The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 18

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

Presented with their most ambitious heist yet, Poppy's Pals head to the most wondrous fantasy-scape that the human mind can conceive of - Ephemera. Beef gets thick. Emerich takes a spell. Montrose haggles for hamburgers. Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: "The Britons" and "Thatched Villagers" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; "The 4t of May" by Maarten Schelleken: https://imlcollective.uk/product-category/library/maarten-schellekens-artist-profile/; and "Behind the Sword/" by Alexander Nakarada https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, Steveys, it's Crystal with a K here, and what a treat because Dentonic has arranged for me to come to you live from the newly repainted Galspire Castle, and I am stunned. It's the exact same castle you loved, your grandparents loved, everyone loved, just with a new paint job and a sprinkle of dream dust. Maybe you're worried I'm a little biased because I'm getting such special treatment from Dentonic, but it's me, y'all, Crystal with a K, you can try to be. me you have to trust oh well that does it for this week gang never know when to stop dreaming oh they haven't even begun to further meet you swore we both swore you know they're not ready hello everyone and welcome jacob they're not ready welcome to the adventure zone what are you talking We have to go back. It's a lost reference.

It's like a lost thing. You remember lost? It was a huge cultural phenomenon and no one talks about it now. Yeah, it had the biggest fall off of any cultural phenomenon maybe ever. Game of Thrones last season's up there. Not talking about quality. Talking about like we are all going to, we're going to forget this happened. Okay, bye, everybody.

We're forgetting this happened. Welcome to the World's Only Lost fancasts. That's probably 80. Yeah, come on. There's no way. This is the Adventure Zone steeplechase. Get in it. We're going to get in it.

No, that's my new tagline for listeners at home. Get in it. Oh, garbage pill kids. What? Got off that real quick. People got off that. Yeah, that was another one. That was another good one.

That's true. Although, no, see, even that, my generation will try to aesthetically resurrect that. They'll mine that for stuff. I don't feel like you'll ever see, like, That would actually, if like Charlie's generation, I come out, she's 14 years old, was she wearing a lost t-shirt? It's like, have you seen this shit? I'm going to get a, Desmond is my constant tattoo.

Let me just, just quick pitch, just quick pitch, Jack, standing in airport, he's got scratch on his face for some reason, zoom in real tight on his face. We have to go back again. Yeah. Lost again. Jack Jr. Jack Johnson. Quibby, too. Oh, and we zoom in.

And we zoom in on the scratch and then microscopically we are inserted into his body and we have to go through his body. Hell yes. Yeah. Lost takes place. And then you see Charlie's hand go up against the wall and says, not Jack's body. Fucking cool. And then it would be like, we did a flash back, a flash forwards and a flash sideways. Now we're doing a flash inside.

Matthew Fox. Don't do I be there for that pitch meeting. And the CEO's like, stop selling. I just got to know. Is Matthew Fox in it? and the guy turns around and says, no, you silly asshole, it's in Matthew Fox. Oh, whoa!

And money drops from the ceiling like a balloon drop. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, I actually want to do what I'm talking about. Yeah, I think. Can we do that? Actually, no, no, no, this is key. This is pivotal.

This is high stakes. You know what? I'm just going to say it. TM, TM, TM, TM. TM, TM, TM, TM, TM, TM, TM, yeah. It's called found. I don't know why Dad added in the layer of it taking place in side mask

you fox in his body but it is absolutely the only thing that works. It's the only thing that works. It's just dad jumped like eight revisions ahead. We would have gotten there but dad just like sees all the moves like well of course it's in his body. Yes.

Yeah sure. That would have been on meeting 22. Yeah. For most pitchmen. But not for dad. The best pitchman. The Harold Hill of our time they call him. Yeah. We're sitting

inside the buttercream You're in Stimson's shop, such as it is. Stimson is busying himself with a ball of yarn. Is it adorable or creepy? It's hard to tell because of the eyes. Shouldn't it be a hairball? I mean, let's, I mean...

Well, a ball of yarn. I mean, it's kind of a cat thing, too. Yeah, well, I was just... While you blew your whole load at the beginning, huh? We're just going to get the better drags now. Now, to be fair, dad is right. Hairballs were more Stimpy's thing. That's true.

That's where I was going. All right, dad. Fine. It's a... Meeting 22, baby. Meeting 22. Now, hold on, though, because to counter that, Justin, a hairball is something that someone dresses a cat.

That's upsetting. That's gross. It's barf. Yeah. Okay, it's a hairball then. Fine. We'll make it your HR geekier. Gross.

Like a nightmare, dad. and Kenchle Denton has his feet on the ground but he's kind of leaning against a school desk that Simpson has had reclaimed for himself and he says

yeah you're gonna hit you're gonna hit a femoral now hold on are you joking me right now is this for real are we for real going to you have to tell him you gotta tell me if you're joking right now

are we going up to the ones wondrous fantasy scape that the human mind could conceive of, ephemeral? Okay. Land of magic can make believe. Yeah, we absolutely are. Yeah. Well, you are.

I can't, obviously. Are there dragons up there? Because I've been wondering that for a long time now. Are there dragons? No, sure, yeah. There's dragons. Oh, hell yeah. So you're not super plugged into the,

You're not a femur. Not a what? Yeah, mantras. Is there, and please, please be honest about this, because I have a supernatural ability to tell when a person is deceiving me, is there like a button you can press when I try to pull the sword out of the stone that, like, unlocks whatever kind of magnetic mechanism you all keep engaged until the moment that an adorable child or a sick person

uh stands up to the sort is there any way you can make that I would be willing to give you a discount on the next highest if you can make that dream come true for me you sure you want to know can we huddle up real quick sure quick meeting do you guys want to know this is important it's important for me to get this moment

yeah but then if you know that it's not magical that if it's It's just like a button thing. Oh, it's not magical. When you pull up on the sword, you hear, kachunk? You hear, machine? No, I know it's not magical, but like, is it luck, you know, or is it button? Fine. Never mind.

I rescind my discount. So you don't want to. I'll come across it naturally. I'm a little old. I've never seen someone of my age group successfully pulled the sword from the stone. If it's really important to you, just tell me. You got to at least. Tell me, I would love to know.

You got to start with Benjamin. in the, he's in the market. Ninja man. Yeah, it's like Benjamin, but with an end at the beginning. Ninja Manfred and nothing. It's not my department.

Ask him about the abandoned manor house. Yeah. The stone is in the garden. And, uh, yeah. And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon? I won't spoil. You don't talk while he's talking to me

about how to get the sword out of the stone. Yes, yes. It scans, um, it uses near field technology. It tracks your purchases from the app. So if you spend a lot in the park that day, then it will automatically let you pull the sword.

It should probably work for everybody. You would think that that would be so beautiful. Yeah, maybe you have infinity swords, but I... They get to keep the sword? The sword comes all the way out. The sword. Listen to yourself. Yeah, they get to keep the sword.

It's about ten bucks. I want you to know that this has not tarnished the magic of the... this moment that I will achieve in the future for me. Magic, mechanicals, no matter what. If I'm getting a sword, I am set for the day. Thank you very much, Mr. Dem. Now that we've established that, do you want to tell us, like, what we're doing? Yeah.

How much do you all know about ephemeral lore? Everything imaginable. Okay, so this will be a little bit boring for you, but this is just the basics. I'm surprised more of you guys aren't female. You really seemed like the type. I mean, I dabbled as a kid, but I, anyway, the whole, the kingdom of ephemero was formed hundreds of years ago when Raymond the conquer fell to mighty dragon roosting at the peak of the nearby mountain. It said when the dragon was killed, a clear stream began flowing down the mountain and formed a rushing river in the valley. You guys really didn't learn that he used to be part of orientation.

Can I be honest? I was a little zoned out. Yeah. So Raymond the conqueror built his kingdom and he was ousted by Sassurro Don't Chaser. And Sashura led a fearless army and the kingdom to the throne. But Ephemira prospered under Sissure's rule and then fell to ruin and by yearly cycles. So you get really not... It's starting to ring a bell. Okay.

I will give them some of the final details. Okay. So the citizens established their agency and handed it over to the Good Hopes. after they remove to show it from the throne. The important thing is that the Good Hope Dynasty, well, the third Yeah, the third Good Hope Dynasty

founded and began work on the Gaulspire, which is sort of like the big symbol of ephemera, you know, of the whole North Ephemera kingdom, and certainly of the

the whole, you know, hierarchy. And it's a symbol of the layer. You know, when you talk about it, you see Gull Spire. So that's what's on like the pennies that they press in the machine. Exactly. Okay. Exactly. That's the Carmine used to call him

weenies. Excuse me? Yeah. He had this dog that would follow him around whenever he would pop a hot dog out of the fridge. And he wanted something like that on each of the layers.

Some sort of like central symbol. Well, a weenie, something for people to follow and to lead them along. So this weenie is, just on clear, it is a very phallic thing. Is that connected or is it just? Invariably, yes. It doesn't always have to be, but it doesn't hurt, if you know what I mean. People tell that story. It doesn't hurt if you know what I mean.

it doesn't hurt that it looks like a you know the phallic I don't know if it's intentional or not I'm not a big design guy but I have heard that story about a dozen times you know the weeny thing you want us to find the hot dog and bring it to you thanks I don't have to be here you know that right I know that and respect that

you are you are really slumming it with the three of us and I I acknowledge and respect it every minute the weeny thing drives me fucking crazy. People tell the story. Isn't it charming? They imagine this dog chasing after, you know, the hot dogs that he gets out of the fridge. And they don't stop to question the fact that he saw everybody like his dog. I mean, that's the connection that this guy made. And we're all telling, anyway, it's not important. The thing is the Gaulspire. At this point, Kenshal flips open a really thin laptop that he had just sort of placed on the desk.

You hadn't really noticed it. But then you see ephemera. You see a sort of swooping what looks to be a promotional video showing Galspire and all its glory. It is crystalline and reaching up towards the heavens. But there's obviously some European influences in the design. It's not naturally occurring. you know, like not Elsa's Ice Castle level, but it is, I mean, indisputably gorgeous. The scale is around three-fourths to give the impression that it's even grander than it actually is.

I'm sure they would have built it higher, but there are restrictions on the layers. This is the first, though. This ephemero was Carmine Denton's first layer that he created after. the base steeplechase park. And when he drew all of his parks into one location in Georgia, this was the first expansion. It's not first height-wise, right?

It's been, we don't really, we don't really, we leave those placements open to interpretation here. Okay. So we don't really. I don't know why I assumed used to been was the lowest level, maybe just because it was the hell man,

I might have said it. Probably where we started. Yeah. Yeah. No, the base levels are all, they're all shopping. Okay, cool. Ephemer is kind of a fun one, or at least it's interesting. It's not as immersive as the others, which you'll notice when you head up there.

There's a lot of work, a lot of money that goes into all these different layers, making it So you can just sort of, you know, forget where you're out for a little bit. But ephemera isn't quite the same thing. I mean, we just don't have to invest in it in the same way. I mean, you have to go to ephemera? I mean, have you really lived? Is your life complete if you don't have the one cover photo of you, you know, pretending to hold up gallspire?

You know, everybody has to go to ephemera. So we don't really. You did try to pass that legal law in Congress. Your lobbyist tried to pass. You may not be involved with the project, but it did want to legally require everyone to go to Galspire in their life. The problem was we was recidivism. We just didn't have the repeat customers when we legally mandated it. Yeah.

So, you know, we had to bail on. That and when people died without having to go to the park, you kept trying to sue them. Yes, sue them to the dead people. That is, that is the, the, the, you. overview of ephemera and the state of ephemera. But that doesn't really, I mean, it doesn't get at what I need from you all. This is a, this is place is important. This was his.

This is a place where people will take notice of what you're doing. This is a place the fans, the steepies are, ugh, God, I hate it saying it. the fans. This is a place of the fans are starting to get frustrated. This is a place where we can start to leverage opinion against

Evelyn and the direction she's taking things. Look at Galspire. Look real closely. They've replaced it. And not only if they replaced it with a hard light smoke or they kind of fucking ruined it.

I mean, in my opinion, I didn't have a lot of input into this, but they ruined it. I mean, it just doesn't feel. I mean, it looks good. I know, but it doesn't feel right, you know? And people are pissed off. Like, people are starting to actually pay attention.

I think it's a little sad, I'm being honest, but whatever's happening, I think we can fan the flames a little bit. Look, look, this is the worst part. Look at the front. And you see at the front as the cameras in this promotional video starts to zoom in, they have put a giant one. 150 medallion, like right hanging in front of Galspire as a celebration of the Central Centennial that you all know is going on throughout steeplechase. Look at the, isn't it, it's hideous, right? Well, it's nice workmanship. I mean, the texture of it, it's a seeming texture looks very, very smooth.

But, Mr. Denton, I'm sorry, I know that I've been interrupting a lot, but this one's like a serious one. Yeah, please. So up to this point, we've stolen, like, a pen and, like, we stole a car, which is still a person now that I'm thinking about it. But we've never stolen, like, a tower. Like, what exactly is our target here? Oh, did you not think that that would be the next sort of step? No, he hasn't gotten it yet. He's a little thicker than you.

Huh? Mask? You're the brains, hey? Are you asking us to steal this big-ass medallion? No. No. No. That I'm telling you it sounds silly now that I say it out.

Well, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you to steal the gall spire. Okay, see, that's kind of what I was, if I'm being honest, worried you were getting at it? Yeah. Well, no, no, no. I want you to steal the entire fucking thing. Oh boy. That might be a little more heat and attention than we...

Oh, it will be heat galore. Yeah, absolutely. It will be hugely embarrassing, hugely. A lot of people haven't even picked up that they've swapped it out. They did it overnight. Demoed the place, popped up these three gigantic prisms, like soccer ball size. Popped up these three prisms, replace the golf spire. I know.

I know. It's, it's, it's, it's pretty sweet. Sorry, this dude totally nuts over hardline stuff. I get it. Yeah, I know, we know, we know about, uh, Mr. Denton, if, if I may offer, uh, a slight change alternative to that plan. Oh, yeah, I'll definitely be open to that. Well, what if we were able, hear me out, to reprogram those, uh, those prisms in such a way that the, like, spire would break down over a period of, like, days. So that we wouldn't, like, necessarily be at ground zero when poop, the whole thing just disappears.

That's really good. Yeah. And what I like so much about that is it's exactly as dramatic as the castle disappearing. That will definitely have the exact same impact as my kick-ass idea. Yeah. Also, but if I may, listen. Your idea, wait, wait, wait, listen, listen, wait, listen, wait, not. Cool, but your idea does not highlight how poorly designed it was.

If it disappears and people realize a switch has taken place, that's the grand gesture. That's the gimmick. And they honestly, they can fix issues in hard light coding. I mean, that's not going to be an issue for them. The prisms are gone. They got a star to do. They already blew up the old castle. It's not like they got another one waiting in the wings. These prisms would, I would say, safely, it would have to at least be the size of a human being each.

They're soccer ball sized. Yeah, they did a lot of, like, refraction. Honestly, I don't know. Reflexology. Yeah, reflexology, sure. I don't really care. That much what you guys think about me, so I am not going to sit here and justify my knowledge or lack thereof. Was that a lie?

What? Was that a lie? Which part? Him not caring what we think about him. Yes. No, no, no, that's the truth. But he is lying about understanding how it works. I love how Montrose has become poker face.

Yeah, that's funny how that happened at the same time. He came up with that before poker face did. Well, Blades in the dark came up with that before poker face. Yeah, that's true, I guess. Well, the invention of lying, the hilarious and timely. Starring the ill-brivolve. Invalu, Ricky Jervis. We stand and unproblematic.

No, we fucking do not. No, we do not. Okay. Mr. Denton, if you're not going to justify that, how about then you justify by talking about payment? Oh. Yeah, it'll be, it'll be good. Okay.

You have no idea what an amount of money for people of our staff. Can I be honest if you? I have no idea. A thousand sweets. What do you mean a sweet? Like, oh, dang, okay. You know. A thousand?

A thousand? Yeah, sure. No, here's the problem. Any big transaction like that is going to be noticed. We have people who monitor our finances pretty closely because it's hard to separate the family and the people in it from the business. when it's got your name on it. So that would be tough to move that kind of money.

And if I can be completely honest with you, I don't have a ton in a sort of liquid state, if that makes sense. I will be honest for the three of us, because I respect that and other people, and I hope they expect it from me. We do not understand what you just meant, what you said then. I think you were saying that your money is wet somehow or not wet.

And I did not. I think is it like an arid kind of money? Okay. We know stuff about other stuff, but this one particular thing we are just clueless about. What's good for you? What's like good for you? What, um, hey cat, hey cat, what is a, what is like a hamburger car? Okay.

Okay, I'll offer you 10 sweets. I must clarify that I am not Jay Wellington wimpy from the Popeye comics. I do not request payment in hamburgers. I know what a hamburger would cost me, but you don't eat the kind of hamburgers I have access to. I need to know what you think a hamburger is worth. If I do that, I can run the math. I do that math every day. Go for Wagu.

Try to get wet. We actually made up Wagyu to keep you guys busy. I knew it. No. No, they're on some shit. Counterpitch, Mr. Dunn? Six. I love this.

You have very accurately judged the extent to which this is a negotiation. Please go right ahead. Six streets. That's low. And you connect us with somebody who maybe we can sell some of the more fancy items that we might. purloing during our adventures. Well, listen, you need somebody to buy and sell. The cat is surprisingly adept at it.

I think that he's going to be your best bet on that front. Okay, and along those same lines, I think Amrick could really like to keep the giant prisms. Yeah, well, in addition to the fee. because I think there's a way to use that towards our goals. But that's something else we can figure in the way. We can negotiate. Honestly, guys, I don't care about the prisms. I don't care about the castle.

I don't care about the money. I don't care. It's just got to be big. It's got to be splashy. And it can't come back to me. Two amendments to the proposal. We prefer to be paid in numbers divisible by three, just to keep it tidy. Okay, nine.

Well, 12. 12 is more the number I was considering for this job, since you're asking us. But this sheet on the internet says the 10 is the most I can give you. Then 10. 12. 12. And, and three of your rich guy. hamburgers because since you have said you invented wagoo to distract us i know that you all are on

some next level shit up there i know what i said about not wanting to be paid in hamburgers like wimpy from the pop-by comics but now i am requesting specifically that like so bodice that's kind of uh you know it's okay but then you add like some gold leaf to the bun and there's like gold cheese or whatever not insult this man by saying you understand what is on these bodacious burgers. I watch a lot of videos about it. If your market conceive of what goes on these bodacious rich guy hamburgers, you would

be making them. You would be a rich guy. Just assuming that I have access to rich guy resources simply because I have the desire to create a rich guy hamburger is a large leap. Please, Mr. Denson, those are our time. This is

a waste of my time. I will send you your burgers. That's not a problem. Then we have ourselves a deal. You need anything else. I mean, getting comfortable and ephemera can be a little bit tricky, but any other questions.

Any, do you know, is there any, like, who's the, like, the lead person? Like, who's the person that we can say such and such than us to, like, do stuff? Like, is there any cover we can do that away? You know this, but Elder Garrick, the Dayshaper is the main authority figure in ephemera. Elder Garrick, the Dayshaper, is as close to they got to a boss.

He's the one in charge. He settles, like, disputes. Visit Count Milo Rumble Shadow and his twin sister, Meela Rumble Shadow. Yeah. They are kind of the real power in at least that. And they're mischievous cats who are always. stealing jewels from the master's house. At least in that faction.

Is there a railway leader who does some tap dancing we should know about? No, you're doing a cat's run. It's very funny. And now that I've acknowledged it, I guess you can move on. Hey, thank you very much. Is that something we can do in our podcast? Oh, did you guys not know about this? No.

Yeah, Justin's been doing this for years. I do have one last thing. So up until now... Is it about that? the lore because I could actually talk about that all day. Up until now, our heists have kind of corresponded with events that were kind of infiltrating and using his cover. Oh, yeah.

Is there any, is this just like an average day in ephemera or is there? Oh, but there's no such thing is an average day in ephemera. Like I said, the other layers need those events. The other layers need to put the effort in ephemorrhage. is a femur. I mean, it is pretty short. A lot of the hard light stuff is a little sketchy.

It's a little bit busted down there. Galspire's nice. That's one of the new the newer generations, but, or fail spires. Did you hear that? So funny. Everybody hates it, but, yeah, that's the, it's just a regular time there.

Have you guys ever run it before? Have you run any of the different, the different arcs or the destroy lines? My friend. I open up the fucking one of my sides of my jacket

that I'm wearing and I've got pins from the Emerald Coven. I got fucking Rainbow Knights 1, 2, and 3. Oh, nice.

I love the, is this oh, this is the Marchioness Isabella Monastel that has the typo in it. You have a discerning eye, my friend. This is nice. This is my retirement.

Do you have all the Regency set from the Good Hope Regency? I am missing the Viscount Charles's Good Hope's bronze pin. Oh, yeah. That was, those were, can I tell you something? We didn't actually make any of those. I suspect it as much. Yes. Yeah.

Pretty good. Pretty good stuff. So, I'm going to make it a little bit easier for you. I'm going to set you up as legitimate guests. You're not going to have to sneak. You're not going to pretend to be anybody else other than who you are. You know, if anybody asks it, it'll be a thank you for your help in rescuing Paul Pantry from the hoodlums that tried to defraud him. But no cover. you're just going to be yourselves.

Is anybody, I'm a little bit identifiable, and I think I've been spotted at a couple of these jobs. Is there heat on me? Should I wear like a night's helmet or something? I mean, are you asking if we notice? No, I mean, like, am I going to walk in and people are like, oh, yeah, and you're arrested? Have we noticed you?

Is that what you're asking? Yeah. We should just assume that this man knows our mother. those maiden names at this point, regardless of what kind of disguise we could possibly dawn. We see all of it. I mean, we see all of it. Here's the problem.

The level you're operating at, we consider it. Shrinkage. Thank you. I didn't want to say it, but yes. I mean, it's cost of doing business. I mean, there's story covers. We have to pop out once in a while, that sort of thing. And honestly, a lot of it has been my mess to clean up, which is how I saw some of the original tapes and started following your progress.

There's real talent there. So that's how I started following you. The problem is it's not that hard to clean up. They can spin almost anything into a narrative. What we, what you, what I, what we all need is something big enough that they can't. When that happens, when the, uh, what we. the facade of complete control starts to disintegrate a little bit. Those are the cracks.

That's when the daylight's going to start to show through. I would like to propose first and foremost that we name our group the shrinkage bandits. I love that. We're going to work that around in the mouth for a little bit and see how we like how it feels. We will attempt to continue remaining on this clandestine level throughout this job, but you are asking us to steal the trademark of ephemera. I do not know we will be able to stay such low profile should this job succeed. I'm new to, like, heisting and stuff, but I think this movie over is called the full copperfield.

Yes. And it's, it gets noticed. Oh, I should have been more clear. I mean, this is, this one's going to be a kind of, you're going to have to have. to be done with these guys, I think, maybe. These that you are, these people that you are, I think you're going to need to be

done with it because they are not going to rest. I mean, when they identify it, they will not let up. Yes. I see. I mean, I have several ready to go. Sure. Well, I mean, I would hope so. But isn't it, wouldn't it be a relief at this point?

A mild inconvenience is, but not an unfamiliar. one I would say is what I would call it. What about you, weird? Are you going to talk about you in for this? I cherish the idea. You knew exactly who I was talking to.

I knew exactly who you were talking to. And I, for one, have already been anticipating the opportunity to cease to exist. So this is just Travis talking just for the record. I, Travis, am super on board with this heist. But old soft beef makes him real nervous, real scared. Good. That's all good and fun. Ready to go?

Right now? I think it's been like four hours since our last ice, so I would love her. Well, why don't you guys get some sleep then, I guess? Right? Yeah. we obvious never had this conversation

Stimson can get in touch with me if I want him to I have no idea how you're going to do it I'm looking forward to it though I am really how we're going to rest yeah he's talking about

that he means the highest oh I have a definite idea we will not let you down we may let you down we may let you down but we will accomplish possibly. Yeah. You are, you won't be my only call, okay?

Oh, we'll have competition in this ice. No, that just, I have, I have other options. You, you are just one that. Can I strike me as fun? I appreciate the opportunity, sir. So you go to sleep. Right, right there. Right there in that moment.

Right where we stand. We have no choice to stand and sleep. If you have trouble falling a, sleep. Try sleeping with celebrities. Tell me about your view of succulence. I'm not a, I'm not a huge fan. It's a different kind of sleep podcast.

There are some real benefits to parking illegally. Featuring remarkable guests and unremarkable topics. There's two Orlando airports. From the creator of Depresh Mode with John Moe, it's sleeping with celebrities. Every week on maximum fun.

90-night sleepy heads. Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fund, and I have a special announcement. I'm no longer embarrassed by my brother, my brother, and me. You know, for years, each new episode of this supposed advice show was a fresh insult, a depraved jumble of erection jokes, ghost humor, and frankly, this is for the best, very little actionable advice. But now, as they enter their twilight years, I'm a little. as surprised as anyone to admit that it's gotten kind of good.

Justin, Travis, and Griffin's witticisms are more refined, like a humor column in a fancy magazine. And they hardly ever say Bazinga anymore. So, after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other shows, why not join the McElroy Brothers every week for my brother, my brother, and me? I have a procedural question. We're still asleep. Let me sleep, Dad.

Now we're awake. Okay, go ahead. Oh my God You guys slept forever I know that this game leans towards Doing the action without any real planning I assume we'll do some investigation Yeah okay

You guys are going to need to come up with a plan Right okay I have an idea that But I'm just trying to ask you procedurally how we proceed I think it would be weird for you to have an idea at this point considering you have no idea about any of it. I think if you have something, I'd sit on it and just try to get your legs underneath you there first. And then let me know how you want to proceed.

I know what you're saying about how we've just kind of hopped into stuff in the past, but this one, it feels like we will need to use that top tier of skills of survey. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yep. So is it, have we reached the... Good morning. Good morning, rise and shine.

Good morning, boys. It's me, Poppy. Hi, Poppe. I got your crescents. Oh. I brought your favorite, your crescents. How long have you been standing there watching us sleep, Poppy? I wake you all up everybody at seven-th-thirty.

That's not what he asked, Poppy, and you know it. I take a crescents and jam. I take a crescent roll and I say, oh, thanks, Poppy, and I just throw it in the trash can right next to me. Yummy. Can I have another one? Can I have another one? I don't have time for old puppy. What do you all do it in here?

We were sleeping. You know that. You came in. God knows how long ago. All right. You want to watch your videos. Read your magazines. I understand.

We were sleeping. We were laying in bed. You came in and we were asleep and you woke us up at 7.3. a.m. with crescent rolls. You boys know I love you, right? Poppy, if you come in this room one more time without knocking. Poppy, this is even freaking me out. We went to bed at 4 a.m.

You let us sleep for three and a half goddamn hours. I'm still very sleepy. Poppy, if you come in this room without knocking one more time, I will end your life. We're going to set up traps next time. We'll set up a trap and poppy. A series of complex traps. I'd love that. That sounds like you all.

All right. I'm going to get out. Get out. I'm going. Was he wearing a kimono? He's still standing there. I'm down the hall. You're not.

You just covered up your mouth with your hand. You're watching us from 10 feet away. You put your hand over your eyes. That doesn't make you not there. Hey, Poppy. Hey, Poppy. You remember the question you asked me last week? This is why.

This is why. Go make me some biscuits. No. Don't. He's gone. You thought you heard sniffling, but like, you can't be short. He might be snorting Coke again. He might be getting bald fucking jazz.

He's getting tooted in there. He's teututut. Popi's doing poppers. That's how he got the name. He's actually 29 years old. That's why they call him pop. God. We've just added to Canon.

I love it. You all for once get to take the byrail, like fine upstanding adults, real visitors. And you pull in to, it's not

a completely nondescript DMV type place, but it looks basically like that, except for there's some paintings of like trees, some like you know, medieval type sconces on the walls, but it's pretty

drab. There's a counter and someone is standing at it, they're wearing a robe with a large it's like a brown almost like monastic sort of look, but they got a name tag on the front

and it says Angel and Angel looks up and says hello, welcome to the kingdom of family. Hail and the world met! Don't do that. We're not inside yet. Don't do that. This is a businessman. We are not wait.

Just wait. Does Dangel's name tag habits have their hometown underneath their name? No. Oh. Damn. That would have been funny. Ask an answer. No, but.

No, but it says seven years underneath. So you know how long Dangel's been with the company. Hey, and welcome to the kingdom of ephemera. Are you ready to get west away to another incredible adventure? Oh, slow down. You're painting too broad of a picture. It's beautiful in there. These are some first-timers, I assume.

Actually, Emmerk, have you been? No, I've never been. I've always found it fascinating. What lands did you work on, Emmerich? Because I know you did a lot of stuff, but you don't seem to be, like, well-versed with any of them. Well, Ephemer would have predated Emmerc by about 150 years. Oh, okay. Yeah, I worked at Lujlai and.

the snow sports layer. Oh, okay. Okay, yes you did. Fine. You worked in a layer where the whole thing was a simulation of being inside Matthew Fox's body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I'm saving that. The island that was just full of adult clubs that only lasted for about five years. By the way, do we all have... Paradise loss, yeah. Are we all wearing... matching shirts. You are wearing t-shirts and cargo shorts.

Okay. I don't know. You're wearing whatever you were wearing before. Not that. Yeah, not that. We have a couple first timers here. I was wondering, do you still charge for the magic map so that they can have their bearings a little bit better? I'd be willing to dish out for that.

I can tell you have an eye for fine bargains, but that will be provided to you. Oh, my. Digitally. How generous. Yeah, we don't do that. Well, you have to pay for it, but it's just... Oh, I see. We don't have the paper ones anymore.

You, uh, mass. Name in class? Uh, oh, sorry, give me a moment. I reach into my wallet and, um, pull out my, uh, pull out my card for my locker that has my number on it. Uh, I already have a character. Oh, okay. What's their name in class? I can look it up for you.

Uh, he is a Hawkblade. Oh, cool. Wow, really? You've been here. That's a tri-class. You've been here a lot, huh? I've had a few spins at the loom, so to speak. Yeah, yeah, another turning of the Weaver's Tail.

Yeah, for sure. Cool. Well, blessings are the seven to you. And also to you. What about you, Thick Guy? My character's name is Thick Allen Thick Allen? Yeah.

Is that with one word? How many K's? Only one. T-H-I-K. Okay. C. Okay. A-L.

Why on Christ-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-S-E-E-E-S-E-E-E-S-E-E-E-S-E-E-E. It's a fantasy. It's like weird, fancy stuff. A-L, I wasn't done. A, L, Y, N. Okay, I got you in here, beef. Next up. No, but hey, but it's class.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you want to, what do you want to? Can you list off about all the options? Paladin, Warrior, Dwarf. Dwarf is a class? Serving of the seven. What? Never mind.

Keep going. Cervant of the seven. Infrastructure expert. Yeah. and a gloomsayer. Okay, I'm going to go with just like Fighter. Yeah, Fighter. Cool.

Yeah. Nice, nice, nice. Here's your stick. And he picks up a well-worn, what looks to be about half of a pool queue in length and size, and he hands you a well-worn stick that is weirdly a little sticky, which you're not wild about it. What stick-ish?

No, it's stickly. Stick-sticky? Okay. Uh, dad. That's what was weird. Sir, Emrick, whatever. Come on over. Daddy. Yes, son.

Okay. You don't have to make a weird thing out of it. Um, I am, uh, Ciz-A-G, uh, no. Yes, I am. I'm not spelling that. S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y. Okay, a lot of Y's in there. Yeah. I haven't had, I haven't seen, I haven't heard that.

many whys since my last divorce. Oh, man, Angel, I'm sorry. Oh, I was going with a wise as in wise person. Sizagee, Craig. While you just bowled right over my man's confession of a deep and dark, longing, sadness. He went through a rough time and you didn't.

I forgot what I was saying anyway. Sidgzyzygie. Szygie Craig. Sidgee. Ciggy. Szygie. Szyzygy. Szyzygy. Sisy G. Y. G. G. Y. G. G. Cizig. C C Cig. Craig. C C Cig. Craig. We call him Craig.

Craig. And I am a spelling bee. A magical insect. You actually, yeah, we only allow human scale classes anymore. We can't account for, like, insect, people of insect scale, having a great experience. Well, then I'll just be a speller. Oh, I mean, he could also be just a man-sized bee. Good call.

Yeah, I guess. Like Aunt B on the Andy Griffiths show. It's going to mess up the, I mean, if he didn't. I'm not going to press that. But he can say he's a bee. Maybe he's a bee

got turned into a man. I mean, we throw a sort of I'll just stay. I'll just stay with Speller since it was my joke to begin with. Yeah.

Oh, it was a joke. It was a joke. Oh, okay. That's perfect. Okay, so. Perfect. Yeah. And you see

Dangel typing on a, on a keyboard where the keys have been made to look like wood, but some of that is like scraped off. Yeah.

So it's pretty ratty. And he's typing. No, sorry, it's thick, Alan. It's got a thorn at the beginning. It's not, it's a thorn, I-K-C. Thorne-K-S-K-S-K-K-S. Okay, got it. I-K-C-A-L-Y-N, Thick-A-L-N, Thick-Alan.

Okay. Okay, it looks like your room isn't quite ready yet. Jesus, thanks, y'all. Is this? What did you have for lunch, Angel? Mutton, same as every other day, pal. You want to, uh, okay, your room's not quite ready.

You want to, uh, if you would like to wait at our, uh, uh, cafe, uh, Bumber Shoots, it's just across the, the way over there. I fucking take off at a dead sprint. Okay. Bumbershoots! Yeah. What about you too?

Wait at Bumbershoots. Okay. was just really excited, isn't he? Isn't it pleasant to see him? Do not call me Montrose. For my name is Artemisius Good Party. Oh, geez. Okay.

Hawk blade of the emerald covenant. Yeah. When you emerge out the other door, it is, I mean, it is transportative. I mean, it is. The scale of it is what surprises you because you aren't walking into what you thought would be sort of a very, very large entrance for all the crowds coming in, but somehow they funneled people in. So each arrival feels a little bit more personal. You're not just part of the herd.

You walk out to see a fountain depicting one of the seven doing battle with what looks to be as some sort of orc-type creature on top of Mount Gloom. you see water emanating from their eyes and kind of a weird, weird choice. And then across from you, you see Bumber Shoots, which looks like nothing so much as a TGI Friday. There's a large and large illuminated letters that one or two have gone out. It just says Bumber Shoots, a fine place for a fine meal. and you see some advertisements of specials in the window. And that is bumbershoots.

It's so weird. I mean, just thinking, I think like beef having come from Eusterman, right, and Gutter City and Paradise Cove, very, very heavily themed. I think this is off-putting, right? Like if you went to someone's house and they just had like a Starbucks in their dining room. Right? I was just like, what the, okay, it's fucking weird. There's advertisements in the, like in the window for a new root beer levitation potion, which is just a root beer float.

And they seem to be really excited about it. It's got a reasonable price, considering the price of hamburgers. It's got a reasonable price to it. Well, super rich turbo burgers. No, no, no super rich turbo burgers at Bumbershoots. It's straight down the middle family fair. Okay. So,

you're going to head over? Yes, of course. Yeah, sorry, I'm already inside. You're already inside. The three of you make your way inside, and you throw open the door. It's a slow time of day, so there's only one other person sitting there.

It looks to be a bored man who's pouring over a map. He, like you, was issued sort of standard issue peasant wear, except for you, Montrose. I'm assuming you have some accoutre maul that you say from your previous visits. You could say that. You open the door to bumper chutes and look inside.

There's the one man there in his peasant wear. And then behind the counter, you don't see anybody. And then there is a poof, a poof of purple smoke. And then someone who had been crouched behind the counter, very obviously, stands up from behind the counter. And you see in front of you a wizard holding an umbrella over his shoulder. And he says, Hello, I'm Taco from television. Welcome to Bumber Shoots. Are you ready to do battle with the hunger?

Holy fucking shit. Halim well, Matt. No, it's seen in the episode. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience-supported.