The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 36

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

Armed with new allies and new weapons, the gang continue their quest to escape Old Kidadelphia but are met by an oddly familiar obstacle. Beef goes digging. Emerich hits the griddy. Montrose gets nostalgic. Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: “PLANTATION” by Jason Shaw: https://audionautix.com/; "A Mysterious Place" by Kirk Osamayao: kirkosamayo.com; "Is Lost" by Marc Ferry: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/ferry-beat/; "DD Groove" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; "Western Bass" by Flower Mantis: https://freesound.org/people/Peanut_Shaman/; "Railroad's Whiskey Co" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/; and "Six" by Lex Villena: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2iwj2SqGnplhDIadeJ5bmy?si=N8WYSKIPR7WUy8z4ajNSog. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

No, that's... I'm trying... No, that's what I'm saying. It's never been like this. Yeah, they'd send emails. And maybe, you know, drive past every few days, but... No, mom, I'm not in danger... No, mom, mom, I'm not in danger.

I'm not in danger. I don't think I'm in danger. I just... Wait, I... I mean, Mike is on. I... But I turned it off. I know I turned it off.

Mom, I have to go. Mom? Mom? Hello everybody and welcome to the... Is he dead? What? Is he dead? Is he dead?

Welcome. Hello everybody. Hello everybody and welcome to the Avengers Zone. Oh, man. Where we are, um, we have just made peace with the medibles who are going to, uh, who are going to, uh, pledged their support to Poppy's Pals in their campaign for freedom and liberty. But right now, you're walking back towards the fort where the kids work. Beef, you are killing time with two mung kangaroos.

They're hopping a lot But you get used to it Their names are Lance and Camille And you are explaining to them How to play a game of chance To Kill a Time What game are you attempting to explain to them? I'm attempting to explain to them

Just like a simple shell game Or you know like the Red Queen Kind of deal You know three card mounting I was just like you know It's about you So start over So start over

Okay, that's Camille. So start over. Are you supposed to win? Well, so is who's supposed to win? Are you, like, is it fair? I mean, can you win? Yeah, so there's a couple different versions, specifically two different versions of it, right?

There is the straightforward version. I told you, Camille, two different versions, see? But then there's also the version where it's like, there's some slide of hand going on, And, uh, you, you can't win. Oh, but you could, so you can't, is a, it's a trick. Uh, that's a con. I told you, Camilla con, see?

Yeah, so you have, like, you usually do it so they win the first time. Okay. Or even the second time. Or you have a plant who, you know, a confederate who's with you, they'll win a bunch. And then the next person that steps up feeling very confident. So they'll put down a lot of money. But why, but why doesn't everybody, if you know about it, why doesn't everybody know about it?

Why do they do it? Uh, well, because you're looking for a sucker, uh, a mark. Yeah, sucker. Yeah, yeah. Uh, you want somebody who's, uh, gullible to do it. Okay. Can I, do you want to, can we try? Sure.

I'll just hop on your back. Okay. No, what? Do you have any shells? Shills. Shells, shells. Oh, here, yeah. Hold on one second.

And he goes over to one of the, uh, turtle lions, turtle lions. They are lions with turtles. Not your best. Turtle lions? Well, I didn't roll the dice. I'm in a hurry.

So they, and he, as, hey, can I borrow a little bit of your, okay, and he just pops off a couple of nodules off of the, uh, turtle lion's shell. And he brings them back to you, all three of them. and here and then he pops off his nose and hands it to you

Oh god Hide one You could just hide one underneath Whatever you want to do So I'll see if I could do it Okay Let's do it So I do a shell game

Mm-hmm And this is what I'm doing to relieve stress This is my downtime activity Mm-hmm Yeah So should I roll that? Yeah Indulge Vice

submit how did I do okay a three oh my god that's not enough that's not enough you have so much

I was an eight I was an eight it's not enough you can say okay okay you got it okay great you got it is it there

yeah now now one more time now you're feeling pretty confident I don't want to do it well easy But there's no money No, I'm just

We're demonstrating He's not doing it again, pal Sorry, you're gonna have to find another sucker There's no money on the lot We're not betting money Like I'm just Can't trick me, I know the first time You let me win and then I just don't play it again

I bet a million By the way I bet a million on the first time I meant to tell you Okay, a million what? Coins Okay, so this time We'll do another million coins

No way I'm just, oh my god. It's eight coins. You're gonna have to dig your way out. Yeah, pal, you don't, and the juice is running. Oh my god. Okay, do you guys wanna see how the trick works or not? Yeah, I guess.

Okay. All right. Uh, I'm going to indulge us one more time and hope I don't overindulge this time. How many stress do you have? I have five. Okay. And I rolled a two. God damn it.

It's right there. It's right there underneath that one. It's underneath the left one. It's not. It is. Because you only roll the two. Oh, that's bullshit. No, let me roll a sleight of hand.

Hold on. Let me roll a finesse roll, Joseph. Justin, let me roll a finesse roll. You can roll a slide ahead for your dignity. Yeah, say it. Thank you. Completely controlled. Risk-free.

Yeah. And I'll push myself. A three, one of the three. God damn it. Yeah, it's there on the three. left. It's there on the left. I saw you trying to switch it to the right, but it's there on the left. No, but I'm showing you, yeah, but. That's $2 million and $8, I think. Yeah, $2 million. Yeah, the juice is right. Did you tell him about the juice? Okay, I write down on a piece of paper, good for $2 million and $8 coins. Nice.

There you go, bud. I'm going to sit up now, pretty much. Yeah, you're covered. You're good. I'm going to go away now. Montrose. Yeah. You have found your way while we're walking here. During the journey, you are going to walk with Orwell. You're walking next to Orwell, mainly because you have begun to realize that he's tentative about this. the situation you're heading into. Um,

so he, I, I would like you to talk through with him. Okay. There have been several, less than pleasant interactions between us and the children. And I don't know how swiftly that water will pass, uh,

between the two of us. Uh, yes, they, they are quite stuck in their ways. Um, but they are at the end of the day, children.

and you all are, you know, sentient animal hybrid constructs, and I think that you have more in common than you might expect. Well, I must hear this. These connections had never occurred to me. Can you outline them, please? You both like to have chaka. To possess it, yes. Obviously what they do with it is different than what you do with it, but at the end of the day, you both find chaka quite desirable.

You all love a good time. And animals, you are them, they like them. So, and that's something, that ain't nothing. And also, all of you are subject to the atrocious living conditions of New Kidadelphia. and hopefully once you understand there is another better way you all will sort of get behind this effort to escape. I've been attempting to reason out this fear. The nearest that I can tell. We were all on some level at some point programmed to delight children.

And I'm worried that faced with them, we will lose what we have fought so hard to define the essential nature of us when faced with children that we will be delight them. I must inform you that this is the nature of children. Even human beings will sometimes betray their most important. core values and desires to appease a younger generation. I don't think you need to give up on your individuality that you have earned with so much toil. But don't beat yourself up if you do, you know, a handful of guerrilla tricks to make a kid laugh. It's not the end of the world. But what were you ever a child?

Oh, yes, long time ago. What was it like being a child? It was quite lonely. I had a difficult time socializing with my fellow young ones. And in fact, I found most of my sort of people. and joy, socializing with, well, attractions at amusement parks for the most part. Like us. Like you, not so much the wood-a-mills.

They have creeped me out forever. I'm sorry that they insisted on bringing them. So you get it then, right? Yes. The jungle of trust. This is the jungle of trust right here. I do not enjoy the water moose. Okay.

Thank you. I'm so glad because I felt like you were... I'm afraid to look at them. Yes. And I'm afraid to look away. And when I said that, I was afraid I was being othered quite fiercely because I did, I just find them so deeply upsetting. But yes, I'm a sucker for a tailored experience, particularly when that tailored. experience does not require any human to human contact. It's why I work here in the first place.

I'll be honest with you, I'm not even sure if I work here anymore. Like, I haven't showed up to work for as long as we've been in New Kidadelphia. So that's a complicated subject. Are you more comfortable talking to us than you are talking to your own people? I look at beef and Emmerich, and I say, not all of them. Should I challenge the children to a test of strength? That might not be the worst idea. Their leader, I think, could be well served by being taken down a peg or two. Who leads the children now?

Well, it's a real A beefy rascal named Toddzilla Did you say Did you say something? Not you, not you. Okay. It's the right one.

Yeah, no, we're not playing anymore. The game, that game is done. Great yes ending, Trave. Yeah, great. Love it. That was yes the ending. They keep wanting to play to get more money from me. I'm not giving them anymore.

Damn it, I messed up again. I'm not giving you the satisfaction. One failed Vanessa rolls enough. A three and a two! You'll lose as long as I tell you to. He's grown too powerful. Dad, I need you to roll a 100-sided die. Wait, am I...

Was that a vice thing, or was that just a condo? Not every conversation needs to be... You know what I mean? You can just talk to people. love it. What? I know. Dad, roll a hundred-sided dye.

That would be a four? A four? A four? Okay. Dad, you're so good at getting low numbers out of a hundred. Thank you, Travis. There's so many above that. There's so many about statistically speaking, getting a four is wild.

Have we done four before? No. I rolled, oh, wait. And by the, hey, can we jump back real quick to Orwell, just real quick. Hey, also, my hand is tusks. Yes, I have noticed that. Okay, it doesn't hurt, which is weird. Is that the innigoo?

Yes, it's, uh, the bonding agent is, well, it's probably beyond your capacity to understand. Let's say it's, um, magical. All right, great. Just wanted to make sure I addressed that. And also, Torgas is here. Ah, yes, I meant to thank you for retrieving me. Of course. I'm sorry that I abandoned you before, but you left me on the ground.

Yes, you were awfully quiet during the fight with the barristers, Torgas. I did request that someone lift me up several times. My requests were unheeded. Who's carrying Torgas, by the way? I am. Okay, yeah, that's great. Okay, dad, you roll the four. I need you to roll it again.

Okay. That's a 53. Oh, that's above the middle. Oh, man. But just barely. I didn't mean to let you down. Okay, dad, you are, you found a friend that you're walking with too. He seems to be younger. His name is Claude. And yeah, Claude is a, Jag Panda That's not very nice to say Yeah, but that's what he is He's a he's a Got a jaguar body And an adorable little head of a panda

And cute little panda feet And then he's got a jaguar body He's adorable His name's Claude And he's sort of scampering along next to you So Show me again how it works Are you wanting to learn the shell game as well?

No, no, no, you're resting. Oh, oh, the give a ghost. Give a ghost. Give a ghost projector. Ooh, that's a mouthful. It is. You have to imagine it on the side of a, of like a box for sale. Are you going to sell them at the store?

No, no, no, no, no. I don't think so. I matter of fact I'm not even that comfortable with To be honest with you Using it that much I will show you if you you really do want me to show you Sure yeah

It's a long walk I'm bored Sometimes I make this sound When I get bored to try to make myself Not bored anymore What do you think? I'm sorry did you say this was Is this my three year olds? Oh okay I thought it was Todd for a second

Because she also knows that It's called the Jag Panda. Okay. Let me add... One quick out of context question. Never. Is this our downtime? Are we going to have you guys and your adherence for...

No, yeah, we'll have some more downtime. This is just what's happening right now. Okay. If you don't get to do downtime here, we'll do it later. No big deal. This is just the conversations that I thought would be interesting to have. Okay, sure. It's just the rules are very important.

to us. Sure, yeah. You guys have always been such stickers. Yeah, so we've built this whole show around an adherence. Yeah. To the book. Yeah. Meanwhile, John Harper's family keeps asking why there's so many holes in the walls. Yeah. Stop, please, John. You're tearing your office apart. Here, Claude, let me demonstrate how the Givog's projector works. I can summon up hard light entities, that's true. But it can also, I can also use this to create things. As a matter of fact, let's do this. I'm going to create a cart on which Torgas can ride.

Oh, that's a great idea. Which will be a lot easier. You can do what? Yes, I know. This thing weighs like a hundred pounds. I know, and until I saw you really straining and carrying it, I'd be carrying it like 12 hours. I know, I know, but it wasn't until I saw you play in the game with the, or attempting. I fought the barristers.

What the hell? It was, listen, the fan art was brilliant for it. I must say. And so, watch Claude. I love Claude. Claude. Yeah. Are you paying attention?

Sure. Okay, watch. And he raises a gibbogost projector and creates this, you know, like those mobile popcorn carts, those old-timey popcorn wagons that, you know, with the big wheels in the side. And he creates one and it's torgo-sized. Torgo-sized. So, you know, and that's how it works. That's amazing. Who's going to pull it?

well beef is still gonna pull it will be a lot easier it'll still be a lot easier it'll be so much i can't pull it you want to attach it to me are you serious sure yeah yeah yeah i'll just pull it well that'd be awesome claude but aren't you you are the best jag panda i oh um here yes and and it's got like a uh a yoke that would just with the the parts would just sit on some creature's shoulders. And, and Claude just hunkers down into it. And voila, Torgas is mobile.

As long as Claude cooperates. You, you do this, Dad, and then you hear hold. And then Orwell slowly walks back to where you are. He reaches down. and he is furious. You could tell from his expression.

And he reaches down to where you've made this connection. And with his hands, he rips the two connections apart. Oh. And then, like, a shot put, spins and chucks the cart with Torgis still in it. About 10 yards. It's not. He's like, I'm an inch from your face. I apologize.

I... Uh... You think every creation. is for your service. He volunteered. He volunteered. He asked... No, you're...

You're absolutely right. I am still a work in progress when it comes to acknowledging sentience. I am so very, very sorry. Please, please forgive me. Claude, there was... No, no slight intended. I apologize.

Claude? Stan, if you wish to carry the cart... And then Claude goes over and picks up the cart. It wasn't that far away. But he does it on his two legs, and he holds the handle, and he carries it into the line while the three of you walk. Yeah, I wasn't really thinking, but this is better. It's not really better. This kind of hurts, but I guess I don't really understand, but he seemed pretty upset.

So I figured I just go with it. It's on me. I am too. I know it's, it was on me. That's why we're so bad. I meant the gay asses on me, the responsibility. The what? Nothing.

Never mind. You're a good jag. And very good. Yeah, thanks. So tell me, where are you guys from? Tell me everything about your- anybody here from Cincinnati, huh? So tell me about you.

Love that big red machine. So tell me about your life, where you're from and everything. Well, I was a lonely child I don't know. Guys, let me do my own punchline, please. Everybody shut up and let me fucking weave. Can you tell me about your life?

What was the hardest thing that ever happened to you? To me? Yeah. The hardest thing that ever happened to me, I believe, was I felt responsible. Yeah. All right, see ya.

Okay. Claude walks away. Good, good talk, Claude. Good talk. Somewhere in an alternate universe, where Hollywood is smarter. And the Emmy nominees for Outstanding Comedy Series are JetPacular. Airport Marriott. Thruple.

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this is a this is all I have my my phone has a clock on it okay it's just it's just an insane thing you've just said well you don't have day night cycles so I don't know what sort of I mean I have a watch for timekeeping. Six and a half hours. Okay. No, wait. Let me check my maps. 645. Closer to 6.4. Call it 6.45. I mean, we make good time.

Round up a little bit. And you see a girl who, if you had to guess, you would put her at about eight years old. And she is sitting there. She's got, like her hair is, much like Gooch's, sort of like chunked out. like, again, cutting hair in bad ways seems to be one of the few forms of entertainment down there. Mm-hmm. It's funny.

And she has goggles protecting her, and she's holding some sort of, what appears to be a weapon. The nature of said weapon is not exactly clear to you. And she's sitting on a stool in the middle of nowhere. Well, not the middle of nowhere, but there's no, like, guard post or anything. She's just sitting out here. Hey, guys, don't take another step. I'm a guard here.

My name's Dr. Ballswain. Oh, wow. Nice. Are you a physician? A position? No, it's just my name. It's just my name. All right.

You can't go any further, though. No, for sure, for sure. We come bearing gifts to honor the great Tardzilla. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He sucks. Yeah, Toddzilla, wait. What? He's a boss.

He's mean. He made me sit here forever. Oh, okay. Well, do you like it out here? No, look, it's boring. Yes. I hate it. Yeah, we have a Jag Panda that I think you would get along with, just swimmingly.

But we are here returning from a mission that we were also dispatched to, and I hold up some of the chaka. Behold. Okay. If you want to prove that you can come in and you're cool enough, I'm supposed to give you a test to make sure. So I need you, which one of you is going to take the test? What kind of test is it? I'll take it.

Okay, yeah, I'll take it. Test to strength. Okay, what's your name? Beef. Yeah. You're laughing at that, Dr. Ball sweat? Anytime somebody says, I laugh. Dr.

Is there anyone here named pot or kettle that we're not a suspect to? No, no. No. Pot died. Don't worry about him, Dr. Ballswet. Tell me again. Okay. Listen.

All right, hit the gritty. What? Pardon? I'm only allowed to say it, Thrice. This is the laws of our people. Hit the gritty. What could it possibly mean? Go ahead, Beef.

Is it a dance? I hit the Gritty. Oh, well, Tram, you're going to have to do a little bit better than that, man. Damn it. I. Oh. Um. Okay.

Um. Hit the Gritty. You've been given a simple task. Beef, the gritty needs to be hit by you. I think you guys are big kids. Okay. I'm going to study this person real quick. to get an idea of...

This person, do you mean Dr. Balswet? Yes, I will study Dr. Balswet. Oh, I thought it was like a doctorate and like poetry or stuff. No, no, she's a real doctor. Oh, okay. Take that, P.A.C. All right, Justin, what's my input value?

What's my position? To see what Dr. Balswet could possibly mean? Desperate? It feels desperate. Okay. Limited. Anybody want to help me? I mean, I can tell you what the fucking gritty is.

But that seems like it would burst the bubble. Oh, it's a real thing? Oh, Travis. Oh, no. Travis, you're more on TikTok and the rest of us. I'm really happy that you did it. Thank you. Thank you, Travis.

Thank you. All right. Let's roll. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I, that's a two. That's a two. That's a two.

That's a two. A failure on a desperate is usually pretty bad, right? Yes. Oh, boy. Okay, you're out. You don't get to do it. Turn around and bend over. What?

Oh, excuse me? Turn around and bend over. Well, you are a doctor, so the beep does it. All right, she kicks you in your ass. Ah. You! She points at you matros. Hids a gritty.

May I please? see if Imrich will be with first because I think we're all going to enjoy seeing that. You, Santa, hit the gritty. Santa. Hit the gritty, Santa.

Hit the gritty, Santa. All right. Very well. So, Emric, taps his heels while he's walking and swings his arms back and forth. Dad!

Yes? You watch a lot of football. You might know what the gritty is. That was the worst gritty I have ever seen. But it was a gritty. You did hit the gritty. Go on.

Yes. Thank you so much. Much, yes. We're here with, like, a lot of animal folks, medamals, and are you going to ask every single person here to hit the gritty before they can answer? At that moment, like, all the animals in sync hit the gritty. Oh, you never mind. Like, a whole menagerie of medimals hit the gritty.

And they all look at, they all look at beef, like a, huh, see. I'm more of a books guy. Okay. I mean, I'm watching videos ever now. I wouldn't have guessed this in a million years. Montrose. Yes. Should, how should we approach this?

Well, we don't want to frighten the children here. So perhaps maybe you should come as a representative of the Metamals. We will go with you as a sort of envoy. We may hopefully make peace and then collaborate as one. huge, unstoppable unit to escape this hellscape. Is it the Wittamels or the Metamels that are with us? The Wittamels are not with us. They would never, they can't move.

They brought one of the Wittamels. Great. Just to watch over them as an emissary. Great. It's bad, though. It's the octopus. It's the worst. No.

All right. So, Owell, you come. We'll bring the Wudemol to represent the Wudemol interests. And we'll go and have a palava with Todd Sillo. All right. Could I make a suggestion? Sure, yeah. Perhaps Clarence would be a better choice as a representative since he is, you know, just a simple beaver eel and is used to, you know, as a quote unquote advocates, lawyer.

He is Much less intimidating That is a fair point Just an idea What animal were they? A beaver eel A beaver eel Yeah that's right

A beaver with eels for hands I think Toddzilla respects Power and authority And I think that that's what That's good point Good point You have made your way Inside the

The central facility where Toddzilla has set up his makeshift throne room. Okay, wait, hold on. Who's this? Wait, this was not part of the deal. Yes. Tazilla, I would like you to meet Orwell, the leader? What sort of honorific do you prefer, O'Well?

I am here. Okay, of the medimals. We encountered them in the wilds. Yeah, we know all about the medimals. Um, okay. The tone of voice... They picked off our people who've been, like, just out scrounging for stuff, and they'll, like, come out of nowhere and, like, beat them up or whatever.

Yes. This is not your. People have been the aggressors trespassing in our lands. We are simply defending what is ours. Yeah, but you're, like, totally mean about it, and you fight... You want to beat us up all the time. we do not want to beat you this is going to go on for a while

yeah sure yeah so you two you three I should say I think it would be prudent if it's okay by you to dismiss yourself from this conversation unless you feel like you would like to interject in me talking to myself I mean yeah yeah yeah

does it seem like it is escalating it seems more like um annoyed right? Like, it's not like there have never, it's not like there have been murders. Yeah. You know, it's like these guys are dicks, basically, is the energy. Can I interject real quick, Todd Zilla?

Yeah. Orwell. I do not say this to try to like convince you of anything, but if you're going to continue this discussion, if you can call it that, I would like to point out something. Right now, you two, are like scavengers, right? Fighting over a bone that you found when like on the other side of a wall there's a big pile of like food and like resources and stuff.

Are the bones the resources? There's like lots of bones? Sure. Because right now you guys are like fighting over. Yeah, you're fighting over the stuff here in Kididavio when like just by working together. You could like, we could all escape here. And then you guys could settle in separate layers and never see each other again if that's what you wanted. Oh yeah. You can't, I don't think you can

escape. No, as far as I know. Oh my God. There is no escape. Yeah. We, we will try to find peace. And I'd also like to point out that Orwell has, has, graciously agreed to return all this chaka. Yes, I understand. This is a powerful olive branch for you. This is the chaka. And then it's wheeled in by Dad Roll the Die. Okay.

Yeah. Don't make a meal out of it. Just fucking roll. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. That's a 55. Hold it again. 29.

And... Okay. The chaka is brought in by some flying cheetahs with big bushy squirrel tails. But they're not hauling it like animals. They're carrying it like men.

Because that was something I said earlier. And it wouldn't make sense if they hauled it in like kick-ass flying squirrel. people, so they're just walking with it, but they do bring in the chocolate. Man, that would suck. If I was a flying cheetah and I wasn't allowed to, like, fly? What? These are, so they're half squirrel?

Squirrel. Half flying squirrel. Half jaguar. Ah, squeat, squeat, sweet, sweet. Squeeters. Squeeters. Squeedas. Squeedas.

Squeedas is good. I'm going to squeat. Oh, no. No. No. Don't squeat, squeat, squeat. No. Okay. So from my social media platform, when you're ready to post, we call it squeating.

Squeeding. Okay, I'm going to go. I see that I'm not wanted here. I understand. Thank you for your time. I should make it clear before we go any further. I have already devised the means of our egress from New Kid Adelphia. That is not the difficult part of this situation. The difficult part of the situation is going to be. What is your means of egress from Kididopia? We'll get there, Justin. He's in the middle of talking. Okay. I'm also kind of lying. Oh, okay, got it.

To, like, sort of, you know, help facilitate this piecemaking thing. Okay. All that we need is for you all to pool your admittedly meager resources to help us achieve that. and so we may liberate everyone in this terrible role. I'm going to have you make a risky standard sway roll. Okay. I'd like to help. Sure.

Because I think this is a big moment. And to be honest with you, I'd rather see this happen on stage. Sure. Instead of off stage. How are you helping? Okay. Your mask is a hard light mask, correct? Right.

I would say that I think with just a very slight tweak, he could make that mask glow with a warmer, more convincing color. Just a little. Just a slight hint. Maybe like a rose. A little josh. I appreciate it. A little juge.

All right, here we go. To help with that. 6-3-1-1 we'll take the 6 on that i believe 6 we'll do fine so what do you say how what is that 6 um i you know our central thesis here is there is a better better uh life awaiting in the sky uh and if if we all work together we can we can pull this up so i think that the 6 is just then maybe seeing the light of reason a little bit here. Yeah. I could see that.

I can, hmm. Yeah. Might be kind of kick ass. Hmm. You guys are pretty sweet. Well, thank you. You have a fine den here that you have made of. for yourself.

We wouldn't suppose to stay here. No, it's fine. You can totally stay here. Oh, um, well, there are many of us. Well, we had nothing but room, I mean, wasteland, so, like, you can just

hold up wherever. We'll leave you all to figure this out. Uh, well, before we do that, this is, this is beautiful bros, obviously. Uh, but there was another part of the deal. we're looking for gravel. Yeah, can we just talk through this is kind of a moment for us? Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Sorry, sorry. And they shoot you guys out because I'm so tired. Yeah, I figured you were, that was a gift I was trying to give you. Trying to get out. Well, that was kind of why I wanted Montrose to stay and help.

Oh, no, we, we, yeah, I'm good. Thank you. Okay, guys, you got some time here in the fort at old Kittadelphia Beef Montrose Emmerich Beef I know that you've already done some like

Some vice Stuff but if you guys You are Todd also handed you because we don't mess around with paying out Todd also gave you the six sweets that he had had promised Although the additional help is has not yet come through How are we looking on our What do you guys have in your coin, like in your pockets? I got three in my pockets.

What about you, Dad? I got four. Okay, well, I got, I got room for two. And I got five in stash. Not on you. Yeah, what's our, what's in our... I'm gonna stash my two. Can't stash.

What? You can go dig a hole. But right now, you can't put it in your stash. Oh, okay. Currently, I have, yeah, our coin is full too. So I have room for two in my pocket, and Griffin has room for one. But we also spend. I think you could carry it.

I mean, like, if you want to spend it, if you want to wait after downtime to see if you need coins, you know what I'm saying? Like, you don't have to figure this all out right now. Okay, fair. You can physically come back and get the rest of the coin. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. I mean, it sounded like we want, like...

There's no heat because, I mean... That would be wild. Well, that would be wild. That doesn't make any sense. So now it's just like downtown activities. You can do your activities. You can do your vice, whatever you want to do. You've done one, beef.

And I think... Well, I did roll it twice, so that was both of mine. I've done two. Well, no, I thought you spent a coin to... Is that how it works? Or is it a separate? No, you can spend a coin. You spend a coin. Do it again or do improve the result?

You can spend a coin to do it again. To do an additional downtime activity. Right. Right, but you have two. So I'm saying Travis indulge vice twice. Yeah. If I can spend a coin to do an additional downtime activity, though. I think that makes perfect sense.

Of course. Yeah, because we have the thing. I want to go to the junk pile. Okay. And I am attempting. to look for like lightweight. Like Griffin got the wide, like the cable before.

I'm looking for like scraps of like nylon rope. I'm looking for anything that could be used as hooks. Anything. What? Oh, hi. I didn't introduce myself. My name's Jisbert. Yeah, Jisbert, we've met before.

Yeah, they had to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Jisbert, we go way back. I know where everything is here. Okay, I'm looking for... Hey, what? Look what I found.

I meant to show you. Well, I wanted to show anybody, but I'll show you. And he finds one of those blue Danish butter cookie tins. Oh, that's great for keeping your bobbins in. I haven't opened it yet. I don't know if there's cookies in it. Okay. Are you offering to share with me, Jasper?

I don't know if there's cookies in it. Okay. Well, open it. Let's see, man. Are you sure? You will, you, okay. Will you eat half of whatever is in here? No, Gisert.

Would you eat, no matter, so you're saying, no. Gismer, no, the end, Gisbert. I didn't say that. I said no. You sure? Everybody loves the Danish butter cookies. Hey, Jizert. Yeah?

I can smell a con a mile away, my dude. Yeah, I, this is what I poop in. Okay, what did you need to find? I'm looking for, you know what would work? Anything like fabric that we could braid into lines or lightweight cable, anything that is climable but lightweight. Yeah, I think, look over there in that pile.

I think it would be all right. He gestures about 10 yards away. There's a small pile full of, well, it appears to be string-like and nylon-like detritory. Yeah. What do I roll to do this? To go digging through a thing. It's prowess, right?

It's probably study. It's probably prowess, right? Yeah, so like prowess. No, like study. It's probably like prowess. No, I'm looking right at it. It's probably like prowess, I would say. Okay, I have no, I have one dot in insight.

Let's do it. No, wait, that's not the right thing. No, but I can click them. It's just fucked up. How do I do this? How do you acquire an asset? Is this acquire an asset or just like searching? Um, I mean.

Okay, we'll just call it. Either way, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Controlled. Uh, effect. A three. Hmm. I'm gonna look harder.

Cause it was controlled, right? So I can go again. Oh yeah, you can do it again, but it's risky. my cut yourself. Yeah, now I'm digging in there, man. Yeah, really getting in there. A four. I make success. I'll take it. Okay. What is it your hope? What's the ideal perfect thing for you to find, Travis? So I am looking for something that is lightweight enough that one of the flop, just to stay focus. Tell me the ideal perfect thing. The ideal perfect thing would be like a hundred feet of nylon rope. Okay.

Got it. You are searching through and you find four extension cords that have been tied together and plugged in. This is a very haphazard way of connecting your electrical cords. You shouldn't do this. Don't do this. But someone has made a roughly 100 foot rope out of extension cords that are largely frayed and look pretty pretty. you're dodgy. Excellent.

That is what you've retrieved. Okay. Was this acquiring an asset? Yeah. Yeah. It's one special item. Then I'm going to pay another coin because we got the extra coin. Uh-huh.

To get some tape from Gisbert to improve the quality of them. Okay. Okay. So I can like fix some of the fraying. So you have now a hundred foot of good quality. rope. Cool. That's it.

I'm done. Emric. What are you out to? Okay. Okay. Emric is going to start a long-term project. Hmm.

Bold. It's a good time to do it here at the end game. I have a plan. Okay. You always do, Dan. Trust me. Now, you're not going to have another secret long-term project. You are going to have to tell me what this long-term project.

No, this is not going to be secret. This is not going to be secret. But I think to be fair, I need to have a flashback. Okay. To help set up what I want to do. Okay, great. Who you flash them back to? Flash them back to where the inner goo was.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. And Emric has these things called spirit bottles, which in, Blades in the dark are used to, like, store ghosts, more or less. I want to say that he, remember when he was so fascinated by the intergoo and was studying the intergoo? I think part of that would have been that he maybe filled one of these spirit bottles with some inner goo for future study. Is that fair to say?

Sure. And also, when he was working on Greg. The Emperor Puma, the butterfly, you know, on the wings of Greg. Yep. That he kept the damaged wings. Is that fair? Yeah, why not? All right.

Then his long-term project is to combine, using the intergoe, combine a hard light prism with the butterfly wings. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let me start a clock. I'm like a six. I'm going to call these manwings. Because it sounds like something you'd order a BW3s. So now that you begin this long-term project of manwings, you may roll to work on your long-term project.

So tell me again what I click on. I'm not your dad. Tinker? You're my dad. Okay. So I do Tinker. Right? Well, before when I've done that, I'm your child.

Before when I've done that, I've been told. You're supposed to know, Dad. You're the dad. You're the dad. You're the dad and I'm the child. Okay. Okay. I'm going to roll Tinker.

Sounds right to me. Yeah. What do I roll? I mean, what do I clip on? Roll Tinker. You'll know. Just put Tinkerker. What's your heart say?

Yeah. You're gonna roll tinker. You stinker. It's not anything. It's just you roll it. Just roll tinker. Just roll it. 2, 3, 5.

Okay. A five is going to give you two segments. Great job, Dad. You did it. I'm going to go again. I'm going to go again. You're going to go again. I'm going to tinker again.

These dice, they don't like you, Dad. He loves the thinger, though. Serious problem. And I'm going to push myself. Wow. I don't think you can. Yeah, you can. Not with this thing.

Not on a project. This time. Uh-oh. 2-1. Wow. So that's going to be three segments all together. Okay. I'm going to do it again.

I don't think you can do it three times. Yes, I can. As he's got money. Spend a coin. All right. I believe in you. I'm going to spend a coin and do it again. Okay.

Six would go down real smooth to your dad. Nope. 24-2. Four, with a four, we got two segments. So that's, what's that, two, two, five seconds. I'm going to do it again. Well, okay. I'm not going to make you do it again because you only have one segment.

Tell me what these wings look like. I think they are kind of ghostly butterfly wings. Haunting. Yeah, kind of ephemeral, but kind of, I mean, if you look at them, they're, A little off putting to the eye. They're a little bit off. So how are you attaching them to your body to give you incredible flying powers? Oh, I'm not.

Oh, I'm not attached. No, God, no, this is not for Emmerick. Don't be, don't be kidding. All right. Where would you get that idea, Justice? Emric would screw it up and put him on his front. You know. You're finished.

You're, um, where are you working on this, by the way? Where is this tinkering happening? I think, um, right there by the, uh, the pile of, of refuse? Okay. Or Gisbert can watch. Okay. And...

Hey, guess what I found. You look... Why, that's hungry work, huh? Yeah, uh, yes. Have you ever tried a Danish butter cookie? Don't do it, Emmerch, no. Emmerich. Shut up!

You're messing that! Emmer, don't do it. I love foreign food. I love, you know... What is in a Danish... No, I take you back to it. Yeah, do it. I'm like, yeah, actually do it.

That's all the bit, Dad. It was just that one callback. We're done. I know. Okay, good. So, Dad, you're beholding your beautiful wings. What are you doing with them? I am going to attach them to one of the prisms, one of the hard light generating prisms.

Scott Boldflex. All right. Has been probably my most used and abused hard light creation. I mean, I always seem to send him into danger. And what Orwell said earlier really reminded Emmerich that, you know, he really wants to treat his heart-like creations as real entities. and by having them where he just summons them to do his bidding is wrong in his mind. May I summon up Scott and explain it to him? That's what he does.

He summons up Scott Boldflex. What's up, Dad? Oh. Oh, Scott. How are you? Yeah, pretty good, man. Just, you know, cool to exist, been kind of like a void. And it's cool to like.

No. Exists. Do you enjoy that void when you aren't someone? I neither enjoy nor disenjoy. It's your void, you know? When I'm out here. You dream in the void? Is there a void dreaming for you?

No, it's just nothing. Like, out here, so the difference is like, okay. So I'll hear, you know how you can wakeboard and stuff? Mm-hmm. And you know how you can, like, do sort of like, free climbing and base jumping and stuff? Yes, absolutely. So it's the opposite of, any of that. It's just like nothing.

Scott? Yeah, Dad. I think it's time for you to leave the nest. Kick ass what I don't see any nest. No, it's a expression. It's a term of speech. Oh, yeah.

No, I think it's time for you to live your own life, make your own decisions, go your own way. I don't know what I want to do. though. What do you want to do? I don't know. Well, that is part of it.

That's the journey is discovering what you want to do. Yeah, but I got to stay near you because the prism is like... No, you don't have to stay near me. I have developed what I call the generated hard light operating system transported. G-H-O-S-O-S-E-H-O-S-E.

That's G host. Oh. G host. It's ghost. G host. And Scott, I am giving you

your freedom. You will no longer have to be summoned into the void. You will no longer have to rely on what I tell you to do. You can do whatever you want to do. If you choose

to do something, you can do it. This is Is you growing up and becoming a real, not a boy, a real man? That sounds kick ass, but I'm not going to, I'm too afraid. No, Scott. Yeah, I'm too afraid. Is you doing it? Well, you know what?

You can stay close and you can learn. You have wonderful examples here in beef and montrose on how to be strong. strong and how to be self-reliant because they're both, they're two of the strongest, most self-reliant people I know. So you're saying they're also my dad? They're like, um, I have three dads. You have two uncles and a dad. Okay.

And then a real dad who's somewhere who's not really your real dad. But that's a whole other thing. When we do the spin-off, I'm going back to the boy. This is too much. When we do the spinoff podcast about the life of Scott Bolfrey. Sure, yeah. You can explore those. Okay, so I just put the, sorry, these are for me.

The wings are for you. And these wings symbolize freedom. And to show how proud I am of you as an entity. And the prism can just like float around with these. Prism can go anywhere you decide it should go. And you don't have to go back into the void. again. Whoa.

I hope you didn't leave anything in there. There's nothing in there, actually. Yeah, there's nothing in there. I mean, it's... I guess I could try. Oh, that's... Should I go... Where should I go first?

No, Scott, you go where you want to go. You go where life leads you. You want to try a Danish butter cookie? don't don't that's one thing yeah absolutely to do it no don't know no no I thought

I could do whatever I want you can do whatever you want to do but I it's dukey nice nice nice nice guys yes you two might

just hit it off I believe this is your happy birthday Scott hey thanks dad um okay

anybody have any other business they need to attend to yes uh I would I just real quick. Oh, okay, big spender. You're going to take a fifth action? I know, but I do think that would have alleviated stress.

Remember my? Yes, you worked. Okay, that's, yeah, overworking is your stress relief and you obviously overworked. So yes, I will let you take a stress relief roll. So roll your, um, uh, what is it? Which one is, is this tanker fall under? Well, it says indulge vice. Yeah, just click that.

Highest Darius off. Okay. Oh, good. That actually worked out pretty good for you. You had six stress. You rolled four. That reduced four of your stress. I'm going to delete the wings.

Can't believe I spent all that time making a clock when Dad was just going to spend all of his money. Spend all of his money. Okay, Griff. Yeah. I would like to have a hang sesh with Beef and Emrick. That's perfect. Like they are both, we'll back up a little bit while they were both simultaneously in the junk pile working on their various projects. So it's technically a flashback.

Okay. Yeah, I walk over to where they both are after they have sort of found what they need here. And I just sort of plop down a big cardboard box filled with junk in front of them. them. And I say, if you all would help me out here, I think I have an opportunity to build a bit of street cred, sort of establish myself as sort of a legendary criminal mastermind. Because now I have this, and I hold up my tusk, my tusks hand, my two tusks hand. And I say, I would love if Emmerick, you could help me sort of devise a bit of a grabbing prosthetic to, you know, help me with, well, just sort of getting around. To build on top of my tusk hand, just sort of, you know, the man with the ivory hand.

Like that sounds so good. Like, as a sort of leader of a criminal underworld, like that is extremely exciting for me. I just, you know, it would be great if I could, you know, pick stuff up and just do basic stuff. Hey, yeah. So while he's working on that, what's your plan for escaping that you were talking about? Yes. Oh, yeah. No, yeah, for sure.

It's a great plan. You know how there's the trash sphincter that opens up in the sky? Yeah. We just go up it, go up that, on up it. Okay. We wait for the trash sphincter to open up. We go up it and then we're out of here. And we, oh, wonderful.

And we get up to the sphincter by? Yes, that's, yes. Well, I'm sort of the blue sky, big picture type dude. Logistics is, I feel like more your guys department. Well, that's why, hey, guys, guys, check this out. I got a long rope. That's, and that's fantastic. I love that.

We're halfway there. Yeah, so like, get up. You got to get up somewhere. Rope. Rope. Climb up rope to get up there. And I was thinking we got like a flying gorilla. And there's like flying, we got flying medimals.

Oh, half of the creatures we met were flying in some way. Yes. I don't think we'll have a hard time reaching the sky sphinct of the trash hole. I'm a bit more concerned with, and by concern. I mean, hugely excited about what we do after we get up there. I think it would be, oh God, putting the proverbial cart so far in front of the proverbial horse if we started to worry about next steps after escaping here. Oh, yeah.

No, again, not worried. This is sort of a dream boy. I'm, hmm. I have trouble sort of experiencing the normal range. of human emotions. And that is sort of why I live my life a quarter mile out of time. Of course.

The famous beloved canon of the Fast and the Furious franchise. Yeah. Did you all catch Fast 61, by the way? Absolutely. It was the best one since 43. I think we've made this exact joke on this program before.

Definitely have. Definitely, definitely have. I have it. And please do not take this as me. sort of venting feelings before what will almost certainly be a doomed revenge quest, but I have really enjoyed going around and stealing stuff and putting myself at great and terrible risk with the two of you. You know, I'm looking at my bank account and it is basically where it was when we started.

So in terms of this being a sort of money-making scheme, I would say. say that it has been an abject failure, but I have had the most fun of my whole life doing it. And no matter what we find up in that trash hole, I know that I'm going to be cackling until the end. And so I appreciate y'all. Along those same lines, if we're doing the, you know, kind of opening our guts to one another, as it were, spilling feelings. It's nice to have purpose, which was a thing I didn't have. I got banned from arm wrestling.

It was the whole gambling, cheating scandal thing. It's not important. But after that, I didn't really have anything besides what I had done before. And now I... I, you're the body man for the man with the ivory hand. Yeah, fuck yeah, man. Yeah. I mean, that feels good to me.

It does, it does feel good. Yes, it feels good. And it's, it's nice to, like, wake up each morning being like, something's going to happen. I don't know what, right? But it won't just be the same thing over and over again. And I'm going to contribute in some way. I'm going to change the outcome in some way. I have control over it.

And I'm not just kind of going along with it. what's happening and it's really nice. It's really nice. Yeah. Well, I think you may have overheard me speaking to Scott. And in that, I expressed how much you two mean to me and what I have learned from you to be how to be brave and how to be self-reliant and there is no way without you two in my life that I could have become what I am, which is basically God. Wow. Hell yes.

I-lis. Wow. It's so good. Yes. Yeah, man. You two have helped me become like. God, yes. God, yeah.

Oh, yeah. God. We're all on our own sort of trip. right now and I just love it. That was not what I would have thought you would said, Emory, but I'm so fucking here for it, man. A kid in a bowler hat pops out on one of the piles of trash.

Hey, it looks like you guys are having a really beautiful flash bag here, but wouldn't it be better with a little music? Oh, God. Hold on. Wait, hold on. This is a different dude? It's the son of the sex man. It's Little Doug.

we gotta go wait was it really little Doug not not short Doug Lil little little Doug hey

Toddzilla comes out and his his shitty cat sitting on his shoulders like a parrot Hey guys we're done talking You want to come in

and wrap with us Yeah Yeah sure Yes man Let's have a rap session All right You're not that Orwell is hanging from the ceiling, studying some maps in the throne room.

And Todd Zella takes a seat. And he seems more thoughtful. He seems more thoughtful. And he says, so I know you guys want. to hook up with gravel. We haven't. We haven't seen her. And I know you want to get out.

And we don't. The truth is, and I talked to, I talked to Orwell about this, and we feel like it's best to just, he thinks I should just admit it. We don't know how to get out. And we don't know how to find gravel.

Okay. But, there there there is somebody like if anybody could help you I think it would be Turdmaster he's like

he's like the smartest dude ever pretty much like he told us how to make a bunch of the stuff here and like if we have questions about how things work or or what things are

like Turdmaster is he's like the a dude that we talk to. But it's tricky right now, right? Uh-huh.

Getting a hold of Turdmaster. Yeah, sure. We know that. Because the big kids like stole him. The big kids stole Tardmaster. And like if you want to get out

then you probably need to get turdmaster back because he's like the smartest dude and if you can get out I don't think you can but if you can get out you're going to have to get him back from the big kids

the only issue with this and I apologize if my tone is severe I'm deeply frustrated that you are not paying off sort of the main target of our I gave you the sweets yeah the sweets are great yeah yeah yeah definitely just sort of

put them in a... That old guy just started pumping him into... He did, yeah, he's really... He just kept spending money to have more time. It was bizarre. He's revitalized the whole sort of economy of New Kid-Eddilfia. And that's great for you all. But we did just have a sort of like one last job kind of heart to heart.

And now we're going to have at least two more jobs that sounds like. And so that is... But if you just go get... Just go get Turdmaster. okay? Just go get it. Is this busy work? Is this the kind of thing where you're like,

we don't know how to escape, we don't think there's a way to escape, we don't know how to find gravel, so we're just going to keep sending them on jobs and having them do stuff we need them to do to avoid ever having to really confront the issue? No, because turdmaster's like, he's so smart.

Like, he knows everything, and I know for sure he can, He's so smart. The big kids treat him like some sort of, like, God, it's crazy. They don't even call him by his right name, do they, Shukles? And he tickles the cat underneath its chin. No, they call him the nanof father. Maximum Fun.

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