The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 29

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

The gang get down to business on their projects and acquire assets as their investigation leads them to an unexpected source. Beef bets on a diamond in the rough. Montrose talks to the press. Emerich does some dire work. Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: "Back in the 80s" by Holizna: https://holiznaroyaltyfree.bandcamp.com/; "Strange Story Piano" by Lite Saturation: https://litesaturation.com/; "Stay Alive" by PlatinumEDM: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKCo4y0JbV2YRQZWKoprrBaq8GCHwlRuD; “Voyageur” by Monkey Warhol: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Monkey_Warhol/; "Sunny Day" by Kirk Osamayao: kirkosamayo.com; "Essence2" by Jason Shaw: https://audionautix.com/; "Walking Along" and "Virtutes Instrumenti" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; and "Battements en balade" by Jean Toba: http://jeantoba.media/en/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

This one is honestly a little sad, gang. Remember the security guard who single-handedly stopped a robbery at the It's All Greek to Me snack cart? That selfless member of the customer satisfaction team not only drenched his uniform in the process, but he also took a bullet to the leg, earning himself the nickname of the hero hero. Well, that hero has a name, and its guy Meanswell. Shockingly, our sources tell us that Meanswell was just fired. for losing his keycard during a routine visit to Eustabin. Hoo, Dentonic takes this stuff seriously, y'all,

especially with those that are charged with keeping us all safe. So if you're hoping to lose their property and keep your job, we hope you never know when to stop dreaming. The cilantro is in the UK they called the leaves, coriander and the seeds. I don't know why we I don't know why we do it the way we do I always thought I'd learn with age

Hello and welcome to Steeplechase A thrilling adventure Oh you accidentally read a portion of your biography There Did you mean to read like a script or something I think that's actually from his autobiographical cookbook The Spice of Life A Justin McElroy story Yeah

Adjusticray. recipe. And now we know that Creaky Man went to the University of Kentucky because he mentioned UK. Okay. All right. Smart. You're wild. There's no getting one over on this wildcat.

Hi. This is the Mitchell and Steeble Chase. The continuing investigation into the death of Paul Pantry and the general whatevering is happening to you three.

At the end of the last episode, you stole a guard's keycard. I felt bad about that for a whole week. That's good because I still don't know why you did it. And Darla Davis has been cut off from you. I mean at this point. Not necessarily by force using sort of soft power. Darla Davis has been kept from you.

Go ahead, Treff. All right, fellas. Just I'm going to go give this back real quick. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on to that. hold on to that. We're going to use that. We need that. That was a good impulse. It felt

intrusive, but I appreciate the compliment. I'm fucked. God But here's the thing. It was attached to a very long, one of those extending lanyard things, so it's okay. Oh, you're right.

No, don't let go. No, no, that's not real. Listen, at this point, I God help me if it's not true But at this point I'm working off the feeling That Kenchell Denton for some reason

Is orchestrating cutting us off from our support network Sticky Fingers Paul Banjury is dead We've lost Gravel to The You know prison system And now Darla Has more or less been professionally blackmailed

into cutting off contact with us. Now, we have other contacts, but I would say none as connected as those three. So, like, those are the people we've gotten jobs from so far. You're all alone. It's just us three. Well, no, no. The entire world.

Emmerich, did you hear... I said we know other people. What I said, Emmerk, what I said was we know other people. Yeah. Those are just the three people who have given us jobs. There's always shrewk. Right. And my best friend James Debarge.

And James, Jimmy. Jimmy Debs. I don't feel any better because of that, but... No. Oh, okay, cool. So you're suggesting that Dollar Davis's life is not in danger. You're saying that she's already been severed from us as a content. I don't think it's about, like, murdering people who have helped us.

I think it's about separating us from people who we've gotten work from. Well, just gosh, dang, could they not have reassigned Paul Pantry? Could they not have, you know, shipped him off somewhere? Perhaps you're forgetting Paul Pantry's inherent blackmailing nature. Oh, yes. That's a good point. So basically, the two criminal people have been arrested and murdered. Yes.

And the person who is seemingly an upstanding cast member has been given a promotion. All right. So we are at war then, which I don't know if you can call it that when one of the sides just has three people on it. Just three, only three. The drama of it is good for me psychologically. It seems like we have come to an announcement. inflection point in this operation. One that will require us to really figure out where Kinchel Denton's interests lie.

Well, at this point, I've given him two opportunities, one at Gravel's arrest, and then trying to pass the information up through Guy Meanswell to be like, hey, tell Kenchell to come talk to us. Yes. So he's, he has an opportunity now. to be like, I don't know what's going on either. So we haven't had any contact with him, right, Juice? No, no, he has not in any way gotten in contact.

Since, gentlemen, we are thieves, correct? I mean, we are. Smugglers, according to the rap sheet. What we do is we go in and we steal things, correct? Why don't we steal a... a meeting with Kenchell Denton. Let's confront him. Find out why he's doing this to us.

We're just three all alone little lambs out there in the cold. Why? Okay. That's not, we're not. Amrick, deep breath. Deep breath, bud. I think the problem with the stealing of the thing, it's a little more confrontational than,

because then we have to get past security and then back past security. You know what I mean? at this point, I'm more willing to just like, I don't know, ruin him if we could. Oh, boy. Listen, let's give him until nightfall to respond. If we don't get that, we find him. Sound good? Yes.

Yes. All right. I trust you, beef. I trust you, Montrose. For now. after all Emrick, we're all you have Now don't come on

Now don't play that off No, Emmerick, I was just No, I'merick, I was joking It's fine, it's fine, everything's fine, it's gonna be okay I don't know how to resolve this, Justin But is waiting An option I would like to confirm

I guess before we, I'm totally ready to go to war with Kinchel I don't give a fuck, I'll burn that to his house down but is waiting to see if this summons is actually accepted an option? Let me think for a sec. Griffin, I found in life that like waiting and doing nothing and seeing if the problem resolves itself is always an option. Not always a good option. Yeah.

But it's always there. All right, Justin. So does he come hang out at Bobby's place? You know what I mean? do some ski ball trade in some tickets explain his master plan um no fuck man that would have been great for us all right let's get this could we have a down time a mini downtime you said there would be a downtime oh you should be able to have a little downtime yeah you know what earned it he's not going to reach out to you but let's talk about what um he is not going to

appear before you let's say that okay um but why don't you all you'll have some needs before you move on from from this uh this little your home way from home what does everybody want to get up to we'll do some we'll do some downtime as this as as you wait for kinchel to respond or not i feel like i had a long-term project but i don't see a clock anywhere yeah it's right there griff it's uh your gambling thing you wanted to do gambling it features you um are you are we do unusual two activity downtime situation? I think that would be kind. Yeah, you all have been through some stress, some violence.

It's been a stressful time, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. When a friend is murdered, that's bad. But when Sticky Fingers Paul Pantry is murdered, that's not as bad. It's okay. It's less bad, yeah. Agreed. It's still bad.

It can be bad. It just doesn't have to be super duper bad. I am it would be smart to acquire an asset we never do that let me pray on that while you guys do other stuff I've acquired I've acquired two assets

I'm gonna pray on it. We've got Benson and we got James DeBarge you're right is Benson an asset because Benson Benson feels like a liability to me well you know one man's asset Justin is another man's liability that's interesting that's what it says

at the bottom of the poster for Bacon four. Yep. So that's actually a pretty cool line you came up. This is my friend Benson. He does not have a particular set of skills. If anything, he really is holding me back. He's kind of my albatross.

But you know what? I promised his mom that he could hang out with me the day. Come on, Benson. Oh, no, Benson. Your foot is stuck in a bucket. Oh, no. Benson, okay, Benson, when you hired Benson, Benson had one line the day you hired Benson.

Does anybody remember what that single line was? it was, I'm gonna let you down. So I don't know if he's the most trustworthy. But I believe in him. Maybe I should train him. Can you train an asset? Yeah, yes. I think that's part of the among the things you can do, actually.

Okay. Griffin, you work on your thing. I'm gonna raise him up. That's beautiful, Trev. Okay. I would like to acquire an asset. Okay, Griffin. I want to leverage the buttercream connections

that we have utilized so far to try and source a hacker or someone who can crack into Kenshal Denton's like schedule. Maybe that's more, maybe it's his assistance like schedule or something like that. But something that can help us know where he is. going to be. Okay. I would point out James is a techno wizard.

So if you want to like acquire James for that, I don't want to take James from you. You could never. Our bond is... You have two different ways of doing this, Griffin. One is technical and one is social.

So that is what I would say to you. You could go either way. We'll do social. Social. Because then if we do social, then just I could do it, right? Well, what I mean is like... Kenshal is a notable person, right?

Right. There is a physical way of social, not the right word. There are different people for different reasons who would know where he is from time. Whether people watchers or people on his staff, etc. Or there's, you know, hacking into his date book.

What I would say is that the technical thing would narratively give you a lot more access. Yeah, but that could be too much access, right? Like, if I could just hack his fucking email account, like I could probably ruin him. without us having to do anything else. Yeah, man, you could see all of the different plans that he definitely has written down

in everything that he's doing. You could read the whole story of this. Do you know what I would actually like to find? What? I would like to find a vlogger, not Crystal with a K, someone with like extreme boundary issues who has gotten verbal and written warnings in the past,

someone who is going to know where Kenshal Denton's going to be because that's information that is relevant to their dark interests. So you want somebody who... I want, I guess, the vlogger equivalent of like a paparazzi. Do you mean Steeble Chasing Jason? What? No. That's his name that I came up with. Steeble Chasing Jason.

Jason? Yeah. Ah, Travis. Yeah, actually. Yeah. Dang it. I was sitting here looking for some evidence to the contrary, and I don't think I could disprove what you've just said from a legal perspective. So yes. Okay.

I can do two things with Steeple Chase and Jason. I can do both my downtime activities with them. Great. So you are in... you're in Poppy's place killing some time what are you doing Matros how are you filling your hours I mean my duties as an employee of Poppy's place

are so perfunctory at this point I think it's literally just like well giving people you know what Dave and Busters when you go in there's people like you want to recharge your fucking game card man it's literally it's that at this point so you're at the You're at...

I'm at the... I'm at the prize exchange booth. Sure. Okay. All right. And then you hear, like, the door kind of swing open. And you hear a click, click, click on a pad, a hollow pad. And you see a man standing in front of you, weirdly handsome in like a squish-face kind of way.

And he's wearing a pair of ratty jeans. And he's got a Baja on. and he's got some some of those feet feet shoes you know the ones are going he's wearing toes shoes

and he's got like a hydration backpack Jesus Christ this guy rules this is the coolest dude I've ever heard of okay yeah this is guys if you're saying this this is Primo stuff I'm

showing you live. We're taking a look at the Poppy's Place. We've been here. They've been doing a lot of renovations in here. So I wanted to bring you in live to check it out. Hi, welcome. You're on, you're here with Steeplechase and Jason live. Say hi, Chad. You are kidding me. The Steeplechase and Jason. That's always me. Cool to meet a fan. Yeah, man, it's me. Steeple Jason Jason. I was hoping you can tell us about some of the, and he's still got his phone. He's kind of like holding it in your face. And it's got a rig on it that limits movement

and also has a microphone popping out the top of it. Can I see how many viewers he has? Can I see how many viewers? 63. Call it. Okay. Don't laugh.

63 is a great. A lot of... If you... Okay. This is what it irritates me about social media. May I have a second? Yeah, please.

May I have a second? Please. If you entertain 63 people, you're a failure. If you murder 63 people, you're the world's greatest killer. You tell me. You tell me why. You tell me, right? You tell me.

Yeah. So I was all Siebel chasing Jason, by the way. Yes, she said all that. Oh, sorry. I did not mean to insult you. I'm a great fan of your work. I love how you just get in there and then people are like, get out and you're like. In there, like, swimwear, the Jason way.

That's what I always say at the end of every stream. Yes. Yes, that's fantastic. So what was your, do you, and he's still got shoving this camera in your face and he starts heading towards the darkade. Can I take a look back around here? Because I hear that you're all getting some new attractions in.

Oh, I'm afraid that it is very dangerous back there. There is live electricity wires just sort of zipsaping around. Yep, see, got another one anyways. Hey, you seem like someone who's plugged in, in the no, so to speak. You hear that chat? Sounds like somebody's trying to snuggle up to steeple Jason Jason. Yeah, we get this about four or five times a stream.

Sorry, but my heart is already taken by the internet. Can you pause that stream for a moment, please? I don't pause the stream. I say, okay. And I go over to my computer that I use to track all of our fucking prize rewards. and I start playing the Beatles with the volume turned all the way up. Okay.

Ah, shit. Okay, hold on. Get me fucking dis... Demonitized. Hold on. Sorry, sorry. I'll do a little. Chad, I got a shooter Duke.

I'm going to be right back. Stay. Keep it locked. And as always, in there like swimwear with Jason. Okay. Bang, bang, Maxwell, silver hammer came down.

No, now. See, you're going to get us. Demonetize, Dad. Oh, okay. Yeah, because that's, Sounds so much. All right. Go on. You've got just a few minutes to win me over. You have to be kidding me.

Yeah, I am. That's kind of a gag I do for the mega fans. Because like, wow, wouldn't that be a mindblower? No, no, no, no. Just me. Steeble Chasing Jason. So what's up? What's your name again, man? My name is Montrose Pretty. You found it. All right. Yeah, it's a little bit of a little proud. A little bit of that. A little bit of that. Thank you. Okay, good. So, um.

That means a lot. To Jason by the act. Good. I say, I am actually in need of the services of someone like you, someone who knows how all the movers and shakers move and shake here in Steeplechase. If I were to, say, want to know where one of the execs might be at a given time, is that some sort of, it seems to be some sort of information that you, you have access to.

Yeah, I mean, for sure, we have people on nearly every layer, not every layer, but nearly every layer. So I could totally like, yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. We want to bring everything to everybody. You know what I mean? Like, the streams are really just kind of a way to start. But, like, beyond this, I feel like it's maybe a podcast is like the next thing. and then after that, I don't know.

I mean, the dream is a TV show. I would love to get to that point. Sure, sure. That's where all of us are hoping to end up. But the way, you know, the text component is really, you know, we're still getting a lot of eyeballs there. So I wouldn't want to sort of stop doing that when all the other stuff is like just kind of getting going. I haven't thought too much into merch, but that's definitely...

I've got a merch. Listen. I can show you what's happening in the darkade. And I'll tell you, friend, it's going to blow up. It's the next big thing. But before that, I need you to scratch my back and help me find out where Kinchel Denton is going to be. Tonight? Yeah, I mean, that should be, yeah, that's no problem, actually.

I will talk to some of the other dudes and... Dudets, right? And, right? I mean, I know, kind of 20. Whatever. You're close, but not really close in time. Listen, can you do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do it. Great.

That's what he says. Yeah, should I roll, yeah. So I roll the cruise tier. Currently one, I believe. Three. Not good What? I got three

You can spend coin To raise the result of this role Oh no You can only raise it Beyond critical With a coin Um I think

Okay I think it's that you can Spend coin to raise it You can raise it Beyond critical by spinning Two coin Yes at the top of this page After the roll

You may spend coin After the roll To improve the result level Increase the result level By one for each coin spent So 1 to 3 becomes a 4 or 5 Uh yeah I'll do that Okay. So that will bring you to a tier one, a level one quality of asset, which sounds about right for Steeplechase and Jason.

Actually, I think it would be Tier zero. A six is... Oh, Tier plus one. I got you. I got you. Right, right. So one. So one. So not bad. You know, pretty good level of asset there. Okay, cool. And yeah, Steeple Jason, Jason will be able to supply this information. to you, it seems like, fairly dependably. I got something else for you, Jason. Just to show that I follow through on my promises, do you

remember the future as you? Yeah. Absolutely. My grandpa told me about it. He said it used to be pretty fire. But, I mean, I have not gone to see it because there's a lot of other stuff to check out, you know, but...

Right. Yeah, for sure. It is no longer an official operation. But let me just say this. Start teasing it a little bit. A revival coming. No kidding. No kidding at all, my friend.

I got to tell. I got to tell everybody. Okay. And can I see back in the darkade, too? Like, that was part of the deal, right? After the information pays off. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That makes perfect sense. But, like, when I do see it, I need to know. I would need you to know that I cannot ever keep anything from my fans. Yes, for sure. Absolutely, I understand. Unless you ask me not to. Yes. In which case, I will just not tell them what you tell me.

Oh, okay. But otherwise, I would never keep anything from my family. It's that dedication to the craft that I appreciate. Can I roll long-term project? This is me doing a little bit of buzz marketing for the future as you. Sure, yeah. Cool. I'm going to roll consort, probably.

The project is getting gambling there, turning into a gambling den. So you're probably mentioning to Jason about the... Are you starting a new one? What? Are you starting a new one? long-term project to get the word out or is this? Yeah, no, no, no, this is futures you gambling. I was thinking it would be the same clock.

I'm, you know, in increasing the awareness of it, I think it is enhancing the solvency of the eventual gambling business. Okay, cool. Let's see, what did you roll? I'll do that, no. It's a six. That's a six.

That's wonderful. Very good, son. Three more segments, please. Yumma, yuma. That's six out of eight. So you rolled a consort, right? And then that's a sit. Okay, three more segments?

Okay, I'm done with steeple Jason Jason. Okay. Is that what you say to his face or? No, I don't want to be rude. Oh, okay, nice. My downtime activities are also going to be two for one. So let's go ahead and knock them out. We love it.

While hanging out at the features you, I've befriended one of the gamblers. It hangs out there named Smudge. And I'm going to make a bet with Smudge that I can she's all that. Benson into an amazing criminal so that I want to indulge my advice and start a long-term project

to train Benson up. You know we've got to talk about this. Yeah? No, I mean, in the world of fantasy. Okay. Okay, so you're telling me that you're going to turn him into some kind of super criminal.

Yeah, that's right. I don't believe it. That guy's useless. You just don't see what I see. Don't let his paint-stained overalls and thick glasses fool you. He's a trash man. I hate him.

He don't do any crime good at all. Hey, Hey, Smudge. I know that this is just hanging out, friends. That's a little too harsh. All right? Benson is still a guy. He's still a person.

He's a bad guy. He's not a bad guy. Yeah, he is not. He's a bad. He stole from me. He stole $8. He did not. You just said he's never gone to any crime.

I noticed that when I saw, I said, stop taking the money. He kept doing it. So your problem isn't that he attempted to steal as that you caught him. He's a bad at crime. He can't do any crime good. And I don't think he's that much of help. What are you going to do that's going to fix him?

You can't fix bad. He's just a trash boy. And you can't fix him. I will bet you one waffle cone that I can. Yeah. Sorry. I'm going to use your first name, Beefford. Yes?

If you're lying to me right now, Bordonski. I would never lie about a waffle cone bet. You know that. What can I give you? You don't have any waffle cones. You could steal a waffle cone. From you?

No, from like a concession stand. I would buy you a waffle cone at a concession stand. You would buy me a waffle cone. Do you hold a waffle cone? You hold another out on me, Beefwood? No, if I had a waffle cone, bud, we'd share it. We would lick for opposite sides, so that it would be standard. I'll bet you one waffle cone that Benson is going to be a little trash disaster forever until he dies and no one will miss him.

Oh, wow. Okay, smudge? Yeah. We talked about this. Sorry, beef. Okay. Okay, so first let me roll my vice. indulge vice

Submit Two Okay So that takes me down to three That's great I thought I didn't overindulge And then Justin

How many How many times Will it take me To fix Benson As the long-term Project of Fixing Benson Yeah Training Benson

I mean It's eight He sucks Oh man Okay Well let's do it Sorry He sucks

You think command? I'm training him. Yeah, I can see that. I think that that's fair. A three is the best. Three? I got a one and a three. Wow.

Okay. Wait, can I spend a coin? Is this spend a coin to go again? No. To increase the result by one level. Okay. Then I'll take it to a four. So wait, you're rolling to

for a long-term project for long-term project okay I need a thing well I rolled a one in a three but I'm going to pay a coin to bump it up to a mixed success so that I can fill in two segments two big segments okay

and now a brief display of what that scene might have been like I think it might have gone something like this all right Benson yeah okay I want you to try to take this coin out of my hand

what are you gonna do if I try to grow Grab it. You're going to try to snatch away from me. I'm just going to close my hand. It's about dexterity. Okay. Okay.

You missed it, and I stole your wallet. Wow. You really are the best of the business. No, I'm not. You just, like, really weren't focused at all. Benson, he tries to grab it again. My hand is closed, Benson. The hand's closed.

You got to wait until I open my hand back up. That's why you're the boss, I guess. I'm not. Okay. I didn't know you could close your hand. I'm going to lose a waffle cone. Okay, so you're trying to train Benson into something that's worth a damn. Mack, Clint, what do you want to do?

I'm going to, I thought I started a new, no, no, I'm going to start a new long-term project. You and your projects, I swear. Well, this is something we talked about a couple of episodes ago, and I think, that it's a good idea. I think Emrick is going to begin working on an extremely lifelike, believable, Kenshal Denton, Hardlight. Okay. And I think to make it that lifelike and believable, that's going to take a long-term project. I don't think that's something he can just whip up. Yeah, you are you are 100% correct, Dan. That's actually going to be our first ever 12 o'clock.

Are you sure, Justin? I mean, I hear you. I hear you. Well, okay. 8 o'clock. Yeah. You're the boss. Well, it's just that he has, he has practice now, you know?

Oh, that's true. That's true. That's true. So I need to roll, correct? Roll tinker. Oh, yes? Yeah. A D-20, correct?

Clint. I know. Just click tanker. I did. You didn't. If you had clicked tank, here, thank you. 6-2-2. 6-2.

All right, you did get a 6. I don't know why you rolled a D-6. I should penalize you for that, but here, 6-2-2 will count as a 6. So with the 6, what is that, three segments? Correct. All right. Okay.

Are you filling them in for me? Yeah, I'll fill them in for you. And since he, and that's a lot of work, don't you think? I mean, for a first day of working on something, getting those three segments. You're making great progress. So that's the work you've already done in this field. Especially since we consider the fact that his new vice is the pleasure he gets from hard work. Yeah.

And working on his thing. So that with doing that, he's also indulging his vice. What is your, what is your, I'm going to do the vice for in a second. Dad, what is your like work? place look like. When you're doing this work, what does it, what does it look like? He has, in your mind's eye. It's, it's like one of those artist tables that, um, angles up and down. The drafting table, yeah. Yeah, like a drafting table, but it rolls. And he's got like four of these things and he can change the configuration around. Um,

and like he can roll it up so high that he can do like magnets on it to put, uh, documents and diagrams and stuff. Documents too? Documents too and diagrams. Holy shit. And dioramas, he's got dioramas and dire makers. He's got all kinds of dire stuff. Dyer wolves.

Diarrhea. He's got diarrhea. He does actually have diarrhea. You didn't have to make that be true. No, it's Amarik. He has, come on, it fits the profile. No, it makes sense. I just, it's gross.

Yeah. Everybody in this family has diarrhea driven. I do not. Everybody on Earth has that's the embarrassing secret is it's always coming out like that for everyone. All right, don't feel bad. Don't feel bad.

But never talk about it. It's our human secret. And when it's not on his wrist, he puts the... The diarrhea? No, no, no. This is a gross. This is gross.

He kind of angles it and so that it projects up into the air, you know, like Tony Stark's, you know, projections in the air. and they move stuff around real cool. Hey, Justin, can I just announce that my equipment, my knife talks to me and flips around, cool. You know, like that knife in the shadow

with Alec Baldwin? My knife does that. You know what I noticed? When you guys are doing your bits, nobody talks but you. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, you're right. Can I say?

And everybody kibits is in mind. Is it maybe time to start saying the word, Aegis, a little bit more around this podcast, right? You guys are agesists. The older half of this podcast is tired of getting bullied by you young, young folks. Yeah. Well, yeah.

If I didn't have to sit down right now and drink a metamusole, I would be giving you what for. Listen. Now, Justin is actually, uh, technically a boomer. No, I'm not. You are. Yeah, Justin. It's 81 is the cutoff. I think of a millennial, I think is where.

No, no, I don't think that's it. So by doing this year, fulfilling exactly what I talked about. Anyway, I'm rolling for stress now. I am indulging my vice of hard work. I don't need to roll for stress. You give me plenty of these kids. Here we go. Indulging vice.

Taxes have given me stress. Here we go. Like all adults. Indulging my vice. And it's a three and a one. All right, clear three stress. You have six stress currently. That clears three of the stress away.

So that's it. That's all I got. I don't think there's anything else I can do. Greatest Trek is the podcast for all your modern Star Trek needs. It's funny, informative, and now it's all so timely. That's because every Friday right after the release of a new episode of Strange New Worlds, Picard, Lower Decks, Discovery, or Prodigy, we bring you a review of that episode. There's some great new Star Trek coming up, and we're going to cover all of it.

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This is Alonzo Durali. And this is Sparta. Iffy. Listen, I got 300 on the brain. We just watched the movie 300 in honor of our 300th episode of Maximum film. That's right. And to celebrate this major milestone, we brought back original co-hosts,

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Find this and all 300 episodes of Maximum Film anytime on maximum fun.org. You get a text. um, Montrose, because I forget how steeple, in the interim, I forgot how steeple chasing Jason sounds. It's been six weeks.

I understand. And Rachel hasn't added it to my voices spreadsheet because Rachel obviously hasn't edited the episode because it's only half of an episode. So I don't know, I don't remember what steeple Jason tells. So you get a text. So you get a text from steeple chasing Jason.

Okay. And it says, um, hey, I got a fix on him. I got a fix on your guy. He's having a, uh,

a secret birthday party. inside gutter city. Way down in the depths. Now, Justin, I assume he used voice to text. So which of those words are like misspelled? And what's like, what's it really saying? It's a lot of like random capitalization and exclamation points. Yeah.

I look, I read it on my Blackberry. And I leave him on red. Oh, nice. That's so cool. Yeah, it's in the, this party is apparently, inside the abandoned gutter city first episcopal, which is the most beautiful, elegant church in all of gutter city, but it has been shuttered because people have forgotten the face of God.

And so you arrive in gutter city, and it is, it's a lot different than how you remember it. there is what was sort of a noir romance kind of thing is still dark and sooty but you can see there's like trash campfires there's uh uh shacks that have been just like sort of assembled uh along the sides of the streets uh so many more than you remember there being you actually as you're like sneaking in uh trying to keep a low profile i assume you uh you uh actually witnessed like somebody getting mugged from a distance. I know. It's wild.

So wait, so this isn't like a redesign or like, we've added, this is like, hmm, things like have actually. Something, yeah, something, yeah, something, something has changed here. And you start to suspect maybe it had something to do with Darla. Okay. Darla is holding things together. Yeah, perhaps. But you make your way to gutter city. for a Sepahal.

There are large windows that have been painted over long, long ago before this function, but you can definitely hear music from inside. You see some lights peeking out through the cracks of the black paint on the windows where it's begun to peel away. And inside you hear voices and some music and you see the lights. How do you want to play it? We should send in our front man. Yeah. Yeah, but if, hmm, let's sidebar in fiction.

Yeah. Yes. I am concerned that our usual ploy of pretending to belong at a function, a social function, will not necessarily play well here, given the small and intimate nature of the gathering. Also, if Kinchel didn't seize any one of the three of us, that's it. So I believe that stealth may be the order of the day rather than deception. Are you too comfortable with that?

Yeah, I would say I'm comfortable with it. You've got a huge and beautiful, powerful body. Thank you, yes. But it is difficult to hide it behind a coat rack or pillar or something. Well, I mean, in a building this scale, it does make it a little bit easier. I might see if I can find maybe not like a main entrance. I doubt a building of this size has just like one way in and out. See if I can maybe cover, you know, let's say a fleeing path.

Sure. What is security like here? So there's no security on the outside. Okay, that's great for us. You're a certain of security on the inside, but this is like, you've got the impression of Steeble Jason, Jason. and this is like an exclusive hush-hush thing, right? You got to be on the inside to know about it.

So a bunch of security, you draw attention. They don't want people to know. So none on the outside. Do we see anybody else heading towards the building that we could perhaps intercept? Any other party goers? I believe we should make a survey roll. Oh, that's a good idea.

Make a survey roll. Okay. Control him, dad. I have none in survey. I have none in survey. That's great. Dad's like, I got to play. I'm bad at it, but somebody else do my plan.

I have a plan, somebody else do it. To be fair, I do that with my friends a lot. Yeah, that's true actually. That's a three, that's a failure. Oh, um, that's her thing. If my character sheet would load, I'd let you know. There's definitely a front entrance that has been bolted shut. Oh.

I mean, nobody's going in and around. This place looks abandoned. That's the whole idea. Like the front entrance, no one is going in and out. there is a back way that you can get in, a back alley side door. And then you assume there must be some other entrances and exits to this place that everyone else is using. Because Episcopalians love their fellowship halls. So there has to be a fellowship hall.

There has to be a fellowship hall. That's not an entrance to a building, that it's a hall within a building. But yeah, I mean, absolutely, Dad, great. It's true. It's true point. They love fellowships. They love fellowship. They're Episcopalian.

Um, I'm, I'm gonna look for that back alley side entrance. You find it. Yeah, we did it. Cool. There's one door in the alley. That's the one. Is it guarded? No, not from the outside.

It's not. Is it locked? Is it locked? Check it out. I'm gonna, I'm gonna try the door, but I'm gonna do the thing. Uh, I'm gonna, like, pull it towards me as I slowly turn the handle, right? so it stays closed, and I'm trying to open it as quietly as possible. This feels like a, this feels like...

The moment it opens, you hear like the sort of like vague muffle, you hear much clearer, a loud, amplified voice speaking over the speakers. And you don't know who this person is. You don't recognize the voice. You just hear, and I've known... him since he was, gosh. But younger than his dad when I met him,

it's been a long road for this kid. And, uh, I think he's fine, you know, we all know that he's had his struggles. But it's just like, you know, he's just like talking, you know, he's just like talking about somebody,

presumably Kenchell. Is it Kenchell's birthday? Would we know that? I get on fucking Wikipedia on my Blackberry and Google. Well, Kinchel didn't. Oh, shit, it's May 30th. So that's today in IRL. Yeah, but we don't know what date it is in the game, so it might as well be May 30th.

Okay. So today is Kinchel's birthday. Yeah. Fantastic. The Magnolia Thrun bloom. So that's a hint. Yeah, it's a big hint. That's a big juicy hint.

Is there a coat check in this entrance? Not at this entrance. You get this, when you look around at what you can peer through, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you have entered into sort of like a vestibule there's nobody immediately around there's a you've got like a red tile floor below you

there is a single like bench to the side and there's a bunch of shoes like muddy shoes underneath it and you see a door to like a locker room type thing that you can sense this is where like people are coming to change and get ready

for the for the event But you have gathered from this, this is like the service entrance. This is where people who are working the event have been entering. And you assume people who are attending are entering from presumably below. I mean, you have to imagine. Oh, like they came out through like service tunnels. Exactly, yeah.

We've got to figure those out. It seems like our job would be much easier if we could just take these from these. I don't know if it would be easier for you to get into the main entrance and it is through this. staff entrance, but sure. It's fair. I want to walk into the locker room. Okay. You walk in the locker room,

and you don't see anything that immediately jumps out at you as... Oh, that's good. Yeah, there's no spooky clowns. Okay. There are like two... Hey, I'll float down here, George.

Hey, contractually, I said no referenceing it anyways. Sorry, dad. Don't... Yeah, you don't want to upset the fiction. I need to sleep tonight. night, my man. So there's a couple long

benches. There's cubbies for shoes. There's lockers and a rack that has some like hangers on it, empty hangers that you assume, you actually see three empty hangers that look like they would have

had perfectly sized uniforms, staff uniforms. For each of you. But they are gone. Well, that's luck sometimes. You don't even. mean like that was completely unavoidable there's nothing you could have done oh damn it no amount of prep would have helped with that no no no listen it was always going to be that way i just feel it in my

bones um you know what i so i know we said stealth right um but i i i feel like at this point all we're doing is wasting opportunities we have to get in there it we don't yeah okay you know what I was going to fight you on this, but I find that possibility very exciting. I find your enthusiasm for it even more exciting. Oh, yes, it's very encouraging. I think you too should just take the bull by the horns and go out there and confront these people and just lay it on the line. That's not the goal. You know that, right?

Now I do. Yes. I thought that was the goal. Sorry. At that point, you hear the voice, there's a huge round of applause. Whatever, like, whatever speech was happening in there has wrapped up and you hear the tones of Kinchelden speaking. It's just, there's not. I mean, I could talk over you, but it doesn't matter.

It's a bunch of palaver, right? It's a bunch of, you know, thanks for having me. It's not interesting enough to make. you wait for me to see. He's not roasting them, right? Yes, it's nothing good. You just hear Kenchell up on stage. Okay, I want to, like, quietly but purposefully advance towards to see if we can get,

like, a line of sight on anything without necessarily, like, fully revealing ourselves. Yeah, there's actually, it works out well. There is, well, let me tell you what, let's get a survey roll. Is this? All, all seriousness. Are they, is this. Is this party going on in like the church worship area or is it in a? Therein, you are, you are adjacent to the main sanctuary.

You are, that is where this, like, he is up on stage. There's people sitting in pews that have been refinished. It's like. So now they're actually comfortable? Yeah, right. Yeah. There are, okay, so there are pews. You know, we could probably, we could probably sneak up close because if we stay low to the ground, you know how pews are.

They block the site. Yeah, but, yeah, but the DM has for a rule. So let's do. Yes, that's true. Just to survey it. Okay. So I'll do it. Oh, this is.

What's your survey, Griffin? You got one or zero. One. Whiskey standard. You go ahead. Because there are. We can all do it, right? It's survey.

Well, I will help. I feel like that's weird. I will help. How about that? That's what the mechanic. I'll take a bonus dice. If all three of you survey and then one of you will probably get a decent role and then you all have the information. So it doesn't seem like it makes less.

Three five. Make success. Five. I help by picking him up a little bit and like turning him around like a periscope so you can see better. Okay. You see there is a like a hall that is surrounding the sanctuary, a sort of like side hallway that has several large archways that open up in. to the sanctuary. And there are doors on the other side that you're sure go to like classrooms or something

like that. But this hallway could give you some like discretion to if you want to get a better viewpoint. Yeah. I'll, I look at the other two. I say, for real, last chance. I am sort of sneaky. I can scout ahead if you would like.

If you two are comfortable with that. I think that's a fine idea. I think you should. We'll stay right here where no one will find us. Yes. How about this? You go ahead, right? If you need backup, give us a signal.

I'm a little sneaky. Yes. So you give the signal if you need, right? Okay. And then you, Emmerich. Yes. You're going to be like the hang bank. And if someone tries to get by you, let me, no, let me refer to that.

If Kenshal tries to get by you, you need to stop him. stop him yeah you can like you have harm him okay Emmerich you have like tech magic where you can like shock people and make like

you can shoot lightning out of your bus distractions and shit so like why are you acting like this is the first time you've ever had to do something because when I try to do lately I'm on I'm kind of in a slump I kind of have the yips

a little bit but no no I'm sure I'll rise to the occasion or fail miserably So you all go ahead, I will do the hang back, and if Kenshal tries to leave, I will do something to make him stay. Fantastic. I love that confidence. Let's do this. Me too. As we start making our way there, is there, do I see like a vestry or any other kind of priestly ready room where we might be able to grab a robe or two?

Probably one of those classrooms to the side. But they, I would guess they would all be locked, but you can go try them, but. Yeah, I mean, I'll try, I guess I'll try one. They're locked. Hey, Papa, I love how tickled you are by just the idea of us wearing priestrobes. You three goofballs and Mark's brothers antics. I just, yeah, I just.

Are you, but you are sneaking, mantras, can I just see, are you sneaking out into that hallway to try to get a better view of things? Yeah, I'll do. Because if you're trying doors, you've got to be out a little bit. Fine. I will be,

I will sneak. Other two, you're hanging back and seeing what Montrose can, uh, find out. Is that correct? Uh, I am not trying to trap you,

just trying to get a sense of thing. Yeah, I'm hanging back and I'm, uh, ready to move. So I am like, I'm poised. Cool.

You know, I'm ready to go. Like, and am, Emmerich is hanging back and poised to not move. Great. I love that. So I guess he's just poised. Montrose, you're watching.

Am I prowling? What? You need me to prowl? Yeah, you're prowling. Take a prowl. Okay. Posish? This is risky standard.

Okay. I'm going to push myself. The noise is very loud. And the lights are dimmed in the crowd and focused on the stage. So it is not a big, it's not very challenging. Cool. I'm going to push me. myself still. I would say risky grade actually. This is definitely going to work. Okay.

5-1-1. So wow. Okay. Makes success. I know that it's not this way, but man, it always feels good when you push yourself and it's like one of the die work. And you get one good role. Yeah, that's not really how I think probability and all that should. Or god, it feels good. Yeah, sure. You sneak a little forward. With a five, you don't get like a perfect viewpoint, but you can definitely get the layer of the land. You just can't see everything that's happening. Okay. From your, from the vantage point you're able to make it too safely. And you see Kensington on stage. This is like a very gothic sort of Episcopalian church.

I mean, as far as Episcopalian churches go, this is about as gothic as they get. I've been to some pretty Episcopalian Gothic churches, do you say. Yeah, that's, that's cool, Griff. Tell me more. Tell me more. I'm talking about those later. You see Kensington Dent and he's in a tuxedo, a black tux. He's as always thin, perfectly manicured. He's got his dark black hair swooped over his face.

He's got some dark eyeliner on. No, he's got like short. No, he said it was a Gothic church. No, okay. Yeah, okay, that's very good. We're having a lot of fun with words today. And you see, you see Kinchel. This is the scene.

I'm going to tell you the scene that you see play out in front of you while you are probably around. You see Kinchel up on the stage, and he's been talking for a while about his position within the company and all the uh the the big things that dentonic is doing and he's i i i would like to think that uh if if carmine denton were alive today and he could see the work that we are doing as a company not just um uh the parks but the good that we were able to do for this community uh this this country through steeplechase and through the Dentonic Corporation. I think he'd be touched because it's about people before anything else.

The first thing is our people and taking care of people within our family, within Dentonic, and outside and making for safer communities. I know that Gutter City has had some tough times, but I feel like a new day is is just ahead for gutter city and for Dentonic. And then you see a waiter drop a tray on the ground. There's a loud clatter. And this waiter starts talking. And the weird thing is you notice his face isn't moving very much as he speaks.

And he said, Oh, really? Taking care of each other. Very important to you, eh, Kinchel? There's something about. that and he grabs Kinchel around his waist before the security guards

can even get up to the dais. This waiter has sprung up and wrapped his arm around his waist and he grabs at his neck and pulls back. There's something really funny about that. It's funny man.

He rips off the back of his coat and he has a jetpack. He is careening, smashing through the windows of the church and funny man has just kids. Kynchel Denton. I love this show. I knew it.

Listen, I knew it. If you'll all open your envelopes that I sent you, your sealed envelopes open them now, you'll see. I wrote down funny man kidnaps Kinchel Denton at the church. I fucking called it, guys. Oh, I said jack of club. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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