The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 34

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

The gang team up with some unlikely allies, but must make a dangerous deal to gain their trust. Beef offers protection. Emerich tends a wound. Montrose climbs a fleshy mountain.Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: Sundown" by AJ Stewart: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/slambience-1/; “Voyageur” by Monkey Warhol: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Monkey_Warhol/; "Is Lost" by Marc Ferry: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/ferry-beat/; Free Guitar Riding Blues (F 014)" by Lobo Loco: www.musikbrause.de; "Dirt Rhodes" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; and "A Chilling Tale" by Kirk Osamayao: kirkosamayo.com. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Okay, gang, this one is a little sad. Sources speaking exclusively with Steepy Watch say that the recent closure of Poppy's place is unplanned and apparently indefinite. I know. Heartbreaking, right? While it's true that none of us here at Steepy Watch have ever actually been to the arcade, it's an essential part of Eustabin and if it ever permanently closes, we will literally die. Unless something way better to be. takes its place, or they turn it into a really nice bathroom.

Ugh, the silence is too much. If you think that you can guess what this corporation has up its sleeve, we hope you never know when to stop dreaming. Welcome once again to the adventure of Steeplechase. Ooh. I'm so excited to have you back. If I remember correctly, it wasn't going great. No.

Probably, you know, that's subjective. It's our worst series of roles in, definitely this season. After our best series of roles. Yeah, we were hot shit in the beginning of the episode when it didn't fucking matter. And then we were dog shit when it definitely did matter. And we were trying not to die while crossing a river. Here's the problem with tabletop games, right? When you do something, like, try to skimboard across a river with Chihuahawawals in it, right?

A thing that should just work. Yeah. Sometimes the dice do not reflect the ease that should naturally have been built into that action. Isn't that interesting? And I have an anecdote in the fact that I was really off my game because I was remembering the time Carol and I went up the four flights of stairs to ride the two-person water slide at the beach. And when we got up to the top, the guy said we were too heavy and we couldn't ride. so then he took the two-person raft and just flung it. And we had to, he did. He flung it off and Carol and I had to trudge all the way down,

those four flights of stairs. So all those people were going, look at the fatties. It was awful. Dad? Dad? Dad, do you get that guy's name? Yeah, because I'm going to bring him down. I'll fucking be his ass. Nobody tells me I'm too fat for fun.

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it anymore. Safety be damn. That's what. That's why I was off my game. I'm gonna find that man. Hey, guy, guy who did that to my daddy, if you're listening?

It was at the beach, dad? He was at the beach water park, yeah. Well, good news for him. That's a fucking parking lot now. Yeah, yeah. That's what you get. That's what you get. I shut it down myself.

I had all my wealthy industrialist friends. Shut it down. Hey, Justin, could you get them to work on some other stuff now? No, that was my one. He got one. I know. He saved all their nieces from one. He saved all their nieces from,

from a big fight. I pushed my luck because a few weeks later I had them save a pirate radio station. Oh yeah. It was going to be bought by big money. Yeah. I hate big money. I spent my one. You guys are in a bad situation currently

where you are all three of you in the crazy river, which is a lazy river for kids. Or at least this is what was designed to be. It's filled with detritus. you are currently staring up at Orwell, a teradactyl gorilla hybrid, who is unimpressed so far by your effort. Hey, you know what?

I'm impressed, unimpressed by him. And I want to make that clear. What are you making clear to Orwell? I'm unimpressed by this flying gorilla. Gorilladactyl. That's crazy what you just said. It's very impressive. I know.

It's so wild. No, but like... He was trying to intimidate him. Timmy got him. It's hard to be intimidating. Having done what we just did. Yeah. All of it.

And then be like, so you better watch yourself. Are we floating down? Are we floating down at great speed? Yes. And the more you talk, the farther you fall. It's not great speed. It's a lazy river. Oh.

So you are being swept, but it is not at a great speed. And Orwell is watching you with sort of a cocked head and sort of, content to gradually, like, float along and watch you, and he says, This will be fascinating. I have never watched a man drowned. All right. I swim to the side because it's, like, two feet away, I think.

You think that, but you're actually... What? So Montrose, you said, made it three quarters of the way across, and you said it was 15 feet wide. So that means that he made it 12 feet and it was three feet. So then I angled the rope so that he was closer. And then I skimboarded across. And you said, I got to him, but I didn't make it all the way.

So if we're closer than three feet, we're at least no more than two feet away. How are you swimming in a way that also accounts for the Chihuahuas that are closing in on you? I'm pushing off the detritus that's in the thing, just trying to get to the side. because my arm is at least three feet long, so I'm just reaching out for the side and trying to grab it. Okay, your arm is at least three feet long. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, beef is tall, man. Yeah, okay. So you're just trying to, like, pull yourself onto the edge. Yeah, and trying to get up out of the water where the Chihuahawals are. Okay, this is probably... Probably prow.

I guess it's... Prowl, I guess, yeah. Okay. Swin is... that it's proud swim is literally one of the words in prowl yeah that's true that's a good point that's a good point what's my position is it husky standard no it's uh it's uh risky uh standard uh standard uh oh you wait oh you wait man i'm not gonna push my hey am i gonna push myself i want to push myself montrose do you want to help since like i'm helping you over there you want to kick your little legs

we're both in the shit right now i don't know why i would i can because you I'm with you, I have you. Sure, I push his butt. You're holding my, like, shirt sleeve or whatever. Kick you little legs. Yeah, sure. It sounds like, the way you've described it, it sounds like an impediment. Yeah, I don't think I get help.

But, if you want him to try to help, I guess you guys can swim together. Yeah, I'll push your butt. Take one bonus. You push my butt? Thank you. Yeah, push it. Son of a gun. Four two, so it makes success.

You didn't push it real good. Oh, yay. He pushed my butt just fine. Maybe it tiggled a little bit and it threw me off. Travis, you make it to the edge, but you notice that as you've made it to the side, you notice that several Chihuahuas have clamped onto your legs and arms. Wow.

Okay. Mantras. Am I holding on to beef? I guess I just... I mean, that's the way we described it. I guess you could, but you could take another action to try to get Montrose up if you wanted to.

Or Montres, you could try to pull yourself up with a beef ladder. Yeah, I'm gonna use beef like a ladder and I'm gonna climb beef. Sure. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna prowl, I think.

Prowl, yeah. Okay. You're gonna prowl across Mount Beef. Yeah. It's gonna be great. Six. Six. Six.

A six and a two and a two and a two. Don't just say the six and a two and a two. The two are lost to history. Yeah, but give it context. Zoop, right up in. Okay. Montrose with actually pretty impressive little bit of dexterity. You use Beef's hand to sort of pull yourself forward

and you do a cool roll onto the grass, not with sparing yourself any chihuahuas in the process. I'm going to start unfucking this situation. Where is Emrick? He's just floating. Yeah, he's just floating downstream. Oh, wait, wait, hold on. Where's Emmer?

Wait, I thought he was still on the other side of the... Oh, no. We all went into the drink. I take my... I pull my rebar club slack line tether out of the ground, and I'm going to sort of swing it over my head and try to throw it to Emrich to grab. Okay. Phinez.

Sure. Oh, I guess. This sort of action. Yeah. I know you'd like that. Risky standard? Yeah. Okay. Boop, boop, boop.

Six. 4.3, 4.3, not a six. Four. Three, four, three. Great for Halo. Bad for you. Loving Halo. Loving Halo, bad for you.

Let's see. With a 343. What is it you're using? I mean, so I had this. Describe the object to me. So I can visualize. Yeah. So originally I shot my rebranded.

bar club thing over here into the ground with the rope, the cable tied to it that I sort of slacklined. So I just kind of pulled that out of the ground and then I threw it towards Emmerick so that he could grab it and grab the cable and I could pull him out, fish him out of the water. Okay. With a 343, you chuck this little, I don't know, makeshift grappling hook, if you want to call it that, that you have fashioned. And with 343, the, The rope sails perfectly through the air and lands right in front of Emmerich. What does happen, though, is the knot that you used to affix the two together comes loose. And the rebar continues to sail through the air, unimpeded by the rope water.

And drifts down through the water. So that's gone. But the rope is right in front of you, Emmerk. Let's say you go ahead and grab it because of this wild. But what do you do now? Hold on to this rope. I'm holding on to the rope. Hold on to the rope.

Yeah. So I let go of my two stilts. What an idea that was, though, Clay. I salute this stilts as they float away. What a good one. Yeah, yeah. Well, they were a hard light, weren't they? Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Well, they just kind of dissipated to nothing. And I tied the rope around my waist. Oh, okay. And yell, save me, friends. Save yourself. Okay.

How noodily are your arms that you can't pull? Hey, this is up to you all. I don't know how you're dealing with this. Beef, are you on the shore yet? They should call us noodles and beef. Come on, man. Is beef on the shore yet? Has beef gotten himself out of the water?

I'm going to pull myself up. Yeah, I'm pull myself up. Does he need to do anything for that, or was he? No, beef's on the, beef made it to save. Okay. He's fine. You're both fine. Am I hurt by the Chihuahua?

Or they're like just on my pants. They are clamped onto your arm and leg. You notice, since you checked, it's like disconcerting, but it doesn't hurt. Oh. Thank you. All right, you anchor from the back. We're going to tug a war, our friend, right out of the water.

You ready? Okay. You could start spinning even like a rotissary and then just sort of wrap the cable around yourself and all help sort of die. I could just use my arms to pull, like, Yeah, sure. Just start pulling the cable.

He is going to die. Okay, great. Cool. Yep. We tug him up. Tug him up. We tug him. Okay, that's, let's make that a, um, let's make this a group's action.

Okay. Because you're all three working towards the same thing. And I'll let Beef take the lead. And this is just pure strength. So what, what do we do? Like, I was just looking at that. Skirmish? Skirm.

No, it's more like, I don't know. I don't know. What do you think, Trav? I would say that if we're going off strength, then I would say roll the number of dice that you have, like, dots in prowess, like, behind the line, you know what I mean? So, like, I have four, because I have one in all four prowess, right? So I could roll four dice is what I mean. All right. So we'll make you the leader of the group action here. All a rising beef lifts all of you. So we'll see. Oh, my gosh. It. Wow. Three, two, two, four.

Wow. I got a mixed success. Jesus Christ, I got a two, three. Well, the only one who matters is Travis, right? Isn't that how group actions work? No. Well, but I think I have to take stress if he fucks up. Let's see.

Lead a group. Lead a group action. Roll for each character who participates in the group action. The best single role counts as the action result, which applies to every character that rolled. Okay, Dad. So you have a chance here. You have a chance here.

How many points do you have in prowess? How many points? I have two. In prowess, you have two points. Mm-hmm. So that will mean that you're going to roll two nine. Just click Proud. Just click the word prowess.

It'll do it for you. Just click the word prowess. We'll see if Dad can save your own proverbial bacon. No bonus die. Please get a six. Oh, my God. So four is going to be it. One in four.

Four is. So I do take one stress for each PC that rolled one to three as their best result. So that includes Griffin. So you take one stress. Sorry. And I'll give you. It's a mixed success still, even at its best. Correct.

Emric, you, you managed to pull yourself up with the rope. And you realize, though, that in, the action, during this action, you were holding on so tightly and the rope was so vehemently pulled that it caused abrasions all over your hands and they're stiff and they have their burns on the inside from holding onto the rope so tightly. You find that you have trouble even moving them, let alone operating the give a ghost projector. So mark yourself for a level one harm on

your hands. Rope burns, we'll call that. But you do manage to be pulled up to the edge. Great. Oh. Roep burns.

Well, that was very entertaining. Thank you for the diversion. Glad we could help thank you, by the way,

for your assistance in this matter. I did not assist. Okay. He was being sarcastic. Yes. I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. Orwell, was it?

This is all. Can you land so we can talk? It's weird yelling at a flying gorilla. Can you land so we can... A shell. And then Orwell lands on the ground. Great. How big is Orwell?

How imposing a figure? About gorilla size? Yeah. He's like eight feet tall. Okay. What? It's not a realistic gorilla. It's an animatronic gorilla.

It's like one of them scary gorillas from Congo. Yeah, man. Oh, messed up, man. My name is Montrose Pretty. These are my associates, beef, and Emmerich. And can I be straight with you, Mr. Flying Gorilla, or well? We have been dispatched to try to steal some sort of chocolate powdered substance. I could give less of a shit.

about this. Our sights are, I would say, on a loftier goal of a loftier target. And the sort of exploits of you here in the trash realm could not matter to me less. So I don't, I don't, I'm not going to try and steal your chaka. I want to get the hell out of New Kididelfia. That's where I'm at as a person. And I just want you to know sort of what kind of position I'm operating from. And just to chime in to back up what Montres is saying here, the assistance of a flying creature such as yourself is probably more worthwhile to us than the assistance we are going to get from a bunch of children, yes.

Yeah. I understand. Damn. What of Charles? Sorry? Charles. Charles. Yes, you.

I remember, Charles. She was the giraffeosaur you saw fit to dispatch upon your arrival. Now, to be fair. His head is now being repurposed by other metamals. Oh, that's good. That's good, right? His body is being scrapped for salvage. his

mate Oh, well, listen Um Other metamus Um Now one O like leave

After that It will Be Orwell can I I'm Listen Respectfully First of all

I sincerely Apologize For Charles We had no idea Um We didn't know what the situation was. We didn't know. It seemed threatening and we reacted on impulse and the fact that we didn't take time to figure out what's going on. I feel truly sorry for that.

And I apologize profusely. I would also like to say that since we have been here in old kiddadelphia, it seems like there's a lot going on as far as like the younger kids versus like the older people and then like the metamals here that you all should be free from old kiddadelphia you've all been discarded here and forgotten and you've had to fin for yourself and it seems to me the best course of action would be for everybody to work together to get out of this hellhole and back into Steeble Chase proper

and be able to live full lives and not be trapped down here anymore. Oh, boy. Oh, gosh. Thank you. The other layers. We can speak for one layer in particular, and I think you would absolutely love.

it in used to Ben. You could wander the streets freely. We have access to, I'm no slouch when it comes to working on mechanical items. I could help you with repairs. That sparky neck of yours, I could fix that in an instant and I'm sure that causes you some discomfort we I I think what beef is saying it would you would love it I will also say or well that while I agree that oh if you went up there right now as Siebel chase is being currently run it would be difficult for the metamoles and everybody to kind of assimilate into steeplechase, but that is based on how it's currently being run. And frankly, I know quite a few people up there, ourselves included, who are not happy with the current administration of steeplechase. And maybe it's time for things to change.

Here is our Here is our arrangement You have taken one of mine I will take one of yours Then we will move forward In a spirit of trust And cooperation When you say take

You mean like Take on as a Ward? Do you mean take their life? I mean dismantle. Dismantle. Fair is fair you may repurpose the head.

All right, Orwell. Here's the deal. I will make a bet with you. Just like when we fought Charles, we did not sneak up on Charles. We did not take advantage. There was no... We did not cheat.

right? So you and I will fight. And if you win, you can dismantle me. And if I win, then you help us return to the surface. We all work together to sow chaos until we're able to restructure steeplechase to be more conducive for everybody. I think this is a wonderful idea. I am not constructed for battle. I am a leader. I am not a warrior. Entertain. Well, how about this then? You help us first,

and then you can dismantle me. Uh, beef, I'm going to need a sway roll from you. Oh, I'm not super good at that. Yeah, and it's going to be controlled. limited effect. Okay. I'm going to push myself on it. You may, as Griffin is always so quick to do, trade your position for effect if you like.

I'm going to keep the controls because this is a big deal. All right. And I'm going to use my last foresight to help you. Okay. Flashback to me handing you a copy of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Infraint. influence people. How many times have we used that as the flashback for helping someone with this way? It seems like there must be a better flashback to that dad.

Try again. Okay. Do it again. Better. Emrich shows you a video on debate. How to be a better debater. Okay. Debetter.

Sorry. Sorry. How to be, would you say, um, a mass. Don't do it, Justin. No, don't do it. We're better than this. We're better than this. Please.

I'm so disappointed in you, Justin. I'm so disappointed in you, you're the oldest brother. I am proud of you, son. Of course you are. Of course you are. Roll your dice and you are. You were raised by like old comics

than the cat skills or whatever the fuck. Justin should be better than this. Yeah, I should be better than this. You're right. But you're not. But I'm not. Here we go. Isn't that interesting.

Six three one. Six. Six. Oh my God. Who? And who's to say that The one I gave you was the six, except for me. Yeah, listen.

I would say that. Oh, okay. It is agreed. I will take you to the chaka, and then you are mine. Uh, well, I said the thing about dismay, like, okay. It is settled. Well, that wasn't exactly. He begins to walk towards the forest where you saw that weird, uh, wooden animal.

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He is now taking you through this forest. He's walking through the forest. He has several paces ahead of you. He knows these jungles. these trees, all of it, better than you know your own name. He is easily navigating it. So he's quite a few paces ahead of you while you are following. Can we talk while we walk?

Yeah. Beef, I'm not comfortable with you sacrificing your head just for us to get some chocolate for some juvenile delinquents. I am, hey, I am dismayed at this. Okay, hey, Amrik, yes. Do you think I'm comfortable with me losing my head? Did you think like, this is, this is what we call a later problem, right? Because it was either we needed to leave, right? Or get the chaga and then get back up there, right?

But you have no plan on honoring this. It's a ruse, right? You have a cunning plan, correct? aspects of what you just said are true um there are some aspects of it that maybe aren't like the part where you said that i have a plan maybe that's not so solid a thing so much as it's just okay yeah whatever let's keep moving forward and then figure that out uh as things as things go uh moving forward moving, you know, that kind of thing. We'll see how it goes. Yeah. Yeah. Can I, uh, can I talk to Orwell as they are

talking? Uh, actually, yes, you can. Oh, cool. Um, I look at him and I say, I'm sorry, this is, I'm probably way off base with this, but are you, you were in Knott's Berry Farm, weren't you? In Jungle Island? I remember seeing you before you were, hybridized with a flying lizard, uh, I remember you. This is, uh, this is,

this is, this is, this is why. We prefer true born. I have always been oral, the gorilla dactual. It is only now, through circumstance that I am able to inhabit.

My true self. Right on. That is, that's incredible. I, it seems like, I, I, I, I, I don't know. No, I was disappointed when they shut Jungle Island down. I held it against Dentonix.

Seems like a waste of an incredible attraction. But it seems like you have, I don't know, you are thriving here in this jungle sort of forgotten wasteland. We simply persist. At that moment, you see an old man lying on the ground to your right. Excuse me. You see an old man lying on the ground to your right. One moment. There's an old man over here to our right.

Oh, he's, let's... So you go over to investigate? Can I scope him out first? See if this is a trap? Yeah, it just looks like an old man lying on the ground. He's lying in a really unnatural fashion. You notice. I'll say that from a distance.

You can see that. Okay. He's maybe 20 yards away. Beef, go check that out. What? Yeah. Okay. Does beef still on Torgas?

his back? I do. Yeah. I should have made that the last bit harder for him, but I know. I'm a sweetie. I'm a sweetie. Okay, you get close to the old man and beef once, and he has been completely still and beef, once you close the gap to

call it 10 yards. I don't know why I'm using yards. It's not a football thing, but you know, 10 yards. Yeah. 30 feet about. Is that like 10 meters? I don't know. Then you see that This man moves with a sort of jerky fashion and says, Yeah, well, pleasure, nice to meet you.

My name is Forrest Morrow, and these are my woodamels. Then he does a very sort of mechanical, like, move around with his hand. And you can see, as you get closer, he's not shifting properly. His position relative to you remains constant, even as you. you close the gap. And you realize what you're seeing is actually a hologram that has fallen over, a display hologram. You see actually as you get a little close to the beam of light emanating from a source that has toppled over, some sort of pedestal. It's hard to tell with all the, the rust. And he said, please take a moment to look around my incredible creations.

I used to be a fence postmaker and I used to have cutoffs. I wouldn't know what to do with them, but I hated waste. So I started painting some eyes on them, these little, uh, creatures. I decided to call them wittamels. And, um, I made them all myself. Please take a moment to enjoy my creations. So I've put on the board here, guys, you can see some wittamels. I'm loving this.

You gotta share this somewhere. I don't know how you would. You can just probably Google Wooden all. God's Green Earth. These are terrible, Justin. Oh, love you. Yeah, these are nightmare fuel. Sure. Knott's Berry Farm used to charge you one quarter to go look at these beauties.

But now, thanks to the generosity of Mr. Denton, you can see them all for free, and that's value. You see these, I mean, ghastly wood. animals that have been carved. And can I just say, at least this one on the top who's actively getting carved in the picture looks terrified. Looks scary. Why did they put? Forest himself, you can see Forrest in a couple of these different pictures. Yeah. And you see them like in the trees.

As you start to look around, they blend in before, but now you, as you start to look, you start to notice more of them. These like sort of wood creatures, some kind of look like real animals. Some kind of don't. And they've all got these eyes, these creepy eyes painted right on the face. Justin, it feels so dumb to ask this. But are they moving? No, they're utterly still. Unerringly still, unfailingly, upsettingly still.

Is Forrest a person or a animatron? He's a hologram. He's a hologram. He's a hologram. He's a hologram. Not hard light. Mind you. He's a hologram. Amrik, I can't resist.

Amrik has to study him. Yeah, okay. Has to. Okay, so you're going to go over to his little pedestal thing. And kind of squat down. Here's what you can see from the outside. It is a black box with a single pinhole of light at the top. Okay.

And it is affixed at the bottom with several screws. Okay. Um, yeah, I, I think Emmerick's curiosity about this is just going to be overwhelming. Okay. I think he's going to study that device. Great. I'd say it's controlled, wouldn't you? Oh, yeah, it's controlled.

And standard. And it's a standard, you know, controlled standard. Cool. Six and a two. Okay. Um, this is a, uh, a hologram projector that was made, uh, to go along with the woodamels. exhibit. And Forrest Morrow Sr.

is the creator of Wittemales. And it depicts him who tells you about the Wittimals. If you had to guess and you're not sure, you would pick the technology is maybe 50, 60 years out of date. This hologram is pretty old. It's frankly kind of impressive. You assume, into it, it must be solar powered because

you don't know how else it would still be functioning. And is it, have we been able to determine if it's on a loop or is there some kind of AI? Yeah, we haven't tried to interact with him. Yeah, go for. Oh, yeah, try to interact with him. Is he still sideways, by the way, or do you fix him while you're setting? I'm going to fix that. I think it's going to set that up, right?

Yeah. Okay, great. If anything, to avoid like neck cramps and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Much obliged. Hello, Forrest. You, your work is amazing as one artist to another. You are to be commended.

My name is Forrest Morrow Sr. Okay. And you're looking at my wood-a-moles. I made these from fence posts that I carved myself. And now Mr. Denton has been kind enough since 1983 to move these from Knottesbury Farms Jungle Island to hear. And I'm just so thrilled. I hope you really enjoy looking at my amazing wood animals.

Hey, uh, Torgas, just like, answer quietly as quiet as you can. Torgas? I believe. Okay, God. Um, I do not have volume modulation. Sick. Um, so the woodamals are just wood, right? Like, they're not, like, we, are we going to...

And eyes. Yeah, but we're not going to, like, turn around and they, sneak up on us, right? That would be ridiculous. Torgas, that wasn't a no. Well, no. Okay. Also, Torgas, what do you know about Orwell over here?

Oh. I would be careful. Are you sure you want to ask that right now? Let me ask, because I just told you he has no volume modulation. Oh. Are you asking? To give you some idea of positioning, you assume that you're still close enough

to where Orwell would hear. No, not right this second. Okay. But I will say what I'd love to do, Jeezer, is when we do start moving again, just assume I'm hanging back a little bit. Okay, great. Great, you're hanging back.

Actually, Orwell notices all this, and he says, Well, I've always been fascinated by our brothers, the Woodhambles. Take a moment. Pay your respects. Okay. So you're kind of free. He'll wander away a little bit like you, like, check these fucking things out.

Yeah, I'm going to move off deeper into the Woodamles. What wouldamol are you near, Treff? So picture a woodamol that looks like. like a wacky waving inflatable tube man, right? That's all of you. You've just described every image of every word of all I'm looking at. They have like four arms coming from various positions and like one leg is way bigger than the other one. And just a horrified look on their face is that they're having a hard time understanding their own existence.

And that may be existence is pain. Okay, beautiful. Yeah. and what do you say to uh so what do you say to torgus once you're out of your ear ear sight is what i almost said yeah yeah yeah yeah i get you man i've used the corner of my ear a couple times now and it's there's nothing but like yeah i heard it out of the corner of my ear makes so much sense that it's good yeah anyways um i'm just torgus what what do you know about like the minimals and like orwell and stuff The metamels are refused creations that are composed of animatronic animals that were deposited on Jungle Island.

In 1983, the entire Jungle Island collection was relocated to Steeblechase by the Denton family. Now they are here. They are not maintained. So as parts break down, the metamels, as they have chosen to call themselves, refuse to continue to propagate. their species. These combinations get increasingly erratic as parts become more and more scarce. Do you have any idea how many there are?

I am not permitted to wonder because of my lack of legs and arms and head and eyes. And I am a torso. So unless it was within the hundred feet or so that you found me, my awareness of current situation is limited. Torco?

Torgo? Torgo. Do you sense any of your other parts like you did earlier? Do you sense any of your parts in this vicinity? Hold on. Let me activate my extra sensory perception. This was a comedy. That was a joke, yes. I do not possess those sorts of facilities. Oh, okay, fine.

You notice that you have lost sight of Orwell, actually. As you are talking to Torgas, you look around and realize that he is nowhere to be seen. What you do here is a rustling in the trees. And then you roll a 100-sided die. Oh, fuck, not again. Somebody else do it. Yeah, I'll do it. I will do this.

Oh, okay. Are you going to do it? Do you do it, Trab. You're both going to do it. I got a 47, Griffin got an 81. I said the numbers out loud so people at home could check their charts. Okay. You, uh, this is perfect.

I'm glad we can make you happy, Justin. That means a lot. This is wonderful news. You look up into the trees where the wrestling was, and you hear, and you look up and you see a squat cat with, wing-like appendages on its side, clawed feet, and a jet-black cat's head. It is an emperor puma. And...

Mm-hmm. It is an emperor puma. Sure. And it is watching you from the trees. Nobody make any sodden movement. You start to notice more rustling in the branches as more emperor Pumma. Umas, each composed differently, but of the same parts, the same base components, uh, begin to, uh, toddle out along the branches of the trees. Some perching, uh, from the tops of wittamals, some have made their nests inside the wittamels.

And you realize that this is basically an infestation of emperor Pumas. Okay. I hate this fucking jungle so bad. You say that in the moment you say that, one leaps out of the tree towards you, Montrose. I fucking flip out of the way. Whoa. What? Beautiful.

Yeah. I'm extremely live. I don't know why this is news to you. No, I didn't know you could just say it. Can I do a flip too? Okay. I imagine there would be attacking you, but you could do just like a standing flip. Just to show off to the babes, I guess.

You know what? I'm just going to prepare for a flip. Okay. Right, you've got advantage on a flip. Prepare a flip. Yeah. Just so you have one in the chamber. And Griffin's stop stalling.

What am I rolling? Give me a risky. You know what? It's desperate because you have barely any time to react, but it is standard. Tumble? So this is prowl? Yeah. Okay. Desperate standard.

I'm going to use Daredevil to take a bonus die. Please be good. Fucking holy shit. 4-1, 4. Wow, 4. Oh, you were destined to get a 4. Yeah, I've rolled so many 4s this episode. Okay, with a 4 as your best.

Let's see, 4 on a desperate. Not good. Not good. Okay, you, what's your harm looking like, Graf? I have one level 1 harm. Okay. You try to tumble out of the way, but as this Emperor Puma is leaping at you, it is extremely heavy. When it collides with your right arm, you feel a sort of sickening break.

Oh, man. As your arm sort of snaps. Fuck. Right at the, yeah. Justin. It's fucked up. Can I, I'm going to step in. Well, hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Griffin does have the opportunity to resist this. Yes, but I have a special ability called bodyguard that helps me resist better. I normally wouldn't allow it because it doesn't make any sense, but you did say that you were preparing a flip. I was prepared, right? Griffin, do you want this assistance? Fuck, yeah, I want my arm to break your idea.

Your fucking gourd? No way. All right, Traff. So I'm going to bump him out of the way and take the hit. Okay. So would it just be a skirmish protection roll? Sure, yeah. Is that how that works?

You take that when you. You roll. Well, what's it say? So when you protect the teammate, take plus 1D to your resistance roll. And this would be a skirmish role, right? Face danger for a teammate. Step in to suffer a consequence in their place. You may roll to resist as normal if you wish.

No, so it's not a skirmish role, Travis. It would be a prowess role. A prowess resistance. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. There's no role. You're suffering the con... Are you talking about resisting, Traff? Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Okay, Trav, you're going to do one D for each attribute rating. And we're going to call... So, I think it is a...

Because it's a physical thing, right? Yeah. It's a prowess role. Yeah. Okay, and I get plus one bonus dice. So five, a five, a four, a five, a two. Damn, it's a lot. Yeah. So you're going to suffer six stress minus the highest die result. Yes. So one stress. So one stress to resist this.

Thank you, beef. That's great, Trow. Great role, great action. I think what happens is you see this happening. Well, okay, you tell me, actually. How do you protect him? So I'm going to bump him out of the way, right? So I see this happening.

I'm prepared. I move in. and I'm going to like redirect. So like he did a flip, right? But I have my hands up and I'm like just trying to push the emperor Puma away, right? Like and redirect the jump. Okay. Great.

You do that. You protect him. The Puma kind of lands on the ground and it's so loud. It's so loud. And you can see one of the. of the plate wings that this Puma had, the one of the metallic wings, just sort of like snap off as it lands on the ground. Okay, wait, hold on.

You're a animal. We don't want to hurt you any more than that. And we have a guy here who might be able to fix that for you. Please just chill out. We don't want to hurt you. The Emperor Puma that was on the ground, like right to, itself and then starts toddling at you beef. And then he starts pecking you.

I'm gonna pet him. Wait, pecking me in a hard way? I mean, it's not pleasant. I'm gonna use my, like where I have the guards. But he does have a Puma's head. So it's just kind of weird. Yeah. I'm gonna stay calm.

and just say like, okay, yeah, I understand. Or this is probably a lot to deal with. But we don't want to hurt you. Okay, as you're taught, okay, here's what I want you to do, Trave. I want you to do, I think this would be, I think this would be command. Okay. Or what are you trying to do? I'm trying to get it to stand down.

Okay. That's probably sway, right? I don't know, because I'm not. Are you trying to bring it to heal? are you trying to sway it that you're okay? I'm trying to bring it to heel. Okay, so that would be command.

Just, okay. Risky standard. Risky standard. Here we go. It's risky because it's still biting at you, wild. Okay, a mixed success. Five and a two. Okay, here's the deal, beef.

At you kneel down to this emperor Puma whose wing has broken off, and it is now realizing that its pecking has done had no effect because it has no beak, it is now biting at you and it sinks its teeth and it's not like the worst pain you've ever experience. It does scratch you pretty bad and there's a little bit of blood. But you can tell that like as it bites you, it's just sort of testing you. It doesn't have an intent. It's just biting.

And it seems to, you can tell it's starting to quiet. down. The movements are less frantic. And the other Emperor Puma's rather than continue the assault are now watching. Emmerk's going to fix its wing. Okay. Emmerc, I want you to give me a tinker roll as you make your way over. I have my hands in the air and I'm moving very slowly and I'm speaking in low, calm terms. I'm also going to push myself. Okay. A very chill kind of push. Is this risky, desperate? It is risky because it is still trying to attack you.

Risky and stand. Nice, Emperor, Puma. Nice, Puma. Please. A five, three, a two, and a one. Okay. Emmerk, you, with a five, you, have your tools

what sucks is it's really hard to use your hands so the repair isn't perfect and you manage to take a few more bites on your forearm as you're trying to repair it normally you'd be able to do this quickly but with the pain in your

hands it's just simply not not working but you manage to get this wing reaffixed and as you do the emperor

Puma sort of just stares at you and then that's nice doesn't that feel better isn't that nice beef back me up on this tell them how good it looks

yeah looks great please stop biting my arm you see it now it's stopped biting now it's it flaps the wings sort of tests them out and then it

sort of scampers away and then you hear a louder more authoritative wrestling. What does that sound like, you know, notice? Yeah, authoritative wrestling. I respect that, yes.

It's Orwell. Try. You told us to stop and admire the Wudermil's. Turns on heel and walks away. He is not a good host. We got a tack, but yeah, okay. Because I got gnawed on. Okay.

Let's fucking go. Let's get, I hate it. I don't want to be in this jungle anymore. Okay, you make your way, through the jungles and you eventually find yourself in a

something of a clearing where if the old Kiddadelphia settlement was ramshackle full of boxes this is somehow even more foreign but there is an elegance to it. This is like

scraps of wood and metal and trees that have been felled and then laid to make a sort of, I mean, it looks like a, it is a giant jungle gem that has been repurposed. You could tell this was some sort of play area at some point, but it has been completely covered and adapted. As you get closer, you see movement that was very, prevalent at a distance starts to subside and when you're to a point where you could really get to see

everything inside you notice the motion has basically stopped you assume that uh you're being watched to see what in fact is happening um orwell waves a hand and out of the lay ground comes a, give me two rolls. Of a hundred? Yep, I'll do one. Okay. I roll the 92. Okay, Dad, you do one.

Twelve. Twelve is... Oh, man, it's... Okay. You see flight, and what you see... See is sort of a weasily-type creature with wings on its back. And this is a bobble goose. A what?

A bobble goose. It's a bubble goose. A bubble goose? A bobble is a songbird. Okay. That is called a bobble. And a mongoose is a mongoose. And it is a hybrid of a mongoose and a boble.

So the goose isn't the flying part of that word. Yeah. Oh, that is interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that interesting? You know, no, no, it's a bubble goose. Okay. And he lands, uh,

on Orwell's shoulder. Hello, sir. It seems to be happening with these humans. All right. We are going to distribute the chaka. But, sir, you gave us strip. I know what I said, Harold. They are.

We have an arrangement. Right this way. and then Harold leaps off of Orwell's shoulder and begins to walk into or, you know, hop into the playground across a sort of makeshift bridge. And the bridge is spanning what kind of looks like a moat. but as you look through and deeper into the moat, you notice that it's not filled with water, it's filled with parts, eyes, scraps of fur, beaks,

and of course, some water, because, you know, there's rains and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, water is. Water, yeah, but it is filled with animal parts. And he goes across the bridge. Into the playplace. Are we still near Orwell? He is watching you. He is not heading in after Harold.

Then I'll call it to Harold. Harold, was it? Yes. I'm just curious. What is it that the medibles even want with a chocolate-powdered drink substitute, like chocolate? We don't know. All right. So it's just sort of an arbitrary prize of yours or?

No, we have seen how the humans prize it. Oh, I understand. Okay. What was your plan? We cannot consume this chaka. And what were you going to trade it for? We weren't going to trade it. We want to deprive them.

Why? Why? Okay. Why? Yes. You ask? Who is your hatred aimed at? You look around.

Look at what we have been reduced to. We used to be entertainment. We were built to delight, and we were cast away by the humans. We cannot retaliate with strength, so we retaliate with cruelty. And so we keep. this powder to deprive the humans.

And we would have to deprive them of all the powder in all their world before we were one-tenth repaid. Right this way. And you make your way into deeper, into the playground. And you see the chaka. These are yellow tins. with yellow plastic lids. You can see just sort of like printed on the front,

this is just, it just says hot chocolate powder. It is not in any way branded for retail sale. So you can tell this is something that was like in bulk tossed out. But it has been made, the cans has been made into something of a throne. And Orwell passes by you. and goes and takes his seat in the throne. Around you there are torches that are lining the edges of this sort of like makeshift arena. And you hear, it sounds like if you've ever been to like a petting zoo,

where you hear sort of like animal noises surrounding you, but no specific one sort of jumps out. And Orwell takes a seat in the throne. throne and Harold purchase on his shoulder. And Orwell says Our arrangement

has changed. We are entitled through my negotiation to the life of this human. Any points of you be? During our journey,

I witnessed kind of prompted. So you, large human, will not be disassembled. Awesome. Until you

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