The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 20

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

The quest for Geltfrimpen’s heartscale begins – but first, the arcade employees must pass many trials, including getting through the front door. Beef gets gassy. Emerich hams it up. Montrose speaks to the manager. Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: "Waiting in the Grocery Store" and "Discovery" by Kirk Osamayao: kirkosamayo.com; "Behind the Sword" by Alexander Nakarada: https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com/; "Nordic Wist" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; "Six" by Lex Villena: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2iwj2SqGnplhDIadeJ5bmy?si=N8WYSKIPR7WUy8z4ajNSog; and "Clothe the Fields with Plenty" by Axletree: https://youtube.com/c/AxletreeMusic. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Well, Steepies, the overhaul of Jelt Frimpin's layer is complete. Even if you've claimed the heart scale a dozen times, you're in for an all-new adventure on your next journey through ephemera. Unfortunately, the upgrade is getting mixed reviews from fans, some of whom complain that it's just a bunch of challenges from Legends of the Hidden Temple. Remember that show? Now, I'm not saying that, of course. I don't even begin to see the resemblance.

This is a bold new direction from the creationeers, and I for one hope they never know when to stop dreaming. Ever faster, ever closer, ever never slowing down. Ever nearer, ever clearer. Ever nipping at the gown. Ever spinning, ever grinning. Ever hearing what they please. Ever growing.

Ever knowing that they are the disease. Hello everybody and welcome to the Adventure Zone. I got it. Steeplechase. I am a jamie. Three fucking word. Did you make that up or that poem? Is there a song?

What is that? It's all three. It's all three. Okay. We just started recording. Nothing. We just started. All right.

The thing at the beginning. Yeah. I don't know, man. I made it up, but where did it come from? I don't know. I don't know. The muse. That's really good.

The muse. It's unchained. Never admit your sources, pal. Don't have any sources. Just plug into the wherever Stephen King is getting all his books. from wherever Paul McCartney is getting all the chord progressions. Oh, so it's cocaine then. It's cocaine, okay.

I mean, not cool, but. No, no, no, not cool, but I'm glad we finally pinpointed what's going on. Yeah, same. Justin, if at some point you start to get really interested in like, what if there was like an evil train, then I think we need to like talk. Here's when I got interested, the exact moment you just said, what if there was an evil train? Because it's fucking sick. Oh, no. Now we got, we got some splainant to do.

We left you in Dave Belistas and Moore. I didn't call it that last time, but that's what I'm going to go with. Yeah, so I just want you to steal the heart scale from Jel Frimpin' the dragon. Now, when you say steal, is this like part of the dragon's body where stealing it results in death, or death is a precursor? to steal, do we need to slay a dragon, I guess is what I'm asking. What I'm going to say is this. I mean, he's not going to be wild about it. You're taking the heart scale.

But Jelfrimpin is a fearsome, infinite dragon, who is both sort of like the protector and also the dominator of all of ephemera. He's incredibly fearsome and powerful, as everyone knows. need his heart scale to make like a whip-ass shield out of. Just a real whoop-tushy shield. I'm sorry, but you just kind of casually threw out the term infinite dragon. If you can please. He's been here a lot longer than any of us, if I could put it like that.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes a lot more sense. He's been infinite as infinite as far as, let me say this. He's as ephemera. Okay. So he's pretty old. We hate mantras.

Yes. Is this like a hard-like dragon, an amatronic dragon? Is this somebody in a dragon suit? What do we talk about here? This is Jill Frimpin. The dragon dominator of ephemeral. Yeah, no, yes, but I believe. I'm confused by the, sorry, the question confused me.

It's not a real drag. There's no such thing as dragons. Bight you. He'll bighter just like a real dragon. Okay, but what's he made? made out of of fury, power,

righteousness, justice? I know that this is ironic for me to be saying, but you seem to be a little

caught up in this world living in, which is wonderful because it has made you a wonderful

guide. Sure. But we need to tap into the real Montrose just a little. Just a little.

A little scoche. Here's what I will say. Montrose will be of no use to you. in this mission Artemisius Good Party

Hawk Blade of the Emerald Coven He might be able to get this one Across the finish line I'm saying you two aren't leaning in enough No I am hey I'm Amontros sorry Aramecius I'm just trying to gauge Let's just take difficult rating here

Of like are we gonna help with that If I may step in Bad it's a dragon Oh my lord okay We won't be slaying a dragon because if we could do that, then we could just climb to the top of steeple chase and punch God in the face.

Yeah, you just got to get the heart scared. But it's not, guys, it's not a real dragon. I mean, you're... He'll batcha just the same. He is a dragon. I don't understand what you're saying. I'll tell you what. If it would cut down on the chatter,

I'll kick in four sweets. Plus some kind of god-killing weapon? Well, I don't know. God killing. I need him up there looking out for me and my family. But, you know. Well, just unplug the dragon or break its prism or, I don't know, it might be paper machet at this way.

Like, okay, cool. Yeah, you know what a great, do me a favor. After you kill Jelt Frumpin, could you set all the clocks to 11 D. Blaglock and make the sky green? Because I figure you're infinitely powerful. You might as well. That's a good joke. And they would have laughed at it if they were a little bit more, you know, in the know.

And he does a secret hand signal to you. I do it right back. Anyway, okay, where is his hoard? Can you at least point us in the right direction? Yeah, right. If you see, and he points out the door and you see a sign that says the layer of Jilt Frimpon. and with an arrow. Is it next to like a dipping dots?

They have dipping dots inside. There's dipping dots after. These cold spheres await the victorious. Immerse yourself in tiny gold spheres. Yeah, they have a pool of dipping dots. You can jump in. Whoa, no, that sounds terrible. Those things are so wicked cold.

Oh, you don't survive. It's a grand finale on your existence here on this planet. What a way to go. What a way to go. Before we, before we, we're outside, correct? What? We can't, we can be. Dad, I love your storytelling nature of just like teleporting five seconds into the future.

Get out of here. No, listen, as a DM, I very much appreciate the ability to instantly move someone out of one thing that they're done with and into a new thing. I just wish that they did this more with editing and TV shows where it doesn't jump to like the next scene. It just jumps ahead by a doorway. Yeah. All right. No establishing shots this season. And what is it, Dad? I feel like perhaps Montrose has a point. I'm Archimedes. Archimedes. Artamese, Artamese, please. Artie. Perhaps Artie has a point. Mayhaps, in this instance, to be able to use Artie's skill and experience with this, maybe we knew do need. to lean in a bit more

into the fantasy. Up to this point though. Okay, fellas, sorry. I don't mean to be a difficult Dan, but up to this point it's been like romance this guy steal a diamond, get a pin,

right? All very concrete, understandable goals. And now you just introduce like and slay a dragon. Oh my God. How were you not getting this. There will be no slaying of Jelt Frampin.

Okay, steal a heart scale from a dragon. It would take an army. It would take an entire, a platoon of soldiers arm to the teeth to even make a dent in his terrible height. Thank you, three platoons. We will not be slaying Jelt Frampin, but he is a big boy, and big boys have a hard time seeing little things. I have, so this is a score. I have no context for what you're talking about. And we're in this, I'm thrown because there's like a bumbershoots and there's signs everywhere. And there's just like concrete walkways.

And then you're like, oh, and by the way, a dragon. And I'm like, okay, what's the context of the dragon? You know what I mean? And then Dave Belisa runs out like he forgot his lunch. And he runs outside. That wasn't that far. I don't know why I was so winded. I just ran for the counter the door.

You focus too much on weights, you need to work on cardio. Gosh, you're so right. I've been, yeah. Swole Rick has been telling me that, and I don't listen to him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to me. Do you leave a lift, bro? Yes, bro, I do.

That's the sad part. Listen. It's that he doesn't, like, jog. Artemis, I don't know if you've been. Artemisius. Artemis, I don't know if you've been through Joel Frimpin before, but they got, in the last, like, 10 years or so, they've put up a new, it's sort of like a series of challenges. you've got to get through to even get to him.

Everything's got to be gamified now. Don't know. I know. It's honestly, it's a little slap dash, it seems like. But, you know, you have to brave his challenges. You may not want to waste too much time. Yes. We'll be on our way.

Thank you. We're going to be with him. So if you do think of something else, just sprint to Jellfrippin's lair. Find us there. Don't blow us up. It's like we're being actually sneaky for a minute. I don't run all the way there because I think your heart might explode, Dave. Yeah, I'd give up.

All right. All right, all right. All right, all right. May I kick off this venture? I guess. I thought we were. Dave, you can go. Dave, you're excused.

This is my shop. You guys just walk away from it. We're outside. We're outside right now. I'm in the door jam. You guys didn't go very far. Then close the door, Dave. Okay.

You get yelled out. for as far as we did go. Sorry, Dave, you must understand you're catching us at a weird punchy time. We have not treated the customers, the employees of Ephemer are particularly well thus far, and so I do, I don't know what's gotten into us. He closed the door.

He left. All right, are you ready? Because I think I have a great way to kick off this mini-adventure within our adventure. Well, after all this, but can we build up to it a bit more so that way it can really get rid of it. Yeah, everybody, shut up. That's got the greatest thing ever to say. Here he comes. Yikes!

No. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so what is going to be your approach for this score? I'm not going in the front. We got assault, deception, stealth, occult, social transport. You will have to brave a series of challenges to get to Jelt Frimpin. What's like the direct approach?

What would that be called? I guess assault. I mean, like, if you're not going to try, anything like sneaky. I think assault, but I think Beef wants to go full shrook and just like

roll up and run in, grab the scale, get out. Okay. So assault is an option here. Keep in mind, I'll say if I can give a little bit more context, and this is the sort of context that

you mantras would have, this is like a thing. This is a thing people do in a thing. This is not a heist in the sense that it's a crime. This is a, a, a role play. A role play within a role play.

Sure. Yes. Okay. I mean, it's a hard scale like a crush bone belt. Uh, I mean, it's a really good one, but yeah. Uh, I mean, it's a really good one, but yeah. Uh, if we do this, it, I, I, I, I can't disrespect, ephemera to the point where I would betray that like I'm going to fall I'll be sneaky once I get in there but I can't I can't climb down a sewer pipe on this one because I would feel I wouldn't be able to live with myself I say we I say we go

through the steps just like a regular tourist would do and then when we get to the actual dragon then we do our heist thing well you know what here's what I'll say uh Montrose you are clearly very well versed in all this stuff and so what What is Montrose? Artemis. How does one approach Jelfrimpin and set themselves up for a successful quest? Showing respect. Jel Frempen's huge about respect and family, which is weird for a dragon.

So I am a rogue, but rogues, there can be honor amongst thieves. when one's dealing with Jelt Frimpon, the Infinite Dragon. He's pretty slow, a lot of scrambling away. A lot of kids just running up, kicking Jelt Frimping, running away before he can eat him. So I think this is the, for, you're right in that you could go through the rest of it just like regular, probably. But I think what I'd like you to choose is what you're playing is for when you get to

Delt Frimpin, assault, dissemption, stealth, occult, social transport. But what do we usually do? Usually don't we? No, no, I mean, seriously, our usual MO is Montrose doing a con of some kind. Emric working behind the scenes to try and, you know, rig the technology and beef. Punching things. Musling, yeah, please. Musling.

Okay, so when you get to the dragon, you're going to use assault, deception. stealth, occult social transform. Okay, so I think... What's social? Whoa. So I was about to say I don't know if social works because we're talking him into giving us his heart scale.

I mean, if we prove ourselves as noble and worthy adventurers. All right. Listen, I asked Montrose how to do it. He said social. I'm for it. And, you know, if it has to turn into a different one because the first one doesn't go good, we'll just change it, man.

Okay. It happens. Let's do it. Uh, now quickly, your characters load, item load out. So we've been slacking on these things, and I'm not going to let it happen anymore. Good for you, man. Yeah. Hey, wait a stand up to us. Yeah.

Yeah. You're not afraid anymore, and I respect that. Why don't you tell me your load? My load is, uh, uh, normal. Yeah, I'm going to go normal on this one, too. Okay. I don't give a shit. Uh, yes, I think normal.

Okay. Okay, the engage your role. Is it bold or daring? No, it's just regular. Does the plans detail expose a vulnerability? You don't think it's daring to steal the heart scale from a dragon? No, I don't necessarily think it's daring to take on this like... An infinite dragon?

This theme park attraction. No, you don't think he's daring. Does the plans detail expose the vulnerability of the target are where they're weakest? I do know where the scale is. I mean, you do know where the scale is, so I'll give you 1D for that. Friends or contact provide aid or insight for this operation. I have friends here You have friends here

Yeah And he did the secret Symbol sign thing With Dave Bole Yeah you've got a network of people So you can take 1D for that So we're up to 2D Okay so

Let's let's We start with 1D for sheer luck So that's 3D6 Cool Roll it Montrose 3D6 You got it D do

D do Boop 535. Okay. You're in a risky position when the action starts. Of course. When in the layer of Jolt-Frempen, one is always in a risky position. You are standing in front.

So you made your way to Jolt-Frimpins, the layer of Jilt-Frimpin. And you are standing in front of a large stone face. that has been etched into an archway and attached sort of clumsily to the chin of this large stone face. By large, I mean like eight feet tall. This large stone face is a name tag that says Suzanne. As I have already told you, your names are not on the reservation. Check again. Check again.

One moment. No. It might be under a different name. Try Steve Johnson. No, I'm sorry. Try John Stevenson. No, I'm sorry, adventurers, but you are not on the reservation. You cannot challenge Jelfrempen today.

I did not realize that adventure could be told to wait it turn. It waits on nobody, and I thought that was the ephemeral way. Indeed it is. If you have a reservation, but without one, you're

just kind of out of luck. I actually did a thunder zoom. I did a thunder zoom. The application doesn't work particularly well, but I did book a thunder zoom for... You have booked a Thunder Zoom?

Yes, here. And I reach in my pocket, and I pull out, I pull out documents. My Thunder Zoom pass. It's a digital Thunder Zoom pass, but it's kind of fucked up. I'd like to flash back, please. We're walking to Jelt Frimpon's Lair. I've just remembered you need a reservation. and you've got to make those things at least 60 days in advance.

Perhaps a flashback within a flashback. You've got to be careful. We'll end up in limbo if we go too deep. Yeah, you're going to need a big kick. You're going to need a big kick to get you out of it. Save me, Joseph Gordon-Levett. Why don't we just say we have a reservation? Well, the issue is they used to do this thing called Thunder Zoom,

and you would just sort of pick your thing on the app and then you could just go right through it when your time came up but now there's this new sort of sorcerer service where they had they booked that shit for you and it doesn't work as good I missed ThunderZoom it was very straightforward

What do they, how do they like keep track of it and stuff? Is that something that Emmerich could program or we could fake our way through or something? I don't think any of us are phone hackers. Um, is the ThunderZoom an actual physical item? I mean, is the, is the reservation?

No, it's in the, it's supposed, it, Thunder Zoom doesn't exist. You know what? I'm just going to go full fucking Karen on it. Can we flashback to the present? Yeah. Flash forward. Flash forward. So the flashback that you did was the decision to go full Karen. Yeah. You had a flashback to remind yourself. that you were going to turn into a Karen? Yeah, here I go.

I had a Thunder Zoom. I had a Thunder Zoom. I'm sorry. No, you listen to me. I booked the Thunder Zoom on my phone. I did it 60 days. No, you listen to me. I did it 60 days ago.

And I brought these two grown men with me. They are so excited to take audience with Jelte Frimpin. Do you realize how far we came to be here? It's his birthday. It is. It's my birthday. It is. This is a birthday.

That's exactly what I said. Yes, it's my birthday. Suzanne opens their mouth and the mouth of the mask opens and a pin that says, I'm having a dreamy birthday falls out of its mouth and clatters to the ground in front of you. For you! Complimentary! I pick up the pin and I pin it onto Emmerick's jacket. Happy birthday

Oh Thank you And also Suzanne He's dying Oh no Oh my God I am Oh no

We didn't want to tell him But his last wish Was to meet Joe Frimpin And let me just say This seems like it's in very poor taste So you tell me Suzanne right now If it's gonna work or not So we can cut it off at the pass

Why don't you roll a sway Uh Travis What Griffin was swaying I was helping. You decide. You're the one who took it to a big place, pal. Yeah, you started spinning tails. I was helping.

He was lying, too. Yeah, but mine was like a thing that a human could say and not be gross about it. No, crap, you got to roll. Okay. All right, Amrich's going to help too by coughing and looking good. Oh, Jesus. Is it risky? Is it risky carmically?

Absolutely. Yeah. I didn't say it's risky. And what's the effect? fucking standard. Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Yeah, no, no, no. I think it's, I think it's, uh, risky standard.

Yeah. And I get a bonus dice from Emmerick, hammering it up. I got a six, a one and a six. God. Hey! This sets a terrible precedent. This sets a horrible precedent. Well, hmm.

Please. Here is the problem We have not had time I would love to accommodate you Adventurers But we have not had time To set back up properly You're going to need to come back tomorrow

And then I will accommodate you Uh Hey info in for a penny Infor Poundt this dude's going to Beef City Like tonight And when I say that I mean death Not that he's gonna Like have some sort of

Not the restaurant beef in it. It's getting dark. All right. You can... I will let you through. But you must hold us legally unaccountable for what occurs in there because we have not had time to set back up properly. You will not get the full magical experience.

Okay. I don't... Well, hold on, because this does change it for me a little bit. So agreed. Okay, fine. It will still be cool. All right, all right. Let's do it.

But it might be dangerous. Okay. Perfect. Danger means nothing to me at this point. Oh, boy. I'll love to hear that. All right. Suzanne with a kvunk,

starts sliding to the side. I hope you have an enjoyable time. Was this the first test? What do you mean? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, we're all security three beef and dairy all day. Max Fun Drive.

Hey, Chef, we got another one. Another Max Fun Drive. People know it's the best time to support the shows they love. You tell them my meetup days back? Sure did. They wanted to know about the live streams, though. Those are finishing up right now. We can even send one out on the first night, March 20th.

March 20th, Chef. I'll give them a heads up. They also wanted the limited time thank you gifts for new and upgrading members. Yep, and we got some fresh episodes ready to go too. All right. We got exciting live streams, meetup day, fresh episodes, limited time gifts. Oh, and Bocop. Yeah, okay, let them know that Max Fund Drive, 2023 will be ready on March 20th, and it'll only be two weeks.

Two weeks, Jeff. Max Fund Drive starts on March 20th for just two weeks. No problem. Order up. Shoot, I forgot their water. And now, a live reading from Rachel's Poetry Corner. Elephants Theremin's Clifton, Neopets, Porstrips, Jepts, Pore Strip's Jepson, Pine Smell, Jelly Beans, Goly Goals, Skittles, Squirrels, and the Mole. Celery Chopsticks Pumpernickel, a case of you by Joni Mitchell.

Lullabies, tie-dye, the more you know, all of these things on our wonderful show. All of these things and more. Wait for you on wonderful. Every Wednesday on maximum fun.org or wherever you download podcasts. You walk inside and you no longer see Suzanne, but you can hear Suzanne. It's coming through the speakers. Welcome to the King's Story. room. In front of you, there are three clay pots on three pedestals, and only you can discover how to escape the king's storeroom.

Okay. We look in the pots? Be careful. There could be an asp in one of them. Sorry, Travis, you are going to need to be infinitely more specific. There was a question mark there. I was asking Montrose that question. Let's assume that Montrose, because this is going to get complicated for Griffin, if he has to feign more knowledge about this than he has. This is a new addition. That's why I clarified this is a new addition, so he would not be able to. I don't mind him being able to, but it's just going to be complicated for Griffin, a human to do.

Okay, traditional party roles then. You take the lead and sort of act as the meat shield, as is, I think, only appropriate giving you name. You can be the weird sort of reclusive spellcaster. I'll be honest, you're giving me necromancer or warlock vibes on the daily. I would lean into that, and I shall be Artemisius Good Party Spell Blade of the end of the book. Okay. I, Thick Allen. Is there anything, Justin, do we see anything?

I mean, is it just three pedestals to three pots? Three pedestals, three pots. There is a place, it looks like cobblestone. walls, not cobblestone, you know, like big stones. Yeah, yeah, flagstones. Flagstones, sure. Flagstone walls, there is a place on the wall you are facing when you enter that looks clearly like it could move, you know what I mean?

Sure. But that is all that you see. There's also some theatrical lighting above you that is making this look dramatic. But you can see one is sort of like flickering, probably because they didn't have time to set it all back up properly. could Emmerch's going to do a study of the pots Okay

In the pedestal You pick up the pots They are sealed Do I not need to roll To do I no no no You can just pick them up Okay Let's see

Actually that's a good point dad Here's that you can They are sealed If you want to do Like a closer examination Feel free to do a study role And I'll tell you What you can discern about them

Okay So this is not risky. This is controlled. And it says standard. Okay. One and a six. Six. Wild.

Okay. When you pick up the pots, you feel like, when you start to jiggle them, you feel like a slight shift on the pedestal they're under. This happens for all of them. That is the first thing you discover. I want to give you that information. before you do anything else. But you do notice that when you pick up the pots, when you start to jostle them.

Oh, so before you've picked them up off the... Before you've picked them up, like, just in the... Because with a six, you can tell that there's some sort of trigger that all three pots are attached to, but you can't necessarily discern more than that without fully lifting them up. Are they all identical?

All three pots and all three pedestals are identical? Yes, they seem to be from what you can discern. And you know what? With a six, I will say that picking up the, when you jostle the left one, you can hear a slight clink noise. From inside the jar? Yeah. You heard that, right? Yes.

The kind of slight clink noise. Yeah. Yes, exactly. What are the jars made out? Clay. Is what you said. Are they clay? Clay.

I take a few steps back and I throw a rock at the first jar. The one on the left? Yeah. Okay, roll finesse. Yeah, maybe I will. Yeah, that'll show them. God, I'd be a really bad roll. That would be so funny.

That would be funny. Position. Seems controlled. Standard. Yeah, controlled. Standard. Yeah, controlled, standard. Go.

5-21. Okay, how can I make that a mix of success? You chucked the rock, and it plinks into the jar, and it wobbles, and then falls, down to the ground. And you can see a switch like pops up, but nothing happens. You can also see a small,

what appears to be a keyhole on the base that has been revealed. Okay. Did the jar break when it fell? No. Okay, cool. That's the five. Okay, I'm gonna kick the jar against a wall. Fuck it up.

Okay, rule. Okay. This seems like a wreck, right? A wreck, yeah. I'm going to wreck it. This is a clear wreck. And what's my position, Justin? Standard controlled.

Okay, baby. No way, yes, control standard. Six. Wow. Oh, my God. Travis, you chuck it and it disintegrates against the wall. And a key clatters to the ground. Clatter, clatter, clatter.

Okay, I put the key in the keyhole. Doesn't fit. Damn. Okay Damn Damn Daniel I smashed the next one Oh no

Really? No the right Okay so no you already said it You smash that one You notice from above A gas starts emanating into the room You also do see Another keyhole in this one

And the gas is slowly heading down towards where you are at I put the key in next Give me one second. Gas, clock. Gas, clock, gas, clock, gas clock, gas clock, gas clock. Man, a gas powered clock would be fucking badass. This is my steam clock.

Not steam, babe. Steams a gas, man. I don't know what to tell you. Fossil fuels. Man, you. It's technically more of a vapor. It's a gase's form. Vap clock.

Vave clock. Vap clock. Vap. Faguck. Fucking vape clock. Good. Wow, it's a big clock. What happened to piss boy?

P-boy. He's there. He's there. He's there. Peaboy, he's still there. Wow, make the vape clock as big as you can. It's a huge vape clock. Well, yeah, okay, the fucking vape clock has one wedge on it.

Does that represent the amount of danger posed by the clock? Yeah, at full you, it's going to make you dead. Okay, turn the key in that keyhole. Doesn't work. Fuck. Smash the next one. All, wait. So you're sure.

that you're smashing the next one. Perfect. Okay. I smashed the first one, and it worked out so good. Yeah, man. Yeah. You hear more gas emanating from the ceiling.

It is very close to you right now. On the last one, though, there is another keyhole. Turn the key in there, baby. You turn the key and you hear a quick pop as the door in front of you unhinges, the place of the wall slides away. Giving you one egress to get out here. Let's go.

Let's fucking go. Goodbye, Vape clock. You were burned. What a ride. What a run. Like a candle in the wheel. It's you fucking Vave clock. Listen, sometimes, as a warrior, you just got brute force a trap.

Yeah, you did it. Okay. You go into the next room. You see a large body of water. This looks identical to the one before. Each of these rooms are maybe 10 by 20. They're not massive. and they're definitely just in a row

like one after the other. A shotgun dungeon. There's about a four-foot ledge on each side of the room and separating them is a 10-foot moat that you can see has been lit up and that reveals the presence

of what appears to be electric eels swimming through the water. In front of you there is a raft with a rope above it that is stretched across to the other side. And into the side of the raft

you see a staff. The rope, it should be mentioned, has loops tied into it throughout. Behold, the moat crossing. There you'll find the ancient staff of King Tut,

which you can use to fjord this incredibly dangerous body of water. And then strike the gong on the other side. A lot of sort of confusing cultural mish-mashing going on here. Yeah. I hope no, like, Aztec guards show up or something.

That would be weird. That could be, yes. Jamann, Justin, describe to me the, so there's a raft? Yeah. Is the raft tied to the rope, or is the rope a separate piece? The rope's a separate piece that stretches from your, let's call it a shore to the other shore. Okay, so what you want to do,

it's laid out now is to cross the rope and get the staff and then return and use the staff to pilot the raft. Easy. You can do it any way you want. But is that how it's laid out, right?

To look like that's the play? To use the staff to hook into the rope and then use that to pull yourself across. That's what it looks. I mean, that is the design of this. Okay. But the rope leads to where the staff is. No, the staff is with you on your side.

Okay, well. And there's a large gong on the other side. Listen, I, so far I'm one for one on solving these rooms. But it looks like to me, we get on the raft, we pull ourselves across with the staff, right? Sorry, last time I did this, the raft was there, but there was also a chicken and a fox and some corn. Classic. You eat the chicken and the fox. You sell the corn?

Sure. I mean, are you, we may not all want to get on that raft, is all I'll say. Because I don't know that it's going to hold up all of us. It seems like that there's a trap somewhere in here, and my guess is the raft going to go down. Okay. Well, we could do two at a time, right? So you two go and then leave Emrick over there and you come back and then you and I go and then we're all over? I feel like we're getting hung up a little bit on the sort of chicken fox feet.

You introduced it. I did. I did. I did. Why don't I just slack line across the rope? Get over there and, you know, hit the gong and then you guys can just walk across. I think that's an excellent suggestion. Sure.

So what's the plan? I'm going to take the staff and just kind of walk the slack line across the rope. I don't trust that raft as far as I can throw it. You're going to do like a tight rope walk? Yeah, sure. Yeah, that made it, you made it.

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought you would do. Yeah, way easier, way safer. That's exactly what I thought you did. The raft is, you're telling me, Justin, if I just got on that raft and rafted across and then got the other end up. Let's see a, what would you call it, finesse, I guess? Fuck yeah.

Can you reach the. rope with your like hands from the raft? I can reach it with my feet. No, I'm saying like if someone was standing on the raft, could they reach up and grab the rope or is it too high for that? No, it's too hard for that. You'd need the staff. That's the whole point.

So that's going to be a finesse roll. Yeah, and we're going to call this one risky. This is not desperate. Slack lining over a pool of electric eels. Okay. Yeah, it's desperate. Desperate standard.

I'm going to use my daredevil ability then. Okay. Take plus one to the roll. If I also take minus one to any resistance rolls against consequences. And you also said just to clarify, there's a four foot wide ledge on either sign? Yeah. Okay, I'm just going to walk across that. No, no, no, wait, what?

You said there's a four foot wide. While we're standing on the ledge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's another one on the other side. Think of it as like shores. Now I understand. Fuck me. Fuck.

Fuck. 5322. 2. Okay. Let's see. Let me think. I just leveled up. Hey, good job, Griff.

Okay, so you are, it's actually pretty impressive. Like, you kind of like leap up to the top and you are slowly making your way across. You are on the last step about to cross over. You have crossed over successfully, but as you are dismounting from the rope, you lose your grip on the staff and it plunges into the pit of electric gills. Ah, shit. But you have made it safely to the other side. Cool. Good news, bad news.

Okay. Um, I have an idea. Amrik, hop on my back. Mm-hmm. You just really accepted the hell out of that. Um, and then I'm just, no, I'm listening. And then I'll just go hand over hand across the rope hanging from it. Hmm. Hmm. Um, that would not be a bad idea.

Thanks. Um, I, I do not know how well I can hold on with one injured elbow. Justin just made a mystery roll and it was a two. So like, just a little fortune roll over here for my own edification. Sure. How hungry are these eels? I don't think eels eat. I think it's shocking is what you have to be worried about with these guys.

In the same way, you don't have to worry about identity theft. Electric eels. You should focus on the electric part. A beef, how good a swimmer are you? I'm not going to swim in the pit with the electric eels. Is that what you mean? Well, nobody plans to swim in the pit. What if I were able to...

distract the eels. Hey, you know what? We're being silly here. Shoot out some of your lightning stuff, your tempest lighting, and just kill them. No, hey, no. Electricity isn't going to kill an electric eel, but it might lure them over to one side. Listen, wait a minute, wait a minute. That's exactly right.

I'm sure that there is a level. The dose makes the poison. They're not immune to electricity. Like, it's still a level. Right. now there is no one on, can I say, there was no one on this call that could say with 100% confidence that that is either right or wrong. We're all having a lot of fun here. I'm best 95% confidence. Right. It's like 95. There's a little bit in there where I feel like it could

pop up on like lightning could strike an electric yield and it'd be like, well, huh, fuck me. I'm fine. It says here it makes them horny and strong. Wow. Okay. Pop, what are you doing, man? I was going to use the lightning hook to stand in like one corner of the pool and pulse electricity in there to lure the eels away from where the staff. Make the pulse feel like a sexy lady electric eel. Yeah, yeah. Now, I don't see why that, how about I hand over hand to where, do we need the staff? Yes, we have to hit the going with the staff. Okay.

I'll hand over, hand over and then get the staff. I'm not going to swim all the way Okay, yeah I just meant that once you got over there That's perfect Because it was close to the edge Yeah, cool Okay

Um What would I say that's a sway Uh yeah, I'll grant you sway Sure Um, Trav Unless they're hard light eels

And then I would use a tune For your heart For your hand over hand What are we got What skill would we say that that is Uh Is it just like a pure? It's got to be finesse, right?

Strength? I mean, it's hard, though, because if you're really not finessing, it's like... I mean... You're using your physical strength. I think it's either finesse or skirmish, right? Why would it be skirmish? I mean, nothing's like a good fit, but... Well, because just it includes, like, hold a position and, like, press all, and physical stuff.

It's prowl. It's prowl. Prowl about unseen and traverse obstacles. Climb, swim, run, jump, and tumble. Okay. I'm going to prowl and I'm going to push myself because I only have one. Now this seems

Rescue desperate, Justin. Where are we at here? Yeah, this is desperate, but... Okay. And the effect? Standard. Okay. And I'm going to push myself.

Now does Dad's Roll... No, Dad's Roll just helps with the outcome, doesn't it? Not with the action. No, Dad can assist you for free twice per heist. Yep Okay Are you doing that? Oh yeah, yeah

I think this is important I think this is I'll use one of my free assists Wow I got me a mixed success That's a four Trav you're doing A one and a one

Just a four a one and a one Yeah You are doing your You are doing your little hand over hand thing And it does seem to be going Pretty well But as you

again, are reaching about two-thirds of the way through. A eel slithers out of the water, and it's gross. It's really gross. And it wraps around your leg and shocks you for a level one harm, let's say. Okay. Okay. All right. You have now successfully made it over.

Dad assisted you. Dad is still on the other side, the beginning side. The staff is floating in the water near the edge where you're at. Oh, it's floating. Yeah, it floats. Oh, great. Yeah. Okay.

Well, so is it something that I need to jump in the water to get, or can I reach it from the edge? Yeah. You can probably reach it. Okay. I'm going to reach out and grab it. Ed, just distract them. Now's a good time. All right.

So I'm going to do my sway roll. Oh, and to clarify here, I'm going to try to get it out with, what would I have? Because I'm not going to reach into water where he's shocking the water. Smart. Smart. Yeah. So I'm going to say, I mean, I have tools and stuff, right? You have a load, so you can, if you can come up with some.

Actually, Travis, you were handed a stick. if you remember at the beginning of your adventure. Oh, right, yeah. I'm going to use my rod. My, what a, bow staff? Is it a staff or stick? It's a stick. You take it out. You notice that like towards the handle, it's got like a dentonic branding on it. It's been well worn. You can see a lot of people have used it over the years and probably discarded it. But it is just like a regular stick. It's maybe three feet long. Very stick-like. It's a little sticky. but I'm going to use it to like get in the hook of the staff and get it out.

Smart. Here's what is going to happen because you can't see into the water. You are going to take this action regardless. Dad, you are going to make your sway roll and the effect of your sway roll will determine the effect of beef's action and how well it goes. Okay. Beef, I'm just going to say that you can get a stick out of a. out of a water with a stick. I appreciate that kind of faith in me.

Yeah. Eels. Why did it have to be Eels? All right. Because electric frogs don't exist. They might actually. 4 to 5. 5. Okay.

You fire up the lightning hook and you start pulsing it in a way that you imagine it would be sexy to Eels. Oh, yeah. We don't actually have to role play it every time. We don't have to roll play it every time. A sliver. Oh, Eels. They slither towards you in a very scintillating way.

Come on, slither, baby. You beef are able to grab the staff out. Emmerich, you get a little too hot and sexy, and you get shocked for a level one harm. This room is chewing us up. Yeah, that's a dangerous one. Okay, this is the situation. I have two on the far shore with the staff, Montrose and Beef.

Emric, you are still on the near shore. and that is your current situation. We bang the gong, right Montrose? Bang the gong? Yeah. Okay, perfect. You bang the gong, and the door behind you, a wall panel slides across, and you're able to exit.

Oh, we still have to get. Oh, no, come on. We never split the party. I jump up, throw the lightning hook over it, and really cool just like slide all the way down. Hey, man, really? Hey, Dad, it's a flat plane. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I pushed off. He pushed, if he wants to try to do the thing, the thing, I think that I'm going to let him try to do the thing. But man, I'll live. You better hope you roll your nuts off. I will make it sound so cool if you pull it off, but you really are going to have to nail it. He's also going to make you sound like a fucking dick. Yeah, what's your prowl. What's your prowl score?

Dad. I only got one prowl at. Okay, well, that's more than zero, man. I don't know. See how it goes. All right. So I'm going to push it again. Wow.

Okay. So prowl and it's risky. Yeah. Bull. And is it? How about you ask Justin what it is? No, it's, it's, it's, it's risky. Risky and.

How was mine and Travis is desperate? Okay, you're right. Desperate standard. How's that? Desperate standard. So desperate standard, right? Yep. Which is also my favorite kind of music from the 50s.

I love those desperate standards. Hey, when you get water out of the wrong sink in your house, there's like one sink that always makes the water taste bad. Yeah, man. Hit it. Okay, here I go. Four and a four. That's a mixed success, though. Could have been worse.

Could have been better. Okay. It'd have been worse. there are less embarrassing things to have a mix success on is what I'll say okay I'm not happy so you Emrick are sliding across and it's actually working you push off and it's like looking cool and then one of the eels

manages to slither up your leg as it dips into the water and it sort of wraps his way up you and they are are still really, really loving that hook that you got there. They're still pretty horny. Still pretty horny for it. So another one slithers up that first eel, and they start to slow you down. So you're just slowly sliding across as these eels are just repeatedly shocking you. I'm going to have you take a level, no, level two harm.

It's severe. You can try and resist, though, right? Yeah, you could try to resist if you would like. I would like to try to resist. That's smart. That is smart. And how do I do that? Well, sir, you're going to choose the stat that you're going to make a resistance role with.

Insight, prowess, or resolve. I'm going to say it's resolve. Well, this would be prowess. Prouise. This would be prowess. Consequences from physical strain or injury. Yeah. Consequence.

Yeah. So you can try to resist us for prowess. you suffer six stress to resist it, but you can reduce that if you roll a die from your resistance roll. So how many points do you have in prowess? So looked at, yeah, on the left of the line down from below it, how many of those four dots are from?

I only have two. That's not terrible. Yeah, but I only have two available in stress. Yeah, crap. It's wild, man. That's a rough choice. So now you have to decide if you take the harm or resist.

Now, if you roll, you would have to roll a five or better, so a five or a six, to not be so stressed out as to be traumatized, or you can take the injury. How many fucking free injury slot? You didn't heal last time. I know.

You already have a level two? I have one level three, the broken elbow. I have the first shock was level one, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And this would be level two?

Yeah. Right? Well, I don't think you can just, hey, Jamie, can he just have a level three? No. I thought having a level three. So, I mean, that had to be reduced down to level one. No, no, no, you can have a level three.

He just needs help getting around. My broken elbow, remember? Yeah. Yeah, but he put it in a cast, so like, where I'm not, I'm not super stressed about it. But I do need, but this is going to be another level. So the first shocked was level one. That was a, so that, I'm looking at your sheet here now, Dad. So that's a level one.

This shocked would be a level two, which you could sustain it, but that would be about it for you injury-wise. You would have to get help. Or are you risk being traumatized again? Or you risk being traumatized. I can't waste the stress because if I fill up the stress, for what it's worked at, I agree with you. Yeah. Yeah, I can't risk it.

I just got to take my lump. Okay. All right. So you have been shocked pretty thoroughly. Ufa, doofa. But he's still, is he across? He made it. Okay.

He made it. It's a mix. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. We did great. Yeah, that was great.

And the sentient raft is like, why didn't you guys use me? But the door slides across. He was a great character actually. The door slides across and you enter the next room. And in front of you, you... Wait, wait, wait, I have to do something in canon. Okay, in canon.

Yeah, canonically do something. Yep. Emmerick's hair is now completely frizzed out. Cool. It's like sticking out from the side of his head like Anthony Geary in UH. Oh, classic. Classic. reference.

What was this? Milo, is that his character name? Anyway, you see in front of you a series of four steps and then you hear a voice begin speaking.

Welcome, adventurers to the steps of knowledge. Now, what's the game here? In the old West, gunfighters used

to say speed is fine, but accuracy is final. And nobody knew this better than the Prince of Pistoliers, Wild Bill Hickok. He was tall and handsome, with long hair and a mustache, and was quite a ladies' man. By the time he became Marshal of Abilene, Kansas, he was said to have killed more than 100 men. Wild Bill made everyone check their guns at the edge of town and asked lawbreakers to move along peaceably, but if they refused, he wasn't afraid of a shootout. After serving as Marshall of Abilene, he joined Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. One day, playing poker in

Deadwood South Dakota, he was shot from behind by an angry gambler. His poker hand at the time was a full house, three aces and two eights. To this day, it's called the Ted Man's Hand. Someone grab the cards off the table and found their way here. Okay. So do we walk up this down? Where was Wild Bill Hickok the Marshal of? Abilene. Abilene, Kansas.

I'm going to choose one of you from now on, but I will, you have said that for this one to give me. Amrik, what's your name here? Sisyjeezygy. Sizig. And I'm Thick Allen. Sisyji, answer the question. Was Wild Bill Hickok the Marshal of?

Um, Abilene. Correct. Ascend. Thank you. And the lights pan up on the first step. Thank you. Do you guys step onto the step? Of course.

Yeah. Okay, great. What was Wild Bill also known as? Who are you asking? Sisy. The Marshal of Abilene You have two choices Prince of the Pistoliers or King of the Gunmen

It's the Pistoliers one No no wait now Travis There's no point in asking each of you individually If you're going to help each other Sorry I thought we were on a team New question disqualified In which of these card games Could you have a dead man's hand

Solitaire or Poker Poker Poker Thank you Ascend A light comes up on you, mantras. The dead man's hand in which of these types of hands of poker? A foolhouse?

Correct, ascend! All right. So you and Emric are on step two. Beef is on step one. You, the light comes up on beef. Yes? Is Abilene in Nevada or Kansas? It's Kansas.

Ascend! Okay. Now, all of you must answer together. Later in life, did Wild Bill work with P.T. Barnum's Wild West Show or Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show? It was Buffalo Bill. Buffalo Bill. Buffalo Bill. Ascend! Now you're all on step three.

Which of these outfits would Wild Bill have worn as a scout in his early days? Buckboards, dooskins, or buckskins? The light comes up on you, Sisygy. Buckskins. Ascend! You ascend to the fourth step. That wasn't in your story. Which of these is a famous frontier woman who is buried next to Wild Bill Hillcock?

Disasterous Denise, Delta Dawn, or Calamity Jane? Uh, beef. Calamity Jane. Ascend! I knew that one. This all comes down to you. Whites upon you, uh, mantras. Which of these men was a friend of Wild Bill and later fought a battle at Little Bighorn?

General Grant, General Custer, or Colonel Sanders? Now think. Hmm. Why wasn't it in the story? I thought you- General Grant, General Custer, or Colonel Sanders. General Grant? Custer, I mean, General Grant Custer.

His first name was Grant. Did you know that? His name was Grant Custer. Incorrect. And as soon as you said the words General Grant, a door to the side came out passed open. And you see a man come out, and he's wearing sort of a sort of makeshift armor, but it's kind of hard to tell,

because he's in like boxers and a t-shirt. Like he definitely was not expecting to have to be doing this right now. And he comes out like, wait. What? What's going? Who messed up? Yeah, I have a hard time keeping my old Civil War general straight. Okay, I didn't know we were on right.

I thought we had a little. Okay, I thought we were on break, but yeah, this is, okay, fine. And he raises his arms to come grab you. This is for the test audience. Sorry what? This is for the test audience? I got to grab you and drag you away. This is the thing.

Right, right. Normally, normally you... You won't get hurt or anything. I just have to drag you away. Yeah, normally, you... Yes. This is what... We're testing out the new questions.

I thought that last one was pretty unfair. So this is just for the test. Oh. Yeah, don't worry. I honestly, I thought you... I didn't know anybody else was here. I was actually in the hot pocket, so I would be... Yeah, please, we just to not have to...

I'll tell you what. Yeah. Why don't you roll, Griffin? Yeah. And see how it goes. This is, uh, desperate. No, that's too much. Uh, we'll call it risky standard.

Sway. It's a good lie. Yeah. Yeah. 425. Another mix success. Okay. Um, tell you what, I'm, I'll go back and, and, uh, run that up management and let

him know. But yeah, I won't grab you. Yeah, yeah, I won't grab you right now, but I'll, yeah, I'll, I'll, run it up the flagpole. Run it up the, the, the, the, the, um, the, the, the, um, the, the, the, Blackpole, sure. Sure. Okay. You're good.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Is it a meatball? Meatball? What are you working with? Yeah. It's actually a lean pocket.

I don't, you know, it's Italian meatballs. They taste the, they taste just the same. I like the flavor of the Italian. I genuinely cannot tell a difference between the Monson. No, I really don't tell a difference either, yeah, for sure. Pretel bun, regular? What are you working with? The door blows open again.

and there is silence except for a drip. Trip. The door in front of us? The door in front of you. You see nothing but pitch black with a single beam of what you assume is supposed to be moonlight coming down from the sky. But you, of course, know that it's daytime and this is some sort of effect. and then into the light beam steps jelt Frimpin, the dragon, who looks at you and says,

I'm so pleased that you finally made it. You got to be kidding me. And that's where we'll stop. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. audience supported.