The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 13

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

The wizards cash in their prizes and explore the island -- and perhaps dive in too deep.Royale Theme: “Wizard Disco” by Louie Zong: https://louiezong.bandcamp.com/album/wizard-discoOriginal Music by Griffin McElroyAdditional Music in this Episode: "PULL" by Nctrnm: https://soundcloud.com/nctrnm; “Time Travel is Possible”, “If You Can't Be the Sun, Be the Sun”, and "The Redemption in Her Arms" by Schemawound: http://schemawound.com/; "Jar of Flies" by Jar of Flies: https://jaroffliesofficial.bandcamp.com/; "A Rainbow in the Sewers" by Jangwa: https://www.petitesmaisons.it/jangwa/; "Haze" by Scott Holmes Music: https://scottholmesmusic.com/;  and "Over Soul" by Evan Schaffer: https://www.evanschaeffermusic.com/.Native American Aid: https://nativepartnership.org/naa/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on Taz Royale, it is not until now that you get sort of an idea of who's gone. There is a chime of a pleasant sounding bell and 12 more holographic busts materialize around the room. You will have the rest of today and tomorrow to recover before we reconvene for our next trial. And I need your guys help to put a bag of dog poop on. the gentleman's front doorstep. You and I are oil and water, and we are going to have to solve this sooner rather than later, I think. Welcome back to Taz Royale.

You've joined us in a calm time, a period of rest and relaxation between the trials. Quiet, I encourage everyone to reflect from time to time on their actions and what they would have done differently. And their words. It's how you grow as a person and as a wizard. It is the day after the trial of evocation.

Most notably in the last episode, it was largely dedicated to a prank gone terribly wrong. We almost burned down the house of the gentleman from Whizberry. When I say we, I mean, that was mostly you guys. And honestly, mostly Travis. What? Well, it was your idea. It is the morning, though, of the day after.

And I don't regret it. Okay. Not yet. Not yet. But. You will at some point. You all have the day off before the next trial commences, and you are able to spend that day however you'd like.

Later, we're going to all head to the Adelier to grab some new spells, maybe some new merch. I've asked you guys to level your characters up to level four. Yes. which is not the most exciting benchmark in Dungeons and Dragons. You basically get to choose between some stat increases or you grab a feat. So we can talk about what you end up doing there. But I'd like to start with either Hellgramit or with Loravith. How would you like to spend your free time today before the next trial begins?

Hmm. I feel like Helgrammett needs a little bit more exposure to the land. I think he needs to do a little groundwork and get more familiar with the rest of the entire playing area. Okay. I don't think he, you know, he needs to reconnoiter. Sure. I'm here for it. That is if he has already connoitered at some point to do it.

There's some areas you've definitely connoitered. The residences here in the sort of southeast quarter, you know, you've been around the eggs, the Ziggurat, obviously, the gardens you died in, and there's the observation platform, the tower you went up. But there's a lot of stuff on the sort of north side of the island that Helgrima has not sort of visited. What's the one part we are forbidden? So you have been. Is that the crystallarium? Yes, you've been warned multiple times not to. not to approach the crystallarium.

You should try it, Dad, because I heard Griffin just has a wall there. If you try to walk into it, I heard you just hit geometry. I heard Griffin just was just says, like, denial. I'm wondering if, if, hell, Graham, just because of his innate curiosity, might hang around in the forest in the woods a little bit right up there and get right up as close to the crystallarium as he can to see what he can see. Okay. All right.

I like that. So you head over to the sort of northern edge of the woods. You are able to kind of spot the crystallarium. It is slightly across this kind of like outcropping of the lake, sort of separating you from the entrance to the crystallarium. But you're able to kind of like, you know, get a decent look at it. I think if you, the extent to which you're going to be able to surveil the crystallarium is going to depend on, you know, how sneaky you can be.

I think this would definitely be a good opportunity for you to use your exquisite hiding skills with your chameleon carapace. Right. So give me a stealth check with advantage using your chameleon carapace. Okay. Stealth check. With advantage, that would be there's a 12, which for Hell Grammet is a hell of a roll.

Yeah. And that's a... Well, now, wait a minute. That's an eight. Yeah, but look at the... Can you see the dye? No, is it cocked? It said 15.

Wow. It says on our thing, eight. That's crazy. I think we all saw eight. All right. That's so wild. It's so weird. It was up against the edge.

It was kind of halfway. Sure, yeah. It was cocked. And I don't want to go off half-coct. You certainly don't. You want to be full-cocked. Well, take a 12. With a 12, you head up to the edge of the woods. You are able to get closer to the crystallarium than you have in the past. There is a long sort of staircase approach leading up to the crystallarium. The building itself appears to be made out of several enormous sort of perfect geometric crystals. They were, appear to be amethyst. There's like a dark red, maybe ruby, kind of central structure with these two

great amethyst pyramids flanking it. And right in the center, there's just kind of a bunch of large, like six, seven foot tall crystals that are overlapping, forming a kind of like barricaded entrance into this structure. The crystal. is mostly opaque. You are not really able to see through it to see exactly what is happening inside the crystallarium. If you were able to get right up on it, like go up the approach, up the stairs, you might be able to get a better look, but from where you are, you can't quite see what is, what's happening inside the building. I think you are close enough that if you wanted to roll a perception or investigation check, you would do that sort of flat.

just to see if you can, you know, figure anything else out without having to get any closer to this place. Well, I have a spell I would like to use. Okay, great. It's called obscure object. Okay. I don't remember that spell. I didn't remember it, too. I just see it. It says at will. Did you get it when you were leveling up, Dad? I have never seen it before today.

So I'm thinking maybe it came from today's level up? You took magically mischievous as a feat. Yeah. Okay. That's exactly what it is then. So you have taken magically mischievous as a feat. You gain proficiency in sleight of hand. That's cool.

When you succeed on a dexterity slide of hand check to steal something, you can magically turn the stolen object invisible as part of the same action as if you would cast obscure object. The object must be small enough to fit in the palm of your hand and it lasts for one minute. You can use this ability two times per long run. So it's not like he has the spell, but the spell is like an extension of this. Yeah, he's a stinker. Like he took the stinker fee.

Yeah, for sure. Okay. Is the thing that you wanted to obscure? We're on earth. I just thought maybe I'm at hiding anything during a sleight of hand. What's nothing up my what? Yeah. He's like nothing up my neck.

Nothing of my kite. Nothing. He's got to think of my kite except for mandrels and shit. Yeah. A bunch of bug stuff. Okay, so what were you hoping to obscure here? Well, I thought maybe I would obscure part of the crystal wall, see if I can make a little peephole. Okay.

Which would make, I would think, a perception check a little easier. Okay. I think that is a stretch for the description of magically mischievous. But if you want to roll dice to see if it works, I will allow that. But first, you're going to have to get quite a bit closer. you will need to get right up next to the crystallarium in order to do that, and you have been warned not to do that. So the trade-off I'm willing to do here is like you can attempt this,

but you're going to need to put yourself in a more vulnerable position to try. Okay, so I'll use chamelein carapace. Okay. To get a little closer. Sure. Do I still have advantage? Yes. I will give you advantage here.

I think because it is off time, like, you can creep so slowly that it's still technically hiding, right? Okay. And you're just kind of like scuttling across the ground very, very slowly. Let's get this stealth check with advantages you actually approach the crystallarium. Okay. That is a 10, again, typical hellgremant roll. Yeah.

Oh, an 18. Wow. your highest role yet. You need it the most. All right, 18. It takes, like, you take your sweet time. We're talking about, like, a painful, slow crawl over, like, an hour. You kind of skip this, like, stony staircase approach to come at the building from the side.

And you are able to eventually make your way up towards the crystallarium. As you get closer, you can see some. automated sort of defenses that are mostly surrounding this front approach. There are these sort of slender stone towers, maybe 15 feet tall with these swirling white crystalline orbs on top of them that you can feel just like a very powerful, magical, you know, ward inside of. But you are able to go so slow and so sneaky that you can get up right to the crystallarium. And as you kind of hold your hand out towards the side of one of these amethyst walls, you cast obscure object. Give me a slight a hand check, right? This is how obscure object's supposed to work.

So to see how effective this is at kind of like using this spell in a, you know, lateral thinking sort of manner. Okay, that's 12. 12, great. Is that great? Yeah, no, I mean, it's for Helgrim. So with a 12, you hold out your hand, and you see the wall begin to kind of slowly deform. And it's very, very subtle.

It starts out as just kind of like a pinprick flaw in the side of this smooth crystal that very slowly expands to create a whole. that is just like a half inch in diameter. And you put your face towards the edge of the crystallarium and you can look through the hole. Can I make an investigation check? You're going to make some sort of check here, right? But like the, this is a, I will tell you now as the DM, like a pretty risky thing that you are doing. This thing is Fort Knox. and you have managed to penetrate it, albeit just a little bit.

So I'm going to want either an investigation or a perception check, and because, like, you have no peripheral vision into this building, it is going to be made with disadvantage. Okay. Well, let's see. There's a seven. Okay. Shit.

And a 21. Wow, that 21 would have been really, really, very, very good. amazing amazing um it would have been i mean i'll make you a devil's bargain here dad okay you can use that 21 if you want but you're gonna get caught or you can take the seven hey you gotta live large okay spend money to make i'm gonna take the 21 great um you peer in through this hole. And when you do, you're only seeing, you know, a half inch worth of activity inside of the crystallarium. It is much more spacious inside than you would have expected. From the outside, it just looks like a huge, like solid crystal, but obviously, like there is space

inside and it appears to be kind of greater than the, you know, volume of the building would suggest just looking at it. You can see very clearly small kind of like motes of what appear to be kind of multicolored light swirling around, not swirling around. They seem to be moving in a fairly orderly fashion between different places. You see almost like, almost like shelves of the lights in orderly rows and occasionally moats will fly from one shelf to another, almost like an abacus, like beads moving around an abacus. You can see what appears to be, and I think you have a particular affinity for this like particular observation, like webs of light inside. not quite the same sort of construction as a spider web,

but there does appear to be some kind of like, you know, something familiar, just looking at a beehive or looking at the nest that you kind of like grew up in, there is a biological natural structure in order to that. And what you see in here is like kind of unfamiliar, but it does have that feeling of a biological, system, something that has been engineered by biology. And you can tell, I think, just taking this extra look and taking this extra time to look,

the little modes of light that are floating around are the crystals that you all have, you know, created as your memories have been kind of manifest and your spells have been manifest into these different little stones and the different stones that you found that have given you access. So looking inside, you are able to kind of glean that there is a, there is some sort of structure in here, some sort of system where the stones that have these magic spells kind of imprinted onto them are being managed. And right next to your ear or your Thrykeen hearing whole, whatever it is. A voice comes very loud and says, hell, grammont, I must warn you, you have broken one of the rules of the conclave.

And therefore, you are to be eliminated immediately without. Wait, wait, wait. You look at your side and you see on your grimroar, the crystal that was set there as sort of your personal assistant, has caught you in the act of spying into the crystallarium. I'm afraid I must report you immediately to the octave because this is... What rule did I break? What rule? You were specifically forbidden, as are all of the aspirants here,

from approaching, attempting to enter, attempting to invade or learn the secrets of the crystallarium. Oh, I was not trying to... I never touched it. Let me explain myself. I felt this compulsion. I felt another, what I thought was another Thrykine in jeopardy, in some kind of stress and strain. And I purposefully didn't touch anything.

I just was trying to reach out to them and see if there was anything I could do to help. I sincerely apologize. I had no intention of trying to break in or trying to get through. That's why I tried not to touch anything. But I just felt this inner connection to someone in danger or hurting or trying to reach out. My intentions were pure, I assure you. There's some lies in there, but there's some truths in there. So I don't know if this is a persuasion or a deception check.

I'll leave it to you, whichever one you... I do better at persuasion. Okay, well, we can do that. Not that I do well in anything, but... Jeez, lemme... I got a hellgram at four. That's a two plus a two. But to be fair, Dad, that's like a Lora Veth 12.

Yeah. I know. That's true. The, like, little crystal holographic shape... that has appeared over the grimoire. You see it kind of percolate on what you just said, and you hear the voice say, I am willing to overlook this, this time.

However, I am afraid that your memory must be purged from the last 10 minutes in order to keep the playing field fair. It's so important that here on the octave ziggurat, that all of the aspirants have a fair shake to ascend to the position of the, of the, octave. And by looking into the crystallarium, you are, I'm sorry to say, cheating quite a bit. So if you can agree to the memory purge, then I can, I suppose, let this slide and not have to run this up the flagpole, so to speak.

Can I have just a minute to think it over? This is a big decision for me. Between death and a memory purge? Yes. Okay. Yes. Give me just a minute, will you? Sure And He scrawls in the dirt with his claw Threkeen symbols

That say Biological motes In the dirt Okay Now is a person watching him Famously Stupid Yeah right I meant to ask if they're famously stupid or unobservant?

Give me a slide of hand check here You have, you're good at this now. And so to do this without the little, you know, 22. 22. With a 22, you can scratch. Take that, Griffin. Yeah, really, Griffin? Yeah.

How far it's. No, you know, I'm rooting for you guys, right? Like, this is the, yeah, no, I know. I just wanted to make Dad feel good for a second. Thank you. Okay. Thank you, buddy. He needs this.

With a 22, I think you can, you can etch in like a decent, you know, we can say that Threikine, sort of language has a sort of shorthand quality to it. Like a court stenographer will be able to do. You're able to etch in enough sort of information here. And Chris says,

if you're done using the bathroom or whatever it is, you're doing. You know, I realize I'd done you wrong. Chris? Is it Chris? That's right. Chris. I am I am moved to the core with shame.

Not so much I want you to kill me, but enough that I purge that memory. Take it, Chris. Take the memories. Take them all away. Please stand by. Okay. Give me a wisdom saving throw, please. Wisdom savings throw.

Holy shit. That is a not one. Wow. You forget everything. It is a complete obliteration of your, an absolute remarkable forgetting that takes place right here. You are standing stock still, and just a second ago you were like walking through the woods and you were trying to figure out like how you wanted to spend your day. And now you're kind of like standing by the lake here between the woods and the crystallarium.

and I'm going to need, I hate to do this, but with a crit failure, as you kind of like snap back to your senses, I'm going to need a luck check just to see, or a perception check to see if you notice the symbols that you edged into the ground here before you walk away. Do investigation again. I mean, no, because you don't know to look for it, right? Okay, all right. I'll take it. That's a seven. with a seven, you, you don't notice these symbols that you've written in the ground. Neither has Chris, neither has anyone else. They are there.

You have written a secret message by the, you know, ground level of the crystallarium as to what it contains. But you come back, you come back to the present and you see, you don't know where you are. You don't know why you're standing here. You know where you are. You don't know how you're standing here. minute up here, Chris says, hello there, Hell Grammet. I am here to tell you that you have experienced a brief lapse in your memory because of an arcane incident. Oh my God, what did I do? You did break a rule here on the Ziggurat, and I chose to show clemency to you, and I am hoping you will

repay my kindness intern by returning to the residences to rest and sleep off this incredible breach of your mental sanctuary. Chris, I would be happy to, but I ask one favor. Just tell me what I did wrong so I know not to repeat the same offense. You broke one of the cardinal rules of the octave ziggurat. Enjoy your rest. Hell, Grammat. It's time for you to go home.

Very well. Thank you, Chris. And you head back to the residences to sleep off the memory wipe. leaving behind a clue as to the crystallarium that no one has seen. This is very Robert Louis Stevenson stuff. I mean, it's a huge hellgrammit stuff.

I think you can earn that entirely. Loravith, how are you spending your day? Well, after watching all of that play out from a distance and enjoying it a great deal and observing all of it and seeing all of that, enjoy it. I find myself drawn to the gilded lily.

Okay. I'd like to explore over in that area of, I haven't been through there yet, and the idea of being around the lake and being near some water appeals to me. Yeah, it's, you head over. The gilded lily is, you know, this great, you know, crystalline flower emerging from these two kind of lily pad-shaped islands connected to the rest of the ziggurop. by these two long sort of painted red bridges, you cross those over to these lily pad islands, and it is indeed like, this is the lap of luxury of the island.

As you approach the gilded lily, you can see inside it's kind of separated into a few different chambers. Inside of one, you see a few aspirants seated at these very posh looking dining tables. eating some delicious looking. Well, delicious too, maybe non-Goliath's, very fancy looking food. You can see through another that appears to be a little bit more opaque for privacy.

You can see, like, there's a spa set in one part of the Gilded Lily. You can see, like, a small kitchen where unseen servants are kind of toiling away cooking food for the assets. I'll head into the spa. Okay. You make your way into the spa, and when you get there, there is a small reception desk, and there doesn't appear to be anyone seated at the reception desk, but there is a small golden kind of ring-for-service bell positioned on it. Ding. You hit the bell, and you hear, and from behind the desk, you see there climbs up a,

mage hand and it gives you a little wave and it gestures towards a door over to the side that says body massage. There's one that says mud bath. All of the different services that a spot can provide seem to be separated into these different doors and this mage hand is like gesturing towards them and then giving like a thumbs up like, uh, and then towards another one like maybe that one. Yeah, perhaps. I'll admit, I have not such services in the past, but I, um, my rock that I normally sleep on at home, it lies just so, this angle, you see here, you see how it's demonstrated. I've searched perhaps three dozen rocks here. Beautiful views overlooked, but the angle, it just is not right, and every morning I wake. up with the worst pain. Here and here. Is this something you can banish? Banish from me. You see the

Mage Hand kind of tap its fingers on the desk like it's thinking, and then it puts a single finger up, and then it puts its hand over the bell, and it rings it in like a very specific sequence. It gives it a shave and a haircut, like a ding-d-d-ding-ding. And when that happens, you hear, you see a huge, door off to the side of this spa chamber that is unlabeled, it like bursts open as though it's been kicked and an enormous mage hand kind of like climbs in, almost like a kid making a dinosaur out of their hand kind of just like stomps in with each fingerfall. It kind of just like shakes this, you know, this deep red glass chamber that you're standing in. And the giant hand sort of scurries over to you.

It is about the size of like a grizzly bear, this enormous hand. And the smaller mage hand gestures towards the body massage chamber and gestures to the enormous hand, which seems to be kind of like waiting to follow you. Yeah, I'll head into the chamber, for sure. You walk over to the body massage chamber

and lay down. There is a very, very soft bed. I do you? Well, what do I lay down on? Don't tell me I lay down before you tell me what I'm laying down on. Well, there's a, there is a, uh, tell me I lay down. You lay down and you die. What if it's nails?

Yeah, you lay down on nails. Yeah. Uh, you walk into, what if it's lava? I was like, I'm lying down at the lava. I'm burning. It sucks. And they're like, why would you do that? No, get on.

I died. My character died. Don't lay on that? What's wrong with you? There is. There is a soft looking bed with a sort of like small head hole carved into it or or cut out of the cushion. I'm not a massage expert.

I don't think it's a soft bed. I don't think that that's the right. I think it's got to be some firmness. What happens, though, is when you walk in, this enormous hand lumbers in after you and just swats this soft bed into the side of the wall where it kind of like shatters and falls apart

and then it points right down at the hard ground. Now we're talking. Yes, this I can respect. You see this giant hand as... Shall I undress to my level of comfort? It gives you a thumbs up. Of course, dude. You natural, of course you should.

This is about to get extremely, extremely wild. Okay. Yeah, just like a, like a leather wrap. Around my dangle. Yeah, sure. And then around. Like an Anthony, like an Anthony key to sock kind of deal. There's a leather strap through my butt crack that is purely structural.

Yeah, amazing. Okay, you lay down and you see that it. Excuse me, had it, it's quite cold. It, you see it walk over. There's a small, there's a small sphere set into like a plinth in the corner of the room that it kind of like rubs its index finger over and you feel the temperature of the room begin to increase. The room seems to warm up quite a bit as it manipulates this sphere and it gestures towards the ground, which is now quite a bit warmer as you lay down on it.

Do you lay down on it? Holy shit. I do lay down on it. I apologize. I do. Yeah. You feel this enormous mage hand sort of, to start, kind of apply an amount of pressure to your back that seems a little bit intense. However, you are made of fairly stern stuff.

And so, you know, it's not like this giant bear-sized mage hand is crushing you. And after doing that for a few seconds, you see it. like scuttle in front of your face and give you like a thumbs up like that good i could take i could handle more i could handle more uh okay uh you feel it return uh to sort of uh straddle your back with its thumb and pinky and it begins using its other three fingers uh to give you a fairly deep tissue massage. Give me a Constitution saving throw

as this enormous hand begins to rub your back. Okay. Sorry, a saving throw? Yes, Constitution save. 13 plus 5, 18. Yeah, it is totally bearable the amount of

pressure this hand is giving you. You have definitely gotten firmer, more intense sort of body done to you in the Goliath community that you hail from. And so, like, you get the sense that, you know, you could stand a little bit more pressure. It does feel pretty nice, though.

That's, ah, yes. No, that's actually, that's, that's the limit. That's right there. That is actually the most. Right hand? You, the hand scuttles in front of your face, so it can address you, it looks. at you, gives you a thumbs up, like, good, no more?

Hand, my feet. I know, I know. But if you, if you could. It kind of... I don't know if that's inappropriate. I don't understand me. Huge hand culture. It looks a little timid.

Does it? Yeah, it does. The hand, the professional massaging hand response to my... Give me an insight check. Give me an insight check. It's timid about rubbing feet. Give me an insight check. Let me see.

you? On the mage hand, on the bare size major. Okay, got it. 17 plus 1. It's not that it

doesn't want to touch your feet. It doesn't want to hurt you. You can tell this large hands... Oh, okay, man. I read you perfectly.

It's nothing you don't want to touch my feet. It's such you're afraid you'll hurt me. Yeah, with an 18 insight check, you get the sense that this giant mage hand massage therapist

has hurt people in the past, uh, not perhaps understanding its own Power. Can he tell with an 18 if the hurt was physical or emotional or what? It's both.

It's an emotional pain. This mage hand is... I want you to know something, huge hand. Huge hand? It grumbled. You don't know how. These tutsis have been through much worse than you could ever know all out. I'm sure you are quite a powerful hand.

But unless you have the crushing force of an angry mama black bear, I assure you these tutsis can handle it. All right. sort of shrugs with its knuckles and you see... Rip them down! You see him. It scurries down down to your legs. Give me another Constitution saving throw, please. I look forward to the extended universe novel about the time that Loravith fought an angry

mama black bear with his feet. Yeah. Okay, that is a nine. So you did get a really good massage here before this part. So I'm going to give you You are going to, what is your HP? You know what, you're going to take, give me damage? No, my man, no my man.

Okay, 38 is my current. 38 HP is what you got now. Yes, okay. Now, I will say that I have, I have my, for my level four thing, I took the feet of athletics. Okay. So what I saw I was thinking is maybe this thing limbered me up. So I remember I'm getting a little bit more comfortable,

climbing a little bit better dexterity due to the loosening up there. I do like that. I'm narratively justified my love for. Okay, yeah, you have the athletics, the athlete feet, which allows you to increase your score. Sorry, I have athletes' foot.

You have athletes' foot and... Athletes feet. This is a cool feed. It lets you sort of climb better. You can stand up from prone a lot easier. This felt, right? It felt like a good pairing. Yeah, for sure.

I am also going to grant you an additional 10 points, temporary hit points, that you can start the next trial with. That will be sort of a buffer on top. Now, is that out of pity, or do you want to do that? No, I want to do that. Okay, thank you.

Because I do not need the pity. No, it's a pity thing, I don't need it. I want there to be some sort of like, you know, repercussion, some result of the stuff that you have to be. Just for the record, I'll take pity bonuses. I'm not above it. Yes. You feel great after the first part of the massage.

It starts in on your feet, and you can tell pretty much immediately, it doesn't really know how to really do. You get this, it's more of a large muscle group specialist. And so it starts to rub your tootsies very tenderly and just kind of pinching it between its thumb and forefinger. And as you kind of move a little bit, sort of suggesting there is an amount of discomfort, the hand kind of just like starts rubbing your legs, trying to like figure out, get back in the swing of things. And then you can tell it like it's getting pretty frustrated and it starts rubbing the rest of your body, you know, with a little bit too much firmness and sensing that it has completely fucked this up.

Has it. It's so, with a nine on your feet, man. It's so frustrated. But that's me. I couldn't handle it. You feel this hand sort of raise and, you know, there's no. no pressure on your body for a moment. And then it brings the palm down onto your back and you smash through the floor of the lily pad,

leaving a sort of cartoonish Loravith-shaped hole in the ground. And you are immediately met with water as you plummet into the lake below. While you are, you know, momentary- Still in just your leather strap. In just your leather strap. Oh, dang. As you are momentarily kind of, you know, suspended in the water here, give me a perception check, please.

Okay. Holy shit, man. Wow. I got it to natural 20. You can see the molecules binding together. Yes. I never realized. It's just hydrogen and oxygen.

What's the port? Anybody could do this. I have that stuff at home. Why are we buying water? You are smashed through the ground and immediately I think your fighter flight response It grants you sort of superhuman perception I'm so relaxed Yeah

My body is so undense You immediately like your body springs into action and you start to feel You know back above you towards this hole so you can climb and you're underneath this island and that's a terrible place to be But you also see something underneath the water. What do I see, Griffin? You see a glimmer of gold, an enormous golden shape. There's some sunlight directly overhead,

and it is shimmering off the surface of this large golden shape that as you look down at it, you can tell, is a tower reaching up from the bottom of the lake, almost all the way to the surface, is this huge, extremely tall tower. You can see little small mage hands kind of weaving around it, seemingly preparing it for something. You see what looks like a few hands dragging in some crossbows

in through a window. You see large kind of urns filled with that are sealed because it's underwater. You can't tell what's inside of them, but those are being pulled in. There's just this fleet of mage hands preparing this tower for what you assume to be the next trial. Okay. And getting a glimpse at it in this way, I'm going to also give you a point of inspiration that you can spend in the next trial as you get a little sneak peek. So this is like, are we, where I'm seeing this, just so I'm looking at the map now. I'm trying to place this in my head. Am I more, is it closer to the crystallarium end of the lake or closer to like the arena end of the lake? It's closer to the crystallarium end of the lake. So where the bridge is? Yeah, kind of here right next to the long spanning bridge here. Right underneath that there's a great golden tower that is being prepared.

What's the name of that bridge, Griffin? You were telling me it was so beautiful. Before we started, you were telling me you had this beautiful name for the bridge. Nash. No? No, it is. Is it? Yeah, it's Nash Bridge.

Well, there's two of them Because there's another one on the other side So it would be the Nash Bridges This is Little Nash This is Big Nash This is Big Nash Bridge And you're underneath it That's where you see the Golden Tower

Things Guys, the The selection set for this joke Is four human beings And they're all this call One of them is Don Johnson Nass Bridge and Don Johnson Don Johnson Cheech Maren

Both Big Tatsh No Cheech Maren didn't even get it He forgot he was on Nash Bridge There's no way Cheech remembers he's on Ashburners. You are able to pull yourself back up through the... Six seasons, I'll take it. Crazy. Pull yourself back up through the hole into the massage room.

As you get in there, the big hand is like frantically scurrying around. With that 18 insight check, you're really plugged into this thing. You can tell like, oh my God, I killed another one. It seems very relieved to see you and helps pull you back up into the room and lays a rug over the big hole that you it made in the floor. And you are wet, but you do feel revitalized by this great massage that you've received. And I, Justin McRoy, learned that they did a Nash-Bridge reboot in 2021. So it's all, we've all gotten a lot out of this thing today.

Okay, it is later in the day, and the three of you have made your way to the Adelier, the great sort of cat-headed tent here right by the residences. You see a couple other aspirants kind of filing out as the three of you make your way in. And behind the counter, you see John Arbuckle. And he looks up to see the three of you, looking up from the sort of fleet of crystals floating overhead. And he says, oh, hey, guys. Welcome, welcome back. How'd the last trial go?

You look, you look, well, some of you look refreshed and rested. You, you, you, you, yeah, Rick does not, Rick does not sleep well. It took a long time and fall asleep. He looks like crap. Yeah, well, he became an arsonist, and that'll take it out of anybody. Attempted arsonist, Griffin. Sure, sure, sure. He said, okay, so, well, let's get you stocked up.

Very, very exciting. As I suggested, last time you all were in here, I am able to dispense a few kind of magical implements to age you moving forwards, and we'll get you all set up so that you can put up a fair fight in the next trial, because guys, it's only going to get way harder from here. Way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way harder. I need something that deflects something that stops a spell. Do you have that?

Something that stops a spell. Like if somebody tried to cast something on me, it would like bounce off or like back at them or something. Do you have that? I mean, you know that the way that we do things here is sort of a random distribution. So there are some things like that. Obviously, there's lots of protective magic. You already did the trial of abjuration.

So you should know that. But, you know, reach, reach in and we'll see kind of what we end up with. Okay. Do you want spells or an item first? What kind of items do you have? Well, let me show you. He pulls out an orb, a sort of gelatinous looking swirling purple orb. He says, so a lot of the magic instruments that have been confiscated by the octave from the fold below, they end up in here. And you can reach in, you can take, you know, like a special random prize and, you know, use, Use what you get here in the trials. Maybe you'll get lucky.

Maybe there will be something that will, you know, like a special umbrella that bounces, it spells back at people or, I don't know, something like that. I don't know what's in the orb. They don't really tell me, but you're welcome to conjure whatever you'd like from there. We're going to do our sort of like spell draw situation and our random item draw today here at the Adelaire. You all take out your little prize bags that you got for your third place finish in the last trial, which include a few small copper cubes, similar to the ones that you got as the prize in the first trial. And whoever wants to go first, why don't we do the spells first, and then we'll get you guys an item. Laura Vath, you go first.

Helgrim, after you. You're lucky. Go for it. I didn't call him Bug Man. I'm trying to curry favor. What? Oh, I'm sorry. I was a little distracted. What are we doing?

You all did this once already. You're going to... I'm sorry. Yes, sure. I like a ham on Swiss. No, what are we doing? Okay, I'll go first. You place your three copper cubes on the counter. you see John Arbuckle kind of like sweep them and place them in a small sack under his desk. As you do that, you see a selection of crystals fly down from this, you know, amorphous cloud of spell stones floating overhead. Five crystals land on the counter.

He says, for the copper prize or this trial, there's five random spells here. You can pick three and take them into the next trial. Just choose wisely because, uh, You never really know what's coming your way, and you've got to be ready for anything. The five spells that have landed in front of you selected at random from the pool of available magics. I have just texted to you, Travis, if you need to refer to them that way, it is gust, a cantrip that lets you make a gust of wind. Mending, a cantrip that lets you fix things. Magic missile, first level spell, you know what it does.

Unseen servant, which allows you to conjure. an invisible assistant to do your light work for you. And then the second level spell locate object. Sick. Not a bad selection of wizardly spells. You get to pick which ones you want. Definitely unseen servant. Okay.

And locate object. Got it. And. Magic missile. Great. You take those three spellstones, the other two soar back up into the cloud, and as you slot them into your grimloor, again, you have this kind of disorienting moment where the memories of three other wizards kind of pop into your head. I don't think we've seen any gust. You have had used against you back in the first trial, I believe, by Zephyr, but that is not one you chose. So the others are wizards you don't really recognize, but you've gotten kind of. kind of used to this process of internalizing these memories and feeling comfortable with these spells as you as you gain them. Who is, who wants to go next?

Helgrimut will go next. Okay. You do the same thing. Put your three copper cubes up on the counter. Five spellstones appear before you, of which you can choose three, Halgramette, five spells, and you can add three of them to your grimace. There's create, bonfire, which you've seen used before. It does kind of what it says on the tent. Silent image, which is a first level spell, lets you make sort of a silent, very realistic looking illusory image of whatever you'd like. Cloud of daggers, second level spell that makes a kind of field of swirling blades that you can use to kind of block off an area or damage people who enter it. Misty Step, which was the spell of Mr. Mr. who you didn't really,

get a chance to meet but did perish in the last trial. Basic sort of teleportation magic. And then shocking grasp, which is a sort of electric melee spell attack. Those are your five. You get to pick three. Cloud of daggers? For sure. That's, yeah. Shocking grasp.

Got it. That's a cantra. I'm not looking to win a lot of new friends. But you will influence people. For sure. And I believe Misty. step. Add those please to your character sheet and you you slot those into your grim war. And again, this is a phenomenon you've experienced a few times. You do see Mr. Mr. as you slot in the Misty Step spell and you know, you didn't know him, but you see memories of this wizard

who had a sort of like street magician vibe. working, you know, the busking circuit just showing off how he can sort of displace himself from from one spot to another to earn, you know, to earn a living. It was a hard, hard fought life, very exhausting, and then it ended here. And now you have his magical spell. And you also have these two others. And Loravith. Yeah, I put down my cubes and take my chances. Okay. All right. Five spellstones fly down from the cloud.

The selection that you have been offered, mending, again, the cantrip that lets you fix broken things. Earth tremor, first level spell, makes a little earthquake. Blur, a illusion spell that allows you to kind of like blur your image, which forces disadvantage on attack rolls against you. Alter Self, a favorite of dads from past seasons, where you can sort of. of like change your form to have an aquatic adaptation or change your appearance or whatever. I think I'm gonna take the alter self. I have a good feeling about alter self for sure.

We've had fun with that one. It's a lot of fun, man. You also have, the last one that appears is one you are actually pretty familiar with. You can sense inside of the last of the spellstones that appears is Iceknife, which was the spell possessed by absolutely, Zero, the kind of icy ninja that you, that you worked with and befriended in the first trial before I know that. Do I know that?

Yeah, I mean, you can tell what these spells are as they appear. All right. I picked that one up and kind of like, nostalgically give it a once over, just sort of like to see if I, I don't know, I want to know if there's any sense of the person there still. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. It is a crystallized manifestation of memory, uh, which is. which is how these magic spells are kind of like passed from from one aspirant to to another. So yeah, I mean, definitely there is a part of him that is in that stone. I thought you'd want me to do some sort of role-playing game check or something to figure that out.

No, I mean, that is how this has worked for all of these, right? So you would know that that is kind of how it happens. I know that's how it happens. I'm like, I don't know. Personality-wise. Does it have a vibe? Is there a soul? in here? Is there a soul in there?

Give me, you can give me an inside check on the crystal to see. Okay, it's an 11 plus one. I don't know. Pretty. These stones, as you have like, as you understand them and as you have kind of like received them

in the past, there's not like a, there's nothing trapped in here necessarily. There is not, they don't talk to you. These are straight up, you know, recordings of a person's of a wizard's past. It is like a, I mean, it is crystallized experience, right? Because the reason why it is so impossible for people, you know, who can cast

magic down on the, you know, in the fold is because it takes a long, long, long, long time to practice these spells. And so these crystals are just kind of a, are just kind of hard copy recordings of that practice and of that experience. There is no soul or anything trapped in here. There's no way to communicate with absolute zero in here. You can only kind of see what he experienced. Okay, I will take his cue. Thank you.

Okay. You take his spellstone, and you have one more. You can choose. I'm going to grab mending. Okay. I feel like those would be the most useful. Okay. Considering what I've learned and they have not.

And if they at any point act like they know the stuff I know, I'm gonna flip my shit. Okay. Just a warning. I take my headphones off whenever I'm not talking, Justin, just to make sure that I don't know things. I know you're not a big listener, but I'm not really not worried about it. Okay, alter self, ice knife, and mending. Please add those to your character sheets.

As you insert the spellstone for ice knife, you do get a quick, like, sort of, you know, life flash before your eyes version of absolute zero story growing up in a this sort of like elemental monastery training you get the sense that he had a pretty intense regimen he was throwing hundreds of ice knives every single day you know practicing his his aim and his ability to kind of like manifest the elements uh you see yourself in the memory of when Absolute Zero first met you during the trial of abjuration. What was his read on me? First glance. He was impressed. He was very impressed by you. I knew I liked Absolute Zero. What a champ. You also see a brief moment where he enters into the eggs.

when you first kind of had your break time. Yeah, egg memory. I remember he, yeah, what did I get out of that? You, do you remember which of the eggs he went into? Oh, yes, Griffin, I haven't, I got the tattoo of it, like the guy in Memento. It's, um, oh, no, it says, no, I don't, actually. The tattoo just says, no, I don't have any clue, Griffin, what a maniacal thing to ask. Was it three? I believe it was three. I believe it was the third egg.

See, dad listens, Travis. That's what listening is. Sorry, what? That's what you have to be on guard of. I heard my name, and so I put my headphones back on. His generation remembers how to listen. You have to be careful with them. It's like tweeting. It is hard to pick out specifics of these kind of like of these memories.

You don't necessarily have the ability to, you know, Tvo through the memories to pick and choose the parts that you really want to be able to focus on. Give me a history check to see how much of this memory of the third egg you can kind of glean. Heck yeah, that's a 20. A dirty 20. A natural 20. Unnatural 20. That doesn't work either. A gentleman's 20.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get this community. And I'm talking about all the TTRPG community. I want to unite everybody and stop saying dirty 20. Please. A gentleman's 20. A gentleman's 20 I also don't love. I don't love that either. It's just 20 because the other one is a natural.

Right. Right? So we have a natural. 20 and we have a surreal 20. It's real classic 20. An alternate 20. Who was it that went into the second egg? That was you, Hell Grammar, right?

Mm-hmm. And you didn't necessarily share what happened in there with other people? No, I don't think so. Okay. I mean, I'm not adverse to it. Yes. With an unnatural 20, you are able to pick up a lot from this memory. You see Absolute Zero, kind of nervous being sort of bullied into going to this egg by you.

It seals behind him and he, you know, receives the same kind of disclaimer from Chris about how the history of this world will be revealed through these different chambers and that the history of this world is divided into eight different eras. This third era that you see Absolute Zero go into, the voice coming from his remark calls the era of cognition. And immediately, like, the darkness inside of this egg is replaced by just a smorgasbord of evolution. It is, you see single-celled sort of organisms appear and float in the air all around him that then begin to grow and mature. They go through these very primordial stages of life. you see creatures swimming in the ocean and pulling themselves up onto land. You are seeing the whole of the origins of life on this planet sort of condensed down into this one extremely visceral kind of tangible history lesson.

And you realize that the kind of euphoria he experienced as he came out of there was this connection to not just nature, but to consciousness, to life itself, which it characterizes apparently in the, you know, Octaves Beliefs, the third era of the world. And it's not enough to, like, grant you any, like, sort of additional benefits, but, like, you do feel a sense of, of great peace kind of overcome you as you have that memory. Great. You see John Arbuckle Oh, that one went down smooth.

Oh, little tingle. John Arbuckle says, A minty after finish. Thank you, absolute zero. John Arbuckle says, okay, now time for the conjuration. And I'll warn you that these are also kind of coded to the prize levels that you received in the last trial.

So I wouldn't be expecting any great flaming swords or anything to be yanked out of here, but you might get a little extra bonus that might help you out. So whoever wants to reach into the gelatinous purple orb first, go right ahead. Dims! All right.

You plunge your hand in. You're going to make a D20 roll here with disadvantage for your third place finish. Well, that's an eight. And a... I know I could have that one roll. Ah, 17. Okay, great.

would have been swell. You reach your hand inside of this orb. It feels cold. You're reaching into a sort of fluid void that is not particularly pleasant to plunge your hand into. You feel your hand brush against a few different objects that kind of slip from your grasp as you try to grab them. And finally, you are able to close your hand around something solid, which you pull out and you see a pair of dark, tented spectacles. And they are fairly large.

They are large enough to fit over your face. They actually appear to fit you quite well. And you see John R. Buckle pull out a small leather-bound book and says, oh, okay. So those are the spectacles of Bernard. These were sent in by listener Marissa. Thank you, Marissa. If you want to send in a magic item here for the orb of conjuration, you know, you can do that by sending us an email at AdventureZonecast at gmail.com.

Yes, the spectacles of Bernard sent in by Marissa. Dark tinted spectacles imbued with the spell animate dead, but only works when the spectacles are placed on the recently deceased. User gains advantage on deception checks when trying to make someone else think the corpse is still alive. This spell ends after 24 hours or if the spectacles are knocked off. Ah, okay, I got you. This is fun.

Let's get this in the book. Let's get this in the next handbook. Sixth edition, please. Sixth edition. It's what Gary Will wanted. I will try to find a way to put this in the system so you can add it to your character sheet. Okay, yes, Rictus, please roll. A 14 and a 3, Griffin. Okay. Again, you reach your hand in and you feel your hand close around.

Something sort of slippery, plastic, slightly squishy feeling. You grab your hand around it and pull it out. and you pull out a what looks like a faintly red and white faded plastic water bottle with sort of like a squeeze top lid. And there is a post-it note that is kind of like taped around it, which reads Jordan. And you see, John Arbuckle says, oh, yeah, that. That one is deceptively pretty effective stuff. That's, I mean, it's... Secret stuff?

It's Jordan's secret stuff sent in by Brian. This magical flask, rumored to once have been owned by Jordan. The greatest wizard ball player who ever lived contains a special potion that strengthens anyone who drinks it. Any creature who drinks it gains plus 1D4 to skill checks for the next 10 minutes. The flask has enough for one drink, which refills each dawn. Every time you drink the potion, the drinker must roll a DC20 perception check on a successful role, they realize the potion is just water, but come to understand the strength was inside all along.

This creature can no longer receive the benefit of drinking the potion. However, if they succeed in a DC-10 deception roll, they can convince others of its powers and have them consume the potion and gain the benefit without having to roll the perception check. Wonderful. Jordan's secret stuff. I love that. Thank you.

Okay. Hell Gramut, you are the last to approach the orb of conjuration. Roll two D-20s? Yes. Seven and 18. Okay, great. You reach your hand into the orb of conjuration, and very quickly, something just kind of like flops into your hand. It doesn't feel great, but you're able to close your hand around it, and you pull out straight up, it's a banana peel. And he, John R. Buckle says, oh, well, don't be too discouraged. That is no ordinary produce garbage. That is a very powerful. powerful magical artifact.

This was also submitted by Marissa. Thank you, Marissa. It is the artificial banana peel, a banana peel that never rots or loses its slipperiness. Make someone else slip and fall over. Ha ha. So this is a banana peel that you can use to try to trip someone up,

and it never rots or loses its slipperiness. Oh, great. That's awesome. Thank you so much. Hey, man, I told you. These are copper rewards. They're not going to be amazing. Do better in the next trial.

You'll get better stuff. Well, I can't because I roll for shit. Maximum Fun A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows Supported directly by you.