The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 14

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

The Trial of Transmutation, Part IIt is once again each wizard for themselves as the next trial starts upon a towering staircase, only to be finished when four aspirants have met their end. Above lies glory and prizes; below, watery depths and hungry eels.Royale Theme: “Wizard Disco” by Louie Zong: https://louiezong.bandcamp.com/album/wizard-discoOriginal Music by Griffin McElroyAdditional Music in this Episode: "My Starship", "Fireball", and "Sunny Day" by Jar of Flies: https://jaroffliesofficial.bandcamp.com/; "tribute to eddy" by Jean Toba: https://jeantoba.blogspot.com/; “If You Can't Be the Sun, Be the Sun” by Schemawound: http://schemawound.com/; annd "PULL" by Nctrnm: https://soundcloud.com/nctrnm.Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

The wizard's numbers nearly halved are separated wheat from chaff to measure with a trial so strange their mind's capacity for change. They sink below and then ascend, as one by one they meet their end, till eight escape the quiet pond, to glimpse the lifeless, lands beyond. Hello and welcome back to Tas Royale, our PVP winner take all one V-63 season. Today we begin a new trial, the fourth trial, as we approach the halfway mark of the conclave. It's been a hundred years since we've recorded due to having to reschedule for illness and tour and what have you. I'm excited.

So everybody's dead. Everyone died and came back to life. Oh, yes. There's a whole Christ allegory thing. And if you want that, you got to subscribe to the Patreon. That's where we put the bonus episodes. That's where all the lore drops are. And the Lord drops.

We should start putting in, like, voice recordings, like, that people can find around the area. Oh, cool. Where they get, like, lore drops from within the world. Yeah, that's cool. And you can, like, you'll be like Bioshock where you'll be kind of listening while someone's, like, he threw the party, but the plasmids were, but meanwhile, like, a bunch of, you know, masked killers are trying to. Can we, that's why you have to do it, that it's unidirectional.

And if you're not standing in front of the player and you start to walk away, it like fades out. And you're like, fuck, now I got to stand here and look at it. Yeah. Can we call them pop-up audios? We can call them pop-up audios. For you. Pop-up. Okay.

Different skins that you can get from Lou Boxes that you pay for. Go on. Yes. All that is going to be in. after the next content drop. The sun rises over the octave ziggarot. As the three of you open the doors and flaps of your respective lodgings, you find a small copper-colored card sitting right before you,

and it reads in embossed lettering, Group 1, First Horn, the Gilded Lily, as you arrive at the Gilded Lily over the... the northwest sort of quarter of the octave ziggurat island. You make your way to the luxurious crystalline spa on the sort of man-made lily pad island there at the appointed time. And as you arrive, there's a small crowd of other aspirants gathering inside the gilded lily. You see a few familiar faces. You see Scorpo, your teammate from the previous challenge. You see the skateboarding Birdman Tommy Falcon. You see Rime, the final icy survivor of the elemental Rangers who Loravith

dispatched in the very first trial, or I guess second trial, as well as like a half dozen other faces you're not quite as familiar with. Moments after your arrival, sunlight glints off of a shape that comes flying from the top of the ziggurat and soaring in your direction. And moments later, a glorious golden thrykin scarab hovers over the waters in front of the group. Mine, mine, mine, mine, I call it.

I call it, that's mine. That's mine. I mean mine. Mine, it's mine. Oh, it's gross. As you say all of that, this golden scarab kind of floats into the gilded lily where everyone is standing and gives you a

sort of a weird look, hell grammat that lingers for a moment. Yes. Oh, mutual admiration. It is not mutual at all, believe me. Good morning. I want to do a Zorak, too, if we're all getting to do Zorax. No, Zorak voice.

You only, if you played a Thirikin, you get to do the Zorak voice. That's the, oh, that's the rule. You recognize this Golden Scarby as one of the members of the octave that has appeared before you during past trials. And he speaks, he says, good morning, aspirants. Good morning. I like that chipper. Good face the day with zeal and enthusiasm. It will serve you well.

I am set. And today I will be administering the trial of transmutation. This group of 12 has been assembled based on your placement in the previous trial. However, today this is not a team challenge. you shall soar or fall based solely on your own individual merits. Oh. Transmutation is a peculiar discipline, while my colleague schools measure power based on intellectual acumen or spiritual attunement.

Transmutation is the study of flexibility, adaptability, and cleverness. These are the virtues that shall. I'll be tested today. And Set flutters his golden wings and the doors to the gilded lily seal shut. And almost immediately, the entire building begins to descend downward into the lake, the sunlight from above. While this is happening, Lorvith is looking around at everybody with this really smug expression on his face because he definitely knew this was happening. Yes. Because of the last episode.

There's no context for it and no one clocks it, but he's looking your way out. I like to think he's the only one who's like, yep, this is exactly what I thought was about to happen. Yes, because you saw the golden tower, you definitely feel a little bit prepared. I'm going to give you a point of inspiration if I did not remind you to do that in the previous episode. Oh, baby, you know that that's on the sheet. I'm ready. So the sunlight that was kind of, you know, coming in from over the foggy wall surrounding the fold is replaced. by these flickering neon flashes from these tiny bioluminescent fish schooling,

sort of around the spa as it sinks down into the lake. And through a rising curtain of tiny bubbles, you see a structure built onto the floor of the lake coming into view. It is a large ornate golden tower, the one Lovith saw during his intense massage. and the lily thumps down into the lake floor, sending up a plume of sediment, and you see the whole building kind of move inward toward the entryway into this golden tower. It thumps to a stop, and it forms a seal. You hear a sort of sucking vacuum sound, and then the doors to the gilded lily unseal and slide open. You see it is docked. with this golden tower, which set leads the group into. As you step into this golden tower, I'm going to now start the virtual tabletop so you can see the map.

You walk into a tall, tall, tall building with a very prominent three-story high spiral staircase right at the center of it. I can't tell if you're laughing at... I'm laughing at all your icons, Griff. I did some good work on the icons. No, there's like, it's good, man. There's like, it's the thick Spider-Man that really got me. There's like a, there's like a Spider-Man that's been edited by a small-town newspaper ad director. The pixels are just all stretched to hell, you know?

He's the only thing. Like, drag the corner and doesn't know how to do individual. Didn't hit Control T to transform. Just kind of squooted it all out there. Unsurprisingly, when adding the app for us. Give me square pictures of thick spider. Get me 640 by 640 pictures of Spider-Man. Parker!

Bring me a rectangular picture of Spider-Man that will be auto-corrected into a perfect circular form. This is a P&G. I can't make this. No, I know I'm dropped pictures of Spider-Man. Yes, every other aspirin. Did you say a Jeff or a GIF of Spider-Ram? All the other aspirants here, this art was included in D&D beyond. The Spider-Man picture did have to be added in post.

You all walk into this golden... And no pictures of spiders in D&DBO? No spiders, men. Your footfalls crunch into dried red kelp that lines the floor of this chamber, which stands about 50 feet wide. There's this huge three-story tall spiral staircase, and the tower extends up well beyond that. There are these big, bulbous kind of porthole windows looking out into the lake where you see

those flashes of fish swimming by periodically. And all around you, the walls are just coated in this glimmering golden facade. And you make your way in surrounding this huge spiral staircase. You can spot periodically at certain points around this like column that this spiral staircase is winding up around. small alcoves with different runes etched into them. From your position, you can't quite make out exactly what those shapes are or what their purpose is. But you do clock those. Set continues, he says,

I will not overburden you with explanations as it is my intention to measure your ability to think on your feet. However, I must establish some great. round rules before we begin. The point of today's exercise could not be simpler. Survive. The trial shall end when four of you have been eliminated. Now, you may not make armed attacks against one another, nor may you directly target each other with your suite of spells.

you must find more inventive methods of defeating your rivals. To further test your resourcefulness, there will be one more restriction applied to this trial. While the spells you have slotted into your grimaud will be available to you, you may only use each spell currently seated within your grimaud a single time. for the eight of you who survive your reward tier shall be determined by your height upon the staircase when the trial concludes. In addition, the survivors will be granted an insight most rare. You will be given an opportunity to gaze upon the blighted world beyond the fold, a privilege afforded solely to the octave alone.

you may have a few moments to discuss these rules amongst yourselves before taking your place. And then we shall begin. Brictus raises his hand. Oh, yep. Yeah, I heard that some of you do like to ask a lot of questions. I don't know any of your names. Rictus, Ravenwood? Ah, of the, of the Ravenwood?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yes. What is your question, Drickness? Is this, did you do this kind of challenge when you went through your, like, process of becoming a member of the octave? I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to divulge. I am one of the newer members of the octave, although I suppose since the conclave is held every several generations I have been at it a while. But when he says that, when he says I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to divulge, does he look around? Does he feel, is there somebody watching him? Give me an insight check. Hmm, 15. He does not look around. He says it in a way that suggests that it was, he didn't actually think about it. He doesn't want to share this information. And so, but maybe he hasn't been asked all these questions a hundred times before. Like he's having to actually think about it.

Um, no, the exact opposite. It is like he is saying that because he doesn't want to answer that question. And so he just basically, you clocked him basically just, he made that up entirely. My trial, my trial was similar to this in nature. It tested my transmutation magical abilities and my flexibility. And I believe that today's trial shall measure your own capabilities in these. Rick just raises his hand again. Does anyone else have any other questions?

But you did go through a series of trials like we're doing to become a member? Yes, that is how one is. Not just one. Yes. I have a question. All right. Okay, how about this? Everyone gets one question.

One of the flyers among us. Are there. One of the flyers? Are there flyers among you? One of the flyers among us. He looks around, there are a couple of, of Erakocra, specifically Tommy Falcon here with his flying hoverboard. What about hypocrites?

Hippocrates, you look at... Kinku, baby, can't fly. Well, actually, you think at first, like, oh, that is a kinku or some sort of bird, you know, race in the D&D sort of parlance. But actually, looking at him, it appears like he is wearing an elongated, sort of black mask, sort of like a plague doctor mask. He does not have any wings to speak of. You see Set a smile and say, ah, yes, you would assume that they would have an unfair advantage in this trial. But for those who are insightful enough and most attuned to the arcane energies of this place, will find a way of dealing

with them as well. I would advise you all not to lean on shortcuts. This trial has a means. I whisper to Rectus as he continues to talk. I think he wants us to say I think he's saying smash him and head with a hammer.

Nope, no armed attacks against one another. That was not to you, Griffin. If I specifically saying I'm not speaking to you, I beg of you. He said something about not attacking each other. Hell, Grumman, no, you must listen to me. I'll find the biggest hammy again, Bugburn.

Smash that bird. I just... It will quite literally, Boggaband, be two birds of one, one... Well, I have wings, look, I have wings. Right, toe, I'm eliminating two winging foes and one. You directly attacked Tommy Falcon, you understand. Yes, Buckman. You and your jokes.

Hey, I would like to take this moment to remind you of the blood oath you swore to me. in episode seven to always have my back and always protect me. Do you remember that? I'm sure you do. It's not fair for dad to use

the fact that I don't remember things very well. Yeah, as far as we know, he's making that out. This is targeted. No, no, no. Hey, dad, how's this going to feel like, remember you sign this will, dad, you promised me everything, you know? That's not going to be very fun.

That's true. Hell, Grandma, I use my questions up. Can you ask a question for me? Yes, I will. I assume that there is a possibility that people will be afforded some extra benefits, and he winks his giant compound eye at set. Yeah, he thinks he's, he thinks he's, Halgrabbe thinks he's going to get a little home cooking.

So, yeah, I mean, I'm sure that even vestige of him, wings will be an advantage. Oh my god. Hellgrabbit tried to be subtly Charby's got to be one of the most unscilled. Yeah, off-putting as hell, man. It's like making weird noises, like weird clicking and creaking. He doesn't have eyebrows or he would wiggle his eyebrows. Yeah, it's like listening to TikTok from

Return to Oz Fall Down a Flight of Stairs. Set looks at you and says, do you feel as if you require extra help oh zing he got you man withering by the way oh you're gonna feel that one for days no we're from the same uh huh no no he

he burns you real bad now thank you for the encouragement and by the way the hood is the technical term for the dome that covers the cloacal opening of Graham emerged from so it is technically

the same thing because there is a biological I think No I'm sure there's no no special favor

yeah is adventures on the podcast that contains more uses of the term cloaca per capita than any other in our staple

of products that's what we got the IHeart Radio podcast award for yeah that's true yeah Rick just raises his hand says

I know I already asked questions but that was before you the one question rule, so can I have one more? Well, it depends on the question. It's simple. And I, it's kind of embarrassing that we're on, what, like, the fourth trial now, and I didn't think I asked this

before, but what happens if we, like, abstain? What do you mean? Well, like... Not have babies. No. I suppose that is everyone's choice. How did it?

I told you that in confidence. No. No. I saw you had that ring on. No. Well, that's because I'm married. Yes. But no, what I'm saying is if we decided not to go through, if we said like, okay, I don't want to do this and attack people, would we just get to like leave the island and go home? Would we be killed?

Would we just sit out this challenge? With that set flies back down. He lands close to you, looks at you kind of inquisitively. He says, have the terms and conditions of the conclave not been made explicitly clear, Rictus Ravenwood. Oh, I'm speaking purely hypothetically. I'm perfectly happy. Yeah, kill everybody. That's great.

I'm just wondering. I'm just curious. He says, all who stand here have cleared the trial. of divination, the first trial we place before you, where the dangers and rewards of this process are outlined. And by agreeing to those terms, you have bound yourselves to a type of contract. That is what brings you here. If you do not feel like terminating the aspirants, around you. That is your prerogative. However,

I will remind you that only one wizard will emerge from the conclave. And I have... Wonder who that will be. He says to my knowledge

that champion has never been a pacifist. So, just to simplify kill or be kills. I thought that would be obvious at this point. Just wanting, I just, it makes choosing in the future way simpler to have it laid out like that. It makes a pathway way clear for me.

Thank you. Glad I could clear it up. He, with that, flies very quickly, exhausted by the salvo of questions. Up to the top of the tower, there is a small observation, Hurch built into the wall. Are we the only three aspirins that ever have questions? No, the other questions, too, I just don't include it in the show. Those are edited out. There are nine other wizards in this chamber. And so, you know, if we included all of those, that's what the, that's what the Patreon bonus episodes are. Oh, okay, great, good, as people kind of mill about a set takes his

place, hellgrammet, you see rhyme, this sort of masked, blue-clad, sort of nindexam. ninja-looking wizard, sort of slink towards you and try to get your attention to pull you aside for a conversation. What? What? I'm with my fellas here. No, it's okay. Yeah, you can go.

We have not met. I am rhyme. I am the sole survivor of a group called the Elemental Rangers. I heard you saying that you were looking for an advantage, a bonus, some sort of leg up, so to speak, in the trials. Oh, yeah. I have an offer for you. I am happy to give you my prize in this contest under a certain condition, and that is that you help me fulfill a sort of oath of vengeance that I have made against one of the aspirants. here, and rhyme points at Loraveth, very subtly, says,

that Goliath there led to the death of my friends in the trial of abjuration, and I am unmoored without them and my rage is the only thing that I have really been able to find solid ground with. If you help me to defeat the Goliath, I will happily give you whatever prize. we may earn from this trial. You strike me as an enterprising sword, and maybe this author would appeal to you. Well, I will say that unmoored rage is the worst rage.

That chills the blood. Exactly what kind of revenge are you talking about? I mean, like, it's just like displeasing him, you know, cheating him out of... Four of us are going to die during this trial. I would like him to be one of them. If he is, you get my rewards. Wow.

And what will I be adding to this? I mean, am I just standing by ready to act when you want me to? I leave that up to you. I have seen you in previous trials. You are... You are quite canny. Thank you. Yes, I work on my can.

I will do what I can. If you choose to assist me, I will reward you in the end. And with that rhyme, slings off, starts doing some calisthenics, starts stretching, getting ready to. Can I approach Scorpo? Sure, yeah. Hi, man. Did you have a good break between, you know, the last challenge of this one? I spent my time contemplating the challenges before.

us and the unfavorable odds each of us face. How fair you have you recovered from the death marks curse? Yeah, so you know what it was, right? I am something of a recluse. I have no hive. I find myself drawn to the fog wall, the borders of the fold and out there. Things get strange. The connection to death and its ways is different from how it is in the interior.

I am familiar with the workings of death, yes, and I saw it upon you. Yeah, man. Tell me about it. Did you make some manner of bargain with death? I... Because I would assume someone in your position from the family you come from would know better than that.

Well, you'd think that. But even, like, I think the curse is gone, but it's been kind of weird since then. Yes. There's like a lingerie. You know what? That's not like you're... I can't...

You've got a pretty good, like, strategic mind. Looking around at the group here, who's like who are your, who's the target for you? He looks around and you get a sense that he's doing so a little bit theatrically because it doesn't take him very long to look down at you and he says, you're not going to like it. I hope I have earned some level of trust with you in sharing what I know and I have no reason to think that you wish me harm and so I will tell you I may not move on it during this trial but hell grammont cannot win the conclave I have seen into his mind I have seen what he wishes to do with the powers granted to the octave, and it simply cannot come to pass. I realize that the two of you have worked together in the past, and I am not going to ask you to take any kind of action against him. I merely want to advise you that his intentions are perhaps not as

pure as his his gregarious demeanor might suggest. Okay, I was going to do Randolph. Yes, that seems good too. He's an old man. He's an old man. With that, we jump over to Randolph and Duber Sweet Leaf

have approached you, Loravith. Randolph have a tall, sort of slender-aged-looking wizard with a long white beard. And Duber Sweet Leaf, a kindly little, a halfling cherub-cheeked, a little guy wearing sort of farmer's clothing overalls, barefooted crunching in the red kelp on the ground.

Randolph approaches you, Laura Vith, and says, Ah, excuse me, sir. May I introduce myself? My name is Randolph, and this here is my halfling Ward, Dober Sweet Leaf. Duba Sweetleaf says Oh, hello there, sir We got to Stockholm Hello there, sir, I'm Duba Sweetleaf

And this is the grand This here is The grand sorcerer Randolph Randolph says Yes, yes May I ask your name, sir Randolph the Puth

Uh Law with Gondjvondry mona Ah A grand name for a person of such grand stature, such as yourself. I... And Duba, what a pleasure it is to make...

Is it all right if I talk to Duba directly? Yes, of course, you can talk to me. I'm Duber sweetly... How does I say to him go? I'm just a little guy. I'm the little guy from Swinberg. I love nothing more than a kind helping of the good... Green smoke from old basher.

And eating a... Is he a little boy that smokes? Is this a character that? Is this what he is? Is this just a little boy who smokes you remember him in? He is... He's fantastic, though. You have a hard time discerning Duber Sweet Leaf's age.

He says, I pick him up and put him on my shoulders like tiny tim. Everyone look! Look at me! I'm way up high! He rips out a big... He casts fog, actually, as he draws from his... slender wooden pipe. And I hope the one time per spell thing doesn't happen now.

Yeah, Randolph smiles and says, Oh, good, I see. You are similarly taken with Duba Sweetleaf. He is under my prediction. And during this trial, I must say, my own arcane abilities are nothing to be a sneaky stat, but it seems like this one shall be more of a measure of our physical prowess,

which myself and Duba sorely lack. you are a tremendous of frame, and I was hoping that you might keep an eye out for the two of us, and if you do, we shall make sure to return the favor in future trials, ones that perhaps do not measure our physical prowess quite as judiciously as today's. If you round up, the two of you are perfectly safe, because one of you, I assure you, no harm is going to be. Something to do with Sweetly. Oh, I do hope that you will honor that promise. Once we are free from here, I would love to take you to Swinberg. And we will go to Marquessel's place and have a fat rashor of bacon.

I can't understand no single word he says, but I'm obsessed. You adopted this fucking little fucking Laboooooo as he sits on your shoulder. Randolph nods and says, Laboo time. He says, I... Laboo boy. Yes, I suppose that that will suffice. I can watch out for myself, but duper sweetly, he is a hopeless little baby.

And he... I'm right here, sir. I am so glad that he will be protected. As you all sort of finish up these conversations, the 12 aspirants gathered here, including one sort of, of mechanical looking construct with almost looks like an alarm clock for a head. The wizard clacks on. And also one that is just a huge, somewhat realistic stuffed teddy bear, the wizard snug jaw. There's also Spider-Man is here.

One of the three, the spiders. The one that is Spider-Man is also here. The three of them seem to be congregating and strategizing. and from way up high above you, past the surface of the waters beyond the ceiling of this tower, you hear a horn drowned out slightly by the depths of the lake that you are under. And with that set, looks down at the 12 wizards gathered below from his perch and says, begin. Let's roll for initiative, guys.

Before we do, can we do one quick thing? If it's very quick. Pray. Very quick. Can we just have a quick prayer? Yeah, sure. Yeah, just a quick prayer. Oh, I was joking.

Dear gods above, as the three of us gather close together, please let us win. Amen. And while he's saying this prayer, without him knowing it, Yeah. Hell Gramma casts alarm on the back of Loravith's back. Okay. You cast alarm on the back of Loravith's. On his back.

On his back. You set an alarm against intrusion. Would the back of his back be inside his body? Yes. Good point. Yes. On his jacket. Choose a door, window, or an area within range.

Okay. And the spell lasts for eight hours. Okay. And if anyone touches his back, there will be an alarm that alert me that the creature has touched or entered the warded area. Yes. So when you, this is an uncommon usage of the spell, but you can designate creatures that... The Matt McElroy story. You can designate creatures that won't set off the alarm.

So I assume you designate him. Right. And you're casting this on who? On Loravith? Yes. Okay. You can also choose that the alarm is mental or audible. So this can be an alarm. I want it to be audible. Okay, cool. I want it to be audible.

Okay. And I want it to be a viso. Avizo. No, it's actually, it produces the sound of a handbell for 10 seconds within 60 feet. So I can't have that. No, you can't. I'll live with that. Okay. Okay. You have cast this spell. If anyone touches Loravith's back, you will be...

That is not me. Or Loravith. And Ricktis. Pat's Loravis on the back. Oh, okay. Bing bong. Bing bong. Okay, cool.

With that, please roll initiative. I got an 18. Amazing roll. Three. Okay. God almighty. I'm getting new die. Loravith?

I have got... Great. So, you all take off as the horn rings and set begins the trial up the spiral stairs. I'm going to place you all on these stairs based on the results of these initiative roles. Some surprising outcomes here. Didn't expect Randolph to beat much of anybody. But here we are. duber sweetleaf also ahead down here we've got laura vith hellgramma and tragically spider-man okay uh you all

race up the stairs as the horn sounds uh you looking up just to give the folks at home a sense of the battle map here there's a three-story tall spiral staircase sort of measured out here into 30 steps. Rickus, with your very high initiative role, you are front of the pack with Scorpone claxon up on the fourth step, the rest of the crowd kind of gathering behind and then on the very first step, Loravith and Hell Gramet and Spider-Man are rounding out the pack at the back. As you all begin racing up the stairs, you feel the ground moving beneath your feet and see that these spiral stairs surrounding the central pillar have begun to rotate around that pillar and descend down the height of the tower.

Looking up, you can see new steps seemingly appearing from thin air at the very top of the tower and at the very bottom, the step that you are standing on Lervyn-Hell-Gramid has begun to vanish into the ground at the bottom. It is forming a sort of like spiral escalator type, type effect where the steps are constantly moving down. Are they at the bottom, are they at risk of like danger from this? That's a really, really great question. As you look down as the stairs begin to descend, you also notice that water has begun to trickle in through small vents around the ground floor. And as water splashes onto this carpet of dried red kelp, you see a sudden violent transmutation take place as all of the kelp is transmuted into a vicious swarm of blood red fanged eels. Oh.

That is what is happening in this room. Every round of combat, the stairs will descend. The waters will rise. If you find yourself in the water, you are going to be set upon by many, many eels. Okay, first in the order is Rictus. Now, Rictus, with a speed of 30, you are able to move up six of these stairs with your move action, if that is how you want to spend your entire move action. Scorbo's standing right next to you.

He could have an attack of opportunity, but you're able to move. you have no reason to think he would do that to you. The alcoves are staying in place. The alcoves are built into the tower. You actually see that these stairs are kind of rotating, you know, around this central pillar, but the alcoves are set into that pillar and they are not moving. So, yes, they are set in place. And are these stairs, like, can you tell me about the construction of the stairs?

Like, are they supported all the way to the ground? No, they don't go all the way to the ground. the ground, imagine sort of like a big sort of thick slab, cement slab, like fan blades almost that are coming out. There's not much clearance between the different steps, but it takes you, you know, about five feet of movement to get up onto the next step and move all the way forward. Okay, great. First, I'm going to cast major armor on myself. Okay. Which increases my AC the 15. And that is action, bonus action?

That's an action. That's my action. Okay, great. Mark that as being used for this trial. Yeah, and that's going to last for eight hours. Yeah, you're good on that. And then I'm going to, listen, that, the clear red exclamation point you've put here. Yeah. It's probably a danger warning. But it could also be like a Mario cart like block that gives me a turtle shell

that's gonna knock everybody down so I'm gonna duck into that there alcove. There's not enough space for you to get into the alcove, right? There's not enough space for someone to stand and be exempt from this constant downward spiraling movement. There is just sort of a very,

very narrow pocket of the wall that has been carved out where there is this this ruin resembling an exclamation mark. What would you like to do to sort of examine it? Let's do an arcana check. Okay.

Oh. Three plus five or eight? Yes. It definitely appears to be something that is like a receptacle for kind of magical energy. It would take some time to interact with this and figure out what it does and how to use. it and as you have already acted on this turn, you get the sense that you, you know, are not, are not able to do. Rick Dis loudly announces, oh no, a curse and continues up the stairs.

Okay, you want to use the rest of your movement? Yeah. So you can go one, two, three, four, taking up to step number ten. That is it for your turn. Scorpo is going to do the same thing. He is going to move up his six. He is going to step up to the run that is here on step number 10. You watch as he kind of places his clawed hands against the run.

As he does, you see an exchange of kind of magical energy take place as he places as he places his hands on the runes. It seems to drain him of some of his essence, some of his magical ability. As he does, you see vines emerge from the ruin and begin to drape downward over two of the steps here, surrounding them in tricky-looking, thorned, brambly vines, making those two steps difficult to rain, requiring double movement to get past. next in the order is Claxon who runs up and gets tangled up in those spaces and he is actually going to spend his movement or his action as a dash to move up five more steps to reach the front of the pack the rest of the group is going to I'm going to get through their moves fairly quickly as I don't want this to take all day of note Tommy Falcon on his hoverboard is able to fly immediately over the vines without being slowed by them at

all. He started on three, so he is going to move up 12 whole steps up to step 15. Yeah, he is moving he is moving very, very quickly. Randolph is not. How did Claxon move so quickly? Claxon dashed. He used his action to dash, which I will remind you is something you can do. In lieu of taking an action, you can take another move. Randolph moves ahead. Duber Sweetleaf gets stuck a little bit in the... Duber Sweet Leaf is going to take a push action, a shove action against Rime, just for shits and giggles here. But it's unsuccessful because Duber Sweet Leaf is very small.

Rhyme looks at him like, what the fuck kid? Continuing to move up, you see... Everyone else has gone up to make their way up to the respective stairs leaving. Just hell Grammet and Lora Vith at the bottom. next up is Loravith. That's your turn. You actually have 35 feet of movement. So Loravith, you are actually able to move seven steps with your move action.

I don't know why you have extra. Maybe your legs are super long, but that's what your character sheet says. So what stare, if I use the maximum of my movement, who would I be on a stair with? You would make your way up to this sort of first viny stare that snug jaw is on. to move past that square you would have to use double movement but that is you could land there. I want to get up,

I want to stand there's like an open spot if you were to triangulate between Dubber Sweetly Yeah. Snug Jaw. If you triangulated there's a spot there That's where I want to get to.

Okay, you, I want to be in between duber and snug jaw. You make your way up the seven steps from step one up to step eight. You step into these viny brambles and even with your considerable height you you find yourself slightly tangled up by them. That is your move action.

You still have your action and bonus action. What would you like to do? Oh, man. I can't, so I can't attack anybody. You can make unarmed attacks. You can take, you know, pushing and shoving is okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. You can't make armed attacks or directly target someone with a spell.

If you have a spell that, you know, attacks an area or does like a burst or something, that, that is not prohibited. you just can't, you know, set someone on fire from inside. I am going to try something. Okay. A technique. Great. I'm going to throw a snug jaw off the stairs. Okay.

So this is going to be a shove. Instead of making an attack roll, you make an athletics check, contested by the targets, athletics, or acrobatics check. They're going to use athletics because they are a big bear. And if you succeed, you will either knock the target prone or fight. feet away from you, which, because Snuggjaw is standing on the edge of the stair, you could elect to knock him right off. We're going to roll this right on the table.

Oh, my God. That's a critical fail from poor old Snugjaw. And I rolled a 15. Yeah. Okay. As you place your hands squarely against his chest looks up at you, you hear like a... With a critical failure grip, I would like, I would just feel like he has stuck out his leg.

and it's not even like a, it's not hard. Yeah. He's like using momentum against him, right? He's like tripping him at the bottom. Right. Sweeping with the leg, shoving with the top. Like, he's played this game a lot. Yeah.

Back in the, on the hill. He's like, for sure. King of the Hill is like one of his favorites. Yeah, absolutely. This is a, this is like your area of expertise, as it were. And Snugjaw falls bad. Snugjaw, uh, Snugjaw has a bad dive. off of this step and you see

him look at you and go and I saw the way you looked at Duba and he goes flying off the step and falls and lands in the water as he does you all watch

as these sort of ropey red eels from all around the circles surrounding the spiral stair case, just converge on Snugjaw. Snugjaw is attacked by these eels and takes 24 points of of eel damage. Heal base, it's the screeching eels. That is actually, looking at Snuggjaw's character sheet, you lose sight of this enormous

kind of like somewhat grotesque living teddy bear as. He is consumed by these eels and moments later they part and there is nothing floating in this shallow water but stuffing as Snugjaw is instantly killed as he lands in the water. And I think all of you have a moment where you think, boy howdy, you don't want to go into the eel water. holy shit oh Christ no and then Loravith looks behind him looks behind him

back in everybody and says in a sense you could blame society and then continues on its way okay with that you hear the chiming of a bell

from the waters up above you as another aspirant falls in the very first round of this trial and one of the for required deaths have taken place already. We move to the bottom of the order, which is Hell Grammett.

You return to Hell Grammett. Okay. Hell Gramett is going to move up into the space formerly held by Sweetums, whatever his name was. Snuggjohn. So you are not actually able to get all the way up there. With your speed, which is 30, you can get up to step number seven, which is where Hippocrates is. Well, then I'm going to use dash. That is your action if you do that.

You can do that if you want. I realize that. Okay. I'm going to dash so that I'm right there in that space. Okay. And I'm going to stop on eight. Okay. You are right up in the brambles with Loravith.

Yeah. And just kind of, oh, that feels, that's kind of good. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah. And he's kind of, you know, like you do when you scratch your back against the corner of a wall and your wife yells at you. Yeah.

What? Yeah. Like a big bear. Scratches back. Yeah. Like a big bear. Yeah. The bear just died.

Is it too soon? Yes. Okay. I would say so. Okay. You do that. To what end, may I ask? Why do I stay there?

Yeah. I just kind of like it. It's pleasant. Because he's a weird beard. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool.

All right. that brings us back to the top of the order. Before that happens, the stairs rotate downward. We go, do do do, do. Oh, it rotates a lot. It rotates three steps. Everyone moves three steps down. The vines, you can see, because they are being projected out of this runic symbol,

they stay sort of put where they are on step seven and eight. but everyone else moves down three. And the other thing that happens is the water rises. You all watch as the first step disappears underneath the rising water and is overtaken by eels. Next in the order is Rictus. I want to target the where steps. Step four. Yes, where Hippocrates is standing.

Yeah, right neck, like where the step is attached to the center pillar. Yeah. With a thunder-damaged chromatic orb at level two. Okay. Read me the description of chromatic orb, if you would. You hurl a four-inch diameter sphere of energy to creature. Oh, I guess it's not a creature. Hmm.

Mm. Okay. Tell me what you're trying to, I'm trying to blast the step loose from the wall. Okay. I will allow this to happen. These steps are extremely sturdy. And so I'm trying to remember the term for it in fifth edition where an object is not invulnerable,

but you have to deal a certain threshold of damage for it to have any effect at all. How thick is the slam? I mean, it's like a six. inch thick sort of Oh, okay. I didn't realize it was so heavy. Okay. Different idea. Okay. I'm going to cast Cause Fear at level two.

And this is a new thing I got. Because of the curse that I had and the death mark that was on me, I'm now shadow touched. Oh. Which was the feat that I took at my last level up. Well, tell me what that means, Travis. It gave me some stuff. It looks like you have some extra spells like cause fear.

and the invisibility spell prepared. Yeah, because I'm not like a shadow touch, you know, the shadow. Yes. So you can cast, you can cast each of these spells without expending a spell slot. Correct.

Great. Does that, how does, but I assume it's still the same deal with the one person. So as long as cause, so Trav, unfortunately this is a target, a targeted spell. Yes, right.

But I'm not dealing damage. It's still, The terms of the challenge are as such that you cannot target a. If this was like an area for your spell or you made everyone afraid in a certain range, then... This might surprise you, a lot of my shit is targeted spells. Yeah.

What if you target the darkness? Just target the space directly above them. Just like right above. Okay, I'm going to down. up the stairs then. Okay, cool. So you first take your first six steps of movement. The vines are going to require double, so that's two, four, five, six, bringing you to 11. And then did Tommy and them rotate down or does it stop? They already did rotate down. They were, they were higher up. They moved three steps down already. I got everyone, do you're going to

keep rocking. So now that I'm up here? Yes. You have made it to where you are right now without dashing. Oh, okay, great. I'm going to try to push claxon down the stairs. Okay, down the stairs or off of the edge of the stairs? Direction is important here. If you want to push him, you know, down the stairs to take a tumble down the stairs, that's one thing. If you want to push him off the edge down over the side and downward. You can do that too. How sturdy is he look? I mean, he is a metal construct.

So, like, he looks somewhat sturdy, but also at the same time, like, maybe not the strongest. There's a heaviness there that is suggested, but not a strength because he is made of, you know, kind of reedy brass piping and stuff like that. Oh, wait, actually,

I want to grab the disc that Tommy is floating on. Oh, amazing. Okay, yes, he has Tinser's floating disc. You're going to just grab onto it. Are you skitching? Yeah, I'm going to grab onto it. I don't know how high he is, but I want to have a hold on it. Tinser's floating...

So try to slow him down. Yeah, that's great. Tinsor's floating disc floats three... Oh, okay, so it floats three feet above the ground. So, I mean, he's on the next step, but you are able to grab onto it. It can hold up to 500 pounds. and... Well, if he goes, then he's taking me with him.

Okay, why don't you make a... Let me think what kind of check this would be. Just to see how good a grip you can get on to this, you know, magic flying skateboard. Can we see this going on? Yeah, I mean, you're... You are close enough to see this going on. Okay.

You... Give me just a... Am I in the room? He's doing all this? If there's any babes... Okay. You... We can actually only reference that.

If you say tensors floating disk one more time, you're going to have second virginity. Sure. TFT. You are able to grab onto it, TFT. It's just a question of how much of a grip you're going to be able to keep on it once Tommy starts moving. I really do like this move quite a bit. So just give me a strength check just to see how much you're able to hold on to them. While this strength check is happening with Travis. Yes, yes. We've referenced that thing now twice. Have you guys ever thought about how much actual play podcasting does owe to that one? Yes.

Yeah. That one skit about the dangers of dungeons and dragons. It's like, it's just an expounded version of that. The entire genre is just based on this one dump skit. Yeah. Okay. I got a seven, which isn't good. It is, it's not great.

It is enough for you to hold up your own way, right? So like Tommy Falcon on his flying board. On his wonderful flying machine. On his wonderful flying machine. is continuing to, you know, move upward as he does. You are able to grab onto it. If he tries to shake you off, it would not be super hard for him to do that, but you can get, you will get a little bit of extra movement here off of Tommy's board if you so choose.

I'm drafting. Okay, cool. Next to any order is Scorpo. Scorpo is going to take a shove action against the spider. the spider is going to try to acrobat his way out of it which he does he is unsuccessful Scorpo fails at that and is going to take his movement the spider's just going to punch him with his attack of opportunity

here in retribution and Scorpo takes four points of bludging damage but he moves upward to four five six landing on the same step as Claxon and Rictus Ravenwood. With three of you on these higher steps, you notice that the steps kind of like emerge outward further from the wall, the further down it goes.

It is kind of cramped having three people on the same step up here. Well, I mean, technically, I'm holding on to the hoverboard. Yes, absolutely. Next in the order is Claxon. And you all watch as Claxon takes one step forward, and on his second step forward, he places his metal foot on step number 13 here, and as he does, it turns into sand. It transmutes instantly before your eyes and clacks on just completely absent-mindedly, steps forward, and then falls to

10 feet, coming down with a crash on the ground next to Randolph, who looks down at him and kind of chuckles knowingly. As that happens and this trap that you're not sure when it appeared was deployed, you see the sand reform back into a step. Claxon takes six points of bludgeoning damage and is prone on step number three close to the rising waters. Rhyme is actually going to step forward towards this red exclamation point glyph. Hell, Grammett and Lorvith, you are right next to Rhyme as this happens. You watch as a rhyme puts their hands up against the glyph, and you see this same kind of like magical exchange happen

where they are channeling some of their own arcane energy into this ruin in the tower. And you see no effect that you can tell on the tower as they do this. But they are then going to take a step. step upwards and stop on spot number nine there. Most of the other folks here in the order are going to just try and get some distance from this water in a sort of reactionary, fearful response to watching Snuggjob be torn apart. Tommy Falcon is going to move and I'm going to say because this trap has been deployed,

there is not any danger really to you, Rick this. So you are going to be pulled alongside. Tommy looks down at you and says, Hey, what the hell, man? You could at least ask first. I don't mind giving folks a lift, but damn. Thanks, dude. Sorry, it was kind of a panic response.

Yeah, sure, I get it. This is scary stuff, man. Tommy Falcon is... You seem nice. Yeah, I guess. Thank you. He is going to move up to... Spot number 18.

I think that's as far as he's going to be able to move, actually, with you hanging on to his ass. With that, he says, Griffin, please. He says, I'm not hanging on to his ass. Yeah. Hey, can you please, will you please let go? Oh, sure. You seem cool. Do you let go?

Yeah, he has nice. Okay, great. Okay, you have disengaged from the board, but you have moved up, extra spaces up to spot number 18. So, Randolph is going to move his few spaces here. Claxon is prone, so he can't take a sort of retaliatory attack. But Randolph is lagging behind because he is not moving very quickly. Hippocrates is going to move up. Do the people that he passes get opportunity at times?

If you want to use your reaction to place an attack or a shove or whatever against people who are moving past you, please holler and say so. Placement on the tower again is important, right? So Hippocrates is kind of on the inside track here. you wouldn't be able to necessarily shove him off, but Hippocrates moves up there. And you see Hippocrates move up to step number eight, and then Hippocrates casts Misty Step is going to teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that he can see. That doesn't mean he can go to the very top of the tower because of the way that this spiral staircase is laid out,

but he is able to misty step basically to the spot directly above, which is where Rictus and Tommy Falcon are placed. You see all of a sudden, this plague doctor just appears in a cloud of mist directly next to you. Can I use my reaction to shove him? No, because he has not moved out of the space. That is how opportunity. I know. I just got surprised. Yeah.

You can use a reaction to just be startled. It's fight, fly, or shove. Yeah. Duber's Sweet Leaf is up next. Duber is going to go one, two, three, four, five. Oh, God, someone's making a scary red triangle on the map. I'll take care of it. Hey, fucking give me my triangle back, dick.

I'm trying to do measurements over here. Duber's sweet leaf is going to cast. burning hands to shoot forth a 15-foot cone, actually from the tip of his pipe. He is actually going to do it right here, and he's going to blast it towards the vines and towards Rime. Rime is going to fail their dexterity saving throw and is going to take quite a bit of damage here. 3D6. Okay, nine points of fire damage. these vines that have been covering the stairs are burned away as duper sweet leaf melts them with his

powerful magics so those vines are now gone okay uh next in the order is the spider the spider get this cast spider climb jumps onto the pillar starts to climb straight uh straight upward now it's not like a great solution because he can't climb upward through the stairs But he is able to sort of like climb clockwise around the tower, not stepping on any of the... I think he saw what happened to Claxon and he's like, fuck that. So he's just not going to go on the steps anymore. So he's just kind of like holding on to the wall here at step number 12. Moving us to Loravith.

Your turn. All right. I'm going to bound up as many stairs as I can. Okay. One, two, three. When I pass step seven, I whisper. close your eyes. Okay.

Used to pass by Dober Sweet Leaf and Randolph warning them to close their eyes. Step 8, step 9. You are, as you land on the same step as rhyme, they look at you and just through their, like,

give me an insight check, actually. Okay. Four. They look at you in a somewhat sort of inscrutable manner. Last time you saw rhyme, It was when you killed all of Rhyme's friends, or led to the sometimes accidental deaths of Rhyme's friends in the trial of abjuration.

You know there's beef there, but Rhyme is giving you a look that you cannot quite interpret. You still have movement. You were on step five, so you can keep rocking up if you want to. Okay, I look at Rhyme and Rone looks at me and I say, watch this I keep going up okay make a dexterity

saving throw for me please okay no it's a natural 20 holy shit you are you are a very very fortunate man Justin with that natural 20

you take a step forwards onto step number 10 as you place Griffin if there's one thing I believe it's this Gary loves a bold player Gary does love a bold player Gary loves a bold player

That's true As you take a step forward, you feel, and it is, I think, of your mountaineering nature, right? You know how to scale craggy cliffs. You know what it feels like when your footfall doesn't land exactly how you expected it to. You take a step forward instantly as soon as your foot touches the surface of this step, you realize something is wrong and you do not allow yourself to fall through as it. also disintegrates into quicksand beneath your feet. Instead, you go into a controlled fall using your tremendous height to reach forward and catch

yourself on step number 11. And in a physics-defying forward roll, you step directly over the trapped stair that Rime had set for you. Instantly, the neurons fire and you connect that Rime was pretty excited for you to take a step onto this step number 10 where they had channeled this trap. However, you foiled their plan and you hear a scream of impotent rage coming from behind Rhyme's mask

as you land safely next to Scorpo. It is still your move action. Actually, that is the end of your move action. You have your regular action. Instantly, the step reforms and step number 10 is returned to its normal state. So what step is on step number 11 next to Scorpo? Rhyme is still on step number nine.

You have your action. you could dash or do whatever else you would like. It's your prognative. I'm having trouble. This has become a three-dimensional. Yes, we're playing a hyper-chets. Yeah. Okay, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm just going to tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to do, what I'm going to do. What I'm doing, Griff, is I'm going to cast color spray. Oh, cool. What does color spray do? You launch a dazzling array of flashing colorful light. Each creature in a 15-foot cone originating from you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or have the blinded condition until the end of your next turn.

Okay. So you're just aiming this squarely at rhyme. Are you trying to catch Scorpo in it too? Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm trying to catch the highest number of people possible, but I can't do those calculations when I'm splitting. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Right. I feel you. So there's an artificial split in our diagram. Yes. So you can see, rhyme is two steps below you, right? you are essentially here, but like 10 feet up, right? So like you could see Rhyme very clearly. They are just two steps behind you.

You could aim this at Rhyme. You could also hit Scorpo with it. These three Tommy Falcon Hypocritus, they are all, you know, way fairly high up above you. So with your 15-foot cone, you could get Scorpone Rhyme or Scorpo and Spider. And that is pretty much, that is pretty much. that is pretty much all you can get. Yeah, well, if that's a situation, I've changed your mind, and the cone,

instead it's going to be one of burning hands. Okay, great. And I'm going to cast a 15-foot cone just at Ryan. Yeah, cool. And Ryan's got to do a dexterity saving threat. Yeah, again, rhyme is going to roll dexterity. And now, since we can only cast it, are we doing spell levels or slots,

or is it one per, like, can I cast it in the second level? Yes, if you want to cast it at a higher level, you can absolutely do that, but it is still like your only use of burning hands that you have available. Gotcha. Well, I'm going to keep it at first level. Okay. Cool. They rolled A2 on their dexterity.

So that's not going to hit. And that's six damage. Okay, Rime already took some damage from Duber Sweet Leaf's spell, which looked quite similar to the Burning Hands you just cast. Obviously there was like a different kind of like visual effect to it. It wasn't like explicitly the same exact thing. Rime is bloodied. Rime is having a very, very difficult time now getting up these stairs.

Okay. And that brings us to hellgramma. How big are the steps dimension wise? I mean, yeah, I mean they are, you know, rough. roughly four feet across and then moving from one step to another is maybe like one one foot of height total. So the steps are like six six inches high, about four feet across. Okay. Hell Gramut's going to use his motion to get as far as he can.

Okay. So that moves you up to step number 11 with Loravith and Scorpo. Okay. That's just your move. And he is going to. cast obscure object.

An object you can see within range becomes invisible until the spell ends. The object can be no longer than a five-foot cube and it can't be worn by a creature. So basically what he's doing is I want him

to cast it on 10 and 11. Okay. So the object can be no longer than a five foot cube. I think you can get one step with this, right? If it's in a five foot cube would get you one step.

Also like these steps are separate objects technically. Okay. So if you are more than welcome to do that. Then he's just going to cast it on 10 to make 10 invisible. Okay. Weird. Awesome. Cool.

Instantly Rime looks in front of them. Rime, who is kind of like looking a little bit worse for where, looks down at 10. and then looks at sort of the gulf above you all and looks very, very nervous about this, this sudden development. Okay. That's it for help, Grimmett.

Okay, cool. That brings us back to the top of the order. With that, the waters are going to rise once again. Aw. Goodbye, Claxum. Step two has been overtaking by water, and everybody is going to be pulled down three steps. As that happens,

Randolph a dober sweet leave, go down, rhyme goes down. Scorpo and Loravith. Now, spiders on the wall. Oh, you're so right, Travis. Where was he? He was on 12, yes. He does not move at all. Thank you so much for clocking that, Travis.

Hippocrates, Rictus, Tommy, down to 15. Okay, everyone moves down. The waters rise up and Claxon, who was, prone on step three after falling through the trap set by Randolph, is pulled down under the waters. And immediately, you see these eels converge on Claxon. Claxon being a kind of metallic construct. You see the eels maybe don't exactly know what to do with him, but they are still going to swarm and attack him anyway. He takes 17 points of damage.

And for a moment you see just kind of like these this loose machinery floating in the water you think like oh damn that's just scrap And then you see fucking Terminator 2 style a single metallic hand punch its way out of the eel pile as Claxon drags himself up onto step number three Leaking oil making horrible grinding noises as half of his machinery he leaves behind him floating in the water as the stairs continue to turn ever downward. Maximum Fun

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