The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 1

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

The Trial of DivinationSixty-four wizards from all across the land face their past, present, and futures to accept the challenge of the Royale and claim the ultimate prize. But only one will emerge victorious – the rest shall meet a different fate.Royale Theme: “Wizard Disco” by Louie Zong: https://louiezong.bandcamp.com/album/wizard-discoTransgender Law Center: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

The Wizards gather eight. Oh, wait, fuck. Okay, I got it now. I got it now. All right, shut up. The wizard's answer eight by eight. The cornclaves call to demonstrate their arcane gift, their single spell. They number 64 until a conflagration.

63 and 62 they soon shall be as one by one the wizards die till one remains to rain on high. Hello and welcome back to the Adventure Zone. I don't know why I said back. This may be your first season. I don't know you. I don't know you from Adams Off Ox. This is Griffin Macroy.

I'll be your dungeon master this season. Joining me, as always, we got, My brother, Justin. What's up, Juice? Hey, what's up? It's me, Justin McElroy. So happy to be back with you again on The Adventure Zone, another great season lined up for you. I'm in my head now that this is the first season someone's listened to, and now I feel like I'm doing this way too formal.

You should go back to the beginning. So, uh, dad was born in Ohio. Mm-hmm. You remember the year? 1931. So close. Fifty-five. August of 55.

I guess we'll do things out of order. Dad's also here. He's still, he's still kicking. Still playing. Still rolling. Dad Macle roll. Wait, what order were you going in? I don't know, man.

Still rolling. A lot of people, Dad, there was a lot of theories that you weren't going to be in this one, but you were kidding. Well, every time I post a picture on Instagram, people think it's a death notice. Yeah, sure, man. Maybe I've dodged that bullet this time. I've held off on making, like, thoughtful Father's Day post just because I'm so worried that someone's going to be disturbed it. Absolutely, it'll clock like that. We got Travis on the ones and twos.

Yeah, I'm up in the mix. Hi, it's me. I'm playing this season. Yes, you'll be playing. I will be GMing and everyone will be having the time of their lives. I want to start things off with a few sort of clarifications before we get started with Taz Royale. First, even though our last experiment in modesty, which was Taz Abimals, had no cursing in it, this one absolutely will. You don't know that. Yeah, man, you don't fucking know that. You don't know that. Bastard. Bastard.

Bastard. Bastard people. So if that is something that is a consideration for you, then you should stop listening. No, don't. Keep listening and expand your horizons. Learn a thing or two. Second thing, as we have kind of announced, this season is our all Wizards Battle Royale style season. I know some people have some worries about a sort of like a PVP campaign.

I want to be clear before we get started. This is Battle Royale not in the Fortnite sense. I mean, I guess literally the movie Battle Royale sense where it's a, you know, everyone's killing each other all the time. This is more of a competition, a squid game, if you will. A lot of people done on Squid Game. A lot of people got down on Squid Game. A lot of people died in Squid Game.

I said a lot of people die in Squid Games, so I'm not sure this is more like physical 100. This one's only got 64 people in it. Are you trying to clarify the number of people that will have their earthly lives snuffed out? Is that the clarification? This is magical 64, which would have been a way better name for the season,

but we already got all the key art made for it. Last thing, today's episode, just to sort of set expectations, we're going to meet our characters, and we're going to learn a little bit about this world and the fold, to the conclave, and I want to be really clear that I was planning all of this

before the Pope stuff happened. That word was not really highly in circulation conclave until recent movies. I thought in the intro, you said cornclave. I wasn't going to say anything. Griffin, you were so lucky

that you told us to hold our tongues because I could feel a psychic wave when you said cornclave that all of us wanted to be like, oh please, just one quick. I just will have one kernel of truth. I want to add to that. Colonel. You're making fun of an accent right now. Do you feel good about that, Juice? You're making fun of an accent. I am feeling great, right? You feel feeling big, feeling tough. I've, I'm throwing old big stone through my glass house on time.

You sure are. A frightful big stone indeed, governor. Let's begin. Travis, the velvety padded doors of the trial chambers, swing shut behind you ceiling with a bright green arcane glyph. You turn away from the door to face the room before you. It is a cramped octagonal space carved of white marble, nearly featureless save for the large numeral one set into the floor with gray tile. Positioned at the center of this room immediately above this carved one is a chair made of woven white birch sitting in front of a wide column. And a figure has been carved into this column. It is a young man, his arms crossed before him. All white marble save for his eyes, where two cloudy disks of onyx have been said. And as you

into the room and approach this chair and this young man carved into the column, you realize this figure is nearly identical to a younger version of yourself, Rictus Ravenwood the Fourth. Travis, Describe Rickdis Raven with the fourth form. A high elf. He is a moon elf, so he has a bluish skin. And he is dressed pretty traditional goth ideals, but everything is in a neon palette. I've been envisioning it, like, if you went to like a roller rink

or laser tag place in the late 90s, He has neon green hair kind of swooped down over his eyes. A lot of neon orange fishnet. And he's wearing a neon pink, neon green, tie-died tank top. You guys are going to change clothes as soon as you get in here. So don't spend so much time on that. Like you're going to get a new shirt. Yeah, and he's very gaunt.

And when you say traditional goth, are we talking sort of necromancer fantasy style or are we talking about like Morgoth? Like Morgoth. Got you, got you, got you. Richtus, you enter this room. You see this statue carved into the column in front of this chair that looks like a younger version of yourself. And you hear a voice call out from no sort of discernible direction.

You hear it say, Please be seated and lower any psychic defenses you may possess. Is there a chair? There is a chair of white woven birch. Uh, sorry, man, just sit, sit in the chair. Speak up, please. Sorry, uh, yeah, sorry, uh, this chair, the, the wood, the woven one? Aspirant, there is but one chair in the room.

I didn't want to assume, sorry, sorry, man, yeah. Uh, and he sits in the chair. Uh, there is a brief fanfare of horns through the wall. and this voice says, Welcome to the trial of divination. The first of the conclave's eight trials and the first magic received by this world from the mother realm. Divination is the study of secrets divulged and received.

As you enter these trials, the eight arch-wisards of the octave would seek to know you completely. all you must do to pass this trial is revealed to us your past and present, and in exchange, we will show you a glimpse of the future that awaits the victor of this conclave. Oh, sick, man. If you consent to the terms of the trial, gaze into the eyes of your stone figure, and we shall explore your past, should you refuse the door to the outside world, will be open to you, and your aspirations shall.

I'll be four feet. Rick just gazes as hard as he can. Okay. Are you sort of, you start to feel immediately a sort of psychic influence upon you. The fold, the world where this story takes place is an extremely magical place. I assume all of you as practitioners are familiar with at least sort of what it feels like to be under the effect of a spell. This is happening to you right now. Do you try and resist or give in?

This is his grandmother is a divination person who does, you know, a lot. Everyone's got a divination grandmother. Yeah, everyone's got a divination grandmother. And she doesn't have a lot of like personal boundary conception. So he has had to put up with this a lot. So he's very used to it and he's okay with it. We're going to need to talk about Rickus's relationship with his grandmother at some point. Well, his whole family in general.

Yeah, sure. Well, let's get into it. You look up into these onyx eyes and the fog inside of them begins to swirl and your senses are consumed. In the world of the fold where our story takes place, everyone is bestowed a single magical talent from the moment of their birth. Not everyone discovers the spell, which they and they alone have been granted and fewer still are willing to spend the thousands of hours of study required to truly master. their one arcane ability. As this divination magic scans through your past, Rictus, its focus settles on one of your most poignant core memories. You remember the moment that you discovered the nature of your unique gift. Take us back, Riktus, to the moment where you discovered your one magical spell

as we learn a little bit about your character. Rickus was seven years old from birth basically as soon as he was able to sit up his family there's a lot of pressure it's a family of necromancers

They put pressure on a baby? I mean basically they started like looking for the magic to manifest I guess if everyone has a power as I just said there will be a jack jack situation every now, every now and then. Well, and like, instead of like toys and stuff, he was given a lot of, like, dead body parts to see if he would animate them.

His father is a baron of an area called the Crossroads and the Breathless Fields. Oh, mine too. Cool. I didn't know what you could just say it. Sorry. So there's, and he is the only child. I have two barren dads. Awesome.

Both my dads are now. We'll come back to that in your flash. Okay. My mother is baron. All right. Next. He is an only child as every Ravenwood Baron has been because of the blessing curse. Deleting sibling NPC names?

Yeah. Let's go back in the hopper. He hasn't had a lot of experience with other people. So Rick just doesn't know if seven is like a normal age for it to manifest, but with the pressure on it. It happens. And so Rick just is sitting at the table where he. sits most days to practice under his parents watchful eyes with all these like sickly you know woodland creatures around that he's kind of being pressured to test his power on.

Okay, I like that you're sitting at a desk seven years old. Little Rickus Ravenwood the 4th. A desk filled with dead critters. Your mother, did she have a name or may I? Go for it. Your mother, Somna. Ravenwood doesn't have a number. That would be wild. Somna Ravenwood is just kind of like perched on your desk, staring at you. Her face still like a, almost a creepy mask. So intense is the pressure that she is putting on you. You may not know other kids who are living sort of a similar life as you. I think even with that sort of isolation that you experience, you probably have an inkling that this is pretty intense for seven years old. Seated in the corner in a rocking chair made out of bones,

reading a newspaper made out of bones, is your father, Baron? Did he have a name? Rick Dis Ravenwood, the third. That makes so much sense, and I'm so glad that you said it in the tone you did, because that's exactly what I deserved. Rick Dis Ravenwood, the third, sitting, reading his bone paper. And over his shoulder is the ghost of Rickus Ravenwood the second. Uh-huh. And over his shoulder is another smaller ghost of your great great father. Rickus Ravenwood the first. That's correct. And they called him the first too, which is fucked up.

Well, with the blessing curse, he knew he would have a son. Yeah. Cool. Your mother says, again, Rickus, again, remember, we want the life of spirit to disperse from the object. Do not think of it as a draining like drinking a drink with a straw. It is a dispersal, Richtus. Okay.

Again. Can we take a break? We will take a break after your 500th murder. Now begin. You're at 126. We're going to have a long afternoon, Richter. Okay. And he places his hand on the, like a sickly chipmunk-looking creature.

Maybe a chipmunk? Well, but it's not quite I mean, in the breathless fields, everything's weird. Like fucked up? Yeah. I like that. Okay. And he grimaces and like beads of sweat, you know, and then there's a sickly

green kind of glow. And when he moves his hand, the chipmuck is like fully dead. Somna leaps up, shouts. Ah! Ha! Ha! And your father, Baron, rictus Ravenwood, the third, Baron of the Crossroads and the Breathless Fields,

hops out of his bone, rocking chair, and comes over, puts his hand on your shoulder and is like, wow, son, amazing work. Wait, did you crush it with your hand, or was this an honest, necromanic spell? No, it was the spell. Oh, mother, he's done it. I'm so proud of you, son.

And look, look, what else? and Richtus moves his left hand, and there was another chipmunk under there, and there's like a pink glow, and that chipmunk is healed. Your spell that Richter's Ravenwood, the fourth, possesses since this moment and practiced onward is Wither and Bloom, specifically a slightly weaker homebrew version of Wither and Bloom in the first level. as you are all level one wizards as we begin the game. Your mother looks confused. Your father leans down and picks up this chipmunk that you just brought back to life. And he says, oh, Rick does, what is this?

Well, so you were talking about the life dispersing, and that seemed like a bit of a waste. And so I thought if I could take from there and give to there, it would like balance it a little bit more? Somna feints and then stands up and then faints a second time. And then she climbs up. A double thing. Back on to the desk and says, balance?

It is not our family's job to be concerned with balance by ensuring the death and entropy of these lands. We are balancing. Well, life is not our domain, Rictus. You must forget this part of this spell and just kind of do the first half. But it's connected. We'll practice that. We'll practice that 500 times doing just the murder

and none of the bringing back to life stuff. But it's connected, right? Because like the, you know, like it dies and would fertilize the thing, right? And it grows it. So this way. Somna feints in the middle of your explanation. Your father, the baron feints too,

like sees her faint. Did the ghost faint? All but your great-grandfather, his ghost, who you think, like, nods at you, but his ghost is so small right now. It's so old. And as we all know, as ghosts get older, they shrink down and get smaller. Yeah. Your father stands up and says, okay. We will continue practicing this.

I'll call in some of our experts in the field. I think we had a great grand uncle once, whose magic was also a little weird, so I can find his body and reanimate him, ask him five questions, the euse. And listen, sport, it is a little bit weird. We usually only kill and not revive, and we have a certain reputation to uphold, and the barony has a reputation to uphold, but it's nothing to worry. about. I will ensure that your little snafu gets ironed out. But let's not go ahead and cast that any more until we figure this thing out together as a family. Isn't that right, mother? She's still, she's asleep. Yes. So remember, it's a secret. Your senses return, Rickus, and you are back sitting in the first trial chamber. The statue that resembles this seven-year

old version of you that you just saw begins to rumble as its right arm slowly descends, extending its hand out in front of you, and from the walls of the room, that voice calls out again and says, Aspirant, by your participation in the conclave, you wager the very magic that brought you to our doors. Should you claim victory, your power will grow an unimaginable magnitude, if you agree to these terms, grasp the hand of your effigy. So if I win, then I get more magic, and if I lose, my magic goes away? You understand the terms, yes. More magic is a reductive way of referring to the power that you will be afforded should you win.

We prefer mega magic. Super duper. Mundo magic. The only trademarkable one was Uber magic. But you have to do an oomlot or you'll get sued by Uber. It's Uber. What do you do, Rictus? Rictus thinks for a second and then like half under his breath.

Seems win-win. And grabs the hand? Is that what he's supposed to do? Yes. You grasp the hand. of your effigy, this cold hand before you, and a silent moment passes, and then those black onyx eyes begin to rattle before emitting a blinding flash of brilliant light. Justin. Yes, Gryphon. Ready yourself. I'm prepared. I'm ready to pretend. Brace your ass for imagination.

In a separate but identical trial chamber, you release the enormous hand of your stone effigy. Having agreed to its first condition, its arm raises back up to cross its chest, and then the entire figure begins to rumble as the column into which it is etched slowly rotates as it grinds to a halt. You see a different figure is now facing the chair in which you sit, a chair that you still don't quite trust to fully support your considerable frame. This figure also resembles you, not from your distant past, but as you are today. Justin, please describe and introduce, and I saw this name for the first time this morning.

Loravith Dream Wanderer, Gondjubon. Well, technically, Loravith Gondjabon Dream Wanderer. It's just the way the sheep mixes it up. So what's, one mo again, please. Loravith Dreamwander Gonjabon Well wait

You just said Dreamwander is the last name Mm-hmm So Loravith Dream Wonder Gondjabon That's what we're settling with Yes

We're going with this Yes You want Gondjabon to be last name Or do you want Dream Wander to be last name? Well, it's I think it's more appropriate for looking at Goliath culture

For Dream Wonder would be the middle name Gondjabon's the last name Yes Are you stuck with, are you settled on Loravith being the first name? Yes. Yes. No, no, Loravith is first.

Okay, great. Fantastic. Okay, describe your Goliath wizard for us, please. Yeah. Lorvith is approximately seven feet tall. Looks kind of like Tom Hardy, but a lot grayer. And got markings on his skin. Goliath have these skin modeling.

Some people will say for tattoos, but it's just more akin to like a birthmark. And he's just a, and he's wearing some leather armor. Pretty, pretty simple, but well, you can tell it's well used. It's been through a lot. And yeah, that's, that's his story. What kind of, I don't know what Goliath age looks like. So I guess not a specific number, but what sort of era of his life? He would look to be someone in the sort of later prime of his life.

He's not a young guy, but he still seems full of them and vigor. Okay. And Tom Hardy, I do just want to make clear, is five foot nine. So, okay, so. Like a huge Tom Hardy. So, like, if you can use the power of your imagination for a second. To imagine a big Tom Hardy? Yeah, dude, I mean, I'm GM in the season.

Grab the corner of the Tom Hardy. Grab the corner of your Tom Hardy window and just like. Old shit. Just hold control T to tran- Yeah. You don't actually have to control anymore in Photoshop 25. Okay.

It defaults. Okay. It's like, I'm just giving you a type, man. Tall Hardy, I get it, I love it. It's good. Tall Hardy. You look up at the face of your giant white marble figure,

having just explored your past the moment of your power's arrival. You hear that voice rumbled through the walls again. It says, The arch-wisards of the octave thank you for revealing to us the events that shaped your past. Now we would ask you to show us your present. Your life, as you know it now, in the days leading up to your arrival at this conclave, if you consent to this request, gaze into the eyes of the statue before you,

as before should you deny our terms. the door to the outside world will be opened for your retreat. What do you do? I go for it. Yeah, no hesitation. You look upward and look into these eyes and see the onyx begin to become very cloudy. I ask you, do you resist or do you give into this psychic spell that is being cast out? I give into the psychic spell. I'm not fighting it at all. Great.

Your senses are consumed once again. The eight arch-wisards of the octave are the supreme power of the fold in more ways than one. From their mighty floating ziggurat in the sky, they police the use of magic of the world, sharing whatever wisdom they decide the inhabitants of the lands below are ready for. They are a secluded lot, never revealing themselves to the lesser wizards of the fold, but legend of their comprehensive grasp of all magics are known by all. The conclave is held once every few generations when one of the eight members of the octave resigns. The details of what happens during a conclave are unknown to any living person.

Similarly unpredictable is the date that a conclave would be called, given the octave's general elusiveness. Loravith, I want you to describe what your day looked like, the day that you received your invitation to the conclave. A little slice of what just a normal day looked like before sort of everything changed. Okay. There are four stumps, and they're in a quadrant, a big square, probably about 10 yards separating each one. Lorveth stands on a smaller stump about six inches off the ground. There are other Goliath perched on the other stumps in a sort of like quadrant around him. He is standing with both hands extended out and a Goliath across from him, who we know to be Noren,

holds a big ball in the air and is getting ready to chuck it at Louravith. Okay, I don't know what's going on, but let's... We're playing, we're playing goat ball. Goat ball wonderful. Yeah, goat ball, goad ball, wonderful. Let's get a... Are you trying to hit this? But what's going to...

You tell me what the intention is to happen next. I think it would be fun to roll for sports just to really get this season started off on the right foot. I'm ready, Noron. At any moment, cost of all, I'm ready. It's been your sixth, sixth attempt. Sixth attempt in a row. And please give me the glory of a seventh catch. I'm definitely going to hit you with it this time.

You're attempting, so go ball. We're attempting, it's like a dodgeball kind of deal. Okay. So you're attempting to catch it or get pegged, but don't fall off. Okay, I got you. Let me try that again then. Never mind, I forgot the rules. Get ready to get pegged.

He's going to launch it at you. Our first t-shirt. I think a dexterity saving throw or perhaps just athletics, right? This is a sport. It's a sport? I would say athletics, actually. Okay. That's actually what I think you would actually roll in the rules for a goat ball success.

It says that actually. I'll show you some maps later if you want to do it. Nine plus three is 12. With a 12, you are able to grab this ball out of the air. You sense that he didn't throw full strength because he's still. still not 100% sure what the rules of goat ball are. And I sympathize with Noren on that. You now have the ball.

A fight attempt, Noren. A finite attempt, Noren. Now, now, Noren. Now I get my chance at an unprecedented 10th victory. And then I'm going to chuck it not at Noren. Oh, fuck. But to the left at Zepov. Shit.

I never. I never seem a classic. Oh, it's so good. My, oh my. We didn't see this one coming. We're going to roll and see how Zapath does. I mean, Zapath gets an 18. And I, okay, but I'm going to need advantage because Zabath was not expecting that.

I set up the whole thing. That's a fair point. You get a round of surprise on Zapath as he tries to dodge out of the way with his athletics check, which is just a nine, sadly. Zapath goes, how did you say? Ah! Why is the ball so hard? The puff food picker, Nala Kamune, you have embarrassed your tribe.

All right, man, it's just goat ball. He gets off his stump and walks away. I'm out, right? As you are playing this game of goat ball, you hear a wrestling in the trees just outside of the clearing where the goat ball field is set up. And you see a team of non-Goliath human elf half-elf wizards in school garb. And some of them are holding what look like bats in their hands. There's some balls with weird holes in them, and you see a figure approach you wearing one of these uniforms,

and he says, I'm terribly sorry, Loravith, but it is time for softball league. I will need you and your friends to please clear off the field. Of course, actually, the challenge of this was becoming a rather disappointment. Yes, I need you actually to speak with the groundskeeper. We've been doing some remodeling, some renovations, and so we're moving some stuff around,

and so unfortunately we will need to move the goat ball field a little bit deeper into Spider-Fang Hollow to make room for the new library wing. You retrieve the ball and stand back on your stump. Norrin says, Can I just get out, get myself out? Because it looked like you really hurt the path with the ball, and I'm not trying to. The path was only hurt because the bath did not catch it.

If some had caught it, the pond would have the galler today. Okay. But it did look painful, and I... Actually, up. And then I tossed the ball. All right. No, just kidding. Noren.

This is a fun. We're having fun here. The game is over. Oh, okay. I won. So when I said the victory, I won the gop ball game with the long. last attack I did. Okay.

Congratulations for me. You look over on the fourth stump at Grecon Root Picker. The closest thing you have to a rival here in your Goliath tribe. Gracan, did you see? Your brother Agvec,

his record has been shattered by Loroveth, Dream Wonder Agon Gimal. Yes, I'm sure you feel very accomplished. beaning the path A Goliath that a human child could defeat in goatball If they were large enough to lift the goat ball

I would have tossed it your way, Grecahn But I would have been too worried about shattering your delicate bones Well, are you challenging Gricon Sorry Very well Gricon is a bit bigger than you are How magical are the the Goliath. Like I said, every sort of like being. Right. So Goliath are obviously like physically

pretty dominant. Right. And so they do not as a rule, uh, tend to go into the like the magical arts, I think, or focus on that. I think that for the Goliath in this world, I think that the ones who have focused on their talents and tried to work on them are the ones who, uh, for for whom it could have some practical purpose for the tribe, something that they could do to help. A handful maybe of people on your tribe do I feel that, yeah. And I feel like

for some it's maybe more of like a novelty, you know what I mean, or something, or like not even a big part of their day-to-day lives. Gricon says, I'm terribly sorry, Lorovith, you did besmirch my pride with that comment. And now it is my turn.

through which we shall put this grief aside. I'm afraid I need you to return to your stump for a sudden death lightning round of goat ball. It would be my honor, Grecone! And I slap him on the shoulder as hard as I can and head on over. Okay. He takes the goat ball from Noren,

who then just runs off into the brush. Crying. Grecond. What's that? Crying. Check for cry, roll for crying? No, I don't think, Goliaths don't cry. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And it's like a real problem in the whole society. Pretty toxic. Gricon takes the goat ball up and rears back to toss it in your direction. He hums it, but good. Gricon is a big, beefy fellow. What do you do? I am

I mean I'm going to roll athletics against it Okay It's like literally all I can do Oh my gosh, what a moment What a moment That's 2 plus 3 5 The goat ball smashes Into your face

Your hands are just a little bit too slow And you go wobbling backwards Off of the stump And you take Two points of bludgeoning damage Can you imagine your friend throwing a ball at you so hard it one fifth killed you? I mean, can you even imagine? You're seven feet tall and your friend throws a ball at you so hard.

You're a fifth more dead. When I had this idea of like, what if it was a battle royale season, all wizards starting at level one. And then I looked at your guy's HP and I was like, this maybe was a bad idea. We are made of gelatin. You are gelatin boys. as the ball kind of rolls to a halt next to you, uh, Gracognos,

I am not yet satisfied. Uh, it is your ball, Loravith. Excellent. All right, I've returned to my post. Okay.

See, Goliath are very competitive, but cheating or any sort of like trickery or anything, be super out of line. So I'm not trying to like reinvent the wheel here. I just got to keep taking my chances. That's a one.

That's actually a one that I rolled there. You... This was not supposed to be a defining moment for this character, but it's like he's now failed so badly now. It feels like a trajectory. Like a sub-path of destiny has been forged here by his terrible, terrible inability to be Gargan and gopaw. He catches the ball effortlessly.

And you put all the mustard on it that you could handle. He sighs and says, I'm sorry, this is just not sporting. It's not doing it for me. Perhaps just a normal battle would suffice. And he holds up a hand towards the sky. And as he does so, a chunk of earth rips out of the ground. And he says, let's see if you can catch this. And he hurls it at you. Cool. Okay, excellent. I will cast lightning lure to create a lash of energy that strikes one creature in front of my choice that I can see within 15 feet. I'm going to use lightning lure to try to deflect the stone. Are you aiming at the stone or are you aiming at Gricon? I'm aiming at the stone. Okay, cool. Make your attack roll here. Okay. Or is this a save situation? Maybe I could just be against, maybe the role is against Gricon, but the, you know,

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, okay, Gricon will try and make this strength save. We're trying to beat strength 12. That is a nine. Your lightning lure, what's it look like? It's like a, looks almost like a wisp of frost, like a breath that you exhale and it's really cold with more ice crystals

in it and it kind of crackles with what could only be described as a dark electricity. People have tried to describe it a different way. It can't. It can't be described as a cold electricity. But it's impossible. You can't. They can't.

Some things are more than words. Some things you really have to see. Alice Grimmitt, my words can't do a judgment. Justice. I won't even try. You have to see it to believe it. It's like trying to describe like a sixth dimension, Griffin. Sure, my mind can't possibly continue. Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon, Griffin?

I am not. This is what... No, not to the blue corncliffe moon. Have I heard the wolf cry? Your lightning lure whips through the rock, splitting it dramatically the two lobes of this chunk of earth roll to either side of you. as you prepare a counter or to brace yourself as Gricon leaps off of his stump, the battle, which has now drawn quite a crowd, is interrupted by a discordant, eight-toned horn

sounding from above, and all Goliath eyes look upward to the flying island with the octave ziggurat on it. It is blocking out the sun, casting a shadow, over the Goliath village here. And surrounding this floating island, 64 pinpricks of light appear in the sky over the structure, whirling in a circle around the island before dispersing and falling to the ground like meteorites. And Loravith, you see an eight-sided crystal

soar towards where you are standing. And as it approaches, you're holding your breath. You see it zooming towards you before curving at the very last second to land in the hands of Gricon root picker. And he looks down at it, looks up at you, and just bellows a big, hearty laugh. He says, Perhaps we should put our petty squabbles aside.

It would seem the gods have chosen the victor for us. So what happens then? I mean, I'm just watching. It got this crazy crystal. I'm on pins and needles over here, Griff. The crowd assembled walks forward, and they begin to peer at Grecon to some sort of, kneeling. This is a momentous occasion. And then there is a whizzing sound that cuts across the crowd.

And instinctively, because of the goat ball you've been playing, you reach up your hand and catch an identical crystal from the sky. And Grecond looks up at you with shock and a little bit of malice. Well, Grecond, it seems you've spared the lamenters the work of exiling you. He stands and says, Fuck you, dude. Here's what he says. He says, come back because more of it says, First of the conclave wins.

No, wait, hold on. It's not for two days. You take off running towards the meeting point described on the crystal. And now this scene, whatever magic is sort of like going through your memories of the past few days, it zooms forwards leading up to your ferrying across the crystalline still waters of lock reach where the octave ziggurat and its artificial surrounding island had sort of temporarily docked. And this vision goes through the moment you sort of passed the moment you sort of passed. through these 64 stone archways carved into the underside of the island, and then through your passing through this padded door,

sitting down beside your stone effigy, exploring your past. And then you have the, like, really disorienting feeling as your memories catch up to the present moment, leaving you back in the seat, facing your marble doppelganger as it slowly extends its hand, and you hear the voice say, Asperant, by your participation in the conclave, you abandon the world and its ways as you know them.

Within these walls, truths concerning, the fundamental underpinnings of the fold itself will be illuminated to you. You will never again walk the world in the manner. You are accustomed after understanding the world in this way. If you agree to these terms, grasp the hand of your effigene. May I say one thing first? Go right ahead.

Grecahn was extremely lucky that day. I wanted to make clear. Eight out of nine times I would have caught both of those. He was extremely lucky, and there was a great deal of son. There's a pause. You hear... Should you have chosen other memories, you would have seen a much different scene. This is all I wish to say.

That voice pauses for a moment, and then you hear it say, It shall be very exciting to watch the two of you squash your beef. That's what he says? That's exactly what he says. He says squash your beef. Yeah. But that's like a Goliath term. It's like not, it doesn't mean.

It literally means like hitting each other's meat. Like it doesn't mean what it means on. Just two meaty mined, meek. Two big meeked. Beating mish smashing beef. smash it earth-colored meat. Um, what do you do? The statue's hand is sort of stretched out in front of you, asking you to agree to these terms.

Uh, I give it a big, meaty, firm handshy. Okay. You reach forward and grasp the, the stony hand before you, and a silent moment passes, and then those black ony eyes begin to rattle and again emit a blinding flash of light. Dad. Mm-hmm. in yet another, separate but identical trial chamber. You release the hand-like appendage of your stone effigy,

having now agreed to its first two conditions. And once again, the statue's arm grinds back upwards over its chest as the column at the center of the room rotates, revealing a final version of you, and this one is sort of the most startling. It is an older version of you, but not like worn down and weary looking

how some people get when they get a little bit older do you know what I have no idea do you know what you're talking about? Sometimes down as the Bonnie ages the light leaves the eyes yes the them the vigor is gone I choose not to accept that inevitability

okay that's good that's good they're talking about me dad they're talking about me okay you're being very kind yeah I see I see I Okay, I see you. This is not a frail version of yourself. This is, in many ways, this is you perfected.

You see carved onto your body are robes etched with these meticulously drawn runes. One thing about this particular effigy stands out, while the statue is still carved of white marble like the others with the onyx eyes, It is also wearing what looks like a gauntlet of finely woven leather that reaches up past its elbow-like joint, a real gauntlet, not a part of the carving. I keep saying hand like an elbow-like because the figure you're sitting before is distinctly not human. So, Dad, can you describe hellgrammet and introduce your character, please? Yeah. Hell Gramet is a threquin, an insectoid race. Walks on two legs, has two regular arms and then two smaller arms beneath them. He also has a tail like a scorpion, like a scorpion stinger.

He is, of course, a carapace. Is it chitin or chitin? I always say chitin, and I've never bothered to look up if that's okay. But I say that word a lot on this show in particular, and I don't think it's one of the many things I've been corrected on. It's a iridescent. It's kind of like, depending on how the light hits it, kind of orange or gold, there's a little bit of green in there. And, you know, big, great big eyes, a couple of antenna, mandibles. Love it. Of course. Instead of a mouth.

Got to have the mandibles. That's mandatory mandibles. Yeah, sure. That's why they're called that. And he is one of the Scritch, which is kind of the colony of Thracine that he belongs to. Amazing. And which one of those aspects, Dad, gives you heroic inspiration to start this adventure? Oh, don't get it twisted.

Oh, he does have heroic inspiration. I see that you've marked it on your sheet. You made a character so good. You're like, I kicked so much ass. I'm going to give myself a point of. He's inspired himself. I don't know what you're talking about. There's no heroic inspiration on there.

That's so great. Okay, Hellgrammon, you look up to this carving of your perfected sort of insectoid form, and you hear that voice rumble through the walls once again, and it says, The octave thanks you sincerely for your vulnerability in these matters. You have but one more vision to face before concluding the trial of divination, and, well, this one's everyone's favourite. It is a vision of one possible future. The one that awaits you atop the ziggurot should you outlast your three score and three competitors. Have you consent to receive this vision?

gaze into the eyes of the statue before you. The exit is also available, but you'd be off your nut to leave at this point. What do you do? That's not your voice, right? I thought, Dad, you have to understand when you told me that you're playing insectoid threikine and you were like, get ready.

I thought when you went, that was the voice you had chosen for the character for the whole season. And I got real nervous about that. But no, that would be very different. Sure. I think Helgramp, it's very hesitant. He's not that trusting a soul, but eventually he does look into the eyes. And do you resist the psychic force that you feel upon you? In for a penny, in for a pound, no. Okay. Bring it on, Haas. You look up into the eyes of your effigy and you are somewhere very far away now.

This world, the fold, is defined by its magical abundance. It is a place where everyone, to some extent, possesses some supernatural thing that nobody else can do. You, hellgramut, like every other aspirant here, you are familiar with the flavor of magic, like what it feels like to break some physical rule of reality. In the vision you're experiencing. where you have claimed victory in the conclave and become one of the all-powerful octave. This vision you are feeling it is not this usual flavor of magic. You know this is something completely different.

You feel a touch of godhood. And right away, you have the thought that this vision is making the power that you wield the spell that you have sort of practiced furiously, feel pointless and insignificant. It is a trick, and this is not a trick or like a repertoire of tricks. This is a communion with the primal energies of magic. You can quite literally do anything, Hell Cramet. You've just won the conclave. What do you do?

Hell Gramet returns to the Screech, returns to the colony from whence he came. There are just like, describe where the Screech live. Is it a hive situation? Is it a hill? It's a hive more of, it's almost like an ant hill. I mean, it's massive. And he goes into the tunnels that are all these different. chambers.

As we'll find out, this is where he got his start, just as one of the lowly worker scretch, tending to the eggs in the nursery. They were called the bleh, these workers. He was one of the bleh. Okay. Do you have to say it like that? Blah, yeah. Okay, cool.

Yeah, bleh. But now, seething with power as he walks through the time, he walks through the tunnels and the passageways, the other scrimatch are drawn to him. Oh, for sure, dude. For some mysterious, you should just kind of follow him. I mean, not for some mysterious reason. I should make this clear. You are now one of the octave. You are one of the eight arch wizards of the realm. You are not strictly a god, but I think thought of very much as a conduit to, you know, know, some sort of divine magical power. And the fact that a Thrykeen has won the conclave, it is like, I mean, it's the,

it's the end of a Star Wars movie in here. There's jubilation and fireworks and instruments made out of mushrooms and shit. People are very excited about your return. So he actually, followed by this mob, walks into the chamber of the queen, huge, great, big, gigantic chamber. And the queen is being tended to by smaller scroitch, you know, fussing over her. And Hellgerman walks right up to her, but then turns his back on her. Well, and addresses the crowd and says,

brethren and sister Screech I come before you a changed individual I am here seething with power with magic lots and lots of it

like a buttload of magic and I feel it is time for the Screech to attain their place in this world. I am going to share this magic with all of you. I am going to elevate your power,

and we can take our place as a mighty race. But before we can do that, I must have the mandate of all this critch. and to gain this mandate, and he turns back to face the queen and says, We must overthrow the matriarchy and make me the king of the scritch. Without sweating your intrusion here and the mob

that has formed the queen of the scritch, the brood mother, a massive sort of indeterminate insect, Queen Larvosa, gestures towards you and says, sees him. And suddenly, a moment later, there are a dozen soldier ants, all wielding spears, all wearing the armor of their defeated insect enemies, they all charge you and try to hold you still with their spears. What do you do? I am going to repulse them. Actually, I'm going to incapacitate them.

I don't want to kill anybody. Well, what spells does he have at his command? You can do anything. you have control over all magic that has ever or will ever exist. We don't need to stick to 5E rules here if you don't want to. Or if you want to showcase your talent or whatever, this is an opportunity for you to do whatever the fuck you want. I am not going to worry about. Make water.

Then I am going to turn to all these soldiers and mentally command them. Put down your weapons and stay your hands. There is no resistance at all. They all, uh, they all drop their spears. I wish not to use this power on the rest of you. I want you to come to me willingly. Throw off the mantle of being drones. And rise with me, friends.

Um, a little... Are you with me? A little flea man raises his hand. Sorry Aren't you mind controlling them right now Which is kind of like drone Dron business I wish not to control you

My wee friend I want you to come to me willingly And if you say yay You Will be the first of my converts Oh hell yeah Yeah let's go Oh you're in

Let's go baby You're in He hops forward Juice me up What's your name Tyler That truly is a bug's life Tyler Flee

What about the rest of you? What about the rest of you? Are you with me? I'm Ralph. I didn't mean, you know, what's your names? I'm Godzilla. That's not fucking D&D rules. It's me, Zora.

They all approach. I mean, this mob was following you at first with like almost sort of fan-like fervor and now it has definitely morphed into something else. They see this flea man supplicate himself to you and how thoroughly you have controlled all these soldier ants and like everyone just walks forward and is just trying to sort of touch the hymn of your garment. And Larvosa from the dais on which she has sort of settled, she laughs. And she says, Hell Gramet, Hell Gramet.

Once again, controlling the bugs. Your society that you plan to build is not a righteous one, Helgrammett. You only know control, only know how to control the bugs. This is no ant farm, Halgramut. So you do not willingly surrender. The crown to me. Am I correct? Make an intimidation check, and I will give you advantage because you're a godman, bug.

Use your inspiration, Dan. Use your baroque inspiration. Well, there's 11, and there is a 20, a dirty 20. Dirty 20, okay. She reaches up with one of her many, long spindly limbs and plucks the crown off of her head. And she starts to hand it towards you and then she says, would you show me one last time the infestation?

El Grimmon? Well, yes. As a matter of fact, I will. And he concentrates. and from his hand comes a swarm of smaller insects, kind of swirling around, hovering in his hand, like a mini tornado of these mites. She looks up at it, fascinated,

and she slides the crown over to your feet. And then she looks up at you, Hellgram it. And it is very strange because you, to some extent, know that you are having this vision, that you are seated in a room in the past and just sort of like witnessing this event. But as she looks at you, Hell Grammet, you get the sense that she is looking at you, looking at this. You get the sense that she is staring intently at the you that is seated in this room of the trial of divination. and she says,

You could have been anything, and you chose this. And you gasp and regain your senses as you break eye contact with your perfect effigy and the voice calls out and says, Aspirant, by your participation in the conclave, you invite deaths, shadow to fall upon you. You are extraordinarily likely to perish during these oncoming trials.

You may lose your life. But what is that word? Now that you know what your life could be, if you agree to these final terms, grasp the hand-like appendage of your effigy. And he immediately grabs it right away, no hesitation. As suddenly as you grasp it, there is no flash of those onyx eyes, as was the case during those first two sort of agreements. Instead, just as quickly as you grab the hand, the effigy's hand grabs yours, the stony fingers wrap around your palm and the leather straps that make up this gauntlet that your effigy is way. begin slithering like snakes off of its arm and onto your arm, starting to sort of weave and reform this padded glove and these woven bindings tightly around your wrist and your forearm. And then you see a round leather plate rear up over your elbow. And as it does so, it reveals a thin metal probe on its underside.

And the way that it is reared back, the way this needle is glistening, it is quite similar to a scorpion getting ready to sting. And it slams down into your elbow and your ulnar nerve, your funny bone lights up like a Christmas tree and you lose consciousness immediately. When the three of you awaken, you are lying face up on a soft. carpet of grass peering upward at a cloudy afternoon sky. As you rise, you see your fellow aspirants coming to all around you. Sixty-four wizards lie in a semicircle on the central lawn of the ziggurat, all facing the building's central structure. It is a tiered fortress, a hundred yards wide, built from smooth gray stone that curves and slopes at inscrutable angles. As you marvel at your proximity to this place, the very seat of the folds magic, you also notice, as you sort of glance in

your periphery, that the island is no longer floating in the waters of lock reach. It apparently took flight during your slumber. The island is sailing through the air. And remembering your slumber, you inspect your arm where indeed a leather gauntlet has been fastened quite snugly. It's a beautiful, beautifully crafted piece of light armor with one strange feature. On the back of the glove is a hard plate dotted with these metal ringed holes, and you identify them as mounts or settings for gemstones, which is a conclusion that you all draw as you realize that one of these holes has already been filled with a cloudy white stone about the size of a strawberry. you look up from your gauntlets as a door slams open from one of the higher tiers of the ziggurat,

and all 64 heads snap to attention as eight figures file out. The eight arch-wisards of the octave hold court above you all, and a bald, wispy man, clearly the eldest of the group, steps forward to the edge of the tier, and his regalia is just flapping in the wind. And he says, Welcome, Aspirants. I am first octave ocean, and I am pleased to welcome you properly to the conclave. As I look around me, I feel a great peace knowing my replacement shall be chosen from such a capable assembly of mages.

All 64 of you have passed the trial of divination, as is customary for these conclavees. You have all agreed to the terms and conditions of this contest, as has every wizard who has ever been invited here. But now it is time for the second trial to begin, and this one historically is unpleasant for our aspirants. We have arrived at the moment where our warnings become manifest, and the will be the will. wheel meets the road. You must steal yourselves, wizards. Your very survival depends upon it. And immediately, Osham is silhouetted in bright red light

as the clouds far above the ziggurat explode outward in a circle, forming these concentric rings of clouds across the sky, like ripples following a stone's throw into a lake. And right where the clouds burst from, you see a fireball the size of a city block emerge and begin to fall in your direction. Maximum Fun A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.