The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 3

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

The arcade employees make a name for themselves and take some recovery time. Beef knocks some clunkers around, Emerich checks the score, Montrose salvages some relationships.Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=enAdditional music in this episode: "Hard Mode" and "Coins" by Holizna: https://holiznaroyaltyfree.bandcamp.com/;  "Aloof”,"Walking in Space", "A Mysterious Place", and "Something's Not Right Here" by Kirk Osamayao: kirkosamayo.com; "A Rainbow in The Sewers" by Dilating Times: https://tommasocroce.eu/; and “Voyageur” by Monkey Warhol: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Monkey_Warhol/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

And we're so happy to see the return of those classic purple trash cans, such a big part of our favorite Passions Cove memories. Meanwhile, in Yustaven, Dantanik pulls another of its dazzling magic act with a thrilling fake robbery to hype up the release of the 150th anniversary pin. Not that we could even be more excited. You know, I'll admit it, I was fooled. I believed there was a heist. I even believed that I was in actual danger just because I received a minor fracture in my tibia

from being knocked over by Dominic Good Party, or whoever he really was. Luckily, it was Beef Punchley to the rescue, stopping the robbery, retrieving the pin, and maybe even leaving a few broken hearts in his wake. Welcome back, Beef. That's going to do it for this week's steepies. I'm Crystal with a K, and as Dentonic always says, never know when to stop dreaming. I didn't suspect you to be back so soon.

You children, wish another tale. If you open too many episodes. Perhaps there are a few more minutes before this two was prepared. Now, Justin, what you're doing, you're one life in saving until you're setting up an expectation. Can you guys not fucking give me 30 seconds to set a little bit of tone?

It's just, I want to warn you, this character will be codified. if you continue to use him. And then you'll need to name him. The next chapter in Steeblechardt. Yeah. In my book that I've, Hey, welcome to the Adventure Zone Steeplechase,

a nasty story about nasty people. I am Justin McElroy and I am your game master. If you, in the previous two episodes, three sort of thieves, sort of rob somebody and got themselves pretty hard. her in the process. How are y'all, remind me your, your, your, your, your, uh, physical and mental states right now, friends with a, with a brief mention of your name.

Oh, hi, I'm Travis. I play beef. He got his left arm cut real good. Uh, I'm Griffin. I play Montrose pretty and, uh, I swallowed a pin and I sprained my ankle. And I'm very stressed out. Oh, yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm Clint McElroy.

I'm playing, uh, Emric Dreadway. And I don't see any physical. You got knocked out. I got knocked out, but is it? You got knocked out, but we didn't assign any harm on it. It just sort of happened. Healthy boy, healthy, boy. A healthy knocked out boy.

I'm a healthy, healthy boy. I've got stressed, though. I got stressed. You got stressed and you're knocked out currently, right? Is that where we're at? Yeah. Did the, yes, because the shock didn't go so great. It knocked them out, but it also knocked you out.

That's correct. Yes. Okay. Well, the score is over for all intents of purposes, but, and we are going to move into a phase It's called downtime, but you all have to help me get you there. Can we get there? Yeah, let's go there. Right at the end of your last heist, Gravel pulled up in a stolen truck,

throwing open the van door and telling you what a miserable job you did. Do you climb into the van with gravel? Yes, and I scoop up Emmerich. Okay? I'm just throwing him over. my shoulders. I climb into the whale with Dracula

because I am still tripping pretty good right now. So that's like my current sort of situation. I'm going to throw Emric over my shoulder and gently take Montrose's hand like a tiny child and lead him to the van. Okay, so you're all in the van. I need some orange

slices. Yes. Well, we'll... I mean we're all the little breath when we start out. But that truly was despicable. Now, you, sloppy, she's pointing at view. Sloppy, lucky, but sloppy. You, oh, ho, ho, making some big chances, aren't you? And you, well, you're asleep. You showed a little bit of talent, which I'm telling you because you were asleep.

But you got yourself knocked out, so I rescind my compliment. You three were truly terrible. Now, hold on, if I may, all things considered, and I know that's a big caveat, But all things considered, I actually thought it went pretty well. I mean, we didn't have time for repair. Oh, fascinating. Yeah. It worked.

If I hadn't shown up with this truck, what would you be doing on now, Bif? Walking away. Walking away. Now, I will admit, the little turnabout, turning yourself a new hero, that was good. That showed a little bit of skill. God, you are all miserable. Are we going to go? Because you're telling us are doing a bad job, but we're just sitting here and stolen truck.

She's driving. She's driving. listen here, you floating, living, speaking, handbone. All right, she's gunning it now. And she's getting closer and closer to what you would think of as the border of Eusterman. There's an area where the park sort of stops. There's gates behind it and there's some edge. And around the edge, wrapping around steeplechases, you know steeplechase is a tower.

But this is something that you would know. one of the main ways in fact the main way the guests get from the entrance of steeplechase to the ground level to whatever layer that they'll be spending their holiday in is a train and it's a train that wraps all the way around steeplechase

and a spiral ascending up to the top and in another track descending back down to the bottom many major developments especially in major theme parks adopted the monorail. But Mr. Denton was not content to stop there. His obsession with transportation led him to develop a system that was twice as good.

Two rails. What for the train? This is what you are looking at. What you're getting closer and closer to is the by rail. And coming soon, Schicks, tri-rail, a third rail for a closer shave. That's just getting silly.

Yeah. You're careening. You're getting, it's going faster now. And she's not showing any signs of stopping until she parks about four inches from the edge and helps lead you all out the gate. So you're just there in the

sort of field that protects everything, waiting for the by rail to pass you by. Um, you're, it's occurred to me right now in this moment that you're expecting to take the pen and go. Is that correct? Well, that was my plan. Yes, but you are in really bad shape. And I, for some reason, feel a little rough about that. So we're going to get you fixed up.

But I have to ask you first. Uh-huh, yeah. Can you keep a secret? Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to ask where the pin is. Oh, okay, great. Yeah. Oh, I saw where the pen is, right?

That's the other part of our, that's another complication we're going to have to suss out. So I have a torso pain. Mm-hmm. Beef, you're the only sentient one here. Can you keep a secret? I keep plenty of secrets. Yes. All right, then you're going to have to trust me for this next bit.

The byrail is careening up closer to you. Beef, you've still got Emric over your shoulder, and I think she has sort of helped prop Montrose up. Now, when I count to three, you have to do exactly what I say, and I'm not going to tell you what it is, but you just have to promise you'll do it and not think about it, right? Absolutely. Beef? Okay, yeah.

Beef swear to me. You only get one sharp, beef. Swear it. I swear? Okay, the byrail is coming up. It is about to pass by you. It is upon you in three, two, one. And she shouts, jump!

Yep, he does. Yeah. Is someone going to jump? Is someone going to be holding onto our unconscious? Yeah, I'm holding Emmerick. We just covered that. We're doing that thing where, like, you know, two people are like holding a child's hands in the middle and kind of picking them up from time to time and swinging them.

We're doing that with Montrose. You try to land on the byrail, which doesn't make any sense. It's going way too fast and the sides are closed. But what else would you try to do, right? I mean, what other option do you have? You miss it. I spread my wings. You spread your wings.

Your incredible gossamer non-existent wings. They're ineffective because of the non-existence. Damn it. You currie? I see the wings. You slip down and find yourself smack on iron, on rot, iron. And it's filthy. It's filthy in a way that you feel.

forgot things could be used to have been so spick and span and and it is always kept shining and this is gross there's grease on on your hands beef uh as you start to pull yourself back up and you look around you and you see uh it's been sort of roughly constructed this is not made by the uh expert creation years right that's what we went with is that it creation years creation years right yeah yeah yes This is not made by the expert creationist. This is not made by the expert creationeers. This is something that has been rigged together. It's a sort of sled almost.

And you can tell the wild thing is, and the thing that it takes you a second to realize is that you are being pulled along with the momentum of the byrail. You look up and see the byrail. You are being pulled beneath the byrail. This is, we call this the another. undercarriage. It's a little way we get around. We just wait for a by rail and hop a board. No one notices.

No one minds. It's fine. Well, now, hold on, which one is it that no one notices or no one minds? Because if they don't notice, then you don't know if they mind or not. Oh, you're one of the thinkers. I like that about you. Don't let that get around, okay? I've got a lot to cover. Please keep up. That was her talking, not me. I love all these interjections. the the the the the rail continues to hurdle around and it's pulling up till it's halfway between your layer of eustapen and the next and uh

and we don't know yet what the next one is right well i guess what i mean there's maps right i don't know i would assume that like it's like if this is like an amusement park parallel to our like current day right there's mad i mean you're aware of what it's not a parallel i wouldn't think of it's not a parallel i wouldn't think it that way. I mean, the layers of steeplechase are practically tribal. People don't have the geographic attachment that we would assign to a person to help them sort of divide themselves out as like, I'm this kind of person, or I'm this kind of person. So people without that like geographic attachment and without a lot of connections to the outside world have turned the place they work, the layer they work into something of a family or an extended home. So I'm not sure you necessarily would

care what's above you. I mean, you might know, but I don't think you've necessarily, like, been there. Used to Ben is your world. Like, that's where you, you reside. But I mean, like, I'm talking about, like, because you've talked before about, like, part of the magic of Steeplechase is that it's so mysterious to the outside world, right? Right. And so is it like people sign NDAs when they come in? Like, is it very... No, I don't think, no, it's not like that, but I don't think that because you go to Eustabin, you necessarily know, like what happens or anything about ephemera.

Right? Okay. But you're halfway between your layer and the one above you now. And she says, now this part, this part, this is harder. You'll have to hold on

because this will be a little charing and she starts scooting back towards the rear of this little sled here. And you notice that people have taped, cardboard boxes, I mean, layers of cardboard boxes. And she starts

pushing herself up against the cardboard box, like almost in a fetal position, and she starts drawing, motioning for you all to join her. I think she has probably already pulled Montrose close to her and pressing him against the wall. Do you

join? Yeah, I, yeah, I mean, in for a penny. At this point, and then I gently fold up Emmerich. Right. For convenience storage. I make sure all the joints bend in the way that a human being is supposed to. You pop out as convenient travel handle. Yeah.

Oh, sorry. Is it forward or backward on that one? Forward. No, uh, uh, uh, whoa. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I turned him into a semi-truck. Wait, back to a person.

Okay. All right, hold on. And you see a lever. towards the back and she pulls it down. And immediately the momentum starts to shift. You start to immediately slow. And you see a padded wall drop out from the side of the steeple. And you're not slowing fast enough to, oh, shit.

Yeah, you did. You crash into this padded wall in it. Oh, my God, does it hurt? Thankfully, you would have absolutely been thrown by the force of this stop. had you not been curled into the back and she said now remember what you said

about the secret right yeah ow ow oh all right and you see a now I just want to say

not to give new notes but maybe should you ever find yourself in this position again during the time you took to berate what a shitty job we did next time explain like

we're going to get on a sled and that sled's going to hit a wall Right, yeah, secrecy's hard to shrug, ain't it? Here we go. And she slides across a panel and it's dark, like really dark, and you smell sort of a mustiness coming from this hole, again, very foreign to you. And she starts to push Montrose through. You hear him sort of fall to the ground inside with the noise that he makes.

I am going to Hold on Let me see what I've got here Well surprisingly I don't have anything That would count of smelling salts

Damn it That's okay We'll get fixed up Come home Do you come in? Yeah I mean yeah There's nothing grand

The space that you've lived in For years Worked in Has been crafted It's been made by designers It's been made for aesthetic beauty and function. This is a mess.

There are trash littered all around. There are pipes that are obviously extending from the layers above and below that have sort of used this as a place to hide the work, plumbing, electrical, what have you. There's maybe five

feet above you. You're crouched a little bit. It's filthy. Every surface is greasy. What little light there is seems to be coming from discarded flashlights kids' toys that they have discarded and are

being charged you're in between and she looks at you she says you spent your lives in the layers we're the ones between the layers welcome

to the buttercream I'm sorry and she leads you in And you see more people, people hunched over, crouched, navigating around exposed wiring and pipes, going about their business. Some people are chatting, eating some food out of cans that they found. Some people are playing card games, you can see. Some people have, you see in one corner a man and two women with what appears to be a map sprawled out in front of them going over some sort of diagram. There's people sleeping, obviously, but separate.

Very few are sleeping in proximity to each other. This is the BC. The buttercream. The butter cream. I'm so proud of you, Justin. Yeah, I've never been so proud. Because it's what's between the layers. Yeah.

There is no criminal underworld in Steeplechase. There is a criminal between world. Yeah. The butter cream. A butter, it's a criminal creamy world. Creaming. Tentils. Yes, for criminals.

For creaminals. All right. So, we can agree. First, her lawyer business. Getting that pin out of your thumb-tum. She gives a little squish to your tummy. Oh, I wouldn't do that. It is just a loose.

Who keep pin in there. Maybe no tickles. Do you have the key to me? To your, to your tongue. Come on. You know what? It is since, yeah. Let's find somebody.

Well, now, hopefully. Hold on. What does that entail? It's okay. She's got the key. It goes in my belly button. Okay. First things first. Could you please find somebody to wake up this sleeping dead weight on my shoulders? Oh. Oh, sure. Yeah, he just knocked himself out. Here, I have something in my bag. And she reaches into her bag.

And then her hand flies out and just smacks Emoryt full force across the face. Well, I come. There we go. Oh. Yeah. That was just a little shocker. Little shocker. Hey, no harm.

No, no, no, he's fine. What the... Hey, Emmerich. You're still on my shoulders. Emric? Buddy. Yeah. Hey, we're in some butter cream.

I'll explain in a little bit. Oh. Are you cool? Um, um... Um, I... I should... I guess. My face hurts.

Yeah, you got smacked by gravel. Gravel smacked you real good. Can I get one of those? A smack? But of course! And she smacks you full across her face. I mean... Ah, there we go.

Back to my senses. Thank you for that. No, no, no, no, no. You have a pin in your stomach. You're fucked until we fix that. Well, but he's not drugged anymore. No, he's not drugged anymore. Okay, I say, I need a bucket.

of salt water and some privacy. Now, normally this is when we would handle payoff. That is the first phase of downtime. But that doesn't make much sense because the object of theft is still inside Griffin's tummy. It's like Montrose's tummy. Let's not confuse. That's true.

Griffin is a human in the real world who did not eat a pin. No, I would never. As far as I know. So that would be the first thing. that we would normally do in a downtime phase. Payoff, we can't do payoff because the pin is still in your belly. Heat would be the next phase. Now, the way heat is assigned, after a score or conflict with an opponent, your crew takes heat according to the nature of the operation. Zero heat would be smooth and quiet, low exposure. Two would be contained, standard exposure. Four would be heat,

loud and chaotic high exposure. Here is what I'm going to say. Okay. There's no heat. Because you guys managed to turn that situation into, well, you'll find out right now. Someone waves gravel over. It's left sock, a friend of hers. Hey.

Now, are these all their God-given names, Justin? Yeah, isn't that weird? Yeah, it's weird. Left Sock says, I gravel. You have any hat in this? And you see this little screen, and it's like a, it's a monitor that's been sort of wired to a power source, but it's clearly not how it's intended to be used. It looks like it was maybe in a kiosk or something, and it's just sort of been rigged to stand.

And you see this sort of like interest steeple chase news feed. I think this is sort of the thing that maybe is on in your room, you know, if you happen to be in the sort of, like, this is announcement. That closed circuit, you know, leave. Exactly, closed circuit. And you hear them, an anchor or broadcaster come on, and you hear. And thanks to the diligent work of some unexpected heroes, the pin that we thought had

been lost, had, has been recovered. This is clearly an employee of Denton, probably someone on the customer experience team. and they are explaining what the, the ruckus was. Yes, but it is all completely under control. And thank you, wherever you are, Beef Punchley, for helping to recover this pin. And you see him raise up the pin.

He raises it up for the camera. And I am so grateful. I do have a special guest here with me who wants to say thank you too. It's Sticky Finger, Paul, Pentry. And you see a man come over He looks like kind of like the Quaker Oats guy With wire room glasses And a rainbow-colored top hat

And he says Yes, it's me Sticky Finger Paul Pentry Thank you so much for having me And thank you to beef Punchley wherever you are For helping me to rescue this precious pen I love that man And then you see

Four or five people Who are just in the immediate area spin around and you hear them all say, it's Sticky Finger Paul Pantry. Do you guys know about Sticky Finger Paul Pantry? Of course. He loves to laugh. He loves to laugh.

That's true. Dad, Sticky Figger Paul Pantry is a beloved figurehead of the prize pantry. As we all know, when he was a little boy Sticky Finger Pantry, was not allowed to steal the cereal treats out of the box and his mom would always scold him. But now that he's all grown up, he's decided that everyone can share in the fun of extracting a cereal prize from a package of Sticky Finger Paul Pantry's famous fake cereal. Now, Justin, I have a very important question. Is it about someone I've talked about recently, like a recently introduced character?

It is about Sticky Finger Paul Pantry. Thank you. Isn't it good to say? It's fun to say. Guys, can I just say something real quick before you say your thing? Sure, yeah, yeah. Sticky Finger Paltry, since I said that out loud the first time, I haven't kind of stopped saying it in my head.

Yeah. And it is so good to get sick. Sticky Finger Paul Pantry out there where everybody has to know. There are two things I just want to say, Justin. One, it also could be the fun of the name of a slightly whimsical serial killer, which I enjoy. Interesting. But side note, this is clearly a character that this person is playing. Have we ever gotten to talk to the actor playing Sticky Finger Paul Pantry outside of his like on the clock time?

do we know the real guy Travis I will be honest with you as far as you know there is no real guy He never breaks character He's been sticky finger Paul pantry for 12 years

This is the only sticky finger Paw pantry you have known So we've never seen him not be stick Even if it's like in like the mess hall When you see this person on TV That's sticky finger Paul pantry If he's at the post office If he's in the can

If you run into this man He's sticky finger Paul pantry This isn't fucking bush gardens, Travis. It's steeple chase. I'm going to say that right off the bat kind of grades on beef a little bit as someone who has a persona. You know, he's Lenin Julius in his normal time. Beef is a character he plays. And so this guy, the number of times that Beef has tried to say like, yeah, I get it.

I've been there too. And Sticky Finger Paw pantry is like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yes, absolutely. I mean, his voice sounds more like his voice when he talks, but yeah, for sure. That's how, that's sticky fingerball pantry. He's stuck in a moment. You can't get out. Yeah, we've all been there.

Oh, boy, this guy again. I can't. Oh, my God. Boys, are you seeing this? Boys? Your heroes. And they've got the pen, so there's no need to recover it from within me. Now, this is a thing that is.

a thing that didn't occur to me, and I'm very sorry about your poking tummy, he's like, they could make another one, right? Like, they made the first one. So what would stop? Especially since no one saw it, so they don't know what it looks like.

Oh yeah, I figured they'd make another one. I didn't think we did get discovered in the way that we did, but I figured they don't want to let anyone know what we've done. Right? They don't care about losing a pin. They care about losing a...

A customer. You don't want to think it's a lawless wasteland, right? So they tend to cover that when we work. Well, then, um, what is the benefit to you of owning the pin? Everyone knows how this system works. Look at the pen. Well, you can't see it, but trust me, I'll show you with it. There's a certificate of authenticity, the stamping. We can prove it. It'll be fine.

It's sad, though, right? You kind of wish... I don't know. Sometimes I wish... everyone there. Ah well, ten sweets, right? We just got to get it out of your dummy. Come on. Yes, I will say the longer we wait in extracting this pen, the further it moves from mint condition. Her Majesty served Great Britain and the Commonwealth loyally for over 70 years. And while, of course, we feel a profound sadness. We must remember she lived a long life

and died in such a way that I think many of us would want for ourselves. She was at home, surrounded by her family. And of course, she was listening to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award-winning comedy podcast, and you can find it at maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. You're in a theatre. The lights go down. You're about to get swept up by the character, and all their little details and interpersonal dramas.

You look at them and think, that person is so obviously in love with their best friend. Wait, am I in love with my best friend? That character's mom is so overbearing. Why doesn't she just stand up to her? Oh, God, do I need to stand up to my own mother? If you've ever recognized yourself in a movie, then join me, Jordan Crouchiola, for the podcast, Feeling Seen.

We've talked to author Susan Orlean on realizing her own marriage was falling apart after watching Adaptation, an adaptation of her own work, and comedian Hari Kondobolou, on why Harold and Kumar was a depressingly important movie for Southeast Asians. So join me every Thursday for the feeling scene podcast here on Maximum Fun. So we are now in the buttercream, which is more about utility than it is about narrative.

So I have asked you guys to think about downtime activities, and I know this is, you probably thought this would be happening and used to Ben, but I'm hoping that we can figure out who's here together. I thought that would be more fun, right? Yeah. So I think first order of business has to be you, Montrose. Yeah. You have a pin in your stomach. I mean, that's what it is.

It sucks. One of the activities you can do is recovery. Oh, that's great because this is a double entendre in this circumstance. Yes. Yes, right, exactly. So I'm pretty beat up. I know that I don't think I'm the only one who has considerable harm. No, yeah.

If you are also injured. So, yeah, I had an idea for somebody who could be a medic and used to been, but I imagine that gravel probably has somebody here. No, she doesn't. That's why I'm asking you. She might, after you tell me, Griffin. But you know that this is like a criminal underworld type thing, right? You know the deal. You understand what the buttercream is at this point.

It's pretty basic, right? this is the place the bad people go to do the things that bad people do. So what do you think in a world like that where they have to kind of stay off the radar a little bit? How do you think people get fixed up there? It is a physician and surgeon who was a former costumer. Ooh, okay. Okay, fun. Named Spoker.

Spoker. All right. And Spoker worked with the, you know, the mascot costumes. A lot of seam work, but had a medical background that they were forced out of for whatever reason. So doctor who then gets a job repairing mascots at Steeplechase. And then decides to sort of go into the doctor stuff for the illicit middle belly of the tower. That's good. That's really good.

Stoker. Spoker. Spoker. All right. Let's go see Spoker. All right. We're going to have to get you fixed up. It's going to be a little, um, eh, hurty.

Yes. It's going to be a little bit hurty. but I want you to meet a Fendmont. Come on, come on right this way. And she starts navigating, and it's really interesting to watch gravel in this situation, because where you all are sort of gingerly stepping over, like you're investigating the basement of a guest house

where there's been a power outage, slowly, gingerly stepping your way around. She's navigating it. Think like Tarzan, right, in the jungle. She knows exactly where everything is. She's moving at a pace. It's actually pretty hard to, to keep up with until you find stoker.

Griffin, what is, what is Spoker? Spoker. Spoker, I got it. What does Spoker look like? It's easy to remember Justin saying, she's a spover, she's a Spoker, she's a Man Night Spoker, and then you'll remember it. I think she is probably in her 50s, short white hair,

very, Uh, sort of leathery. Okay. Uh, complexion. Where's she from? Is she American? Uh, American? She's American?

Can we trust her Griffin? Is America, is America? Is America, I didn't know that this story takes place in America. Where's, where's gravel's voice from? The north. The north. Yeah, sure. So she's from the south.

She's from the south. She's from the south. Sure, let's go with that. Well, hi there, gravel. What'd you bring up? me. Oh, look at you. You're not looking too good.

Come here, let me see him. Now, Justin, did you just encounter a common DM moment where you're like, wait, are these two characters that I voice going to talk to each other? Yes, yeah, it sucks. It didn't feel good. It's never great. Well, hello there. It's nice to meet someone with the same meflous drawl as myself. You know what?

This is gravel. You know, I love watching her work so much. I'm just going to stay completely quiet. So I... Oh. How have I never thought of this? I've decided to be so polite. Well, what seems to be a problem, partner?

Well, I did swallow something that I should not have. Oh, you naughty boy. What was it? I'd rather not say, but it is metal. And it was just sharp. And I'm going to need to expel it. And then... Yeah, yeah, yeah, standard extraction.

I know the game. Listen, I love that you think that this is unique, but honestly, this is the third extraction I've done this week. It's a pretty common way to get things out of a sticky situation is to put them into another sticky situation. If you catch my drift. I do not. What I'm saying is you put them, is your pooper, right?

So your pooper? I don't want it to go that way. No, you don't want to go that way. It's a rough, that's a rough go of it. Let's go straight up through the tongue, all right? Does that sound good? You're not too squeamish, are you? About blood and stuff?

Wait, stop. Yeah? No, listen. Oh, listen, if you don't let me work, it's about to get perforated, and you won't like that one little stinky bit. They'll have to extract you, and there'll be a whole thing. Just on some salt water and maybe a strong magnet. I think I could make this work with it.

the need of, without having to make any sort of overnight stay in this, in this facility. You think saltwater would get it out? All right. Well, let's try salt water here. Let me see. Let me get you a fancy glass. Hold on. And let me just get some warm, okay?

No, I don't have any of that. I'm going to get you, I'm just going to take it out and it'll be real quick. Oh, God. And you got to have a little bit of faith. Okay. I know what I'm doing. Trust. Gravel, tell them, and gravel nods.

Okay. This could not be less important, but I do have an ouchy on my ankle. Oh. Oh, now that looks, that's really serious. Oh, man, I'm glad you brought this to my attention. This shows really good judgment on your part that you would choose to give these equal priority. Smart, smart, smart. Okay, so, God, I wish I had some way in knocking you out because it would be a lot less uncong-

discomfort. I wish you had just been knocked out. I could knock him out. No, that's fine. I mean, my friend over here apparently has a just rocking the Wild Wild West to sort of gadgets and gizmos

could just zap me one good. But that seems that could induce further harm that you would then need to repair, which is counterintuitive. So, uh, okay, Griffin, here's what I'm

going to have you. Well, let me ask you guys. You know the situation we're in. Do you think that how well this goes should depend on a role, or do you think we should just be able to extract it? I don't want you to do things like swallow pins with no consequences. I feel like we need some sort of consequence for this move. Otherwise, every time you get anything, you'll just swallow it.

If this is a downtime action, then there is a role, the recovery role that we would do. Right. We have talked a little bit about hacking the recovery rule a little bit because the way that it works in the game is like you have a recovery clock and then the result of your role like checks off marks of that clock but there's a chance that you may not like get it done and then if you get injured again the clock resets which seems like I get it's a game about managing resources and stuff like that but not very fun narratively. Yeah, it's a little too much like spell components. for me, I'm just like, all right, man. A little bit. I found a hack. Okay.

That is, let's see, by Archive 15 on itch.io. And basically, it just changes it so that it behaves more like other systems where you roll the dice. And then if it's a one to three, you clear level one harm. If it's a four to five, you clear the level one harm and move moderate harm. down one. If it's a six, you clear the lesser harm, and then you move moderate and severe harm down one. And if you crit, you can basically do one more move. So you are basically just like bumping the severity down the list, but it still takes the downtime action and you have to roll for it. Okay. Here's what I'm going to suggest then. Spoker's a professional

healer who knows what they're doing. Okay. I feel like two to die makes sense for Spoker. If we're rolling with Spokers like acuity with this, maybe even three, actually, now that I think on, right? I mean, if this is like Spokers main skill, I think you'll find other people who are less savvy. Yeah. But Spoker really seems to know what they're doing.

Okay. And in a normal one, I would probably have somebody do a gather information role to see how good of a physician you could find in any one area. But this is sort of... Well, there's also an acquire asset that is one of the downtime activities that could also be used for this, but it seems like we have... I think that what I'm trying to do here is I threw you guys into this adventure without, with very little time to prepare yourselves. And so I want to not be as severe with like long-term punishments from just that one, right? Yeah. We're all sort of learning our footing and gravels here, so she knows this world very well. So I think she found you a really good doctor. So we'll have you, Griff,

roll with three and let me check out your sheet real quick and see what it's hard because we you know you don't have the harm from the the pen being in you or the surgery because we didn't necessarily know like what that harm well we have it as a two we have it as a two so all the pin is a two sprain ankle is a one right so griff let's roll three and you explain to me with our system what uh where it leaves us jesus okay i got a one of four and a three so the four is what take there. And with a four to five, you clear the lesser harm and you move the moderate harm down one. Okay. That's not too bad. No, and we can say that the swallow to pin harm becomes recovering from a surgical procedure. The sprained ankle is gone. And that is going down to mention.

Excuse me, as long as you're sewing things up, could you possibly take a look at this? And he rolls up his sleeve, he rolls up his sleeve. And you see he's got, like, tattoos up and down his arm, but there's like a big gash. I would say it is, where was he? So, yeah, I'm going to say it's across his forearm. Oh, man, that's nasty. Ugh. Gross.

I think Matchstick did it, maybe. That was his name, I think. Oh, man, that's gross. Gravel, who'd you bring me? These guys are gross. And Gravel just kind of like shrugs. Like, what can I do? I'm beef punchly.

I'm the slamming slab. Oh, my God, you're right. You are beef punchly. Yeah, the mountain. Oh, man, what a cold. This is cool to meet you. Yeah. Oh, thank you.

It's cool to meet you as well. I don't want this to fester. So anything we can do as far as like disinfectant and sewing it up. Yeah, I got some loss all around here. One sec. Oh, boy. All right. here we go trav uh we're going to stick with three uh because this is the same person

okay i got a two a five and a four so a five a five Griffin what does that mean again so it's going to move it from a two to a one so like it's not severe anymore but it's still feeling level one harm no okay so your arm is healing up and it's a level one is that right yes now All right. And dad, you don't have any harm, correct? I mean, we didn't establish that you shocking yourself was like a permanent injury you needed to deal with, right? No, my hair is a bit crazier. But that is about it.

And I may have singed my mustache just a little bit. But no, I'm relatively harm-free. I do have a skin tab, if you will. All right, y'all take it easy. And gravel starts to shepherd you all away. What else do you guys? What were you thinking? Well, can we take a break and get fucking paid?

Yeah, absolutely. Now that we have the pen out of us. I like how you use it like the royal us. It's nice, Griffin. We all collectively swallowed the pen. Yeah. All right, now I want to show you all the very most exciting part of any butter cream. Are you ready?

Yes. This is a big one. All right. you three press yourself up against the wall cover your eyes and promise not to look okay you'll ruin the effect wait where's the pen right now she's got it no okay I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm um I'll do respect and I do feel as though we are earning and building a certain level of trust here and so far surprises have varied from interesting to painful but um you're not going to like take the pin and like run away while our eyes are closed and look like doofuses, are you?

You know what I am. You know where you are. This is the buttercream. We don't do that sort of thing here. If someone says they're going to do a job, they do it. Someone says they're going to pay you. They do it. There's a lot of shifty business down here.

But the one thing that everybody can trust is, the one thing we kind of hold a tiny bit sacred, is that if you do the job, you get your sweets. Okay. And beef closes his eyes. And she just, she's gone. What? She's gone.

With the pin? You guys want to look around a little bit? Wait, what? She's gone. She's just not there. Okay. She said what she said. She's just gone.

Did we get the money? No, there's not. Did you hear about it? I said she hands you money and you love it. I guess she's got to go sell it or something. What would you do? You heard what she said. You heard what I said.

What are you doing? You're going to look around? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? Of course. What do you want to try to find? Her.

Okay, that's perfect. That's perfect. Can I hunt? Yes, you can hunt, Griffin. Justin, yes. Dog will hunt. While hunting around. Okay.

If beef hears one might call the telltale sounds of gambling, he would be distracted by that. Perfect. That's actually great, Travis, because that is absolutely what you see. You see four young guys, like probably early 20s, and they're wearing like long black coats that you could tell from the stains on the outside sort of double as blankets and all manner of uses for these dusters that they're wearing. But you can see them rolling what appear to be spheres on the ground.

ground and there are other sticks that they are running the spheres into with these little flicks and you could tell right away they're playing knockers oh is there maybe like a different name that like in a different like region it has like a different name yeah in different I mean maybe some places it's called boobs it's called I mean this game's called knockers because you're knocking the the spheres into other spheres you know the knockers is sort of like a kids game. People play it for, you know, candy or whatever, but this is, this is serious. These people are playing it for, uh, coin. And I don't think it's, uh, they're not playing for sweets. Sweets in, in this world are like a, uh, think of more like a store of value is the way

coin is sort of treated. So I don't think that you are, you know, this is not gambling for sweets. This is people gambling to, uh, pass the time. Right. Um, if, uh, you, you guys look over there for her. Not, I'm going to look over here. Just real quick. Just see if these guys saw anything. In the general vicinity of that gambling, then. Yes, just to see if they saw anything.

They seem like they have their heads on a swivel. And I just want to, uh, see if they saw what they know. Yeah, sure. I mean, you're a big boy. Let's, you can peel off. Uh, so yeah, he's going to step over there. Are you, uh, is this, you guys, uh, playing, um, Some knockers, huh?

Yeah, buddy. We're playing knockers. You want in? Um, yes. Yes, I do, please. Um, how much? Like, what's the, what are the same? I've never played before.

Uh, I don't know much about it, of course. Oh, well, you're gonna, we're gonna, this is gonna be lots of fun. Uh, my name's saxophone. Hello, saxophone. My name is beef punchly. That, that, that, that there's paper towel. I'm saxophone. Okay.

And we're playing knockers. You sure you want in? Yes, please. This is a high-risk game, thrilling. Okay. You sure? Yes. Here we go.

Get ready to knock them. Now, Beef has played knock-up. Beef does no knockers. Beef has gambled before. So this is engaging in his vice. Okay. And so it says to roll my lowest attribute, which I believe is either insight or resolve.

I don't have anything in either one. of those. Okay. Right? Is that right? Those are the three. Insight, prowess and resolve. Yeah. Let's say this, Trave, let's say that you've been playing knockers for five minutes or so. And the sort of like chits that they had given you to sort of buy in with that, again, we're not that interested in like running around money in this game. So like we just assume he has some running around money and we don't really care that much what happens to it, right? The stakes of this are not that you're going to lose money. It's, yeah, that's not the point. Right. That's not the point.

So you're playing with the chits there and you get to like, you could tell that this next knock that you're about to do could end it. And you could like walk away with a little bit of the winnings. But maybe you have to have resolve to hang in there with the game. Right. Does that make sense? This is also, once again, not beef's first time. So he's not trying to like clean them out because that's a good way to make it so people don't want to play with you anymore. Yeah.

You know what I mean? The important thing that for beef though, I think, right, tell me if you think. think this, like, if this is his vice, winning and losing is not super important. Correct. Well, and it's also, while he enjoys gambling, this kind of game isn't his main thing. So he's looking also like building a bit of a rapport with these gentlemen so that eventually find somebody who deals in like bigger states. But yeah, resolve.

So just like 1D6. Is that it? Roll dice equal to your lowest attribute. rating. And then you will clear stress equal to your highest eye result. So, but that's the confusing thing, right? Because it says to take the highest die result. So I wouldn't roll two, right?

If we're following the letter of the law, he rolls two and takes the lower result, but also like overindulgence is a mechanic in this game. And so it is much less likely that you will overindulge if you have a lower. Yeah, but he made it sound like the farther along in the game you are, the more advanced you are, the more chance you're going to overindul. Okay, so now I see what you're saying, Griffin, because taking the high, if you take the lower number, that is protection against overindulgence. So always taking the higher number, you roll two dice or one dice, and actually having one dice is safer, right, because you're not risking a higher number to overindulgence. So the higher, the further along you are, the higher the risk of overindulging because you're rolling more dice than you have the risk of getting a six. Yeah.

Okay. So I rolled two. Oh, I got a one and a one. Shit. Wow. Wow. Neither one of those helps very much. I kind of a lot of stress, guys.

Yeah. So, you can boost results of a lot of different downtime activities by spending coin, but I don't know that. This is one of them. But you can spend a coin to take an extra downtime activity, so you could ostensibly spend a coin to play again. Well, now he is a gambling addict. Yeah. And he just lost. Yeah, you know what?

Even though I, Travis, know that the smart thing to do after we just made money is to not do that, beef is going to. Listen, do we have the money? Do we have the money to play? Interesting. Let's see. Well, yes, we have two coin. We have two suites, right? All right, man. That's a bad beat, man.

I'm sorry about that. But take it easy, all right? Thanks for playing. Well, now, hold on. What if we... You're cleaned out, brother. I'm sorry. Okay, but what if we raised the stakes a little bit here?

I do have a suite to put down if you guys think you could match that. Let's see it. Where's the suite? Let's see it. Our crew does have two sweets. Yeah All right What

Oh just that you started out with Yeah Yeah Yeah I mean I don't know how they would give you Trave you know what You have one So if you want to spend

One of the cruise suites to do this Justin I don't want to Oh yeah You have no Beef is very stressed out And All right man

I'll let you buy back I'll let you buy back in With the suite All right That's fine Okay but if I win You guys will match the suite Right

Let's do one roll double or nothing, right? Or all or nothing. Okay, so Trav. Yeah. You know that you can't actually win a suite here, right? Because you're not gambling for money. You're gambling to relieve your stress.

So I can't let you relieve your stress while you're making money. Then this will just be gambling the game. That's fair. Yeah, yeah. Then you'll just be gambler. It's like, no more crime. Just like let it ride. Okay.

Stress free and earning coins. Then I will conversation with. you okay to say what if uh on top of this i also make a fortune roll and if if i win the fortune rule i've established a connection with these guys okay does that make sense yeah if we have to keep seeing saxophone and paper towel well i want them to connect me up the ladder in the gambling track right to fucking bassoon and oh okay so you you brought a sweet you're like a high Roller, huh? Well, I am beef-country.

I didn't know we had like a dandy gentleman gambler here. Right now, beef is still shirtless, and his arm is still covered in blood and recently stitched. And his torso, anywhere, like, that a shirt would cover, is littered with tattoos. And he turns to the one who just called him, like, a gentleman. And he says, excuse me. Not the one. Paper towel is not spoken. this is just saxophone.

Yeah, that sounds right. Saxophone's always tooting his mouth off. That's a very common phrase in the way. So what do you say? What do you say to the saxophone? I ate no gentleman. Now, are we rolling knockers? Oh my God, you're Beef Punchley.

Yes, the slam and slab. I've tried to announce myself three times now. The Mountain of Meat. You didn't sound like yourself. America's ham. Oh, man, this is so cool. All right, I can't believe I'm about to take Beef Punchley's money. This is amazing.

All right, here's your knocker, bud, take your whirl. Okay, so. Now remember, you have three whirls per round. Of course. You have to hit a spinner, a clunker, and a chunker. In that order? Can I get the chunker first? Where do you think you are?

You think you could hit a chunker first. Come on, man. We play by street rules. Five. He's my highest on that one. Here I go. A lot better. Now I'll take that five store.

No, we take the higher one. Yeah, remember, we take the higher one because it risks over adulgence. So that's how it's balanced. Okay, okay. So now I only have one stress, which feels a lot better. Yeah. And then a fortune roll is just like a D6, right? Yeah.

A four. Four. Okay. All right, listen, I know you didn't win this time, but I want you to keep that huge, musly chin up. There's lots of other games. And we know some people. We'll spray the word around, right? Okay, thank, uh, gentlemen, uh, paper towel.

Uh, you were very quiet. I didn't because you know you, but, uh, you seem like a solid fellow, uh, saxophone. Oh, not if I see you first, am I right? That's beautiful, man. I've never heard that before. Wow. Well, no, I see. I'm more like, not if I see, not, not if I see you first. Man.

That's deep because you never think about the other person seeing you first. Wow. Okay. Have you not, have you never heard someone say, like, I'll see you, and then they say, not if I see you first. Not if I see you. Sorry, I'm practicing it still.

Not if I see you first. Oh, saxophone. Sounds good. Sounds better when you do it, but it's pretty, pretty good. And then you hear, you feel a tap on your shoulder. Are you losing your money before you've even wanted? Hey, um, no, I was just, I was trying to find you when I was talking to these, uh, talking to the saxophone and paper towel here, uh, to see if they knew where you're,

to my stash. I had to fence the pen the whole bit. But who's ready to get paid? So what we agreed on was one suite for each of you plus an extra suite for the crew, which would have been in four suites. And according to the payoff chart in here, that's a small job, a small job, a strong box, feels pretty good to me. I think that that makes sense. Four coin. How does that grab you guys? Yes. I mean, obviously, everybody always wants more, but. I mean, I think if we're establishing the rule of they're not going to go back on it, I think that quid pro quo, us trying to push for more money after the job is done,

it would be very bad taste, right? Yeah, that would be sure. I'm not saying we'll never do that. I did not know, the reason I'm bringing it up is that I did not know that there was an established chart for payout. So I just kind of picked that that amount in our like squabbling back and forth about it. So there is like, that's mainly me wanting to establish there. There's an economy with payouts, right? Like bigger payouts mean more money, but it's pretty open-ended.

It's what exactly that translates to. Anyway, four coin. You're also going to take, you're going to not take get rep or reputation. and let's see the crew earns two rep per score by default if the target of the score is higher tier than you take plus one rep per tier higher so you all were actually targeting the old timers

which is the name that I have for the the sort of like used to been faction and so you all then they are one tier higher than you They're not like super bad boys, but you're absolute zilches, so they would almost have to be. Did you guys give yourself two rep? Oh, my. How saucy are.

But now you have three. Yeah. So great. That's awesome. Good job, guys. Now, Justin, was there any, like, rep benefit to Beef Punchley as a hero? And that can also just be narrative, if not mechanical. I mean, that could be something.

Yes. convert actually thank you Travis I'm glad that you said that because I did very much want to establish that you have increased in one with your your rep with the the used tobin faction the old timers so you now have a plus one with people in in used tobin itself and you know what I'm actually going to make that a plus two because you were already like well established there they knew you and now they are even friendlier to you than they would have been otherwise Is there a place for that? There is a crew, there's like a faction tracking sheet, but I have not been using that just because like, Okay, I just put it in my nose. There's so few factions currently, it hasn't really made sense to have a sheet, but you do have, and we haven't established a lot of factions yet.

I have established the old timers, and you get a plus one with, or I'm going to say plus two with old timers. and Trav I'm actually going to say that you all have a plus one with gamblers from your moves there so you are a little bit known when you run into gamblers there

and they like you because you gave them a bunch of money and didn't get anything Yay! That's gambling! That's gambling, folks. Don't let anybody tell you different. It's a sucker's bet every time. Okay.

Dad, do you have any downtime activities for it? You're the only one who hasn't hit. Travis has done both of his. I've done one. You haven't done any yet. Yeah. If you look at the downtime activities here, Dad, this is going to be a little bit tricky because we don't have a great plan,

but you could acquire an asset. That's a temporary thing that you can get for the next thing that you're going to be doing. You don't know what that is yet, so that might be a little bit tricky. recover, which you don't need to do. You could reduce heat, which makes it so that you guys are not going to, but you don't have any heat because you didn't get blamed for the last thing. And you could also train. You can mark one XP on the XP track for an attribute in playbook advancement.

So you could, which are one of those. The attributes are the three, right? Can I ask a question that might inform dad getting an asset? Yes, yes, Justin. My question is, like Eustace, right, got, quote unquote, caught or whatever, dissipated as soon as it was out the door. Are the hard-linked projections tied to their little, like, bead projectors? Or is it, like, a thing you can upload into any bead projector? I think, and Dad, I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

And I really don't want to get too deep into this right now. I think that they are reprogramming one, I think, would take significant skill. Like, I don't think it's something you do on the fly, right? You don't push a button and now it's completely different. Programming is tied, I think, in large part to the prisms. And we haven't talked about that yet, and that's probably good. That's kind of by design. I kind of want to figure it out as we go.

But, yeah, Traff, to answer your question, I don't know if that answers your immediate question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is kind of what I was thinking. I was thinking that the hard lights would be almost like computer programs. Right. Yes, they are. In the fact that, you know, the ones I created, I know all about,

the one somebody else created, we would know all about. And by the way, downtime can also indulge vice, right? Oh, yeah, that's what I do. probably want to do that too, right? Well, I got five stress. Yeah, you probably want to indulge your vice. What's your vice there, Emmerich? I don't know if we've talked about it.

Well, it was. I had this wonderful idea, but I can't use it now. It was going to be gambling, too. Oh. Right. You could be a gambler as well, if you like. I think some quality time for you guys. I think pleasure.

I think the two downtime activities he'd like to do would be to indulge his vice. and also I would like some kind of long-term project that'll have a payoff as we proceed on our on our overall cunning plan. Okay, how about this, Emrick, to your point, how about your long-term project is normally programming hard light would is something that you would need to do like in your lab? But maybe the project would be sort of a mobile lab that you can do small re-reworkings with, right? So you can maybe do like on the fly small hard light projections when you're on the move. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. Build something into the wrist thing.

Oh, yeah, that would be cool. I like that. So like you're putting it into your wrist computer and like reprogramming it. that's cool um so for downtime activities i'm looking at this page do you just do like a fortune roll to to figure out how it goes or no for the long-term project you start yeah you start a clock and you roll right so it's according to your result right so you just in determine how many pieces of clock this project is going to take and then he rolls the relevant stat so for this I don't know if it would be Tinker or a tune.

I think at this point, just to say it out loud, because we've come to that point a couple times, a tune has to do with the will of hard light creations. Right. It's interfacing with the AI of a hard light projection. And Tinker is like the building of a machine or the workings of a machine. And the programming of it in the creation. But like, I think Tinker is creating.

It's tinker, yeah. Tinker is creation and a tune is communication or interaction. Okay, so you, Justin, need to determine how many, how big this clock is. Yeah, I don't, I think this is, you know, I'm going to call this four. I think that that feels good. This seems like it's not, it's not, you know, completely. Now, the one thing I will say is, I understood it is that it should be something you can't complete in one downtime, right? It would be why he would need to get a critical role.

Yeah. For four, wouldn't he just roll a four? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. There's a segmented. It's segmented there. Okay, Dad, why don't you go ahead and roll before I... All right, let's state exactly what he's working on.

The long-term project is to have, build something into his wrist thing, a process, for constructing hard light creations on the fly. Yes, and I think of a small scale, right? Like he's not building an armored car or whatever, but like small objects, you know, that you can... Objects or... All right, so let's... I really am not trying to get too deep.

Okay. No, no, let's set a scale. Not person-sized. Yes, I think that that's... But an item. An item. A hard light item. Yes.

Like a green lantern's ring. Yes, exactly. And we'll figure out the cost of that and everything as we go. But go ahead and roll and then I'll figure out what. All right. So that's Tinker and that's two, right? Yes. You take the highest?

Correct. Is this risky? Five and a one. All right. So a five would translate to two segments. Now, again, I will state just because this is our first down time when we're getting used to it, you can spend a coin to increase that result one level. So if you wanted that to be a six, you could spend a coin to do so.

And then it would be three segments marked off. Or you could hold on to the coin and not do that. I think this is pretty important to Emmerich's character. I think he'd spend a coin to add one to the six. Right? Is that what you're talking about? Or are you talking about rolling another die? No, no, no.

You don't roll another die. It just increases the result level, not even the number that you roll. So it would make it instead of two segments. You could spend a coin to make it three segments. Okay, so I take, there's three on your clock, right? Are you spending your coin? Yeah, I'll spend my coin. Okay.

I'll spend my coin. So now you'll make it three segments. And you can see the clock. It's right there on the table. Enroll 20. And I'm going to make it now one segment left. Ah, uh, uh, uh, uh. That project's going swimmingly.

What's your vice? Pleasure. Pleasure. Oh, that. What kind of. Pleasures of the flesh. What kind of pleasure, Dad? Just tell me what kind of pleasure, and I'll find somewhere to delight you.

Okay. I think he loves to follow fantasy bootfall. Bootfall is a stealth-based sport. Finally, if I may. Where you have a, you choose a team of one assassin, one burglar, one pickpocket, one saboteur, and there's an organization that tallies up all the crimes over the course of a week and posts the results. Oh my God. I love it.

I love it. I love this. So it's fantasy bootfall? Fantasy bootfall. And you're not doing it for money because that would be gambling. You're just doing it for the pleasure of. The pleasure of it appeals to his mind, his statistical analysis. Statistical analysis.

the numbers, and he just gets a big charge out of it. Every week he goes and sees what graft kings comes up with. Now, Dad, and they're Graff Kings because they bribe the bootcotes. No, it's fucking great, Dad. To give them the crime stats. This is all great stuff.

Now, Dad, I don't need you to answer right now, but I do want to charge you with coming up with the other members of your fantasy bootfall league. I would, yeah, yeah. I think, yes, yes, yes. This is all great. Excuse me, gentlemen, before you head out. I was wondering if I could introduce you in a game.

You look like someone of wealth and refinement. Oh, is this a game for money? My name is saxophone. No. Oh, saxophone. No, no, no. I have a... All right, listen, I was trying to be fancy about it,

but you all have the first new faces I've seen a long time, and I'm trying to fill out my fantasy bootfall league. and I was wondering if you all wanted to jump in on it, follow all the, you know, it makes the highest a lot more exciting if you know you're also winning points for somebody else. It really increased. Okay, you're kind of into it a little bit. Yes. Oh.

My friend, I am all about the fantasy bootfall. All about it. Okay, so you've probably heard about, okay, hold on. Let me get you a card. and he finds what appears to be the flattened cardboard popcorn container. You know, the red and white thing, you know, the box, they put the popcorn in. And he like, unpeels it and flattens it out with his hands. He says, ah, yes, I have one opening left here in stock.

And I think that you pick your team for the week. We don't have the time to get too deep into that right now, Dad. But let's have a role to see how relaxing you find this assemblage of your fantasy bootfall team. Before we do that, you need to tell me the name of the league. Because as you know, the name of the league is very important. And it's also a big part of the fun. Oh, yeah, for sure. What is the name of your league?

The night, wait, sorry. the name of our league? Yes, the name of our league. I'm now part of that league. So what is the name of the league? Yes. Chuck's sons?

Chuck's son. All right, so it's a real old league, right? And it was a guy named Chuck, and he had eight sons, and they were all part of his team. And then they started sockling out. Now, nobody knows Chuck, and none of his sons are in it either. But we're all kind of freaked out about changing the name. So it's Chuck

sons. delightful that is I'm currently in possession the Chuck Sun's trophy for third place excellent achievement later you must show that to me

yeah for sure all right dad I want you to roll roll with your weakest stat which is probably zero correct okay

because I just assume we're all of a low enough level so dad let's have you roll to about us die. Two die, I should say.

And we got Resolve 5 and 2. So, Dad, you'll cure five stress. Excellent. That's exactly how... I mean, excellent. That's exactly how many he had. All right. And then she...

Gravel finds you. You're about ready to head home. Head home. I still have one activity. Oh, really? And I don't think I'm there because I went off hunting for gravel, right? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. I'd like to indulge advice. Mm, go on. Stop me if this ever becomes too weird. But that is my, that's my advice. Stop. So, in perusing the buttercream looking for gravel, I stumble upon some salvage from an old attraction at steeplechase

that has been decommissioned and hauled almost like completely up to this this middle level and that attraction I'm torn here we had talked a while about doing a sort of Hall of President's style thing but obviously the characters in world have changed dramatically since we came up with that so I don't know if this is what we discover is an animatronic

carousel of progress or an animatronic hall of deities I don't know which would be more which would be more appropriate for the world But I want him to find an old, like, decommissioned, like, obviously very old because it's not a hard light. Like this is, this is animatronics like some of the probably competitors for steeple chase would have used and then got completely overshadowed by hard light technology, putting them out of business. Now, Montrose, while you were walking around looking for gravel, you find a sort of curtain.

covering an entryway. And you think it's a curtain. It might actually be, yeah, it's a used carrot sack, like that was used for storing a lot of carrots, like hauling a lot of carrots. Dan, that'd have to be a pretty big fucking carrot sack for me to confuse it with a curtain. It's a theme park, bud. So you pull this aside and you walk in and it's dimly lit, but you've been around used to been long enough to know what you are looking at. this is the remnants of an attraction called the Future is You that showed a lot of this the same family in a lot of different situations throughout history and you recognize this one this is the family as they were in the 1950s so there's like a futuristic but kind of clunky microwave and the figures themselves I think the compressors are out so they're losing there's not a lot of movement there.

But when you walk in and it's deadly silent, you see this family, they're utterly motionless, and then the son of the family, he turns from his plaster scrambled eggs and looks at you and sort of tilts his head. Hello there? Hello? Whoa, did not expect you to actually...

Hello? Yes, hello. Hello? Oh, boy. My mom makes the best waffles in all town. Well, that sounds lovely. I would ask for some, but I am... I've been advised not to eat any solid food for the next...

Boy, math is really rough. Yeah, I mean math can be one of the more complicated subjects taught at school. Could I help you out with that? You're a great listener. Well, thank you. I have been told that before. It's, uh, I find it to be more important to use the years.

This here's Dougie. He's my boy, but he is the wildest scamp in the neighborhood. Oh, I can tell just even after this brief. That's my boy. Dougie. Yes. I'm Montrose pretty, and it is a pleasure to make... What is your name?

Hello! Yes, Dougie. And, uh, dad? I'm the dad. You know, things sure have changed recently, haven't they, stranger? Yeah, you're telling me. Is there a chair I can pull up? What?

Is there a chair I can pull up? There's one empty chair at the table. Okay, I sit down at it. Oh, yeah, it's a... Things have been moving a little... too fast if you ask me. It's a hot, picture bearings around you.

What is your story? Well, I've been working. Okay, let's stop there. That's what's happening with mantras right now. And for some reason, it is relieving

his stress. And we'll find out more about their conversations. But that is what is happening. Griffin, let's see how much stress that relief. I'm just talking to my, to my family, you know.

So my lowest stat is a one In prowess You have a one in each of them? Yeah, I have two in insight, two in resolve, And one in prowess. I spread myself pretty thin. Okay. So, that is a five.

We love it. Two, three, four, five. Cool, I'm down to two stress. I don't know if this is a real conversation. that is happening. We don't have to answer any of the questions anyone has about this, especially not to ourselves, Griffin. Fantastic.

All we know is it helps. It's called weird. If it makes sense, it's not weird. It helps and you like it. It helps and you like it. All right, you three. Listen, I've ever fed some people on the ground. We have to get back now.

Everyone in Houston, is looking for you. We've got to get back. We can't have people poking around in the buttercream. I'd be out for sure. And she starts heading to the opposite end of where she was just at, you know, when you first arrived. And there's like a sort of platform there that's just sort of overlooking a huge calamitous terrifying drop. And are we able to come back here, says Beef has the eyes the gambling area? I mean, it's not really your world.

I mean, don't mean, you know, you're not going to tell anybody, but it's not exactly a place you visit. Well, I did promise Stephanie I would attend her piano recital on Thursday. So I would like to get back here for that. There's no time for this. Right now, we have to get back. Please. This is the first time you've seen her a little bit nervous. Okay.

Then we should tally forth. Okay, the monorail, you basically repeat this process, except this time, what you're learning is that the undercarriage, as she called it, is actually using the same momentum. It's using the same magnetic force that draws the byrail along. So you're basically like skitching underneath it, if that makes any sense. If you remember skitching, which is like hitching a ride and skating, which now I've used a metaphor to explain another metaphor. And I feel like I've lost a plot a little bit. so you head back and you land back to the Yustabin level and manage to hop off and gravel looks at you and says this is as far as I go right this has been really really fun and I'm so happy to have met you but I do need to get back to the more profitable jobs and I there is a non-zero chance that you killed one of my guys and that's going to be really bad for all of us you'll know if that happens. happened.

Best not to think on it. Go on, chew. Thank you for the for the business. There's a crowd outside of the arcade. There's like a lot of people waiting for you.

And at the front of the crowd is yeah, it's him. It's sticky finger pole pantry. There they are. There's my boys. Welcome, Beef Punchley and your friends. It's, it's, Imerick, dreadway, and Montrose pretty. Oh, I know all of them. Come in, come in, boys. Come into the arcade.

And Beef is just walking and flexing. Still shirtless. Still covered in tattoos. And everyone is cheering. Yay, they're so excited to see you. And now, if everyone could give me a moment, I'd like to talk to the boys in private, really thank him for the great thing they've done for us. And he leads you into the arcade. He follows you. I think that, no, do you guys remember, this is a little, I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but who runs this arcade? Poppy. Poppy. Poppy. Poppy, Poppy Mervin, is that what we said? I think so. That sounds right to me.

Well, I'll leave you for a little privacy, boys. I'm glad you're back. I'm so proud of you. I know you're hailed in you. You've always been good boys. You just needed to apply yourself. I'm so thrilled. Let me lock up for you. Yeah, we have business, Poppy. Poppy, I brought you a lollipop. A lollipopi, lollipie? Yep, a lollipopi for poppy.

Puppie's lollipopi. Yes, here you go, buddy. Enjoy. Oh, there's little seeds on the outside. It's a puppy lullipopi for puppy. That's right. Thanks, so. I don't know if this guy's anymore.

It's not gonna sound like saxophone. A little bit like saxophone. So Poppy Mervyn locks that were behind him. Okay, Paul. What's the deal? Do you know who I am? God. Yes.

Of course we do. My name is Sticky Finger Paul Pantry. And I know exactly what you did. And now you're going to do it for me. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience. Audience supported.