The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Spirit Breakers

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Spookington Manor is being haunted by a mysterious Beast! Time to call the Spirit Breakers - Col. Grey Poupon, Flint Hammerborn, Lorraine St. Crash, and Pasghetti. Will they find the beast's weakness and save the day? Or will the Heroic Order of Peace get there first and get all the credit?With special guest Aabria Iyengar: https://twitter.com/quiddieWe’re playing The Beast by Grant Howitt and Chris Taylor: https://rowanrookanddecard.com/product/the-beast/ Theme Music by Paul Sabourin. Addition music in this episode: "Satin Danger" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; "Hor Hor" and "Creepy Hallow" by Alexander Nakarada: https://soundcloud.com/serpentsoundstudios; and "Tempting Fate" by Jason Shaw: https://audionautix.com/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

It's a dark and stormy night on the moors and or highlands. I'm not sure which one's wit. It's where it's high. I think the moors are low and the highlands are high. And somewhere in between, like Spu hinkton Manor. It's like 1899 somewhere around there. You know, not quite, you get it. And it's dark and stormy.

And Admiral Lord Spookington sits in his study. And outside the window, simultaneously an owl, hoots and lightning flashes and then some thunder because that's how that works and a branch scrapes against the window and also there's some wind and he turns and looks but there's no one there

except his butler and his valet and two chambermaids and the sauce boy of course but just them nobody else and then when he turns back there in the window a horrible silhouette of a terrifying monster a scream it's the

sauce boy screaming he's fine he's just totally freaked out. Enough is enough, declares Lord Spookington. Admiral Lord Spookington, excuse me, I got to respect his title. It's time to call in the experts. It's time to call in the spirit breakers. So, we're playing a game called The Beast. It's a horror RPG by Grant Howitt and Chris Taylor.

Huge Titans in the RPG specifically, especially one-page RPG community. The Beast is available and drive-through RPG. That's where I got it in PDF form, a great Halloween or anytime game to play with your friends. Joining me, I have four very special guests here in the miraculous, wonderful world I've created. We're going to start with Abrea because she's my favorite. Hi, Briya. Hi, I feel so good to be a favorite. What's up?

How are you? I'm doing great. How are you doing? I'm good. I'm excited. What am I supposed to say for the introduction? Who are you? Where are you wanting people know you from?

Hi. I play D-D-D a lot on the internet. You might know me from Critical Role, dementia, or the zone of Adventure Zone, Taz, imbalance. There it is. Yeah, the most important one, objectively. You don't make the rest of us talk about

where they know us from when we did the thing together. Do you know what I mean? Like, Abria did the thing with us. Do you know what it's... Hey, Dad, where would people know you from? Ooh. Um, I spend 44 years man and boy as a radio broadcaster, Travis.

And I think I'm probably... Did you go back and forth? What does that mean? Sometimes a man, sometimes a boy? I started a boy who act like a man. And occasionally I was a man who acted like a boy. This is what Britney Spears was singing about. Yes. Oops, you did it again, Aubria.

Was that Britney Spears? Yeah, yeah, you did. That was perfect. Griffin, who are you? I'm Griffin You don't have yet And Justin's here too So

Hello Tell me about your characters You guys are a monster hunting team You've just arrived here at Spookington Manor Who do we see Approach the door My name is Flint Hammerborn And I'm a dead-eye

Marksman I used to perform for crowds With my incredible marksman skills But then I had to quit because I shot a goat. Okay. I used to do a stunt where the apple was on the ghost head, and it went good about 80% of the time.

Worst case scenario, but it's like, hey, free goat tonight. But apparently in this case, the whole town loved the goat, whose name was Phyllis. And this goat was like the mascot of the town was briefly mayor. Everybody loved the goat, and I was running out of town. And so now I shoot Monarch. for pay, because that's all I care about anymore. And my next fix.

Of what? Bullets. Because I gotta get more bullets. Okay. Like how you fix a gun with bullets. You know, you run out of bullets. You're like, this gun is broken. You get the pieces that needs to work.

Yeah. I'm glad you show really impressive knowledge of fire arms. Yeah, man. I'm a big gun guy. Griffin, now it's your turn. I'm, my character's name is Piscetti. And he is a talking bulldog who's a child's love gave him the power to speak. Where's the child?

It's a long, sad story traffic. Sometimes in RPGs we like to sort of leave empty spaces in the maps. And then we feel it in like as we play. Yes. So Piscetti, his owner loved him so much, but then she's gone. And he is a, he's got a nose for killing monsters. And he is a, and he can speak, but only to the members of his, of his spirit breaking team. His name is, his name is Piscetti.

Of course. Dad, how about you next? Um, I am playing, um, Colonel Poupon. Mm-hmm. He is a, uh, dishonorably discharged officer. Mine is also a dishonorably discharged officer. There wasn't a talking dog background on the list. So Piscetti also did some, served our country.

Did we serve together? Do you think, Griffin? Did we serve together? Yeah. Yeah, we definitely did. Yeah. Yeah. I believe.

Colonel Poupon was accused of cowardice. His real first name is gray. But because of the cowardice, everybody started calling him yellow Poupon. Mm.

Yeah. So yeah, that's him. He's wanting to write a memoir to disprove all these, you know, claims of cowardice. But then he realized he has to do something actually that's not cowardly, which has been kind of his go-to move all this time. So he wants one last adventure where he can be a hero to put in his memoirs.

Wait, hold on. So he's planning on dying or just like quitting after this? No, no. I mean, once he has that final scene for the memoirs, he knows he can sell it to Netflix. And, you know. and sit back and collect those fat residuals. Oh, I have bad news for you regarding Netflix and residuals that,

but we can talk about that later. And Abria, Abria, last but not least. I am playing Lorraine St. Crash. She is a fierce midwife, which is the funniest phrase I read on that page, that moved to spirit crashing because she kept delivering little ghost babies. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, huh.

No, like the whole baby would come out, but then also a ghost would come out too. Whoa. They would kind of ride it in. Stop. Is it the baby's ghost? No. A different ghost would come out. Like a baby would come out and then a ghost would come out. And so then Lorraine was like, you know what?

I've got enough of this. Yeah. Time to stop ghosts. Yeah. Okay. I signed up to be kind of a doctor and then I became that teenager at a water park. That's just letting kids down the slip and slide. Right.

I like that. I don't want to, again, I think it's important when you play role-playing games sometimes to leave them two spaces in the maps. But does Lorraine maybe think that the placenta is a ghost? Because when it comes, it does come out after later. And so I could see a scenario in which someone can be like, here's the baby. And what's this spooky thing? Griff, couple follow-up questions. One, is it still 1899?

Yes. Two, have we not educated women at all yet? I don't know in 1890 what everyone's sort of placenta understanding was. I can for sure see us being like, uh-oh, here comes the ghost. Yeah, especially here on the Moorish Highlands, especially. Especially a problem. The Butler greets here at the door. Yes, hello, my name is Butler.

Come in. I shall lead you to Admiral Lord Spookington. Come follow me. Are you following me because this is theater of the mind? I'm following. I'm following. Okay. You know that.

You. Um, did, did that dog just talk? Wait, I can't hear it. Right? I can't hear it.

Is that where we're at? This is Travis asking in Butler voice. We gotta, we gotta kill this guy. Hold on. He's on. He's on. Hold on.

Just. Hold on. Let Piscetti talk. Yes, go ahead. It's making a lot of sense. right now. I'm a valued member of this team. This guy's honed to me.

We've got to waste him. Okay, this way, please. You heard him. You heard my human friend. Time to put you in the ground. Pardon? It's a, it's a marksman joke. Can you lead us to your boss?

Yes, this way to the study. Follow me. Come this way. I continue to follow. Yeah, I follow. Okay. And then I remember the character voice I said I was going to do. I gave you guys, did I send you the map that I made?

No. No, okay, hold on. I'll send it now. I'll email it to you. I worked really hard. I don't think, if we're following the butler, I bet you we can get to the guy without getting lost. Yeah, why is wayfinding part of this?

Well, just as you walk through the house, you're going to get a pretty good scope of the layout. Oh. So I emailed you the map here, so you can see it. give you kind of a layout of Spookington Manor. That side was so pressed. Did you get that? Yeah, great. Well, this, okay.

I have a question. I have a few questions. What's up, guys? So this, you've labeled a totally original map by Travis Mcroyal Rights Reserved. Yeah, correct. It does look pretty similar to the, uh, board game clue. The difference I would say is it in the center where it normally says clue.

Some Photoshop genius has written the toilet or whatever. Well, when I was working on it, I couldn't remember if in 1890 they had like flushed turrets. And so I was like, this is the turlet. This is where the turlet would be. They don't have. That is a big thing with Clue that no one wants to talk about. You know? Like what where do they go?

Where do they get? Nothing you guys mentioned. I do see the resemblance, the clue, now that you mention it. Toilets are like Disneyland, you can't die there. You have to be seen off the toilet and declare dead somewhere else. I will admit to thinking that for a long time, I did think the conservatory was a word. Like a friend was French for the for toilet rooms. I mean, now, I have a question.

Yeah. Uh-oh. What's the like liminal space between these rooms made out of little yellow tiles? Is that a place you can be? Hallways? I've never played Clue. Don't talk to me. Now, hold on. Now, you guys keep saying Clue, but this is a totally original map that you can see at the bottom.

It's an exact and perfect map of Spookingham Manor, circa, circa, circa, TMTMTMT. So let's be careful with the Clue Talk. Now, that said, I did run this by some of the people we work with, and they said that perhaps it's so similar to the Clue Board that we won't be able to share it on social media as our own, but maybe just Google Clue Board, and you'll get an idea of it. Okay, so he leads you to the study. And there sitting in the chair is who you assume,

is Admiral Lord Sputington. He is, of course, wearing an Admiral's hat, and that's your first clue. And he just has the vibe of, like, a guy who runs the manor. He seems very comfortable, having a sniffer of brandy by the fire side. And he says, Sir, you must be the spirit breakers.

Welcome to my home. What a honor it is for you to select us. You have a lot of choices when it comes to beast eradication, and we're so flattered you chose the spirit breakers. Well, yeah, when I asked somebody, they said your name first, and I was in a hurry. Well, still. Someone asked him up front if it's a mummy.

Remember, my... In my contract, he can't understand me, so someone else needs to ask him if it's a mummy. I got you, Biscretti. Thank you. A couple questions. One, is it a mummy? A mummy. No.

It is a horrible beast-type monster, very large. It has the head of a wolf and then some antlers atop it. For some reason, there's seaweed on the shoulders. It's not unclear. the theme of the monster is, but it's horrifying. It's a, I, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and say it, I would call it a beast.

Hmm. So definitely not a mummy then. It stood, it could still be a mummy. We're not taking that off the board. Are you asking me? I'm not talking to you. Okay. I am crouched up having a conversation with a dog.

Don't worry about it. This guy's rude. Yeah, I don't like him. Do you want to kill him? No. I'm the man, I can hear you. I'm the Lord of the Manor. I've hired you.

I said what I said, and you shouldn't overhear people's conversations. Root, like I said. Extremely rude, man. All right, well, you know, I'm not going to disagree with you. As the Lord of the Manor and an Admiral, I'm used to getting my way. Okay, well, now I'm kind of turning that corner on him, because I feel like he's learning from his mistakes. No, no, I'm not going to change.

I'm acknowledging. I'm used to getting my way, and I still expect that. I appreciate when men do the minimum, so I have absolutely done a reality on the adrolet. Yes, it is 1899, and even this level of self-analysis does set me above the rest of my gender. Groundbreaking. Heroic. Idiot, do you want to hear more about the beast? Yes, is it terrifying?

Is it like a scary? No, quite terrifying. It scares the sauce bowl. Quite. Yes, and you know how brave a sauceboy must be to perform his everyday duties. And yet, the beast was enough to frighten even him? Oh, is the lad all right? Oh, he's fine, yes.

So far, no harm has come to anyone, but there have been threatening notes. There have been what appears to be some sort of blood, making, you know, threatening messages on the walls, all seeming to be under the basic of, you know, go away, get out. And it's, can I say, it's getting pretty old, much like myself. How was the handwriting? Pretty smeary? Like you would imagine like of a beast smeared blood on a wall?

There wasn't any calligraphy, which I found very insulting. I expect a certain level of calligraphy. as both a Lord and an Admiral. Have you considered just waiting it out? Well, it's been happening with more and more frequency. At first, it was like just, it was sold for a second. And then later it was like, oh man, we saw this beast like eight times tonight. Sometimes as late as 9.45 p.m.

But you're pretty old, as you said. Why not just wait it out? Ah, well, I will be leaving Spookington Manor, of course, to my eldest son. Lord Spookington, Jr. The second. Is he connected irrelevant at all to this whole? Yes, he lives in Spookington Manor with his wife, Priscilla. And there's also my daughter.

I'm not done with my introduction son. I've got my eldest son. His name again was Lord Spookington Jr. Got it, got it. And then there's his wife, Priscilla. And then there's my daughter, Edwina, and her husband, James Suspicious. Okay. I'm confused about if it was Junior the second.

Is that a sort of exponential sort of situation where it's the second child of the second child or I he can't understand I don't this is so frustrating for me every single time don't ask him don't waste your breath it's not Are you sure? Yeah it's just forget it We gotta teach you to write

Something I can write What? Yeah Have me a pin I pull out a feather quill I don't know when pens are invented I dip it in some ink and I write So what's up What's up with the Junior

The Second? That's pretty fucking funny right And then I slide it there too. This dog has amazing calligraphy. Yeah. And I respect that. I'm not the killer then. Yes. Well, to answer your question, dog,

my name is Lord. I don't. No, I need to stop you. Yeah. Right there. Because I have a, shit, hold on. I get out the pentequil. Are you writing with your paw or with your mouth?

This is the most important question. Yeah. I'm using my. paw to kind of like hold the feather, but then I'm using my mouth to kind of, it's like a fulcrum situation. And I'm writing like, look bud.

Just because I'm a dog, does it, like dogs have names. You have to understand that, right? And I show him that note before I say anything else. Oh, I should clarify, I meant like a DAWG kind of dog. I write, absolutely understood my mistake. Please continue. I'll try.

I tried not to make, embarrass myself like that again. Okay, here's the explanation, dog. My name is Lord Spookington, Jr. And he's Lord Spookington Jr. the second. Got it. Got it. And Edwina and James. Suspicious.

And James suspicious, thank you. And anyone else? No, there was Lord's wife, Priscilla. And, of course, the staff. but they're obviously not important. Did you happen to notice any of the beast's weaknesses when you attacked it? I didn't attack it. I sat in this chair. The sauce boy screamed. I looked at the sauce boy. I looked back at the window. Beastless God.

As I said, it's getting very annoying, very frustrating, and I am sick of it. And then the door to the study bursts open. And a man walks in and says, yes, father-in-law, I too am getting sick. tick of it. It is I. James suspicious. I throw a knife at him. Whoa. Okay.

Like a little scalpel for delivering kids. I don't know how babies work. And you're aiming. Whoa. I believe around this time they would have invented the chainsaw to help with C-sections. Yeah. So, Abrea, give me an easy roll.

Well, so you're going to roll a D-10 for the action. And then I guess since you use a skisks. It fits your background? Yeah. Okay. Now, here's my question. As a fierce midwife, is the throwing of scalples something you would say you're experienced at? I think she does this a lot, especially to stressed out parents mid-labor.

She's got, like, her throw-in scalples to be like, stay back at the door. I will let you know when to light your cigar, your cartoony cigar. I thought you were saying, like, the parents are getting stressed and you're like, okay, let's calm down while I throw these scalples. Pretty distracting, huh? Yeah. Like, you push. I'm going to juggle and throw scalples. Okay.

Roll 3D tens for me, and I'll roll one, because this is easy, right? You're not trying to hit them. No, it's a warning shot. A door can't dodge. Okay. And I give you the total? Yes. Now, I rolled a 10.

I rolled as high as I could. I got 17. Oh, yeah. You do this with a plumb. It sticks, and James says, Ah, that's intimidating and, and I would say impressive. Is that what you're going for?

Yeah. Yes, it's weird when you say that part out loud. Like, that's supposed to be kind of the subtext of it. I'm a very straightforward man, very honest and direct. I'd like to say exactly what's on my mind. But you don't enjoy knocking. Oh, it's my house. I live here too, and I have brought a team of my own to help Papa in law.

And I'll allow them to introduce themselves. And into the room steps a team of four, well, a team of five. And a man steps and says, yes, it is I, Frank, and with me, to my left, we have our expert. in all things, Val. To my right, we have our medium and often monster bait, Daisy.

Behind me, we have a man we simply call Unkempt, and here is Unkempt's dog, Stubbydubs. Say hello, everyone. Gurg. Hi. Yes.

That was Stubby Dubs. Yes. I'm a medium. on that butt. Huffing, sniffing, all the... Yeah, you know what? I'm not gonna make you roll. Stubby Dubs gets the sniff in there too.

Yeah. It's a... It's very professional. Like, we're professionals. So, I see that the spirit breakers are here. Well, now that the heroic order of peace has arrived. You may leave. Leave this to us.

Hope. Where did... It's as hot. Where's the E? Sorry? Did you just interrupt me while I was writing? Where does the E and Hope has an E in it? Shit.

Give me a second. Somebody else. Val, you talk. Enterprises. Don't help me. I get it. I was helping them. Yeah, sorry about that, everybody.

But we are here. We're going to take over. You guys can go, okay? all right thank you very much for having us we will uh we uh sorry to have wasted your time sorry you wasted ours i guess more accurately there is a small matter of uh our 50% kill fee that we have a 100% kill fee that's when we kill it then we have a 50% kill fee and that's when you kill us metaphorically speaking and so we need half the money and it'll be out of your hair no i hired you and i am not firing you if my

sunny law James has hired a different team that's their business dealing but you've still brought us you've still brought us here and we have spent time we're not locals we had to fly

fly here in a dirigible or something oh it was a dirigible yes excellent point what was your name dog it's I hand over one of the other scraps of paper where I've already written pescat

on it. Posgetty. Listen, Piscetti, if you choose to leave at this point, you may. But I am not firing you. I still want you to do the job. Not because I think you're a better team than Hop, but because I am a proud man and I don't like my son-in-law.

Okay, you could have just said that you liked a small or thought we were gonna. No? No? You have to earn that. Okay. My love is earned. Ask James. We need more information. Can you show us where this beast was spotted? Exorcisms.

It's the heroic order of peace and exorcisms. Frank, Frank, shut all the way up. Stop it. Okay. Can you show us where the beast was spotted? Maybe we can find some clues. At this point, I have seen the beast, let's see, I've seen the beast in the lounge.

I've seen the beast in the conservatory. I've seen the beast in the kitchen And here in the study Oh and one time outside the dining room But that the beast didn't seem Like it was focused on me so much It was just kind of walking by Hmm

Where was it on its way to? I didn't ask it That's on you Rude, that's fair Could I make a suggestion? Yes Could I suggest that we perhaps pool our resource

It sounds like it would be a great deal safer for me. Why don't you hope people, I don't know, go inspect the toilet or whatever, and we'll begin our observations here in the study. And Val looks at you and she says, Now listen, we don't take orders from you, Junkies. You understand me? So we're going to go to. Of course, yes.

Junkies. What's that? Jonkeys? No, what's a donkey? It's just like a word. It's a word I use that kind of stands in for everything. Yeah. Do you want to come over here and say that to my face?

No, I actually feel very bad about it all of a sudden for no particular reason. I'm regretting a lot of choices that I, Val, have made. Look, I'm perfectly happy with that being a made-up word. I just want you to come and say it within hitting distance. You can say whatever you want to say. You know what? We're going to go check out the toilet or whatever. Interesting. Interesting toys.

You mean that worked? Dear God. They leave the room. But not before Stubby Dubs. Lifts his leg and peas on the doorframe. Yes. Stubby Dubs talks, but he only says yes. It's important to me.

Yeah. But everyone can hear. Can Piscetti also communicate with his own species? Oh, good question. I see Stubby Dubs doing that. And Piscetti says, You know I'm just going to do that right on top of yours once you leave, right? And then I'll come back and I'll do it on top of yours.

Yes. All right. I'm scared of you. As you should be the things I've seen. Oh, man. Okay. Bye. Bye.

Can we understand Piscetti's half of that conversation? I don't know the magic of Biscetti. Griffin, this is your thing. I'm not going to dictate the magic of Biscretti. Okay. I talked about customer. Oh, then we shall avoid him by all means.

Is he gone? Yeah, they left the room and James says, Father, and Lord Admiral says, uh, father-in-law, thank you very much. Oh, yes, of course. I will earn your love.

Me and the Hope team, we will solve this mystery. And James leaves. and a flourish. It's pretty cool. I do a little peat on top of the other peat, but I'm like looking side to side the whole time. Roll pee. Roll a piece.

Make it roll a pee. Make it rolled pee. Yeah, actually, Gervant, I'm going to have you roll to hide your pee from Lord, from Admiral Lord. Okay. So what is that? Like a 10?

Yeah, I think you're pretty good. I would say your background is a dog makes you good at peeing on things. I'm a disgraced soldier. First and foremost. Okay, so I'm going to give you one D10. One D10. Okay, here it goes.

Wait, can I help? Is there an assist to rolls in this? I got an eight. Oh, yeah, I got a one. I got a one. So you did great. Yeah, you peed on the door and the Admiral Lord Spokington did not see. Once I make sure nobody else saw, I just kind of give like a very quiet like, what's up?

And then I sheepishly walk back to my squad. Okay. So how are you investigating here in the study? I thought we were going to the toilet No no no we sent the others to the toilet Hope is in the toilet Hope is in the toilet it's 2022 Hope is in the toilet

I'm just gonna start knocking I'm gonna start knocking things off the mantle looking for clues Okay Are you shooting them off the mantle No no just kind of like casually Like a cat As they shattered to the ground

And I'm looking for clues Well I'm not wired about this I don't know how I feel about this procedure, a young man. What are you looking for? In my defense, I didn't realize you were still here. Yes, I'm very comfortable in this chair. I haven't finished my sniffer of brandy yet. The fire is keeping my old bones warm.

While he's distracted, Colonel Poupon is going to investigate the window area. Oh, okay. Look around. I mean, because I was paying attention in the intro and I know that's where the beast appeared. Very good. Hey, Dan. I'll send you some cookies later.

You did a great job. Roll, it is stormy outside. So I'm going to say it's hard to notice from like the rain and the lightning and stuff. But I'm going to say that is a challenging. So I'm going to roll 2D10s. So you tell me what you've got or what your background is or whatever to add to the roll. In his background, Investigate was one of the things I selected. Perfect.

And then in his inventory, he has his old helmet that he used to wear back in his glory days. Uh-huh. And when he wears it, it gives him a sense of assurance and calmness. And he flashes back to the younger, more vital Colonel Gray, Pupon and is able to really enhance his skills and investigation. Now, I want you to know, Dad, I'm going to give that to you. Even though it goes against me, Travis McRoy's, I don't know, Eurea, if you suffer this too, but all four of us have rather large heads.

And anytime I've ever put a helmet on in my entire life, all I feel is claustrophobia. But I'm going to give it to you, dad, because not the bullshit you said, but because when you put the helmet on and stick your head out the window, the is going to cascade off the sides and allow you to have clearer vision. So roll two D10s for me and then add plus two for your helmet. All right. Two D10s. For the record, I have a giant head and I always have big stupid hair too, so I can't wear hats.

So that's a six and a two. So that's eight. And I add two for 10. That's great because I also got eight. So you win with that. What you see on the windowsill, and you're on ground level, right, but on the windowsill, you see red fingerprints, not like beast pad fingerprints, but like human fingerprints. I want to sniff those.

Mm, okay. I'm going to say, this is a pretty simple sniff. You're good at sniffs. Roll 1D10 for me. Uh, it's a nine. Okay. They smell like red paint. Oh, interesting.

Smells like red paint. Hmm. I want to, uh, where is Lord Admiral sitting? Uh, by the fireplace. Okay, is there like a desk in here? Hmm. In the, not in the, not in the study. Where the fuck does he be?

Where does he? He does it then, Travis. He does it in the library. He gets a book from the library. He takes it to the study and he studies the book. Then he goes back to the library and puts the book back. But the desk, Travis. The desk is in the library.

But not in the study. No, study is more where he relaxes off the clock. It's got the wood study in it. So there's no desk in the study? No, there's just a small table with a drawer in it and a chair sitting out of it. It's seat His desk is far more impressive Guys, he's a lord and an admiral

This is his This is just a table With a drawer in it And a chair sitting on it And a lamp And maybe some pictures Of his family It's a desk

It's a desk He's one of the privilege Set you can't doubt his feng shui Yeah My daddy is feng shui I'm saying that that's a desk No that's just my writing table Where I do my work

Okay Okay I'm gonna go over to that piece of furniture and start riffling through it, looking for any important documents. Pardon me. If I might ask, what exactly you are doing and is it beast-related?

I guess. Listen, we are experts in the field, okay? And we have our own way of doing things. I'm more of a shooting guy. As you can see, I'm not great with the investigation stuff. but we're going to need you to just follow along here. Now, Travis, I have a skill that's charm. So I'm trying to charm him with the old Flint,

Hammer-Born, glit's and glamour. Okay, I'm going to say that between Lorraine, just like going through his dog events, and I believe it was Hammer, is that it? Who? What is your character's name again? Flint Hammer-Born. Flint.

Flint, just... How do you not remember that? He's one of the great... characters of... Of course. Flint just knocking chotchkes and books off the shells. I'm going to say it's a challenging role, but with your skill, and then do you have anything to add to it? What are your items? Do your items... I'm going to flash my pistol, too, to show my pistol to showstopper. In a threatening way? No, just like a... You can tell I know what I'm doing because I haven't done. Oh, okay. He's not very... Yeah. He thinks...

You're using flashing your gun to instill confidence in someone. Because I'm doing, I'm flashing my gun and they go thumbs up. Okay. Yeah. I know that whenever I see someone do something like that, I'm like, I feel more at ease. It's a reassuring pistol flash. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I totally get it. Okay, Justin, roll 2D10s, or roll, yeah, 2D10s plus 2 against my 2D10s. So, four? No, plus two, plus the number two To whatever your total is A hundred and ninety So 19

Yeah Okay Well that's pretty good Plus two is 21 Yeah I got 16 So you beat it And he's like Well I guess you're the experts

Could you stop breaking things though? I gotta respect the process Yeah Okay You won't result You get to, I'm going to say a snow globe that has a smaller version of Spookington Manor in it. And when you got to hit that over, it doesn't fall. It just tips slightly and the bookcase swings out from the wall.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Man, I've lived here so long. Nobody's used the secret passageways in forever I'd plum forgotten about them. What? It's right there on your map. Oh, shut up. Okay.

Abria, what are you looking for in the drawer? I want to look for any sort of like up-and-coming business deal or like transference of ownership. Wow. Oh, you know what you find? You find his will. There we go. Interesting thing to keep in not your desk. Well, because if I kept it in my desk, I would be a,

so obvious. Honestly, you got me there. Yes. Okay, so basically what you find in the will is that Spookington Manor, upon Admiral Lord Spookington's death, goes to Lord Spookington Jr. the second. But if at any point, Spookington Manor sits unoccupied for six months or more, any member of the Spookington family can lay ownership of it. that way it's always assured that someone is living there and maintaining it and taking care of it.

And if you do not live there for, then rather than have it fall into disrepair, any member of the Speakington family can claim it. Interesting. I'm going to just try to pocket it. Are you taking it? I'm looking right at you. Ah-ha. We're just speaking. Why are you? Look, there's a whole hole in your room. Why are you? Well, we were just talking. You asked me about keeping something in this.

It's fine. I've already said that, then you guys. Yeah, no, you're doing your jobs and you're the experts. Just make sure I get that back. It is an important legal document, and we don't have photocopiers. I slide a piece of paper over to you and say, oh, I've just copied it myself. What? This is excellent.

This is cleaner than the original. Fisgeti is a notary public. Do you, I am a notary public. Actually, hold on. And I reach in and get my stamp out. stamp it and put it back. I actually, too. I have lots of things I need notarized,

but not right now. Drop at hand. Business now, fun later. Well, actually, I think we can solve a lot of your problems here. Can you write a new version of the will that doesn't give your suspicious son-in-law a very easy entrance

to owning the property? As a notary-sicious? James is very honest and straightforward. His name is James suspicious. Yes, as a notary public, must say that I have seen many wills in my time. I've never seen a

sort of haunting claws like the one included here. It's quite unorthodox. Since the Spookingtons took ownership of Spookington Manor from somebody they conquered in battle many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, years ago.

That has always been present in every will throughout Spookington history. So no, I will not be removing it. Please carry out about your business. Also, getting your will change, there's a fee there, and I didn't get to be an Admiral Lord by paying fees lily-nilly to change my will.

Interesting. Okay. Well, and I believe we've discovered the name of our monster. It's haunting claws. I thought it was willy-nilly. Willie Nelson, maybe. I think we're quite done here in the study. I say we move on to a new room. Where to? Where are you headed?

You've got the run of the place. Let's head into the library. Okay. On our way to the library, can we see or hear? Griffin, you said library? It's library. On the way to the library, do we see or hear the... It's actually library.

On our way to the library, do we see your hear of Team Hope still in the bathroom? Yeah, you can hear them in there, and they're like cheering and finding clues left and right, and they're like, it is all coming together. Who knew that so much information was in here? We've got it. Just one more piece, and we'll have it. All right. Wait a minute. I grab a chair from somewhere in the hallway and push it up under the doorknob from the outside.

Now, Griffin, Griffin, you are a dog, so this is a roll. Yeah. I mean, I would hope one of my... Not just a dog, but a bulldog. One of my associates would probably see what I'm doing and try to help me, I think. It's like a team effort. No, okay, I guess I'll lock these guys. I'll see him like pitifully nosing a chair across the floor.

And I'm like, do you want this? You want this? Yes. And I'll put it under the... So I'm going to say that this role is not for your ability to put a chair under a doorknum, because that I think is not a difficult thing. What it's going to be is this role is going to be about finding in the hallway a chair, the chair that fits, and determining if this is the type of door where this will hold that in place.

But I'm going to say that it's not hard to find because most of the time door knobs are at the right height for this. So I'm going to say this is an easy one and you can both roll a D10 and add them together. I got a three. Just one? Yep. Roll good. One. Oh, no.

Sorry. So I rolled a nine. So all you find is like a little kind of like seti stool with like no back or anything. So you just kind of put that against the door and you're like, that's the best we can do, I guess. I pee on the door and just start taking it. You hear it. Stubby D. I go.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We got to go. We got to go. Go, go, go. Go, go.

And the door pushes the setty open. And it scrapes the floor. It's definitely annoying. And Frank's like, can we help you? What are you guys doing? Giggles, as I run away. I'm sprinting behind a giggling dog. Okay, well, be cool next time, I guess.

And Frank closes the story. I've pranked him good. Excuse me, friends. It might understand that we opened a secret, mysterious passage and yet opted not to go through it but instead go to the next room which is the library. I just want to make sure that,

I mean, whatever you want to do is why. I thought we found the will in the secret passage. No, those two things happened at the same time, different people. There's probably spiders in that room. Flint opened the secret passage. We acknowledged it. You all went, oh, cool. But then, granted,

Aubria found a piece of paper, which obviously drew everyone's attention. from the secret passages this swung open. And then everyone left just to keep, sorry, just to keep summing up, then Griffin pushed the stool against the door and peaked on it. The mystery is going exactly to plan. Seems good, actually. Yes, did you forget something?

The other dog peed on your stool. That shows initiative, a real alpha, which I, an Admiral Lord, respect. Oh, no. that backfired on you. Have you guys heard about Alva Males? I've been reading this book. Well, actually, we're just actually going through the secret passage. Oh, yes, I forgot that was there.

I got so distracted by the Will. Okay, have fun. Well, do you have like a flashlight or something? It's 1899, I don't think so. Do you have like a torch? A lantern. Oh, there we go. Holy shit.

on January 10th, 1899, British inventor David Macelle obtained U.S. patent number 6 for the electric flashlight. Yes, I've got a torch right here. My friend David made it for me just yesterday. But this is amazing. It's January 11th. It's January 11th. This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

Fire in your hand. It's called a flashlight. Did you say fleshlight? Absolutely. That's a different creation that David is working on for me. But be cool, okay? He imagined that one first. We cannot pretend he didn't.

He already had the shell going and he thought, you know what we could do with this? What if I could fuck this? He invented the flashlight first. And then when he invented the flashlight, he's like, I've got a funny name for this. I'll call it flashlight. He was trying to invent the flashlight.

And then he finished and turned it on and it lit up. And he was like, Oh, wait. Whoa, cool. I should make one that doesn't light up for fucking. Okay. And then fall in up with one that does light up, but also for fucking. Yeah.

Fantastic. I call that one Flashlight Jr. Okay. Now I have to invent a mini USB charger. Oh, man. Oh, but I'm dying. Great grandchildren of British inventor David Missell is listening to this going, oh, no.

This used to be a fun listen for me. It was very targeted. You enter with the flashlight. It only has a few minutes charged, so you only need to make your way through because batteries are very expensive. But basically it's more or less a straight shot, and though it's very, you know, cobwebby and dusty.

Oh, God. Okay? It leads you straight to the kitchen. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Close your mouth while you're welcome, Colonel. Thank you. Thank you, Louis. It went right in my mouth.

And you can see on the map here, it's just a straight shot. You just go right, you go through the Seagre Passageway. Boom, you're in the kitchen. Yeah, straight, diagonal backwards shot. Oh. Now, oh, yeah, since you got the flashlight, yeah. As you reach the kitchen, you can see on this side of the Seager Passage, there's a lever to open it up, of course.

and on that lever are the same red fingerprints that dad found on the window sill. It was sort of a team effort between me and dad felt like. Okay, all right. Well, Skeddy, does this also smell like paint? Did you get the same sniff on the hallway? Yes. Yes, I feel very confident it does. So you enter into the kitchen, and you're surprised to find stubby doves and unkind.

Kempt are there, eating a big old sandwich. Horrifyingly large, you would say. Like, you're looking at them and you're like, one, how would a human being and a dog even eat that much sandwich? But then also like, this is someone's home. Like somebody lives here. Did you just like take their food and put it into a sandwich? And they turn and look at you. And it's almost like their jaw dislocates. And they eat it all in one horrible bite. Okay, I found the beast. It's these two that unhinged their sandwiched their. jaws like cobras. What is this? Oh,

it's just a skill that we learned. Why does he sound like that? And was that the dog? No, that was unkempt. That was unkempt, talking. Can I help you? It stinks like weed in here. Major.

Yes. Oh, no. Is Piscetti a narque? I mean, I'm not going to tell on you. I just wanted you. to know they should not be quite as discreet as you think you think you're being

It's 1899 man Nobody cares Yeah man Are you finally good clues Clues man No just eating pig sandwiches You're in our way Wait a minute

Now wait a minute He understands Biscetti Yeah So Unkemt Has made a deal with the dog god And he can talk to dogs. Don't worry about it. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, no, no. Tell me more about this dog god.

No, sometimes when you're playing a role-playing game, you like to be aides. Map gaps, we call them. Map gaps. I'm going to start, I'm going to start sniffing around to see if I smell any other paint-related smells here in the kitchen. Can I ask you guys about this, something? You all seem to be taking this pretty seriously. You know, it's just going to end up being a guy in a mask, right?

We've done about 467 of these things. I feel like you said sex in the middle there. I started to say six and seven at the same time. Okay. So what's your general game plan then? You just hang out here. Yeah, I eat a big sandwich and then I run around through a bunch of doors that weren't there before. And then eventually there's an elaborate trap, which I'm not.

usually the bait of, man. And then we pull the mask off and we arrest a guy for being a monster. But it's never been like an actual monster before? Actual monsters? No, man. There's no such thing as that... What do you mean?

Actual... What? Look at these two dogs. You can talk to them. Yeah. Now why can you talk to them? Oh, I made a deal with the dog god. You know? The god. of dogs he appeared to me he had glowing red eyes and blood dripping from his mouth and he

stood up my pet what that's him that's him that's him i love that man yeah and i sacrificed it's not important don't worry about it see what's troubling is that typically when we find the monster uh at least three out of the four of us usually shoot it a lot so if our two things are both right then we will be murderers by the end of the day let me let me put your mom Minded East Biscetti. You guys have definitely fought real monsters before. Oh, real monsters.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay. We're sure about that, right? As sure as anyone can be in the grand scheme of thing. They might have been Mike Wazowski and Sully kind of monsters and you're going to feel terrible.

Fun monsters? I'm not going to. When you expose them, did they resemble Don Nats or Batman or the Harlem Globe Trotters? Now hold on, Clint.

They were never a monster. They were never the monster. They never pulled it off and were like, it was the Harlem Globetrotters all along that never have. I will not, I will not sustain any metal arc lemon shade. Don't you do it? O contraire. Yeah, that's right. And you're wrong.

Sorry. They revealed a monster to be the Harlem Globetrotters. Big, big, 10 armed, 10-legged. Okay. Five-headed monster. All right. I want dads to be right. So let's go with that.

Okay. I'm sniffing around. And they would have gone away with it if it wasn't for the Washington generals. Always stigning. Do I smell any more paint in here? Are there any more scent-based clues I can pick up on? Honestly, the air is overpowered by weed and big sandwich. Okay, sure.

So scent-based, I'm going to say, no. But you know what? Actually, I'm going to say it's a hard roll. so I'm going to roll 3D10s and you roll two and then what are your items Piscetti I have a standard sort of military issue

snub nose revolver and something called a jingle ball and that adds plus two for you if I ever need to use it and a gun just a I can't believe I let that slide by for a second, where

does Piscetti keep his gun? Same place he keeps his fucking Notre Republic seal, man. Keep up. Seven and an eight, 15. Okay. I ruled 22. So you don't

pick up on anything scent-based right now. Okay. I'm Jesse Thorne. On the next bullseye, our annual Halloween spectacular. We'll interview Anna Fabrega from Los Espookies, Monet Exchange from Drag Race and the great R.L. Stein, creator of goosebumps. You know, I don't really get too deep into the real fears. It's a lot safer to do a dummy coming to life.

That's on the next bullseye for Maximumfund.org and NPR. Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun, and I have a special announcement. I'm no longer embarrassed by my brother, my brother, and me. You know, for years, each new episode of this supposed advice show was a friend. fresh insult, a depraved jumble of erection jokes, ghost humor, and frankly, this is for the best, very little actionable advice. But now as they enter their twilight years, I'm as surprised as anyone to admit that it's gotten kind of good. Justin, Travis, and Griffin's witticisms are more refined, like a humor column in a fancy magazine, and they hardly ever say Bazinga anymore. So,

after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other shows, why not join the McElroy Brothers every week for my brother, my brother, and me? Just to recap, we're about 10% of the way through the mystery. Oh, are we really? No, no, no. So basically in this game, you are trying to figure out the monster's weaknesses so that when you confront the monster, you will be able to defeat it. So in the beast, those weaknesses include mundane weaknesses and supernatural weaknesses.

I'm going to say that the weaknesses of this monster are a little bit different than you may be, then maybe are on this list, but not incompatible with this. So make sure that you're also trying to figure out, like, what the monster wants and what the monster's weaknesses are, maybe monster identity. You get it. Okay. Okay. I want to go look at this paint. Can I tell if this is water-based or oil-based? Yeah, I'm going to say you don't even need to investigate that. This is like the kind of thing where you can see, like, you know, ridges and stuff in it.

So this is like oil-based. This is not soaked into the wood of the back of this door. All right, I got the first weakness, whatever the opposite of oil-based paint is. Gasoline? Water-based paint? how like acrylic paint that you can like wash off so your assumption here a brady just unclear is that the paint is excreting from the body of yes interesting an interesting hypothesis i have none amount of information i'm doing the best they can do you have a follow-up question Travis i mean i did

explicitly say they were human fingerprints earlier in the red thing i hear you now we're Where I got to, no, no, no. Where I got to was we can kill it with gasoline, which is fire. And I think that's going to work for just about a debut in the process. I think it's a really safe first option. For sure. Okay. So I think we're okay.

Okay, a great start. Let's write down fire. Cool. Okay. And then maybe a question mark in breakfast. I feel like we normally write down fire when we show up and just erase it if we need to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's high.

Measure. A fact. Probably fine. Probably fired. Okay, so what other investigations, if any, are you doing here in the kitchen or are you looking to move on? I'm going to open the cupboards and just start reaching in to behind the plates and go to Sean. I love Flint. And the chef busts in,

Saffre, blah, like, oh, no, no. Here's a realization I've had recently since I started being a DM. being a DM. It's all made up. You can just say whatever you want and it's like this is all cardboard. Guys, look at this. There's nothing back here. I should have like it is blackness. He didn't make up anything behind the blames. There's nothing there. Well, you can hear out in the hallway, uh, you can hear Daisy say, we've almost got it all figured out. Let's keep moving team. They're bluffing. That was for our benefit. There's no way. We're definitely not bluffing. That's for damn sure

You know what You guys keep working on this investigation I'm gonna go talk to them See if I can get some juice out of them Oh I love that You're sure you don't want to stay here With your weapons and your killing skill You can keep my gun if you want

You need a gun I'll let you use my gun This is a showstopper Oh fine All right Let's all get out our named guns It just sort of like Do a you all want to see this

And I do a flip with mine in the air and catch it. That's just one of the things I do with mine. What's the name of your gun, Piscretti? My gun is the bone. I have a cool sword, too. You can see here it's got a mouth in the hill. It's called a bale fire. I think it's kind of neat.

I don't use it a lot, but it looks cool. You say there's a mouth in the hill? Yeah, like the design of like a mouth, a grinning mouth. in the hilt of the sword. Oh, that's funny. I've got a grenade. Just one grenade? No, I'm sorry, Griffin, you said your items were a jingle ball?

Yeah, that's the grenade. And a gun. Oh, the jingle ball is a grenade. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's fun. I pull out a little gun. Look at that cute little gun. I just have a little derringer.

Look at that. Adorable little gun. What's its name? Catherine. Okay. Okay. So Dad, is your character the only one? without a gun?

Oh, no, he has a gun. Then why did you ask for his gun? I didn't ask. I wanted him to stay with his gun, but he gave me a gun. I'm not going to turn down a gun. So everyone's got guns. I've got a gun.

Well, I have another gun. Not in character even. I got a gun right here. I'm not going to show you, but just trust me. So, Justin, you go into the hallway towards the bathroom or whatever. And you know, since

stubby-dubs and unkempt, who are in the kitchen, so in there is Daisy and Val and Frank. Well, Flint, are you going to take Piscetti as backup? Or you got this? What do you think, Piscetti? I got you. Come on. I can also be quite charming.

Come on. You don't. Okay. Come on. Gray, you're with me. No, you have your scalpel things, right? I also have a gun. And a gun.

Yes, right. Right, right, right. Catherine. You're Catherine, your adorable gun. I keep Kathy on me. All right. Oh, all right. All right.

What room are they in? They're in the toilet or whatever. Still? Why are they still? There's so many clues in there, you guys. I walk over to the toilet and I kicked the door in. And I pulled the gun on Frank. I say, listen, Frank, my wife got help to work.

And I got to pick the kids up in, well, 32 minutes now. So you got exactly 10 seconds to give me a clue. One clue, Frank, before I start executing you all. Here we go. What? If you don't believe me, I'm Flint Hammerborn. The goat killer? I'm a much more broader.

How many goats have you killed? Just the one, but he was, I mean, well, 17, but the last one was the one who was like, everyone was like, yeah. I'm like, okay. PC police, sorry. I'm just shot a goat, you know? Anyway. If I don't tell you, you're going to kill my goat? No, you. And then I'll go through the line.

So please, I'm in such a hurry, and the ghost is going to get us. Oh, no. Okay, listen, don't blow up our spot, okay? But it's always a guy in a costume. We just kill enough time until he trips on something or like a door stuck or whatever. Then we pull the mask off and we're like, him and then we get a reward. That's all. Like, just be cool. Wait a little while. Eventually, like, there's a ton of us. We'll just jump them. You're not helpful. So here's what I want you to do.

You all, you find everybody out, everybody out. Go start walking around. Be real loud and like, ghosty. Like you, like a ghost would want to bother you. Like, just go bait yourself. Go be bait in the house. And we'll keep an ear out for you. How's that? And Daisy says like, okay. And Frank's like, wait, no, hold on. Stop, Daisy. Wait. Um, um, what's. in it for us. Do you need anything notarized? I can get you a good discount. I can give you an autograph picture of the one and only Flint Hammerborn.

Tell you what. Tell you what. You give us the credit. You take the money. And we split it that way. We're all rich kids. Our parents are so loaded. We don't need the money.

We like getting into places like clubs and stuff because of our notoriety. So we mostly do this just so like we can get into cool parties and hang out with celebrities like the Harlem Globetrotters or Dodd Nuts. So like you can take the money. Equally cool celebrities. Equally cool celebrities. Sometimes we hang out with the skipper and Gilligan. All right. It's awesome, dude.

You all help us. You take the credit. We take the money. Everybody wins. Okay. I'm going to go towards, uh, yeah, I'm going to go hang out in the day. dining room. And Val says, I'm going to go hang out in the conservatory.

And Daisy says, I'll go to the hall. They disperse. Are there any clues in here or are they full of shit? Okay. They were full of shit. You see some like, you know, those little airplane bottles of like booze sitting around. These fucking guys. Yeah.

And a couple like, you know, cigarettes they put it on the ground. And they were just like reading archie. and Jughead comics. If they don't have this, they're going to make one of those celebrity jewelry stealing rings. So we have to let them have a hobby. I would like to move a little quicker. So maybe two and two.

Like, are there two people that want to do this? Did we do the scene in the... Yeah, so Gray and Lorraine, where are you headed? I was thinking heading toward the library, but Gray, what was your instinct? Yes. Oh, no, I'm right here behind you. Okay, let's go. Absolutely.

Okay, so while they were handling this, you make your way over to the library. Is there anything in particular you're looking for there? I want to get a better line on, like, the pathway that our beast is taking. So I'm just trying to look for a stronger, like, throughway prints. Okay, so you reach the library and you find Priscilla, who is, is the daughter-in-law to Admiral Lord Spookington, the wife of Lord Spookington, Jr., sitting there reading, and she says, yes, can I help you?

I'm going to push Colonel Poupon forward. Like, this is yours. Get it. Oh, hello, fine person. Priscilla. Priscilla, yes. We were just investigating as your father has... What are you doing?

Yeah, I'm trying to... Be cute. Oh, hi. How you doing? Priscilla, have you seen this monster with the horns and the wolfhead that your father maintains that he has seen? Father-in-law. Father-in-law, yes. Father-in-law?

Yes, Priscilla is Lord Spookington Jr. The Second's wife. Oh, yes, yes. Have you seen this monster? I mean, in the creepy, scary, terrifying flesh, as it were? Ah, the so-called beast. You said so-called. You don't believe it, do you?

Well, if I'm being... being honest, only my father-in-law, and of course, those who are in the room with him, have seen it. And he and I, well, yes. And my father-in-law and I don't spend a lot of time together. We don't have a lot of shared interests. Have you tried meeting him halfway with things that he likes, like sauces? He mostly likes reading books about being an alpha male and making model ships. Hey, I walk it back. That sounds boring, you shit. Yeah, man. He's a real boring dude.

Well, he's found a rather charming to me, but... So you, what is your gut feeling? Do you think that this is a real monster? Is your father-in-law? Cuckoo? I would say that my gut tells me that my father-in-law has surrounded himself. with yes people.

And when he says, I saw something scary out the window, they all say, yes, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. But he is quite old. And, you know, the mind starts to go

when you reach a certain age. And, you know, after that, like a parent, when they reach a certain age and their son has grown fully. And it's just time, you know, to let the next generation

kind of take charge of things and move on. And I think Spookington, excuse me, my father-in-law, is holding on to the house too tight, and it is driving him to see things. What are you guys doing, Piscetti? Piscetti and Flan?

I want to go to the lounge. I'm trying to think of what room... Maybe this is a question for you. What is a room where painting happens? The lounge? A room? A conservatory? Conservatory?

Yes, I would say the conservatory beautiful views in the conservatory. Okay, I want to go to the conservatory. This paint is literally after an hour and a half, our only lead. So I would love to pursue that. Could he be tracking it? Could he smell more paint? Would that lead him to more paint, Traces?

I would love that to be true. So let's take a quick, like just regrouping thing as we're getting far into the episode. From what you guys have gathered, what do you think is going on? What's the real, like, story that's happening here? Someone is trying to scare the current owners out so that the house will sit dormant and then a different member of the family will late claim to the place. Probably James suspicious if I was a betting man. Yeah.

It's interesting that Priscilla seems pretty nonplussed by this. I thought she would have been in cahoots with James. Also, interestingly, Trow, an attribute to your genius. I know you well enough that the name James Suspicious makes him exactly as suspicious as he was before I knew what his name was. I have exactly the same amount. It is, it is non-informative information. It's negative helpful.

And what do you, where did you want to go? Let's go to the conservatory. Look for paints. Yeah. Okay, yeah. So give me a pretty easy roll here because you've already got the sense. So you, you know, roll your 2D10 and I'll roll a seat. single deed tonne.

I got an 11, so good- Okay, great, yeah, I got a nine. So you do find it. You find it in a locked cabinet, but it's a pretty flimsy lock and a pretty old cabinet, and that's no problem for you, Flint. And you find two cans of oil-based paint,

and you also find in there a, like fur lines, like fur on the outside, fur-covered glove that is smeared with that red paint as well. Okay. So I'm thinking that message was not blood but red paint. If this was the smearing device, it looks like a smearing device to me. But I'm just a dog. Yeah. I'm going to take a closer look. Not going to touch it yet. I'm just going to peer closely. To find out what? Yeah, you're looking at it. And it's a fur cover glove that's smearing red paint.

Does it look like a glove that would be a similar size to any of the people that are there? Has anyone had a notable hand size? This is not, it's not like a fitted glove. This is just like a work glove covered in fur. This is, this is not a bespoke garment that someone had Taylor made for their hand. So no, to answer your question. Well, I will say this, the glove is quite large. So whether that is indicative of the size of the hand of the person wearing it is unclear,

but it is not what you might call dainty. I'm going to smell. it. Okay. I want to smell the glove. To you, all you're getting is is pain smell. I'll look at the dog. I'm like, don't bother smell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a waste of time. I'm going to smell the glove. I would like to smell the glove. Smell the glove. Okay, give me

two D tents. You didn't even have me roll on the smelling. Well, yeah, because that's messed up. You're not the one who smells good. 15. Hey. But this glove smells great. This is a powerful cologne scent with notes of sea breeze and mahogany, two things that don't often go together. No, no, no, no, yeah. Sounds like Yvese-Laureen, for sure.

Don't. Yvese-Laureen, why by night? You almost slipped into him there for a second. I don't even know if you picked them. And here's what I'll say to you, Piscetti. so far you have not smelled this cologne with people you've encountered in this house. Oh, okay.

Hey, is, uh, that, Dap, Daisy. Daisy. Daisy, is she here? Uh, yeah, Daisy's here. She's, uh, she's breathing on the window and then, like, drawing letters in it and, uh, she's writing her own name. Oh, that's her heart.

Hey, Daisy. Oh, hi. Hello. You find any clues? To what? Right on. Catch you later. I want to smash cut back to the library.

Yeah, please. Priscilla, question four. Do you have any doubt about the, like, what's the likelihood that your father-in-law sired any, like, the sauce boy? Is it, are you related to the sauce boy? Are you related to the sauce boy? I'm, okay. I. Yes.

And his daughter-in-law. So if he's tired of a sauce boy in-law. I don't think so. They look nothing alike. What about the butler? Butler's older than him. Okay. I'm out of people that could work here.

The chef? The chef? Very French. I don't think so. Hey, hey. Oh, sorry, I'm not there. No, it's okay, I yell out the door. I slowly close the door in behind.

Flint, can you come in here for a moment? Flint, come be played in many places at once. Come here. My thing was relevant to the room I was in. I forgot that we weren't in the same room. So I'm gonna, I just want to see how it was going here. We jump back to the conservatory. It's not a big house.

Okay, we're back to the conservatory. Hey, uh, uh, uh, Piscetti, why don't you take a sniff around the house? See if you can find, pick up the house. this sin anywhere. The glove had to come from somewhere, right? That's right. Oh, sorry. When I get excited about clues, I change. I understand. I understand. I love clues, too. I hope to find one someday.

And I reach ever with my sword, and I smash out one of the windows of the conservatory. Like, I thought for sure that'd be it. Dang it. I guess that's not anything. Why don't you follow the glove, see if you can pick up a trail, a set trail? Yeah, if this has a powerful cologne smell, I should definitely be able to follow that. Easy. I don't even think I need to roll. I think he should roll, but...

Yeah, this is an easy one. Okay. 2D10 for smell? Yes. That's a 10. Did I lose with a 10? No, you got it. I roll the 9.

Yay. Why, you've been rolling good, Tref? Yeah. Not good enough. I don't know what to say. Not good enough, but I didn't do it. Not enough, but you couldn't have mathematically. I could roll a 10, and then a tie goes to me.

So you follow the scent, and you reach the dining room, and you also, oh, oh, no, some other smells reach your nose. Blood. And you also, you smell sweat distinctly. And you're still outside the door. So that's where, like, the scent trail led him to... Yeah, to the dining room. Okay. I'm going to stealthily enter the room.

I'm following him. I'm with him. Okay. Yeah, you know what? This isn't even... You don't even have to check because the person's in the room is incredibly distracted. You enter the room and you see a man, standing besides the dining room table

looking over the desiccated corpse of Frank on the table. He's been ravaged by a beast. No. No. Who is the other person in this room? You have not met him yet, but he looks like a younger version of Admiral Lord Spookington.

I draw my snub-nosed revolver. And I draw a bailfire. I would like Griffin to describe how he draws his snub nose revolver Well with my mouth that's clearly the guy What did you do to the kid? He wasn't that great of a detective but he seemed like an all right sort What? No, I found him like this.

You would say that. I think we found our first clue. When the musical like sting of that happens can me and Pupon have heard that so we can come running in? Yeah. Yeah. You heard the musical? Yeah.

It's diogenetic. Let's go. Perfect. Yeah. Duan, duan, dun, da-na-na-na-na-na.

Whoa. That's good. Shit. Now we don't have to compose any music for this. Oh, God. Look. Oh, my God.

Look. Oh. Yeah, that is vulgar. Did you just find him? Oh, God. Yes. I'm going to puke. Someone asking what his name is

They're there I'll do it, if I hold Jesus Christ I write what's your name on a piece of paper And I look at my three friends Like you really left me hanging there This is, well we know the name This is this is Junior the second Yes

Yes Please call me Lord I won't Hey why are you Can I ask your question You can call me LJ Lord Jr Yes. L.J.

Why are you doing all this stuff? All this wild stuff. Look at this guy. What would you do? I didn't do this. This is what I was trying to prevent. My dog friend, smell it right here. We found your bloody glove.

Gross. By the way. Just leave that anywhere. That's paint. Yeah. You'd like us to think that, wouldn't you? Why does there paint on the glove? This is a paint.

what I've been trying to prevent ever since I wanted to get them safely out of the house before something like this happened. Hold on. Were you trying to scare them out of the house before an actual beast showed up? Before the beast got to them. Oh, what a twist. It looks like we were all right, actually. Okay, you should you should start talking. All the beast. stuff you know about. Yeah. I have always been something of a disappointment to my father. I never knew what I wanted to be.

And then I found my mother's books, and I began to study them, and I knew what I wanted to be. Powerful. Oh. But then something went wrong, and something came through. And I didn't know how to control it, how to stop it, and I knew no one would believe me. So better to get them to leave and let me take care of it one way or another. So you did this? Yes.

It is always just a guy at the end. Book him. Wait, we're not cops. Wait, but there is a monster, so we still have to do that part. There is a monster. Are you... Are you the monster? In many ways. Oh, no, no, no.

This is a metaphor. Not a metaphorical thing, like. And there's a flash of lightning at this moment, and through the large, like, picture window, you see the silhouette of this, like, Hulk and Beast standing outside. And it's, like, 10 foot, like, tall. And he goes, no, that, no, sorry, if you mean, like, literally. Yes.

That's the monster. And then it smashes through the window. Oh, God. I'm out of here. Yes. I'm out of here. Well, bye. In the time that he had to do that, I drew my pistol and started firing at the monster.

Okay, and you're doing one on? Shoot. It's an action that I have. It's one of four actions that I'm good at. So shooting. And you're shooting at the monster? Yeah. Okay.

You are going to roll. Tell me about what you've got. Like, what, how many dice would you say you get to roll in shooting at the monster? Are probably a dead-eyed marksman So that shooting is great And you have the skill And then you get one automatically

So you're gonna roll three And add the number two But this is the monster And bullets are not his weakness Right I didn't think this is a reactive thing I know I mean I know this is not Okay

Set I got 49 So Okay He does not. Plus two. Yeah. I got 49 total.

This is not injured the beast at all. The beast just keeps moving. And he's coming at... Dad, you said you turn and ran away. So he's coming at the three of you. I'm not afraid of this film. Well, I'd forgotten the door was locked behind me. Oh, yeah.

The door was shut behind me. So I kind of ran into it. Hurt my nose. You know what? I'm going to need you to roll versus a D-10 against me to see if you take an injury from running into the door. Oh, wow. All right.

You get 1D10. Seven. Oh, I got a six. Oh, I wanted to break your nose so bad. Okay. You bounce off the door. It stinks for a moment, but no pressing entry. Out of desperation, with my backup against the wall, I suddenly remember I've got to finish that memoir thing.

And so I pull out my other item. My other item is a broken saber that when they drum me out of the core, they broke over their knee. Whoa. And I call him stabby Lou. And I slash at the monster. You don't stab, huh? No, that's the irony. That's the irony of it.

Okay. Okay. Great. Give me, I'm going to say 2D10. Well, I have strike. Okay. I'm using this item. Okay, yeah, give me 3D10 plus two.

So two? Okay. That is a 7, 3, and an 8. Okay. It's 18. I got 35. Plus two. Whoa.

Yikes. Yeah, we're not going to beat him without. finding out the weakness. I don't have, I don't know. So far what we have on this guy is fire, question mark, and water-based paints. So. Can I start talking to the beast? Uh, yeah, sure.

Like, while they're shooting and stabbing, I just want to kind of slide to the side and be like, it must be really hard not living up to your creator's expectations, right? I'm hoping that this is just like a weird, like, daddy issue. Therapy beast of, oh, you're made out of. Okay, Piscetti, can you understand him? Why would I be under, no, I can't understand. No. I don't know.

I was just checking. I speak English and dog. You got to ask. And I speak Portuguese, and it was none of those. No one speaks Portuguese. And LJ says, I've tried to reason with it, but it's become more and more vicious. As the time has gone on, I don't know. There's no controlling it.

Now, have we tried fire? Have you ever tried fire? Fire? No, what? There's got to be a bottle of brandy in this dining room. Oh, yeah, there's a bottle of brandy in every room. This is 1899. There's brandy everywhere.

Somebody faints. There's brandy. Somebody has a bad day. There's brandy. Someone needs to read and relax. There's brain. Brandy everywhere. I think, I don't think we have to worry about this.

And I take the flashlight. And I walk over and I say, this one's for Dr. Daniel. And I shut the flashlight at the monster. Extracting fire to be the mechanism of this device. It passes off and it breaks, which is heartbreak because it is the prototype. Oh, yeah. But no fire comes out. Like a single D battery rolls out of it.

I thought for sure. Quick, grab the gem. The felt the power source. Yay! Grab the metal gem. Hence the clever placement of the fleshlight early in the narrative. Because if you show a flashlight, you have to use. You got to use a flashlight.

Check off sex toy. Okay. All right. What room is it in now? Where is it? I grab the battery. What room is it in now? It's still in here at the dining room with you guys.

I'm making a Molotov cocktail out of brand. It's waiting for us to figure out how to kill it, which I think it's really bad. Is there any fire? Is there any fire in the room? Um, in the dining room? Yeah, is there a fire? Come on a candle. Yeah.

There's a lit candelabber on the table. Hell of candles. Yeah, man. There's 1899. There's fire everywhere too. Yeat. Uh, you, You eat a bottle of a Molotov cocktail of brandy on it?

Yes. Okay, give me, let's see, you're good at throwing, you're already established that, give me two D-10s, and you're, you are utilizing one of its weaknesses, so I will decrease the dice, and it's not hard to hit it. Always, fire. Yeah, man, that's, I got rolled three. Three? Okay, I only rolled a five.

Okay, great. Yeah, you hit it. And man, this thing catches a light. It's not like dead or anything. You didn't kill it with fire. But it is quite distracted and enrage. It's going to take a swing at, I'm going to say it's going to take a swing at you, who just even a bottle at it.

So it is, I'm going to say that this is a challenging, hold on. Yeah, there's a challenging role, but not a hard roll. Can I roll one die less because I have a torn. mniscis. That's just like your character thing? Yeah. Yeah, sure.

You want to... This is one of those gap maps that Abria was just waiting to spring on you. Yeah, so you are going to roll 1D10. You fell right into a Bria's track. No one asked me about how my knee was doing

so I didn't get to bring it into the fiction. I rolled a four. I rolled a four. We tie and you're going to get hit. Dang. You're going to get knocked down and then we're going to roll you roll 1D10. I roll 1D10 to see if you

you get injured. Got seven. Oh, I got a seven. You get injured. That meniscus. Oh, it twists. You're down. And you are down.

You're not like dead or anything, but you're on the ground until someone comes and helps you. Okay. And then he's going to backhand wildly. So there's going to be an easy avoidance to Gray, who tried to stab him. So you can roll.

I'm going to say with your office, their training, you're ready to dodge. So you roll 2D10s and I'll just roll one. Three and a six. Oh, no, that's a nine. It's a nine. You avoid it easily. This wild thing.

So he's, you know, been weakened. Who's going next? Could I, could I speak? Could I speak in that action? You can speak now? Yeah. Run away. We must run away.

He is distracted. He's obviously can't see me. We need to run away. Come, follow me. I don't, because I'm a very brave dog. I... That's a good boy. I howl.

Oh. The door busts in. Yes. Uh... Yes? Ow! Oh, you hit me right in the face with the door. Okay, dad, dad roll 1D10 and I'll roll 1D10.

Five. I roll an 8. Your nose is broken That As the blood starts to pour from your nose You see the beast Become interested in you Oh shit

Great shit Be still on fire The fire is out now But he's weekend Yeah I said it before and I'll say it again Fire kills most problems Also

Ow Can I get like a crutch Or like a cane or something Stubby Dubs turns to you Piscetti? Yes! Yes? I peed on that big monster. Now listen, man, I know that this is a thing,

but I can't risk it. And he runs in, and he lives his leg to pee. And the monster is going to take a singing him. Griffin, would you roll for Stubby Dobsleys? Two... Roll 2D10 for Stubby Dobs, please? Kind of specious of your show. Let's just say...

Well, this is Griffin's action. Okay. I have a six altogether. Stubby Dubs gets backhanded across the room. No! It hits the wall. There's not a great sound. He lands, and you can see he's still alive, folks at home.

But he is maybe slow to get up. But in that moment, the monster is distracted. So if one of you wants to take an easy swing at him, you can. No, I'm going to. describe, is the monster wearing any clothes? Wow, good, like, great question, actually. Yeah, you know, before the fire, he was dressed in a ragged kind of, like,

alternate, like, skin, you know, for talking like a video game version of what Lord Jr. was wearing. Okay. I'm going to try and tuck the jingle ball into his garment. Oh yeah, he's distracted. So this is an easy one. Roll, I'm trying to think.

Can you justify extra dice on this one? Let's see. I have, where are my skills? I have charm, deceive, shoot, and track on mine. I might say this is deceive. Yeah, you're doing a little sleight of hand here where you distracted. Yeah.

Yeah, go for it. So, roll 2D10. That is a 16. Oh, well, I got an 11. Plus 2, 18, because I used my item. Yeah, so you get that in there. What does the jingle ball do, Griffin? Well, after I tuck it in his clothes, I kind of push away from him as fast as I can.

And he's on fire, right? No, he was on fire. He's still like smoldering. It's not like an active blaze or anything, but, like, Like the clothes, his hair, that kind of thing is definitely. The seaweed on his shoulders, definitely burning. Well, as he moves around, that jingle keeps going, and then it stops, and the jingle falls to the floor, and it's the pin of a grenade. And then...

That's good. And then it explodes. Okay. Roll 3D10 for me for damage. I didn't know. That was a mechanic. I know we haven't done damage at this point. I'm just excited to find out how much it is.

19. Oh, yeah. So this thing throws off, you knock off. God, I hope it's not a dude. If it's a dude in a mask, I'm going to dog jail. And the chunks you blow off hit the ground or the walls or the table or what have you and instantly turn into like an ectoplasmic goo, which you guys have all experienced before, as spirit makers and fades away.

But you also hear a pained cry and Lord Jr. collapses to the ground clutching his side. it's a dragon heart It's a dragon It's a dragon heart What are you talking about? What is a dragon heart exactly Old Bean It's an old novel

That will one day be turned into a great film Oh with quaid Is there a quaid? If one of them dies The other one also dies Oh I see Is it possible This is

Do we have a second to talk? It's reeling, right? Yeah. We have a second to talk. Is it possible that it's Lord Jr. The first? Oh, my God. Wait.

What do you mean? What a brilliant revelation. Twins. I don't think it's... Think about it. That's why there's a Lord Jr. the second. Because there's also a Lord Jr. the first. They're twins.

So you're trying to tell me that Lord Jr. the second summoned Lord Jr. the first via a dark ritual into this plane of existence. This is what I'm saying. I think I've pieced it all together. It's a ghost baby. Yes, good. It's a ghost baby. And I, and without saying another word, Flint picks up a salt shaker off the dining room table and chucks it at the monster. I just want to rule this out real quick. You know what, Justin?

Yeah. I'm going to have you roll just a D-10. Just yourself, and you tell me the number. On a 10-sided die, a 10's actually a 1, right? So it's a 1. Wait, no, what's the number? What's the number on the die? 10.

No, 10 says a 0. Oh, you have 100-sided. No, it's a, like, it's like a 10-sided die. Is that the only double digit on there? That's a 12-sided die, Justin. No, it's not. I swear, I swear, I swear it's not. Is that the only double-digit?

It's got double-zero through. Gotcha, yeah, then yes. That's a one. Then that's a one, yes. Okay. The salt hits and bounces off. And the monster's just like, oh, oh, it doesn't hurt, but it's insulting. Insulting.

Hey, all right. That's great. And while he's doing that, I pick up a silver fork off the table and chuck it out. It was just one more thing. That's good. Actually, I grab a Bible and throw that at it too. Is there a Bible in this dining room? There's a Bible everyone's 1899.

No wonder. I need to direct the flashlight. It's all Bibles and brand. I was very excited about realizing that silver and salt would be in here. So I'm experimenting. Justin, roll again, D-10. That's how much to eight. Okay.

Yeah, that silver hits the beast and it's going to stick into his shoulder. Like it's magnetically drawn it. You didn't even like throw it like a throwing knife. but you throw that silver fork and it's like, fom, ah, and you see that arm just go kind of limp. Sorry, beast, but your hunter is a fork flinger. That's right. I am a silverware assassin. Mystery, man, nobody? Okay. And when that happens, you hear Lord Jr. relax. He's been at this point, like, crying in pain, right? And he's like, oh, that's better. What did you do? What, what did you do? You. Silver.

Wait, did you just heal him? What? So, oh, I'm severing. Are we severing the, okay. Are we maybe severing the connection between the two? Oh, that feels good. Quick, everyone, throw all the silverware you can find. Yeah, okay.

Okay, everybody roll two D-10s. Can I have an extra D-10 because I throw. Yeah, you can. You can. Yeah, good, yeah. Absolutely. You see how we all agree. And I have an extra D-10 because strike is one of mine.

I put a fork in a gun and then shoot it at him so I can roll two. Oh my God. I... 11. I pull... Oh, I pull a silver gravy boat off a shelf and hurl it and I rolled three nine. Oh, my God. I'll take out bailfire, and I don't actually know what he's made out of,

but I'm just going to go ahead and throw that my sword, too. Well, here's the bad news, Justin. The Hilt hits it, but it's got silver inlay, and it fucking fucks him up. That's the bad news. No, that's the good news. The bad news is the Hilt hits him. The good news is it's got silver inlay. And, Brea, what weird thing do you do?

I was just throwing them normal. Yeah, you did great. So what did you roll? What did everybody roll? 15. 11. 6. 27.

All of those hit. Two differing degrees. And listen, the monster's fucked up. He lays down. And as he's going down, you see Junior recovering. And the monster reaches for him and says, like, brother. We, you can talk. Not real.

No, no, that was me. I was joking. He doesn't say anything. He just melts into ectoplasmic. goo and you've defeated the monster. But at what cost? I don't know. Frank.

Little to us, I imagine. Frank is the cost. Yeah. Who? I don't remember him. The friend. No, I'm looking at the corpse. I don't remember.

I should know who that is. Okay. It's the one with a neckerchief title on this neck. I turn to Junior 2. So what's What's the story? I was messing around with dark magic I summoned a beast

And then I tried to... No, why? It's a ghost baby, no, no, no. Okay, so you were lying. Okay, you were lying about that. Me? Yeah, when you said he said, brother, that's not real. Oh, that was just a goof, I said?

Okay, I really... No, that was real, and now I know how to deal with ghost babies. Okay. Okay, fire. I've completed my plot arc. I don't care if it was a goof for you. This is going to surprise you, considering what the past few minutes have been like for you.

But this was all done by hope. They really deserve all the credit for this. No, no, no, no, no, no. I need this for the memoirs. No, no, no. Trust on this. We get the money, but hope deserves all the credit. credit, they really just pointed us in the right direction.

They told us about silver, they told us about fire. Those guys are monster geniuses. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. I mean, they're probably going to be pretty broken up for a little bit. What was Frank and all? That's tough, though.

I mean, that's the kind of business we're in. I don't know what to... This is always awkward. getting to the, I don't know how to ask for the money in a way other, I'm trying to Oh, sorry, yeah, no, my dad will pay you. Oh, okay, great, great. How are you feeling? You're doing okay? Can I tell you, this is the best I felt. All right, good, good, good, good, good, good. All right, thank you so much. Let's go, let's go. Find the Baron.

Hey, LJ, next time, can you just go to therapy? Okay, I don't know why you would say that. This is just me looking for what to do with my life. It turns out My mom was like a powerful magic user and I tried to do it and I summoned a thing. I don't know what this has to. I mean, I guess I've always tried to. Well, I've always tried to live up to my dad's expectations and my mom died when I was young and I never. I'm not your therapist. It's a huge emotional burden.

It's a huge emotional burden. Sometimes. It's really not. No, and it's just that I found a connection to my mother through this magic and it made me feel. It made me feel more powerful than my dad and it was scary. Do your own work, I think. Sometimes in RPGs, we leave gaps in the. story sometimes.

Yes, thank you, Maca. This is why. Thank you. Yeah, so, and the Lord of the Manor, Admiral Lord Spigington says, ah, it was a classic case. Ah, yes, a

textbook monster hunt, you say. And Hope did it all. Well, I mean, we imposed somewhat of a reinforcement. I mean, we, we,

We helped them. I think we contributed. My knowledge is... It was all them. No, no. They want us to have the money. They want us to have the money. That's the kind of folks they are.

Okay, here's an appropriate amount of money for 1899 monster hunt. Wow. Extremely appropriate. Thank you so much. Oh, and I added a 5% tip on there. Whoa. Okay. And if you don't mind, where is Frank, the leader of hopes that I might thank you.

him for his work here as well. He's in the dining room. Ah, I shall go speak to him directly. You can see yourself out. You know what? We're going to do that immediately. Did they leave keys anywhere or no? Because I don't know that they'll be... Okay, you know what? We'll walk. It's fine. Okay, I'm

going to go thank Frank in the dining room. Walk slow. Walk slow. Take your time. Take your time. Okay, feel free to hang around here as much as you want to. you so much. Okay, we all sit down. Oh no! And Admiral Alerts we can leave the room. We waiting this one out. Hey, why are we giving them credit?

Hey, well, they gave me an essential What happened? We should go. You know what? We gotta go. Run away! Run away! This is a dirigible conversation. Let's head to the dirt. I play a xylophone, so we all run away fast, but it's kind of funny. Oh, wait, wait, wait, can I, can I, can I, can I check on, is stubbs? Stubby Dubs is fine.

Stubby Dubs is fine. Is he, but is he like, kind of like, down for the count? Is he, like, recuperating? You meet him outside. He finds you outside. He's leaving. Yeah. He's like, you did good in there.

Thanks. Uh, one for the road. And I sort of hoist my butt toward him. Yeah. Yeah. But brothers. we will we will yeah sure sure yeah but but brothers fly and i and we and we do like a we do like a hand grasp with human hands for some reason like just a close up of two human hands and then it's back it's back

to t you guys i think i think actually it's frees rape on that's classy human hands yeah just a great preterm a two even directed by d that De Laurentis, a screenchips picture. Maximumfunn.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience supported.