Bluh. All right, next challenge. Okay, you are on the second trial, and you're standing in front of a smooth wooden wall. It's about 15 feet tall and 10 feet wide. And it's several feet deep as well. And those are the dimensions of the wall, everybody.

And it's built into the floor, and it's pretty sturdy, and the loudspeaker clicks on. And you hear Art say, for this challenge, you have to help each other up and over the wall. Make sure you don't leave your guys behind. Your guys? Can I jump up it? What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Not understanding jumping abilities. 15 feet isn't that much.

Fifteen feet is one and a half stories. I'm going to do. I'm going to jump and then plant rail splitter in and pull myself the rest of the way up. Okay, yeah, that works. Then actually this would be make an attack roll on the wall. This should be better for you. It's a five plus nine, 14.

I mean, that's a wall. So yeah, you get a... It's not going to dodge. You jump and get it in there. and then make an athletics roll to finish climbing the rest of the way up. 13. Yeah, you're good.

With 8, 21. You managed to go up. Quick question, though, do you take the axe with you? Yeah, I'm not fucking wonderful. You take this handle that you installed in the wall for yourself and you reach the top of the wall by yourself. I might drop a rope.

You don't have any items with you other than your weapons. You said magic eye. I don't have a rope. Ropes are pretty magical if you think about it. You can tie two things together with them. There's all kinds of stuff you can do with a rope. I lay down on my stomach and kind of, you know, lower an arm down.

Oh, that's really sweet of you. Okay, what's everybody else doing? What's the wall made out of? Wood. And we got to go, what, now 13 feet up? I've got about three. I want your arms. Oh, hold on, everybody.

I got it. No problem. I cast Reduce, which is second level of transmutation on the wall. Okay. You are reducing that. What does that do? I mean, I can cause an object within range to grow smaller or larger for the duration. Does it say how small are you making this wall?

Better make it about two feet. It literally doesn't say. All right. Then you tell me, dog, how big is a wall now? It's two feet tall. Just enough to be adorable. Like a Malibu Barbie dream house. Now everybody gets over the wall.

Okay, you shrink. Well, fuck me, I guess. Yeah, you shrink. Here's it, yeah, fuck you double. The wall shrinks very fast. And Magnus, you like, you are on your chest when it shrinks. And so when the wall just is suddenly eight feet shorter, you fall eight feet and land on your ribs on the corner of the wooden wall. And you take seven damage.

That's your pen, Brad. I was trying to do good. Okay, the wall is now two feet tall. You can, now just because you guys have some trouble with spatial stuff, that's tall enough to climb over easily. As I climb over, I rub Magnus's shoulder and whisper,

feel better, friend, and cast Healing Word. Oh, nice. Is this what it's like to play Dungeons and Dragons with a competent person? We're doing great, guys. Oh, we are so gonna let you die. Nothing personal. If that's my truth, so be it.

Wait, holy shit. Brad, that's how deep it goes. That's how deep your well of motivation goes? You got to trust in the universe to provide death sometimes. Okay, you clear this wall. I haven't cleared it yet. Oh, okay, it's two feet tall. What are you doing?

Let's make a fucking three-hour play out of it. All right, you're jumping over it. Here we go. Three. You fucking hit your feet on the wall and you fall over and land on your face for four damage. Taco.

Try to have a little panache. What? What do you do? I walk over the wall that I shock. With magic. You make it over the wall. I can't, and I literally not a joke, kick Merlin's

fucking ribs. I'm so angry at him, but I have a soft shoe. It's not damage-induced. I'm so mad. Okay. I can live with it. You, uh... I trip, I trip tacos as he goes over for a hundred-a-hapids.

All right. Taco, Tago, make a dexterity saving throw. It's a seven. All right, yeah, you fall over. Plus, plus three. Uh, okay, I'd say that does it. Ten will clear it. A little stumble that I regained my mouth.

Yeah, you're fine. I'm taking a lot of notes at this point. Yeah. Art actually chimes in. He's like, you guys know you earned a teamwork penalty for that one, right? You know I don't have to tell you. Like, you three of you actively hurt other people.

We did start off well, though. There was, like, we started up bad. You put an axe in a wall and then stole it. We started off very bad. But you lowered my hand back down. Yeah, after he put a guilt trip on you. That's teamwork sometimes. Guys, we can agree to disagree, right?

Fuck off, Brad. I think it's Bryn. You're on to the third trial. Oh, do you know what that trial was supposed to teach you guys? I don't know, but I'm guessing we didn't learn it. Sometimes life throws obstacles at you sometimes, and it's easier to get over them with the help from your friends. Right, right, right.

Okay. So you're on to the third trial, and immediately in front of you is a 15-foot high wall, another one, a separate 15-foot high wall that I definitely, plan for. No, fuck it. We gotta do,

I gotta respect the fiction. It's the same wall that you were just standing on that you shrank down, this now two-foot high wall. Off the back of this wall is a set of now very small stairs

leading back down to the ground. But a majority of this, the backside of this wall is just a ledge with now a two-foot drop. And a loud, speaker chirps on, he goes, well, this is going to be kind of anticlimactic, but it's time for trust falls.

It's only two feet, but Magnus falls off it. Okay. Just... Catch me on. Okay, the falling style here is like backwards, not looking. Okay. So you just fall backwards off the back of the wall. I trust everyone.

Okay. Wait, hold on. Give them a chance. Who? My friends? They're not, they're waiting to catch you. Everybody's by the wall. It's two feet. They could do it.

You fall, but it's just two feet so you don't take any damage. But now you're in catching position for everybody else. Who's going? Me. I fall. It catches me. We all move on with our lives. Make a strength check.

15 plus 8. You super catch top. Rocco. Great job, guys. I throw him over my shoulder. Next. I kind of push Merle out of the way because I want to do it.

Okay. Oh, Brad's got a dark side. Now it's Brad's time to shine, guys. And I arms wide open back into Magnus's arms. Okay. I move. Do you really? He's two feet.

Okay. It's going to be fine. I've already got Taco over one shoulder. No, no, it's cool. It's cool. Brad, yeah, you fall on your back, Brad, and you don't take any damage, but it's embarrassing. Oh, no.

I've been embarrassed before. It's okay, guys. Next time, you know, you'll catch me next time, I fall. That's what being friends is all about, Magnus, is catching your friends when they fall, and, you know, sometimes you slip up. Suddenly, Magnus feels very bad. You actually...

As does Travis. You actually fall... When you fall, you land on some gum on the floor, and it gets in your ponytail. No. I quickly pull some peanut butter out of my pocket that I keep... You don't have any items.

Oh, no, my magic peanut butter? It's just loose peanut butter. Hey, listen, Magnus will chop your ponytail off for you if you want. Yeah, you've got a corrupted body part. He does it all the time. That is a strange use of the word, if I want. Because I do not want that. But sometimes, you know, sometimes necessity requires

sacrifices, guys. And I think this is one of those times. Chop it off. So I hold my arm over my eyes so I don't have to see my beautiful ponytail shorn from my head. I say, do it, Magnus. I trust you.

With your axe near my head. I just pull his hair out of the gum. It's not like a thing. I don't have to cut it off. It's super in there. Okay. I want you to look at this. All right?

Look at this. All right. I assure you know what's coming. Make an attack roll on Brad's hair. I want you to know, I'm aiming for the very end where the gum is, so I don't have to cut off the whole thing. Yeah, it takes a long. How long it takes you to go? Hold on, wait before you roll some backstory.

Brad, how long you've been working on this ponytail dog? 25 years. Jesus. I am aiming for the very last inch that's stuck in the gum. Okay. Go ahead and roll. Oh, God. It's a 20.

It's a crit 20. Holy shit. Like a fucking samurai with Hattori-Honzo steel. Slow motion. You watch each hair. be severed and it flows away in the way. And it leaves you with a lot of ponytail. Thank you, Magnus.

I think it looks better now, actually. You cleared off all my slithered it. Anytime. Taco, did you trust fall already? Yeah, remember you got him? All right, we're all, oh, Merle. I'm going to jump over it backwards.

So jump, jump, backwards. So like a trust jump. A trust jump. What do I roll? On the ground. You roll on the ground. The rule of

Are you flipping? Because if you're flipping, it's acrobatics. Yeah, I flipped. Okay, what did you get? 14. All right, yeah, you just jump over Magnus and you land on the floor and you didn't really trust fall,

but it was cool. It's all about how you look, baby. That's going to be just one more quick teamwork penalty. This is not going great. Anybody want to just wager guess of what the trust fall is supposed to teach you? Falling.

Trust? Trust is right, yes. That sounds like we should get our penalty back for that. No, it's still a penalty. You intentionally let a man fall into gum, and then you used an axe on him. That was good. It was good stuff.

He usually does music there, right? I just had to make some music. I'm not a musician. Hi, everybody. It's Justin McElroy. Just wanted to join you here in the middle of the show. I hope you're enjoying it. And thanks again to Stuart Wellington for helping us.

out with the episode. And of course, to Max FunCon for having us. It was, you know what? If you're part of my language, it was a heck of a lot of fun. We got a couple of personal messages here. The first is for Jay Scott Scoot Jewel Robber, and it's from Chelsea Jewel Robber. And it says, you won't believe my Naperville paper mill, whippoorwill, stable bill, but April will, she'll believe anything.

Hail ERIS. Thank you for being a genius weirdo. who invents things like computer-generated poetry or dumb tongue twisters that you repeat at me until I hate them, but who also genuinely loves and supports me. I'm glad or for everybody's. That is so sweet. And congratulations you two for finding each other. I think that that's really, really wonderful. This is a great message for Jay from Jay. Are you ready for the message? You guessed it. Jay! So thanks for that.

You're not getting that money back, but we appreciate the money very much. And you know what? We got a two-for-one sale this week on The Adventure Zone. I'm going to read it to you again. Jay! So I hope you have a great Jay. Jay.

One more message for Iris Explosion from Zelma, Zelma. It says, happy birthday to my favorite naked weirdo and true sexpert, soon to have the degree on. her world improvement. May your birthday herald a year of success and luck. You fucking deserve it. So much love, Zelma. That is so sweet. It's a little later than Iris's birthday. But hey, Zelma Zama. That's really kind of you to say. And happy birthday to you, Iris. So I want to say real quick, we have some exciting news for you. This is something that we've been sitting on for a while, but we can finally talk about it with you because they're letting us now.

So we're talking about it now. And it is, you ready? Really excited? It's the Adventure Zone graphic novel. The Adventure Zone, Here There Be Gerblins, is coming. It's going to be written by us, but really mainly by Dad, really. by dad. He's adapting it from the first volume of the Adventure Zone, and it's going to be illustrated by none other than Carrie Peach, and it's coming from first second in 2018. And you can actually

see a little bit of it and learn a whole lot more. Checking out nerdist.com. They're going to have the scoop on it. And you can also just go to at the Zonecast on Twitter. and you'll find a link there. We're going to be talking a lot more about it as we get closer to it. But we're really excited. It's going to be really good. And the art's cool and Carrie's cool and dad's okay. And first second's cool.

And it's just going to be a really neat thing. We've been working on it for a long, long time already. And we're going to be working out longer. And we're going to make it like if you're a fan of the show or even if you don't listen to the show, it's going to be a really cool thing. And we can't wait to tell and show you more. So checkoutnerdus.com today for more info or go to our Twitter at The Zonecast.

So anyway, thank you to everybody involved with that. Can't wait for it. But for now, I can't wait for more of this episode. But the good news is I don't have to, because here it is. All right, you're on to the fourth trial. A few feet past the trust fall platform. You see a small metal statue on a wooden pedestal. And the statue depicts four adventurers,

an armored dwarven fighter, a devout elven cleric, a bookish human wizard, and a guitar-wielding orc, all laughing and eye-fiving each other, obviously a symbol of successful teamwork. From the loudspeaker, you hear, art, say, this is the totem of constructive criticism. All you have to do to complete this trial is touch the statue and then give someone a piece of helpful advice on their performance,

either in this dungeon or just in general. And once all four of you have given some advice, you can move on. But don't be nasty unless you want to get some teamwork penalties. So we have to say something nice? No, it's the tone of constructive criticism. Okay. Who's going first?

You know, I saw we had some cosplay in the audience. Who's going to? We're actually at about 45, 50 minutes right now. I put my hand on and I say, Brad? Okay, wait, as you touch it, as you touch the statue, one of the four heroes lights up, and the hero that lights up for you, Magnus, is the human wizard.

So you have to give a piece of constructive criticism. for Taco. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, Dick. Taco? Yes. I feel like... Go on.

Sometimes you cast spells without any consideration of whether or not it might injure me specifically. A touch, a palpable touch, I do confess it. And I would like it if you would stop doing that

because our cleric sucks at healing. Okay, that's not about you, Claring. Hold on. Wait. That part of the statue turns gold, and he actually turns to give you a thumbs up. Nailed it. Who's next? Me.

Taka, you touch the statue, and the cleric lights up. You need to give a piece of constructive criticism for Merle. I just want to remind you that this is our daddy. Hey, Justin, it's our daddy, though. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Your spells can be used to heal wounds. So maybe give her a shot.

And with that, the elven cleric turns gold and gives you a big thumbs up. Who's next? I'll go. Merle, you touch the statue and the Dwarven Fire lights up, and you need to give a piece of constructive criticism for Magnus. your middleest boy. For your middleist... Brad could have to compliment himself.

We'll see. Constructive criticism for Magnus. I think that I would worry a lot less in those times when I'm pondering the fate of you if maybe you

didn't rush into every situation like a giant horse's ass. Well put. All right, do like that? The Dorman Fighter turns gold, gives you a big thumbs up, and all that's left is Brad. I'll go next, guys. Cool, Brad.

Good choice. Good math. I go up and touch the statue. All right, yeah, the orc bard lights up, and you need to just sort of give yourself, just sort of do a quick sort of... Some self-inventory. Yeah, debrief yourself on how it's been going so far and what you could do better. You know, Brad. I think of Stuart on Saturday.

I live looking in the mirror. Brad. You know, sometimes you don't let people get close enough and know the real you. Jesus. You hold people at bay. You focus too much on kind of your work relationships and not maybe, you know, a relationship outside of work, Brad. You know, they could get to know the Brad that likes the party, you know, that likes, you know, that bruise his own beer at home and has a stamp collection. Okay, yeah, the orc turns gold, gives you a big thumbs up.

And Art chimes in and says, well, it got a little nasty there, but you still managed to get through the thing. And so I'm going to not give you a teamwork penalty on that one. Yeah. We've solved your stupid puzzle. And the advice is, the lesson good advice makes for good friends. I didn't want to waste time having you tried to guess it. All right, the fifth and final trial. You're standing in front of a large cobblestone wall,

and again, this wall is mostly styrofoam, like a theatrical set. There's a door, a semicircular door, and a crudely painted sign hanging over the door that marks it as the entrance into the arena. And you hear Art say, In here, you'll face a deadly opponent. It's up to you to work together,

protect each other, and take him down, carefully, please. Magnus Rogerson. You open the door. To be fair, I didn't say that. I want to run right through the door. You can, yeah. It's essentially phone.

I want to leave a Magnus Shade hole in the door. You just knocked the door completely down. And Art, art's like, well, those people have to use this. Like, okay, whatever. And this arena is absolutely clown town. There are some large foam geometric shapes scattered around the arena, almost like it's like a laser tag arena.

And the whole thing is encircled in this styrofoam wall. And in the middle of this McDonald-Land playplace is a large person wearing a costume designed to make them look like a skeletal dragon. But it's really just like a child skeleton costume from the neck down, like a black sort of suit with bones on it, and like a spooky skeleton dragon. mask up top. And he goes, Roar, I'm Skelly the Skeletal Dragon. I can only be beaten by great teamwork. Magnus sees red. He's got a bucket, and he starts reaching in and getting

these little foam balls out and throwing them at all of you. Magnus tackles him. Actually, everyone make a deck save to avoid these fireballs he's throwing. What am I rolling? A D20. A D20. One. Oh, my God. I roll the 19. Well, a 17. The joke here is supposed to be

that you're just getting hit by little foam balls thrown at you by a man in a skeleton costume. But with the one, I think you actually are going to take some damage. You take nine points of damage from... What? Wait! It hits you in the throat.

Did it have railroad spike sticking out of it? It hits you in the throat, and you get the wind knocked out of you, and you take nine points of damage. Wow. Shit. You know that wind, doesn't live in your throat, right?

Huh? You get hit in the pharaoh and then went, it doesn't matter. All right, boy. Do you need me to keep track of your health or you'd need help with your iPad? No, I got it. Okay.

And so, yeah, you have this skeleton man throwing. Did you, everybody, oh, Taka, you got hit by styrofoam balls, but it's fine. I can't. I rolled a 19. Oh, you fucking. Hoop. It's awesome.

Are you matrixing over there? Yeah, yeah, that was supposed to be matrixing. What do you do? So what do you guys think we should do? This conversation is happening. Okay. Thank you. Maybe we should, like, throw the balls back at them.

Oh, I like that. I pick up a ball and throw it at the skilly. All right, do a range attack throw and add, let's say. First one of those bad boys. Let's see how all this goes. Not great. Ten? No, you don't hit them with a ten.

Okay, I try it. All right, you pick up a ball. a two. Jesus, guys. The wheels are falling off. It's hard to throw foam balls. Would you roll, Ben? I rolled a two.

Jesus. 18. All right, you throw a foam ball at him and you hit him in the throat. And you hear him go, eh, ah! And he falls down to the floor. Suck it, Skelly.

And you have conquered Skelly, the skeletal dragon. You're welcome. I cast healing word on the skeleton. Aw. Hey, you did a really good job, guy. Don't worry about your throat.

You heal six damage. All right, he stands up and says, Oh, man, thanks. And he starts throwing foam balls at all of you again. Guys, sometimes them's the brakes, you know? I cast enhanceability on Skelly the Skeleton. Okay? He starts throwing the balls at you much harder.

Oh, man, I feel fucking awesome. He's not throwing at me. Boom, foo, foo, boom. This fucking rules. Yeah. The power is unbelievable. I still have my shield, right? Yeah.

I sold my shield. All right, you're blocking a shield. I'm getting hit by balls. You're just getting hit by balls. Anybody want to take initiative here? Yeah. I swing Rail Splitter at the guy in a costume. What?

Okay. No, roll at D20. No. Non-lethal damage. Can you specify that? That's a 19? Oh, no. Plus nine.

It's a 28. So he non-lethaly hits him for 28. That's not that damage. Yeah, roll damage. Roll damage. Roll damage on this guy in a costume. Who's a co-worker. Wait, okay, wait.

I need you to justify this from a character perspective. Why are you hitting a man with an axe? They were working for that. It's murderer. He's throwing shit at us. I'm hitting him with the blunt side. Okay, okay, that works. Oh, yeah, that won't hurt him.

It's 11 damage. Okay. Where do you hit him? The nerd. On the noggin. On the noggin? Yeah, the soft spot. He falls...

You're not asking you, Travis. He falls to the ground like a sack of bricks. And you hear him go like, oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. I started prepping another healing word. I'm so proud of your teamwork. And with that, you've beaten the fifth trial.

And behind you, behind the dragon, I should say, another sort of fake set. Port Cullis opens up, which opens up into a staircase leading up to the final chamber. And you come to a small room with a large wooden treasure chest, with a bright light shining down from on top of it. But again, you can kind of tell it's like a prop treasure chest that you might get at a fantasy target or something

to decorate a dorm room, maybe. And, yeah, that's all that's in this room is this treasure chest. This sucks. That's Magnus. Okay. Okay. Was that a character voice? Yeah.

You're going to open the chest? I open the chest. I think we should open it all together, guys. Okay. Yeah, that's great. All four of you all at the same time. Are you on Twitter over there, Taco? No, I was opening some brinkles.

You open up the chest and a spring-loaded scroll pops out and unfurls and the word friendship is written on the scroll. And a spurt of confetti comes out of the chest. Magnus, you want to read the scroll for everybody? It says friendship, Brad. Kind of makes you think, right? You hear...

You hear arts voice say, You guys don't seem like you're having a great time in there. Can I ask what the problem is? It's not a good test. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You don't seem like the trial of teamwork is like engaging you really and teaching you lessons about... We've done a lot of shit together. That was like way worse than this.

Oh, this is too easy. Yeah. Well, why didn't you say so? The ground beneath you... Oh, no. Disappears. God. And all four of you somehow fall perfectly into a whole position.

directly underneath you, and you're going down a long, spiraling slide, a fully enclosed tube, like a water slide. And after a minute or so sliding, all four of you pop out of holes in the wall of a new room. It's roughly the size of the one that you were just in, but there's something different about it. The make of this room feels more authentic, like an actual dungeon. You've been in dungeons before. This one feels more real and less like a set. Wait, you guys have been in dungeons before? We'll tell you about it when you're older, bro. I actually, you know what I say that? This may be our first dunes. and that was our first dragon.

We've never been in a dungeon. We've done it. It has this, the familiar sulfury, dungeony smell. You notice some other things. You get some bleach in there. You can take that right out. You notice some other weird things.

Brad, you don't notice anything in peculiar. Taco, you're standing up, but you feel like your vantage point is lower to the ground than usual. And Merle, the inverse is true for you. You're taller than you've ever been. And Magnus, you see Merle and you see Brad and you see yourself.

I'm going to need you guys. to trade characters. She eats. Taco, you realize you are now Merle High Church, the Dwarven Cleric. Merle, you are now Magnus Burnside's, human fighter, and Magnus, Magnus, you are now Taco, the

Elvin Wizard. Should we trade costumes, too? You will use any excuse to strip. That's true. That's how I got through college. Can I get those cards, please? I'll tell you about when you're older. I'm not going to get any older. Are you going to die today?

Does everybody have their new character sheets? This is why I said to have all of your character sheets good and ready because other people are going to be using them. Are we all good to go? Yes. I'm doing great. Yeah. Brad, you're still just Bradden it up.

Yeah, just bradden it out. I'm not wearing your hand, but you can take it out. I'm not going to wear the hand, but you can take it off if you want. How do you all respond to be? So I want to make it here. I immediately fire off a spell. Okay. What do you cast?

I don't know. Do you want to? Dominate person. Do you... It was the first film on the top of the bottle. Who do you cast it on? Brad. All right, because you've never cast magic before

in your brain, you do have this magical body and a magical staff. You manage to cast it. It doesn't last very long, but you do definitely control the mind of Brad for like two seconds. And Brad, that's not a good feeling, I don't think. Make him cuss. Make him say something really dirty. He says fart. Fart. All right.

I figured that this would be about five minutes of the show. Does anybody else have anything they want to do with anybody's body? Do you want to wear my hair? Yeah. Taco, or I should say Merle, how do you respond to being out of the taco body and in the Merle body, Justin? What am I? Your Merle? Ugh.

Wait, do I have a character voice? Yeah, I think same character voice is coming out of different bodies. Oh, I can't believe I'm so short. I hate this. Oh, by the way, I look amazing. Look at my hair and my cool pointy hat. I never really appreciated how beautiful I was when I was in my body. And now this mis-shape of lump, this aberration, this body that God forgot,

this living sin against aesthetics that is. Merle High Church, I really appreciate me so much more. I am so changing my will. That's not my voice. Yeah, Magnus, how do you, or dad, how do you, Merle like being in Magnus's form? All right. What is your voice?

It's like gruff. It's like a gruff boy. Gravely and gruff. Oh, no. Yeah. I look down. Perfect. And I guess I've been swimming.

Oh, man, he did a wiener joke on you. Did you hear all the shit he said about me? I'm just going to say, that's non-canonical. Magnus? I will say one. That's not your voice. Hey, Justin, use your fucking character voice, dog. Yeah, get your character voice.

Get your shit together. Use your character voice. Oh, that's better. That's more like, I'm putting these Pringle calories in your body. But I'm getting all the Pringle eating satisfaction myself. It's the grandest illusion of them all. And, Magnus, I imagine you enjoy your magical capabilities.

It's all you have all. I'm having a great time. Okay. Let's move on to the first trial of this new trial chamber. You step in, and it looks familiar, except again, like it looks real. It looks like a real dungeon. And it's kind of warm in here.

It doesn't take you long to realize what the source of that heat is. Immediately in front of you, it's the balance beam trial you navigated earlier. Five, six and a half foot long, plankton wood resting on metal poles at former 30 foot long zigzag path. But there's no red carpet behind this

underneath this path. Instead, there's a shallow trench filled with glowing, steaming molten rock. The floor is actually literally lava. Magnus rushes in. As he's rushing, in, I cast enhanceability on that, Magnus. I'm giving him Cat's Grace.

Okay. I think that's plus two to acrobatics, so go ahead and roll your role. Are you just running across the whole span of the bridge? Yes. Okay. Which one? The 20 we won with the number 20 on it. Wow. It really did.

19. Yeah. Plus, plus some other stuff. You soar across the bridge. You easily make it across to the other side of the gap. Yeah, I think that is well prepared to navigate someone else's character sheet. Yeah.

That is my classic catchphrase. Magnus Rules. What's everybody else? What's everybody else doing? I'm going to cast levitate. Oh, you're stealing. On Merle's body. Oh, okay.

So that's Justin. Okay, Justin. You, Merle, are now floating in the air. And push him over the thing. All right. Wee. All right, that just leaves you, Taco and Brad. And I'm going to cast Phantom Steed.

Oh, shit. Don't clap yet. How is a horse going to help you? Phantom or not, how is a horse going to help you do this? Yo. All right, suddenly right in front of you is the spectral steed. I need you now, more. than ever, Geryl.

First off, I'm not fooled. Second, I know that's you. Second, this seems like a misuse of my skills. We're gonna jump it together. You know horses are kind of a distance thing. This is a small room. So you're gonna make Geryl jump 30 feet. I just so excited to have magic.

Okay. You mount up on Geryl's spectral back and what are you doing? You jump at your... Should you mention, I mean, I should clarify if you haven't listened before. Garel is the world's most beautiful binaicorn. He's a unicorn

with two horns and they're both rainbows and he's fucking the best character in the whole thing. So what's up? What are we doing? Yeah, let's poop or get off the pot here, Trap. I'm going to cast your deuce on Geryl and put him in my pocket. All right, tiny garyl, what's that sound like?

Yeah, fine. You're coming with me, Gail. I run across the boards. Okay, make a fucking acrobatics roll. You've just wasted so much time. At the four. That's three. That is not adequate.

Hey, that's my body. Be careful, idiot. You make a deck save for me as you teeter off. You make it about halfway off the bridge and you lose your balance and go off the right side. That's a 20. It's a 17. Okay, you managed to catch yourself on the edge of the thing. You are now hanging off of the balance beam bridge.

I don't know. We're going to get out of this one, Carol. Well, that's a real shame for you because I'm a my little pony now. Brad. I know how this shakes out. You know, you guys are working so much better this time. What's going on?

He's dangling over lava. He's dangling over lava. I start walking over the bridge. Okay. You need a hand there, buddy? I do. I reach down to give him my hand. Make a...

I use the umbrella stuff to do featherfall myself. into the lava? No, no, no. It makes me really light, so you can pick me up. Yeah, I think it makes him lighter. All right, so roll a what would be lift, I guess a strength check with

advantage, because you're also kind of keeping your balance. Not really good at that. Well, you have advantage, so you can roll two because he's made himself very, very light. Oh, boy. 16. Okay, yeah, you get him back up on the bridge, and then all of you have crossed the bridge

to the other side. You just got your life saved by Brad. I pat him on the butt. Okay. Brad files are important. on himself. Inappropriate touching. We're at trial, too.

You've earned this tiny horse, Brad. You give Geryl to Brad? I did. All right. I take Geryl, I say, hey, Geryl, it's great to meet you. I'm a huge fan. Oh, Geryl's not going to put up with that shit. I guess he did it.

Oh, yeah, that's cool. It's just so good to meet you, too. Can I get a picture with you after this? I know it's a little weird. I only last an hour, my dude. Let's see how quickly these dips shits pull through. You are standing in front

of another 15-foot-high wall. This one is metal, not wood. And it's not totally smooth, though. It's got these small circular cutouts that are just shallow enough for you to get kind of a finger-hold end. So it's going to be tricky to climb up this thing, but it's doable. But in front of the wall are two small crates.

And sitting on top of each one is a strange apparatus that looks like two belts attached by a 10-foot-long cord. and they look like a pair of belt handcuffs essentially and there's two of these and there's one pair of these tethered belts on each box and you hear Art say before attempting that wall you need to choose a partner

choose wisely because this is not a trial where you want to work with dead weight I jump forward and look at you all expectantly oh my God I think Brad should go with Taco he seems like the only competent one of the four of us. I guess it's just you and me,

Magnus. Wait. This is getting very confusing. It's getting so fucking confusing. So you are teaming up with Taco's body. Maybe? No, I was teaming up with Magnus's body. Okay, you're teaming up with Magnus's body that has Merle in it. Holy shit. Start over. Who's

teaming up with who in this? Okay. Matt Merle Body said Taco Body should go with Brad Brad. Because Two people Raise your hands right now That's one

That's two We got it There it is Taco and Brad Our team number one You all strap on these belts And you are tethered By a 10 foot long cord

What do you Let's get up at wall I cast I cast animate objects And I animate the wall To do what To carry us up Oh God

It's just very Roger Rabbit. Okay, no, let's do this because we've gone so long. Gross metal hands, like that one super creepy scene in the labyrinth. Just kind of like... Do you guys want to ride? You ride up. It's really comfortable, guys. The two of you have made it on top of the wall,

and as soon as you get to the top, your belts fall off, and you are untethered, and you have cleared the trial. Merle and Magnus. I grab... I grab Merle's. He doesn't just yell all the time. No, you wouldn't.

Let me say, let me say, let me give me an example. I pat my dad on the shoulder. Like, I don't have to do that. I just patted you on the shoulder. So, like, you can just say that normal. So when I talk about what I'm doing, I can just talk normal. What are you guys going to do to get over this one?

Okay. I, uh... What the fuck? Now you do that voice. Die thousand deaths. I rush over and I grab Merles short, but. really well-sculpted body.

Sure. And I noticed he's been working out. Excellent, excellent, excellent. And I throw that little pecker right over the wall. Are you putting on the belt? Wee! Yes. Okay, you have the belts on, and you throw him up

10 feet, and then the cord snaps, and it pulls you forward, and you smash into the wall, and then he falls 10 feet, and both of you take seven points of damage. but it was funny, right? It was super fucking funny. It was pretty funny. Yeah, let's call that one a rough draft, guys. Okay.

So I'm dead now, right? No, you're not dead. Oh, Magnus. Oh, okay. I have a lot of hit points. Okay, smart ass. What are you going to do? I'm going to turn around to the wall.

Yep. And I'm going to cast Flamster. on the wall. Okay. Yeah. A vertical column of divine fire roars from the heavens in a location I'm specified. Guys, they're standing on top of the fucking wall.

Wait, we are trying to get to the top, aren't we? Let me try again. No, I mean, you've got to do it now. I don't have to do any. Okay, I have fire on the ceiling. I'm like, her, good job, guys. And then I'm like, let me try another smell. And I probably, I hope arts offices directly above us.

There's a column of divine flame just shot through his floor. Do I really have a spell like that? All right, I'm going to summon the one person that can help us. Oh, good. Delorese. Delorese.

Okay. I'm going to get through this quickly. You summon a guardian angel who looks like Delorese and she gives you a comforting hug and then I think grabs you by the tethering cord. That's the thing. I just picks us up. Yeah, like, well, like she picks you up by the tethering cord

so you two kind of slap together like nunchups or something. Like those knockers you get at Murraying court. like truck nuts. Like truck nuts. Yeah, it turns you into living truck nuts and deposits you and she says, that was a waste of my time and disappears. We've been touched by an angel.

Burned by an angel. Yeah. And you're on to the fourth challenge. Right? No, the third challenge. Guys, we haven't accrued any teamwork penalties this time. We're doing great. Yeah, you're doing a good job. Except maybe we killed our earlier. So there may not be any

left. Travis hit him with an axe, but not in the way you think. Okay, yeah, the third trial is trust falls, only this time it is not a shrunk down wall. It is a 15-foot wall. And Art says, let's do it right this time, maybe. Please do it right this time. Do this one right this time and don't make it little and like a joke. I worked really hard on this. Can I do an investigate check to look for gum on the floor? Yes, sir. He just got so much. He actually says, this will be fun.

22. No gum. He says, actually, we need to start out with a designated catcher. I don't want you guys to fall a bunch of feet. So, Brad, why aren't you actually head down, go down those stairs on the back of the wall, and you could be the first catcher? How's that sound? That sounds great.

I love that. All right, you go down the stairs and you are standing at the bottom of the wall, ready to catch a person. I have my arms out. I say, you can do a taco. That's me. Okay. I fall.

All right. So as Taco puts us back to the ledge and starts to fall backwards, right as he starts to fall backwards, you see a hatch open up in the back of the wall, and it reveals this pedestal with a beautiful shining ruby on it. And it's right there right in front of you as Taco falls through the air. Wait, a ruby for me? Just a beautiful ruby directly in front of you that opens up like a little prize hatch. That's really tempting. I love rubies. I forgot to mention that about Brad.

Brad is crazy for rubies. Well, he's a winter. And they look good with his complexion. I feel like Taco definitely cast featherfall with the umbrella. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I feel you definitely did, don't you? We're not recon in that.

Brad, what do you do? Brad, do you keep your position? I keep my position, and I start humming arms wide open under my breath. Then when I land in his arms, I say, hello, my friend, we meet again. I resist to, I resist the urge to give him a little friendly kiss,

on the cheek. You can do it if you want to. I don't want. It's against regulations for HR. Okay. I'm going to say because you sang a bar of a creed song, you used your bardly powers to empower yourself and catch

him easily and not have to make a roll for that one. Who's doing next? Me. I jump off. You know, not for nothing, but his school cards are largely useless. Like, hey, thank you.

They're not very good. Yes, thank you very much. No, unless you need to heal people. I mean, you could defo do that for sure, like a ton. I haven't seen you heal anybody. Nobody's gotten hurt yet, Clint. We've been getting hurt all over the place. We've got to pick up the face just a little bit.

Okay, I fell. Okay, you fall off the back of the platform. Same thing happens. Meryl Taco, only this time you see it. The hatch in the wall opens up, and there's a beautiful shining gemstone inside of it. Grab it. Grab the

gemstone taco, you can do it. I'll be fine. My body's made of rubber. He can always heal himself. I can. This is interesting because I feel like the taco body instinctively reaches for it. But like the magnet's mind is like

I don't care. So do I need to do like a battle with my own body? What does he go to battle his own body? I think you can just say whether or not you do it. Nah. Okay. Yeah, you stand

in place and you catch Merle as he falls off the wall and Magnus, you're the only one still at the top. What do you do? I fall. Okay. But as I fall in really cool action movie style... You're just supposed

to fall backwards. It's a fucking trust fall. I flipped before. You let me flip before. Okay, you're right. You did it bad though, and you got a teamwork penalty. Well, I was going to stick a dagger in the wall and let it slow me. Okay, cool. It's a metal wall.

It's your body. You do shit like that all the time. Okay, make an attack roll on the wall then. Is it a great guy catching him? Not now. Okay, I cast Zone of Truth on myself. You're fucked. But I do thank you for using Zone of Truth.

Zone of Truth is a copyrighted feature. Of Dungeons and Dragons. Of Wizards of the Coast. LLC. I rolled a I rolled a two. Okay. Ping!

Like your dagger just bounces off of it and you fall and you're way out of position to be caught. I pop them with featherfall. Oh, okay. You hit him with featherfall. And this gives you the three of you a longer than normal window.

You see this hatch open up and there's a beautiful shining red ruby inside. You know I... Don't fucking touch it, Taco. You're going to have to stop me. I reach in and grab the... No, I'm going to use dominate person. Okay.

Jesus. It must succeed a wisdom saving throw. All right, make a wisdom saving throw, Merle. Nat 20. Fuck you. Stop me from getting rubies that I desire. All right.

Yeah. Merle, you reach in and grab this ruby, and nothing happens. You just have this beautiful ruby. Hell yeah. And it's worth a thousand gold pieces. It's 1,000 gold pieces, and I guess Merle has it.

That's right. Sticking in Merle's bag, I go over and put it in tacos back. Why? Wait, is known a truth still effective? Yeah, yeah. Okay. That was awesome.

I don't regret anything. Okay. You fall to the floor, Magnus, but you had feather fall on, so it is fairly harmless. Fourth trial, we're almost done with this, guys. I promise. I take my bag and I give it to...

Jesus. I'm not going to take it because you're trying to give it to me from my body. Wait. Moving on. Oh, man. we can't get stuck in the weeds again. I don't want to have to reboot you

a third time. I give it to Barney. You make it to the fourth trial. You guys make it to the fourth trial, which is the totem of constructive criticism. And in place of all four of these heroes are four fucking skeletons. And here's why, not a single one of you

followed the constructive criticism that you offered the person whose body you currently inhabit from the first. round of trials. Taco, you were casting spells like fucking crazy. Merle, you didn't heal anybody. Magnus, you literally rushed into the first trial. Brad, you didn't tell us.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold. I did enhance his abilities, which is like pre-healing to save myself from healing him later. That's a good point. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, my dude. All right. Audience, audience poll. Who thinks that Merle passed his own constructive criticism?

And who thinks he failed? Oh, suck my dick, seriously. Fucking a-hole. I love the adventure zone, do you? I'm not so sure. And Brad, you didn't tell us anything more about yourself, really. No? You love Ruby's.

And I love fucking Ruby's, do you? Yeah, we learned that. All four of you take 19 points of necrotic damage as black energy pours out of the statue and sort of encompasses your body. You know, I deserve that, actually.

We are on to the final trial, and you are standing in front of the entrance to, do you not have a pen? It's not my character sheet anyways. You're standing in front of the entrance to the arena again, only it's very real this time. It's not paper-michet walls. It is a real

scary-looking cobblestone arena. There's blood splashes on the wall. There's some skeletons chained up by the entrance. It's a pretty scary scene. Are they dead skeletons or are they like wiggling around? No, these are dead skeletons. That's a fair question. No, these are dead. These are the skeletons of the dead variety. I say, guys, guys, guys, guys, let's huddle up real quick. I think we can do this one. We've been doing great so far. Magnus Taco. What podcast are you listening to? You know what?

Here's, no matter how many times we get knocked down, we pick ourselves back up. You know what you guys all get? dice of Bartik Inspiration. So take one eight-sided die, and you get to roll it sometime when you need an extra eight-sided die to add to something. Okay, fantastic. I'm going to switch to bar.

It's called using the rules, guys. Here's what I'm going to do. Okay. I'm going to work with my team because I don't know what the shit any of my spells do. So, Taco, you tell me what spells to use when.

That's good. Okay. you already got gerald right wait who are you wait I'm a hybrid he is the day walker I'm a terrible island of Dr. Moreau's

style of omomination I can't play two characters at once I mean admittedly it would still be better than dad but I had nothing to do with this conversation listen guys we don't do a lot well,

but the one thing we do, Del, do, do well, I think we can do well here. And that's beat ass. Let's beat some ass. And I cast mask cure wounds. Oh, okay. Everybody.

I have that, Bill? Fuck you. Let's just say everybody's healed back up to full so we don't waste time. Hell yeah. Yeah, that's some good DMing. Yeah. Well, it is when you have four minutes.

Now, we have a little bit. We can go a little bit later than what? Six, six, six. Just keep going. Dinner's at six-thirty. We're good. Okay. You charge into the battle

after that cool catchphrase that I completely stepped on by checking on time for a minute there. And you are in the arena, only it is not Clown Town this time. It is pitch black. The door shuts behind you, and this time you can't seem to get it open.

And the sconces on the wall burst into bright green flame, which illuminate the arena, and you see you're standing on a big pile of bones that make it kind of tricky. to walk around. And 20 feet or so in front of you, a massive rib cage emerges from the bone pile

and then two big skeletal wings and then two large claws forming the shape of a real skeletal dragon, only it doesn't have a head. There's no head on it. And you hear Art chime in and say, Now let's tally up those teamwork penalties. And then suddenly three skulls

attached to three long bony necks emerge sort of flanking the body of the skeletal dragon one for each teamwork penalty you've incurred so far. Go get them, run! And all three heads roar ready for battle.

And with your permission, I think let's not do initiative. Let's just, one of you guys, take an action, and then I'll take an action, and we'll just go back and forth. Freeform. Okay, as requested, Travis, here's the spell that you should cast on Talkin's body. Do this in character? No, you've got to do this in character. You're yelling as Merle to talk.

Taco, quick, cast this on yourself. I cast greater invisibility on myself. Okay. Excellent. Taco poof vanishes. I think you have feigned death in there. That means I have an attack now. The body...

Wait, hold on. That was just an action. And then I run underneath the dragon invisible. Okay, you're inside of the dragon's rib cage. Yeah. Okay. The dragon does not see you do that, obviously, because this body doesn't have a head.

But with its claws, it's going to... swipe at Brad. Okay. Brad, obviously, a crap favorite. You know, it's fine, it's cool. 17 versus AC Brad. My AC's 11. Jesus, Brad?

What is, can I ask? What's Brad wearing? This? Basically this, yeah. I have a clipboard. You're a protection fighter. Okay, he hits you and sort of rakes you across the chest and you fall backwards.

and you take 14 points of damage and your fucking clipboard goes flying into the bone pile. I loosen my tie. Now it's Brad's time to shine. All right, Brad. What you got? I say, dragon, focus on me, focus on me.

And I keep pointing at my eyes and pointing at its ribcage and I cast compelled duel. So it can only, it has to pass a wisdom saving throw and if it fails, it can only attack me because I'm standing up for my buds. Okay. Yeah, he rolled a nine,

which is okay news, I guess. Cimmer down, you've got to focus on me, man. Okay. With that, I need... Are you mad because you don't have a head, ribcage, dragon thing? I'll talk a little bit of smack now. I don't know.

I think that's an honest question. You know, when I... Okay, okay, okay. Magnus, dad, make a dexterity saving throw. I haven't done anything yet. Yep. Oh, it's a five.

Oh, Jesus. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Two of the dragon heads shoot a beam of green flame at you, hitting you for 21 points of damage. I've got lots of health. Not anymore.

Who's doing something? We're so close. Yeah, you go. Go ahead. I see this incredible sacrifice that, what's his face? Brad. Brad, that's right. And I cast spiritual weapon.

Okay. I'm going to create a flowing, I rush over to Brad and I create a, in front of him, and I create a floating spectral weapon within range that lasts of the duration. let's see. On a hit, the target takes force damage equal to 1D8 plus your spellcasting ability modifier. Can I make a request? Do you know what the spiritual weapon is going to be?

Yeah. Okay. What is it? It's like a... It's a... Fuck. So you didn't have an idea of what are you going to do? I didn't have an idea.

Okay. Meet Tenderizer. Can it be his clipboard, but beautiful and glowing and magical, like a shield that you could use as a weapon? Yes. Yes. I see his clipboard. It's written right here.

Yeah, it says beautiful clipboard. Okay, you have a new magical, spiritual clipboard that you have like Captain America's shield that you can use as a weapon. No, no, no, no, no, it's his mug. Oh, it's his mug. It's his mug, okay, that's even better. It's his mug, that he raises up,

and it's got, like, spikes and shit. What does the mug say on it? It says soar, and then defines it to climb to new heights and achieve great things. And then I, and then... Just got to remind myself with that. Soar on this, motherfucker. Do you want to go ahead and use that weapon for an attack?

I would love to use it as an attack. On one of the three heads of the ribcage. On the ribcage. Okay. I roll A9. Teen. 19. You have advantage on the roll because the weapon is so cool.

Oh. No, I got A15. Okay, yeah, that is enough. It's an unarmored, just sort of bony rib cage. You bring this thing, this magic. cup down and hit it. And let's just say you break three of the eight ribs.

That's how we'll track damage in this fight. And some of those bony shards rain down on you Taco Invisible Inside. From within it, I point at two of the heads of cast banishment. Oh, okay. I am still playing.

Yeah, do you want to take it? Just jump in, baby. It's freeform. It's like jazz up here. It's all about the turns you don't take. The dragon heads have to. to pass a charisma saving throw. Oh, that's not their jam. No. 14? What's your spellcasting modifier?

That's not going to know the answer that. Better than that. All right, yeah, two of the dragonheads just poof, disappear. Africa, fuck you. Oh, it feels good. All right, you got one dragonhead and a damaged rib cage. Why don't you take it to Magnus? Rushes in.

Fuck yeah, what are you doing? He takes old rail splitter. Okay. Is it rails? Splitter? Yep. And he does it two-handed because that's even more badass. And he runs up

to the third dragon and he hits him on the C-7. Is that right? C-7? Hits him at C-7, inspired by a tattoo. Roll that shit. And it's a 17 by God. Yeah. Plus, I add nine to that. You hit it.

You hit it in one of its vertebrae and the whole neck just... C-7. The C-7. A dragon's natural weak point. You don't need to roll damage. The neck just sort of teeters

over and the bony sort of structure just kind of falls apart. You've destroyed the third head. Pyraprach that. Is that good? That is my catchphrase. It's good enough. Wait, Griffin, can you say it now?

Can you say it? We sold it? Oh, no, there's still a ribcage. It's got claws and still attacking you. You haven't solved any fun. I'll let you know when the dragon puzzle's been solved, Justin. You got something, don't you?

You've got something. Brad, it looks like you've got something you want to do. I was waiting for it to attack me again because I want... Okay, yeah, no, this thing is not gone in a while. It definitely's going to take another swing at Brad. Oh, shit, that's a critical hit. Okay. Guys, I think this is the end of Brad.

Oh, well. No, you have a thing. I don't have a thing. You're a protection, dude. The dice rolls weren't too bad. I cast protection. No, that's no. It got done already.

You take 19 points of damage, Brad. Okay, I'm still alive. Okay. Did you want to have... You know, I'm sensing a lot of anger from you, ribcage. Does it stem from you not having a head? The ribcage kind of like... Nods up and down, like it...

Like, do I have to cast a zone of truth on you right now? It sits there and it taps its claws. It goes... No. Shakes its body left to right. You're ready to express your own truth without magic, aren't you, ribcage? it's there for a second it goes up and down yes

what's bothering you right now buddy you see you see it's close just go Griffinette is indicating to his head for those of you listening guys it's your head

it's his head he's missing his head I cast calm emotions on the ribcage okay does that do anything it chills him out okay and then

And then Merlecast's flame strike on the rib cage. All right. I have to roll a dexterity saving through, I think, to get out of the wind. Indeed. Okay. That's a two. All right, so here is six, three, nine, one, so ten, and then four. Okay, 14 points of damage.

You take that definitely taco since you're inside of the ribcage that he just said on fire. Oh, no, make a dexterity saving throw. And then 4D6 radiant damage. Oh, Jesus. Two. One, 12. Two. Plus three, 15.

What the hell are you guys doing? Sorry, what did you roll, Travis? 15, which I think is the best. Okay, yeah, you dodged through the gap in the broken ribs that Brad made for you and get out of the way of this flame strike. And then 11 radiant damage. Okay, it's weak to both of those types of damage, so this rib cage just explodes. And you have solved my skeletal dragon puzzle. Let's wrap this up real quick.

A portcullis opens on the other end of the arena leading to a long staircase leading upwards, and you reach another small treasure chamber at the end of the room. This one, again, real, like a dungeon treasure chamber, not like a movie set. Brad, you do the honors. And there's a treasure chest sitting right there. I think we should do it all at once, guys.

Okay, buddy. All four of you put your hands on the treasure chest and open it up. And it explodes. And a wave of force emits from it. knocking all of you backward and onto your backs. Good call, Brad. Really good job, Brad.

And you feel really weak. You actually all are incapacitated right now, I mean, you can't take any actions. And Art's voice comes from the loudspeaker, and he says, You all made this way too easy. Did you really not recognize me the whole time? Did you not recognize the face of the man

whose life you ruined so long ago? Well, I suppose it's not important now. I admit this is a fairly circuitous method of getting my revenge, but it worked, didn't it? Goodbye, jerks. And the loudspeaker clicks off, and spikes come out of the ceiling, and suddenly the ceiling is lowering down

to kill all four of you. Do you have any final words for each other? This is your fault, Brad. Smooth move, X-Lax. I didn't want to open the chest, but n-h- That is not together. That is not. how Magnus sounds at all.

Do you have any... Any last words? I just want to say, I've lost a lot. There's a Magnus, but in tacos. I want to make that clear. And I... Okay. And I'm just glad that I found a new family,

and I'm sad to lose this one, too. Ah. Anybody else? Except for Brad. I mean, we just met Brad. I think you're... You actually turned out to be not such a wang. We probably could have been Batson

and... another life. Taka just takes out the rubies, and cradles it like the old couple in Titanic. Near far. Dad, Magnus. Any last words? Anything you want to say to the crew before you're killed?

I wish it hadn't happened. Okay. And Brad, final words? I had a really great time getting to know you guys this weekend. I had a lot of fun. As you all finish. Your final words, just as the spikes are from above are about to impale you, the floor disappears again.

And you're falling through another set of four slides. And you're going down these slides for like a minute, and you emerge from the end of the slide, and you can see daylight, and you've emerged in that very first chamber that you first went into the dungeon, the one with the etching on the floor that reads, inter-colleges exit best friends, and standing in front of you is Art Good Friend.

And you're back in your original bodies. You can tell you're back in your original... Oh, we don't have time to... I'm back in my beautiful big-dict body. That is canonical. And our good friend says, that's right. Y'all just got done dirty, like the game starring Michael Douglas.

I know my methods seem a bit harsh, but how good of friends are all you right now? I look at you guys. Expectantly waiting for you to say that we're great friends. One thing I did want to tell you guys is does anybody know who buys rupees around here? Anybody else have anything they want to say? I punch our good friends. Okay.

Make an attack roll? Wait, I cast enhanceability on him. Yes. Okay, yes, great. Really, get a gain advantage on your role. 14, yeah, so 14 with Phantom Face. It's plus 8. Yeah, you punch our good friend in the face.

No need to roll damage. And he sees you enhance his ability. He takes it. And he like spits out blood and he goes, that's for Brad. And he spits out some blood and he goes, it's me. He sees you enhance his ability. You punch him in the face.

He spits out blood and he goes, teamwork. And that's the episode. Thank you all for listening. This has been the Adventure Zone. I hope you liked it. And have a good rest of the Max FunkCon.