The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 15

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

The arcade employees' romantic vacation-slash-mission is interrupted by a murderous automoton. Emerich gets electric. Beef packs a punch. Montrose negotiates with a higher power. Opening monologue pe...rformed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: "Little Yellow Room" by ROZKOL https://rozkol.bandcamp.com/; "Funk Me" by Drew Buzz: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/drew-buzz/; "When You See Me" by SOMM: http://alplus.io/spotify; "be quiet" by Jahzzar: http://www.betterwithmusic.com/; and "Alone With You" by Land of Fire: https://alplus.io/alone-you. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

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Starting point is 00:00:00 One last bit of merch news, steepies, and this one is taking us way back. Dentonic is finally producing a line of merch based on the wonders of the American judicial system, which some of us weren't even alive to see. Next month at Dentonic.Store, you'll be able to order a branded dark chocolate gavel, an all-over print button-down, and even a powdered wig like the ones worn by the evil-singing barristers. Fun fact, when we asked about the creepy original... Barrister animatronics, Dentonics told us that they'd be donated to, quote, a museum, one of the big ones. No further details, sadly, so if you want to see how the original props have held up, we hope you
Starting point is 00:00:45 never know when to stop dreaming. Clinton? Grubby. My three, my three favorite micro-nephews, here to visit me. What a wonderful treat this is. Come. Let me see if I can't find you a new tale. Hello everybody and welcome.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Grimby. Grimby can always say his own name. Oh. Yeah, that's sort of his thing. Do you, how do you, I'm surprised you have insight into these three new characters. I'm trying harder and harder to just pretend like we're not on the call when he records that part. It's the only way to not. be insorcelled by the tapestry he leaves.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Not me. Not me. Did you say Clinton? Clinton? It sounded like Clinton. That is. Clinton, Travis, and Gribby are apparently, I've just found this out with you guys. Did he say micro-nephews?
Starting point is 00:02:48 Yeah. I believe so, yeah. That is a stress. That is cool. I wonder if he meant. And then there's nano-uncle Donald. I wonder if he meant to say something else. I wonder if he meant to say different.
Starting point is 00:03:00 thing and that's just what came out and he just went with it is what I wonder about. This is starting to feel like a sort of Whoville style tiny world. Like a little like a little guy. It's an interesting take. I like that. Maybe happening in the past. Or maybe he meant to say something other than micro and just micro is what came out of his mouth. Came out. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:03:20 Maybe he meant macro and it's a great big world. Did you guys see that I redecorated the table? Justin, I love it so much. Can I describe it for the people? I'm getting better at knowing how to alter this. I still can't figure out how to turn off the grid. I know there's a way. Don't at me.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Here's what we're looking at. It's our Roll 20 board. There's a beautiful, like, wood paneling background with a, I would say, a vibrant red rose across it. And a vibrant free pick watermark sort of all over it. Yeah. And I also want to talk about what I assume is the representation of the barrister, a robo judge, who looks like he's waiting to eat your evidence for fuel. And I love it so much.
Starting point is 00:04:04 I am a robo judge. Yeah, I felt pretty proud of myself about finding the image. The tone's not exactly right. Not exactly there, but I love it. And we do still have the token clock counting down P-boy, which I feel like is superstition now, that you think if you remove that, the house of cards will come tumbling down. I do worry about that, Griffin.
Starting point is 00:04:28 Yeah. Oh, that's a lot of. load-bearing P-boy. One of these days you're going to up the clock on P-boy without telling us what we did to activate P-boy. And we'll all win ourselves. Alexa, activate P-boy. Oh, no. Alexa, turn off.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Oh, no. You're right home. Oh, no. Yeah, I still can't figure out how to turn the grid off, but that's okay. We'll figure it out eventually. I know it's one of the settings, right? but yeah oh yeah it's definitely a setting but I don't I don't know exactly we ended on a big cliffhanger
Starting point is 00:05:06 and we've done four minutes of bullshit now yeah I know I was trying to I was trying to figure out what the fuck you guys are gonna do because man it seems so bad I don't know why I did it like this I was thinking about this morning like this is really bad for them I don't actually know how they're what they're gonna do I mean not for me can I say I'm excited like a Mac problem I'm excited to see how you all deal with this so God
Starting point is 00:05:33 okay let's by the way I have put two clocks you guys can see the two clocks underneath the barrister oh yeah okay so I have barrister plating and barrister internals
Starting point is 00:05:43 this is not to suggest that you should try to attack this thing but I did want to make it clear what a bad idea would be so I do want the stakes to be very clear here Emrick I'm going to give you one reaction. I'm going to see what you do. You are the first one to discover this. You have, I'm going to, and I'm sure you've thought and agonized over it, but what, what are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:06:11 Do our comms work? Have they been listening to this exchange? I mean, we're shielded from everything else. I have no, you are shielded from everything else, but I have no reason to think that it would not work. You know what I mean? Like, I have no reason to think that it would not work. I think I feel like I would have needed to establish that earlier. Um, and honestly like, they need to know what is happening. So let's go with no. I've got, I've got a way. You got a way. I have a way. I have a way for them to know. Okay. I mean, if you want to go that route. No, that's cool. Yeah, I do. Okay. Great. Um, okay, so Emric withdraws his hand from the chest of Scott Proplex. With the prism?
Starting point is 00:07:05 Finish the fight. No, no, no. He left the prism in. He leaves the prism in. He withdraws his hand and takes off his give-a-ghost projector, unstraps it from his wrist, hands it to Scott, and says, A new plan. I want you to go find Johnny Shrimp Toast and Evan Good Party
Starting point is 00:07:29 and tell them Bronschweiger. Can you do that? Can you, can you, can you do that for me? Good. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And now, Dad, how much time did you spend Googling the most obscure deli me name you could think of? To be honest with you, it came. to me as soon as we started talking about using deli meat as a code word.
Starting point is 00:08:02 I mean, just context clues, Griffin, I assumed it was deli meat. Gross. This looks terrible. Dad, you have a beautiful mind. And then he turned, Emmerich turns back to, uh, to the barrister and says, all right, my friend, you may now arrest. me, I will not put up any kind of a struggle. So, you put his arms out in front of him?
Starting point is 00:08:37 Okay. Yes. Go ahead, slap the handcuffs on whatever it takes. There will be no arrests. There will be only death. And then be fan montrose. I assume there was some kind of incarceration. and then trial and a chance to defend myself for these charges of murder?
Starting point is 00:09:13 Is that incorrect? I mean, I know Hank Hart. I used to work with Hank Hart. I can't believe it. He would just condone murder without due process. Guilt has been determined. Hey, Justin, can I talk to you over here for a second? Yeah. Just in that exchange previously, it kind of made it seem like the barrister wanted to also kill beef and montrose.
Starting point is 00:09:45 And that wasn't, oh, hey, Griffin, that wasn't made clear to us earlier. What was weird to me is the complete lack of reaction. The stakes are unchanged for Amrich. Just not. Hey, no, Dad, Dad, don't worry about it. Oh, look, Dad, I got you a poppet. You play with his poppet, Dan. Yeah, it's a fidget. Now, because it kind of seems like now beef and mantras are also in danger, which makes it a lot more serious. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:14 Dad, I'm thinking about this, and I don't actually know how, I don't know how Scott would get out. The gift shop? No, I mean, they're underground. We're underground. I don't know how Scott would get out to give that one. You said there was a gift shop, though. There is a gift shop, and you buy things to the gift shop, and then you're eggs it. go back out the way you came.
Starting point is 00:10:38 But you know what? The barrister got in through the AC duck. And the one thing we know about Scott Bolflex is that he is in great shape. And probably consistently oily. Yeah, and probably pretty oily. So let's say that he is headed that way. Emmerich Dredway, do you deny the charge?
Starting point is 00:11:12 Oh, no, I don't, I don't not deny the charge for me. Guilt has been free determined. But why beef and mantros? They had nothing to do with my killing of... They had nothing to do with it was all on me. accessories are criminals the lowest of the low. So you're, you're going to kill me now. Is this correct?
Starting point is 00:11:45 And then be fan montrose. Oh, that, that won't do at all. And he unfurls his lightning rod. Now we're fucking cooking. Um, you guys aren't together. Which one do you think, Scott went to. You know what?
Starting point is 00:12:08 Beef is probably closer, right? If I was heading to, um, uh, Kenchleton's trailer. Uh, you see, let's say beef,
Starting point is 00:12:17 you see a, uh, a vent that had been hidden by a rock formation, a plaster rock formation. You see the vent blow open. And you see a Scott, a Scott shaped, a Scott shaped blonde.
Starting point is 00:12:35 emerge and he comes running towards you beef I'm trying to remember trying to remember what Schweiger Swigert Albert Schweitzer
Starting point is 00:12:54 No Braunschweiger Okay That's all There's a There's a mean There's a mean judge And he's trying to get
Starting point is 00:13:15 He's trying to hurt Omar and there's just a mean judge and I don't know anything about it. Yeah, got it, got it, got it. Go find Evan. Where? Where? Do you know where? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Evan.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Sorry, Montrose. Come on back now? The barrister is here. I repeat. The barrister is here. You're fucking kidding. Yeah. Do you got this? Uh, yeah. Um, and Beef sprints towards the production caravan.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Okay. All right, Beef, you're headed towards the production caravan. Griffin, what are you doing? Well, here's the thing. I mean, I could just double back on what I was going to do and go help, but like, I'm not really a fighter. And you're pretty reckless. I am pretty reckless. I mean, I'm trying to decide what is more reckless in the situation.
Starting point is 00:14:18 running to fight a robot judge or trying to have a conversation with Kinchel Denton? Because both of them seem pretty foolhardy to me in this moment. I think you've stymied your plan a couple of different times. I'd hate for you to do it again. Yeah, I'm with dad on this one. Chase your bliss. Okay. You're not here to make friends.
Starting point is 00:14:39 I'll get there to help out, but this is a, I'm trying to make an investment in us in our outfit. And so I would like to go talk to Kinchel. I mean that guy's say, Griffin, pretty reckless. not necessarily with your own personal safety, but it is a reckless choice. I mean, what am I going to do to fucking convince the judge to not do this? Hey, Griffin, that is a thing that people do every day in courtroom. What am I going to do?
Starting point is 00:15:06 Are you in front of a judge to make my point about my client's innocence? Yeah. But I still want you to go find Kensington. I just wanted to point out how losing. how ludicrous that statement was. Sure. Yeah, I just want to make you feel bad in your heart where your love for dad lives. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:26 So, yeah, I want to go to Kenshal Denton's trailer and go inside. Um, hmm. Okay. And Beve, you're going to the production trailer. Yes. Amerig Dreadway, do you deny the charge? Um, no. I do not deny the charge.
Starting point is 00:15:48 charge where I am concerned. I deny the charge towards beef and montrose. They really had nothing to do that they had no knowledge of it. So that I am not on board with. In cold blood, you intentionally and with premeditation, murder trash bag dead. And no, no, it was not with premeditation. I was simply defending myself and did not realize that the shock would kill him. I assumed it would just knock him out. At best, we're talking malicious wounding. Dad, I want you to run a sway.
Starting point is 00:16:40 I want you to roll for sway. Okay. in which I have nothing. All right, let's see. Sway. I'd say that's risky, wouldn't you? And standard, I think? Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Okay. No bonus die. No, I'll just take my chances. All right, cool. That's a four and a three. Three. Shouldn't it take my chance? Nope.
Starting point is 00:17:17 I will consider this. And then he just looks down. Oh, B, what are you doing? So if I've reached, I'm looking for Greg. Greg, Greg. Greg. Hey, how's it going? How's the shoot?
Starting point is 00:17:39 Raise back up, bring back up the, I need you to bring back up the grinding gazebo, please. Why? They're down there humping their brains out, I think. Actually, they're not. You know what? I'm just going to lay it out for you. A animatronic has gotten in here. A crazy animatronic is trying to kill Omar Flatfanny.
Starting point is 00:18:02 And listen, hey, if you can get that on camera, damn, that's good TV. Am I right? Yeah, I mean, that would be pretty choice. And you don't have to worry about the humping because Scott came and found me and told me about it. So he's not even down there. Right now it's just Omar Flatfanty. and a... We're Scott.
Starting point is 00:18:23 We're Scott. Scott is... He picks up a walkie-talkie. Everybody, I need a loke on Scott. Please, all eyes. We have a rogue hard light. Everyone, please. Eyes out for Scott.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Wait a minute. I didn't think Greg knew that he was Hard Light. Yeah, Greg knows. Everybody knows. Now, hold on a second. Yeah. Because I asked Greg if he knew anything about Hard Light, and he said no, and he wasn't lying.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Well, no. I mean, sorry. should have been more clear. Most of everything else is not. Like, but he, he, he, he, he, he, it would be impossible for Greg to not know that he is, he is hard light. I, I should have been more clear about that. Okay. But yeah, I mean, the, most of the world there is not hard light. I feel you. Okay. Well, yeah, uh, so we should bring up the gazebo to like double check and clear and stuff, right? Let me get security. Uh, I need, yeah, I also need the, and customer experience team.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Hey, Jamie, I'm going to look at, like, the panel and such, and I'm just looking for, like, a button that control or a lever or something that controls the gazebo, raising and lowering. Give me a, there's a lot of buttons and switches in here, so give me, um, it's study, right? Study, yeah. How'd I do? You got a two. Is it too late to push myself?
Starting point is 00:19:56 Okay. This does not seem like the episode for us to shit the bed. All right. Fuck it. So you roll a two. Greg notices you doing this. Hey, heart. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:09 You're eyeing everything really closely. Is this a bit? Are you just trying to get more TV time? Let's, hey, okay, everybody. Hey, get this guy out of here. Will? Two security guards come to rush you out. I just start pushing buttons.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Okay. Holy shit. Travis, I am going to do a fortune roll for you. Uh-huh. We're going to see how it goes. Are you rolling or am I rolling? I roll a three. Maybe I would have rolled better.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Yeah, okay, you make the fortune roll. Let's see if it's more interesting, because I don't know what to do with the three. Well, it could be your fortune, Justin. A three. Travis roll a three. Okay. You know what?
Starting point is 00:20:54 Fortune dictates three. Yeah, sure. You can't change fate, man. Can't change fate. Fortune dictates fate. Okay, uh, beef the,
Starting point is 00:21:05 uh, lights on the inside of the house, uh, shut down. And then the lights, uh, that were, uh,
Starting point is 00:21:13 the gas to the tepee torches that were illuminating a lot of the exterior, uh, shut off. And the water feature stops bubbling. And it's suddenly pitch black. And,
Starting point is 00:21:27 and extremely quiet. And you hear a kachunk, kachunk noise from the grinding gazebo. Now, Justin, I think I know the answer, but is it a good kachunk, kachunk noise? It's tough to tell. It's just a kachunk, kachunk noise. I'm not here to pass judgment on kachunk kachunk. Okay. Like, say I was on an elevator and I heard this noise.
Starting point is 00:21:53 Montrose. Yeah. You're up. Okay. You notice suddenly, by the way, that you were staring at the locked trailer of Kenshal Denton. And as you're staring at it, you see the pad that was sort of blinking green has just sort of gone black. And you hear a faint click from behind the lock. Cool.
Starting point is 00:22:24 I very quickly stroll in and shut the door behind myself. Um, hello? Good evening. You see Kenchell just lit a little bit from the moon. Uh, he's thin, he's got a close-cropped black hair. He's wearing a black suit with a white t-shirt, and he had been on his phone, and he's actually still on his phone. He doesn't seem to be that worried about you. In fact, he hasn't even looked up.
Starting point is 00:22:59 Is there anyone else in here? No. It's just him. He's got a sparkling water and he's just waiting, I think, for his moment. Okay. All right. We all. Do not be alarmed, Mr. Denton. My name is Montrose Pretty. Are you a PA or what's your doing? What's your doing? I am. And what are you doing in here without knocking? I believe my answer to your first question will also answer your second. You see, I am a gentleman thief.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Okay. And in fact, I do believe you may be familiar with the work of myself and my associates. We were responsible for the interruption of your wedding ceremony, an unfortunate side effect of a heist gone, not wrong, but let's say silly. The job got done as it does when we set our sights upon it. Mm-hmm. I assume you know all this already because one of my associates is Beef Punchley, who was nude and covered in chocolate.
Starting point is 00:24:13 Mm-hmm. And that is something that is very hot. Nude was not established. Hold on. That is a new. That's Griffin's OC. That's new information. He was not nude.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Yeah. When I saw your trailer, Here I could not resist the temptation to come and have a palava with you because, well, Mr. Denton, it seems to me that if you knew who we were and what we had done that day and did not take action against us, there must be a pretty good reason for that. He tosses his phone on the table. I'll tell you Montrose, I'll tell you the, you're thinking to. Oh, Russ.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Yeah. Oh, I'm glad I found you in line. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what a line. These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not and they have such short neck. But I'm hearing we need to get on this arc.
Starting point is 00:25:38 We've got to get on the ark. It is about to rain. God is about to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans, but we're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Kerry?
Starting point is 00:25:52 We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's going to end. So seem like something for us to check out. We would love to be on the boat. We came two by two. What do you think? O'Nor Ross and Kerry, available on maximum fun.org. Oh my gosh, hi.
Starting point is 00:26:12 I'm Dave Holmes, host of the pop culture trivia podcast, Troubled Waters. On Troubled Waters, we play games like motivational speeches. It goes a little like this. Riley, give us an improvised motivational speech why people should listen and subscribe to Troubled Waters. I look around to this ad, and I see a lot of, lot of potential to listen to comedians such as Jackie Johnson and Josh Gondelman and they need you to get out there and listen to them
Starting point is 00:26:38 attempt to figure out sound Reba's clues or determine if something is a Game of Thrones character or a city in Wales. I have chills. I'm going to give you 15 points. All that and so much more on troubled waters. Find it on maximum fun.org or wherever you choose to listen to podcasts. When Emmerich was giving Scott the instructions to go find the other two
Starting point is 00:27:19 did he tell them did he tell him to give them to give a ghost projector no he just gave it to him he handed it to him he unstrapped it
Starting point is 00:27:30 and handed it to him I forgot to tell him to give it to them shit okay it's okay we'll figure it out it was a tense moment to that point I also should have taken Scott
Starting point is 00:27:41 with me trailer because he would have been really convincing. Yeah. That would have been really helpful, actually. You learn. Yeah. Let's cut back. I think it's Emmerick's turn.
Starting point is 00:27:59 Emerick Dreadway, you have been found. Yes. Guilty. And he raises a silver hammer, one of his two. Yes, he's got two. up above his head and swings at you.
Starting point is 00:28:25 Okay. Emrick is going to block it with his lightning hook. Okay. So you want to attack the barrister with the lightning hook. Would it be resist, finesse if he's trying to block or dodge? No, I think it's all, I mean, for me, I mean, fighting's fighting, right? I'm not that interested. in who's attacking who.
Starting point is 00:28:51 This is an exchange, right? So we'll see who comes out on top. So. Okay. Emric has one in skirmish. One in skirmish. Okay. Better than nothing.
Starting point is 00:29:02 Better than nothing. And this is specifically about, this is also why I'm using skirmish, Travis, because it's specifically like using his physical whatever to deal with the situation. He's going to, he's going to block it. Block it. So got it. Scirmish.
Starting point is 00:29:20 I would say. say this was desperate? Yeah. Not standard. Extreme, great. No, you're just trying to block. I'd say standard.
Starting point is 00:29:35 It is desperate because you only get one shot, but it is standard. Beautiful six. Mom, baby. Come on. You'd fall upside down nine. Fucking hell, Mac. Another three. Fate.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Another three. Roll 20, more like roll three. More like roll a bunch of threes over and over again. I think roll 20 is a fine program and I won't hear you guys talk shit. Except the number. it just makes the same fucking number over.
Starting point is 00:30:01 They forgot to put other numbers in it. Why don't they put other numbers in there? Fucked up. I mean, unsurprisingly, the barrister brings down the hammer in a wide arc. You try to
Starting point is 00:30:18 block it, but you are unsuccessful. In the blocking of it, you reach your right arm up, and in the blocking of it, he shatters your elbow with the hammer and your lightning rod clatters to the ground and you are in excruciating pain. What level harm is that in game-y terms?
Starting point is 00:30:46 It's all about that to you, isn't it, Griff? It's all about... It's all about... You don't care about his pain. It's severe harm. Moderate harm is middle row. severe harm is top harm is top row yeah okay so three he needs hell christ he needs help that's what three means listen this is the snakes uh justin yep may i jump in
Starting point is 00:31:11 do you mean in the conversation or do you mean in the um in into the pit yeah you can jump a little column a little column b how far down is the pit it's not a pit it's a it's an AC return so you That is an AC exhaust. No, no, no. Where the... The ca-chunk-c-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-oh. Where it lower down... Oh, okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:34 How far down did it go? It's halfway down. And because it wasn't properly disengaged from the bottom, it's like stuck midway. So imagine an elevator that gets stuck between floors. There's maybe a... When you head towards the pit, you can see probably like a foot of day, light between, or I guess basement light, where
Starting point is 00:32:01 you can see what's going on down there. But like how far down would I have to like drop? Oh, it's not bad. It's like six feet. Okay, yeah, I'm going to jump in the pit. Okay. You're in the pit. And I think that
Starting point is 00:32:17 you, the clinging of you falling down onto the platform, which is, is that what you guys are imagining to? Like imagine a circular hole. And it's like a tabletop that has a long pylon. Like would raise up the quen jet or the bat jet. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Like that. So you jump down into the pit. Unless you, you know what? I didn't give you, you didn't specify. You got to jump onto the platform first.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Where are you going to jump? Wait, I got to jump on the platform first and then the pit. No, the pit, the platform's halfway down the pit. You know what I'm saying? So it's halfway between. there. It's neither up nor down. So you're having to jump down to the platform and then work your way into the, what do we call that? I'm just going to keep calling it the basement. Okay. Yeah. So I guess I jumped out of the platform first. On to the platform. Okay. I thought you might try to jump on
Starting point is 00:33:15 the bed because it'd be quieter. So you jump on the platform. I'm not trying to sneak down. I just, I'm like a 300 pound muslin man. I just jumped down. Beautiful. I love it. So when the barrister goes up for the killing blow on Emmerich. but just then he hears the clanging from behind him. Objection. He turns toward you. Beef, you are an accessory to crime the lowest of the low. Accessories worse?
Starting point is 00:33:54 Okay, I won't make you sing that. Um, so, um, um, um, um, um, oh, damn, I wish Montrose is here. Um, are you gonna climb down? Yeah. Are you going down into the room? Yes, I am. Okay. Uh, he's gonna come at you, uh, with, with his hammer to try to, uh, kill you while you're coming down. Uh, wait, wait, hold on. Uh, I do have a minute. Evidence. New evidence. Yes.
Starting point is 00:34:33 Could it be? Yes. The facts are not what I thought they were. New evidence. So you're a whole... He's just standing there with the hammer, like, lifted up, but he has stopped. Your job is to punish criminals who kill other criminals, yes? The law of the crown.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Says murder for murder. So is that a yes? Yes. Well, um, well, when, when Amrik used his, his lightning, we had not stolen the thing yet. We had not left the premises. We had not, we were not criminals yet. At that point, I was trying to stop them.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Amrik was trying to stop them. And Montrose was trying to protect the pen. We had not done any criminal activities yet when he attacked a trash bag. My charge is protecting the people of the cream. Yes. One of them was killed. The murderer is him, it seems. Be you a king or a pauper.
Starting point is 00:36:07 This crime shall not go un avenged. And are you also going to kill the doctors that failed to save trash bag's life? No. Okay. Cool, that was simple. Okay. Mantras. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Kenshal is just sitting there with. his hands sort of steepled in front of him, just sort of looking at you. I sit down in a chair near him. And I say, it seems we are of the same mind. If I did not believe that we were working well underneath our station, I would not have come to see you, Mr. Denton. Yeah, I mean, this is, yes. Yeah, we understand each other. And I do definitely want to talk with you about this.
Starting point is 00:37:17 I do believe, though, that the power has just been shut off. Do you know what is happening? Yes, a member of my party finds themselves in, finds themselves in extreme danger. We are attempting to ward off a killer rope. That would be Emmerick Dredway. Oh, you will It's a package thing
Starting point is 00:37:39 It's got to be all three of you Yes But you're saying he's in danger Yes Well we I mean that that won't work for me Yeah Well beef punchley is
Starting point is 00:37:52 It's fun Beef Punchley is dealing with it And I trust his ability to Scrap this particular robot You don't need to worry about us We are incredibly effective Um Find someone else for what
Starting point is 00:38:07 Mr. There I literally, I am not going to go over this three times. So why don't you go get your friend and we'll talk. Okay. This has been a very productive meeting. I didn't feel that way, but yeah, if you would just go get him or whatever, that would be fantastic. I got to have this.
Starting point is 00:38:29 It starts in like 90 minutes too, so if you can try to speed it up. That'd be great. Yes. You know what? You've got it. If we have time after we finish our current job, I will make sure that we come circle back. I'll have my people get in touch with your people. Oh, you have people.
Starting point is 00:38:48 We have people. There's this old man named Poppy. Yeah, I know him. Sometimes he handles some of our light secretarial work. Adilip, yeah. He's a good egg. He's been with us a long time. Go ahead and go rescue your friend.
Starting point is 00:39:05 And we'll, yeah, I'll catch up with you guys. Okay. It's been of pleasure. And I very casually walk out the door and as soon as it shuts, I take off in a full fucking sprint toward the grinding gazebo. Okay, perfect. I want to pull up a grab a radio as I run. Okay. A radio that is used by the crew, like a... I want to try and get, I'll tell you what I want to accomplish. I want to get in touch with Douglas Manzetti because I feel like I was going to tap him to open up a window to steal the guitar. But it feels like maybe his technological prowess may come in a little bit more handy. You see him running around like, what the fuck? Hawkins. Oh, we were mid-shot.
Starting point is 00:39:49 This was gorgeous stuff. These two were about to kiss. Oh, God. Son of them. I say, Douglas, if you want to get the shot once in a lifetime, career-defining shot, grab a handy cam and come with me right now. I'm really more of a... Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:07 So this is hard for the layman to understand, but according to you need the rules, I can't pick up a camera to shoot. I am part of the lighting guild, so I actually can't. Then wrap the camera up in a blanket and don't touch the camera. You got to sway him. Yeah, sure. Okay. What's my position here? I'm going to say it's risky standard.
Starting point is 00:40:42 Okay. 544. You see, wrap it in a blanket. Or a shopping bag. I don't. Can I have your cool coat? Yes. All right, he takes your cool coat, wraps it up.
Starting point is 00:41:07 Lower your load one if you need to, Griff. Hey, sure. All right. It's pretty cool. And he starts following you. Okay, I'm running. In your earpiece, you hear Emmerick yelling, Bologna!
Starting point is 00:41:23 Bologna! Bologna! I know, I know, buddy. Just hang in there. Beef? That is another kind of lunch meat. Yeah, Justin, I agree. Beef, what you got? Oh.
Starting point is 00:41:35 Actually, you know what? Emmerick, let's check you on you, bud. You, uh... Yeah, your things are going bad for you. What are you doing? Um, I think he's crawling towards... to get his hands on his lightning hook. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:51 He's dragging himself along with his one good arm. By the way, was his left elbow or right elbow? I'm going to have you... Dad, I'm going to have you do... Finesse. To see if you can get to it without being... Another zero. Good. Good.
Starting point is 00:42:08 Push yourself. If you want. I can't put yourself if you're dead, so... Can't put yourself if you're dead, so... Can't take stress with you. Can't take it with you. That's right. Can't take stress with you. Okay. Desperate, I assume.
Starting point is 00:42:25 Yeah. Man, you're getting XP out the wazoo, though. Is it great or extreme? He's going to be the most powerful dead guy on her. Extreme? No, no, no, no. It's standard. You're just trying to get from A to B. Okay. And I am going to push. Smart.
Starting point is 00:42:45 You got it, Matt. It's going to be a big one. All right. All right. Five. Five. Really nice job, Dad. Very, very lucky.
Starting point is 00:42:59 You managed to drag your way over to the lightning hook that it's skittered to the ground. You grab it in your hand. You can feel it's charged sort of pulsing through you. But at the moment you grab it and it starts to charge the barrister hears. and turns back towards you. As soon as he does that, I'm throwing a shoulder into his back. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:27 Hit me with a skirmish. Now, you're on the platform, so you're, like, jumping down? I already said I climbed down. Okay, I said to climb down. Yeah, you're toss your shoulder into it. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:38 Risky? Risky? Yeah, we'll call this risky standard because you do have the opportunity and he's not currently focused on you. would we no okay six and a four
Starting point is 00:43:54 wow ow fuck nice yes that is what he says griffin ow fuck um no I fucked my hand up yesterday
Starting point is 00:44:04 when I fell on the sidewalk and then I just clapped my hands because I got so excited to see a six on the screen let me ask you a question I should have asked before that role what what were you trying to do what was your like goal with that
Starting point is 00:44:17 I'm trying to know knock him off balance because when he turns something to buy us a second to be proactive and not just reactive. Okay. So you slam your shoulder into his and you feel it's extremely, extremely hard. But you do manage to knock a couple of his gears out of alignment. And with that, the top half of his body turns towards the wall, and his bottom, his legs are stuck in place. So you can see him wobbling because he's not built to function this way.
Starting point is 00:45:01 And he is off balance for just a moment. Justin, is it safe to assume that here in the grinding gazebo there is some kind of bar with alcohol on it? That makes perfect sense to me. In fact, I think there would be many bars in both of the bedrooms, although obviously Scots is just for show. So I want to grab something high proof. Before you do that, I'm going to knock. Now, you weren't trying to do this, but because I am a sweetie. I'm going to take one fourth of his plating.
Starting point is 00:45:43 I think we got fucked up by that. Take that, but you got a six. Yeah. Now, go ahead, Jeff. I want to take something high proof, smash it upon him, and use a lighter to light him on fire. It's a lot of actions.
Starting point is 00:46:04 I mean, it's one central idea, though. Yeah, I think, okay. I will, I think I can grant you the, let's say the bar is right there. That's fair. They would have a bar in the main area. So you grab a bottle and you chuck it at him. What kind of, let's see what we got here.
Starting point is 00:46:29 I'm looking at the shelves. What do you want to grab, Trave? Well, this is not gameplay important, but I just want to know what you would reach for. Zima. Throw a Zima at that. That would just refresh him and get the party started in a major way.
Starting point is 00:46:44 That's not good I would grab Everclear They don't have Oh you look They don't have ever clear This is a nice TV production And there's also no rocket launchers
Starting point is 00:47:02 If you're hoping for that This bar too This isn't a puzzle Just make a boost But I want something that'll burn Yeah I know And I'm I grab
Starting point is 00:47:16 But Cardi 151 There it is is that's put right in there. They put that right in there. And I smashed that upon his robot back. Okay. He chucked the 151 at him and it is smashed on him. Let's give you a, that's our goal at least.
Starting point is 00:47:36 Give me a finesse for chucking. Assuming you're chucking. If you want to run up on him and just smash it on him, you could do that too. I'll call that skirmish. I mean, I have two in both of those. So let's give myself some distance to be safer. Smart. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:47:55 A six and a one. Six and a one. That's great. So you chuck the bottle and it just spins and then right into the metal of his face, which is it used to be sort of constructed into like a bland, very stern looking man. It started to droop at the eyes so you can start to see some of the mechanisms underneath. and that damage to his face is not helped at all by the Bacardi 151 bottle that shatters on his face,
Starting point is 00:48:30 soaking him in high-proof alcohol. If you want to do something beyond that, I'm going to need you to look for it because I don't think you could just have a fire source on hand. I can't have a zippo on my load. I don't have anything in my load right now. You do, oh, you look in your load, Travis. You definitely do have a zippo in there.
Starting point is 00:48:50 that you brought. A lantern is one of the things in the load options. Yeah, so you've got a zippo on him. It's not crazy at all. You got it, babe. Yeah, I throw a... Now, I don't know if you've ever tried to throw a lighter, but I'm not... I don't know if it's going to work the way you want it to.
Starting point is 00:49:11 I grab... Travis is now hiding behind the bar, or beef is, I should say. And he's thinking, why didn't I just make that into a Molotov cocktail first of? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I run up on him then, fine. Okay. No, wait, no, no, no, no. You give me a second.
Starting point is 00:49:31 You just shattered him. And that was your, that was your action. I'm going to bump it real quick. I'm just going to give Emrick a chance here to do something. You have the rod in your hand and you see the position of this. What do you do, Dad? Did that knock any more plating loose? Did it knock the plating loose on his face?
Starting point is 00:49:54 Um, Yeah, I think you could take one for that. I think that's fair. Thank you, Dad, for keeping me honest. Okay, I think, oh, okay, here's it. I'm going to run through Emmerick's mental processes. He has a real problem with using the lightning throwing, I mean, psychologically, because the last time he did that, it was one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
Starting point is 00:50:22 Yeah. So I think he's really hesitant to. to do it again, but it's kind of life or death. Yeah. So I think he charges up the lightning hook and sticks it right into the boozy face of the barrister. Okay. And it's like hoping the electricity would set him on fire. I'm going to say, do you guys feel like finesse?
Starting point is 00:50:50 Like it's a surprise attack, right? Like, he's just trying to. Well, is he using, are you using Tempest? Or what is... Yeah. Yeah. Tempest has its own sort of rule thing. Yeah, it's just me pushing.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Can you read the description? You can push yourself to do one of the following. Unleash a stroke of lightning as a weapon, summon a storm in your immediate vicinity. Yeah, I mean, that just works, right? I mean, I guess... But you know what? I think the fact that you can do it
Starting point is 00:51:22 doesn't mean it has the intent that you would do. intend it to have, right? You can push to do it, but is it, but what effect is it going to have? That has to have a roll connected to it, right? Everything I'm reading says it uses an attune roll. An attune roll. Okay, Dad. You got it.
Starting point is 00:51:39 Yeah. Okay, Dad. That's an attune roll, which is very good for you. Very good news. Very good. Controlled? Desperate? Controlled?
Starting point is 00:51:52 Don't you think it's desperate? I do. I don't think it's good. controlled. Certainly not. And great. Stream. Great. Let's say great. I still don't know. Oh, man, I'd like to push it, but I just pushed it. I mean, if you have the stress, man.
Starting point is 00:52:14 I have one empty stress. Then you can't push it. I'll offer you a devil's bargain, if you want. This is up to you. I will give you a bonus die if you lose the lightning hook if it doesn't work you get a bonus die
Starting point is 00:52:35 but if you don't get let's call it you already got three points right let's call it if you don't get a six you lose the lightning hook now I'll take my chances okay I refuse the bargain okay I'm rolling three this is going to go
Starting point is 00:52:57 yes baby two five six from from the ground, you kind of use your whole body weight to fling yourself up so you can rise to your full height. Your arm is still screaming in pain, but you have one good arm left, and you swing with the judge looking slightly away from you, but gives you the perfect opportunity to bury the lightning hook into the judge's face. And you see him instantly sort of burst into flame. from the sparks shooting out of his face. A beautiful, beautifully, beautifully done, guys.
Starting point is 00:53:39 That will, let's see. What effect you're going to great? I'm going to give you three segments of clock for that combo, that combo action. But more important than the plating, it has stopped the barrister as, preservation goes into effect and he starts clumping not in a hurried way, not in a panicked way, but he just pivots as his face skin is still melting, pivots towards the showers of in one of
Starting point is 00:54:19 the bedrooms. Let's call it in Scott's bedroom just for specificity sake. And that is the, that is the situation right now. Can I hop in? Tap, please. We're, have we, have we it to the gazebo with Douglas Manzetti. Yep. Okay. No, you need 10 more minutes. Everyone sit still. Is Scott Boldflex
Starting point is 00:54:44 anywhere around? Fucking great question, man. I shout. Scott! Scott, bro! We need you! Are you running? Are you... I want to get a camera and Scott Boldflex at the grinding gazebo.
Starting point is 00:55:02 Okay. I want to create something? Just real quick. I did tell him to go to beef and mantras. Oh, that's right. He was looking for mantras. So you don't have to go to him. He'll follow you.
Starting point is 00:55:17 Evan, where are you? Evan. I'm right here, man, by the gazebo. Hey, hey, hey, it's good to see you. I look at Douglas and confirm he's filming. Evan, Omar gave me this trash and he said that he wanted you to have it. So now I've given you the trash. Thanks. I'll definitely put this to good use, and I just, like, set it on the ground.
Starting point is 00:55:40 Oh, it's the give a ghost projector. You set the give a ghost projector on the ground. Okay, good. Go ahead. Yeah. No, okay, I'll put it in my fucking pocket or whatever. I don't know how big this thing is. Add one load. Add the load that you took off for your, lose your jacket. Fine, fuck, sure. I say, listen, man, Omar needs your help. You got to help get us, get him out of the, get him out of the gazebo. and I'm going to jump down into the half-submerged gazebo and say, Omar, Omar, come here, we got to get you out of there, man. Help me, Scott. We need your help.
Starting point is 00:56:16 Okay, Griffin, I want you to try to sway Scott. He's not, this isn't really in his programming for heroics. Yeah. So I need you to try to convince him. Okay. If I fuck this roll up, are you going to make me, give him my fucking pants. What's my position here?
Starting point is 00:56:38 It's risky standard. Okay. Oh my God. 3-3-1. No. I didn't. I don't know. There's like a scary ass judge down there or something.
Starting point is 00:56:55 I didn't exactly get it. But I'm not going to go back down there because I'm afraid he'll kill me. I'm going to go. I'll make sure my parents are okay, actually. You got this? Pound it. Yeah, I pound it. Nice.
Starting point is 00:57:10 I look at Douglas, and I say, you got that on camera? I did. I didn't exactly, I don't know what beat that's supposed to move the story forward, but I'm happy to be here. Yeah, okay. Can you do me a favor? And when I yell for you, you just start raising up the gazebo. I mean, we had a deal. A deal is a deal.
Starting point is 00:57:30 Douglas, God, I started a favor. unbuttoning my pants. Keep your pants. Keep your pants. I'll do it. Yeah, absolutely. Cool, cool. Start lowering or raising? Think so hard about what you're about to say. Raising, definitely. Raising. Raising. Got it. Got it. Got it. Only when I yell. Should I keep filming or is the scene? No, that idea has, that pooch has been screwed. Okay. That pooch is gone. And I'm going to jump down and, say,
Starting point is 00:58:03 Um, Emric, it's time to make a hasty retreat partner, come on, one good arm, that's all you need. And I,
Starting point is 00:58:08 I sort of reached down towards him. Uh, Emir, I'm assuming you, you go with, with, uh, mantras.
Starting point is 00:58:17 Oh, absolutely. Okay. Beef. Okay. Yeah, I'm helping. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Um, I'm going to have, uh, beef, I'm going to have you do a group, uh, climbing is finesse, right?
Starting point is 00:58:34 Uh, yeah. Okay. I'm going to have you do it. Can I lead the group finesse role since I... Yeah, yeah. And the one who's trying to pull them out. How many do you have in Finesse?
Starting point is 00:58:46 Three? Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. I only got to do. You're going to roll for each character who participates in the group action. The single best role counts as the action result, which applies to every character they're rolled. Right. But we all roll.
Starting point is 00:59:01 No roll. So you don't actually have to figure out who's leading. Risking. standard? Well, whoever is leading it is the one who takes the stress if people fuck out. Oh, right on. Okay, good.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Good to know. What, a risky standard? Yeah, because he has a desperate for me. You hear as you're talking, as you're talking, you hear the shower click on in the bedroom. So he is, I'm going to say it's risky standard.
Starting point is 00:59:36 That's beef, has a five and a one. Montres rolls a 265. Matt, go ahead and crank one out for him. A two. Luckily for you, Montrose has a six, so you managed to clamber the three. But I take one stress for Emmerick's failed role. Okay. And then the three of you are now up onto the platform.
Starting point is 00:59:59 And I say, we still have a job to do. But if we don't kill this fucking robot, it's going to keep on following us. so let's diversify our portfolio a little bit and someone will get the guitar uh emmrick you think maybe you could go get that prism I certainly you see a wet barrister
Starting point is 01:00:27 start striding out of the bathroom and back towards you I'll fuck him up go get the guitar get Scott that's what you just said right yeah I am I tried to set something up with Douglas Manzetti there. Oh, okay. To, uh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Yeah. He's going to rate, Doug's going to raise the platform, right? Right. Well, give it. You're on the platform. So I think if you were going to give him that cue, you probably should give it to him the second you get up there, correct? Uh, no, I'm going to delay. Okay. Got it. A little bit. Okay. Um, now, beef, uh, I, I think I might actually be able to handle this one. Do you mind go into a pill for the guitar? It should be unlocked. Oh, wait. You wouldn't know which one of
Starting point is 01:01:10 is. It's the one laying, you told me during one of the breaks, it's resting in the other section. Don't worry about it. Great. Yeah, that definitely did happen. Cool. Is this okay plan? Yeah, just like yell, I guess, and I'll come back if you need me.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Okay. Do either of you have any kind of unguents or ointments? My elbow is just kill. Yeah, we'll get it taken care of, but go. Oh, you know what? I take the sling that I'm not really using anymore because I have the less effect on my sprain wrist and I give that to you. There you go. You got that.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Oh, that's really nice, trap. Wrist, elbow. It's all the same. Yeah, it doesn't have any effect of the sling at all. So let him say whatever he wants. I'm just trying to make that feel better. Okay. That's nice, Trave.
Starting point is 01:02:03 I love that. Yeah. Okay. Come on. Emric takes off running. Scaw! Beef lifts himself out from the platform and then he starts running too. I'm going to start putting on a reel inside the actor's studio performance where I kind of get myself close to the edge of the platform and I'm holding my ankle and kind of trying to like limp away.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Oh, please go, go, go, go do it. You are Montrose. You are Montrose. And the guilt that you share means the law of the crown says that Montrose must. And he's like walking towards you and he's just pulled himself up onto the platform. As soon as he starts to climb up through the platform, I say, I shout, hit it, Douglas, now, please. This is a good kachunk. The kichunk of the barrister stuck in the inner workings of the, of the platform.
Starting point is 01:03:36 He's looking directly at you. Duh. And it stops there. And I look down and I say, court is adjourned. And I'm going to take his two silver hammers. Don't get fucking greedy. That's the end of the episode. Maximumfund.org
Starting point is 01:04:58 Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience-supported.

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