The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 32

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

The gang find themselves in a strange forgotten layer, and must make allies with people who are neither guest nor employee if they have any chance of escape. Beef simmers. Emerich fashions some fashion. Montrose leverages lozenges. Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: “Voyageur” by Monkey Warhol: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Monkey_Warhol/; “PLANTATION” by Jason Shaw: https://audionautix.com/; "Western Bass" by Flower Mantis: https://freesound.org/people/Peanut_Shaman/; "DD Groove" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; "Railroad's Whiskey Co" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/; "Six" by Lex Villena: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2iwj2SqGnplhDIadeJ5bmy?si=N8WYSKIPR7WUy8z4ajNSog; and "Is Lost" by Marc Ferry: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/ferry-beat/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, steepies, we don't talk much about what's on offer for the kiddos here at Steeplechase because, well, who really cares what they're up to when we grownups are having the time of our lives. But we're wild about this new addition to New Kidadelphia, the arcade. Inside, the littles will strap on a state-of-the-art augmented reality mask and do battle with evil wizards, snag the winning touchdown, or pilot a magical airship all. without ever leaving their chairs. Aside from meal breaks, your kids won't have to move a muscle from sun up to bedtime. Sounds pretty luxurious to me. We hear that other more physical activities are currently being dismantled across NK to make room for more ARcades. So if your little monsters were planning on running around and working up a sweat and getting their sticky, disgusting fingers all over Steeplechase, I hope they never know when to stop dreaming. Hello everybody and welcome to Steeplechase.

I didn't like that. Hold on, huh? Hello everybody, welcome to Steeplechase, a show by me, Justin McElroy, with assistance, occasional guest creative collaboration and assistance from my two brothers, Travis and Griffin, and my dad, whose name Clint, this is Steeple Chase. Hey, Justin, that's a little too much pressure on me, frankly. I don't consider myself a collaborator. If you could just say, like, and also, present. Yeah. I don't consider you a collaborator either, but I do consider myself to be generous of spirit. Oh, that's so nice. Yes, I'm trying to like. I do love, I've noticed how you, you keep

Christmas in your heart all year long, and I think that that's absolutely amazing. I've really noticed you changing you these past three years since those ghosts showed up, and I, I'm blown away. Thank you for noticing. When we left you, you were in ejector seats and had just been shot from the STOL by Kenjell Denton. You are strapped on your backs. Who was cognizant, who actually saw? I think it was one of, it was- I believe I got knocked the fuck out.

Yeah, beef is awake. Okay. And beef, you don't know where the other two are and you like on your back, strapped to this chair and you see a man standing over you. His head is shaved ball, but there's a lot of stubble there, like it hasn't been done recently. And he is wearing, like, what appears to be a windbreaker and beaten up, I mean, really ratty. All of this clothes are ratty, a blue windbreaker and some ratty gym shorts and socks and shoes.

And he's pointing at you what appears to be now on further examination a potato gun. Or some sort of like rudimentary cocked up projectile device of some sort. This doesn't look like any weapon you recognize. It looks very handmade. Okay. It's demanding a juice box. Yeah, of course. I'm still buckled in.

You are, tightly. Okay. Yeah, I'll give you a juice box. Hold on. I just need to... Uh, I can't reach... Stop with the boobin. Stop with the moving, pal.

So which one is it? Do you want to get a jukebox? Juicebox? You want me to hold still? Not a jukebox. I'd have no use for that. Yeah, sorry, I misspoke. I just fell out of a plane.

Juice box. All right. Okay, well, they're... And you see him, like, pull back a lever on this potato gun, and you can hear it start to, like, hum vaguely. Said, all right, pal, you're about to outlive your usefulness to be. Okay. They're in the pack on the back of the seat. Okay.

And he approaches you and reaches underneath the seat with a long stick. I hit the button to unlatch. Okay. As soon as he gets close. No, you know what? As soon as he gets close, grab him. You grab him. Okay.

Yeah, so let's try that. Don't see how that goes. Roll to see if you grab him. What's my position? Face up. Desperate. Desperate. Uh-huh.

Excellent. Okay. And I would say limited effect because of your position. Limited effect. And I'm going to push myself. Okay. Because I'm beefing hard. Oh, man.

I'm just going to leave this Benson fix some timer right now. We'll get back to it. Okay. I got six. A one-two-two, but a six is in there, baby. All right. You grab him. And I want to bunk his head against the chair so that I have time to,

Unstrap. Okay. I think I'm gonna need another roll for that. You have him in your control, and that's what you're trying to do. So why don't you try to... Man, I got a six. Yeah, you did get a six. I just don't have to roll again, because what if I don't get it?

Yeah, I got you completely. But this is an ongoing tussle, so let's go ahead and get one for the attack. Okay. If you had tried to attack him without doing the first roll, that definitely wouldn't have worked. Okay, risky is it, what am I at now? I want to say risky standard. Okay. Come on, beef.

Beef. Beef, him up. No, three, two. God damn. No beef. All right, well, with a three, three, two, oh, God, I'm so old and my body is stopping. Is that what juice box man said? No, that's what my back and body say with every single move that I make. I sat in a car with my dad and Travis for six hours yesterday, and nobody over here

Justin Industries is happy with that decision on a physical level. All right, beef. But at least the risk from the projectile weapon is lessened, right? Because of his proximity to you, yes. Because I'm holding him, right? Yeah. Because he's so close. You were holding him.

No, I successfully grabbed him. You can't take that away for me. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, I understand your confusion. When you roll a one or a three on a risky roll, things go badly. You suffer harm. A complication occurs. You end up in a desperate position.

You lose this opportunity. So this is going badly. He smacks you across the face with his gun punitively as he rinsches free from you. You take a level one harm. And he says, all right, no more playing around. And then he rears up. Just so I know what to write in the harm box, is it hit fate? I have a hit phase.

A hit, a smacked face. I got smacked face. Smacked face. Okay. Emrick and Montrose, you're in a more prone position. The two of you are, Emric, you're in like a little patch of grass

to about five yards away from them. And Montrose, you're even further sort of propped up against a tree. and dangling from your seat belt, which has been caught on a branch. But as you're watching this, and you see, you're helpless, powerless to do anything. From your perspective, here's what happens next.

You see this man who is leaning over beef about to blow him to kingdom come, and you see his neck snap back as if he just heard a really hallucination, You hear a tiny whistle and then he falls in a very unnatural position. And there from the distance away from the direction that he just fell, you see a 13-year-old. I just, we can clock the age. You can tell. It looks like a teenager. Looks like a teenager.

But like a young teenager. Like barely a teenager? You can't put the genie back in the bottle, dude. That's a third. 13 year old. A tall, gangly, a shock of red hair at top that's sort of unevenly cut as if cutting hair is something of a pastime here, just a way to kill time and entertain yourself. Wearing a brown, beaten up hoodie and a pair of goggles. Hey.

Are you all all right? Well, we've been betrayed very recently. And so I think we're all suffering from just about a... This guy was a friend of yours. Oh, no. No, this juice. No, no, no, no, no. Juice man was a, was a chump.

Yeah, he's a big kid pretty far away from his base. He needs to get back home. Did you just kill him? Did you just kill him? No, no, no, he'll be fine. He's just out for a little bit. Okay. Hmm.

Yeah, I'm not... I don't like seeing big kids here. This is too far away for the big kids base. This is not... They're getting braver. Listen, we're new in town and have no fucking idea. Sorry, can we cuss here? Yeah.

We're not... We're not... We're not new in town like guests, though. So, like, just to clarify, like, we're not new in town. Like, we're... Oh, I'm guessing this. There's no guess here in New Kiddadelphia, am I correct? Um, and you can tell from their expression that they don't, they don't exactly understand what you're saying.

They don't get this new in town stuff. Um, guests, no, not that I, not that I can think of, guests. I mean, we get new arrivals. You know, most of them are, are big kids. Um, um, but there's just us here. at that base Cool Would you give me a second while I

and strap myself and my friends and so? Yeah, I'm a dude pinata right now. I would love to not be that. Yeah, and you see this person pull out what appears to be just like a sharpened piece of metal that they had tucked into

their waistband and they pull it out and start cutting let's see cutting you down montrose they would do that first okay can i not just um buckle myself yeah you can't what's your what's your handle partner your name oh my name's guch it can't possibly be guch though yeah it's guch it's funny right it's a beautiful name no it's it's a funny yeah it's always funny um guch well we all kind of pick uh we've all had to kind of

pick our own names down here and we just kind of pick whatever makes us laugh So sort of a lord of the flight. Ah! Oh, fuck. Ow! Well, oh, sorry. Should have warn you. You were supposed to land on your feet.

Sorry. I was sitting in a chair. How was... Okay. Gooch? I've never done that before, actually. I'm sorry. If someone help me, I can't figure out the buckle.

Oh, your dad is hurt. Yeah. Come on. I'm not the dad. I take juice box guy's gun. Uh, okay. I have a gun now. Cool, cool.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, any time, just... I'll help him out of his seat. He did the buckle at all. Okay. Wait, wait, while they're doing that, I want to check the Jesus blocks guy,

because he seemed like he died. He seemed dead. He's not dead. He's not dead. He's breathing? Yeah, he's breathing. He's fine. Okay.

It was like a bolo and it just knocked, knocked the wind out of him. He's fine, he's unconscious. Thank you. He's breathing. Thank you, Montrose. Um, Guch, uh, we, we are not going to survive here very long without some assistance. You seem like.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no kidding. You seem like a friendly sort. Would you mind sort of giving us the lay of the land, uh, so to speak? And, um, yeah, you guys are, are you weird or bad or anything? What did you do to get down here? We're Korea criminals, but we're sort of like charming rogue Robin Hoods. What's your name? I'm sorry, my name is Montrose Pretty.

These are my associates. But I'm the one with the weird now, okay. I'm beef. Okay, yeah, so we're all laughing at Gooch, but beef. I didn't laugh. I said it was beautiful. Well, and also, if I did say my name was Grundel Taint, that would be a different. Okay.

That's good. You should change it if you want. And this is Emrich Dredway. Um, we, we, what's, what, what's going on? Yeah. Um, I would love to tell you everything, uh, but I, oh, you don't, we don't have, I don't want to do it out here. Um, can you walk? Yes. Okay.

Certainly. Um, the fort's just like an hour from here. Um, an hour? I know, but I can We can talk on the way if you want I can try to fill you in Sure, where is your car?

Come on If I may handle this one On Troos Where is the spot Where you start riding the sandworm? Yeah, no, we're just walking We're just walking Come on

And this guy here, we leave him for the buzzards or Oh, he'll wake up in a bit I don't want to be around when he does Because he's, I don't know, mean Did you incapacitate him in some manner? I don't know how many more times I have to tell you guys I didn't kill this guy. No, no, no.

I didn't say kill. But it seemed like there was some kind of auditory signal and he rather bonelessly collapsed. Oh, no, no, no, that was just this. And then you see this, what is basically two marbles, big fat marbles on either end of a rope, which has been fashioned into sort of a makeshift bolo. And you can just tell from the way Gouche is spinning it around and twirling it

that they know exactly what they're doing with it. And that is the whistle that you heard, Gouche explains, was the bolo cutting through the air. As we're walking, I want to try and start up the explanation if we can't. Sure. Because we have an hour. Um, Gooch, uh, from what I understand, new Kididelfia is something of a, uh, a pro, old, okay, again, old, old kidadelphia. Old Kidadelphia. Old Kidadelphia is something of a, uh, well, a, kind of prison island. So I am surprised to find an actual young person here. Um, oh, oh,

right. Well, um, it is. They do send people here that they don't want to. to deal with anymore. People that have made enemies of them. They're not usually, oh, never bad people. They're just, I don't know. They ran afoul of the bosses or something. It's hard to say.

No, most of us kids are lifers. So you don't know any of it. No, why don't you just assume we have no idea and just like start? At the beginning. Well, okay.

Kid Adelphia was pretty much the daycare layer. It was where if you had kids and you couldn't find any other place for them, you could bring him to Kidadelphia while you were on your vacation. Kind of a fucked up thing to do to just sort of abandon your child at the amusement park. well I mean they do it at Disney World right what is that exactly

no I'm telling you I mean there's daycare at Disney World apparently this all the time it's not fine I mean that that is what is happening uh yeah they they would bring us here and it was

it was really fun I was little um back then it was really fun there was uh crafts and they would play games and stuff, and they had, like, video games,

there were TVs. It was really fun. But then some of the kids realized they'd been here for a little while, like a long while. Well, eventually the teachers stopped coming, and our parents didn't come either. So we've just been kind of figuring it out.

You mean you have... Where are your mumsy and popsy? They never came back? That seemed... Hey, Amrik? That seemed pretty clear, my dude. I'm not sure. I can spell it out for you directly, if you like.

No, they were going to... They were going to ephemera, I think, is what they called it. And we've met other people since then from there, so I'm pretty sure. But that was nine years ago. So I don't think they're coming back for me. Well, ephemera is a transported. It is easy to sort of lose track of time when you're up there doing quests, grinding XP. So that's...

Gooch doesn't respond to that. Right. Well, I'm very... You can tell from Gooch's expression that maybe you misjudged the moment there. I'm terribly sorry, Gooch. That is horrible. Yeah, fuck it. All right. It's fine. So cursing is totally great. Yeah, there is cursing. All right.

So anyway, we need to get back up top side. We need to, well, end the career of a certain dintonic executive. So if you can show us the closest way to the ladder or like train, perhaps the nearest shortcut. to the buttercream, we will get out of your hair and be on the way. I don't know what any of that means. Hey, Gouche. You're, uh, people come in to, to, oh, get it off you, but that, you, you don't go back out. There's not, there's not an out. If there was an out, we would have gone and found our parents.

There's, there's no out. Hey, Gouge, we're looking for a lady named Gravel. Have you met someone named Gravel? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I met gravel. All right, yeah. Nice. We need to get to gravel, uh, like... Kind of mean. Yeah. We need to get to gravel right away.

Um, hmm. Well, I can help with that for sure. Um, do you, do... Once we're back at the fort, we can try to find her if you want. Yeah, that sounds great. Oh, but you... She knows the same things that I do. You can't leave. Well, you, you, you're in okay now. This is, this is where you're at. Just because someone hasn't left yet doesn't mean you can't leave. Okay. Well, you would know better than me.

You're walking in silence. Any other questions that you have? As you're walking, it's a think about, if you can imagine a, the vibe of like a mall that's been shut down, or a town square that's abandoned downtown. There used to be things here. There used to be buildings. There are still some vestiges, but like plant life has become very present

in a lot of these signs of advertising, you know, signs, advertising stuff like snack bars and water slides and all the fun activities that used to be here are dilapidated and sort of falling apart. do see a couple of water slides that look frankly terrifying even before they were overgrown

and you're continuing to make your way back towards the fort. You haven't seen any other big kids. You can feel that things are a little bit you can tell Gooch is starting to relax a little bit as you get closer to the fort. Is there power

like are there lights? You do see some lights but not in like an infrastructure kind of sense. You get the sense that maybe there is some limited like battery power, but not, or generators or what have you, but nothing in the way of like a proper electrical grid. Okay.

Emmerich wants to do with general a tune roll, just to see if there are any hard light constructs or creations at all as they walk along. Okay. I mean, I think I know the answer, but... Might as well check. So this is controlled standard. There's a six.

Six of one and a two. Emmerich, with perfect clarity, you stop for a moment. The world stills, and your third eye that opens, and you, with absolute certainty, realize that there's not a fucking scrap of hard light anywhere near you. Okay. That's what I thought. Well, now you know. Yep.

Knowing is half to battle. G.I. Joe! Wow. Too loud. Too loud. Any other? Okay.

Anything else you want to ask Gouge before you arrive? Gouge, what's the vibe going to be like at this camp? Is this sort of don't look at someone the wrong way or else they'll stuff? Oh, yeah. Don't do that. Okay. Any other sort of, this sort of helpful survival advice would. Do you normally look at people the wrong way?

in your day to day life I mean before you got here was that a thing you made a habit of because that sounds kind of reckless. Well, I'm wearing a mask so the manner in which I look at people is inscrutable. But hey,

Gooch, what is the difference between you all and big kids? Because like we are older than you. Are we going to be considered big kids? No, no, probably not. You'll have to leave

before too long. Well, yeah. But, no, you'll be, you'll be all right. People know that you haven't chosen aside yet. You're new here. New arrivals are not. I mean, it doesn't happen a lot, but I've seen it. It'll be okay.

The big kids are people who, they get real fixated on the idea that they should be running things because they're bigger. And that tends to cause some problems with the power structure. So not only the big kids, They go off on their own and try to do their own thing. How many big kids are there? I don't know. Thousand? Million?

So how many? How many non-big kids? Shit, the rest. I mean, what do you mean? There's probably... Are there more... In the fort? There's probably...

200, I think. That is so many kids. Yeah. Yeah. It changes sometimes. We lose people. Um, but it, you know, around 200. Of the big kids or just of the kids, kids, kids?

Just kids. The big kids, you know, grownups. Right. We call them big kids because it's funny. Grups. No. We try to invent lingo. You've been here for four minutes.

We don't have smart. I mean, we, we didn't invent England. Like, it's not. I didn't invent that. Star Trek did. Okay. What's Star Trek? It's like Star Wars for nerds.

Mm-hmm. What? Oh, we're here. And you come through a patch of trees. And what you see in front of you is frankly staggering. It is a village, really, with what looked to be sort of like apartments or there's a couple of communal structures, none more than a story tall. It's all one story tall, except for a couple of buildings. The vast majority are just one story.

And you can see kids milling about sitting around chatting. You can see a couple of kids playing cards over to one side. And as you get closer, the colors are wild. They're vibrant. They're all over the place. And as you get closer, you realize that the entire thing is made from cardboard. Gooch notices you noticing. Yeah, all the layers send their recycling here.

When you throw something in the recycling up on the other layers, it just comes down here. So thank goodness that they're lying about that because, you know, it's given us things to work with. Every once in a while, we found useful stuff. Batteries or things like that. Well, I mean, not to argue semantics, but if you are reusing the things, they send you than they are, in fact, recycling. Oh, you're like that. Okay.

Got it. You're one of those kinds of guys. I got you. I don't understand why that has to be a value judgment on me. I would say mantras that there's three aspects to it, and you're talking about reuse, which is in the triangle, different from either reduce or recycle.

It is a fair point that they are, recycling these goods. They're not. They're razzed me for it. No, I didn't. Gooch did. Goodch is a character. Are we the oldest people here? Yes. Okay. You seem to be. There's a fairly wide variety of ages, but you would say probably

no one younger than five or six, if you had to guess. Like, you don't see any babies or toddlers or anything. Well, that'd be wild. So, Gooch, you mentioned finding Gravary When we got here, it is imperative that we locate her as soon as is possible. I don't, yeah, I'm not sure where she's, she's at. I don't keep tabs on her.

I hope she hasn't left yet. She might have to, I don't know. Is there a place where she usually congregates? No, you know what? We should find the boss and then ask him and maybe he could help you guys out, because I don't really know. I mean, I'm a scout, so I'm usually out there. I don't keep real close tabs on anybody's movements inside the fort.

So there is a hierarchical structure, correct? Well, yeah, I mean, yeah. Hey, Gouge, I got one last question. Well, I'm sure I'll have more, but are people still dropping kids off? Not here. Not an old kiddadelphia. No, I think they have a new system or something. I'm not sure how they do it these days

but I think it's started to get too full down here they don't come down here anymore and they don't really pay attention to what we do that's fucked up I'm sure you know that already but

yeah well yes we don't dwell a lot because what's that point you know they actually seem very well adjusted beef okay

That doesn't make it not fucked up. No, I know. No, of course. Yeah, we don't have to. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. Obviously, you know, we do get books down here from time to time. We, you know, we understand. Great.

But you, you know, be your best. Hey, Max Fun listeners. This is Cameron Esposito. I'm a stand-up comic, actor, writer, bestselling author, and podcaster. I got a great show called Query where I interview LGBTQ plus luminaries across, oh, a bunch of fields. people in entertainment, astronauts, musicians, rock stars. I am bringing the show to Maximum Fun. You can listen right now, and I am so happy to be on this network.

We have new episodes out every Monday. You can listen at MaximumFund.org or wherever you get your podcast. It's official. Max Fun has become a co-op. We're now a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you. Thanks to supporters and listeners like you, Max Fun will always be a place where employees have a say. Thanks to you, shows can continue to partner with an independent, values-driven network.

Thanks to you, we're able to carry on our commitment to our shows and the community we've grown together. Learn more about what becoming a co-op means for us and you at maximumfund.org slash co-op. That's maximum fun.org slash C-O-O-P. So the boss, yeah, we would love to talk to the boss. So you get to one of those aforementioned two-story tents, and what you can tell is that there have been in the upper layer, it is decorative. And it's like, if you can imagine half of a D20 made out of cardboard, and then they've cut. Do you mean a D-Gand-justice? Like a diodesic dome.

Sure. As created by Buckminster Fuller. No, that's too complex. I'm talking about a dodecahedron, right? Isn't that what you call a 20-sided shape? Yeah, but a semi-one would be a semi-dodecahedron. Whatever, guys. And up in there, it's half a one, wouldn't it be a demi-decahedron?

It's made a cardboard, and they've cut out holes in the cardboard and paste it over them with comic strip panels. And the effect as you walk in is something akin to stained glass. You see there are fractions of Beatle Bailey and High and Lois and all the gang. Well, surely not those. No, not those, but I've adapted it into your people to modern comics, so you hip cats can understand them. It's Beatle Bailey, but it's spelled B-E-A-T-L-E. Right, and it features John Paul, George, and Ringo, and their incredible adventures.

In the Army. And there's Marfield and Garma Duke. you see a boy older than Gooch he's sitting in what appears to be a really nice like folding camp chair it's got a cup holder in it so you know it's like really legit and he's got there's a couple of kids that are like

around and are kind of keeping an eye on things but not like standing guard or whatever but they are, you can tell that like they would be of quick service if you all. Try to attack this child. Yeah, I don't think there's any chance of that happening. He's an older child though. Sure, sure. Yeah, no, we can attack.

Hey, Justin, this is me your brother. What age of someone classified of child? What age is a good age to attack? Attacking. Yeah, none. That is one of our rules of Steeble Chase. that you can't attack kids. So,

really tying my hands. Hey, guys. Holy shit. I'm Toddzilla. Sick. Yeah. And I'm on the boss response. Oh, the boss around here.

Okay. And I hear you guys are new, new here, and you just fell down. And then Toddzilla's here to help set things right for you. Is that your real voice? Yes, it is. I don't... You seem to be struggling. I don't even know why you'd ask that.

Well, you're having a great deal difficulty maintaining that. Would you like a lozange? I don't... He has lozenges. Do you have lozenges? Yeah, of course I have a lozenges. Nice. I love one.

I haven't had one of those years. I hand him a fucking ludence. Is it menthol or free? No, it's a nice cherry ludence. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's have a nice tang. He starts, like, kind of, like, dancing a little bit like, whoa.

Whoa, that is sweet. Okay. Wow. Woo! That was, what a rush. Yes. Okay. What do you need now? I'm in the perfect headspace to help you.

Oh, oh, uh, uh. Give me another one. Give me another one. You said it has a marketing tool. You know what? Beef is simmering. Simmering beef, if you will. Yes. Todd Zilla.

You may I call you Todd Zilla? You have to. Okay. We need two things. We're looking for a woman named Gravel, who we understand was here, may still be here. And then we want to get the fuck out of old Kid Adelphia. Can't be done. Go on. Okay. But those are the two things. You ask what we want. That's what we want. But what do I want?

I want. Sounds like more lozenges. Seldom is the question asked, what does Todd Zella want? Yes. That's not true. Everybody asks that. Yeah, what did

Todd Zella, what do you want? Thank you. It's nice. Thank you. Well, you're going to have to do, have you guys ever heard of this, have you guys ever heard of tit for tat?

That is fuck. And they all kind of That is very funny, Toddzilla. Yes, we are familiar with the concept. You ever heard Tits for Taint? That's Todd. Toddzilla. I saw the video.

The other guys are laughing to. Yeah, yeah. I mean... Like jugs. God, Jesus, Toddzilla. Yeah. How old are you, by the way, Toddzilla? I'm 48 years old.

That's not. That can't possibly be true, Toddzilla. I'm still kind of fucking freaking out from... From lozenges. Yeah, they are the sweetest lozenges. Woo! He's going to crash so hard in about 10 minutes. Yeah.

Do you all do nap time here? I imagine the whole town just kind of shuts down for a little bit. We're not fucking babies. All right. All right, Todd. Well, listen, I, you can, I'll make you deal. Okay. Here comes.

I need a favor from you first. You must prove your worth to me, Toddzilla. and then I will lend you my aid and my treasure. Wait, you have treasure? I got some sweets. We don't have much use for them down here. Every once in a while, though, somebody will leave it in a coat pocket or something.

We'll accidentally throw it out with the recycling. We'll scrounge it up. Keep it for a rainy day. You never know. It also doesn't rain here. Could you estimate how many sweets you have in your position? I could, if you guys help me with this, I will help you with your little problem of, as you understand, I can't get you out. So the sweets are functionally useless then?

Well, you guys seem very convincing. You can get out. I don't have a way out. I would have used it already to go by a car and me base. Is that a lie? If he, sorry, are you asking, is it a lot? What, what specifically are you asking is it a lie? that Todd Zilla would leave. I feel like Todd Zilla has a pretty fucking good setup here. I don't think Todd Zillow would leave. Hey, Griff, I actually think that the answer to that question would be less amount, like,

could not be derived from your skill set. It would require many hours of self-reflection. Does Todd think he would leave? Does Todd think he would leave? No. Okay, great. That's what I assume. Now, what about the part where he says he doesn't know a way out?

Is that a lot? That is certainly what I thought Griffin is going to ask. Is that a lie where he says he doesn't know a way out? So you'd think you could just go like clause by claws and separate the lies. You can always tell when someone is lying to you, says like looking into a mirror. No, Todd Zilla does not know a way out of this layer. That is immutable. And when he said nobody knows a way out, that is immutable.

Okay. He believes that to be true. Great. He believes that to be true. be true. And, and how many sweets? I think he was getting around to telling us. Uh, six. You guys want six? I'll give you six. I don't care. It's divisible by three guys. Wow. Hey, that's a wild negotiation tactic, dad. Like, if you, if someone was like, hey, I'll pay you guys to do this thing. How much? $200. Do you have a long money? But it's useless to him. Yeah. You know, how many leaves do you have in

your backyard? Take them. Um, oh, yes, six sweets. Honestly, we have kind of evolved beyond money as well. Uh, for now, I think the only sort of payment we are seeking is, uh, retribution. Um, but in lieu of that, six suites and, uh, uh, getting us in contact with our friend, uh, will, will suffice. Yeah, I can do that. It's no problem. Depending on the job.

We cannot. What hurt kids. Yes. Yes. Yes. So what are the tits? Okay, so here's the deal. In the last recycling dump, someone is pretty sure they saw a case of Chaka fall out near the...

Chaka, by the way, is analogous to like Nasty Quick or something like that. You would know that because Chaka is a thing outside. Hey, Justin, can I also just say I, Travis, as a player, knew that because it sounded like chocolate. that. Yeah, yeah. But I want to be clear about what we're talking about here. I didn't think it was like Shaka Khan records or something. No. There's a, there's a, uh, Primo shipment of Chaka that they threw out.

It's probably just like lightly expired. That's the dream down here. Oh, yeah. It's all a matter of degrees. But, um, the, they, they threw that down. And, and we have had reports that it landed in the jungle. Uh, and we need you three, if you're willing. to go retrieve the chaka.

That's it. Because we are crazy for this dog. Yeah. Do you anticipate we will meet resistance in this quest? Oh, I'm not, I'm just sorry. I can see how my

way of being would make you think that I'm like psychic or have powers or something, but I don't actually know. No, but like, are there like... The future. You say jungle. Are there wild animals? Are there scary big kids? is that you know what I mean I think it is scary for sure there's no big kids that would fucking get near the jungle is terrifying but uh there's stuff in there and we've heard like

legends and rumors and stuff but we're not sure about any of it okay it's scary we try to avoid it but god we are crazy for that chock okay you guys really want to get out yeah we'll do it anything that gives us one step closer to me want to know from all three of you I need your acquiescence. I want to reach down Denton's throat and grab his asshole and then pull it until it comes and he turns inside out. So if we have to go into a jungle and I have to like tie a big snake in a knot or whatever the fuck to get there, I'll do it.

I'm loving this energy. Hey, man. I would say soft beef is gone. Yeah. Hey man. You just talked about pulling a dude's butthole out through his throat. And that's the funniest shit I've ever heard of my entire life. I'm glad I got you on board, Tadzilla.

If you think that's funny, you should look behind you at the Mommadoop strip. You've got posted up in the window. It's Garmadoop. That's not Garmadoogood. It's Garmadook. Oh, right. He loves Mondays. Okay, well.

He loves Mondays so fucking much, man. I'm not a... Hates lasagna, things that taste like shit. Oh, gross. Gems and Ravioli. I'm not an asshole. so you guys can arm up because I'm not sure what you're going to be able to

I don't want you to just die right away out there obviously so why don't you go back out to the pile and see what you can find you can take anything you want from there This is a great question Do we not have our shit? What? No You don't. I guess not right? Because we would need access to it

in the planning phase and we were kind of brought here by surprise. Yeah, if you can justify to me, I mean, this is a collaborative thing, right? If you can justify, I think because of this, this, I envisioned you guys sort of, without a lot of your gear because you were hooked. But if, like, if you could justify having something on you at the time, like, I think it's legit to say that dad probably has the give a ghost projector on, right? I mean, you wouldn't take that off.

And beef usually carries a knife and a zivis. So I would say like those two things he has. Very fair. Very fair. But yeah, I don't think that Emoryk has the lightning hook. He wouldn't have the lightning hook on him. That makes sense. You probably stored that.

Okay. Sounds good. So Todd Zilla leads you out and what you see is basically a fence that has been clearly handmade with like PVC pipes. Awesome. wire and stuff. And inside the fence is a huge mammoth, like three-story pile of junk. You can see old pizza boxes. There are discarded bits of metal. There's probably like some rides in there. Nothing like particularly useful. It's all trash. But I want to give you all an

opportunity to get into the spirit of things. I was reading in Blood, Sweat and Chrome is a making of Mad Max Fury Road, and they talked about how the guys who made the, or the people who made the weapons would take trips out to the dumps, and it would be like racing through to find the coolest stuff they could find to make weapons for the movie. And that's how most of the props for the movie are made are just like them digging through the dump to find weaponry. Yeah, I've done that. So I thought it would be cool for you guys to give you an opportunity to poke around through this big pile of trash and see what you could create from the junk you find around. Okay. Mm.

Before we do, is there anyone in charge? Now, they've obviously built security around it. Is there anyone in charge of the giant pile of garbage? I mean, it's a community. So no. I mean, no guards or anything like that? No. Okay.

Then I want to ask a Tazillo question. Okay. Todd Zillow. Yeah. Montrose, I'm speaking for you. But how does, how do these items arrive here? How do they, how do they, how do they just plop down out of the air? BFH.

Hmm? The BF. Big fucking helicopter Big fucking hole Oh Yeah a big fucking hole Opens up in the layer And where

At the top At the top And they got this dump truck Above it And it dumps the All the shit in And then it just closes up And peels out

We kind of freak out When the big fucking hole opens Because it's honestly It's sweet as hell Yeah It is sweet And you never know It's kind of like

Um, what's the one that you guys have where it's like the fat guy breaks in and Christmas. Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, candle nights. It's like candle nights. No. Um, yeah, you can, uh, but yeah, go, the, the whole, uh, opened up. I think it was like two sons ago.

So, I mean, feel free to go poke around and stuff. Thank you for the information. Like, Montrose. Would you lozange? Yes. Open up. Broink. Um.

Hell yeah! How often does the... Fuck you, yes! All right. How often does this trash hole open up? Is it on a set schedule? I don't really keep track, but it's usually around every three sons or so, I think?

All right, all right. That's very helpful. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good... Probably... I mean, it looks like the sky. You know, like this is a long way away.

this hole that would be opening up. It's really hard to say. And how long does it stay open when they crack that bad boy? Yeah, usually just as long as there's trash there. It opens up, it dumps the trash. A minute, 30 seconds. Yeah, 30 seconds. All right.

And how long has it been since the last B-F-H dump? Two sons. Two sons. Did mention that. All right. Well, we're going to start rooting around like a bunch of nasty raccoons. You enjoy that. Yeah, go poke around, see what you got.

Sure. All right. Dig through in your mind pile. What are you guys seeing? I would like to, I think this would definitely be there. Some rebar, like a forearm length of rebar that I can kind of wrap the bottom of to make a sort of handle and create a sort of makeshift like blackjack. Okay. So you take the rebar.

bar. And then what is what's the handle of this? A tape or some cloth. So you're going to put some tape around metal to make a Well, the tape is the handle.

The tape is the handle. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. So make a little club. Make a little club. Make a little club.

Dream big. Trave, what about you, bud? Yeah, I'm looking at some pictures of junkyard piles to get some ideas here, my man. I love that. Thank you.

Yes, we love it. I'm looking for... Oh, yeah, here's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for some, like, tire rims, you know, like the inside of... I'm looking for, like, circles of metal. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.

And I'm going to, like, basically try to create a guard for my face, because I just got hit. in the face with a thing, and I didn't like that. So I'm trying to create, like, a makeshift, like, a face guard. Okay, yeah. And while I'm at it, I'm also looking at, like, some hunks of metal that could be, like, kind of bracers thing for the backs of my arms. I'm making some armor. I'm making scrap metal armor.

Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Scrap metal, yeah, I love it. Sure, yes, good. Mack. Emrick is, has found a very long, uh, cemitar from the, from the, uh, scalawags of the Sargasso. Wait, I didn't know, I didn't know we could just do this. I find a jet plane that will fly us around from some other. That's that.

You find a cemeter. It will be a prop. Yeah. Okay. And I find some discarded copper wire. Am I allowed to do that? Yeah, you find discarded copper wire. And I wrapped the discarded copper wire around it as a replacement for my fine lightning hook.

Okay, good. Not to use this as a scimitar. This is a... But I did want to work in the scala wags of the Sargasso joke. Yeah, so you... Junk. Hmm. Generous.

So you got your bad lightning hook, let's call it, instead of your fine lightning hook. This is your bad lightning hook. I'm going to call it sparky. Yeah, sir. I'm going to call it sparky. Yeah, and every once in a while, you do feel like... I get heating up in your hands and you don't exactly know why. These are all rudimentary weapons, but I think that this is a great, a great path.

I have another one. Oh, good, Griffin, because your first one, you can like, if you want, say, like, that was not very, I didn't really know. I was joking. I was joking. I was joking. I was sort of make shit. I'm going to grab a... Oh, that was just step one.

You're going to put something cooler on it now, right? No, no, I have two weapons. So I'm going to get, like, a wishbone. suspension, a car suspension, like a, you know, that looks like a wishbone. And some, like a... It would be better to do this bit if any of us knew anything about the built world. Yeah, if any of us had any kind of engineering ability whatsoever. And I'm going to find also a length of like a big rubber band and make a kind of slingshot.

Or maybe a bow. Maybe it's a big suspension. Yeah, I think it's a bow. So pari suspenders? No, a bow. Yeah, a pair of suspenders, sure. No, you're using that to make the bow? Suspension.

Like from a car, you do. Oh, okay. I heard, okay, I misheard you. No, it's a wishbone suspension with suspenders as the drawstring. But they're like really good suspenders. The suspension suspender. Okay. So I think it's like a big, it's a big slingshot or a small bow.

It's one of those two. Okay. There's one more thing I want to do. Oh, and I'll grab some pieces of junk that I can use as projectiles. I want to look for, like, a shovelhead. Okay. Or a broken shell. Like, ideally, it's still got some handle on it.

But I'm open to whatever. Oh, thank you, Joe. A broken shovelhead. That's really specific. Tell you what, give me a fortune roll. Just a straight-up D-6. if it's five or six you find it if it's three or four you find something like it it's a six baby yes hey good job all right you definitely found your uh your shovel head right when you needed it

and i'm like gonna take it and pull it against like uh i don't know concrete any kind of rough stone to try to get a bit of like an edge oh nice that's cool um can i grab some like rope some rope yeah like some rope you know Not like rope. I'd never throw away rope. But yeah. All right. It's stink.

Hey, Justin, it's stinky rope. That's why they threw it away. I want to get like a spool of cable. A spool of cable. That seems more likely. Okay, and I'll wrap it around. Tell you what. Give me the D6.

4, 5, or 6 gets you a spool of wire. A rope. Four. Four. All right. You got your spool, but it is shitty. All right. It's stinky.

I'm gonna wrap it around my chest. It looks cool. Hell yeah. except my big, my big slingshot and my rebar blackjack in there. Okay. And I want to find a bowler hat. I love you, dad. I love you so much.

Because I've always wanted to wear a bowler hat. You find a bowling ball that's broken in half and it's hollow and you can wear that. It's a bowling hat. Let dad roll to see if he finds a bowler hat. Yeah, dad. if you roll a six, you get a bowler hat. One through five, you die. Your head falls off.

Oh, no, Dad, the risk is too high. Doesn't really feel like much of a... Hey, dad. Hey, dad, he means in real life. Let me explain it again. If you get a one through five, your character dies. If you get a six, you get a bullet hat. Now, shouldn't it be the other way around, Jocelyn?

No, we shouldn't. Okay, okay. All right, one through five, you get a bowler hat, six your character dies. Okay, four you live. I've been rolled That should be That was Griffin rolling That should be the joke enforcement role

Like if you want to try to do a roll You have to take a one It's like survivor rules Like you have to have a one out of six chance of dying All right So you roll a three You are kidded up Todd

Todd Zilla before you set out He and Gooch supply you with some Some juice pouches And and some cheese that is like wrapped up tightly and preserved. You can tell this is the kind of cheese that lasts like 100 years probably. It's very resistant cheese.

And Gooch agrees to walk you to the edge of the jungle. So we didn't find gravel. Oh, he's going to help us find gravel if we succeed in this stuff. Succeed. Got it. He'll do whatever you need him to, but he needs this from you. At some point as we're walking, Emric turns to Toddzilla and tips his bowler and says... Toddzilla didn't come with you.

Who did? Just Gooch. Gooch. Oh, and tips his bowler and says, Top of the morning to you. Unbelievable. Why did that happen? Well, if you have a bowler, that's kind of de rigour.

You have to kind of do something. Gooch knocks your bowler off. Get him. Drag his ass. Can I just say one of the things I love most about Emmering, he makes himself so bullionable. And like, listen, obviously bullying's bad. We hear Adventures Zone fucking hate bullying. But sometimes Amherk's just like, I would love to be bullied right now.

Like that's what I think would make me feel real good. It's just interesting the choices Emmerick makes. I love it. Okay. You get to this long line. of trees that have grown so close to each other

it's hard to see anything beyond them and Gooch said okay this is as far as this is as far as I can go Are you all You know you don't have to do this right Hey Gooch Like

What do you mean Because he said we did have to do it To get his help And so now we have to do it Well I mean you have to do it If you want his help But I don't know It just kind of feels like

you're killing yourselves for nothing. Not for nothing. I mean, we are increasing our chances of getting our sweet vengeance on... Did you hear the thing I said about pulling the dude's butthole out through his throat? And it was still hilarious. Thank you.

Yes. It's so funny. Okay. Perhaps you would like to go with us. Ah, damn it. I meant to tell you guys that the person who helped you the junkyard was named Jisbert. Fuck. Shit.

All right. Let's go. Rett con. This is, this is a, this is good. Flashback. Flashback. Flashback. Did Gisbert get you set up with everything you needed?

Flashback. I don't know. I don't know a Gisbert. Flashback. Flashback. What's your name, Fran? Hey, don't forget about me. My name is Jisbert.

Nice. This is my landfill. Great. Flash. Help yourself. to anything. I will help you find the things that you ask about so it doesn't seem so wild that you just find random shit that you need it. You don't have any bowler hats, do you? Flashback to the present.

Oh, Jisbert. Yeah, Jisbert. I remember Jisbert. Oh, he helped me find the hat. You knocked off my head. I wrote Jisbert down at everything. Okay, good. Anyway, Jisbert's in the canon. I adopted Jisbert. All right.

Flashback. Well, best of luck. Well, good luck. Don't die. Okay. Can I have... Did you leave any stuff back there I can have? No, we didn't bring a lot of stuff with us. Okay, all right.

Yeah. I reach in my pocket and pull out my... The laser pointer that I stole from someone like fucking four heists ago. Flashback! Flashback! No, we know. Okay. Oh, this is for me? Yeah, sure. I mean, you all don't have a lot of sort of tech down here, so I figured that there's something like this, you could...

This is amazing. Yeah. You just make sense. a red dot. Thank you. You could entertain a cat. Ah, this is cool. And Gooch is just like shining, shining it right in their right eye. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Goose, goosh, goosh, no, no, no. Yeah, you could hurt an eyeball with that, so don't, um. Oh, it's a weapon. All right. Well. And then Gooch starts to walk away. All right. Bye.

So, do you enter the jungle? Yes. Yeah. Walking behind beef. Beef, do you take the lead? Yes. All right, B, if you push through this actually weirdly thin layer of trees, and what you see is the biggest playground or jungle gym that you have ever seen in your life. Metal bars, wind and twist.

There's half a geodesic dome. Oh, as designed by Buckminster Fuller? Yeah, right. that is completely overgrown and dilapidated, there are like four or five-story slides and platforms and stairs and panels and rope swings and all of it overgrown, rusted out with trees lining them. I bet there's no, like, foam rubber pads here.

No, this is the real old shit. The ground is actually blue mulch. Oh, that's nice. you got that going for you, or at least it was, you can tell a bunch of trash is falling in there now. And it's hard to see too far in any one direction because everything's so overgrown that it's just thin strands of daylight that slip in from between the trees. And almost as soon as you break through the tree line, beef, you step on a branch and you notice in front of you, a giraffe. And as a giraffe?

As you step on the branch, you see this body sort of twist. You can't see its head because it had been eating in a tree. So you step on the branch and it starts to walk closer and closer to you. It's starting to close the distance

before you can even really think. And it's at that point that the giraffe finally lowers its head from the tree line to look at you. And you realize that this draft has the robotic head of a Tyrannosaurus rex that screams directly at you. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience-supported.