The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 18

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

The Trial of Conjuration, Part IRictus, Helgrammite, and Lorovith each face their biggest foes in a one-on-one battle, each with something unexpected up their sleeve. But the arenas have some unexpected dangers as well.Royale Theme: “Wizard Disco” by Louie Zong: https://louiezong.bandcamp.com/album/wizard-discoOriginal Music by Griffin McElroyAdditional Music in this Episode: "My Starship" and "The Unknown", by Jar of Flies: https://jaroffliesofficial.bandcamp.com/; "Time is Ticking" by Scott Holmes Music: https://scottholmesmusic.com/; "tribute to eddy" by Jean Toba: https://jeantoba.blogspot.com/; "III" and "Pearly Carapace" by ROZKOL: https://rozkol.bandcamp.com/; "Atmosphere for Documentaries" by Universfield: https://unil.ink/universfield; and "Languid Dawn" by Blear Moon: https://blearmoon.bandcamp.com/;Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota: https://www.ilcm.org/donate/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

The wizards file one by one toward duels beneath the midday sun. Their rivals chosen, fates entwined, and venue of their clash consigned. They sling their spells and draw their blades and watch for movement through the shades. For from that darkness, deep and dense, comes conjured death. to take them hence. Hello everybody, welcome back to Taz Royale, our winner take-all battle royale season. Do you know what they call it in France?

What's that? Do you know what they call it in France? They call it a Taz with cheese. I mean, say that, say, if you're going to joke on the intro, say it with your fucking chest, man. No, Dad already fucking ate it. And also Travis made that joke. I'm pretty sure Travis made that joke last week.

And I'm also pretty sure someone made that joke two weeks before that. So, like, it's cool that we have. It's sort of a running gag take, inside joke, reference callback. It's like four layers of joking mechanisms in one, which just makes it funnier and funnier. Here, hey, Gryffin, here in about 45 minutes or so, you're going to need me. Yes. I'm serious. You're going to need me, and I'm going to let you fucking twist.

Just mark it down, okay? I was just trying to be like, bring a fun energy to it, and you want to. to park the car. The energy was fun. You wanted to pull over at the nitro sit-go and give me a spanking. The energy was fun. It was also, what I liked about it most

is it was so familiar. Like it felt like, oh, this joke is like a comfy pair of house slippers. Yeah, it's like I know this joke. I've burrowed into it's awesome before. Like this conversation. Not like this, like this exchange. It feels like it's a thousand times.

You know what I mean? Like a thousand, thousand times. So it's the morning of your fifth trial. Weave. You appear on the lawn. of the Ziggarot, along with the other members of the dwindling pool of 24 aspirants remaining in this conclave, peering down at you and the other wizards assembled here on the lawn from the Ziggurots higher tiers. You see seven of the members of the octave staring down at you all.

And then from behind them, you see pushed through the impeccably dressed octave member known as Coxie, who you met during your last sort of break from all the action. Toxy emerges from the building and hovers well off the ground, the long tails of his coat dangle sort of beneath him, and he says, Aspirants, I welcome you to your fifth challenge, the trial of conjuration. You have all either chosen or been assigned your opponent,

and against them you will do to the death in an arena, specifically designated for you. In a moment, your assigned battlefields will be revealed, and you will have 15 minutes to make your way to the arena with your adversary, after which time a barrier will appear around the arena, and the fight will begin, and be forewarned. Your opponent is not the only danger that you will be facing during the trial. Arcane forces will be conjured to us,

sail you. I advise you to keep your enemy in your sights at all times, but don't forget to keep these conjured hazards in your periphery, or else you're going to die, and quickly. Once your opponent has fallen, you may return here to claim your prize or spectate your fellow aspirants duels. You'll be unable to interfere in the outcome of those duels because of the aforementioned barrier, but you may glean some insight into the capabilities of the 11 other survivors who you'll face in the coming trials. Any questions? We don't usually do that, but people always have questions. Are any holds barred? Again, I, you, um, uh, Loravith, I, again for like the fifth time, man, no, there's no holds will be barred. Go crazy.

Okay, no one else? All righty then, ring the bell. And a loud chime resonates from within the ziggurat. And from within the building, 24 large glowing spheres of light shoot from the roof of the structure and disperse through the sky. These big glowing spheres of light stop in pairs at set points hovering a good 20 feet, 30 feet off the ground around the floating island. And then they expand. And you realize that these floating spheres of light are the holographic busts of the 24 remaining wizard, similar to those you've seen. inside the Ziggurats foyer depicting the fallen aspirants, scanning the area, looking around at the different sort of dueling pairs,

their holographic visages floating in the sky, you each eventually find your designated arena. Loravith, you see your glowing holographic face and gracons floating over the long bridge, connecting the shores of the forest to the lily pad island, floating in the massive sort of northwestern lake of the Ziggurat Isle, hell-grammet, just beyond the two of them, hovering over a stretch of woods by the edge of the island, you see your bust and Dr. Legumes floating in the air.

And then all the way on the opposite end of the island, Richtus, you find the image of yourself and the gentleman floating over the graveyard. As these bus appear in the... Who is duber? Who's Duber fighting? You look around and you can see all of the other kind of like pairings by looking at the holographic bust floating in the sky. You see Duber Sweet Leaf's sweet little innocent baby face and it is floating alongside

the face of PIP. A little guy, basically David the Gnome, a big pointed hat, white sort of pointed beard. From what you have seen of Pipp, he is. similar frame as Dober's Sweet Leaf, you get the sense that this pairing is about as fair a shot as Sweet Doober's going to get. I should have asked this back there, but are we allowed to interfere with other contestants or do we all have to stay in our own lanes? There will be a barrier constructed around the arenas once the battle begins that will not go down until your opponent falls. Okay. Anyone want to do anything in the 15 minutes you have to get to your arenas?

Do I see the gentleman? Yes, I mean, everybody has gathered sort of all together on the lawn of the ziggarot. So you see him looking pretty resolute. He's not going to stop really to chatter with his buds in the crowd if he has any left. You see him turn and start to walk towards the eastern edge of the island toward the graveyard. I want to run up beside him, do a little walk and talk. Okay. Oh, yes, hello, Richtus.

How did you sleep last night? I hope this day finds you rested and that our contest is glorious and satisfying. I slip like the grave. Oh, I should also mention gone or rickus is like neon kind of goth clothes and he's in like full like black suit and like black half cloth. Tactical camo gear or is this like? No, traditional ravenwood finery. Okay. That's amazing.

Wow, it seems like you've dressed for the occasion. Is it you're just trying to sort of get on my level from a sort of sartorial standpoint, or is this some sort of ceremonial right that I don't understand? No, I just wanted to show that I'm taking it seriously. Good. I've had just a question stuck in my brain since we spoke yesterday. Yes, what is it? Why are you here?

You talked about that I wasn't going to distract you from what you were doing, and is it just that you want to achieve the power of the octave, or is there a greater purpose? why are you here? I recognize that when I speak about myself, it makes me seem unrelatable. And that is something I've lived with my entire life. So believe me when I say that I am the most powerful man inside of the fold.

That is not meant to be a braggadocious sort of quip. It is simply an observation. With my power, I have been able to achieve a life that no other living being within the fold has ever accomplished, but I am just a fatted, shiny goldfish floating in a very small bowl. And if I am to hop outside the confines of this bowl and grow legs and walk, the metaphor has gotten way away from me, but this is my way out, and I intend to take it. Does that make me seem crass? It's such a relief, honestly. Because I was so worried that you were going to have like a selfless, like, oh, I've got a sick sister. And the only way I'll be able to help her is if I did.

Ah, such a relief. Thank you so much. Yes. I need to warn you about something on the off chance that I lose, which I do. not think is going to happen. I do not intend to. If you inherit my power, Richtus, you need to be very, very, very careful with it. That's so, yes. Okay. Thank you so much. I was actually going to say the same to you, but not necessarily about my power so much about my onus, my burden. Well, I'm kind of, working for someone and I don't know how they're going to take it if I am killed.

Okay. Well, that is very cryptic. Do you have like a, I don't know, an aspirant that you belong to or something? Is there some sort of dom-sub situation that I'm... It's death. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yes, of course. Your family's sort of charge. No, not in that way. Yes, to that. But that's handled. Because, like, my son will inherit if I die.

You have a son. Yeah, six months old. Holy shit. What are you doing here? Oh, so I grew up as a necromancer and my whole family's necromancer. and we are kind of reviled by society for that reason. Yes. And my hope is that with the power I would gain from being a member of the active,

I can show how helpful and beneficial necromancy can be to society so that my son doesn't have to grow up being hated. Well... But that's not even what I'm talking about. I work for death. Okay. Well, that seems like it would give you an advantage. He gestures to the graveyard that you are now standing in front of.

Surrounding it, you see faint red, like rectangular outlines surrounding a good portion of the land here. He says, okay, well, if you mean to intimidate me, consider the job well done. I assume you will have a significant advantage here, but I, again, Rictus, I do not intend to lose this. My life is but a dagger that has been narrowing to a point, and this is not it. So may the best man win, and he holds out his hand for a hand-jank. Yeah, I shake it. All right. Anyone else?

Any business? Where are Grit Khan and I now physically? Are we on like opposite sides of the bridge? I mean, if you want to be there, we can hash that out. I don't want to be there. I'm just asking where Gracan is. Gracna has, I mean, he's in the bathroom. Yeah, no, Gracan would come up to you.

He is, I mean, like, trembling with excitement as you find him on the lawn. He is similarly the same way that Rictus kind of got decked out. He is, he is like painted in clay and ash, just sort of a sort of intimidating battle, a camouflage sort of situation. And he is just, all of his, his garments look like they were finally pressed. He is like ready to rock and roll. He comes up to you and says, Lora Vizheim, were you able to sleep last night?

because I will... Oh, of course not. Can I say you look fantastic? Your adherence to the old ways is truly inspiring. I thought it might be a little much, but I... No, no, no. It's a great tribute to me, to the conqueror. I'm very excited about it all, Krakhan.

I was going to say I'll miss you a great deal after you've passed, but I actually respect you too much to lie to you. So let me just say that I'm looking forward to this contest. A great deal. As am I. Now, I don't even need to say that. going to insult you, Loravith, by ensuring that we obey sort of cultural rules and no dirty fighting, but I suppose they did specify no holds were barred, which would mean that dirty

fighting is within the, so just, I just want to make sure that terms of engagement are understood between the two of us. Well, let me just say, Gricon, if you have any issue with my methods take it up with the devil. Awesome. Damn, dude. That is, I got shoes and that is saying something. All right. So you guys roll up to

a bridge, the long sort of rail-less bridge that connects the gilded lily, the lily pad islands here floating in the lake to... Fuck, they gotta put... Why, Griff? What?

Damn, dude. They gotta put rails on this motherfucker. No rails. It's good for duels but bad every other day. No, no rails. Did they maybe take them off? Can you say that? Did they maybe like detach the rails?

Because this is like, this is a safety thing, man. The rails are magic. The rails are magic holograms. And they only appear at night. At nighttime, the rails appear. And they glow to Keseypoles. Bio-luminousin. Yeah.

Bialuminescent. And when you touch the magic handrails, it heals you, it fixes you. It makes you feel. It's daytime now, so they're not out. The handrails have the memories of their ancestors. You guys arrive at the fridge. He says, so what do you think? Start on either side and have one glorious charge to the center or where would you like to begin?

Sorry, can I say something to Travis real quick? Hey, Trav, in Avatar 3, Avatar 3, Germain Clement is in the film and they do find a way to make his character say the word algae, and despite the fact that he is an American, he does give it a hard G. Oh, yeah. And I think it is just for you and I. Yeah. That Jermaine Clement does say algae. That was nice.

It really did help that three-hour 15. He looks to the camera and says, you're welcome, Travis. Welcome, Travis. Hey, hey, boys, only an hour 45 to go. Okay. Sorry. Good. All right.

I think Gricon, I, uh, let's do a sprint. and then we'll both try a big punch at the same time. And then magic, right? After the big punch. And then we'll do the regular magic stuff. Great. All right. One punch, then magic. Fair?

Fair. One good punch. Yeah. Although that may be all it takes for me to get to you to do to you. I'm sorry. I'm so nervous. Hell, Gremitt. Is there anything you want to do?

Hell Gremet is, as they walk together, they're walking. together, correct? You can be, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Up, up this mountain, sort of speak, and he's looking around nervously and says, it's a lot higher than it looks from the ground, isn't it? I mean, just, are you surprised by how high will work, we're close? We're close. No, we're very high. You, listen, this thing only lasts for like a minute, and I have to concentrate very hard to get it to work. So if I was you, I would aim, just let me finish, please.

I would aim, I would aim for water. Right, right, okay. Yeah, it's really up there. What are you, are you, should I be preparing something? I mean, we want to make this look good, right? Oh, so you want to do like a ruse like where, um, like I blasted you and you know. Well, they see everything. I mean, I just don't want to look like I'm voluntarily jumping off the edge to get away.

It's kind of look like we're really engaged in battle. I mean I can do my best I did a little bit of community theater Oh really? What shows? What did you? Lil Abner Yes!

Oh! Ah yes. Oh, that's a good one. Put them back the way they was. That was a wonderful. We did the straight play version, no music. Oh, oh, without these songs.

I'll do my best to make it look convincing, But, hell, Grammond, if they can see everything, what makes you think they don't hear or see what we are doing right this second in this sort of conspiracy. But I guess I just trusted my government. Maybe that was not a good idea. It rarely is. Well, why should they care? I mean, we're not breaking any rules by being... Okay, yeah, it's time to shut up now.

Okay. You make your way to the stretch of forest by the edge of the island where your holographic bus are floating. And you hear a chime quiet and high at first get louder and louder, counting down until that same chime rings an octave lower, reverberating, shaking the trees. and moments later, from these sort of red outlined rectangles around your battlefields, you see a 60-foot-high wall of light. Red light appear. You can still see through it, but the wind that was sort of gently blowing through the forest here, Helgrammett has completely stopped up.

It is quiet within your individual arenas, and it is only quiet for a moment before the battle begins. Let's roll initiative. Wait, can you tell me, does the circle of battle extend over the edge? Yes, hell, Grammet. Your arena, if you'll go to the map, you can see. I have all of your arena sort of marked out. the far border of the arena is hanging over the edge. Okay.

Griffin, while the chime is counting down, Rick does is going to slam Jordan's secret stuff. Oh, shit. Okay. Please tell me what Jordan's secret stuff does. Thank you for asking. This magical flash, rumored to once been owned by Jordan, the greatest wizard ball player who ever lived,

contains a special potion that's strengthens anyone who drinks it. Any creature who drinks it gains plus 1D4 to all skill checks for the next 10 minutes. The flask has enough for one drink, it refills each time the potion is consumed. The drinker must roll a DC20 perception check. On a successful role, they realize the potion is just water, but come to understand the strength was inside all along. The creature can no longer benefit from drinking the potion. However, yeah, then... So go ahead and... Yes, you will get... get one D4 bonus on your checks. Whenever you roll a D20, I'll have you roll a D4 alongside it and add that result. Go ahead and do the roll to see if you realize that the magic was inside of you all along, please, a perception check. And I want to fail it, right? You want to fail.

You want to roll under a 10. Oh. You rolled a Nat 20. The understanding that you have is so potent, Trav. Like, Rickness realizes, like, not only is the magic inside of... Like the most annoying kid at the magic show. Yeah, it's like, you realize you're the most special boy, and the power within you is, like, you are getting high on your own supply in a major way right now.

So I get 1D6? No, you get 1D4, but you super can't use this potion ever again. I suppose you can give it to someone else, though. That's like the worst, not 20. Yeah, no, that's not a good one. It benefits me. Not at all. No.

Okay. Now, with that out of the way, if we rolled initiative, four for Hellgroom. Ten for Richtus. And a big old three for me. All right. So, we've got three arenas here. For the folks at home who cannot see our map.

We've got sort of three arenas side by side by side. You guys are each going to be engaged in your own fight here. First, in the order, we go to the graveyard. Rick, as you're standing sort of by the gate, the entryway into the graveyard, the gentleman in front of the mausoleum at the back, where you nearly fell to your death during the trial of abjuration, where you met Hasty Jane. The red barrier is surrounding this entire sort of plot of land. And while you are looking at the gentleman and you all are sort of making eye contact here as the battle begins, you see up here, in front of both of you, conjured into reality, you see a small, like, wisp, a little blue wisp floating in the air. And this blue wisp, you can see just kind of like spins around idly for just a

moment, and then a few other wisps come and combine with it. And you see floating in the air, sort of right over the center of the arena is a spectral sphere. You can give me an arcana check, if you would like, to see if you know kind of like what this is. I'd love to, Griffin. That is a 14 plus 6 for a gentleman's 20. What you are seeing is a phenomenon that you have, you are familiar with because it has kind of appeared at times in the crossroads.

This is like a clog in the flow of life and death. When spirits of the deceased are unable to pass on, they can sort of collect and congeal, and they form a sort of mass that is just sort of death personified. What you know about these clogs is that they once sort of conjured into existence, they will sort of grow and spread over time. So I think with that really, really nice Arcona check, you know that this sphere that has just appeared

in the middle of the battlefield, if you touch it, it's extremely bad for you, and it is going to get larger and larger and larger and larger. Next in the order, we go to the bridge. Loravith, just as you and Gricon are about to take your first steps towards each other, fists reared, you see on opposite ends of the bridge swirling purple portals floating on top of the surface of the water below the bridge. And from those portals, you see emerge. Two great slimy tentacles that rear up a good 20 feet into the air. The trunks of these tentacles are about six

feet wide or so. These are huge sort of powerful appendages. Gricon looks to the side, looks at the tentacles, looks at you, and his face lights up, and he says, a sea beast, Loravith! A sea beast Loravith! It's a bit much. It's the dream, Loravith.

I don't know. Can we put... Can we just put our battle to the side for just a moment, and we can face off against a C. B. Beast Loravith. And then we will conclude our own sort of contest. But how many times has a Goliath had the chance to tangle with a sea beast, Loravith?

I can't... How about you square off against it, and I watch. And then after that, I beat the stuffing of you. Oh, fine, I suppose we can continue... No, no, no, I'm not going to... We can continue our duel around the sea beast

that we'll have to do. the enormous tentacles have appeared. That is going to be their turn. Next in the order is Dr. Legume. We're over on the forest battlefield. Dr. Legume is going to move towards you. Hell Gramet. And he holds out his hands and he says,

Okay, first I'm going to cast a super bad poison on you that's going to eat out of your bones. It's going to make you all hollow and it's going to hurt so bad. That's good. Oh, that's, oh. Yes, yes.

He is going to cast featherfall on you. Okay. It slows your rate of descent to 60 feet per round. Then it lasts for one minute. So 10 rounds of combat, basically. He casts this spell on you, and you feel yourself become sort of lighter than air. Good.

Doesn't that hurt? My bones, they feel like they're hollow like a bird. Wink, wink, wink. Give me a performance check, please. Yes, yes. I mean, definitely with advantage because he's so convincing. Don't need advantage. It's 18.

18, all right. Okay. Your performance is so good. It convinces people. that bugs have bones. Yeah, bugs have bird bones. And they've been, yeah, good point, trap. Okay, yeah, you feel yourself become lighter than air.

And Dr. Legume is... Get it off! Get it off! Okay, right after he does that, you hear a very familiar sound, Hell Grammet. You hear a light kind of buzzing, chirping, sound that you recognize as a swarm. and looking around, you see burrowing up from the ground,

five swarms of insects are conjured onto the battlefield with you and Dr. Legume. It looks honestly a lot, Helgrimit, like how you are able to sort of summon up smaller insects to do your bidding with your kind of natural talent infestation, which you came into the contest with. these insects look a great deal like these. One of the swarms appears basically right on top of Dr. Legume and is going to begin to climb up his legs and try to sting him. They get a 17.

So you see some of these bugs just basically spawn in right on top of Dr. Legume and begin to cover him. and now he starts shouting. Ah! Ow! Is this you? I knew you were going to turn on me. This is you, isn't it? No, no, no.

Look, look. That's not my swarm. That's not mine. The other swarms of insects are going to move in towards him. Next in the order is Rictus. Rictus stands still. Okay? raises the shadow sears lantern.

Okay. And just before activating it, summons, I believe for the first time, the Shadowblade, cast Shadowblade, which is a bonus action. The Shadowblade is the sword that you were given as a, or wait, it's a spell, right? The conjured weapons. Remind me what's going on here. Well, Griven, I weave together threads of shadows. to create a sword of solidified gloom in my hand.

Cool, cool. It lasts until the spell ends. It counts as a simple melee weapon with which I'm proficient. It deals 2D8 psychic damage on a hit. Okay. And when I use the sword to attack a target that is in dim light or darkness, I make the attack roll with advantage. Okay, cool.

And if I drop it or throw it, it dissipates, at the end of the turn, and as long as the spell's still going, I can use the bonus action to cause the sort of reappear in my hand. Okay, cool. So you take up sort of a duelist position, right? Lantern in one hand, sort of shadow in the other. And then I activate the lantern. Okay.

You press a button that is embedded in the handle of the lantern, and it creates a solid sphere of darkness. What is the range on that? Darkness is a, it's 60V, so I believe a 15-foot sphere around me. Yes. Causing the darkness to fill a 15-foot emanation originating from that object. All right, yeah, you take up this duelist position and cast the spell kind of imbued within the lantern that you got during the last break and vanish into a sphere of darkness. Cool. Next of the order is Gricon.

Gricon is going to charge forward. That is his move, and he readies an action. He readies a punch for you, Loravith. I don't agree with this way of doing initiative, Griffin. I think that Gricon and I should flip a coin. That's weird. What do you think about that? Okay, next to the order is Hellgramid.

How close is Gricon to me now? How long is the bridge? The bridge is 60 feet. Okay, got it. And how far is Hell Grammett from Dr. Legume? Hell Grammett is about 20 feet from Dr. Legume. And have we seen, is the swarm of insects attacking him? Yes, one of the swarms of insects appeared right next to him and began attacking him.

And the others are swarming towards him? The others began moving towards him, yes. Okay. And never fear, legume. I will use the, what kind of, Can he tell what kind of insects they are attacking legume? Yeah, it is sort of an assortment of insects. You see wasps, and they all seem to be of the nastier sort of variety.

There are some spiders within some of the more terrestrial swarms. It is just a swarm, an assortment of bugs who sort of would not be working together like this naturally. these are sort of conjured mixes of bugs. Okay. I am going to save you. Hold on. And he casts his own infestation in the direction of legume. Okay. These are damselflies.

And they are the natural predator for almost all of the species of insects. They're attacking you in that swarm. They will attack that swarm. And maybe you a little. But mostly they're going to be attacking those insects. Okay, so you are casting infestation. Okay, I think the easiest way to kind of like do this is the swarm of insects that are currently attacking Dr. Legume will be the ones to kind of roll the con safe here to see how effective these are at pulling them off. Does A12 beat your spell check?

The spell check is, of course, 14. 14. Okay, yes, you create another swarm of insects. You create a swarm of damsel flies that fly over and begin to descend on the swarm of insects attacking Dr. Legume. As they do, you see your swarm is victorious and just kind of like picks apart this conjured swarm whose bodies sort of fall and land in this sort of babbling brook that is carrying aflo. water off the side of the island. And Dr. Legume looks at you and I think now he sort of understands the situation. These are the kind of conjured dangers of your battlefield and that you did not actually, you did not actually sick those bugs on him. You see this swarm of insects that is closest to you of the four kind of remaining swarms. The bugs kind of like stop and turn to look at you.

Give me a nature check, please. That would be a 26. Jesus Christ. Okay. You can hear the kind of timbre of their chirping change. And I don't think that you are able to speak it like a language. But you can understand how the sort of change in how they are making their insectical. noise is meant to be a sort of warning, meant to be a kind of, you know, get back sort of chirp.

So it seems like they are trying to communicate that to you as you destroy some of them. Well, there's another effect of the... Of infestation, yes. It can move... Five feet in a random direction if it can move and its speed is at least five. five feet. Yes, that is true. You did take out the swarm of insects, but if you want to move there. Well, I would say that if Legume is inside the swarm and he moved the swarm, is it not safe to say? If you want to move Dr. Legume five feet, roll a D4 for the direction. We'll see which way he ends up going. That is three. Three is east. Okay. So you pick him up and move him away five feet from where the swarm was

descending, giving him a little bit more breathing, Graham, from two of these big summons swarms. Hell, Graham, you do still have a move of action. Okay, I think he's going to continue his ruse of that he's being eaten up by acid by running towards the water. Okay. Like, how shallow is that stream? I mean, it's pretty shallow. It is a babbling brook, so it's not like a, you know, rushing river or a,

anything like that. It's about, you know, just four feet wide. You could pretty easily, you know, get over it. How far towards the west can he move in the stream? I mean, I don't understand the question. Like, if you ran into the stream and then went... Move him right to right there. Yeah. Right at the end. Yeah, you couldn't, I see what you're saying. So if you ran up and you hopped into this babbling brook, like, panicking, like, oh, God, oh God, I'm dying. could you then travel that. No, it wouldn't get you off the edge of the island, but it would get you fairly close.

So you're continuing this ruse? Yeah. Okay, give me... That just shows how brave he was for helping save Dr. Legume. Yeah, for sure. Give me another performance check then, please. 17.

Okay. This is his finest hour. First, he got the roll globe. It truly is. These roles are insane. And now he's moving towards Oscar territory. Yeah, for sure. Okay.

At least a streamy. Which is that way I think streamers get? Yeah, they get streamies. Next in the order is Loravith. Loravith, you are standing on the bridge. In the sort of center arena here, Gricon has charged forward, fist raised, while two enormous tentacles have spawned in

on either side of the bridge. What do you do? I am going to use... Oh, man, Griffin. Remember how everybody was like... Level five, who cares? Yeah. Remember?

And not me. But I didn't say anything. Because you know what I can do at level 5? What? I can get big. I might activate large form once per long rest is a bonus action. You can change your size to large for 10 minutes or until you end it. For that duration, you have advantage on strength checks and your speed increases by 10 feet.

Okay, cool. Now, my plan for this is to activate large form. Then I will close the remaining 30 foot gap. that Grecahn thinks that I need to close, but I will close it faster than Gercon is anticipated. Okay. So that's why I wanted to judge this, because I've become large,

I'm going to close it faster, and then I'm going to hit him as hard as I can with my strength advantage, and it's going to be great. And your business. He was, my bigness, my huge bigness, just when you thought Loravith Gondoban Dreamwander couldn't get any bigger.

He did. Hachimachi, there you go. Okay, he is still going to deploy his punch, but because you have initiated this sort of like battle charge, you are going to catch him by surprise. So I will let you roll the first attack here if you are making an unarmed strike against Gricon. With advantage, assuming. Yeah, I'll get you. I'll give you advantage for the surprise.

Because I did a trick on him. And it did nothing for me. I rolled two fours in a row. Sometimes things work out the way they're supposed to. The dight are destiny. Sometimes the dice tell story. Sometimes the dice are destiny, guys. And you shouldn't roll it twice.

The dice are destiny. You charge forward. As you charge with each footstep, your body kind of swells and grows in stature until as you bear down on Gricon. You are now like a full head taller than him. You bring a fist down and he catches it in the air. And he says, oh, I was so hoping that we were going to take off the limiters. He is going to also swell up and get huge. Too meaty, men slapping me.

And as he does that, he is going to make an unarmed strike. He's going to try to headbut you now that he is back on your level. That is an 8 plus 6. 14. So is this his turn? What's that? He had readied an action. This was his ready to do.

Oh, he had ready to get you. Okay. Eight plus six is 14? Yes. Yeah. That hits. I'm wearing a glorified diaper. Okay.

You take five points of bludgeoning damage as Gricon head butts you. As he does, he pulls back and you can just see, you know, as this big, wavy, green tentacle splashes around in the background, he is just grinning year to year. Next in the order is the gentleman. The gentleman sees you vanish in your sphere of darkness, sees this like spectral sphere appear in the air. He is going to take a few steps forward, and then he is going to attempt to hide.

I need a perception check from you, Rictus, please. Okay. The gentleman has beaten your critical failure of a perception. perception check here. I was going to talk about how I get to add 1D4 to it, but I did roll one. It's a critical failure. There's really big in around that. As this kind of like swirling cloud of darkness

spins around you, you can see through it fairly well, but in the motion of the cloud of darkness, you lose track of the gentleman and he is going to hide from you. Next in the order is back to the top. The spectral sphere is going to absorb some more wisps and increase the radius of its effect around itself. I really regret getting big. I'm sitting here thinking about, I did it against the guy who could get big too.

What was a point? Now we're both just big. Sorry, I don't mean to distract from the show, but I'm just sitting here thinking, man, I wish I hadn't gotten big right then at that guy. Well, it's actually not bad that you got big, because next in the order, the enormous tentacles on each side are going to come into the middle and where the two of you are now just kind of scrapping at the center of the bridge with your huge powerful bodies. Each tentacle is going to whip around from behind you and attempt to constrict you. So I'm going to make an attack roll against you.

That is a 14 again. Again, still does hit, yes. hits, and you feel it wrap around you and begin to put a really uncomfortable tight squeeze on you. It hits you for 10 points of bludgeoning damage, and you are grappled. The enormous tentacle that is attacking Gricon is going to roll its attack. the artist formerly known as the giant tentacle attacking Gracom. Only gets a nine, so you see Gracon duck as he sees you get whipped with this other tentacle and the other one just sort of sails over his head, leaving him unaffected.

I'm going to put a border on you to show that you have been grabbed by the enormous tentacle here. All right. Next in the order is Dr. Legume. Dr. Legume is going to climb up a tree. He's going to climb up a tree away from the swarm of insects. He rolls a two on his athletics check, and so he is going to fall from the tree.

That is so in character. He is going to fall, and he's going to take four points of bludgeoning damage as he hits the ground, and then he's going to make a wisdom, saving throw for his concentration check, and he gets a five, and hellgrammit, as he falls and bongs himself on the ground and lands prone and loses concentration, and you teeter towards the edge of the island, you feel yourself become heavy again.

With worry? No, with math. With mass, with heft. He had to have made some kind of sound when you feel. Yeah. Oh, no. Did he die? No, he didn't die. Next in the order is the swarm. Did that win? Next to the order is the swarms of inset.

I wasn't paying close attention. Did that win? They all, again, just sort of ignore you and begin crawling towards Dr. Legume. One has enough movement to reach him. He is prone on the ground, and they roll with advantage. In 19.8, you see, again, a swarm of, of singing beetles and scorpions climb up on top of Dr. Lagoon

who has his back sort of pressed up against the tree as he's like trying to climb, like crab crawl away from them and he is stung for three plus three, six points of damage. You guys? Okay, he is looking not so great. Next in the order is Rictus.

Hey, Griffin. I just want to congratulate you on pitting Mr. Legume against a swarm of insects and not like hanging a lantern on it and throwing yourself a big fucking parade for doing a man versus B thing. I really want to congratulate you on it because you snuck it in there, but you didn't, you didn't like, you didn't make a big deal out of it. You didn't paint a portrait of yourself in the foyer. I think we were all pretty unsatisfied with the conclusion of man versus B. Yeah. And this is like where I can do my art, right? This is like where I can say what if.

This is when you do your work. What if this is kind of like your fan fiction, right? This is Griffin's O.B. Yes. This is my OB, my original B and O-T-B. Yeah. My one true B. And in this one, I say, what if Mr. Bean had to fight against mini-bees?

Let's find out. And in the next episode, he'll take on a buncho babies. Yeah. You know if he survives this one, it's going to be baby time. All right. Dad, I think even you would dislike man versus baby. Rictus, it is your turn. Rictus, still within the sphere of the darkness.

Yes. Is going to cast unseen servant. Man, he's like super duper, duper unseen. Yeah, man. This servant, oh boy. Unseen as hell. I'm going to command him to hold the lantern in the same place. Okay, you see Beauregard, I believe?

Yep. All right, Beauregard. while Rictus moves towards the back of the sphere. Okay, cool. So you are, this is a ruse that you are creating to try and trick the gentleman as, I can't do anything while that big ball of darkness is there. Okay, Beauregard takes your place holding the lantern and you move towards the back of the sphere. Which way are you trying to go around sort of the west along this kind of like path with the...

I'm moving south. So I'm still facing forward. Okay. And I can still see. Yes, you can see. The sphere does not diminish my vision at all. Right. But where I was and where the shadow is centered is not where I am.

Right. Correct. What do you want to do with your turn? I guess that was your action, huh? That was all three of them, baby. Okay, cool. So you are taking up kind of a discreet. Are you trying to hide?

Are you trying to make it? Like if the gentleman comes in here? Like you will be able to get the drop on him. He can't see shit. No, he can't see anything. You also don't know where he is, though. Yeah, but I don't have to hide. Yeah, okay, cool.

He comes in here and he does shit. I'm going to see it. Yeah, awesome. He's my house. This is a diabolical trap that you have set here, Rictus. Thank you. Your one mistake, Griffin, was giving me a week to think about it between reporters. Gricon is up next.

Gricon is going to He kind of looks at you struggling with your tentacle And he kind of laughs And says, oh, come on, there's just calumari Luravis you're struggling and all that He is going to cast a spell You see him hold up his hands And as he does that

a chunk of ground from the land at the far end of the bridge rises up and smashes into the trunk of the tentacle holding you, Loravith. That tentacle takes six points of bludgeoning damage. Go ahead and make a strength check to try and escape your grapple in the moment where it is weekend. Okay. I got a five plus three and let me check again. Double check. Yeah, you are still restrained. Yeah, still restrained. As Rekon attacks it and says, come on, Lord of it.

Shake free. You didn't want to fight the sea beast, but it seems like the sea beast want to fight us. I'm doing my best. Have a little decoral. All right. Next in the order is Hell Grammet. Hell Grammet. You are in a babbling brook, plummeting,

towards the edge of the island, no longer... Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why am I plummeting? Not plummeting, but you are in the flow of water. It's not dragging you or anything. It's not deep enough to, like, pull you along. But... Okay.

If you stay put, you're... And go over the edge, you are no longer light as a feather due to Dr. Lumpeter. Right. But you are stiff as the board. Brody. Grody to the max. Um, okay. Hell Grammett is going to...

So the other swarms have attacked? Legume, are they on him? There's only one swarm that has made it to him. There's three more that are on approach. Okay, but he is being attacked. Yes. By this guy. Right.

Can I point? Pell Gramet is going to cast color spray. Cool. He is going to create a 15-foot cone. Cool. extending Well, let's see He's not within 15 feet of legume, is he?

He is not. A 15-foot cone, though, would catch the other three swarms. Yeah. It would not reach the ones. Okay, I'm going to move up the stream. Okay. I'm going to move up the stream to where... Yeah, you can move yourself to where you want to go.

Yeah, I think I'm going to move up the stream. Okay. To cast color spray. Toward, yeah. Yeah. Right there. Okay. Yes, with color spray, you can hit two of the swarms, one of which is attacking Dr. Legume.

You will also hit Dr. Legume with the color spray. Remind me what color spray does, please. Color spray emits a dazzling array of flashing colorful light. In this case, we're going to say Move. Great. Each creature in a 15-foot cone originating from you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or have the blinded condition until the end of your next term. Okay.

I'm going to put the stat block here. Constitution saving throw? Yep. The insects have a plus two, weirdly enough. Minus four to strength. They have three strength,

one intelligence and one charisma, but Constitution's their best stat. Okay. So the first swarm, the one not attacking legume, it's a 14, which does save. It's your save.

The second... So tie goes to the runner, huh? Tie goes to the runner on a save, yes. Okay. The one that is attacking him, though, only rolls an 11. So they are blinded. We're going to give them that. And Dr. Legume here is going to...

We're going to roll for him. He has a plus zero to his con save. He rolls a 3. So Dr. Legume looks directly into the light, and his eyes also kind of glaze over as the color swarm sort of envelops his senses. Okay. What did you do? I can't say anything.

Is this you or is this the bugs? Don't worry. It's all part of my plan. Don't worry. The bugs? Trust me. You've trusted me so far. The bugs took my sight.

No, no, no, no, no, no. This is just a ruse. They can't attack you. I've saved you from half of the remaining swarms. Just trust me a little further. Okay. Their sting's really hurt, though. I know.

I know, I know. Can you talk to them in bug language and make them stop? Sorry, I've already used my turn. Okay, next in the order is Loravith. Loravith, you are grappled, which means your speed is zero. You have disadvantage on attack rolls on any target other than the grappler. And it can move you when it moves. I'm the grappler.

That is what the grappled condition does. You can still act as... Hello, Batman. Come closest if I can grab you. Damn it. Don't stand all the way over there. Come on, man. Play along with me.

I've only got the one thing. Oh, man. Caesar Romero in his finest role. I am going to punch my tentacle in the most vulnerable wherever the membrane looks the thin as the crudence.

Okay. Where are the crotum of the tentacle? Is there a reason why you are punching the tentacle? I mean, I guess I could... I don't want you to think because you are grappled that you do not have access to all of your abilities. You can do anything you want here. You just will have disadvantage if you target anything other than the tentacle that is grappling you.

That is what the condition is. I mean, any of my, like, elemental magics could backfire. True. I don't carry other weapons. Okay. I guess I could, I mean, I'll use... Okay, I'll do something different. If you want to just do an unarm strike, that is fine.

I was just trying to clear up what the condition of grappled actually achieves. Yeah, I guess I was kind of thinking of saving my spell slots for Gercon, but I guess it's not really necessary. I've got plenty to burn, literally. I'm going to cast burning hands as a second-level spell on the tentacle. Okay, awesome. You are targeting it in a way that it is only going to... It's a cone, right? Burning Hands?

Shoots out a cone of fire? Yeah, it's a 15-footer. Yeah, I don't think there's a way where you can... You could just get Gricon in a blast if you wanted to... I'm not trying to. Okay, cool, cool. He was decent. Like, he attacked...

He didn't have to hum it. I get you. He chose. He made a choice. Okay, who's rolling? Me or you? Um, athentitude flame, flame a lot. You got to make a dexterity saving throw.

Well, I can already tell you that's not going to go good for this guy. A three plus two, a five. Definitely fails. So you're rolling this as a second level spell. Yeah, that's 13 points of damage. Okay. It is actually going to take 26 points of damage. Heck yeah.

You see it rear back, and as it rears back, it sort of like disconnects at its midpoint and drops you kind of right down on the bridge. The tentacle that was holding you, this thing has been sort of split in half by this fire. The tentacle that is holding you just kind of loses its form and disintegrates into slime that sort of drapes over the center of the bridge here. This enormous tentacle pulls back a bit. And now Gricon looks at you as you rise from this kind of pool of steaming slime as you blew this tentacle in half with your magic. And he looks impressed. Is it dead?

Not quite. But he's still impressed. Can I give it the prone condition? Would that help? Is that something that turning hands does? Well, the hill tumble is anytime my damage is hit a large or smaller creature with an attack roll and deal damage to it, you can give it the prone. condition, although maybe this tentacle isn't large.

No, you know what? Knowing that you need to impress your friend here, the enormous tentacle B here on the map, he will wobbles down and he looks small and cowed and prone. Cows before my magic. Yeah, but he's doing it like to be cool. Like he's trying, he understands what happens happening here is like a pretty important. Good, good, good. Kind of, I'll spare him.

This other tentacle bows at you. and then loops down into its portal and vanishes. Look, he's dead. Don't look too close. He's dead. I killed him. He died of shame. Grickhan, that'll be you.

Dying of shame. Maximum Fun. A work-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.